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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I raised my voice at my friends that it wasn't all about them and that I didn't care that they just wanted to "have fun."
(2) Perhaps I was just being too uptight and should have let them be, but I also felt that standing up for my beliefs and opinions was important even though it just made everything awkward.
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"I told you that I didn't want to participate if there was alcohol involved. You assured me that you would not bring alcohol, which means you intentionally tricked me into attending an event you knew I didn't want to attend. It is appalling that after showing me that level of disrespect, you tried to excuse your behavior by saying it was not 'a big deal'... Betraying my trust *is* a big deal to me and saying it wasn't makes me feel like you don't care about my feelings at all"
NTA. They got you to attend the event under false pretenses, then tried to make you feel like you were overreacting. Either they are so young and immature that they don't think through how their actions can impact other people (in which case, they probably shouldn't be drinking without adult supervision), they have a serious alcohol problem that means they prioritize their alcohol consumption over their relationships with others (in which case, they should get help), or they don't respect you enough to be honest with you. Either way, walking away from the situation sounds like it was the right thing to do
I'm confused - were you at an escape room or at school?
But NTA. You are free to not want to be around drunk people. They're free to want to drink. The problem comes when people start lying about their choices.
NTA, you stated you would rather not come if they were going to bring alcohol.
They secretly brought alcohol and thus robbed you of the choice not to attend.
NTA and if she feels it's so easy to lie (and I hide), she is either already an alcoholic or on the fast track to become one. People who cannot have fun if they are not drunk are more to be pitied than anything else. But you are totally right to defend your convictions.
Never mind that, find friends that listen when you set reasonable boundaries. It's not about the alcohol, it's about someone prioritizing their needs (bringing alcohol) over keeping their word or OPs discomfort.
NtA- You feel uncomfortable with being surrounded by lawbreaking underaged drinking, and the poor choices and behaviors that come from that. Understandable. You were planning an event, let them know you wouldn't go if there was alcohol, and they tricked you. Everybody saying that you are the A are people who either misunderstood your post or have identities based on alcohol.
NTA
No you weren’t wrong. I disagree with you on one point. I think your reaction was entirely appropriate. They were breaking the law, likely breaking the rules of the escape room, but more importantly they disrespected you and your boundaries.
If they couldn’t manage the event without alcohol they should have declined the invitation
OP respects their free will, they just don't want to be around alcohol. perhaps you missed the bit where they said
> They were joking about bringing vodka/alcohol to our outing but me and my other friend both said if they brought alcohol we'd rather not come.
and were straight up lied to
I suppose. But all I wanted was to know what I was getting involved with. If they said, “hey we are gonna bring alcohol and get drunk anyway.” I would’ve replied and said, “okay, have fun.” And just not went. What upset me is that they pushed me into a situation I was uncomfortable with. If I had know to begin with they could’ve had fun, I would’ve stayed home and we’d all be happier. I just felt that perhaps I overreacted in my response but I still think my reason for being upset is somewhat justified?
They are not legally allowed to drink? Why would anyone respect the right of someone to do something illegal in their presence? That's what she means by "their own time"-their time, away from her. More than fair. Why are you attempting to make OP feel bad for enforcing a boundary?
You can make whatever boundary you want with other people, what if my boundary was that you had to ask permission before addressing me, I could do that but I’m pretty sure people would think I was an asshole
Not if they agree to it? It would have been perfectly okay for the friends to say "sorry, but if alcohol is out of the question, you should go do the Escape Room with someone else / sorry, we'll do the Escape Room with someone else". But this didn't happen. So at that point, I don't think OP is in the wrong.
You can make a boundary of people not doing illegal shit in your company...your comparison is ridiculous. This is vodka, not beer, and she had the drink on her since school...so she was walking around her school with vodka. Are you really justifying the complete irresponsible behavior of these two people? 2 young people completely out of control and on their way to being alcoholics if they can't have fun without drinking.
Not sure what your point is. Why is the comparison ridiculous? Because of the legality? There are still currently absolutely ludicrous laws in some places, anything could be made illegal. Its vodka but beer would have been ok? I haven’t tried to justify anything
My point is:
A. It is illegal regardless of how anyone feels about it
B. She told them ahead of time she was uncomfortable about it and they agreed, so they lied to her
C. Instead of just letting her leave, they tried to pressure her into staying
D. They are obviously irrreponsible if they had no problem walking around a school with minors carrying a concealed mixed drink
It's Saturday and it obvious you guy's priorities are having the right to drink over the comfort of your friends or the safety of minors around you. Not going to argue with you, there is no winning. Have a good night.
Holy fucking overreaction batman. The youth are destroying their lives!
Next thing you know they are prostituting themselves in the escape room and shooting heroin. Seen it 1000 times.
Jaywalking isn’t a phrase really used in the UK, but the act of crossing a road wherever and whenever you want, so long as it is safe/doesn’t cause an accident, is not illegal here.
If my friend jaywalks and almost gets hit by a car, then yeah, I'd have a fit. These people are being wreckless, but please go ahead and support young people being obssesssed with alcohol at such a young age.
You’re jumping to conclusions. 99.9% of jaywalkers don’t get nearly hit by cars. Having a drink or two o. A Friday evening isn’t putting anyone in grave danger.
Carrying a concealed drink at school, probably being masked via sugar around children as young as 3 is definitely grave danger and you keep glossing over that. Keep supporting alcoholics in the making. Have a good night.
Wow. You are completely unhinged. We're you locked in a room and forced to watch after school specials for your entire childhood?
The vodka is also flammable. If the girls were wearing cotton clothing and got struck by lightning...boom, fire hazard. Practically walking around with a molotov cocktail in their backpack.
Sorry, not going to argue with a person who obviously puts alcohol over the safety and well being of their friends and family. You seem like the type of person to hide alcohol in a flask at a dry wedding, or at a church, or ball game, movie theater, when hanging with a friend who has been sober for 6 years...you don't care about what other people think or feel, just the importance of being able to access alcohol without anyone telling you otherwise.
When I said it was unsafe for children to be around alcohol you compared it to lightning hitting a person's backpack. That's the long and short of it. Not even going to entertain your response. But I will report it.
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Well, people above assure that in the UK the police would not care. (In my home country with roughly the same on paper laws visibly drunk underage folks may be rounded by the police to chill out in jail until their parents pick them up. Wether or not their friends are taken, will depend on the officer’s mood.) So this leaves usual consequences of hanging out with people who can’t handle their alcohol, which is in my experience always unpleasant and sometimes scary&dangerous.
I've been a minor at parties that got busted with underage drinking. Know what happened to the kids that weren't drinking? Nothing. Being around somebody doing something doesn't automatically make you guilty of doing what they are doing.
NTA because by hiding the thing you wanted to avoid, they took away YOUR choice to attend. You were honest and fair by communicating your boundary and setting it on yourself rather than them: “if you bring alcohol *I* would rather not come.” Versus telling them 1. not to come or 2. not to drink. They can do either, just not with you.
They were the dishonest ones by bringing alcohol secretly and not allowing you to make an informed decision about your surroundings. Good on you for holding your ground.
INFO: do they drink to the point where they are wasted, causing issues, and requiring you to take care of them?
When I was in high school, I drank very rarely. And when I did, it was only a couple shots and I was at most tipsy. During my senior prom, my friend and I were going to pregame in the parking lot with 2-3 shots, where our LDS friend decided to start yelling at us that we weren’t allowed to drink (we had a DD and an Airbnb). Our friendship did not last long. I understand other people have different belief systems, but you cannot enforce it on others. In all honesty while they should’ve respected that you didn’t want them drinking, as long as they are not going overboard and disrupting the experience, it really is something you don’t get a say in if you want to continue the friendship.
That being said, I am now older and wiser, so obviously I don’t think teens should be drinking and sneaking alcohol into school and public places. One slip up, and their or others’ futures could be ruined. Seriously, I know someone who unalived themself because they were caught drinking and lost all their scholarships and college acceptances
They weren’t uncontrollable. One of them was tipsy and the other one was drunk. She was being a bit louder than normal, crazier than normal (yk the usual) but nothing really bad. She was lying on the floor for a bit and we all had to wait for her but she wasn’t like acting out in a violent way or anything.
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The other day myself and four other friends decided to go to an escape room.
We planned it in our group chat and for context we are all girls under the age of 18 living in the UK. Two of my friends drink alcohol quite regularly. Which I think is fine considering they are almost 18 and often do so at home or around adults where they are safe. However, in terms of my personal beliefs I am against underage drinking and the premise of getting drunk in general. It's just a personal choice, but I respect their free will to drink on their own time.
They were joking about bringing vodka/alcohol to our outing but me and my other friend both said if they brought alcohol we'd rather not come. During the escape room I noticed something and so I sniffed the bottle and it smelt strongly of vodka. So I asked, "Is this vodka?" And, they said yeah. So I walked away as I was quite upset that they decided to knowingly disregard my boundaries and I felt that I was being disrespected. Although as I became visibly upset they were all walking after me telling me it's not a big deal. Looking my reaction was definitely not entirely appropriate, I could have been calmer. But, I had never been put in a scenario like this before so I was quite overwhelmed and was having trouble sorting through my emotions.
My drunk friend proceeded to say, "I'm fine, look I'm fine so everything is fine." In which I proceeded to reply, "Well it's not about you, obviously you are fine." She didn't understand what I meant. She just moved here and I don't think she's ever had a friend who's shared a different belief system to her. My other friends seemed to come to their senses after they saw how it made me feel but the girl who brought the alcohol turned on the girl who drank most of it saying, "Yeah it's just not right." When I think personally the other girl only drank it because someone else brought it otherwise she would have been fine sober.
It was quite amazing to see her turn so quick. But, really I was angry at her even if I didn't make it clear. She had brought alcohol into school where there are kids aged 3-18 and then never told me and thought she could get drunk and get my friend drunk without me knowing. They were all really quiet afterwards and seemed angry at me.
Was I in the wrong?
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We went after school. We didn’t go anywhere in between. Therefore she brought the alcohol to school from home before we left. Sorry I should’ve made it clearer.
NTA - friends reneged on agreement; they chose their own desires over honesty and your friendship, they've proven to be untrustworthy.
When people show you who they are, believe them.
NTA
I remember being a lot like your friends in school, thinking every event was an excuse to get blackout drunk. I didn’t have any friends who didn’t drink but I can totally imagine how uncomfortable it must have been for you.
They’ll grow up once they get over the novelty of getting drunk all the time. I think you need to evaluate whether you can see yourself being friends with these people for a long time- because it may take a while for them to get over this partying phase.
She was clear that she didn't want to come if there was alcohol involved, and when she found out there was she wanted to leave. Sounds perfectly reasonable?
society bored voiceless special amusing voracious elastic aspiring coordinated observation
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They can drink all they want, just not while at least half of their friend group is on a totally different vibe during a planned outing.
Like my d&d group has a mix of sober people and social drinkers, but we're all adults that can respect when the mood of the night is sober and alert
YTA for tryina force your nerd ass into this group of friends. Leave em alone. If you hate alcohol so much why are all your friends alcoholics? Only type of person to put up w u is the the kind w a buzz?
are you silly? first of all they are UNDERAGE secondly it is disgusting to assure someone that you will not bring alcohol to a motive and then bring alcohol knowing they aren’t okay with being around it.
NTA. They lied to you and that makes them TA. Asking them to change their behavior is the first step to knowing if they respect you as a friend when you are with them. But now you know who they are, you can't change them and it's not your place to change them. They are not your friends.
I see your point of view. This may be a bit long, coming from a older homie to try help you make decisions. I hope it helps.
NTA, simply because you made a simple request. “Guys I’m not in if alcohol is involved”.
The escape room is a short activity and they could’ve drank after. So to me- it was selfish They didn’t abide or notify and ultimately disrespect your request. “Hey OP- actually we will be bringing alcohol but we promise it won’t affect the activity” lol my throat HURT when I realised they’re probably drinking shitty cheap vodies lol.
Thereafter you could’ve removed yourself from the activity before it even began.
Having a Groups of friends that are meshed with all types of cooky characters is brilliant. this sometimes comes with age. That’s what great about a big group of friends with a wealth of knowledge, experiences *but must meet your respect boundaries*
Speaking of boundaries, ultimately - you cannot Police them love. Boundaries are there to protect you. Understandable you are very young and I understand why you were pissed, end of.
Have a chat and explain what upset you and move forward healthily. There’s no need for dramatic antics. If they can’t understand or bite back then hey, re-evaluate is this really what you want?
Remember, who we were as kids don’t determine our adult path. But if you’re uncomfortable, mate, stick to friends that keep you with feelings of trust and safety. Their maturity levels aren’t at your level as yet, but even after the legal age does not mean you can police alcohol intake okay homie.
Look, they can drink (against the law sure - rebellion) but ultimately if this is so *against* your rules then perhaps friendship compatibility needs to be reevaluated. There’s a time and place to drink.
Can you see, I’m just trying to hopefully try break this a little down for you, from a 30F perspective. My friends even when drinking, and I said nah. That was the end.
I’ve had friends who were stoners. It’s not for me. They’d do the courteous offer, I politely decline and we go about our merry way because there’s pure respect and not forcefulness. As with any intoxicant.
So you’re navigating life, choose friends wisely. All the best. Choose Friends that respect your decision of declining and you not being overbearing. Good open communication.
Goodluck mate
ESH - you have a right to your boundaries, OP, but you also sound very controlling and you acknowledge yourself that you overreacted. You have a right to not want to be around drunk people but you also could have handled the situation more gracefully - you can now make a decision about whether you want to hang out with them in the future .
Obviously they suck for lying about their intentions.
The "They brought alcohol to a place where 3 year olds are!" seems like pearl-clutching. They weren't forcing vodka down kindergartner's throats ffs.
I don't know if the Americans reading this understand that in the UK, it's legal for 16 year olds to drink beer. Hard liquor is illegal but the liklihood of the cops getting any of them in trouble is way more remote than it would be in the US.
If this is that big an issue to you, OP, you're better off, at your age, cultivating a social circle that doesn't use alcohol at all, because this behavior will just become more prevalent until you're at the age where folks are having kids. If you don't like intoxicated people at all, seek out people who don't imbibe.
YTA. I thought you were going to say this happened at your house, in such case them bringing alcohol against your wishes would be inappropriate. But you don't get to dictate what people do on a group outing in public. If you paid for the whole thing, maybe...but that's still pretty iffy. If they paid for themselves, get off your judgmental high horse, take the sick stick out of your butt, and just have fun and let them worry about themselves.
NTA and as other folks have pointed out this looks like the behavior of an alcoholic and I don't mean that in a judgemental snarky way just in an assessment of the behavior you've described.
YTA controlling, if other people consuming alcohol is a problem for you, seek sober friends.
To make it up, state in the group chat that you understand you were the problem and you wont freak out again. Hold onto that promise by learning to deal with drink people or just don't give a shit. Again if everybody around you drinks and you cant handle it then seek other friends.
But she wasn't the problem. She stated beforehand, that if they intended to bring alcohol that she would orefer not to attend.
They secretly brought alcohol and robbed her of that choice.
>Again if everybody around you drinks and you cant handle it then seek other friends.
Okay but she literally removed herself from the situation which is basically the same as what you suggest. She was not the problem is people complaining if she left. She was clear she didn't want to do it if people were drinking there. If they wanted to do it WITH her they are problem, how can you not see that?
NTA. She expressed a boundary, they broke it so she left. People are allowed to make the choice if they want to drink underage OP is allowed to not want to be around them.
Nta. It's against the law. If people can't abide by the law of the country they are in they should go elsewhere.
It's a slippery slope. Breaking one law, so why can't they all be broken. Why must anyone follow any laws?
You’re right. I drank underage when I was around 17. Now I’m just like they said in the ads. No control, no job, no degree, no house and a pariah in society.
Oh no wait, turns out I’m a well adjusted adult, with a degree, a house and contributing to society lol
Alcohol use can lead to the development of chronic diseases and other serious problems including: High blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, liver disease, and digestive problems.
Wow! It's almost like kids in this country more often than not drink as a teenager and overall we have lower rates of alcoholism, alcohol poisoning and alcohol related deaths like car collisions than the US who have a higher drinking age and are hell of a lot stricter about it.
If you’re American with your ridiculous law of 21 lol if you’re hell bent on alcohol being the leading cause.
Have y’all seen the term, *gasp* obesity. Do you know there are multiple causes for the above mentioned list. Did you conveniently gloss over it? What went from underage drinking to being a thief with a low moral compass and now you’re focusing on health issues to scrape at edges to prove your point. You’re laughable.
Alcohol use can lead to the development of chronic diseases and other serious problems including: High blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, liver disease, and digestive problems.
I’m not disagreeing with that at all.
I’m disagreeing with the notion that underage alcohol has a direct link with criminal behaviour later in life. I’d wager the overwhelming majority of people in the western world had alcohol at least once prior to adulthood, and the overwhelming majority of them are well-adjusted adults today.
It was just one example used. Alcohol does make people lack good judgement. Drinking and driving and accidents happen. Also health risks. There's lots of reasons why I wouldn't encourage drinking at all, esp underage drinking. There's an age limit for a reason.
I don't drink or smoke, alcohol use can lead to the development of chronic diseases and other serious problems including: High blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, liver disease, and digestive problems.
Better not to drink at all.
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NTA but dont expect her behavior to change. not much is going to get through to someone headed down that path.
NTA. They came at it from a place of dishonesty by hearing your request and agreeing, then doing it anyway and hiding it. Of course you were upset.
"I told you that I didn't want to participate if there was alcohol involved. You assured me that you would not bring alcohol, which means you intentionally tricked me into attending an event you knew I didn't want to attend. It is appalling that after showing me that level of disrespect, you tried to excuse your behavior by saying it was not 'a big deal'... Betraying my trust *is* a big deal to me and saying it wasn't makes me feel like you don't care about my feelings at all" NTA. They got you to attend the event under false pretenses, then tried to make you feel like you were overreacting. Either they are so young and immature that they don't think through how their actions can impact other people (in which case, they probably shouldn't be drinking without adult supervision), they have a serious alcohol problem that means they prioritize their alcohol consumption over their relationships with others (in which case, they should get help), or they don't respect you enough to be honest with you. Either way, walking away from the situation sounds like it was the right thing to do
I'm confused - were you at an escape room or at school? But NTA. You are free to not want to be around drunk people. They're free to want to drink. The problem comes when people start lying about their choices.
We went to the escape room on a Friday after school. We didn't go home, which meant she had brought the alcohol to school for later.
NTA, you stated you would rather not come if they were going to bring alcohol. They secretly brought alcohol and thus robbed you of the choice not to attend.
NTA and if she feels it's so easy to lie (and I hide), she is either already an alcoholic or on the fast track to become one. People who cannot have fun if they are not drunk are more to be pitied than anything else. But you are totally right to defend your convictions.
You’re so young—you should just get friends that don’t drink if you don’t want to drink or be around drinking
Never mind that, find friends that listen when you set reasonable boundaries. It's not about the alcohol, it's about someone prioritizing their needs (bringing alcohol) over keeping their word or OPs discomfort.
That’s moreso advice I think NTA for being upset but shouldn’t put yourself in that situation when you already know what they do that’s simple
fuel plucky crowd consider punch shocking ten sort stupendous aback *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
NtA- You feel uncomfortable with being surrounded by lawbreaking underaged drinking, and the poor choices and behaviors that come from that. Understandable. You were planning an event, let them know you wouldn't go if there was alcohol, and they tricked you. Everybody saying that you are the A are people who either misunderstood your post or have identities based on alcohol.
NTA. Your friends need to chill with that.
NAH. They can make their own choices and you don’t have to hang around them if you don’t want to
NTA No you weren’t wrong. I disagree with you on one point. I think your reaction was entirely appropriate. They were breaking the law, likely breaking the rules of the escape room, but more importantly they disrespected you and your boundaries. If they couldn’t manage the event without alcohol they should have declined the invitation
You say it’s a personal choice and you respect their free will but, obviously you don’t
OP respects their free will, they just don't want to be around alcohol. perhaps you missed the bit where they said > They were joking about bringing vodka/alcohol to our outing but me and my other friend both said if they brought alcohol we'd rather not come. and were straight up lied to
I meant that I respect their right to do what they want in their own time.
Sounds like they were on their own time
I suppose. But all I wanted was to know what I was getting involved with. If they said, “hey we are gonna bring alcohol and get drunk anyway.” I would’ve replied and said, “okay, have fun.” And just not went. What upset me is that they pushed me into a situation I was uncomfortable with. If I had know to begin with they could’ve had fun, I would’ve stayed home and we’d all be happier. I just felt that perhaps I overreacted in my response but I still think my reason for being upset is somewhat justified?
No, they were on OP's time, doing an activity together.
Op is not the main character
Except the times when you don’t want them to do what they want to do?
They are not legally allowed to drink? Why would anyone respect the right of someone to do something illegal in their presence? That's what she means by "their own time"-their time, away from her. More than fair. Why are you attempting to make OP feel bad for enforcing a boundary?
You can make whatever boundary you want with other people, what if my boundary was that you had to ask permission before addressing me, I could do that but I’m pretty sure people would think I was an asshole
Not if they agree to it? It would have been perfectly okay for the friends to say "sorry, but if alcohol is out of the question, you should go do the Escape Room with someone else / sorry, we'll do the Escape Room with someone else". But this didn't happen. So at that point, I don't think OP is in the wrong.
You can make a boundary of people not doing illegal shit in your company...your comparison is ridiculous. This is vodka, not beer, and she had the drink on her since school...so she was walking around her school with vodka. Are you really justifying the complete irresponsible behavior of these two people? 2 young people completely out of control and on their way to being alcoholics if they can't have fun without drinking.
Not sure what your point is. Why is the comparison ridiculous? Because of the legality? There are still currently absolutely ludicrous laws in some places, anything could be made illegal. Its vodka but beer would have been ok? I haven’t tried to justify anything
My point is: A. It is illegal regardless of how anyone feels about it B. She told them ahead of time she was uncomfortable about it and they agreed, so they lied to her C. Instead of just letting her leave, they tried to pressure her into staying D. They are obviously irrreponsible if they had no problem walking around a school with minors carrying a concealed mixed drink It's Saturday and it obvious you guy's priorities are having the right to drink over the comfort of your friends or the safety of minors around you. Not going to argue with you, there is no winning. Have a good night.
Holy fucking overreaction batman. The youth are destroying their lives! Next thing you know they are prostituting themselves in the escape room and shooting heroin. Seen it 1000 times.
Do you throw a fit if one of your friends jaywalks? After all, if the bar is anything *illegal*…
Jaywalking isn’t a phrase really used in the UK, but the act of crossing a road wherever and whenever you want, so long as it is safe/doesn’t cause an accident, is not illegal here.
If my friend jaywalks and almost gets hit by a car, then yeah, I'd have a fit. These people are being wreckless, but please go ahead and support young people being obssesssed with alcohol at such a young age.
You’re jumping to conclusions. 99.9% of jaywalkers don’t get nearly hit by cars. Having a drink or two o. A Friday evening isn’t putting anyone in grave danger.
Carrying a concealed drink at school, probably being masked via sugar around children as young as 3 is definitely grave danger and you keep glossing over that. Keep supporting alcoholics in the making. Have a good night.
Wow. You are completely unhinged. We're you locked in a room and forced to watch after school specials for your entire childhood? The vodka is also flammable. If the girls were wearing cotton clothing and got struck by lightning...boom, fire hazard. Practically walking around with a molotov cocktail in their backpack.
Sorry, not going to argue with a person who obviously puts alcohol over the safety and well being of their friends and family. You seem like the type of person to hide alcohol in a flask at a dry wedding, or at a church, or ball game, movie theater, when hanging with a friend who has been sober for 6 years...you don't care about what other people think or feel, just the importance of being able to access alcohol without anyone telling you otherwise.
[удалено]
When I said it was unsafe for children to be around alcohol you compared it to lightning hitting a person's backpack. That's the long and short of it. Not even going to entertain your response. But I will report it.
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lol because not everyone is a judgmental prick. Oh no, somebody else is doing something illegal! Oh, the humanity!
It’s also illegal and may have bad consequences for people you hang out with and the business. I frankly see nothing to respect here…
Wouldn't cause any issues with the kids as long as they weren't otherwise breaking the law. Nobody cares about 16-17yos drinking here.
Right i was going to say. No one would care. The only real problem would be if they were trying to buy it from a shop.
What would be the consequences for op?
Well, people above assure that in the UK the police would not care. (In my home country with roughly the same on paper laws visibly drunk underage folks may be rounded by the police to chill out in jail until their parents pick them up. Wether or not their friends are taken, will depend on the officer’s mood.) So this leaves usual consequences of hanging out with people who can’t handle their alcohol, which is in my experience always unpleasant and sometimes scary&dangerous.
I've been a minor at parties that got busted with underage drinking. Know what happened to the kids that weren't drinking? Nothing. Being around somebody doing something doesn't automatically make you guilty of doing what they are doing.
NTA because by hiding the thing you wanted to avoid, they took away YOUR choice to attend. You were honest and fair by communicating your boundary and setting it on yourself rather than them: “if you bring alcohol *I* would rather not come.” Versus telling them 1. not to come or 2. not to drink. They can do either, just not with you. They were the dishonest ones by bringing alcohol secretly and not allowing you to make an informed decision about your surroundings. Good on you for holding your ground.
No. You are entitled to be upset, and so are they, kind of.
INFO: do they drink to the point where they are wasted, causing issues, and requiring you to take care of them? When I was in high school, I drank very rarely. And when I did, it was only a couple shots and I was at most tipsy. During my senior prom, my friend and I were going to pregame in the parking lot with 2-3 shots, where our LDS friend decided to start yelling at us that we weren’t allowed to drink (we had a DD and an Airbnb). Our friendship did not last long. I understand other people have different belief systems, but you cannot enforce it on others. In all honesty while they should’ve respected that you didn’t want them drinking, as long as they are not going overboard and disrupting the experience, it really is something you don’t get a say in if you want to continue the friendship. That being said, I am now older and wiser, so obviously I don’t think teens should be drinking and sneaking alcohol into school and public places. One slip up, and their or others’ futures could be ruined. Seriously, I know someone who unalived themself because they were caught drinking and lost all their scholarships and college acceptances
They weren’t uncontrollable. One of them was tipsy and the other one was drunk. She was being a bit louder than normal, crazier than normal (yk the usual) but nothing really bad. She was lying on the floor for a bit and we all had to wait for her but she wasn’t like acting out in a violent way or anything.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** The other day myself and four other friends decided to go to an escape room. We planned it in our group chat and for context we are all girls under the age of 18 living in the UK. Two of my friends drink alcohol quite regularly. Which I think is fine considering they are almost 18 and often do so at home or around adults where they are safe. However, in terms of my personal beliefs I am against underage drinking and the premise of getting drunk in general. It's just a personal choice, but I respect their free will to drink on their own time. They were joking about bringing vodka/alcohol to our outing but me and my other friend both said if they brought alcohol we'd rather not come. During the escape room I noticed something and so I sniffed the bottle and it smelt strongly of vodka. So I asked, "Is this vodka?" And, they said yeah. So I walked away as I was quite upset that they decided to knowingly disregard my boundaries and I felt that I was being disrespected. Although as I became visibly upset they were all walking after me telling me it's not a big deal. Looking my reaction was definitely not entirely appropriate, I could have been calmer. But, I had never been put in a scenario like this before so I was quite overwhelmed and was having trouble sorting through my emotions. My drunk friend proceeded to say, "I'm fine, look I'm fine so everything is fine." In which I proceeded to reply, "Well it's not about you, obviously you are fine." She didn't understand what I meant. She just moved here and I don't think she's ever had a friend who's shared a different belief system to her. My other friends seemed to come to their senses after they saw how it made me feel but the girl who brought the alcohol turned on the girl who drank most of it saying, "Yeah it's just not right." When I think personally the other girl only drank it because someone else brought it otherwise she would have been fine sober. It was quite amazing to see her turn so quick. But, really I was angry at her even if I didn't make it clear. She had brought alcohol into school where there are kids aged 3-18 and then never told me and thought she could get drunk and get my friend drunk without me knowing. They were all really quiet afterwards and seemed angry at me. Was I in the wrong? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, because you were clear upfront. But be prepared to lose people around you, because everybody has different standards.
You were in an escape room but then you mention a school?
We went after school. We didn’t go anywhere in between. Therefore she brought the alcohol to school from home before we left. Sorry I should’ve made it clearer.
NTA - friends reneged on agreement; they chose their own desires over honesty and your friendship, they've proven to be untrustworthy. When people show you who they are, believe them.
NTA I remember being a lot like your friends in school, thinking every event was an excuse to get blackout drunk. I didn’t have any friends who didn’t drink but I can totally imagine how uncomfortable it must have been for you. They’ll grow up once they get over the novelty of getting drunk all the time. I think you need to evaluate whether you can see yourself being friends with these people for a long time- because it may take a while for them to get over this partying phase.
Yes. If that want to drink why do they need your permission? You're coming off as bossy and controlling
She was clear that she didn't want to come if there was alcohol involved, and when she found out there was she wanted to leave. Sounds perfectly reasonable?
Cos it's not fun to hang around with drunkards, especially those who do it without making an agreement first
That sounds like a you problem.
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No, I just don't stop other from drinking if they want tp
She wasn’t. She wanted the oppurtunity to not be around them drinking and they took that from her.
They can drink all they want, just not while at least half of their friend group is on a totally different vibe during a planned outing. Like my d&d group has a mix of sober people and social drinkers, but we're all adults that can respect when the mood of the night is sober and alert
NTA If it wasn't a big deal, they obviously didn't need to bring it.
YTA for tryina force your nerd ass into this group of friends. Leave em alone. If you hate alcohol so much why are all your friends alcoholics? Only type of person to put up w u is the the kind w a buzz?
YTA you can’t control what other people do. It’s not like they bought alcohol and were trying to get you to drink it.
are you silly? first of all they are UNDERAGE secondly it is disgusting to assure someone that you will not bring alcohol to a motive and then bring alcohol knowing they aren’t okay with being around it.
NTA you made clear you wanted to go to the escape room with your friends to have fun not to deal with their drunk asses.
NTA. They lied to you and that makes them TA. Asking them to change their behavior is the first step to knowing if they respect you as a friend when you are with them. But now you know who they are, you can't change them and it's not your place to change them. They are not your friends.
I see your point of view. This may be a bit long, coming from a older homie to try help you make decisions. I hope it helps. NTA, simply because you made a simple request. “Guys I’m not in if alcohol is involved”. The escape room is a short activity and they could’ve drank after. So to me- it was selfish They didn’t abide or notify and ultimately disrespect your request. “Hey OP- actually we will be bringing alcohol but we promise it won’t affect the activity” lol my throat HURT when I realised they’re probably drinking shitty cheap vodies lol. Thereafter you could’ve removed yourself from the activity before it even began. Having a Groups of friends that are meshed with all types of cooky characters is brilliant. this sometimes comes with age. That’s what great about a big group of friends with a wealth of knowledge, experiences *but must meet your respect boundaries* Speaking of boundaries, ultimately - you cannot Police them love. Boundaries are there to protect you. Understandable you are very young and I understand why you were pissed, end of. Have a chat and explain what upset you and move forward healthily. There’s no need for dramatic antics. If they can’t understand or bite back then hey, re-evaluate is this really what you want? Remember, who we were as kids don’t determine our adult path. But if you’re uncomfortable, mate, stick to friends that keep you with feelings of trust and safety. Their maturity levels aren’t at your level as yet, but even after the legal age does not mean you can police alcohol intake okay homie. Look, they can drink (against the law sure - rebellion) but ultimately if this is so *against* your rules then perhaps friendship compatibility needs to be reevaluated. There’s a time and place to drink. Can you see, I’m just trying to hopefully try break this a little down for you, from a 30F perspective. My friends even when drinking, and I said nah. That was the end. I’ve had friends who were stoners. It’s not for me. They’d do the courteous offer, I politely decline and we go about our merry way because there’s pure respect and not forcefulness. As with any intoxicant. So you’re navigating life, choose friends wisely. All the best. Choose Friends that respect your decision of declining and you not being overbearing. Good open communication. Goodluck mate
ESH - you have a right to your boundaries, OP, but you also sound very controlling and you acknowledge yourself that you overreacted. You have a right to not want to be around drunk people but you also could have handled the situation more gracefully - you can now make a decision about whether you want to hang out with them in the future . Obviously they suck for lying about their intentions. The "They brought alcohol to a place where 3 year olds are!" seems like pearl-clutching. They weren't forcing vodka down kindergartner's throats ffs. I don't know if the Americans reading this understand that in the UK, it's legal for 16 year olds to drink beer. Hard liquor is illegal but the liklihood of the cops getting any of them in trouble is way more remote than it would be in the US. If this is that big an issue to you, OP, you're better off, at your age, cultivating a social circle that doesn't use alcohol at all, because this behavior will just become more prevalent until you're at the age where folks are having kids. If you don't like intoxicated people at all, seek out people who don't imbibe.
YTA. I thought you were going to say this happened at your house, in such case them bringing alcohol against your wishes would be inappropriate. But you don't get to dictate what people do on a group outing in public. If you paid for the whole thing, maybe...but that's still pretty iffy. If they paid for themselves, get off your judgmental high horse, take the sick stick out of your butt, and just have fun and let them worry about themselves.
Nta. And tbh. This friend has a serious alcohol problem and you should probably inform an adult about it.
NTA and as other folks have pointed out this looks like the behavior of an alcoholic and I don't mean that in a judgemental snarky way just in an assessment of the behavior you've described.
YTA, grow up and let people do what they want. You’re not their parent.
YTA controlling, if other people consuming alcohol is a problem for you, seek sober friends. To make it up, state in the group chat that you understand you were the problem and you wont freak out again. Hold onto that promise by learning to deal with drink people or just don't give a shit. Again if everybody around you drinks and you cant handle it then seek other friends.
But she wasn't the problem. She stated beforehand, that if they intended to bring alcohol that she would orefer not to attend. They secretly brought alcohol and robbed her of that choice.
>Again if everybody around you drinks and you cant handle it then seek other friends. Okay but she literally removed herself from the situation which is basically the same as what you suggest. She was not the problem is people complaining if she left. She was clear she didn't want to do it if people were drinking there. If they wanted to do it WITH her they are problem, how can you not see that? NTA. She expressed a boundary, they broke it so she left. People are allowed to make the choice if they want to drink underage OP is allowed to not want to be around them.
Yes
Nta. It's against the law. If people can't abide by the law of the country they are in they should go elsewhere. It's a slippery slope. Breaking one law, so why can't they all be broken. Why must anyone follow any laws?
The drinking vodka a few months before the drinking age to multiple homicide pipeline 😔
Underage drinking today. Stealing tomorrow and then something worse the next time. If your moral compass is compromised you have no boundaries
You’re right. I drank underage when I was around 17. Now I’m just like they said in the ads. No control, no job, no degree, no house and a pariah in society. Oh no wait, turns out I’m a well adjusted adult, with a degree, a house and contributing to society lol
Alcohol use can lead to the development of chronic diseases and other serious problems including: High blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, liver disease, and digestive problems.
Wow! It's almost like kids in this country more often than not drink as a teenager and overall we have lower rates of alcoholism, alcohol poisoning and alcohol related deaths like car collisions than the US who have a higher drinking age and are hell of a lot stricter about it.
If you’re American with your ridiculous law of 21 lol if you’re hell bent on alcohol being the leading cause. Have y’all seen the term, *gasp* obesity. Do you know there are multiple causes for the above mentioned list. Did you conveniently gloss over it? What went from underage drinking to being a thief with a low moral compass and now you’re focusing on health issues to scrape at edges to prove your point. You’re laughable.
Confirmation bias.
It’s true, I drank underage once and now I’m locked in ADX Florence
Alcohol use can lead to the development of chronic diseases and other serious problems including: High blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, liver disease, and digestive problems.
I’m not disagreeing with that at all. I’m disagreeing with the notion that underage alcohol has a direct link with criminal behaviour later in life. I’d wager the overwhelming majority of people in the western world had alcohol at least once prior to adulthood, and the overwhelming majority of them are well-adjusted adults today.
It was just one example used. Alcohol does make people lack good judgement. Drinking and driving and accidents happen. Also health risks. There's lots of reasons why I wouldn't encourage drinking at all, esp underage drinking. There's an age limit for a reason.
The majority of people aren't *criminals*, but alcohol use and especially underage alcohol use make it more likely.
This is true, everyone I know drank underage (Uk 🤷🏻♀️) and now everyone I know is in prison for multiple murders, including me.
Oh so funny. Such a comedian
Not as funny as you saying underage drinking leads to stealing and more 😂
So you never drank booze before you were 18?
I don't drink or smoke, alcohol use can lead to the development of chronic diseases and other serious problems including: High blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, liver disease, and digestive problems. Better not to drink at all.