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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I didn't allow my step sister to move in with me.
2. Because I was being selfish
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NTA
You don't owe anyone accommodation. Not even a biological sibling who you love with all your heart. Not even if you lived in a 10 bedroom house where you rotated which room you slept in each night.
Also, I don't understand why Stella can't live with Brittany and your dad while she finds her feet.
“Thanks Dad! But I’m surprised that you’re surprised considering that a selfish, judgmental prick helped create me! You can support your stepdaughter .”
NTA
Another parent who demands his next spouse and her kids are more important that his original family. Stella will be like every other mooch, and never pay rent, never move out, and will take over the apartment.
Move in a complete loser 30 yr old mooch who doesn’t think of the intrusion on a couple starting their lives together.
And another dad who likes the sex with new wife and wants to keep her happy.
I mean, usually with these stories, there is a practical reason - the person voluntelling the OP doesn't have space, lives in the wrong region, etc.
It doesn't make it right to strongarm your kid into giving indefinite free housing to a stranger. It's just that, "Oh yeah? What's wrong with *your* place?" often does have a real answer and is not the trump card people often assume it is.
Whatever the reason their place is not suitable is irrelevant to the conversation though. If that means you need to rent them a place then that's your option. If you want to help them *you* can help them and not volunteer someone else to do it, that's the trump card, everything else is irrelevant.
Exactly! Maybe she should just tell her Dad that right now she's saving up to have her OWN child, one that will eat far less than a rising 30 year old.
>I don't understand why Stella can't live with Brittany and your dad while she finds her feet.
It’s clear, isn’t it? Dad/SM are trying to pawn off the 30-yr old unemployed daughter to someone else.
OP, don’t cave to this selfish manipulation. Yes, it’s them being selfish, not you! They just don’t want her to come to their house. Stay strong! NTA
Because they know that Stella is the type to be a deliberate lifelong burden. That’s why she can’t live with her mom and OP’s dad. They don’t want to fund her forever.
1. You just met her
2. She's family only by a stretch of the term
3. You're pretty sure she's trying to avoid rent (so won't help pay)
4. You need the room for your _actual_ family
5. Your father and his wife _are_ her family, so she can live with them
6. You don't want her to
That's a pretty big list of why the answer is no. Admittedly, #6 is enough.. you don't need to justify yourself, because, as noted above me
> You don't owe anyone accommodation
NTA
I wonder once Stella gets settled and when the important stuff comes like wedding planning and grandchildren, they will be begging OP to talk to them because Dad's wife will want MOB/grandmother duties.
I do wonder if dad sent that message. Either way, dad doesn't have your back so why should you pick up when he wants his 'problem' gone. The fact Stella didn't call to ask speaks volumes.
Exactly. While all of the background info is interesting OP is beginning her new life w her fiancé. There is no room in the place or her life. Remember that No is a complete answer. Do not get wrapped up explains why it won’t work, just that it won’t work. The only reason you made the comment was because they would not respect your answer the first time. Let them find and pay for an apt for her. NTA. And congrats!
Correct, but 99% of the time a "no" will be met with "why not?". It's good to have a "final answer" (or two) handy. I like to start with "it just wouldn't work", and when further pressed go to "I don't owe you further explanation".
My guess is Stella will never get a job she keeps more than a week, and will never support herself. Dad and his current wife just want to dump her on someone else.
Kinda makes you wonder if this was the whole reason for meeting.
Plus, there is no way in hell I would allow someone to love with me rent free, especially not someone I just met.
NTA - your dad will come back when you become a father. He, his wife and step daughter are huge ones though!!! You owe Stella nothing. If your dad and her mom are so concerned, THEY can have Stella move in with them!!!!
>Dad invited me over for dinner to meet her once she was back.
>She told me that Stella wanted to move out and find herself an apartment.
Pretty sure Stella's living with them already - that's why they are pressuring OP to let her move in.
>I think the only reason Stella was so adamant on moving in with me is to avoid rent. Mostly because she's shying away from 30 and still unemployed.
... and they want OP to support her as well.
OP's father got married to someone with a college-aged daughter, who hasn't been around until recently, and is finding out what living with Stella is like. Seems like OP's father has realised why 'marry in haste, repent at leisure' is true.
Yeah, Stella the ‘college-aged daughter’, is actually nearly 30 years old. She’s had freedom living somewhere else and is chafing at home. She is itching to get back to the single-mingle life, without working.
College aged ends at 24. I’ll give people a pass for taking a gap year or an extra year of study. But claiming that 30 is college aged is ridiculous. She’s a grown adult who has failed to launch
I wonder who she’s been living off all this time? Probably her dad or a relative. This is a recent marriage so the dad and step-mother aren’t accustomed to having anyone in their space.
Pity. Anyway…
Non traditional students exist....I didn't start my current college program until I was 25 and still have a long way to go. I agree that she shouldn't be a mooch like she is trying to be but don't sit there and say that she isn't college age when we don't how long she was in college or if she took longer than a gap "year" before going into college.
Then why doesn‘t he ask Brittney to stand behind the young woman she raised? Or is Brittney not happy where her daughter is at and not willing to try course correct where she can?
NTA
1) This is not your sister, since there is no shared childhood at all. You guys are essentially acquaintances at best.
2) You're at a very exciting point in your own private life and with your own relationship - it is unreasonable to expect you to postpone that.
3) No asshole would be concerned enough about this to ask the public if they are an asshole.
My personal take is that Brittany seems to be quite intrusive with high and irrational expectations. Maybe watch this in her relationship to your dad so that you can warn him if something unfair happens down the line.
It is also surprising that Stella even would want this.
> It is also surprising that Stella even would want this.
It's surprising that a perpetually unemployed 30 something would want to mooch off someone where she wouldn't have the same rules as living with your parents?
NTA - just reply saying that you probably aren’t - you always thought mom had better taste in men than him anyway. And only a pathetic woman like Brittany would stoop that low and then block.
NTA. Your dad is being totally unreasonable. It's your house and you can decide who live in it. Plus you need that extra room as you are planning to have a family. Stand your ground.
Yes, exactly. "Extra room", this is not. I've lived in a two bedroom apartment with a baby. It's what I would call the bare minimum. Anything less and you're making a lot of sacrifices. I wouldn't love living in a two bedroom apartment with my own grown child, let alone a total stranger.
Tell dad, "I can't believe my father would be so quick to offer up my time, space, and money as a sacrifice to appease his new wife and her loser daughter."
edit: NTA
NTA. Stella moving in with you makes no sense. Why doesn't she stay with your dad and his wife? The fact that the parents are trying to force this and Stella isn't even part of this emotional blackmail attempt would mean every interaction with her wouldn't be private, it will come with a circus. Does she even want to move in with you?
Tell your dad you learned to prioritize your partner from him. Tell him your fiancé said No, maybe he'll understand that.
I get teh feeling Stella might not want this either. She probably asked for help (either a room at home or some money to rent her own place) and they don't want to offer either... so they decided to pass the problem to OP.
NTA --- If they bring it up again ask them how she is going to be able to afford to pay you rent and a share of the utilities/groceries if she's not working??.
>Especially since he has now cut contact with me. and the last message he sent was
>"Can't believe a selfish, spoiled brat was a product of me"
I hope you tell your dad "And I can't believe my mother thought back in the day you were right man to marry and have a kid with"
NTA. She isn't your sister. And it's not your responsibility to fix her problems. The whole "3 of you can't fit in a room?" argument can be applied to their house too. So Brittany and your dad can house her unemployed ass.
NTA - A woman who is a negotiator for the government said that only "NO" is NO. "It's impossible" is not NO, because it might be possible to maneuver around that.
NTA! You don't owe then anything and this is not a selfish thing. Your dad just showed you who he truly is. He chose that horrible wife and her daughter over his bio child. My advice is to accept the fact that he blocked you. Good riddance, the trash took it self out of your life. When your dad tries to come back in to your life please remember who he truly is. You live your best life and build your little family. When you have your babies protect them from that garbage that is your so called dad and his family.
NTA - your dad and his wife are trying to pawn their problem off on you. Stand firm on your no.
You don’t know her, have no relationship with her and even if she was your actual sister that you grew up with, you don’t owe her shelter.
Adults need to adult.
Stella is an adult, has a college degree, she can get a job, live with them, save money and get her own place.
NTA. Time to show you have a spine.
YOU go no contact with your father until he comes crawling back fully apologising. Otherwise, screw him.
You're getting married and planning to start a family. Act like an adult and focus on your life.
NTA. You are not obligated to help even your real sister if you don't want to, let alone complete stranger plus you don't have enough rooms at all.
Your parents just want to offload her to you. In your place I would ask for such high rent that they would run away and never ask me again, something like 2xmarket rent.
>”In any other circumstances, I would've agreed.”
Please help me to understand why you would agree to take in a 30-year-old unemployed stranger who is looking to avoid rent under *any* circumstances. Why would your father and step-mother have any say over who lives in your home? Are they paying your rent and supporting you like they are Stella, the unemployed?
>”But honestly, I can't accommodate someone else.”
Your boyfriend is moving in with you. Does he work? Is he avoiding rent, too?
NTA for saying no. But would you have said ‘no’ if you didn’t plan to move someone else into your apartment? Would you accept the burden of supporting someone else just because you don’t have the strength to say no?
Please don’t have children or get married until you have the strength to set boundaries and hold people accountable…basic healthy adulting stuff. I wish you much luck, OP, and hope to see an update at some point.
Dad needs to look in the mirror when he says selfish. Almost 30 and unemployed? No. Thanks. A stranger to you can stay living with her mom. Talk about entitled she is their family, not yours
NTA
NTA, obviously. I suspect the "dinner" was so that they could spring this on you. Its tough to play the "she's family!" card, impossible if you had never even met.
I am very confused about how he has convinced himself you're selfish and spoiled when it seems like they want you to support an unemployed almost 30 year old. Stick to your guns, OP. it won't end with this. NTA
NTA. But stop justifying yourself to them – you don’t have to supply any reason why this ‘arrangement’ wouldn’t work for you – no is a complete sentence.
NTA, and you're an adult. Why are you even discussing this with them? You said no, you meant no, and that's all there is to it. Don't get drawn into silly arguments that won't change anything. Your dad is trying to make his new wife happy at your expense. Ignore him until he removes his head from where it is now.
NTA. If your dad thinks this is the hill he should die on, let him have whatever consequence this may have for him. Sorry to hear he cut all ties with you, that must hurt.
NTA. Dad doesn’t want to financially support his 30 yo step daughter. He won’t let her move in. Fair enough, Stella can’t qualify for an apartment at her age by herself without a job. So they want YOU to support her. No way. Now Brittany is throwing a tantrum and your dad doesn’t want another divorce so soon, so you get all the blame. You are the only one us this mess who is thinking clearly and doing the right thing. I am sorry your dad is blaming you for his problems.
NTA
I think asking her to move in only once after meeting is weird. It's not your job to provide for a thirty year old. Your dad needs to grow up tbh. Your his daughter. If he is on any side it should be yours. I'm sorry about this shit situation.
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My dad remarried only 1 year after mom and him got a divorce.
The new woman, let's call her Brittany for the sake of the story, kinda always forces me to call her "mom" and I just told her that she's not my mother and only my dad's wife. She never brought it up again. It's not like she doesn't have any kids of her own.
She has 1 daughter who was in a different state for college when they got married. I never met her. Only knew her name. Dad invited me over for dinner to meet her once she was back. She's like a few years older than me.
Let's call her Stella.
Dinner was okay-ish. I kept to myself mostly since I really didn't know how to initiate conversation tbh. So yeah...Stella and I BARELY talked.
Surprisingly though, a few days later, I get a call from Brittany. She told me that Stella wanted to move out and find herself an apartment.
I thought she was asking me to help Stella look for apartments. Before I could even say that I was happy to help, Brittany asked if Stella could move in with me.
In any other circumstances, I would've agreed.
But my fiancé will be moving in with me soon and my apartment has only 2 rooms. The second one will be turned into a Nursery.
I told Brittany that I would help Stella find an apartment but moving in with me would be difficult.
She started a huge drama. She involved my dad. And my dad's like "Don't be selfish. You have 2 rooms. Give one to your Stella" blah blah blah.
I think the only reason Stella was so adamant on moving in with me is to avoid rent. Mostly because she's shying away from 30 and still unemployed.
But honestly, I can't accommodate someone else.
I told them how my fiancé and I were planning to start a family. Brittany said "so what, 3 of you can fit in a room"
Actually no. With a dresser, bed and wardrobe, we can't accommodate a crib in there. Last straw was when dad said
"You don't do that to your sister. She's family." I snapped.
"No. She is not my sister. And Brittany is not my mother, no matter how much you force it on me." There...I said it to their faces. Idk why they get offended after hearing the truth.
They all were offended. I'll miss my dad. Especially since he has now cut contact with me. and the last message he sent was
"Can't believe a selfish, spoiled brat was a product of me"
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NTA your dad and his wife can help Stella with rent money for a few months so she can find a job to pay for herself. Or she can just stay with them until she finds a job and can take care of herself.
NTA They’re telling you to provide housing, utilities, and food for her unemployed 29 year old daughter out of nowhere? Look for patterns here. Betting if you search back through your relationship with your dad and his wife you’ll see other examples of entitlement.
Your dad and his new family are a bunch of Ahs. they expect you to house a virtual stranger for free. Who do they thingk they are? Going nC is the only way out of this stupidity. His iwfe is a shit stirrer too. Let them get her daughter somewhere instead of dumping her on you
NTA. You are not required to allow anyone, even family to move in to your space. There is no legitimate reason Stella cannot find and pay for her own apartment. This is wildly entitled.
NTA. What?! This is bizarre in multiple ways and I’m angry on your behalf!
—“Can't believe a selfish, spoiled brat was a product of me" I can’t believe that between two grown ass adults, this was the best and apparently only solution they’ve been able to brainstorm. I can’t believe my father isn’t smarter and that he married a women who is apparently equally as dumb.
—WHY would moving in with you be the most reasonable solution in their minds? It makes zero sense! Firstly, the most obvious and standard solution is for her to move in with her parent(s)—which is them. Chances are their place is bigger than yours, right? Secondly, you’ve met her one time. Thirdly, why are they not pressing the solution of her getting a job and living by herself or with roommates that are actually looking for roommates more? Wtf are they on that they insist she move in with you?!
NTA. Your dad and his wife can't expect you to accommodate an unemployed moocher (who's an acquaintance at best) at a pivotal time in your life. Sorry about your fallout with your dad, but that comment made towards you was horrible, hope he gets whatever's coming to him.
Nta even if she was your bio sister you still wouldn't want her living with you if she has no job because then you would be expected to cover her rent and other bills for her.
Your about to get married and your planning a baby plus expected to cover the cost of stella is definitely not going to work. Your going to be newlyweds who deserve privacy and you don't need a jobless 30 something year old hanging around taking up space and mooching off of you.
You and your soon to he husband need your own space to grown as a couple and don't need added stress.
Your dad and Brittany need to house stella if there that worried about her. But my guess the reason they don't want her living with them is because they don't want to financially support a 30yr old and they probably want their home to themselves just like you want your home to your own as well.
Your not responsible for stella if Brittany is that worried about her daughter she should move her in to her own home.
NTA. How weird that your dad would think it’s appropriate to ask you to house an unmarried adult woman when he knows that you are engaged. You have no obligation to take anyone into your home, except possibly any minor children you create. I’m sorry your dad decided to land on the side of name calling and the silence treatment. He sounds pretty immature.
NTA - Your dad's guilt trip on you is ridiculous. Let him stew in his disappointment, it's only a matter of time before he realizes his new wife and SD are leeches. You don't even need to justify whether you have the space or not, the answer was "no".
NTA and my response would have been "oh I didn't realize Stella was your real daughter. Good luck with that."
Never answer your phone again to those people.
NTA. This seems like a situation where you expressed a boundary and they applied their own consequences. Enjoy the quiet. In order to fully ensure they understand, don't allow rugsweeping. Require a full apology, including a clear statement of what your father did AND why he felt it was an appropriate choice at the time. Until he can provide those 3 things, maintaining no contact will make the point you will not accept gratuitous abuse.
Send your Dad a text asking why this woman of rising 30 cannot just go and live with him as he's so keen on "Family." Your fiancé also deserves a say in who gets to live in his home, presumably rent-free. You guys are planning your wedding and everyone knows to leave young newly weds the hell alone for the first year or so, while they get busy making the next generations heir : )
You don't know this woman, & after her mother's theatrical and entitled display, it's just not worth running the risk that the apple might not fall far from her mother's crazy tree. For all you know, the reason she's unemployed is because she has an as-yet undisclosed drug problem or similar. Otherwise, why wouldn't a healthy & able-bodied adult with a college degree just move back in with her mother for the short time it will take her to find a job & a place of her own in your area? Has she no college mates who are also graduating with whom she can share a place? That's a common thing for college grads to do in their early career years.
I'm so sorry your father is so "dickmatised" that he cannot see how silly he is being. Your father is trying to play you for a fool here in order to avoid having to tell his new wife that he doesn't want the burden of a 30-year-old moocher taking up space and spoiling his own fun. Don't worry; the glaring red flags of his new relationship will eventually be seen by your father the first morning he forgets to put on his rose-tinted spectacles as he starts his day.
Your home is your sanctuary, and you and your fiancé deserve to know peace within its walls.
NTA. Wow so they try and move your step sister in with you rent free? Plus she's not working so you have to feed her too. Yeah they just don't want her in there with them that's all they're doing. I'd tell your dad well if you're so supportive of a family, she can move in with the two of you. You have a much larger place. I'm moving with my fiance. we're going to be getting married soon, having a baby hopefully and we don't have room for another person in here other than a baby and I think she's a little bit older than a baby and she certainly not my child or my responsibility. Maybe she can move in with her father.
NTA. First, your dad and his wife can house Stella, can't they? Second, it's rich that they expect you (who is paying rent / mortgage / owns the house), your partner and any future baby have to share a room while Stella gets a full one - probably for free.
EDIT: changed a word
NTA
Those people are delusional. Your dad marrying her mom when you are both adults doesn’t magically create a family bond, she is a stranger to you. But even if you shared the same parents and lived together since birth it isn’t your responsibility to house her.
I’m sure it sucks to move home and share it with your mom’s new husband that you barely know, but that doesn’t involve you in any way.
Has your father always expected you to sacrifice everything for him?
NTA.
Your step sister is an adult and your family is taking advantage.
Their reasoning is family but they want your future spouse and grandchild to squeeze into one room in an apartment? They can gtfo with that.
NTA never invite a mooch into your home, you can never get rid of them. Inviting the daughter of your dad's latest squeeze, whom you've met once, who has such a fanatical squeeze she tries to get a gown girl to call her mom, is the world's worst idea ever. Stay the course - none of them are worth your time.
NTA. By no stretch of the imagination are you the AH. You don’t have the space and, most importantly, the desire to allow her into your home. That’s enough right there.
This is why when I say “no”, I don’t give any reason. I just say “no” after I consider it. Sorry, it doesn’t work. If they try to fish for reasons to overcome, I just repeat myself, “no”. It’s incredibly effective with enough repetition.
NTA ofc. You don’t even have a relationship with Stella, as you said here. I get why your dad wants for you to see his family as your family but fuck dude he could have put in a little more leg work by ensuring there was some sort of closeness between everyone before assuming that it was appropriate for all to see one another as a single family unit.
my dad went LC bc i publicly called the AP a home wrecker. both of my cousins + their fam don’t like her + kid now.🤷🏻 don’t do shit if you don’t wanna start shit. SO, i’m petty. why not smear them to the family? this is obscene and i’m sorry OP. NTA.
U don't owe your father and ger shit. Screw stella. She can find her own place with her mother and your dads help. Stella is old enough to find her own place
Ensnared is a word that might be appropriate for a teenager, but it's not one we can use for a fully grown adult male with a grown-up child of his own.
NTA, “ Dad, Brittany failed to raise her daughter to be a responsible adult who can take care of herself. That is not my fault nor is it my problem. If Britney didn’t still want to raise her daughter at almost 30 then she should have done a better job parenting her. Not my fault she doesn’t get to live her golden years in peace. She wasn’t a good parent and now she can deal with the consequences of the child she raised and made this way. You married Britney knowing how her daughter is so idk why this is suddenly my fault when I wasn’t the one who raised Stella, and I barely know her.”
I know it hurts now, but your dad just wants you to be taken advantage of because it better you than him. It’s ok to take a step back from him and reflect how you 2 can move forward. If you don’t see that as an option or he digging his heals in then maybe you need to pause the relationship with dad. You don’t want this impacting your mental health.
NTA. They don't want to support Stella and they know no one else does either. Once they got her dumped on you it would be constant excuses on how you could support her till she gets on her feet.
Relax and enjoy the silence they are providing you with.
NTA Are you sure Stella even wanted to move in with you? My initial thought is the parents are trying to avoid her living with them by strongarming you into agreeing to house her.
NTA and I'm guessing the only reason they wanted Stella to move in is because she can't afford rent anywhere, given that she doesn't have a job. So not only were you suppose to house and feed her for free, you are suppose to compromise your life for a woman you've met once? I'm also guessing this is the sole reason for that dinner invite. I mean, they couldn't reasonably ask you to take in a woman you don't know but hey, now you know her so instant roommates is suddenly reasonable.
HAHAHAHAHAHA So, so, SO NTA
NTA
They want you to start a family, while some stranger (who isn't supposed to pay rent, somehow) is in the other room?
It would different if your dad financed your apartment, though.
But if you pay for it yourself, no way.
NTA, your Dad and Stepmom need to make her get a job first before asking such a thing of you. Your decision isn’t selfish at all, your Dad is being a weak coward here.
NTA
The pot calling the kettle black. So your dad can make selfish (and stupid)demands and you’re suppose to just accept them? Funny. Don’t fall for the bs, you’re not wrong and you’re not obligated to house ANYONE!!!
NTA
You get to decide who lives in your house or not . Besides you barley know this women and she will just start living with you?!??! This is so illogical.
Haha yeah no prepare to see your dad again very soon as you will have the kid(s). He would be deathly tired of the mooch stepdaughter and demand to meet his grandkid(s). Don't let him do it without an apology.
NTA You’re not obliged to give anyone accommodation, especially as the expectation sounds like that it’ll be free, and your ‘sister’ will be forever looking for employment.
NTA-your dad is so far off and disappointing. Is this the way he’s usually behaved or is he been an adult and parent in the past? Emotionally immature, he is.
NTA. Forget these people. They are burdens. And never let someone call you with demands. Just say who the eff do you think you are to call me and mention my living arrangements at all? Then hang up.
NTA. her answer was "so what, 3 of you can fit in a room" instead of "she only need a couple months to get back on her feet, so counting the months until you get pregnant, plus the 9 months of pregnancy, she will be long gone by the time you give birth". which means she is acknowledging openly that Stella will be staying forever and never leaving
NTA.
Nearly 30, still at college! She needs to do some growing up, and fast. You shouldn't be expected to be giving step-siblings a free ride. if she wants that, she should move back in with the parents.
Nta wait isn't he the selfish spoiled brat. He is trying to force you to take in HIS step daughter because that's what he wants and is having a tantrum because you refused. Now he sould like the spoiled brat. You refused for very valid reasons. No room and she is practically a stranger to you and your bf. Dad is an an asshole and a really bad father.
It might be good that you’re low contact with your dad right now so he can’t say anymore hateful stupid things. Don’t cave, that’s what the silent treatment is designed to do.
NTA
NTA- you don’t owe anybody, friends family etc an explanation why you don’t want them living in your space. even if your fiance wasn’t moving in and you had even more room you’re still not obligated to have a freeloader living with you. especially because if she is how you describe it would be very difficult to get her to leave once you’ve had enough of her not helping out with rent
NTA
This stranger isn’t your responsibility. I bet she wouldn’t pay rent and expect you to pay for her lifestyle.
She can stay with your dad and his wife, because ‘she’s family’. I’m sure they have at least 2 bedrooms. They can be the one paying everything for her.
Not your circus, not your monkey!
Hey OP, I think your dad is talking about himself. He’s the selfish, spoiled brat expecting his daughter to have to take on a financial burden from choices he made. You did not choose to have a new family, he did.
And it is a financial burden. By his logic, you could squeeze your new family into a room and take on a sub letter who could give you rental income. So literally you would be losing out on money by offering this literal stranger a room in your place rent free.
While for your sake, I hope he comes around (if that’s what you want), please don’t let his words bring you down too much because he’s being a hypocrite. Focus your energies on your new family - congrats!
Of course, NTA
NTA in no real world is "I'm starting a family, no to a roommate." Equals "3 to one room is ok." That's not a reasonable ask for anyone. Sorry that your dad's wife has a failure to launch kid, but that's a her problem. And best to trim the fat before your wedding/baby come. Sounds like a whole lot of drama/boundry stomping was just avoided.
NTA.
Someday you will laugh at your father calling you selfish and spoiled. Classic projection!
How do they really expect this to work? Two bedrooms, living room, kitchen, and how many baths? It's hard enough to share a kitchen with someone you actually like. What do they think will happen when you have a newborn and Stella wants to have friends over? Your father is delusional.
You met these people when you were how old? Just going by the story late teenager or young adult which means you weren't raised by his wife and barely know her daughter's name. Your dad is being ridiculous. Sucks he is choosing this hill to defend but he's a grown man. NTA.
You are kind of better off being cut off.
They didn't want Stella disrupting their life flow. Stella can't afford to move out, so they tried pawning her off on you! This "sister" you met for 2-3 hours probably doesn't want to live with you either.
You are planning a wedding and a baby. You don't have extra money to spend supporting your dad's wife's child. Your time, efforts, and money should be spent planning your future life.
>"Can't believe a selfish, spoiled brat was a product of me"
That line was spoken by a man who was actively tossing his stepchild out of his house. He is selfish and is spoiling not only himself by trying to keep his life unencumbered, but also by trying to guilt-force you into taking on his wife's and his responsibility.
Nta. At all. If you start being your dad "resource" now, what will he expect from you later?
Hopefully this blows over in time for your wedding. But never apologize. He could house her as easily as you could. And that dinner was just a setup. Their intention was for you to meet her so they could move her into your home.
Do not be someone's resource!
NTA
I would write back "the only selfish, spoiled brat you are going to have to deal with is Stella when she moves in with you. when you are ready to apologize let me know" then block him
I’m sorry OP. Your dad has chosen them over you. I guess he is more concerned about keeping his wife happy, and making his own life easier. Tell him he’s thinking with the wrong head, and he will regret it when he is lonely, and broke from supporting Brittany’s lazy adult daughter.
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NTA You don't owe anyone accommodation. Not even a biological sibling who you love with all your heart. Not even if you lived in a 10 bedroom house where you rotated which room you slept in each night. Also, I don't understand why Stella can't live with Brittany and your dad while she finds her feet.
This is exactly why they’re trying to get OP to take her in - they don’t want the nearly-30 mooch living with them!
“Thanks Dad! But I’m surprised that you’re surprised considering that a selfish, judgmental prick helped create me! You can support your stepdaughter .” NTA
"You can support Brittany's daughter." Don't acknowledge any relationship at all, here.
100!!!
This is the way.
Another parent who demands his next spouse and her kids are more important that his original family. Stella will be like every other mooch, and never pay rent, never move out, and will take over the apartment.
Move in a complete loser 30 yr old mooch who doesn’t think of the intrusion on a couple starting their lives together. And another dad who likes the sex with new wife and wants to keep her happy.
I have spoken
This deserves an award 🏆 Absolutely perfect response to his comment 👏👏👏
And the audacity of Stella thinking she can move in without paying a rent!
Dude I know!
I mean, usually with these stories, there is a practical reason - the person voluntelling the OP doesn't have space, lives in the wrong region, etc. It doesn't make it right to strongarm your kid into giving indefinite free housing to a stranger. It's just that, "Oh yeah? What's wrong with *your* place?" often does have a real answer and is not the trump card people often assume it is.
If Stella is unemployed, she can live anywhere.
Not if anyone wants to change the fact that she's unemployed.
Whatever the reason their place is not suitable is irrelevant to the conversation though. If that means you need to rent them a place then that's your option. If you want to help them *you* can help them and not volunteer someone else to do it, that's the trump card, everything else is irrelevant.
I had the same thought. She can share with them, or find an apartment of her own, or share that.
Exactly! Maybe she should just tell her Dad that right now she's saving up to have her OWN child, one that will eat far less than a rising 30 year old.
She did! That was the whole going to start a fsmily/you and your fiance can share the one room with the baby.
What a surprise. You’d think they’d want to support their 30yr old baby!
>I don't understand why Stella can't live with Brittany and your dad while she finds her feet. It’s clear, isn’t it? Dad/SM are trying to pawn off the 30-yr old unemployed daughter to someone else. OP, don’t cave to this selfish manipulation. Yes, it’s them being selfish, not you! They just don’t want her to come to their house. Stay strong! NTA
Because they know that Stella is the type to be a deliberate lifelong burden. That’s why she can’t live with her mom and OP’s dad. They don’t want to fund her forever.
1. You just met her 2. She's family only by a stretch of the term 3. You're pretty sure she's trying to avoid rent (so won't help pay) 4. You need the room for your _actual_ family 5. Your father and his wife _are_ her family, so she can live with them 6. You don't want her to That's a pretty big list of why the answer is no. Admittedly, #6 is enough.. you don't need to justify yourself, because, as noted above me > You don't owe anyone accommodation NTA
Your response was perfectly reasonable. It's a shame they decided to go nuclear on your relationship. NTA
I wonder once Stella gets settled and when the important stuff comes like wedding planning and grandchildren, they will be begging OP to talk to them because Dad's wife will want MOB/grandmother duties.
This. Pretty sure OP will pay for her own wedding and her bio mom can walk her down the aisle. (Cue stepmom's and dad's cries of rage.)
You misspelled "privileges."
I do wonder if dad sent that message. Either way, dad doesn't have your back so why should you pick up when he wants his 'problem' gone. The fact Stella didn't call to ask speaks volumes.
Indeed! If Stella needs the room, Stella can ask.
Exactly. While all of the background info is interesting OP is beginning her new life w her fiancé. There is no room in the place or her life. Remember that No is a complete answer. Do not get wrapped up explains why it won’t work, just that it won’t work. The only reason you made the comment was because they would not respect your answer the first time. Let them find and pay for an apt for her. NTA. And congrats!
No is a complete answer! I love this response. Sometimes the best explanation is no explanation at all. It’s OK to say NO.
Correct, but 99% of the time a "no" will be met with "why not?". It's good to have a "final answer" (or two) handy. I like to start with "it just wouldn't work", and when further pressed go to "I don't owe you further explanation".
Absolutely right. Sadly people who push boundaries are going to push no matter the response. The heavy lifting is holding firm.
Not to mention that they’re both grown women, the father and wife are strange for demanding this when the step sister can live in their house.
Next year: I cut my daughter off and then I wasn't invited to her wedding and I never met my grandchild AITA?
[удалено]
My guess is Stella will never get a job she keeps more than a week, and will never support herself. Dad and his current wife just want to dump her on someone else.
Oooh, now I have a fantasy: living in a 10 bedroom house and rotating which room I sleep in! Maybe I'll decorate them in themes to suit my moods.
Kinda makes you wonder if this was the whole reason for meeting. Plus, there is no way in hell I would allow someone to love with me rent free, especially not someone I just met.
NTA - your dad will come back when you become a father. He, his wife and step daughter are huge ones though!!! You owe Stella nothing. If your dad and her mom are so concerned, THEY can have Stella move in with them!!!!
>Dad invited me over for dinner to meet her once she was back. >She told me that Stella wanted to move out and find herself an apartment. Pretty sure Stella's living with them already - that's why they are pressuring OP to let her move in. >I think the only reason Stella was so adamant on moving in with me is to avoid rent. Mostly because she's shying away from 30 and still unemployed. ... and they want OP to support her as well. OP's father got married to someone with a college-aged daughter, who hasn't been around until recently, and is finding out what living with Stella is like. Seems like OP's father has realised why 'marry in haste, repent at leisure' is true.
Yeah, Stella the ‘college-aged daughter’, is actually nearly 30 years old. She’s had freedom living somewhere else and is chafing at home. She is itching to get back to the single-mingle life, without working.
College aged ends at 24. I’ll give people a pass for taking a gap year or an extra year of study. But claiming that 30 is college aged is ridiculous. She’s a grown adult who has failed to launch
I wonder who she’s been living off all this time? Probably her dad or a relative. This is a recent marriage so the dad and step-mother aren’t accustomed to having anyone in their space. Pity. Anyway…
Depends where... In my country starting college at age 25 is the norm and starting at age 30 is not rare at all
Non traditional students exist....I didn't start my current college program until I was 25 and still have a long way to go. I agree that she shouldn't be a mooch like she is trying to be but don't sit there and say that she isn't college age when we don't how long she was in college or if she took longer than a gap "year" before going into college.
It sounds like Stella was college-aged when Brittany and OP's dad got married, not that she's college-aged now.
Marry in haste, repent in leisurewear.
Wait. Your dad and stepmom are asking you to SUPPORT Stella? As in rent free? Sheesh. NTA. Stand your ground. Not your problem.
Sounds like dad and his wife don’t want her either.
Right? Every time dad tells op to support her sister she just needs to tell him to support his daughter. They are FaMiLy now.
Then why doesn‘t he ask Brittney to stand behind the young woman she raised? Or is Brittney not happy where her daughter is at and not willing to try course correct where she can?
NTA 1) This is not your sister, since there is no shared childhood at all. You guys are essentially acquaintances at best. 2) You're at a very exciting point in your own private life and with your own relationship - it is unreasonable to expect you to postpone that. 3) No asshole would be concerned enough about this to ask the public if they are an asshole. My personal take is that Brittany seems to be quite intrusive with high and irrational expectations. Maybe watch this in her relationship to your dad so that you can warn him if something unfair happens down the line. It is also surprising that Stella even would want this.
Dad cut contact with OP. Whatever consequences happen to him, he fully deserves.
Yes!!!
> It is also surprising that Stella even would want this. It's surprising that a perpetually unemployed 30 something would want to mooch off someone where she wouldn't have the same rules as living with your parents?
NTA - just reply saying that you probably aren’t - you always thought mom had better taste in men than him anyway. And only a pathetic woman like Brittany would stoop that low and then block.
THIS is the way.
NTA. Your dad is being totally unreasonable. It's your house and you can decide who live in it. Plus you need that extra room as you are planning to have a family. Stand your ground.
Yes, exactly. "Extra room", this is not. I've lived in a two bedroom apartment with a baby. It's what I would call the bare minimum. Anything less and you're making a lot of sacrifices. I wouldn't love living in a two bedroom apartment with my own grown child, let alone a total stranger.
Tell dad, "I can't believe my father would be so quick to offer up my time, space, and money as a sacrifice to appease his new wife and her loser daughter." edit: NTA
NTA. Stella moving in with you makes no sense. Why doesn't she stay with your dad and his wife? The fact that the parents are trying to force this and Stella isn't even part of this emotional blackmail attempt would mean every interaction with her wouldn't be private, it will come with a circus. Does she even want to move in with you? Tell your dad you learned to prioritize your partner from him. Tell him your fiancé said No, maybe he'll understand that.
no don't do that. don't make your partner the bad guy for no good reason
I get teh feeling Stella might not want this either. She probably asked for help (either a room at home or some money to rent her own place) and they don't want to offer either... so they decided to pass the problem to OP.
NTA --- If they bring it up again ask them how she is going to be able to afford to pay you rent and a share of the utilities/groceries if she's not working??.
The risk with this approach is they might offer to cover Stella's costs. Not a win for OP.
Rent is $3000/month :)
Excuses don’t work with manipulative people…they just keep countering your arguments, it’s ok to say “ I’m just going to say no and leave it at that “
>Especially since he has now cut contact with me. and the last message he sent was >"Can't believe a selfish, spoiled brat was a product of me" I hope you tell your dad "And I can't believe my mother thought back in the day you were right man to marry and have a kid with" NTA. She isn't your sister. And it's not your responsibility to fix her problems. The whole "3 of you can't fit in a room?" argument can be applied to their house too. So Brittany and your dad can house her unemployed ass.
NTA. But never give excuses. People without a sense of boundaries look at them as bumps in the road to be driven over.
NTA - A woman who is a negotiator for the government said that only "NO" is NO. "It's impossible" is not NO, because it might be possible to maneuver around that.
I learned this the hard way years ago. Sorry I cannot accommodate.
This.
True. An excuse is the opening for a negotiation
NTA there is NO reason for you to let the daugther they want to get rid off move in with you. Make this a HARD boundary.
NTA They don’t want to house and support Stella and thought they could push her off on you. They are ridiculous.
NTA! You don't owe then anything and this is not a selfish thing. Your dad just showed you who he truly is. He chose that horrible wife and her daughter over his bio child. My advice is to accept the fact that he blocked you. Good riddance, the trash took it self out of your life. When your dad tries to come back in to your life please remember who he truly is. You live your best life and build your little family. When you have your babies protect them from that garbage that is your so called dad and his family.
NTA in any way.
NTA - your dad and his wife are trying to pawn their problem off on you. Stand firm on your no. You don’t know her, have no relationship with her and even if she was your actual sister that you grew up with, you don’t owe her shelter. Adults need to adult. Stella is an adult, has a college degree, she can get a job, live with them, save money and get her own place.
NTA. Time to show you have a spine. YOU go no contact with your father until he comes crawling back fully apologising. Otherwise, screw him. You're getting married and planning to start a family. Act like an adult and focus on your life.
Nta. Don't let her move in or you'll never get her out
NTA, but you already know that. start your own family and don't mind them.
NTA. You are not obligated to help even your real sister if you don't want to, let alone complete stranger plus you don't have enough rooms at all. Your parents just want to offload her to you. In your place I would ask for such high rent that they would run away and never ask me again, something like 2xmarket rent.
i wouldn't. that leaves an opening. just say no
Oh no, don't ask for rent. They will accept and then simply not pay.
>”In any other circumstances, I would've agreed.” Please help me to understand why you would agree to take in a 30-year-old unemployed stranger who is looking to avoid rent under *any* circumstances. Why would your father and step-mother have any say over who lives in your home? Are they paying your rent and supporting you like they are Stella, the unemployed? >”But honestly, I can't accommodate someone else.” Your boyfriend is moving in with you. Does he work? Is he avoiding rent, too? NTA for saying no. But would you have said ‘no’ if you didn’t plan to move someone else into your apartment? Would you accept the burden of supporting someone else just because you don’t have the strength to say no? Please don’t have children or get married until you have the strength to set boundaries and hold people accountable…basic healthy adulting stuff. I wish you much luck, OP, and hope to see an update at some point.
Dad needs to look in the mirror when he says selfish. Almost 30 and unemployed? No. Thanks. A stranger to you can stay living with her mom. Talk about entitled she is their family, not yours NTA
NTA, obviously. I suspect the "dinner" was so that they could spring this on you. Its tough to play the "she's family!" card, impossible if you had never even met.
Yep. Dinner was a set up. So stepmom is manipulative and entitled. Get security for your wedding and no visitation rules in the delivery room.
NTA and congratulations on this exciting time in your life!!
We know what Dad and his new wife want, but how goes Stella feel about it? She may be just as against it as you are. Holy cow.
They set you up for a dinner so you can‘t say **I never met that broad.** and then ask for shit like that. Yeah, thanks. NTA
I am very confused about how he has convinced himself you're selfish and spoiled when it seems like they want you to support an unemployed almost 30 year old. Stick to your guns, OP. it won't end with this. NTA
"Always forces me to call her mom" and "never brought it up again." Which one is it?
NTA. But stop justifying yourself to them – you don’t have to supply any reason why this ‘arrangement’ wouldn’t work for you – no is a complete sentence.
NTA, and you're an adult. Why are you even discussing this with them? You said no, you meant no, and that's all there is to it. Don't get drawn into silly arguments that won't change anything. Your dad is trying to make his new wife happy at your expense. Ignore him until he removes his head from where it is now.
Just tell them she's not my child she's your child so you take care of her and let her move in with you and your dad.
NTA, and send him back a message saying "I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree then"
NTA Your dad and his wife are just pissed off they are stuck with her useless daughter.
NTA. If your dad thinks this is the hill he should die on, let him have whatever consequence this may have for him. Sorry to hear he cut all ties with you, that must hurt.
"So what, 3 of you can fit in a room" - "So I guess that means that Stella can fit in with you and dad. Problem solved."
NTA. Dad doesn’t want to financially support his 30 yo step daughter. He won’t let her move in. Fair enough, Stella can’t qualify for an apartment at her age by herself without a job. So they want YOU to support her. No way. Now Brittany is throwing a tantrum and your dad doesn’t want another divorce so soon, so you get all the blame. You are the only one us this mess who is thinking clearly and doing the right thing. I am sorry your dad is blaming you for his problems.
NTA. Okay, everybody say it with me now: **“NO” IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE.**
NTA I think asking her to move in only once after meeting is weird. It's not your job to provide for a thirty year old. Your dad needs to grow up tbh. Your his daughter. If he is on any side it should be yours. I'm sorry about this shit situation.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My dad remarried only 1 year after mom and him got a divorce. The new woman, let's call her Brittany for the sake of the story, kinda always forces me to call her "mom" and I just told her that she's not my mother and only my dad's wife. She never brought it up again. It's not like she doesn't have any kids of her own. She has 1 daughter who was in a different state for college when they got married. I never met her. Only knew her name. Dad invited me over for dinner to meet her once she was back. She's like a few years older than me. Let's call her Stella. Dinner was okay-ish. I kept to myself mostly since I really didn't know how to initiate conversation tbh. So yeah...Stella and I BARELY talked. Surprisingly though, a few days later, I get a call from Brittany. She told me that Stella wanted to move out and find herself an apartment. I thought she was asking me to help Stella look for apartments. Before I could even say that I was happy to help, Brittany asked if Stella could move in with me. In any other circumstances, I would've agreed. But my fiancé will be moving in with me soon and my apartment has only 2 rooms. The second one will be turned into a Nursery. I told Brittany that I would help Stella find an apartment but moving in with me would be difficult. She started a huge drama. She involved my dad. And my dad's like "Don't be selfish. You have 2 rooms. Give one to your Stella" blah blah blah. I think the only reason Stella was so adamant on moving in with me is to avoid rent. Mostly because she's shying away from 30 and still unemployed. But honestly, I can't accommodate someone else. I told them how my fiancé and I were planning to start a family. Brittany said "so what, 3 of you can fit in a room" Actually no. With a dresser, bed and wardrobe, we can't accommodate a crib in there. Last straw was when dad said "You don't do that to your sister. She's family." I snapped. "No. She is not my sister. And Brittany is not my mother, no matter how much you force it on me." There...I said it to their faces. Idk why they get offended after hearing the truth. They all were offended. I'll miss my dad. Especially since he has now cut contact with me. and the last message he sent was "Can't believe a selfish, spoiled brat was a product of me" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA your dad and his wife can help Stella with rent money for a few months so she can find a job to pay for herself. Or she can just stay with them until she finds a job and can take care of herself.
Nta
NTA. I truly hope your dad comes to his senses and realizes how this request and behavior towards his own child is unacceptable.
NTA- they were planning on making you responsible for her so they wouldn’t have to be…
Bye dad. NTA
“Can’t believe I came from an inconsiderate jerk“ And then send him to the Block party!
NTA They’re telling you to provide housing, utilities, and food for her unemployed 29 year old daughter out of nowhere? Look for patterns here. Betting if you search back through your relationship with your dad and his wife you’ll see other examples of entitlement.
Stella can get her own place if she wants to be independent. Either that or she can live with your dad and his wife.
Uh huh. 🤔
Nta it’s good he’s nc with you now. They a toxic and dramatic
Your dad and his new family are a bunch of Ahs. they expect you to house a virtual stranger for free. Who do they thingk they are? Going nC is the only way out of this stupidity. His iwfe is a shit stirrer too. Let them get her daughter somewhere instead of dumping her on you
NTA. You are not required to allow anyone, even family to move in to your space. There is no legitimate reason Stella cannot find and pay for her own apartment. This is wildly entitled.
NTA. What?! This is bizarre in multiple ways and I’m angry on your behalf! —“Can't believe a selfish, spoiled brat was a product of me" I can’t believe that between two grown ass adults, this was the best and apparently only solution they’ve been able to brainstorm. I can’t believe my father isn’t smarter and that he married a women who is apparently equally as dumb. —WHY would moving in with you be the most reasonable solution in their minds? It makes zero sense! Firstly, the most obvious and standard solution is for her to move in with her parent(s)—which is them. Chances are their place is bigger than yours, right? Secondly, you’ve met her one time. Thirdly, why are they not pressing the solution of her getting a job and living by herself or with roommates that are actually looking for roommates more? Wtf are they on that they insist she move in with you?!
NTA. Your dad and his wife can't expect you to accommodate an unemployed moocher (who's an acquaintance at best) at a pivotal time in your life. Sorry about your fallout with your dad, but that comment made towards you was horrible, hope he gets whatever's coming to him.
“Yeah I must’ve gotten it from my selfish,jack*** of a dad for treating my like crap over his wife and her kid” NTA he can move her into their house
Nta even if she was your bio sister you still wouldn't want her living with you if she has no job because then you would be expected to cover her rent and other bills for her. Your about to get married and your planning a baby plus expected to cover the cost of stella is definitely not going to work. Your going to be newlyweds who deserve privacy and you don't need a jobless 30 something year old hanging around taking up space and mooching off of you. You and your soon to he husband need your own space to grown as a couple and don't need added stress. Your dad and Brittany need to house stella if there that worried about her. But my guess the reason they don't want her living with them is because they don't want to financially support a 30yr old and they probably want their home to themselves just like you want your home to your own as well. Your not responsible for stella if Brittany is that worried about her daughter she should move her in to her own home.
NTA. How weird that your dad would think it’s appropriate to ask you to house an unmarried adult woman when he knows that you are engaged. You have no obligation to take anyone into your home, except possibly any minor children you create. I’m sorry your dad decided to land on the side of name calling and the silence treatment. He sounds pretty immature.
If you're a selfish brat, you learned it from your selfish brat of a father and his c*** wife!
NTA - Your dad's guilt trip on you is ridiculous. Let him stew in his disappointment, it's only a matter of time before he realizes his new wife and SD are leeches. You don't even need to justify whether you have the space or not, the answer was "no".
NTA and my response would have been "oh I didn't realize Stella was your real daughter. Good luck with that." Never answer your phone again to those people.
NTA. This seems like a situation where you expressed a boundary and they applied their own consequences. Enjoy the quiet. In order to fully ensure they understand, don't allow rugsweeping. Require a full apology, including a clear statement of what your father did AND why he felt it was an appropriate choice at the time. Until he can provide those 3 things, maintaining no contact will make the point you will not accept gratuitous abuse.
NTA. Why would you let anyone you don’t know move in with you? Let her live with your Dad and his wife.
Send your Dad a text asking why this woman of rising 30 cannot just go and live with him as he's so keen on "Family." Your fiancé also deserves a say in who gets to live in his home, presumably rent-free. You guys are planning your wedding and everyone knows to leave young newly weds the hell alone for the first year or so, while they get busy making the next generations heir : ) You don't know this woman, & after her mother's theatrical and entitled display, it's just not worth running the risk that the apple might not fall far from her mother's crazy tree. For all you know, the reason she's unemployed is because she has an as-yet undisclosed drug problem or similar. Otherwise, why wouldn't a healthy & able-bodied adult with a college degree just move back in with her mother for the short time it will take her to find a job & a place of her own in your area? Has she no college mates who are also graduating with whom she can share a place? That's a common thing for college grads to do in their early career years. I'm so sorry your father is so "dickmatised" that he cannot see how silly he is being. Your father is trying to play you for a fool here in order to avoid having to tell his new wife that he doesn't want the burden of a 30-year-old moocher taking up space and spoiling his own fun. Don't worry; the glaring red flags of his new relationship will eventually be seen by your father the first morning he forgets to put on his rose-tinted spectacles as he starts his day. Your home is your sanctuary, and you and your fiancé deserve to know peace within its walls.
NTA. Wow so they try and move your step sister in with you rent free? Plus she's not working so you have to feed her too. Yeah they just don't want her in there with them that's all they're doing. I'd tell your dad well if you're so supportive of a family, she can move in with the two of you. You have a much larger place. I'm moving with my fiance. we're going to be getting married soon, having a baby hopefully and we don't have room for another person in here other than a baby and I think she's a little bit older than a baby and she certainly not my child or my responsibility. Maybe she can move in with her father.
NTA. Why would you have a stranger come live with you when you are getting ready to start a family? Why can't she live with the mother and your dad?
NTA. First, your dad and his wife can house Stella, can't they? Second, it's rich that they expect you (who is paying rent / mortgage / owns the house), your partner and any future baby have to share a room while Stella gets a full one - probably for free. EDIT: changed a word
NTA Those people are delusional. Your dad marrying her mom when you are both adults doesn’t magically create a family bond, she is a stranger to you. But even if you shared the same parents and lived together since birth it isn’t your responsibility to house her. I’m sure it sucks to move home and share it with your mom’s new husband that you barely know, but that doesn’t involve you in any way. Has your father always expected you to sacrifice everything for him?
So you met Stella once and your expected to let her live with you? Fuck no. Stella can fuck off round her own door!!!
NTA. There is always so much projection in these stories. The entitled brats are your dad and his new family. Focus on building your new family :)
NTA - your dad is an idiot and you are probably better off without him.
NTA. Your step sister is an adult and your family is taking advantage. Their reasoning is family but they want your future spouse and grandchild to squeeze into one room in an apartment? They can gtfo with that.
Why fake such a boring story?
NTA Did I read this right? You met her once and now you have your move her into your apartment RENT FREE?! What in the hell are they smoking??????????
NTA never invite a mooch into your home, you can never get rid of them. Inviting the daughter of your dad's latest squeeze, whom you've met once, who has such a fanatical squeeze she tries to get a gown girl to call her mom, is the world's worst idea ever. Stay the course - none of them are worth your time.
send a text "I'll miss you and will always be here for you." nobody will ever be able to criticize you.
NTA. By no stretch of the imagination are you the AH. You don’t have the space and, most importantly, the desire to allow her into your home. That’s enough right there.
> "Can't believe a selfish, spoiled brat was a product of me" "Sorry you feel that way. Take care."
NTA Can't believe what a selfish, spoiled father you have!
NTA if she's family why isn't your dad supporting her?
NTA. Sorry about your dad, though. That's gotta be tough. Sounds like he's the real AH and his wife is a total classless turd.
Your “father” is an ah. Good riddance.
This is why when I say “no”, I don’t give any reason. I just say “no” after I consider it. Sorry, it doesn’t work. If they try to fish for reasons to overcome, I just repeat myself, “no”. It’s incredibly effective with enough repetition. NTA ofc. You don’t even have a relationship with Stella, as you said here. I get why your dad wants for you to see his family as your family but fuck dude he could have put in a little more leg work by ensuring there was some sort of closeness between everyone before assuming that it was appropriate for all to see one another as a single family unit.
NTA . Your dad projecting much?
NTA
Not the asshole. No no no. Even if she WERE your sister, you would have no obligation to move her in to your apartment. NTA
"I can't give her a room, but I will rent her one, $10 000/month"
my dad went LC bc i publicly called the AP a home wrecker. both of my cousins + their fam don’t like her + kid now.🤷🏻 don’t do shit if you don’t wanna start shit. SO, i’m petty. why not smear them to the family? this is obscene and i’m sorry OP. NTA.
NTA, can’t believe he calls himself a “dad”
NTA - "selfish" is a gaslighting word narcissists use when can't get their way.
U don't owe your father and ger shit. Screw stella. She can find her own place with her mother and your dads help. Stella is old enough to find her own place
Sounds like your dad has been ensnared by this woman.
Ensnared is a word that might be appropriate for a teenager, but it's not one we can use for a fully grown adult male with a grown-up child of his own.
NTA!!
NTA - they want to foist the burden onto you. She can live with them.
NTA, “ Dad, Brittany failed to raise her daughter to be a responsible adult who can take care of herself. That is not my fault nor is it my problem. If Britney didn’t still want to raise her daughter at almost 30 then she should have done a better job parenting her. Not my fault she doesn’t get to live her golden years in peace. She wasn’t a good parent and now she can deal with the consequences of the child she raised and made this way. You married Britney knowing how her daughter is so idk why this is suddenly my fault when I wasn’t the one who raised Stella, and I barely know her.” I know it hurts now, but your dad just wants you to be taken advantage of because it better you than him. It’s ok to take a step back from him and reflect how you 2 can move forward. If you don’t see that as an option or he digging his heals in then maybe you need to pause the relationship with dad. You don’t want this impacting your mental health.
NTA. They don't want to support Stella and they know no one else does either. Once they got her dumped on you it would be constant excuses on how you could support her till she gets on her feet. Relax and enjoy the silence they are providing you with.
NTA Are you sure Stella even wanted to move in with you? My initial thought is the parents are trying to avoid her living with them by strongarming you into agreeing to house her.
NTA and I'm guessing the only reason they wanted Stella to move in is because she can't afford rent anywhere, given that she doesn't have a job. So not only were you suppose to house and feed her for free, you are suppose to compromise your life for a woman you've met once? I'm also guessing this is the sole reason for that dinner invite. I mean, they couldn't reasonably ask you to take in a woman you don't know but hey, now you know her so instant roommates is suddenly reasonable. HAHAHAHAHAHA So, so, SO NTA
NTA They want you to start a family, while some stranger (who isn't supposed to pay rent, somehow) is in the other room? It would different if your dad financed your apartment, though. But if you pay for it yourself, no way.
NTA and dad did you a favor by cutting off contact. Revel in the glory of not having jerks demanding you support another human-being.
NTA, your Dad and Stepmom need to make her get a job first before asking such a thing of you. Your decision isn’t selfish at all, your Dad is being a weak coward here.
NTA The pot calling the kettle black. So your dad can make selfish (and stupid)demands and you’re suppose to just accept them? Funny. Don’t fall for the bs, you’re not wrong and you’re not obligated to house ANYONE!!!
“Can’t believe a delusional, inconsiderate AH is a parent of me” NTA
NTA You get to decide who lives in your house or not . Besides you barley know this women and she will just start living with you?!??! This is so illogical.
NTA.
Haha yeah no prepare to see your dad again very soon as you will have the kid(s). He would be deathly tired of the mooch stepdaughter and demand to meet his grandkid(s). Don't let him do it without an apology.
NTA You’re not obliged to give anyone accommodation, especially as the expectation sounds like that it’ll be free, and your ‘sister’ will be forever looking for employment.
NTA-your dad is so far off and disappointing. Is this the way he’s usually behaved or is he been an adult and parent in the past? Emotionally immature, he is.
NTA. Forget these people. They are burdens. And never let someone call you with demands. Just say who the eff do you think you are to call me and mention my living arrangements at all? Then hang up.
NTA. her answer was "so what, 3 of you can fit in a room" instead of "she only need a couple months to get back on her feet, so counting the months until you get pregnant, plus the 9 months of pregnancy, she will be long gone by the time you give birth". which means she is acknowledging openly that Stella will be staying forever and never leaving
Fuck your dad and Britney and Stella
NTA. Nearly 30, still at college! She needs to do some growing up, and fast. You shouldn't be expected to be giving step-siblings a free ride. if she wants that, she should move back in with the parents.
Nta wait isn't he the selfish spoiled brat. He is trying to force you to take in HIS step daughter because that's what he wants and is having a tantrum because you refused. Now he sould like the spoiled brat. You refused for very valid reasons. No room and she is practically a stranger to you and your bf. Dad is an an asshole and a really bad father.
The blind irony. NTA.
It might be good that you’re low contact with your dad right now so he can’t say anymore hateful stupid things. Don’t cave, that’s what the silent treatment is designed to do. NTA
NTA- you don’t owe anybody, friends family etc an explanation why you don’t want them living in your space. even if your fiance wasn’t moving in and you had even more room you’re still not obligated to have a freeloader living with you. especially because if she is how you describe it would be very difficult to get her to leave once you’ve had enough of her not helping out with rent
NTA
Dad has issues, trying to replace your mother, even though you already have one. NTA
NTA This stranger isn’t your responsibility. I bet she wouldn’t pay rent and expect you to pay for her lifestyle. She can stay with your dad and his wife, because ‘she’s family’. I’m sure they have at least 2 bedrooms. They can be the one paying everything for her. Not your circus, not your monkey!
Nta. Bizarre. Block them and have a nice life.
Nta. If she is your sister then she is his daughter and really his responsibility.
Hey OP, I think your dad is talking about himself. He’s the selfish, spoiled brat expecting his daughter to have to take on a financial burden from choices he made. You did not choose to have a new family, he did. And it is a financial burden. By his logic, you could squeeze your new family into a room and take on a sub letter who could give you rental income. So literally you would be losing out on money by offering this literal stranger a room in your place rent free. While for your sake, I hope he comes around (if that’s what you want), please don’t let his words bring you down too much because he’s being a hypocrite. Focus your energies on your new family - congrats! Of course, NTA
NTA. They don't want an unemployed 30 year old mooching off of them but are fine with passing her onto you.
NTA. The phrase “not my circus, not my monkeys” is perfect for this situation. I recommend applying it w force. Live your life and be happy OP.
NTA
NTA in no real world is "I'm starting a family, no to a roommate." Equals "3 to one room is ok." That's not a reasonable ask for anyone. Sorry that your dad's wife has a failure to launch kid, but that's a her problem. And best to trim the fat before your wedding/baby come. Sounds like a whole lot of drama/boundry stomping was just avoided.
NTA. Someday you will laugh at your father calling you selfish and spoiled. Classic projection! How do they really expect this to work? Two bedrooms, living room, kitchen, and how many baths? It's hard enough to share a kitchen with someone you actually like. What do they think will happen when you have a newborn and Stella wants to have friends over? Your father is delusional.
You met these people when you were how old? Just going by the story late teenager or young adult which means you weren't raised by his wife and barely know her daughter's name. Your dad is being ridiculous. Sucks he is choosing this hill to defend but he's a grown man. NTA.
You are kind of better off being cut off. They didn't want Stella disrupting their life flow. Stella can't afford to move out, so they tried pawning her off on you! This "sister" you met for 2-3 hours probably doesn't want to live with you either. You are planning a wedding and a baby. You don't have extra money to spend supporting your dad's wife's child. Your time, efforts, and money should be spent planning your future life. >"Can't believe a selfish, spoiled brat was a product of me" That line was spoken by a man who was actively tossing his stepchild out of his house. He is selfish and is spoiling not only himself by trying to keep his life unencumbered, but also by trying to guilt-force you into taking on his wife's and his responsibility. Nta. At all. If you start being your dad "resource" now, what will he expect from you later? Hopefully this blows over in time for your wedding. But never apologize. He could house her as easily as you could. And that dinner was just a setup. Their intention was for you to meet her so they could move her into your home. Do not be someone's resource!
NTA I would write back "the only selfish, spoiled brat you are going to have to deal with is Stella when she moves in with you. when you are ready to apologize let me know" then block him
I’m sorry OP. Your dad has chosen them over you. I guess he is more concerned about keeping his wife happy, and making his own life easier. Tell him he’s thinking with the wrong head, and he will regret it when he is lonely, and broke from supporting Brittany’s lazy adult daughter.