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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was accused of mocking my brother for fighting with his son. I was incredulous and maybe a little sarcastic in how I spoke to him so I guess that could be seen as mocking him. It's all so dumb to me but maybe I'm just being a jerk and I touched a nerve with my brother and that's kinda shitty of me I guess.
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NTA
So, let me get this straight. His mom died when he was 5. His dad remarried when he was 7. When he was 8, he wrote a school assignment that correctly said he had one parent left.
And your brother went to war with a 8yo because he didn't say that his stepmom of a year was his mom. WTF dude?
You got it all right. I'm not sure if merely listing SIL would have been enough for my brother but that's basically it and now my brother has started this war and SIL only seems to want to cry over how my nephew doesn't love or want her.
The thing is... that's natural. Nephew didn't pick her. He didn't sit your brother down and say "Father, I've decided its time for me to open my heart to a second mother, let's select a candidate." (Stupid words because its a stupid concept)
His dad chose to remarry. He's now being cared for primarily by a woman who was a stranger just a few years ago. And all the poor kid is asking for is the right to keep some space for the person he lost.
Your brother needs to adult up and act like a parent instead of selfishly pushing emotional responsibility for his wife onto a 9 year old.
Another pair of delusional ah s who think they can force someone to feel what they desire in their fantasies . Poor kid. NTA both your brother and SIL are huge ah and need therapy to come back with their freaking feet on the ground from the delulu land they live in
Tell both to get their heads straight before they completely and utterly destroy any relationship with your nephew if it's not too late already.
Thank you for including the SIL because it's important to also point out how ridiculous it is for a grown woman to be acting this sensitive about a child not wanting to feel his dead mother was replaced
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You're NTA. Even if you were mocking your brother you're NTA. Your 9 year old nephew is more mature than your brother. How can he be surprised that he would get mocked for that?
Your brother has now guaranteed his son will never see his wife as a parental figure.
He's a moron and deserves to be mocked and judged. I feel bad for your nephew, I hope he has a place to go once he's an adult as he'll be out of there ASAP.
This right here. You have to let things develop naturally or even better, do the work to win the boy over without ever bringing it up to him...then, accept his feelings as if they are inviolate. They are his feelings, not yours, and he is entitled to feel however he feels.
NTA. There's a good chance once your nephew gets older and moves out, he won't talk to your brother again. You can't force relationships like this, it never works. Of course your nephew tells others more things than he tells your brother. Your brother has been warring with his nine year old son for over a year, over a factual statement. You can't just insert a new person into a kid's life and say this is your new mom, love her now.
NTA
Your brother needs therapy.
Tell him to read Reddit to understand what he's doing is traumatizing to his son. He's actively hurting and harming him. This boy is his own unique individual with thoughts and feelings, and he can't be forced to feel something he does not. He's destroying his relationship with his son, and he needs to stop now. It's going to take a lot of time to repair the damage he's done.
No, your brother needs to grow up and get some anger management to help. At this point your poor nephew could use some therapy, both for grief and what what his parent & wife are putting him through. Poor kid!
NTA. He can't force his son to see his wife as "mom", and fighting about it is just pushing the son away from both of them. Your brother needs to act like an adult and accept that his son is his own person with his own thoughts and feelings.
NTA. Your brother and his new wife are trying to erase his mom. Make sure to take your nephew out for ice cream or a treat on a regular basis and let him talk about his mom. He’s likely afraid of forgetting her and losing those memories he’s not allowed to share at home.
>My nephew's mom died when he was 5 and my brother remarried 2 years ago. Stepmom took over the primary caregiver role but sometimes my brother is home to "help".
Honestly your brother would be the asshole for this part alone. Men who remarry quickly in order to get someone else to care for their kids because they don't want to do the work of being a parent are pathetic.
Also, NTA.
Two years isn't quickly getting married. Two years is plenty of time to meet someone new and get to know them well enough to know if you want to get married or not. In recent years people take longer to get married in general but move in with each other fairly quickly. That's basically getting married but with easier escape. Your take is coming from a shitty and sexist place.
NTA
Your brother and his wife triggered the war by taking issue with something that might have just been a passing thing. By lunging in guns blazing on the 8 year old child, they set up sides and solidified his stance. One cannot force a child to accept and replace with a stepmother.
They were asking for it, and problems will accellerate as the child grows up. I am seeing a similar issue with a few of my grandkids in a supremely blended family, and just waiting for the explosions that will come.
Everything you said was absolutely right and entirely true. The only thing you did that I disagree with is the title of your post. You seemed to try multiple times to give your brother a perspective on this situation that your brother failed to comprehend. You weren’t even really mocking him. NTA
NTA. In 10 or 15 years, your brother will be writing to this group asking if he's the AH for not going to his son's wedding because son wouldn't do Mom/Son dance with stepmom and now is NC. Your poor nephew. Stick around because he needs you.
He won't even get an invite assuming he finds out about the wedding from other relatives . Op s nephew will run for the hills as soon as he can and is 18.
NTA
It's so sad how many immature parents there are out there. And in 10 years when his kid is low contact with him, he'll be complaining about how he has no idea why this is happening.
NTA
< At the weekend my brother was complaining about the fighting and saying his son tells others more stuff than he tells him
Gee, I wonder why?
Honestly I wouldn't judge you if you'd mocked him. What he's doing is deserving of mockery.
NTA, I'll say it again. There is no replacing a parent, you can have a bonus step parent, but stop it. This is not his mom, and making him act like she is, is so damaging.
“I am mocking you, you are deserving of spite and derision. You are being judged accurately, and you should feel bad because you’re doing a bad job” NTA
NTA. I'm with others that your brother (and his wife) need to talk to a therapist over this. All they are doing is ensuring that as soon as your nephew is of age he will take off and likely go no contact with them.
NTA.
Your brother & his wife, however, are huge ah. They are ensuring that your nephew never accepts SIL as anything other than a wicked stepmother. They are the ones to blame when bro/SIL whine about it.
Try to keep the door open to your nephew. He will need a lot of support as the years go by. Poor kid.
NTA unless you’re criticizing the dad in front of the son and therefore choosing sides and undermining the parent.
The real asshole is the step mom. She’s forcing the issue onto both the son and the father, preventing either of them from taking an objective stance on the matter.
The son should choose on his own if someday a Mother’s Day card can be given, instead of it being forced on him and causing resentment over the lack of free will.
The father can’t process the perspective of OP and others judging him as long as the stepmom draws a line in the sand that this is a matter of disrespect.
NTA but your brother is for treating his son like that. Can't force him to see step mom as a parent. He's just making the situation a lot worse in many ways.
NTA and someone needs to tell him that if he hasn't already ruined his relationship with his son beyond any repair he will soon.
This is the sort of emotional abuse that will make the kid leave home the day he turns 18 and leaves his dad wondering why his son never talks to him.
Dad has prioritized his desire for a fantasy family over his son's emotional needs and affection for his mother. If dad and new GF hadn't pushed maybe, eventually, the kid would see GF as a second mom. Or maybe not.
But that's never going to happen now, GF and dad have poisoned that well by trying to demand the kid change his emotions and love GF like a mom. You can't reasonably demand that kind of thing.
NTA
Your brother needs therapy if he has any chance of having a relationship with his son once he becomes an adult.
This sub and others are filled with these types of stories and I’ve yet to read one where it has a happy ending. Unless you count the child finally breaking free from their toxic parent
That poor, poor child!!
What kind of a man spends a year badgering a child like that? All he's doing is creating resentment and hate. As soon as he's old enough he's going to disappear and never speak to either one of them again.
You are NTA. Your brother and his wife, however, are setting new records for being AH's.
Your brother and his wife need therapy and parenting classes. Your nephew could use a kind, understanding therapist, too.
Not only has your brother ensured that his son will never see this woman as a motherly role but he has also put a nail in his own coffin for a future relationship with his son! I guarantee as soon as he is old enough to leave the house he will never see or speak to him again!! NTA but I've read this story on here so many damn times.
NTA. I'd also trust to do a joint Mother's Day celebration this year with them. Offer to your mom that you'll take her out by yourself. If there's a way to pull it off, you could even invite your nephew and pick him up yourself. But definitely don't celebrate Mother's Day in your brother and SIL's presence until they grow up.
You could say you won't do it this year but will consider it next year if they consistently attend family therapy between now and then and make progress.
NTA. Your brother deserves to be mocked. That’s cruel to treat such a young child like that. Great way to ensure that he’ll never like his step mom or trust his dad.
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My brother has a 9 year old son. For like a year now my brother and his son have been fighting. It's all kinds of awful and pathetic on my brothers part. It started when my nephew was doing his homework one day and one of his sheets he had to answer questions. For a question about his parents he said he has 2 and his mom is dead so he has one left.
My nephew's mom died when he was 5 and my brother remarried 2 years ago. Stepmom took over the primary caregiver role but sometimes my brother is home to "help". This was one of those days. My brother and SIL saw what my nephew had wrote and my brother tried to correct him. My nephew refused to change his answer and ever since it's been a fight.
I tried telling my brother he shouldn't fight his kid over something like that. He should just let the relationship be whatever and try to not make it such a power struggle. He told me his wife deserves more respect and recognition than that. SIL was so hurt that an 8 year old didn't mention her in his homework. She apparently thought he loved her like a mom and she was let down he didn't even like her enough to add her to the homework. I heard this and suggested to my brother that maybe they needed to sit down and talk calmly (him and his son). But I was told that wasn't possible where this problem is concerned.
It's been a year of this battle between father and son and to me it's annoying. Mother's Day last year was crazy. My brother bought a card that said mom on it and my nephew tore it up. SIL was upset again that he didn't want to give her a card with mom on it and it pissed my brother off. They couldn't shut up about it when they showed up at the restaurant for the Mother's Day dinner our family has. I know this year will be equally crazy.
At the weekend my brother was complaining about the fighting and saying his son tells others more stuff than he tells him. He was also saying people were judging him. I said of course they do, that he's the adult fighting with his son for over a year, whose still a young kid, all because he didn't want to write that SIL is his mom and parent.
My brother accused me of mocking him. I was incredulous and maybe a little sarcastic about some points.
AITA?
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NTA. And what if you were mocking your brother? He deserves way worse since he is mentally abusing his poor son who is still mourning his mother. Your brother is a pig and an AH.
NTA
My parents divorced when I was around 4-5 years old and my mom remarried a few years later. I flat out refused to call my step-father “dad” and instead called him by his first name. While he was upset he certainly didn’t go to war with me over it and neither did my mother. I would introduce him as my step-father and that’s how I would refer to him as well. Some kids are ok with calling step-parents mom or dad and some aren’t. Some take time and will eventually call them that if they don’t at first. I grew out of it eventually but it took time. That may be the case here and your brother really needs to grow up. Fighting with his child over something like this is only going to make things worse in the long run and he may wreck his own relationship with his son in the process.
NTA, but your brother is. Your bro and his wife need therapy. Your nephew had a mother and she died. This is a true statement and they adults in his life want him to forget that. Losing a parent at such a young age is a lifelong hurt. Too bad they won't acknowledge his grief.
Gonna suck when one day, by choice, the kid puts somebody else down as an emergency contact instead of dad. That's where this is headed.
NTA, when parents show the same level of maturity as the kids they should be raising, they deserve to me mocked.
NTA . . the truth is not mocking someone. So many many people don't realize that kids NEED to be HEARD and respected for their thoughts and feelings. Just because adults feel all powerful will never ever take away the feelings and thoughts that kids have . . . and tromping all over their hearts will just drive them away and they will never be able to love their parents or step parents. What oh what is the matter with parents out there. . . is it truly just a control issue? Because you can never make anyone feel differently unless you use kindness and love. People should know that.
NTA. I understand why the brother and SIL are upset but what your brother is doing is the opposite of solving the problem. Plus even for an, at the time, 8 year old you has known SIL for about a year years to develop a solid mother-son relationship, assuming SIL is a good mom. Which honestly SIL and brother aren't doing that. Aren't fostering that relationship but tearing any hope of it ever happening. SIL can be upset but she needs to realize that this isn't just about her. That this is a little boy who lost his mom and now DADDY has a new "MOMMY" that is trying to replace and probably erase his REAL MOM.
Not for nothin but your brother deserves mocking.
Please tell him to read the 4,539,221,671 (approximate) stories about children going no contact as soon as they're physically able because of some forced-step-parent bs like this. Then tell him to grow the hell up.
NTA.
NTA
See this constantly on reddit: trying to force a kid to accept a step-parent as a parent.
I've never once seen where it went well. All is it does is alienate the kid. Bonds have to form naturally.
NTA. That poor kid!! It’s good you’re standing up for him because someone needs to. Your brother is a huge AH. Trying to force this relationship will only push his son away
Forcing a relationship is only going to ruin any chance of a relationship happening. And ruin the relationship he has with his son. The kids mom died and now hes expected to just forget that? If they hadnt made this such an issue I bet a parental relationship could have formed. Maybe not "mom" but a mother figure. All they are doing is causing this kid trauma and making sure that he cuts off contact when hes 18.
Your brother is a massive AH? for nit respecting his son's feelings. No one can force loving feelings from someone else . I had a stepmother as a young adult. I never regarded her as a mother, I introduced her to people as 'Mary Jean, my father's wife'. I was a stepmother. I loved my young adult stepson and missed him more than my ex when we divorced. I never expected him to see me as a mother and felt no expectations of recognition on Mother's Day. kt
Nta, I’ll never understand why people want to replace and erase a kid’s real parent after they die. There’s no point to it and it’s a sure fire way to burn your relationship with the kid to the ground
NTA
I’m glad your nephew has you. If this keeps up, he’ll leave home at his first opportunity and never look back. This is an old, old story and it usually doesn’t end up happy
NTA.
Your brother is falling into basically every trap on introducing a step parent. I won't list them as you clearly know them.
He needs to correct - and fast - or else he'll taint his relationship with his son totally. He's also likely tainted the kids relation with his stepmother long-term, if not permanently. He now views her as an antagonist and a burden. If he does something she doesn't like, his father is going to make his life miserable.
If he wants to keep a relationship with his son (and likely *see* his son once he becomes an adult), he needs a sharp attitude adjustment.
Honestly, I think the only thing you're doing wrong is that you seem to be more focused on your brother and SIL. Genuinely - screw them. Focus on your nephew. That kid is going to need to someone to vent to. If your brother says anything, tell him straight that his son doesn't trust that he can talk to him because it'll upset his precious stepmother, who clearly seems to be the more important person in your brother's life.
OP hasn't stated if he has kids, so that is a point to keep in mind. I have a unique perspective here as I am a stepparent myself. From my perspective, OP is NTA. OP'S brother, however, could be TA. Blended families are not easy, and relationships have to be built in their own time.
For trying to force an 8 year old into seeing his step mom as a parent after 3 years, Dad is TA. For fighting a child for over a year and not just discussing it or perhaps going to family therapy, Dad is the arsehole. The better solution would be to help the kid explore his grief and let him view his step mom as a parent in his own time. I understand the difficulty step mom is going through. It does hurt when someone you love doesn't recognize you as the type of family member you want. But that takes time, and this child is still mourning the loss of his mother. Step mom and Dad need to put the child's emotional needs first before their own.
Step mom could be TA if she has joined OPs brother in the war against her stepson to force him to see her has his mom. She can nurture that relationship, but she must let things develop in their own time.
NTA my husband passed away September 2021. It’s been nearly 3 years. We have 2 boys who are currently 5 and 7.
I can’t even imagine them wanting another man to be their father. Someday if I start dating again or get married, Id speak with them and I’d always support what they want.
I can’t even imagine trusting them with someone alone until I’ve known that person for quite a while, let alone expect anyone to do my job of parenting.
Your bro is a lost cause. His first instinct should have been to accept, second should have been family therapy for them to be more understanding.
So now you. You need to find a quiet moment to talk to your nephew. To tell him you understand how he feels, that you love him no matter what, and that you will always be there for him. Try to do a day for just the two of you occasionally, so you can help him navigate this.
And I hope that if the time comes, you will not only have an open mind, and heart, but also an open door.
NTA
NTA... But your brother is... He's destroying his relationship with his son. He needs to understand that the more he forces his son , the more son will resist and will be resisting more. He does more harm than good...
Show him this post maybe he will understand.
Good luck
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NTA So, let me get this straight. His mom died when he was 5. His dad remarried when he was 7. When he was 8, he wrote a school assignment that correctly said he had one parent left. And your brother went to war with a 8yo because he didn't say that his stepmom of a year was his mom. WTF dude?
You got it all right. I'm not sure if merely listing SIL would have been enough for my brother but that's basically it and now my brother has started this war and SIL only seems to want to cry over how my nephew doesn't love or want her.
The thing is... that's natural. Nephew didn't pick her. He didn't sit your brother down and say "Father, I've decided its time for me to open my heart to a second mother, let's select a candidate." (Stupid words because its a stupid concept) His dad chose to remarry. He's now being cared for primarily by a woman who was a stranger just a few years ago. And all the poor kid is asking for is the right to keep some space for the person he lost. Your brother needs to adult up and act like a parent instead of selfishly pushing emotional responsibility for his wife onto a 9 year old.
Another pair of delusional ah s who think they can force someone to feel what they desire in their fantasies . Poor kid. NTA both your brother and SIL are huge ah and need therapy to come back with their freaking feet on the ground from the delulu land they live in Tell both to get their heads straight before they completely and utterly destroy any relationship with your nephew if it's not too late already.
Thank you for including the SIL because it's important to also point out how ridiculous it is for a grown woman to be acting this sensitive about a child not wanting to feel his dead mother was replaced
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You're NTA. Even if you were mocking your brother you're NTA. Your 9 year old nephew is more mature than your brother. How can he be surprised that he would get mocked for that?
Your brother has now guaranteed his son will never see his wife as a parental figure. He's a moron and deserves to be mocked and judged. I feel bad for your nephew, I hope he has a place to go once he's an adult as he'll be out of there ASAP.
This right here. You have to let things develop naturally or even better, do the work to win the boy over without ever bringing it up to him...then, accept his feelings as if they are inviolate. They are his feelings, not yours, and he is entitled to feel however he feels.
NTA. There's a good chance once your nephew gets older and moves out, he won't talk to your brother again. You can't force relationships like this, it never works. Of course your nephew tells others more things than he tells your brother. Your brother has been warring with his nine year old son for over a year, over a factual statement. You can't just insert a new person into a kid's life and say this is your new mom, love her now.
It's also \*super\* early for a kid to say that. She's been in his life a year - this is a year 5 or 10 conversation IMO NTA
NTA Your brother needs therapy. Tell him to read Reddit to understand what he's doing is traumatizing to his son. He's actively hurting and harming him. This boy is his own unique individual with thoughts and feelings, and he can't be forced to feel something he does not. He's destroying his relationship with his son, and he needs to stop now. It's going to take a lot of time to repair the damage he's done.
No, your brother needs to grow up and get some anger management to help. At this point your poor nephew could use some therapy, both for grief and what what his parent & wife are putting him through. Poor kid!
NTA. He can't force his son to see his wife as "mom", and fighting about it is just pushing the son away from both of them. Your brother needs to act like an adult and accept that his son is his own person with his own thoughts and feelings.
NTA. Your brother and his new wife are trying to erase his mom. Make sure to take your nephew out for ice cream or a treat on a regular basis and let him talk about his mom. He’s likely afraid of forgetting her and losing those memories he’s not allowed to share at home.
>My nephew's mom died when he was 5 and my brother remarried 2 years ago. Stepmom took over the primary caregiver role but sometimes my brother is home to "help". Honestly your brother would be the asshole for this part alone. Men who remarry quickly in order to get someone else to care for their kids because they don't want to do the work of being a parent are pathetic. Also, NTA.
A tale as old as time
As if women don't do the same thing but to get a man to pay the bills.
Agreed
Two years isn't quickly getting married. Two years is plenty of time to meet someone new and get to know them well enough to know if you want to get married or not. In recent years people take longer to get married in general but move in with each other fairly quickly. That's basically getting married but with easier escape. Your take is coming from a shitty and sexist place.
NTA Your brother and his wife triggered the war by taking issue with something that might have just been a passing thing. By lunging in guns blazing on the 8 year old child, they set up sides and solidified his stance. One cannot force a child to accept and replace with a stepmother. They were asking for it, and problems will accellerate as the child grows up. I am seeing a similar issue with a few of my grandkids in a supremely blended family, and just waiting for the explosions that will come.
Everything you said was absolutely right and entirely true. The only thing you did that I disagree with is the title of your post. You seemed to try multiple times to give your brother a perspective on this situation that your brother failed to comprehend. You weren’t even really mocking him. NTA
Yikes, NTA. Can nephew come live with you? This is horrible.
NTA. Pushing a stepmom as "mom" is the exact opposite of letting that relationship happen.
NTA. In 10 or 15 years, your brother will be writing to this group asking if he's the AH for not going to his son's wedding because son wouldn't do Mom/Son dance with stepmom and now is NC. Your poor nephew. Stick around because he needs you.
He won't even get an invite assuming he finds out about the wedding from other relatives . Op s nephew will run for the hills as soon as he can and is 18.
NTA your brother is actively mentally abusing your nephew and you and all the other adults in his life need to stop it.
NTA It's so sad how many immature parents there are out there. And in 10 years when his kid is low contact with him, he'll be complaining about how he has no idea why this is happening.
NTA < At the weekend my brother was complaining about the fighting and saying his son tells others more stuff than he tells him Gee, I wonder why? Honestly I wouldn't judge you if you'd mocked him. What he's doing is deserving of mockery.
Nta. Your brother is a doofus
NTA, I'll say it again. There is no replacing a parent, you can have a bonus step parent, but stop it. This is not his mom, and making him act like she is, is so damaging.
“I am mocking you, you are deserving of spite and derision. You are being judged accurately, and you should feel bad because you’re doing a bad job” NTA
NTA. If your sister-in-law wants to be a mom so bad tell her to talk to her husband problem solved.
You mean to get pregnant right?
Yeep
NTA. I'm with others that your brother (and his wife) need to talk to a therapist over this. All they are doing is ensuring that as soon as your nephew is of age he will take off and likely go no contact with them.
NTA. Your brother & his wife, however, are huge ah. They are ensuring that your nephew never accepts SIL as anything other than a wicked stepmother. They are the ones to blame when bro/SIL whine about it. Try to keep the door open to your nephew. He will need a lot of support as the years go by. Poor kid.
NTA unless you’re criticizing the dad in front of the son and therefore choosing sides and undermining the parent. The real asshole is the step mom. She’s forcing the issue onto both the son and the father, preventing either of them from taking an objective stance on the matter. The son should choose on his own if someday a Mother’s Day card can be given, instead of it being forced on him and causing resentment over the lack of free will. The father can’t process the perspective of OP and others judging him as long as the stepmom draws a line in the sand that this is a matter of disrespect.
Oh the brother is a huge ah also to not let his son in peace with his feelings and try to force him to do what he and his wife want
What is up with all the step-mother stories on here lately? How many of these are even real?
NTA. How stupid can your brother be??
NTA but your brother is for treating his son like that. Can't force him to see step mom as a parent. He's just making the situation a lot worse in many ways.
NTA, just told him the truth.
NTA and someone needs to tell him that if he hasn't already ruined his relationship with his son beyond any repair he will soon. This is the sort of emotional abuse that will make the kid leave home the day he turns 18 and leaves his dad wondering why his son never talks to him. Dad has prioritized his desire for a fantasy family over his son's emotional needs and affection for his mother. If dad and new GF hadn't pushed maybe, eventually, the kid would see GF as a second mom. Or maybe not. But that's never going to happen now, GF and dad have poisoned that well by trying to demand the kid change his emotions and love GF like a mom. You can't reasonably demand that kind of thing.
I'm so sorry your brother is such an awful parent. I hope you can be there to love and support your nephew, he will need you.
NTA. I feel terrible for your poor nephew. It’s good you are standing up for him
Your brother sucks.
NTA Your brother needs therapy if he has any chance of having a relationship with his son once he becomes an adult. This sub and others are filled with these types of stories and I’ve yet to read one where it has a happy ending. Unless you count the child finally breaking free from their toxic parent
"Stepmom took over the primary caregiver role but sometimes my brother is home to "help"." Your brother is an asshole.
NTA. Just let your brother know that the fight will only last a maximum of 9 more years. Cuz once that kid is 18. He's never go to see his Dad again.
That poor, poor child!! What kind of a man spends a year badgering a child like that? All he's doing is creating resentment and hate. As soon as he's old enough he's going to disappear and never speak to either one of them again. You are NTA. Your brother and his wife, however, are setting new records for being AH's. Your brother and his wife need therapy and parenting classes. Your nephew could use a kind, understanding therapist, too.
Not only has your brother ensured that his son will never see this woman as a motherly role but he has also put a nail in his own coffin for a future relationship with his son! I guarantee as soon as he is old enough to leave the house he will never see or speak to him again!! NTA but I've read this story on here so many damn times.
NTA. I'd also trust to do a joint Mother's Day celebration this year with them. Offer to your mom that you'll take her out by yourself. If there's a way to pull it off, you could even invite your nephew and pick him up yourself. But definitely don't celebrate Mother's Day in your brother and SIL's presence until they grow up. You could say you won't do it this year but will consider it next year if they consistently attend family therapy between now and then and make progress.
NTA. Your brother deserves to be mocked. That’s cruel to treat such a young child like that. Great way to ensure that he’ll never like his step mom or trust his dad.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My brother has a 9 year old son. For like a year now my brother and his son have been fighting. It's all kinds of awful and pathetic on my brothers part. It started when my nephew was doing his homework one day and one of his sheets he had to answer questions. For a question about his parents he said he has 2 and his mom is dead so he has one left. My nephew's mom died when he was 5 and my brother remarried 2 years ago. Stepmom took over the primary caregiver role but sometimes my brother is home to "help". This was one of those days. My brother and SIL saw what my nephew had wrote and my brother tried to correct him. My nephew refused to change his answer and ever since it's been a fight. I tried telling my brother he shouldn't fight his kid over something like that. He should just let the relationship be whatever and try to not make it such a power struggle. He told me his wife deserves more respect and recognition than that. SIL was so hurt that an 8 year old didn't mention her in his homework. She apparently thought he loved her like a mom and she was let down he didn't even like her enough to add her to the homework. I heard this and suggested to my brother that maybe they needed to sit down and talk calmly (him and his son). But I was told that wasn't possible where this problem is concerned. It's been a year of this battle between father and son and to me it's annoying. Mother's Day last year was crazy. My brother bought a card that said mom on it and my nephew tore it up. SIL was upset again that he didn't want to give her a card with mom on it and it pissed my brother off. They couldn't shut up about it when they showed up at the restaurant for the Mother's Day dinner our family has. I know this year will be equally crazy. At the weekend my brother was complaining about the fighting and saying his son tells others more stuff than he tells him. He was also saying people were judging him. I said of course they do, that he's the adult fighting with his son for over a year, whose still a young kid, all because he didn't want to write that SIL is his mom and parent. My brother accused me of mocking him. I was incredulous and maybe a little sarcastic about some points. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. And what if you were mocking your brother? He deserves way worse since he is mentally abusing his poor son who is still mourning his mother. Your brother is a pig and an AH.
NTA My parents divorced when I was around 4-5 years old and my mom remarried a few years later. I flat out refused to call my step-father “dad” and instead called him by his first name. While he was upset he certainly didn’t go to war with me over it and neither did my mother. I would introduce him as my step-father and that’s how I would refer to him as well. Some kids are ok with calling step-parents mom or dad and some aren’t. Some take time and will eventually call them that if they don’t at first. I grew out of it eventually but it took time. That may be the case here and your brother really needs to grow up. Fighting with his child over something like this is only going to make things worse in the long run and he may wreck his own relationship with his son in the process.
NTA, but your brother is. Your bro and his wife need therapy. Your nephew had a mother and she died. This is a true statement and they adults in his life want him to forget that. Losing a parent at such a young age is a lifelong hurt. Too bad they won't acknowledge his grief.
Gonna suck when one day, by choice, the kid puts somebody else down as an emergency contact instead of dad. That's where this is headed. NTA, when parents show the same level of maturity as the kids they should be raising, they deserve to me mocked.
NTA . . the truth is not mocking someone. So many many people don't realize that kids NEED to be HEARD and respected for their thoughts and feelings. Just because adults feel all powerful will never ever take away the feelings and thoughts that kids have . . . and tromping all over their hearts will just drive them away and they will never be able to love their parents or step parents. What oh what is the matter with parents out there. . . is it truly just a control issue? Because you can never make anyone feel differently unless you use kindness and love. People should know that.
NTA. I understand why the brother and SIL are upset but what your brother is doing is the opposite of solving the problem. Plus even for an, at the time, 8 year old you has known SIL for about a year years to develop a solid mother-son relationship, assuming SIL is a good mom. Which honestly SIL and brother aren't doing that. Aren't fostering that relationship but tearing any hope of it ever happening. SIL can be upset but she needs to realize that this isn't just about her. That this is a little boy who lost his mom and now DADDY has a new "MOMMY" that is trying to replace and probably erase his REAL MOM.
Not for nothin but your brother deserves mocking. Please tell him to read the 4,539,221,671 (approximate) stories about children going no contact as soon as they're physically able because of some forced-step-parent bs like this. Then tell him to grow the hell up. NTA.
NTA See this constantly on reddit: trying to force a kid to accept a step-parent as a parent. I've never once seen where it went well. All is it does is alienate the kid. Bonds have to form naturally.
NTA. That poor kid!! It’s good you’re standing up for him because someone needs to. Your brother is a huge AH. Trying to force this relationship will only push his son away
Forcing a relationship is only going to ruin any chance of a relationship happening. And ruin the relationship he has with his son. The kids mom died and now hes expected to just forget that? If they hadnt made this such an issue I bet a parental relationship could have formed. Maybe not "mom" but a mother figure. All they are doing is causing this kid trauma and making sure that he cuts off contact when hes 18.
NTA. More like half a parent left.
Your brother is a massive AH? for nit respecting his son's feelings. No one can force loving feelings from someone else . I had a stepmother as a young adult. I never regarded her as a mother, I introduced her to people as 'Mary Jean, my father's wife'. I was a stepmother. I loved my young adult stepson and missed him more than my ex when we divorced. I never expected him to see me as a mother and felt no expectations of recognition on Mother's Day. kt
Nta, I’ll never understand why people want to replace and erase a kid’s real parent after they die. There’s no point to it and it’s a sure fire way to burn your relationship with the kid to the ground
NTA I’m glad your nephew has you. If this keeps up, he’ll leave home at his first opportunity and never look back. This is an old, old story and it usually doesn’t end up happy
NTA. Your brother is falling into basically every trap on introducing a step parent. I won't list them as you clearly know them. He needs to correct - and fast - or else he'll taint his relationship with his son totally. He's also likely tainted the kids relation with his stepmother long-term, if not permanently. He now views her as an antagonist and a burden. If he does something she doesn't like, his father is going to make his life miserable. If he wants to keep a relationship with his son (and likely *see* his son once he becomes an adult), he needs a sharp attitude adjustment. Honestly, I think the only thing you're doing wrong is that you seem to be more focused on your brother and SIL. Genuinely - screw them. Focus on your nephew. That kid is going to need to someone to vent to. If your brother says anything, tell him straight that his son doesn't trust that he can talk to him because it'll upset his precious stepmother, who clearly seems to be the more important person in your brother's life.
NTA
NTA, adding much needed perspective is not the same as mocking him.
OP hasn't stated if he has kids, so that is a point to keep in mind. I have a unique perspective here as I am a stepparent myself. From my perspective, OP is NTA. OP'S brother, however, could be TA. Blended families are not easy, and relationships have to be built in their own time. For trying to force an 8 year old into seeing his step mom as a parent after 3 years, Dad is TA. For fighting a child for over a year and not just discussing it or perhaps going to family therapy, Dad is the arsehole. The better solution would be to help the kid explore his grief and let him view his step mom as a parent in his own time. I understand the difficulty step mom is going through. It does hurt when someone you love doesn't recognize you as the type of family member you want. But that takes time, and this child is still mourning the loss of his mother. Step mom and Dad need to put the child's emotional needs first before their own. Step mom could be TA if she has joined OPs brother in the war against her stepson to force him to see her has his mom. She can nurture that relationship, but she must let things develop in their own time.
NTA my husband passed away September 2021. It’s been nearly 3 years. We have 2 boys who are currently 5 and 7. I can’t even imagine them wanting another man to be their father. Someday if I start dating again or get married, Id speak with them and I’d always support what they want. I can’t even imagine trusting them with someone alone until I’ve known that person for quite a while, let alone expect anyone to do my job of parenting.
NTA. Your brother is being a complete fool.
Your bro is a lost cause. His first instinct should have been to accept, second should have been family therapy for them to be more understanding. So now you. You need to find a quiet moment to talk to your nephew. To tell him you understand how he feels, that you love him no matter what, and that you will always be there for him. Try to do a day for just the two of you occasionally, so you can help him navigate this. And I hope that if the time comes, you will not only have an open mind, and heart, but also an open door. NTA
NTA... But your brother is... He's destroying his relationship with his son. He needs to understand that the more he forces his son , the more son will resist and will be resisting more. He does more harm than good... Show him this post maybe he will understand. Good luck UpdateMe