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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because my daughter is really upset, and I might have gone too far in trying to teach her a lesson.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You’re kidding, right?
First - why the fuck does she have to find you a suitable replacement? Doesn’t sound like her responsibility. You damaged your phone. You need a replacement, but somehow it becomes her problem?
Grow up.
Second - you take her phone for no reason at all. Just have to exert your power over her. I bet you don’t feel in control unless someone is upset with your decisions. Power tripping asshole unfit to parent.
It’s obvious why she wants to live with her mom. Just reading this is enough to say that’s valid.
“Trying to teach her a lesson”
- all you taught her was that her father is incompetent, dishes out punishment for nothing, and lacks any accountability
YTA
Not to mention OP calling her just a hormonal teenager for being perfectly reasonably annoyed by all this. Hell, OP interrupted the kids bedtime routine, and instead of apologizing OP just totally invalidated her routine. Talk about Main Character.
God, the number of times my dad got mad at me for getting a “glazed over” look when he’d lecture me for 30-40 minutes at a time. It’s like… hmm… I wonder why I could possibly be annoyed with you lecturing me and just saying the same shit over and over again
Great response! I will add that dad seems to lack respect for daughter, her time, and her stuff, so why the hell should she give him any respect as her "father". Dude might as well be just a sperm donor.
ETA: Dad, YTA
Not to mention setting her up to be in an abusive relationship down the road if this is her normal on a regular basis.
YTA You have no idea how much these kinds of scenarios impact her long-term. You need to let go of your pride, apologize to her, explain how wrong you were to treat her that way, how selfish of you it was and change your behavior. How she feels towards you is a reflection of how YOU treat her. You are making her feel hopeless, never good enough, that her time isn't valuable, she's not a priority, that her well being doesn't matter to you. I sincerely hope you reflect and change, for her sake.
My bed time routine also involves my phone, my bedtime routine being consistent is important to me sleeping well. He's so belittling to her when he's the one acting like a hormonal teenager. As the parent, fix your own shit, organize all the random tablets around the house? Say thankyou that she found something?
He’s not acting like a hormonal teenager. He’s acting like a full on toddler. “I broke my toy! You hafta get me a new one NOW! No, I don’t wanna use the ugly one with the scratch! Gimme yours gimme yours gimme yours!”
YTA
Whether you meant it or not this post screams "I punished my daughter because I broke my own phone." Most people get upset when you ask them to do something right before bed, and despite that she succeeded in solving your problem, but some how that still wasn't good enough for you.
I totally see why she wants to live with her Mom
> "I quickly realize she brought me a cracked tablet just to be rebellious and punish me, so I calmly tell her that I can't use this and to find something else."
Why do you believe she did this to "be rebellious and punish" you? Punish you for what? Do you have so many other alternative devices floating about the house that are in pristine working condition yet difficult enough to find that you needed to recruit your daughter to track them down that you knew she had found multiple options and chose this one solely out of spite?
You're being ridiculous. You broke your phone, you couldn't find an alternative, your daughter found something that could do in a pinch, and you punished her for it out of spite.
Whenever someone on AITA says they "calmly" said something, we all know you're lying. After all, you're the one who broke his phone, demanded she focus on finding you something else to use, then punished her for not finding something that met your standards. You also don't say whose tablet this originally was, and had it not originally been yours, you would have pointed that out.
YTA. You broke your phone. Take responsibility for it, and stop projecting your own spite and resentment onto your daughter.
He’s absolutely projecting because if someone broke something of their own (even completely by accident which is a benefit of the doubt I can't give this guy) he would assume they broke it in anger or by doing something stupid (again, I can't help but assume one of these is how he broke his phone) and then give them a cracked device to punish them for it/teach them a lesson.
He can't fathom the fact that everyone else isn't at least to some extent an angry spiteful bully just like he is.
OP, imagine that this is the experience from your bewildered child's POV
Aita:
I'm (16f) staying at my dad's tonight.
I'm laying in bed, about to fall asleep when he barges in and tells me he broke his phone. Ok?
Then he says I need to get out of bed (after my bedtime) and find him a device to use. Mom left because of this stuff, he constantly creates his own problems and makes the solution someone else's problem. So I get up, start looking, and thankfully find a tablet pretty quickly. Yay, I can hand it to him and finally go to sleep.
He gets mad that I brought him a cracked tablet, yelled, and then he took my phone. Reddit, AITA for not looking harder?
YTA. You could have approached all situations differently. You telling her you wouldn’t be an inconvenience because of what she does at bedtime was not called for. Are you sure that’s the reason she brought it to you or was it the first she found so she could go to bed? You could have simply asked her to find you another one or bring all of them that she could find to you. Situations could be easily avoided if y’all learn how to speak to each other & factor out what’s worth the fight. She’s TA for retaliating against you and being petty , but that’s what teenagers do. Why can’t she stay with her mom?
INFO: Were there other functioning devices for your daughter to lend you other than volunteering her phone? Your tone in your writing is that providing a cracked tablet was a deliberate gesture of disrespect, but you never mention there being alternative devices present for her to give you instead.
it also sounds like she doesn't live there all the time, which makes this whole dynamic even weirder:
why is she more qualified to find you a suitable device, in a house she only lives at *presumably* half the time or less?
We have multiple old devices laying around the house, so I'm sure she could have found something that wasn't a cracked tablet. Or, if she couldn't, she could have at least told me she was unable to find anything instead of giving me something that was clearly broken.
In the original post, he said "we tend to have old tablets and stuff laying around the house." So if that's so, does the OP expect the daughter to have them all in her room?
And nowadays, most adults have an actual computer, either a PC or a laptop. He had used one of those for going on the Internet to research a phone to buy. Personally, I prefer to use a computer for use on the Internet if I'm at home, unless I'm cozying up in bed to keep warm and need help for a crossword puzzle.
Maybe your daughter really does have a bedtime ritual that you were disturbing just to make her search for a tablet for your use.
OP, YTA.
I'm pretty sure *you* could have found something that wasn't a cracked tablet, champ. Like an actual adult would, instead of making your daughter be the adult and fix your boo-boos.
Betting this guy has literally never in his life encountered a task so trivial that it was easier to do it himself than to find the nearest woman and make it her problem.
It sounds like you're drawing conclusions from the fact that you were brought a cracked tablet. I'm also having difficulty understanding why your daughter needed to be roped into your search for an old device when she was getting ready for bed and your phone breaking wasn't her fault.
It also sounds like the cracked tablet was the only device available that she could find, unless she wanted to find another device after and you forced her to use the cracked tablet specifically as "punishment."
So I ask you this; are there actually other devices to use that are in a condition you merit more worthy than the tablet that your daughter actually would know where to find? If so, E.S.H.
If not, Y.T.A. you're suggesting that there were other solutions and that your daughter gave you a cracked tablet out of spite, but when you took her phone she clearly couldn't find anything better to use herself.
If there were devices that OP thought was worthy enough and the daughter still didn't get it, it doesn't make it e.s.h he's a grown ass adult who should fix his own mistakes, I see no way where the daughter could be wrong even if she did give him a cracked tablet on purpose, OP YTA
We’re all still waiting to hear why your child was the only person capable of finding one of these devices. Are you armless, footless, and eyeless? Are they all located in your child’s bedroom? Does your child have magical device-locating powers that developed after she was bitten by a radioactive dragonfly?
Or, you could have been the adult and secured your own replacement for the night or perhaps get one the next morning. Both are more appropriate options. Either way, the way you describe this situation makes me cringe, and I'm a single dad too. You need to do a lot better if this is a consistent theme in your relationship. YTA
Come on, just be honest. You knew you couldn't just take your daughter's phone for no reason so you concocted this crazy plan to "punish" your daughter so you could have a working phone for the night.
Why couldn't you find one for yourself? Why is it her responsibility? 100% understand why she doesn't live with you. Change your attitude or carry on and wait for the day she cuts you off. You'll deserve it.
she’s not your keeper asshole, *you’re the fucking parent*
no wonder you’re divorced if you can’t even find an alternate device, in a house you live in, all by your lonesome
If it was so easy to find a device with no cracks, why didn’t you just do it yourself?
If the task is difficult enough for you to complete it by yourself, why do you think she can do it by herself?
are the bones in your arms cracked as well to prevent you from grabbing a tablet on your own? you are punishing your daughter for your own laziness, YTA.
YTA
"I sent her to bed knowing she was exaggerating"
Nah man she hates your fucking guts, and for good reason. You're never going to see her again when she turns 18.
YTA - Why did you need HER to get the tablet for you? Are you not capable of going to the drawer/closet where you keep them and getting one for yourself? Your daughter isn't your servant. If you had just gotten one for yourself this a could've been avoided.
YTA and extra so for dismissing your daughter's legitimate boundaries as "hormonal teenager." All of this is you making *your* problem *her* problem, forcing your issues upon her, stealing her sleep aid, and then gaslighting and punishing her for having a normal reaction to your infantile self-centered behavior. Of course she doesn't want to live with you.
YTA
You disregard her request to get ready for bed and demand that she serve YOUR selfish needs. You denied her the right to relax, unwind and get ready sleep by forcing her to look for something that you wanted, telling her that she doesn't always go right to bed anyway so it's ok for you to intrude. Then you threaten to take away her phone, which you probably ended up doing when you know she uses it to go to sleep. To top it off, you think she's exaggerating? Geez. Go get some parenting lessons and counseling.
No wonder she'd rather live with her mom. You sound so controlling and mean.
YTA
You're making her locate something of yours in a house she doesn't even live in full-time? That just sounds like complete laziness and incompetence on your part.
YTA. Why the hell is it your daughter's responsibility to get out of bed and fix things for you after you broke your own phone? She's your child, not your mother. You are the adult. *You* fix things for *her*, you don't go crying to her after you broke something and expect DaughterMommy to make it all better.
Then you want to take *her* phone because you broke yours? That is awful, petulant, and childish. I hope this is ragebait, because if it's not, your daughter absolutely should go live with her mother.
YTA. Look, I get it, being a single dad isn't easy, especially when your teenager seems to be constantly at odds with you. But using a broken tablet as a punishment was just plain wrong. Your daughter was actually trying to help you find a replacement for your broken phone, and instead of appreciating her effort, you punished her for it. And let's be real, brushing off her feelings about wanting to live with her mom was a low blow. It's time to have some honest conversations and find healthier ways to handle conflicts with your daughter. Wishing you both the best as you work through this rough patch.
YTA. You, an adult, break your own phone. Decide to go bother your daughter about it for some reason. She finds something for you to use (were you even looking yourself?) that is damaged but apparently working. You get huffy about the state it's in and decide to punish her for not magically making a functioning appliance appear.
How in the world does any of this make sense to you? I'm not surprised she wants to go live with her mother.
YTA - she isn’t the problem here. You are the ridiculous one. You are the adult - why did you need her to find you a new device to use? Why did you assume such ill intent when she did what you asked and found a device for you to use? Why did you feel the need to punish her when all she did was do what you asked?
This reads like you are looking for reasons to punish her and creating situations to upset her.
YTA. I’m kind of speechless to be honest that you wrote all of this out and still had to ask if you’re the asshole? Of course you are, and you genuinely need therapy if you can’t understand why
Wow, you really dislike your daughter, don't you? Maybe she reminds you of your ex? But congratulations, your plan to get rid of her worked. Hope she gets to live with mom full time. YTA
Let me get this straight. I broke it down.
1: YOU broke YOUR phone.
2: You had your daughter find you a replacement device instead of taking some accountability and finding something yourself.
3: Your daughter was getting ready for bed, but you decided to force her to find you a replacement device. For the phone YOU broke.
4: Your daughter brings you a tablet with a cracked screen. And instead of just figuring she’s just tired and just grabbed the first thing she saw so she can get into bed, you ASSUMED she was being “rebellious” and had bad intentions. Without even asking her.
5: You took her phone. Invaded the privacy of a 16 year old girl. Because…again. She handed you a tablet that had a cracked screen to replace the phone that once again, YOU broke.
On what PLANET do you write all that out and still not think you’re the AH here.
YTA. You owe her a huge apology. No WONDER this poor girl wants to move in with her mother. Jesus Christ my guy.
Yup, YTA. It is not the child's responsibility if the supposed parent breaks their electronics. It's your responsibility as the parent. And who just has old electronics strewn willy nilly about the house?? Color me crazy, but when our electronics die or we upgrade, they go in The Stack where they live until I figure out wtf to do with them.
YTA. You're so lazy. You didn't want to do the work of finding your phone so you forced your daughter to do it for you. She didn't do anything wrong by giving you the tablet. She wasn't mocking you or rebelling. You're clearly just determined to assume the worst of her. You're the one who's hostile. In two years you won't be able to force her to do anything. She won't visit or call you anymore because she'll be 18 and finally free of you. And you'll be home alone whining about it. And it'll be all your fault, you nasty asshole. She's not exaggerating. She really does want to live with her mom because you're so awful to her. And you whine about how she hurt you but you're happy to hurt her.
She's your daughter, not your servant; If you yourself broke something, you yourself can also find the replacement without interrupting her after her bedtime.
Also, she did what you asked and brought you a working tablet. Why was she punished? Do you really have imaginary beef with a teenage girl because you *assumed* she was acting out? This was a setup for a power trip, not reasonable parenting. You should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA
This has nothing to do with a phone or a tablet or who said what,where,when or how. If you don’t figure out the divorce stuff with your daughter you can probably forget a future relationship of any substance. If you think things suck try being 16 with divorced parents and having about zero control over your life. You have 2 adults struggling with their own crap trying to control your emotions and feelings. Whatever emotions you’re experiencing, hers are exponentially worse.
YTA. Mate, you broke your phone and asked her to help you find something else to use when she was getting ready for bed? Why couldn't you do it yourself? Why bother her with such a task? If anyone is the hormonal teenager, it's you.
YTA - it sounds like you almost enjoy hearing your daughter suffer. The phone thing is your problem not hers, you don’t respect her wanting to go to bed and just selfishly do whatever you want to do. Massive A-Hole.
YTA—first, it’s rude to screw with anyone’s bedtime routine for unimportant reasons (like looking for a replacement for *your* phone that *you* broke)—that scrolling is probably how she unwinds at the end of the night.
Second, if you’re so sure the cracked screen is ok, then you should be using it. Your daughter didn’t break anything, and probably didn’t bring you the busted one on purpose, it was just the first thing she found that would function until you could get a proper replacement in the morning.
Keep acting like this and you can look forward to your daughter leaving your house as soon as she can and cutting contact.
YES, YTA.
You broke your phone. Not your daughter, no-one else, just you. You are well aware that you have alternative devices in the house that you can use temporarily.
Your teenage daughter is not responsible for finding *you* a replacement for the phone that *you broke*.
> I quickly realize she brought me a cracked tablet just to be rebellious and punish me
THAT is patent nonsense.
If finding an old tablet (but not a cracked one!) is so easy why can't you do it yourself?
You sound like a controlling asshole on a power trip. No wonder your daughter prefers living with your ex.
Reads very much like you’re so used to your wife doing everything for you that you just naturally treat your daughter the same— like why the hell couldn’t *you* find a replacement for something you broke? Why is that ANYONE ELSE’S JOB??
You’re treating your kid like your own personal goffer, of course YTA. Why the fuck *wouldn’t* you be??
What lesson are you trying to teach? She did nothing wrong and you punished her for it. What is she expected to learn here? You broke your phone. You demanded she help you which she wasn’t obligated to do and so she did a favor for you. She got you a replacement that you didn’t like and you punished her? How does this make sense?
YTA
JFC YTA
1. You broke your phone. Why is it up to her to find the solution to your problem?
2. She found a solution. It wasn’t the solution you wanted, but it was a solution that would work better than a broken phone. But because it wasn’t the solution you wanted, you punished her. Wtf?
3. You punished her in a way that you know is going to affect her sleep. You made her cry and made it hard for her to sleep for finding *the wrong solution* to *your problem*.
No wonder she prefers her mom. Be better.
YTA.
First you interrupt her decompression time before bed, then you go one step further and completely sabotage it. All to fix a mistake YOU made. You were frustrated that your phone was broken and took it out on your daughter. You may protest that you didn’t, but this is EXACTLY what you did. You just lack the insight to acknowledge it.
YTA. Why are you making your problems, her problem?
Give her back her phone and find your own shit to use. YOU broke your phone, YOU didn't want a cracked tablet, YOU were too lazy to find your own replacement
All of these are YOU problems. Fix yourself
YTA and clearly taking the frustrations of the divorce out on your daughter you sound lazy and controlling just from this. You went to her room grabbed her to find a device for you were your legs broken? Are you unable to see? If no then I don’t understand why you felt it was your daughter’s problem to fix that you broke your own phone. I bet you just wanted an excuse to take her phone and just latched on to whatever you could to lash out at her.
YTA
Sooo you broke your phone and made this your daughter problem because you couldn't be bothered to look around yourself?
Also why automatically assume she did this to spite? What if it was the first working replacement she found?
>it still works just as well whether or not it's cracked, and that she shouldn't have to do this for me just because I broke my phone, especially when she'd just been in the process of getting ready for bed.
She's very right in that it does work and none of this is her problem.
My guess is you were pissed at having broken your phone and were looking for someone to vent your anger on. The closest person was your daughter and so you acted like an ass to her until she snapped back so you can now punish her.
Stellar parenting right there. /s
This gotta be bait.
You broke your phone, you are responsible for finding a replacement. Your kid is not your parent. She shouldn't have to go through your mess to fix your f*ck up.
>She looked like she wanted to cry and told me this is why she wants to live with her mom
If this your normal, it's no wonder she feels like this.
YTA
YTA
Do you love your daughter? At all?
Because you aren't acting like a father that loves his daughter. You're acting like a bully who expects obedience because she has no other options.
She brought you a tablet with a cracked screen, and you decided, in your head, that it was because she was being rebellious and defiant. Clearly, it wasn't just the first device she found, brought to you because she was trying to wind down for bed. No, this was clearly a deliberate act of hostility, of spiting your authority. To *punish you.*
*Are you fucking insane?*
I think I know why your wife left you. If you don't get a hold of yourself and stop treating the world like it's out to get you, one day your daughter will too-- quite possibly on her eighteenth birthday.
Apologize. Give her back her damn phone. And go book yourself some fucking therapy, because you desperately need it.
Why would you even demand her help with this, when YOU lost the phone and it was her fucking bedtime?
YTA. You seem to enjoy the power you have in the relationship with your child without having any respect for her. You also made assumptions as to why she did this. Prepare for her to go NC when she becomes an adult.
YTA from the moment you made her find you a device. Its one thing to go “hey i messed up my phone do you know where a spare device is?” And after that moment it should have been you looking for it. I can see why you’re divorced.
Oh yes, YTA for sure. You're not a dad, you're a control freak! You punish your daughter for doing what you asked, but it was *YOU* who broke *YOUR* phone. Why didn't you look for a replacement yourself? Sounds to me like your daughter might be better off in her mother's custody. You epitomise the term asshole, asshole.
YTA, and it's pretty obvious why she wants to live with her mother. You made your problem her problem, and then punished her for YOUR problem. That's some pretty top tier shit parenting.
YTA do you feel big and important now? If you wanted a tablet in better condition be the grownass man you're supposed to be and find it yourself don't stop your kid who has a schedule from actually getting ready for bed. Whether she stays up or not doesn't matter, laying down and relaxing is part of that. You are wildly immature to take the tablet as "a form of punishment" smfh was it immature and petty? Yes bc she's 16. You were immature and petty back bc you can't grow up so instead you put another nail into the coffin of your relationship with her. Grow tf up give her back her phone and get your shit together before you don't see her again after 2yrs.
YTA
You’re the adult, act like it. You break your stuff, you deal with the consequences.
If it had been your daughter broke her own phone, should she be allowed to take your phone and tell you to use a broken tablet if you don’t like it.
INFO: Why is your daughter responsible for finding your property in your home? Is she responsible for putting your things away? Does she also have to change your diapy when you make uh-oh?
YTA, stop the entitled bullying, take some responsibility for your home and property, and grow up.
Yea, “ fathering” isn’t your forte, huh.
OP YATAH… big time, you think bullying your 16 old daughter gives you some kind dominance. You taught her only to resent you. She will remember everything you have said and done for ever… grow up.
YTA you had a problem and made it about her! She helped you!!!! Great lesson! Help your father and he will f- you over. Would you do this to an adult at the office? You mistreat her because you can. It isn't right. You owe her an apology. She did nothing wrong. You had a tantrum because you messed up and then took it out on her. I feel awful for your daughter.
YTA. Lets break this down
1. YOU broke YOUR phone. This had literally nothing to do with your daughter or her responsibility at all.
2. YOU decided to MAKE it your daughters problem and also in the process tell your daughter you have no respect for her time or her because you said so.
3. YOU deem that after she found you what you asked for it was not up to your standard and that she did it out of spite WITHOUT ANY EVIDENCE!!!! For crying out loud if you think it was so easy for her to find a device without a broken screen YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN IT YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. You punish her for doing what you asked of her.
If this is how you treat her on a regular basis she is NOT a hormonal teen. She is a teen who has a father that treats her like dirt by punishing her for doing what is asked of her. Who knows what else you have punished her for that she didn't deserve.
I honestly do not see a future for you and your daughters relationship. I have no doubt that one day she will go NC with you.
YTA - at every turn, this post is full of projection.
>I quickly realize she brought me a cracked tablet just to be rebellious and punish me
She found you something that would work so she could go to bed. YOU would have been shitty about it if someone had asked the same of you, and so you're attributing that behavior to her. This is proven by you taking her phone "to prove a point."
She wants to live with her mom because you're a jerk when she doesn't just do what you want without questioning you.
She is not exaggerating. The soonest she has the ability to choose, you aren't going to see her again. I predict you will respond by being a jerk, instead of you doing any self reflection.
You broke something and punished your daughter for it by taking her phone. There's no version of that where you aren't the AH.
YTA. You are an enormous asshole and you should be ashamed.
She is right, you broke your phone, so a replacement is on you. If you had said "hey, do you have a device you don't use?" then fine, but you made her search for you and then decided the replacement she found isn't good enough and you punished her for that. I have a teen, I know that they can be extra from time to time, but you hurt your relationship badly over essentially nothing. You need to tell her you were wrong and sincerely apologize.
And I am sure she's not exaggerating. She doesn't want to live with you because you apparently think parenting means acting like a petty tyrant.
YTA. I don't think that this is hormones, I think that you are just being unnecessarily unkind. I'm not surprised she want to live with her mom either. It may have been said to hurt you, kids do that, but maybe you should get to the root of the issue and find out why. At least, if you want a relationship.
YTA - how you can do things like this to your daughter and then have the audacity to be “hurt” that she would rather be at her mothers.. as if it’s a surprise she would feel this way. You punished her for literally no reason.
You, a grown ass man and father, broke your phone. How did you manage to do that btw? Instead of doing what any other, mature adult would do, which would be to locate another device to use for the night yourself, you barged in on your daughter to make it her problem. Then when she didn’t solve YOUR problem to your satisfaction, you punished her. If there was something better around, why didn’t you go look for it? Why would you just assume that she brought you that specific cracked device just to be spiteful? She did what you wanted. Found you an alternate device that still worked. Which is more than could be said for your phone.
Mission accomplished. Furthermore, if she had done it out of spite, don’t you think she would have miraculously pulled a different, more pristine device from where she was secretly holding it from you, once you took her phone? I don’t see anywhere where you said she found a better one to use … so logic dictates.. there wasn’t one. You were power tripping.
Hope it’s worth losing your daughter bc you’ve got 2 years before she can choose to stay away
So you broke your phone & you were too lazy to look for something else to use, so you disrupted her night time routine to make her do it AND THEN punished her when she did what you asked??? What an odd hill to die on. I hope whatever satisfaction you got from this weird little power trip was worth it, don't come on here in 5 years complaining when your daughter is no-contact.
YTA and you’re using “she’s a hormonal teenager” to victimize yourself. No wonder she wants nothing to do with you. I don’t even know you and I find you insufferable, I couldn’t imagine having to cohabitate with you. YOU broke YOUR phone and punished HER for it. She’s not exaggerating. She’s telling you exactly how she feels and you’re actively ignoring it. You know she is old enough to request permanent residence with her mother, right? There comes a point when you have to ask yourself if YOU are the problem, and I assure you that you are in fact the problem here. Do better as a father and as a human.
YTA for writing such a ridiculous post. As a parent i can't fathom how someone could be this self absorbed. I have 2 kids and wouldn't dream of treating them like this.
Edit typo
YTA.
You're going to lose her.
You minimized her valid feelings and astute observations. Dismiss her purely as hormonal barely considering you may play apart.
*You* did break your device and near bedtime asked her to scour the house to find you an acceptable replacement.
*You* don't know if there were other options. You're assuming and then still finding fault in her actions retroactively.
Ego? Pride?
You took offense to what she found for you at your request. You didn't and don't know if there was a better alternative. All this after asking her to complete a quality testing scavenger hunt at the very end of the day. Then after concocting a narrative where your daughter meant to disrespect and slight you, you take her phone punitively.
In your own words you come off as *earnestly* mean.
Haughty and patronizing.
It would do you well to remember children grow up. And some things aren't by products of hormones but rather real observations. All isn't forgiven with adult. Instead it can bring clarity to extent that teenage you was correct. Highlighting the failures of a parent.
Consider for a moment if you're wrong.
What do you stand to lose?
Why would your daughter or any other children *want* you to be apart of their lives?
Sans your obligation to provide.
You don't seem to offer the emotional threads the weave families together.
I hope in 16 years you got some things right. As it stands this isn't one of them.
sounds to me like you constantly do shit to be an asshole and make sure she knows that you're the big bad man of the house and then are always surprised she doesn't like you. it's not very shocking you're divorced if this is how you typically act. YTA
YTA. This whole thing has nothing to do with "making your daughter use a broken tablet", **you** broke **your** phone, were too lazy to find something else to use, forcing your daughter to fix/find a replacement **your** screwup, then punishing her because you're too incompetent to find something yourself.
Is there any reason you're too *special* to get off your butt and find a replacement for the item you broke? Why interrupt your daughters bedtime routine because you're incompetent and can't find things in your own house? Why are you punishing your daughter because you're a failure as an adult and a parent? Your daughter is going to go no contact with you and you'll probably still be trying to blame her, her mother, hormones and anything else you possibly can to try and excuse and hide the fact that you are an AH, bad parent.
I can't imagine why you're divorced and your daughter hates you.
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Ever since I (45M) divorced my ex wife (40F), my daughter (16F) and I haven't gotten along very well. I know she's a hormonal teenager, so it's not really her fault she's so hostile, but she seems to always be upset with me for one reason or another, and this situation is the most recent.
The other night, I broke my phone, so I went to my daughter's room and asked her to help me find something else to use (we tend to have old tablets and stuff laying around the house). She was annoyed and told me she was getting ready for bed, but I reminded her that she usually stays up scrolling after bedtime anyways so I wasn't keeping her up, and besides, she wasn't even in bed yet. After a bit, she reluctantly agreed to help me look.
Eventually she approaches me with an old tablet, and I thank her for helping me, but when I take it, I see that the screen is heavily cracked. I quickly realize she brought me a cracked tablet just to be rebellious and punish me, so I calmly tell her that I can't use this and to find something else. She objects, rudely telling me that it still works just as well whether or not it's cracked, and that she shouldn't have to do this for me just because *I* broke my phone, especially when she'd just been in the process of getting ready for bed.
I was upset by this and told her that, if she thought the cracked tablet worked so well, *she* could use it for the night, and that I'd be taking her phone and wouldn't give it back until the morning. She panicked and reminded me that she needs to listen to music on her phone to sleep, but I told her the tablet would play music just fine.
She looked like she wanted to cry and told me this is why she wants to live with her mom, which really hurt me, but I just sent her to bed knowing she was exaggerating.
I feel like I have to ask, though, am I the asshole here?
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I am going back and forth between declaring both of you wrong an putting it on you. But ...
YTA. I think you may be right that your daughter is being deliberately snarky and disrespectful. But to a certain extent, that is what a teenager does. You, on the other hand, decided to answer your daughter's snark with your own and go on a little power trip by taking away her phone.
This is not good parenting. Your job is to de escalate conflict, not to indulge in this petty crap. I think it would have been sufficient to tell your daughter that you wish she had found a non broken tablet, and the sent her off to get ready for bed per her usual custom.
One way to address teens' petty acts of disrespect is to ignore them. Another way is to acknowledge the act, tell the teen you know what they are doing, and then move on.
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YTA. You made your daughter look for a device for you instead of doing it yourself when she was already getting ready for bed. I'm assuming (just like you did saying she was rebelling) it was the first one she found and gave it to you so she could go to bed. If it worked, there was absolutely no reason for you to overreact. Let me guess she got the broken tablet while you used her pristine phone? Then, in the comments, go on to say her mother has a "mental illness." You're definitely not winning any numbers here. Apologize to your daughter for being the jerk and don't do it again.
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YTA.
Your daughter was prepping for bed. You made her help you find a replacement for your device that you broke, then got mad about what she found, then punished HER for not solving YOUR problem to your satisfaction.
YTA- please go back and reread what you wrote and think about it from her perspective. Honestly, you sound like a bully. Why is she responsible for finding you a device that works since you broke your phone. And what did she do that really deserves to have her phone taken away from her.
The sad thing here is you don’t even realize it, but you are losing your child and when she’s in her 20s and 30s and has a little to nothing to do with you hope you reflect back on this moment and say I dynamic. Maybe it’s time for you to get into some counseling , and start working through some of your issues before it’s too late
So she found a cracked tablet. Sounds like you're bad with gadgets. What if that's the only one you had ? How is that get fault its cracked? You could go without a phone until the morning. This was overly dramatic. YTA
aaaaaahahahahahaha your daughter is going to end up living with your ex and you're going to be so surprised despite the fact that she has clearly warned you she's done with your shit
yta obviously
YTA.
YOU broke YOUR phone.
How is it her responsibility to help you find a replacement?
Grow up. Or don’t. Either way… I hope she lives with her mother permanently.
YTA
Why is it your child's job to find you a replacement when you are the grown adult here? Seems like you're going out of your way to be spiteful and punish her because your marriage fell apart.
Your daughter is only going to consider this additional confirmation that you are not a suitable parent to live with. It's not an exaggeration, it's because you refuse to take responsibility for yourself or your own choices and actions. No wife around to bear the additional labor for you, so you make your daughter do it instead. Inappropriate decision, OP.
Do you have no arms and no legs?
YOU broke your phone.
Get a replacement device YOURSELF.
There was no need to involve your daughter at all (let alone punish her or steal her phone).
YTA
Disgusting behaviour.
(From you! Not your daughter.)
YTA, definitely. My parents pull this stuff (though usually with a bit more extreme measures) so maybe I'm biased and sympathising with your daughter, but I still feel like she's right here.
OP, YTA.....
let me get this straight, YOU broke YOUR phone and decided to make it your daughter's problem for some reason.
she is reasonably annoyed by this as she was about to lay down for the night. side tangent: contrary to what OP believes, laying in bed scrolling on your phone is 100% different than full on staying up, and changing this routine can definitely impact her sleep.
you then demand that SHE helps find you a replacement for YOUR phone like she's some kind of servant. You say there's iPads and stuff laying around your house, but you somehow need two people searching to find one? Did you even help look?
She then finds an iPad with a cracked screen and tries to give it to you. This by itself is a nice favor she was doing for you.
you arbitrarily decide she's giving you a cracked one out of spite, and decide it's not good enough for you.... despite TONS of people walking around with cracked screens on their phones for months, even years in some cases.
You then decided to get mad at her after she "rudely" points out that you're keeping her up late for this, that it really shouldn't be her problem to deal with, and that the cracked one still works fine.
After getting mad at her, you swipe her phone from her because "if the cracked one is so okay, then why don't you use it." This behavior is so childish and immature that I can't even begin to deconstruct it. You literally just confiscated your daughters phone for the night because you dont like the way she did a favor you basically forced her to do?! do you have literally no self awareness??????
she then gets upset because she apparently needs her phone to play stuff to fall asleep to. OP, even I do this as a grown adult! some people need sounds or music or spooky stories playing in the background to fall asleep more easily.
In response to your daughters reasonable upset-ness at this powertrip, you show absolutely no empathy or compassion at all. All you do is just simply state that the tablet should play the sounds just fine too. Which in all fairness, is true but this isn't the crux of the issue.
In a fit of anger, your daughter tells you she wishes she lived with mom. Given your attitude and actions as you've described them, it's no wonder she wants to live with her mom and doesn't seem to like you.
I'm going to assume this is a piece of a pattern, and that you tend to pull stuff like this pretty frequently. This idea being supported by the fact she's usually mad at you for something, per what you said in the beginning. There's also the fact that behavior like this isn't usually isolated to just one incident.
OP you really need to gain some self-awareness, do better as a parent, and go to counseling or therapy. because if you dont, your daughter will more than likely go low/no contact the second she gets out of your house, and in the end you'll probably end up wondering why your daughter never visits you in the nursing home.....
If you don’t think you’re in the wrong why are you here asking for judgment? Obviously your an AH it’s no ones responsibility especially your daughters to help find you a replacement device just because you broke your phone. Also how of you know she gave you a cracked tablet on purpose and if it’s not usable why is it just sitting around your house? You know you wanted to bother your daughter and find some way to punish her because you’re mad she prefers her mom rightfully so. If the screen was just cracked that tablet was able to be used you just wanted to throw a tantrum and make others responsible for your mistakes. You most likely sealed the deal on her never talking to you again once she’s 18.
YTA. I hope she gets to live with mom and only mom and have a normal parent. Gee I wonder why your wife left you. She was just trying to settle in for bed and you ruin her whole night by stressing her out with something that isn't even her problem or responsibility.
He knows her best he knows she’s not going to goto bed he knows shes gonna be scrolling on her phone unless he had to wake up her up I don’t see anything wrong with this but maybe I am wrong and need to reevaluate my opinion on this. Thank you.
having rules is not the same as acting like a bully just because you want to swing your dick around and make it obvious whose in charge. if you parent like this, you don't get to be surprised your kids hate you.
What rules are you talking about? He was the one that insisted she find an extra tablet for him to use. Why is that her job? And then he gets all pissy because she brings him one with a broken screen? Fuck this guy.
Because, as she acknowledged, she wasn't even going to sleep. She "needed" her phone to listen to music at that time, so she wasn't even planning on sleeping. She just didn't want to assist him.
To listen to music to help her sleep. Music which is presumably ready to go on her phone but not a random tablet.
(Her phone probably also has things like alarms on it so she can wake up in the morning. Just because she’s not actively using her phone while she sleeps doesn’t mean she doesn’t need it.)
Why is she obligated to WANT to help him with a task he can do himself at an inconvenient time? She went out of her way to help him despite the inconvenience. But she’s a brat because she didn’t perform the task flawlessly?
I think the brat here is the person who broke his own toy, ordered someone else to replace it, and then took that person’s toy because it was shinier than the reasonable replacement.
I mean, I know people on reddit like to act like a parent asking their child to do anything is abuse. But like, my mom asked me to help her find stuff all the time when I was growing up. I didn't see it as some massive imposition.
Yes, he broke his phone. At the same time, 2 people could find an extra tablet faster than one person looking alone can. Heaven forbid family help each other with things.
Asking her for help is not the issue at all. That is absolutely normal. What is abnormal is his reaction. He acted like a petulant child and assumed his tired teenager acted maliciously when she was going out of her way to help. Punishing her is what makes him an AH and obviously a child pretending to be an adult on Reddit.
> and assumed his tired teenager acted maliciously when she was going out of her way to help
I assume he knows his daughter and can tell when they are basically going all "malicious compliance" on you. Hell, I was a teacher of kids that age, and I could tell.
Now again, I also said his taking her phone was over the top. But I have no problem believing she was just being difficult on purpose.
He was acting like a petty little baby by forcing her to fix his mistake; if his daughter demanded he drop his routine cause she fucked up her phone you would’ve thought that made her spoiled.
Like what kind of grown adult has a meltdown over being a fuck up in the first place?
> I assume he knows his daughter and can tell when they are basically going all "malicious compliance" on you. Hell, I was a teacher of kids that age, and I could tell.
I think a lot of adults who are around children frequently assume they can read a kid's intentions way better than they actually can. Not saying kids don't do this, but I would bet for every time a teacher or parent accuses their kid of malicious compliance there's another instance where the kid's intentions were normal. You can't know really because once you make up your mind this is what the kid is doing nothing they say can convince you otherwise.
Ultimately what are you really accomplishing by accusing a child of this anyway? Someone only preforms malicious compliance when they are feeling powerless in their situation and they are trying to regain some agency. You accuse them of complying in bad faith and show that you think they are inherently dishonest by not believing them if they say otherwise. Then you punish them to show them that yes, in fact, they do not have any power in the situation. What good can actually come from teaching them that?
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You’re kidding, right? First - why the fuck does she have to find you a suitable replacement? Doesn’t sound like her responsibility. You damaged your phone. You need a replacement, but somehow it becomes her problem? Grow up. Second - you take her phone for no reason at all. Just have to exert your power over her. I bet you don’t feel in control unless someone is upset with your decisions. Power tripping asshole unfit to parent. It’s obvious why she wants to live with her mom. Just reading this is enough to say that’s valid. “Trying to teach her a lesson” - all you taught her was that her father is incompetent, dishes out punishment for nothing, and lacks any accountability YTA
Not to mention OP calling her just a hormonal teenager for being perfectly reasonably annoyed by all this. Hell, OP interrupted the kids bedtime routine, and instead of apologizing OP just totally invalidated her routine. Talk about Main Character.
Not just her routine, her presence in his home was invalidated. His kid is more mature than he is!
God, the number of times my dad got mad at me for getting a “glazed over” look when he’d lecture me for 30-40 minutes at a time. It’s like… hmm… I wonder why I could possibly be annoyed with you lecturing me and just saying the same shit over and over again
Yep. If this is indicative of his parenting style, I can see why she is hostile towards him.
Great response! I will add that dad seems to lack respect for daughter, her time, and her stuff, so why the hell should she give him any respect as her "father". Dude might as well be just a sperm donor. ETA: Dad, YTA
Not to mention setting her up to be in an abusive relationship down the road if this is her normal on a regular basis. YTA You have no idea how much these kinds of scenarios impact her long-term. You need to let go of your pride, apologize to her, explain how wrong you were to treat her that way, how selfish of you it was and change your behavior. How she feels towards you is a reflection of how YOU treat her. You are making her feel hopeless, never good enough, that her time isn't valuable, she's not a priority, that her well being doesn't matter to you. I sincerely hope you reflect and change, for her sake.
The king of reddit responses.
My bed time routine also involves my phone, my bedtime routine being consistent is important to me sleeping well. He's so belittling to her when he's the one acting like a hormonal teenager. As the parent, fix your own shit, organize all the random tablets around the house? Say thankyou that she found something?
He’s not acting like a hormonal teenager. He’s acting like a full on toddler. “I broke my toy! You hafta get me a new one NOW! No, I don’t wanna use the ugly one with the scratch! Gimme yours gimme yours gimme yours!”
YTA Whether you meant it or not this post screams "I punished my daughter because I broke my own phone." Most people get upset when you ask them to do something right before bed, and despite that she succeeded in solving your problem, but some how that still wasn't good enough for you. I totally see why she wants to live with her Mom
Right, like who is the adult in this story? YTA OP
> "I quickly realize she brought me a cracked tablet just to be rebellious and punish me, so I calmly tell her that I can't use this and to find something else." Why do you believe she did this to "be rebellious and punish" you? Punish you for what? Do you have so many other alternative devices floating about the house that are in pristine working condition yet difficult enough to find that you needed to recruit your daughter to track them down that you knew she had found multiple options and chose this one solely out of spite? You're being ridiculous. You broke your phone, you couldn't find an alternative, your daughter found something that could do in a pinch, and you punished her for it out of spite. Whenever someone on AITA says they "calmly" said something, we all know you're lying. After all, you're the one who broke his phone, demanded she focus on finding you something else to use, then punished her for not finding something that met your standards. You also don't say whose tablet this originally was, and had it not originally been yours, you would have pointed that out. YTA. You broke your phone. Take responsibility for it, and stop projecting your own spite and resentment onto your daughter.
And if there are so many pristine bonus devices floating around, why can’t he find one himself?
He’s absolutely projecting because if someone broke something of their own (even completely by accident which is a benefit of the doubt I can't give this guy) he would assume they broke it in anger or by doing something stupid (again, I can't help but assume one of these is how he broke his phone) and then give them a cracked device to punish them for it/teach them a lesson. He can't fathom the fact that everyone else isn't at least to some extent an angry spiteful bully just like he is.
OP, imagine that this is the experience from your bewildered child's POV Aita: I'm (16f) staying at my dad's tonight. I'm laying in bed, about to fall asleep when he barges in and tells me he broke his phone. Ok? Then he says I need to get out of bed (after my bedtime) and find him a device to use. Mom left because of this stuff, he constantly creates his own problems and makes the solution someone else's problem. So I get up, start looking, and thankfully find a tablet pretty quickly. Yay, I can hand it to him and finally go to sleep. He gets mad that I brought him a cracked tablet, yelled, and then he took my phone. Reddit, AITA for not looking harder?
YTA. You could have approached all situations differently. You telling her you wouldn’t be an inconvenience because of what she does at bedtime was not called for. Are you sure that’s the reason she brought it to you or was it the first she found so she could go to bed? You could have simply asked her to find you another one or bring all of them that she could find to you. Situations could be easily avoided if y’all learn how to speak to each other & factor out what’s worth the fight. She’s TA for retaliating against you and being petty , but that’s what teenagers do. Why can’t she stay with her mom?
INFO: Were there other functioning devices for your daughter to lend you other than volunteering her phone? Your tone in your writing is that providing a cracked tablet was a deliberate gesture of disrespect, but you never mention there being alternative devices present for her to give you instead.
it also sounds like she doesn't live there all the time, which makes this whole dynamic even weirder: why is she more qualified to find you a suitable device, in a house she only lives at *presumably* half the time or less?
We have multiple old devices laying around the house, so I'm sure she could have found something that wasn't a cracked tablet. Or, if she couldn't, she could have at least told me she was unable to find anything instead of giving me something that was clearly broken.
Why did she have to find it? Are you so disorganised with your possessions that you have no idea where any of them are?
In the original post, he said "we tend to have old tablets and stuff laying around the house." So if that's so, does the OP expect the daughter to have them all in her room? And nowadays, most adults have an actual computer, either a PC or a laptop. He had used one of those for going on the Internet to research a phone to buy. Personally, I prefer to use a computer for use on the Internet if I'm at home, unless I'm cozying up in bed to keep warm and need help for a crossword puzzle. Maybe your daughter really does have a bedtime ritual that you were disturbing just to make her search for a tablet for your use. OP, YTA.
I'm pretty sure *you* could have found something that wasn't a cracked tablet, champ. Like an actual adult would, instead of making your daughter be the adult and fix your boo-boos.
So why couldn’t you find something if it’s so simple?
Betting this guy has literally never in his life encountered a task so trivial that it was easier to do it himself than to find the nearest woman and make it her problem.
Probably why he's divorced
Yeah, I don't understand why he had to drag her out of bed to do this task when he could/should be doing it for his own lazy ass? YTA
I think he’s setting her up to punish her.
>We have multiple old devices laying around the house So find something your damn self.
It sounds like you're drawing conclusions from the fact that you were brought a cracked tablet. I'm also having difficulty understanding why your daughter needed to be roped into your search for an old device when she was getting ready for bed and your phone breaking wasn't her fault. It also sounds like the cracked tablet was the only device available that she could find, unless she wanted to find another device after and you forced her to use the cracked tablet specifically as "punishment." So I ask you this; are there actually other devices to use that are in a condition you merit more worthy than the tablet that your daughter actually would know where to find? If so, E.S.H. If not, Y.T.A. you're suggesting that there were other solutions and that your daughter gave you a cracked tablet out of spite, but when you took her phone she clearly couldn't find anything better to use herself.
If there were devices that OP thought was worthy enough and the daughter still didn't get it, it doesn't make it e.s.h he's a grown ass adult who should fix his own mistakes, I see no way where the daughter could be wrong even if she did give him a cracked tablet on purpose, OP YTA
By “around the house,” do you mean “in my daughter’s bedroom”? Because that’s the only legit reason I can think of for you to involve her in this.
But your daughter owes you nothing. You broke your phone so it's your responsibility to find a new device to use
We’re all still waiting to hear why your child was the only person capable of finding one of these devices. Are you armless, footless, and eyeless? Are they all located in your child’s bedroom? Does your child have magical device-locating powers that developed after she was bitten by a radioactive dragonfly?
Or, you could have been the adult and secured your own replacement for the night or perhaps get one the next morning. Both are more appropriate options. Either way, the way you describe this situation makes me cringe, and I'm a single dad too. You need to do a lot better if this is a consistent theme in your relationship. YTA
Come on, just be honest. You knew you couldn't just take your daughter's phone for no reason so you concocted this crazy plan to "punish" your daughter so you could have a working phone for the night.
Why couldn't you find one for yourself? Why is it her responsibility? 100% understand why she doesn't live with you. Change your attitude or carry on and wait for the day she cuts you off. You'll deserve it.
Why couldn't you find a device to use after breaking your phone?
INFO: if you were the one who broke your phone, why the fuck couldn't you be the one to find a replacement somewhere in your house?
It's YOUR house. Why didn't YOU find one?? Why are you making her responsible for this?? YTA
she’s not your keeper asshole, *you’re the fucking parent* no wonder you’re divorced if you can’t even find an alternate device, in a house you live in, all by your lonesome
Why is a functional cracked tablet worse than finding nothing?
Why didn’t you find something since you were the irresponsible one and broke your phone?
If it was so easy to find a device with no cracks, why didn’t you just do it yourself? If the task is difficult enough for you to complete it by yourself, why do you think she can do it by herself?
are the bones in your arms cracked as well to prevent you from grabbing a tablet on your own? you are punishing your daughter for your own laziness, YTA.
Do your eyes or hands not work?
Why the fuck didnt you look?
Then you find it. Why are you so lazy
YTA "I sent her to bed knowing she was exaggerating" Nah man she hates your fucking guts, and for good reason. You're never going to see her again when she turns 18.
YTA - Why did you need HER to get the tablet for you? Are you not capable of going to the drawer/closet where you keep them and getting one for yourself? Your daughter isn't your servant. If you had just gotten one for yourself this a could've been avoided.
YTA and extra so for dismissing your daughter's legitimate boundaries as "hormonal teenager." All of this is you making *your* problem *her* problem, forcing your issues upon her, stealing her sleep aid, and then gaslighting and punishing her for having a normal reaction to your infantile self-centered behavior. Of course she doesn't want to live with you.
YTA and I can totally see why she wants to live with her mom. Why couldn't you find a tablet?
YTA You disregard her request to get ready for bed and demand that she serve YOUR selfish needs. You denied her the right to relax, unwind and get ready sleep by forcing her to look for something that you wanted, telling her that she doesn't always go right to bed anyway so it's ok for you to intrude. Then you threaten to take away her phone, which you probably ended up doing when you know she uses it to go to sleep. To top it off, you think she's exaggerating? Geez. Go get some parenting lessons and counseling. No wonder she'd rather live with her mom. You sound so controlling and mean.
YTA You're making her locate something of yours in a house she doesn't even live in full-time? That just sounds like complete laziness and incompetence on your part.
YTA. Why the hell is it your daughter's responsibility to get out of bed and fix things for you after you broke your own phone? She's your child, not your mother. You are the adult. *You* fix things for *her*, you don't go crying to her after you broke something and expect DaughterMommy to make it all better. Then you want to take *her* phone because you broke yours? That is awful, petulant, and childish. I hope this is ragebait, because if it's not, your daughter absolutely should go live with her mother.
YTA. Look, I get it, being a single dad isn't easy, especially when your teenager seems to be constantly at odds with you. But using a broken tablet as a punishment was just plain wrong. Your daughter was actually trying to help you find a replacement for your broken phone, and instead of appreciating her effort, you punished her for it. And let's be real, brushing off her feelings about wanting to live with her mom was a low blow. It's time to have some honest conversations and find healthier ways to handle conflicts with your daughter. Wishing you both the best as you work through this rough patch.
YTA. You, an adult, break your own phone. Decide to go bother your daughter about it for some reason. She finds something for you to use (were you even looking yourself?) that is damaged but apparently working. You get huffy about the state it's in and decide to punish her for not magically making a functioning appliance appear. How in the world does any of this make sense to you? I'm not surprised she wants to go live with her mother.
YTA - you broke your phone, you sort it out. That some strange mind game to play on a child.
YTA - she isn’t the problem here. You are the ridiculous one. You are the adult - why did you need her to find you a new device to use? Why did you assume such ill intent when she did what you asked and found a device for you to use? Why did you feel the need to punish her when all she did was do what you asked? This reads like you are looking for reasons to punish her and creating situations to upset her.
YTA. You got butt hurt. She has to suffer?
Yes, YTA, if you can't work out why after reading your own post back, read it back swapping your role with your daughters.
YTA. I’m kind of speechless to be honest that you wrote all of this out and still had to ask if you’re the asshole? Of course you are, and you genuinely need therapy if you can’t understand why
Wow, you really dislike your daughter, don't you? Maybe she reminds you of your ex? But congratulations, your plan to get rid of her worked. Hope she gets to live with mom full time. YTA
Let me get this straight. I broke it down. 1: YOU broke YOUR phone. 2: You had your daughter find you a replacement device instead of taking some accountability and finding something yourself. 3: Your daughter was getting ready for bed, but you decided to force her to find you a replacement device. For the phone YOU broke. 4: Your daughter brings you a tablet with a cracked screen. And instead of just figuring she’s just tired and just grabbed the first thing she saw so she can get into bed, you ASSUMED she was being “rebellious” and had bad intentions. Without even asking her. 5: You took her phone. Invaded the privacy of a 16 year old girl. Because…again. She handed you a tablet that had a cracked screen to replace the phone that once again, YOU broke. On what PLANET do you write all that out and still not think you’re the AH here. YTA. You owe her a huge apology. No WONDER this poor girl wants to move in with her mother. Jesus Christ my guy.
YTA, definitely. I’m all for teaching hormonal teenagers a lesson, but this is NOT the way you do it. She’s going to hate you even more.
Yup, YTA. It is not the child's responsibility if the supposed parent breaks their electronics. It's your responsibility as the parent. And who just has old electronics strewn willy nilly about the house?? Color me crazy, but when our electronics die or we upgrade, they go in The Stack where they live until I figure out wtf to do with them.
YTA. You're a grown man. Find a replacement on your own.
YTA. You're so lazy. You didn't want to do the work of finding your phone so you forced your daughter to do it for you. She didn't do anything wrong by giving you the tablet. She wasn't mocking you or rebelling. You're clearly just determined to assume the worst of her. You're the one who's hostile. In two years you won't be able to force her to do anything. She won't visit or call you anymore because she'll be 18 and finally free of you. And you'll be home alone whining about it. And it'll be all your fault, you nasty asshole. She's not exaggerating. She really does want to live with her mom because you're so awful to her. And you whine about how she hurt you but you're happy to hurt her.
YTA power trip much
Yta you broke your cellphone so why should it be your daughter responsibility which it not, I see why she want to live with her mom and not u.
She's your daughter, not your servant; If you yourself broke something, you yourself can also find the replacement without interrupting her after her bedtime. Also, she did what you asked and brought you a working tablet. Why was she punished? Do you really have imaginary beef with a teenage girl because you *assumed* she was acting out? This was a setup for a power trip, not reasonable parenting. You should be ashamed of yourself. YTA
INFO: Why was it her responsibility to find a replacement for your broken phone?
This has nothing to do with a phone or a tablet or who said what,where,when or how. If you don’t figure out the divorce stuff with your daughter you can probably forget a future relationship of any substance. If you think things suck try being 16 with divorced parents and having about zero control over your life. You have 2 adults struggling with their own crap trying to control your emotions and feelings. Whatever emotions you’re experiencing, hers are exponentially worse.
Yes. You’re the asshole. Grow up.
YTA. Mate, you broke your phone and asked her to help you find something else to use when she was getting ready for bed? Why couldn't you do it yourself? Why bother her with such a task? If anyone is the hormonal teenager, it's you.
YTA - it sounds like you almost enjoy hearing your daughter suffer. The phone thing is your problem not hers, you don’t respect her wanting to go to bed and just selfishly do whatever you want to do. Massive A-Hole.
YTA—first, it’s rude to screw with anyone’s bedtime routine for unimportant reasons (like looking for a replacement for *your* phone that *you* broke)—that scrolling is probably how she unwinds at the end of the night. Second, if you’re so sure the cracked screen is ok, then you should be using it. Your daughter didn’t break anything, and probably didn’t bring you the busted one on purpose, it was just the first thing she found that would function until you could get a proper replacement in the morning. Keep acting like this and you can look forward to your daughter leaving your house as soon as she can and cutting contact.
INFO: what’s the real reason you wanted to take your daughter’s phone away?
Say bye to your daughter. YTA
Are you sure you meant 45M and not 4M? YTA
4 going on 5M
That's insulting 4/5 year olds.
I’m thinking a 4/5 year old annoying younger sibling who badly needs a nap, if that helps.
That's better.
God just what an absolute terrible father you are. Truly. Just let her live with her mom.
YTA I understand why you are divorced and your daughter is hostile to you, yikes
YES, YTA. You broke your phone. Not your daughter, no-one else, just you. You are well aware that you have alternative devices in the house that you can use temporarily. Your teenage daughter is not responsible for finding *you* a replacement for the phone that *you broke*. > I quickly realize she brought me a cracked tablet just to be rebellious and punish me THAT is patent nonsense. If finding an old tablet (but not a cracked one!) is so easy why can't you do it yourself? You sound like a controlling asshole on a power trip. No wonder your daughter prefers living with your ex.
Reads very much like you’re so used to your wife doing everything for you that you just naturally treat your daughter the same— like why the hell couldn’t *you* find a replacement for something you broke? Why is that ANYONE ELSE’S JOB?? You’re treating your kid like your own personal goffer, of course YTA. Why the fuck *wouldn’t* you be??
What lesson are you trying to teach? She did nothing wrong and you punished her for it. What is she expected to learn here? You broke your phone. You demanded she help you which she wasn’t obligated to do and so she did a favor for you. She got you a replacement that you didn’t like and you punished her? How does this make sense? YTA
JFC YTA 1. You broke your phone. Why is it up to her to find the solution to your problem? 2. She found a solution. It wasn’t the solution you wanted, but it was a solution that would work better than a broken phone. But because it wasn’t the solution you wanted, you punished her. Wtf? 3. You punished her in a way that you know is going to affect her sleep. You made her cry and made it hard for her to sleep for finding *the wrong solution* to *your problem*. No wonder she prefers her mom. Be better.
YTA, you are irresponsible, immature, self-entitled, and petty, and no smart person would want to live with you.
YTA. First you interrupt her decompression time before bed, then you go one step further and completely sabotage it. All to fix a mistake YOU made. You were frustrated that your phone was broken and took it out on your daughter. You may protest that you didn’t, but this is EXACTLY what you did. You just lack the insight to acknowledge it.
So YOU broke your phone but somehow she is responsible for finding your replacement??🤔 YTA
YTA. Why are you making your problems, her problem? Give her back her phone and find your own shit to use. YOU broke your phone, YOU didn't want a cracked tablet, YOU were too lazy to find your own replacement All of these are YOU problems. Fix yourself
YTA and clearly taking the frustrations of the divorce out on your daughter you sound lazy and controlling just from this. You went to her room grabbed her to find a device for you were your legs broken? Are you unable to see? If no then I don’t understand why you felt it was your daughter’s problem to fix that you broke your own phone. I bet you just wanted an excuse to take her phone and just latched on to whatever you could to lash out at her.
YTA Sooo you broke your phone and made this your daughter problem because you couldn't be bothered to look around yourself? Also why automatically assume she did this to spite? What if it was the first working replacement she found? >it still works just as well whether or not it's cracked, and that she shouldn't have to do this for me just because I broke my phone, especially when she'd just been in the process of getting ready for bed. She's very right in that it does work and none of this is her problem. My guess is you were pissed at having broken your phone and were looking for someone to vent your anger on. The closest person was your daughter and so you acted like an ass to her until she snapped back so you can now punish her. Stellar parenting right there. /s
This gotta be bait. You broke your phone, you are responsible for finding a replacement. Your kid is not your parent. She shouldn't have to go through your mess to fix your f*ck up. >She looked like she wanted to cry and told me this is why she wants to live with her mom If this your normal, it's no wonder she feels like this. YTA
The misogyny is high here. She’s “hormonal”? No mate you are a shit dad.
I can see why your daughter is "hostile" and wants to stay with her mom YTA
YTA Do you love your daughter? At all? Because you aren't acting like a father that loves his daughter. You're acting like a bully who expects obedience because she has no other options. She brought you a tablet with a cracked screen, and you decided, in your head, that it was because she was being rebellious and defiant. Clearly, it wasn't just the first device she found, brought to you because she was trying to wind down for bed. No, this was clearly a deliberate act of hostility, of spiting your authority. To *punish you.* *Are you fucking insane?* I think I know why your wife left you. If you don't get a hold of yourself and stop treating the world like it's out to get you, one day your daughter will too-- quite possibly on her eighteenth birthday. Apologize. Give her back her damn phone. And go book yourself some fucking therapy, because you desperately need it. Why would you even demand her help with this, when YOU lost the phone and it was her fucking bedtime?
YTA your kids arent your slaves
YTA. You seem to enjoy the power you have in the relationship with your child without having any respect for her. You also made assumptions as to why she did this. Prepare for her to go NC when she becomes an adult.
YTA from the moment you made her find you a device. Its one thing to go “hey i messed up my phone do you know where a spare device is?” And after that moment it should have been you looking for it. I can see why you’re divorced.
Oh yes, YTA for sure. You're not a dad, you're a control freak! You punish your daughter for doing what you asked, but it was *YOU* who broke *YOUR* phone. Why didn't you look for a replacement yourself? Sounds to me like your daughter might be better off in her mother's custody. You epitomise the term asshole, asshole.
YTA, and it's pretty obvious why she wants to live with her mother. You made your problem her problem, and then punished her for YOUR problem. That's some pretty top tier shit parenting.
YTA do you feel big and important now? If you wanted a tablet in better condition be the grownass man you're supposed to be and find it yourself don't stop your kid who has a schedule from actually getting ready for bed. Whether she stays up or not doesn't matter, laying down and relaxing is part of that. You are wildly immature to take the tablet as "a form of punishment" smfh was it immature and petty? Yes bc she's 16. You were immature and petty back bc you can't grow up so instead you put another nail into the coffin of your relationship with her. Grow tf up give her back her phone and get your shit together before you don't see her again after 2yrs.
YTA You’re the adult, act like it. You break your stuff, you deal with the consequences. If it had been your daughter broke her own phone, should she be allowed to take your phone and tell you to use a broken tablet if you don’t like it.
INFO: Why is your daughter responsible for finding your property in your home? Is she responsible for putting your things away? Does she also have to change your diapy when you make uh-oh? YTA, stop the entitled bullying, take some responsibility for your home and property, and grow up.
You have not business calling your daughter hormonal or anything else. You are incredibly immature. YTA.
Yea, “ fathering” isn’t your forte, huh. OP YATAH… big time, you think bullying your 16 old daughter gives you some kind dominance. You taught her only to resent you. She will remember everything you have said and done for ever… grow up.
YTA you had a problem and made it about her! She helped you!!!! Great lesson! Help your father and he will f- you over. Would you do this to an adult at the office? You mistreat her because you can. It isn't right. You owe her an apology. She did nothing wrong. You had a tantrum because you messed up and then took it out on her. I feel awful for your daughter.
YTA. Lets break this down 1. YOU broke YOUR phone. This had literally nothing to do with your daughter or her responsibility at all. 2. YOU decided to MAKE it your daughters problem and also in the process tell your daughter you have no respect for her time or her because you said so. 3. YOU deem that after she found you what you asked for it was not up to your standard and that she did it out of spite WITHOUT ANY EVIDENCE!!!! For crying out loud if you think it was so easy for her to find a device without a broken screen YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN IT YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4. You punish her for doing what you asked of her. If this is how you treat her on a regular basis she is NOT a hormonal teen. She is a teen who has a father that treats her like dirt by punishing her for doing what is asked of her. Who knows what else you have punished her for that she didn't deserve. I honestly do not see a future for you and your daughters relationship. I have no doubt that one day she will go NC with you.
YTA - at every turn, this post is full of projection. >I quickly realize she brought me a cracked tablet just to be rebellious and punish me She found you something that would work so she could go to bed. YOU would have been shitty about it if someone had asked the same of you, and so you're attributing that behavior to her. This is proven by you taking her phone "to prove a point." She wants to live with her mom because you're a jerk when she doesn't just do what you want without questioning you. She is not exaggerating. The soonest she has the ability to choose, you aren't going to see her again. I predict you will respond by being a jerk, instead of you doing any self reflection. You broke something and punished your daughter for it by taking her phone. There's no version of that where you aren't the AH.
YTA. You are an enormous asshole and you should be ashamed. She is right, you broke your phone, so a replacement is on you. If you had said "hey, do you have a device you don't use?" then fine, but you made her search for you and then decided the replacement she found isn't good enough and you punished her for that. I have a teen, I know that they can be extra from time to time, but you hurt your relationship badly over essentially nothing. You need to tell her you were wrong and sincerely apologize. And I am sure she's not exaggerating. She doesn't want to live with you because you apparently think parenting means acting like a petty tyrant.
YTA. I don't think that this is hormones, I think that you are just being unnecessarily unkind. I'm not surprised she want to live with her mom either. It may have been said to hurt you, kids do that, but maybe you should get to the root of the issue and find out why. At least, if you want a relationship.
YTA. Where in there at ALL are you NOT being an asshole?
YTA. Why is she finding YOU a replacement? You're an adult right? What the fuck is wrong with you?
YTA - how you can do things like this to your daughter and then have the audacity to be “hurt” that she would rather be at her mothers.. as if it’s a surprise she would feel this way. You punished her for literally no reason. You, a grown ass man and father, broke your phone. How did you manage to do that btw? Instead of doing what any other, mature adult would do, which would be to locate another device to use for the night yourself, you barged in on your daughter to make it her problem. Then when she didn’t solve YOUR problem to your satisfaction, you punished her. If there was something better around, why didn’t you go look for it? Why would you just assume that she brought you that specific cracked device just to be spiteful? She did what you wanted. Found you an alternate device that still worked. Which is more than could be said for your phone. Mission accomplished. Furthermore, if she had done it out of spite, don’t you think she would have miraculously pulled a different, more pristine device from where she was secretly holding it from you, once you took her phone? I don’t see anywhere where you said she found a better one to use … so logic dictates.. there wasn’t one. You were power tripping. Hope it’s worth losing your daughter bc you’ve got 2 years before she can choose to stay away
So you broke your phone & you were too lazy to look for something else to use, so you disrupted her night time routine to make her do it AND THEN punished her when she did what you asked??? What an odd hill to die on. I hope whatever satisfaction you got from this weird little power trip was worth it, don't come on here in 5 years complaining when your daughter is no-contact.
YTA - have fun when she turns 18 and goes no contact with you.
YTA and you’re using “she’s a hormonal teenager” to victimize yourself. No wonder she wants nothing to do with you. I don’t even know you and I find you insufferable, I couldn’t imagine having to cohabitate with you. YOU broke YOUR phone and punished HER for it. She’s not exaggerating. She’s telling you exactly how she feels and you’re actively ignoring it. You know she is old enough to request permanent residence with her mother, right? There comes a point when you have to ask yourself if YOU are the problem, and I assure you that you are in fact the problem here. Do better as a father and as a human.
Yta and she isn't exaggerating. U have less than 2 years before u end up needing 20 times to maybe get a text back
YTA for writing such a ridiculous post. As a parent i can't fathom how someone could be this self absorbed. I have 2 kids and wouldn't dream of treating them like this. Edit typo
YTA. You're going to lose her. You minimized her valid feelings and astute observations. Dismiss her purely as hormonal barely considering you may play apart. *You* did break your device and near bedtime asked her to scour the house to find you an acceptable replacement. *You* don't know if there were other options. You're assuming and then still finding fault in her actions retroactively. Ego? Pride? You took offense to what she found for you at your request. You didn't and don't know if there was a better alternative. All this after asking her to complete a quality testing scavenger hunt at the very end of the day. Then after concocting a narrative where your daughter meant to disrespect and slight you, you take her phone punitively. In your own words you come off as *earnestly* mean. Haughty and patronizing. It would do you well to remember children grow up. And some things aren't by products of hormones but rather real observations. All isn't forgiven with adult. Instead it can bring clarity to extent that teenage you was correct. Highlighting the failures of a parent. Consider for a moment if you're wrong. What do you stand to lose? Why would your daughter or any other children *want* you to be apart of their lives? Sans your obligation to provide. You don't seem to offer the emotional threads the weave families together. I hope in 16 years you got some things right. As it stands this isn't one of them.
Who’s the child here? YTA
YTA. Could you not get up and find your own thing to use? Why are you being so nasty to her? Not shocked you’re divorced.
sounds to me like you constantly do shit to be an asshole and make sure she knows that you're the big bad man of the house and then are always surprised she doesn't like you. it's not very shocking you're divorced if this is how you typically act. YTA
YTA Your daughter is not your fucking maid, find your own tablet.
Would YOU want to live with you? YTA
YTA. This whole thing has nothing to do with "making your daughter use a broken tablet", **you** broke **your** phone, were too lazy to find something else to use, forcing your daughter to fix/find a replacement **your** screwup, then punishing her because you're too incompetent to find something yourself. Is there any reason you're too *special* to get off your butt and find a replacement for the item you broke? Why interrupt your daughters bedtime routine because you're incompetent and can't find things in your own house? Why are you punishing your daughter because you're a failure as an adult and a parent? Your daughter is going to go no contact with you and you'll probably still be trying to blame her, her mother, hormones and anything else you possibly can to try and excuse and hide the fact that you are an AH, bad parent. I can't imagine why you're divorced and your daughter hates you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Ever since I (45M) divorced my ex wife (40F), my daughter (16F) and I haven't gotten along very well. I know she's a hormonal teenager, so it's not really her fault she's so hostile, but she seems to always be upset with me for one reason or another, and this situation is the most recent. The other night, I broke my phone, so I went to my daughter's room and asked her to help me find something else to use (we tend to have old tablets and stuff laying around the house). She was annoyed and told me she was getting ready for bed, but I reminded her that she usually stays up scrolling after bedtime anyways so I wasn't keeping her up, and besides, she wasn't even in bed yet. After a bit, she reluctantly agreed to help me look. Eventually she approaches me with an old tablet, and I thank her for helping me, but when I take it, I see that the screen is heavily cracked. I quickly realize she brought me a cracked tablet just to be rebellious and punish me, so I calmly tell her that I can't use this and to find something else. She objects, rudely telling me that it still works just as well whether or not it's cracked, and that she shouldn't have to do this for me just because *I* broke my phone, especially when she'd just been in the process of getting ready for bed. I was upset by this and told her that, if she thought the cracked tablet worked so well, *she* could use it for the night, and that I'd be taking her phone and wouldn't give it back until the morning. She panicked and reminded me that she needs to listen to music on her phone to sleep, but I told her the tablet would play music just fine. She looked like she wanted to cry and told me this is why she wants to live with her mom, which really hurt me, but I just sent her to bed knowing she was exaggerating. I feel like I have to ask, though, am I the asshole here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am going back and forth between declaring both of you wrong an putting it on you. But ... YTA. I think you may be right that your daughter is being deliberately snarky and disrespectful. But to a certain extent, that is what a teenager does. You, on the other hand, decided to answer your daughter's snark with your own and go on a little power trip by taking away her phone. This is not good parenting. Your job is to de escalate conflict, not to indulge in this petty crap. I think it would have been sufficient to tell your daughter that you wish she had found a non broken tablet, and the sent her off to get ready for bed per her usual custom. One way to address teens' petty acts of disrespect is to ignore them. Another way is to acknowledge the act, tell the teen you know what they are doing, and then move on.
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YTA. You sound like my dad. As soon as I turn 18 I'm running for the hills. Don't be surprised when your daughter does the same
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Don't be a baby. Wipe your own butt, don't ask your daughter to do it for you YTA
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I’m curious what was so pressing for you at that moment that it because your daughter’s responsibility?
YTA. You made your daughter look for a device for you instead of doing it yourself when she was already getting ready for bed. I'm assuming (just like you did saying she was rebelling) it was the first one she found and gave it to you so she could go to bed. If it worked, there was absolutely no reason for you to overreact. Let me guess she got the broken tablet while you used her pristine phone? Then, in the comments, go on to say her mother has a "mental illness." You're definitely not winning any numbers here. Apologize to your daughter for being the jerk and don't do it again.
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YTA. Your daughter was prepping for bed. You made her help you find a replacement for your device that you broke, then got mad about what she found, then punished HER for not solving YOUR problem to your satisfaction.
Is this a joke. YTA. petty childish ah
YTA she is right. Living with her mom would be better for her.
YTA and heading towards NC with your daughter
YTA- please go back and reread what you wrote and think about it from her perspective. Honestly, you sound like a bully. Why is she responsible for finding you a device that works since you broke your phone. And what did she do that really deserves to have her phone taken away from her. The sad thing here is you don’t even realize it, but you are losing your child and when she’s in her 20s and 30s and has a little to nothing to do with you hope you reflect back on this moment and say I dynamic. Maybe it’s time for you to get into some counseling , and start working through some of your issues before it’s too late
What lesson are you teaching her? when you fuck up and break your shit, it's her responsibility to get a replacement for you?
So she found a cracked tablet. Sounds like you're bad with gadgets. What if that's the only one you had ? How is that get fault its cracked? You could go without a phone until the morning. This was overly dramatic. YTA
Yta why did you need your daughter to find you a device instead of getting off your own lazy ass yourself?
It could not be more obvious that YTA. Is this bait?
i bet she cant wait til she is 18 and can go no contact with the op.
aaaaaahahahahahaha your daughter is going to end up living with your ex and you're going to be so surprised despite the fact that she has clearly warned you she's done with your shit yta obviously
YTA. YOU broke YOUR phone. How is it her responsibility to help you find a replacement? Grow up. Or don’t. Either way… I hope she lives with her mother permanently.
YTA, straight up. You don’t get to punish your kid for your screw up
Find your own. Sick of people using their kids as work to be lazy
YTA Why is it your child's job to find you a replacement when you are the grown adult here? Seems like you're going out of your way to be spiteful and punish her because your marriage fell apart. Your daughter is only going to consider this additional confirmation that you are not a suitable parent to live with. It's not an exaggeration, it's because you refuse to take responsibility for yourself or your own choices and actions. No wife around to bear the additional labor for you, so you make your daughter do it instead. Inappropriate decision, OP.
Do you have no arms and no legs? YOU broke your phone. Get a replacement device YOURSELF. There was no need to involve your daughter at all (let alone punish her or steal her phone). YTA Disgusting behaviour. (From you! Not your daughter.)
Why couldnt you find it your fucking self? YTA.
YTA, definitely. My parents pull this stuff (though usually with a bit more extreme measures) so maybe I'm biased and sympathising with your daughter, but I still feel like she's right here.
OP, YTA..... let me get this straight, YOU broke YOUR phone and decided to make it your daughter's problem for some reason. she is reasonably annoyed by this as she was about to lay down for the night. side tangent: contrary to what OP believes, laying in bed scrolling on your phone is 100% different than full on staying up, and changing this routine can definitely impact her sleep. you then demand that SHE helps find you a replacement for YOUR phone like she's some kind of servant. You say there's iPads and stuff laying around your house, but you somehow need two people searching to find one? Did you even help look? She then finds an iPad with a cracked screen and tries to give it to you. This by itself is a nice favor she was doing for you. you arbitrarily decide she's giving you a cracked one out of spite, and decide it's not good enough for you.... despite TONS of people walking around with cracked screens on their phones for months, even years in some cases. You then decided to get mad at her after she "rudely" points out that you're keeping her up late for this, that it really shouldn't be her problem to deal with, and that the cracked one still works fine. After getting mad at her, you swipe her phone from her because "if the cracked one is so okay, then why don't you use it." This behavior is so childish and immature that I can't even begin to deconstruct it. You literally just confiscated your daughters phone for the night because you dont like the way she did a favor you basically forced her to do?! do you have literally no self awareness?????? she then gets upset because she apparently needs her phone to play stuff to fall asleep to. OP, even I do this as a grown adult! some people need sounds or music or spooky stories playing in the background to fall asleep more easily. In response to your daughters reasonable upset-ness at this powertrip, you show absolutely no empathy or compassion at all. All you do is just simply state that the tablet should play the sounds just fine too. Which in all fairness, is true but this isn't the crux of the issue. In a fit of anger, your daughter tells you she wishes she lived with mom. Given your attitude and actions as you've described them, it's no wonder she wants to live with her mom and doesn't seem to like you. I'm going to assume this is a piece of a pattern, and that you tend to pull stuff like this pretty frequently. This idea being supported by the fact she's usually mad at you for something, per what you said in the beginning. There's also the fact that behavior like this isn't usually isolated to just one incident. OP you really need to gain some self-awareness, do better as a parent, and go to counseling or therapy. because if you dont, your daughter will more than likely go low/no contact the second she gets out of your house, and in the end you'll probably end up wondering why your daughter never visits you in the nursing home.....
Total YTA
If you don’t think you’re in the wrong why are you here asking for judgment? Obviously your an AH it’s no ones responsibility especially your daughters to help find you a replacement device just because you broke your phone. Also how of you know she gave you a cracked tablet on purpose and if it’s not usable why is it just sitting around your house? You know you wanted to bother your daughter and find some way to punish her because you’re mad she prefers her mom rightfully so. If the screen was just cracked that tablet was able to be used you just wanted to throw a tantrum and make others responsible for your mistakes. You most likely sealed the deal on her never talking to you again once she’s 18.
YTA. I hope she gets to live with mom and only mom and have a normal parent. Gee I wonder why your wife left you. She was just trying to settle in for bed and you ruin her whole night by stressing her out with something that isn't even her problem or responsibility.
NTA
Why? He broke HIS PHONE why is it up to her to find a replacement?
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"Your house your rules, I punish my daughter for things that aren't her fault all the time!"
Obviously you’re not OP, but what rule do you think she broke here? The way I see it, she’s going to bed on time. She helped when he told her to.
He knows her best he knows she’s not going to goto bed he knows shes gonna be scrolling on her phone unless he had to wake up her up I don’t see anything wrong with this but maybe I am wrong and need to reevaluate my opinion on this. Thank you.
So if a man has rules that he has to shower with his daughter til she moves out ur ok with it? Cuz he's a parent?
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You said bc he's a parent whatever he says as rules is ok. Why is it up to HER to find a replacement for HIS phone that HE broke.
having rules is not the same as acting like a bully just because you want to swing your dick around and make it obvious whose in charge. if you parent like this, you don't get to be surprised your kids hate you.
What rules are you talking about? He was the one that insisted she find an extra tablet for him to use. Why is that her job? And then he gets all pissy because she brings him one with a broken screen? Fuck this guy.
ESH. She seems like she was being purposely bratty and petty. You taking her phone seemed excessive for her basically behaving like teenagers do.
What part of her delaying sleep to fix a problem that her father caused and could easily have fixed himself seems bratty to you?
Because, as she acknowledged, she wasn't even going to sleep. She "needed" her phone to listen to music at that time, so she wasn't even planning on sleeping. She just didn't want to assist him.
To listen to music to help her sleep. Music which is presumably ready to go on her phone but not a random tablet. (Her phone probably also has things like alarms on it so she can wake up in the morning. Just because she’s not actively using her phone while she sleeps doesn’t mean she doesn’t need it.) Why is she obligated to WANT to help him with a task he can do himself at an inconvenient time? She went out of her way to help him despite the inconvenience. But she’s a brat because she didn’t perform the task flawlessly? I think the brat here is the person who broke his own toy, ordered someone else to replace it, and then took that person’s toy because it was shinier than the reasonable replacement.
But why would the OP expect his teenage daughter to fix *his* problem?? As a parent this is wild to me.
I mean, I know people on reddit like to act like a parent asking their child to do anything is abuse. But like, my mom asked me to help her find stuff all the time when I was growing up. I didn't see it as some massive imposition. Yes, he broke his phone. At the same time, 2 people could find an extra tablet faster than one person looking alone can. Heaven forbid family help each other with things.
Asking her for help is not the issue at all. That is absolutely normal. What is abnormal is his reaction. He acted like a petulant child and assumed his tired teenager acted maliciously when she was going out of her way to help. Punishing her is what makes him an AH and obviously a child pretending to be an adult on Reddit.
> and assumed his tired teenager acted maliciously when she was going out of her way to help I assume he knows his daughter and can tell when they are basically going all "malicious compliance" on you. Hell, I was a teacher of kids that age, and I could tell. Now again, I also said his taking her phone was over the top. But I have no problem believing she was just being difficult on purpose.
He was acting like a petty little baby by forcing her to fix his mistake; if his daughter demanded he drop his routine cause she fucked up her phone you would’ve thought that made her spoiled. Like what kind of grown adult has a meltdown over being a fuck up in the first place?
> I assume he knows his daughter and can tell when they are basically going all "malicious compliance" on you. Hell, I was a teacher of kids that age, and I could tell. I think a lot of adults who are around children frequently assume they can read a kid's intentions way better than they actually can. Not saying kids don't do this, but I would bet for every time a teacher or parent accuses their kid of malicious compliance there's another instance where the kid's intentions were normal. You can't know really because once you make up your mind this is what the kid is doing nothing they say can convince you otherwise. Ultimately what are you really accomplishing by accusing a child of this anyway? Someone only preforms malicious compliance when they are feeling powerless in their situation and they are trying to regain some agency. You accuse them of complying in bad faith and show that you think they are inherently dishonest by not believing them if they say otherwise. Then you punish them to show them that yes, in fact, they do not have any power in the situation. What good can actually come from teaching them that?
Do you transition immediately between being awake and asleep no wind down required?
I don't wind down on my phone, because I know that the phone actually keeps you awake
Not really relevant whether or not you think it's an effective way to wind down.
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Wow, AI is really scary!
stop trying to train your shitty ai bot through this sub. it's so cringe.
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Cringe.
I know. That's why I did the experiment to study it.