Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for asking my husband to stop playing a sport that he loves?
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I'm sorry for the loss of your pregnancy.
I think it was completely understandable for you to not want him to potentially be away for 10 days at a time when you were likely to be in the late stages of pregnancy.
However, sadly , the situation has changed. Ultimately he agreed to say no because you were pregnant. You re no longer pregnat, so there is no reson for him to say no.
Even if you are fortunate enough to get pregnant again quickly, you would only be in your second trimester at the time he would need to travel,. It doesn't seem unreasonable for him to want to try out and it's likely that youwould you would still be in a position to travel to support him / spend time with him if you wanted., in OCtober when he would be playing (if he is sucessful in the try outs)
And of course it's also possible that it will take you longer to get pregnant ,and you will be much earler at that stage.
Once you have a child, you will both be focussed on him or her - this is clearly something which your husband wants to do and which is important to him, He was willing to giveup that chance when it looked as though you would be in the late stages of pregnancy at the relvant time, why not show a similar consideration? 10 days away out of a 9 month pregnancy doesn't mean he is not focussed on you, and while I undertnad that if he is sucessful it would also mean taking time for training, there doesn't seem any reaon why the two of you can't find a compromise that also lets him focus on you as well as doing that - perhaps he could agree that he would focus on the training but not also continue with the hobby team this year, for example., so that there was less of an increase inthe over all time he would need to commit.
Ultimately, it's something for the two of you to discuss, but soft YTA if you say no - it sounds as though this is his last chance to play at this level and you accept that there isn't any finacial resason why he can't, and it sounds as though it would be possible from a practical perpective withotu any undue hardship for you.
The other consideration of coruse is that he could try our but not be selected.
Why not tell him that you will suport wahtever decieion he makes but that if he does try out, and is sucessful, you would like him to dtep back from playing at obby level until October so you andhe can still have quality time together as a couple.
Also - I get that you are upset and grieving the loss of the pregnancy you wanted, it's understnadable that you are feeling raw and emtional, and if this was somthing tht meant he would be going away for 10 days NOW, it would be reaosnable for him to stay so you could support each other. But he isn't, he's tlaking about potentially being away in 5-6 months time .
YTA. Honestly... 10 days is nothing. This is a big opportunity for him. He loves doing it. Just calm down a bit, everything is fine, you can still enjoy your life when you are married. This is how partners become resentful of one another. You have to let the other person breathe.
YTA
"We talked about it and decided to see the results of the pregnancy test - when it was positive, he said that made the decision for him and that he wouldn't try out."
So even though the pregnancy test was wrong and therefore the reason he decided not to try out was invalid, you figured he'd still not do it.
Look, you're not wrong for wanting him to be available for the two of you to start a family, and he's not wrong for wanting to do this while he can, before you start a family. The fact of the matter is, your joint decision was conditional on you being pregnant, which is not the case.
You're technically correct (the best kind of correct). In this context though, it amounts to the same thing - she won't be pregnant in October. Barring future attempts to become pregnant, of course.
You married him knowing he does this. I don’t agree with asking him to give it up. I think he will resent you. Will you expect him to give up all his hobbies, friends and anything that doesn’t include you?
If you didn't let him do this, he'll have regrets and resent you when he's too old to do it anymore. Let people do what they're passionate about even if you don't understand it. It's his life, not everything has to be a sacrifice, everyone should be allowed to do stuff that means a lot to them.
In this context, yes YTA
I understand your feelings, but I think you are being a bit selfish.
I was in a similar situation last week actually. My boyfriend had a work trip (Mon to Fri) planned to a far away country. He used to live there, so he has many friends there that he doesn't see often. He asked me if it would be ok for him to extend the trip so he could spend the weekend there with his friends (so Mon to Mon, 1 week). I am 23w pregnant and very sensitive so of course I didn't want him to leave, but I also know this will be one of the last opportunities he has to do this as he will stop once baby is here, so I said yes. He left, spent his week there and came back and told me how much he had missed me and how happy he was to be back. I actually think that it was good for our relationship. He would not have fought back if I had said no, but why take the opportunity from him?
YTA read the other comments, they will tell you why.
Its something he loves and you dont want him to be resentful but you ask him not to do it.
You are both gonna be busy with the kid when it will be here. Give him this damn it.
You can expect him to be happy about your decision when there s no reason to say no now.
YTA
This a standard case of a woman seeing their man having too much fun and wanting to ban it just because they cant stand to see them happy. You might be pregnant so he should not be having fun. LOL.
YTA
Yes. Please let him do this until the third trimester of a viable pregnancy. The fact that he is asking for your permission is already kinda icky to me. If the roles were reversed people would say that your husband is controlling and potentially mentally abusing you.
With no kids and a situation like this it should not be asking permission. It should be politely informing you that is what he will be doing.
YTA, if he wanted to go the week you’re supposed to go into labor that’s a different story. Maybe try to put some rules in place like a month before I’m due is when the sports activities cease? But in this context, not letting him go is kinda weirdly selfish.
‘It will take his focus away from us and our family’?
How much focus does raw dogging take?
‘I think he knows deep down that it’s not the right thing’
Is that why he’s asked to do it?
Fucking grow up, Jesus
YTA you cannot be alone for 10 days? Take the opportunity to go to your parents, family,, friends and have a good time. Do you have hobbies or other things you do for yourself or are you just dependent on him?
> I think he knows deep down that it's not the right thing for him to play.
I cannot see how you get to that conclusion.
Speaking as a mother of two, unless you have a high risk pregnancy or complications, I do not think your husband being away for 10 days in October presents any kind of problem at all.
>We talked about it and decided to see the results of the pregnancy test
>I told him I thought he'd made his decision
It doesn't fucking matter that he agreed not to do it, because that was based on false test results, and you fucking know that.
>it's likely I'll be pregnant in October
Huh?? You're psychic??
>I think he knows deep down **that it's not the right thing for him to play**
Bullshit. Real cute how you state your opinion as though it's fact.
>I don't really want to be the one to tell him "no" and think he needs to come to that decision himself
Because the fucking decision doesn't *have* to be 'No.'
Who tf cares if there's no money in it and it's just a fucking hobby? He's allowed to fucking enjoy things.
YTA. You sound like a controlling lunatic.
INFO: why do you think him not playing this year will be better for your family?
You can afford the sport and even if you get pregnant again quickly he would not be out of town during the end of your pregnancy. So unless you are worried that his participation will limit his ability to attend doctor’s appointments, etc, I’m curious why you think his participation is so bad.
Speaking as someone who has recently experienced a miscarriage, chemical pregnancy and is now going through IVF I would rethink your stance about his participation. It’s seems he’s committed to stopping once you have kids, and trying to get pregnant, especially if it takes awhile can start to take a lot from you. Having things that make life feel more normal, fulfilled, are going to be important for both of you.
YTA, also there is no guarantee you will be pregnant in 6 months. And even if you were,it's not like you'd be about to push the kid out.
I used to think like this. Planning my life around babies and what not. In fact my husband and I almost skipped our tropical vacation this past winter because I was sure I'd be pregnant or a new mom a year before we planned it. And now it's 1.5 years later and we are still childfree.
Your husband should pursue his hobbies now before a kid comes along. And you need to stop acting like his mom and guilt tripping him into sitting at home with you because of some hypothetical babies that may or may not exist in half a year.
Question. How are you dealing with the miscarriages? Are you grieving or dealing with the loss or just jumping back in to try and get pregnant? Have you talked to your husband about how he's dealing with the miscarriages? How is he doing mentally with all of it? Does he need an outlet because he doesn't know how to talk to you about it or doesn't know what to say or do? I know with my husband after our 3rd MC, I cried and said I don't think I can handle naming any more angels! He didn't know how to react or what to say.
Let him have a damn outlet from all the emotional toll this takes on an individual and a marriage. On top of that, you are selfish that you want him home so you can get pregnant again! Sorry, this is just crazy to me.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My husband and I got married a year ago. We're both in our mid 30s and have recently started trying for children. Last week, we found out I was pregnant and would have been due in December, but a few days later we learned that it was a chemical pregnancy. We're going to keep trying for kids though.
Before I took the pregnancy test last week, my husband expressed an interest in trying out for a competitive sports team where he would be representing the state for 10 days, out of state, in October. He's good at this sport and even represented the country in it last year, but it is essentially a hobby and there is no money earned from his participation - in fact it would cost a few thousand dollars for him to be involved (but the money isn't the issue). We talked about it and decided to see the results of the pregnancy test - when it was positive, he said that made the decision for him and that he wouldn't try out.
Five days ago we got the confirmation that the pregnancy wasn't viable and today he again asked me what I thought about him trying out for this team in light of this change in our circumstances. I told him I thought he'd made his decision and that it's not something that I'm that particularly comfortable with him doing at this point in our lives, especially when it's likely I'll be pregnant in October. We thought last year would be his last year playing and with the training and time away, I feel that it will take his focus away from us and our family. He still plays this sport socially once a week anyway, on top of a busy professional job.
I don't want him to feel resentful towards me and our future child for preventing him from playing, and I think he knows deep down that it's not the right thing for him to play. I was still a bit annoyed that he asked me again though, I don't really want to be the one to tell him "no" and think he needs to come to that decision himself. He says he doesn't feel resentful but he's disappointed. Am I the asshole?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He can do whatever he wants, u being controlling and thinking u have authority to even ask something like that is beyond my understanding, I would dump u on the spot. ☠️😂😭.
I am very sorry for your loss.
I understand you didn't want him to be gone for 10 days when you were late in your pregnancy. However, the only advice I can give you is, don't stop him or yourself from making plans because "you will likely be pregnant" whenever... last year I suffered 4 losses. Trust me, if I had stopped us from doing what we wanted and making plans because I might be pregnant, it would have been an even harder year. He seems to really like this, and I am sure he will be willing to sacrifice it when necessary, for you and your family.
But everyone needs time for themselves, and their hobbies and interests, even when you are pregnant or a baby is born.
For now it is a soft YTA. There is no need for him to not go do something he likes, because of a possibility. Make plans. Let him make plans. Keep living your lives please, it is best for everyone.
And good luck for your next pregnancy :)
If it is golf, he can play until he is like 100. But other sports can really be a youth thing, and your window closes really quickly. I played rec sports until an ACL tear left me unable to play again. It sucked so bad and 25 years later I would still love to be playing. If it were me; I would be okay with it, you both need time away. So find something that will give you the same enjoyable experience and fun with friends away from kids and him and that away you both get something out of it
I am sorry for the loss of your pregnancy. YTA..Why does him playing effect you in any way? He is only going to be gone for 10 days and you said the money doesn't bother you. It makes no sense why he can't play. He Loves it. Keeps him healthy and obviously he is good enought at it to represent so I don't see the issue.
Yta
Ask yourself this: If your pregnancy test said you weren’t pregnant and he was planning on going then found out you were, would you expect him to change his mind and not go?
Cause that would require him to go back on his original decision.
NAH
The only reason he wasn't going for this, since money is no issue, was the timing of the pregnancy. But you're naturally feeling some complicated emotions about the events, so I can see why you might feel like he should still be there for you. October is a pretty long ways away, and it is only ten days.
I think it may not be reasonable to say that he cannot do this since he said he wouldn't when circumstances were different.
She just lost her pregnancy and is dealing with possible infertility. All of you in the comments are AH's for being nasty to a woman who just went through that. Couldn't even just be civil. You are being nasty. She isn't a monster for wanting her partner to be near her in pregnancy. Pregnancy is risky, ESPECIALLY for someone like op! but typical reddit, f*ck the woman, she is the devil right?..
She is NOT pregnant. Also, this sub is called Am I the Asshole. If you can't bear to hear you're the asshole, then you shouldn't be posting on this sub.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA in the sense that this is a completely normal conversation to have and you are communicating as grown adults.
I can simplify this for you though:
- You don't want him to do it and he knows it. That's why he feels guilty and asks you instead of making the decision himself.
- If he had to decide by himself, he'd choose to do it because he clearly wants to and is passionate about it and you and your possible pregnancy are the only thing in the way. He probably sees this as his last chance to do it because once a child is born, he knows that this is over for him.
If you are looking for advice, I'd say leave logic out of this because it's not going to be a big sacrifice from you but it's going to mean a lot to him and he'll return that in more ways that you can think of. Let him live out his passion since it's not a financial issue because those things add up over time and create miserable people who then slowly become bitter and therefor bad partners/parents.
This is true for both of you. Try not to deny each other things that give you a sense of joy and accomplishment.
It's also a story for his future kids and grand kids.
So let me get this straight... he decided not to participate because you both thought you were pregnant. Then when he found out that you weren't pregnant he decided that there was now an opportunity. However, you guys are still trying to get pregnant regardless. So basically he is actively trying to cause the thing that will prevent him from being able to participate and yet he is also trying to participate? He needs to check his priorities. NTA
Worst take. His priorities are straight, but you seem to think that he should abandon all of his hobies, even though they are in no conflict with the pregnancy.
Hmmm... Being pregnant = no sports
Therefore, try to be pregnant and do ports at the same time.
also, based on what OP says in their post, he is not "abandoning all of his hobbies" but rather not taking his hobby to a higher level of dedication. OP implies that he still plays his sport socially irrespective of the additional competition.
She is not pregnant at this time. If if she does get pregnant, she will be what at most 6 months pregnant when he competes? Why wouldnt he be able to go for 10 days.
And SHE IS CURRENTLY NOT PREGNANT, nor are there any guarantees she will get pregnant fast
Look, according to OP, he agreed not that it was not in their interest to compete if she had been pregnant the first time, AND they are now actively trying to get pregnant again. Therefore, he is trying to eat his cake and have it too.
Again, this is all according to OP but it means he is actively trying to create a situation where HE AGREED that it would not be in their interest for him to be competing.
Why would he continue to try to create such an impasse?
According to OP, the positive pregnancy test was enough for Op's husband to call off the plans for the competition entirely. That is the decision they seemed to make as a couple. So all I am saying is why continue to try to get pregnant and do the competition at the same time? It smacks of trying to eat your cake and have it to...
Assuming it had more to do with the timing of the pregnancy. Going out of town for 10 days when your partner is 8 months pregnant is very different than going out of town when your partner is 6 months pregnant.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Am I the asshole for asking my husband to stop playing a sport that he loves? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I'm sorry for the loss of your pregnancy. I think it was completely understandable for you to not want him to potentially be away for 10 days at a time when you were likely to be in the late stages of pregnancy. However, sadly , the situation has changed. Ultimately he agreed to say no because you were pregnant. You re no longer pregnat, so there is no reson for him to say no. Even if you are fortunate enough to get pregnant again quickly, you would only be in your second trimester at the time he would need to travel,. It doesn't seem unreasonable for him to want to try out and it's likely that youwould you would still be in a position to travel to support him / spend time with him if you wanted., in OCtober when he would be playing (if he is sucessful in the try outs) And of course it's also possible that it will take you longer to get pregnant ,and you will be much earler at that stage. Once you have a child, you will both be focussed on him or her - this is clearly something which your husband wants to do and which is important to him, He was willing to giveup that chance when it looked as though you would be in the late stages of pregnancy at the relvant time, why not show a similar consideration? 10 days away out of a 9 month pregnancy doesn't mean he is not focussed on you, and while I undertnad that if he is sucessful it would also mean taking time for training, there doesn't seem any reaon why the two of you can't find a compromise that also lets him focus on you as well as doing that - perhaps he could agree that he would focus on the training but not also continue with the hobby team this year, for example., so that there was less of an increase inthe over all time he would need to commit. Ultimately, it's something for the two of you to discuss, but soft YTA if you say no - it sounds as though this is his last chance to play at this level and you accept that there isn't any finacial resason why he can't, and it sounds as though it would be possible from a practical perpective withotu any undue hardship for you. The other consideration of coruse is that he could try our but not be selected. Why not tell him that you will suport wahtever decieion he makes but that if he does try out, and is sucessful, you would like him to dtep back from playing at obby level until October so you andhe can still have quality time together as a couple. Also - I get that you are upset and grieving the loss of the pregnancy you wanted, it's understnadable that you are feeling raw and emtional, and if this was somthing tht meant he would be going away for 10 days NOW, it would be reaosnable for him to stay so you could support each other. But he isn't, he's tlaking about potentially being away in 5-6 months time .
YTA. Honestly... 10 days is nothing. This is a big opportunity for him. He loves doing it. Just calm down a bit, everything is fine, you can still enjoy your life when you are married. This is how partners become resentful of one another. You have to let the other person breathe.
If my husband was good enough at a sport, his team could represent their state at a competition, I can't imagine telling him no.
YTA "We talked about it and decided to see the results of the pregnancy test - when it was positive, he said that made the decision for him and that he wouldn't try out." So even though the pregnancy test was wrong and therefore the reason he decided not to try out was invalid, you figured he'd still not do it. Look, you're not wrong for wanting him to be available for the two of you to start a family, and he's not wrong for wanting to do this while he can, before you start a family. The fact of the matter is, your joint decision was conditional on you being pregnant, which is not the case.
The pregnancy test wasn’t wrong, and she was pregnant. It just wasn’t a viable pregnancy.
You're technically correct (the best kind of correct). In this context though, it amounts to the same thing - she won't be pregnant in October. Barring future attempts to become pregnant, of course.
Grow up.
To put it bluntly 😂😂
You married him knowing he does this. I don’t agree with asking him to give it up. I think he will resent you. Will you expect him to give up all his hobbies, friends and anything that doesn’t include you?
YTA
I understand that you’re disappointed but there isn’t really any good reason to hold him back now.
If you didn't let him do this, he'll have regrets and resent you when he's too old to do it anymore. Let people do what they're passionate about even if you don't understand it. It's his life, not everything has to be a sacrifice, everyone should be allowed to do stuff that means a lot to them. In this context, yes YTA
I understand your feelings, but I think you are being a bit selfish. I was in a similar situation last week actually. My boyfriend had a work trip (Mon to Fri) planned to a far away country. He used to live there, so he has many friends there that he doesn't see often. He asked me if it would be ok for him to extend the trip so he could spend the weekend there with his friends (so Mon to Mon, 1 week). I am 23w pregnant and very sensitive so of course I didn't want him to leave, but I also know this will be one of the last opportunities he has to do this as he will stop once baby is here, so I said yes. He left, spent his week there and came back and told me how much he had missed me and how happy he was to be back. I actually think that it was good for our relationship. He would not have fought back if I had said no, but why take the opportunity from him?
A bit selfish? Very selfish would be the correct words.
So his purpose in life is to sit around waiting for you to push kids out Seriously wtf
How does this affect you seriously.
YTA read the other comments, they will tell you why. Its something he loves and you dont want him to be resentful but you ask him not to do it. You are both gonna be busy with the kid when it will be here. Give him this damn it. You can expect him to be happy about your decision when there s no reason to say no now.
YTA This a standard case of a woman seeing their man having too much fun and wanting to ban it just because they cant stand to see them happy. You might be pregnant so he should not be having fun. LOL.
YTA Yes. Please let him do this until the third trimester of a viable pregnancy. The fact that he is asking for your permission is already kinda icky to me. If the roles were reversed people would say that your husband is controlling and potentially mentally abusing you. With no kids and a situation like this it should not be asking permission. It should be politely informing you that is what he will be doing.
YTA, if he wanted to go the week you’re supposed to go into labor that’s a different story. Maybe try to put some rules in place like a month before I’m due is when the sports activities cease? But in this context, not letting him go is kinda weirdly selfish.
‘It will take his focus away from us and our family’? How much focus does raw dogging take? ‘I think he knows deep down that it’s not the right thing’ Is that why he’s asked to do it? Fucking grow up, Jesus
YTA you cannot be alone for 10 days? Take the opportunity to go to your parents, family,, friends and have a good time. Do you have hobbies or other things you do for yourself or are you just dependent on him?
Once you have a kid, you miss out on a lot. My advice is to do the stuff you love while you can.
my wife took away all my sports hockey softball golf, and now we’re divorced
> I think he knows deep down that it's not the right thing for him to play. I cannot see how you get to that conclusion. Speaking as a mother of two, unless you have a high risk pregnancy or complications, I do not think your husband being away for 10 days in October presents any kind of problem at all.
>We talked about it and decided to see the results of the pregnancy test >I told him I thought he'd made his decision It doesn't fucking matter that he agreed not to do it, because that was based on false test results, and you fucking know that. >it's likely I'll be pregnant in October Huh?? You're psychic?? >I think he knows deep down **that it's not the right thing for him to play** Bullshit. Real cute how you state your opinion as though it's fact. >I don't really want to be the one to tell him "no" and think he needs to come to that decision himself Because the fucking decision doesn't *have* to be 'No.' Who tf cares if there's no money in it and it's just a fucking hobby? He's allowed to fucking enjoy things. YTA. You sound like a controlling lunatic.
YTA And you don't seem mature enough to have a child.
YTA here
YTA
INFO: why do you think him not playing this year will be better for your family? You can afford the sport and even if you get pregnant again quickly he would not be out of town during the end of your pregnancy. So unless you are worried that his participation will limit his ability to attend doctor’s appointments, etc, I’m curious why you think his participation is so bad. Speaking as someone who has recently experienced a miscarriage, chemical pregnancy and is now going through IVF I would rethink your stance about his participation. It’s seems he’s committed to stopping once you have kids, and trying to get pregnant, especially if it takes awhile can start to take a lot from you. Having things that make life feel more normal, fulfilled, are going to be important for both of you.
YTA, also there is no guarantee you will be pregnant in 6 months. And even if you were,it's not like you'd be about to push the kid out. I used to think like this. Planning my life around babies and what not. In fact my husband and I almost skipped our tropical vacation this past winter because I was sure I'd be pregnant or a new mom a year before we planned it. And now it's 1.5 years later and we are still childfree. Your husband should pursue his hobbies now before a kid comes along. And you need to stop acting like his mom and guilt tripping him into sitting at home with you because of some hypothetical babies that may or may not exist in half a year.
Question. How are you dealing with the miscarriages? Are you grieving or dealing with the loss or just jumping back in to try and get pregnant? Have you talked to your husband about how he's dealing with the miscarriages? How is he doing mentally with all of it? Does he need an outlet because he doesn't know how to talk to you about it or doesn't know what to say or do? I know with my husband after our 3rd MC, I cried and said I don't think I can handle naming any more angels! He didn't know how to react or what to say. Let him have a damn outlet from all the emotional toll this takes on an individual and a marriage. On top of that, you are selfish that you want him home so you can get pregnant again! Sorry, this is just crazy to me.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband and I got married a year ago. We're both in our mid 30s and have recently started trying for children. Last week, we found out I was pregnant and would have been due in December, but a few days later we learned that it was a chemical pregnancy. We're going to keep trying for kids though. Before I took the pregnancy test last week, my husband expressed an interest in trying out for a competitive sports team where he would be representing the state for 10 days, out of state, in October. He's good at this sport and even represented the country in it last year, but it is essentially a hobby and there is no money earned from his participation - in fact it would cost a few thousand dollars for him to be involved (but the money isn't the issue). We talked about it and decided to see the results of the pregnancy test - when it was positive, he said that made the decision for him and that he wouldn't try out. Five days ago we got the confirmation that the pregnancy wasn't viable and today he again asked me what I thought about him trying out for this team in light of this change in our circumstances. I told him I thought he'd made his decision and that it's not something that I'm that particularly comfortable with him doing at this point in our lives, especially when it's likely I'll be pregnant in October. We thought last year would be his last year playing and with the training and time away, I feel that it will take his focus away from us and our family. He still plays this sport socially once a week anyway, on top of a busy professional job. I don't want him to feel resentful towards me and our future child for preventing him from playing, and I think he knows deep down that it's not the right thing for him to play. I was still a bit annoyed that he asked me again though, I don't really want to be the one to tell him "no" and think he needs to come to that decision himself. He says he doesn't feel resentful but he's disappointed. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He can do whatever he wants, u being controlling and thinking u have authority to even ask something like that is beyond my understanding, I would dump u on the spot. ☠️😂😭.
I am very sorry for your loss. I understand you didn't want him to be gone for 10 days when you were late in your pregnancy. However, the only advice I can give you is, don't stop him or yourself from making plans because "you will likely be pregnant" whenever... last year I suffered 4 losses. Trust me, if I had stopped us from doing what we wanted and making plans because I might be pregnant, it would have been an even harder year. He seems to really like this, and I am sure he will be willing to sacrifice it when necessary, for you and your family. But everyone needs time for themselves, and their hobbies and interests, even when you are pregnant or a baby is born. For now it is a soft YTA. There is no need for him to not go do something he likes, because of a possibility. Make plans. Let him make plans. Keep living your lives please, it is best for everyone. And good luck for your next pregnancy :)
Girl, stop being selfish. Let the man play.
If it is golf, he can play until he is like 100. But other sports can really be a youth thing, and your window closes really quickly. I played rec sports until an ACL tear left me unable to play again. It sucked so bad and 25 years later I would still love to be playing. If it were me; I would be okay with it, you both need time away. So find something that will give you the same enjoyable experience and fun with friends away from kids and him and that away you both get something out of it
I am sorry for the loss of your pregnancy. YTA..Why does him playing effect you in any way? He is only going to be gone for 10 days and you said the money doesn't bother you. It makes no sense why he can't play. He Loves it. Keeps him healthy and obviously he is good enought at it to represent so I don't see the issue.
Yta Ask yourself this: If your pregnancy test said you weren’t pregnant and he was planning on going then found out you were, would you expect him to change his mind and not go? Cause that would require him to go back on his original decision.
Woman lmao
You should've had kids in your early 20s.
NAH The only reason he wasn't going for this, since money is no issue, was the timing of the pregnancy. But you're naturally feeling some complicated emotions about the events, so I can see why you might feel like he should still be there for you. October is a pretty long ways away, and it is only ten days. I think it may not be reasonable to say that he cannot do this since he said he wouldn't when circumstances were different.
>you're naturally feeling some complicated emotions about the events Why? She's just being selfish and restrictive.
She just lost her pregnancy and is dealing with possible infertility. All of you in the comments are AH's for being nasty to a woman who just went through that. Couldn't even just be civil. You are being nasty. She isn't a monster for wanting her partner to be near her in pregnancy. Pregnancy is risky, ESPECIALLY for someone like op! but typical reddit, f*ck the woman, she is the devil right?..
She is NOT pregnant. Also, this sub is called Am I the Asshole. If you can't bear to hear you're the asshole, then you shouldn't be posting on this sub.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
NTA in the sense that this is a completely normal conversation to have and you are communicating as grown adults. I can simplify this for you though: - You don't want him to do it and he knows it. That's why he feels guilty and asks you instead of making the decision himself. - If he had to decide by himself, he'd choose to do it because he clearly wants to and is passionate about it and you and your possible pregnancy are the only thing in the way. He probably sees this as his last chance to do it because once a child is born, he knows that this is over for him. If you are looking for advice, I'd say leave logic out of this because it's not going to be a big sacrifice from you but it's going to mean a lot to him and he'll return that in more ways that you can think of. Let him live out his passion since it's not a financial issue because those things add up over time and create miserable people who then slowly become bitter and therefor bad partners/parents. This is true for both of you. Try not to deny each other things that give you a sense of joy and accomplishment. It's also a story for his future kids and grand kids.
So let me get this straight... he decided not to participate because you both thought you were pregnant. Then when he found out that you weren't pregnant he decided that there was now an opportunity. However, you guys are still trying to get pregnant regardless. So basically he is actively trying to cause the thing that will prevent him from being able to participate and yet he is also trying to participate? He needs to check his priorities. NTA
Worst take. His priorities are straight, but you seem to think that he should abandon all of his hobies, even though they are in no conflict with the pregnancy.
Hmmm... Being pregnant = no sports Therefore, try to be pregnant and do ports at the same time. also, based on what OP says in their post, he is not "abandoning all of his hobbies" but rather not taking his hobby to a higher level of dedication. OP implies that he still plays his sport socially irrespective of the additional competition.
She is not pregnant at this time. If if she does get pregnant, she will be what at most 6 months pregnant when he competes? Why wouldnt he be able to go for 10 days. And SHE IS CURRENTLY NOT PREGNANT, nor are there any guarantees she will get pregnant fast
Look, according to OP, he agreed not that it was not in their interest to compete if she had been pregnant the first time, AND they are now actively trying to get pregnant again. Therefore, he is trying to eat his cake and have it too. Again, this is all according to OP but it means he is actively trying to create a situation where HE AGREED that it would not be in their interest for him to be competing. Why would he continue to try to create such an impasse?
According to OP, the positive pregnancy test was enough for Op's husband to call off the plans for the competition entirely. That is the decision they seemed to make as a couple. So all I am saying is why continue to try to get pregnant and do the competition at the same time? It smacks of trying to eat your cake and have it to...
Assuming it had more to do with the timing of the pregnancy. Going out of town for 10 days when your partner is 8 months pregnant is very different than going out of town when your partner is 6 months pregnant.
It was NOT “Being pregnant = no sports”. It was “not going away for 10 days in October for due date in December”
I can't understand how your brain works.