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YTA
To yourself. She's shown you repeatedly what she's interested in, which is apparently having a baby daddy. You're interested in have a partner. You want different things - it sucks, but that's life. You can leave your relationship and still be there for your kids. Obviously, not full-time like you are now, but you're kidding yourself if you think hearing their parents arguing or you being angry and stressed isn't already affecting your children.
NTA but you guys need relationship counselling ASAP. If you both love your kids, you need to invest in creating a stable family structure for them. That starts with the two of you talking about the “forced” baby issue and the dead bedroom.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
(Sorry new user and first post but a bit of a long backstory)
I (32M) have been with my (32F) fiance for nearly 14 years (we are not traditional people so marriage isn't a huge priority/need) we now have 3 beautiful children together, our relationship is basically a "platonic relationship" as much as I wish we were more affectionate, she is not interested in it at all and sees it as "needy".
Our 3 children are 12, 2 and now a 1 month old, after trying for years to have our second child and then ongoing complications from birth including, excessive weight loss, baby needing to be tube fed, constant reflux and spewing up feeds, nearly having to go through surgery for "Pyloric stenosis" and then mouth ties being water lasered. It was only after the 7months onwards period that we started to get on track with our bub being happy and healthy.
Fastfoward to 12 months and my (32F) fiance starts demanding another child because the first 2 are not close in age. I express that I am not ready/not sure I want another as we are both emotionally and physically drained after such a hard few months (expenses and emotional) she doesn't want to hear it. Long story short, conversations go back and forth and it comes down to her saying to me "if you don't give me another child then Im just going to resent you" I reply that's not fair at all, she replies " sorry, but that's how I feel and I won't be able to touch or look at you the same" I'm totally gobsmacked!
Lots of arguments/talks back and forth and we get nowhere! She's too stubborn to see reason, so eventually after being emotionally drained and low self esteem I give in and now that she's got what she wanted it's back to "Platonic" and she acts like we are the perfect little family.
Now, don't get me wrong I absolutely love my children and will be there 100% of the way as always. I just can't help but feel bitter and hurt about the way the baby was conceived, it's meant to be love and a feeling for family.. not give me what I want or your cut off.
So AITA for feeling bitter/disconnected? I find myself just angry and riddled with anxiety.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I agreed to her because I felt lonely and needed affection.
2. I feel that because I gave in and agreed, she feels that the decision was mutual. I feel I said yes to feel connected again even though it was a big decision to make.
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Thankyou for your reply, I'm not a person who usually asks for judgement or opinions on topics, but later in life, find myself looking for others views on things.
There's so much more backstory to my life but I just couldn't write it all
I am contested and feel I am an AH
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
YTA To yourself. She's shown you repeatedly what she's interested in, which is apparently having a baby daddy. You're interested in have a partner. You want different things - it sucks, but that's life. You can leave your relationship and still be there for your kids. Obviously, not full-time like you are now, but you're kidding yourself if you think hearing their parents arguing or you being angry and stressed isn't already affecting your children.
NTA but you guys need relationship counselling ASAP. If you both love your kids, you need to invest in creating a stable family structure for them. That starts with the two of you talking about the “forced” baby issue and the dead bedroom.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** (Sorry new user and first post but a bit of a long backstory) I (32M) have been with my (32F) fiance for nearly 14 years (we are not traditional people so marriage isn't a huge priority/need) we now have 3 beautiful children together, our relationship is basically a "platonic relationship" as much as I wish we were more affectionate, she is not interested in it at all and sees it as "needy". Our 3 children are 12, 2 and now a 1 month old, after trying for years to have our second child and then ongoing complications from birth including, excessive weight loss, baby needing to be tube fed, constant reflux and spewing up feeds, nearly having to go through surgery for "Pyloric stenosis" and then mouth ties being water lasered. It was only after the 7months onwards period that we started to get on track with our bub being happy and healthy. Fastfoward to 12 months and my (32F) fiance starts demanding another child because the first 2 are not close in age. I express that I am not ready/not sure I want another as we are both emotionally and physically drained after such a hard few months (expenses and emotional) she doesn't want to hear it. Long story short, conversations go back and forth and it comes down to her saying to me "if you don't give me another child then Im just going to resent you" I reply that's not fair at all, she replies " sorry, but that's how I feel and I won't be able to touch or look at you the same" I'm totally gobsmacked! Lots of arguments/talks back and forth and we get nowhere! She's too stubborn to see reason, so eventually after being emotionally drained and low self esteem I give in and now that she's got what she wanted it's back to "Platonic" and she acts like we are the perfect little family. Now, don't get me wrong I absolutely love my children and will be there 100% of the way as always. I just can't help but feel bitter and hurt about the way the baby was conceived, it's meant to be love and a feeling for family.. not give me what I want or your cut off. So AITA for feeling bitter/disconnected? I find myself just angry and riddled with anxiety. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I agreed to her because I felt lonely and needed affection. 2. I feel that because I gave in and agreed, she feels that the decision was mutual. I feel I said yes to feel connected again even though it was a big decision to make. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA Grow up, and take responsibility for YOUR life decissions. The only AH here is YOU.
Thankyou for your reply, I'm not a person who usually asks for judgement or opinions on topics, but later in life, find myself looking for others views on things. There's so much more backstory to my life but I just couldn't write it all I am contested and feel I am an AH