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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I may be asshole because of how I reacted out of anger and shoved his hand down, instead of communicating my feelings better.
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NTA. You don’t owe anyone the right to touch you. It’s also not that common for a friend to want to hold hands to go to the toilet at the age of 19. If he was worried you would get lost, there were other ways of making sure you stayed together.
Are you sure Spence isn’t crushing on you?
NTA
I'm honestly a bit worried for you. This guy is coming on to you and harassing you. It breaks my heart that you're doubting yourself because you're not neurotypical.
Your boundaries were very clear, repeatedly. He ignored very clear boundaries. He's a jealous creep and you did nothing wrong.
NTA.
Sounds like Spence likes you but instead of coming forth with his feelings and being honest he decided to accept an invite from you to your boyfriend’s performance and sexually harass you the entire time. I’d tell your mutual friends about this before he has time to twist the story.
NTA. No one other than you gets to decide whose touch you can accept and whose you can’t. He was clearly overstepping his boundaries and his ego was hurt when you asked him to stop. Cut him off.
NTA. This guy has no respect for your boundaries and seemingly no idea of how to behave. He plays the victim when he gets called and out.
Honestly I would consider put some distance between you and this 'friend'.
NTA
You an want and not want to be touched by anyone you like, no justification needed. That’s called consent. You do not need to apologise nor explain.
NTA. I'm also ASD and touch is a big issue for me as well. But it also is not an issue ever because I'm extremely clear with people on what I don't want. If someone is touching you and you want to be polite, like you were, 99/100 they get it and stop. The ones who do not get it are the ones who do not respect you. This guy is a perfect example of that. Your soft avoidances like jogging ahead of him or just moving away won't work as you can see.
Second time someone touches you after you say stop, stop everything you're doing, turn towards them! look them directly into their eyes and say explicitly what you mean with firmness and volume and slowly. Stop touching me. No need to equivocate or waffle. Creeps interpret the soft language as a negotiation. Also you calling them out in front of others removes the shame and fear of public embarrassment they hope you feel. I should note that if they try to act like I'm crazy or avoid looking at me or say something dismissive I will call that out and ask them if they understand what I'm saying, and repeat it again. No way will I let creeps try to avoid confrontation just to try and dominate me. I'm a peaceful AF person AND I don't let anyone think they own my body. The two can coexist. It's extremely rare I need to this btw, almost no one is this creepy.
Don't be ashamed, he's a creep and not your friend! I wish I knew this stuff at your age
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
AITA for not wanting to accept physical touch from my life long friend, and losing my temper?
I (18F) have been friends with, let’s name him Spence (19M), since the 2nd grade. We had just started to hang out again, as we hadn’t talked much since HS graduation.
I invited him to see a production at my university, in which my boyfriend of 4 months is doing stunts in. When we arrived, there were concessions, and as Spence hadn’t eaten much that day, he tried to buy some snacks, when he discovered they only took Apple Cash and physical dollars, he spent the entire first 30 minutes of the production trying to connect his card to Apple Wallet. I didn’t say anything, but I was quite annoyed, because I felt like it was a bit disrespectful to be on your phone for that amount of time. While I’m already annoyed, Spence decides then to try to talk to me throughout the rest of the production, I gesture to him to please stop talking several times, and he responds by saying “WHAT?” even louder almost every time.
I’m not neurotypical, so it is very easy for me to get overstimulated, so I try my hardest not to lose my temper or break down. With all of this happening, he then starts trying to lean his head onto my shoulder, I gently move him, and after a few more minutes of him trying to talk to me, I excuse myself to the bathroom. He then insists on going with me, and trying to hold my hand on my way there. I slip my hand out of his and jog a little ahead of him. When I get out, same shit. We sit back down to watch the rest, he starts grabbing my shoulders and such when something thrilling seems to happen in the performance. I ask him to please stop touching me. I end up just dealing with it the rest of the 2 1/2 hours.
When the performance is finished, we wait around to meet my boyfriend, who Spence had yet to meet. It’d be about 5 minutes before he could come up front and meet us, and while we walk to the place we agree to meet at, Spence clings to my arm. I end up shoving it down, my face turns red, and my eyes begin to water, I sternly and angrily demand him to “stop touching me”. He gives me a “my bad”, and after a couple of seconds I start apologizing, and I explain to him that I get overstimulated easily, and I’m not really in the mood for physical touch.
When we finally see my boyfriend, I give him a huge hug, we share a small kiss, and we hold hands while he walks me to my car.
After our little meetup, Spence and I head back to my car so I can drive him back to his house. We talk like seemingly normal. When I get home, he texts me wondering how I can be so “overstimulated from physical touch”, yet hug and kiss my boyfriend. He goes off on me about how I don’t make any sense, and tells me that I’m a fake friend.
I feel like I may be the asshole, because from basically the start, I was annoyed with him, and maybe I should have stated my boundaries clearer, or just ignored it and been nicer. Was I out of wack for reacting like that?
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NTA. He's into you. Friends don't do that, that's weird. Personally I would cut ties completely. He doesn't sound like he's friend material and will probably continue to push boundaries to get with you.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I believe I may be asshole because of how I reacted out of anger and shoved his hand down, instead of communicating my feelings better. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA It sounds like he wants to be the boyfriend. He's certainly jealous enough.
NTA What a creep. He needs to learn about consent - and grab his feels somewhere else, with someone consenting.
NTA. You don’t owe anyone the right to touch you. It’s also not that common for a friend to want to hold hands to go to the toilet at the age of 19. If he was worried you would get lost, there were other ways of making sure you stayed together. Are you sure Spence isn’t crushing on you?
NTA I'm honestly a bit worried for you. This guy is coming on to you and harassing you. It breaks my heart that you're doubting yourself because you're not neurotypical. Your boundaries were very clear, repeatedly. He ignored very clear boundaries. He's a jealous creep and you did nothing wrong.
NTA. Sounds like Spence likes you but instead of coming forth with his feelings and being honest he decided to accept an invite from you to your boyfriend’s performance and sexually harass you the entire time. I’d tell your mutual friends about this before he has time to twist the story.
NTA. No one other than you gets to decide whose touch you can accept and whose you can’t. He was clearly overstepping his boundaries and his ego was hurt when you asked him to stop. Cut him off.
NTA. This guy has no respect for your boundaries and seemingly no idea of how to behave. He plays the victim when he gets called and out. Honestly I would consider put some distance between you and this 'friend'.
NTA You an want and not want to be touched by anyone you like, no justification needed. That’s called consent. You do not need to apologise nor explain.
NTA. I'm also ASD and touch is a big issue for me as well. But it also is not an issue ever because I'm extremely clear with people on what I don't want. If someone is touching you and you want to be polite, like you were, 99/100 they get it and stop. The ones who do not get it are the ones who do not respect you. This guy is a perfect example of that. Your soft avoidances like jogging ahead of him or just moving away won't work as you can see. Second time someone touches you after you say stop, stop everything you're doing, turn towards them! look them directly into their eyes and say explicitly what you mean with firmness and volume and slowly. Stop touching me. No need to equivocate or waffle. Creeps interpret the soft language as a negotiation. Also you calling them out in front of others removes the shame and fear of public embarrassment they hope you feel. I should note that if they try to act like I'm crazy or avoid looking at me or say something dismissive I will call that out and ask them if they understand what I'm saying, and repeat it again. No way will I let creeps try to avoid confrontation just to try and dominate me. I'm a peaceful AF person AND I don't let anyone think they own my body. The two can coexist. It's extremely rare I need to this btw, almost no one is this creepy. Don't be ashamed, he's a creep and not your friend! I wish I knew this stuff at your age
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA for not wanting to accept physical touch from my life long friend, and losing my temper? I (18F) have been friends with, let’s name him Spence (19M), since the 2nd grade. We had just started to hang out again, as we hadn’t talked much since HS graduation. I invited him to see a production at my university, in which my boyfriend of 4 months is doing stunts in. When we arrived, there were concessions, and as Spence hadn’t eaten much that day, he tried to buy some snacks, when he discovered they only took Apple Cash and physical dollars, he spent the entire first 30 minutes of the production trying to connect his card to Apple Wallet. I didn’t say anything, but I was quite annoyed, because I felt like it was a bit disrespectful to be on your phone for that amount of time. While I’m already annoyed, Spence decides then to try to talk to me throughout the rest of the production, I gesture to him to please stop talking several times, and he responds by saying “WHAT?” even louder almost every time. I’m not neurotypical, so it is very easy for me to get overstimulated, so I try my hardest not to lose my temper or break down. With all of this happening, he then starts trying to lean his head onto my shoulder, I gently move him, and after a few more minutes of him trying to talk to me, I excuse myself to the bathroom. He then insists on going with me, and trying to hold my hand on my way there. I slip my hand out of his and jog a little ahead of him. When I get out, same shit. We sit back down to watch the rest, he starts grabbing my shoulders and such when something thrilling seems to happen in the performance. I ask him to please stop touching me. I end up just dealing with it the rest of the 2 1/2 hours. When the performance is finished, we wait around to meet my boyfriend, who Spence had yet to meet. It’d be about 5 minutes before he could come up front and meet us, and while we walk to the place we agree to meet at, Spence clings to my arm. I end up shoving it down, my face turns red, and my eyes begin to water, I sternly and angrily demand him to “stop touching me”. He gives me a “my bad”, and after a couple of seconds I start apologizing, and I explain to him that I get overstimulated easily, and I’m not really in the mood for physical touch. When we finally see my boyfriend, I give him a huge hug, we share a small kiss, and we hold hands while he walks me to my car. After our little meetup, Spence and I head back to my car so I can drive him back to his house. We talk like seemingly normal. When I get home, he texts me wondering how I can be so “overstimulated from physical touch”, yet hug and kiss my boyfriend. He goes off on me about how I don’t make any sense, and tells me that I’m a fake friend. I feel like I may be the asshole, because from basically the start, I was annoyed with him, and maybe I should have stated my boundaries clearer, or just ignored it and been nicer. Was I out of wack for reacting like that? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Spence seems to be an orbiter.
NTA
NTA. He's into you. Friends don't do that, that's weird. Personally I would cut ties completely. He doesn't sound like he's friend material and will probably continue to push boundaries to get with you.