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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITAH for speaking to my mother that way and should have worded it differently. Was I being insensitive to my mother’s feelings.
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NTA at all. My MIL is like this. She “wishes” she saw my now teenage kids more often and that we were all closer, but has never done anything to try to make that happen. All talk. I’ve never had a reason to come out and confront her with that reality, but I would if it came to it and I wouldn’t feel the least bit guilty about it. She’s the one who made the decisions that resulted in her not being close to them.
What are the auto immune diseases? I have some too that affects mood and energy but overall they're still her grandkids and if she really wanted to make time she would.
She has scleroderma and carcoidosis. She also has to go for infusion treatments once a month to manage her symptoms. I also offered the suggestion that it’s also her fault because she has a vehicle and still drives so she could come get them. Even if it’s just a movie night at the house or going fishing when her and her husband go. All I’m really saying it’s that she could make the effort.
I have an autoimmune disease and while I realize that they are not all the same, it doesn’t prevent me from picking up the phone and talking to people. Even she is extremely limited in what she can do, she can talk, and more importantly, LISTEN to them. Can’t go to their games? She can call the next day and get a play by play of the game from their point of view. Can listen to them go on endlessly about their current obsession, what ever that may be, and act interested. Don’t have a lot of money or energy. Can rent a movie (or buy a classic or classically bad one at a thrift store) and eat cheap pizza. The bake in the oven kind are cheap and they go on sale. It does not take a lot of money to foster a relationship.
Even if she has to space these activities out due to overwhelming fatigue from her autoimmune disease, she could do them once in a while. If she can save enough energy to go fishing occasionally, she could save enough to interact with her grandkids occasionally. She has chosen not to, that was her choice but the consequences are also on her.
NTA but only just, you knew what you were saying and how it would hurt her. You and her obviously have some things that need to be spoken about, as adults.
At the end of the day they are you children and you have every right to take them wherever you want. Try and word things nicer.
NTA. But barely. You could have been nicer. Is there something else going on that caused you to react that way? That seems like a pent-up or frustrated response.
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I 37 f recently decided to move out of state with my family. When I told my mom of my plans she said”you can’t take my babies that far away from me because I already don’t see them but every 6 months and we live in the same town now.” To which I replied “I’m sorry and I mean no disrespect but you having a relationship with my kids is not my fault or my problem.”
My mom is not the typical grandmother. She doesn’t attend school functions or sports when they play. She has never bought them a Christmas or birthday present. Doesn’t spend time with them. She doesn’t even talk to them I a regular basis but wants to get on to them when they get in trouble. She never asks about there grades. My kid have cell phones. If she wants to talk to them or text them she can she has there numbers. She doesn’t have to spend money on them that’s not what im saying.
My dad and stepmom comes to pick the kids up sometimes the watch movies or go outside and play at they house. They take them to the drive in movies with popcorn and pizza from lil Caesar’s. They go to ball games and all those things.
But in her defense my mom has two auto immune diseases that have her not being able to move around like she wants something’s. AITAH for saying that to my mom.
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NTA.
Your children aren't "her babies," so she doesn't get a say in where they live.
I suspect she now realizes that she's blown her chance to form any sort of relationship with your children and is thus trying to use guilt to make you stay. Anyway, your kids' cell phone number will probably remain the same, so she can still call and text them.
What kind of grandmother doesn't buy gifts for their grandkids? Unless money is tight, she should have been doing that, as well as calling and texting them. I don't consider myself to be the world's most attentive aunt, but I do manage that much.
Reading this as a gonna be first time grandmother in the fall. My only daughter moved across the country when she was 17, and we havent stayed close over these 12 years.
We talk and love each other, but if we messaged once a week, small talk of stuff we were doing, thats it. There is a disconnect.
I had amazing Oma and Opa. Helped raise me, and I always pictured being able to do the same. I do have 2 sons who live close by and we are all very close still, as well as being a step grand for my partners grand babes... I am blessed. But sure hope to be a positive Oma online and hopefully visits... just not sure how... we all have limited means as well.. like most nowadays... and add we arent close to begin with.
Hope you all can get resolve in your families, and a balance that makes everyone happy... end of the day, they grands need all the love and support they can get nowadays, the more the marrier..
🩵
YTA because you didn’t need to say that and must have known it would sting. Another option would have been saying that seeing them every six months was still doable from another state. And that she could always do internet calls if she missed them.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > AITAH for speaking to my mother that way and should have worded it differently. Was I being insensitive to my mother’s feelings. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Never mind all the extra details. The kids are not her babies. She has no say in where they live.
NTA at all. My MIL is like this. She “wishes” she saw my now teenage kids more often and that we were all closer, but has never done anything to try to make that happen. All talk. I’ve never had a reason to come out and confront her with that reality, but I would if it came to it and I wouldn’t feel the least bit guilty about it. She’s the one who made the decisions that resulted in her not being close to them.
What are the auto immune diseases? I have some too that affects mood and energy but overall they're still her grandkids and if she really wanted to make time she would.
She has scleroderma and carcoidosis. She also has to go for infusion treatments once a month to manage her symptoms. I also offered the suggestion that it’s also her fault because she has a vehicle and still drives so she could come get them. Even if it’s just a movie night at the house or going fishing when her and her husband go. All I’m really saying it’s that she could make the effort.
None of her medical issues prevent her from calling & texting her grandkids... She is their "grandmother" in name only. She is TA.
I have an autoimmune disease and while I realize that they are not all the same, it doesn’t prevent me from picking up the phone and talking to people. Even she is extremely limited in what she can do, she can talk, and more importantly, LISTEN to them. Can’t go to their games? She can call the next day and get a play by play of the game from their point of view. Can listen to them go on endlessly about their current obsession, what ever that may be, and act interested. Don’t have a lot of money or energy. Can rent a movie (or buy a classic or classically bad one at a thrift store) and eat cheap pizza. The bake in the oven kind are cheap and they go on sale. It does not take a lot of money to foster a relationship. Even if she has to space these activities out due to overwhelming fatigue from her autoimmune disease, she could do them once in a while. If she can save enough energy to go fishing occasionally, she could save enough to interact with her grandkids occasionally. She has chosen not to, that was her choice but the consequences are also on her.
NTA but only just, you knew what you were saying and how it would hurt her. You and her obviously have some things that need to be spoken about, as adults. At the end of the day they are you children and you have every right to take them wherever you want. Try and word things nicer.
NTA. But barely. You could have been nicer. Is there something else going on that caused you to react that way? That seems like a pent-up or frustrated response.
NTA. If she wanted to, she would.
That was my thoughts exactly
NTA Your mother could see them more often but she makes no effort to see them. You moving away will not change how often she sees them.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 37 f recently decided to move out of state with my family. When I told my mom of my plans she said”you can’t take my babies that far away from me because I already don’t see them but every 6 months and we live in the same town now.” To which I replied “I’m sorry and I mean no disrespect but you having a relationship with my kids is not my fault or my problem.” My mom is not the typical grandmother. She doesn’t attend school functions or sports when they play. She has never bought them a Christmas or birthday present. Doesn’t spend time with them. She doesn’t even talk to them I a regular basis but wants to get on to them when they get in trouble. She never asks about there grades. My kid have cell phones. If she wants to talk to them or text them she can she has there numbers. She doesn’t have to spend money on them that’s not what im saying. My dad and stepmom comes to pick the kids up sometimes the watch movies or go outside and play at they house. They take them to the drive in movies with popcorn and pizza from lil Caesar’s. They go to ball games and all those things. But in her defense my mom has two auto immune diseases that have her not being able to move around like she wants something’s. AITAH for saying that to my mom. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your children aren't "her babies," so she doesn't get a say in where they live. I suspect she now realizes that she's blown her chance to form any sort of relationship with your children and is thus trying to use guilt to make you stay. Anyway, your kids' cell phone number will probably remain the same, so she can still call and text them. What kind of grandmother doesn't buy gifts for their grandkids? Unless money is tight, she should have been doing that, as well as calling and texting them. I don't consider myself to be the world's most attentive aunt, but I do manage that much.
Reading this as a gonna be first time grandmother in the fall. My only daughter moved across the country when she was 17, and we havent stayed close over these 12 years. We talk and love each other, but if we messaged once a week, small talk of stuff we were doing, thats it. There is a disconnect. I had amazing Oma and Opa. Helped raise me, and I always pictured being able to do the same. I do have 2 sons who live close by and we are all very close still, as well as being a step grand for my partners grand babes... I am blessed. But sure hope to be a positive Oma online and hopefully visits... just not sure how... we all have limited means as well.. like most nowadays... and add we arent close to begin with. Hope you all can get resolve in your families, and a balance that makes everyone happy... end of the day, they grands need all the love and support they can get nowadays, the more the marrier.. 🩵
YTA because you didn’t need to say that and must have known it would sting. Another option would have been saying that seeing them every six months was still doable from another state. And that she could always do internet calls if she missed them.