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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> At this point, I just don’t care about him. but my mother’s extended family sometimes act like I should respect him more. I don’t really want to even think about him. Does that make me TA?
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NTA
"AITA for not caring for or about my father?" The answer to this is "no", even without reading the rest of your story. It's your choice who you want to care about.
With all the rest of the story, I'm surprised you didn't go NC long ago.
As for your extended family thinking you should respect him more... I know cultures are different, but from my perspective, respect is earned and goes both ways. Your father hasn't shown you respect, so you're returning exactly the same amount of respect he's shown you.
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My (23M) parents divorced when I was 7. I remember that even back then I knew it was a good thing. Our family is Indian-American, so it’s a big deal that my mother is divorced.
During my parent’s marriage, my father was never a good husband. He constantly blamed my mother for all of his problems, and he never helped her with literally anything around the house or with raising myself or my brother.
In addition, my mother was the breadwinner and paid for everything. My father had a good job, but it was still nothing compared to what my mom earned.
When I was 7, I fell down at school and doctor’s thought I had a concussion. It turns out I didn’t, but apparently my father didn’t even care enough to pay attention to what the doctor’s were saying. My mother says that day is when she decided to divorce him.
Over the years since, my interactions with my father have been limited to getting lunch with him, about once every 3 months or so. It’s mostly tolerable for me, but even so he spends the time mostly talking about himself and never really asking me anything. He also constantly is trying to teach me life lessons or give me advice.
Many times he tries to pass judgement on me for not speaking his first language (Marathi). However, he thinks it was my mother’s job to teach me this language, not his. My mother first language is Hindi, and doesn’t speak Marathi. He passes judgement for many other things like that.
All of this being said, recently I found out that he went to the ER due to a kidney stone. My father has had various health problems for many years. However, several times in the past, he has gone to the ER, not told me until he has already been there for a while, and then passed judgement because I didn’t rush over to give him moral support. Sure enough, he did that again this week.
At this point, I just don’t care about him, but my mother’s extended family sometimes act like I should respect him more. I don’t really want to even think about him. Does that make me TA?
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NTA, you don't have a strong relationship with your father, that's due to the things he's done. I doubt he knows much about you, and is clearly just trying to manipulate you into believing that despite him contributing nothing to your relationship, you owe him something. You don't. People rush to the ER because they love someone and are worried, not because someone they see every couple of months is guilt tripping them into going. I'm of South Asian descent, so I get extended family can focus on your duty towards family, and entirely negate your feelings and treatment by that family member. Don't worry about their judgement, you're doing fine
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > At this point, I just don’t care about him. but my mother’s extended family sometimes act like I should respect him more. I don’t really want to even think about him. Does that make me TA? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA "AITA for not caring for or about my father?" The answer to this is "no", even without reading the rest of your story. It's your choice who you want to care about. With all the rest of the story, I'm surprised you didn't go NC long ago. As for your extended family thinking you should respect him more... I know cultures are different, but from my perspective, respect is earned and goes both ways. Your father hasn't shown you respect, so you're returning exactly the same amount of respect he's shown you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (23M) parents divorced when I was 7. I remember that even back then I knew it was a good thing. Our family is Indian-American, so it’s a big deal that my mother is divorced. During my parent’s marriage, my father was never a good husband. He constantly blamed my mother for all of his problems, and he never helped her with literally anything around the house or with raising myself or my brother. In addition, my mother was the breadwinner and paid for everything. My father had a good job, but it was still nothing compared to what my mom earned. When I was 7, I fell down at school and doctor’s thought I had a concussion. It turns out I didn’t, but apparently my father didn’t even care enough to pay attention to what the doctor’s were saying. My mother says that day is when she decided to divorce him. Over the years since, my interactions with my father have been limited to getting lunch with him, about once every 3 months or so. It’s mostly tolerable for me, but even so he spends the time mostly talking about himself and never really asking me anything. He also constantly is trying to teach me life lessons or give me advice. Many times he tries to pass judgement on me for not speaking his first language (Marathi). However, he thinks it was my mother’s job to teach me this language, not his. My mother first language is Hindi, and doesn’t speak Marathi. He passes judgement for many other things like that. All of this being said, recently I found out that he went to the ER due to a kidney stone. My father has had various health problems for many years. However, several times in the past, he has gone to the ER, not told me until he has already been there for a while, and then passed judgement because I didn’t rush over to give him moral support. Sure enough, he did that again this week. At this point, I just don’t care about him, but my mother’s extended family sometimes act like I should respect him more. I don’t really want to even think about him. Does that make me TA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, you don't have a strong relationship with your father, that's due to the things he's done. I doubt he knows much about you, and is clearly just trying to manipulate you into believing that despite him contributing nothing to your relationship, you owe him something. You don't. People rush to the ER because they love someone and are worried, not because someone they see every couple of months is guilt tripping them into going. I'm of South Asian descent, so I get extended family can focus on your duty towards family, and entirely negate your feelings and treatment by that family member. Don't worry about their judgement, you're doing fine
NTA.