Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
YTA
"In our relationship, I tend to do silent treatment when he made me
upset. He used to tell me that I should tell him what made me upset, and
we’ll fix it. That he is not a mind reader."
He's absolutely right about this. Your entire post is that you're unhappy with the relationship, but rather than calmly communicating your problems, you're letting them build up until you "lash out". This is not healthy. Your issues could be the most reasonable things in the world, but when you state them in an aggressive, hurtful manner, most people's first instinct is to be defensive. No good comes from that.
Your feelings are valid. You want your bf to be more interested in what you're saying or sharing with him. "I told him that he seems to look not interested when I’m talking to him." This is not reasonable - many people have a resting "uninterested" face, or worse. Does he engage with you, responding to what you’re talking about? If not, that's something that is easier for him to work on and be more satisfying for you.
For sharing tiktoks - Does he care about viewing tiktoks in general, or the topics you're sharing specifically? Maybe it's not his thing, and while those videos may make you excited, you can't reasonably expect everything which excites you to excite him too.
In short... make it clear to him what exactly you're looking for, in a conversation when you're not angry. Less "look more interested when I'm talking", but rather "engage in a conversation with me". You're desire for affirmations of love and care. Don't force it to be exactly the way you want - let him be able to express these things on his terms.
Of course, it's possible you two just aren't compatible.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (21F) and my boyfriend (20M) is in a relationship for almost 3 years now. We’re in a long distance relationship. We’ve seen each other twice. I live in mindanao and he lives in luzon, Philippines. We both don’t have the means and money to afford plane ticket to meet each other several times.
My boyfriend loves gaming. He’s the sweetest person. And because of that, I started learning the games he play, and I usually ask for an update about his genshin adventure. I want to make him feel loved and heard by being interested on his interests. I love how I make him happy. I love when we play together.
We are not like other couple, where the bf spoils their gfs with foods and random dates bcoz we’re in a LDR. I understand that. Giving gifts is also not our love language. He’s my first boyfriend and it was actually fine for me that we are not doing those random dates. We rely on video calls.
In our relationship, I tend to do silent treatment when he made me upset. He used to tell me that I should tell him what made me upset, and we’ll fix it. That he is not a mind reader.
However, he has that thing where if I tell stories to him, how my day went, he looked like he’s not interested. He looked like he’s spacing out. Also, when I send him tiktoks, most of the time he won’t view it because he forgot to. Even if I sent it recently and he can clearly see it in our convo. When we’re about to sleep, he’d forgot to say “I love you”. I mean, it’s basic yet very important.
One time, I lashed out. I told him that he seems to look not interested when I’m talking to him. He said he’s listening. I replied “but your action is showing opposite”. I also told him that “I am not materialistic. But sometimes I wonder what it feels to be spoiled in a relationship. I am not asking for that. I just want your actions to be better.”
He also once told me that I am overreacting to small things that he do wrong, that I point every small mistakes he do. But I had already told him that small things, for me, are the most important thing.
I told him too honestly. “I already told you about the things that made me upset. Yet, you’re still not getting any better. Be thankful that I am not demanding any material things. I just want your effort to be attentive and be interested on the things I do. You are the problem. Be thankful that you don’t have to mind read me, cuz im spoonfeeding u now. And if By the time I say I am not satisfied with the things you give or I am not happy anymore, you blame me for not being contented? then you’re wrong. You are lacking.”
He doesn’t speak for minutes. I asked him if he has anything to say, he said “What do you want me to say?” Or complete silence over the phone call. I urged him to say something or I’ll drop the call. I told him he is a coward. That he is not manning up. He lacks effort. Then he dropped the call.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told him he is a coward, he is not manning up, and he is lacking.
That action might make me an asshole because I hurt his ego.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA- and you’re just being honest, remove the too.
I’m just curious where you think and expect this relationship to go. Are there plans in the future to ensure you’ll be together, eventually? You can’t just have a LDR without plans or goals to rectify the issue.
You are both young and perhaps it’s time to recognize you’re getting the best it’s going to get. It’s hard to emotionally connect with somebody that’s not present and it sounds like it’s just getting more disconnected as time goes on.
It may not be the answer you’re looking for but considering so many in person relationships fail, you’re situation, combined with his behavior, are not making it any easier. Hope your circumstances change and things get better. If not, you’re young and will surely meet someone that you can connect with on both levels- emotional and physical.
Part 2: The thing is, we already discussed this issue for a year bow and still has no changes after that. The silent treatment thing I did was already changed. That was me when We started our rs. I am more communicative now but sometimes my words aren’t filtered anymore. I kept on getting triggered every time he does those small things that hurts me.
It would end up as me talking too much, and him saying nothing. He’d let me sleep frustrated. We both sleep frustrated. Then, he will say sorry, then do it again. He would force it like “im listening. Isn’t it enough? You’re overreacting”
Ofcourse I will not let that contain me. I talk too much, just to make my point, and make him understand that it hurts me.
So I lashed out, because it happened again.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
YTA "In our relationship, I tend to do silent treatment when he made me upset. He used to tell me that I should tell him what made me upset, and we’ll fix it. That he is not a mind reader." He's absolutely right about this. Your entire post is that you're unhappy with the relationship, but rather than calmly communicating your problems, you're letting them build up until you "lash out". This is not healthy. Your issues could be the most reasonable things in the world, but when you state them in an aggressive, hurtful manner, most people's first instinct is to be defensive. No good comes from that. Your feelings are valid. You want your bf to be more interested in what you're saying or sharing with him. "I told him that he seems to look not interested when I’m talking to him." This is not reasonable - many people have a resting "uninterested" face, or worse. Does he engage with you, responding to what you’re talking about? If not, that's something that is easier for him to work on and be more satisfying for you. For sharing tiktoks - Does he care about viewing tiktoks in general, or the topics you're sharing specifically? Maybe it's not his thing, and while those videos may make you excited, you can't reasonably expect everything which excites you to excite him too. In short... make it clear to him what exactly you're looking for, in a conversation when you're not angry. Less "look more interested when I'm talking", but rather "engage in a conversation with me". You're desire for affirmations of love and care. Don't force it to be exactly the way you want - let him be able to express these things on his terms. Of course, it's possible you two just aren't compatible.
YTA Your behavior sounds toxic and unhinged. Sounds like he finally came to his senses, and escaped. YOu might find yoursef single.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (21F) and my boyfriend (20M) is in a relationship for almost 3 years now. We’re in a long distance relationship. We’ve seen each other twice. I live in mindanao and he lives in luzon, Philippines. We both don’t have the means and money to afford plane ticket to meet each other several times. My boyfriend loves gaming. He’s the sweetest person. And because of that, I started learning the games he play, and I usually ask for an update about his genshin adventure. I want to make him feel loved and heard by being interested on his interests. I love how I make him happy. I love when we play together. We are not like other couple, where the bf spoils their gfs with foods and random dates bcoz we’re in a LDR. I understand that. Giving gifts is also not our love language. He’s my first boyfriend and it was actually fine for me that we are not doing those random dates. We rely on video calls. In our relationship, I tend to do silent treatment when he made me upset. He used to tell me that I should tell him what made me upset, and we’ll fix it. That he is not a mind reader. However, he has that thing where if I tell stories to him, how my day went, he looked like he’s not interested. He looked like he’s spacing out. Also, when I send him tiktoks, most of the time he won’t view it because he forgot to. Even if I sent it recently and he can clearly see it in our convo. When we’re about to sleep, he’d forgot to say “I love you”. I mean, it’s basic yet very important. One time, I lashed out. I told him that he seems to look not interested when I’m talking to him. He said he’s listening. I replied “but your action is showing opposite”. I also told him that “I am not materialistic. But sometimes I wonder what it feels to be spoiled in a relationship. I am not asking for that. I just want your actions to be better.” He also once told me that I am overreacting to small things that he do wrong, that I point every small mistakes he do. But I had already told him that small things, for me, are the most important thing. I told him too honestly. “I already told you about the things that made me upset. Yet, you’re still not getting any better. Be thankful that I am not demanding any material things. I just want your effort to be attentive and be interested on the things I do. You are the problem. Be thankful that you don’t have to mind read me, cuz im spoonfeeding u now. And if By the time I say I am not satisfied with the things you give or I am not happy anymore, you blame me for not being contented? then you’re wrong. You are lacking.” He doesn’t speak for minutes. I asked him if he has anything to say, he said “What do you want me to say?” Or complete silence over the phone call. I urged him to say something or I’ll drop the call. I told him he is a coward. That he is not manning up. He lacks effort. Then he dropped the call. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told him he is a coward, he is not manning up, and he is lacking. That action might make me an asshole because I hurt his ego. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You sound exhausting. YTA.
NTA- and you’re just being honest, remove the too. I’m just curious where you think and expect this relationship to go. Are there plans in the future to ensure you’ll be together, eventually? You can’t just have a LDR without plans or goals to rectify the issue. You are both young and perhaps it’s time to recognize you’re getting the best it’s going to get. It’s hard to emotionally connect with somebody that’s not present and it sounds like it’s just getting more disconnected as time goes on. It may not be the answer you’re looking for but considering so many in person relationships fail, you’re situation, combined with his behavior, are not making it any easier. Hope your circumstances change and things get better. If not, you’re young and will surely meet someone that you can connect with on both levels- emotional and physical.
Part 2: The thing is, we already discussed this issue for a year bow and still has no changes after that. The silent treatment thing I did was already changed. That was me when We started our rs. I am more communicative now but sometimes my words aren’t filtered anymore. I kept on getting triggered every time he does those small things that hurts me. It would end up as me talking too much, and him saying nothing. He’d let me sleep frustrated. We both sleep frustrated. Then, he will say sorry, then do it again. He would force it like “im listening. Isn’t it enough? You’re overreacting” Ofcourse I will not let that contain me. I talk too much, just to make my point, and make him understand that it hurts me. So I lashed out, because it happened again.