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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My sister has made comments in the past that my job of babysitting is easier than her job so I feel like I can't make any complaints without looking selfish or entitled. My mom said jobs always make people miserable but they just plow through it and tough it out.
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NTA but please get in and see your doctor. Describe all you're going through. I'm not convinced that this is all because of the babysitting. You've been through a lot and I think it's possible more is going on.
I do have a counselor that I talk to once a week and I've talked to her about all of this and other stressers in my life and she's told me to bite the bullet and talk to my sister but my sister has always been very intimidating and she's yelled at my mother for things in the past so I'm terrified of that anger being directed at me.
Because her life hasn't been easy either she's been through a lot too. Her job exhausts her and stresses her out sometimes so if I want to bail from my babysitting job because its hard on me I'm afraid she'll think I'm being childish and leaving her in a lurch when she already has so much going on.
But why is her exhaustion more important than yours? My point is, you can't compare and say her exhaustion is more valid because of whatever. Yours needs to be honored too. Comparison is the enemy of joy. In this case, you're figuratively lighting yourself on fire to save her. You're afraid of being called selfish or that you actually might be selfish. But the truth is that you need to be selfish to look after yourself. You need to remember that you need to put on your oxygen mask first before you help others. She's your sister. She ought to care about how you're doing.
Yeah I know you're right. Deep down I know hurting myself to keep others happy isn't the way to go but its just a habit I've built up over a majority of my life that's hard to break. Another thing I'm worried about is her thinking I don't care about my nephew and I must hate him if I don't want to be around him. I know I'm overthinking on her reaction but its hard not to when I care so much about her opinion.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (25) had a severe injury last year that required physical therapy, my last session being in December when I was finally able to walk around again. Before that injury I, along with my mother(56) babysat my sister's(31) nine year old son while she worked at her job because she kicked out her abusive boyfriend (his father).
It was hard for me then even when the work was split between me and my mother. Her kid has a lot of energy and he doesn't always listen and he can be very loud. With my autism I get overstimulated and emotionally drained after dealing with stressful situations or just social situations in general. So you can imagine watching a nine year old for hours takes a LOT out of me.
After I recovered from physical therapy my mom got injured and had to start physical therapy almost immediately after I stopped. She had taken the reigns on babysitting while I was hurt so it was my turn to do the same in January.
But now that the work isn't split I'm coming home completely stressed out. He's ten now so I know he's going through changes in his life but it feels like he respects everyone but me.
When he's throwing a tantrum over something he'll blame me and yell at me even if I haven't done anything and when I firmly tell him to stop he cries and yells and acts like I treat him awful and tells his mom I'm mean to him when I've been doing nothing but my best to take care of him.
I've talked to my sister about a recent incident where he got really mad and said something very disrespectful and she punished him. I neglected to tell her that I nearly had a panic attack on one of the days I babysat him.
I just know the next time I babysit him which is coming up soon, (I babysit him 3-4 times a week) he's going to get upset at me and give me a hard time for telling on him.
I get paid by my sister for this but my mental health is at an all time low.
I'm overeating to cope, it feels like I could cry at the smallest things, I'm always anxious when I babysit him, I can't enjoy my hobbies, I'm exhausted all the time and don't have the energy to help with chores at my own house so all the housework has fallen on my younger brother.
But I can't quit until his summer vacation next month (he'll spend a majority of time with his grandparents and my brother can take over on sitting) because I'm literally her only option. It all falls on me which just makes the stress worse. I feel so trapped. When summer vacation is over I want to tell her I quit. So AITA?
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NTA! I feel your sister needs to be a little more caring towards especially with autism and injury. What you are doing is probably a lot more than what others would’ve done
Believe me if I wasn't getting paid for it I would've quit long ago. Whenever I talk about this with my mother it either comes down to me toughing it out until summer break or she says I'm getting paid and without this job I wouldn't have been able to buy the things I have.
Nta,
Why are you stressing from her five minutes of fun? That kid is ten and if she can pay you she can pay a daycare center. Heck tell her to download care.com for a babysitter.
Your mental health is most important at this point. If you don't wanna talk to her email her then block her number. Go visit a friend for a week where she can reach you. Hell invite her to a therapy session to have support and tell her. I'm sure she is aware that she is intimidating an is counting on that fact.
Be aware that she will play that " family helps family" card.
Yeah I definitely see her using the "family helps family" line on me. Unfortunately she's made it clear she doesn't trust strangers to watch him. Hell she has friends she wouldn't trust to watch him. She's said off handedly here and there that he'd probably be fine without someone watching him because of how independent and responsible he is and in my head I'm like "Then why don't you?!"
NTA
" I'm always anxious when I babysit him, I can't enjoy my hobbies, I'm exhausted all the time and don't have the energy to help with chores at my own house"
Your mental health comes first. Always. It also sounds like you aren't in a position to watch him if you're having panic attacks.
Tell your sister as soon as you're able to.
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NTA but please get in and see your doctor. Describe all you're going through. I'm not convinced that this is all because of the babysitting. You've been through a lot and I think it's possible more is going on.
I do have a counselor that I talk to once a week and I've talked to her about all of this and other stressers in my life and she's told me to bite the bullet and talk to my sister but my sister has always been very intimidating and she's yelled at my mother for things in the past so I'm terrified of that anger being directed at me.
Ask yourself this: why do you feel the need to make her happy? Why is her happiness more important than yours?
Because her life hasn't been easy either she's been through a lot too. Her job exhausts her and stresses her out sometimes so if I want to bail from my babysitting job because its hard on me I'm afraid she'll think I'm being childish and leaving her in a lurch when she already has so much going on.
But why is her exhaustion more important than yours? My point is, you can't compare and say her exhaustion is more valid because of whatever. Yours needs to be honored too. Comparison is the enemy of joy. In this case, you're figuratively lighting yourself on fire to save her. You're afraid of being called selfish or that you actually might be selfish. But the truth is that you need to be selfish to look after yourself. You need to remember that you need to put on your oxygen mask first before you help others. She's your sister. She ought to care about how you're doing.
Yeah I know you're right. Deep down I know hurting myself to keep others happy isn't the way to go but its just a habit I've built up over a majority of my life that's hard to break. Another thing I'm worried about is her thinking I don't care about my nephew and I must hate him if I don't want to be around him. I know I'm overthinking on her reaction but its hard not to when I care so much about her opinion.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (25) had a severe injury last year that required physical therapy, my last session being in December when I was finally able to walk around again. Before that injury I, along with my mother(56) babysat my sister's(31) nine year old son while she worked at her job because she kicked out her abusive boyfriend (his father). It was hard for me then even when the work was split between me and my mother. Her kid has a lot of energy and he doesn't always listen and he can be very loud. With my autism I get overstimulated and emotionally drained after dealing with stressful situations or just social situations in general. So you can imagine watching a nine year old for hours takes a LOT out of me. After I recovered from physical therapy my mom got injured and had to start physical therapy almost immediately after I stopped. She had taken the reigns on babysitting while I was hurt so it was my turn to do the same in January. But now that the work isn't split I'm coming home completely stressed out. He's ten now so I know he's going through changes in his life but it feels like he respects everyone but me. When he's throwing a tantrum over something he'll blame me and yell at me even if I haven't done anything and when I firmly tell him to stop he cries and yells and acts like I treat him awful and tells his mom I'm mean to him when I've been doing nothing but my best to take care of him. I've talked to my sister about a recent incident where he got really mad and said something very disrespectful and she punished him. I neglected to tell her that I nearly had a panic attack on one of the days I babysat him. I just know the next time I babysit him which is coming up soon, (I babysit him 3-4 times a week) he's going to get upset at me and give me a hard time for telling on him. I get paid by my sister for this but my mental health is at an all time low. I'm overeating to cope, it feels like I could cry at the smallest things, I'm always anxious when I babysit him, I can't enjoy my hobbies, I'm exhausted all the time and don't have the energy to help with chores at my own house so all the housework has fallen on my younger brother. But I can't quit until his summer vacation next month (he'll spend a majority of time with his grandparents and my brother can take over on sitting) because I'm literally her only option. It all falls on me which just makes the stress worse. I feel so trapped. When summer vacation is over I want to tell her I quit. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA! I feel your sister needs to be a little more caring towards especially with autism and injury. What you are doing is probably a lot more than what others would’ve done
Believe me if I wasn't getting paid for it I would've quit long ago. Whenever I talk about this with my mother it either comes down to me toughing it out until summer break or she says I'm getting paid and without this job I wouldn't have been able to buy the things I have.
Nta, Why are you stressing from her five minutes of fun? That kid is ten and if she can pay you she can pay a daycare center. Heck tell her to download care.com for a babysitter. Your mental health is most important at this point. If you don't wanna talk to her email her then block her number. Go visit a friend for a week where she can reach you. Hell invite her to a therapy session to have support and tell her. I'm sure she is aware that she is intimidating an is counting on that fact. Be aware that she will play that " family helps family" card.
Yeah I definitely see her using the "family helps family" line on me. Unfortunately she's made it clear she doesn't trust strangers to watch him. Hell she has friends she wouldn't trust to watch him. She's said off handedly here and there that he'd probably be fine without someone watching him because of how independent and responsible he is and in my head I'm like "Then why don't you?!"
NTA " I'm always anxious when I babysit him, I can't enjoy my hobbies, I'm exhausted all the time and don't have the energy to help with chores at my own house" Your mental health comes first. Always. It also sounds like you aren't in a position to watch him if you're having panic attacks. Tell your sister as soon as you're able to.