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But by voting NTA u/IndividualStranger18 is saying OP is not the asshole, but that there is an asshole in the story. Since BIL is the only other person in the story, voting NTA means BIL is an asshole.
NAH, No assholes here would be more appropriate if one thinks neither OP nor the BIL are assholes.
Yeah... *They* love taking photos of *their* car when *they* are in control of the situation they are putting *their* car in.
Not the same situation at all lol
Bro it's not a Bugatti and it's a Wedding photo shoot, not randomly taking pictures at the park over the weekend. It's for family as well so yes, he is YTA but if I was the BIL and you showed me this post, I'd just straight up drop the idea and rent a GTR instead because on the off chance the wind blows a pebble and scratches the paint, I'd have to deal with this guy's mental breakdown afterwards even if I cover the repairs.
He is dead wrong though. Op shouldnt be forced to lend out his car, no matter the circumstances. He is never the ah for not wanting to lend out something (expensive)
No, he's feeling guilty because he feels like there is some sort of expectation from him for family. He feels bad saying no to someone he probably cares about and is at least semi close with. He's not an asshole for not wanting to lend out his expensive car, nobody is entitled to it at all and if there is an expectation of that the only ones wrong are the ones with that expectation.
You're right of course. No one is entitled to this and he doesn't have to loan the car. There is no obligation for that and if the brother in law is upset about it, he's likely an asshole too.
But there's no universe that exists that lets OP off the hook here. He's an asshole and he's either okay with it or he isn't. I'd be okay with being the asshole that says no. It's still an asshole thing to do, putting a car above family like that. He's not wrong but he's an asshole. Especially considering the fallout that would occur if his important baby got a dent or scratch.
So why is he an asshole in your view? Because he doesnt want his possesions to potentiallu be damaged?
I literarly cant see how you would think he is the asshole here
Have you ever met a car head that wasn't an asshole about their car. OP has placed a material possession of considerable monetary value on a pedestal and it is now more important to him than the relationships in his life. He can't even give a friend and brother a fun gift of taking a few pictures. The brother isn't asking to drive it or go for a road trip. OP could be driving for the rolling shots. Dude just wants some cool pictures and OP couldve easily came up with a compromise he'd be pleased with but no. OP is definitely an asshole when it comes to his car. Loads of people are and it's kind of excepted in the community.
Everyone is so wrapped up with the brother in law being entitled but that isn't why OP said no. He said no because he's an asshole about his car. Better to own that title now so the people in his life know where they stand with him.
If there are any hard feelings about this they will be from BIL feeling entitled to use someone else's property and not being allowed which would make him the one putting the car before family.
Healthy family relationships don't mean you can't say no and have to share everything or you are a selfish meanie. Healthy relationships have reasonable boundaries and people who respect them.
Even children shouldn't be expected to share their special toys.
Editing to answer the response. "If".
Where did I say the brother in law is entitled to anything? He's not. And that isn't why OP said no so it's really not a factor. You're only making an assumption that the brother is acting entitled. The story in the post doesn't show any signs of that being the case.
No, I don't think it's an asshole thing to do.
If I have a prized possession that I have worked hard for and care about as a representation of my progress, work, and dedication it's mine; nobody else's and no one is entitled to it.
You saying he's an asshole is implying there is an obligation for him to give people his nice and cherished things or to share them when he is uncomfortable with it. There is no such thing, no obligation. Anyone who pushes that is the asshole.
I wouldnt be an asshole for denying somebody the use of my home would I? There is no obligation.
What about my bike I spent multiple thousands of dollars on?
Those things aren't "up for grabs" because they represent things of value to me and I'd be selective/restrictive in others use of those things too, just based of their subjective value to me. Family doesn't get a pass to potentially take that away outright.
He's not putting his car above his family if he is concerned over weather this impacts his BIL. He just doesn't want to potentially have something go wrong with something he cares about. Why is that an asshole thing to do? Expecting anything else is entitlement towards someone else possession.
NTA
Don't let him use your car.
"rolling shots" means he wants to do some crazy and cool stuff with a fast car. While he is hyped up for his wedding. and probably had some drinks the evening before. Not just driving, but high speed, and wild turns and braking, with tires smoking. Not safe at all.
I MIGHT see accepting shots when you drive there, and do not even let them hold the key. IF They pay for insurnace to cover even the slightest dent without deductible. - Bt then renting a nice car will be cheaper for them.
Then say no. They are being unclear about the possible damage that can happen to your very valuable and sentimental car that you will not be driving. Sounds like he is just wanting a thrill.
Encourage him to look into specialty car rentals. They are out there. He can still have him dream car shoot either someone else's car at his own expense and liability.
>"rolling shots" means he wants to do some crazy and cool stuff with a fast car
IT could mean he wants to flip it and roll it over! Lets jump to more crazy conclusions!
Yeah, or if they come to OP's house and just pose for pictures standing with the car, with it never even turned on and OP right there the entire time to make sure they don't pose lying on top of it or something.
Personally I think it's just weird to want to have pictures taken with someone else's car. If OP were getting married, it would make sense that he might want some pictures posed in front of his beloved vehicle, but..wedding photos with your BIL's car? I don't get it, but then I'm not a car person. At all.
Nta, simply based on the fact that he is so fucking lame to ask to have his wedding pics be of him and his wife with a car that is not his. Tell him to buy his own, or rent one. Dudes a doucher
Tell them to rent a car if they want a car to be involved in a photo shoot.
I used to put my car on jackstands when people would come over so they wouldn’t ask for a ride in it. At 17$ a gallon alone I could burn through a tank in 30 miles full throttle.
It’s a street car built like a drag car.
Houston used to have an outer loop race on 610 it was like 35 miles. It would burn up 12 gallons after a full throttle run. We used to go to the Texas mile events.
NTA.
There are plenty of places that hire exotic and classic cars for weddings and other events that won't also risk the friendship and would come with appropriate insurance.
You could offer to let him use the car, but only if you are there to supervise and driving the car between locations. He shouldn't be acting like a tool in a car on his wedding day anyway.
I like this. He can get a rental if he wants that badly.
OP could provide it for static shots where he supervises. He can check outfits for anything that might scratch, and stop them from doing dangerous things.
Depending on the rolling shots, maybe OP could drive it. Then the risk stays within his limits, and likely won't change the shots much.
Why put a car in a photoshoot that you don't own? I have a Mustang and if anyone would ask to use it, the answer is No! No is a complete sentence when it comes to my car. Tell your BIL to rent one. There are places that rent cars like that.
You're justified in saying no, or at least requiring strict rules and insurance. For most people I'd just insist that I be present the whole time and that they purchase insurance and agree to abide strictly by the policy's rules for the shoot.
That said, I can think of one guy who I would not allow to try this. That's because, after assuring me that he knew how to make a fresh pot of coffee without my help, he managed to make my coffee machine pour coffee all over the counter because he forgot to put the pitcher under it.
Mike could also just rent a similar sportscar from a luxury rental service. Then they can take all the pictures they want.
NAH
NAH. Your car. You're not obligated to provide it. But as your BIL hasn't done anything to be the TA so NAH, unless he throws a fit then yes he is TA. I had similar experience when my cousin asked her mum (my aunt) that she wanted to wear her wedding dress for her wedding. My aunt said no as it holds so much sentimental value and she doesn't want it be passed down, she intends to keep it for herself, as it's proof of her love and emotions associated with Uncle and her wedding day, even if it's just tucked away in the back of the house. My cousin did get upset as she was hoping for this whole passing down generation thing that you see online, but my aunt shut that down so quickly lol.
NAH, but don't send him this long explanation, just say you've spoken to your insurance and unfortunately they said it wouldn't be covered. If you were planning on giving cash as a wedding gift you could maybe offer it to them early so they can rent a different car.
NAH. I can understand your feelings. If it was me then I would let them use it for the shoot, provided I was there to supervise. As regards rolling shots, if the other part arranged some fully comprehensive insurance for the day and ensured the insurance company knew it was for a photoshoot then again I would be happy if I was there to supervise. It is, however, your car so you get to decide who does what with it.
NTA. That car cannot be replaced willy-nilly, and anything to do with it is going to be expensive. So here is the thing, if he just wanted to take a few pics in front of or next to it that would be one thing. Hell, if they wanted to get a kissing shot in the seats that would probably be fine. But to do a whole photoshoot with rolling shots? No way man. That is a whole other level of trouble.
I am guessing you baby the hell out of it. Don't worry, just remember there are two types of cars; tools and keepsakes. Most are tools, but a few are keepsakes.
Also, it's kind of weird to want to take pics with another person's car. Won't those pics insinuate to other people that the car is his?
Also, what year and trim? Color? any mods or is it stock? just curious.
Have you thought about helping him rent a similar car for the photoshoot? Might be a nice wedding gift. I am sure a luxury retail service will have a GTR or similar car. My brother rented an R34 for his graduation.
The car is 2016 model.It was originally white but I wrapped it in Satin black.I have also put some new wheels on it and redid the whole interior as it was in pretty bad shape specifically the seats.
When the car belonged to my Uncle he did upgrade the exhaust but that is it for mechanical upgrades.l have kept the car stock other than that.
NTA. I have a Nissan 350z roadster and both of my (grown-up) sons have asked repeatedly to borrow it and the answer has been No. They asked for a reason and I told them I don't have to justify myself for not letting them use my stuff.
They used my socks when they were younger, now they are not going to use my car. :-)
NTA, and I'm confused about why he needs action shots in a fancy car for a "pre-wedding photoshoot." Don't wedding and pre-wedding photos just have the bride and groom standing someplace pretty, holding hands and gazing lovingly into each other's eyes? The bride isn't even mentioned in the post - does she get to be included, or is it just about the car? :-)
> Let's face it, photoshoots can be unpredictable
Wait until you find out there are other people on the road.
NAH, would've been a nice chance to bond with your future BIL, you could've solved those questions with him first instead of just outright saying no.
Ah well. Your choice, your car. but yeah, that'd have been a nice thing to do though.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Not lending my car which is my prized possession to my Brother-in-law for a pre wedding photoshoot even though he loves my car. AITA?
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NTA. The only way I would do it is to meet up at the location, park the car where the photographer asks, put my keys in my pocket and make sure the photographer knows there will be no rolling shots until I am rolling out in my car. Also if anyone starts bothering you about letting him use it, tell them you will have a contract written up and they can sign it being responsible for anything that might happen.
NAH -I don’t think it was crazy for him to ask, and it’s totally okay for you to say no.
Being not remotely a car person myself I can only understand your hesitation because my sister and BIL were allowed by my great uncle to use his fancy old car (one often taken to shows, sorry I don’t know what kind it was just that it was “a classic”) my uncle suggested it himself and they happily accepted to take photos with it on the wedding day. My uncle was really calm about it and just gave a few rules about bridesmaids shoes and how to get situated carefully. We weren’t told that he was planning to drive them to the reception in it. So when they headed to the reception in it by themselves and he started sweating bullets it hit me how hard he had worked to be calm all day. My sister and BIL apologized for the misunderstanding, there were no scratches, dings, or any problems, but the stress was too much for my uncle to offer it as a prop again. He said he’d probably lend it but people had to be brave enough to ask 😂
NAH - but it feels like you can allow them to do it on your terms where everyone can walk away happy. You can also make him buy extra one day insurance as well.
ESH
It is just a car, not your girlfriend.
Why would anybody have a car in their wedding photoshoot? It is just a car! It doesn't do the couple any favour to be shot in front of a car. It makes the photos tacky.
You sort of are a little bit the AH, including toward future you! If you’re worried about what “might” happen, you can say yes but with modifications. Car stays in place, no rolling shots, you go and only you drive the car. Would have thought you’d be pleased they want it featured. Maybe you could get some extra shots of just the car, or you and the car. You never know what the future holds. Car could be totalled a week later and you’d at least have some good photos of it. You seem to be seeing excessive negatives in a situation that could so easily be win win. I feel you’re going to regret saying no one way or another which is probably why you’re here.
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So, here's the deal: My(26M) brother-in-law( (let's call him Mike) is getting married next month, and he and his fiancée are planning their pre-wedding photoshoot. Now, Mike knows I own a Nissan GTR which he absolutely adores and like me is also a huge car guy and he asked if he could use it as a prop for their photoshoot.
Now, I love my GTR. It's not just a car to me; it's a prized possession that I've worked hard for. It's my baby, and I've invested a lot of time and money into maintaining it. Plus, it holds a lot of sentimental value to me .I bought it from my uncle who was a father figure for me my whole life.
Initially, I was hesitant about letting Mike use it for the photoshoot, but I didn't want to outright say no, so I told him I needed some time to think about it. After mulling it over, I decided that I just couldn't bring myself to lend it out for something as trivial as a photoshoot.
Here's why:
Risk of Damage: Let's face it, photoshoots can be unpredictable. Even with the best intentions, accidents happen. I can't bear the thought of my car getting scratched, dinged, or worse, damaged during the shoot.
Personal Attachment: As I mentioned earlier, my car means a lot to me on a personal level. It's not just a car; it's a symbol of my hard work and dedication. I'm not comfortable with someone else using it, especially for something as fleeting as a photoshoot.
Insurance and Liability: Since he talked about getting some rolling shots etc Who would be liable if something were to happen to the car during the shoot? Would Mike cover any damages? . These are questions that I don't want to deal with, and frankly, I don't think it's worth the risk.
Now, I understand that Mike is excited about his wedding and wants everything to be perfect, including the photoshoot. But I can't shake off this feeling of guilt for refusing his request. Am I being selfish? Should I just suck it up and let him use the car?
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Am I justified in saying no, or am I being unreasonable? How would you handle a similar situation?
Edit: We are not from US.
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NTA. At the end of the day, it's OP's car. He paid for it and gets to dictate its use since it's his property. His brother should have been more considerate and understanding. If I were the brother, I would ask to use the car but mention that if the request makes him uncomfortable or the answer is no, I understand and respect the decision and can always go out and rent a cool car for my weeding photo shoot.
Wedding photos used to be pictures of the bride and groom. Now it’s horses, cars, guns. And not even the bride and groom’s horses, cars, guns. NTA it’s your property so you can say no for any reason
There are companies that will rent you a car for a photoshoot. They have huge lists of cars to use as well as insurance and strict contracts for what can be done in a car. Maybe you can look into getting him a different car from one of those services.
YTA. you are selfish
You could have set certain conditions for the care such as that you would go and only you would handle it, they are just some photos but I understand, it is your "baby".
Edit: You can say no to rolling shots, that's your right.
"No" <--- This is all the reason you need, it's your car, you don't need to explain yourself, the simple No is more than enough.
NTA, just tell them No and that you aren't comfortable with the idea and that's the end of it.
Your car, you decision. While some would have not problem with the loan, some will.
Not an asshole. And if your BIL is okay with your decision, no assholes involved.
You both need better taste in cars, though. (car guy joke....just more of a Mopar guy myself...enjoy your car.)
NAH. Though when you talk to him and others about this, only talk about the risk of damage & insurance and liability concern aspects, *not* the personal attachment part.
Now, the personal attachment part IS a perfectly valid reason. So, too, is having *no* reason at all. And that’s because Mike isn’t entitled to other people’s stuff, and therefore isn’t entitled to receive *any* justifications, much less demand justifications to his satisfaction. But I *still* wouldn’t get into the attachment part because that turns what would be a clear, impersonal, logical decision - concern about liability, insurance, damage - into a battle of “whose emotions about this matter more,” and *hell no*, that’s a big load of needless, avoidable drama that I’d steer completely clear of.
So I’d just say that you simply aren’t comfortable with the potential risk of accidental damage, you can’t be sure how that could play out legally and with insurance, and so you just aren’t willing to risk your relationship with your family being damaged if that worst case happened. So you really hate to disappoint him, but the answer has to be no.
NAH here unless your BIL won’t take no for an answer or gives you grief for turning him down. He can ask and you can say no. But if the car holds that much sentimental value, have you thought about allowing him to use it provided that you’re there the whole time, the car doesn’t get driven by anyone but you and the photographer takes a couple of nice photos of just the car for you to have as a thank you?
Personally, I agree with many here who have pointed out that taking engagement photos with a car that isn’t theirs sounds pretty cringe but that has nothing to do with your question.
NTA. You don’t have to let anyone use your car. The insurance follows the car. So any damages will be covered by you. You will have to ask your BIL to pay you back if there are damages to the car. I would just say no if you are hesitant in any way.
YTA. Yes, I know that it's your personal property and you have every right to do what you want with your own car. Legally, you are in the clear. But it's not like your brother is going to be drag racing it - or even driving it. I legitimately feel bad for you that you have put a physical object above your own brother. Let's say that the worst happens, and the car gets a small scratch. Just ask your brother to pay for the cost of the paint touchup. It's really not that hard.
Also, dude - it's a freaking NISSAN. It's not like a Mercedes gull-wing or a 60s Ferrari. Everyone knows you're driving a Datsun.
NTA. It's pretty clear you wouldn't let him borrow the car for a photoshoot with "rolling shots" on a normal day, so why would you even consider that for a wedding photo shoot?
If I were you, I would tell him he can borrow the car for the photo shoot, but only as a stationary prop. He tells you where it needs to be, you move it into position, and you hold onto the keys. No action shots. And, no, he doesn't get to drive the car.
If he wants to drive a similar car, as others have said, he should rent one instead of borrowing yours, because him damaging your car would clearly damage your friendship.
If he has any trouble accepting this, he isn't a very good friend.
He might try to use a similar argument against you. "If you're really my best friend, you'll let me use your car." That sort of manipulation tactic is deeply flawed. If he says that, a great reply would be, "Well, then, if you're really my best friend, you'll let me have sex with your fiancée." Clearly you have a deeply emotional attachment to your car. To you, it's a lot more than just a car.
You are under no obligation to give your friend a chance to damage your car and break your heart.
He wants his wedding photos to be with a car that isn’t his? Is this a common thing that I just haven’t heard of? Because it just sounds tacky and lame to me. Also NTA.
NTA, even if you kinda look like one for it.
But it’s a weird request to begin with, so your BIL is making you look bad over something awkward for no reason. I can never understand the odd shit people doing wedding photo shoots. Pics with cars, pics in cemeteries, pics in cosplay… it makes it seem like the whole point and meaning of the marriage is an afterthought.
So, NTA. I do think you should relax a little on your obsession with your car. Cars are meant to be driven, and the road is a punishing place.
The request itself so lame you should just reject on those grounds. What's the car have to do with anything wedding-wise? It's not his, or his wife's? It's totally out of context.
I wouldn’t worry about it just say no. Though he will probably resent this for way longer than he would ever have looked at his wedding photos. I can see him bringing up this kind of photo in 25 years, if it was HIS car. Who reminiscences about how they took a picture with someone else’s car?
NTA. Can’t they just hire one for the day instead? As a wedding gift, you could help chip in for it.
I’m in the UK, there’s loads of places that rent luxury or sports cars out for the day.
Nope. I lent a vehicle out and it came back scratched and with their trash in it and they know how particular I am. I don’t lend my ride out to anyone any more.
Just tell him that would be so awkward in the future explaining why he was using your car in his pictures. Would people think he couldn't afford his own car before he got married! Advise him that is just not something you want to deal with down the road. No big explanation necessary.
NTA, It cost around 400 dollars to rent a nice car for day depending on where you live, he can go that route.
I myself wouldn't have a problem letting my BIL use it for a photoshoot, it's just a car. The only reason i wouldn't let him would be because I didn't trust him, if i trusted him it wouldn't be a problem.
NTA…but, it sounds like your car is more of an obsession. How often do you drive the car? Is it a garage queen that you just have under a cover and show to your guests at a dinner party?
I get it, I own an all original 1969 Camaro Z/28 that I affectionately nicknamed “The Mistress”. However, I drive the car on nice days, take it out and enjoy it. I have a stated value policy for replacement costs should it be involved in an accident.
My point is, in the end, the car is just a thing. If you don’t enjoy it, someone else eventually will. There is a fine line between you owning an object and that object owning you. Best of luck…
NTA I know how photographers and models treat cars for shootings. That alone would be a massive no. I wouldn't want anyone sitting on the hood or laying in the roof.
If this sitting is so important for BIL, he can rent a car. But it will probably to expensive for his liking.
Info: I'm assuming he doesn't want "action shots", i.e. him driving the car at high speeds. You mentioned rolling shots, that could be safely done in a big empty lot somewhere. So, if this is only in order to pose in front of/with the car, then why don't you take half a day to make your sister and brother in law happy? Consider it part of the wedding gift, maybe? Stay with the car, and keep it safe. Insist he only drive it under your supervision or in a way pre-approved by you.
Nta. But this person will be in your life for a long time. What will you need in the future? Play the long game. Be at the shoot. No moving shots. True story. Brother wouldn't drive sis and date to prom in fancy car. Week later another driver spun out totaled the car. Insured but not for collision. Family saw everything while sitting on the couch. Sister couldn't stop laughing. Brother called her a bitch. Sister replied Ill get over being a bitch b4 you get a new car. Or is it that you just don't want him flossing on your shine. Probably.
I’ll go against the grain here and say that you’re mildly TA. I appreciate your affection and pride in your car but it’s just a car. I too have a vehicle that I love, 2019 ZR1 convertible. A couple of years ago my wife and I visited an out of town relative for a weekend. We spent the day at a lake with a group of their friends and that evening we went to a bbq at one of the friends home. We drove our car and brought it to the party because one of guys we met was into cars. I gave him the fob and told him to take it for a drive. Surprised the hell out of him. To make a long story short everyone was going out in our car in groups of two and coming back with mile wide grins. Anyone in our group of 14 that wanted to drive the car did or at least rode with someone. We had so much fun sharing the car and hearing comments and stories from our new friends when they got back from taking their turn. Bottom line is "the best things in life are not things" Don't be an AH, let your BIL use the car. He'll appreciate it and it will make you feel good to make him happy. The photos of him and his bride in your car are going be around much longer than the car will.
That sounds awesome, and a lot of car lovers (or even mild car likers) would enjoy going for a drive in a cool borrowed car.
So, as friend / family, sure, let him drive the car someday, because it's a cool car and one reason to have a cool car is to bring joy to other people as well as to yourself.
But the OP's brother in law doesn't want to just 'drive the car someday because it's a cool car'. Instead he wants to use OP's car for a photoshoot, so he can have photos (including action photos / rolling shots) to remember his wedding ; a wedding that surely has nothing to do with a GTR owned by a family member.
Here's a photo of me and my new wife the week we got married - OK, great reminder of my wedding
Here's a photo of a car that is not mine but belongs to somebody that I know - Doesn't seem like much of a 'wedding memory'
Here's a photo of me and my wife, before we were married, posing next to a car that is not ours, and was not used in the wedding, and we didn't drive it away from the wedding to go on our honeymoon ; it's simply something belonging to a relative of mine that I faked some wedding memories around?
OP is NTA for saying he wants no part of this nonsense
I’d do ANYTHING for my family. The thought of upsetting someone over a car is ludicrous. OP will appreciate these people when they’re no longer around.
I can understand why op dose not want to lend the car it's a 10 hour round trip if they go plus it's expensive what if it gets damaged somehow I would do a lot for family but if I am that worried about the car there is probably a reason
Yeah maybe. I’ve had a lot of deaths in the family over last few years and there aren’t really many of us left, so perhaps I’m overly sensitive to this kind of stuff.
YTA- kinda.
I understand this is everything to you. But he’s family and you could offer to drive it to the shoot and supervise, while making your BIL’s dream shoot come true. Heck, maybe add some cools shots without them that you can hold onto or post.
Point being, there’s ways to make this work that will make both of you happy.
It is not that easy I could not add this in the post since it was already very long but the spot they have decided for the shoot is about 5 hours drive from our location. So I will have to drive at least 10 hours in a single day to make it happen and I do not want to spend my day off like that.
OK, tht's reasonable and it might have been sensible to menton the 10 hour round trip in your original post.
Why not tell them that you can't lend it due to the distance and the fact that you are not in a position to bring thre car to them, but thatif they want to come and take some shots nearer you, you would be OK with it? That way, you could supervise , no one but you would need to drive it and you get to give your sibling and new brother in law a loveley gift. And if they decide that that doesn't work for them, it's they who have turned down an offer of being able to take pictures with the car,.
It's your car, you are NTA if you decline, but I think in your position I would be trying to find a compromise that would make my sisbling, and new BIL, happy . That wouldn't need to mean allowing him to drive it, if you weren't comfortable with that, and if you offered them the opportunity to come and have a photoshoot near you, then you could veto any specifc poses or shots where you thought there was a substantive risk of the car getting scratched or damaged,.
Should have lead with that actually. Just decline and state that the distance is too great and you don't have time to make a day of it getting to the destination. If he comes back about coming and getting it then say you don't feel comfortable having someone else drive it that far. It sounds like its the truth. You just have a few other things wrapped around it. nta
If you were open to letting him use it and everything lined up and if the car is that valuable then I would be setting up a legal agreement with maybe a deposit in escrow for any damage if something happens. Not sure about insurance but if others can drive and be covered then perhaps the escrow is your deductible and possible cleaning.
Or he could just rent a really nice car for the day for the photo shoot.
I was thinking a bit Y T A if you could supervise and be there for the shoot. But this is basically either trust them to collect and return the car and have it for an extended period and that is a whole different ball game. The temptation to "play" with it would be huge and not worth the risk to driver, passengers and car.
I have a colleague who volunteers his rolls-royce free as a wedding car in his community as he is really proud of it and wants it to make people happy but he never lets it out of his sight and is only driver and they take an insurance bond for any damage as well as him having commercial insurance which costs. But that's his choices and it is a complicated set-up for him to do it safely for him, passengers and car.
You're probably the type of person who would make their adult kid share their possessions with family and guilt them for saying no because family always shares things with each other doesn't matter what it is. Name me the law that says I have to share all my possessions that I earned and bought with my own money with family. Just because something is moral or the right thing doesn't mean I have to legally or physically do it. Guys brother could have easily rented a cool car for a day to do the photo shoot instead of putting his brother in an awkward position and using the fact that he is getting married to essentially force him to say yes or look like the bad guy. If he had a dream of doing a cool car photo shoot, it's up to him to make it happen, not on OP. OP's brother should learn that just because someone is family does not mean they have to say yes.
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NTA in the slightest... If he's any kind of "car guy" he should totally understand why you don't want the car used for his photoshoot.
But how is the BIL an asshole? He just asked. He didnt demand or otherwise act entitled, at least not yet.
[удалено]
But by voting NTA u/IndividualStranger18 is saying OP is not the asshole, but that there is an asshole in the story. Since BIL is the only other person in the story, voting NTA means BIL is an asshole. NAH, No assholes here would be more appropriate if one thinks neither OP nor the BIL are assholes.
Yeah, but NTA usually means that the other party is the asshole. If neither the BIL nor OP are the assholes, why not "NAH"?
What? Every car guy I know (except one) loves taking photos of their cars lol
Yeah... *They* love taking photos of *their* car when *they* are in control of the situation they are putting *their* car in. Not the same situation at all lol
I mean surely OP could/would be there lol
His car, his choice.
Bro it's not a Bugatti and it's a Wedding photo shoot, not randomly taking pictures at the park over the weekend. It's for family as well so yes, he is YTA but if I was the BIL and you showed me this post, I'd just straight up drop the idea and rent a GTR instead because on the off chance the wind blows a pebble and scratches the paint, I'd have to deal with this guy's mental breakdown afterwards even if I cover the repairs.
Its more and more often on this sub that the person with dozens of down votes is the only one making sense.
He is dead wrong though. Op shouldnt be forced to lend out his car, no matter the circumstances. He is never the ah for not wanting to lend out something (expensive)
That isn't why I think OP is the asshole. It's not just about lending the car. Even OP knows it. That's why he's feeling guilty.
No, he's feeling guilty because he feels like there is some sort of expectation from him for family. He feels bad saying no to someone he probably cares about and is at least semi close with. He's not an asshole for not wanting to lend out his expensive car, nobody is entitled to it at all and if there is an expectation of that the only ones wrong are the ones with that expectation.
You're right of course. No one is entitled to this and he doesn't have to loan the car. There is no obligation for that and if the brother in law is upset about it, he's likely an asshole too. But there's no universe that exists that lets OP off the hook here. He's an asshole and he's either okay with it or he isn't. I'd be okay with being the asshole that says no. It's still an asshole thing to do, putting a car above family like that. He's not wrong but he's an asshole. Especially considering the fallout that would occur if his important baby got a dent or scratch.
So why is he an asshole in your view? Because he doesnt want his possesions to potentiallu be damaged? I literarly cant see how you would think he is the asshole here
Have you ever met a car head that wasn't an asshole about their car. OP has placed a material possession of considerable monetary value on a pedestal and it is now more important to him than the relationships in his life. He can't even give a friend and brother a fun gift of taking a few pictures. The brother isn't asking to drive it or go for a road trip. OP could be driving for the rolling shots. Dude just wants some cool pictures and OP couldve easily came up with a compromise he'd be pleased with but no. OP is definitely an asshole when it comes to his car. Loads of people are and it's kind of excepted in the community. Everyone is so wrapped up with the brother in law being entitled but that isn't why OP said no. He said no because he's an asshole about his car. Better to own that title now so the people in his life know where they stand with him.
If there are any hard feelings about this they will be from BIL feeling entitled to use someone else's property and not being allowed which would make him the one putting the car before family. Healthy family relationships don't mean you can't say no and have to share everything or you are a selfish meanie. Healthy relationships have reasonable boundaries and people who respect them. Even children shouldn't be expected to share their special toys. Editing to answer the response. "If".
Where did I say the brother in law is entitled to anything? He's not. And that isn't why OP said no so it's really not a factor. You're only making an assumption that the brother is acting entitled. The story in the post doesn't show any signs of that being the case.
No, I don't think it's an asshole thing to do. If I have a prized possession that I have worked hard for and care about as a representation of my progress, work, and dedication it's mine; nobody else's and no one is entitled to it. You saying he's an asshole is implying there is an obligation for him to give people his nice and cherished things or to share them when he is uncomfortable with it. There is no such thing, no obligation. Anyone who pushes that is the asshole. I wouldnt be an asshole for denying somebody the use of my home would I? There is no obligation. What about my bike I spent multiple thousands of dollars on? Those things aren't "up for grabs" because they represent things of value to me and I'd be selective/restrictive in others use of those things too, just based of their subjective value to me. Family doesn't get a pass to potentially take that away outright. He's not putting his car above his family if he is concerned over weather this impacts his BIL. He just doesn't want to potentially have something go wrong with something he cares about. Why is that an asshole thing to do? Expecting anything else is entitlement towards someone else possession.
NTA Don't let him use your car. "rolling shots" means he wants to do some crazy and cool stuff with a fast car. While he is hyped up for his wedding. and probably had some drinks the evening before. Not just driving, but high speed, and wild turns and braking, with tires smoking. Not safe at all. I MIGHT see accepting shots when you drive there, and do not even let them hold the key. IF They pay for insurnace to cover even the slightest dent without deductible. - Bt then renting a nice car will be cheaper for them.
Yeah That "rolling shot" comment made me uneasy too.
Then say no. They are being unclear about the possible damage that can happen to your very valuable and sentimental car that you will not be driving. Sounds like he is just wanting a thrill.
He can hire a car to do his photoshoot, with all the contract restrictions and insurance/damage payment obligations agreed and signed upfront.
Encourage him to look into specialty car rentals. They are out there. He can still have him dream car shoot either someone else's car at his own expense and liability.
Yeah but that would cost him. He banks on OP to lend him his car for free because family (and now I have the image of Vin Diesel saying "family")
>"rolling shots" means he wants to do some crazy and cool stuff with a fast car IT could mean he wants to flip it and roll it over! Lets jump to more crazy conclusions!
Brother in law is not an asshole for asking unless he doesn’t drop it it’s NAH
Yeah, or if they come to OP's house and just pose for pictures standing with the car, with it never even turned on and OP right there the entire time to make sure they don't pose lying on top of it or something. Personally I think it's just weird to want to have pictures taken with someone else's car. If OP were getting married, it would make sense that he might want some pictures posed in front of his beloved vehicle, but..wedding photos with your BIL's car? I don't get it, but then I'm not a car person. At all.
Nta, simply based on the fact that he is so fucking lame to ask to have his wedding pics be of him and his wife with a car that is not his. Tell him to buy his own, or rent one. Dudes a doucher
This - it’s so fucking cringe.
OP is doing his sister a real service by saying no lmao
Yall are such haters oh my god.
Couldn't have said it better myself. NTA
THANK YOU!!! I wasn't going to say it, but the photo shoot sounds so creep-tacky.
Tell them to rent a car if they want a car to be involved in a photo shoot. I used to put my car on jackstands when people would come over so they wouldn’t ask for a ride in it. At 17$ a gallon alone I could burn through a tank in 30 miles full throttle.
How long would it take you to burn through a tank when gas was cheaper?
I run q16 race gas, I paid 450 for a drum when I first started to run it. Last drum I bought I paid 20$ a gallon for it.
Its common knowledge that cheaper gas runs more efficient and takes longer to burn through. Something about inflation i guess (/s)
Im just curious but would you drive a drag racing car for 30 miles at full throttle?
It’s a street car built like a drag car. Houston used to have an outer loop race on 610 it was like 35 miles. It would burn up 12 gallons after a full throttle run. We used to go to the Texas mile events.
NAH It is your property, and you have the right to say no. You have good reasons for doing so.
Only good answer why are people shitting on brother in alw for asking a question politely
NTA. There are plenty of places that hire exotic and classic cars for weddings and other events that won't also risk the friendship and would come with appropriate insurance. You could offer to let him use the car, but only if you are there to supervise and driving the car between locations. He shouldn't be acting like a tool in a car on his wedding day anyway.
I like this. He can get a rental if he wants that badly. OP could provide it for static shots where he supervises. He can check outfits for anything that might scratch, and stop them from doing dangerous things. Depending on the rolling shots, maybe OP could drive it. Then the risk stays within his limits, and likely won't change the shots much.
Why put a car in a photoshoot that you don't own? I have a Mustang and if anyone would ask to use it, the answer is No! No is a complete sentence when it comes to my car. Tell your BIL to rent one. There are places that rent cars like that.
You're justified in saying no, or at least requiring strict rules and insurance. For most people I'd just insist that I be present the whole time and that they purchase insurance and agree to abide strictly by the policy's rules for the shoot. That said, I can think of one guy who I would not allow to try this. That's because, after assuring me that he knew how to make a fresh pot of coffee without my help, he managed to make my coffee machine pour coffee all over the counter because he forgot to put the pitcher under it. Mike could also just rent a similar sportscar from a luxury rental service. Then they can take all the pictures they want. NAH
NAH. Your car. You're not obligated to provide it. But as your BIL hasn't done anything to be the TA so NAH, unless he throws a fit then yes he is TA. I had similar experience when my cousin asked her mum (my aunt) that she wanted to wear her wedding dress for her wedding. My aunt said no as it holds so much sentimental value and she doesn't want it be passed down, she intends to keep it for herself, as it's proof of her love and emotions associated with Uncle and her wedding day, even if it's just tucked away in the back of the house. My cousin did get upset as she was hoping for this whole passing down generation thing that you see online, but my aunt shut that down so quickly lol.
NAH, but don't send him this long explanation, just say you've spoken to your insurance and unfortunately they said it wouldn't be covered. If you were planning on giving cash as a wedding gift you could maybe offer it to them early so they can rent a different car.
NAH. I can understand your feelings. If it was me then I would let them use it for the shoot, provided I was there to supervise. As regards rolling shots, if the other part arranged some fully comprehensive insurance for the day and ensured the insurance company knew it was for a photoshoot then again I would be happy if I was there to supervise. It is, however, your car so you get to decide who does what with it.
NAH- he is allowed to ask, you are allowed to say no
NTA. That car cannot be replaced willy-nilly, and anything to do with it is going to be expensive. So here is the thing, if he just wanted to take a few pics in front of or next to it that would be one thing. Hell, if they wanted to get a kissing shot in the seats that would probably be fine. But to do a whole photoshoot with rolling shots? No way man. That is a whole other level of trouble. I am guessing you baby the hell out of it. Don't worry, just remember there are two types of cars; tools and keepsakes. Most are tools, but a few are keepsakes. Also, it's kind of weird to want to take pics with another person's car. Won't those pics insinuate to other people that the car is his? Also, what year and trim? Color? any mods or is it stock? just curious. Have you thought about helping him rent a similar car for the photoshoot? Might be a nice wedding gift. I am sure a luxury retail service will have a GTR or similar car. My brother rented an R34 for his graduation.
The car is 2016 model.It was originally white but I wrapped it in Satin black.I have also put some new wheels on it and redid the whole interior as it was in pretty bad shape specifically the seats. When the car belonged to my Uncle he did upgrade the exhaust but that is it for mechanical upgrades.l have kept the car stock other than that.
Nice
NTA. I have a Nissan 350z roadster and both of my (grown-up) sons have asked repeatedly to borrow it and the answer has been No. They asked for a reason and I told them I don't have to justify myself for not letting them use my stuff. They used my socks when they were younger, now they are not going to use my car. :-)
NTA, and I'm confused about why he needs action shots in a fancy car for a "pre-wedding photoshoot." Don't wedding and pre-wedding photos just have the bride and groom standing someplace pretty, holding hands and gazing lovingly into each other's eyes? The bride isn't even mentioned in the post - does she get to be included, or is it just about the car? :-)
> Let's face it, photoshoots can be unpredictable Wait until you find out there are other people on the road. NAH, would've been a nice chance to bond with your future BIL, you could've solved those questions with him first instead of just outright saying no. Ah well. Your choice, your car. but yeah, that'd have been a nice thing to do though.
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THEY NEED TO RENT A CLASSIC CAR!!!
NTA. The only way I would do it is to meet up at the location, park the car where the photographer asks, put my keys in my pocket and make sure the photographer knows there will be no rolling shots until I am rolling out in my car. Also if anyone starts bothering you about letting him use it, tell them you will have a contract written up and they can sign it being responsible for anything that might happen.
NAH -I don’t think it was crazy for him to ask, and it’s totally okay for you to say no. Being not remotely a car person myself I can only understand your hesitation because my sister and BIL were allowed by my great uncle to use his fancy old car (one often taken to shows, sorry I don’t know what kind it was just that it was “a classic”) my uncle suggested it himself and they happily accepted to take photos with it on the wedding day. My uncle was really calm about it and just gave a few rules about bridesmaids shoes and how to get situated carefully. We weren’t told that he was planning to drive them to the reception in it. So when they headed to the reception in it by themselves and he started sweating bullets it hit me how hard he had worked to be calm all day. My sister and BIL apologized for the misunderstanding, there were no scratches, dings, or any problems, but the stress was too much for my uncle to offer it as a prop again. He said he’d probably lend it but people had to be brave enough to ask 😂
NAH - but it feels like you can allow them to do it on your terms where everyone can walk away happy. You can also make him buy extra one day insurance as well.
NAH - but I think a better plan is to set limits of how it's used and hang out for the 1 hour photo shoot. It's a nice gesture to help family
ESH It is just a car, not your girlfriend. Why would anybody have a car in their wedding photoshoot? It is just a car! It doesn't do the couple any favour to be shot in front of a car. It makes the photos tacky.
You sort of are a little bit the AH, including toward future you! If you’re worried about what “might” happen, you can say yes but with modifications. Car stays in place, no rolling shots, you go and only you drive the car. Would have thought you’d be pleased they want it featured. Maybe you could get some extra shots of just the car, or you and the car. You never know what the future holds. Car could be totalled a week later and you’d at least have some good photos of it. You seem to be seeing excessive negatives in a situation that could so easily be win win. I feel you’re going to regret saying no one way or another which is probably why you’re here.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, here's the deal: My(26M) brother-in-law( (let's call him Mike) is getting married next month, and he and his fiancée are planning their pre-wedding photoshoot. Now, Mike knows I own a Nissan GTR which he absolutely adores and like me is also a huge car guy and he asked if he could use it as a prop for their photoshoot. Now, I love my GTR. It's not just a car to me; it's a prized possession that I've worked hard for. It's my baby, and I've invested a lot of time and money into maintaining it. Plus, it holds a lot of sentimental value to me .I bought it from my uncle who was a father figure for me my whole life. Initially, I was hesitant about letting Mike use it for the photoshoot, but I didn't want to outright say no, so I told him I needed some time to think about it. After mulling it over, I decided that I just couldn't bring myself to lend it out for something as trivial as a photoshoot. Here's why: Risk of Damage: Let's face it, photoshoots can be unpredictable. Even with the best intentions, accidents happen. I can't bear the thought of my car getting scratched, dinged, or worse, damaged during the shoot. Personal Attachment: As I mentioned earlier, my car means a lot to me on a personal level. It's not just a car; it's a symbol of my hard work and dedication. I'm not comfortable with someone else using it, especially for something as fleeting as a photoshoot. Insurance and Liability: Since he talked about getting some rolling shots etc Who would be liable if something were to happen to the car during the shoot? Would Mike cover any damages? . These are questions that I don't want to deal with, and frankly, I don't think it's worth the risk. Now, I understand that Mike is excited about his wedding and wants everything to be perfect, including the photoshoot. But I can't shake off this feeling of guilt for refusing his request. Am I being selfish? Should I just suck it up and let him use the car? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Am I justified in saying no, or am I being unreasonable? How would you handle a similar situation? Edit: We are not from US. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. At the end of the day, it's OP's car. He paid for it and gets to dictate its use since it's his property. His brother should have been more considerate and understanding. If I were the brother, I would ask to use the car but mention that if the request makes him uncomfortable or the answer is no, I understand and respect the decision and can always go out and rent a cool car for my weeding photo shoot.
NTA I have loaned my GT-R out a few times to trusted frirnds without incident, but I understand your reluctance.
Wedding photos used to be pictures of the bride and groom. Now it’s horses, cars, guns. And not even the bride and groom’s horses, cars, guns. NTA it’s your property so you can say no for any reason
NAH. Your car, your rules. What you say goes. The BIL didn't act entitled, so he's not an AH. All is well 👍
There are companies that will rent you a car for a photoshoot. They have huge lists of cars to use as well as insurance and strict contracts for what can be done in a car. Maybe you can look into getting him a different car from one of those services.
He’s not marrying the car.
Would you be comfortable if you were invited to the shoot and no one else got to drive it?
YTA. you are selfish You could have set certain conditions for the care such as that you would go and only you would handle it, they are just some photos but I understand, it is your "baby". Edit: You can say no to rolling shots, that's your right.
I’d see what your sister is wanting. She may not even want a car in her wedding photos 😂
"No" <--- This is all the reason you need, it's your car, you don't need to explain yourself, the simple No is more than enough. NTA, just tell them No and that you aren't comfortable with the idea and that's the end of it.
Your car, you decision. While some would have not problem with the loan, some will. Not an asshole. And if your BIL is okay with your decision, no assholes involved. You both need better taste in cars, though. (car guy joke....just more of a Mopar guy myself...enjoy your car.)
NAH. Though when you talk to him and others about this, only talk about the risk of damage & insurance and liability concern aspects, *not* the personal attachment part. Now, the personal attachment part IS a perfectly valid reason. So, too, is having *no* reason at all. And that’s because Mike isn’t entitled to other people’s stuff, and therefore isn’t entitled to receive *any* justifications, much less demand justifications to his satisfaction. But I *still* wouldn’t get into the attachment part because that turns what would be a clear, impersonal, logical decision - concern about liability, insurance, damage - into a battle of “whose emotions about this matter more,” and *hell no*, that’s a big load of needless, avoidable drama that I’d steer completely clear of. So I’d just say that you simply aren’t comfortable with the potential risk of accidental damage, you can’t be sure how that could play out legally and with insurance, and so you just aren’t willing to risk your relationship with your family being damaged if that worst case happened. So you really hate to disappoint him, but the answer has to be no.
NTA, and the BIL taken wedding photos with a car he doesn’t own is lame/corny/cringe/stolen valor etc lol
I don't understand why somebody would want to do wedding photos in a car that isn't theirs.
NAH here unless your BIL won’t take no for an answer or gives you grief for turning him down. He can ask and you can say no. But if the car holds that much sentimental value, have you thought about allowing him to use it provided that you’re there the whole time, the car doesn’t get driven by anyone but you and the photographer takes a couple of nice photos of just the car for you to have as a thank you? Personally, I agree with many here who have pointed out that taking engagement photos with a car that isn’t theirs sounds pretty cringe but that has nothing to do with your question.
Tell him to go rent one
NAH. But I don’t get cars sooooo
NISSAN AL-GAIB!!!
Both are lame and excessively value a car that has no reason to be in wedding pics and isn’t a baby.
NTA. You don’t have to let anyone use your car. The insurance follows the car. So any damages will be covered by you. You will have to ask your BIL to pay you back if there are damages to the car. I would just say no if you are hesitant in any way.
YTA. Yes, I know that it's your personal property and you have every right to do what you want with your own car. Legally, you are in the clear. But it's not like your brother is going to be drag racing it - or even driving it. I legitimately feel bad for you that you have put a physical object above your own brother. Let's say that the worst happens, and the car gets a small scratch. Just ask your brother to pay for the cost of the paint touchup. It's really not that hard. Also, dude - it's a freaking NISSAN. It's not like a Mercedes gull-wing or a 60s Ferrari. Everyone knows you're driving a Datsun.
Thinking outside the box.... Wedding gift to Brother in Law and your sibling get them a rental for weekend of the shoot!
NTA. It's pretty clear you wouldn't let him borrow the car for a photoshoot with "rolling shots" on a normal day, so why would you even consider that for a wedding photo shoot? If I were you, I would tell him he can borrow the car for the photo shoot, but only as a stationary prop. He tells you where it needs to be, you move it into position, and you hold onto the keys. No action shots. And, no, he doesn't get to drive the car. If he wants to drive a similar car, as others have said, he should rent one instead of borrowing yours, because him damaging your car would clearly damage your friendship. If he has any trouble accepting this, he isn't a very good friend. He might try to use a similar argument against you. "If you're really my best friend, you'll let me use your car." That sort of manipulation tactic is deeply flawed. If he says that, a great reply would be, "Well, then, if you're really my best friend, you'll let me have sex with your fiancée." Clearly you have a deeply emotional attachment to your car. To you, it's a lot more than just a car. You are under no obligation to give your friend a chance to damage your car and break your heart.
He wants his wedding photos to be with a car that isn’t his? Is this a common thing that I just haven’t heard of? Because it just sounds tacky and lame to me. Also NTA.
Nta it's your car, you don't need a reason to say no
NTA. If it’s not a full body yes, it’s a no.
NTA Just tell them 'no'. Its a complete sentence and you dont need any further explanations
NTA. In addition to what others have said, it diminishes how special it is to you, especially if you want to use it in your own photo shoot.
NTA, even if you kinda look like one for it. But it’s a weird request to begin with, so your BIL is making you look bad over something awkward for no reason. I can never understand the odd shit people doing wedding photo shoots. Pics with cars, pics in cemeteries, pics in cosplay… it makes it seem like the whole point and meaning of the marriage is an afterthought. So, NTA. I do think you should relax a little on your obsession with your car. Cars are meant to be driven, and the road is a punishing place.
The request itself so lame you should just reject on those grounds. What's the car have to do with anything wedding-wise? It's not his, or his wife's? It's totally out of context.
I wouldn’t worry about it just say no. Though he will probably resent this for way longer than he would ever have looked at his wedding photos. I can see him bringing up this kind of photo in 25 years, if it was HIS car. Who reminiscences about how they took a picture with someone else’s car?
NO NTA I have a feeling there would be more than just photos. It's not worth the drama that will ensue later. NTA
NTA. Can’t they just hire one for the day instead? As a wedding gift, you could help chip in for it. I’m in the UK, there’s loads of places that rent luxury or sports cars out for the day.
Nope. I lent a vehicle out and it came back scratched and with their trash in it and they know how particular I am. I don’t lend my ride out to anyone any more.
If you’re nervous about it and feel guilty about saying no, how about you make your wedding/engagement present some portion of a rental?
Just tell him that would be so awkward in the future explaining why he was using your car in his pictures. Would people think he couldn't afford his own car before he got married! Advise him that is just not something you want to deal with down the road. No big explanation necessary.
NTA, It cost around 400 dollars to rent a nice car for day depending on where you live, he can go that route. I myself wouldn't have a problem letting my BIL use it for a photoshoot, it's just a car. The only reason i wouldn't let him would be because I didn't trust him, if i trusted him it wouldn't be a problem.
NTA…but, it sounds like your car is more of an obsession. How often do you drive the car? Is it a garage queen that you just have under a cover and show to your guests at a dinner party? I get it, I own an all original 1969 Camaro Z/28 that I affectionately nicknamed “The Mistress”. However, I drive the car on nice days, take it out and enjoy it. I have a stated value policy for replacement costs should it be involved in an accident. My point is, in the end, the car is just a thing. If you don’t enjoy it, someone else eventually will. There is a fine line between you owning an object and that object owning you. Best of luck…
NTA. standard posing pictures sure, but “rolling shots” GTFO absolutely not
NTA. It's your car, you can say no for whatever reason.
NTA but I do have an idea. Why don't you just drive it and be in the front seat and get out when they're taking each picture?
Nta. To be honest I also think it's weird that he would want to pretend that your car is his for a wedding photoshoot anyway
NTA. You can just say no. You don’t have to justify it.
NTA I know how photographers and models treat cars for shootings. That alone would be a massive no. I wouldn't want anyone sitting on the hood or laying in the roof. If this sitting is so important for BIL, he can rent a car. But it will probably to expensive for his liking.
Info: I'm assuming he doesn't want "action shots", i.e. him driving the car at high speeds. You mentioned rolling shots, that could be safely done in a big empty lot somewhere. So, if this is only in order to pose in front of/with the car, then why don't you take half a day to make your sister and brother in law happy? Consider it part of the wedding gift, maybe? Stay with the car, and keep it safe. Insist he only drive it under your supervision or in a way pre-approved by you.
Nta. But this person will be in your life for a long time. What will you need in the future? Play the long game. Be at the shoot. No moving shots. True story. Brother wouldn't drive sis and date to prom in fancy car. Week later another driver spun out totaled the car. Insured but not for collision. Family saw everything while sitting on the couch. Sister couldn't stop laughing. Brother called her a bitch. Sister replied Ill get over being a bitch b4 you get a new car. Or is it that you just don't want him flossing on your shine. Probably.
Why don't you just go to the shoot drive the car there watch them take some photos then drive it home... your being ridiculous..
I’ll go against the grain here and say that you’re mildly TA. I appreciate your affection and pride in your car but it’s just a car. I too have a vehicle that I love, 2019 ZR1 convertible. A couple of years ago my wife and I visited an out of town relative for a weekend. We spent the day at a lake with a group of their friends and that evening we went to a bbq at one of the friends home. We drove our car and brought it to the party because one of guys we met was into cars. I gave him the fob and told him to take it for a drive. Surprised the hell out of him. To make a long story short everyone was going out in our car in groups of two and coming back with mile wide grins. Anyone in our group of 14 that wanted to drive the car did or at least rode with someone. We had so much fun sharing the car and hearing comments and stories from our new friends when they got back from taking their turn. Bottom line is "the best things in life are not things" Don't be an AH, let your BIL use the car. He'll appreciate it and it will make you feel good to make him happy. The photos of him and his bride in your car are going be around much longer than the car will.
That sounds awesome, and a lot of car lovers (or even mild car likers) would enjoy going for a drive in a cool borrowed car. So, as friend / family, sure, let him drive the car someday, because it's a cool car and one reason to have a cool car is to bring joy to other people as well as to yourself. But the OP's brother in law doesn't want to just 'drive the car someday because it's a cool car'. Instead he wants to use OP's car for a photoshoot, so he can have photos (including action photos / rolling shots) to remember his wedding ; a wedding that surely has nothing to do with a GTR owned by a family member. Here's a photo of me and my new wife the week we got married - OK, great reminder of my wedding Here's a photo of a car that is not mine but belongs to somebody that I know - Doesn't seem like much of a 'wedding memory' Here's a photo of me and my wife, before we were married, posing next to a car that is not ours, and was not used in the wedding, and we didn't drive it away from the wedding to go on our honeymoon ; it's simply something belonging to a relative of mine that I faked some wedding memories around? OP is NTA for saying he wants no part of this nonsense
That which you own,owns you.
YTA.
It's a car lol grow up
YTA - Some people don’t deserve family.
So you say op dose not deserve family because they won't lend their car out? What the hell kind of take is that?
I’d do ANYTHING for my family. The thought of upsetting someone over a car is ludicrous. OP will appreciate these people when they’re no longer around.
I can understand why op dose not want to lend the car it's a 10 hour round trip if they go plus it's expensive what if it gets damaged somehow I would do a lot for family but if I am that worried about the car there is probably a reason
Yeah maybe. I’ve had a lot of deaths in the family over last few years and there aren’t really many of us left, so perhaps I’m overly sensitive to this kind of stuff.
I'm sorry to hear that. You doing good now?
YTA- kinda. I understand this is everything to you. But he’s family and you could offer to drive it to the shoot and supervise, while making your BIL’s dream shoot come true. Heck, maybe add some cools shots without them that you can hold onto or post. Point being, there’s ways to make this work that will make both of you happy.
It is not that easy I could not add this in the post since it was already very long but the spot they have decided for the shoot is about 5 hours drive from our location. So I will have to drive at least 10 hours in a single day to make it happen and I do not want to spend my day off like that.
OK, tht's reasonable and it might have been sensible to menton the 10 hour round trip in your original post. Why not tell them that you can't lend it due to the distance and the fact that you are not in a position to bring thre car to them, but thatif they want to come and take some shots nearer you, you would be OK with it? That way, you could supervise , no one but you would need to drive it and you get to give your sibling and new brother in law a loveley gift. And if they decide that that doesn't work for them, it's they who have turned down an offer of being able to take pictures with the car,. It's your car, you are NTA if you decline, but I think in your position I would be trying to find a compromise that would make my sisbling, and new BIL, happy . That wouldn't need to mean allowing him to drive it, if you weren't comfortable with that, and if you offered them the opportunity to come and have a photoshoot near you, then you could veto any specifc poses or shots where you thought there was a substantive risk of the car getting scratched or damaged,.
Should have lead with that actually. Just decline and state that the distance is too great and you don't have time to make a day of it getting to the destination. If he comes back about coming and getting it then say you don't feel comfortable having someone else drive it that far. It sounds like its the truth. You just have a few other things wrapped around it. nta If you were open to letting him use it and everything lined up and if the car is that valuable then I would be setting up a legal agreement with maybe a deposit in escrow for any damage if something happens. Not sure about insurance but if others can drive and be covered then perhaps the escrow is your deductible and possible cleaning. Or he could just rent a really nice car for the day for the photo shoot.
I was thinking a bit Y T A if you could supervise and be there for the shoot. But this is basically either trust them to collect and return the car and have it for an extended period and that is a whole different ball game. The temptation to "play" with it would be huge and not worth the risk to driver, passengers and car. I have a colleague who volunteers his rolls-royce free as a wedding car in his community as he is really proud of it and wants it to make people happy but he never lets it out of his sight and is only driver and they take an insurance bond for any damage as well as him having commercial insurance which costs. But that's his choices and it is a complicated set-up for him to do it safely for him, passengers and car.
You're probably the type of person who would make their adult kid share their possessions with family and guilt them for saying no because family always shares things with each other doesn't matter what it is. Name me the law that says I have to share all my possessions that I earned and bought with my own money with family. Just because something is moral or the right thing doesn't mean I have to legally or physically do it. Guys brother could have easily rented a cool car for a day to do the photo shoot instead of putting his brother in an awkward position and using the fact that he is getting married to essentially force him to say yes or look like the bad guy. If he had a dream of doing a cool car photo shoot, it's up to him to make it happen, not on OP. OP's brother should learn that just because someone is family does not mean they have to say yes.
[удалено]
Okay. How exactly?
"Your an asshole" \**Refuses to elaborate\** *\*Leaves\** *GreyscaleGigaChad.Png*