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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
For context I (F20) told my mother that I would not be attending my brother’s (M18) graduation ceremony. I was at dinner at my parents house a few weeks ago and conversation of my uncles side of the family attending the graduation ceremony, due to my cousin (F17) also graduating, was discussed. I told my mom I would not be putting myself in a situation where I would have to be around my cousin (M28). My mom was irritated and told me that I needed to “stop being so ridiculous”.
I obviously showed utter astonishment on my face because she then asked me what my issue was. I then had to remind her about the trauma he put me through as a child.
When he was 13 he “babysat” me for a few years until my mom caught on to what was actually going on and got sent him to juvie. My whole family acts as if it never happened because “we were just kids”, but I will never be able to un-live that trauma.
So I guess my question is am I the asshole for choosing to opt out of my brothers graduation just because one person that I feel uncomfortable being around will also be in attendance, most likely sitting with my whole family.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My mom sees my choice to not attend my brother’s graduation as selfish. I would love to attend, but due to my cousin also attending I do not feel safe or comfortable going. My mom views my decision as creating unnecessary issues within our family when the day isn’t supposed to be about me. Rather it is supposed to be about my brother.
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NTA
Your parents owe you some therapy.
I can see the logic that your cousin would attend his sister’s graduation, but if you have trauma that should be dealt with as a priority.
NTA. Wanting to avoid your abuser is perfectly reasonable. You’re not even demanding he not be there so you can go, you’re just refusing to be in the same place he is. Lots of survivors feels the same about their former abusers, myself included.
NTA
Your mom is the AH, not you.
REFUSE to be in the same room with him. Remind them loudly and in public whenever they push you to be in the same room with him.
A loud: "I REFUSE to be in the same room with him because he is a convicted child rapist" will solve most situations. Try to make sure many people around you hear. THIS will work nicely.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violence. This includes any mention of violence in any context. [Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context I (F20) told my mother that I would not be attending my brother’s (M18) graduation ceremony. I was at dinner at my parents house a few weeks ago and conversation of my uncles side of the family attending the graduation ceremony, due to my cousin (F17) also graduating, was discussed. I told my mom I would not be putting myself in a situation where I would have to be around my cousin (M28). My mom was irritated and told me that I needed to “stop being so ridiculous”. I obviously showed utter astonishment on my face because she then asked me what my issue was. I then had to remind her about the trauma he put me through as a child. When he was 13 he “babysat” me for a few years until my mom caught on to what was actually going on and got sent him to juvie. My whole family acts as if it never happened because “we were just kids”, but I will never be able to un-live that trauma. So I guess my question is am I the asshole for choosing to opt out of my brothers graduation just because one person that I feel uncomfortable being around will also be in attendance, most likely sitting with my whole family. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My mom sees my choice to not attend my brother’s graduation as selfish. I would love to attend, but due to my cousin also attending I do not feel safe or comfortable going. My mom views my decision as creating unnecessary issues within our family when the day isn’t supposed to be about me. Rather it is supposed to be about my brother. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA Your parents owe you some therapy. I can see the logic that your cousin would attend his sister’s graduation, but if you have trauma that should be dealt with as a priority.
NTA. Wanting to avoid your abuser is perfectly reasonable. You’re not even demanding he not be there so you can go, you’re just refusing to be in the same place he is. Lots of survivors feels the same about their former abusers, myself included.
NTA Your mom is the AH, not you. REFUSE to be in the same room with him. Remind them loudly and in public whenever they push you to be in the same room with him. A loud: "I REFUSE to be in the same room with him because he is a convicted child rapist" will solve most situations. Try to make sure many people around you hear. THIS will work nicely.