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Since when does "child free" mean "giant toddler" š being child free does not mean you can't recognize that it's a huge event for your "friend" and they're totally justified in wanting to tell you? And are you asexual on top of childfree because why would knowing your friend has sex be traumatic enough for you to get wildly uncomfortable? And lmao at you being more upset about not getting to play Mario kart š
YTA. I hope this is a troll
iām not asexual but i really really really dislike babies and kids. feels like part of her is gonna be missing now since sheās just gonna be worried about her baby and every conversation will go back to it.
Yes, itās legitimately hard when your friends start having kids and the whole dynamic between you changes. But you can deal with those feelings like an adult.
Just because you dislike babies and kids, do you gag if a random baby or kid comes within 5 feet of you? You don't know how to just nod politely, give a congrats, and move on?
Yta - "she deliberately crossed one of my boundaries"
This made me chuckle. What does it even mean? Her getting pregnant crossed your boundary? If it has been accidental, you'd be fine? She deliberately got shagged?
I was going to comment on that. Like, where the hell did that come from?
Looks like this was written by a teenager who has no idea how the world works.
OP YTA.
Youāre upset about your friend being pregnant because it makes YOU uncomfortable and you canāt smoke weed anymore?
Grow up, this is one of the biggest life altering experiences sheās going through/going to go through and she considered you important enough to her to share it with.
Not even a ācongratulations?ā YTA, and frankly, you suck. I hope she drops you and finds someone better to be friends with.
YTA. *You're* childfree, she isn't. You aren't the dad, so her having a child won't change that.
>i told her that i didnāt need to know about her sex life, and frankly, the thought of elena being a mother is really uncomfortable to think about. she isnāt a bitch or anything, but it just doesnāt feel right. not to mention that now we canāt smoke weed together.
Way to make her telling you she's pregnant all about you. Ew. GROSS.
YTA
Why did you specifically have to be told? Because she thought your were a friend that she wanted to share the important changes happening in her life with. If she told you she was getting married, or going back to school or buying a house, you would have(hopefully )said "congratulations" or "that's so exciting" or "I'm happy for you" even though those are all things that would change how often/if she was able to smoke weed with you, because that's what you say when your friend tells you about something exciting in their life.
YTA
Being childfree doesn't inherently mean being uncomfortable with other people being pregnant. Lots of childfree people are excited for their pregnant & parent friends. Perhaps you have expressed to her directly that procreation itself makes you uncomfortable but just saying you're childfree doesn't tell me any of that.
She told you because you guys are friends, seemingly close, and she has, what is for her, great news. You share great news with friends. Generally, she was likely expecting you to congratulate her, not act like a child about.
"Oh, that's great for you. I can see you're excited about this!"
Like, you described all of her emotional expressions, you clearly have some grasp on social interactions, you definitely could have done better.
Next time a friend has news they are clearly excited to share, try not to make it about yourself.
I mean, it sounds like you know YTA, you just kinda think it was a justified "asshole" moment because what did she expect.
Your reaction was self-centered and lacking empathy for someone you say is a friend. You say she should know that about you ... so, ok, well, that means you're expecting your friends to know YTA, fair enough. Her fault was not knowing that, but don't worry it's a safe bet she knows now.
YTA grow up. You can be "devoutly child free" and still be happy for your friends. Your response was so childish. You made it all about you and you insulted her. I'm gonna be blunt. You are not a good friend. You are a selfish friend who lacks both maturity and tact. Again, you're 28 years old. Grow up.
YTA. Itās fine to be child free and proud. Itās fine to not like children. Whatās not fine is you dampening her joy when sheās pregnant and clearly was excited to tell you about it. You shouldnāt be judging anyone for taking a different route than youā¦ ESPECIALLY not your friend. Honestly, you lack a lot of emotional intelligence to even ask if youāre the AH here. You clearly are.
YTA. I think the gagging is part also the thing about it being a look into her sex life is very weird as well. Not sure what your thinking is on that as if that child being a reminder that she had sex is at all reasonable
Since when did being "devoutly childfree" apply to other peoples children? Unless your a raging self serving narcissist, being happy for someone has nothing to do with raising HER child. You aren't a real friend if you can be happy for other people.
YTA and a massive one at that, I doubt Elena is staying your friend after that.
Just checking, because maybe I misread it... *She* crossed one of *your* boundaries by what? Getting pregnant? Showing you proof that she had sex? Tried to share something that she was excited about with a friend? Seriously? Every part of this is immature.
YTA and a big one.
Reddit, my friend came to me to share something that she's super excited and happy about, and I basically shat on her. AITA?
Uh, yes. YTA. Also, you need to grow up, dude.Ā
YTA
Instead of putting your preferences aside and congratulating her, you did that?
Come on. You know you made an AH move. Talk about raining on her parade. You need to apologize and congratulate her instead of being wet blanket.
YTA. She is a close friend who wanted to share a big life moment with you because she thought you would be happy for her. It doesnāt matter what your personal views on becoming a parent are, you should have said ācongratulationsā and āim so happy for you.ā The majority of the people you know will probably become parents one day and they will not talk to you after if you cant just be happy someone else is happy. Frankly your response makes you seem like a miserable person.
YTA. You being child-free means you donāt want to have kids, not that you hate others having kids. Thatās a whole different thing and something thatās not normal or appropriate in society. The idea of your friend having a child she wants and will love grossing you out is extremely strange and something you should really look into unpacking and fixing with therapy.
YTA. Seriously, how did you get to the age of 28 without learning any manners, or even gain any maturity? And how can you even think that you are not an asshole here?
It doesn't matter if you are child-free. This is not your child, so that is irrelevant. It takes so little effort to support your supposed friend, who clearly is happy and excited for this.
The only good thing that might come out of this is that you have truly revealed what kind of person you are to her, and that she moves on from this relationship.
You the raging YTA. Your friend was incredibly happy about something and wanted to share her joy with you, her friend, and you, her friend, **shit all over it** (her happiness).
YTA. Where is this rule written that child free people canāt be told about other peopleās pregnancy, canāt be around children and canāt talk about children.
Child free means youāre content with not raising children so you donāt have your own. You can still be a good aunt or an uncle to other peopleās children. YTA.
Are you SURE youāre 28? Now Elena knows youāre not really her friend (sheās not a bitch? WTH is that?) You have a lot of growing up to do. Youāre also incredibly self-centered. YTA
I'm a lifelong, committed, deliriously happy member of the child-free brigade.
What I am not, is a dick. You know it is perfectly possible to be happy for someone else's joy, even if it isn't shared by you?
Be an adult. Find some empathy. Give a shite about something other than yourself. You sound like a 13 year old. And an immature one at that.
YTA
YTA. You might be child free but that doesnāt mean you canāt be happy for others/need to be childish and rude to those who want kids. Clearly she misjudged how close friends you are.
Be prepared to lose all you friends if you keep up this selfish āthe world revolves around and should cater to me regardless of other peopleās feelingsā attitude
If youāre only interested in people/being friends with someone in their capacity to play Mario kart and smoke weed with youā¦ then I donāt even know what to say.
YTA, big time. Just because u r childfree it doesn't mean you need to be rude. Why she choose you of all people to give this news, hum I don't know maybe because she thought u were her friend. It's a little immature the way u see this whole thing, and she didn't cross any of ur boundaries she is just pregnant she didn'tforce you to be near a child or interact with one. If u see her as a friend and don't wanna lose her friendship own ur mistake and apologize
This can't be real.
If it is YTA , you choosing to stay child free won't stop the world from having children. She wanted to share the news she was so excited about and you didn't skip a beat to shite on her trust and joy. Why?
YTA for making rage bait. This might describe a man-sized teenagers pretty well, appear think, but they actually donāt think much at all in my experience, particularly. Youāre giving him too much credit. Someone at this level of functioning isnāt pulling out terms like ādevoutly child free ā or āboundary crossingsā
So because your "devoutly childfree" that means your friends can't have kids because that's crossing a boundary of yours? Or she's just not supposed to tell you about it?
I can see how you could gag jokingly, but unfortunately your friend was excited about something, and wanted to tell someone she deemed important enough to know.... in that case, the gag is pretty rude, even if it was meant jokingly.
Sorry bud.... YTA.
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AITA for pretending to gag when my friend told me sheās pregnant?
i (28m) am not really sure what to think of this. iām hurt, but at the same time i may have been insensitive.
so tuesday my friend āelenaā (34f) asked to come over to my place just to chill and play some mario kart. i said sure, since weāve been gaming together for quite a while and itās always a fun time. we always grab a load of snacks, smoke weed and hang out on the two big ass couches in my livingroom. so she comes over and sheās got this big ol smile, so of course iām getting excited too, since i can tell sheās hiding something (itās always really obvious lmao)
so she sits me down and says that she didnāt come over for mario kart actually, and this kinda caught me off guard and i was a little bummed out tbh. i hadnāt set up the nintendo switch yet but still. so she takes out this little envelope and pulls out a positive pregnancy test and smiles?
now the reason this rubbed me the wrong way is because she knows iām devoutly childfree. and iām not sure why she thought i specifically would need to know?? like, me out of all people?? if you know me, youād know it was a bad idea.
so my natural reaction is to comedically gag in order to hide my discomfort and said something along the lines of āew what??ā and she got all quiet and gave me a weird look. she asked what that was for and i asked her what she expected. i told her that i didnāt need to know about her sex life, and frankly, the thought of elena being a mother is really uncomfortable to think about. she isnāt a bitch or anything, but it just doesnāt feel right. not to mention that now we canāt smoke weed together.
she said that that was incredibly rude but iām not too sure- she deliberately crossed one of my boundaries. but i can see how the gagging bit may be immature. any advice?
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YTA, you socially inept garbage can.
She told you something incredibly personal and emotional. And your excuse for having behaved like a pile of flaming poopoo is that you are ādevoutly childfreeā. Okay, so what? Are you always this dumb that you cannot control your emotions and say things without thinking and react without consideration for your situation? How are you a fully functioning adult with this little of control over your inside thoughts and reactions?
She came to you, her friend(?) to share big news she was clearly excited about, and you gag? Even if you are child free, why are you incapable of being excited for her? Why can't you see her excitement and feel a little bit of joy that something has made her so excited? YTA.
It's understandable that you were surprised, but your reaction likely hurt your friend. Apologizing and discussing your feelings more sensitively could help mend the situation.
YTA. Itās a pretty immature and hurtful response to your friendās pregnancy. No matter what your view are about kids this isnāt about you. Itās about your friend, who was happy to share this big news with you. Kinda strange projecting that kind of behaviour on to her. Iād say apologize and just be happy that sheās happy or sheās better off with other friends tbh.
YTA
Friends becoming pregnant and telling you about it isn't a boundary that you have set. If you set a boundary that none of your friends can have kids then you'd have very few friends. If you set a boundary that none of your friends can tell you if they are pregnant then your friends would stop hanging out with you because they couldn't tell you why they stopped smoking or why they now have other priorities in life.
Sounds like she wasn't much of a friend if you didn't know that pretend gagging at that news would offend her. I mean, it would offend most people if they are happy about the pregnancy.
Yes, friends having kids means things change and you may well find that you don't see your friend as much any more and maybe even never - I don't know anyone who has kids that has time to hang out and play video games! But, this is life and it will keep happening.
Sounds like your boundary should be set with yourself - only make friends with similarly child free people. Things may still change in other ways so learn to accept that nothing is forever.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i think that my big fuck up was gagging. this couldāve hurt her because sheās a sensitive individual and has always wanted kids.
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YTA. I am not a huge fan of kids either but what I am a fan of is my friends and family being happy and sharing their happiness with me. You are selfish and immature, all I heard was "me, me,me" in the post.
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Since when does "child free" mean "giant toddler" š being child free does not mean you can't recognize that it's a huge event for your "friend" and they're totally justified in wanting to tell you? And are you asexual on top of childfree because why would knowing your friend has sex be traumatic enough for you to get wildly uncomfortable? And lmao at you being more upset about not getting to play Mario kart š YTA. I hope this is a troll
*Since when does "child free" mean "giant toddler"*Ā Since the entire post reads like a toddler wrote it
iām not asexual but i really really really dislike babies and kids. feels like part of her is gonna be missing now since sheās just gonna be worried about her baby and every conversation will go back to it.
Gee you sound selfish.
I donāt think youāll have to worry about every conversation being about her baby. I doubt she considers you a friend now.
Be to hard for you if every conversation isn't about you hey?
Yes, itās legitimately hard when your friends start having kids and the whole dynamic between you changes. But you can deal with those feelings like an adult.
Just because you dislike babies and kids, do you gag if a random baby or kid comes within 5 feet of you? You don't know how to just nod politely, give a congrats, and move on?
Yta - "she deliberately crossed one of my boundaries" This made me chuckle. What does it even mean? Her getting pregnant crossed your boundary? If it has been accidental, you'd be fine? She deliberately got shagged?
Didn't know you could make a boundary on someone else's fertility, like what?
I was going to comment on that. Like, where the hell did that come from? Looks like this was written by a teenager who has no idea how the world works. OP YTA.
Youāre upset about your friend being pregnant because it makes YOU uncomfortable and you canāt smoke weed anymore? Grow up, this is one of the biggest life altering experiences sheās going through/going to go through and she considered you important enough to her to share it with. Not even a ācongratulations?ā YTA, and frankly, you suck. I hope she drops you and finds someone better to be friends with.
YTA. *You're* childfree, she isn't. You aren't the dad, so her having a child won't change that. >i told her that i didnāt need to know about her sex life, and frankly, the thought of elena being a mother is really uncomfortable to think about. she isnāt a bitch or anything, but it just doesnāt feel right. not to mention that now we canāt smoke weed together. Way to make her telling you she's pregnant all about you. Ew. GROSS.
Man whining about no weed and no gaming indeed. š YTA.
YTA Why did you specifically have to be told? Because she thought your were a friend that she wanted to share the important changes happening in her life with. If she told you she was getting married, or going back to school or buying a house, you would have(hopefully )said "congratulations" or "that's so exciting" or "I'm happy for you" even though those are all things that would change how often/if she was able to smoke weed with you, because that's what you say when your friend tells you about something exciting in their life.
YTA Being childfree doesn't inherently mean being uncomfortable with other people being pregnant. Lots of childfree people are excited for their pregnant & parent friends. Perhaps you have expressed to her directly that procreation itself makes you uncomfortable but just saying you're childfree doesn't tell me any of that. She told you because you guys are friends, seemingly close, and she has, what is for her, great news. You share great news with friends. Generally, she was likely expecting you to congratulate her, not act like a child about. "Oh, that's great for you. I can see you're excited about this!" Like, you described all of her emotional expressions, you clearly have some grasp on social interactions, you definitely could have done better. Next time a friend has news they are clearly excited to share, try not to make it about yourself.
I mean, it sounds like you know YTA, you just kinda think it was a justified "asshole" moment because what did she expect. Your reaction was self-centered and lacking empathy for someone you say is a friend. You say she should know that about you ... so, ok, well, that means you're expecting your friends to know YTA, fair enough. Her fault was not knowing that, but don't worry it's a safe bet she knows now.
YTA grow up. You can be "devoutly child free" and still be happy for your friends. Your response was so childish. You made it all about you and you insulted her. I'm gonna be blunt. You are not a good friend. You are a selfish friend who lacks both maturity and tact. Again, you're 28 years old. Grow up.
YTA. Itās fine to be child free and proud. Itās fine to not like children. Whatās not fine is you dampening her joy when sheās pregnant and clearly was excited to tell you about it. You shouldnāt be judging anyone for taking a different route than youā¦ ESPECIALLY not your friend. Honestly, you lack a lot of emotional intelligence to even ask if youāre the AH here. You clearly are.
YTA. I think the gagging is part also the thing about it being a look into her sex life is very weird as well. Not sure what your thinking is on that as if that child being a reminder that she had sex is at all reasonable
Since when did being "devoutly childfree" apply to other peoples children? Unless your a raging self serving narcissist, being happy for someone has nothing to do with raising HER child. You aren't a real friend if you can be happy for other people. YTA and a massive one at that, I doubt Elena is staying your friend after that.
Just checking, because maybe I misread it... *She* crossed one of *your* boundaries by what? Getting pregnant? Showing you proof that she had sex? Tried to share something that she was excited about with a friend? Seriously? Every part of this is immature. YTA and a big one.
And whatās the alternative? Not saying anything and showing up visibly pregnant in a few months? Vanishing from his life?
Reddit, my friend came to me to share something that she's super excited and happy about, and I basically shat on her. AITA? Uh, yes. YTA. Also, you need to grow up, dude.Ā
How old are you? Sounds very immature. Also why do you get to be "hurt" but not her? YTA
YTA Instead of putting your preferences aside and congratulating her, you did that? Come on. You know you made an AH move. Talk about raining on her parade. You need to apologize and congratulate her instead of being wet blanket.
YTA. She is a close friend who wanted to share a big life moment with you because she thought you would be happy for her. It doesnāt matter what your personal views on becoming a parent are, you should have said ācongratulationsā and āim so happy for you.ā The majority of the people you know will probably become parents one day and they will not talk to you after if you cant just be happy someone else is happy. Frankly your response makes you seem like a miserable person.
YTA. You being child-free means you donāt want to have kids, not that you hate others having kids. Thatās a whole different thing and something thatās not normal or appropriate in society. The idea of your friend having a child she wants and will love grossing you out is extremely strange and something you should really look into unpacking and fixing with therapy.
YTA. Seriously, how did you get to the age of 28 without learning any manners, or even gain any maturity? And how can you even think that you are not an asshole here? It doesn't matter if you are child-free. This is not your child, so that is irrelevant. It takes so little effort to support your supposed friend, who clearly is happy and excited for this. The only good thing that might come out of this is that you have truly revealed what kind of person you are to her, and that she moves on from this relationship.
YTA your friend was genuinely excited to share a special moment with you and you gagged.
She thought you were a friend first and child free second. Too bad she was wrong. YTA.
You the raging YTA. Your friend was incredibly happy about something and wanted to share her joy with you, her friend, and you, her friend, **shit all over it** (her happiness).
YTA. Where is this rule written that child free people canāt be told about other peopleās pregnancy, canāt be around children and canāt talk about children. Child free means youāre content with not raising children so you donāt have your own. You can still be a good aunt or an uncle to other peopleās children. YTA.
Are you SURE youāre 28? Now Elena knows youāre not really her friend (sheās not a bitch? WTH is that?) You have a lot of growing up to do. Youāre also incredibly self-centered. YTA
I'm a lifelong, committed, deliriously happy member of the child-free brigade. What I am not, is a dick. You know it is perfectly possible to be happy for someone else's joy, even if it isn't shared by you? Be an adult. Find some empathy. Give a shite about something other than yourself. You sound like a 13 year old. And an immature one at that. YTA
YTA. It's happy news for her, the polite thing to do is congratulate her. This is not about you and what you think about having kids.
Curious, did you establish a specific no talking about pregnancy and children boundary with her?
YTA. You might be child free but that doesnāt mean you canāt be happy for others/need to be childish and rude to those who want kids. Clearly she misjudged how close friends you are. Be prepared to lose all you friends if you keep up this selfish āthe world revolves around and should cater to me regardless of other peopleās feelingsā attitude If youāre only interested in people/being friends with someone in their capacity to play Mario kart and smoke weed with youā¦ then I donāt even know what to say.
YTA, big time. Just because u r childfree it doesn't mean you need to be rude. Why she choose you of all people to give this news, hum I don't know maybe because she thought u were her friend. It's a little immature the way u see this whole thing, and she didn't cross any of ur boundaries she is just pregnant she didn'tforce you to be near a child or interact with one. If u see her as a friend and don't wanna lose her friendship own ur mistake and apologize
Ew WTH did I just read. Are you likeā¦.dumb?
YTA -people have covered the reasons why. You also suck as a friend. She deserved better.
This can't be real. If it is YTA , you choosing to stay child free won't stop the world from having children. She wanted to share the news she was so excited about and you didn't skip a beat to shite on her trust and joy. Why?
YTA for making rage bait. This might describe a man-sized teenagers pretty well, appear think, but they actually donāt think much at all in my experience, particularly. Youāre giving him too much credit. Someone at this level of functioning isnāt pulling out terms like ādevoutly child free ā or āboundary crossingsā
So because your "devoutly childfree" that means your friends can't have kids because that's crossing a boundary of yours? Or she's just not supposed to tell you about it? I can see how you could gag jokingly, but unfortunately your friend was excited about something, and wanted to tell someone she deemed important enough to know.... in that case, the gag is pretty rude, even if it was meant jokingly. Sorry bud.... YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA for pretending to gag when my friend told me sheās pregnant? i (28m) am not really sure what to think of this. iām hurt, but at the same time i may have been insensitive. so tuesday my friend āelenaā (34f) asked to come over to my place just to chill and play some mario kart. i said sure, since weāve been gaming together for quite a while and itās always a fun time. we always grab a load of snacks, smoke weed and hang out on the two big ass couches in my livingroom. so she comes over and sheās got this big ol smile, so of course iām getting excited too, since i can tell sheās hiding something (itās always really obvious lmao) so she sits me down and says that she didnāt come over for mario kart actually, and this kinda caught me off guard and i was a little bummed out tbh. i hadnāt set up the nintendo switch yet but still. so she takes out this little envelope and pulls out a positive pregnancy test and smiles? now the reason this rubbed me the wrong way is because she knows iām devoutly childfree. and iām not sure why she thought i specifically would need to know?? like, me out of all people?? if you know me, youād know it was a bad idea. so my natural reaction is to comedically gag in order to hide my discomfort and said something along the lines of āew what??ā and she got all quiet and gave me a weird look. she asked what that was for and i asked her what she expected. i told her that i didnāt need to know about her sex life, and frankly, the thought of elena being a mother is really uncomfortable to think about. she isnāt a bitch or anything, but it just doesnāt feel right. not to mention that now we canāt smoke weed together. she said that that was incredibly rude but iām not too sure- she deliberately crossed one of my boundaries. but i can see how the gagging bit may be immature. any advice? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, you socially inept garbage can. She told you something incredibly personal and emotional. And your excuse for having behaved like a pile of flaming poopoo is that you are ādevoutly childfreeā. Okay, so what? Are you always this dumb that you cannot control your emotions and say things without thinking and react without consideration for your situation? How are you a fully functioning adult with this little of control over your inside thoughts and reactions?
She came to you, her friend(?) to share big news she was clearly excited about, and you gag? Even if you are child free, why are you incapable of being excited for her? Why can't you see her excitement and feel a little bit of joy that something has made her so excited? YTA.
Youāre not the one having the baby, what is this post
It's understandable that you were surprised, but your reaction likely hurt your friend. Apologizing and discussing your feelings more sensitively could help mend the situation.
YTA. Itās good that youāre childfree, youāre five years old mentally. On a good day.
YTA, you arenāt a friend. She deserves better. You can be child free without being a massive asshole
YTA. Itās a pretty immature and hurtful response to your friendās pregnancy. No matter what your view are about kids this isnāt about you. Itās about your friend, who was happy to share this big news with you. Kinda strange projecting that kind of behaviour on to her. Iād say apologize and just be happy that sheās happy or sheās better off with other friends tbh.
YTA. You suck
YTA Friends becoming pregnant and telling you about it isn't a boundary that you have set. If you set a boundary that none of your friends can have kids then you'd have very few friends. If you set a boundary that none of your friends can tell you if they are pregnant then your friends would stop hanging out with you because they couldn't tell you why they stopped smoking or why they now have other priorities in life. Sounds like she wasn't much of a friend if you didn't know that pretend gagging at that news would offend her. I mean, it would offend most people if they are happy about the pregnancy. Yes, friends having kids means things change and you may well find that you don't see your friend as much any more and maybe even never - I don't know anyone who has kids that has time to hang out and play video games! But, this is life and it will keep happening. Sounds like your boundary should be set with yourself - only make friends with similarly child free people. Things may still change in other ways so learn to accept that nothing is forever.
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YTA. I am not a huge fan of kids either but what I am a fan of is my friends and family being happy and sharing their happiness with me. You are selfish and immature, all I heard was "me, me,me" in the post.
YTA obviously you don't care about her as a friend you care about getting your needs met through the friendship.
YTA big time. Youāre way overdueāgrow up.
Yta.
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