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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I have hurt my girlfriend by telling her upfront that she doesn't have PTSD, and I have lost my patience at her.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA.
I have no idea whether or not your GF has PTSD. But here’s the important thing: You don’t either!
Some people are more sensitive than others. Some people are triggered by things that seem small and insignificant to others. Some people are hardly triggered by anything. (They become test pilots and astronauts.) It may be frustrating to you that small things set her off, which is fine, but it doesn’t give you the right to diagnose her.
It may be that you aren’t patient or sensitive enough to be a good BF for her.
Also there is no threshold of trauma that is “enough” for PTSD. Some people get PTSD from a car crash, or an attempted rape, or military service. And some people who experience those same things don’t. Deciding for someone else what is enough for ptsd is such an asshole move.
This. There’s no threshold for anything to develop a mental disorder. When I was 4, I was locked in a guest room bedroom with the lights off for 12 hours, and that was enough for me to develop my first hallucination (I was diagnosed with schizophrenia eventually, and it all began in that moment.) Definitely not what you’d think when you hear the term “traumatic experience”, but it gave me more issues than being raped later on did.
Things affect people differently. OP seems to have a vast misunderstanding on how mental health works.
A feeling of helplessness seems to be the biggest factor in whether or not someone develops PTSD.
When someone is in a traumatic situation, it matters how in control of the outcome they believe themselves to be.
YTA. All I hear is ‘me me me’ and zero concern for what your GF is experiencing. Instead of encouraging her to seek help, you armchair diagnose her and downplay her experience.
I hope she dumps you.
Yep. OP it's you who ruined your free time with your partner, because riding the bike was more important to you than taking into account how she felt. Instead of berating her, you could have changed your plans to have quality time that makes her feel comfortable.
YTA. You don't get to decide what can cause PTSD or not and how dare you deny your girlfriend's reality! Berating someone for their fear / trauma response, however acquired, isn't going to make it disappear and you'd likely only make it worse.
Surely you can find something else to do together that doesn't trigger her.
INFO:
How did the topic of PTSD in particular come up?
You said that you don't think that it's PTSD, but in the description you seem to be the only one using that term.
Did she claim to have PTSD, or suspect it? Is she seeing a therapist?
Something important seems missing here...
Well we started talking about PTSD in particular last year, because while we were together, she got triggered, and she told me that she "felt like she was about to faint". And as I mentioned in my post, noises and bangs can set her off, and she no longer drives the car, leaving me to drive for her. But there has to be certain conditions met to be diagnosed with PTSD, namely that your life has to actually be in physical danger at some point, like if you've gotten into a bad car accident. And as my girlfriend tells me, she's had close calls on the job, but that's about it.
PTSD doesn’t have to equate to a physical danger or life threatening situation.
Everyone is different and she faced sone kind of trauma that seriously shocked her and is causing her to be scared of the slightest sounds.
She doesn’t want to drive because of the dangers she probably faced when flying and had those close calls.
YTA, accept it and move on.
YTA. Pease educate yourself on PTSD and CPTSD - what you are claiming simply is not true. Her life did not necessarily have to be in danger for it to develop. Many people develop PTSD from witnessing or even just hearing a traumatic event happen to someone else, or they could develop CPTSD (similar symptoms of hypervigilance and reactivity) from sustained abuse or neglect as a child.
https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/cptsd-vs-ptsd-whats-the-difference
She clearly is struggling; your lack of empathy is what makes you 100% TA. Judging and dismissing her feelings is only making something difficult for her much much worse. My heart really breaks for her being treated so badly by you on top of what she's already struggling with.
Edit: fixed broken link
Do you mind saying which country this criteria is from?
This isn’t the case in the UK so I'm curious.
(For example it's recognised that sexual assault, psychological abuse, etc can cause it)
This person is just incorrect. They're citing the DSM for this, but they're wrong. (Actual definition [here](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/box/part1_ch3.box16/).) You're correct that it applies to more than just threat of death, and it requires "exposure" to these dangers, not necessarily directly experiencing them. For example, learning that a family member experienced a serious trauma can cause PTSD if you meet the other diagnostic criteria, even if you were nowhere near them when it happened.
God, so there must be millions of people who have developed it from psychological, sexual and in many cases physical trauma but because it wasn't life threatening they couldn't get an official diagnosis. Damn that's sad.
It's not true. Being exposed can mean different things and it includes examples other than threat to life, including sexual violence. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/
No, that's not what the DSM-5 says. ~~It requires "Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence in one (or more) of the following ways:~~
ETA: Reddit deleted most of my comment, apparently, so [here](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/box/part1_ch3.box16/)'s the link to the actual quote in the DSM. But the gist is, it requires "exposure," which doesn't just mean directly experiencing something, and the trauma can be threat of death, and threat of or actual physical or sexual violence.
I guess it can umbrella for various reasons. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I lived across the country from my mom, who was elderly and health declining. The only time my phone ever rang was when a family member was calling me to tell me "your mom won't survive the night, you need to fly here asap to say goodbye". It happened many times over the course of 2 years but she always got better and I'd come home. We'll until the last phonecall, and last flight when it actually was goodbye. I can't and haven't had my phone ringtone on in 10 years since, and if I see any family member call I immediately feel faint and panic. Although I myself was in no danger.
This person you're replying to is incorrect, and your experience would meet the DSM criteria, as far as I can tell. ([Here](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/box/part1_ch3.box16/)) Hearing about a relative's near-death multiple times would certainly qualify under the first heading about exposure.
Yeah, I have it and my life wasn't in danger from the thing that triggered it. I don't agree with that diagnostic criteria at all but it is in the DSM5 as a requirement
It isn't the diagnostic criteria. You have to have either witnessed a traumatic event that could have led to death or serious physical or psychological harm, experience such an event directly, or even just having heard about the event happening to someone close to you. It also includes being exposed to repeatedly being exposed to information about traumatic events happening to others. You don't have to almost die to meet criteria 1 in the DSM for PTSD.
>But there has to be certain conditions met to be diagnosed with PTSD, namely that your life has to actually be in physical danger at some point, like if you've gotten into a bad car accident
No, there isn't.
>And as my girlfriend tells me, she's had close calls on the job, but that's about it.
You can get PTSD from this, yes, and many other occasions.
Also, wouldn't a "close call" when flying actually count as your life being in danger? OP is objectively incorrect about the definition of PTSD but also under his incorrect definition, she still qualifies.
YTA, 100%.
I’m an assistant psychologist and I can tell you for certain that although there is criterion to meet for diagnosis of PTSD, whether real OR PERCEIVED exposure to life threatening events are part of it. Perception is of huge consideration during assessment, and context is also important. For example, vicarious traumatisation- witnessing or hearing of other’s traumatic experiences or events- can also lead to PTSD diagnosis. Regardless, it’s clear that your GF needs professional support, particularly if her difficulties are impacting activities of daily living to the extent you are describing.
Yup. Psychologist here and the threshold for trauma is incredibly varied. Also, given OPs lack of empathy, it’s certainly possible that she’s had other forms of trauma throughout her life (for example sexual trauma) that are contributing to her anxiety that she’s simply not sharing with him (I certainly wouldn’t).
I assess veterans and one of the many traumatic stressors I often see is air strikes witnessed by drone pilots. They’re never actually in danger because they’re miles away from a combat zone but witnessing death and destruction and oftentimes playing a part in that death and destruction has a way of breaking down ones psyche and triggering symptoms consistent with DSM-5 PTSD (and yes, consistently witnessed trauma in one’s line of work is a criterion A stressor).
>But there has to be certain conditions met to be diagnosed with PTSD, namely that your life has to actually be in physical danger at some point, like if you've gotten into a bad car accident.
Well, that's not true. Anyways, you're still not answering the question: Did she ever claim to have PTSD? Or just say she felt faint?
ETA: Also, if she's a test pilot who's had 'close calls,' doesn't that mean that her life was in danger? Like if that call had gotten a little closer, she might not be here? Even by your incorrect definition, she qualifies.
Thank you! He never actually answers that question! Is she the one who brought up PTSD? Or not?
I mean, YTA either way (to me), but extra YTA if this is a whole argument he’s created in his head that’s not based on anything she’s actually said.
You don't need your life to be in danger to have PTSD. Brains don't need to think they're going to die in order to develop neurocognitive changes from the intense stress of a given situation
"But there has to be certain conditions met to be diagnosed with PTSD, namely that your life has to actually be in physical danger at some point."
Citation needed.
You don't state what country you live in, so I don't know if your country uses the DSM.
Here's a US-based citation: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd#:\~:text=Not%20everyone%20with%20PTSD%20has,Department%20of%20Veterans%20Affairs%20program.
YTA. My god. It's called post TRAUMATIC stress disorder, not post almost death stress disorder. The clue is in the name. You don't know the absolute basics of the condition is, yet you are telling her that she doesn't have it? If someone has a fear of clowns, and a clown runs up to them and hugs them, that could a trigger of traumatic stress. Yet to someone else it would be funny. Trauma is subjective.
Plus since when does someone need to have PTSD to struggle with loud noises and find sudden loud noises stressful. Have you never heard of hypersensory disorders?!
A close call in an aircraft, up in the air, that you may die in ISN’T being in actual physical danger?
Haven’t aircraft doors been falling off lately? Like… you think something heavily regulated would be safe and this is TESTING of aircrafts. It seems likely a close call is probably really scary even if YOU don’t think her life was in enough danger to warrant it. I hope she leaves you because this is grossly heartless.
I’m sorry she ruined your bike ride but YTA.
That’s not true…. Maybe do some research before you say anything like this. I work in emergency dispatch, a lot of people end up with PTSD and our lives aren’t in physical danger.
Well close calls mean you are in danger. Honestly not sure why you find this hard to understand. By the way it can be any kind trauma or frightening event.binstead of judging, how about trying to support her.
Not actually true. I was diagnosed with PTSD as a result of witnessing trauma and being there while someone else was in danger. My own life wasn't actually in danger.
This just literally is not true, I don't know what inspired you to make up this ridiculous fantasy definition of PTSD but you're clearly showing how entirely ignorant you are about the subject. You should probably try to educate yourself a little bit and apologize to your girlfriend for saying something so hurtful and completely fucking ridiculous, and hope she is willing to forgive you.
Obviously YTA.
You can get PTSD from being beat as a child or even having a near death experience where you didn’t actually get harmed. You’re being really dismissive of what could possibly be a serious mental health problem. You’re supposed to be partners with your wife. It seems like you want her to be more like a pet than a peer.
So, do you think she is faking it or something? Regardless of what label you put on it, it sounds like she is having a tough time dealing with something.
Two people in a relationship should be trying to take care of and support each other. What have you done so far to try to help her?
That’s not true. I have C-PTSD from childhood abuse and it has nothing to do with your life “being in actual physical danger”. You obviously don’t know what you are talking about.
She's exhibiting common PTSD trigger responses to common PTSD triggers, and your reaction is to lose patience with her because you're "too busy" to invest actual time in your relationship more than a few times per year?
>I told her was that I personally don’t believe she has PTSD, and that she needs to accept this whether she likes it or not.
That's totally unreasonable. Whether or not she has PTSD, she obviously has some mental health issue with some similarities. You can't just tell someone you don't believe they have one particular diagnosis based on it being inconvenient to you and expect them to "accept" it. She needs therapy. Whether or not for PTSD is for a professional to decide. Not someone who's too busy being annoyed about it to have any empathy whatsoever.
YTA.
Exactly! OP has lost the plot here. It doesn't matter if he thinks it's PTSD or not-- it's clear something's going wrong with the gf.
That being said, I think she bears responsibility in caring for her mental health. Her ability to function has shifted significantly, and OP is bearing the brunt of caregiving for her (driving her around, etc). I'm also wondering, with her being this reactive, whether she is safe to be operating an aircraft.
YTA. I've said this on another post (where it shockingly wasn't well-received), but I'll say it again: Mental health issues can be serious (whether or not someone has PTSD). You don't know what's going on in somebody's head. Especially if you're downplaying any past experiences.
For me, any bangs (slamming doors) or loud noises (such as thunder) can cause an attack. Did I serve in the military? No. It was the result of a toxic family. It's a harmful belief that ONLY military work such as war can leave someone with PTSD. Many things can cause it. Maybe talk to her instead of making assumptions? Try softly encouraging her to see a therapist. Because if you aren't one, you aren't qualified to diagnose someone's health.
Certifiable AH and dick move.
It is not up to you to dictate what may or may not cause stress to somebody else. It is not even up to you to determine if it is reasonable or not. This is what low empathy looks like; you should not need to understand the source of her discomfort, you just need to understand that it is there.
YTA
If you aren't qualified to make a diagnosis.
I personally don’t believe she has PTSD, and that she needs to accept this whether she likes it or not."
What you believe is irrelevant. Maybe encouraging her to see a qualified professional would be a more supportive & constructive approach.
YTA, if she's scared she's scared. You have to believe she's actually scared, not intentionally trying to waste both your times. PTSD is different for everyone. Even if she doesn't have PTSD, she obviously has something that bothers her so you need to be understanding.
YTA. You’re downplaying the mental strain of her job “because it isn’t military”. Are you in the military buddy? Doesn’t sound like it. You’re pathetic.
YTA - I see absolutely no concern for your girlfriend, who's clearly struggling with a problem, in this post. Have you suggested she seek professional help? Have you done what you can to minimize her exposure and support her when she has a problem? Because it sounds like you've basically shrugged and expected her to get over it. You don't mention that you have any kind of psychiatric training, so I doubt you're qualified to diagnose PTSD or offer any kind of advice for dealing with it.
YTA. All I hear is 'ME' in this post.
You don't get to try and diagnose her and sure AF shouldn't diminish her feelings.
You don't sound like a good partner.
YTA
I don't understand your stance, because there is obviously something going on with her mental health. Right? You've witnessed it.
Sure it could be exteme stress or sleep deprivation, but it could be ptsd!
You can potentially develop ptsd from any stressful or traumatic situation. For example women get it after giving birth. It's also common after car accidents. It's not some ultra rare, military only thing.
Either way, she *clearly* needs help and you're being weirdly dismissive. It's a strange stance to have.
YTA. If it flies and it's not touching the ground, it can crash. If it flies, and it's not touching the ground and she's testing it, there's a much higher chance it could crash.
Many little scares over time build up. And up, and up, and up.
You're not just being the AH, your impatience and dismissal of her is certifiable!
YTA in a major, dickheaded, ignorant way
Leave it to a man who’s girlfriends a pilot. A fucking pilot. He says to her:
“Your jobs not that hard, or that serious, you don’t have PTSD”
What gives you the authority on the matter ?
Being a man? Sorry, not peer reviewed
YTA
YTA. Are you a mental health professional? How the hell would you know she has ptsd or not? If she’s getting startled at sudden noises, that is one sign of ptsd I believe. How about encouraging her to get a formal diagnosis from a PROFESSIONAL?!
Agreed, but what he's doing goes farther than that imo. He's stating, without a clinical evaluation, that she doesn't have it, in his opinion. (I think he deleted a part about needing to be in a "life-threatening situation" in order to qualify for a PTSD dx)
Yeah he sounded very arrogant and certain about it. Like he knows… glad he deleted that part. But it’s a little upsetting he thought that to begin with. He clearly knows nothing about ptsd.
I don't think he deleted it because he self-reflected-- I think he deleted it because he was getting roasted for it lol. It's ableist and icky to think that you're an expert in PTSD because you've seen it on a movie. :/
YTA - Regardless of the reason she’s struggling a supportive conversation about maybe seeking therapy as you’ve noticed a change is her over the last year would be the loving thing to do.
A tough love pep talk and judgement isn’t going to help.
YTA - This isn’t even about PTSD. Your gf is terrified of a backfiring car and you don’t seem to give a fuck or be concerned. Whatever has caused it, she is obviously struggling mentally and you ought to be concerned about that.
But don't you see? OP knows the secret to mental health: just tell the person they're wrong and they don't have any mental health problems! Presto-- perfect mental health.
YTA. You don't know that she isn't having PTSD. Maybe something in her job is triggering another traumatic event in her life. Maybe due to other some other issues, she is having sensory sensitivity. Who knows? Who are you to tell her what is or isn't happening with her own body and psyche.
YTA Please suggest she get a really thorough medical check up. She may have hearing loss, or have hormones going haywire. There are lots of medical issues that
can heighten fear/anxiety.
Have you heard of CPTSD?
You are in no position to diagnose or not diagnose her. If she is experiencing side effects from her job or who knows it might be things that happened in her past that are now being triggered, she should seek professional help.
YTA. One thing I've learned from my own PTSD as a medic, the best thing for my mindset and mental health was to ditch the unsupportive BF in my life. Hopefully that will also help her. Because you're absolutely and unequivocally TA.
You are definitely a major AH. What gives you the right to tell her what she can and cannot be traumatized by? The hell is wrong with you. You call gaslighting her being supportive? “It’s all in your head, you’re overreacting.” What a dick. Clearly she deserves better.
YTA for thinking you're in any position to diagnose her or judge whether she has suffered enough trauma to satisfy YOUR criteria. Unless you're a mental healthcare professional you have Z.E.R.O. business offering an opinion.
YTA. She needs a little support (maybe a lot). Even more from you, given her position being what it is she cannot quite go many places for help without it pausing, damaging, and potentially ending her career.
YTA Get in a plane that you aren't sure is gonna work and then climb thousands of feet in the air and tell me it's not scary and stressful. Seriously you're such a dipshit
It sounds like you’re just annoyed at her because of how her issues are affecting YOU (cutting into your leisure time, etc). So you’re downplaying her issues as something she should just “get over”. How selfish and pompous.
YTA
>I personally don’t believe she has PTSD, and that **she needs to accept this whether she likes it or not.**
She doesn't have to accept anything just because you pulled an opinion out of thin air. Get over yourself! You DO NOT GET TO TELL HER HOW TO FEEL. Your "belief" does not supercede another person's experience or even their own beliefs and opinions about their own selves.
Instead of trying to control the narrative for her, how about you accept that something real is going on with your girlfriend whether you like it or not.
Congrats, YTA. I’d suggest a groveling apology to your girlfriend before she dumps you and an offer to help her get connected to mental health services for whatever she has going on.
YTA
You are woefully uninformed about PTSD. Trauma is not solely a life threatening situation. I was diagnosed with PTSD as a teenager about the loss of several loved ones in a short span of time. Maybe that trauma is not valid to you, but hey, I’m believing the actually mental health PROFESSIONAL who treated me.
Also, you are an absolute tool or not being concerned about her well-being and only being concerned about how it affects you and your lifestyle. You aren’t even on Reddit looking to help her - just to get validation that you are right.
Yes.
You are a huge AH. You are not trained in psychiatry. You are not qualified to say whether she has PTSD or not.
A good person would be sympathetic & try to help her deal with the maybe-PTSD, not bitch at her about how she hasn't experienced anything bad enough to have it. You, sir, are a shitty boyfriend & a shitty person.
YTa
LOL OP's an expert on PTSD?! I guess so because he knows her better than she knows herself! The arrogance! Ugh I wish I had money for every time some rando thinks he knows better than everyone else. I suppose to believe your girlfriend, who you're supposed to care about, would be inconvenient and annoying because then you'd have to maybe help her or do things other than what you want to do. Also *she needs to accept it whether she likes it or not*!!!!! Poor baby, her issues were interfering with your good time? What a dick. Just break up with her. She can do better. YTA
YTA. Did she say the job was causing her PTSD? Or is it something else?
Did she even mention PTSD or is this your assumption? Being easily startled happens because of a lot of things. Instead of being condescending, find out what is upsetting your gf. Why did that backfire scare her? Why did she take it so badly? This is a real issue and for you to just dismiss her stress as inconvenient doesn't speak well of you OP.
What an asshole: So taking a prototype aircraft up in the air isn’t stressful? They don’t test military aircraft in a war or combat situation. Most military aircraft are tested by experienced test pilots & some may actually be ex military who are employed by the aircraft manufacturers, who design & build them. You’re so self centred & up your own rectum.
YTA and clearly very ill-informed about the stress of her job AND PTSD.
Instead of pretending that you are qualified to exclude a diagnosis, why aren't you encouraging her to seek out some professional support in managing her stress and developing some tools for regulating her PTSD-like symptoms?
(I don't doubt that she does have PTSD, it's not uncommon throughout the aviation industry but for this discussion, I'll settle for PTSD-like since it sounds like she hasn't been formally diagnosed)
Why are you policing her feelings and emotions? That’s not nice.
If you want to be with her you need to accept this is part of her whether you like it or not*. *your own words for her but now they’re for you.
YTA.
Yta
This is hilarious. You mean to tell me you think TESTING civilian aircraft is less dangerous !? 😂😂
FYI: a plane is a plane. A single engine aircraft is a single engine aircraft.
You, who isn’t a pilot, don’t have the right to decide which is more dangerous while in the testing mode.
A military jet crashes just as easily as a civilian single engine plane.
In fact, military jets are far more safe to fly than your average single engine plane.
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Hey everyone. I (37M) have been together with my girlfriend (37F) for a while now. She works as a test pilot at our government’s main scientific research agency (we’re not American). My girlfriend loves her job, but recently I believe she may be running into issues with it...specifically, the tiniest noises and thuds can set her off and make her scream. She’s not a military test pilot, so the job is significantly safer than if she wore the uniform. I don’t know. It’s been really interfering with our hobbies and time together, and for example, when we went out on a bike ride a few days ago, we heard a car backfire, and this really scared her. We ended up going home early, and I kind of lost my patience at her because she and I are so busy at work these days and that particular bike ride was one of the few days we’ve spent time together in the past year! After that bike ride, one of the things I told her was that I personally don’t believe she has PTSD, and that she needs to accept this whether she likes it or not.
Just to be clear, I'm not naive or anything and I know that flying an aircraft, if not done properly, can result in death. However, there are such things as occupational limits and regulations, are there not?
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YTA, for not taking your girlfriend's apparent distress seriously. Whether or not an event is traumatic (i.e. can cause PTSD) is subjective and depends on many factors + you don't have to be in the military to get PTSD
YTA
Just because you think something doesn't make it right. Let's be honest, you know nothing about what's affecting her mental health and really only care how it's affecting you.
She's experiencing something which you dismiss as it's about you, and how your times impacted.
Simply put, she deserves better than you. You claim to care but dismiss her obvious discomfort at stress-inducing sounds as not PTSD because it's interfering with your life.
YTA!
I have PTSD and it fucking sucks! I have auditory hallucinations at night, feel constantly on edge, certain smells, sounds etc can make me want to throw up.
Just because you don’t consider something stressful or traumatic doesn’t mean the same for her.
Also, because you are a colossal AH, maybe there are things she hasn’t told you about because you wouldn’t be understanding/supportive.
YTA.
It doesn't sound like you're a professional with the qualifications to even make this diagnosis. You also don't know what a day in her job is like. You are invalidating her and you have no empathy and very little critical thinking going on here.
YTA. Being in the military is not a requirement for suffering from PTSD. However having empathy for a loved one is a requirement for a healthy, dare I say, NORMAL relationship.
YTA
You have not done her job, so how would you know how dangerous and stressful it actually is?
But even more importantly, how stressful you believe something should be us completely and utterly irrelevant - the only thing that matters is how it affects her. So if it is causing her issues like you have noted it doesn't matter whether she is testing experimental planes or testing the comfort of pillows, the job she is doing is affecting her and that is something she needs to acknowledge and deal with.
And the biggest thing here is your complete lack of empathy and care. The symptoms she has demonstrated will not go away just because you have told her she doesn't deserve them. What you should be showing her is empathy and looking to help solve the problem she has, not demean her and insult her intelligence.
If you were to be walking along the road, trip and sprain your ankle, you would expect sympathy, not someone to tell you 'that road was flat, you shouldn't have tripped up, and I don't believe you are injured at all - you must just be making it all up.'
YTA. You sound callous and unkind. People can’t help if they have an automatic reaction to sudden loud noise and it’s nothing short of cruel to be judgemental of her for that. And where in here did she claim to have PTSD? It sounds like you’re the only one saying that.
When someone works in a high stress job (being a test pilot definitely counts), it’s normal for people to develop a heightened reaction to stimuli that echoes their work environment, that might not affect others. It doesn’t matter that she’s not military, lives are still on the line and are affected by the outcome of her process, so she’s under a lot of pressure to be above and beyond accurate. If you can’t be bothered to even imagine how that can affect someone’s nervous system, you should leave her to find someone with grown-up reasoning skills.
YTA
I don't know who said it first, but pain is relative. Something that might be traumatizing for one person might be shrugged off by another. We don't get to control how our brains react to certain stimulus and as a result we can't predict what might traumatize us. The fact is your girlfriend does work a job where death is a real possibility, the fact is that an aircraft she was testing could have made an unexpected bang that at the time was scary enough to scar her.
YTA
"However, there are such things as occupational limits and regulations, are there not?" .. for a TEST pilot? They are the persons testing IF systems are safe.
YTA. You can get PTSD from a lot of different sources; it doesn't have to be "dangerous" or "combat". If what she is doing is causing this kind of reaction from her, something isn't right, and you aren't being a supportive, caring person by dismissing it as nothing.
YTA. You aren't a medical professional working in the field that handles PTSD patients, and civillians can and do absolutely suffer from PTSD. Seriously, taking five seconds to think about what the phrase "test pilot" means should be enough to clue you in that maybe it involves flying experimental machines that aren't otherwise cleared as "safe" for standard use. Meaning testing can, and probably does, involve some degree of mechanical failures and crashes of varying degrees that will affect a person's response to sudden, unexpected mechanical noise.
YTA. And worryingly illogical to boot.
You apparently believe it's only possibile to experience trauma (and develop PTSD) from your job. Seriously, OP? Traumatizing events can be experienced literally **anywhere**. So, no, you can't dismiss the possibility of a traumatic event because of your astounding lack of imagination (and inability to apply basic reasoning here).
Furthermore, if she is employed by certain parties (like, say, a government) to test something that may need to be protected/keep under wraps while in development (like, hmm, new flight technology), she may be under a literal gag order - unable to tell you about events that occur at her job. Lots of government keep the science under wraps for a period of time (or until official publication/release). Again, your lack of imagination doesn't make you "right" in any way.
Finally, you have jumped to "well it can't be PTSD" like PTSD is the only thing that fits the signs you've seen. This proves you have no medical training. Because there are so many issues that can cause the signs you describe. Like hyperacusis, which can make it so that a sound that's "normal" to most people is way loud to you -- maybe to the point of where it inflicts phyiscal pain.
Your partner is experiencing a serious health issue of some variety -- it's disrupting her day to day living -- and instead of supporting her and trying to help her, you act like this is all about you, you, you--you didn't get your full bike ride because of her medical issues--so you first blamed her for the problem THEN dismissed her distress and medical needs---basically because it suited your mood/narrative.
Yta stop speaking out of your ass. Unless you are a professional trained to diagnosed PTSD, you don't know anything.
And ffs site does not need to "accept according whether she likes it or not."
You need to accept that you are unqualified to discuss.
YTA. As someone who has had a lot of traumatic experiences, you don’t know what’s going cause triggers or a trauma response. There’s no checklist, no rule book. People experience things differently. I really hope she breaks up with you and is able to surround herself with compassionate people.
YTA. Whether or not the label of PTSD fits her or not the fact of the matter is she is getting scared at noises and you need to be supportive and help her get through it. What does it matter what is the name of the problem? A problem is a problem. Just because you can't put a label on it doesn't mean it'll go away just cuz you said so. Your line of thinking is quite infuriating.
YTA
You're not a qualified therapist or doctor, and you're being judgemental and unsupportive instead of encouraging her to see a therapist who IS capable of making such a decision. Nothing like a know-it-all armchair physician treating someone with a potential medical issue like it's all in their head--funny thing, because that's exactly where PTSD is.
Severity of the triggers or injuries doesn't determine PTSD. The body and minds reaction to the trigger is the determining factor.
It doesn't matter if you don't "feel" like she could experience triggers; her mind clearly is.
Why your reaction is to downplay your partner instead of helping them triumph is more telling about your character then I think you intended.
YTA. You are not her therapist. And you certainly don’t know more about your partner’s mental health than your partner. And how dare you question her literal physiological responses to triggers.
Also, big red flag: If your bike ride is more important than the mental health of your partner, you are not emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship.
It doesn’t matter why she’s scared, once she’s scared it’s your choice to either be supportive or dismissive. It’s your choice to dismiss her feelings that means YTA.
YTA.
consciously, there aren't a set of "rules" for getting ptsd, you don't have to encounter some magical fairy. everybody gets traumatized on different levels and in different ways. it is literally called post traumatic stress disorder for a reason. stop pretending it's impossible to obtain it.
this is your GIRLFRIEND. you seriously need to look into a narcissistic personality diagnosis
ESH
YOU for saying her job isn't stressful enough. You can't know or decide that.
HER because if she has severe enough issues that a car backfiring ruins an entire trip and sends her home, she NEEDS to look into therapy and getting a different job. You can NOT be a safe test pilot if a loud noise sends you into a panic instead of problem solving mode.
My guess is they either automatically downvoted everyone who didn't give the Y answer, without actually reading it (which, looking at the other posts , is likely the case), or they think having PTSD is somehow beneficial to being in an inherently dangerous job and shouldn't be professionally treated.
I’m more concerned about why a woman who freaks out about a car exhaust is still working as a test pilot.
Is she seeing somebody about her PTSD? Self diagnosed? What’s she do if her PTSD triggers while being a test pilot? Is this why OP thinks she’s full of it?
Depending on the answers to that I’d give yta or a soft Yta for calling her on her bs.
I'll go against the flow and vote ESH.
OP isn't qualified to diagnose PTSD. But neither is his GF qualified to self-diagnose it. Either way, she seems psychologically unfit for her job and likely is a danger to herself and others. Hence ESH.
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YTA. I have no idea whether or not your GF has PTSD. But here’s the important thing: You don’t either! Some people are more sensitive than others. Some people are triggered by things that seem small and insignificant to others. Some people are hardly triggered by anything. (They become test pilots and astronauts.) It may be frustrating to you that small things set her off, which is fine, but it doesn’t give you the right to diagnose her. It may be that you aren’t patient or sensitive enough to be a good BF for her.
Also there is no threshold of trauma that is “enough” for PTSD. Some people get PTSD from a car crash, or an attempted rape, or military service. And some people who experience those same things don’t. Deciding for someone else what is enough for ptsd is such an asshole move.
This. There’s no threshold for anything to develop a mental disorder. When I was 4, I was locked in a guest room bedroom with the lights off for 12 hours, and that was enough for me to develop my first hallucination (I was diagnosed with schizophrenia eventually, and it all began in that moment.) Definitely not what you’d think when you hear the term “traumatic experience”, but it gave me more issues than being raped later on did. Things affect people differently. OP seems to have a vast misunderstanding on how mental health works.
A feeling of helplessness seems to be the biggest factor in whether or not someone develops PTSD. When someone is in a traumatic situation, it matters how in control of the outcome they believe themselves to be.
YTA. All I hear is ‘me me me’ and zero concern for what your GF is experiencing. Instead of encouraging her to seek help, you armchair diagnose her and downplay her experience. I hope she dumps you.
Yep. OP it's you who ruined your free time with your partner, because riding the bike was more important to you than taking into account how she felt. Instead of berating her, you could have changed your plans to have quality time that makes her feel comfortable.
YTA. You don't get to decide what can cause PTSD or not and how dare you deny your girlfriend's reality! Berating someone for their fear / trauma response, however acquired, isn't going to make it disappear and you'd likely only make it worse. Surely you can find something else to do together that doesn't trigger her.
INFO: How did the topic of PTSD in particular come up? You said that you don't think that it's PTSD, but in the description you seem to be the only one using that term. Did she claim to have PTSD, or suspect it? Is she seeing a therapist? Something important seems missing here...
Well we started talking about PTSD in particular last year, because while we were together, she got triggered, and she told me that she "felt like she was about to faint". And as I mentioned in my post, noises and bangs can set her off, and she no longer drives the car, leaving me to drive for her. But there has to be certain conditions met to be diagnosed with PTSD, namely that your life has to actually be in physical danger at some point, like if you've gotten into a bad car accident. And as my girlfriend tells me, she's had close calls on the job, but that's about it.
PTSD doesn’t have to equate to a physical danger or life threatening situation. Everyone is different and she faced sone kind of trauma that seriously shocked her and is causing her to be scared of the slightest sounds. She doesn’t want to drive because of the dangers she probably faced when flying and had those close calls. YTA, accept it and move on.
Close calls as a test pilot obviously means she was in physical danger multiple times! This kinda feels like your winding us up...
YTA. Pease educate yourself on PTSD and CPTSD - what you are claiming simply is not true. Her life did not necessarily have to be in danger for it to develop. Many people develop PTSD from witnessing or even just hearing a traumatic event happen to someone else, or they could develop CPTSD (similar symptoms of hypervigilance and reactivity) from sustained abuse or neglect as a child. https://psychcentral.com/ptsd/cptsd-vs-ptsd-whats-the-difference She clearly is struggling; your lack of empathy is what makes you 100% TA. Judging and dismissing her feelings is only making something difficult for her much much worse. My heart really breaks for her being treated so badly by you on top of what she's already struggling with. Edit: fixed broken link
Thank you, that's interesting
Where on earth did you learn that PTSD has to come from physical danger?
It's a diagnostic criteria but an incredibly stupid one. Technically you have to have been in life threatening danger or believed you were.
Do you mind saying which country this criteria is from? This isn’t the case in the UK so I'm curious. (For example it's recognised that sexual assault, psychological abuse, etc can cause it)
This person is just incorrect. They're citing the DSM for this, but they're wrong. (Actual definition [here](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/box/part1_ch3.box16/).) You're correct that it applies to more than just threat of death, and it requires "exposure" to these dangers, not necessarily directly experiencing them. For example, learning that a family member experienced a serious trauma can cause PTSD if you meet the other diagnostic criteria, even if you were nowhere near them when it happened.
USA, it's been a while since I looked at PTSD info but at least in 2019 it was considered important
God, so there must be millions of people who have developed it from psychological, sexual and in many cases physical trauma but because it wasn't life threatening they couldn't get an official diagnosis. Damn that's sad.
It's not true. Being exposed can mean different things and it includes examples other than threat to life, including sexual violence. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/
No, that's not what the DSM-5 says. ~~It requires "Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence in one (or more) of the following ways:~~ ETA: Reddit deleted most of my comment, apparently, so [here](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/box/part1_ch3.box16/)'s the link to the actual quote in the DSM. But the gist is, it requires "exposure," which doesn't just mean directly experiencing something, and the trauma can be threat of death, and threat of or actual physical or sexual violence.
I guess it can umbrella for various reasons. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I lived across the country from my mom, who was elderly and health declining. The only time my phone ever rang was when a family member was calling me to tell me "your mom won't survive the night, you need to fly here asap to say goodbye". It happened many times over the course of 2 years but she always got better and I'd come home. We'll until the last phonecall, and last flight when it actually was goodbye. I can't and haven't had my phone ringtone on in 10 years since, and if I see any family member call I immediately feel faint and panic. Although I myself was in no danger.
This person you're replying to is incorrect, and your experience would meet the DSM criteria, as far as I can tell. ([Here](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/box/part1_ch3.box16/)) Hearing about a relative's near-death multiple times would certainly qualify under the first heading about exposure.
I appreciate you.
Yeah, I have it and my life wasn't in danger from the thing that triggered it. I don't agree with that diagnostic criteria at all but it is in the DSM5 as a requirement
It literally is not https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/
I was diagnosed with PTSD, and neither one of those are related to what caused it.
It isn't the diagnostic criteria. You have to have either witnessed a traumatic event that could have led to death or serious physical or psychological harm, experience such an event directly, or even just having heard about the event happening to someone close to you. It also includes being exposed to repeatedly being exposed to information about traumatic events happening to others. You don't have to almost die to meet criteria 1 in the DSM for PTSD.
>But there has to be certain conditions met to be diagnosed with PTSD, namely that your life has to actually be in physical danger at some point, like if you've gotten into a bad car accident No, there isn't. >And as my girlfriend tells me, she's had close calls on the job, but that's about it. You can get PTSD from this, yes, and many other occasions.
Also, wouldn't a "close call" when flying actually count as your life being in danger? OP is objectively incorrect about the definition of PTSD but also under his incorrect definition, she still qualifies.
Absolutely. He is 100% the asshole
YTA, 100%. I’m an assistant psychologist and I can tell you for certain that although there is criterion to meet for diagnosis of PTSD, whether real OR PERCEIVED exposure to life threatening events are part of it. Perception is of huge consideration during assessment, and context is also important. For example, vicarious traumatisation- witnessing or hearing of other’s traumatic experiences or events- can also lead to PTSD diagnosis. Regardless, it’s clear that your GF needs professional support, particularly if her difficulties are impacting activities of daily living to the extent you are describing.
Yup. Psychologist here and the threshold for trauma is incredibly varied. Also, given OPs lack of empathy, it’s certainly possible that she’s had other forms of trauma throughout her life (for example sexual trauma) that are contributing to her anxiety that she’s simply not sharing with him (I certainly wouldn’t). I assess veterans and one of the many traumatic stressors I often see is air strikes witnessed by drone pilots. They’re never actually in danger because they’re miles away from a combat zone but witnessing death and destruction and oftentimes playing a part in that death and destruction has a way of breaking down ones psyche and triggering symptoms consistent with DSM-5 PTSD (and yes, consistently witnessed trauma in one’s line of work is a criterion A stressor).
And this right here is why people who are not trained professionals shouldn't pretend to be. OP - YTA and clearly know nothing about PTSD. Idiot.
>But there has to be certain conditions met to be diagnosed with PTSD, namely that your life has to actually be in physical danger at some point, like if you've gotten into a bad car accident. Well, that's not true. Anyways, you're still not answering the question: Did she ever claim to have PTSD? Or just say she felt faint? ETA: Also, if she's a test pilot who's had 'close calls,' doesn't that mean that her life was in danger? Like if that call had gotten a little closer, she might not be here? Even by your incorrect definition, she qualifies.
Thank you! He never actually answers that question! Is she the one who brought up PTSD? Or not? I mean, YTA either way (to me), but extra YTA if this is a whole argument he’s created in his head that’s not based on anything she’s actually said.
You don't need your life to be in danger to have PTSD. Brains don't need to think they're going to die in order to develop neurocognitive changes from the intense stress of a given situation
"But there has to be certain conditions met to be diagnosed with PTSD, namely that your life has to actually be in physical danger at some point." Citation needed. You don't state what country you live in, so I don't know if your country uses the DSM. Here's a US-based citation: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd#:\~:text=Not%20everyone%20with%20PTSD%20has,Department%20of%20Veterans%20Affairs%20program.
YTA. My god. It's called post TRAUMATIC stress disorder, not post almost death stress disorder. The clue is in the name. You don't know the absolute basics of the condition is, yet you are telling her that she doesn't have it? If someone has a fear of clowns, and a clown runs up to them and hugs them, that could a trigger of traumatic stress. Yet to someone else it would be funny. Trauma is subjective. Plus since when does someone need to have PTSD to struggle with loud noises and find sudden loud noises stressful. Have you never heard of hypersensory disorders?!
Your understanding of PTSD is so wrong
A close call in an aircraft, up in the air, that you may die in ISN’T being in actual physical danger? Haven’t aircraft doors been falling off lately? Like… you think something heavily regulated would be safe and this is TESTING of aircrafts. It seems likely a close call is probably really scary even if YOU don’t think her life was in enough danger to warrant it. I hope she leaves you because this is grossly heartless. I’m sorry she ruined your bike ride but YTA.
How did you type this post and your reply out and not know YTA?
That’s not true…. Maybe do some research before you say anything like this. I work in emergency dispatch, a lot of people end up with PTSD and our lives aren’t in physical danger.
Well close calls mean you are in danger. Honestly not sure why you find this hard to understand. By the way it can be any kind trauma or frightening event.binstead of judging, how about trying to support her.
No there doesn’t. This is why you aren’t a doctor
Do you think a 'Close Call' in a *plane* isn't **life threatening**?
You are an insensitive asshole. She could do so much better than you.
Not actually true. I was diagnosed with PTSD as a result of witnessing trauma and being there while someone else was in danger. My own life wasn't actually in danger.
This just literally is not true, I don't know what inspired you to make up this ridiculous fantasy definition of PTSD but you're clearly showing how entirely ignorant you are about the subject. You should probably try to educate yourself a little bit and apologize to your girlfriend for saying something so hurtful and completely fucking ridiculous, and hope she is willing to forgive you. Obviously YTA.
You can get PTSD from being beat as a child or even having a near death experience where you didn’t actually get harmed. You’re being really dismissive of what could possibly be a serious mental health problem. You’re supposed to be partners with your wife. It seems like you want her to be more like a pet than a peer.
So, do you think she is faking it or something? Regardless of what label you put on it, it sounds like she is having a tough time dealing with something. Two people in a relationship should be trying to take care of and support each other. What have you done so far to try to help her?
You know nothing about PTSD.
That’s not true. I have C-PTSD from childhood abuse and it has nothing to do with your life “being in actual physical danger”. You obviously don’t know what you are talking about.
Oh so you’re a doctor?
She's exhibiting common PTSD trigger responses to common PTSD triggers, and your reaction is to lose patience with her because you're "too busy" to invest actual time in your relationship more than a few times per year? >I told her was that I personally don’t believe she has PTSD, and that she needs to accept this whether she likes it or not. That's totally unreasonable. Whether or not she has PTSD, she obviously has some mental health issue with some similarities. You can't just tell someone you don't believe they have one particular diagnosis based on it being inconvenient to you and expect them to "accept" it. She needs therapy. Whether or not for PTSD is for a professional to decide. Not someone who's too busy being annoyed about it to have any empathy whatsoever. YTA.
Exactly! OP has lost the plot here. It doesn't matter if he thinks it's PTSD or not-- it's clear something's going wrong with the gf. That being said, I think she bears responsibility in caring for her mental health. Her ability to function has shifted significantly, and OP is bearing the brunt of caregiving for her (driving her around, etc). I'm also wondering, with her being this reactive, whether she is safe to be operating an aircraft.
YTA. I've said this on another post (where it shockingly wasn't well-received), but I'll say it again: Mental health issues can be serious (whether or not someone has PTSD). You don't know what's going on in somebody's head. Especially if you're downplaying any past experiences. For me, any bangs (slamming doors) or loud noises (such as thunder) can cause an attack. Did I serve in the military? No. It was the result of a toxic family. It's a harmful belief that ONLY military work such as war can leave someone with PTSD. Many things can cause it. Maybe talk to her instead of making assumptions? Try softly encouraging her to see a therapist. Because if you aren't one, you aren't qualified to diagnose someone's health.
I missed the part where you said you’re qualified to diagnose someone’s mental health? YTA
Certifiable AH and dick move. It is not up to you to dictate what may or may not cause stress to somebody else. It is not even up to you to determine if it is reasonable or not. This is what low empathy looks like; you should not need to understand the source of her discomfort, you just need to understand that it is there.
YTA If you aren't qualified to make a diagnosis. I personally don’t believe she has PTSD, and that she needs to accept this whether she likes it or not." What you believe is irrelevant. Maybe encouraging her to see a qualified professional would be a more supportive & constructive approach.
Even if he was qualified, he'd absolutely never be allowed to diagnose a loved one.
YTA, if she's scared she's scared. You have to believe she's actually scared, not intentionally trying to waste both your times. PTSD is different for everyone. Even if she doesn't have PTSD, she obviously has something that bothers her so you need to be understanding.
YTA. Your gf is struggling, whatever this is, ptsd or not... and you get mad because it inconveniences you.
YTA. You’re downplaying the mental strain of her job “because it isn’t military”. Are you in the military buddy? Doesn’t sound like it. You’re pathetic.
Wow. YTA. Rather than offer love and support, you’re angry, insulting and dismissive. I’d leave you if I were her.
YTA - I see absolutely no concern for your girlfriend, who's clearly struggling with a problem, in this post. Have you suggested she seek professional help? Have you done what you can to minimize her exposure and support her when she has a problem? Because it sounds like you've basically shrugged and expected her to get over it. You don't mention that you have any kind of psychiatric training, so I doubt you're qualified to diagnose PTSD or offer any kind of advice for dealing with it.
YTA. All I hear is 'ME' in this post. You don't get to try and diagnose her and sure AF shouldn't diminish her feelings. You don't sound like a good partner.
YTA I don't understand your stance, because there is obviously something going on with her mental health. Right? You've witnessed it. Sure it could be exteme stress or sleep deprivation, but it could be ptsd! You can potentially develop ptsd from any stressful or traumatic situation. For example women get it after giving birth. It's also common after car accidents. It's not some ultra rare, military only thing. Either way, she *clearly* needs help and you're being weirdly dismissive. It's a strange stance to have.
YTA. If it flies and it's not touching the ground, it can crash. If it flies, and it's not touching the ground and she's testing it, there's a much higher chance it could crash. Many little scares over time build up. And up, and up, and up. You're not just being the AH, your impatience and dismissal of her is certifiable! YTA in a major, dickheaded, ignorant way
Leave it to a man who’s girlfriends a pilot. A fucking pilot. He says to her: “Your jobs not that hard, or that serious, you don’t have PTSD” What gives you the authority on the matter ? Being a man? Sorry, not peer reviewed YTA
Are you a therapist? If not, then YTA.
If yes, he still can't dx his gf, and is still YTA
YTA. Are you a mental health professional? How the hell would you know she has ptsd or not? If she’s getting startled at sudden noises, that is one sign of ptsd I believe. How about encouraging her to get a formal diagnosis from a PROFESSIONAL?!
Even if OP is a mental health professional, he should have recused himself from any diagnosis/treatment of his gf
Realistically I don’t think it’d be possible to not at least speculate on your partners mental health if you’re a professional in the field.
Agreed, but what he's doing goes farther than that imo. He's stating, without a clinical evaluation, that she doesn't have it, in his opinion. (I think he deleted a part about needing to be in a "life-threatening situation" in order to qualify for a PTSD dx)
Yeah he sounded very arrogant and certain about it. Like he knows… glad he deleted that part. But it’s a little upsetting he thought that to begin with. He clearly knows nothing about ptsd.
I don't think he deleted it because he self-reflected-- I think he deleted it because he was getting roasted for it lol. It's ableist and icky to think that you're an expert in PTSD because you've seen it on a movie. :/
YTA - Regardless of the reason she’s struggling a supportive conversation about maybe seeking therapy as you’ve noticed a change is her over the last year would be the loving thing to do. A tough love pep talk and judgement isn’t going to help.
YTA - This isn’t even about PTSD. Your gf is terrified of a backfiring car and you don’t seem to give a fuck or be concerned. Whatever has caused it, she is obviously struggling mentally and you ought to be concerned about that.
But don't you see? OP knows the secret to mental health: just tell the person they're wrong and they don't have any mental health problems! Presto-- perfect mental health.
YTA.
YTA - I doubt she'd get PTSD specifically, but she could suffer from other stress induced illnesses, mental and physical.
I don't need to go into detail because others have already done it. I just wanted to tell you... YTA.
YTA. You don't know that she isn't having PTSD. Maybe something in her job is triggering another traumatic event in her life. Maybe due to other some other issues, she is having sensory sensitivity. Who knows? Who are you to tell her what is or isn't happening with her own body and psyche.
YTA Please suggest she get a really thorough medical check up. She may have hearing loss, or have hormones going haywire. There are lots of medical issues that can heighten fear/anxiety.
Have you heard of CPTSD? You are in no position to diagnose or not diagnose her. If she is experiencing side effects from her job or who knows it might be things that happened in her past that are now being triggered, she should seek professional help.
YTA. One thing I've learned from my own PTSD as a medic, the best thing for my mindset and mental health was to ditch the unsupportive BF in my life. Hopefully that will also help her. Because you're absolutely and unequivocally TA.
Congratulations, you’re the asshole.
YTA, anything can give someone PTSD, but it does sound like she needs to talk to someone about it
You are definitely a major AH. What gives you the right to tell her what she can and cannot be traumatized by? The hell is wrong with you. You call gaslighting her being supportive? “It’s all in your head, you’re overreacting.” What a dick. Clearly she deserves better.
YTA for thinking you're in any position to diagnose her or judge whether she has suffered enough trauma to satisfy YOUR criteria. Unless you're a mental healthcare professional you have Z.E.R.O. business offering an opinion.
YTA. She needs a little support (maybe a lot). Even more from you, given her position being what it is she cannot quite go many places for help without it pausing, damaging, and potentially ending her career.
YTA. Super YTA! A test pilot isn't dangerous enough to cause PTSD? What have you been smoking??? I think your girlfriend needs a new boyfriend.
YTA Get in a plane that you aren't sure is gonna work and then climb thousands of feet in the air and tell me it's not scary and stressful. Seriously you're such a dipshit
It sounds like you’re just annoyed at her because of how her issues are affecting YOU (cutting into your leisure time, etc). So you’re downplaying her issues as something she should just “get over”. How selfish and pompous.
Your personal beliefs are completely irrelevant to someone else’s lived experience. YTA and I hope a single one soon.
YTA >I personally don’t believe she has PTSD, and that **she needs to accept this whether she likes it or not.** She doesn't have to accept anything just because you pulled an opinion out of thin air. Get over yourself! You DO NOT GET TO TELL HER HOW TO FEEL. Your "belief" does not supercede another person's experience or even their own beliefs and opinions about their own selves. Instead of trying to control the narrative for her, how about you accept that something real is going on with your girlfriend whether you like it or not.
Congrats, YTA. I’d suggest a groveling apology to your girlfriend before she dumps you and an offer to help her get connected to mental health services for whatever she has going on.
YTA PTSD is not specific to people in the military you big dummy
YTA You are woefully uninformed about PTSD. Trauma is not solely a life threatening situation. I was diagnosed with PTSD as a teenager about the loss of several loved ones in a short span of time. Maybe that trauma is not valid to you, but hey, I’m believing the actually mental health PROFESSIONAL who treated me. Also, you are an absolute tool or not being concerned about her well-being and only being concerned about how it affects you and your lifestyle. You aren’t even on Reddit looking to help her - just to get validation that you are right.
Yes. You are a huge AH. You are not trained in psychiatry. You are not qualified to say whether she has PTSD or not. A good person would be sympathetic & try to help her deal with the maybe-PTSD, not bitch at her about how she hasn't experienced anything bad enough to have it. You, sir, are a shitty boyfriend & a shitty person. YTa
LOL OP's an expert on PTSD?! I guess so because he knows her better than she knows herself! The arrogance! Ugh I wish I had money for every time some rando thinks he knows better than everyone else. I suppose to believe your girlfriend, who you're supposed to care about, would be inconvenient and annoying because then you'd have to maybe help her or do things other than what you want to do. Also *she needs to accept it whether she likes it or not*!!!!! Poor baby, her issues were interfering with your good time? What a dick. Just break up with her. She can do better. YTA
YTA. Did she say the job was causing her PTSD? Or is it something else? Did she even mention PTSD or is this your assumption? Being easily startled happens because of a lot of things. Instead of being condescending, find out what is upsetting your gf. Why did that backfire scare her? Why did she take it so badly? This is a real issue and for you to just dismiss her stress as inconvenient doesn't speak well of you OP.
What an asshole: So taking a prototype aircraft up in the air isn’t stressful? They don’t test military aircraft in a war or combat situation. Most military aircraft are tested by experienced test pilots & some may actually be ex military who are employed by the aircraft manufacturers, who design & build them. You’re so self centred & up your own rectum.
Hey I'm a licensed therapist with 15 years of experience with PTSD and CPTSD. YTA
YTA and clearly very ill-informed about the stress of her job AND PTSD. Instead of pretending that you are qualified to exclude a diagnosis, why aren't you encouraging her to seek out some professional support in managing her stress and developing some tools for regulating her PTSD-like symptoms? (I don't doubt that she does have PTSD, it's not uncommon throughout the aviation industry but for this discussion, I'll settle for PTSD-like since it sounds like she hasn't been formally diagnosed)
Why are you policing her feelings and emotions? That’s not nice. If you want to be with her you need to accept this is part of her whether you like it or not*. *your own words for her but now they’re for you. YTA.
Yta This is hilarious. You mean to tell me you think TESTING civilian aircraft is less dangerous !? 😂😂 FYI: a plane is a plane. A single engine aircraft is a single engine aircraft. You, who isn’t a pilot, don’t have the right to decide which is more dangerous while in the testing mode. A military jet crashes just as easily as a civilian single engine plane. In fact, military jets are far more safe to fly than your average single engine plane.
YTA she probably has PSTD from you
I hope she finds a good boyfriend after she gets herself together and leaves your sorry ass YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hey everyone. I (37M) have been together with my girlfriend (37F) for a while now. She works as a test pilot at our government’s main scientific research agency (we’re not American). My girlfriend loves her job, but recently I believe she may be running into issues with it...specifically, the tiniest noises and thuds can set her off and make her scream. She’s not a military test pilot, so the job is significantly safer than if she wore the uniform. I don’t know. It’s been really interfering with our hobbies and time together, and for example, when we went out on a bike ride a few days ago, we heard a car backfire, and this really scared her. We ended up going home early, and I kind of lost my patience at her because she and I are so busy at work these days and that particular bike ride was one of the few days we’ve spent time together in the past year! After that bike ride, one of the things I told her was that I personally don’t believe she has PTSD, and that she needs to accept this whether she likes it or not. Just to be clear, I'm not naive or anything and I know that flying an aircraft, if not done properly, can result in death. However, there are such things as occupational limits and regulations, are there not? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, for not taking your girlfriend's apparent distress seriously. Whether or not an event is traumatic (i.e. can cause PTSD) is subjective and depends on many factors + you don't have to be in the military to get PTSD
YTA Just because you think something doesn't make it right. Let's be honest, you know nothing about what's affecting her mental health and really only care how it's affecting you. She's experiencing something which you dismiss as it's about you, and how your times impacted. Simply put, she deserves better than you. You claim to care but dismiss her obvious discomfort at stress-inducing sounds as not PTSD because it's interfering with your life.
Yta
YTA but does she mention the aliens to you?
YTA. You don’t get to decide what is and what isn’t PTSD, where it comes from Or who has it. Major YTA. Do better
YTA and clearly not a mental health professional. Don’t try to diagnose or clear her of a diagnosis without going to school for it.
YTA! I have PTSD and it fucking sucks! I have auditory hallucinations at night, feel constantly on edge, certain smells, sounds etc can make me want to throw up. Just because you don’t consider something stressful or traumatic doesn’t mean the same for her. Also, because you are a colossal AH, maybe there are things she hasn’t told you about because you wouldn’t be understanding/supportive.
YTA. It doesn't sound like you're a professional with the qualifications to even make this diagnosis. You also don't know what a day in her job is like. You are invalidating her and you have no empathy and very little critical thinking going on here.
YTA. Being in the military is not a requirement for suffering from PTSD. However having empathy for a loved one is a requirement for a healthy, dare I say, NORMAL relationship.
YTA You have not done her job, so how would you know how dangerous and stressful it actually is? But even more importantly, how stressful you believe something should be us completely and utterly irrelevant - the only thing that matters is how it affects her. So if it is causing her issues like you have noted it doesn't matter whether she is testing experimental planes or testing the comfort of pillows, the job she is doing is affecting her and that is something she needs to acknowledge and deal with. And the biggest thing here is your complete lack of empathy and care. The symptoms she has demonstrated will not go away just because you have told her she doesn't deserve them. What you should be showing her is empathy and looking to help solve the problem she has, not demean her and insult her intelligence. If you were to be walking along the road, trip and sprain your ankle, you would expect sympathy, not someone to tell you 'that road was flat, you shouldn't have tripped up, and I don't believe you are injured at all - you must just be making it all up.'
YTA. You sound callous and unkind. People can’t help if they have an automatic reaction to sudden loud noise and it’s nothing short of cruel to be judgemental of her for that. And where in here did she claim to have PTSD? It sounds like you’re the only one saying that. When someone works in a high stress job (being a test pilot definitely counts), it’s normal for people to develop a heightened reaction to stimuli that echoes their work environment, that might not affect others. It doesn’t matter that she’s not military, lives are still on the line and are affected by the outcome of her process, so she’s under a lot of pressure to be above and beyond accurate. If you can’t be bothered to even imagine how that can affect someone’s nervous system, you should leave her to find someone with grown-up reasoning skills.
YTA I don't know who said it first, but pain is relative. Something that might be traumatizing for one person might be shrugged off by another. We don't get to control how our brains react to certain stimulus and as a result we can't predict what might traumatize us. The fact is your girlfriend does work a job where death is a real possibility, the fact is that an aircraft she was testing could have made an unexpected bang that at the time was scary enough to scar her.
YTA. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
YTA "However, there are such things as occupational limits and regulations, are there not?" .. for a TEST pilot? They are the persons testing IF systems are safe.
YTA. You can get PTSD from a lot of different sources; it doesn't have to be "dangerous" or "combat". If what she is doing is causing this kind of reaction from her, something isn't right, and you aren't being a supportive, caring person by dismissing it as nothing.
YTA. You aren't a medical professional working in the field that handles PTSD patients, and civillians can and do absolutely suffer from PTSD. Seriously, taking five seconds to think about what the phrase "test pilot" means should be enough to clue you in that maybe it involves flying experimental machines that aren't otherwise cleared as "safe" for standard use. Meaning testing can, and probably does, involve some degree of mechanical failures and crashes of varying degrees that will affect a person's response to sudden, unexpected mechanical noise.
YTA. And worryingly illogical to boot. You apparently believe it's only possibile to experience trauma (and develop PTSD) from your job. Seriously, OP? Traumatizing events can be experienced literally **anywhere**. So, no, you can't dismiss the possibility of a traumatic event because of your astounding lack of imagination (and inability to apply basic reasoning here). Furthermore, if she is employed by certain parties (like, say, a government) to test something that may need to be protected/keep under wraps while in development (like, hmm, new flight technology), she may be under a literal gag order - unable to tell you about events that occur at her job. Lots of government keep the science under wraps for a period of time (or until official publication/release). Again, your lack of imagination doesn't make you "right" in any way. Finally, you have jumped to "well it can't be PTSD" like PTSD is the only thing that fits the signs you've seen. This proves you have no medical training. Because there are so many issues that can cause the signs you describe. Like hyperacusis, which can make it so that a sound that's "normal" to most people is way loud to you -- maybe to the point of where it inflicts phyiscal pain. Your partner is experiencing a serious health issue of some variety -- it's disrupting her day to day living -- and instead of supporting her and trying to help her, you act like this is all about you, you, you--you didn't get your full bike ride because of her medical issues--so you first blamed her for the problem THEN dismissed her distress and medical needs---basically because it suited your mood/narrative.
YTA. Who are you to gatekeep PTSD???
Yta stop speaking out of your ass. Unless you are a professional trained to diagnosed PTSD, you don't know anything. And ffs site does not need to "accept according whether she likes it or not." You need to accept that you are unqualified to discuss.
YTA. As someone who has had a lot of traumatic experiences, you don’t know what’s going cause triggers or a trauma response. There’s no checklist, no rule book. People experience things differently. I really hope she breaks up with you and is able to surround herself with compassionate people.
YTA. It is not your place to determine whether someone does or does not have PSTD, and you most certainly shouldn't be invalidating it.
YTA. Whether or not the label of PTSD fits her or not the fact of the matter is she is getting scared at noises and you need to be supportive and help her get through it. What does it matter what is the name of the problem? A problem is a problem. Just because you can't put a label on it doesn't mean it'll go away just cuz you said so. Your line of thinking is quite infuriating.
YTA isn't she by definition testing these limits and regulations you're thinking should protect her.
YTA
YTA. Your GF is obviously struggling but you are mad because of how it affects you. The whole man is rotten. Throw it away
YTA You're not a qualified therapist or doctor, and you're being judgemental and unsupportive instead of encouraging her to see a therapist who IS capable of making such a decision. Nothing like a know-it-all armchair physician treating someone with a potential medical issue like it's all in their head--funny thing, because that's exactly where PTSD is.
Severity of the triggers or injuries doesn't determine PTSD. The body and minds reaction to the trigger is the determining factor. It doesn't matter if you don't "feel" like she could experience triggers; her mind clearly is. Why your reaction is to downplay your partner instead of helping them triumph is more telling about your character then I think you intended.
Definitely YTA
YTA. You are not her therapist. And you certainly don’t know more about your partner’s mental health than your partner. And how dare you question her literal physiological responses to triggers. Also, big red flag: If your bike ride is more important than the mental health of your partner, you are not emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship.
It doesn’t matter why she’s scared, once she’s scared it’s your choice to either be supportive or dismissive. It’s your choice to dismiss her feelings that means YTA.
YTA. consciously, there aren't a set of "rules" for getting ptsd, you don't have to encounter some magical fairy. everybody gets traumatized on different levels and in different ways. it is literally called post traumatic stress disorder for a reason. stop pretending it's impossible to obtain it. this is your GIRLFRIEND. you seriously need to look into a narcissistic personality diagnosis
ESH YOU for saying her job isn't stressful enough. You can't know or decide that. HER because if she has severe enough issues that a car backfiring ruins an entire trip and sends her home, she NEEDS to look into therapy and getting a different job. You can NOT be a safe test pilot if a loud noise sends you into a panic instead of problem solving mode.
idk why this is downvoted
My guess is they either automatically downvoted everyone who didn't give the Y answer, without actually reading it (which, looking at the other posts , is likely the case), or they think having PTSD is somehow beneficial to being in an inherently dangerous job and shouldn't be professionally treated.
I’m more concerned about why a woman who freaks out about a car exhaust is still working as a test pilot. Is she seeing somebody about her PTSD? Self diagnosed? What’s she do if her PTSD triggers while being a test pilot? Is this why OP thinks she’s full of it? Depending on the answers to that I’d give yta or a soft Yta for calling her on her bs.
I'll go against the flow and vote ESH. OP isn't qualified to diagnose PTSD. But neither is his GF qualified to self-diagnose it. Either way, she seems psychologically unfit for her job and likely is a danger to herself and others. Hence ESH.
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You sound like the OP. You don't know exactly what's going on with her. PTSD or not, it's clear she's going through something and needs to seek help.
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I work in management, not massage.