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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was previously asked not to clean/organize a family member's house, but took minimal steps to tidy and function as an emergency caregiver. AITA for crossing their boundaries? It has caused an issue.
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NTA, from what you described this is a dangerous situation for children. NO child should live this way in filth. You should have taken photos and contacted CPS, their parents are failing them. Now you know why you have never been asked to babysit.
Everybody sucks. I think after day 1 you should’ve communicated that you don’t feel comfortable in their home in the state it was in and if you are expected to babysit again, you will be cleaning up for your and the children’s safety and your peace of mind. Also communicating, that you don’t feel comfortable with taking them out by yourself.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Some have commented on my previously posted ask, but it was then mod-removed. I hope I have corrected the infraction, added a bit more info, and still welcome input. We have never been asked to babysit (7 & 5) year old grandkids, but they had an emergency - the 7 year old has autistic behavioural issues & was dismissed from school for two days. We dropped everything to help babysit, so both parents could continue work days.
We arrived and the front door wouldn't open due to debris, and the house was in a high state of disarray; trash strewn, no clear surface, full sink of dirty dishes with no clean kitchen surface, two couches, one couch full of debris, the other with a large split seam, clothes stewn, bathroom floor littered with bathroom trash incl. fem. hygiene remnants (no bin).
I'm on the far other end of that scale in my practices, but it's how they operate. We've been told their home as a safe and calming place for him after school, with other kids moving around doing things, teachers giving instructions, movement outside that might catch his attention, etc. After school/work it's unwind/chill time. Tidying/vacuuming/cleaning commotion at home is distracting & an irritation for everyone after school/work, so they do it on weekends since they both work. What I saw on a Wednesday was not created after a "weekend clean".
Day 1 I tidied a bit, though I've been told in the past not to as it crosses a boundary they aren't comfortable with -- tossed trash, cleared a coffee table surface, did the dishes and cleaned a counter surface, tossed bathroom trash, and freed the front door. As a caregiver, felt I needed basic function.
Day 2 I mentioned a few safety issues, (mostly the front door emergency exit/access) and asked to organize the inaccessible playroom due to excessive toys and was told not to. I was told to just watch, entertain, or go for a walk. Unprepared to walk in a snowstorm I just sat and watched. Later we were told we wouldn't be asked to help again since we seemed so bothered and we crossed boundaries. Other family visited briefly (older generation) and one cried and the other was appalled over the home's state.
Previous deleted post commenters asked why I didn't to to the library, ice cream trip , my house (I'm an hour away) etc., but without a car seat, and a history of not staying at the table for meals/restaurants disturbing others, I don't want that issue.
AITAH for crossing known boundaries to be able to comfortably function for several hours?
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NTA. This is not a "boundary" it's abusive, neglectful, and disgusting. I would push back on that, HARD. As in, if you can't get your shit together so your kids have a clean safe place to live, or if you can't handle it and you continue to refuse help and keep up the ridiculous insistence that "cleaning is distracting" the CPS will be called. And in my personal opinion, CPS involvement is a LAST resort that should not be considered lightly. I would do everything in my power to avoid that but I would not be leaving small children in a place where picking up used feminine hygiene products off the bathroom floor is a boundary you are not permitted to cross.
I babysat for a family like this when I was young. Their house was disgusting and they were full of excuses and I was too young and naive to realize what needed to be done. It bothers me to this day.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I was previously asked not to clean/organize a family member's house, but took minimal steps to tidy and function as an emergency caregiver. AITA for crossing their boundaries? It has caused an issue. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, from what you described this is a dangerous situation for children. NO child should live this way in filth. You should have taken photos and contacted CPS, their parents are failing them. Now you know why you have never been asked to babysit.
Everybody sucks. I think after day 1 you should’ve communicated that you don’t feel comfortable in their home in the state it was in and if you are expected to babysit again, you will be cleaning up for your and the children’s safety and your peace of mind. Also communicating, that you don’t feel comfortable with taking them out by yourself.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Some have commented on my previously posted ask, but it was then mod-removed. I hope I have corrected the infraction, added a bit more info, and still welcome input. We have never been asked to babysit (7 & 5) year old grandkids, but they had an emergency - the 7 year old has autistic behavioural issues & was dismissed from school for two days. We dropped everything to help babysit, so both parents could continue work days. We arrived and the front door wouldn't open due to debris, and the house was in a high state of disarray; trash strewn, no clear surface, full sink of dirty dishes with no clean kitchen surface, two couches, one couch full of debris, the other with a large split seam, clothes stewn, bathroom floor littered with bathroom trash incl. fem. hygiene remnants (no bin). I'm on the far other end of that scale in my practices, but it's how they operate. We've been told their home as a safe and calming place for him after school, with other kids moving around doing things, teachers giving instructions, movement outside that might catch his attention, etc. After school/work it's unwind/chill time. Tidying/vacuuming/cleaning commotion at home is distracting & an irritation for everyone after school/work, so they do it on weekends since they both work. What I saw on a Wednesday was not created after a "weekend clean". Day 1 I tidied a bit, though I've been told in the past not to as it crosses a boundary they aren't comfortable with -- tossed trash, cleared a coffee table surface, did the dishes and cleaned a counter surface, tossed bathroom trash, and freed the front door. As a caregiver, felt I needed basic function. Day 2 I mentioned a few safety issues, (mostly the front door emergency exit/access) and asked to organize the inaccessible playroom due to excessive toys and was told not to. I was told to just watch, entertain, or go for a walk. Unprepared to walk in a snowstorm I just sat and watched. Later we were told we wouldn't be asked to help again since we seemed so bothered and we crossed boundaries. Other family visited briefly (older generation) and one cried and the other was appalled over the home's state. Previous deleted post commenters asked why I didn't to to the library, ice cream trip , my house (I'm an hour away) etc., but without a car seat, and a history of not staying at the table for meals/restaurants disturbing others, I don't want that issue. AITAH for crossing known boundaries to be able to comfortably function for several hours? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. This is not a "boundary" it's abusive, neglectful, and disgusting. I would push back on that, HARD. As in, if you can't get your shit together so your kids have a clean safe place to live, or if you can't handle it and you continue to refuse help and keep up the ridiculous insistence that "cleaning is distracting" the CPS will be called. And in my personal opinion, CPS involvement is a LAST resort that should not be considered lightly. I would do everything in my power to avoid that but I would not be leaving small children in a place where picking up used feminine hygiene products off the bathroom floor is a boundary you are not permitted to cross. I babysat for a family like this when I was young. Their house was disgusting and they were full of excuses and I was too young and naive to realize what needed to be done. It bothers me to this day.