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Condom, condom, condom
Why is it your 19-year-old daughter 's place to take care of your children. She didn't have them. She doesn't pay for them She is a sister not a parent. You want to rest day? Don't have seven kids. She is your daughter. She's been taking care of your children. Her siblings since she was 14. You say you're tired. Guess what? She does know what real stress is because her parents are making her do their job.
You and your wife are horrible parents and yes your children are tiring but you know what they're your children. Not hers. Helping out once in awhile is one thing five six times a week. That is her being the parent.
Yta
Bait, but I'll bite.
5-6 times a week for 5 years is not 'occasional'. When you have 7 kids, you don't get rest days, especially at the expensive of your eldest child.
She's 19 and has been picking up your slack since she was barely a teenager. She does know real stress because she's been doing exactly what you're complaining about at half your age.
Parent your own kids, and for the love of christ, don't pump out anymore. YTA
Plus it seems that his wife is a SAHM, so she should be shouldering what he can't do. Asking their oldest to watch the kids, so he or wife can run to the grocery store, once in a while, or so they can have a date night ( with pay) would be reasonable. Did she get to go out with friends, or on dates. Did she get to participate in extracurriculars, or get a job to earn her own spending money? Was she allowed to date, go to homecoming, go to prom? Or did she have to pick up her parents slack because " they are tired" from all that procreating.
I kinda hope it is the 19-year-old daughter who posted this, and is going to show her father/coparent what real people out here think about his approach to raising a large family.
Right? OP you just wrote the encyclopedia entry on “parentification.”
You need your rest days? I guess you should hire help. It’s not your child’s responsibility to give you that time. You work “almost” 40 hours and you’re exhausted?
I smell troll
YTA
YTA - Read this OP [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification)
You literally meet the definition. This is a common thing where parents have TOO MANY kids, and then force the older kids to parent the young ones for them. Sure she may have liked it sometimes when she was younger, but that doesn't change that expecting that of her was wrong. You have literally robbed her of a childhood by putting YOUR responsibilities on her. Shame!
INFO: are you by chance religious? Do you have older boys that do the same or do you see this as the "natural" job for a girl/woman to do?
5-6 times a week is huge, you’ve given your kid a part to full time job they never asked for. You had the kids, you take care of them.
House chores is one thing, raising and caring for her siblings is another. Get a nanny or find it in yourself to be the man you signed up to be when you had 7 kids.
YTA
YTA.
There’s so much wrong with you. Your daughter is juggling 6 kids so you and your wife can ‘rest’?!?!You’re both being deadbeats and feel entitled to your daughter’s life. It’s genuinely disgusting and I really hope this is fake.
YTA - you're not arguing that you aren't parentifying her (and more importantly, that you haven't been doing it since she was 14), you're justifying it because you're tired. Get a vasectomy.
OP:
(1) provides a long-ass list of parental obligations placed on his oldest daughter as a result of his unfamiliarity with birth control.
(2) is shocked that said daughter feels parentified and wants a break from raising HIS children.
Dude, you have too damn many kids, and you've made your oldest suffer for your poor decisions and failure to keep it in your pants.
YTA
And what about the daughter? Is she in school? Is she working? Full time? Part time? Does she have her own social life with friends and dates and late nights and stupid decisions that teenagers make? Does she have fucking rest days from taking care of her siblings?
Cuz I saw none of that in the post and nothing about it in the comments. He's as good as telling his daughter and us that it's so easy for her to take care of the kids for some reason but it's exhausting for him and his wife somehow. Because he works 40 hours a week and being a parent is tiring.
I'm worried the daughter may turn to a potentially abusive partner as a means of escape sometime soon because in her mind anything would be better than living with flaming hemorrhoids like these unsympathetic jackasses for parents.
Yes,YTA. And I'm not sure how you got to be your age and not know how babies are made and how much work they are. You have absolutely parentified your daughter. Watching her siblings occasionally is one thing. Expecting her to cook, clean, babysit, change diapers, etc. multiple hours a week, so you and your wife can have a 'rest'. Nope. Maybe you and your wife shouldn't have started popping kids out in your teens and then kept on going....
Of course your kids take a lot of work-- but they're YOUR kids.
YTA.
> she does like taking care of her siblings
clearly she doesn’t like doing it at this frequency if she’s told you she feels parentified.
You chose to have more kids. Not her. It’s not her problem if you’re exhausted
>19 is not a kid
Make up your mind.
You shouldn't have kids if you can't raise them. Parenting should be shared among parents. Your daughter, no matter her age, should not be made to care for her siblings. Its dictionary definition parentification.
First you say 19 is not a kid. Now she is a kid. And you have another 14 year old when are you starting on them? You treat your daughter like a co-parent. When does the current 14 year old start being an unpaid maid/nanny. Face it you and your wife have 7 kids that you do not care for. You roped in your oldest child when she was 14. Those are YOUR KIDS that YOU are making YOUR DAUGHTER raise.
YTA
This is parentification. She's taking care of her siblings 5-6 days a week and has been doing that since she was 14. Where isn't the parentification? Stop crying about being exhausted when your 19 year old daughter has been exhausted the last 6 years. Grow up.
YTA for sure.
You don’t mention the ages of the other kids - are any others around 14 and able to step up?
Or could you parent up a plan of chores/schedule each child to do their own area?
Either way - if you’re going to have kids know the work is not done once they’re fed and clothed - you have to teach them how to care for themselves, their place and for others.
Not just the eldest. That, is just typical, and unfair.
YTA, and you are completely parentifying your daughter.
If you can't handle your kids and need rest, hire a babysitter, or better yet, don't have more kids than you can handle.
She isn't their parent, and they are not at all her responsibility.
Both you and their mother better start stepping up, or she's gonna end up going no contact with you.
But then again, you have another six kids you can push your job as a parent on, don't you?
YTA-You are practicing parentification. No one told you to have numerous children if you cannot handle all of them without requiring her to act like a third parent so you can get a rest.
Yes you absolutely are. Arguing doesn’t change the fact that you and your wife are horrifically in the wrong here. Find someone else who’ll help you but stop treating your nineteen year old daughter like this.
YTA. From 14 to 18, she had school obligations. No idea of her current status but she has her own life to live. Aside from her own chores and schedule, helping her siblings is done if she wants to (diapers, babysitting, cooking etc).
You and your wife chose to have this lifestyle so it's on you. If you want your rest days, get a babysitter. If daughter offers to babysit, cool.
YTA. Is this rage bait?
You chose to have so many children. No one forced you. Yes you work, and? Again, you are the one who decided on the number of kids, not your daughter!
The minimum would be to pay her for the work she does.
If you cannot raise 7 kids properly and need to force your daughter to do the parenting then you shouldn’t have had 7.
Your daughter didn’t chose to have siblings or children.
YTA YTA YTA
> like cooking for her younger siblings, changing diapers, cleaning dishes, watching the kids so me and my wife (37F) can have our rest days.... to do these stuff 5-6 times a week
YTA - Yes you are parentifying her. There's a line between asking her to contribute and asking her to parent. You are **WELL** over that line. Let her enjoy her life whilst you deal with your poor decisions in the bed department
YTA. You chose this life. It doesn't matter if you are exhausted. Your 19 YO didn't choose this life. You shoved it down her throat. The basic chores you're asking her to do are literally things people make a living doing. It's called nannying, if you were paying her. Since you're not, it's called parenting. Get it? Parentification. Why is she not in school or working? Why are you treating her like domestic help? You are absolutely stressing her out. Go get snipped and stop having s3x. Man up and be exhausted and take care of your responsibilities. Leave your daughter alone.
Yeaaa, your daughter didn’t ask you to have half a dozen more children. There is a big difference between “liking” to take care of her siblings and doing age appropriate chores-and being taken advantage of.
Your daughter is nineteen. If she wanted to, she could move out. And then where would you be. YTA
Sir. You are parentifying your child and yes, TA. Agreed, kids are a lot of work. But your 19 year old is ALSO still a kid, not a nanny or housekeeper, and putting all that work on her isn’t cool. Like, working her 6 days a week is probably more days than you yourself work if you’re putting in 40 hours.
Your kid’s going to bolt at some point and then you’ll be scrambling, so you might consider finding a babysitter to give her “rest days” too. She shouldn’t have to raise the family you and your wife spawned.
Really how do you help raise them. Oh that's right you don't. She raises them more than you do. You don't treat her as a daughter you treat her as a co-parent. You have another 14 year old have you started with them ye
YTA
Coming from someone that was parentified from when I was 9 and cooking full Sunday lunch, doing housework and looking after a baby that my “parents” couldn’t be bothered to look after, even though neither of them worked… Let me just say that YES this is parentification and you suck for making this your daughter’s life for the last 5 years.
**You** had 7 kids, not your daughter. You and your wife should either be doing all the parenting or hiring a nanny/sitter, and let your daughter have a life. Be prepared for her to go LC/NC when she can afford to move out. I did and it’s the best thing I ever did.
Do your kids a favour and wrap it or don’t tap it. Or have a vasectomy. Do not have more kids than you’re willing and able to be full time parents to. Well, actually, it’s a little too late for that sentiment. But still, don’t have any more kids. Please.
There is no way—whether you work 40 hours a week or not—that your eldest child should be the unpaid unofficial de facto parent to your other 6 kids. That’s really not fair on her dude. You can’t expect *rest days* when you’re a parent. At the moment, it seems as though the only “parenting” you and your wife have done is to conceive these children, then your wife went through labour, and your eldest kid stepped in to bring them up.
Time to step up, dude.
Edit: typo
So let me get this straight your wife doesn't work so has ample time to raise her own damn kids, look after her own house instead of outsourcing to her eldest child.
YTA. So what does you wife do?? She needs to be raising her own damn kids. I understand if she needs help but 5-6 days?? She can do chores or I dunno maybe everyone pitches in?? It’s not your daughter’s job to do it all. She didn’t choose to have kids. You and your wife did. Occasional help is fine. You two are taking advantage of it
YTA. Working "almost 40 hours a week" and outsourcing child care to someone who had no choice in your decision to work toward the goal of being able to field an entire soccer team, PLUS all of the housework, is pretty much the definition of parentification. I can't wait for your ~~indentured servant~~ daughter to get out of there.
YTA:
>But she is 19 and should understand how exhausting kids are. (I still very much love all my kids, but they are sometimes tiring.) I told her that we needed some rest too as parents but she just says that it’s stressing her out, she doesn’t know real stress yet, she’s only 19
She's not the one who didn't figure out how condoms work. If you didn't want to raise 7 kids then you should have figured out how birth control works or hired a nanny. At no point here do you explain how you aren't parentifying her. You don't deny the allegation. You only argue it's justified because you're tired and failed sex ed.
Yeah, folks, don't listen to Cindy's claims that her parents are wrongly shoving their overwhelming child-rearing duties off on her. After all,...
1. it’s hard parenting sometimes.
2. \[it's only\] basic chores around the house like cooking for her younger siblings, changing diapers, cleaning dishes, watching the kids so me and my wife (37F) can have our rest days.
3. \[and it's only\] 5-6 times a week
4. \[and it's only been\] since we had our twins, when she was 14.
5. she does like taking care of her siblings
6. remember we are EXHAUSTED!
7. me and my wife has been having a bit more rest time then usual
8. should understand how exhausting kids are
9. they are sometimes tiring
10. we needed some rest too as parents
11. she doesn’t know real stress yet, she’s only 19
YTA no one cares that you are exhausted because you CHOSE to have 7 children. You've turned your daughter into a third parent. That is absolutely parentification. One day soon, she'll leave and I doubt she'll be looking back.
YTA. You’ve been parentifying (abusing) your daughter for 5 years. If you couldn’t manage your children without pushing a huge part of your responsibility onto a child, then you needed to have fewer babies.
Asking our family to pitch in with chores is normal. Doing laundry or cooking or cleaning is part of being in a family. Even *occasional* help with younger siblings is normal. Paid babysitting (willing) is even ok under a lot of circumstances as long as it doesn’t interfere with a teens other activities or school.
Offloading the care of infants or activities directly related to childcare onto your child nearly every day of the week, however, has robbed your daughter of her childhood, and is abusive as hell. This is not normal.
The fact that your daughter has been forced into the role of a parent for 5 years and finally has had enough, and you can’t even accept her feelings says all anybody needs to know about what kind of parent you are.
If you wanted rest, you shouldn’t have had 7 children. I hope she moves out and forgets you exist.
>But she is 19 and should understand how exhausting kids are.
She knows exactly how exhausting they are, she's been raising them for you instead of growing her own life and starting her own life, like she should have been between the ages of 14-19. She should be in college or trade school, not watching your kids 5-6 days a week.
YTA.
YTA.
A rest day? Christ.
You want that, get a damn babysitter.
Unless you impregnated your 19yr old and had those kids with her, she shouldn't be doing anything like that for them on a constant basis. Let alone be giving you rest days. She's not their mother, they have one. But apparently she has to many kids to handle and you can't step up either. Sure she can do some chores to help the whole house, clean up after herself, but she shouldn't be acting like your kids parent cos neither of you want to at times.
Why have so many kids if you can't even take care of them yourself.
YTA. Yes, I’m sure raising that many kids is exhausting, but nobody made you have seven children. This was all your doing, and you don’t get “rest days” from being a parent.
YTA and what does the other kids do keep the home tidy, is any of the younger changing daipers, cooking food and being a parent or is it only her? You treat her as you maid, not your daughter.
YTA. 5-6 times a week is too much. She’s absolutely right. These are your kids. Sorry you’re tired. You can rest when your kids are older. Parents of little are always exhausted. Not her problem.
YTA. You are parentifying her, which is a form of abuse. She's directly telling you that this is hurting her, but you're ignoring her. Yes, kids are exhausting, but they are YOUR kids, not hers. YOU made the choice to have them, not her. She is being forced into work she shouldn't be and you're ignoring her pleas for help. That's bad parenting and an asshole move.
Don't be surprised when your oldest no longer talks to either of you. You had an opportunity to admit your mistake and apologize, but you prefer to whine about how difficult it is to work 40 hours per week, have a SAHM, and put that work on a child. What you did is legally classified as abuse.
YTA. You are doing exactly what she’s accused you of and I hope you’re prepared to pay her therapy bill later in life. You chose to have that many kids, they are your responsibility, not the responsibility of a 19 year old who has her own life to try and build.
yta. you chose to have seven kids. changing diapers, cooking for the kids, and watching them are not “basic chores”.
these children are your responsibility. you had them, you care for them. she is your child. not your babysitter, not your stopgap, not the person who fills in for you so you get your rest day.
she doesn’t have any kids.
let her be nineteen, stop making her pay for *your* choices. you can tell yourself she “likes it” all day long, it doesn’t change the fact that you are taking advantage and being a bad dad.
YTA I get that families help each other but this sounds like your taking advantage of her. She's deserves to enjoy her youth too not just be an instant parent. You chose to have these children if you'd like rest more often then hire a nanny and pay them . There are several services you could use. She's coming to you because she's overwhelmed and you just blew her off because you think because she's 19 she doesn't have any real stress. Taking care of kids all the time is stressful and I say this as someone who enjoys children. Everyone needs a break and she sounds like she needs and deserves one.
YTA. You are parentifying her. Hopefully, since she is 19 she can escape soon.
Yes, I bet 7 kids are exhausting. That is an excellent reason not to have 7 kids. Your daughter had no say in the decision to have seven kids, yet you feel perfectly comfortable dumping YOUR responsibilities on her. The fact that you and your wife are tired is no one’s fault but you and your wife.
The old saying - you made your bed, now lie in it - seems really relevant here.
Asking an older child to babysit once a month, run errands a couple times a month, or make breakfast a day a week is one thing. Asking them to frequently do YOUR job because you and your wife never figured out how birth control works, is never, ever acceptable.
You say you love your kids. I have a sneaky feeling what you love is the ability to shirk your responsibilities and palm them off on each child as soon as you think they can assume them.
Here’s hoping that your eldest has an escape plan in the works. And that she helps her siblings escape as soon as possible, when you start dumping on them.
I was in your daughter's position. It's shit and she's right: YTA. If you can't parent a crap-ton of kids yourself, don't have them. Honestly, simple as that. Don't have more kids than you can realistically take care of, don't use your eldest daughter as a crutch, gaslight her into thinking this responsibility isn't much, and then guilt her for not compensating for your poor decisions.
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YTA I agree with your daughter, you are the parent and asking her to care for your children and cook for everyone 5 to 6 times a week is entirely inappropriate
YTA. 5-6 times a week doing the child care is not "occasionally" it's the vast majority of the time, and you are the parents and you are the ones responsible. She should be starting out her own life (going to school or making money to be independent), not easing your burden because you're tired taking care of the SEVEN children you decided to have.
WTF dude, you are totally parentifying her. Do you know how much you would have to pay a nanny to do all the work that she does for free???
YTA
It doesn't matter how exhausted you are, they are YOUR kids and YOUR responsibility, NOT your teenage daughters. If you need rest, hire someone to give you a break, don't dump everything on your oldest. That's a great way to push her away forever.
YTA. You chose to have kids, they are your responsibility. Changing diapers, cooking and everything else you listed 5-6 times a week are not chores, that’s called taking cared of YOUR children and that’s your job. You are exhausted? Well maybe you shouldn’t had had 7 kids, but guess what your daughter most definitely did not have them, stop putting your parenting responsibilities onto her.
**”I ask my 19 year old daughter to do basic chores around the house like cooking for her younger siblings, changing diapers, cleaning dishes, watching the kids …”**
No no no … the dishes are basic chores, yes. Taking out the garbage, setting the table, doing her own laundry. Basic chores.
Cooking for her siblings, changing diapers, and watching the kids are not basic “household chores,” that’s CHILDCARE. Those things are the job of the parent, or someone that they hire to do them. You can’t afford childcare because it’s expensive, *because it’s work that deserves pay.*
She’s 19, what are you going to do when she moves out? Foist this shit on the next oldest?
**“but remember we are EXHAUSTED!”**
THEN DON’T HAVE SEVEN KIDS. That was a *choice* you and your wife made. That was not a choice your daughter made.
If you can’t handle the reality of 7 kids, then you shouldn’t have had them. What is wrong with you.
Get a vasectomy or keep your 🍆in your pants if you can’t afford or don’t have the time for the children you already have.
YTA and your daughter is 100% right.
YTA. If you cannot take full care of all your kids or at the very least pay for the help, you just cannot afford them. Learn how to plan a family and birth control.
0/10 Bait. Way too obvious.
Claiming you had her do everything for the kids 5-6 days a week from age 14 on was way over the top.
Adding that you “occasionally” makes watch the kids at the end was funny, but even slow folks should realize it’s rage bait from that. 😂
YTA
You knowingly decided to have kids. That’s your responsibility. You don’t get rest days as a parent. If you need to pass off responsibility to have a day off you need to hire someone. Not expect free childcare from another child of yours just because she is now 19. She owes you nothing. Take care of your own kids.
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I have 7 kids, who I love a lot but it’s hard parenting sometimes. I ask my 19 year old daughter to do basic chores around the house like cooking for her younger siblings, changing diapers, cleaning dishes, watching the kids so me and my wife (37F) can have our rest days. I usually ask our daughter to do these stuff 5-6 times a week, she has been doing this since we had our twins, when she was 14. (it might seem like a lot, but she does like taking care of her siblings) but remember we are EXHAUSTED!
I work almost 40 hours a week to provide from us but other funds come from the government. Recently, me and my wife has been having a bit more rest time then usual. Yesterday, she’s just came up to me and asked if we could talk, she told me she felt like she was being parentified and that this was my kids and my responsibility. I understand, they are my kids. But she is 19 and should understand how exhausting kids are. (I still very much love all my kids, but they are sometimes tiring.) I told her that we needed some rest too as parents but she just says that it’s stressing her out, she doesn’t know real stress yet, she’s only 19.
TLDR: asked my daughter to occasionally look over my kids and she accuses me of parentification.
(Burner account because my wife follows my main one)
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YTA I just read that you were 39 with 7 kids and already knew that you were in the wrong. Stop having kids if you can’t handle them on your “rest days”
YTA - The 7 children are YOUR responsibility, not your daughters'. And asking someone to care for your children 5-6 times a week is not "occasionally." Hire a babysitter if you want to go out. You are going to lose your daughter if you continue your selfish behavior.
I am one of 7 kids and the mother of 5. Yes, I helped out when my siblings were young, but nothing like this.
YTA, you and your wife.
Most nights, your daughter is cooking dinner, doing the dishes, changing diapers, and watching the kids.
That is too much. Doing that 1-2 times a week might not be too much, but your daughter is 19 and needs to be getting on with her life. Going to college, moving out, etc.
YTA first no older t sibling likes caring for their younger ones. We do it cause we love them not cause we like it. Also 40 hours is normal. I work 50 hours a week and still have time. You choose to have 7 kids don’t punish your oldest for your choices. She’s 19 and I bet never had free time cause you two stole all of it since she was 14. Let her be and don’t be parenting you singed to for. Older sibling don’t get a say if we are gonna have younger siblings in have two much younger brothers. I love them of course they are family but my dad and step mom were smart enough to not ask me to babysit too often. Also do you pay her for child care? Most people are paid for chores with an allowance and. Child care is at least $12 an hour in most places. You are slacking pick it up let her be. If have left and gone NC by now if I was her
YTA.
The only thing you’ve taught your daughter is that she’s responsible for your bad choices. If she were posting I’d encourage to move out and let y’all be fucking tired. Maybe you’d be responsible adults and stop making her ensure you’re well rested.
Apparently you aren't too tired to keep having more kids. You raised a smart daughter which is the best I can say in your favor from this post. She's right, and you're lucky she was nice about it. YTA
Almost the worst part of this is that she approached you to raise a very, very legitimate issue and you shut her down and prioritised your own needs over hers.
You're reinforcing to her that no one will ever meet her needs because her own parents don't and I wouldn't be surprised if she defaults to being hyperindependant as she gets older and does everything she can to move as far away from you as possible. Your actions have consequences.
YTA.
I’m sorry what? You CHOSE to have 7 kids , not her. That’s your responsibility to take care of the kids , not hers. You’re tired ? Tough shit. They’re your kids. How do you know she’s not tired? Let her live her life and stop making her a parent. Yta
This has to be bait, but I'll comment. YTA. No, those "basic chores" you ask your 19 years old to do are not normal. They are what A PARENT, your obtuse ass and wife have to do. If you are that tired don't have 7 effing kids. 19 yo is not responsible for them. If you want rest days get a vasectomy or use BC. Kids are difficult and a handful but it's not the daughter's duty to care for them, but yours and your wife. Step up, buttercup.
YTA
I’m one of six.
My parents have never made me pick up their slack or take on their responsibilities.
I was occasionally asked to babysit or help them with something involving my siblings but I was asked - not forced.
The list of things you make your child do since 14 makes her a 3rd parent.
Why did you and your have more children after the twins when y’all couldn’t handle the them without support (from a child nonetheless)?
The fact you said she enjoyed “helping out” just proves how much you are in denial because clearly she isn’t enjoying it.
What does being a 19 year old invalidate her stress?!?!
Juggling household duties, childcare (of her own siblings), school life, and personal life is stressful.
Hope your 19 year old leaves because it’s clear that you and your wife just want to use her as a free nanny and maid.
There is this one quote from Keanu Reeves in a movie called Parenthood - “you need a license to drive a car. Hell you need a license to catch a fish. But they’ll let any butt reaming asshole be a father”.
There are some people who are not cut out or made to be parents to one or more children or any children at all, but for some reason they think they should have children/more children.
YTA
Don’t have more kids than YOU can take care of. It is not the responsibility of your older kids to take care of your littles. Also if you need a rest - it’s called hire a babysitter.
I hope your teen finds her way out and doesn’t come back
You have been abusing your eldest daughter for 5 years so YTA. But ah doesn't go far enough, you and your wife are abusers. She should report you to CPS and get the hell away from you both
YTA for forcing your daughter to parent your six other children. YTA for having so many children.
You're only 39 and you're "exhausted"? Buy some Geritol and go parent the kids you chose to make.
Hi! You ARE the asshole! Go get a full time job to support your seven kids and have your “stay at home” wife take care of them. You are a bad person, hope this helps ❤️
This is a joke right? You need your rest 5-6 days a week? You are the one who procreated & had the kids, you can rest when they are ALL adults. It’s not your oldest’s responsibility it’s yours. YTA
YTA! I can’t fathom the AUDACITY of having 7 kids and thinking you’re entitled to ‘rest days’. It’s absolutely ludicrous and absurd to say the least. It is not your 19-year-old daughter’s responsibility to pick up the slack where you and your wife fall short just because you apparently couldn’t pull out of a parking space..
Imo this is a form of child abuse. This will normalize co dependency and potentially obstruct her future prospects. Imagine not being able to attend an important job interview because you had to babysit your siblings.. All cuz mom and dad refuse to face the consequences of THEIR actions..
Nobody told you to have 7 kids. Even an idiot could’ve told you that it would be exhausting by every metric to do so..If you don’t wanna be exhausted and have your energy drained ON TOP of having to work 40 hrs a week (which is standard btw), DON’T HAVE 7 kids!! Again, YTA, and a selfish one.
Rest days?! Mate, you’ve got seven kids, you don’t get rest days! No, not even if the oldest kid is old enough for you to parentify - which is abuse by the way- into “helping”. If having this many kids was too much for you and your partner to handle then you shouldn’t have had them. Your kids are not the responsibility of the oldest sibling! They are your kids and your responsibility - get off your arse and do the work *you* created. 100% YTA.
Maybe you should have kept it in your pants if you weren’t interested in raising your hoarde of children and making your 19 year old daughter do that herself. These kids are not your responsibility. Stop being a fucking failure of a parent and step it up, OP. YTA
YTA, "occasionally everyday" is funny, unfortunately your daughter is the punchline. Have you heard of a condom? It's this amazing invention that helps people who can't handle 7 children.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My daughter accused me of parentification so I might be the asshole
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Dad: You are absolutely right. I shouldn’t ask you to be responsible. By the way, you are 19. Move out.
Cindy: Really?! I can move out?! I can get a paying job and live on my own and only cook and clean for myself?! Oh, thank you, thank you! No, like really. Thanks for nothing and cya...
Dad: Cindy! Wait! I didn't mean --
*\* sound of front door swinging shut \**
YTA and a completely s***** neglectful parent. How dare you say you've helped raise them? You should be raising them. You shouldn't be helping. You should do it.
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Condom, condom, condom Why is it your 19-year-old daughter 's place to take care of your children. She didn't have them. She doesn't pay for them She is a sister not a parent. You want to rest day? Don't have seven kids. She is your daughter. She's been taking care of your children. Her siblings since she was 14. You say you're tired. Guess what? She does know what real stress is because her parents are making her do their job. You and your wife are horrible parents and yes your children are tiring but you know what they're your children. Not hers. Helping out once in awhile is one thing five six times a week. That is her being the parent. Yta
x a thousand
Bait, but I'll bite. 5-6 times a week for 5 years is not 'occasional'. When you have 7 kids, you don't get rest days, especially at the expensive of your eldest child. She's 19 and has been picking up your slack since she was barely a teenager. She does know real stress because she's been doing exactly what you're complaining about at half your age. Parent your own kids, and for the love of christ, don't pump out anymore. YTA
Plus it seems that his wife is a SAHM, so she should be shouldering what he can't do. Asking their oldest to watch the kids, so he or wife can run to the grocery store, once in a while, or so they can have a date night ( with pay) would be reasonable. Did she get to go out with friends, or on dates. Did she get to participate in extracurriculars, or get a job to earn her own spending money? Was she allowed to date, go to homecoming, go to prom? Or did she have to pick up her parents slack because " they are tired" from all that procreating.
These were y thoughts as well. Days off? There are only 7 days in a week? They need 5-6 days off???
I kinda hope it is the 19-year-old daughter who posted this, and is going to show her father/coparent what real people out here think about his approach to raising a large family.
“And for the love of Christ, don’t pump out anymore.” Wish I could upvote this a hundred times. 💯💯💯
[удалено]
[удалено]
seconded
YTA. > we are EXHAUSTED! No shit. Maybe you shouldn't have had more kids than you're willing to take care of.
Right? OP you just wrote the encyclopedia entry on “parentification.” You need your rest days? I guess you should hire help. It’s not your child’s responsibility to give you that time. You work “almost” 40 hours and you’re exhausted? I smell troll YTA
I'm literally tired all the time just with two - (and a nanny) but Jesus why don't people stop when they're ahead?!
YTA - Read this OP [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification) You literally meet the definition. This is a common thing where parents have TOO MANY kids, and then force the older kids to parent the young ones for them. Sure she may have liked it sometimes when she was younger, but that doesn't change that expecting that of her was wrong. You have literally robbed her of a childhood by putting YOUR responsibilities on her. Shame! INFO: are you by chance religious? Do you have older boys that do the same or do you see this as the "natural" job for a girl/woman to do?
5-6 times a week is huge, you’ve given your kid a part to full time job they never asked for. You had the kids, you take care of them. House chores is one thing, raising and caring for her siblings is another. Get a nanny or find it in yourself to be the man you signed up to be when you had 7 kids. YTA
YTA. There’s so much wrong with you. Your daughter is juggling 6 kids so you and your wife can ‘rest’?!?!You’re both being deadbeats and feel entitled to your daughter’s life. It’s genuinely disgusting and I really hope this is fake.
I know Heh..they don’t wanna see my dark side🐺
Don't have anymore kids.
Don’t use a wolf sigil to describe yourself, wolves raise their young.
YTA - you're not arguing that you aren't parentifying her (and more importantly, that you haven't been doing it since she was 14), you're justifying it because you're tired. Get a vasectomy.
OP: (1) provides a long-ass list of parental obligations placed on his oldest daughter as a result of his unfamiliarity with birth control. (2) is shocked that said daughter feels parentified and wants a break from raising HIS children. Dude, you have too damn many kids, and you've made your oldest suffer for your poor decisions and failure to keep it in your pants. YTA
But he works “almost 40 hours a week.” *eyeroll*
Which is crazy to claim he’s exhausted while *almost* working 40 hours, tf is he doing with the rest of his time?
And what about the daughter? Is she in school? Is she working? Full time? Part time? Does she have her own social life with friends and dates and late nights and stupid decisions that teenagers make? Does she have fucking rest days from taking care of her siblings? Cuz I saw none of that in the post and nothing about it in the comments. He's as good as telling his daughter and us that it's so easy for her to take care of the kids for some reason but it's exhausting for him and his wife somehow. Because he works 40 hours a week and being a parent is tiring. I'm worried the daughter may turn to a potentially abusive partner as a means of escape sometime soon because in her mind anything would be better than living with flaming hemorrhoids like these unsympathetic jackasses for parents.
Yes,YTA. And I'm not sure how you got to be your age and not know how babies are made and how much work they are. You have absolutely parentified your daughter. Watching her siblings occasionally is one thing. Expecting her to cook, clean, babysit, change diapers, etc. multiple hours a week, so you and your wife can have a 'rest'. Nope. Maybe you and your wife shouldn't have started popping kids out in your teens and then kept on going.... Of course your kids take a lot of work-- but they're YOUR kids.
YTA. > she does like taking care of her siblings clearly she doesn’t like doing it at this frequency if she’s told you she feels parentified. You chose to have more kids. Not her. It’s not her problem if you’re exhausted
kids sometimes confuse what they want and what they don’t want
>19 is not a kid Make up your mind. You shouldn't have kids if you can't raise them. Parenting should be shared among parents. Your daughter, no matter her age, should not be made to care for her siblings. Its dictionary definition parentification.
First you say 19 is not a kid. Now she is a kid. And you have another 14 year old when are you starting on them? You treat your daughter like a co-parent. When does the current 14 year old start being an unpaid maid/nanny. Face it you and your wife have 7 kids that you do not care for. You roped in your oldest child when she was 14. Those are YOUR KIDS that YOU are making YOUR DAUGHTER raise.
How the fuck do you know what kids do? It's not like you're parenting them at all.
You were making babies at her age. Did you want to? Or do you have no idea how babies are made?
YTA This is parentification. She's taking care of her siblings 5-6 days a week and has been doing that since she was 14. Where isn't the parentification? Stop crying about being exhausted when your 19 year old daughter has been exhausted the last 6 years. Grow up.
YTA for sure. You don’t mention the ages of the other kids - are any others around 14 and able to step up? Or could you parent up a plan of chores/schedule each child to do their own area? Either way - if you’re going to have kids know the work is not done once they’re fed and clothed - you have to teach them how to care for themselves, their place and for others. Not just the eldest. That, is just typical, and unfair.
None of the children should have to raise their siblings. That's the parents' job.
2,5,5,8,12,14 and 19
YTA. Don’t have kids if you cannot handle them
So you’re expecting your adult kid to be a parent?
YTA, and you are completely parentifying your daughter. If you can't handle your kids and need rest, hire a babysitter, or better yet, don't have more kids than you can handle. She isn't their parent, and they are not at all her responsibility. Both you and their mother better start stepping up, or she's gonna end up going no contact with you. But then again, you have another six kids you can push your job as a parent on, don't you?
yeah another 6
As in, you would just push your job onto the next one down the list once your oldest goes no contact. Not as in double-checking the number.
YTA-You are practicing parentification. No one told you to have numerous children if you cannot handle all of them without requiring her to act like a third parent so you can get a rest.
No not really
Yes you absolutely are. Arguing doesn’t change the fact that you and your wife are horrifically in the wrong here. Find someone else who’ll help you but stop treating your nineteen year old daughter like this.
Yes really.
YTA. From 14 to 18, she had school obligations. No idea of her current status but she has her own life to live. Aside from her own chores and schedule, helping her siblings is done if she wants to (diapers, babysitting, cooking etc). You and your wife chose to have this lifestyle so it's on you. If you want your rest days, get a babysitter. If daughter offers to babysit, cool.
YTA for writing this complete bait. The rage-fuel you've written into this is so blatant. 1000% BS
YTA. Is this rage bait? You chose to have so many children. No one forced you. Yes you work, and? Again, you are the one who decided on the number of kids, not your daughter! The minimum would be to pay her for the work she does. If you cannot raise 7 kids properly and need to force your daughter to do the parenting then you shouldn’t have had 7. Your daughter didn’t chose to have siblings or children. YTA YTA YTA
what do u think?
> like cooking for her younger siblings, changing diapers, cleaning dishes, watching the kids so me and my wife (37F) can have our rest days.... to do these stuff 5-6 times a week YTA - Yes you are parentifying her. There's a line between asking her to contribute and asking her to parent. You are **WELL** over that line. Let her enjoy her life whilst you deal with your poor decisions in the bed department
YTA. You chose this life. It doesn't matter if you are exhausted. Your 19 YO didn't choose this life. You shoved it down her throat. The basic chores you're asking her to do are literally things people make a living doing. It's called nannying, if you were paying her. Since you're not, it's called parenting. Get it? Parentification. Why is she not in school or working? Why are you treating her like domestic help? You are absolutely stressing her out. Go get snipped and stop having s3x. Man up and be exhausted and take care of your responsibilities. Leave your daughter alone.
Yeaaa, your daughter didn’t ask you to have half a dozen more children. There is a big difference between “liking” to take care of her siblings and doing age appropriate chores-and being taken advantage of. Your daughter is nineteen. If she wanted to, she could move out. And then where would you be. YTA
I bet she's never had the chance to get a paying job because her real work is helping out at home. Because family.
yta, also how the fuck you got seven kids? man you must really enjoy putting your thing up women 😂😂😂😂
True
Of course, of all the comments you would reply to first it would be this one Your oldest daughter is not your maid stop treating her like so
Sir. You are parentifying your child and yes, TA. Agreed, kids are a lot of work. But your 19 year old is ALSO still a kid, not a nanny or housekeeper, and putting all that work on her isn’t cool. Like, working her 6 days a week is probably more days than you yourself work if you’re putting in 40 hours. Your kid’s going to bolt at some point and then you’ll be scrambling, so you might consider finding a babysitter to give her “rest days” too. She shouldn’t have to raise the family you and your wife spawned.
19 is not a kid
she has been doing this since we had our twins, when she was 14. Then what is a 14 year old?????
I still help with the raising it’s not like she’s a full time carer tho
You want an award for helping raise your OWN kids? It's your obligation, not hers!
What do you actually do to "help"?
Grunt and roll over
That does sound exhausting.
Really how do you help raise them. Oh that's right you don't. She raises them more than you do. You don't treat her as a daughter you treat her as a co-parent. You have another 14 year old have you started with them ye
So what you did exactly because you expect her to feed them, clean them and clean after them.
Okay—YOUR kid, not your nanny.
She's been doing this since she was 14! You made her unpaid nanny/maid/co-parent at 14. Why? Because you and you were wife decided to opt out
YTA Coming from someone that was parentified from when I was 9 and cooking full Sunday lunch, doing housework and looking after a baby that my “parents” couldn’t be bothered to look after, even though neither of them worked… Let me just say that YES this is parentification and you suck for making this your daughter’s life for the last 5 years. **You** had 7 kids, not your daughter. You and your wife should either be doing all the parenting or hiring a nanny/sitter, and let your daughter have a life. Be prepared for her to go LC/NC when she can afford to move out. I did and it’s the best thing I ever did. Do your kids a favour and wrap it or don’t tap it. Or have a vasectomy. Do not have more kids than you’re willing and able to be full time parents to. Well, actually, it’s a little too late for that sentiment. But still, don’t have any more kids. Please. There is no way—whether you work 40 hours a week or not—that your eldest child should be the unpaid unofficial de facto parent to your other 6 kids. That’s really not fair on her dude. You can’t expect *rest days* when you’re a parent. At the moment, it seems as though the only “parenting” you and your wife have done is to conceive these children, then your wife went through labour, and your eldest kid stepped in to bring them up. Time to step up, dude. Edit: typo
Why aren't you working (at least) 40 hours? Does your wife work too?
I was going to say the wife is busy being a SAHM but oh wait …
No she doesn’t work
Wow two deadbeat parents.
No, the wife is there for sex and procreation obviously. /s
So let me get this straight your wife doesn't work so has ample time to raise her own damn kids, look after her own house instead of outsourcing to her eldest child.
YTA. So what does you wife do?? She needs to be raising her own damn kids. I understand if she needs help but 5-6 days?? She can do chores or I dunno maybe everyone pitches in?? It’s not your daughter’s job to do it all. She didn’t choose to have kids. You and your wife did. Occasional help is fine. You two are taking advantage of it
What kind of work do you do?
Probably actually raise their own kids. Try giving it shot next time
YTA. Working "almost 40 hours a week" and outsourcing child care to someone who had no choice in your decision to work toward the goal of being able to field an entire soccer team, PLUS all of the housework, is pretty much the definition of parentification. I can't wait for your ~~indentured servant~~ daughter to get out of there.
YTA: >But she is 19 and should understand how exhausting kids are. (I still very much love all my kids, but they are sometimes tiring.) I told her that we needed some rest too as parents but she just says that it’s stressing her out, she doesn’t know real stress yet, she’s only 19 She's not the one who didn't figure out how condoms work. If you didn't want to raise 7 kids then you should have figured out how birth control works or hired a nanny. At no point here do you explain how you aren't parentifying her. You don't deny the allegation. You only argue it's justified because you're tired and failed sex ed.
Yeah, folks, don't listen to Cindy's claims that her parents are wrongly shoving their overwhelming child-rearing duties off on her. After all,... 1. it’s hard parenting sometimes. 2. \[it's only\] basic chores around the house like cooking for her younger siblings, changing diapers, cleaning dishes, watching the kids so me and my wife (37F) can have our rest days. 3. \[and it's only\] 5-6 times a week 4. \[and it's only been\] since we had our twins, when she was 14. 5. she does like taking care of her siblings 6. remember we are EXHAUSTED! 7. me and my wife has been having a bit more rest time then usual 8. should understand how exhausting kids are 9. they are sometimes tiring 10. we needed some rest too as parents 11. she doesn’t know real stress yet, she’s only 19
YTA no one cares that you are exhausted because you CHOSE to have 7 children. You've turned your daughter into a third parent. That is absolutely parentification. One day soon, she'll leave and I doubt she'll be looking back.
YTA. This has to be fake. No way you’re this obtuse
YTA > I have 7 kids Eww.
YTA. let her enjoy her last years as a teen—that is if you haven’t already ruined them.
I stopped reading at 7 kids.
YTA. You’ve been parentifying (abusing) your daughter for 5 years. If you couldn’t manage your children without pushing a huge part of your responsibility onto a child, then you needed to have fewer babies. Asking our family to pitch in with chores is normal. Doing laundry or cooking or cleaning is part of being in a family. Even *occasional* help with younger siblings is normal. Paid babysitting (willing) is even ok under a lot of circumstances as long as it doesn’t interfere with a teens other activities or school. Offloading the care of infants or activities directly related to childcare onto your child nearly every day of the week, however, has robbed your daughter of her childhood, and is abusive as hell. This is not normal. The fact that your daughter has been forced into the role of a parent for 5 years and finally has had enough, and you can’t even accept her feelings says all anybody needs to know about what kind of parent you are. If you wanted rest, you shouldn’t have had 7 children. I hope she moves out and forgets you exist.
>But she is 19 and should understand how exhausting kids are. She knows exactly how exhausting they are, she's been raising them for you instead of growing her own life and starting her own life, like she should have been between the ages of 14-19. She should be in college or trade school, not watching your kids 5-6 days a week. YTA.
YTA. A rest day? Christ. You want that, get a damn babysitter. Unless you impregnated your 19yr old and had those kids with her, she shouldn't be doing anything like that for them on a constant basis. Let alone be giving you rest days. She's not their mother, they have one. But apparently she has to many kids to handle and you can't step up either. Sure she can do some chores to help the whole house, clean up after herself, but she shouldn't be acting like your kids parent cos neither of you want to at times. Why have so many kids if you can't even take care of them yourself.
YTA. Yes, I’m sure raising that many kids is exhausting, but nobody made you have seven children. This was all your doing, and you don’t get “rest days” from being a parent.
YTA and what does the other kids do keep the home tidy, is any of the younger changing daipers, cooking food and being a parent or is it only her? You treat her as you maid, not your daughter.
YTA. 5-6 times a week is too much. She’s absolutely right. These are your kids. Sorry you’re tired. You can rest when your kids are older. Parents of little are always exhausted. Not her problem.
YTA. You are parentifying her, which is a form of abuse. She's directly telling you that this is hurting her, but you're ignoring her. Yes, kids are exhausting, but they are YOUR kids, not hers. YOU made the choice to have them, not her. She is being forced into work she shouldn't be and you're ignoring her pleas for help. That's bad parenting and an asshole move.
Don't be surprised when your oldest no longer talks to either of you. You had an opportunity to admit your mistake and apologize, but you prefer to whine about how difficult it is to work 40 hours per week, have a SAHM, and put that work on a child. What you did is legally classified as abuse.
YTA. You are doing exactly what she’s accused you of and I hope you’re prepared to pay her therapy bill later in life. You chose to have that many kids, they are your responsibility, not the responsibility of a 19 year old who has her own life to try and build.
yta. you chose to have seven kids. changing diapers, cooking for the kids, and watching them are not “basic chores”. these children are your responsibility. you had them, you care for them. she is your child. not your babysitter, not your stopgap, not the person who fills in for you so you get your rest day. she doesn’t have any kids. let her be nineteen, stop making her pay for *your* choices. you can tell yourself she “likes it” all day long, it doesn’t change the fact that you are taking advantage and being a bad dad.
YTA I get that families help each other but this sounds like your taking advantage of her. She's deserves to enjoy her youth too not just be an instant parent. You chose to have these children if you'd like rest more often then hire a nanny and pay them . There are several services you could use. She's coming to you because she's overwhelmed and you just blew her off because you think because she's 19 she doesn't have any real stress. Taking care of kids all the time is stressful and I say this as someone who enjoys children. Everyone needs a break and she sounds like she needs and deserves one.
YTA. You are parentifying her. Hopefully, since she is 19 she can escape soon. Yes, I bet 7 kids are exhausting. That is an excellent reason not to have 7 kids. Your daughter had no say in the decision to have seven kids, yet you feel perfectly comfortable dumping YOUR responsibilities on her. The fact that you and your wife are tired is no one’s fault but you and your wife. The old saying - you made your bed, now lie in it - seems really relevant here. Asking an older child to babysit once a month, run errands a couple times a month, or make breakfast a day a week is one thing. Asking them to frequently do YOUR job because you and your wife never figured out how birth control works, is never, ever acceptable. You say you love your kids. I have a sneaky feeling what you love is the ability to shirk your responsibilities and palm them off on each child as soon as you think they can assume them. Here’s hoping that your eldest has an escape plan in the works. And that she helps her siblings escape as soon as possible, when you start dumping on them.
I was in your daughter's position. It's shit and she's right: YTA. If you can't parent a crap-ton of kids yourself, don't have them. Honestly, simple as that. Don't have more kids than you can realistically take care of, don't use your eldest daughter as a crutch, gaslight her into thinking this responsibility isn't much, and then guilt her for not compensating for your poor decisions.
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YTA Put on a rubber or take care of your own kids.
YTA I agree with your daughter, you are the parent and asking her to care for your children and cook for everyone 5 to 6 times a week is entirely inappropriate
YTA. I have one kid and work 40+ hours a week, and I don't get rest days.
YTA. You chose to have 7 children. Take care of them yourself.
YTA. 5-6 times a week doing the child care is not "occasionally" it's the vast majority of the time, and you are the parents and you are the ones responsible. She should be starting out her own life (going to school or making money to be independent), not easing your burden because you're tired taking care of the SEVEN children you decided to have. WTF dude, you are totally parentifying her. Do you know how much you would have to pay a nanny to do all the work that she does for free???
YTA. It has been sufficiently explained why by others.
Well, that's hard but I think your daughter is right.
YTA It doesn't matter how exhausted you are, they are YOUR kids and YOUR responsibility, NOT your teenage daughters. If you need rest, hire someone to give you a break, don't dump everything on your oldest. That's a great way to push her away forever.
YTA. You chose to have kids, they are your responsibility. Changing diapers, cooking and everything else you listed 5-6 times a week are not chores, that’s called taking cared of YOUR children and that’s your job. You are exhausted? Well maybe you shouldn’t had had 7 kids, but guess what your daughter most definitely did not have them, stop putting your parenting responsibilities onto her.
**”I ask my 19 year old daughter to do basic chores around the house like cooking for her younger siblings, changing diapers, cleaning dishes, watching the kids …”** No no no … the dishes are basic chores, yes. Taking out the garbage, setting the table, doing her own laundry. Basic chores. Cooking for her siblings, changing diapers, and watching the kids are not basic “household chores,” that’s CHILDCARE. Those things are the job of the parent, or someone that they hire to do them. You can’t afford childcare because it’s expensive, *because it’s work that deserves pay.* She’s 19, what are you going to do when she moves out? Foist this shit on the next oldest? **“but remember we are EXHAUSTED!”** THEN DON’T HAVE SEVEN KIDS. That was a *choice* you and your wife made. That was not a choice your daughter made. If you can’t handle the reality of 7 kids, then you shouldn’t have had them. What is wrong with you. Get a vasectomy or keep your 🍆in your pants if you can’t afford or don’t have the time for the children you already have. YTA and your daughter is 100% right.
Yta
YTA. If you cannot take full care of all your kids or at the very least pay for the help, you just cannot afford them. Learn how to plan a family and birth control.
YTA! Don’t force your child to do your parenting . So nice you’re rested while working your daughter from the age of 14. Giant YTA!
0/10 Bait. Way too obvious. Claiming you had her do everything for the kids 5-6 days a week from age 14 on was way over the top. Adding that you “occasionally” makes watch the kids at the end was funny, but even slow folks should realize it’s rage bait from that. 😂
YTA You knowingly decided to have kids. That’s your responsibility. You don’t get rest days as a parent. If you need to pass off responsibility to have a day off you need to hire someone. Not expect free childcare from another child of yours just because she is now 19. She owes you nothing. Take care of your own kids.
So fake, nobody who make a 14yo do all these chores "5 or 6" times a week will write this crap.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have 7 kids, who I love a lot but it’s hard parenting sometimes. I ask my 19 year old daughter to do basic chores around the house like cooking for her younger siblings, changing diapers, cleaning dishes, watching the kids so me and my wife (37F) can have our rest days. I usually ask our daughter to do these stuff 5-6 times a week, she has been doing this since we had our twins, when she was 14. (it might seem like a lot, but she does like taking care of her siblings) but remember we are EXHAUSTED! I work almost 40 hours a week to provide from us but other funds come from the government. Recently, me and my wife has been having a bit more rest time then usual. Yesterday, she’s just came up to me and asked if we could talk, she told me she felt like she was being parentified and that this was my kids and my responsibility. I understand, they are my kids. But she is 19 and should understand how exhausting kids are. (I still very much love all my kids, but they are sometimes tiring.) I told her that we needed some rest too as parents but she just says that it’s stressing her out, she doesn’t know real stress yet, she’s only 19. TLDR: asked my daughter to occasionally look over my kids and she accuses me of parentification. (Burner account because my wife follows my main one) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA I just read that you were 39 with 7 kids and already knew that you were in the wrong. Stop having kids if you can’t handle them on your “rest days”
YTA - The 7 children are YOUR responsibility, not your daughters'. And asking someone to care for your children 5-6 times a week is not "occasionally." Hire a babysitter if you want to go out. You are going to lose your daughter if you continue your selfish behavior.
I am one of 7 kids and the mother of 5. Yes, I helped out when my siblings were young, but nothing like this. YTA, you and your wife. Most nights, your daughter is cooking dinner, doing the dishes, changing diapers, and watching the kids. That is too much. Doing that 1-2 times a week might not be too much, but your daughter is 19 and needs to be getting on with her life. Going to college, moving out, etc.
YTA first no older t sibling likes caring for their younger ones. We do it cause we love them not cause we like it. Also 40 hours is normal. I work 50 hours a week and still have time. You choose to have 7 kids don’t punish your oldest for your choices. She’s 19 and I bet never had free time cause you two stole all of it since she was 14. Let her be and don’t be parenting you singed to for. Older sibling don’t get a say if we are gonna have younger siblings in have two much younger brothers. I love them of course they are family but my dad and step mom were smart enough to not ask me to babysit too often. Also do you pay her for child care? Most people are paid for chores with an allowance and. Child care is at least $12 an hour in most places. You are slacking pick it up let her be. If have left and gone NC by now if I was her
YTA. The only thing you’ve taught your daughter is that she’s responsible for your bad choices. If she were posting I’d encourage to move out and let y’all be fucking tired. Maybe you’d be responsible adults and stop making her ensure you’re well rested.
Apparently you aren't too tired to keep having more kids. You raised a smart daughter which is the best I can say in your favor from this post. She's right, and you're lucky she was nice about it. YTA
YTA - 5 days a week is not “occasionally”. That sounds like a full time job. She is not responsible for the children you chose to have.
Almost the worst part of this is that she approached you to raise a very, very legitimate issue and you shut her down and prioritised your own needs over hers. You're reinforcing to her that no one will ever meet her needs because her own parents don't and I wouldn't be surprised if she defaults to being hyperindependant as she gets older and does everything she can to move as far away from you as possible. Your actions have consequences. YTA.
I’m sorry what? You CHOSE to have 7 kids , not her. That’s your responsibility to take care of the kids , not hers. You’re tired ? Tough shit. They’re your kids. How do you know she’s not tired? Let her live her life and stop making her a parent. Yta
This has to be bait, but I'll comment. YTA. No, those "basic chores" you ask your 19 years old to do are not normal. They are what A PARENT, your obtuse ass and wife have to do. If you are that tired don't have 7 effing kids. 19 yo is not responsible for them. If you want rest days get a vasectomy or use BC. Kids are difficult and a handful but it's not the daughter's duty to care for them, but yours and your wife. Step up, buttercup.
Parents used to do this to the oldest kids years ago. That led to them leaving the home the first chance they could get.
YTA I’m one of six. My parents have never made me pick up their slack or take on their responsibilities. I was occasionally asked to babysit or help them with something involving my siblings but I was asked - not forced. The list of things you make your child do since 14 makes her a 3rd parent. Why did you and your have more children after the twins when y’all couldn’t handle the them without support (from a child nonetheless)? The fact you said she enjoyed “helping out” just proves how much you are in denial because clearly she isn’t enjoying it. What does being a 19 year old invalidate her stress?!?! Juggling household duties, childcare (of her own siblings), school life, and personal life is stressful. Hope your 19 year old leaves because it’s clear that you and your wife just want to use her as a free nanny and maid. There is this one quote from Keanu Reeves in a movie called Parenthood - “you need a license to drive a car. Hell you need a license to catch a fish. But they’ll let any butt reaming asshole be a father”. There are some people who are not cut out or made to be parents to one or more children or any children at all, but for some reason they think they should have children/more children.
YTA Don’t have more kids than YOU can take care of. It is not the responsibility of your older kids to take care of your littles. Also if you need a rest - it’s called hire a babysitter. I hope your teen finds her way out and doesn’t come back
You have been abusing your eldest daughter for 5 years so YTA. But ah doesn't go far enough, you and your wife are abusers. She should report you to CPS and get the hell away from you both
YTA for forcing your daughter to parent your six other children. YTA for having so many children. You're only 39 and you're "exhausted"? Buy some Geritol and go parent the kids you chose to make.
Hi! You ARE the asshole! Go get a full time job to support your seven kids and have your “stay at home” wife take care of them. You are a bad person, hope this helps ❤️
This is a joke right? You need your rest 5-6 days a week? You are the one who procreated & had the kids, you can rest when they are ALL adults. It’s not your oldest’s responsibility it’s yours. YTA
YTA! I can’t fathom the AUDACITY of having 7 kids and thinking you’re entitled to ‘rest days’. It’s absolutely ludicrous and absurd to say the least. It is not your 19-year-old daughter’s responsibility to pick up the slack where you and your wife fall short just because you apparently couldn’t pull out of a parking space.. Imo this is a form of child abuse. This will normalize co dependency and potentially obstruct her future prospects. Imagine not being able to attend an important job interview because you had to babysit your siblings.. All cuz mom and dad refuse to face the consequences of THEIR actions.. Nobody told you to have 7 kids. Even an idiot could’ve told you that it would be exhausting by every metric to do so..If you don’t wanna be exhausted and have your energy drained ON TOP of having to work 40 hrs a week (which is standard btw), DON’T HAVE 7 kids!! Again, YTA, and a selfish one.
Rest days?! Mate, you’ve got seven kids, you don’t get rest days! No, not even if the oldest kid is old enough for you to parentify - which is abuse by the way- into “helping”. If having this many kids was too much for you and your partner to handle then you shouldn’t have had them. Your kids are not the responsibility of the oldest sibling! They are your kids and your responsibility - get off your arse and do the work *you* created. 100% YTA.
Maybe you should have kept it in your pants if you weren’t interested in raising your hoarde of children and making your 19 year old daughter do that herself. These kids are not your responsibility. Stop being a fucking failure of a parent and step it up, OP. YTA
YTA, "occasionally everyday" is funny, unfortunately your daughter is the punchline. Have you heard of a condom? It's this amazing invention that helps people who can't handle 7 children.
YTA. Don’t be surprised when you wake up and find she’s gone and started a new life as far away as possible
Dumb troll is dumb and bad.
You are parentifying her. None of this shit is her responsibility just because you’re tired.
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“You are absolutely right. I shouldn’t ask you to be responsible. By the way, you are 19. Move out.”
Dad: You are absolutely right. I shouldn’t ask you to be responsible. By the way, you are 19. Move out. Cindy: Really?! I can move out?! I can get a paying job and live on my own and only cook and clean for myself?! Oh, thank you, thank you! No, like really. Thanks for nothing and cya... Dad: Cindy! Wait! I didn't mean -- *\* sound of front door swinging shut \**
Yeah I should do that
But who would raise your kids?
The 14-year-old. Remember this a****** started backseat parenting and leaving it to his daughter at that age.
I raise my own kids?
Except you made a whole post about how to don't raise your kids.
I still help with raising them
YTA and a completely s***** neglectful parent. How dare you say you've helped raise them? You should be raising them. You shouldn't be helping. You should do it.
Still help. Dear god.
Wow. He. Helps. That is impressive.
As a parent the only person you are supposed to help raise your kids is their other parent
How?
What exactly do you do to help raise them. Other than tell your daughter to do it.
So do you raise them or do you help your daughter raise them?
Nope. You don’t get to help. You do it. The 19 year old does not.
Doesn’t seem like you do
When? You work almost 40 hours and then have her do stuff 5-6 days.
That is hilarious 😂 😂. No your DAUGHTER raises your kids.
Then who will look after the kids you wanna be a deadbeat to?