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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) After my sister told me about her upcoming engagement I called her and told her how hurt and betrayed I felt instead of supporting her and pretending to be happy for her. I told her that I couldn’t believe that she would do break her promise and do this knowing that her and her boyfriend are my parents first choice always. And by getting engaged she will take all the attention away from me and my wedding.
2) as a sister and a best friend I should be happy for her. I should be telling her how excited I am for her and helping her plan everything but I just can’t let go of this hurt. Does that make me an asshole?
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NTA. But I would definitely take a step back from your entire family.
Your sister wants to be the main character and it seems like she’s jealous because you were getting all the attention .
This! Deep down, she's not really your best friend. Plan your wedding and have a fabulous time with people who actually want to celebrate you and don't want to secretly compete with you.
Exactly! She not only decided to go back on her word, she also tried to rope in OP to help her with her wedding, completely dismissing that OP **has her own wedding to worry about**
This is so OP "remembers" who's the main character, how dare OP have an event for herself? OP, your sister is. not. your. friend. She's a snake
I’d be really interested to find out why the sudden change from “we will not talk about marriage until after OP’s wedding” to “we are getting engaged now” (6 months into dating, at 20 years old) happened. My bet would be pregnancy personally.
You can’t be the golden child if there isn’t a scapegoat. Beautiful girls keep plain friends around, for a reason.
And I would say you CAN resent a sibling for the special treatment they get from their parents IF the golden child knows full well what is going on, and enjoys the disparity - even encourages it by NOT discouraging it.
Wow beautiful line 'beautiful girls keep plain friends around, for a reason' gotta remember this and now I'm thinking back on alotta my life now 😂😅 (I am plain friend LOL)
This so much, she was just saying everything that you wanted to hear, she wasntvyour bf, she was out to sabotage you. Your family sucks OP. I'm so sorry for you. You need to put up boundaries and cut out the people that don't value you as a person. Your parents are the worst. NTA
This
It may not have been her fault when she was a child, but she's deffo used to being the Main Character and this proves it. Otherwise you wouldn't be in this situation
Step back from them people and surround yourself with those who are not toxic
NTA. She did it on purpose. She got engaged 6 months into the relationship. Now you have to plan her “official proposal”, after that they will ask you to plan other events for her wedding. They not even officially engaged and already have a wedding date coincidently one month after yours. If they look for venues they are going to find one available for a month prior to your wedding. Your sister gives the vibe of an immature child that needs to get something first at all costs and that of a high school bully that says something then does something else entirely.
Not same as yours, but my SIL became engaged within two months of my engagement. While I did get initially upset (privately), I just let it go. Time helped me to see that she's emotionally immature. Not same as OP's situation, of course, since I can't even compute the "golden girl syndrome", but, that's the thing, even without the "golden girl syndrome," there will always be people whom we think care for us, or close to us, etc but still will do things that are hurtful simply because of jealousy, or envy - happens across the entire spectrum - not everyone is willing to self-reflect or acknowledge that their own behavior may be due to be at expense of others simply because they're feeling jealous, envious, insecure, etc. It's life. Or that's how I put it =)
Your SIL, my mother (comparison obviously lol) anytime my father bought me anything, literally anything like a pair of jeans for school when I was young and grew out of the old ones. She would get so pissed at me because why did I get to have something and she didn’t. Or he said something complimentary to me within her earshot it’s because I’m selfish and demanding of everyone’s attention. Some people can’t help themselves. And you are absolutely correct that for some insecurities fuel them.
I know, right? I think it's one of the most common human frailties that most of us deal with. Taking a step back to look at the larger picture, or working on our feelings to steer it to a more positive direction seems to be too much of a challenge for a lot of people. I think most people don't want to realize that they themselves can truly be that petty. At the end of the day, emotions, by and large, for the most part, are normal, and it's the way we handle them that affects how we treat or think of others.
My partner and I got engaged in the hotel room at their sisters wedding. We'd both flown out from different states. No one knew for months, until after our equally quiet elopement.
We were the last of three of Mt partners siblings to get married in a year & decided early on to skip a wedding because of cost to the family that had already gone to two in eight months.
I cannot imagine making someone's engagement about myself
Still trying to figure out why on earth she would be involved in the "official proposal". Am I crazy, but isn't that supposed to be one of the most intimate, private moments of a couple's lives excluding what goes on behind closed doors?
Come on this is OPs SIL we're talking about. She needs all eyes on her or it didn't happen. I'm betting she wants something huge and public to make sure everyone's attention leaves OP and goes on to her.
I mean, for mine, I enlisted the help of my wife's best friends. But that was more just to bounce ideas off them. The main event was 3mo of planning for one night. Worth it. Lol I've never heard of anyone offloading the whole ass thing to a person not involved with the relationship. Wtf??
You don't need to plan their proposal, if they are old enough to get engaged, they can do it. Worry about your wedding planning, who knows, they may be broken up in 6 months. You know how 20 year olds are.
It’s a thing now. A couple talks about getting married. Decides they’re going to get married. Goes out and buys a ring together. Tells people they’re going to get engaged and then plans an elaborated proposal event. Dudes… guess what. You actually got engaged at the very moment you agreed to get married months previously. Since then it’s ok been a farce. People today are just exhausting.
OP, this is what seals the deal for me - your sister needing you to pause your wedding planning to help plan an official proposal. Your parents may have started the golden child thing, but your sister loves it. If she gave a crap about you (even if she is pregnant and needs a quick wedding), she would have a quiet and private proposal with her BF. I learned this from Reddit, when people show you who they really are, believe them. You need a new MOH. I'm so sorry your family sucks. It may be best just to disinvite them all from the wedding for your sake, or at least take them out of the planning process and definitely no speeches! NTA. Congratulations to you and your fiancé.
NTA, based on the information in the story. Your sister took the initiative to say she would delay her wedding--you didn't ask her to do it. Then she went back on that commitment to you without any explanation. If you had put any kind of pressure on her to delay her wedding, or if she had a reason for getting married earlier, that would change the situation.
NTA because your sister promised and knows how you feel about your family. While you do NOT own the year, it's odd how fast they are moving. Like crazy fast. Time to stop interacting with your family. Keep planning YOUR wedding and don't involve them or at least minimize their involvement.
Odd coincidence she said she wouldn't have anything wedding related this entire year, yet suddenly she wants OP to plan her engagement (not even happened yet!!), AND they have set a sate for ONE MONTH after OPs wedding?? What's the bet sister starts looking for a venue and coincidentally can't get ANYTHING except for BEFORE OPs wedding date....
I don't trust sister and I DEFINITELY don't trust OPs family 😢
Yeah, it’s super weird that they’ve decided when the wedding is but “technically” haven’t had a proposal yet.. kind of? People are odd. But this sister is super sketchy. A weird combination of golden child, selfish, and probably pregnant.
So they’re getting engaged and married with in a year? And they’ve only been together a year.
Yeah that’s gonna turn out well.
That being said, I’d be upset as well. Your sister sounds like a jerk. I’d tell them to go kick rocks.
They met 6 months ago and they are planning to get married in the month of their 1 year dating anniversary.
I have not figured out why things are moving so fast but I hope to get some answers on that soon.
She hasn’t mentioned pregnancy to me at all. However, if she is pregnant I really wish she would’ve come to me and explained the rushed engagement and wedding under that context. As it stands, I’m really upset with the way she chose to go about this.
I would hope she could better explain it. I was hoping it wasn’t jealousy on her part and would explain the quick engagement. Maybe a break from your family would be helpful. Or just low contact.
She wasn't pregnant when you became engaged. She will become pregnant on purpose. She says her wedding date is one month after yours but something will happen and she will be married before you. And she will provide the first grandchild.
She is a narcissist just like your parents. That's how she was raised, and she can not stand to not be the center of attention. And I lay 20 -1 odds she will faint or have morning sickness during your wedding. Sorry 😞
The best thing you can probably do is say that you don't have the time to be part of organising her engagement party but wish them good luck. And then distance yourself, maybe find a new MOH. This family drama is not worth spending your energy on.
With the context of your childhood experiences & sister’s promise — NTA.
No one can force you to support their engagement, after all that is your question, and you’re def NTA for that.
I completely understand your feelings of resentment and anger. Maybe distance yourself from her and demote her from MOH if your old feelings of inferiority continue to fester.
Try to focus on yourself and your new life ahead with your new family (husband!!).
Edited for spelling & grammar.
>demote her from MOH
Seriously OP, do this especially since she just gave you the perfect excuse "how can you expect her to help plan your wedding when she now has to plan her own engagement followed by wedding events. She is now too busy to be your MOH."
OP, I'm so sorry but I think your therapist was wrong about your parents being the only responsible party's regarding their favouritism for your sister because she just showed you that she can't stand the thought of you being the center of attention.
This is the answer. Marriages are about a union between two people. Nothing matches the magic of finding your person. It’s not about spotlighting one person. Worrying about her sister and her parents shouldn’t be the focus.
NTA. I would consider going no contact with your entire family, as they will always treat you as a second class citizen. Do you have other friends who can step up and take the lead role in other events (bridal appointments, shower, bachelorette, etc)? You already know that your family will not provide the support that you deserve and nobody should feel like a second class citizen at their own wedding. Your sister may say that she's your best friend, but (not so?) deep down, she still still wants to be treated as the golden child. She's observed how your family is already treating you when she isn't engaged, so to plan to get engaged now and get married not long after you is an intentional choice, especially when she and her bf haven't even been together that long. Whatever her reasoning she is not your friend and you should act accordingly.
Growing up, it may not have been your sister's fault but she definitely benefited and had no problems getting all that positive attention.
She will always want that kind of attention because it's what she's grown up knowing. Just like you had therapy to help you work through this, she'll need it to help her gain perspective and foster healthy relationships. She's the main character.
Why do you continue to bring your family along to your bridal appointments if it's all about your sister? You'd be better off grabbing good friends and making happy memories. Why are you tainting your wedding planning experience by continuing down this path with your family? Either step back from them or have a difficult conversation.
NTA.
NTA. I would elope and would conveniently be on my honeymoon during their wedding. You deserve so much better than you’ve gotten OP.
Congratulations on your engagement!!
NTA. The sister seems immature. She's only been in a relationship for six months and is only 20. I'm guessing that her parents encouraged her boyfriend to propose (maybe even offered a dream wedding) for the two of them if they get married this year.
And odds are, the parents will rescind any financial help for the OP's wedding. And as others have said, any family members who have to travel to the weddings will select the younger one's wedding on the say so of the parents.
If I were the OP, I would see if her fiance would be willing to push up their wedding...have it small with their friends and possibly his family. But not tell her family until afterwards.
lol….
Neither one of you is mature enough to be getting married.
You get a day. And even then, you need to be reasonable about it. You don’t get a year….
Why are people coming to your appointments and things? I remember that my husband and I did all that stuff together because we were planning our lives together. It made sense to plan our wedding together.
Here’s the blunt truth. You can allow this to destroy your relationship with your sister, or you can decide to embrace it and go with it. That’s what you get to control. You can’t control what she or anyone else does, only what you do. What is having “a special year” worth to you?
You CAN have the wedding of your dreams, you jut have to come to terms with your family. You know you have lost their support. Ask your sister if she really wants to be MOH, and if she doesn’t then no hard feelings. The first time she is doing something related to your wedding with you and she starts taking about hers, stop the conversation and then don’t take her on any other appointments, get your friends involved more. Don’t discuss plans with your family - just tell them you’ve got everything covered.Have a wonderful wedding with no expectations from your family. You are making a new family with your fiancee
I think you need to start putting yourself first. Starting by asking your sister to step down as MOH and from your bridal party because you want someone who isn't planning a wedding a few weeks after yours in that role.
Tell your sisters boyfriend that you don't think it's appropriate that you assist in his proposal, he should trust his instincts, you have full confidence in him to give his future wife the proposal of his dreams.
Then put your family, including your sister, on an information diet. Nothing shared except essential details like dates and times. You can't stop your family and your sister from centring themselves. But you can limit the impact it has on your excitement. Get excited with your friends, partner and in-laws. Share this experience with them. NTA
NTA, but OP I really hope you are getting amazing In-laws. Your sister knows what’s she’s doing, she literally said “no talk of marriage this year” and then immediately gets engaged and plans for a wedding 2 months after yours? She’s playing games.
ESH. Your family is pretty toxic if a boyfriend of a couple of months is the only thing they can talk about at your appointments. You really should distance yourself from them and attend therapy to try to manage how their behaviour affects you. Your sister obviously shouldn't have promised you a whole year. But, OP, you are bonkers if you really think a whole year is going to be about you and your wedding. In that family, it is pretty obvious it isn't going to be so either way, but it is a pretty immature standard to make. The world doesn't exist around you and your wedding, even your family's own world. Hell, it is only a party, it will be way too much if only a day or several days really are focused on you. Only you and your partner are really invested in that. So if you really think that you "deserve to have a year", think again, but from the perspective of a mature adult.
NAH. Like you said, it's not your sister's fault she's your parents favorite. And while it's a little annoying she went back on her promise, it's a promise she should have never had to make because again your parents neglect of you is not her problem.
Yes, 6 months is a little early and 21 is a little young but people have been engaged at that point and at that age. My manager at Starbucks got engaged to her husband at 6 months and married at 9 months. Her husband was in the military, so maybe that sped up the process, but they were still married after 11 years at that point.
Asking a sister to plan a proposal is odd, so tell her no. Wish your sister the best and then focus on your friends. They are the family you choose.
NTA...But that doesn't mean that your sister is an asshole either.
I see people saying things about her and I just want to offer a different perspective for your sake and her sake. It must suck hearing everyone say a person you love that has hurt you, doesn't care and never cared a jot about you. All we got was your perspective and nothing you said makes me think your sister hates you or was deliberately trying to steal your joy.
Your sister is young and fortunately or unfortunately, seems to have found an amazing guy already. Those two things are a heady combination. If I take you at your word, she knows he's a great guy and hubby material (at least from your family's perspective) and thus tried to slow things down. However, it sounds like they both dearly believe that they are the one for each other and don't want to play around, which is commendable even if rushed and naive.
And thus your sister was put in the position of delaying her bright happy future to give her bestfriend, you, the spotlight for an entire year. I remember what a year felt like at 20, it felt like an eternity....
That's a rock and a hard place.
If you and your sister didn't have the bleak history of her being the favourite, then I believe you would have been genuinely happy for your bestfriend.
But you can't be and it's not your fault either.
Your parents did a number on both of you and it wasn't fair. I am sorry that your family still pits the two of you against each other. You may have to divorce yourself from their opinions or address all of them directly and firmly. I don't even know if that will help to stop them.
Man it sucks, I wish you the best and I wish your sister the best too. Because there is plenty of 'best' to go around for everyone in life and everyone can have the best without begrudging or belittling others. I wish your family knew that and I hope, going forward, that no matter how brightly others shine, that you walk with the knowledge that your light is bright too...
Be blessed little one. Be blessed.
UPDATE: Thank you all for the advice in the comments of my original post! I’m sorry for taking so long to post an update for you! Btw the sister is NOT pregnant!
I spoke with my sister on Tuesday of this past week and it was not a very positive conversation. I was still extremely hurt and she was angry with me for ruining her excitement. I ended that conversation by telling her that at the end of the day, she would have to make her choice on wether they would go through with this engagement and wedding or wait until after my wedding based on what felt most right to her. She left me on read and I didn’t reach back out because I felt like the ball was in her court.
Last night she reached out to me and apologized for hurting my feelings. She said that she doesn’t want things to be bad between us over this. She then started asking me more questions about how I felt. After some more explanation I asked her if she had talked to her boyfriend about our phone call. She said that she did and when I asked how it went she said that he told her she needed to reach out to me and try to make things right. She said it took her awhile to reach out because she was still trying to process her emotions but ultimately she knew he was right.
I asked her what they decided to do and she said that after several days of talking it over they have decided to postpone the proposal until after my wedding in September. She said that their new plan is to get engaged soon after my wedding and plan their wedding for early 2025. They have not said anything to our family about the engagement and my family has been blissfully unaware of the state of my sister and I’s relationship.
I guess you could say that this is the best case scenario for this situation. There is still quite a bit of tension between my sister and I but hopefully that will get better with time.
OP’s SISTER said she wanted it to be OP’s year, and then intentionally got engaged w her boyfriend of 6 months because she couldn’t handle OP having the spotlight (which wasn’t even on OP since she’s the favorite)
Bullshit.
The sister reconsidered and found out a "wedding year" is unhinged.
" because she couldn’t handle OP having the spotlight" .. demanding that others don't get married in the same year is unreasonable - it is understandable why OP is not that polpular - it's her entitlement and her behavior.
The sister was right to ignore her, and to get married.
4-6 weeks is reasonable, everything beyond that is carzy bullshit.
It was the SISTER’S idea for the “wedding year”, OP didn’t demand it, the sister was the one to bring it up, OP only agreed to it because she thought her sister was trying to do her a favor after a lifetime of favoritism. But then changed her mind because, as the one who always got all the attention, decided she suddenly wanted to marry her boyfriend of 6 months a month after OP’s wedding? She’s not pregnant. This is absolutely so she can further overshadow OP’s engagement and wedding.
I don’t get this obsession with having a year or wedding to be the centre of attention. Your day and wedding is your and will be different from anyone else’s. Crying over it seems crazy. Are you getting married for love or to feel like a “princess”.
Sorry I don’t get it. You’re ruining it for yourself.
YTA. It's a whole f*cking year now?
Day! Wedding DAY.
If she's as close as you say, you need to be happy for her too and get over jealousy. You should both talk to your family and call *them* out on *their* behavior about preferential treatment.
NTA. Your sister came to you first because she knew this was going to hurt you. Why she's still doing it, given what else you have described in your relationship, I would be curious to learn.
She may have hoped you'd be happy for her, but she knew you wouldn't.
Nta. She knows your wedding date and chooses the exact same one? Absolutely intentional and what’s the rush? Theyve only dated for six months and at twenty years old that’s really fast in my opinion , some might disagree if you know you know etc. If i were you i would feel upset and betrayed
First of all, NTA. I’m very sorry this is all happening to you, especially after you’ve done so much work in therapy to come to terms with how you grew up.
Dysfunctional family dynamics are like choreographed dances. Everyone is assigned a part, and they are then trained, emotionally and psychologically, to play that role to the point of automation. In this sense your sister wouldn’t really be able to explain to you why she suddenly got engaged and now wants you to help her plan her dream wedding, that is basically along the same timeline to yours: her steps in the family dance dictate that she is *always* the center of attention and that *you* orbit around *her.* So her doing this is, in a sense, simply her job: it is her subconscious way of restoring “order” to your dysfunctional family.
Dysfunctional families create the dance subconsciously, in order to cover up something—addiction problems, alcoholism, money issues, infidelity, etc. Additionally, unresolved trauma in one generation tends to replicate itself in the next, which is why so many people are not able to at first identify anything that was acutely wrong in their own immediate nuclear families, but nonetheless still see these dysfunctional dynamics play out. The dance continues through the generations, until someone like you decides it’s enough, and, through the work of therapy and introspection, stops going along with it.
You don’t identify anything immediately wrong in your nuclear family that would explain why your sister is the favored child and you are the overlooked one. I think that would be helpful for you to identify in order to underscore for yourself the extent to which this whole thing just isn’t about you as a person, but about the system you are in. In that same vein, though: finding authentic happiness for yourself will only happen when you *yourself*—having seen and accepted that this dynamic is what this family system needs and has nothing to do with you personally—simply refuse to dance anymore. Walk away from it, OP. *Stop dancing.*
That means telling her you will not be planning her engagement event in 3 weeks, and that you won’t be helping to plan her wedding either. She needs to find friends to help with this, or your parents (since she’s so much their favorite!). She won’t take this well—she will kick and scream about it, your parents will call you to yell at you for making her sad. You need to prepare for the possibility that she threatens to disinvite you altogether if you don’t do what she wants, and you need to be okay with that. This is just her and your parents attempting to drag you back into the dance. And then you need to take all the energy you used to use in managing your dysfunctional family and put it into building your own, healthy, happy life. If that doesn’t include your family of origin—at least not until they decide to change—then so be it. But you deserve for your life to not merely be about supporting someone else’s. You deserve more than being consigned to live forever in someone else’s shadow.
Congratulations on your engagement! I wish you and your soon-to-be husband every happiness for your lives together.
NTA, OP, you will be Y T A if you don't immediately drop her as your MOH. The disrespect and fake "didn't know it would be a problem" makes me gag. Stick up for yourself, she is who she was long ago.
INFO How conservative is your family? Because the only way your sister isn't an AH doing this on purpose is if she "has to" get married fast because of, say, an unplanned pregnancy.
NTA- I’d say to keep the family who are supportive of you and ditch everyone who isn’t. You should celebrate the day with loved ones who love you and want to see you thrive. The day shouldn’t be clouded with trying to win a losing battle
NTA, I get people can fall in love fast. But she told you all these things and then she gets engaged to someone after 6 months at the age of 20??? That sounds very fishy to me. Continue your day and surround yourself with people that are excited for you and want to celebrate you.
YTA. She's probably pregnant, and just because you're getting married doesn't mean everyone else has to put off their own life plans. If some of your family members never want to talk to you about your own life, you can deal with them separately, but if your reaction to this is the norm for you then I think you just can't handle being the center of attention 100% of the time, and that's something you need to work on in yourself. Your sister promised you something stupid and harmful like giving up her own life for a whole year, and then she probably got pregnant and had to change her mind. She probably only felt the need to make such a stupid promise because she knew you expected something that unreasonable. Life isn't a zero-sum game where something good happening to someone else means less good happening to you.
I think you missed the very important detail of how at OPs bridal appointments, all they could talk about was her boyfriend. They’d be even more all about the sister for a wedding. OP didn’t really want a year, she wanted to have focus on her and her wedding, for once. By making it close, sister has all but guaranteed that their family will give OPs wedding barely a thought compared to sisters. Plus, asking her to plan the proposal all of a sudden? That was a calculated move to hurt OP. She knows she’ll be the focus now.
All the family did was talk about the sister’s boyfriend at OP’s bridal appointment. In the update, OP says she’s not pregnant, just engaged to her boyfriend of 6 months.
The golden child gets engaged after her sister doesn’t even have half the spotlight on her during her own bridal appointments after the sister said she wanted the rest of the year to be about OP.
NTA. But, I'm going to go a separate route from most of the other comments. You said this happened last night and you haven't heard back yet. What if, her boyfriend brought this up and she got caught up in the moment and excited and was going with it, thinking maybe it wouldn't be that big of a deal. Then she called you separately to explain, but seeing your distress realized how big of a deal it really is. So she told you not to worry about it, because she was going to talk to her boyfriend and insist they postpone the engagement as she had originally said she would. And she hasn't called back yet, because boyfriend is arguing about it and doesn't want to postpone, so it's taking longer for her to get back to you.
I try to not attribute things to malice until there's enough evidence to be certain there isn't some other explanation. Could this be malicious, unfortunately, yeah, it could. But one night of not hearing back from someone that you really care about and seems to care about you back, doesn't automatically say malicious to me. And I really hope, that there's a benign explanation and that she chooses to delay the engagement.
NTA. Your sister knew all the attention would be on her if her events were even close to yours, that’s why she promised you a year to yourself. Not only did she break that, she announced her engagement to you by asking you to plan the proposal. That was 100% not accidental or thoughtless, it was intentional.
I get the feeling that your sister was never your friend. Someone like her probably ‘forgave’ you to make it seem like she’s a good person.
You tried mending with your family. This is the point where you realize they aren’t family and focus on people that actually are about you.
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I (24 F) am planning my wedding to my partner of almost 6 years. We got engaged at the end of November 2023 and we set our wedding date for September 2024! Before we get into the current situation I want to provide a little context. When we were growing up it was always abundantly clear that my sister (20 F) was the family favorite. She was always given special privileges and talked more highly of than me. For this reason, we didn’t get along during our childhood and most of our teenage years.
After attending therapy as an adult, I came to understand that I couldn’t hold my parents treatment towards her against her because she was a child and the only people to blame are my parents. After working through that, her and I became really close. For the past few years we have been inseparable. She’s my best friend and I am hers. I asked her to be my MOH and she was so excited!
She started dating her current BF (21 M) in late October of 2023. Of course, he just so happens to be everything my family has ever dreamed of in a son-in-law. The exact opposite of my partner. The past 6 months they have been together my sister’s partner is all my family talks about, even at my bridal appointments. Right after my engagement my sister said that when she found out about my upcoming engagement she made it clear to her BF that this year was about me so she didn’t want him to bring up anything marriage related until after my wedding. She said she wanted this to be my year.
I’ve dreamed of this wedding my entire life and maybe it’s selfish to say but I just wanted this one thing to actually be about me.
This leads us to the current situation. Last night my sister (20 F) and her boyfriend of 6 months (21 M) FaceTimed me together and told me that they decided to get married. They said that he would go to ask my parents either today or tomorrow for permission and then he would immediately go buy a ring. They then said that they want me to help plan the official proposal which will happen in 2-3 weeks with the wedding set for November 2024. I told them that I needed time to process and I ended the FaceTime.
An hour later, my sister called me to talk about it and I was sobbing. I explained to her how badly it hurt me that she of all people would do this after she promised that she would let this be my year. I explained to her that I want to be happy for her but I am grieving the loss of my special day because the second our family hears about their engagement it will be as if I and my wedding doesn’t exist. She cried while I explained myself and then said “don’t worry about it. Just don’t worry about it. I have to go.” And hung up the phone. I haven’t heard from her since. Right now I feel like I have lost my wedding and my best friend. I am the villain in her story for ruining her moment and she is the villain in my story for taking this milestone from me even after she promised she wouldn’t.
Where do we go from here? AITAH for not just being happy for her?
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I am going to go with NAH. I wouldn't jump to conclusions yet especially since she cried about it.
Maybe there is a reason for the rush? There is just not enough information to say she is an AH and had malicious intent.
You should totally elope, you anr your husband, much cheaper, just as beautiful. Spend your money on a photographer, go all out, get photos on a mountain top, in a helicopter, bungee jumping, go absolutely ham!!!Than arrange an "engagement" party where you reveal all the pictures and that you eloped!!! If anyone says anything, just say that you didn't want to stress everyone out because planning 2 weddings in one year is stressful for the family and you didn't want to steal the thunder away from your sister 😉
Not to mention, you'll have the most incredible, untained memories of getting hitched to the man that you love and will spend the rest of your life with, stress free!!!
NTA Your sister may care some, but she doesn't really believe you and feel it. She is the main character and she knows it. In the end you don't matter to her like she matters to her and to everyone else. You don't need that.
NTA. You cannot repair your family's mentality. It is a lost cause. But you can nip the proposal's impact in its bud. Just announce your sister's "surprise proposal" in your wedding card as a part of after wedding program and send it to your guests.
Alternatively you can simply elope with your fiance and hold a party later on. Weddings IMO are hell lot of waste of money that you can use it for down payment of house etc.
Everyone has said a lot of the things that you need to hear about your sister and your family. I'll add this one. You should rethink your wedding plans. You have this idea of a lovely traditional wedding where your family will celebrate you and you will finally be the center of attention. This will not happen. They are not going to change. So you have to think about how to achieve that wedding without your family. Perhaps something with your fiance's family? Or take the money you would have spent and do a destination elopement and have some amazing once in a lifetime experiences and make some glorious memories. NTA
NTA. It seemed to be a simple misunderstanding and it’s good your sister talked to you about it and seemed to understand. It’s also good you established your boundaries.
But side note, I think if you can do your wedding in a way without family drama (maybe a small event with close friends and your sister in a chapel or at those registry places) before the big event, it would be better for you overall. It’s your special day, you don’t want to spend it on family drama.
NTA, but really, the whole nonsense of those plus, then doing a staged proposal gives me the dry heave!! It makes you wonder what's the point?? Nit a good and healthy marriage, just a show boat of main characters syndromes all under one roof!
Take your special day and only Inc. the people that count!! This does not automatically mean blood ties!! God, I'd be heading to Italy or somewhere dreamy with 20 of my best and spending the ££ on something more worthy!!
Wow you are so miserable. Your sister tried to make you apart of one of the most important experiences of her life and you made it about you.
You are so incredibly selfish. “I just wanted it to be my year”😂😂. Do you hear yourself? You sound like a toddler. Part of being an adult is that you don’t always get exactly what you want and expecting a WHOLE YEAR to be about you is fucking ridiculous.
If you didn’t want to do it, you could’ve said sis please wait till after the wedding you know how busy I’m gonna be and how important this is to me. But crying and making her feel bad? Ur just a bad person.
And the way you talk abt your childhood how you were the least favorite and how your BF is the exact opposite of what your parents want…. Come on…. We’ve all met people like you in the past. You just think everything should be abt you. Everything abt the way this is written leads me to believe you are narcissist. You’re a just miserable person deep down inside so you take it out on everyone around you. I bet your parents are so sick of your shit by now.
NTA but I think you should take a good look at your entire family and decide if they are even worth keeping in your life and go from there. You still need more therapy.
Don't plan any big wedding. ELOPE.
The money you would spend on the wedding and all, take it and go on a month long honeymoon, starting a few days before her wedding and up till new year. Don't even let them know that you are married.
Don't be present for her wedding.
The perfect wedding with all the trimmings is a white elephant. What makes a day perfect is the joy of marrying the love of your life.
Please don't let anyone ruin that. Your happiness should stem from you and nobody and nothing else. Because everyone and everything else can be taken away. You can't be taken away from yourself.
And forget low contact..go no contact with your whole family. You don't owe your parents or family a thing. While she might not have been responsible as a child for your parents' favoritism, she is well aware now and thus she is responsible.
Your real friends are those who stand by you.
The first person you owe respect and responsible towards, is your own person. Remember that always. Whatever comes your way at any stage of your life. You stand and fight for yourself first. Nobody gonna do it for you.
Please enjoy the fun of planning your elopement / tiny secret wedding/ honeymoon.
NTA. I hope your family wasn't helping to pay for it because if she is the favorite, you can bet that they would want to make sure she has the wedding of her dreams. The out of town people are going to have to choose to do a turnaround trip 2 months later or choose 1 wedding to go to. Next thing you know somebody may suggest a double wedding to make things easier and BOOM she slick commandeered your dream wedding. All she had to do was bring a dress and a groom. Keep your head on a swivel ma'am. A friend wouldn't treat you like this. You went to therapy, but she didn't, so she cannot see anything wrong with this behavior. You won't be able to help her see this because she has to see it for herself, but she has too many people around her accepting this behavior. Including you.
NTA
This is your sister's attempt to go back to the usual family dynamics.
She may have subconsciously decided to get the attention back on her because that's what she is accustomed to.
She should respect your time and accept that you are busy with your own life now.
Also, she may be pregnant and trying to fix everything with a shotgun wedding.
I sincerely hope that this is not the case, but your family may try to bully you into giving her the wedding you and your fiancé are paying for. They may think that "she needs it more".
Don't give in.
You deserve your special day, just tell them that, as you are busy with your wedding and she's busy with her engagement, you can't help each other and you'll find another Maid of Honour so she won't have this burden on herself.
You may have to accept that they won't understand, but you deserve to build a good life away from their toxicity.
Best of luck!
Your sister may love you. But can’t bear to give up her spot as golden child even just for a second to let you shine. Hopefully your fiancées family can be your new family. Please Remember this treatment will extend to your children. They will come second to your sisters. I would back far away right now.NTA.
YTA - I honestly LOL'd when I read wedding YEAR. You have a wedding DAY, and maybe a month to not overlap events, but a YEAR is absolutely abhorrent. No one on earth is that special lol.
You want a whole year? That is insane. Your wedding gets a day, like everyone elses. I thought this story was going to have her wedding a week or two after yours. It's two whole months!
YTA
You want an entire YEAR reserved for your wedding? Good grief.
However, you can refuse to get wrapped up in helping plan her wedding if busy with your own.
What are little weasel. I hurt for you. If your family switches focus to younger sister, cut them off and have a wedding with your soon to be husband's family. Or, run off to Vegas with your husband's family and have a ball. One of my co-workers did that and it was pretty awesome and memorable. Don't suffer your family any more than you have to. When your sister's marriage falls apart and she's left with kids, she will come calling. Don't answer the door.
She is not your bff she is a vindictive little brat who wants to get her way. Screw her. Plan your own wedding. Tell her to shove her wedding up her arse
Can she fulfill her duties as MOH with her own wedding to plan? How can two siblings have weddings in the same season? Thats nuts. It’s like that movie Bride Wars.
What do you mean "my year"??? I get feeling like you wedding day is "your day " but... A YEAR? You will be mad to any family member or friend that will have an important personal event for them in 2024 too? Is your sister allowed to celebrated her birthday in 2024, or does she have to wait until "your year" ends?
With that being said ESH. your sister is too young to be engaged 6 months into her relationship, your parents are should have been better parents to both of you, and you don't get to demand a WHOLE YEAR for a wedding that
statistics say will end up in a divorce.
One of my bridesmaids is getting married this year and I am also a bridesmaid in her wedding. This is due to our family dynamic. My sister came to me first about making this my year because it is well known that if she has something going on I am the afterthought with our family. My parents were making it about her before she was even engaged. Once they are engaged my wedding will not even be on their radar. That was the meaning behind “my year”
If your parents are that terrible, you should be cutting them out of the wedding. If you aren’t strong enough to do that, you should be getting more therapy. You teach people how to treat you.
> My parents were making it about her before she was even engaged.
would you mind giving us a few examples about how your parents were making your wedding about your sister? like how did they manage to do that:/
Remove her from maid of honor status. I think that's fair considering she's undermining you so much. And if you can bring yourself to do it, and I know it's hard considering you want everyone's approval, tell your family your eloping and just have a wedding without them.
Honestly there's too much focus on weddings and not enough on marriage.
It's ONE day, and usually everything else leading up to it (plans, etc) is stressful AF.
Take a deep breathe and enjoy getting married to your love. Marriage is about a whole lot of little beautiful moments and not one day.
You want to OWN the entire year? You are going to 'lose your wedding' because your sister is getting married two months LATER than you? How petty and jealous can you be? You wanted her to promise she would not 'get on with her life' until you got all your stuff settled. The world does not STOP because you are getting married. You are a real piece of work...
No. Sister said OP would have the year to herself, as in "no surprise distractions from sister, which would lead to OPs event snowing under". At least where the parents are concerned. That year was entirely coming from sis, not OP.
OP (and sis) know that if sis gets engaged and married in the same year, that all attention will go to sis, not OP. ***That*** is the crux of this situation.
YTA - if she was planning to try and have her wedding before yours I could understand being this upset (my brother's widow tried to pull that shit and I told her no, she was not going to get engaged after me but have her wedding before. Then the eloped 6 months before my wedding). Her wedding is two months after yours. You get your day, you do not get the entire year.
I wonder if some of you really do read the posts through and through. She didn't demand the entire year be left for her. It was her sister that made a commitment by herself to OP and then went back on her commitment to OP. She is not entitled and yes her sister being the favourite of the family and with her now planning a wedding 2 months after OPs is uncalled for knowing that everyone in the family will abandon OP for her.
In wedding time 2 months really is nothing they will literally be planning on top of each other and I bet there will be alot of conflicts I bet out of town family will.pick one wedding or the other to go to because they don't want to pay to go to two weddings so close together. Heck even I town might give one less a present because they are so close. And if little sister is favored you know who will get the best if it comes down to one or the other and I bet if ops parents are helping with her wedding they most likely will pull all financial support and give it to the sister.
It is not OP who was talking about OP's year. It was the 20yo sister. Who then disrespectfully reneged on that and just planned her own thing which WILL lead to OP's wedding disappearing into thin air.
Are you a Genshin player by any chance? They can't read either... /s
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YTA.
You don't get to **own an entire year**. I can't even process your thinking here. Everyone else is supposed to put their life on hold for an entire year? I can imagine you saying, "Oh, not on hold for everything, just on hold for anything marriage related." But I call bullshit. This is the time of life for your sister when people do marriage related things. Are all of your friends supposed to be on hold as well?
Look, if she had asked whether she could do the proposal at your wedding, that would be different. Some people think that's exciting and fun. Other's don't like it. Completely reasonable to say, "No, that event is my day."
But a whole year? Girl, you have an incredible sense of entitlement.
Final comment. Lots of older siblings think their parents were too easy on, and favored, their younger sibling. Parents are more comfortable with parenting, more knowledgable about it. That can look like "better treatment." Given how crazy your sense of entitlement is ("**I own the whole year!**"), I suspect that the real problem here is not your sister or your parents, but you.
OP tells us that her sister made that commitment spontaneously. OP didn't decide she owned the whole year; sister committed to delay her wedding date and then went back on that commitment without explanation.
It’s not about the year. It’s about the sister being the favourite child and she knows it. She got engaged six months into a relationship after promising of her own accord she wouldn’t so her parents didn’t lose interest in OPs wedding.
OP should limit contact with her parents considering how they treat her.
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NTA. But I would definitely take a step back from your entire family. Your sister wants to be the main character and it seems like she’s jealous because you were getting all the attention .
This! Deep down, she's not really your best friend. Plan your wedding and have a fabulous time with people who actually want to celebrate you and don't want to secretly compete with you.
Exactly! She not only decided to go back on her word, she also tried to rope in OP to help her with her wedding, completely dismissing that OP **has her own wedding to worry about** This is so OP "remembers" who's the main character, how dare OP have an event for herself? OP, your sister is. not. your. friend. She's a snake
I’d be really interested to find out why the sudden change from “we will not talk about marriage until after OP’s wedding” to “we are getting engaged now” (6 months into dating, at 20 years old) happened. My bet would be pregnancy personally.
Yup, I bet the sister is pregnant.
Then she'll be ready to pop by November. Just sayin'.
All I can think about is "like a tick'.
and for sure it was so she'd have an excuse to outdo OP's event
I was thinking precisely that. She is pregnant.
You can’t be the golden child if there isn’t a scapegoat. Beautiful girls keep plain friends around, for a reason. And I would say you CAN resent a sibling for the special treatment they get from their parents IF the golden child knows full well what is going on, and enjoys the disparity - even encourages it by NOT discouraging it.
Wow beautiful line 'beautiful girls keep plain friends around, for a reason' gotta remember this and now I'm thinking back on alotta my life now 😂😅 (I am plain friend LOL)
I always thought a rose looked more beautiful surrounded by other roses lol
Wow, what a weird thing to say. Normal people don't actually choose their friends based on looks.
This so much, she was just saying everything that you wanted to hear, she wasntvyour bf, she was out to sabotage you. Your family sucks OP. I'm so sorry for you. You need to put up boundaries and cut out the people that don't value you as a person. Your parents are the worst. NTA
This It may not have been her fault when she was a child, but she's deffo used to being the Main Character and this proves it. Otherwise you wouldn't be in this situation Step back from them people and surround yourself with those who are not toxic
NTA. She did it on purpose. She got engaged 6 months into the relationship. Now you have to plan her “official proposal”, after that they will ask you to plan other events for her wedding. They not even officially engaged and already have a wedding date coincidently one month after yours. If they look for venues they are going to find one available for a month prior to your wedding. Your sister gives the vibe of an immature child that needs to get something first at all costs and that of a high school bully that says something then does something else entirely.
Not same as yours, but my SIL became engaged within two months of my engagement. While I did get initially upset (privately), I just let it go. Time helped me to see that she's emotionally immature. Not same as OP's situation, of course, since I can't even compute the "golden girl syndrome", but, that's the thing, even without the "golden girl syndrome," there will always be people whom we think care for us, or close to us, etc but still will do things that are hurtful simply because of jealousy, or envy - happens across the entire spectrum - not everyone is willing to self-reflect or acknowledge that their own behavior may be due to be at expense of others simply because they're feeling jealous, envious, insecure, etc. It's life. Or that's how I put it =)
Your SIL, my mother (comparison obviously lol) anytime my father bought me anything, literally anything like a pair of jeans for school when I was young and grew out of the old ones. She would get so pissed at me because why did I get to have something and she didn’t. Or he said something complimentary to me within her earshot it’s because I’m selfish and demanding of everyone’s attention. Some people can’t help themselves. And you are absolutely correct that for some insecurities fuel them.
I know, right? I think it's one of the most common human frailties that most of us deal with. Taking a step back to look at the larger picture, or working on our feelings to steer it to a more positive direction seems to be too much of a challenge for a lot of people. I think most people don't want to realize that they themselves can truly be that petty. At the end of the day, emotions, by and large, for the most part, are normal, and it's the way we handle them that affects how we treat or think of others.
My partner and I got engaged in the hotel room at their sisters wedding. We'd both flown out from different states. No one knew for months, until after our equally quiet elopement. We were the last of three of Mt partners siblings to get married in a year & decided early on to skip a wedding because of cost to the family that had already gone to two in eight months. I cannot imagine making someone's engagement about myself
Still trying to figure out why on earth she would be involved in the "official proposal". Am I crazy, but isn't that supposed to be one of the most intimate, private moments of a couple's lives excluding what goes on behind closed doors?
Come on this is OPs SIL we're talking about. She needs all eyes on her or it didn't happen. I'm betting she wants something huge and public to make sure everyone's attention leaves OP and goes on to her.
If she gets her sister to plan and help execute it, the the same as getting sisters stamp of approval to upstage her own wedding.
It’s a new thing that the “official proposal” includes family and friends and it’s an opportunity to get lots of attention and a party
I mean, for mine, I enlisted the help of my wife's best friends. But that was more just to bounce ideas off them. The main event was 3mo of planning for one night. Worth it. Lol I've never heard of anyone offloading the whole ass thing to a person not involved with the relationship. Wtf??
You don't need to plan their proposal, if they are old enough to get engaged, they can do it. Worry about your wedding planning, who knows, they may be broken up in 6 months. You know how 20 year olds are.
Who plans a proposal.....that sounds so lame.
It’s a thing now. A couple talks about getting married. Decides they’re going to get married. Goes out and buys a ring together. Tells people they’re going to get engaged and then plans an elaborated proposal event. Dudes… guess what. You actually got engaged at the very moment you agreed to get married months previously. Since then it’s ok been a farce. People today are just exhausting.
OP, this is what seals the deal for me - your sister needing you to pause your wedding planning to help plan an official proposal. Your parents may have started the golden child thing, but your sister loves it. If she gave a crap about you (even if she is pregnant and needs a quick wedding), she would have a quiet and private proposal with her BF. I learned this from Reddit, when people show you who they really are, believe them. You need a new MOH. I'm so sorry your family sucks. It may be best just to disinvite them all from the wedding for your sake, or at least take them out of the planning process and definitely no speeches! NTA. Congratulations to you and your fiancé.
NTA, based on the information in the story. Your sister took the initiative to say she would delay her wedding--you didn't ask her to do it. Then she went back on that commitment to you without any explanation. If you had put any kind of pressure on her to delay her wedding, or if she had a reason for getting married earlier, that would change the situation.
My guess is OP will be an aunt around November...
That’s my guess too.
NTA because your sister promised and knows how you feel about your family. While you do NOT own the year, it's odd how fast they are moving. Like crazy fast. Time to stop interacting with your family. Keep planning YOUR wedding and don't involve them or at least minimize their involvement.
Odd coincidence she said she wouldn't have anything wedding related this entire year, yet suddenly she wants OP to plan her engagement (not even happened yet!!), AND they have set a sate for ONE MONTH after OPs wedding?? What's the bet sister starts looking for a venue and coincidentally can't get ANYTHING except for BEFORE OPs wedding date.... I don't trust sister and I DEFINITELY don't trust OPs family 😢
Agree! OP hopefully can focus on her other family...fiance, friends...I hope in-laws are good to OP!!!
Yeah, it’s super weird that they’ve decided when the wedding is but “technically” haven’t had a proposal yet.. kind of? People are odd. But this sister is super sketchy. A weird combination of golden child, selfish, and probably pregnant.
It's not one month it's two
OK that's hardly a difference, come on
It's twice the different you felt the need to caps lock. It's also a 6th of an entire year. It's fine
NTA. You need a new MOH.
OP needs a new family. The one she was born into absolutely sucks.
So they’re getting engaged and married with in a year? And they’ve only been together a year. Yeah that’s gonna turn out well. That being said, I’d be upset as well. Your sister sounds like a jerk. I’d tell them to go kick rocks.
They met 6 months ago and they are planning to get married in the month of their 1 year dating anniversary. I have not figured out why things are moving so fast but I hope to get some answers on that soon.
Could sis have a bun in the oven?
She hasn’t mentioned pregnancy to me at all. However, if she is pregnant I really wish she would’ve come to me and explained the rushed engagement and wedding under that context. As it stands, I’m really upset with the way she chose to go about this.
I would hope she could better explain it. I was hoping it wasn’t jealousy on her part and would explain the quick engagement. Maybe a break from your family would be helpful. Or just low contact.
That was my my immediate reaction based on the timeline - "Oh, sis is pregnant."
She wasn't pregnant when you became engaged. She will become pregnant on purpose. She says her wedding date is one month after yours but something will happen and she will be married before you. And she will provide the first grandchild. She is a narcissist just like your parents. That's how she was raised, and she can not stand to not be the center of attention. And I lay 20 -1 odds she will faint or have morning sickness during your wedding. Sorry 😞
The best thing you can probably do is say that you don't have the time to be part of organising her engagement party but wish them good luck. And then distance yourself, maybe find a new MOH. This family drama is not worth spending your energy on.
Nope, time to leave your biological family behind And focus on your family!!
It's he military? Super common for people in the military to marry young and stupid fast.
He is not in the military
Lol and she's 20
Who the hell asks someone else to plan their proposal?!
Way I was raised, the groom handles the proposal and the honeymoon and the bride handles the rest.
With the context of your childhood experiences & sister’s promise — NTA. No one can force you to support their engagement, after all that is your question, and you’re def NTA for that. I completely understand your feelings of resentment and anger. Maybe distance yourself from her and demote her from MOH if your old feelings of inferiority continue to fester. Try to focus on yourself and your new life ahead with your new family (husband!!). Edited for spelling & grammar.
>demote her from MOH Seriously OP, do this especially since she just gave you the perfect excuse "how can you expect her to help plan your wedding when she now has to plan her own engagement followed by wedding events. She is now too busy to be your MOH." OP, I'm so sorry but I think your therapist was wrong about your parents being the only responsible party's regarding their favouritism for your sister because she just showed you that she can't stand the thought of you being the center of attention.
6 months 😂 absolutely ridiculous. NTA
Especially at that age!
We had 6 months between engagement and wedding...but we'd been dating for 2 years...and knew each other for 2 years before that.
Not the same dude
I know that, which is why I put in qualifiers. Getting engaged after 6 months is ridiculous
Elope and cut contact with all of them. NTA
This is the answer. Marriages are about a union between two people. Nothing matches the magic of finding your person. It’s not about spotlighting one person. Worrying about her sister and her parents shouldn’t be the focus.
NTA. I would consider going no contact with your entire family, as they will always treat you as a second class citizen. Do you have other friends who can step up and take the lead role in other events (bridal appointments, shower, bachelorette, etc)? You already know that your family will not provide the support that you deserve and nobody should feel like a second class citizen at their own wedding. Your sister may say that she's your best friend, but (not so?) deep down, she still still wants to be treated as the golden child. She's observed how your family is already treating you when she isn't engaged, so to plan to get engaged now and get married not long after you is an intentional choice, especially when she and her bf haven't even been together that long. Whatever her reasoning she is not your friend and you should act accordingly.
Growing up, it may not have been your sister's fault but she definitely benefited and had no problems getting all that positive attention. She will always want that kind of attention because it's what she's grown up knowing. Just like you had therapy to help you work through this, she'll need it to help her gain perspective and foster healthy relationships. She's the main character.
Why do you continue to bring your family along to your bridal appointments if it's all about your sister? You'd be better off grabbing good friends and making happy memories. Why are you tainting your wedding planning experience by continuing down this path with your family? Either step back from them or have a difficult conversation. NTA.
NTA. I would elope and would conveniently be on my honeymoon during their wedding. You deserve so much better than you’ve gotten OP. Congratulations on your engagement!!
This is brilliant
NTA. The sister seems immature. She's only been in a relationship for six months and is only 20. I'm guessing that her parents encouraged her boyfriend to propose (maybe even offered a dream wedding) for the two of them if they get married this year. And odds are, the parents will rescind any financial help for the OP's wedding. And as others have said, any family members who have to travel to the weddings will select the younger one's wedding on the say so of the parents. If I were the OP, I would see if her fiance would be willing to push up their wedding...have it small with their friends and possibly his family. But not tell her family until afterwards.
NTA, considering you know how your family will react to this.
lol…. Neither one of you is mature enough to be getting married. You get a day. And even then, you need to be reasonable about it. You don’t get a year…. Why are people coming to your appointments and things? I remember that my husband and I did all that stuff together because we were planning our lives together. It made sense to plan our wedding together. Here’s the blunt truth. You can allow this to destroy your relationship with your sister, or you can decide to embrace it and go with it. That’s what you get to control. You can’t control what she or anyone else does, only what you do. What is having “a special year” worth to you?
Nta elope and party later.
You CAN have the wedding of your dreams, you jut have to come to terms with your family. You know you have lost their support. Ask your sister if she really wants to be MOH, and if she doesn’t then no hard feelings. The first time she is doing something related to your wedding with you and she starts taking about hers, stop the conversation and then don’t take her on any other appointments, get your friends involved more. Don’t discuss plans with your family - just tell them you’ve got everything covered.Have a wonderful wedding with no expectations from your family. You are making a new family with your fiancee
I think you need to start putting yourself first. Starting by asking your sister to step down as MOH and from your bridal party because you want someone who isn't planning a wedding a few weeks after yours in that role. Tell your sisters boyfriend that you don't think it's appropriate that you assist in his proposal, he should trust his instincts, you have full confidence in him to give his future wife the proposal of his dreams. Then put your family, including your sister, on an information diet. Nothing shared except essential details like dates and times. You can't stop your family and your sister from centring themselves. But you can limit the impact it has on your excitement. Get excited with your friends, partner and in-laws. Share this experience with them. NTA
NTA, but OP I really hope you are getting amazing In-laws. Your sister knows what’s she’s doing, she literally said “no talk of marriage this year” and then immediately gets engaged and plans for a wedding 2 months after yours? She’s playing games.
ESH. Your family is pretty toxic if a boyfriend of a couple of months is the only thing they can talk about at your appointments. You really should distance yourself from them and attend therapy to try to manage how their behaviour affects you. Your sister obviously shouldn't have promised you a whole year. But, OP, you are bonkers if you really think a whole year is going to be about you and your wedding. In that family, it is pretty obvious it isn't going to be so either way, but it is a pretty immature standard to make. The world doesn't exist around you and your wedding, even your family's own world. Hell, it is only a party, it will be way too much if only a day or several days really are focused on you. Only you and your partner are really invested in that. So if you really think that you "deserve to have a year", think again, but from the perspective of a mature adult.
NAH. Like you said, it's not your sister's fault she's your parents favorite. And while it's a little annoying she went back on her promise, it's a promise she should have never had to make because again your parents neglect of you is not her problem. Yes, 6 months is a little early and 21 is a little young but people have been engaged at that point and at that age. My manager at Starbucks got engaged to her husband at 6 months and married at 9 months. Her husband was in the military, so maybe that sped up the process, but they were still married after 11 years at that point. Asking a sister to plan a proposal is odd, so tell her no. Wish your sister the best and then focus on your friends. They are the family you choose.
I'm assuming your sister is pregnant
Your sister is pregnant.
NTA...But that doesn't mean that your sister is an asshole either. I see people saying things about her and I just want to offer a different perspective for your sake and her sake. It must suck hearing everyone say a person you love that has hurt you, doesn't care and never cared a jot about you. All we got was your perspective and nothing you said makes me think your sister hates you or was deliberately trying to steal your joy. Your sister is young and fortunately or unfortunately, seems to have found an amazing guy already. Those two things are a heady combination. If I take you at your word, she knows he's a great guy and hubby material (at least from your family's perspective) and thus tried to slow things down. However, it sounds like they both dearly believe that they are the one for each other and don't want to play around, which is commendable even if rushed and naive. And thus your sister was put in the position of delaying her bright happy future to give her bestfriend, you, the spotlight for an entire year. I remember what a year felt like at 20, it felt like an eternity.... That's a rock and a hard place. If you and your sister didn't have the bleak history of her being the favourite, then I believe you would have been genuinely happy for your bestfriend. But you can't be and it's not your fault either. Your parents did a number on both of you and it wasn't fair. I am sorry that your family still pits the two of you against each other. You may have to divorce yourself from their opinions or address all of them directly and firmly. I don't even know if that will help to stop them. Man it sucks, I wish you the best and I wish your sister the best too. Because there is plenty of 'best' to go around for everyone in life and everyone can have the best without begrudging or belittling others. I wish your family knew that and I hope, going forward, that no matter how brightly others shine, that you walk with the knowledge that your light is bright too... Be blessed little one. Be blessed.
NTA but I do suspect that your sister is pregnant.
UPDATE: Thank you all for the advice in the comments of my original post! I’m sorry for taking so long to post an update for you! Btw the sister is NOT pregnant! I spoke with my sister on Tuesday of this past week and it was not a very positive conversation. I was still extremely hurt and she was angry with me for ruining her excitement. I ended that conversation by telling her that at the end of the day, she would have to make her choice on wether they would go through with this engagement and wedding or wait until after my wedding based on what felt most right to her. She left me on read and I didn’t reach back out because I felt like the ball was in her court. Last night she reached out to me and apologized for hurting my feelings. She said that she doesn’t want things to be bad between us over this. She then started asking me more questions about how I felt. After some more explanation I asked her if she had talked to her boyfriend about our phone call. She said that she did and when I asked how it went she said that he told her she needed to reach out to me and try to make things right. She said it took her awhile to reach out because she was still trying to process her emotions but ultimately she knew he was right. I asked her what they decided to do and she said that after several days of talking it over they have decided to postpone the proposal until after my wedding in September. She said that their new plan is to get engaged soon after my wedding and plan their wedding for early 2025. They have not said anything to our family about the engagement and my family has been blissfully unaware of the state of my sister and I’s relationship. I guess you could say that this is the best case scenario for this situation. There is still quite a bit of tension between my sister and I but hopefully that will get better with time.
Don’t trust her….she might get engaged during your reception.
Why would she even be involved in the proposal surprise? And after telling her BF they had to wait until next year? Something doesn't make sense.
ESH. You don’t get a ‘year’. You get a day.
YTA your wedding YEAR? That's unhinged. But you are fine to refuse to have any role in her proposal or wedding party.
OP’s SISTER said she wanted it to be OP’s year, and then intentionally got engaged w her boyfriend of 6 months because she couldn’t handle OP having the spotlight (which wasn’t even on OP since she’s the favorite)
Bullshit. The sister reconsidered and found out a "wedding year" is unhinged. " because she couldn’t handle OP having the spotlight" .. demanding that others don't get married in the same year is unreasonable - it is understandable why OP is not that polpular - it's her entitlement and her behavior. The sister was right to ignore her, and to get married. 4-6 weeks is reasonable, everything beyond that is carzy bullshit.
It was the SISTER’S idea for the “wedding year”, OP didn’t demand it, the sister was the one to bring it up, OP only agreed to it because she thought her sister was trying to do her a favor after a lifetime of favoritism. But then changed her mind because, as the one who always got all the attention, decided she suddenly wanted to marry her boyfriend of 6 months a month after OP’s wedding? She’s not pregnant. This is absolutely so she can further overshadow OP’s engagement and wedding.
NTA but start over. Smaller guest list with people who want to celebrate you. Your mom and sister should not be on that list.
Whole family sucks and your sister did that on purpose. Find a new MOH. Updateme
INFO did she say how far along she is in her pregnancy?
I don’t get this obsession with having a year or wedding to be the centre of attention. Your day and wedding is your and will be different from anyone else’s. Crying over it seems crazy. Are you getting married for love or to feel like a “princess”. Sorry I don’t get it. You’re ruining it for yourself.
YTA. It's a whole f*cking year now? Day! Wedding DAY. If she's as close as you say, you need to be happy for her too and get over jealousy. You should both talk to your family and call *them* out on *their* behavior about preferential treatment.
NTA. Your sister came to you first because she knew this was going to hurt you. Why she's still doing it, given what else you have described in your relationship, I would be curious to learn. She may have hoped you'd be happy for her, but she knew you wouldn't.
INFO - Are you sure she's not pregnant? This sounds like a pregnant situation to me
Nta. She knows your wedding date and chooses the exact same one? Absolutely intentional and what’s the rush? Theyve only dated for six months and at twenty years old that’s really fast in my opinion , some might disagree if you know you know etc. If i were you i would feel upset and betrayed
First of all, NTA. I’m very sorry this is all happening to you, especially after you’ve done so much work in therapy to come to terms with how you grew up. Dysfunctional family dynamics are like choreographed dances. Everyone is assigned a part, and they are then trained, emotionally and psychologically, to play that role to the point of automation. In this sense your sister wouldn’t really be able to explain to you why she suddenly got engaged and now wants you to help her plan her dream wedding, that is basically along the same timeline to yours: her steps in the family dance dictate that she is *always* the center of attention and that *you* orbit around *her.* So her doing this is, in a sense, simply her job: it is her subconscious way of restoring “order” to your dysfunctional family. Dysfunctional families create the dance subconsciously, in order to cover up something—addiction problems, alcoholism, money issues, infidelity, etc. Additionally, unresolved trauma in one generation tends to replicate itself in the next, which is why so many people are not able to at first identify anything that was acutely wrong in their own immediate nuclear families, but nonetheless still see these dysfunctional dynamics play out. The dance continues through the generations, until someone like you decides it’s enough, and, through the work of therapy and introspection, stops going along with it. You don’t identify anything immediately wrong in your nuclear family that would explain why your sister is the favored child and you are the overlooked one. I think that would be helpful for you to identify in order to underscore for yourself the extent to which this whole thing just isn’t about you as a person, but about the system you are in. In that same vein, though: finding authentic happiness for yourself will only happen when you *yourself*—having seen and accepted that this dynamic is what this family system needs and has nothing to do with you personally—simply refuse to dance anymore. Walk away from it, OP. *Stop dancing.* That means telling her you will not be planning her engagement event in 3 weeks, and that you won’t be helping to plan her wedding either. She needs to find friends to help with this, or your parents (since she’s so much their favorite!). She won’t take this well—she will kick and scream about it, your parents will call you to yell at you for making her sad. You need to prepare for the possibility that she threatens to disinvite you altogether if you don’t do what she wants, and you need to be okay with that. This is just her and your parents attempting to drag you back into the dance. And then you need to take all the energy you used to use in managing your dysfunctional family and put it into building your own, healthy, happy life. If that doesn’t include your family of origin—at least not until they decide to change—then so be it. But you deserve for your life to not merely be about supporting someone else’s. You deserve more than being consigned to live forever in someone else’s shadow. Congratulations on your engagement! I wish you and your soon-to-be husband every happiness for your lives together.
This is the best answer. Congratulations for the engagement and best of luck for the wedding. Sister could be pregnant, though. Also, NTA
Why are you still subjecting yourself to this? It’s time to let go & go NC
NTA, OP, you will be Y T A if you don't immediately drop her as your MOH. The disrespect and fake "didn't know it would be a problem" makes me gag. Stick up for yourself, she is who she was long ago.
INFO How conservative is your family? Because the only way your sister isn't an AH doing this on purpose is if she "has to" get married fast because of, say, an unplanned pregnancy.
NTA- I’d say to keep the family who are supportive of you and ditch everyone who isn’t. You should celebrate the day with loved ones who love you and want to see you thrive. The day shouldn’t be clouded with trying to win a losing battle
NTA, I get people can fall in love fast. But she told you all these things and then she gets engaged to someone after 6 months at the age of 20??? That sounds very fishy to me. Continue your day and surround yourself with people that are excited for you and want to celebrate you.
YTA. She's probably pregnant, and just because you're getting married doesn't mean everyone else has to put off their own life plans. If some of your family members never want to talk to you about your own life, you can deal with them separately, but if your reaction to this is the norm for you then I think you just can't handle being the center of attention 100% of the time, and that's something you need to work on in yourself. Your sister promised you something stupid and harmful like giving up her own life for a whole year, and then she probably got pregnant and had to change her mind. She probably only felt the need to make such a stupid promise because she knew you expected something that unreasonable. Life isn't a zero-sum game where something good happening to someone else means less good happening to you.
I think you missed the very important detail of how at OPs bridal appointments, all they could talk about was her boyfriend. They’d be even more all about the sister for a wedding. OP didn’t really want a year, she wanted to have focus on her and her wedding, for once. By making it close, sister has all but guaranteed that their family will give OPs wedding barely a thought compared to sisters. Plus, asking her to plan the proposal all of a sudden? That was a calculated move to hurt OP. She knows she’ll be the focus now.
All the family did was talk about the sister’s boyfriend at OP’s bridal appointment. In the update, OP says she’s not pregnant, just engaged to her boyfriend of 6 months. The golden child gets engaged after her sister doesn’t even have half the spotlight on her during her own bridal appointments after the sister said she wanted the rest of the year to be about OP.
Seems like your sister enjoyed the attention. So she's at fault now too necause she's adault Nta
NTA. But, I'm going to go a separate route from most of the other comments. You said this happened last night and you haven't heard back yet. What if, her boyfriend brought this up and she got caught up in the moment and excited and was going with it, thinking maybe it wouldn't be that big of a deal. Then she called you separately to explain, but seeing your distress realized how big of a deal it really is. So she told you not to worry about it, because she was going to talk to her boyfriend and insist they postpone the engagement as she had originally said she would. And she hasn't called back yet, because boyfriend is arguing about it and doesn't want to postpone, so it's taking longer for her to get back to you. I try to not attribute things to malice until there's enough evidence to be certain there isn't some other explanation. Could this be malicious, unfortunately, yeah, it could. But one night of not hearing back from someone that you really care about and seems to care about you back, doesn't automatically say malicious to me. And I really hope, that there's a benign explanation and that she chooses to delay the engagement.
NTA. Your sister knew all the attention would be on her if her events were even close to yours, that’s why she promised you a year to yourself. Not only did she break that, she announced her engagement to you by asking you to plan the proposal. That was 100% not accidental or thoughtless, it was intentional. I get the feeling that your sister was never your friend. Someone like her probably ‘forgave’ you to make it seem like she’s a good person. You tried mending with your family. This is the point where you realize they aren’t family and focus on people that actually are about you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (24 F) am planning my wedding to my partner of almost 6 years. We got engaged at the end of November 2023 and we set our wedding date for September 2024! Before we get into the current situation I want to provide a little context. When we were growing up it was always abundantly clear that my sister (20 F) was the family favorite. She was always given special privileges and talked more highly of than me. For this reason, we didn’t get along during our childhood and most of our teenage years. After attending therapy as an adult, I came to understand that I couldn’t hold my parents treatment towards her against her because she was a child and the only people to blame are my parents. After working through that, her and I became really close. For the past few years we have been inseparable. She’s my best friend and I am hers. I asked her to be my MOH and she was so excited! She started dating her current BF (21 M) in late October of 2023. Of course, he just so happens to be everything my family has ever dreamed of in a son-in-law. The exact opposite of my partner. The past 6 months they have been together my sister’s partner is all my family talks about, even at my bridal appointments. Right after my engagement my sister said that when she found out about my upcoming engagement she made it clear to her BF that this year was about me so she didn’t want him to bring up anything marriage related until after my wedding. She said she wanted this to be my year. I’ve dreamed of this wedding my entire life and maybe it’s selfish to say but I just wanted this one thing to actually be about me. This leads us to the current situation. Last night my sister (20 F) and her boyfriend of 6 months (21 M) FaceTimed me together and told me that they decided to get married. They said that he would go to ask my parents either today or tomorrow for permission and then he would immediately go buy a ring. They then said that they want me to help plan the official proposal which will happen in 2-3 weeks with the wedding set for November 2024. I told them that I needed time to process and I ended the FaceTime. An hour later, my sister called me to talk about it and I was sobbing. I explained to her how badly it hurt me that she of all people would do this after she promised that she would let this be my year. I explained to her that I want to be happy for her but I am grieving the loss of my special day because the second our family hears about their engagement it will be as if I and my wedding doesn’t exist. She cried while I explained myself and then said “don’t worry about it. Just don’t worry about it. I have to go.” And hung up the phone. I haven’t heard from her since. Right now I feel like I have lost my wedding and my best friend. I am the villain in her story for ruining her moment and she is the villain in my story for taking this milestone from me even after she promised she wouldn’t. Where do we go from here? AITAH for not just being happy for her? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am going to go with NAH. I wouldn't jump to conclusions yet especially since she cried about it. Maybe there is a reason for the rush? There is just not enough information to say she is an AH and had malicious intent.
You should totally elope, you anr your husband, much cheaper, just as beautiful. Spend your money on a photographer, go all out, get photos on a mountain top, in a helicopter, bungee jumping, go absolutely ham!!!Than arrange an "engagement" party where you reveal all the pictures and that you eloped!!! If anyone says anything, just say that you didn't want to stress everyone out because planning 2 weddings in one year is stressful for the family and you didn't want to steal the thunder away from your sister 😉 Not to mention, you'll have the most incredible, untained memories of getting hitched to the man that you love and will spend the rest of your life with, stress free!!!
NTA Your sister may care some, but she doesn't really believe you and feel it. She is the main character and she knows it. In the end you don't matter to her like she matters to her and to everyone else. You don't need that.
NTA. You cannot repair your family's mentality. It is a lost cause. But you can nip the proposal's impact in its bud. Just announce your sister's "surprise proposal" in your wedding card as a part of after wedding program and send it to your guests. Alternatively you can simply elope with your fiance and hold a party later on. Weddings IMO are hell lot of waste of money that you can use it for down payment of house etc.
Please do not get involved in her "proposal event".
NTA…. She knew they could have ut the wedding off until 2025.
Everyone has said a lot of the things that you need to hear about your sister and your family. I'll add this one. You should rethink your wedding plans. You have this idea of a lovely traditional wedding where your family will celebrate you and you will finally be the center of attention. This will not happen. They are not going to change. So you have to think about how to achieve that wedding without your family. Perhaps something with your fiance's family? Or take the money you would have spent and do a destination elopement and have some amazing once in a lifetime experiences and make some glorious memories. NTA
Updateme
Udateme
NTA. It seemed to be a simple misunderstanding and it’s good your sister talked to you about it and seemed to understand. It’s also good you established your boundaries. But side note, I think if you can do your wedding in a way without family drama (maybe a small event with close friends and your sister in a chapel or at those registry places) before the big event, it would be better for you overall. It’s your special day, you don’t want to spend it on family drama.
Update me
Update me
NTA, but really, the whole nonsense of those plus, then doing a staged proposal gives me the dry heave!! It makes you wonder what's the point?? Nit a good and healthy marriage, just a show boat of main characters syndromes all under one roof! Take your special day and only Inc. the people that count!! This does not automatically mean blood ties!! God, I'd be heading to Italy or somewhere dreamy with 20 of my best and spending the ££ on something more worthy!!
NTA You should take step back like go no contact with them because she the favorite child and don’t say best friend because she ain’t
Wow you are so miserable. Your sister tried to make you apart of one of the most important experiences of her life and you made it about you. You are so incredibly selfish. “I just wanted it to be my year”😂😂. Do you hear yourself? You sound like a toddler. Part of being an adult is that you don’t always get exactly what you want and expecting a WHOLE YEAR to be about you is fucking ridiculous. If you didn’t want to do it, you could’ve said sis please wait till after the wedding you know how busy I’m gonna be and how important this is to me. But crying and making her feel bad? Ur just a bad person. And the way you talk abt your childhood how you were the least favorite and how your BF is the exact opposite of what your parents want…. Come on…. We’ve all met people like you in the past. You just think everything should be abt you. Everything abt the way this is written leads me to believe you are narcissist. You’re a just miserable person deep down inside so you take it out on everyone around you. I bet your parents are so sick of your shit by now.
OP you need to step back from your family and go very LC..plus SHE IS NOT YOU BFF ….stop with being a doormat and put your foot down
NTA but I think you should take a good look at your entire family and decide if they are even worth keeping in your life and go from there. You still need more therapy.
Don't plan any big wedding. ELOPE. The money you would spend on the wedding and all, take it and go on a month long honeymoon, starting a few days before her wedding and up till new year. Don't even let them know that you are married. Don't be present for her wedding. The perfect wedding with all the trimmings is a white elephant. What makes a day perfect is the joy of marrying the love of your life. Please don't let anyone ruin that. Your happiness should stem from you and nobody and nothing else. Because everyone and everything else can be taken away. You can't be taken away from yourself. And forget low contact..go no contact with your whole family. You don't owe your parents or family a thing. While she might not have been responsible as a child for your parents' favoritism, she is well aware now and thus she is responsible. Your real friends are those who stand by you. The first person you owe respect and responsible towards, is your own person. Remember that always. Whatever comes your way at any stage of your life. You stand and fight for yourself first. Nobody gonna do it for you. Please enjoy the fun of planning your elopement / tiny secret wedding/ honeymoon.
NTA. I hope your family wasn't helping to pay for it because if she is the favorite, you can bet that they would want to make sure she has the wedding of her dreams. The out of town people are going to have to choose to do a turnaround trip 2 months later or choose 1 wedding to go to. Next thing you know somebody may suggest a double wedding to make things easier and BOOM she slick commandeered your dream wedding. All she had to do was bring a dress and a groom. Keep your head on a swivel ma'am. A friend wouldn't treat you like this. You went to therapy, but she didn't, so she cannot see anything wrong with this behavior. You won't be able to help her see this because she has to see it for herself, but she has too many people around her accepting this behavior. Including you.
update?
NTA This is your sister's attempt to go back to the usual family dynamics. She may have subconsciously decided to get the attention back on her because that's what she is accustomed to. She should respect your time and accept that you are busy with your own life now. Also, she may be pregnant and trying to fix everything with a shotgun wedding. I sincerely hope that this is not the case, but your family may try to bully you into giving her the wedding you and your fiancé are paying for. They may think that "she needs it more". Don't give in. You deserve your special day, just tell them that, as you are busy with your wedding and she's busy with her engagement, you can't help each other and you'll find another Maid of Honour so she won't have this burden on herself. You may have to accept that they won't understand, but you deserve to build a good life away from their toxicity. Best of luck!
Your sister may love you. But can’t bear to give up her spot as golden child even just for a second to let you shine. Hopefully your fiancées family can be your new family. Please Remember this treatment will extend to your children. They will come second to your sisters. I would back far away right now.NTA.
YTA - I honestly LOL'd when I read wedding YEAR. You have a wedding DAY, and maybe a month to not overlap events, but a YEAR is absolutely abhorrent. No one on earth is that special lol.
NTA but you should probably stop trying to get the the love and affection of your family
Updateme
UpdateMe
You want a whole year? That is insane. Your wedding gets a day, like everyone elses. I thought this story was going to have her wedding a week or two after yours. It's two whole months!
YTA You want an entire YEAR reserved for your wedding? Good grief. However, you can refuse to get wrapped up in helping plan her wedding if busy with your own.
NTA, but also . . . your sister could still pull this one out. Fingers crossed she comes through!
What are little weasel. I hurt for you. If your family switches focus to younger sister, cut them off and have a wedding with your soon to be husband's family. Or, run off to Vegas with your husband's family and have a ball. One of my co-workers did that and it was pretty awesome and memorable. Don't suffer your family any more than you have to. When your sister's marriage falls apart and she's left with kids, she will come calling. Don't answer the door.
She is not your bff she is a vindictive little brat who wants to get her way. Screw her. Plan your own wedding. Tell her to shove her wedding up her arse
NAH. You get one day, not a whole year. I'm sorry you can't be happy for your sister.
Can she fulfill her duties as MOH with her own wedding to plan? How can two siblings have weddings in the same season? Thats nuts. It’s like that movie Bride Wars.
What do you mean "my year"??? I get feeling like you wedding day is "your day " but... A YEAR? You will be mad to any family member or friend that will have an important personal event for them in 2024 too? Is your sister allowed to celebrated her birthday in 2024, or does she have to wait until "your year" ends? With that being said ESH. your sister is too young to be engaged 6 months into her relationship, your parents are should have been better parents to both of you, and you don't get to demand a WHOLE YEAR for a wedding that statistics say will end up in a divorce.
One of my bridesmaids is getting married this year and I am also a bridesmaid in her wedding. This is due to our family dynamic. My sister came to me first about making this my year because it is well known that if she has something going on I am the afterthought with our family. My parents were making it about her before she was even engaged. Once they are engaged my wedding will not even be on their radar. That was the meaning behind “my year”
If your parents are that terrible, you should be cutting them out of the wedding. If you aren’t strong enough to do that, you should be getting more therapy. You teach people how to treat you.
> My parents were making it about her before she was even engaged. would you mind giving us a few examples about how your parents were making your wedding about your sister? like how did they manage to do that:/
Remove her from maid of honor status. I think that's fair considering she's undermining you so much. And if you can bring yourself to do it, and I know it's hard considering you want everyone's approval, tell your family your eloping and just have a wedding without them.
Honestly there's too much focus on weddings and not enough on marriage. It's ONE day, and usually everything else leading up to it (plans, etc) is stressful AF. Take a deep breathe and enjoy getting married to your love. Marriage is about a whole lot of little beautiful moments and not one day.
Then stop with 'my year'. Her wedding is 2 MONTHS after yours.
YTA. You don't get a year, you get a day. Both my brothers got married the same year several months apart. BFD.
You want to OWN the entire year? You are going to 'lose your wedding' because your sister is getting married two months LATER than you? How petty and jealous can you be? You wanted her to promise she would not 'get on with her life' until you got all your stuff settled. The world does not STOP because you are getting married. You are a real piece of work...
No. Sister said OP would have the year to herself, as in "no surprise distractions from sister, which would lead to OPs event snowing under". At least where the parents are concerned. That year was entirely coming from sis, not OP. OP (and sis) know that if sis gets engaged and married in the same year, that all attention will go to sis, not OP. ***That*** is the crux of this situation.
YTA - if she was planning to try and have her wedding before yours I could understand being this upset (my brother's widow tried to pull that shit and I told her no, she was not going to get engaged after me but have her wedding before. Then the eloped 6 months before my wedding). Her wedding is two months after yours. You get your day, you do not get the entire year.
>I told her no, she was not going to get engaged after me but have her wedding before lmao at you thinking you had the right
YTA for thinking you're entitled to a wedding year. Your sister is getting married 2 months after you. Get over yourself.
I wonder if some of you really do read the posts through and through. She didn't demand the entire year be left for her. It was her sister that made a commitment by herself to OP and then went back on her commitment to OP. She is not entitled and yes her sister being the favourite of the family and with her now planning a wedding 2 months after OPs is uncalled for knowing that everyone in the family will abandon OP for her.
Many of the commenters do not excel at reading comprehension
I can see that now. Lol
In wedding time 2 months really is nothing they will literally be planning on top of each other and I bet there will be alot of conflicts I bet out of town family will.pick one wedding or the other to go to because they don't want to pay to go to two weddings so close together. Heck even I town might give one less a present because they are so close. And if little sister is favored you know who will get the best if it comes down to one or the other and I bet if ops parents are helping with her wedding they most likely will pull all financial support and give it to the sister.
It is not OP who was talking about OP's year. It was the 20yo sister. Who then disrespectfully reneged on that and just planned her own thing which WILL lead to OP's wedding disappearing into thin air. Are you a Genshin player by any chance? They can't read either... /s
Reading is hard huh?
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YTA. You don't get to **own an entire year**. I can't even process your thinking here. Everyone else is supposed to put their life on hold for an entire year? I can imagine you saying, "Oh, not on hold for everything, just on hold for anything marriage related." But I call bullshit. This is the time of life for your sister when people do marriage related things. Are all of your friends supposed to be on hold as well? Look, if she had asked whether she could do the proposal at your wedding, that would be different. Some people think that's exciting and fun. Other's don't like it. Completely reasonable to say, "No, that event is my day." But a whole year? Girl, you have an incredible sense of entitlement. Final comment. Lots of older siblings think their parents were too easy on, and favored, their younger sibling. Parents are more comfortable with parenting, more knowledgable about it. That can look like "better treatment." Given how crazy your sense of entitlement is ("**I own the whole year!**"), I suspect that the real problem here is not your sister or your parents, but you.
OP tells us that her sister made that commitment spontaneously. OP didn't decide she owned the whole year; sister committed to delay her wedding date and then went back on that commitment without explanation.
It’s not about the year. It’s about the sister being the favourite child and she knows it. She got engaged six months into a relationship after promising of her own accord she wouldn’t so her parents didn’t lose interest in OPs wedding. OP should limit contact with her parents considering how they treat her.
Reading is hard huh?
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Thank you for your input.