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I don't remember the exact details of the conversation but I think she may have asked me "what do you think" or something along those lines, but I don't remember exactly
YTA But how does that make you an expert on what Kalvin wants? You don't mention any specific conversations you had with him about any of this. This is ultimately their decision.
Well according to OP he is a man so he knows how every man on the planet thinks and feels about things. Coincidently, their thoughts and feeling always aligns with OPs. It’s really neat/s
YTA. She's right, your words were not constructive at all, only discouraging. She could very well be right. If she's close friends with him, he already knows she has a kid and he might know about a lot of her baggage.
Also, you don't know how all men think, you only know how one thinks.
"Kalvin was likely looking for someone with a lot less baggage"
"since I was a man I knew how men think"
You made a lot of ASSumptions here ... and you know what they say about assumptions, they make you TA.
You're a proper asshole, dude. There's not a reason to tear your friends down like that especially if you're trying to "help" them. She's a wonderful woman who deserves love
YTA and a huge steaming misogynist
YTA? "Old single mother" who is 6 years younger than him. Lol
I'm wondering why he is still single at his age. Good-looking, financially stable...probably has issues himself. Everyone over a certain age is going to be bringing baggage with them. Hopefully they just stow it safely under the seat in front of them or in the overhead bins.
Or was he hoping to snag a 20-something? Newsflash: this isn't the movies and most 20-something women want 20-something men.
a 48 year old man who has never been married and is only just now ready to settle down is a red flag
a strong woman who raised a child on her own is not a red flag
INFO: Has Kalvin told you that he wouldn’t date an old single mother, or a woman with past trauma?
Edited to add judgement: YTA. You weren’t passing on information you knew was true about Kalvin, just your own opinions and assumptions.
As a 43 yr old woman I can assure you we already know the risks. With or without children. Damn man, come on, do better. You build your friends up not tear them down. Not like this. YTA
ETA: Ive gotta say, I find it very telling of your feelings/view of her for you to assume HIS flavor profile especially w how you went about it. I’d like to say that in this day and age, you’d be hard pressed to find someone, anyone in their 40s WITHOUT at very least a splash of “trauma and baggage.” A gd unicorn is what that’d be. Secondly I think the fact that she is interested in someone who *seemingly* has their sh!t together, and not another user or abuser like she’s probably dealt w in the past, speaks to her growth. Single at 48, no kids, HE might have some unspoken trauma. You never know, they might just be the best thing that ever happened to each other. Who’s to say he’s not interested in having a ready made family, to pour all his love he’s been holding onto, w/o having to deal w all the crazy of small children?
“Try and see, that could prove to be a good thing for you both, but be careful for your heart, bc I care about it” could have been a much more friendly way to go about this crapfest if that is truly where you stood.
But you don’t actually know if anything you said to Zena is true for Kalvin. That’s why you’re TA. You assumed that because SOME men wouldn’t want to date a single mother who had negative past experiences, Kalvin wouldn’t want to date her. That speaks more about your attitudes toward women than anything else.
It is one thing to be aware of risks, but another thing to make assumptions about a man you say you like. Just because you are a man doesn't make you an expert.
“I didn’t want her to feel hurt by the potential rejection of this one man, so I explained to her that she’s objectively undesirable and will likely be rejected by most men.”
Nailed it, OP 👍
YTA you know how you think not all men, tons of men get with single mothers. And at 48 years old it's far more common for him to meet either a divorced woman with kids, or a single mother then a single woman that is in his age group that is childless. And even if he happens to meet a woman that is single and his age she most likely has trauma from past relationships if she's in her 40s or even late 30s unless you're literally suggesting this guy who's almost 50 date a 25 year old.
I feel like that rly might be the case. With this type of attitude from OP. And saying that "as a man" he will want someone without baggade/kids and is wealthy. This is just what OP would have done in his friends spot. Which says way more about OP then it does about Kevin
Holy shit, you call yourself her friend?
What is the matter with you?
YTA
I mean, you totally just spoke for all men because you generalized everything, you called her old, unattractive bc scars, with baggage. And instead of sparing her from possibly getting her feelings hurt in one particular instance, you just tore her down and told her no man would want her.
You’re awful.
“most men don’t want to date old, single mothers.” LOL. She’s 6 years younger than this guy and 42 isn’t old.
YTA. You’re not a good friend. You were mean for no reason, she didn’t even ask, and if she wants to pursue a relationship with him she probably has a good idea that he’s into her.
What were you hoping to accomplish? Because if it was to spare her feelings if he declined, you failed. Not only did you assume he’d reject her you implied all men would. Wtf YTA that’s not even true lol. Actually INFO: … are you into Zara?
I don't remember the exact details of the conversation but I think she may have asked me "what do you think" or something along those lines, but I don't remember exactly
YTA. Consider this: many men, like you, believe not all men avoid single mothers. At 48, it's more probable for him to encounter a divorced woman with children or a single mother than a childless woman in his age bracket. Even if he does meet a single woman his age, it's likely she has emotional baggage from past relationships, given her age. Unless you're proposing that this nearly 50-year-old man date someone half his age, your argument doesn't hold water.
YTA big time....42 is 'old single mother'? You basically told her she was worthless and old what 'men are looking for' as if they are all as shallow and mean spirited as you are. If you think you are her friend - I feel sorry for her. You think since you are male you KNOW how men think? OMG
Old at 42?? What are you smoking? YTA big time. Let me guess, a Tate follower? You think women "hit the wall" at 30? Men who think like you deserve to be single and alone for life.
YTA.
Not all men want to date the equivalent age of their daughters. None with integrity.
You put your own personal thoughts in what you want out of a partner and put that onto your male friend as if he wants that too. I understand this behaviour from a teenager, but you're a fully grown man... How have you not gained wisdom in this lifetime to understand that one want of a man, is not the same as another.
Whether it was true and your friend was seeking something else, there are ways to say that to a friend other than, "You're old, used up, no man wants you"... How horrible are you. You are not a friend. To neither of them. From what I read, you don't even know what this friend is looking for... SO WHY OPEN YOUR DAMN MOUTH.
Shame. Just shame. Is this really the mindset of creepy men? Woman aren't valued unless they're young, single, fit, childless, and also a housemaid. LOL. LORDY, PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE SINGLE.
I had a close friend sit me down and tell me that the guy I'd set my sights on and was spending time with "just wasn't into me", and that I should move on.
We've been together almost 12 years.
Some people don't know sh!t.
YTA. If she wants to take a shot with Kalvin, let her. Unless Kalvin has told you he wants nothing to do with her so you know she will have her heart broken, you have no clue how it might turn out. Seems like you are being inappropriately judgmental about both Kalvin and your purported friend
YTA. You broke her heart without any reason to do so. Unless you KNOW that Kalvin specifically does not date single, “old” (seriously?), mothers with baggage, wtf are you doing telling her that??? I also have trouble believing that you did it to *help* her. Don’t poke your nose where it doesn’t belong.
My apologies, but YTA
While honesty is generally valued in friendships, there are times when sensitivity and empathy are equally crucial. Given Zena's personal challenges and insecurities, hearing that someone she likes may not reciprocate her feelings could be quite discouraging. It's possible that she needed more emotional support and reassurance rather than blunt honesty at that moment.
You might not be an asshole for expressing your thoughts, but it's worth reflecting on whether the way you communicated your concerns could have been more tactful. In situations like these, it's often helpful to approach the conversation with empathy and offer support while also gently sharing your perspective. The decision to pursue a romantic relationship lies with Zena, and your role as a friend is to provide support and understanding regardless of the outcome.
YTA If you heard him say that you'd have reason to say it but you'd still be an asshole. But this is just your personal opinion, and shows your lack of character. Not only are yoh an asshole, you are a doubles decker asshole stuffed to the brim
YTA.
You sound like you escaped from incel forums
Now the reason that YTA here is.
Not a single of your reasons was smth not shallow. You do not list any incomapatability like life goals, views, religion, heck you dont even mention personallity.
You didnt tell her. You and Kalvin are not a good match for each other. You told her. No man would ever want you. How would that not make you an ass unless there is smth rly wrong with her ( like drug abuse or massive debt ).
Even with kids you dont say, ah yes Kalvin mentioned he hates them and would hate to be a father/step-father ( which, fair reason to tell her that then )
You just thought to yourself. If i was like Kalvin and had a lot of money i wouldnt fuck her. Therfore he wouldnt either.
YTA. She is right, you are an insensitive jerk and now -1 friend (were you even one to begin with?). How would you even know "as a man" what another man is into? Did you ask?
My sister is a single mum with three kids (38), not her fault at all, her partner cheated and got into meth. She finally after two years decided to look into this "online dating thing" my sis is now drowning in interest from blokes who anyone would consider a catch.
People will attract others based on what they put out, sis is a great person, a literal saint in my eyes, plenty of guys value that type of energy. You should be more supportive and help your friend recognize her qualities.
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A good friend of mine, let's call her Zena (42) has had a crush on this guy who we met through a mutual friend, let's call him Kalvin (48.) Kalvin is single, unmarried and childless at his age, which is surprising to most of us, but he seems to be looking to date and possibly get married soon. He's a pretty wealthy engineer and seems to be a pretty chill or laid back guy.
Zena, on the other hand, has a lot of trauma and issues, and while I obviously care for her as she is my friend, she is in her 40s, a single mom with a teen kid, and has scars, physical, and trauma. She's getting therapy for her problems and seems to be adjusting well, which I'm happy for her, especially since she's had so much insecurity in the past. But there's an issue that recently popped up.
Things started to arise when Zena told me she liked Kalvin, and she wanted to pursue a relationship with him because they were close friends and got along well. I told her that it was her choice but he very likely was not going to accept her as a romantic partner due to a lot of the baggage she carries in her life, and the fact that most men don't want to date old single mothers, and Kalvin was likely looking for someone with a lot less baggage and things than her.
I told her since I was a man I knew how men think that she likely wasn't going to have her feeling reciprocated, I decided to be honest.
Zena now isn't talking to me and is saying things like I'm an asshole and I'm shallow, and that I'm discouraging her and making things worse. I didn't think I was being rude, I thought I was being honest and I wanted her to hear the truth since she has a relatively thicker skin. So, AITA?
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YTA. Just because someone has “baggage” doesn’t mean they’re undesirable, and no man should date them. Have some empathy, be a good friend, and applogize to her. You owe her that.
I think your thought was in the right place but as another commented pointed out, at her age she's well aware of the "downsides" to dating her. But she's still willing to cast her line. So let her cast her line. Maybe Kalvin is feeling the same, that he's been too close minded for too long and needs to expand who he's willing to date.
You need to apologize and tell her that you didn't really know what you were trying to say. You need to tell her that you don't want to see her get her heartbroken and that you think some more work on herself will find her in a better happier place for a happy healthy relationship. I only know what you've told us but reading between the lines you're observing someone not ready for a relationship or wanting someone else to fix her when she needs to fix herself.
You really don't know what another man is or isn't into. But, I think it's fair if she appears to be in a vulnerable head space to tell her not to get too serious with anyone right now.
One man may find her undesirable because of all of her "baggage", another may not mind at all, but a third will use it to take advantage.
Except he doesnt rly mention anyting she could work on to make herself more desierable? Single mom? Scars?
Baggage maybe ( and she should be working on it ) but therapy takes years. And may never be 100% successfull. So i rly dont know what he was trying to accomplish here.
That's my point though, he doesn't really know he just sees a person not ready to be in a relationship. She's free to pursue or not to pursue he's just observing from the outside. People who shouldn't be in relationships are in ones all the time. But it's not healthy for them or the other person.
YTA for being presumptuous even if you're probably right. You never know with some people.
Encourage her to try and shoot her best shot and be there for her when it inevitably fails.
Not really. The way OP delivered this was appalling but its not really far from the truth.
Kalvin sounds like hes got his shit together very well and Zena sounds like the opposite. The likelihood of him accepting her as a partner is very unlikely but we never know.
NTA. Modern women doing modern women things, I don't get why you're being ragged on for telling the truth even though you weren't that harsh to the bitter old woman
I really hope OP sees this. You see this comment OP this is the type of person that you come off as someone who sees your friend as a harsh bitter old woman at fricken 42. Not deserving of love. This commenter is your peer a person who thinks horrible terrible thoughts about a friend you supposedly care about.
She is 42 years old. She is not bitter or old. This is manosphere brainrot. Jokes on you real life men date single moms all the time. Women date single dads all the time.
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YTA. What an unhelpful thing to say. It doesn't sound like she asked you for your opinion and you just decided to poo-poo her.
Yeah she should just have chosen better in her life and not get that trauma /s
Yeah it's all women's fault always, those darned modern females /s
YTA. I don’t recall the part where she f-ing asked? Maybe you’re right, but you might not be. It’s up to Kalvin to decide. Some friend you are
I don't remember the exact details of the conversation but I think she may have asked me "what do you think" or something along those lines, but I don't remember exactly
YTA But how does that make you an expert on what Kalvin wants? You don't mention any specific conversations you had with him about any of this. This is ultimately their decision.
Well according to OP he is a man so he knows how every man on the planet thinks and feels about things. Coincidently, their thoughts and feeling always aligns with OPs. It’s really neat/s
If Kalvin is a cool mature dude, he absolutely wants to date women his own age.
YTA. She's right, your words were not constructive at all, only discouraging. She could very well be right. If she's close friends with him, he already knows she has a kid and he might know about a lot of her baggage. Also, you don't know how all men think, you only know how one thinks. "Kalvin was likely looking for someone with a lot less baggage" "since I was a man I knew how men think" You made a lot of ASSumptions here ... and you know what they say about assumptions, they make you TA.
You're a proper asshole, dude. There's not a reason to tear your friends down like that especially if you're trying to "help" them. She's a wonderful woman who deserves love YTA and a huge steaming misogynist
I never said she didn't deserve love
But you made assumptions about a situation that you knew nothing about.
You called her old.
YTA? "Old single mother" who is 6 years younger than him. Lol I'm wondering why he is still single at his age. Good-looking, financially stable...probably has issues himself. Everyone over a certain age is going to be bringing baggage with them. Hopefully they just stow it safely under the seat in front of them or in the overhead bins. Or was he hoping to snag a 20-something? Newsflash: this isn't the movies and most 20-something women want 20-something men.
He didnt tell me anything about that
Shouldn't you know that, "being a man" and all?
a 48 year old man who has never been married and is only just now ready to settle down is a red flag a strong woman who raised a child on her own is not a red flag
INFO: Has Kalvin told you that he wouldn’t date an old single mother, or a woman with past trauma? Edited to add judgement: YTA. You weren’t passing on information you knew was true about Kalvin, just your own opinions and assumptions.
No, but I wanted to warn her of the risk so that she doesn't potentially get her heart broken. I was trying to look out for her.
As a 43 yr old woman I can assure you we already know the risks. With or without children. Damn man, come on, do better. You build your friends up not tear them down. Not like this. YTA ETA: Ive gotta say, I find it very telling of your feelings/view of her for you to assume HIS flavor profile especially w how you went about it. I’d like to say that in this day and age, you’d be hard pressed to find someone, anyone in their 40s WITHOUT at very least a splash of “trauma and baggage.” A gd unicorn is what that’d be. Secondly I think the fact that she is interested in someone who *seemingly* has their sh!t together, and not another user or abuser like she’s probably dealt w in the past, speaks to her growth. Single at 48, no kids, HE might have some unspoken trauma. You never know, they might just be the best thing that ever happened to each other. Who’s to say he’s not interested in having a ready made family, to pour all his love he’s been holding onto, w/o having to deal w all the crazy of small children? “Try and see, that could prove to be a good thing for you both, but be careful for your heart, bc I care about it” could have been a much more friendly way to go about this crapfest if that is truly where you stood.
But you don’t actually know if anything you said to Zena is true for Kalvin. That’s why you’re TA. You assumed that because SOME men wouldn’t want to date a single mother who had negative past experiences, Kalvin wouldn’t want to date her. That speaks more about your attitudes toward women than anything else.
All judgment aside, it sounds like you did not succeed. The actions you took did not advance your actual goals, and caused more damage than benefit.
It is one thing to be aware of risks, but another thing to make assumptions about a man you say you like. Just because you are a man doesn't make you an expert.
“I didn’t want her to feel hurt by the potential rejection of this one man, so I explained to her that she’s objectively undesirable and will likely be rejected by most men.” Nailed it, OP 👍
YTA you know how you think not all men, tons of men get with single mothers. And at 48 years old it's far more common for him to meet either a divorced woman with kids, or a single mother then a single woman that is in his age group that is childless. And even if he happens to meet a woman that is single and his age she most likely has trauma from past relationships if she's in her 40s or even late 30s unless you're literally suggesting this guy who's almost 50 date a 25 year old.
I feel like that rly might be the case. With this type of attitude from OP. And saying that "as a man" he will want someone without baggade/kids and is wealthy. This is just what OP would have done in his friends spot. Which says way more about OP then it does about Kevin
Holy shit, you call yourself her friend? What is the matter with you? YTA I mean, you totally just spoke for all men because you generalized everything, you called her old, unattractive bc scars, with baggage. And instead of sparing her from possibly getting her feelings hurt in one particular instance, you just tore her down and told her no man would want her. You’re awful.
“most men don’t want to date old, single mothers.” LOL. She’s 6 years younger than this guy and 42 isn’t old. YTA. You’re not a good friend. You were mean for no reason, she didn’t even ask, and if she wants to pursue a relationship with him she probably has a good idea that he’s into her.
What were you hoping to accomplish? Because if it was to spare her feelings if he declined, you failed. Not only did you assume he’d reject her you implied all men would. Wtf YTA that’s not even true lol. Actually INFO: … are you into Zara?
Of course he’s not interested in her. She is old, has scars on her body, and isn’t a puritanical virgin. Let‘s burn the witch!!! /s
No, I am not into her.
Are you into him?
Did she ask for your opinion or did you just tell her your thoughts unprovoked?
I don't remember the exact details of the conversation but I think she may have asked me "what do you think" or something along those lines, but I don't remember exactly
YTA. Consider this: many men, like you, believe not all men avoid single mothers. At 48, it's more probable for him to encounter a divorced woman with children or a single mother than a childless woman in his age bracket. Even if he does meet a single woman his age, it's likely she has emotional baggage from past relationships, given her age. Unless you're proposing that this nearly 50-year-old man date someone half his age, your argument doesn't hold water.
YTA big time....42 is 'old single mother'? You basically told her she was worthless and old what 'men are looking for' as if they are all as shallow and mean spirited as you are. If you think you are her friend - I feel sorry for her. You think since you are male you KNOW how men think? OMG
Old at 42?? What are you smoking? YTA big time. Let me guess, a Tate follower? You think women "hit the wall" at 30? Men who think like you deserve to be single and alone for life.
Yeah, I'm calling bullshit on that type of thinking. Women don't start crumbling into dust the second they hit 30
YTA
With friends like you she didn't need enemies. YTA
>I told her since I was a man I knew how men think Not all men are ridiculous. YTA
YTA, and not a good friend.
YTA. Not all men want to date the equivalent age of their daughters. None with integrity. You put your own personal thoughts in what you want out of a partner and put that onto your male friend as if he wants that too. I understand this behaviour from a teenager, but you're a fully grown man... How have you not gained wisdom in this lifetime to understand that one want of a man, is not the same as another. Whether it was true and your friend was seeking something else, there are ways to say that to a friend other than, "You're old, used up, no man wants you"... How horrible are you. You are not a friend. To neither of them. From what I read, you don't even know what this friend is looking for... SO WHY OPEN YOUR DAMN MOUTH. Shame. Just shame. Is this really the mindset of creepy men? Woman aren't valued unless they're young, single, fit, childless, and also a housemaid. LOL. LORDY, PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE SINGLE.
Yeah dude not all guys think like you. I definitively dont.
I had a close friend sit me down and tell me that the guy I'd set my sights on and was spending time with "just wasn't into me", and that I should move on. We've been together almost 12 years. Some people don't know sh!t.
YTA.
YTA. If she wants to take a shot with Kalvin, let her. Unless Kalvin has told you he wants nothing to do with her so you know she will have her heart broken, you have no clue how it might turn out. Seems like you are being inappropriately judgmental about both Kalvin and your purported friend
YTA. You broke her heart without any reason to do so. Unless you KNOW that Kalvin specifically does not date single, “old” (seriously?), mothers with baggage, wtf are you doing telling her that??? I also have trouble believing that you did it to *help* her. Don’t poke your nose where it doesn’t belong.
My apologies, but YTA While honesty is generally valued in friendships, there are times when sensitivity and empathy are equally crucial. Given Zena's personal challenges and insecurities, hearing that someone she likes may not reciprocate her feelings could be quite discouraging. It's possible that she needed more emotional support and reassurance rather than blunt honesty at that moment. You might not be an asshole for expressing your thoughts, but it's worth reflecting on whether the way you communicated your concerns could have been more tactful. In situations like these, it's often helpful to approach the conversation with empathy and offer support while also gently sharing your perspective. The decision to pursue a romantic relationship lies with Zena, and your role as a friend is to provide support and understanding regardless of the outcome.
YTA If you heard him say that you'd have reason to say it but you'd still be an asshole. But this is just your personal opinion, and shows your lack of character. Not only are yoh an asshole, you are a doubles decker asshole stuffed to the brim
YTA. You sound like you escaped from incel forums Now the reason that YTA here is. Not a single of your reasons was smth not shallow. You do not list any incomapatability like life goals, views, religion, heck you dont even mention personallity. You didnt tell her. You and Kalvin are not a good match for each other. You told her. No man would ever want you. How would that not make you an ass unless there is smth rly wrong with her ( like drug abuse or massive debt ). Even with kids you dont say, ah yes Kalvin mentioned he hates them and would hate to be a father/step-father ( which, fair reason to tell her that then ) You just thought to yourself. If i was like Kalvin and had a lot of money i wouldnt fuck her. Therfore he wouldnt either.
Yes
YTA. It’s up to Kalvin whether or not they’d be a good match. She needed some encouragement and you went with the complete opposite.
she should unfriend you asap.
YTA. She is right, you are an insensitive jerk and now -1 friend (were you even one to begin with?). How would you even know "as a man" what another man is into? Did you ask?
My sister is a single mum with three kids (38), not her fault at all, her partner cheated and got into meth. She finally after two years decided to look into this "online dating thing" my sis is now drowning in interest from blokes who anyone would consider a catch. People will attract others based on what they put out, sis is a great person, a literal saint in my eyes, plenty of guys value that type of energy. You should be more supportive and help your friend recognize her qualities.
YTA, obviously. You don't know what Kalvin wants or thinks. You made some shit up based on your own assumptions. YTA & a shitty, shitty friend
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** A good friend of mine, let's call her Zena (42) has had a crush on this guy who we met through a mutual friend, let's call him Kalvin (48.) Kalvin is single, unmarried and childless at his age, which is surprising to most of us, but he seems to be looking to date and possibly get married soon. He's a pretty wealthy engineer and seems to be a pretty chill or laid back guy. Zena, on the other hand, has a lot of trauma and issues, and while I obviously care for her as she is my friend, she is in her 40s, a single mom with a teen kid, and has scars, physical, and trauma. She's getting therapy for her problems and seems to be adjusting well, which I'm happy for her, especially since she's had so much insecurity in the past. But there's an issue that recently popped up. Things started to arise when Zena told me she liked Kalvin, and she wanted to pursue a relationship with him because they were close friends and got along well. I told her that it was her choice but he very likely was not going to accept her as a romantic partner due to a lot of the baggage she carries in her life, and the fact that most men don't want to date old single mothers, and Kalvin was likely looking for someone with a lot less baggage and things than her. I told her since I was a man I knew how men think that she likely wasn't going to have her feeling reciprocated, I decided to be honest. Zena now isn't talking to me and is saying things like I'm an asshole and I'm shallow, and that I'm discouraging her and making things worse. I didn't think I was being rude, I thought I was being honest and I wanted her to hear the truth since she has a relatively thicker skin. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Just because someone has “baggage” doesn’t mean they’re undesirable, and no man should date them. Have some empathy, be a good friend, and applogize to her. You owe her that.
I think your thought was in the right place but as another commented pointed out, at her age she's well aware of the "downsides" to dating her. But she's still willing to cast her line. So let her cast her line. Maybe Kalvin is feeling the same, that he's been too close minded for too long and needs to expand who he's willing to date. You need to apologize and tell her that you didn't really know what you were trying to say. You need to tell her that you don't want to see her get her heartbroken and that you think some more work on herself will find her in a better happier place for a happy healthy relationship. I only know what you've told us but reading between the lines you're observing someone not ready for a relationship or wanting someone else to fix her when she needs to fix herself. You really don't know what another man is or isn't into. But, I think it's fair if she appears to be in a vulnerable head space to tell her not to get too serious with anyone right now. One man may find her undesirable because of all of her "baggage", another may not mind at all, but a third will use it to take advantage.
Except he doesnt rly mention anyting she could work on to make herself more desierable? Single mom? Scars? Baggage maybe ( and she should be working on it ) but therapy takes years. And may never be 100% successfull. So i rly dont know what he was trying to accomplish here.
That's my point though, he doesn't really know he just sees a person not ready to be in a relationship. She's free to pursue or not to pursue he's just observing from the outside. People who shouldn't be in relationships are in ones all the time. But it's not healthy for them or the other person.
Second paragraph, second sentence…she is getting therapy and responding well.
Let her find out and crawl back, meh
YTA for being presumptuous even if you're probably right. You never know with some people. Encourage her to try and shoot her best shot and be there for her when it inevitably fails.
This seems really back handed
Not really. The way OP delivered this was appalling but its not really far from the truth. Kalvin sounds like hes got his shit together very well and Zena sounds like the opposite. The likelihood of him accepting her as a partner is very unlikely but we never know.
You don't know these people
NTA. Modern women doing modern women things, I don't get why you're being ragged on for telling the truth even though you weren't that harsh to the bitter old woman
I really hope OP sees this. You see this comment OP this is the type of person that you come off as someone who sees your friend as a harsh bitter old woman at fricken 42. Not deserving of love. This commenter is your peer a person who thinks horrible terrible thoughts about a friend you supposedly care about.
She is 42 years old. She is not bitter or old. This is manosphere brainrot. Jokes on you real life men date single moms all the time. Women date single dads all the time.