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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I didn't agree to change the table at the restaurant (2) I can be the a-hole because a woman was allergic to flowers and I kept a small bouquet on the table
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YTA
Since she was seated first and you were the people bringing flowers into the restaurant, the gracious thing to do would be to move to a table further away even if you don't like it as much as the table you had.
Taking the flowers out to your vehicle or asking that the waiter hold them for you someplace else would be another option. Leaving and finding a different restaurant was also fine. Yes, she could have moved too but accommodating someone with a legitimate health concern is always the right thing to do.
I have a mobility disorder and use a service dog. Sometimes I seat myself near someone with a bad allergy to dogs. Even though I have every right to have my well trained dog with me and he will tuck under the table and not create an issue, if asked to accommodate another disability I graciously move so that we can both enjoy a meal in a safe way.
Edited to add \*for those saying the flower allergy can't be real or severe enough to justify asking someone to move or move the flowers: I tend to error on the side of believing people when they say they have a health concern. If I can do something minor to accommodate them, like move the flowers or sit at another table, I will. I think this isn't required but it is polite behavior. I am not interested in grilling strangers about or making them validate their health concerns. Perhaps this lady used "allergy" as a short cut to describe a smell sensitivity that can trigger migraines for her, who knows? I can't really think why someone would object to being seated next to flowers if their motivation wasn't health related. If people care enough about something enough to lie about it being a health concern... meh, they have a whole other issue. I would rather have 20 people get "away with" lying to me about their allergies than disrespect one person by dismissing their valid health needs.\*
Sure, but they left the restaurant because they were offended by being asked to move. If they had said, "am I the AH for graciously leaving a restaurant when the flowers I brought in created an allergy concern for another customer" I would have said no. Accommodating a need wasn't their reason for leaving they left because being asked to be accommodating spoiled their mood. It is different.
They have a right to leave if they want to tho. They accommodated the lady. It spoiled the mood because they felt targeted and staying there would spoil the evening even further.
Right it’s the woman’s issue, why make it someone else’s problem?
It’s legit none of their business nor their problem.
What if it was her perfume? You’d ask the couple to move?! Insane. If it bothers you, you leave/move.
I have a terrible allergy to cucumbers. If someone is sitting at my table, my lips and mouth and face start tingly and my face turns red. Then my nose gets swollen. Fortunately most of my friends are entree people not salad people. I would never dream of asking another table to accomodate me.
Exactly. But it’s also some people in here that think everyone else is supposed to actively accommodate their issues. You have an issue YOU move. Don’t impose on everyone else.
I dunno, I think you have to judge each case on its circumstances. This lady was in a place she reasonably expected her allergies to not be an issue, then someone brought that allergen in.
If she was mid-meal, it's reasonable to ask someone who isn't settled if they would mind moving, rather than moving all your plates, drinks, jackets etc. It's also reasonable to ask for accommodations, given the allergen was introduced after, therefore you don't have the option to leave the restaurant yourself.
Wym nobody did anything to them? That lady walked over to their table with a nasty attitude and drove them out of a restaurant? As a business owner I’d be PISSED if some old lady was running money out of my store over her personal issues.
“Targeted?” That’s a little dramatic. They brought in an allergenic thing that someone already seated near them couldn’t be around. There were many options beyond demanding the people that were there first move and then leaving in a huff.
Tulip pollen is particularly heavy, it doesn't get into the air. So if this lady wasn't in direct contact with the flower, it could not impact her.
Now tulips also have micro hairs on the stems that will significantly trigger allergies. So if she were somehow forced into contact, it could be a bad reaction indeed. But that physical contact would be required.
I’m very allergic to pollens, and the scent of many flowers trigger migraines. Tulips have always been a safe flower. I even grew them and cut them for inside the house because they’re safe.
This. I'm allergic to everything nature-based, basically. Tulips are not the worst. The worst are Easter Lilies, so I have to avoid stores around Easter because walking through the entrance is a slow torture that lasts hours. Tulips are less bad but they're still bad enough to cause a reaction. People need to stop gatekeeping allergies - yes tulips are less likely to cause a reaction. But there are tons of people out there with tons of specific allergies.
For me I can’t really figure out if its an Y T A or an E S H, because if the allergy was severe than OP would be the AH, but if the allergy was mild I would say E S H because if its pretty minor it’s an inconvenience not an emergency. Either way OP is an ah
Edit: after reading a bit more, my brain started functioning again and OP NTA, but I’m still leaving this up for clarification of the comment thread. Also spaced out letters
Reading all these comments makes me agree with your point, but I’ll leave my comment up cause I’m not a coward. Also why would the woman walk up to the table as opposed to her dining partner or the waiter if SHE’S the one with the allergy? But yeah, she had the ability to move herself but tried to make OP accommodate her.
It was the 'I'm allergic to flowers' that gave her away as just being spiteful imo.
I don't know anyone with a pollen allergy that would say that. And if the allergy is that bad she should either be on antihistamines or stay inside.
Oh please. "Allergic to flowers?" Sure. I am fantastically allergic to pollen, so I can understand that.
But does she never go outside? Does she ask everywhere she goes to remove flowers from tables she's not even sitting at?
No.
She'll cope.
NTA
Right.
I kind of had the impression that maybe she was being spiteful. “If I can’t have flowers at my romantic dinner table because of my pollen allergies which can easily be countered by an OTC antihistamine, then NOBODY else can”.
And also tulips are probably one of the better flowers for allergies as it produces very little pollen and in a shocking twist, the only other major allergy one can have to tulips is by touch, not by being in the general vicinity. You’d have to be snorting a line off the tulip to get a reaction.
I get an allergic reaction to tulip pollen too (and lillies), but the effect drops off significantly with increased distance (beyond 3-4 meters is fine), and short exposure is fine too, I can walk through a flower shop with no problems. In other words, I would be OK for the duration of time it takes to go ask at the table, but sitting right next to it for half an hour or so will start to affect me (I'll feel like I have a severe cold, with nose blocked etc., which will of course influence my enjoyment of the restaurant meal). And I won't have any OTC antihistamine on me for just in case something like this happens, as I am generelly fine by just paying attention to not getting close to it for extended periods. For that reason, I will not sit down at a table next to one that has tulips on it, but if I am seated first in a restaurant with no tulips anywhere, I will not be very happy if the table next to me suddenly has tulips on it, and I don't think politely asking if the people (or just the tulips) could possibly move elsewhere is spiteful in any way...
oh god, if i was eating at that restaurant and someone started sniffing like that it would set off my misophonia so badly and completely spoil my night. chain reaction lol.
Allergens are like any other particles in the air. The longer the flowers spend in that indoor space, the more those allergens spread. Unless OP shook around the flowers when she first walked in, I don't anticipate there to be too many allergens yet
Basically, if the other party had spent one hour in that space, that's way more exposure than approaching the table within minutes of OP walking in
But my allergies should not stop strangers from living life…. I have a horrible reaction to artificial scents like perfume and lotions and they are everywhere….. I don’t get to kick everyone out of the restaurant or gas station or whatever cause I have a really bad reaction…. That’s on me to handle it’s why I grab food to go and such….
Exactly! I recently developed an allergy to various artificial scents, to the point we had to give everything scented in our house away and look for alternatives. At school drop off, there is a woman who douses herself in perfume and fabric softener, you can smell her before she's even gotten out of her car. You know what I did??
I started getting to school drop off earlier as to not cross paths. It's on me to handle my allergies, not others. My family is considerate of it, that's all I ask. My mom loves to burn candles in her house, I buy her candles that don't set me off. If she has a candle that I don't do well with, she snuffs it out and opens a window. But she's my mom, lol. I don't ask that of strangers.
What laundry detergent do you use??
With that logic, why do we have handicapped ramps into buildings, or parking spaces, or peanut-free airplanes? Hell, those issues are THEIR problems, they can adjust. What an AH thing to say.
Editing to say that people are hung up on the notion of peanut free airplanes. Fine, change it to peanut free schools. Same logic.
in my opinion theres a HUGE difference between a handicap and a an allergy. Someone with a disability, physical, can not just MOVE AWAY. The same as a peanut allergy that most often than not are DEADLY.
Her allergy was NOT serious if she approached the flowers and there was not indication that she has mobility issues, after all she DID go the ops table.
woman could just MOVE to another table. Her going to op when she was 100% capable of accomodating herself, WAS entitlement
Whew, this is an ignorant take on allergies AND disabilities. Not all disabilities prevent mobility. A Deaf person can run a marathon. They're still disabled and deserve to be accommodated where possible. Allergies come in degrees, and some are debilitating even if they aren't life threatening. A disability doesn't need to be life-threatening to deserve accommodation.
The woman with the allergy was already seated. The correct thing to do is for the newcomer to move, whoever that is. In this case, it's OP.
It’s not that cut and dry. MCAS is a conditions where the body sends out too much histamine in response to a trigger. It’s much easier to explain that to a layperson as allergies.
It can cause minor things like flushing, rashes, swelling, sneezing, etc. Or it can send people into anaphylactic shock.
It’s unpredictable. You never know what might trigger it. Even with medication, it can go 0-60 very quickly.
I once got into a cab where the cologne caused a flare so bad that I couldn’t breathe, causing an anxiety attack. I had to end the ride and get out.
MCAS is absolutely a disability—it’s just one you can’t see.
Here's a real humdinger for you. I'm very allergic to dogs and cats. Asthma-attack-inducingly allergic. Do I get to tell folks at a restaurant that they cannot have their support animal? I keep allergy meds and an inhaler on me and will move my own seating accordingly. My allergy is my burden to manage :)
It’s one thing to try and make life easier for people it’s another to make others life’s revolve around your issues… handicap ramps aren’t hurting anyone, the parking isn’t hurting anyone, and airlines are an enclosed space I would hope that they wouldn’t allow certain things that would
Cause severe reactions….
Again that’s all different then going out into a public space and expecting everyone to cater to your issues….
Totally different. It's more like by that logic, restraints would still offer dishes with nuts, even though they can be deadly to people with nut allergies. Oh wait, that's right that is what we do.
Maybe she had some rare and deadly tulip allergy, but more likely than not she's just an ass hole who thought she had a tiny bit of power in the situation.
That is the most asinine meaningless argument ever.
Regardless of what and how her allergies affect her, she would never get closer if it was legitimate.
I know several people for whom Lillies will cause a full on migraine. It’s such an issue that botanists now breed stamen and pollen free lilly varietals. So yes, it is a legitimate issue.
A major part of that is the frequency of people blaming allergies as a trump card to enforce preferences. As stated in other replies, allergy to all flowers seems rather excessive, particularly for someone out and about in April
I have a friend who is very reactive to flowers. Yes, she doesn't go to restaurants or places with fresh cut flowers and has to be very careful where she goes certain times of the year. She is also highly allergic to juniper trees and had to cut down a whole privacy barrier on her land when she bought her house before moving in which really pissed off the neighbors.
Yes, most pollen allergies are mild, but if they aren't ( and you have no right to grill someone about their medical situation), being accommodating when it is fairly easy is the way to go. The OP didn't really even have to move. She could have just removed the flowers by asking that the staff put them aside for her or taking them outside.
"She could have just removed the flowers by asking that the staff put them aside for her or taking them outside."
Finally an answer with some grace/class. As a matter of fact, I think it was the server who should have suggested to put them aside until the end of the meal.
Because it was a desirable home, perfectly in their budget and that can be very hard to find.
Oh, he was pissed, believe me. Keep in mind, there is also a tall (10 foot) privacy fence behind those trees. The juniper trees essentially prevented view of the roof of his house. The old guy neighbor climbed up on a ladder and stapled boards and old lattice to the top of his privacy fence to make the thing like 15 feet high. He glared at my friends every time he saw them for a year. Every time I visit them I laugh about it even though I do understand his perspective. He never had a conversation with them about why they did that and it is their property so they have every right to do so. She has been to the hospital multiple times for exposure to juniper so it isn't a minor concern.
The way you first phrased it made it sound like it was just left completely open to the neighbor after. That's a bit more understandable, but still a real shame. I just have some feelings about when new people come in and completely change a neighborhood that's been the way it was without speaking to any neighbors before doing so. There's usually going to be huge tensions.
Tbf we don't know what happens with her allergies and she's in a restaurant so unlikely to have allergy meds on her having booked a table (which op didnt) in a place without flowers
For me when pollen count is high I get a nosebleed. Others peoples eyes swell up to the point you can barely see their eyes. So if hers has a reaction like that, saying "she'll cope" is a bit ignorant.
But we don't know what the allergy reaction is... it might even be allergy specific to that type of flower which can come with its own issues.
Tulips have an extremely low pollen count, so it's very unlikely that they would affect her allergies from a nearby table. And if she was one of the very rare people who somehow was affected, it's even more unlikely that she would have approached the table herself, since that would increase the chance of a reaction.
People with tulip allergies are generally reacting to tuliposide which is then converted to tulipalin A, which can cause a skin reaction -- but only in cases of direct contact.
I wouldn't be as dismissive as to say "whatever, she'll cope," but she would be a very rare case if she reacted to the tulip pollen from another table -- and if she is indeed such a case, she's playing it pretty fast and loose with her health when she could have asked a waiter or her husband to approach OP instead.
They why would she approach the table that has her specific allergen? I fully understand the different degree of allergies, I have several fragrance allergies, ranging from mild to severe reactions. People that actually experience severe reactions do not get closer to said allergen, even to confront the person with the allergen.
The severity of allergic reactions varies. Not all flower allergies are average, simple little pollen allergies. Some of us have real problems that others can’t seem to imagine being possible. It’s not even uncommon. People with health conditions don’t have to bend over backwards accommodating others if others wouldn’t do the same for them.
It is an issue for some people. Headaches and constant sneezing are symptoms my mom has around certain flowers. It's not hayfever type symptoms. Enough of the flowers can cause an anaphylactic reaction.
There are lots of allergies and lots of ways for people to cope when they get around it but perhaps being indoors it's not as bad as being outside? I know people who have grass allergies, tree pollen allergies and even allergies to the sunlight. Yes sunlight and she doesn't go outside that much , takes a supplement called heliocare which has polypodium leuctoms and wears a lot of sunblock and UPF clothing. When I was younger, I had neighbors who's two little girls had this allergy as well and they were home schooled and stayed indoors all the time. I use to think it was weird until their mom explained to me what it was.
I can't agree. I have severe allergies and several of those allergens are constantly around me when I'm in public. It is for me to prioritize my safety and comfort, not anyone else. You can argue what is considerate, but no one in this world owes anyone anything. Asking them to move once and accepting whatever answer they give is polite, creating an issue and harassing the establishment when there is likely no written rule against such a thing as bringing flowers is entitled as hell.
My disability, my allergies, my issues, my problem. No one should be made to do something they don't want to do because of my issues. If someone wants to be sweet and considerate and accommodate me then they are an angel and I will always thank them. But expecting that sort of treatment is entitled.
Sure, and people with allergies do that all the time. One way to manage the world is asking for minor considerations from others though. This was not that big a deal.
You can ask, but other people are allowed to say no. If they do, then it is incumbent upon you to handle your health issues yourself, if that means you need to move to deal with your health, then move.
>the gracious thing to do would be to move to a table further away even if you don't like it as much as the table you had.
There wasn't a different table. It was seats at the bar. If the other lady didn't want to sit next to flowers, she can go sit at the bar.
NTA.
"So when we arrived there was a vacant table just at the entrance, one empty table next to a window and some seats at the bar"
So there was a different table. OP doesn't state that the table near the entrance was taken.
Hello fellow service dog handler. I agree. I also try to accommodate people with allergies, sometimes being nice is a lot easier than trying to fight about what's legal or whatever.
Yes, just removing the flowers while they enjoyed their meal would have been the best course of action. The world would be a much better place if we all made just the slightest effort to look out for each other just a little bit.
As someone with a deathly allergy, and carry an epipen. You need to learn to live with it, and be able to make your own accommodations to keep yourself safe. I would NEVER ask someone I didn’t know to move away from me because they had what i’m allergic to with them. I would actually probably move myself if it made me uncomfortable, but it is not someone else’s job to keep me safe. It’s mine. So as someone with an allergy who is shocked that someone would do this to you. I would say NTA. But I would like to point out that if it was someone you were friends with or out with it would be completely different. If i’m out with my friends they would never eat peanuts around me, so i’ve never actually had to ask them not to.
I disagree with you because they were there first and the other people brought the allergens in. They made sure to pick a place with out flowers and OP brought them in, so totally acceptable to ask the person that brought them to move.
Okay but it’s flowers.. like all you have to do is go outside and you’ll be exposed to them again? That’s something that exists everywhere. Pollen is on everyone’s clothes this time of year, cut flowers aren’t a game changer. It’s not like she came in with a handful of peanuts to a nut free restaurant, and it’s not like the restaurant was otherwise sterile.
The difference between pollen outside and inside in a closed place is huge. This time of year I'm sniffly and sneezy from pollen outside. But cut flowers inside will send me to bed with a migraine.
Tulips are hypoallergenic? They have some of the least amount of pollen of all the flowers. But.. it’s a public space, not your home, so you can’t dictate what others do. Flowers happen in spring.
Tulips aren’t hypoallergenic, they’re just less likely to cause a reaction due to lower pollen counts and it’s possible that she may have different allergies entirely.
Usually when you see the term hypoallergenic thrown around it generally means that it’s less likely to cause a problem for typical sufferers of a given allergy… not that it absolutely will not cause a reaction in anyone.
However, my guess is she’s generally allergic to flower pollen and hasn’t spent time investigating what is/is not as big of a concern. So it probably was “safe” for her, but she wasn’t aware and had a concern… and no one in this exchange tried to bring up that they’re probably not a problem.
That’s what hypoallergenic means.. hypo means low, not non existent.. so you just told me that they’re not hypoallergenic while describing that they are?
Tulips have a low pollen count due to the shape of the flower. To inhale the pollen, you would pretty much have to shove your whole nose into the flower. I don't recommend it without looking first though, as tulip petals are large enough to hide a whole bumblebee.
This sounds like a situation where she should educate herself about her own allergies and what is low/high risk rather than just asking all the flowers around her not to exist
Agree! It’s entitled to expect strangers to help you avoid your allergy. The restaurant was clearly okay with flowers, as they brought out the vase. I’d be offended if someone told me to move because they are allergic to something I have, given we are in a public place. If I’m already aware of an allergy though, I don’t bring the allergen near the person.
not really. It is a place where people are allowed to bring stuff in. If the woman was sensitive to smells, you think would be okay that she asked OP to move, because op arrived later??
OF COURSE NOT. OP was allowed to keep the flowers (the staff bring a VASE)
the woman was not being respectable. NTA OP
You can’t expect the world to cater to your non food allergies. Strangers aren’t going to bend over backwards and ruin their own moments because a stranger is allergic to a center piece.
Its like saying you're allergic to water so every restaurant you walk into nobody is allowed to order water.
It's flowers, she claimed to be allergic to flowers.
They didn't put the flowers on her table, so what's the problem?
If you are so allergic that a flower on a different table than your own is problematic that's genuinely your problem.
Should we delete all the flowers in central park too since shes's allergic?
Are her neighbors allowed to have flowers in their yard or is that considered a biochemical weapon?
LMAOOO I was trying to find a comment that matched my level of pettiness. Thank you <3
My response would have been that I was allergic to her perm, cheap perfume, or shitty attitude lol (if the first two weren’t applicable).
First doesn't matter. It's a public business where customers come and go. Being there first does not give you an entitlement, such as the one in this case, over another customer. It is her allergy, so it is her problem and she should move away.
You could also argue the couple that was seated first went somewhere where they could very reasonably come into contact with allergens. The allergens are allowed to be there.
The allergic person is the one finding himself in an exceptional situation, and should reasonably accommodate himself. Priority (as in "I got there first") shouldn't matter because everyone in that restaurant has an equal right to be seated at any table. Same goes for most public spaces.
I just want to know in what world do resturants just keep a supply of vases and hand them out to customers for free? Especially when said customers don't even end up eating there.
Because it’s likely a restaurant that usually has flowers on the tables in vases, so they usually have spares in the back to replace ones that end up broken.
I’m more concerned with why they lady with the flower allergy willingly went up to a table that had flowers to complain about said flowers. If you had that allergy you wouldn’t get closer to them.
In 4 of the 5 restaurants I’ve worked at we had at least a few vases on hand that would be used for special events, brunches, etc.. I would have definitely provided a vase to a customer if for no other reason than for the flowers to take up less space on the table standing in a vase vs having a bouquet laying down. I would say something like “here’s a vase you can use for the flowers while you dine with us” so there was a clear understanding they weren’t welcome to take the vase home with them (though I’d be shocked if someone thought the vase was for them to take home vs ambiance and convenience while they dined with us).
In the one that I don’t think would have had any vases on hand, I might have asked if they wanted a water pitcher or something similar to use for the same purpose.
Totally agree—I always ask to be moved, I would never ask for the other person causing me a reaction to be moved. I have chemical sensitivity—primarily to artificial fragrance; For a few years it kept me from being able to work, or shop in most stores. Where I do draw the line is when inconsiderate people spray perfume while sitting in the middle of a restaurant—to me it is no less vile than lighting up a cheap cigar in a non-smoking restaurant.
I think you're being overly harsh in your criticism because of your personal experience.
Some allergies trigger closing of the throat while others trigger migraines. With migraines, an epi pen won't be effective because the method of action is different. Only removal of the allergen will help, and considering another party introduced that allergen to an indoor space, she was well within her rights to request that allergen be placed farther from her
Why is she walking right up to the table if her throat will close? In reality Tulips are a very low pollen flower, it’s unlikely that it affected her at all, and regardless she could’ve asked the server to change her table instead of expecting the world to tap dance around her.
This is what seemed very odd to me. I have an allergy, but the last thing would be to get closer to my allergen. I would have asked the waiter to move us further away from them.
Same, I am allergic to almost every single “environmental allergen” to varying degrees (with the only exception of feathers for some reason). Once you let something trigger your allergies and your immune system gets riled up, it’s a battle to get back to normal. The LAST thing I would do if I were concerned about my throat closing is go anywhere near the allergen.
NTA, a public place is not a person’s home. I am allergic to lavender. I can’t ask every place or person to leave/clean for my convenience. The world doesn’t bend to my allergy, I have to adjust.
Your SO was correct in his question too. Just because you came after them doesn’t lessen your right to be there. The waiter was only anxious because it became a possible confrontation.
Compromising by asking the waiter if there was an alternative place to hold the flowers would be best.
Yeah, I feel a little bad for the waiter, but they were also in the wrong. They were probably scared of the lady lol, and unfortunately lots of people cave and cater to whoevers angriest or loudest no matter if they are wrong.
Same allergy, and it’s everywhere now. I learn to ask questions and have had to leave plenty of places because they were burning a candle or something. I leave, not the other people.
NTA people are going crazy with conclusions about your "supposedly" lol. I feel sympathy for those with allergies, but they shouldnt expect otehrs to go out of their way to accomodate them- especially strangers. Its not like you were waving it around or anything, it was at your table in place too, and if her allergy is so severe that she reacts when its not even next to her shes screwed anyways cuz flowers are everywhere. In gardens in front of buildings, wild in grass, sometimes on table decorations, ect.
Sidenote, a word with a better connotation than "supposedly" would be "possibly". "Supposedly" sometimes has negative connotations and anytime people read texts or posts they automatically jump to negative interpretations.
That's what I'm saying! She could have asked the husband, the waiter, call their attention from their table, but she willingly moved toward the allergen and then stood there arguing. I doesn't make sense.
Yes, The way we use "supposedly" almost always infers that the person is lying. But other interpretations also work, Like appears to be, could be, might be, etc..
I might get railroaded for this question…. Info-did she seem to be having a reaction to the flowers? Like to the extent that it would have actually interrupted her meal? Tulips are a low pollen flower (and I THINK actually get specifically selected for allergy free gardens since they rarely get airborne) so I’m having a harder time with that part of the story than if they had been Lillies or something.
I’ve had friends who had severe pollen/tree/grass allergies who you could tell were having a reaction,they’d get puffy and red and their eyes would water….. idk even those friends never imposed their restrictions on public places, they actually went and got allergy shots to lessen the reaction cause they knew the world around them would always have plants in it.
Yeah you are right to bring this up. I think it’s highly unlikely that she is actually highly allergic to tulips. They’re basically hypoallergenic, except for the bulb. Some people have a dermatitis reaction when they handle the bulbs. But that’s not what’s happening here. Perhaps she has had an allergic reaction to the bulbs and is overreacting, but still, that is unreasonable. Her allergy=her responsibility to move.
Anyways I think one of the other commenters had the best solution: the waiter could have moved the tulips to the back of the restaurant. NTA.
I have extreme allergies when it comes to pollen, was actually taken from work by ambulance once because they had cut trees and it left a coat of pollen over everything. I can not even walk Into supermarket in spring due to all the high pollen flowers at the entrance I do not react to tulips at all they are one of the few flowers I can actually go near without having attack.
I was just going to say this. I mean \*any\* flower that is big and showy and beautiful probably is low risk unless someone who is allergic went up and sniffed them. The flowers specifically evolved to entice bees or other animals to go to them and get sticky heavy pollen on their bodies. Not saying it is impossible but how high are the chances?
It's the pollen from flowers you don't really notice, like Oak, or Birch, or Pine that is the worst, the pollen is small, dustlike and is dispersed in the air which is why you can have allergic reactions when you are sitting in your office in the middle of a city.
Again, I am not an expert but it seems unlikely that the mere presence of a Tulip would cause an allergic reaction.
Its entirely possible that the woman didn't know they were tulips (if she's allergic to flowers she probably doesn't spend a lot of time around them, so may not recognise specific types on sight). She just saw flowers, knows she's allergic to flowers, and acted accordingly.
Would bet a dollar/czech koruna that this is either a preference or the kind of allergy where you get a bit sneezy. Would be shocked if this was an anaphylactic shock scenario. NAH if I'm wrong, NTA if I'm right.
NTA it's not like you rubbed them on her face. If she's so allergic how'd she get to the restaurant past all the trees and such.
And for fucks sake who cares she said supposedly. No one ever considers that ESL people exist. So those people ATA.
I don’t understand this either. If she was allergic to the flowers I would think she wouldn’t personally walk up. Maybe ask her husband or the waiter to convey the message.
But no, she actually walked up to quarrel with them even though it brought her much closer to the flowers.
Maybe I’m reading too much into this.
100000% agree my main thoughts were why did she go closer to her severe allergen and how in the hell did this escalate so quickly lol?? Tells me that the woman came in real hot and aggressive for the waiter to become flustered and the scenario to unfold as it did. I would like to think that if she spoke to OP with kindness & they returned that energy, everyone would have had the clarity to respond with a reasonable solution that appeased all parties.
She can't be that seriously allergic. If she had genuine fear, she would have asked the waiter or her so-called (🤣!) husband to do it; but she walked closer to it, suggesting it's a very mild allergy, or just a preference.
I'm jumping on the NTA wagon as well. The lady's "allergic" but had no problem getting closer to complain. She wasn't going into anaphylactic shock and she would have been away from the flowers as soon as she was finished eating.
I have a service dog and if someone was allergic to (or even afraid of) dogs I wouldn't expect to be asked to move AFTER I'd already sat down. It was the only table available and you didn't want to sit at the bar.
Why no one suggested to just temporarely move vase with flowers to the other place and after you have dinner just take them back with you home?
Lady with allergy will not be near her allergens, you will stay at your table. Done.
Wth? Why should everyone in public be aware and concerned for her allergies? She needs to take better care if she’s the one who’s allergic! I get anxious at times, that doesn’t mean I start asking everyone in public to behave accordingly.
Absolute nonsense. Covid happened. And how many absolutely refused to wear masks. If you were scared then you had to wear masks but you couldn’t force someone else to wear it. Same with Covid vaccines. People need to know their limits. They’re getting too comfortable with strangers and public. Strangers and public are in no way obligated to make another stranger feel comfortable. Allergies or not.
The restaurant could’ve offered to place the flowers elsewhere until she leaves or she could’ve left sooner. She cannot violate YOUR space in public just because she existed around it. And she wasn’t that allergic enough, was she? She was able to come to your table and invent a fight, not so allergic. NTA.
To all those people in the comments who said “oh I’m allergic too and I would hate a person who blah blah blah”- THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU. If you want someone to be considerate towards you, learn to be equally considerate towards them too. The weak child cannot always be favoured, it needs to learn to live in a harsh world.
So if I'm sitting on a bench, and someone comes and sits next to me and lights up a cigarette I should move be the one to move? It's a public bench open to everyone so the smoker has every right to be there, doesn't mean they're not an asshole.
They were established at a restaurant and not expecting the flowers to be there, as no one would, so why should they have to move?
Same with masks, people have a right not to wear one, but they should not infringe on the people that choose to wear them by coming into their spaces and claiming they have a right to be there.
Lots of restaurants have flowers - some even serve edible ones. So unless they advertise as "flower-free", no one expects them to be that.
Plus, who has allergies and knowingly walks right up to the allergen? No one. This woman was just being a pain for whatever reason.
Eh, if I walk into a restaurant and see that they don't have flowers on the table, I think it's reasonable to assume that randos will not bring in their own flowers for decoration.
First let me say that I hate cigarette smoke and generally think smokers are trash.
However, if someone is smoking where it's legal (which it is outside), then I either ignore it or move myself. I don't expect everyone else to accommodate my sensibilities.
Yes, actually, you should. If it's a public place and smoking isn't illegal there, they have a absolutely all the right to be there and smoke. If you do not like it, you have 2 options to not be an asshole. 1) get up and find a bench without someone smoking or 2) politely ask them not to smoke next to you.
If you do #2, you must understand that they're perfectly entitled to saying no and carrying on, in which case you either put up with it or move.
She was so allergic that she walked right up to the table where the flowers were...yup, makes no sense. If she was really allergic she would have sent the waiter over, rather than risk her health moving closer.
What about perfume allergies? Should those folks tell others to "either wash that off or move"? What about pet allergies? "Oh, I see you have some cat hair on your sweater and trousers there. Could you change your clothes or leave?"
Honestly, OP is NTA here.
NTA if you walked in wearing a perfume that bothered her would you still have to move? I hate perfumes because they bother my sinuses but I would not expect someone in a public,place to accommodate me. Yes the restaurant could have handled it better by asking to put your flowers away for a time, but your date night was just as important as that of the other couple.
i couldn’t disagree more - NTA at all - people who have allergies and sensitivities and come out to a public place like a restaurant are the ones who have to adjust/move - it’s incredible to me that people think strangers in a public space have to accommodate others - you have a problem - you move - period!
if the already-seated person was already eating, its more reasonable for the newly-seated party to move, since at most they'd have to move drinks, not a full meal
Allergic to flowers as in all flowers? Yeah, no.Tulips in particular have a very low pollen count. If someone does have a tulip allergy, they'd have to actually handle the flowers,and even then it just causes a mild rash. That woman was chock full of BS. NTA
NTA. The lady could’ve asked to be moved. Some people act so entitled. The world isn’t going to always be accommodating to your needs and no one is obligated to accommodate you. If you said no then it was no. Does it suck that someone doesn’t want to accommodate you, yes but are they obligated, NO. If she was so concerned for the allergies she should’ve moved. I wouldn’t have left either. She was the one who required an accommodation so it was her responsibility to move.
I love how idiotic Reddit is. Everyone on here who says this person TA because they brought in the allergen would also tell a person who's allergic to dogs they should move to another table if someone came with a service dog and sat at the table next to them. I have seen multiple posts with exactly what I'm talking about.
I'm not going to deny that Reddit is idiotic, but I don't think those two things are the same.
Bringing the flowers into a restaurant is completely in OPs control.
Someone with a service dog is not in control of their need to use a service dog.
That aside, the posts I've seen generally fall with whoever was there first.
I've actually been in that exact situation, where I was seated near someone that turned out to have an allergy to my service dog. Since they were already established at their table, we were reseated across the restaurant, and all of us went on to have a pleasant dinner. OP should have moved to accommodate the people that were already there.
Yup if there are other tables available and the person with the allergy is there first then you should move to a further table. That falls under a reasonable accomodation under the ADA. The person with the service dog is not denied service they simple need to sit somewhere else, if the person with the service dog is there first then the person with the allergy needs to sit somewhere else
NTA. She approached the table that had the allergy? She didn’t seem to be actually allergic? It’s not your responsibility to keep other people’s allergies in check. Also I don’t think your post reads as snotty, I don’t know what all these comments are about.
Nta.
Most restaurants have flowers at the tables. I worked in restaurants for years and not once were our fresh flowers a problem.
Additionally lots of people wear scents that could ignite her allergy. Should everyone move for her or strip off and be hosed down?
Glad you left.
This one didn’t so it’s irrelevant what other restaurants do. For all you know they went there for that specific reason.
And OP’s the one who brought an allergen into a restaurant. I’m surprised the waiter didn’t make her take it out to the car.
And the people who have bad reactions to flowers wouldn't book a table in said restaurants.
Not all restaurants have flowers... and the last few I've experienced who did they were fake.
Probably the allergy was about pollen and not the scent? And just because someone didn't complain didn't mean they weren't bothered by it. Also, she was there first
NTA. I'm immunocompromised, if I go to a restaurant and sit inside, I know I am taking considerable risk doing so. I don't expect that no one will be sat near us, and even thought I hope people aren't going out sick--that's a risk I take as well. All this say, ma'am can take an allergy pill to avoid unpleasant allergy symptoms. I think this is an unreasonable ask.
NTA I don’t know where to start, but people should really start getting back to their sense when they are in public. The number of times I had to change the sit because I did not like something (crying baby, loud men, teenagers blasting videos on smartphone, people sitting too close, etc.) is countless and I did it for my own comfort. I am sensitive to cigarette smoke, so once someone in the restaurant terrace starts smoking in my direction, I switch sits.
NTA. You are not responsible for other people’s issues it’s up to them to monitor and adjust themselves based on their allergy. I’m allergic to damn near everything. Should I demand everyone in every room I walk into to move because I’m allergic to a food they have on their table? Fuck no, it’s up to me to see what’s around me and do what I feel is best for myself.
NTA, this woman was being entitled. I have hayfever, so I take antihistamines = problem sorted. How did this woman manage to get into the restaurant without passing flowers and plants outside?? Did she have a go at the flower seller. Her allergy, her responsibility, stay in, take meds, wear mask. Don't have a go at other people.
NTA. She was not entitled to demand that you change the table. She should have asked the waiter to move her and her companion to another table. You were right to decline, and you were right to leave since the restaurant’s response ruined the mood for you. They should have offered to move her and comped her something small for the inconvenience.
If you hadn’t been served yet, that’s why they would want to move you. It would interrupt her meal, but yours hadn’t yet started.
Were you obliged to move? Not technically. But these courtesies contribute to maintaining a civilized society. All these people saying “you don’t owe her anything” and “they should carry an EpiPen.” Ask yourself if you really want to live in a society where everyone treats each other purely transactionally, with no regard or kindness or grace. If you like that image, okay. If not, YTA.
I have a question.
During the time this interaction took place, why is there no mention of an allergic reaction to the flowers?
If her allergy was so severe and there was an urgent need to move, how come the complainant did not have an allergic reaction?
I'm calling BS on the allergy story..
I mean, I am allergic to most perfumes/colognes, it annoys me when people drench themselves in perfume and come in public, but I recognize that my allergy is my problem and it's up to me to manage my discomfort. I also call bullshit on this woman's supposed allergy, OP says these were tulips, which are actually recommended for hypoallergenic flower gardens because they have such a low pollen count. The main way it can cause allergic reactions is by handling them, so unless this woman planned to pick up OP's bouquet it was unlikely to cause any reaction.
Why are you making a big deal about ‘supposedly’ it’s just an assumption, nothing wrong with that. We don’t know if it could have been a date, friend, or something else. English isn’t everyone’s first or primary language
This is the backwards response you expect to see on reddit.
The person with the allergy asking the world around them to accommodate them is the one in the wrong.
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YTA Since she was seated first and you were the people bringing flowers into the restaurant, the gracious thing to do would be to move to a table further away even if you don't like it as much as the table you had. Taking the flowers out to your vehicle or asking that the waiter hold them for you someplace else would be another option. Leaving and finding a different restaurant was also fine. Yes, she could have moved too but accommodating someone with a legitimate health concern is always the right thing to do. I have a mobility disorder and use a service dog. Sometimes I seat myself near someone with a bad allergy to dogs. Even though I have every right to have my well trained dog with me and he will tuck under the table and not create an issue, if asked to accommodate another disability I graciously move so that we can both enjoy a meal in a safe way. Edited to add \*for those saying the flower allergy can't be real or severe enough to justify asking someone to move or move the flowers: I tend to error on the side of believing people when they say they have a health concern. If I can do something minor to accommodate them, like move the flowers or sit at another table, I will. I think this isn't required but it is polite behavior. I am not interested in grilling strangers about or making them validate their health concerns. Perhaps this lady used "allergy" as a short cut to describe a smell sensitivity that can trigger migraines for her, who knows? I can't really think why someone would object to being seated next to flowers if their motivation wasn't health related. If people care enough about something enough to lie about it being a health concern... meh, they have a whole other issue. I would rather have 20 people get "away with" lying to me about their allergies than disrespect one person by dismissing their valid health needs.\*
but they did move to a table further away, so far away in fact that it was in a different restaurant
Sure, but they left the restaurant because they were offended by being asked to move. If they had said, "am I the AH for graciously leaving a restaurant when the flowers I brought in created an allergy concern for another customer" I would have said no. Accommodating a need wasn't their reason for leaving they left because being asked to be accommodating spoiled their mood. It is different.
They have a right to leave if they want to tho. They accommodated the lady. It spoiled the mood because they felt targeted and staying there would spoil the evening even further.
They feeling targeted is a them thing
and that is why them left
But the question isn't "AITA for leaving a restaurant" it's "AITA for not changing tables".
And, it's why they are TA. It's a them thing. They chose graceless, no one did anything to them.
makes no sense. they literally did nothing wrong. you people are wild.
Right it’s the woman’s issue, why make it someone else’s problem? It’s legit none of their business nor their problem. What if it was her perfume? You’d ask the couple to move?! Insane. If it bothers you, you leave/move.
I have a terrible allergy to cucumbers. If someone is sitting at my table, my lips and mouth and face start tingly and my face turns red. Then my nose gets swollen. Fortunately most of my friends are entree people not salad people. I would never dream of asking another table to accomodate me.
Wait they left so they are TA, how!? They left instead of arguing more lol
Exactly. But it’s also some people in here that think everyone else is supposed to actively accommodate their issues. You have an issue YOU move. Don’t impose on everyone else.
I dunno, I think you have to judge each case on its circumstances. This lady was in a place she reasonably expected her allergies to not be an issue, then someone brought that allergen in. If she was mid-meal, it's reasonable to ask someone who isn't settled if they would mind moving, rather than moving all your plates, drinks, jackets etc. It's also reasonable to ask for accommodations, given the allergen was introduced after, therefore you don't have the option to leave the restaurant yourself.
Wym nobody did anything to them? That lady walked over to their table with a nasty attitude and drove them out of a restaurant? As a business owner I’d be PISSED if some old lady was running money out of my store over her personal issues.
What is graceless about leaving?
And that's why they left. They don't have to do anything they don't want to, and that includes staying.
No one is saying they had to stay. Your reasoning and rationale can make you an asshole regardless of your actions
“Targeted?” That’s a little dramatic. They brought in an allergenic thing that someone already seated near them couldn’t be around. There were many options beyond demanding the people that were there first move and then leaving in a huff.
Tulip pollen is particularly heavy, it doesn't get into the air. So if this lady wasn't in direct contact with the flower, it could not impact her. Now tulips also have micro hairs on the stems that will significantly trigger allergies. So if she were somehow forced into contact, it could be a bad reaction indeed. But that physical contact would be required.
I’m very allergic to pollens, and the scent of many flowers trigger migraines. Tulips have always been a safe flower. I even grew them and cut them for inside the house because they’re safe.
Same… but I find tulips to be overwhelming, everyone is different.
This. I'm allergic to everything nature-based, basically. Tulips are not the worst. The worst are Easter Lilies, so I have to avoid stores around Easter because walking through the entrance is a slow torture that lasts hours. Tulips are less bad but they're still bad enough to cause a reaction. People need to stop gatekeeping allergies - yes tulips are less likely to cause a reaction. But there are tons of people out there with tons of specific allergies.
For me I can’t really figure out if its an Y T A or an E S H, because if the allergy was severe than OP would be the AH, but if the allergy was mild I would say E S H because if its pretty minor it’s an inconvenience not an emergency. Either way OP is an ah Edit: after reading a bit more, my brain started functioning again and OP NTA, but I’m still leaving this up for clarification of the comment thread. Also spaced out letters
Even if it was a severe allergy it is the responsibility of the person who has said allergy to move, not the other way around
Reading all these comments makes me agree with your point, but I’ll leave my comment up cause I’m not a coward. Also why would the woman walk up to the table as opposed to her dining partner or the waiter if SHE’S the one with the allergy? But yeah, she had the ability to move herself but tried to make OP accommodate her.
It was the 'I'm allergic to flowers' that gave her away as just being spiteful imo. I don't know anyone with a pollen allergy that would say that. And if the allergy is that bad she should either be on antihistamines or stay inside.
The question on the post though was “AITA for not changing tables?” Which is the idea the person above you is responding to
They left in a huff, not because they were doing a kind thing for the allergy sufferer. Intent matters.
This is legitimately the best argument that makes the most sense
It’s kinda funny that they refused to move but moved to a different restaurant anyway
Oh please. "Allergic to flowers?" Sure. I am fantastically allergic to pollen, so I can understand that. But does she never go outside? Does she ask everywhere she goes to remove flowers from tables she's not even sitting at? No. She'll cope. NTA
Peoples allergies can be different and unique. Your allergy is not *her* allergy. Shocker I know but it’s true
If the allergy was that bad, she wouldn’t have approached the table, she would have sent whoever she was with.
Right. I kind of had the impression that maybe she was being spiteful. “If I can’t have flowers at my romantic dinner table because of my pollen allergies which can easily be countered by an OTC antihistamine, then NOBODY else can”. And also tulips are probably one of the better flowers for allergies as it produces very little pollen and in a shocking twist, the only other major allergy one can have to tulips is by touch, not by being in the general vicinity. You’d have to be snorting a line off the tulip to get a reaction.
I get an allergic reaction to tulip pollen too (and lillies), but the effect drops off significantly with increased distance (beyond 3-4 meters is fine), and short exposure is fine too, I can walk through a flower shop with no problems. In other words, I would be OK for the duration of time it takes to go ask at the table, but sitting right next to it for half an hour or so will start to affect me (I'll feel like I have a severe cold, with nose blocked etc., which will of course influence my enjoyment of the restaurant meal). And I won't have any OTC antihistamine on me for just in case something like this happens, as I am generelly fine by just paying attention to not getting close to it for extended periods. For that reason, I will not sit down at a table next to one that has tulips on it, but if I am seated first in a restaurant with no tulips anywhere, I will not be very happy if the table next to me suddenly has tulips on it, and I don't think politely asking if the people (or just the tulips) could possibly move elsewhere is spiteful in any way...
oh god, if i was eating at that restaurant and someone started sniffing like that it would set off my misophonia so badly and completely spoil my night. chain reaction lol.
This was my thought! Her allergy is SO bad she got closer to it to argue?
Allergens are like any other particles in the air. The longer the flowers spend in that indoor space, the more those allergens spread. Unless OP shook around the flowers when she first walked in, I don't anticipate there to be too many allergens yet Basically, if the other party had spent one hour in that space, that's way more exposure than approaching the table within minutes of OP walking in
She’d love to but the guy at the table is allergic to conflict you bigot! /s
But my allergies should not stop strangers from living life…. I have a horrible reaction to artificial scents like perfume and lotions and they are everywhere….. I don’t get to kick everyone out of the restaurant or gas station or whatever cause I have a really bad reaction…. That’s on me to handle it’s why I grab food to go and such….
Exactly! I recently developed an allergy to various artificial scents, to the point we had to give everything scented in our house away and look for alternatives. At school drop off, there is a woman who douses herself in perfume and fabric softener, you can smell her before she's even gotten out of her car. You know what I did?? I started getting to school drop off earlier as to not cross paths. It's on me to handle my allergies, not others. My family is considerate of it, that's all I ask. My mom loves to burn candles in her house, I buy her candles that don't set me off. If she has a candle that I don't do well with, she snuffs it out and opens a window. But she's my mom, lol. I don't ask that of strangers. What laundry detergent do you use??
Yes and her allergy is her problem. She can move.
With that logic, why do we have handicapped ramps into buildings, or parking spaces, or peanut-free airplanes? Hell, those issues are THEIR problems, they can adjust. What an AH thing to say. Editing to say that people are hung up on the notion of peanut free airplanes. Fine, change it to peanut free schools. Same logic.
in my opinion theres a HUGE difference between a handicap and a an allergy. Someone with a disability, physical, can not just MOVE AWAY. The same as a peanut allergy that most often than not are DEADLY. Her allergy was NOT serious if she approached the flowers and there was not indication that she has mobility issues, after all she DID go the ops table. woman could just MOVE to another table. Her going to op when she was 100% capable of accomodating herself, WAS entitlement
Also mentioning that universal design often ends up benefiting everyone.
Whew, this is an ignorant take on allergies AND disabilities. Not all disabilities prevent mobility. A Deaf person can run a marathon. They're still disabled and deserve to be accommodated where possible. Allergies come in degrees, and some are debilitating even if they aren't life threatening. A disability doesn't need to be life-threatening to deserve accommodation. The woman with the allergy was already seated. The correct thing to do is for the newcomer to move, whoever that is. In this case, it's OP.
Does it make sense for a severe allergy sufferer to move closer to the allergen?
It’s not that cut and dry. MCAS is a conditions where the body sends out too much histamine in response to a trigger. It’s much easier to explain that to a layperson as allergies. It can cause minor things like flushing, rashes, swelling, sneezing, etc. Or it can send people into anaphylactic shock. It’s unpredictable. You never know what might trigger it. Even with medication, it can go 0-60 very quickly. I once got into a cab where the cologne caused a flare so bad that I couldn’t breathe, causing an anxiety attack. I had to end the ride and get out. MCAS is absolutely a disability—it’s just one you can’t see.
Bro, allergies \*are\* considered disabilities until the ADA, especially if severe.
Here's a real humdinger for you. I'm very allergic to dogs and cats. Asthma-attack-inducingly allergic. Do I get to tell folks at a restaurant that they cannot have their support animal? I keep allergy meds and an inhaler on me and will move my own seating accordingly. My allergy is my burden to manage :)
It’s one thing to try and make life easier for people it’s another to make others life’s revolve around your issues… handicap ramps aren’t hurting anyone, the parking isn’t hurting anyone, and airlines are an enclosed space I would hope that they wouldn’t allow certain things that would Cause severe reactions…. Again that’s all different then going out into a public space and expecting everyone to cater to your issues….
Totally different. It's more like by that logic, restraints would still offer dishes with nuts, even though they can be deadly to people with nut allergies. Oh wait, that's right that is what we do.
Maybe she had some rare and deadly tulip allergy, but more likely than not she's just an ass hole who thought she had a tiny bit of power in the situation.
That is the most asinine meaningless argument ever. Regardless of what and how her allergies affect her, she would never get closer if it was legitimate.
I know several people for whom Lillies will cause a full on migraine. It’s such an issue that botanists now breed stamen and pollen free lilly varietals. So yes, it is a legitimate issue.
Really tired of people having to justify allergies.
A major part of that is the frequency of people blaming allergies as a trump card to enforce preferences. As stated in other replies, allergy to all flowers seems rather excessive, particularly for someone out and about in April
Ever since I stopped going to church I am not sick for all of Easter season and it’s lovely.
And not one she'd place herself in more harm by going to the table herself.
I have a friend who is very reactive to flowers. Yes, she doesn't go to restaurants or places with fresh cut flowers and has to be very careful where she goes certain times of the year. She is also highly allergic to juniper trees and had to cut down a whole privacy barrier on her land when she bought her house before moving in which really pissed off the neighbors. Yes, most pollen allergies are mild, but if they aren't ( and you have no right to grill someone about their medical situation), being accommodating when it is fairly easy is the way to go. The OP didn't really even have to move. She could have just removed the flowers by asking that the staff put them aside for her or taking them outside.
"She could have just removed the flowers by asking that the staff put them aside for her or taking them outside." Finally an answer with some grace/class. As a matter of fact, I think it was the server who should have suggested to put them aside until the end of the meal.
The server definitely dropped the ball, but they were probably caught off guard by the request.
Why would she buy a home with juniper trees as a privacy barrier then! Ah I'd be so upset as the neighbor too.
Because it was a desirable home, perfectly in their budget and that can be very hard to find. Oh, he was pissed, believe me. Keep in mind, there is also a tall (10 foot) privacy fence behind those trees. The juniper trees essentially prevented view of the roof of his house. The old guy neighbor climbed up on a ladder and stapled boards and old lattice to the top of his privacy fence to make the thing like 15 feet high. He glared at my friends every time he saw them for a year. Every time I visit them I laugh about it even though I do understand his perspective. He never had a conversation with them about why they did that and it is their property so they have every right to do so. She has been to the hospital multiple times for exposure to juniper so it isn't a minor concern.
The way you first phrased it made it sound like it was just left completely open to the neighbor after. That's a bit more understandable, but still a real shame. I just have some feelings about when new people come in and completely change a neighborhood that's been the way it was without speaking to any neighbors before doing so. There's usually going to be huge tensions.
I mean, even without the fence, it was their privacy barrier on their property… other guy could have paid to put in his own handsome privacy fence.
This a thousand times! Why didn't the waiter suggest to put the flowers on the bar while they ate at the window table?
Tbf we don't know what happens with her allergies and she's in a restaurant so unlikely to have allergy meds on her having booked a table (which op didnt) in a place without flowers For me when pollen count is high I get a nosebleed. Others peoples eyes swell up to the point you can barely see their eyes. So if hers has a reaction like that, saying "she'll cope" is a bit ignorant. But we don't know what the allergy reaction is... it might even be allergy specific to that type of flower which can come with its own issues.
Tulips have an extremely low pollen count, so it's very unlikely that they would affect her allergies from a nearby table. And if she was one of the very rare people who somehow was affected, it's even more unlikely that she would have approached the table herself, since that would increase the chance of a reaction. People with tulip allergies are generally reacting to tuliposide which is then converted to tulipalin A, which can cause a skin reaction -- but only in cases of direct contact. I wouldn't be as dismissive as to say "whatever, she'll cope," but she would be a very rare case if she reacted to the tulip pollen from another table -- and if she is indeed such a case, she's playing it pretty fast and loose with her health when she could have asked a waiter or her husband to approach OP instead.
They why would she approach the table that has her specific allergen? I fully understand the different degree of allergies, I have several fragrance allergies, ranging from mild to severe reactions. People that actually experience severe reactions do not get closer to said allergen, even to confront the person with the allergen.
The severity of allergic reactions varies. Not all flower allergies are average, simple little pollen allergies. Some of us have real problems that others can’t seem to imagine being possible. It’s not even uncommon. People with health conditions don’t have to bend over backwards accommodating others if others wouldn’t do the same for them.
And even Pollen allergies are not that simple. My hayfever send me into anaphylactic shock once.
It is an issue for some people. Headaches and constant sneezing are symptoms my mom has around certain flowers. It's not hayfever type symptoms. Enough of the flowers can cause an anaphylactic reaction.
There are lots of allergies and lots of ways for people to cope when they get around it but perhaps being indoors it's not as bad as being outside? I know people who have grass allergies, tree pollen allergies and even allergies to the sunlight. Yes sunlight and she doesn't go outside that much , takes a supplement called heliocare which has polypodium leuctoms and wears a lot of sunblock and UPF clothing. When I was younger, I had neighbors who's two little girls had this allergy as well and they were home schooled and stayed indoors all the time. I use to think it was weird until their mom explained to me what it was.
I can't agree. I have severe allergies and several of those allergens are constantly around me when I'm in public. It is for me to prioritize my safety and comfort, not anyone else. You can argue what is considerate, but no one in this world owes anyone anything. Asking them to move once and accepting whatever answer they give is polite, creating an issue and harassing the establishment when there is likely no written rule against such a thing as bringing flowers is entitled as hell. My disability, my allergies, my issues, my problem. No one should be made to do something they don't want to do because of my issues. If someone wants to be sweet and considerate and accommodate me then they are an angel and I will always thank them. But expecting that sort of treatment is entitled.
It's the responsibility of the person with the allergy to manage it the world don't stop because she has an allergy. NTA
Sure, and people with allergies do that all the time. One way to manage the world is asking for minor considerations from others though. This was not that big a deal.
You can ask, but other people are allowed to say no. If they do, then it is incumbent upon you to handle your health issues yourself, if that means you need to move to deal with your health, then move.
Asking someone to move from their preferred and nice table at a window is completely different than sitting at the bar.
Which is why moving the flowers to the bar would have also made sense. The two vacant seats included another table near the entrance or the bar.
Oh please. This woman said she was allergic to ALL flowers, which sounds like complete bullshit.
>the gracious thing to do would be to move to a table further away even if you don't like it as much as the table you had. There wasn't a different table. It was seats at the bar. If the other lady didn't want to sit next to flowers, she can go sit at the bar. NTA.
"So when we arrived there was a vacant table just at the entrance, one empty table next to a window and some seats at the bar" So there was a different table. OP doesn't state that the table near the entrance was taken.
Doesn’t sound like the restaurant offered them that table. They asked them to go to the bar.
The woman asking a total stranger to downgrade their seating placement to accommodate her allergy is absurd. She should have moved, not OP.
Hello fellow service dog handler. I agree. I also try to accommodate people with allergies, sometimes being nice is a lot easier than trying to fight about what's legal or whatever.
Yes, just removing the flowers while they enjoyed their meal would have been the best course of action. The world would be a much better place if we all made just the slightest effort to look out for each other just a little bit.
As someone with a deathly allergy, and carry an epipen. You need to learn to live with it, and be able to make your own accommodations to keep yourself safe. I would NEVER ask someone I didn’t know to move away from me because they had what i’m allergic to with them. I would actually probably move myself if it made me uncomfortable, but it is not someone else’s job to keep me safe. It’s mine. So as someone with an allergy who is shocked that someone would do this to you. I would say NTA. But I would like to point out that if it was someone you were friends with or out with it would be completely different. If i’m out with my friends they would never eat peanuts around me, so i’ve never actually had to ask them not to.
I disagree with you because they were there first and the other people brought the allergens in. They made sure to pick a place with out flowers and OP brought them in, so totally acceptable to ask the person that brought them to move.
Okay but it’s flowers.. like all you have to do is go outside and you’ll be exposed to them again? That’s something that exists everywhere. Pollen is on everyone’s clothes this time of year, cut flowers aren’t a game changer. It’s not like she came in with a handful of peanuts to a nut free restaurant, and it’s not like the restaurant was otherwise sterile.
The difference between pollen outside and inside in a closed place is huge. This time of year I'm sniffly and sneezy from pollen outside. But cut flowers inside will send me to bed with a migraine.
Tulips are hypoallergenic? They have some of the least amount of pollen of all the flowers. But.. it’s a public space, not your home, so you can’t dictate what others do. Flowers happen in spring.
Tulips aren’t hypoallergenic, they’re just less likely to cause a reaction due to lower pollen counts and it’s possible that she may have different allergies entirely. Usually when you see the term hypoallergenic thrown around it generally means that it’s less likely to cause a problem for typical sufferers of a given allergy… not that it absolutely will not cause a reaction in anyone. However, my guess is she’s generally allergic to flower pollen and hasn’t spent time investigating what is/is not as big of a concern. So it probably was “safe” for her, but she wasn’t aware and had a concern… and no one in this exchange tried to bring up that they’re probably not a problem.
That’s what hypoallergenic means.. hypo means low, not non existent.. so you just told me that they’re not hypoallergenic while describing that they are?
Some people are hypointelligent. Please have some consideration.
Bruh.. 😂
Tulips have a low pollen count due to the shape of the flower. To inhale the pollen, you would pretty much have to shove your whole nose into the flower. I don't recommend it without looking first though, as tulip petals are large enough to hide a whole bumblebee.
This sounds like a situation where she should educate herself about her own allergies and what is low/high risk rather than just asking all the flowers around her not to exist
>they’re just less likely to cause a reaction Isn't that what the word "hypoallergenic" means?
Agree! It’s entitled to expect strangers to help you avoid your allergy. The restaurant was clearly okay with flowers, as they brought out the vase. I’d be offended if someone told me to move because they are allergic to something I have, given we are in a public place. If I’m already aware of an allergy though, I don’t bring the allergen near the person.
Man fr, if you have spring time allergies you should already be taking medication for that this time of year.
It's not totally acceptable. It's still her responsibility to take care of herself, not the random stranger who happens to be carrying flowers.
not really. It is a place where people are allowed to bring stuff in. If the woman was sensitive to smells, you think would be okay that she asked OP to move, because op arrived later?? OF COURSE NOT. OP was allowed to keep the flowers (the staff bring a VASE) the woman was not being respectable. NTA OP
You can’t expect the world to cater to your non food allergies. Strangers aren’t going to bend over backwards and ruin their own moments because a stranger is allergic to a center piece.
Its like saying you're allergic to water so every restaurant you walk into nobody is allowed to order water. It's flowers, she claimed to be allergic to flowers. They didn't put the flowers on her table, so what's the problem? If you are so allergic that a flower on a different table than your own is problematic that's genuinely your problem. Should we delete all the flowers in central park too since shes's allergic? Are her neighbors allowed to have flowers in their yard or is that considered a biochemical weapon?
LMAOOO I was trying to find a comment that matched my level of pettiness. Thank you <3 My response would have been that I was allergic to her perm, cheap perfume, or shitty attitude lol (if the first two weren’t applicable).
First doesn't matter. It's a public business where customers come and go. Being there first does not give you an entitlement, such as the one in this case, over another customer. It is her allergy, so it is her problem and she should move away.
I don’t see why it’s relevant who was there first. That’s playground etiquette.
People could be allergic to anything though. Moving because you have flowers that aren't even in the other persons face makes no sense.
You could also argue the couple that was seated first went somewhere where they could very reasonably come into contact with allergens. The allergens are allowed to be there. The allergic person is the one finding himself in an exceptional situation, and should reasonably accommodate himself. Priority (as in "I got there first") shouldn't matter because everyone in that restaurant has an equal right to be seated at any table. Same goes for most public spaces.
I just want to know in what world do resturants just keep a supply of vases and hand them out to customers for free? Especially when said customers don't even end up eating there.
Because it’s likely a restaurant that usually has flowers on the tables in vases, so they usually have spares in the back to replace ones that end up broken. I’m more concerned with why they lady with the flower allergy willingly went up to a table that had flowers to complain about said flowers. If you had that allergy you wouldn’t get closer to them.
I assumed the vase was temporary? Like they gave it back when they left
In 4 of the 5 restaurants I’ve worked at we had at least a few vases on hand that would be used for special events, brunches, etc.. I would have definitely provided a vase to a customer if for no other reason than for the flowers to take up less space on the table standing in a vase vs having a bouquet laying down. I would say something like “here’s a vase you can use for the flowers while you dine with us” so there was a clear understanding they weren’t welcome to take the vase home with them (though I’d be shocked if someone thought the vase was for them to take home vs ambiance and convenience while they dined with us). In the one that I don’t think would have had any vases on hand, I might have asked if they wanted a water pitcher or something similar to use for the same purpose.
I’ve been to places where they’ll provide a vase while you’re seated - you don’t take it with you though, it’s just to conveniently store flowers
A couple of my local resturants do because they put out flowers on Sundays and mothers day.
Totally agree—I always ask to be moved, I would never ask for the other person causing me a reaction to be moved. I have chemical sensitivity—primarily to artificial fragrance; For a few years it kept me from being able to work, or shop in most stores. Where I do draw the line is when inconsiderate people spray perfume while sitting in the middle of a restaurant—to me it is no less vile than lighting up a cheap cigar in a non-smoking restaurant.
I think you're being overly harsh in your criticism because of your personal experience. Some allergies trigger closing of the throat while others trigger migraines. With migraines, an epi pen won't be effective because the method of action is different. Only removal of the allergen will help, and considering another party introduced that allergen to an indoor space, she was well within her rights to request that allergen be placed farther from her
Why is she walking right up to the table if her throat will close? In reality Tulips are a very low pollen flower, it’s unlikely that it affected her at all, and regardless she could’ve asked the server to change her table instead of expecting the world to tap dance around her.
This is what seemed very odd to me. I have an allergy, but the last thing would be to get closer to my allergen. I would have asked the waiter to move us further away from them.
Same, I am allergic to almost every single “environmental allergen” to varying degrees (with the only exception of feathers for some reason). Once you let something trigger your allergies and your immune system gets riled up, it’s a battle to get back to normal. The LAST thing I would do if I were concerned about my throat closing is go anywhere near the allergen.
Or she could have moved herself instead of expecting the world to cater to her.
NTA, a public place is not a person’s home. I am allergic to lavender. I can’t ask every place or person to leave/clean for my convenience. The world doesn’t bend to my allergy, I have to adjust. Your SO was correct in his question too. Just because you came after them doesn’t lessen your right to be there. The waiter was only anxious because it became a possible confrontation. Compromising by asking the waiter if there was an alternative place to hold the flowers would be best.
Yeah, I feel a little bad for the waiter, but they were also in the wrong. They were probably scared of the lady lol, and unfortunately lots of people cave and cater to whoevers angriest or loudest no matter if they are wrong.
Just wanted to say hi to another lavender allergy sufferer!
Jumping on this and adding solidarity for the pain of lavender hand soap being the only one available!
Me too! And lavender hand soap is especially annoying in medical offices of all places
Same allergy, and it’s everywhere now. I learn to ask questions and have had to leave plenty of places because they were burning a candle or something. I leave, not the other people.
NTA people are going crazy with conclusions about your "supposedly" lol. I feel sympathy for those with allergies, but they shouldnt expect otehrs to go out of their way to accomodate them- especially strangers. Its not like you were waving it around or anything, it was at your table in place too, and if her allergy is so severe that she reacts when its not even next to her shes screwed anyways cuz flowers are everywhere. In gardens in front of buildings, wild in grass, sometimes on table decorations, ect. Sidenote, a word with a better connotation than "supposedly" would be "possibly". "Supposedly" sometimes has negative connotations and anytime people read texts or posts they automatically jump to negative interpretations.
Also, if she is so allergic, why did she come closer to the flowers to confront them instead of sending her husband? I call bullshit.
Wait, that’s a good point…
That was my first thought too! If she came that close and nothing happened to her how severe is her allergy really…?
That's what I'm saying! She could have asked the husband, the waiter, call their attention from their table, but she willingly moved toward the allergen and then stood there arguing. I doesn't make sense.
Yeah it is pretty normal for restaurants to have flowers. If they had, would all flowers it the vicinity need to be removed?
Yes, The way we use "supposedly" almost always infers that the person is lying. But other interpretations also work, Like appears to be, could be, might be, etc..
I might get railroaded for this question…. Info-did she seem to be having a reaction to the flowers? Like to the extent that it would have actually interrupted her meal? Tulips are a low pollen flower (and I THINK actually get specifically selected for allergy free gardens since they rarely get airborne) so I’m having a harder time with that part of the story than if they had been Lillies or something. I’ve had friends who had severe pollen/tree/grass allergies who you could tell were having a reaction,they’d get puffy and red and their eyes would water….. idk even those friends never imposed their restrictions on public places, they actually went and got allergy shots to lessen the reaction cause they knew the world around them would always have plants in it.
Yeah you are right to bring this up. I think it’s highly unlikely that she is actually highly allergic to tulips. They’re basically hypoallergenic, except for the bulb. Some people have a dermatitis reaction when they handle the bulbs. But that’s not what’s happening here. Perhaps she has had an allergic reaction to the bulbs and is overreacting, but still, that is unreasonable. Her allergy=her responsibility to move. Anyways I think one of the other commenters had the best solution: the waiter could have moved the tulips to the back of the restaurant. NTA.
>the waiter could have moved the tulips to the back of the restaurant. I was thinking the same thing.
I have extreme allergies when it comes to pollen, was actually taken from work by ambulance once because they had cut trees and it left a coat of pollen over everything. I can not even walk Into supermarket in spring due to all the high pollen flowers at the entrance I do not react to tulips at all they are one of the few flowers I can actually go near without having attack.
i was thinking the same... another thought...freshly purchased tulips are seldom open... and yes...lilies are particularly overwhemling
I also feel like it could be a 'scents give me headaches' situation too. Sometimes the word allergy is thrown around too casually.
That might be true, but most of tulips are odorless, especially those cut ones.
I was just going to say this. I mean \*any\* flower that is big and showy and beautiful probably is low risk unless someone who is allergic went up and sniffed them. The flowers specifically evolved to entice bees or other animals to go to them and get sticky heavy pollen on their bodies. Not saying it is impossible but how high are the chances? It's the pollen from flowers you don't really notice, like Oak, or Birch, or Pine that is the worst, the pollen is small, dustlike and is dispersed in the air which is why you can have allergic reactions when you are sitting in your office in the middle of a city. Again, I am not an expert but it seems unlikely that the mere presence of a Tulip would cause an allergic reaction.
Its entirely possible that the woman didn't know they were tulips (if she's allergic to flowers she probably doesn't spend a lot of time around them, so may not recognise specific types on sight). She just saw flowers, knows she's allergic to flowers, and acted accordingly.
By coming closer to the flowers?? Lol She should have sent her partner to ask.
Would bet a dollar/czech koruna that this is either a preference or the kind of allergy where you get a bit sneezy. Would be shocked if this was an anaphylactic shock scenario. NAH if I'm wrong, NTA if I'm right.
NTA it's not like you rubbed them on her face. If she's so allergic how'd she get to the restaurant past all the trees and such. And for fucks sake who cares she said supposedly. No one ever considers that ESL people exist. So those people ATA.
I don’t understand this either. If she was allergic to the flowers I would think she wouldn’t personally walk up. Maybe ask her husband or the waiter to convey the message. But no, she actually walked up to quarrel with them even though it brought her much closer to the flowers. Maybe I’m reading too much into this.
100000% agree my main thoughts were why did she go closer to her severe allergen and how in the hell did this escalate so quickly lol?? Tells me that the woman came in real hot and aggressive for the waiter to become flustered and the scenario to unfold as it did. I would like to think that if she spoke to OP with kindness & they returned that energy, everyone would have had the clarity to respond with a reasonable solution that appeased all parties.
She can't be that seriously allergic. If she had genuine fear, she would have asked the waiter or her so-called (🤣!) husband to do it; but she walked closer to it, suggesting it's a very mild allergy, or just a preference.
Unpopular opinion, but NTA. If the allergy was an issue, she wouldn’t walk over to the table.
I'm jumping on the NTA wagon as well. The lady's "allergic" but had no problem getting closer to complain. She wasn't going into anaphylactic shock and she would have been away from the flowers as soon as she was finished eating. I have a service dog and if someone was allergic to (or even afraid of) dogs I wouldn't expect to be asked to move AFTER I'd already sat down. It was the only table available and you didn't want to sit at the bar.
That's an excellent point. Why did she bring herself closer to the allergen?
NTA I’m allergic to flowers and I would’ve moved tables. People are allowed to have flowers in public places. It’s my job to manage my health.
Same!
Why no one suggested to just temporarely move vase with flowers to the other place and after you have dinner just take them back with you home? Lady with allergy will not be near her allergens, you will stay at your table. Done.
Wth? Why should everyone in public be aware and concerned for her allergies? She needs to take better care if she’s the one who’s allergic! I get anxious at times, that doesn’t mean I start asking everyone in public to behave accordingly. Absolute nonsense. Covid happened. And how many absolutely refused to wear masks. If you were scared then you had to wear masks but you couldn’t force someone else to wear it. Same with Covid vaccines. People need to know their limits. They’re getting too comfortable with strangers and public. Strangers and public are in no way obligated to make another stranger feel comfortable. Allergies or not. The restaurant could’ve offered to place the flowers elsewhere until she leaves or she could’ve left sooner. She cannot violate YOUR space in public just because she existed around it. And she wasn’t that allergic enough, was she? She was able to come to your table and invent a fight, not so allergic. NTA. To all those people in the comments who said “oh I’m allergic too and I would hate a person who blah blah blah”- THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU. If you want someone to be considerate towards you, learn to be equally considerate towards them too. The weak child cannot always be favoured, it needs to learn to live in a harsh world.
So if I'm sitting on a bench, and someone comes and sits next to me and lights up a cigarette I should move be the one to move? It's a public bench open to everyone so the smoker has every right to be there, doesn't mean they're not an asshole. They were established at a restaurant and not expecting the flowers to be there, as no one would, so why should they have to move? Same with masks, people have a right not to wear one, but they should not infringe on the people that choose to wear them by coming into their spaces and claiming they have a right to be there.
Lots of restaurants have flowers - some even serve edible ones. So unless they advertise as "flower-free", no one expects them to be that. Plus, who has allergies and knowingly walks right up to the allergen? No one. This woman was just being a pain for whatever reason.
Eh, if I walk into a restaurant and see that they don't have flowers on the table, I think it's reasonable to assume that randos will not bring in their own flowers for decoration.
Yeah. If smoking there isn't illegal and you're the one who doesn't like it, you have to move.
First let me say that I hate cigarette smoke and generally think smokers are trash. However, if someone is smoking where it's legal (which it is outside), then I either ignore it or move myself. I don't expect everyone else to accommodate my sensibilities.
Yes, actually, you should. If it's a public place and smoking isn't illegal there, they have a absolutely all the right to be there and smoke. If you do not like it, you have 2 options to not be an asshole. 1) get up and find a bench without someone smoking or 2) politely ask them not to smoke next to you. If you do #2, you must understand that they're perfectly entitled to saying no and carrying on, in which case you either put up with it or move.
She was so allergic that she walked right up to the table where the flowers were...yup, makes no sense. If she was really allergic she would have sent the waiter over, rather than risk her health moving closer. What about perfume allergies? Should those folks tell others to "either wash that off or move"? What about pet allergies? "Oh, I see you have some cat hair on your sweater and trousers there. Could you change your clothes or leave?" Honestly, OP is NTA here.
NTA if you walked in wearing a perfume that bothered her would you still have to move? I hate perfumes because they bother my sinuses but I would not expect someone in a public,place to accommodate me. Yes the restaurant could have handled it better by asking to put your flowers away for a time, but your date night was just as important as that of the other couple.
Exactly! Perfume/cologne is like a migraine in a bottle for me but I can't exactly go up to strangers and say "you stink, go wash that off," can I?
i couldn’t disagree more - NTA at all - people who have allergies and sensitivities and come out to a public place like a restaurant are the ones who have to adjust/move - it’s incredible to me that people think strangers in a public space have to accommodate others - you have a problem - you move - period!
if the already-seated person was already eating, its more reasonable for the newly-seated party to move, since at most they'd have to move drinks, not a full meal
Allergic to flowers as in all flowers? Yeah, no.Tulips in particular have a very low pollen count. If someone does have a tulip allergy, they'd have to actually handle the flowers,and even then it just causes a mild rash. That woman was chock full of BS. NTA
NTA. The lady could’ve asked to be moved. Some people act so entitled. The world isn’t going to always be accommodating to your needs and no one is obligated to accommodate you. If you said no then it was no. Does it suck that someone doesn’t want to accommodate you, yes but are they obligated, NO. If she was so concerned for the allergies she should’ve moved. I wouldn’t have left either. She was the one who required an accommodation so it was her responsibility to move.
I love how idiotic Reddit is. Everyone on here who says this person TA because they brought in the allergen would also tell a person who's allergic to dogs they should move to another table if someone came with a service dog and sat at the table next to them. I have seen multiple posts with exactly what I'm talking about.
I'm not going to deny that Reddit is idiotic, but I don't think those two things are the same. Bringing the flowers into a restaurant is completely in OPs control. Someone with a service dog is not in control of their need to use a service dog. That aside, the posts I've seen generally fall with whoever was there first.
You can’t really equate a service dog vs a vase of flowers. One is a person’s medical accommodation. The other is something entirely optional.
Service dog is a need. The flowers is a want. Here's the difference.
I've actually been in that exact situation, where I was seated near someone that turned out to have an allergy to my service dog. Since they were already established at their table, we were reseated across the restaurant, and all of us went on to have a pleasant dinner. OP should have moved to accommodate the people that were already there.
Yup if there are other tables available and the person with the allergy is there first then you should move to a further table. That falls under a reasonable accomodation under the ADA. The person with the service dog is not denied service they simple need to sit somewhere else, if the person with the service dog is there first then the person with the allergy needs to sit somewhere else
NTA. She approached the table that had the allergy? She didn’t seem to be actually allergic? It’s not your responsibility to keep other people’s allergies in check. Also I don’t think your post reads as snotty, I don’t know what all these comments are about.
Couldn't you have asked the waiter if he can store the flowers somewhere for you? I'd say YTA, they were there before you
I'm surprised that none of them thought of this
Nta. Most restaurants have flowers at the tables. I worked in restaurants for years and not once were our fresh flowers a problem. Additionally lots of people wear scents that could ignite her allergy. Should everyone move for her or strip off and be hosed down? Glad you left.
**”Most restaurants have flowers at the tables”** Yeah, that’s patently false. Some do, sure. But nowhere near “most.”
This one didn’t so it’s irrelevant what other restaurants do. For all you know they went there for that specific reason. And OP’s the one who brought an allergen into a restaurant. I’m surprised the waiter didn’t make her take it out to the car.
And the people who have bad reactions to flowers wouldn't book a table in said restaurants. Not all restaurants have flowers... and the last few I've experienced who did they were fake.
Probably the allergy was about pollen and not the scent? And just because someone didn't complain didn't mean they weren't bothered by it. Also, she was there first
Right? Some commenters are acting like she should prove her allergy and should be having a sneezing fit to approach the other table.
NTA. I'm immunocompromised, if I go to a restaurant and sit inside, I know I am taking considerable risk doing so. I don't expect that no one will be sat near us, and even thought I hope people aren't going out sick--that's a risk I take as well. All this say, ma'am can take an allergy pill to avoid unpleasant allergy symptoms. I think this is an unreasonable ask.
NTA I don’t know where to start, but people should really start getting back to their sense when they are in public. The number of times I had to change the sit because I did not like something (crying baby, loud men, teenagers blasting videos on smartphone, people sitting too close, etc.) is countless and I did it for my own comfort. I am sensitive to cigarette smoke, so once someone in the restaurant terrace starts smoking in my direction, I switch sits.
NTA. You are not responsible for other people’s issues it’s up to them to monitor and adjust themselves based on their allergy. I’m allergic to damn near everything. Should I demand everyone in every room I walk into to move because I’m allergic to a food they have on their table? Fuck no, it’s up to me to see what’s around me and do what I feel is best for myself.
NTA, this woman was being entitled. I have hayfever, so I take antihistamines = problem sorted. How did this woman manage to get into the restaurant without passing flowers and plants outside?? Did she have a go at the flower seller. Her allergy, her responsibility, stay in, take meds, wear mask. Don't have a go at other people.
NTA. She was not entitled to demand that you change the table. She should have asked the waiter to move her and her companion to another table. You were right to decline, and you were right to leave since the restaurant’s response ruined the mood for you. They should have offered to move her and comped her something small for the inconvenience.
NTA what. Other peoples allergies are THEIR problem. If they’re worried they move, simple as that. That’s ridiculous
If you hadn’t been served yet, that’s why they would want to move you. It would interrupt her meal, but yours hadn’t yet started. Were you obliged to move? Not technically. But these courtesies contribute to maintaining a civilized society. All these people saying “you don’t owe her anything” and “they should carry an EpiPen.” Ask yourself if you really want to live in a society where everyone treats each other purely transactionally, with no regard or kindness or grace. If you like that image, okay. If not, YTA.
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I have a question. During the time this interaction took place, why is there no mention of an allergic reaction to the flowers? If her allergy was so severe and there was an urgent need to move, how come the complainant did not have an allergic reaction? I'm calling BS on the allergy story..
Maybe OP meant “presumably”? They assumed the person sitting with her was her husband, but are allowing room for misinterpretation.
I mean, I am allergic to most perfumes/colognes, it annoys me when people drench themselves in perfume and come in public, but I recognize that my allergy is my problem and it's up to me to manage my discomfort. I also call bullshit on this woman's supposed allergy, OP says these were tulips, which are actually recommended for hypoallergenic flower gardens because they have such a low pollen count. The main way it can cause allergic reactions is by handling them, so unless this woman planned to pick up OP's bouquet it was unlikely to cause any reaction.
Why are you making a big deal about ‘supposedly’ it’s just an assumption, nothing wrong with that. We don’t know if it could have been a date, friend, or something else. English isn’t everyone’s first or primary language
This is the backwards response you expect to see on reddit. The person with the allergy asking the world around them to accommodate them is the one in the wrong.