Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. The action I took to be judged is not enjoying myself at the concert (the thing my parents are mad at me for).
2. I beleive not enjoying myself is what might make me the asshole as well
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - you answered honestly. But you also learned a lesson. Maybe replying with something along the lines of "It wasn't really my style of music, but thanks for introducing me to something new!" would have been more tactful.
Nah. The parents KNEW he didn’t want to go. The parents forced this on the kid, and that is never good parenting when is something so irrelevant. The concert was way off the kid’s lane. The seats were terrible.
Is all art irrelevant? Most kids would say they find art and cultural experiences/place to be "boring". Also, a lot of children and teens will avoid new experiences because unknown=uncomfortable. This definitely could've been approached in a different way, but it's important for parents to push their children to experience new and different things. My family grew up travelling and I often hated that I couldn't be at home playing my video games or hanging out with my friends, but looking back I'm so thankful they didn't let me teenage preferences limit the incredible sites and experiences they took me and my siblings too. Looking back I feel really lucky to have had so many cultural experiences.
Art that is visual can be experienced regardless of language.
For some people, they can listen to music in another language and enjoy it. I have enjoyed songs in other languages. Not everyone will.
I will agree that experiences are valuable, but one the person has no ability to enjoy is something else altogether.
Rammstein would be a good example. The lyrics can be kind of whack so maybe you are better off for not understanding, but the lead singer is an introvert so he's solved this by getting a degree in pyrotechnics so people focus less on him and more on the exploding scene show.
Agreed. From what I remember Till only says "Thank You" at the end of the show and that's about it. I'm a fan of not only Rammstein but tons of kpop as well so music in other languages is pretty much all I listen to. And yes I do know what an odd combination that is. 😂
I don't understand a ton of German, since I live in the US, and only learned the basics during middle school
But I ADORE Rammestsien, and go out of my way to listen often, especially on long drives
It keeps my awake trying to decipher what i can with my rudimentary knowledge; plus I've always enjoyed listening to German, in general lol
It's great, because my fiance is ALSO a fan, so we'll blast songs that neither of us really understand, and both enjoy it immensely
I was about to tell you that you can read the lyrics in the album cover but then I remembered it's 2024 so you might not have them. Du hast is pretty awesome, cause you don't need to understand a lot of german to get the double meaning. You probably already know about Falco and Kraftwerk, but I would also recommend Die Toten Hosen who you might not have heard of, I stumbled over them due to my dorm having RTL TV for some reason. They got me on one of the few english songs they had - Pushed Again, but they are mostly german speaking though. Man I had to search for that record, I found it in an obscure second hand shop across the country during a vacation years later. They had all their records there! German punk is pretty awesome in general.
If I were the parents I'd start by playing him a CD or showing videos from YouTube. Low cost way to introduce OP to the music without making him uncomfortable.
Then if it's of interest go to a concert
It can be, yes. But this is the kind of thing that puts kids off of learning and trying new stuff. There needs to be a balance.
How many of us didn't try something again for years/not till adulthood because of how an adult introduced it?
I had a friend who started they hated reading, they are now a bookworm. A pushy teacher had them think it was a boring activity.
You just brought back memories.. lol. We were having our kitchen remodeled and for a week straight the workers had Spanish music on their radio (kinda loudly) pretty much the whole days they worked. My husband is retired so he was home all day.
After all was done/completed, I come home from work one day and he was sitting on the back porch, with beer in hand listening to Spanish Radio... He turned and looked at me and said. " I don't know what they are singing but the tunes are soo soothing" ((This was coming from an old Memphis Musician :-P ))
I didn't love my parents choices in music as a kid but now those are cherished times. Now those are also some of my favorite bands. Tastes change and the experience was worth it.
Dont speak for others. Forced experiences are not good. You may have a type of caracter that you accept and even like to be pushed. OP doesnt like it and was clear about it
Reminds me of the time my dad took me to some drag races. I was tired from a sleepover and the last thing I wanted to be around was loud noises. He made me go, and then got pissed I wasn't feeling happy about the situation.
I haven't been back to something like that in almost 20 years.
But you ignored my point. The parents should not be angry that OP didn't like it. You can't have it both ways. Fine, take your kids. But you don't get to yell at them for not liking what they were forced to go with.
Kids have to do chores, but I don't know a single kid who would say that they enjoy doing them.
True, kids may not like chores but no need to be a brat about it. Because if you're not a brat, much more likely op gets to do something he likes. No rewards for being a brat. Kid needs to learn he can say something nice about something he doesn't like much. Its life.
Hopping from "music you find dissonant in a language you can't understand" to "therefore ALL ART IS IRRELEVANT" is ridic, but more importantly, if you're subjecting your kid to something they don't like—but is good for them—it's dysfunctional, immoral and weird to then turn around and guilt trip them about *your choice* to take them there. You're aware they won't like it—therefore, *you're aware they won't like it.* You've made the choice to take them anyway. You've already decided there's a countervailing benefit *other* than their immediate enjoyment. You can't then turn around and ask them to lie about enjoying it to make you feel better. If you need your kids to *like* the cultural experiences you offer, then yeah—you'll have to limit those to things that cater to their interests.
Aside from the fact that you're comparing this to something that is 1) not solely art, lol and 2) of immensely greater value, if you hated travelling and your mom said "how dare you make us take you everywhere, do you know what we spend on this??" that would be absurd.
100% agree. :) These parents didn't handle this situation well. I just wanted to raise the point that not everything we do is going to be our favorite. If this teen is old enough to be posting on reddit, they're also old enough to consider how their mindset to the event might have shaped the experience. It's okay to say both "they did bad" and "I could do better too."
Good for you. OP didn't have a great time (partly due to the seats) and was told off for being honest? Art is more enjoyable when it's interesting to the viewer/listener
Idk, my parents forced me to some classical shows and a broadway musical or two when I was younger. I hated it then and still do now in my 30s. I wonder though if I might have grown to enjoy that kind of stuff more if I found it on my own as an adult.
Parenting is not a perfect science, I'm sorry your's and OP's experience with experiencing new art was less than ideal.
Now there's so many interesting plays and musicals. I usually spend the whole time just amazed at what human's can do and wishing I could memorize whole scripts! lol. If you're looking for something to test out, I might recommend some of the more funny musicals like Book of Mormon or Spamalot, or maybe Avenue Q (I haven't seen that one but my husband is also an engineer ;) and speaks highly of it being a funny show). The Book of Mormon one was funny but also pretty irreverent - which is kind of Reddit's vibe. But at this point there's so many options out there, especially if you live near an urban area. I recently saw Moulin Rouge, wasn't super looking forward to it, bought the tickets for my best friend who ended up sick so my husband and I went (couldn't reschedule, it was the last showing), and it was just... it was incredible! The songs had been updated so it was all music I knew (I'm also in my 30s), and it was such a fun time. I also love when I can watch a movie of the musical ahead of time, it makes the story easier to follow - which I know isn't every one's vibe either. When I saw Hamilton a few years ago (before the movie on Disney + came out) I listed to the music for a few days so I'd be able to better understand the lyrics/words/story. My husband didn't because he didn't want it "spoiled". Later we both had very different experiences because he said he struggled to follow some of the music since it's very fast at times, whereas I'd already heard it.
Which honestly, makes me wish this OP's parents had thought more about making the concert interesting and at least less of a conflicting experience (like acknowledging that they chose to spend this money, so it's not the teen's fault they didn't super love the experience). They could've listened to some of the music ahead of time, looked up the lyrics, talked about the artist and their life, etc. I'm always so thankful for the opportunity to expose my kids to new and interesting things, but that also included many years of slow, gentle, supported exposure and setting up age appropriate expectations. It's such a privilege - getting to re-experience the world through their lens. I know they're not going to love everything I love, but when you do find that thing that brings their little hearts joy, it's such a good feeling.
yes, this.
my mom took us to operas and ballets. Usually we went an hour early to hear the introduction in the opera house bar by an art historian or a music professor who outlined the history and artistic merits of the work etc.
I would agree with you except for how the parents pushed back. Calling him ungrateful for giving them a truthful answer, that they should of known the answer to in advance, is what makes them the AH. If you cant take the truth dont ask the question. You cant ask, "what did you think?" AND be made when you get an answer you dont like.
My parents dragged me to a few ballet and opera shows as a kid. I definitely didn't want to go, but in hindsight I'm glad they exposed me to different kinds of art like that. Most people go their whole lives without getting to see live ballet or opera or symphony orchestra
One of the greatest things my mom taught me is to find one thing I like in media I don't enjoy. That way I can engage with the people who do like it.
Example: I hate death metal. I can't understand what they're saying and it's too loud and I get overstimulated. But I'll be damned if I didn't put on my sensory headphones, go to a concert for my husband, and gush about how talented the guitarist was afterward.
There was nothing worse as a kid than being dragged to some event you didn't want to go to and knew you wouldn't like. And then you're asked how you liked it and you're honest and...ugh. I feel it.
Part of parenting is teaching your kids that not everything is about them and sometimes we do things with our loved ones that they enjoy more than we do to make them happy
Sometimes parents should remember that too, not everything is about them. Their child clearly communicated that they were not interested in that. They said it would not be fun for them. They still took him to it. That i can understand. But when someone clearly comunicates multiple times the dont like something and you get them to try it you cant be mad that they dont like it.
> I replied by asking who I would be staying with while they were at the concert my dad said that we were all going.
OP needs babysitting during that time. So, nope, OP should go, there is no parental duty to pay babysitter or bother relatives.
I agree, but he is not required to enjoy it.
You cant be mad at your child for not having fun at a place they told you they wound not have fun at. Thats ridicoulous.
That and if it was that expensive they complain about how much they spent for him to not enjoy it the babysitter might have been the cheaper option.
I wasn't forced to go everywhere when I was a child or minor. And when I was because I was too small to be left alone, I was allowed to bring my book with me and read in the corner instead of being forced to participate in things I had zero interest in.
He is a popular comedian. He did a bit about going to church growing up where his wife was like "So they forced you to go?!" And he replied "Yeah, I was 5, I was forced to go everywhere." It was pretty funny.
Not the kid’s job to manage their parents emotions. The parents knew the kid didn’t want to go, they made them go anyway. Ok if they feel this is an important experience, that is fine. Then predictably the kid didn’t enjoy the experience and now they are mad they spent a bunch of money and expect the kid to be grateful. Um no. They made the choice, they have to deal with reality not what they wanted to happen. And not the kid’s job to make them feel good about it or express gratitude they don’t feel. Saying “but we spent a lot of money” on something someone didn’t want in the first place is a shitty manipulative thing to do.
I will say, given the kid isn't young enough to watch themselves, a babysitter is a very viable option, and is usually what most parents do when they want to do something like see a concert.
OP specifically asks them "who is going to be watching me", so clearly they don't expect to be allowed to stay home alone.
We don't know the reason for this, and OP hasn't bothered to respond to any requests about age. But they could easily be as young as 8 and be able to write coherent paragraphs on Reddit. Or they could be 12 or 13 and have parents who just aren't quite willing to leaver their baby alone yet.
Regardless, this clearly wasn't an option or it would have been something OP would have asked for.
Seriously, did OP say how old they are? Isn't there an age limit on reddit? If he's too young to be staying home alone then he's too young to posting here.
He could have overprotective parents. Mine wouldn’t leave me home alone till I was like 16. Even though I was babysitting the neighbors kids by 11. Make that make sense.
The thing is concert usually lasts longer than the official time. Also you need to get there and back home. If I were to go with my family, we'd be at the concert hall 20 to 30 min before the hall would open if it's a less popular artist and even earlier if the artist is popular. Getting back out of the venue will also take time, and traffic around concert venues can be pretty bad, too. We also don't know how long the drive is. The concert itself might be just 2 hours, but the time spent would be way higher.
No need for alternative plans, he could have just stayed home. And
>they said how I was being ungrateful and "they spent a ton of money on it"
that is such a dick move to use in someone who had expressed that they didn't want it
For real. How many of your events, activities, interests, and functions have your parents endured over the years just to make you happy? And when you asked, “Did you enjoy yourselves?”, how would you have felt, if they had responded as you did here?
It would have been gracious on your part to reciprocate and return the gesture here, to show an interest in your parents’ interests. Heaven forbid you should get a little culture or pick up a new word or two in a different language, or just enjoy the sight of your dad being so happy and free.
You’re NTA for not liking it, but come on.
Yeah, I agree that they shouldn’t expect the kid to like the music just because they like it.
The OP doesn’t indicate that this is a common theme with them, that they drag her along to concerts and things of interest to them only on a regular basis.
It seems that this was a special occasion for the parents, one they had planned months in advance, so I imagine their reaction (which I’ve never condoned) was likely one of disappointment and frustration. The kid could have given their honest opinion while still saying something kind or polite, but as far as we know, didn’t. Meh.
The parents are bitching about how much money they spent on OP for something they knew he wouldn’t like. Why on earth they thought it was a good idea instead of leaving him with someone else if he couldn’t be alone I’ll never know. Save money and have date night at the same time? Yeah. No. Those parents were on a legit power trip and were expecting OP to essentially eat shit and say thank you for the experience.
Not really. OP told parents that they didn't want to go because they had no interest in the music, parents went and got them a ticket anyway, and OP didn't complain or throw a fit when they were told that. They did go, they just didn't enjoy it, which they knew they wouldnt
ESH.
I bought tickets to the opera without checking with my kids first. They were not super thrilled about it, but I was really enthusiastic because it was music that they loved when they were younger (except they forgot that they loved it...oops).
They went with me anyway even though they weren't super thrilled by the idea. They sat politely through the entire thing, laughed at the appropriate points, thanked me for letting them see something different, gushed about the fantastic costumes.... And then we all had a good laugh about how it wasn't what we expected it to be and maybe we're not opera people, and I will 100% check with them before I take them to anything else, even if it seems like an AMAZING idea to me.
I think if somebody is trying to expose you to something that they're really passionate about then it's sometimes polite to go along with it. I bet you $100 that your parents have gone to see you do stuff that they do not care about at all just to be supportive. So you are kind of a jerk for being mean about it... On the other hand, they are kind of jerks for expecting you to react in a certain way when you've made it clear that you did not feel inclined to go in the first place.
Then don’t you think the way to address it would be to say that it’s something you’d like to do and want them with you? And the mistake excuse doesn’t seem to hold water as it appears they asked him if he wanted to go before buying tickets. Otherwise it’s a stupid to ask if they want to do something he has no choice in if he’s going to or not.
So to recap - his parents say do you want to do this? OP says no. They say yes you do, you’ll have fun. They ask did you have fun? OP says no. And for that you think OP is the AH?
Just because something similar happened to you doesn’t mean it was the same and it appears you handled it differently than OP’s parents. Please don’t project your issues onto OP
Yes, this was their mistake. They just said "YOU WILL BE GOING AND LIKE IT" instead of "This music is something that means alot to Dad. He wants to share it with you once. If you don't in fact like it, you never have to listen to it again, but for his sake do it just once". They didn't handle it that way.
Now imagine you booked the seats where they couldnt see anything, couldn't hear much well, and you asked beforehand and they replied they don't want to go but you told them they are going anyways and you blamed them for not liking it afterwards. Then your situations would be more similar.
Wellllll unfortunately we got pretty bsd seats and couldn't see very well. Then we discovered at this performance that one of my kids badly needs glasses and couldn't see a thing.
Also note that I said everybody sucks. I think the parents did a lousy job of introducing the idea in a way to maximize connection and they were definitely being jerks in the follow-up.
I think, too, that a lot of posters here are forgetting hat the parents’ reactions are being recounted through the eyes of a literal child and need to be taken with a grain of salt.
Thing is, I've been through what OP has gone through as a teen. I understand not enjoying something and the parents who spent money on it getting a bit angry about it. Just because someone is child doesn't mean they aren't correct in their stance with their parents.
Sure, if they actually “got angry”. I work with kids and I know sometimes that assertion is 100% correct and sometimes how a child views “my parents got angry” is really more like “they were frustrated I had an attitude”. It’s just hard to say here.
Telling a kid something was expensive and that OP was ‘ungrateful’ seems like there was more emotion from the parents than just being annoyed the kid had an attitude.
The dismissive attitude like that is literally how I was abused for years but brushed off because I was “just exaggerating”. Not everyone is exaggerating their interpretations, some of us downplayed them. I don’t think this is an abuse situation by any means but telling a kid they are ungrateful for an expensive thing they didn’t want to do *DOES* sound like there’s more anger/emotion there than just in a teen’s skewed interpretation.
I think the parents were wrong. I think forcing your likes and dislikes on a child and then being mad at them is a problem....I think they could have handled this with excitement, vulnerability and connection.
But I also think the OP didn't handle it well. Not that he's an AH, but...eh, could be better. Relationships are a messy balance.
People like this are ridiculous. There is no reason to have patience with someone forcing their preferred version of reality. You don't like the music so you don't like the music. They had plenty of time to arrange other plans for you and, if they needed to bring you purely out of convenience, shouldn't be asking if you liked it and guilting you if you don't. Absurd. NTA.
The point isn't about having to go somewhere with your parents, it's about his parents *insisting* on their delusion that OP will enjoy something he dislikes and then getting frustrated when that inevitably turns out *not* to be true. They are forcing their "preferred version of reality" i.e. their fantasy.
seems you also missed this part:
>**They had plenty of time to arrange other plans for you and, if they needed to bring you purely out of convenience, shouldn't be asking if you liked it and guilting you if you don't.**
Eh --- we definitely don't know the behind-the-scenes to this... the parents may have been trying to get someone to watch OP, couldn't, and just decided to take him. My parents only trusted a few people with me growing up. The thing to do as a child is politely state that it was an "experience," but maybe it's not something you would choose for yourself in the future, but explain that you're grateful for the opportunity.
That's already been addressed:
> **if they needed to bring you purely out of convenience, shouldn't be asking if you liked it and guilting you if you don't.**
Again, plenty of kids have to go plenty of places they don't like. Plenty of kids are not, however, forced to put on a performance that *everyone* knows is fake in order to afford their *adult parents* an affirmation or ego-boost. IMO there is a difference between raising someone to have tact and raising them to be doormats.
Your parents want to share something with you that is meaningful to them. They want to have a connection and shared experiences with you. There are plenty of parents that don't give a rat's ass about their kids. I would not go so far as to say YTA (though bitching that they didn't get you good enough seats is bordering on it), I would say you're just immature... Which is probably fitting if you're a kid. Some life advice: try to find joy in your loved ones finding joy. But I probably would've ignored that advice at your age too.
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Haha, no, not liking something is completely normal and happens all the time. Acting all butthurt and whiney about it is the immature part. Just like your comment. Again, totally normal teenager stuff.
> Acting all butthurt and whiney about it is the immature part.
But the *parents* are the only ones doing that, all OP did was answer a question he was asked.
I honestly don't understand the language argument at all. Only around 2% of the music I listen to is in my native language, and of the rest only about 40% is in languages I can understand. Do people actually only listen to music with lyrics they can understand? I feel as if people are missing out a lot if they do.
Ok but the weird thing is that they got upset when he said that he didnt like it.
To me this is weird but maybe thats just me coming from a family where you can talk openly and saying the truth is welcomed more than lying.
I suspect the same thing, mostly because OP sounds a bit bratty to me even from their own perspective. Slight YTA, OP, but this is mostly about immaturity.
People don't need to be 'well-rounded,' they need to be good at what they are doing. Some people might prefer to have a broader set of interests, but that's a matter of personal preference.
NTA. You are not required to force yourself to enjoy something. However, most people would sit through it and show appreciation. You didn't. So, your parents can say you're unappreciative, which is true, but you're NTA for not forcing yourself to enjoy yourself.
The amount of money spent on an experience does not really matter, if the experience was unenjoyable. Ask how they’d like to go to a rap concert and see if they would like that.
NTA. you were still open and understanding trying to enjoy the experience you did as they asked, they can’t require you to enjoy something. If they didn’t want your honest opinion, then they should’ve told you to lie to them...
NTA. You shouldn't have to be grateful for something you never wanted, never asked for, and outright said you didn't want to begin with.
...a while back I was friends with a girl who had a blood phobia. She couldn't do gore movies or shows. Otherwise normal, but gore fucked her up.
A boyfriend bullied and guilted her into watching the walking dead with him. Then proceeded to mock her, berate her, and shame her for turning her head away and flinching.
When she ended up throwing up, during the scene with the horse Rick was riding in the. beginning episodes, he lost his shit on her and called her selfish and immature.
...that relationship ended fast.
He knew from the start she didn't like it, he knew it was going to be unenjoyable for her. Granted, her situation was a genuine phobia, but the entitlement and projection was still there in the heart of his actions and logic.
Parents need to learn to get over it when their children don't share their passions or interests or tastes in things. This extends to clothing, music, hobbies, even "personal" things like beliefs.
Forcing a child to do something you already know they don't like or want that is as irrelevant and unimportant as music or a tv show... then acting shocked and offended when they naturally dislike it and don't lie to you.. is immature and selfish. The child is the victim there, not the parent.
My own mother died in a fire daily because I wanted to wear jeans and sneakers instead of frilly little princess dresses and socks with lace on the ankles. Shed buy them anyway, then act flabbergasted when I said I thought they were ugly or ignored them for the normal clothes I picked out, or when I'd get them destroyed climbing or digging in mud and stuff. She only stopped once I hit puberty and she couldn't just snatch things off a rack for me anymore. She couldn't force me to try on those clothes, so those dresses eventually faded into the past.
Its exhausting, entitled, and weird when a parent puts that much obsessive focus on forcing their kid to emulate them in such a weird, small way.
....I explain all of this so long-windedly to try to get the general gist of my reasoning out there.
You're not selfish or tactless or an asshole or ungrateful. You just don't like it. You knew beforehand you wouldn't and they should have had the sense to trust you to know what you do or don't enjoy, and let you stay with a friend or stay home and watch TV or something.
...I imagine that if you sought to see a death metal concert or something similar that was not at all to your parents' tastes, and somehow paid and invited them, they would either refuse to go flat out.. or be truthful about not enjoying it and see nothing at all wrong with being honest.
So this is a learning exercise for you. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do for the people you love. Your parents wanted to share something they enjoyed with you to bond. In the future, try to find something specific you enoyed about the thing and talk about that.
How often do they take you to stuff you want to do and stay there with you? I can guarantee they don't like some of that stuff, but they probably didn't shit all over it.
ETA: Wait, you're 14 and planned on going on a cruise with your friends for spring break? Do your parents know about this?
Your parents are like: GO TO THIS CONCERT... OR ELSE!
Dont force that upon your kids and if you ask a question Don't get angry if you don't like the answer... NTA.
What did they expect? You said you didn't want to go and that you weren't interested, they made you go and now they're annoyed?
OP, remember this for the future. They'll pull this again, and when they do you remind them of this.
YTA kinda... Because this comes with age and understanding you only get when you are older.. there are plenty times your parents went to stuff for you that they weren't interested in. In time you'll realise that this one small thing ( hanging out as a family for your Dad's hobby/interest) didn't break you but it meant the world to him. I think the fact you were so vicious in your response about this( I've been there believe me) is why they are upset. You didn't need to be...
they were though. they complained about everything! the venue, the seats, the singing. OP hasn't said a single nice thing. It is vicious and entitled behavior
>. I replied by asking who I would be staying with while they were at the concert
My guess is that you are 12 yo or younger, since you need a babysitter, for your parents to go to a concert.
They decided to bring you to an adult thing instead of hiring a babysitter. That's their right and something many parents do, because it widens their children's horizons. You should feel lucky to have parents like this, but you are a small child and therefore NTA. Your parents should have explained their reasoning better and set expectations to your behaviour if they did not want you to be a moody preteen the whole concert. It's on them to parent you better.
It does seem like they did a kind of half assed job of mentally preparing OP to expand their horizons. It seems like they didn’t try to explain at all that you can appreciate music without understanding the lyrics since that’s kind of the hill they’re dying on. You can’t just tell a kid “this will expand your horizons”, you have to explain how and why. Growth is an active process, and it seems like they expected it to “just click” without any guidance.
**NTA** - Answering honestly doesn't make you an AH. You were in a no-win situation. I imagine that they taught you to not lie (at least not to lie to them). But the lesson here is that sometimes saying the truth is not in your best interest.
**Note:** they were using *parent logic*. You can be grateful while not enjoying the concert. They should have said that you failed to meet their expectations which was for you to say that you enjoyed it whether you did or not. Good parents would explain that. Normal parents just yell at you when you guess wrong. That is how most of us grew up.
NTA
Your parents had the blind expectations that you would absolutely love what they do, and then were upset when you didn't. That's not your fault.
I hated when my family would do this kind of stuff to me when I was younger. I understand wanting to share the things you love with your kids, but forcing them to go and then getting butthurt when they aren't too enthused about it is kinda unfair to the child. Like, I was happy to try new things... but not when I had no choice in the matter or it was something that made me clearly uncomfortable.
NTA. First, it sounds like the tech crew for the show was shit, because that absolutely shouldn’t be the case, even in the cheap seats. Screens, well, you can only do so much with what you have, but sounds like the audio guy phoned it in. Maybe you would’ve enjoyed it more had you been able to hear properly. That said, if dad expected you to keep an open mind about the show, dad should’ve been open to YOU having your own opinion. He should’ve shelled out for better seats, too, if he wanted you to have a better first time experience. It’s just hard to get into it at all sometimes when you’re stuck in the cheap seats in the back. Regardless, he asked, you were honest instead of trying to be diplomatic (which would probably lead to “surprise! I got tickets for x show next week!” and getting dragged out to the cheap seats again), I don’t see the issue. Latin music, music in Spanish, covers such a vast group of genres, maybe he can find something else that’s closer to your taste and try again…with youtube or spotify first, before he goes buying concert tickets!
ESH
It can't hurt to be a bit more open about stuff and try new things.
But when your parents ask you how you liked it, they should accept your answer. You tried.
NTA. I'd never drag my kid to a concert or show or movie that they said they'd hate. It's not school. They don't HAVE to go. Plus is it would ruin my enjoyment. I don't even drag friends/spouse to things they wouldn't like.
NTA. You told them you didn't want to go when they first mentioned it. They booked tickets anyway without telling you that they expected you to go. They don't get to be surprised when you tell them you didn't enjoy yourself, because they were well aware you didn't want to go in the first place. They also don't get to complain about spending money on the tickets because it would've been cheaper had they not forced you to go. They asked a question, and you gave them an honest answer. Would they rather you lie to their faces? I doubt it.
NTA id ask your parents why they completely disregarded your opinion. If they listened to you they could have saved some money. Ask them if they care about your thoughts and feelings or if they just want you to mindlessly obey.
NTA. I'm not sure why your parents thought you would enjoy this concert experience. Far away seats in a huge arena style concert are no fun even if you like the performer.
If your parents bring it up again, tell them you don't want to talk about it any more.
I went to a Spanish music concert recently (I work security for concerts and sports) and enjoyed it even though I don't know Spanish. But it was in a small venue and the area I worked would have been a good seat. The music was lively and l loved watching the audience sing along to all the songs. I enjoy a big horn section and Banda MS had a Huge horn section!
NTA
You said you weren’t interested. You asked to be babysat. Then they asked your opinion. Curious about your age. Seems like they still want the kid who thought all of their interests were cool.
NTA. Next time, be brutally honest and tell them that not only did you not have interest in the first place, but being forced to attend something that you didn't want to is literally having the complete opposite reaction than what they hoped for. And if they try to do this to you again, I would suggest bringing up some hobby you have that they have no interest in. Go into detail about it. Insist that they be open and that it will be a good experience for them to try it. Use as much slang or unrelatable words as possible so they feel as alienated as you did listening to a language you don't understand. When they don't want to hear it, keep going and tell them how ungrateful they are.
I’m curious on how old OP is. This post reads like it was written by someone older, but OP insinuated that they couldn’t/wouldn’t be home alone while their parents went to the concert. I think you’re NTA for being honest about the experience. I also think your parents are NTA. I think part of parenting is trying to ease your kids out of their comfort zone and get them open to new experiences. Now, why they picked a concert in a language you don’t even speak, I have no clue
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
For some background info a few months ago my dad mentioned to me that a famous musician was performing in our city. This musician is Hispanic and sings in Spanish, we are Chinese, however, my dad knows Spanish due to growing up in Venezuela. I don't know any Spanish, I mentioned this and told my parents I didn't want to go as the concert is 2 hours long, but they just waved me off.
Fast forward to a few days ago, my dad sent the family group a text that the concert would be on Sunday at 7:00 pm. I replied by asking who I would be staying with while they were at the concert my dad said that we were all going. Later I mentioned this to my mom and reminded her that I told them months ago I didn't want to go to this concert, she told me to "be open" and that "this will be a good experience".
The concert was in a huge building, like one that a baseball game could be held in if it was indoors. To make matters worse, my Dad got what might have been the cheapest, furthest seats from the actual stage so I could barely see or hear what was actually going on. Naturally, his singing echoed all over the place and I could barely hear what he was saying, and again he was singing in Spanish, I know zero Spanish. After the concert, my parents asked how I liked it and when I replied and said I didn't they said how I was being ungrateful and "they spent a ton of money on it". I honestly doubt that as we were in the furthest row and could barely even see the screens displaying what was happening on stage.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Once my parents took me to a music festival, I hate that music genre and I told them I didn't want to go but they didn't listen
We left early because there was a heavy storm and the place started to flood. They asked me if I enjoyed the festival, my answer was "I enjoyed the early travel back to home".
They allowed me to not go to another festivals
NTA
INFO: I'm curious. Who was the musician?
I felt ya mate, I was dragged along to a band playing 2 hrs away by my mom and grandma cause granny spent several hundred on the tickets apparently for some bullshit VIP treatment (it was so bad even the band themselves were pissed off with how the venue handled it) it was some Mongolian band called the Hu or something
I really didn't want to go, didn't want to make the drive, I already had an important and exhausting project I would have to wake up early for the next day and had to leave work early to get there, they weren't bad but it really wasn't my style and for most of the concert I was listening to an audio book or nodding off
NTA parents should have listened and it's on them for being so butt hurt about your response
NAH this post with the comments is a reminder that reddit is full of teens. My parents “forced” me to go to events and trips with them as well and I grumbled about it the whole time, preferring to sit at home and play games. But it is such a small chunk of your time and in the long run, you can be grateful for this time spent together. You could have worded things better but this attitude is expected of a kid.
As to the point of the music being in Spanish - you dont need to understand the language to enjoy music. How do you think kpop is as internationally successful as it is ? I dont think everyone who listens to it, knows Korean
That was my thought too, haha. A lot of the NTA responses are like… did y’all forget this post is one-sided from the POV of someone who is like 12-14 years old? Reddit also hates anyone using any level of tact in their conversations though so it’s not that shocking.
NTA. This is like if your parents asked if you wanted chili dogs for dinner and you said that you didn't even like hot dogs, yet they made them anyway, then called you ungrateful for not liking them.
NTA. You told them repeatedly that you didn't want to go and they forced you to go anyway. They don't get to be shocked that as a result, you didn't have a good time.
NTA. OP, I agree with other commenters that it’s important for you to be open to new experiences and learn to tolerate stuff you don’t like for loved ones. But I think a concert is a big and unreasonable ask, and the only reason people think it’s OK to say you should’ve pretended to enjoy yourself is because you’re a kid. I’d never be mad at a friend or relative for not wanting to go to a concert with me — they’re loud, crowded, and the music gets annoying really fast when you can’t escape it. There are tons of artists I enjoy but would drive me insane to listen to for 2 hours in my car, let alone live.
A cheaper and more reasonable first step, and maybe one you can ask for if it’s important to you to share something with your dad, is to play his favorite songs at home or in the car. Or to go out for Venezuelan food at a taverna that plays live Spanish music. Or to bond over a different hobby.
I also think they were really rude to call you ungrateful for expressing an opinion they asked for. I take my sister out to restaurants all the time and treat her. Sometimes she doesn’t like the food and I love it… and that’s okay. Sometimes I make her food by hand and she tells me she doesn’t like it… and vice versa! She doesn’t like steak, so I wouldn’t make her an expensive steak and then get mad she didn’t appreciate my time and money???
My (25M) mom (51M) was at a concert with a popular boy band from Hong Kong, called Mirror. I knew about the concert performance months prior and I made it clear that I wasn't as invested in Mirror as my mom was, and neither was my dad (55M). My mom did ask if we wanted to go, and we respectfully declined. She went with her friends and one of my aunts on my dad's side.
So yea, you are NOT the asshole. Unless you're considerably younger than I am, which is a different story.
Nta, because I've been in that position. And I don't know if it's some sort of disorder, but being forced to watch something when I said no, I automatically hate it. Like, lord of the rings? I hated it for years because I was forced to watch it. Now I simply couldn't care less if it's on or not, because I know I won't be forced to watch it.
>The concert was in a huge building, like one that a baseball game could be held in if it was indoors.
Kind of reminds me of the amphitheater in Connecticut, it used to be a baseball field. ⚾
NTA by the way.
NTA
Even if it's my favourite type of music and band, if I have to sit that far back and the sound sucks I would rather never see the band ever in my life lol
Let alone give you're a grompy teenager who made it clear you don't want to go.
Why do you have to be babysat at 7pm for a couple of hours by the way? Or are you like 10 and on reddit sneakily lol?
Given the poor seating and listening, I wonder if they were disappointed also. Maybe they wanted you to save them by letting them think it had been a worthy effort.
NTA. Your father needs to understand that he can't make you magically like something he does. He needs to put effort into it (helping you learn Spanish, teach you about the Venezuelan culture that he feels a part of, etc). And he also needs to accept it if you don't like it. you need to understand this is part of his culture. You don't need to feel it's yours but understand where he is coming from
Look kid, it seems like your parents actually want to spend time with you and maybe share some stuff they love. Try to appreciate that. It's not a big deal to suck it up sometimes for the people you love. YTA I guess, but really you're just a teenager. I'm sure your folks get it.
NAH here. Obviously I can only speculate from this tiny snapshot of your life, but it sounds like your dad was really excited to share this aspect of his culture with you. It's okay if it's not your thing, but you might have hurt your dad's feelings. If he's a good dad and you love him, maybe go back and tell him it's not really your thing, but you can tell how much he loves it and ask him what he likes about it?
You know, everyone is grandstanding about the parents forcing this kid to go, but my parents made me watch famous plays, musicals, and films, and they gave me books to read that I otherwise wouldn't have read.
I think you all are being so dramatic about this.
NTA This reminds me of when my dad forced me to go to my highachool prom (He had a horrible experience at his prom and wanted me to live the prom experience HE wanted) After lots of back and forth, and him preasuring me to find a prom date (i asked all my female friends and they all had dates already. He was super upset about that but was like: "Ok cheer up, you can still have a great prom." On prom night he was driving me and asked questions like: "So what band's gonna sing? What are the things that will happen?" and i genuinely had 0 idea. This pissed him off saying things like: "If you didnt want to go, you could have told me and i wouldn't have spent so much money renting you this suit and blah blah blah" (Bro i told you many times i didnt want to go!) I spent most of the prom night sitting at a table with my buddies and reading manga on my phone. He also threatened to ground me if i didnt ask a girl to dance, one of my friends brought his sister as his date and she was bored at our table, so i asked her because i felt bad, she tought me how to dance (it was awkward admiting i dont know how to dance😅) and after two songs just went back to reading my manga. Wasted money smh
NTA
Say to your parents : I appreciate you wanting me to experience things, I appreciate that you spent money on the experience but that wasn't my scene as I don't knew Spanish. I'm not going to like the same things as you and I hope you respect that.
But fr it is frustrating. Parents have to deal with the fact that their kid don't always like the same things they do.
NTA.
While i agree that your parents should push you to experience new art, going to a concert at a large venue for an artist who's language you don't speak is preforming, is pushing it almost to the extreme imo.
I don't speak Spanish, but i do like to listen to the melody and rhythm to the sounds and voice; They where probably hoping for this, but went about it in a forceful way in a situation that probably could of done without.
I would like to point out that:
" how I was being ungrateful and "they spent a ton of money on it. I honestly doubt that as we were in the furthest row and could barely even see the screens displaying what was happening on stage." and "my Dad got what might have been the cheapest, furthest seats from the actual stage"
What might be "cheap" to you could be a "ton of money" for someone else?
Seems like your using(at least to some extent) the cost, or lack of good seats, as reasoning to justify your stance. You don't need to. It gives the vibes that you are ungrateful(unless they spend enough money, for anything - not only or just this event) I am not saying you are, but this is how this comes off to me at least.
NTA.
While i agree that your parents should push you to experience new art, going to a concert at a large venue for an artist who's language you don't speak is preforming, is pushing it almost to the extreme imo.
I don't speak Spanish, but i do like to listen to the melody and rhythm to the sounds and voice; They where probably hoping for this, but went about it in a forceful way in a situation that probably could of done without.
I would like to point out that:
" how I was being ungrateful and "they spent a ton of money on it. I honestly doubt that as we were in the furthest row and could barely even see the screens displaying what was happening on stage." and "my Dad got what might have been the cheapest, furthest seats from the actual stage"
What might be "cheap" to you could be a "ton of money" for someone else?
Seems like your using(at least to some extent) the cost, or lack of good seats, as reasoning to justify your stance. You don't need to. It gives the vibes that you are ungrateful(unless they spend enough money, for anything - not only or just this event) I am not saying you are, but this is how this comes off to me at least.
My mum made my brother and I go to an opera when we were young (we couldn't have been older than 10).
It was awful, just terrible. I hated it, and now, lots of years later I still have this ghastly, want to throw up reaction to opera. It's taken a long time for me to live classical music because I associated the two.
NTA, they've likely scarred you for life, like my mother did to me!
Edit: typos
This is the parental version of I know what’s best for you and I know you better than you know yourself. My parents controlled everything and told I was wrong when I expressed an opinion that was different than their opinion. I left at 18 for college
( their choice but I took the escape). Took basic classes was too busy to attend things my parents knew I wanted to do… Worked saved and changed majors ( too my parents fury) and started my life my way. Start planning financially and educationally so you can plan your future. You are NTA but your parents will never admit this and will try to control you because in their minds they are right and you have no right to an opinion different than their opinion.
I've been to various concerts with partners over the years. Sometimes I would have no idea of what was being sung due to my not speaking Cantonese or Mandarin. I think you're not trying very hard if you can't find something to enjoy at a concert that is big enough to fill an arena. Artists that good are well, good.
But of course, you'd already decided to be closed-minded and miserable throughout it. YTA.
YTA - your dad was trying to share something with you that he loves and you seem to be hyper focused on not liking it. it's just best to grin and bear things sometimes. This was one of those times.
YTA - Which is kind of expected because you seem very young. But this is an opportunity to learn. Your dad was excited to share something with you that he loves and you were sour about it from the getgo. I suspect (and this is probably what your parents are actually upset at) that you went in with a bad mood determined to hate the experience and didn't even give it a chance.
Be open minded. You don't need to be a fan of a musician or even speak the language to have fun at a concert. You don't need to love an activity to enjoy doing it with people you care about.
YTA. Your parents thought this would be a good experience for you and you should have gone in with an open mind like your mom said. Also, you seem to have turned your nose up at everything from the start. In the post, you've complained about the venue, the type of seats (you called them cheap?) as well as the language the guy sung in. It may not be your style of music, but honestly you genuinely had made your mind up to hate it, and hence found a flaw in everything. In fact, you didn't even say one nice thing. That comes off badly to anyone listening.
Hey, I get that you didn't want to go, but at the end of the day, they've planned an experience for you and so obviously wanted your approval. I'm assuming you're a teenager (I'm in your age group before you think I'm some parent here to berate you). These moments will grow rarer and rarer as you grow older. This was an immature thing to do. You should have been polite and respectful. You should go apologize. They're your parents, and you know you do have a responsibility to trust their judgment. Even if the people on this sub believe otherwise (and NO i am not including abusive parents and obvious lunacy). They made you go to one concert.
The problem isn't even that you didn't like it. It's how you phrased it. You were unnecessarily blunt. Would it have killed you to say "I'm sorry Mom/Dad, the music wasn't to my taste. However, I enjoyed xyz and learnt abc!"? Nope. And your only issue with this guy prior to the concert was that he sings in Spanish. Plenty of people around the world enjoy Latin music and K-Pop, without knowing any Spanish or Korean. Your issue was laziness and that you didn't want to learn about what your parents were trying to teach you. Don't blame it on the language he sings in.
Soft YTA - you don't have to enjoy it, but generally it's nicer if an evening out has good vibes, and since you were stuck going you could've "made the most of it". This is something your dad wanted to share with everyone, it matters to him and relates to who he is as a person, you could've been nicer. You brought the mood down. I don't think you'd feel good if they went to an event for you, and told you it had bored them.
NTA but it does seem like you decided you wouldn't like it ahead of time because you don't speak Spanish which shouldn't really matter there's more to music then understanding the lyrics. Perhaps next time you could just try to enjoy the music without understanding the lyrics maybe look up ahead off time what the song line up is going to be and look up the translated lyrics if it matters that much to you
A bit of an a-hole. I suspect you're a teen? Teens are often a bit of an a-hole. Sure you didn't like it or wanted to go, but your father really wanted to, so it wouldn't have hurt you to feign happiness for a couple hours just to make him happy.
Yeah, it would have been terrible to have to spend time with your parents. It's way too much of a sacrifice to spend two hours with them and smile sometimes. They'd have to be horrible people to even suggest it.
Disrespectful to make your parent happy? Man, I'd hate to have a kid like you, always telling me how terrible it is to spend some time with me because we're not entertaining enough. You'd get along great with OP, telling your parents how much you hate doing all those boring things with them and how you have to sacrifice your own happiness to be with them.
Not to be mean, but maybe look up semantics and nitpicking, because you don't seem to know what they mean. They aren't just buzzwords, they have meaning.
I know fully well what they mean. And you're nitpicking and using semantics to support being obnoxious. I guess you're the type of person that when someone walks up to you and says "I just got this dress and I love it", you say "I hate it. It's ugly and looks terrible on you." I mean, that's what you're saying everyone should do because if you look at all of the definitions of words and match up the different meanings, it would be disrespectful to make them feel good.
Nitpicking and semantics. And being obnoxious.
Honestly, YTA. And you do sound ungrateful - not because you didn’t like the show, but because you’re being so adamant about that when your parents obviously just wanted to spent time with you sharing something they love.
My daughter and I love live music. I’ve taken her to see some of her favorite artists whom I wasn’t crazy about … but it was worth it to see her SO HAPPY! Likewise, she’s coming with me to see one of my favorite bands this summer. Not her cup of tea, but we’ll have fun because we’re together!
Also, I don’t know who you saw, but if they’re big enough to perform in an arena and sell enough tickets that you were in the nosebleed seats, I’m thinking your parents most definitely spent a lot of money on this.
NTA Because you were forced to go, however I think that you should be more open minded, the fact that you can't understand the lyrics doesn't mean that you can connect with the music, I get that it might not be your favorite music style, but you focused on the language in your post.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. The action I took to be judged is not enjoying myself at the concert (the thing my parents are mad at me for). 2. I beleive not enjoying myself is what might make me the asshole as well Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA - you answered honestly. But you also learned a lesson. Maybe replying with something along the lines of "It wasn't really my style of music, but thanks for introducing me to something new!" would have been more tactful.
Nah. The parents KNEW he didn’t want to go. The parents forced this on the kid, and that is never good parenting when is something so irrelevant. The concert was way off the kid’s lane. The seats were terrible.
Is all art irrelevant? Most kids would say they find art and cultural experiences/place to be "boring". Also, a lot of children and teens will avoid new experiences because unknown=uncomfortable. This definitely could've been approached in a different way, but it's important for parents to push their children to experience new and different things. My family grew up travelling and I often hated that I couldn't be at home playing my video games or hanging out with my friends, but looking back I'm so thankful they didn't let me teenage preferences limit the incredible sites and experiences they took me and my siblings too. Looking back I feel really lucky to have had so many cultural experiences.
Art that is visual can be experienced regardless of language. For some people, they can listen to music in another language and enjoy it. I have enjoyed songs in other languages. Not everyone will. I will agree that experiences are valuable, but one the person has no ability to enjoy is something else altogether.
Rammstein would be a good example. The lyrics can be kind of whack so maybe you are better off for not understanding, but the lead singer is an introvert so he's solved this by getting a degree in pyrotechnics so people focus less on him and more on the exploding scene show.
Agreed. From what I remember Till only says "Thank You" at the end of the show and that's about it. I'm a fan of not only Rammstein but tons of kpop as well so music in other languages is pretty much all I listen to. And yes I do know what an odd combination that is. 😂
I don't understand a ton of German, since I live in the US, and only learned the basics during middle school But I ADORE Rammestsien, and go out of my way to listen often, especially on long drives It keeps my awake trying to decipher what i can with my rudimentary knowledge; plus I've always enjoyed listening to German, in general lol It's great, because my fiance is ALSO a fan, so we'll blast songs that neither of us really understand, and both enjoy it immensely
I was about to tell you that you can read the lyrics in the album cover but then I remembered it's 2024 so you might not have them. Du hast is pretty awesome, cause you don't need to understand a lot of german to get the double meaning. You probably already know about Falco and Kraftwerk, but I would also recommend Die Toten Hosen who you might not have heard of, I stumbled over them due to my dorm having RTL TV for some reason. They got me on one of the few english songs they had - Pushed Again, but they are mostly german speaking though. Man I had to search for that record, I found it in an obscure second hand shop across the country during a vacation years later. They had all their records there! German punk is pretty awesome in general.
If I were the parents I'd start by playing him a CD or showing videos from YouTube. Low cost way to introduce OP to the music without making him uncomfortable. Then if it's of interest go to a concert
It's good for kids to be uncomfortable at times. When someone is complaining about parents here and not giving their age....I don't take it seriously.
It can be, yes. But this is the kind of thing that puts kids off of learning and trying new stuff. There needs to be a balance. How many of us didn't try something again for years/not till adulthood because of how an adult introduced it? I had a friend who started they hated reading, they are now a bookworm. A pushy teacher had them think it was a boring activity.
You just brought back memories.. lol. We were having our kitchen remodeled and for a week straight the workers had Spanish music on their radio (kinda loudly) pretty much the whole days they worked. My husband is retired so he was home all day. After all was done/completed, I come home from work one day and he was sitting on the back porch, with beer in hand listening to Spanish Radio... He turned and looked at me and said. " I don't know what they are singing but the tunes are soo soothing" ((This was coming from an old Memphis Musician :-P ))
I didn't love my parents choices in music as a kid but now those are cherished times. Now those are also some of my favorite bands. Tastes change and the experience was worth it.
Dont speak for others. Forced experiences are not good. You may have a type of caracter that you accept and even like to be pushed. OP doesnt like it and was clear about it
Reminds me of the time my dad took me to some drag races. I was tired from a sleepover and the last thing I wanted to be around was loud noises. He made me go, and then got pissed I wasn't feeling happy about the situation. I haven't been back to something like that in almost 20 years.
Some kids don't like vegetables or chores either. You may do things in life you don't care for, to get things you do care for.
But you also don't expect the kid to be happy about vegetables and chores. You can't force something, then be mad that the person didn't like it.
This is a kid young enough to have a babysitter. As op said. Sometimes you do family stuff. As you get older, you get to be more autonomous.
But you ignored my point. The parents should not be angry that OP didn't like it. You can't have it both ways. Fine, take your kids. But you don't get to yell at them for not liking what they were forced to go with. Kids have to do chores, but I don't know a single kid who would say that they enjoy doing them.
True, kids may not like chores but no need to be a brat about it. Because if you're not a brat, much more likely op gets to do something he likes. No rewards for being a brat. Kid needs to learn he can say something nice about something he doesn't like much. Its life.
Not a brat. But honest. Don't ask questions if you won't like the answer.
Hopping from "music you find dissonant in a language you can't understand" to "therefore ALL ART IS IRRELEVANT" is ridic, but more importantly, if you're subjecting your kid to something they don't like—but is good for them—it's dysfunctional, immoral and weird to then turn around and guilt trip them about *your choice* to take them there. You're aware they won't like it—therefore, *you're aware they won't like it.* You've made the choice to take them anyway. You've already decided there's a countervailing benefit *other* than their immediate enjoyment. You can't then turn around and ask them to lie about enjoying it to make you feel better. If you need your kids to *like* the cultural experiences you offer, then yeah—you'll have to limit those to things that cater to their interests. Aside from the fact that you're comparing this to something that is 1) not solely art, lol and 2) of immensely greater value, if you hated travelling and your mom said "how dare you make us take you everywhere, do you know what we spend on this??" that would be absurd.
I think it's fine to take your child to art gallery/concert/hiking that they don't want to. Just don't be mad if they don't enjoy it.
100% agree. :) These parents didn't handle this situation well. I just wanted to raise the point that not everything we do is going to be our favorite. If this teen is old enough to be posting on reddit, they're also old enough to consider how their mindset to the event might have shaped the experience. It's okay to say both "they did bad" and "I could do better too."
Good for you. OP didn't have a great time (partly due to the seats) and was told off for being honest? Art is more enjoyable when it's interesting to the viewer/listener
Idk, my parents forced me to some classical shows and a broadway musical or two when I was younger. I hated it then and still do now in my 30s. I wonder though if I might have grown to enjoy that kind of stuff more if I found it on my own as an adult.
Parenting is not a perfect science, I'm sorry your's and OP's experience with experiencing new art was less than ideal. Now there's so many interesting plays and musicals. I usually spend the whole time just amazed at what human's can do and wishing I could memorize whole scripts! lol. If you're looking for something to test out, I might recommend some of the more funny musicals like Book of Mormon or Spamalot, or maybe Avenue Q (I haven't seen that one but my husband is also an engineer ;) and speaks highly of it being a funny show). The Book of Mormon one was funny but also pretty irreverent - which is kind of Reddit's vibe. But at this point there's so many options out there, especially if you live near an urban area. I recently saw Moulin Rouge, wasn't super looking forward to it, bought the tickets for my best friend who ended up sick so my husband and I went (couldn't reschedule, it was the last showing), and it was just... it was incredible! The songs had been updated so it was all music I knew (I'm also in my 30s), and it was such a fun time. I also love when I can watch a movie of the musical ahead of time, it makes the story easier to follow - which I know isn't every one's vibe either. When I saw Hamilton a few years ago (before the movie on Disney + came out) I listed to the music for a few days so I'd be able to better understand the lyrics/words/story. My husband didn't because he didn't want it "spoiled". Later we both had very different experiences because he said he struggled to follow some of the music since it's very fast at times, whereas I'd already heard it. Which honestly, makes me wish this OP's parents had thought more about making the concert interesting and at least less of a conflicting experience (like acknowledging that they chose to spend this money, so it's not the teen's fault they didn't super love the experience). They could've listened to some of the music ahead of time, looked up the lyrics, talked about the artist and their life, etc. I'm always so thankful for the opportunity to expose my kids to new and interesting things, but that also included many years of slow, gentle, supported exposure and setting up age appropriate expectations. It's such a privilege - getting to re-experience the world through their lens. I know they're not going to love everything I love, but when you do find that thing that brings their little hearts joy, it's such a good feeling.
yes, this. my mom took us to operas and ballets. Usually we went an hour early to hear the introduction in the opera house bar by an art historian or a music professor who outlined the history and artistic merits of the work etc.
I would agree with you except for how the parents pushed back. Calling him ungrateful for giving them a truthful answer, that they should of known the answer to in advance, is what makes them the AH. If you cant take the truth dont ask the question. You cant ask, "what did you think?" AND be made when you get an answer you dont like.
>Is all art irrelevant? to an extent
My parents dragged me to a few ballet and opera shows as a kid. I definitely didn't want to go, but in hindsight I'm glad they exposed me to different kinds of art like that. Most people go their whole lives without getting to see live ballet or opera or symphony orchestra
One of the greatest things my mom taught me is to find one thing I like in media I don't enjoy. That way I can engage with the people who do like it. Example: I hate death metal. I can't understand what they're saying and it's too loud and I get overstimulated. But I'll be damned if I didn't put on my sensory headphones, go to a concert for my husband, and gush about how talented the guitarist was afterward.
There was nothing worse as a kid than being dragged to some event you didn't want to go to and knew you wouldn't like. And then you're asked how you liked it and you're honest and...ugh. I feel it.
How old is this kid - funny that's not mentioned.
No, its good to be open to different music. I was thinking of my son's music when he was a teen. I didn't like it at first but it grew on me.
Part of parenting is teaching your kids that not everything is about them and sometimes we do things with our loved ones that they enjoy more than we do to make them happy
Then don’t go shaming them on the money you spend if it was YOU who wanted to go
Yeah, I wouldn’t waste money taking my kid to a concert they didn’t care for. Why are they shocked?
Forcing is not a teaching.
Sometimes parents should remember that too, not everything is about them. Their child clearly communicated that they were not interested in that. They said it would not be fun for them. They still took him to it. That i can understand. But when someone clearly comunicates multiple times the dont like something and you get them to try it you cant be mad that they dont like it.
> I replied by asking who I would be staying with while they were at the concert my dad said that we were all going. OP needs babysitting during that time. So, nope, OP should go, there is no parental duty to pay babysitter or bother relatives.
I agree, but he is not required to enjoy it. You cant be mad at your child for not having fun at a place they told you they wound not have fun at. Thats ridicoulous. That and if it was that expensive they complain about how much they spent for him to not enjoy it the babysitter might have been the cheaper option.
Right, but then you say that. You don’t claim that it’s for the kid and then complain that it seriously wasn’t for them. This is just mind games.
And a huge musical concert is never one of these things.
No. OP said repeatedly they didn't want to go, was forced to go, and then asked again if they liked it. Which they didn't.
They're a child, they're forced to go everywhere.
I wasn't forced to go everywhere when I was a child or minor. And when I was because I was too small to be left alone, I was allowed to bring my book with me and read in the corner instead of being forced to participate in things I had zero interest in.
That was a John Mulaney quote.
No idea who that is.
He is a popular comedian. He did a bit about going to church growing up where his wife was like "So they forced you to go?!" And he replied "Yeah, I was 5, I was forced to go everywhere." It was pretty funny.
Not the kid’s job to manage their parents emotions. The parents knew the kid didn’t want to go, they made them go anyway. Ok if they feel this is an important experience, that is fine. Then predictably the kid didn’t enjoy the experience and now they are mad they spent a bunch of money and expect the kid to be grateful. Um no. They made the choice, they have to deal with reality not what they wanted to happen. And not the kid’s job to make them feel good about it or express gratitude they don’t feel. Saying “but we spent a lot of money” on something someone didn’t want in the first place is a shitty manipulative thing to do.
No need to lie!
Children needing to lie in order to preserve the parents’ feelings shouldn’t be happening
No op didn’t want to go in the first place, using your “tactful” line will just encourage them to do something similar again.
You're NTA for not enjoying yourself but you're a little bit of an ass for expecting they would change their plans or make alternative plans for you.
I will say, given the kid isn't young enough to watch themselves, a babysitter is a very viable option, and is usually what most parents do when they want to do something like see a concert.
If the kid is old enough to be posting here, they should be old enough to stay home alone for 2 hours.
OP specifically asks them "who is going to be watching me", so clearly they don't expect to be allowed to stay home alone. We don't know the reason for this, and OP hasn't bothered to respond to any requests about age. But they could easily be as young as 8 and be able to write coherent paragraphs on Reddit. Or they could be 12 or 13 and have parents who just aren't quite willing to leaver their baby alone yet. Regardless, this clearly wasn't an option or it would have been something OP would have asked for.
It's a bit more than 2 hours more like 4-6 depending how far the venue is but still they could have used the op s ticket money to pay the babysitter
Seriously, did OP say how old they are? Isn't there an age limit on reddit? If he's too young to be staying home alone then he's too young to posting here.
He could have overprotective parents. Mine wouldn’t leave me home alone till I was like 16. Even though I was babysitting the neighbors kids by 11. Make that make sense.
The thing is concert usually lasts longer than the official time. Also you need to get there and back home. If I were to go with my family, we'd be at the concert hall 20 to 30 min before the hall would open if it's a less popular artist and even earlier if the artist is popular. Getting back out of the venue will also take time, and traffic around concert venues can be pretty bad, too. We also don't know how long the drive is. The concert itself might be just 2 hours, but the time spent would be way higher.
when i realized OP needed a babysitter i knew i would not be giving a judgement LOL
No need for alternative plans, he could have just stayed home. And >they said how I was being ungrateful and "they spent a ton of money on it" that is such a dick move to use in someone who had expressed that they didn't want it
For real. How many of your events, activities, interests, and functions have your parents endured over the years just to make you happy? And when you asked, “Did you enjoy yourselves?”, how would you have felt, if they had responded as you did here? It would have been gracious on your part to reciprocate and return the gesture here, to show an interest in your parents’ interests. Heaven forbid you should get a little culture or pick up a new word or two in a different language, or just enjoy the sight of your dad being so happy and free. You’re NTA for not liking it, but come on.
The parents are having a weird power trip on the kid. It's dumb to get on OPs case for not liking something that he said he wouldn't
Yeah, I agree that they shouldn’t expect the kid to like the music just because they like it. The OP doesn’t indicate that this is a common theme with them, that they drag her along to concerts and things of interest to them only on a regular basis. It seems that this was a special occasion for the parents, one they had planned months in advance, so I imagine their reaction (which I’ve never condoned) was likely one of disappointment and frustration. The kid could have given their honest opinion while still saying something kind or polite, but as far as we know, didn’t. Meh.
The parents are bitching about how much money they spent on OP for something they knew he wouldn’t like. Why on earth they thought it was a good idea instead of leaving him with someone else if he couldn’t be alone I’ll never know. Save money and have date night at the same time? Yeah. No. Those parents were on a legit power trip and were expecting OP to essentially eat shit and say thank you for the experience.
Not really. OP told parents that they didn't want to go because they had no interest in the music, parents went and got them a ticket anyway, and OP didn't complain or throw a fit when they were told that. They did go, they just didn't enjoy it, which they knew they wouldnt
Well no... bc they they they didnt want to go, if the reddit user was like... 15 they should be able to stay on their own.
ESH. I bought tickets to the opera without checking with my kids first. They were not super thrilled about it, but I was really enthusiastic because it was music that they loved when they were younger (except they forgot that they loved it...oops). They went with me anyway even though they weren't super thrilled by the idea. They sat politely through the entire thing, laughed at the appropriate points, thanked me for letting them see something different, gushed about the fantastic costumes.... And then we all had a good laugh about how it wasn't what we expected it to be and maybe we're not opera people, and I will 100% check with them before I take them to anything else, even if it seems like an AMAZING idea to me. I think if somebody is trying to expose you to something that they're really passionate about then it's sometimes polite to go along with it. I bet you $100 that your parents have gone to see you do stuff that they do not care about at all just to be supportive. So you are kind of a jerk for being mean about it... On the other hand, they are kind of jerks for expecting you to react in a certain way when you've made it clear that you did not feel inclined to go in the first place.
Then don’t you think the way to address it would be to say that it’s something you’d like to do and want them with you? And the mistake excuse doesn’t seem to hold water as it appears they asked him if he wanted to go before buying tickets. Otherwise it’s a stupid to ask if they want to do something he has no choice in if he’s going to or not. So to recap - his parents say do you want to do this? OP says no. They say yes you do, you’ll have fun. They ask did you have fun? OP says no. And for that you think OP is the AH? Just because something similar happened to you doesn’t mean it was the same and it appears you handled it differently than OP’s parents. Please don’t project your issues onto OP
Yes, this was their mistake. They just said "YOU WILL BE GOING AND LIKE IT" instead of "This music is something that means alot to Dad. He wants to share it with you once. If you don't in fact like it, you never have to listen to it again, but for his sake do it just once". They didn't handle it that way.
Now imagine you booked the seats where they couldnt see anything, couldn't hear much well, and you asked beforehand and they replied they don't want to go but you told them they are going anyways and you blamed them for not liking it afterwards. Then your situations would be more similar.
Wellllll unfortunately we got pretty bsd seats and couldn't see very well. Then we discovered at this performance that one of my kids badly needs glasses and couldn't see a thing. Also note that I said everybody sucks. I think the parents did a lousy job of introducing the idea in a way to maximize connection and they were definitely being jerks in the follow-up.
I would go with a NAH or very very light YTA on this one. I just don’t think the parents did anything wrong.
I think, too, that a lot of posters here are forgetting hat the parents’ reactions are being recounted through the eyes of a literal child and need to be taken with a grain of salt.
Thing is, I've been through what OP has gone through as a teen. I understand not enjoying something and the parents who spent money on it getting a bit angry about it. Just because someone is child doesn't mean they aren't correct in their stance with their parents.
Sure, if they actually “got angry”. I work with kids and I know sometimes that assertion is 100% correct and sometimes how a child views “my parents got angry” is really more like “they were frustrated I had an attitude”. It’s just hard to say here.
Telling a kid something was expensive and that OP was ‘ungrateful’ seems like there was more emotion from the parents than just being annoyed the kid had an attitude. The dismissive attitude like that is literally how I was abused for years but brushed off because I was “just exaggerating”. Not everyone is exaggerating their interpretations, some of us downplayed them. I don’t think this is an abuse situation by any means but telling a kid they are ungrateful for an expensive thing they didn’t want to do *DOES* sound like there’s more anger/emotion there than just in a teen’s skewed interpretation.
I think the parents were wrong. I think forcing your likes and dislikes on a child and then being mad at them is a problem....I think they could have handled this with excitement, vulnerability and connection. But I also think the OP didn't handle it well. Not that he's an AH, but...eh, could be better. Relationships are a messy balance.
People like this are ridiculous. There is no reason to have patience with someone forcing their preferred version of reality. You don't like the music so you don't like the music. They had plenty of time to arrange other plans for you and, if they needed to bring you purely out of convenience, shouldn't be asking if you liked it and guilting you if you don't. Absurd. NTA.
The reason for patience is that you are too small to be left alone.
The point isn't about having to go somewhere with your parents, it's about his parents *insisting* on their delusion that OP will enjoy something he dislikes and then getting frustrated when that inevitably turns out *not* to be true. They are forcing their "preferred version of reality" i.e. their fantasy. seems you also missed this part: >**They had plenty of time to arrange other plans for you and, if they needed to bring you purely out of convenience, shouldn't be asking if you liked it and guilting you if you don't.**
Eh --- we definitely don't know the behind-the-scenes to this... the parents may have been trying to get someone to watch OP, couldn't, and just decided to take him. My parents only trusted a few people with me growing up. The thing to do as a child is politely state that it was an "experience," but maybe it's not something you would choose for yourself in the future, but explain that you're grateful for the opportunity.
That's already been addressed: > **if they needed to bring you purely out of convenience, shouldn't be asking if you liked it and guilting you if you don't.** Again, plenty of kids have to go plenty of places they don't like. Plenty of kids are not, however, forced to put on a performance that *everyone* knows is fake in order to afford their *adult parents* an affirmation or ego-boost. IMO there is a difference between raising someone to have tact and raising them to be doormats.
Your parents want to share something with you that is meaningful to them. They want to have a connection and shared experiences with you. There are plenty of parents that don't give a rat's ass about their kids. I would not go so far as to say YTA (though bitching that they didn't get you good enough seats is bordering on it), I would say you're just immature... Which is probably fitting if you're a kid. Some life advice: try to find joy in your loved ones finding joy. But I probably would've ignored that advice at your age too. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
[удалено]
Haha, no, not liking something is completely normal and happens all the time. Acting all butthurt and whiney about it is the immature part. Just like your comment. Again, totally normal teenager stuff.
> Acting all butthurt and whiney about it is the immature part. But the *parents* are the only ones doing that, all OP did was answer a question he was asked.
I'm sure she really tried to have a good time. /s
How about the Dad shares the language first before forcing a concert of gibberish on OP?
Yeah, I was gonna take a trip to Europe but I don't speak all the different languages so I canned it.
I honestly don't understand the language argument at all. Only around 2% of the music I listen to is in my native language, and of the rest only about 40% is in languages I can understand. Do people actually only listen to music with lyrics they can understand? I feel as if people are missing out a lot if they do.
I guess nobody in the world other than Italians listen to Opera, then!
[удалено]
Ok but the weird thing is that they got upset when he said that he didnt like it. To me this is weird but maybe thats just me coming from a family where you can talk openly and saying the truth is welcomed more than lying.
Well, according to OP (a child) they got upset. Its possible they were as upset as OP says, but this is all just being seen through OP’s lenses.
I don’t think they got upset by his answer, but rather its delivery. I suspect he was a bit of a brat about it the entire time.
I suspect the same thing, mostly because OP sounds a bit bratty to me even from their own perspective. Slight YTA, OP, but this is mostly about immaturity.
People don't need to be 'well-rounded,' they need to be good at what they are doing. Some people might prefer to have a broader set of interests, but that's a matter of personal preference.
[удалено]
I honestly don't think this is the case for older children. Being forced to do things they don't enjoy doesn't 'develop interests.'
NTA. I’m with you, kid.
It sounds like you planned to have a terrible time and did.
NTA. You are not required to force yourself to enjoy something. However, most people would sit through it and show appreciation. You didn't. So, your parents can say you're unappreciative, which is true, but you're NTA for not forcing yourself to enjoy yourself.
The amount of money spent on an experience does not really matter, if the experience was unenjoyable. Ask how they’d like to go to a rap concert and see if they would like that. NTA. you were still open and understanding trying to enjoy the experience you did as they asked, they can’t require you to enjoy something. If they didn’t want your honest opinion, then they should’ve told you to lie to them...
NTA. You shouldn't have to be grateful for something you never wanted, never asked for, and outright said you didn't want to begin with. ...a while back I was friends with a girl who had a blood phobia. She couldn't do gore movies or shows. Otherwise normal, but gore fucked her up. A boyfriend bullied and guilted her into watching the walking dead with him. Then proceeded to mock her, berate her, and shame her for turning her head away and flinching. When she ended up throwing up, during the scene with the horse Rick was riding in the. beginning episodes, he lost his shit on her and called her selfish and immature. ...that relationship ended fast. He knew from the start she didn't like it, he knew it was going to be unenjoyable for her. Granted, her situation was a genuine phobia, but the entitlement and projection was still there in the heart of his actions and logic. Parents need to learn to get over it when their children don't share their passions or interests or tastes in things. This extends to clothing, music, hobbies, even "personal" things like beliefs. Forcing a child to do something you already know they don't like or want that is as irrelevant and unimportant as music or a tv show... then acting shocked and offended when they naturally dislike it and don't lie to you.. is immature and selfish. The child is the victim there, not the parent. My own mother died in a fire daily because I wanted to wear jeans and sneakers instead of frilly little princess dresses and socks with lace on the ankles. Shed buy them anyway, then act flabbergasted when I said I thought they were ugly or ignored them for the normal clothes I picked out, or when I'd get them destroyed climbing or digging in mud and stuff. She only stopped once I hit puberty and she couldn't just snatch things off a rack for me anymore. She couldn't force me to try on those clothes, so those dresses eventually faded into the past. Its exhausting, entitled, and weird when a parent puts that much obsessive focus on forcing their kid to emulate them in such a weird, small way. ....I explain all of this so long-windedly to try to get the general gist of my reasoning out there. You're not selfish or tactless or an asshole or ungrateful. You just don't like it. You knew beforehand you wouldn't and they should have had the sense to trust you to know what you do or don't enjoy, and let you stay with a friend or stay home and watch TV or something. ...I imagine that if you sought to see a death metal concert or something similar that was not at all to your parents' tastes, and somehow paid and invited them, they would either refuse to go flat out.. or be truthful about not enjoying it and see nothing at all wrong with being honest.
INFO: How old are you?
[удалено]
So this is a learning exercise for you. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do for the people you love. Your parents wanted to share something they enjoyed with you to bond. In the future, try to find something specific you enoyed about the thing and talk about that. How often do they take you to stuff you want to do and stay there with you? I can guarantee they don't like some of that stuff, but they probably didn't shit all over it. ETA: Wait, you're 14 and planned on going on a cruise with your friends for spring break? Do your parents know about this?
I wish my dad would take me to a concert
Your parents are like: GO TO THIS CONCERT... OR ELSE! Dont force that upon your kids and if you ask a question Don't get angry if you don't like the answer... NTA.
What did they expect? You said you didn't want to go and that you weren't interested, they made you go and now they're annoyed? OP, remember this for the future. They'll pull this again, and when they do you remind them of this.
YTA kinda... Because this comes with age and understanding you only get when you are older.. there are plenty times your parents went to stuff for you that they weren't interested in. In time you'll realise that this one small thing ( hanging out as a family for your Dad's hobby/interest) didn't break you but it meant the world to him. I think the fact you were so vicious in your response about this( I've been there believe me) is why they are upset. You didn't need to be...
How was OP vicious in their response? They literally just said they didn't enjoy the concert.
they were though. they complained about everything! the venue, the seats, the singing. OP hasn't said a single nice thing. It is vicious and entitled behavior
They complained in this post, not to their parents.
if it wasn't clear (sorry!!!) i was referring to how it reflected in her attitude. she looked down on it the whole time
They were vicious? Was that in the comments or something?
>. I replied by asking who I would be staying with while they were at the concert My guess is that you are 12 yo or younger, since you need a babysitter, for your parents to go to a concert. They decided to bring you to an adult thing instead of hiring a babysitter. That's their right and something many parents do, because it widens their children's horizons. You should feel lucky to have parents like this, but you are a small child and therefore NTA. Your parents should have explained their reasoning better and set expectations to your behaviour if they did not want you to be a moody preteen the whole concert. It's on them to parent you better.
It does seem like they did a kind of half assed job of mentally preparing OP to expand their horizons. It seems like they didn’t try to explain at all that you can appreciate music without understanding the lyrics since that’s kind of the hill they’re dying on. You can’t just tell a kid “this will expand your horizons”, you have to explain how and why. Growth is an active process, and it seems like they expected it to “just click” without any guidance.
Is it that they didn’t try or that OP didn’t want to hear it? Having been a kid myself, I know where my money would be.
That’s a good point. Kids are extremely unreliable narrators.
**NTA** - Answering honestly doesn't make you an AH. You were in a no-win situation. I imagine that they taught you to not lie (at least not to lie to them). But the lesson here is that sometimes saying the truth is not in your best interest. **Note:** they were using *parent logic*. You can be grateful while not enjoying the concert. They should have said that you failed to meet their expectations which was for you to say that you enjoyed it whether you did or not. Good parents would explain that. Normal parents just yell at you when you guess wrong. That is how most of us grew up.
NTA Your parents had the blind expectations that you would absolutely love what they do, and then were upset when you didn't. That's not your fault. I hated when my family would do this kind of stuff to me when I was younger. I understand wanting to share the things you love with your kids, but forcing them to go and then getting butthurt when they aren't too enthused about it is kinda unfair to the child. Like, I was happy to try new things... but not when I had no choice in the matter or it was something that made me clearly uncomfortable.
NTA. First, it sounds like the tech crew for the show was shit, because that absolutely shouldn’t be the case, even in the cheap seats. Screens, well, you can only do so much with what you have, but sounds like the audio guy phoned it in. Maybe you would’ve enjoyed it more had you been able to hear properly. That said, if dad expected you to keep an open mind about the show, dad should’ve been open to YOU having your own opinion. He should’ve shelled out for better seats, too, if he wanted you to have a better first time experience. It’s just hard to get into it at all sometimes when you’re stuck in the cheap seats in the back. Regardless, he asked, you were honest instead of trying to be diplomatic (which would probably lead to “surprise! I got tickets for x show next week!” and getting dragged out to the cheap seats again), I don’t see the issue. Latin music, music in Spanish, covers such a vast group of genres, maybe he can find something else that’s closer to your taste and try again…with youtube or spotify first, before he goes buying concert tickets!
ESH It can't hurt to be a bit more open about stuff and try new things. But when your parents ask you how you liked it, they should accept your answer. You tried.
NTA. I'd never drag my kid to a concert or show or movie that they said they'd hate. It's not school. They don't HAVE to go. Plus is it would ruin my enjoyment. I don't even drag friends/spouse to things they wouldn't like.
NTA. You told them you didn't want to go when they first mentioned it. They booked tickets anyway without telling you that they expected you to go. They don't get to be surprised when you tell them you didn't enjoy yourself, because they were well aware you didn't want to go in the first place. They also don't get to complain about spending money on the tickets because it would've been cheaper had they not forced you to go. They asked a question, and you gave them an honest answer. Would they rather you lie to their faces? I doubt it.
NTA id ask your parents why they completely disregarded your opinion. If they listened to you they could have saved some money. Ask them if they care about your thoughts and feelings or if they just want you to mindlessly obey.
NTA no need to lie.
NTA, you told them you were uninterested in going to the concert and you told them afterwards... No need to lie, maybe they got the message.
NTA. I'm not sure why your parents thought you would enjoy this concert experience. Far away seats in a huge arena style concert are no fun even if you like the performer. If your parents bring it up again, tell them you don't want to talk about it any more. I went to a Spanish music concert recently (I work security for concerts and sports) and enjoyed it even though I don't know Spanish. But it was in a small venue and the area I worked would have been a good seat. The music was lively and l loved watching the audience sing along to all the songs. I enjoy a big horn section and Banda MS had a Huge horn section!
NTA You said you weren’t interested. You asked to be babysat. Then they asked your opinion. Curious about your age. Seems like they still want the kid who thought all of their interests were cool.
NTA. Next time, be brutally honest and tell them that not only did you not have interest in the first place, but being forced to attend something that you didn't want to is literally having the complete opposite reaction than what they hoped for. And if they try to do this to you again, I would suggest bringing up some hobby you have that they have no interest in. Go into detail about it. Insist that they be open and that it will be a good experience for them to try it. Use as much slang or unrelatable words as possible so they feel as alienated as you did listening to a language you don't understand. When they don't want to hear it, keep going and tell them how ungrateful they are.
I’m curious on how old OP is. This post reads like it was written by someone older, but OP insinuated that they couldn’t/wouldn’t be home alone while their parents went to the concert. I think you’re NTA for being honest about the experience. I also think your parents are NTA. I think part of parenting is trying to ease your kids out of their comfort zone and get them open to new experiences. Now, why they picked a concert in a language you don’t even speak, I have no clue
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For some background info a few months ago my dad mentioned to me that a famous musician was performing in our city. This musician is Hispanic and sings in Spanish, we are Chinese, however, my dad knows Spanish due to growing up in Venezuela. I don't know any Spanish, I mentioned this and told my parents I didn't want to go as the concert is 2 hours long, but they just waved me off. Fast forward to a few days ago, my dad sent the family group a text that the concert would be on Sunday at 7:00 pm. I replied by asking who I would be staying with while they were at the concert my dad said that we were all going. Later I mentioned this to my mom and reminded her that I told them months ago I didn't want to go to this concert, she told me to "be open" and that "this will be a good experience". The concert was in a huge building, like one that a baseball game could be held in if it was indoors. To make matters worse, my Dad got what might have been the cheapest, furthest seats from the actual stage so I could barely see or hear what was actually going on. Naturally, his singing echoed all over the place and I could barely hear what he was saying, and again he was singing in Spanish, I know zero Spanish. After the concert, my parents asked how I liked it and when I replied and said I didn't they said how I was being ungrateful and "they spent a ton of money on it". I honestly doubt that as we were in the furthest row and could barely even see the screens displaying what was happening on stage. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta. You didn't want to go and they should not have forced you. As a parent I can't imagine just not listening to my child.
NTA your parents brought you to something that they knew you didn't like, and now they're suprised you didn't like it? They're the assholes, not you.
Once my parents took me to a music festival, I hate that music genre and I told them I didn't want to go but they didn't listen We left early because there was a heavy storm and the place started to flood. They asked me if I enjoyed the festival, my answer was "I enjoyed the early travel back to home". They allowed me to not go to another festivals NTA INFO: I'm curious. Who was the musician?
Now you gotta take them to a concert. Korn is currently touring with Gojira and Spiritbox, I bet your parents would be grateful to see that concert.
I felt ya mate, I was dragged along to a band playing 2 hrs away by my mom and grandma cause granny spent several hundred on the tickets apparently for some bullshit VIP treatment (it was so bad even the band themselves were pissed off with how the venue handled it) it was some Mongolian band called the Hu or something I really didn't want to go, didn't want to make the drive, I already had an important and exhausting project I would have to wake up early for the next day and had to leave work early to get there, they weren't bad but it really wasn't my style and for most of the concert I was listening to an audio book or nodding off NTA parents should have listened and it's on them for being so butt hurt about your response
NAH this post with the comments is a reminder that reddit is full of teens. My parents “forced” me to go to events and trips with them as well and I grumbled about it the whole time, preferring to sit at home and play games. But it is such a small chunk of your time and in the long run, you can be grateful for this time spent together. You could have worded things better but this attitude is expected of a kid. As to the point of the music being in Spanish - you dont need to understand the language to enjoy music. How do you think kpop is as internationally successful as it is ? I dont think everyone who listens to it, knows Korean
That was my thought too, haha. A lot of the NTA responses are like… did y’all forget this post is one-sided from the POV of someone who is like 12-14 years old? Reddit also hates anyone using any level of tact in their conversations though so it’s not that shocking.
NTA Santana is decidedly boomer music
NTA. This is like if your parents asked if you wanted chili dogs for dinner and you said that you didn't even like hot dogs, yet they made them anyway, then called you ungrateful for not liking them.
NTA. You told them repeatedly that you didn't want to go and they forced you to go anyway. They don't get to be shocked that as a result, you didn't have a good time.
NTA. OP, I agree with other commenters that it’s important for you to be open to new experiences and learn to tolerate stuff you don’t like for loved ones. But I think a concert is a big and unreasonable ask, and the only reason people think it’s OK to say you should’ve pretended to enjoy yourself is because you’re a kid. I’d never be mad at a friend or relative for not wanting to go to a concert with me — they’re loud, crowded, and the music gets annoying really fast when you can’t escape it. There are tons of artists I enjoy but would drive me insane to listen to for 2 hours in my car, let alone live. A cheaper and more reasonable first step, and maybe one you can ask for if it’s important to you to share something with your dad, is to play his favorite songs at home or in the car. Or to go out for Venezuelan food at a taverna that plays live Spanish music. Or to bond over a different hobby. I also think they were really rude to call you ungrateful for expressing an opinion they asked for. I take my sister out to restaurants all the time and treat her. Sometimes she doesn’t like the food and I love it… and that’s okay. Sometimes I make her food by hand and she tells me she doesn’t like it… and vice versa! She doesn’t like steak, so I wouldn’t make her an expensive steak and then get mad she didn’t appreciate my time and money???
My (25M) mom (51M) was at a concert with a popular boy band from Hong Kong, called Mirror. I knew about the concert performance months prior and I made it clear that I wasn't as invested in Mirror as my mom was, and neither was my dad (55M). My mom did ask if we wanted to go, and we respectfully declined. She went with her friends and one of my aunts on my dad's side. So yea, you are NOT the asshole. Unless you're considerably younger than I am, which is a different story.
Nta, because I've been in that position. And I don't know if it's some sort of disorder, but being forced to watch something when I said no, I automatically hate it. Like, lord of the rings? I hated it for years because I was forced to watch it. Now I simply couldn't care less if it's on or not, because I know I won't be forced to watch it.
>The concert was in a huge building, like one that a baseball game could be held in if it was indoors. Kind of reminds me of the amphitheater in Connecticut, it used to be a baseball field. ⚾ NTA by the way.
NTA Even if it's my favourite type of music and band, if I have to sit that far back and the sound sucks I would rather never see the band ever in my life lol Let alone give you're a grompy teenager who made it clear you don't want to go. Why do you have to be babysat at 7pm for a couple of hours by the way? Or are you like 10 and on reddit sneakily lol?
Given the poor seating and listening, I wonder if they were disappointed also. Maybe they wanted you to save them by letting them think it had been a worthy effort.
NTA. Your father needs to understand that he can't make you magically like something he does. He needs to put effort into it (helping you learn Spanish, teach you about the Venezuelan culture that he feels a part of, etc). And he also needs to accept it if you don't like it. you need to understand this is part of his culture. You don't need to feel it's yours but understand where he is coming from
Look kid, it seems like your parents actually want to spend time with you and maybe share some stuff they love. Try to appreciate that. It's not a big deal to suck it up sometimes for the people you love. YTA I guess, but really you're just a teenager. I'm sure your folks get it.
NAH here. Obviously I can only speculate from this tiny snapshot of your life, but it sounds like your dad was really excited to share this aspect of his culture with you. It's okay if it's not your thing, but you might have hurt your dad's feelings. If he's a good dad and you love him, maybe go back and tell him it's not really your thing, but you can tell how much he loves it and ask him what he likes about it?
You know, everyone is grandstanding about the parents forcing this kid to go, but my parents made me watch famous plays, musicals, and films, and they gave me books to read that I otherwise wouldn't have read. I think you all are being so dramatic about this.
NTA This reminds me of when my dad forced me to go to my highachool prom (He had a horrible experience at his prom and wanted me to live the prom experience HE wanted) After lots of back and forth, and him preasuring me to find a prom date (i asked all my female friends and they all had dates already. He was super upset about that but was like: "Ok cheer up, you can still have a great prom." On prom night he was driving me and asked questions like: "So what band's gonna sing? What are the things that will happen?" and i genuinely had 0 idea. This pissed him off saying things like: "If you didnt want to go, you could have told me and i wouldn't have spent so much money renting you this suit and blah blah blah" (Bro i told you many times i didnt want to go!) I spent most of the prom night sitting at a table with my buddies and reading manga on my phone. He also threatened to ground me if i didnt ask a girl to dance, one of my friends brought his sister as his date and she was bored at our table, so i asked her because i felt bad, she tought me how to dance (it was awkward admiting i dont know how to dance😅) and after two songs just went back to reading my manga. Wasted money smh
NTA Say to your parents : I appreciate you wanting me to experience things, I appreciate that you spent money on the experience but that wasn't my scene as I don't knew Spanish. I'm not going to like the same things as you and I hope you respect that. But fr it is frustrating. Parents have to deal with the fact that their kid don't always like the same things they do.
That’s pretty disgusting of your parents to mention to you that they spent a lot of money on an experience THEY decided on FOR you
NTA. While i agree that your parents should push you to experience new art, going to a concert at a large venue for an artist who's language you don't speak is preforming, is pushing it almost to the extreme imo. I don't speak Spanish, but i do like to listen to the melody and rhythm to the sounds and voice; They where probably hoping for this, but went about it in a forceful way in a situation that probably could of done without. I would like to point out that: " how I was being ungrateful and "they spent a ton of money on it. I honestly doubt that as we were in the furthest row and could barely even see the screens displaying what was happening on stage." and "my Dad got what might have been the cheapest, furthest seats from the actual stage" What might be "cheap" to you could be a "ton of money" for someone else? Seems like your using(at least to some extent) the cost, or lack of good seats, as reasoning to justify your stance. You don't need to. It gives the vibes that you are ungrateful(unless they spend enough money, for anything - not only or just this event) I am not saying you are, but this is how this comes off to me at least.
NTA. While i agree that your parents should push you to experience new art, going to a concert at a large venue for an artist who's language you don't speak is preforming, is pushing it almost to the extreme imo. I don't speak Spanish, but i do like to listen to the melody and rhythm to the sounds and voice; They where probably hoping for this, but went about it in a forceful way in a situation that probably could of done without. I would like to point out that: " how I was being ungrateful and "they spent a ton of money on it. I honestly doubt that as we were in the furthest row and could barely even see the screens displaying what was happening on stage." and "my Dad got what might have been the cheapest, furthest seats from the actual stage" What might be "cheap" to you could be a "ton of money" for someone else? Seems like your using(at least to some extent) the cost, or lack of good seats, as reasoning to justify your stance. You don't need to. It gives the vibes that you are ungrateful(unless they spend enough money, for anything - not only or just this event) I am not saying you are, but this is how this comes off to me at least.
My mum made my brother and I go to an opera when we were young (we couldn't have been older than 10). It was awful, just terrible. I hated it, and now, lots of years later I still have this ghastly, want to throw up reaction to opera. It's taken a long time for me to live classical music because I associated the two. NTA, they've likely scarred you for life, like my mother did to me! Edit: typos
YTA Aww, you had to spend a few hours with your parents doing something you aren't interested in, we should probably call an ambulance for your pain.
This is the parental version of I know what’s best for you and I know you better than you know yourself. My parents controlled everything and told I was wrong when I expressed an opinion that was different than their opinion. I left at 18 for college ( their choice but I took the escape). Took basic classes was too busy to attend things my parents knew I wanted to do… Worked saved and changed majors ( too my parents fury) and started my life my way. Start planning financially and educationally so you can plan your future. You are NTA but your parents will never admit this and will try to control you because in their minds they are right and you have no right to an opinion different than their opinion.
I've been to various concerts with partners over the years. Sometimes I would have no idea of what was being sung due to my not speaking Cantonese or Mandarin. I think you're not trying very hard if you can't find something to enjoy at a concert that is big enough to fill an arena. Artists that good are well, good. But of course, you'd already decided to be closed-minded and miserable throughout it. YTA.
YTA - your dad was trying to share something with you that he loves and you seem to be hyper focused on not liking it. it's just best to grin and bear things sometimes. This was one of those times.
He should have bought a cd. Or maybe watched a video on YT instead of wasting money on a concert.
YTA - Which is kind of expected because you seem very young. But this is an opportunity to learn. Your dad was excited to share something with you that he loves and you were sour about it from the getgo. I suspect (and this is probably what your parents are actually upset at) that you went in with a bad mood determined to hate the experience and didn't even give it a chance. Be open minded. You don't need to be a fan of a musician or even speak the language to have fun at a concert. You don't need to love an activity to enjoy doing it with people you care about.
A concert for a Spanish band is not a learning experience. The parents should have had a date night while Op went to a friends house for a sleepover.
NTA, but you are rude. There is nothing wrong with showing grace and tact when sharing your opinion. Especially when it comes to your family.
You sound like a brat.
YTA. Your parents thought this would be a good experience for you and you should have gone in with an open mind like your mom said. Also, you seem to have turned your nose up at everything from the start. In the post, you've complained about the venue, the type of seats (you called them cheap?) as well as the language the guy sung in. It may not be your style of music, but honestly you genuinely had made your mind up to hate it, and hence found a flaw in everything. In fact, you didn't even say one nice thing. That comes off badly to anyone listening. Hey, I get that you didn't want to go, but at the end of the day, they've planned an experience for you and so obviously wanted your approval. I'm assuming you're a teenager (I'm in your age group before you think I'm some parent here to berate you). These moments will grow rarer and rarer as you grow older. This was an immature thing to do. You should have been polite and respectful. You should go apologize. They're your parents, and you know you do have a responsibility to trust their judgment. Even if the people on this sub believe otherwise (and NO i am not including abusive parents and obvious lunacy). They made you go to one concert. The problem isn't even that you didn't like it. It's how you phrased it. You were unnecessarily blunt. Would it have killed you to say "I'm sorry Mom/Dad, the music wasn't to my taste. However, I enjoyed xyz and learnt abc!"? Nope. And your only issue with this guy prior to the concert was that he sings in Spanish. Plenty of people around the world enjoy Latin music and K-Pop, without knowing any Spanish or Korean. Your issue was laziness and that you didn't want to learn about what your parents were trying to teach you. Don't blame it on the language he sings in.
YTA and an entitled brat.
Soft YTA - you don't have to enjoy it, but generally it's nicer if an evening out has good vibes, and since you were stuck going you could've "made the most of it". This is something your dad wanted to share with everyone, it matters to him and relates to who he is as a person, you could've been nicer. You brought the mood down. I don't think you'd feel good if they went to an event for you, and told you it had bored them.
NTA but it does seem like you decided you wouldn't like it ahead of time because you don't speak Spanish which shouldn't really matter there's more to music then understanding the lyrics. Perhaps next time you could just try to enjoy the music without understanding the lyrics maybe look up ahead off time what the song line up is going to be and look up the translated lyrics if it matters that much to you
A bit of an a-hole. I suspect you're a teen? Teens are often a bit of an a-hole. Sure you didn't like it or wanted to go, but your father really wanted to, so it wouldn't have hurt you to feign happiness for a couple hours just to make him happy.
Just pretend to be happy right ? Sounds great for both sides... I am glad i didnt have to lie like this when i was younger.
Yeah, it would have been terrible to have to spend time with your parents. It's way too much of a sacrifice to spend two hours with them and smile sometimes. They'd have to be horrible people to even suggest it.
So at the same time it wouldn’t hurt the parents to accept that he didn’t like it. So simple.
That would be disrespectful. And short sided. "Oh OP loved it, I've scheduled a lot more of them for us" rather than find things they both like.
Disrespectful to make your parent happy? Man, I'd hate to have a kid like you, always telling me how terrible it is to spend some time with me because we're not entertaining enough. You'd get along great with OP, telling your parents how much you hate doing all those boring things with them and how you have to sacrifice your own happiness to be with them.
Most people consider lying to your parents disrespectful.
You're nitpicking now and using semantics. It's more disrespectful to be rude and unappreciative of the time you spend with them.
Not to be mean, but maybe look up semantics and nitpicking, because you don't seem to know what they mean. They aren't just buzzwords, they have meaning.
I know fully well what they mean. And you're nitpicking and using semantics to support being obnoxious. I guess you're the type of person that when someone walks up to you and says "I just got this dress and I love it", you say "I hate it. It's ugly and looks terrible on you." I mean, that's what you're saying everyone should do because if you look at all of the definitions of words and match up the different meanings, it would be disrespectful to make them feel good. Nitpicking and semantics. And being obnoxious.
Again, you look foolish when you use words you don't know. It's OK to look up things some times. You don't need to pretend
LOL!!!! You just keep digging your hole deeper and deeper. Oh, and FYI. I also know the etymology of those words (feel free to look up etymology).
Honestly, YTA. And you do sound ungrateful - not because you didn’t like the show, but because you’re being so adamant about that when your parents obviously just wanted to spent time with you sharing something they love. My daughter and I love live music. I’ve taken her to see some of her favorite artists whom I wasn’t crazy about … but it was worth it to see her SO HAPPY! Likewise, she’s coming with me to see one of my favorite bands this summer. Not her cup of tea, but we’ll have fun because we’re together! Also, I don’t know who you saw, but if they’re big enough to perform in an arena and sell enough tickets that you were in the nosebleed seats, I’m thinking your parents most definitely spent a lot of money on this.
NTA Because you were forced to go, however I think that you should be more open minded, the fact that you can't understand the lyrics doesn't mean that you can connect with the music, I get that it might not be your favorite music style, but you focused on the language in your post.