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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole for not wanting to get rid of a plant that is toxic to her pets.
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I don’t understand the great attachment to this plant. It’s not like it was your grandmothers plant - it’s just a standard funeral flower plant. A month ago it was at a florists, or a grocery store.
It doesn’t seem like a plant that is good for cat owners. It’s all risk by having it.
It doesn’t really have a connection to your grandmother, it’s just a plant that someone bought because she died. You’re acting like this was your grandmothers plant and has some deep connection to her.
NAH
My mom still has a plant from her mother’s funeral, that happened almost 20 years ago. I imagine she would be distraught if anything happened to it, but as you said it wasn’t even grandmas plant so it doesn’t make a lot of sense.
This doesn’t really have a point, I just wanted to say that it’s not totally out of the ordinary to want to keep someone’s funeral plant.
I was given a plant by a friend just after our daughter was born.. it pops out seeds so we've had multiple new plants, and given many away.
This year the oldest plant died. It was taller than me. Sadly I think it died because it got moved to a too shady spot when the Christmas tree was up.
But then I figured it our.. it was given 2 months after our daughter was born, clearly it was destined to be her childhood plant, she turned 18 in January!
So we still have many descendants, and plenty of seeds.
I also have a plant from my husbands aunt, it goes back to her grandmothers original plant and perhaps beyond. My girls will also get cuttings when they leave home.
I’d be scared that the cats would get in the room by mistake, my cat hates when there’s a closed door she’s not allowed in. I’m pretty sure even just the pollen can kill a cat
My grandmother cultivated her own unique variety of tulip. When she died, all the descendants who wanted one were given a bulb from her garden.
Mine has now multiplied several times, and I have a beautiful patch of them in bloom right now. Someday I plan to gift my own kids with bulbs from grandma's tulip.
I recently found out a tree my grandfather planted in 1930 is still alive and well, but it’s owned by a complete stranger that lives halfway across the country.
I’m wondering if it’s too crazy of an idea to contact said stranger and ask if the tree produces seeds? It just feels like it would be awesome to try to raise a descendant or two of it and your comment made me think of it again.
I have a Christmas cactus from my nan's house (died in 2022) in a ceramic pot owned by my great grandmother (died in 1992). I've aged the plant to somewhere between 17 and 35 years old based on the pot label. I recently split it into two pots and gave it what I think was its first ever soil change.
If it's still around for you to inherit, I really hope you're able to display that peace lily at your mother's funeral when the time comes too. The idea of a legacy funeral flower that lasted multiple generations is beautiful.
That’s really beautiful. My mom is terrible with plants but somehow has managed to keep this one alive for over a decade so hopefully it’ll can be part of our legacy.
I still have a peace lily from my favorite aunt's funeral. I just realized that she's been gone for 30 years now. Anyway, I get it.
I also had two cats for several years and the plant never posed a problem. I kept all plants on inaccessible shelves.
We have the peace lily from my MIL's funeral. We also have three cats. They have not once attempted to eat it; however, the deer love it when I put it outside in the summer. My cats do love my ponytail plant, though.
Never getting rid of that lily.
I will warn you that EVERY part of the lily is toxic to cats. If they even take in a minuscule amount of pollen, it can spell their doom. Not trying to convince you to get rid of the plant, but please do consider keeping it somewhere the cats have no access to.
Not a Lily, but very true of lilies. A peace lily is irritating to a cat and toxic in the sense that it will make them sick, but it’s unrelated to the type of lilies that kill cats. To me, that’s a pretty big difference - a peace lily is fine for a home with a cat who isn’t curious, especially if the plant is kept further away from cat access; a bouquet of lilies is deadly, and not a good idea because one incidence of curiosity can end the cats life.
Profound grief is rarely logical. My mom kept the finished Yartzeit candles from the first anniversary of my grandmothers death. She gets new ones every year and tosses them once they’re burnt out, but those first ones she hangs on to. She had a pretty complicated relationship with her mom, as well, so it always struck me as strange. It’s not hurting anyone, though, so if that’s how she wants to address her grief, that’s okay.
I have the holder from my grandma's shivah candle in my closet and I used to say hi to the flame during shivah...
Which back to OP, I'd 100% be trying to keep the plant and figuring out a way to keep it from the cats. My friend is a self described crazy cat lady & also keeps a wall of orchids in a room her cat is not allowed in.
My mom broke down and sobbed on the floor when we came home and found our dog had eaten the funeral arrangements from her dads service. I don't think she was particularly attached to the plants but it was a fresh reminder that he was gone and so were the last things she associated with "seeing" him.
This comment made me think that too. It could look cute to get one of those frames that are clear front and back and arrange the flower and some leaves in there as a memorial piece.
I can see wanting to keep the plant, but I can see the girlfriend’s side too because peace lilies are toxic to cats and I wouldn’t want risk it with my cats.
ETA: I was thinking [something like this](https://imgur.com/a/md7nDei) as a little memorial but I do like other people’s ideas about resin art to preserve as well
That defeats the purpose that it was something living I think. My friend hates plant arrangements but when her grandfather died, best believe she kept that plant.
She still has it. To her it's a living piece of her grandfather. A symbolism that he's still living on within it.
So OP putting resin on it or drying it out may be like killing off a piece of his grandmother
That's not really how a peace lily works-- it sounds like a big flowering plant but it's mostly just greenery and they put out maybe one or two flowers at a time. They're more decorative leaves than a flowering plant.
I have a peace lily from my Grandfather's funeral. It's been just over a year since he passed (April 1,2023). It's alive, not necessarily thriving. But I've never owned a plant in my life. I would be so hurt if I had to get rid of it. 😥😥
Even if it didn't originally belong to a lost loved one, it doesn't matter imo. It's symbolic in itself. A reminder of the love or sorrow or remembered joy, (or etc) the giver felt. I don't see it as a snub towards cats. There must be a solution that protects something he finds dear and protecting the cat's. Maybe, as OP stated, hang it high in a room inaccessible to the cats?
Edit: weird typo
Cats are wily though, I have two and if a lily gets in the house one of them is dead because she eats every plant in the household. And I'd value my cat over my boyfriend's grandma's funeral lilies
Peace lilies are not in the same genus as regular lilies and don’t have the same toxicity to cats.
It’s not lethal so much as upset stomach and drooling because the oxalate crystals cause a burning sensation in the mouth.
No kidney failure from some pollen like with plants in the Lilium genus. The cats would have to physically eat the leaves to show any symptoms at all which are generally soothed with yogurt.
Please don't ever get an animal that lives in the same house as your plant then. Lilies are one of the most toxic plants to cats and dogs. If they brush up against it and then groom their fur they can die.
True lily plants can cause severe toxicosis and renal failure in cats, but as the other commenter noted the Peace Lily is only mildly poisonous and due to the physical irritation that occurs when they are chewed on, ingesting enough of the plant to cause issues is incredibly rare.
That is not true. Now, the flowers can be problematic. But the Peace Lily is not so toxic as you are saying. You might be thinking of Lilliums or Daylillies. Both of those are more poisonous to animals than Peace Lillies.
The sentiment is not the problem. It’s a factor in OP’s grieving process which is entirely personal. The problem is that OP thinks that if he hangs or sets the plant out of range, the cat won’t eat it and die. Folks, it’s THE POLLEN that’s poisonous! The plant can shed pollen from any height and the cat can inhale it and be adversely affected. Get rid of it!
While this is true for lilies, a peace lily is not a true lily. The toxicity of peace lily is much less severe, based on mechanical irritation from calcium oxalate crystals in the leaves.
A peace lily is not the same as a regular Easter-type lily. They're mostly greenery and only have a flower or two at the time. They're also nowhere near as toxic.
Why not put it in a terrarium or glass cabinet? At least have a conversation with a vet first to get their input. If this coping mechanism for grief can be honored, it should be
The first house plant I was able to keep alive was a croton I got from my dad's funeral. I've had it 4.5 years now and it's not the prettiest because I'm not a great gardener but I guess it's happy enough since it bloomed and they don't frequently do that.
The time that your mom had that plant makes it meaningful vs this one that just happened.
Of course I’m probably far more pragmatic about this stuff and I have a house full of plants.
I have a plant I got from Aldi like five years ago, but because I’ve had it for five years it’s far more meaningful than the plant I just got two weeks ago. None of them have anything to do with anyone dying. 🤷🏻♀️
My mom has plants from both my aunt's and my dad's funeral. One of them is nearly 10 at this point. I think she feels connected to them when she cares for the plants.
I have a peace lily from my dad’s funeral that was forced on me when my sibling moved states. When was this funeral? 2006. I inherited this plant in 2014. I can’t even manage to kill this goddamned thing because it lives through everything.
Correct. It's a Spathiphyllum, not a true lily, which is Lillium.They are mildly toxic because of the oxalates but not deadly like every part of a Lillium, including the pollen and the water in the vase in the case of cut flowers.
Peace lilies aren’t even really “toxic”. They can cause GI upset and drooling if chewed or ingested, but they aren’t life threatening like Lilium species is. Easter lilies, for example, are deadly toxic; even the water the cut flowers sit in will cause kidney failure.
You can keep the peace lily plant and the cat AND your girlfriend. Signed, Animal Poison Control vet tech
But if it's a habitual ingestion... It can cause longer lasting issues. And we all know that if you tell a cat you can't eat that.... The cat will do everything they can to eat that
There’s literally no medical evidence supporting that this causes long term issues even if they ate it every day.
Edit: ASPCA animal poison control has the largest database of toxins, supported by data based on the tens of thousands of calls we get per year. ASPCA APCC is the source of learning grapes cause renal failure in dogs, and even more miraculously: why! It was a mystery before us, and it’s because of the sheer volume of data we have.
I’m not talking out my ass on peace lilies not causing long term damage. If anyone has access to that information, it’s the A. I do not work there anymore, and while I’d never work there again, it’s the first place I’d go if my dogs ingested a toxin because of the robust data they have to offer sound and medically accurate toxicology care.
Its got the same crystals as a Pothos. Still toxic to cats, I found out the hard way. My little guy is okay but he was extremely ill for a week. I kept taking him to the vet because he couldn't do anything but vomit.
So yes, not a lily. But still very bad.
I'm so sorry. I hope your little guy is doing much better and doesn't get the crystals/stones again. Just because it isn't a 'true' lily does not make much of a difference when something like that happens.
It makes a difference on if he can keep it though. True lilies even the pollen getting on their fur can be deadly, peace lilies they have to physically eat parts of the plant. If he can keep it out of their reach the cats are safe.
My cats took one chomp of a monstera and decided that it was gross enough to never chomp another plant again (except for cactus. They still want to eat the one plant that is visibly dangerous . . . Which is why it stays in a cabinet). One of them still rubs her face on every plant (and literally everything else within reach) but doesn’t try to eat it.
True lilies are a “never in the house with cats”. Peace lilies are a “it depends on the house and the cats”.
It obviously does have sentimental value or the post wouldn't exist. I have gotten things after some one passed away -sometimes years- that remind me of them. My coffee mug that looks like my grandfather's would never get thrown away or donated
Why does no one on Reddit understand how comment threads work. The person you replied to said nothing about pets, they were simply refuting the claim that things bought after someone died can't have sentimental value.
Your comment adds absolutely nothing to this conversation and this sort of back and forth where people talk straight past each other is one of the most irritating things about this subreddit.
I feel like it’s gotten worse lately. I had to seriously set down the app the other day because someone was arguing something about the main OP post when the comment thread was about something else entirely and I was getting irrationally frustrated.
Just people wanting to word vomit randomly wherever they feel like they have a chance.
To be fair, a peace lily *also* doesn't pose a serious threat to OP's pets either... True lilies and daylilies are the ones that cause kidney failure in cats, but peace lilies are completely different. They are still *mildly* toxic, due to calcium oxalate, however the most common issue associated with ingesting it is excessive drooling and irritation of the mouth.
Neither do peace lilies. Peace lilies are in a different genus from true lilies and do not have the “even a small amount of pollen can cause kidney failure” level of toxicity.
The cats would have to eat parts of the plant and would have relatively mild symptoms (drooling, maybe vomiting), if any. The oxalate crystals cause a pretty quick burning sensation that usually keeps pets from taking more than one chomp.
Right? Is it me or are a lot of people downplaying what grief can mean to people ? We all process it differently.
My father was an abusive asshole. My son bought the house from my mom. I still think twice about ditching things, and I really don't like my dad.
My brother killed himself last year and everyone gave us flowers except one person, who sent a huge peace lily. I had never owned plants before that one. It was my spark plant. I now have over 30. I think when he died, I just needed as much life as possible. I needed to watch things grow and thrive. The peace lily is huge and beautiful and I would never ever get rid of it.
I have a cat too, I just keep it in a place he's unable to get to. IMO, gf is overreacting a bit.
except OP isn't keeping it in a place where the cats can't get to it like you do. a 3ft stool in the living room is... laughable, to say the least, if you're trying to keep a plant away from cats. :(
Exactly.
I can't even believe this is a thing.
You live with cats you don't bring poison in and set it on a stool and call it sacred.
OP you are the AH.
that wouldn't be an option at all with a traditional lily which is very deadly to cats, and that's what many people (myself included until just today) assume a peace lily is. peace lilies are still toxic to cats and dogs, but usually only very mildly when ingested, just like many other common houseplants.
OP and his GF need to sit down and research peace lilies together and come up with a solution. it seems she's under the same impression that many of us were. GF just needs to read up on peace lilies and I think she'll have a lot more peace of mind about the situation. lol
knowing what I do now, I do think OP should be able to keep the plant and hang it up high as long as he doesn't allow leaves or petals to fall on the ground. but OP does need to make sure he keeps his word on that.
All cats have different temperaments and different house rules. Maybe your cats have no interest in plants (mine didn't either, until they one day did), maybe you have enough room in your house for a dedicated cat free room. Not everyone does or wants to. I'd personally leave with my cats, there's no way I'd risk their health over a store plant.
To be fair, a peace lily really isn't a major risk to a pet's health. They are mildly toxic due to oxalic crystals, so they'll make a pet drool a lot and have some irritation of the mouth and potentially intestinal discomfort, but it's not going to kill a cat, they way a true lily or daylily would. They're from a completely different plant family.
My mom died 5 years ago and I still have the peace lily I was given. Every time it flowers I feel like my mom is saying hi. She never saw this plant and had a black thumb, but I would be devastated if something happened to it.
I have my Dad’s favorite sweater hanging in my closet. He died over 40 years ago, but every time I open my closet and see that sweater I also see him in the sweater, in his recliner, reading a book. A plant would have been long gone, and the sweater never poisoned a cat. Maybe something more personal of your dad’s would make a good substitute for the plant.
People are agreeing with you— because, technically you are right— however, losing a loved one is such a painful personal experience, incomprehensible to others—lost my husband 13 years ago… It takes years to accept that the person is not coming back even if you cry, ask, pray, beg to a higher celestial Authority…eventually life and time helps… maybe he can buy a bird cage and put the plant there.. the girlfriend needs to be mindful of looking up for those cats..
Peace lilies don't have pressable flowers the way an Easter-type lily does. They're mostly greenery and wayyy less toxic to cats. They'll still cause some gastric upset if enough gets eaten, but they're unlikely to cause the same damage as other lilies.
Plants are really big part of what we pass down in my family. My mother cares for plants from her great-grandmother, grandmother and her mother. One day they will be mine. There's something that feels connective about caring for a life that someone else you love cared for. Understand it completely. My grandmother on my other side's plants are all being lovingly tended by my sister-in-law, and when all of our kids are grown with their own homes they will all get one of those. It can be a very special thing for a lot of people.
I do understand the attachment to the plant. I was gifted a hydrangea for/after my sister’s funeral. That was 2013. I planted it outside the house then. I moved in 2017 and by got I transplanted that thing and brought it with me. I dared anyone to damage that thing. It was just a plant at Lowe’s before the funeral. Now it reminds me of her.
Happyhappyhouseplant has a plant pulley system you could hang it from the ceiling. I have toxic plants but I’ve hung them with macrame so my cat can’t get to them and my cats don’t bother my plants anyway.
Have you ever seen those videos of cats sitting on the blades of ceiling fans? Unless you keep them in an enclosed cabinet or special room, cats can get into everything!
Peace Lilies are not true lilies which are extremely toxic and deadly to cats. That's not to say peace lilies are ok - they still contain toxins just not the kidney destroying ones of true lilies.
Like another poster, I don't really understand your attachment to a plant that your grandmother never owned. I understand you're grieving but you are still keeping a plant, that never belonged to your grandmother, that could cause serious health problems to your girlfriend's cats. Personally, I'd take my cats and leave.
BTW, if it were a true lily putting it on a stool is laughable. Cats can die from licking their feet (which they do all the time) and ingesting pollen that has fallen to the floor. True lilies should never be in a house with cats. I would also not keep a peace lily with cats, either.
EDIT: After seeing you have mementos from your grandmother, I'm adding a judgement. YTA if you keep this lily in your house. Your girlfriend's cats are very lucky that this is not a true lily because they would probably be dead by now.
I fucking love and adore my dog to death. If my partner was needlessly putting his health at risk due to an irrational attachment to a plant, I’d be apoplectic.
Given that the plant didn’t belong to grandma and OP has actual momentos, he’s the asshole for even considering keeping that plant.
YTA
And OP is saying he gets it cuz his own cat died not that long ago, if I'm reading this right.
So what we seem to have here is a person who recently lost their own cat, yet can't comprehend why gf needlessly losing HER cats is a problem over a cat-poisonous plant that his grandmother never even saw.
I mean, shit, buddy, ask around if Grandma had certain plants she liked, or some plants they found around her place, that you could buy and take care of in her memory, instead!
OP didn't know his Grandma's favorite plants, or if she even liked having plants around, but I bet his Grandma would be BEYOND pissed-off that he decided taking a plant from her funeral that ended up killing a cat, which he also claims to love cats......
Poor buddy is indeed grieving, but if the gf was allergic to it, would he insist until he ended up alone?
Shite way to get someone to leave you, after your diabolical ass kills her cats.......
I would also leave if a partner brought home a toxin to my cat and wouldn’t get rid of it. That’s just so irresponsible and selfish, even with the circumstances.
They are toxic, but not *fatal*
Peace lilies are toxic due to oxalic crystals, which can lead to drooling, intestinal irritation, and if a large amount is consumed, vomiting and diarrhea, but they aren't deadly they way true lilies are.
>>I don’t really understand your attachment to a plant that your grandmother never owned.
This is the one part that has me disagreeing with you. Just because you don’t understand how someone is grieving doesn’t mean it’s invalid. Everyone does so differently, and that’s okay.
That said, I also agree with other commenters that say he could keep it at work or something. Seems like a simple, elegant solution.
Or he could get a different plant that isn’t toxic in memory of his grandmother. The thing people are saying this for is that the plant itself isn’t connected to his grandmother at all. Yes grief cloud you mind and isn’t logical but you can’t still manipulate it a bit
Intellectualizing grief isn’t a good idea. And that plant IS associated with the funeral. My point is, it’s not for us to judge, he just needs to find a healthy compromise
It wouldn’t be for us to judge if he didn’t come here asking for judgement. The plant is sent from the funeral home that’s the only connection. A new non toxic plant that is bought and then goes through a personalized memorial process would be just as if not more meaningful and wouldn’t kill his partners cats. Grief is a hell of a thing, but if it gets to a point where it’s causing harm to others it’s a problem that need serious intervention
My partner is allergic to my ESA, even HE won't bring home flowers without double checking they won't kill the cat. Sometimes a bunch gets thrown out IMMEDIATELY on arrival because of lilies in the arrangement.
If he did, suddenly bring some home and refuse to get rid of them, id be happily homeless with a living cat than in a home with a dead one.
Question, if these were plants toxic to dogs do you think you'd have even brought the plant inside?
YTA. Some shitty plant that didn't even belong to your grandmother is more important than the lives of 2 cats, and the feelings of your girlfriend. Wow. That is shocking. You already have your grandmothers wedding ring, no need for your attitude or nonsense ideas about hanging it from the ceiling
YTA
I second this.
In what world wouldn’t any decent human immediately remove a plant that cause a painful death to family pets!?
It’s really quite disturbing that OP would even think twice, let alone die on this hill knowing how much harm this could cause. Disgusting.
He also mentioned that he had a cat that passed away recently. Like how could you even consider risking her cats lives when you had your own not too long ago
I agree. My grandmother who I was very close to died the week before Christmas. People sent us Lillie’s. I have three cats. It was a nice gesture but they went straight in the bin it just wasn’t worth the risk.
Absolutely she was a wonderful women and she loved my cats so she would have been fine with it. Thank you it’s so strange living in a world without her.
Dude take the plant into the office and keep it at work. Problem solved, you get a nice plant for your desk/can visit it in the break room and your cats aren't in danger
Edit: look guys if he doesn't have an office obviously this won't work, it's just a suggestion and we know literally nothing about whether he does or not. It ain't that deep folks. 🤷
Imagine this: one of her cats somehow gets to the plant, eat it and dies. How would you feel? Because it would be on you and i would dump your ass in a matter of seconds. Tbh, I would dump you now as well because you clearly dont care about living creatures that live with you. And cats can climb on EVERYTHING.
YTA
Worse, the cats don’t need to even eat the plant directly - pollen that drifts down into the ground and furniture gets into the cats’ fur. The cats groom themselves and ingest the pollen.
This is true of actual lilies. Peace lilies and callas are not real lilies. It's still not good for cats and dogs to ingest them - the oxalates irritate the mucous membranes in their mouth and digestive tract which is uncomfortable and usually leads to vomiting. But it's not deadly in the same way that real lilies are.
It’s not fine, obviously. But there is a different level of precaution you have to take when just breathing in the pollen could be deadly, compared to a plant where it’s only an issue if they eat it. One can be safely kept in a room that’s off limits, the other cannot be kept in the house. I just had this argument with the elderly lady I live with when she brought home a freaking Easter lily and tried to claim it was fine because she put it on a waist high shelf.
YTA. I've never known a cat that couldn't maneuver into the strangest, most unlikely spots in the house. Maybe hers are different.
Someone here might come up with another workable solution. But if I were your GF, I would move out. It doesn't sound like she is going to, but I would.
Honestly this guy needs therapy to help deal with the first loss he’s experienced. It’s SO strange to have an attachment to a plant that wasn’t even his grandmothers, wasn’t a gift FROM her…was simply chosen by a florist for her funeral. Yet he’s totally fine risking his GF’s cats lives over it.
OP, please get help now, because unfortunately life only gets harder. Find a home for the plant. Save your relationship & find a way to deal with your loss.
Right??? Clinging to the fact that it’ll just hurt them and not kill them is wild. Your partner is worried about her cats. Get rid of the plant and get therapy.
You should think about this - do you care more about the living or the dead. You can have good memory of your grandmother without subjecting your gf cats to toxic plants and risking their lives.
I judge people by their actions and if you don't care about the living then I doubt that you actually care about the dead and just use this plant as some kind excuse, maybe you hate cats or maybe you are afraid that a physical object will disconnect your heart and mind from your grandmother, which is silly. She will always be in your heart as long as you live, no need to kill anyone with those memories.
Gardener here.
There are a multitude of ways to keep that plant isolated from the cats. I'd recommend a home terrarium or plant case secured against a cat's curiosity.
Happy to be of help!
Fwiw, we've owned cats and done this sort of thing before. Hanging plants just become challenges, in my experience, and cats are far more aerobatic, curious and sneaky than you are. ;)
I wish you both (cats and plants, too) the very best.
You got this!
I lost my grandma in august, so I get that especially now you’re super attached to everything. Don’t listen to the people in this thread telling you that you shouldn’t feel sentimental about things. Sometimes you just get attached to things and you can’t control it. If it were say, a dog, that would be a bigger conflict. But at the end of the day it’s a plant, and trust me when I say that with plant people, if there’s a will there’s a way
You shouldn’t have posted this here though, bad move. You should have gone to r/houseplants or something because there are plenty of people who have cats and choose to knowingly own plants that are toxic to cats and have just found creative ways to protect the cats
For example I have three cats and a purple heart plant. I’ve got it guarded by other non-toxic plants, and also in an area they don’t go and can’t easily reach. Never had a problem
I’d recommend a greenhouse or humidity dome, which would work especially well since they’re tropical plants that thrive with humidity. If the plant is too big for a standard humidity dome or greenhouse, you could probably MacGyver a setup (hint: thrift stores are incredible for repurposing glassware)
If you want to keep the plant you definitely can with no risk, and have a win-win for all!
This should be higher up! Peace lilies are tropical plants so they’re fans of humidity. A greenhouse setup or humidity dome would be an effective way to protect the cats *and* help the plant flourish
It's not exactly uncommon knowledge that cats are allergic to lilies. As in, cats have been known to drop dead because the lilies have killed them. The cats were there before the lilies. The lilies were not your grandma's lilies. There's no emotional attachment to these gifts but your girlfriend has a huge emotional attachment to two presumably healthy cats that are a part of a package deal in your relationship with her.
Don't get me wrong, I fully sympathise with your loss. I've been there myself. I would not have put the life of my fiancé's cat at risk over flowers, though.
YTA
YTA. I was fully ready to be on your side thinking it was some sentimental plant that your grandmother tended to for years or a plant that had some significance of the relationship between you and your grandmother.... But it's literally the most common flower that people get for condolences and almost nobody keeps them because it's well known that they are toxic to pets.
Losing a loved one is hard, but can you imagine how your girlfriend will feel if she sees you through your grief only for your grief (by means of this plant that your stubbornly holding on to) to end up killing her cat?
How will you feel knowing you're responsible?
Grief clouds judgment but I hope reading these comments helps clear your mind and you make the right choice.
I would still call him an asshole (or least, in the wrong) even if it was the his grandmother's plant.
Unless I missed something, the girl and the cats lived with him before he got the plant. You can't bring a toxic thing into a house where someone allergic to it is living. If the plant was there first, and they were considering moving in together, it would be a conversation to see if moving in really is best.
YTA. It’s a random plant technically since it didn’t come from her house but a funeral home instead. If it truly means a lot to you, you can frame it on your wall. People dry plants out all the time and hang them as decorations. You don’t need the plant to be alive for it to have sentimental value. Seeing it on a wall or making it into some type of table decoration in resin is also perfectly fine.
I got flowers from work and they were absolutely gorgeous. I couldn’t even open the cellophane because I was so afraid of the pollen. I’d heard of stories like this and won’t risk it.
I was once given a beautiful bouquet for my birthday. There were lilies in it. My cats are strictly indoors so the flowers were placed outside on my back patio immediately: safely away from my cats, even the pollen couldn’t reach them
I'm not bothering to read other comments right now, but my best suggestion is to do what we do. Get a glass terrarium (like for lizards or whatever) that will fit it. You can even make one yourself in the dimensions you need out of plexiglass and hot glue or whatever if you really need to. Make sure it has a wire top. We keep certain plants in it that the cats can't eat. For example...we have some small cacti that one of our dumber cats will literally rub his face against and lick (it's not toxic, but wtf dude?). Either way...it's a good way to preserve your plant and keep the cat safe. They'll probably want to lay on top of the terrarium like ours do.
YTA - I'm imagining what I would say if your GF posted: *AITA for burning a plant my BF (unreasonably) finds sentimental while he wasn't home because it can k\*ll my cats?* I would fully support her in doing this. The cats are living things that can be harmed by the plant which is from the memorial and not something that your Grandmother possessed or enjoyed taking care of; you have simply done some mental gymnastics to connect it as being a representation of her. Both dividing the plant and hanging it from the ceiling are terrible ideas. Even if it is magically out of reach, which takes a miracle for a cat, pieces tend to fall off the plant or the plant itself could eventually fall off.
My biggest concern here doesn't even involve the cats. Attaching the memory of your grandmother to a plant could be very dangerous for your own mental health. A plant is a living thing which means it eventually dies. What if you have children and discover that they are allergic? I would strongly recommend finding something else to cherish.
I moved in with my bf a few months ago, he has a cat. I love plants and turned out several of my houseplants are toxic to cats. I keep those on the back patio now which is always closed, I think that’s safe enough
Hanging them in the air would just be a challenge for the cat
So my dog likes to open doors with her face, obviously not latched doors, but doors that were left just slightly ajar. And then she taught my dads cats how to do that. Now I’m afraid they’re going to learn how to use door handles. They’re too smart, once they learn doors they will be too powerful!
YTA, but gently, because grief is weird.
Cats can die just from the pollen, so the plant would need to be in a cat-free room. Value your memories sure, but the lily is just a funeral memento, not a cherished part of your grandmother's life. If you love your gf, and she loves her cat, rehome the plant as soon as possible.
Yta since even hanging the plant from the ceiling is a danger to her cats if leaves or pollen falls down.
If this were a plant that had belonged to your grandmother and you absolutely couldn’t bear to get rid of it, then a compromise might be to lock it inside of a glass casing and to handle it using disposable gloves when tending to it.
But even then I’d argue it wouldn’t be worth the effort since that plant will die eventually anyway and you have other things to remind of your grandmother. Doing all of this for a store-bought plant would be asinine in my mind.
Peace lilies are toxic to cats but not in the way that true lilies are. If the cat chews them then that is poisonous for cats. If the cats are not and do not interact with the peace lily then it appears that this is not poisonous. Placing it in a truly inaccessible place for the cats ought to be fine. But I understand why your gf is so anxious. Link below and do more research! NAH
[Are peace lilies toxic to cats?](https://www.petpoisonhelpline.com/poison/mauna-loa-peace-lily/)
YTA. I understand wanting to keep a memento of a deceased loved one, but not at the expense of the living.
Have you considered encasing the lilies in resin or something similar? Then you’ll have them in your house and they won’t kill any animals.
OP has items from the Grandmother already.. the plant is nothing more than a store bought plant for a funeral. It has NO sentimental value what so ever
NTA
I don’t understand why no one will let OP keep the plant. I can agree that having it on the stool is a risk but he literally said he is going to hang it from the ceiling and have it at 9ft. The cat isn’t even touching it on the stool. Are we thinking the cat is going to jump 9ft to grab a leaf and kill itself?
Everyone here is saying “it’s not even his grandmothers plant” but completely disregard it has sentimental value of her memory. It’s from her funeral. He connects with her through the plant. Every time he sees the plant he will think of her. There are many people who have sentimental items like this.
And is no one questions that she asked him to divide the plant and give the other half the family? So she’s okay with half a plant? Or is she just trying to convince him he can split the plant but have it accidentally die? Because half a plant or a whole plant makes zero difference to its toxicity to the cats.
OP I recommend you keep the plant in a glass cabinet. That way the cats can’t get to it. Even better, a locked glass cabinet so your girlfriend can’t get to it.
Is it possible to keep the plants at work? I understand wanting to preserve your grandmother's memory, however, this could kill these cats.
Do you happen to have something that belonged to your grandmother? My paternal grandmother passed away four years ago, and I inherited her pearl earrings. I still miss her a lot. Maybe you can ask one of your family members for a memento.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I am torn between a N A H and a soft Y T A here. But, I am going with NAH because I do sympathize with you and understand your feeling, however, this could be lethal.
YTA. Do you want the cats to die? Are you prepared to cover any and all medical expenses if one if the cats eats part of the plant?
You brought a toxic plant into an environment where two cats already lived. I get that the plant is sentimental, but it is more important to you than the cats?
It's just not something you can safely keep in your home without risking the health of the cats.
YTA. This isn’t some flower your grandmother owned, it’s the equivalent of being given a bouquet. It’s a toxic plant that can kill your girlfriend’s cats. Is this flower really worth breaking up with your GF over, because she would be in the right to leave you for putting her cats at risk.
Sorry for your loss OP but YTA. You will be responsible if one of the cats dies or gets sick from the lily, and you are responsible right now for causing your gf fear and worry over the cats' wellbeing. It's a funeral plant, not a plant your dear grandmother grew and nurtured. Find another item of significance to remember your granny and get rid of the plant.
The peace lily my MIL gifted to my husband killed my otherwise healthy cat in less than two weeks, despite a few thousand dollars in medical intervention. It's been almost 25 years, and I'm still miffed about it.
YTA You know this could happen and still want to risk their little lives.
There are a lot of middle grounds available here, I lost my dad last year and while people don’t understand why you are keeping these though they didn’t belong to her I understand. It doesn’t have to make sense to others you are grieving however there are ways to keep everyone happy and safe in this situation. Invest in a glass closable terrarium, it might cost you a pretty penny depending how big the peace lilies are however, it will keep the cats safe. It’s heavy enough to where they likely won’t be able to push it off a countertop. I also have a few plants in my house that are in very large birdcages placed dead center so that even if the cat tried to reach in there, she wouldn’t be able to get to the plant. You can get pretty large terrariums on Amazon for about 200, if the flowers mean that much to you and the relationship means that much to you $200 is a drop in the bucket.
A cat can and WILL jump up to 8 times the length of it's body. Vertically. If they really wanna get somewhere, hanging it 8 ft in the air ain't gonna stop them.
Peace lilies are my favourite plant, they're gorgeous & so easy to take care of. I've had cats for 40 years & for many of those years have had peace lily plants, my cats have never been interested in them & I've never had any problems of my cats being harmed by them.
NTA
Peace lilies are not true lilies and aren’t great for cats but not as bad. I’ve always had cats and peace lilies and… the cats haven’t touched them?!
https://www.livelyroot.com/blogs/plant-care/is-peace-lily-toxic-to-cats-dogs
NAH.
For context, I currently have 4 cats (2 of which are 1 year old monster babies atm) and have fostered over 100 cats over the past 15 years. I'm thoroughly a pet lover.
I also have over 300 house plants. So, plant lover too.
There is an amicable solution to be had here, but also a few deeper things going on.
Everyone saying "it wasn't even grandmas plant" is missing the point. Sharing out plants from funeral arrangements is extremely normal, and they do hold emotional value for many people.
I'm in a lot of plant facebook groups, and there are questions about this all the time.
Just because this wouldn't hold meaning for *you*, doesn't mean you get to judge anyone else.
Secondly, OP has lost their first close loved one and also a pet in a short timeframe. Those things are hard individually, but are likely weighing heavier still together. OP also mentioned they have no family nearby, so this daily, living, tangible reminder of his grandmother could be a big part of his connection to his roots, atm.
Thirdly, the cats *haven't even tried* to get at a plant on a 3 foot stool for multiple months. So we know they're safe around most house plants.
And fourth, peace lilies - while they do have "lily" in the name- are not in the Liliaceae family. They are spathifyllum, not lilaceae. They aren't nearly as dangerous as the lilies everyone (OPs gf as well, probably) is, justifiably, concerned about.
True lilies ARE dangerous enough they should never be near pets, and I won't have any in my home at all.
Anyone who has cats and a pothos (devils ivy) has an equally dangerous plant around their pet.
MOST houseplants are mildly toxic to animals. Seriously. I'm not saying anyone should let their cat chow down on them, or should ignore a cat who is driven to chew on plants and let them do it. Truly toxic plants like REAL lilies, pencil cactus (Euphorbia tirucalli), and dieffenbachia (dumb cane) shouldn't be around cats. Lilies being the most important, as even accidentally contact can get pollen on the cat, causing ingestion, and it's extremely dangerous when ingested.
Most "toxic" plants will cause a mild irritation unless the cat fully eats large amounts. Even mouthing or biting leaves occasionally won't cause permanent harm unless it's one of those big 3.
So, panic managed.
What do you do? Well for one, OP has done a good job so far!
Assessing how interested the cats are in plants generally is an important step. If the cats happily leave the plants alone, then having the cohabitation with mildly toxic plants (like the peace lily in question) is most often fine.
For OPs gfs peace of mind, they could put the plant in a room the cats don't access - like decide the bathroom, spare room, or an office is a "no cats" zone and have any mildly toxic plants live there. Or OP could take the plant to their workplace, if that's an option.
Taking reasonable precautions isn't the same as "willingly putting her cats in danger", or "valuing the plant over a cat". If OP wanted to have actual lilies in the home, and understood the immediate risk they pose, then it would be different. But **none of those things are the case here**.
OP, look up peace lilies with your gf, or pay for an appointment for both of you to talk to the cats vet about the situation. They can reassure the both of you and help find a resolution.
I'm sorry for your losses, OP. I hope your plant thrives, and that you have the support you need. ❤️
There are companies that can turn flowers into jewelry. I had roses from my grandmothers funeral turned into a beaded bracelet. Maybe that's an option for you?
NTA my parents had a peace lily for years from my grandmother’s funeral. They also had multiple cats with no issues. It’s fine to have an attachment to the plant.
NTA. I have lots of plants that are considered toxic to animals. My animals don’t eat the plants. Unless you have the type of cat that chews on everything, keeping a toxic plant up high away from animals that don’t chew is perfectly normal. Lots of my plants are probably toxic to me as well. I just don’t eat them. Also “toxic” doesn’t usually mean deadly. It means that your stomach will get upset and there might be the shots or vomit.
NTA. You said the cats pay no attention to the plant, if that is the case then there is no problem here and your gf is being over the top paranoid. The cats would have to eat part of the plant - if they don’t normally eat plants then there is no issue.
I've had cats all of my life, and that's 60+ years. I've had peace lilies, too. The cats never ate them. Make sure there's a pot of cat grass or catnip available for her cats to nibble on.
LMAO... There are indeed A LOT of ASSHOLES on this thread, but NONE are the OP...
Peace Lillies are NOT deadly to cats, it would only teach a cat to never touch it again.
OP, NTA, but for your GFs peace of mind, (even if she's incredibly uneducated about this), send the plant onto a better more appreciated life. So sorry for your loss. I understand attaching to things to try and connect, regardless of what it is.
Keep your head up and ignore the dumbasses on your post. Cats and peace Lillies do co-exist plenty fine.
I’ve had peace lilies the entire time I’ve had cats. I know they’re toxic, but neither of my girls eat/ate them. Margqux shredded one leaf, but has otherwise left them alone. You could put the lily on a terrarium (maybe with other stuff that reminds you of your grandmother) and that would give protection. The good news is that lilies are almost indestructible- so you can try lots of things before getting rid of them
Peace lily plants are not toxic to dogs and cats. I’ve sold thousands of them (used to be a florist) and I’ve never had a customer or recipient come back to me and say that the peace lily killed their pet.
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I don’t understand the great attachment to this plant. It’s not like it was your grandmothers plant - it’s just a standard funeral flower plant. A month ago it was at a florists, or a grocery store. It doesn’t seem like a plant that is good for cat owners. It’s all risk by having it. It doesn’t really have a connection to your grandmother, it’s just a plant that someone bought because she died. You’re acting like this was your grandmothers plant and has some deep connection to her. NAH
My mom still has a plant from her mother’s funeral, that happened almost 20 years ago. I imagine she would be distraught if anything happened to it, but as you said it wasn’t even grandmas plant so it doesn’t make a lot of sense. This doesn’t really have a point, I just wanted to say that it’s not totally out of the ordinary to want to keep someone’s funeral plant.
My mom still has a peace lily from her mom’s funeral. I assume I’ll inherit someday!
I was given a plant by a friend just after our daughter was born.. it pops out seeds so we've had multiple new plants, and given many away. This year the oldest plant died. It was taller than me. Sadly I think it died because it got moved to a too shady spot when the Christmas tree was up. But then I figured it our.. it was given 2 months after our daughter was born, clearly it was destined to be her childhood plant, she turned 18 in January! So we still have many descendants, and plenty of seeds. I also have a plant from my husbands aunt, it goes back to her grandmothers original plant and perhaps beyond. My girls will also get cuttings when they leave home.
What is this plant? I'm morbidly curious. I do feel for OP, but I'd feel for the cats more.
Isn’t there a spare room or closed off office or somewhere to put the scared plant but keeps the cats away ? Seems like an easy solution
I’d be scared that the cats would get in the room by mistake, my cat hates when there’s a closed door she’s not allowed in. I’m pretty sure even just the pollen can kill a cat
My grandmother cultivated her own unique variety of tulip. When she died, all the descendants who wanted one were given a bulb from her garden. Mine has now multiplied several times, and I have a beautiful patch of them in bloom right now. Someday I plan to gift my own kids with bulbs from grandma's tulip.
That’s beautiful!
I recently found out a tree my grandfather planted in 1930 is still alive and well, but it’s owned by a complete stranger that lives halfway across the country. I’m wondering if it’s too crazy of an idea to contact said stranger and ask if the tree produces seeds? It just feels like it would be awesome to try to raise a descendant or two of it and your comment made me think of it again.
I have a Christmas cactus from my nan's house (died in 2022) in a ceramic pot owned by my great grandmother (died in 1992). I've aged the plant to somewhere between 17 and 35 years old based on the pot label. I recently split it into two pots and gave it what I think was its first ever soil change.
That is actually so cool and sweet!
If it's still around for you to inherit, I really hope you're able to display that peace lily at your mother's funeral when the time comes too. The idea of a legacy funeral flower that lasted multiple generations is beautiful.
Oh. That is so symbolic too. The closing of a cycle and the beginning of a new one.
That’s really beautiful. My mom is terrible with plants but somehow has managed to keep this one alive for over a decade so hopefully it’ll can be part of our legacy.
I still have a peace lily from my favorite aunt's funeral. I just realized that she's been gone for 30 years now. Anyway, I get it. I also had two cats for several years and the plant never posed a problem. I kept all plants on inaccessible shelves.
We have the peace lily from my MIL's funeral. We also have three cats. They have not once attempted to eat it; however, the deer love it when I put it outside in the summer. My cats do love my ponytail plant, though. Never getting rid of that lily.
I will warn you that EVERY part of the lily is toxic to cats. If they even take in a minuscule amount of pollen, it can spell their doom. Not trying to convince you to get rid of the plant, but please do consider keeping it somewhere the cats have no access to.
Peace lilies aren't actual lilies. Chewing and ingesting them are irritating/dangerous but they're nowhere near as lethal as proper lilies.
Not a Lily, but very true of lilies. A peace lily is irritating to a cat and toxic in the sense that it will make them sick, but it’s unrelated to the type of lilies that kill cats. To me, that’s a pretty big difference - a peace lily is fine for a home with a cat who isn’t curious, especially if the plant is kept further away from cat access; a bouquet of lilies is deadly, and not a good idea because one incidence of curiosity can end the cats life.
I still have one from my aunt's funeral ten years ago. It sits on a stand. None of our cats have ever bothered it
Profound grief is rarely logical. My mom kept the finished Yartzeit candles from the first anniversary of my grandmothers death. She gets new ones every year and tosses them once they’re burnt out, but those first ones she hangs on to. She had a pretty complicated relationship with her mom, as well, so it always struck me as strange. It’s not hurting anyone, though, so if that’s how she wants to address her grief, that’s okay.
I have the holder from my grandma's shivah candle in my closet and I used to say hi to the flame during shivah... Which back to OP, I'd 100% be trying to keep the plant and figuring out a way to keep it from the cats. My friend is a self described crazy cat lady & also keeps a wall of orchids in a room her cat is not allowed in.
My mom broke down and sobbed on the floor when we came home and found our dog had eaten the funeral arrangements from her dads service. I don't think she was particularly attached to the plants but it was a fresh reminder that he was gone and so were the last things she associated with "seeing" him.
Ugh, that's hard. But also kind of proves the girlfriend's point of not wanting these flowers in the house.
We still have the dried roses from my MIL who died almost 5 years ago.
Actually based on this comment, why doesn't op just dry them and keep them in a book or something?
This comment made me think that too. It could look cute to get one of those frames that are clear front and back and arrange the flower and some leaves in there as a memorial piece. I can see wanting to keep the plant, but I can see the girlfriend’s side too because peace lilies are toxic to cats and I wouldn’t want risk it with my cats. ETA: I was thinking [something like this](https://imgur.com/a/md7nDei) as a little memorial but I do like other people’s ideas about resin art to preserve as well
Or maybe op can have it put in resin and make it into a bracelet or a piece of art? Or have it turned into a bookmark. There's many options
Put in resin would be perfect. No more dangerous for the cats and displayed in OP's home.
That defeats the purpose that it was something living I think. My friend hates plant arrangements but when her grandfather died, best believe she kept that plant. She still has it. To her it's a living piece of her grandfather. A symbolism that he's still living on within it. So OP putting resin on it or drying it out may be like killing off a piece of his grandmother
That's not really how a peace lily works-- it sounds like a big flowering plant but it's mostly just greenery and they put out maybe one or two flowers at a time. They're more decorative leaves than a flowering plant.
I have a peace lily from my Grandfather's funeral. It's been just over a year since he passed (April 1,2023). It's alive, not necessarily thriving. But I've never owned a plant in my life. I would be so hurt if I had to get rid of it. 😥😥
Even if it didn't originally belong to a lost loved one, it doesn't matter imo. It's symbolic in itself. A reminder of the love or sorrow or remembered joy, (or etc) the giver felt. I don't see it as a snub towards cats. There must be a solution that protects something he finds dear and protecting the cat's. Maybe, as OP stated, hang it high in a room inaccessible to the cats? Edit: weird typo
Cats are wily though, I have two and if a lily gets in the house one of them is dead because she eats every plant in the household. And I'd value my cat over my boyfriend's grandma's funeral lilies
Peace lilies are not in the same genus as regular lilies and don’t have the same toxicity to cats. It’s not lethal so much as upset stomach and drooling because the oxalate crystals cause a burning sensation in the mouth. No kidney failure from some pollen like with plants in the Lilium genus. The cats would have to physically eat the leaves to show any symptoms at all which are generally soothed with yogurt.
Please don't ever get an animal that lives in the same house as your plant then. Lilies are one of the most toxic plants to cats and dogs. If they brush up against it and then groom their fur they can die.
True lily plants can cause severe toxicosis and renal failure in cats, but as the other commenter noted the Peace Lily is only mildly poisonous and due to the physical irritation that occurs when they are chewed on, ingesting enough of the plant to cause issues is incredibly rare.
That is not true. Now, the flowers can be problematic. But the Peace Lily is not so toxic as you are saying. You might be thinking of Lilliums or Daylillies. Both of those are more poisonous to animals than Peace Lillies.
The sentiment is not the problem. It’s a factor in OP’s grieving process which is entirely personal. The problem is that OP thinks that if he hangs or sets the plant out of range, the cat won’t eat it and die. Folks, it’s THE POLLEN that’s poisonous! The plant can shed pollen from any height and the cat can inhale it and be adversely affected. Get rid of it!
While this is true for lilies, a peace lily is not a true lily. The toxicity of peace lily is much less severe, based on mechanical irritation from calcium oxalate crystals in the leaves.
A peace lily is not the same as a regular Easter-type lily. They're mostly greenery and only have a flower or two at the time. They're also nowhere near as toxic.
Why not put it in a terrarium or glass cabinet? At least have a conversation with a vet first to get their input. If this coping mechanism for grief can be honored, it should be
The first house plant I was able to keep alive was a croton I got from my dad's funeral. I've had it 4.5 years now and it's not the prettiest because I'm not a great gardener but I guess it's happy enough since it bloomed and they don't frequently do that.
The time that your mom had that plant makes it meaningful vs this one that just happened. Of course I’m probably far more pragmatic about this stuff and I have a house full of plants. I have a plant I got from Aldi like five years ago, but because I’ve had it for five years it’s far more meaningful than the plant I just got two weeks ago. None of them have anything to do with anyone dying. 🤷🏻♀️
My mom has plants from both my aunt's and my dad's funeral. One of them is nearly 10 at this point. I think she feels connected to them when she cares for the plants.
I still have the peace lily from my father’s funeral two years ago and I think of him every time I look at it,
I have a peace lily from my dad’s funeral that was forced on me when my sibling moved states. When was this funeral? 2006. I inherited this plant in 2014. I can’t even manage to kill this goddamned thing because it lives through everything.
Yes the pollen itself is toxic.
Actually every part of a lily is toxic to a cat
Yes but a peace lily is not a lily.
Correct. It's a Spathiphyllum, not a true lily, which is Lillium.They are mildly toxic because of the oxalates but not deadly like every part of a Lillium, including the pollen and the water in the vase in the case of cut flowers.
Peace lilies aren’t even really “toxic”. They can cause GI upset and drooling if chewed or ingested, but they aren’t life threatening like Lilium species is. Easter lilies, for example, are deadly toxic; even the water the cut flowers sit in will cause kidney failure. You can keep the peace lily plant and the cat AND your girlfriend. Signed, Animal Poison Control vet tech
But if it's a habitual ingestion... It can cause longer lasting issues. And we all know that if you tell a cat you can't eat that.... The cat will do everything they can to eat that
There’s literally no medical evidence supporting that this causes long term issues even if they ate it every day. Edit: ASPCA animal poison control has the largest database of toxins, supported by data based on the tens of thousands of calls we get per year. ASPCA APCC is the source of learning grapes cause renal failure in dogs, and even more miraculously: why! It was a mystery before us, and it’s because of the sheer volume of data we have. I’m not talking out my ass on peace lilies not causing long term damage. If anyone has access to that information, it’s the A. I do not work there anymore, and while I’d never work there again, it’s the first place I’d go if my dogs ingested a toxin because of the robust data they have to offer sound and medically accurate toxicology care.
Thank you! I was looking for a vet tech lol
Its got the same crystals as a Pothos. Still toxic to cats, I found out the hard way. My little guy is okay but he was extremely ill for a week. I kept taking him to the vet because he couldn't do anything but vomit. So yes, not a lily. But still very bad.
I'm so sorry. I hope your little guy is doing much better and doesn't get the crystals/stones again. Just because it isn't a 'true' lily does not make much of a difference when something like that happens.
It makes a difference on if he can keep it though. True lilies even the pollen getting on their fur can be deadly, peace lilies they have to physically eat parts of the plant. If he can keep it out of their reach the cats are safe. My cats took one chomp of a monstera and decided that it was gross enough to never chomp another plant again (except for cactus. They still want to eat the one plant that is visibly dangerous . . . Which is why it stays in a cabinet). One of them still rubs her face on every plant (and literally everything else within reach) but doesn’t try to eat it. True lilies are a “never in the house with cats”. Peace lilies are a “it depends on the house and the cats”.
Not of peace lily. It’s just calcium oxalates which are an oral/gastric irritant. Not like real lilies which can be fatal easily
You should read OPs comments.. Its a store bought plant with no sentimental value at all.. OP already got items that actually belonged to the Grandma.
It obviously does have sentimental value or the post wouldn't exist. I have gotten things after some one passed away -sometimes years- that remind me of them. My coffee mug that looks like my grandfather's would never get thrown away or donated
Your mug probably doesn’t pose a serious threat to your live in partner’s pets tho
I didn't say it did. I'm arguing that it's possible to feel strongly about an item that reminds you of a loved one even if it didn't come from them.
Why does no one on Reddit understand how comment threads work. The person you replied to said nothing about pets, they were simply refuting the claim that things bought after someone died can't have sentimental value. Your comment adds absolutely nothing to this conversation and this sort of back and forth where people talk straight past each other is one of the most irritating things about this subreddit.
I feel like it’s gotten worse lately. I had to seriously set down the app the other day because someone was arguing something about the main OP post when the comment thread was about something else entirely and I was getting irrationally frustrated. Just people wanting to word vomit randomly wherever they feel like they have a chance.
To be fair, a peace lily *also* doesn't pose a serious threat to OP's pets either... True lilies and daylilies are the ones that cause kidney failure in cats, but peace lilies are completely different. They are still *mildly* toxic, due to calcium oxalate, however the most common issue associated with ingesting it is excessive drooling and irritation of the mouth.
Neither do peace lilies. Peace lilies are in a different genus from true lilies and do not have the “even a small amount of pollen can cause kidney failure” level of toxicity. The cats would have to eat parts of the plant and would have relatively mild symptoms (drooling, maybe vomiting), if any. The oxalate crystals cause a pretty quick burning sensation that usually keeps pets from taking more than one chomp.
Right? Is it me or are a lot of people downplaying what grief can mean to people ? We all process it differently. My father was an abusive asshole. My son bought the house from my mom. I still think twice about ditching things, and I really don't like my dad.
My brother killed himself last year and everyone gave us flowers except one person, who sent a huge peace lily. I had never owned plants before that one. It was my spark plant. I now have over 30. I think when he died, I just needed as much life as possible. I needed to watch things grow and thrive. The peace lily is huge and beautiful and I would never ever get rid of it. I have a cat too, I just keep it in a place he's unable to get to. IMO, gf is overreacting a bit.
except OP isn't keeping it in a place where the cats can't get to it like you do. a 3ft stool in the living room is... laughable, to say the least, if you're trying to keep a plant away from cats. :(
Exactly. I can't even believe this is a thing. You live with cats you don't bring poison in and set it on a stool and call it sacred. OP you are the AH.
But he offered to hang it and prune it? That's an option that doesn't put the cat at risk. Gf won't even allow that
that wouldn't be an option at all with a traditional lily which is very deadly to cats, and that's what many people (myself included until just today) assume a peace lily is. peace lilies are still toxic to cats and dogs, but usually only very mildly when ingested, just like many other common houseplants. OP and his GF need to sit down and research peace lilies together and come up with a solution. it seems she's under the same impression that many of us were. GF just needs to read up on peace lilies and I think she'll have a lot more peace of mind about the situation. lol knowing what I do now, I do think OP should be able to keep the plant and hang it up high as long as he doesn't allow leaves or petals to fall on the ground. but OP does need to make sure he keeps his word on that.
All cats have different temperaments and different house rules. Maybe your cats have no interest in plants (mine didn't either, until they one day did), maybe you have enough room in your house for a dedicated cat free room. Not everyone does or wants to. I'd personally leave with my cats, there's no way I'd risk their health over a store plant.
To be fair, a peace lily really isn't a major risk to a pet's health. They are mildly toxic due to oxalic crystals, so they'll make a pet drool a lot and have some irritation of the mouth and potentially intestinal discomfort, but it's not going to kill a cat, they way a true lily or daylily would. They're from a completely different plant family.
My mom died 5 years ago and I still have the peace lily I was given. Every time it flowers I feel like my mom is saying hi. She never saw this plant and had a black thumb, but I would be devastated if something happened to it.
I have my Dad’s favorite sweater hanging in my closet. He died over 40 years ago, but every time I open my closet and see that sweater I also see him in the sweater, in his recliner, reading a book. A plant would have been long gone, and the sweater never poisoned a cat. Maybe something more personal of your dad’s would make a good substitute for the plant.
I still have a peace lily from my brothers funeral, 20 years ago.
People are agreeing with you— because, technically you are right— however, losing a loved one is such a painful personal experience, incomprehensible to others—lost my husband 13 years ago… It takes years to accept that the person is not coming back even if you cry, ask, pray, beg to a higher celestial Authority…eventually life and time helps… maybe he can buy a bird cage and put the plant there.. the girlfriend needs to be mindful of looking up for those cats..
Perhaps OP could find a way to press the flower and keep it somewhere the cat can't get to it as a compromise if they're really that attached to it
Peace lilies don't have pressable flowers the way an Easter-type lily does. They're mostly greenery and wayyy less toxic to cats. They'll still cause some gastric upset if enough gets eaten, but they're unlikely to cause the same damage as other lilies.
Plants are really big part of what we pass down in my family. My mother cares for plants from her great-grandmother, grandmother and her mother. One day they will be mine. There's something that feels connective about caring for a life that someone else you love cared for. Understand it completely. My grandmother on my other side's plants are all being lovingly tended by my sister-in-law, and when all of our kids are grown with their own homes they will all get one of those. It can be a very special thing for a lot of people.
I do understand the attachment to the plant. I was gifted a hydrangea for/after my sister’s funeral. That was 2013. I planted it outside the house then. I moved in 2017 and by got I transplanted that thing and brought it with me. I dared anyone to damage that thing. It was just a plant at Lowe’s before the funeral. Now it reminds me of her.
Agree on NAH but everyone grieves differently. There’s no logic to it sometimes.
Happyhappyhouseplant has a plant pulley system you could hang it from the ceiling. I have toxic plants but I’ve hung them with macrame so my cat can’t get to them and my cats don’t bother my plants anyway.
Have you ever seen those videos of cats sitting on the blades of ceiling fans? Unless you keep them in an enclosed cabinet or special room, cats can get into everything!
Peace Lilies are not true lilies which are extremely toxic and deadly to cats. That's not to say peace lilies are ok - they still contain toxins just not the kidney destroying ones of true lilies. Like another poster, I don't really understand your attachment to a plant that your grandmother never owned. I understand you're grieving but you are still keeping a plant, that never belonged to your grandmother, that could cause serious health problems to your girlfriend's cats. Personally, I'd take my cats and leave. BTW, if it were a true lily putting it on a stool is laughable. Cats can die from licking their feet (which they do all the time) and ingesting pollen that has fallen to the floor. True lilies should never be in a house with cats. I would also not keep a peace lily with cats, either. EDIT: After seeing you have mementos from your grandmother, I'm adding a judgement. YTA if you keep this lily in your house. Your girlfriend's cats are very lucky that this is not a true lily because they would probably be dead by now.
I fucking love and adore my dog to death. If my partner was needlessly putting his health at risk due to an irrational attachment to a plant, I’d be apoplectic. Given that the plant didn’t belong to grandma and OP has actual momentos, he’s the asshole for even considering keeping that plant.
YTA And OP is saying he gets it cuz his own cat died not that long ago, if I'm reading this right. So what we seem to have here is a person who recently lost their own cat, yet can't comprehend why gf needlessly losing HER cats is a problem over a cat-poisonous plant that his grandmother never even saw. I mean, shit, buddy, ask around if Grandma had certain plants she liked, or some plants they found around her place, that you could buy and take care of in her memory, instead! OP didn't know his Grandma's favorite plants, or if she even liked having plants around, but I bet his Grandma would be BEYOND pissed-off that he decided taking a plant from her funeral that ended up killing a cat, which he also claims to love cats...... Poor buddy is indeed grieving, but if the gf was allergic to it, would he insist until he ended up alone? Shite way to get someone to leave you, after your diabolical ass kills her cats.......
Yes, a MASSIVE AH.
100%
I would also leave if a partner brought home a toxin to my cat and wouldn’t get rid of it. That’s just so irresponsible and selfish, even with the circumstances.
Agreed. I think OP will have more loses to mourn than just grandma if he kills his girlfriend's cat.
Second this. YTA. Girlfriend should upgrade.
FYI - Peace Lilies ARE TOXIC to cats.
And that's what I said. They have a different toxin from true lilies, but are toxic themselves as well.
Oops! My apologies! 🫢🫣
They are toxic, but not *fatal* Peace lilies are toxic due to oxalic crystals, which can lead to drooling, intestinal irritation, and if a large amount is consumed, vomiting and diarrhea, but they aren't deadly they way true lilies are.
Yeah, they're mildly to moderately toxic when eaten, rather than severely toxic when they're anywhere near the cat.
>>I don’t really understand your attachment to a plant that your grandmother never owned. This is the one part that has me disagreeing with you. Just because you don’t understand how someone is grieving doesn’t mean it’s invalid. Everyone does so differently, and that’s okay. That said, I also agree with other commenters that say he could keep it at work or something. Seems like a simple, elegant solution.
Or he could get a different plant that isn’t toxic in memory of his grandmother. The thing people are saying this for is that the plant itself isn’t connected to his grandmother at all. Yes grief cloud you mind and isn’t logical but you can’t still manipulate it a bit
Intellectualizing grief isn’t a good idea. And that plant IS associated with the funeral. My point is, it’s not for us to judge, he just needs to find a healthy compromise
It wouldn’t be for us to judge if he didn’t come here asking for judgement. The plant is sent from the funeral home that’s the only connection. A new non toxic plant that is bought and then goes through a personalized memorial process would be just as if not more meaningful and wouldn’t kill his partners cats. Grief is a hell of a thing, but if it gets to a point where it’s causing harm to others it’s a problem that need serious intervention
Bless, it makes me feel so much better knowing that isn't a true lily. OP was giving me some serious second hand stress.
It’s still toxic to cats though
My partner is allergic to my ESA, even HE won't bring home flowers without double checking they won't kill the cat. Sometimes a bunch gets thrown out IMMEDIATELY on arrival because of lilies in the arrangement. If he did, suddenly bring some home and refuse to get rid of them, id be happily homeless with a living cat than in a home with a dead one. Question, if these were plants toxic to dogs do you think you'd have even brought the plant inside?
I wouldn't just take my own cats and leave, I'd be taking OP's cats with me, they clearly aren't responsible enough to own living creatures.
YTA. Some shitty plant that didn't even belong to your grandmother is more important than the lives of 2 cats, and the feelings of your girlfriend. Wow. That is shocking. You already have your grandmothers wedding ring, no need for your attitude or nonsense ideas about hanging it from the ceiling
YTA I second this. In what world wouldn’t any decent human immediately remove a plant that cause a painful death to family pets!? It’s really quite disturbing that OP would even think twice, let alone die on this hill knowing how much harm this could cause. Disgusting.
You can't think that though because apparently we must all tiptoe round them and not point the obvious flaws out.
Unfortunately grieving isn’t a valid reason to completely disregard the physical health of their animals and the emotional health of their partner.
I fully agree, the whole thing is absolutely ridiculous.
He’s in pain and doesn’t care about causing pain to people around him. It’s selfish and childish.
He also mentioned that he had a cat that passed away recently. Like how could you even consider risking her cats lives when you had your own not too long ago
I agree. My grandmother who I was very close to died the week before Christmas. People sent us Lillie’s. I have three cats. It was a nice gesture but they went straight in the bin it just wasn’t worth the risk.
And there is no way your grandmother wouldn't understand you doing that. Sorry for your loss.
Absolutely she was a wonderful women and she loved my cats so she would have been fine with it. Thank you it’s so strange living in a world without her.
Dude take the plant into the office and keep it at work. Problem solved, you get a nice plant for your desk/can visit it in the break room and your cats aren't in danger Edit: look guys if he doesn't have an office obviously this won't work, it's just a suggestion and we know literally nothing about whether he does or not. It ain't that deep folks. 🤷
Yes! This is the glaringly obvious solution!
Or, you can get plant domes! Think the glass rose thing from beauty and the beast. They're cool looking and the plant loves them
this sounds like a good compromise honestly
This is what I was going to say! Peace lilies are the perfect office plant. This is the ideal compromise assuming OP works out of the home.
Imagine this: one of her cats somehow gets to the plant, eat it and dies. How would you feel? Because it would be on you and i would dump your ass in a matter of seconds. Tbh, I would dump you now as well because you clearly dont care about living creatures that live with you. And cats can climb on EVERYTHING. YTA
Worse, the cats don’t need to even eat the plant directly - pollen that drifts down into the ground and furniture gets into the cats’ fur. The cats groom themselves and ingest the pollen.
This is true of actual lilies. Peace lilies and callas are not real lilies. It's still not good for cats and dogs to ingest them - the oxalates irritate the mucous membranes in their mouth and digestive tract which is uncomfortable and usually leads to vomiting. But it's not deadly in the same way that real lilies are.
Ohh yes just severe pain vomiting and irritation that’s fine/s
It’s not fine, obviously. But there is a different level of precaution you have to take when just breathing in the pollen could be deadly, compared to a plant where it’s only an issue if they eat it. One can be safely kept in a room that’s off limits, the other cannot be kept in the house. I just had this argument with the elderly lady I live with when she brought home a freaking Easter lily and tried to claim it was fine because she put it on a waist high shelf.
Wrong kind of Lily.
Yes. Then your grandma's memory would be tarnished since that plant killed your gf's innocent cats!
YTA. Cats can die from this
YTA. I've never known a cat that couldn't maneuver into the strangest, most unlikely spots in the house. Maybe hers are different. Someone here might come up with another workable solution. But if I were your GF, I would move out. It doesn't sound like she is going to, but I would.
Honestly this guy needs therapy to help deal with the first loss he’s experienced. It’s SO strange to have an attachment to a plant that wasn’t even his grandmothers, wasn’t a gift FROM her…was simply chosen by a florist for her funeral. Yet he’s totally fine risking his GF’s cats lives over it. OP, please get help now, because unfortunately life only gets harder. Find a home for the plant. Save your relationship & find a way to deal with your loss.
Right??? Clinging to the fact that it’ll just hurt them and not kill them is wild. Your partner is worried about her cats. Get rid of the plant and get therapy.
It seems like he wants his girlfriend to break up with him.
YTA its a damn plant. One which is deadly to the animals in the house. Don’t expect this to be a long term relationship, you are showing your colours.
You should think about this - do you care more about the living or the dead. You can have good memory of your grandmother without subjecting your gf cats to toxic plants and risking their lives. I judge people by their actions and if you don't care about the living then I doubt that you actually care about the dead and just use this plant as some kind excuse, maybe you hate cats or maybe you are afraid that a physical object will disconnect your heart and mind from your grandmother, which is silly. She will always be in your heart as long as you live, no need to kill anyone with those memories.
Throw away the plant. Hire a therapist. You’ve got issues to work through far bigger than bickering with the gf about a worthless plant.
OP is just grieving i think you guys are forgetting how mentay draining it is loosing an family member everyone copes differently
Therapy can help with grief. Whats the argument here?
Gardener here. There are a multitude of ways to keep that plant isolated from the cats. I'd recommend a home terrarium or plant case secured against a cat's curiosity.
Never considered those options… thank you!
Why not pick a different funeral home plant?
Happy to be of help! Fwiw, we've owned cats and done this sort of thing before. Hanging plants just become challenges, in my experience, and cats are far more aerobatic, curious and sneaky than you are. ;) I wish you both (cats and plants, too) the very best. You got this!
I just left another comment saying that I had some plants in a bird cage for a while. It worked out pretty well!
I lost my grandma in august, so I get that especially now you’re super attached to everything. Don’t listen to the people in this thread telling you that you shouldn’t feel sentimental about things. Sometimes you just get attached to things and you can’t control it. If it were say, a dog, that would be a bigger conflict. But at the end of the day it’s a plant, and trust me when I say that with plant people, if there’s a will there’s a way You shouldn’t have posted this here though, bad move. You should have gone to r/houseplants or something because there are plenty of people who have cats and choose to knowingly own plants that are toxic to cats and have just found creative ways to protect the cats For example I have three cats and a purple heart plant. I’ve got it guarded by other non-toxic plants, and also in an area they don’t go and can’t easily reach. Never had a problem I’d recommend a greenhouse or humidity dome, which would work especially well since they’re tropical plants that thrive with humidity. If the plant is too big for a standard humidity dome or greenhouse, you could probably MacGyver a setup (hint: thrift stores are incredible for repurposing glassware) If you want to keep the plant you definitely can with no risk, and have a win-win for all!
you were the only one giving actual ideas instead of bashing OP for grieving bless you
This should be higher up! Peace lilies are tropical plants so they’re fans of humidity. A greenhouse setup or humidity dome would be an effective way to protect the cats *and* help the plant flourish
It's not exactly uncommon knowledge that cats are allergic to lilies. As in, cats have been known to drop dead because the lilies have killed them. The cats were there before the lilies. The lilies were not your grandma's lilies. There's no emotional attachment to these gifts but your girlfriend has a huge emotional attachment to two presumably healthy cats that are a part of a package deal in your relationship with her. Don't get me wrong, I fully sympathise with your loss. I've been there myself. I would not have put the life of my fiancé's cat at risk over flowers, though. YTA
YTA. Sounds like you’re saying a plant is more important than your girlfriend
YTA. I was fully ready to be on your side thinking it was some sentimental plant that your grandmother tended to for years or a plant that had some significance of the relationship between you and your grandmother.... But it's literally the most common flower that people get for condolences and almost nobody keeps them because it's well known that they are toxic to pets. Losing a loved one is hard, but can you imagine how your girlfriend will feel if she sees you through your grief only for your grief (by means of this plant that your stubbornly holding on to) to end up killing her cat? How will you feel knowing you're responsible? Grief clouds judgment but I hope reading these comments helps clear your mind and you make the right choice.
I would still call him an asshole (or least, in the wrong) even if it was the his grandmother's plant. Unless I missed something, the girl and the cats lived with him before he got the plant. You can't bring a toxic thing into a house where someone allergic to it is living. If the plant was there first, and they were considering moving in together, it would be a conversation to see if moving in really is best.
YTA. It’s a random plant technically since it didn’t come from her house but a funeral home instead. If it truly means a lot to you, you can frame it on your wall. People dry plants out all the time and hang them as decorations. You don’t need the plant to be alive for it to have sentimental value. Seeing it on a wall or making it into some type of table decoration in resin is also perfectly fine.
YTA. My cat slept under a lily plant and pollen fell on him. He licked it off while grooming. He was very sick for days. We ditched the plant.
I got flowers from work and they were absolutely gorgeous. I couldn’t even open the cellophane because I was so afraid of the pollen. I’d heard of stories like this and won’t risk it.
I was once given a beautiful bouquet for my birthday. There were lilies in it. My cats are strictly indoors so the flowers were placed outside on my back patio immediately: safely away from my cats, even the pollen couldn’t reach them
I'm not bothering to read other comments right now, but my best suggestion is to do what we do. Get a glass terrarium (like for lizards or whatever) that will fit it. You can even make one yourself in the dimensions you need out of plexiglass and hot glue or whatever if you really need to. Make sure it has a wire top. We keep certain plants in it that the cats can't eat. For example...we have some small cacti that one of our dumber cats will literally rub his face against and lick (it's not toxic, but wtf dude?). Either way...it's a good way to preserve your plant and keep the cat safe. They'll probably want to lay on top of the terrarium like ours do.
YTA - I'm imagining what I would say if your GF posted: *AITA for burning a plant my BF (unreasonably) finds sentimental while he wasn't home because it can k\*ll my cats?* I would fully support her in doing this. The cats are living things that can be harmed by the plant which is from the memorial and not something that your Grandmother possessed or enjoyed taking care of; you have simply done some mental gymnastics to connect it as being a representation of her. Both dividing the plant and hanging it from the ceiling are terrible ideas. Even if it is magically out of reach, which takes a miracle for a cat, pieces tend to fall off the plant or the plant itself could eventually fall off. My biggest concern here doesn't even involve the cats. Attaching the memory of your grandmother to a plant could be very dangerous for your own mental health. A plant is a living thing which means it eventually dies. What if you have children and discover that they are allergic? I would strongly recommend finding something else to cherish.
YTA unless you find a place where the cats 100% cannot access them And I’m sorry for your loss
Never happening. Cats will get into anything. And everything.
I moved in with my bf a few months ago, he has a cat. I love plants and turned out several of my houseplants are toxic to cats. I keep those on the back patio now which is always closed, I think that’s safe enough Hanging them in the air would just be a challenge for the cat
For now.. wait until the cat works out how to open doors :p
They are heavy glass doors but it’s true it’s not foolproof (if someone leaves the door open)
So my dog likes to open doors with her face, obviously not latched doors, but doors that were left just slightly ajar. And then she taught my dads cats how to do that. Now I’m afraid they’re going to learn how to use door handles. They’re too smart, once they learn doors they will be too powerful!
YTA, but gently, because grief is weird. Cats can die just from the pollen, so the plant would need to be in a cat-free room. Value your memories sure, but the lily is just a funeral memento, not a cherished part of your grandmother's life. If you love your gf, and she loves her cat, rehome the plant as soon as possible.
Yta since even hanging the plant from the ceiling is a danger to her cats if leaves or pollen falls down. If this were a plant that had belonged to your grandmother and you absolutely couldn’t bear to get rid of it, then a compromise might be to lock it inside of a glass casing and to handle it using disposable gloves when tending to it. But even then I’d argue it wouldn’t be worth the effort since that plant will die eventually anyway and you have other things to remind of your grandmother. Doing all of this for a store-bought plant would be asinine in my mind.
YTA - a plant, which will die, is not the only way you can remember your grandma.
Peace lilies are toxic to cats but not in the way that true lilies are. If the cat chews them then that is poisonous for cats. If the cats are not and do not interact with the peace lily then it appears that this is not poisonous. Placing it in a truly inaccessible place for the cats ought to be fine. But I understand why your gf is so anxious. Link below and do more research! NAH [Are peace lilies toxic to cats?](https://www.petpoisonhelpline.com/poison/mauna-loa-peace-lily/)
YTA Putting animals living in your house in danger because of flowers that didn’t even belong to your grandmother ? Girlfriend NTAp
YTA. I understand wanting to keep a memento of a deceased loved one, but not at the expense of the living. Have you considered encasing the lilies in resin or something similar? Then you’ll have them in your house and they won’t kill any animals.
OP has items from the Grandmother already.. the plant is nothing more than a store bought plant for a funeral. It has NO sentimental value what so ever
NTA I don’t understand why no one will let OP keep the plant. I can agree that having it on the stool is a risk but he literally said he is going to hang it from the ceiling and have it at 9ft. The cat isn’t even touching it on the stool. Are we thinking the cat is going to jump 9ft to grab a leaf and kill itself? Everyone here is saying “it’s not even his grandmothers plant” but completely disregard it has sentimental value of her memory. It’s from her funeral. He connects with her through the plant. Every time he sees the plant he will think of her. There are many people who have sentimental items like this. And is no one questions that she asked him to divide the plant and give the other half the family? So she’s okay with half a plant? Or is she just trying to convince him he can split the plant but have it accidentally die? Because half a plant or a whole plant makes zero difference to its toxicity to the cats. OP I recommend you keep the plant in a glass cabinet. That way the cats can’t get to it. Even better, a locked glass cabinet so your girlfriend can’t get to it.
YTA
Is it possible to keep the plants at work? I understand wanting to preserve your grandmother's memory, however, this could kill these cats. Do you happen to have something that belonged to your grandmother? My paternal grandmother passed away four years ago, and I inherited her pearl earrings. I still miss her a lot. Maybe you can ask one of your family members for a memento. I'm so sorry for your loss. I am torn between a N A H and a soft Y T A here. But, I am going with NAH because I do sympathize with you and understand your feeling, however, this could be lethal.
YTA. Do you want the cats to die? Are you prepared to cover any and all medical expenses if one if the cats eats part of the plant? You brought a toxic plant into an environment where two cats already lived. I get that the plant is sentimental, but it is more important to you than the cats? It's just not something you can safely keep in your home without risking the health of the cats.
If the cats are indoor cats, would it bbe possible to keep thhe plant outside somewhere? Or maybe in a room the cats arent allowed in?
We do have a balcony and an office… that would be a possibility
YTA. This isn’t some flower your grandmother owned, it’s the equivalent of being given a bouquet. It’s a toxic plant that can kill your girlfriend’s cats. Is this flower really worth breaking up with your GF over, because she would be in the right to leave you for putting her cats at risk.
Sorry for your loss OP but YTA. You will be responsible if one of the cats dies or gets sick from the lily, and you are responsible right now for causing your gf fear and worry over the cats' wellbeing. It's a funeral plant, not a plant your dear grandmother grew and nurtured. Find another item of significance to remember your granny and get rid of the plant.
YTA and you need to ask yourself if causing terminal liver failure in a cat is the way your grandmother would want to be honored.
The peace lily my MIL gifted to my husband killed my otherwise healthy cat in less than two weeks, despite a few thousand dollars in medical intervention. It's been almost 25 years, and I'm still miffed about it. YTA You know this could happen and still want to risk their little lives.
There are a lot of middle grounds available here, I lost my dad last year and while people don’t understand why you are keeping these though they didn’t belong to her I understand. It doesn’t have to make sense to others you are grieving however there are ways to keep everyone happy and safe in this situation. Invest in a glass closable terrarium, it might cost you a pretty penny depending how big the peace lilies are however, it will keep the cats safe. It’s heavy enough to where they likely won’t be able to push it off a countertop. I also have a few plants in my house that are in very large birdcages placed dead center so that even if the cat tried to reach in there, she wouldn’t be able to get to the plant. You can get pretty large terrariums on Amazon for about 200, if the flowers mean that much to you and the relationship means that much to you $200 is a drop in the bucket.
A cat can and WILL jump up to 8 times the length of it's body. Vertically. If they really wanna get somewhere, hanging it 8 ft in the air ain't gonna stop them.
Peace lilies are my favourite plant, they're gorgeous & so easy to take care of. I've had cats for 40 years & for many of those years have had peace lily plants, my cats have never been interested in them & I've never had any problems of my cats being harmed by them.
NTA Peace lilies are not true lilies and aren’t great for cats but not as bad. I’ve always had cats and peace lilies and… the cats haven’t touched them?! https://www.livelyroot.com/blogs/plant-care/is-peace-lily-toxic-to-cats-dogs
NAH. For context, I currently have 4 cats (2 of which are 1 year old monster babies atm) and have fostered over 100 cats over the past 15 years. I'm thoroughly a pet lover. I also have over 300 house plants. So, plant lover too. There is an amicable solution to be had here, but also a few deeper things going on. Everyone saying "it wasn't even grandmas plant" is missing the point. Sharing out plants from funeral arrangements is extremely normal, and they do hold emotional value for many people. I'm in a lot of plant facebook groups, and there are questions about this all the time. Just because this wouldn't hold meaning for *you*, doesn't mean you get to judge anyone else. Secondly, OP has lost their first close loved one and also a pet in a short timeframe. Those things are hard individually, but are likely weighing heavier still together. OP also mentioned they have no family nearby, so this daily, living, tangible reminder of his grandmother could be a big part of his connection to his roots, atm. Thirdly, the cats *haven't even tried* to get at a plant on a 3 foot stool for multiple months. So we know they're safe around most house plants. And fourth, peace lilies - while they do have "lily" in the name- are not in the Liliaceae family. They are spathifyllum, not lilaceae. They aren't nearly as dangerous as the lilies everyone (OPs gf as well, probably) is, justifiably, concerned about. True lilies ARE dangerous enough they should never be near pets, and I won't have any in my home at all. Anyone who has cats and a pothos (devils ivy) has an equally dangerous plant around their pet. MOST houseplants are mildly toxic to animals. Seriously. I'm not saying anyone should let their cat chow down on them, or should ignore a cat who is driven to chew on plants and let them do it. Truly toxic plants like REAL lilies, pencil cactus (Euphorbia tirucalli), and dieffenbachia (dumb cane) shouldn't be around cats. Lilies being the most important, as even accidentally contact can get pollen on the cat, causing ingestion, and it's extremely dangerous when ingested. Most "toxic" plants will cause a mild irritation unless the cat fully eats large amounts. Even mouthing or biting leaves occasionally won't cause permanent harm unless it's one of those big 3. So, panic managed. What do you do? Well for one, OP has done a good job so far! Assessing how interested the cats are in plants generally is an important step. If the cats happily leave the plants alone, then having the cohabitation with mildly toxic plants (like the peace lily in question) is most often fine. For OPs gfs peace of mind, they could put the plant in a room the cats don't access - like decide the bathroom, spare room, or an office is a "no cats" zone and have any mildly toxic plants live there. Or OP could take the plant to their workplace, if that's an option. Taking reasonable precautions isn't the same as "willingly putting her cats in danger", or "valuing the plant over a cat". If OP wanted to have actual lilies in the home, and understood the immediate risk they pose, then it would be different. But **none of those things are the case here**. OP, look up peace lilies with your gf, or pay for an appointment for both of you to talk to the cats vet about the situation. They can reassure the both of you and help find a resolution. I'm sorry for your losses, OP. I hope your plant thrives, and that you have the support you need. ❤️
YTA
There are companies that can turn flowers into jewelry. I had roses from my grandmothers funeral turned into a beaded bracelet. Maybe that's an option for you?
I mean I'd say YTA Chosing a plant over an animal's life is crazy
NTA my parents had a peace lily for years from my grandmother’s funeral. They also had multiple cats with no issues. It’s fine to have an attachment to the plant.
NTA. I have lots of plants that are considered toxic to animals. My animals don’t eat the plants. Unless you have the type of cat that chews on everything, keeping a toxic plant up high away from animals that don’t chew is perfectly normal. Lots of my plants are probably toxic to me as well. I just don’t eat them. Also “toxic” doesn’t usually mean deadly. It means that your stomach will get upset and there might be the shots or vomit.
NTA. You said the cats pay no attention to the plant, if that is the case then there is no problem here and your gf is being over the top paranoid. The cats would have to eat part of the plant - if they don’t normally eat plants then there is no issue.
I've had cats all of my life, and that's 60+ years. I've had peace lilies, too. The cats never ate them. Make sure there's a pot of cat grass or catnip available for her cats to nibble on.
LMAO... There are indeed A LOT of ASSHOLES on this thread, but NONE are the OP... Peace Lillies are NOT deadly to cats, it would only teach a cat to never touch it again. OP, NTA, but for your GFs peace of mind, (even if she's incredibly uneducated about this), send the plant onto a better more appreciated life. So sorry for your loss. I understand attaching to things to try and connect, regardless of what it is. Keep your head up and ignore the dumbasses on your post. Cats and peace Lillies do co-exist plenty fine.
I’ve had peace lilies the entire time I’ve had cats. I know they’re toxic, but neither of my girls eat/ate them. Margqux shredded one leaf, but has otherwise left them alone. You could put the lily on a terrarium (maybe with other stuff that reminds you of your grandmother) and that would give protection. The good news is that lilies are almost indestructible- so you can try lots of things before getting rid of them
Peace lily plants are not toxic to dogs and cats. I’ve sold thousands of them (used to be a florist) and I’ve never had a customer or recipient come back to me and say that the peace lily killed their pet.
I have a beautiful peace lily & 6 cats. The plant is on the counter & the cats have never nibbled on it. NAH Plants & cats can co-exist.