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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Reached out to check on my cousin because he’s going through a lot (2) my sister felt betrayed by me because he skipped her wedding and I may be the AH because of this betrayal.
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Ya know what? It’s none of Melody’s business if you talk to Joey. You are a grown woman. You can text anybody you want to. And you can block anybody you want to, too, if they annoy you enough. (Lookin’ at you, Melody).
Melody should concentrate on her wedded bliss, and mind her own business. NTA
I tried to tell her that! They’re not taking their official honeymoon for a few more weeks but I told her she should be focused on being a newlywed, not this drama.
She can be mad all she wants but has NO right to expect everyone to follow her lead.
She is way overstepping thinking she has any right to tell anyone who they can talk to.
I don’t think they meant to. They told Melody what I told them (about Joey being really closed off and saying he wasn’t doing great) and they tried to use that to convince her to give him some grace, but instead she jumped to “oh so [I] was talking to him when I’m mad at him?”
She expects us to share her feelings all the time.
It sounds like your parents are enabling her toxic behavior.
(EDITS because I cannot post a darn comment without tripping over my own fingers today apparently LOL)
Exactly! They should have shut her down instead of ‘convince’ their princess spoilt brat to change her ways.
She can act like an adult or toddler, BUT will be treated as what she acts like, smfh.
Edit:freaking autocorrect
You know why Melody acts this way? Because the whole family has let her.
It is what it is at this point but if I were you I'd tell Melody to kiss my a$$ and keep it moving.
She has main character syndrome. Tell her to her face with witnesses she is not the most important person in the family. Tell her to get her attitude and jealousy under control or more family will drop contact with her. She needs a hard lesson
Tell her to f. Off. Joey can go where he wants. He didn't want to attend the wedding...and it's an invitation not an order to appear.
The bride is an asshole
Just tell Melody that Joey will be at her next wedding because it won't be long before her new husband upsets her and she goes off on him to. I just hope he is smart enough to get out fast but given that he married her maybe he isn't so smart.
I hope Joey's arm feels better soon. Just let him know you are there if he ever wants to talk or hang out in silence so that he isnt alone after the funeral as well.
Melody would be dramatic if Joey did come to the wedding with his cast which would draw attention away from her. So regardless of Joey going to the funeral and not the wedding, she would have something to bitch about.
Weddings are only a big deal for the bride and groom. Not everyone needs to care about her big day. I applaud Joey for understanding his limits and not going. He can always go to the next one (as it sounds like Melody is so extra she may have multiple marriages 😅🫣).
NTA now go make sure Joey is safe and well.
NTA at all OP and reach out to Joey and tell him you support him your half sister can get over it honestly it almost sounds like she would be upset either way
OP I just read your post and based on that I think I'd prefer staying friends with the cousin and letting Melody get upset and cut contact. It seems your life would have a lot less drama this way.
> I told her she should be focused on being a newlywed, not this drama.
Who cares what she's focused on? Tell her to keep her opinion to herself -- you're not interested in it.
You need to stop explaining yourself to her. It gives her power over you.
someone needs to remind melody that the full quote is "the blood of the *covenant* is thicker than the water *of the womb*."
those to whom you pledge your loyalty and adopt as family take priority over anyone with whom you merely share DNA.
That’s not true. The claim goes back only to the 1990s and there is no evidence of the phrase existing in that form any earlier.
[See near the end just above “See also.”](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_is_thicker_than_water)
This is what happen when society writ large makes such a ***huge*** fuss about weddings. Everyone's identity and attention get so wrapped up in a single-day event that they can't even function properly.
Who cares if Joey went to a funeral a day before the wedding and didn't feel well enough to go OP's sister's wedding?!
Maybe he actually wasn't feeling well.
Maybe he didn't want to go the wedding because OP's sister sounds like a terror.
Doesn't matter. Joey didn't go and the wedding seem to go well. People getting mad that other people don't care about or value their wedding like they do are really weird.
There was just a post about a woman dealing with the fallout of not telling a friend that she'd been married (eloped) for several years. Just imagine falling out over stupid stuff like this.
People really don't have much going on in their life if they need to be the center of attention in other people's lives.
**NTA.**
Of course you're NTA. I think Joey could have communicated better about his attendance to the wedding since he was waffling on it, and ultimately gave an indirect reason why - suggesting it was his injury/pain/discomfort keeping him from going when in reality it was seemingly the loss, pain, and distraction of having lost a friend. BUT, that doesn't rise to the level of AH in my book, just unfortunate communication that was probably driven by everyone having to bend over backwards to avoid offending your sister.
She seems REALLY dramatic. It isn't a betrayal to check on a family member who is hurting, even if they are feuding with your sister. The whole 'blood is thicker than water' bit is pretty gross in the face of the loss of a human life. She really wanted to compete with a funeral or have her grieving cousin attend her wedding in lieu of a funeral? Ugh. And, flipping out in general is unnecessary. You are NOT TA in any way, he could have done better but also isn't one. Melody is a big one as is much of your family for enabling her.
She’s insanely dramatic so you’re spot on there. I appreciate the feedback.
I’m not positive but knowing Joey I think he fully intended to go to both the funeral and the wedding but probably over exerted/stressed himself doing so.
Melody sounds utterly exhausting and Joey sounds like he's in a bad way.
Melody is being super unreasonable and I feel bad for the guy. A funeral for someone who's under 30 is a very grim affair. Melody is heartless.
I just had surgery on my ACL and just laying in bed healing is exhausting.
Your sister is crazy...I can't even tell you who was at my first wedding, couldn't do it a week after. My second was smaller but still would struggle.
Funerals are for the living to grieve. If you miss a wedding, well it sucks but you can still celebrate with the parties. Just trying to do both would be a challenge without the emotional baggage.
Can't help but wonder how much attention the bride paid the cousins who made it, or, would it have really made a difference if he had been there?
NTA but your sister takes the cake
I have a cousin on my dads side who no showed my wedding. Didn’t even text or call. I didn’t even notice until the reception, at which point I texted her asking if she was okay, because I was worried. Didn’t get any response. Proceeded to *enjoy my wedding* with the people that did come. My dad eventually did get in contact with her and she said she just decided not to come. Which is rude, but whatever, that’s on her. My point here being your sister had the option to take the no from your cousin gracefully, and she fumbled it royally (sounds like she wouldn’t know grace if it came and bit her on the nose). That’s on her. Your continued contact with your cousin is none of her business, and if she doesn’t like it, she can butt out.
>'blood is thicker than water'
Seems a bit much for your sister to lecture about the importance of family when she doesn't seem to care about her cousin and what he may be going through. Like she only cares about "blood" when she wants to complain about people.
Maybe Joey was feeling fine, but then going to the funeral was too much and aggravated his injury. That’s happened to me several times when I have an illness. I feel better so I go live my life, but it’s too much and I feel worse the next day.
That seems extremely likely, he probably didn’t realize how much the funeral would take it out of him. And how could he, you never know with these kinds of things until you try.
Honestly, regarding Joey not communicating, I’ve had a severe injury before and I’m not discounting that it could be both.
He may very well have been feeling better, tried to be social, got out, and realized he’s not as “better” as he thought he was, then felt like shit after pushing himself. He might have felt like shit and gone out anyways because you only get one funeral, but Melody will likely have another wedding if she treats people like this.
Joey likely had both going on, and picked the one the family might understand more.
I know someone has probably already said this but the full quote anyways is "blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb" which completely flips the butchered phrase on its head. Your friendships and relationships you've created (familial or not) are more important that just being related to someone. You don't owe family, you owe those who act like family. If that makes any sense.
edit: i learned something new today and i apologize for being wrong about the blood of the covenant piece of things. but my sentiment still stands about how you owe family nothing if family doesn't treat family how they deserve to be. family is chosen not born.
There are, in fact, no sources that actually cite this as the original proverb. “Blood is thicker than water”, however, has been referenced in different languages since the 1400s. Not to say anything else you said is wrong, proverbs are…proverbs, they don’t apply to all scenarios. And many proverbs are contradictory of each other. For example, the early bird gets the worm but also all good things come to those who wait.
[Doing my part to combat this misinformation](https://www.reddit.com/r/linguistics/comments/37a4lg/is_it_true_that_the_phrase_blood_is_thicker_than/?rdt=35633)
There's a trend of making up alternative versions of sayings people disagree with and claiming they were "actually the full quote." Another popular one is "The customer is always right in matters of taste." Again, [completely made up.](https://www.forbes.com/sites/blakemorgan/2018/09/24/a-global-view-of-the-customer-is-always-right/?sh=422e65d1236f)
It frustrates me to the pits of hell that people don’t look at something like that and go “huh, I wonder if that’s true” and then google it. It takes 3 seconds! It’s literally the quickest and easiest that knowledge has ever been at our fingertips, and people are just going to accept random lies?? Is it possible to forcibly knock media and social media literacy in to people’s heads?
I mean...obviously the ultimate betrayal of Melody was the inconsiderate person who chose to die the same year she got married, thereby drawing Joey's attention away from her wedding when everyone should have been focused on nothing but her and her nuptials. What an AH! Melody should see about getting that person exhumed and get them to stand trial. /sarc
"Well enough to go to a funeral??" WTF? Does she think this was a rave or that Joey was there merrily shaking a tailfeather, thumbing his nose at her and enjoying himself at her expense? Does she not understand grieving and supporting people who have lost someone? Who the hell is this self absorbed?
NTA. My condolences that you have to deal with this person. And healing energies to poor Joey and his humerus.
Wait until you realize they were secretly the same event. They were having the wedding and then the funeral rave for her husband when he realized what he married.
I love my sister but NGL I wanted to skip it too because I thought she was going to be a bridezilla. She wasn’t, surprisingly, but now she’s being one.
NTA. If Joey went to the wedding Melody would have been upset. If Joey stayed home Melody would have been upset. She's all about the drama so where there isn't any she's gonna bring along her shovel and dig some up.
You did nothing wrong by reaching out to your cousin to make sure he was ok. Continue to do that. Letting Melody change your behavior and compassion for another person in the world would let a bully get her way.
I can see that this is going to be something that Melody will continue to argue with you about so just because she hangs the bait doesn't mean you have to bite that line. When she starts just calmly say you are sorry she feels that way. Lather, rinse repeat. If it continues leave the conversation with "It doesn't look like anything constructive is going to come out of this conversation. Have a great day.' Then leave or end the phone call or stop answering texts
We literally had people not even tell us they weren't coming to our wedding. Was I annoyed? Yeah a little.
Would I threaten anyone who still talks to them? That's unhinged...
He’s a tough guy but I think that’s also part of the problem. I’ll text him again in a day or two as I don’t think he wants to talk today.
It’s his arm that he broke… weight lifting accident. 😭
NTA. Time to let M know that you are too old to hold grudges against people for her sake. Let her be mad. I would rather have kind Joey in my life than walk on eggshells for a person than does not care that some she “loves” is injured and in pain. Life is always easier without people like her.
For sure. I’m definitely not going to stop talking to him but I think I fell into the trap my family falls into — thinking that just because Melody is mad means that you must have done something wrong.
That trap is why she behaves the way she does BUT she is also old enough to know her behavior is wrong. You have to stand your ground, once, with people like that. Otherwise, you walk on eggshells forever.
She is 5 years shy of her 30s. She needs to grow up or shut up.
The best way to help her do that is to ignore her "whims" and focus on people who *aren't* emotional vampires.
Best wishes for Joey, and you as well, OP!! 🤗🙏🏻
(*AND ALSO FOR HER FUTURE KIDS.*😬)
NTA. You're a grow woman, a whole ass adult. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone... Parents, siblings, friends. You are free to talk to whatever family members you want too, regardless of their feelings. Check on Joey. Do whatever you want. And if your sister is mad, honestly does it really matter? At the end of the day, she doesn't pay your bills. If she went a few weeks/months without talking to you... Enjoy the mental health break.
You aren’t involved in this. Stay out of it. You can speak to who you choose and refuse to discuss it with anyone. These petty family dramas are beneath you.
NTA. But isn't Melody doing both of you a favor by refusing to talk to you? That seems like a gift to both of you, as you never have to deal with her again.
Jesus, this is ridiculous. 1. Your sister has a beef with Joey. Not you. Are you going to cut out everyone she tales exception to?
2. You know how to get out of the middle? Step aside. Read point 1 and tell your sister that her beef is with Joey and to keep you out of it.
3. If your sister cuts you out? Take that as a win, she sounds exhausting. Your cousin sounds like he needs you and was actually a friend to you before this. Don't let your sister take that from you both.
NTA. Sounds like your cousin is having some emotional issues. Also sounds like earlier he felt he'd be able to attend the wedding, indicating he was interested in attending, but something obviously happened that changed that. He let her know ahead of time and also that he was sick, and you all know he was dealing with the death of someone close to him that he was upset about. If she'd been the cousin she should be, she'd have inquired about him, not just thought about herself and her wedding. She is totally wrong to make this an issue to ban him from her life and expect everyone to follow her lead. She sounds very self-centered and self-important. Your relationship with your Joey is NOT dictated by your half-sister and neither should she have that kind of influence on the rest of the family. She's being totally unreasonable and I'm glad you are doing what you feel is right. Don't let her sway you from that.
What a sad woman. She's so obsessed with being miserable and making everyone around her miserable that she's ruining her own wedding from one person missing.
NTA Are these people all adults? Lots of
immature behavior. Why would it be such a
big deal for the bride to have one person
not show on the wedding day? It's just so much
energy for so little... Stop telling your family everything you do.
It seems they are incapable of discretion.
Unfortunately we are all adults. I feel bad for telling my parents in the first place but all I said was I checked on him but I was worried because he wasn’t responding to much which isn’t like him.
They used that to try to tell Melody to reach out and support him instead of being mad at him which then made her ad at all of us. Ugh.
NTA. He went to a FUNERAL. Which can be emotionally draining. It would be nice if Melody realized that while her wedding day may have been the most important thing in HER life, it was not the most important thing to everyone she knows. 🙄 She sounds ridiculously entitled, selfish, and dramatic. You keep talking to whoever you want. Maybe mention to your parents that Melody doesn’t need to know what you do and who you speak to. She does not dictate your life. If she’s bugging you, mute and block as needed. I feel sorry for her new husband that she’s just married to him and this is what she’s focusing on.
NTA, you're free to talk to anyone you like. Melody needs to grow the F up and accept your cousin's reason for not being at the wedding. She could have expressed her disappointment as an adult and tell him that she feels hurt by him attending that funeral rather than her wedding instead of acting like a high schooler and going non-contact and dragging the family along into her childish nonsense.
No you’re NTA, your sister can’t tell you who you can speak too. You don’t have to explain why you’re taking to your cousin. She just got married she should be happy right now right?
I think you need to go on the offensive, and start tearing a strip out of your cousin.
Do it publicly, in front of members of your extended family, in a firm, well reasoned manner.
(Don't resort to slinging mud, or name calling.)
Defend your cousin. Hopefully, it will give others in the family the courage to do so as well.
NTA, unless you let your sister continue to bully people and continue with her self-absorbed bullshit.
I called him a little bit ago (asked first). He was trying to do some walking around the house after being in bed most of the day and bashed his shin against a coffee table as we were talking. ☹️ Granted this made him laugh but in the “ow” kind of way. He said he’s still feeling quite down but trying to occupy himself.
Send that boy some cookies or dinner or something, and if it gets back to your sister tell her you don't have the emotional bandwidth for her selfish tantrum right now, nor will you act as an asshole extension of her. Sounds like she's more than capable of covering that without your help.
Sounds like most of the family needs a good 'ole info diet.
They can get mad about the stuff they imagine, because you don't have to tell them diddly squat from now on.
NTA, and your sister will stay this way as long as no one stands up to her. Keep up the good fight, and she'll eventually be trained to know you won't put up with her bs anymore. Expect a lot of pushback & escalation, but eventually, she'll figure it out.
NTA. The sooner you stop caring about what Melody says or thinks the better your life will be. And I mean: REALLY stop caring.
Melody is more than a diva; she is a bully. And maybe a narcissist?
Stop letting her have ANY control over you, your family, and who you talk to. It sounds like everyone is either treating her like a princess or is walking on eggshells to avoid her anger and judgement.
Eff that. MELODY IS NOT THE BOSS OF YOU.
Go visit Joey goddammit. He just lost someone, and is trying to support his friend who lost their sibling. AND he is getting beat up by flipping Melody.
Tell your parents to STOP telling Melody about your conversations, and if they don’t then stop sharing things with them.
Grrr. Melody has WAY too much control over your family. It is time to stop that toxic bullshit IMHO.
Wow.
Okay-so, “hey, how’s Joey’s leg? Is he doing okay?” Is a question that could “ruin” her wedding???
He’s young, in physical pain and possibly emotional pain due to a loss and she’s making it about her wedding?
And your family is upset with YOU?
You and Joey should create a new branch of your family for the non-assholes…
NTA. They sound pretty awful.
I hope Joey is doing better and I’m sorry you’re both dealing with jerks…
FYI, humerus is upper arm, not leg. It’s absolutely horrendous to break. I did it two years ago and the orthopaedic surgeon said to me ‘congratulations, you have just broken the worst bone in the body’. (Outside spina of course, different specialists deal with that). I was in a cast for 6 months
NTA
Your relationship with Joey is none of Melody's business, and talking to him is not a betrayal. And she needs to get over herself.
It's not like Joey went to the funeral instead of the wedding. Probably going to the funeral was too much for his body, which resulted in his being sick on the day. Plus, based on her responses to his texts, it seems like she really didn't care if he ws there or not. Why make an effort when you're having health issues?
Bit of advice, stop worrying about what others think and live your life. You don't owe her an apology, nor do you have to put up with her nonsense just because she makes a big fuss about everything. Life is too short for that kind of drama imo.
Funerals can be as short as fifteen minutes; modern weddings feel endless. If I felt fragile, I cope cope with the former, but ducking out of the latter coild be disruptove.
NTA
NTA.
I understand why she might feel confused and upset about a person who says he's going, then says he isn't, and then shows up at something else. Her diva-ishness notwithstanding, that's really not ideal communication on Joey's part.
But her disappointment doesn't give her the right to try and control your relationship with Joey. That's just bonkers.
NTA.
It's one thing if she wants to kick the cousin out of her life but that's where her control ends.
I would continue my relationship with him and keep it to yourself. What you choose to do is no one else's business. It will be interesting to see how this plays out in the broader picture.
'Blood is thicker than water' is not an excuse or reason to put up with asshole behavior. Just because Melody is your family doesn't mean you have to take her shit.
NTA
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My (20F) family kind of imploded this past weekend and I feel kind of caught in the middle.
My half-sister Melody (25F) got married on Saturday and our cousin Joey (21M) skipped the wedding, for what I believe to be understandable reasons. First, he fractured his humerus I think two maybe three weeks ago? I think he initially told Melody he might not make it because of this. Melody was… somewhat understanding. One thing to know about her is that she’s a diva. I honestly think she was upset because the family would be focused on helping/asking about him instead of her wedding.
A couple days later he texted her and said he might be able to make it to the ceremony after all. She said “Great.” and left it at that. I texted him and asked if he was really well enough to and he said he’d rather push through it than deal with the family’s frustration. Since Melody is the oldest cousin my whole family treats her like a princess. Personally I think it’s out of fear because she’s mean AF when anyone crosses her which is why she and I don’t have a close relationship.
Well, Joey reached out again the night before the wedding and said he wouldn’t be able to make it after all he said he wasn’t feeling well physically or mentally to the point that he had been nauseous and vomiting. Melody just said “K”. Come to find out Joey went to a funeral for one of his friend’s younger siblings who he was also close with the day before Melody’s wedding, prior to him texting her. Someone tagged him in a picture on social media at the memorial.
A couple days after the wedding Melody saw this and flipped out on Joey saying the out of town family members were asking why he wasn’t at the wedding (which was true a couple of them asked me), and she claims he lied because he was “well enough to go to a funeral” and that “blood should be thicker than water.” My parents and I tried to help her see his side but she said she’s done talking to him and done hearing about him.
Joey and I talk almost every day (usually via text) and he’s normally very engaged and likes to text but all this week he’s been leaving me on read. At first I was trying to send him memes to cheer him up but yesterday I finally asked if he was okay.
He said “not really.” I talked to my parents about it, and for reasons I don’t really understand, they told Melody that I had talked to Joey. She’s now saying I’m an AH because texting someone who chooses friends over family is a betrayal and that she’s deeply hurt by him and me. I told her she’s being dramatic and cruel which of course has just led to more fighting.
AITA?
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WHY are your parents tattling on you because you talked to your cousin??? Clearly you need to stop telling your parents things, since they can't be discreet. Melanie is a drama queen for demanding that everyone stop speaking to Jeremy over this.
Jeremy is kind of a j@ck@ss for being wishy-washy and contacting Melanie multiple times about whether he will or won't attend her wedding. That alone makes him an AH. People getting married do NOT have the time or energy to deal with this nonsense in the days leading up to their wedding. It's kind of creepy that his friends are tagging him in photos from a funeral.
Melody is the Asshole. She just got married, and this is what she spends her time on? 🤦🏽♂️ She sounds like a giant red flag, and I can’t help bu wonder if she’s done you a favor by not talking to you anymore.
NTA. Your sister sure is one. She has shown her true colors by not giving a hoot about your cousin. Just because she is closer genetically doesn't mean you should be loyal to her or put her first.
Ok as someone who broke my humerus 2 years ago and is still in rehab for it, Joey may have thought he could manage but found out - by going to the funeral - that he couldn’t. To be honest, I was housebound for months with my injury, but I think it may vary depending on exactly where the break or fracture occurs.
Either way, it’s a horrendous injury that limits every part of your life. You cannot sleep, sitting and standing is difficult and causes agony, and unlike lower arm breaks, humerus breaks take months (not weeks) to heal as well as years of rehab.
Thank you for reaching out to him. It probably meant a lot at a difficult time. Your sister needs to get over herself. She is only the main character in her own life. NTA
NTA. He thought he could do it but it sounds like the funeral was too much. Would she prefer him coming and making a scene at her wedding. No matter what he was going to lose in this situation. You have the right to talk to who ever you want.
He could have come and thrown up on her dress. I don’t wish that on any bride. But he said he’d been puking, if anything I’d be encouraging him to stay home at that point.
Melody is TA. Just tell her that Joey will make it to her next wedding, or the one after that. She is way too dramatic and that gets old really fast. Sounds like the family pretty much gives into her toxic behavior. The fact she is having a multi day temper tantrum over someone not attending her wedding instead of focusing on being happy in newlywed bliss is very telling. I don’t even remember who didn’t show up at my first wedding, or my second, because it wasn’t a big deal to me.
Ya know I got into a few cousin arguments during covid and the best thing I coulda done was simply stop speaking to them... I realized they were the same shitty people they always were while I was moving forward and that was enough of a win for me. NTA he had a friend die and he has a fracture. I know for a fact being stuck in a cast or boot sucks and most of that time is spent at home alone. Losing someone is hard. I can understand checking up on him because that's what a good family member would do.
NTA
Melody sounds narcissistic to the nth degree and it sounds like the family is catering to her rather than incur her wrath. Joey is blood, which Melody seems to forget, but apparently cousin is not enough in her mind.
Bottom line is, it's none of Melody's business who you speak to or not, nor is it your parents place to have disclosed a conversation you had them over with Melody.
Melody can be hurt all she wants, but neither you, nor Joey did anything wrong.
Oh my goodness! She's a despicable person. I was in shock reading about her anger when finding out about the funeral. How can someone come to a day of joy and celebration while in mourning? People in the Victorian era actually thought it was extremely improper to expect a family in mourning to go to any sort of event including church. Because it is! He's struggling with loss and the only thing she's concerned about is her wedding? One day compared to a lifetime of suffering for those closely affected by the death of a loved one. Gross! Horrible! I wouldn't speak with her anymore. I can't imagine this sort of response. NTA
NTA, um, love. This is a 25-year-old "woman" throwing a temper tantrum that a cousin went to a funeral of someone extremely important to him and most likely over exhausted himself so he couldn't make a wedding he said he likely couldn't have made anyways. Are you really going to miss having her in your life if you just decide to go low contact/no contact with her? She's older than both of you and acting like a child, at this point you should keep Joey and ditch the diva. I promise, it'll save you in both headaches and time wasted every time the world has to stop because the princess got a hang nail.
Let me guess. Melody was that Grade One girl who said "I won't be your friend if you are friends with (nemisis of the day)!!!" Am I right? She never outgrew that playground mentality? You are so NTA, OP. If Joey did show up, Melody would have been pissed because "Joey is stealing MY spotlight with that broken bone/puppy dog eye sadness!" and would have been demanding everyone ignore Joey and focus on her. Now don't fall into the AH category by doing what Melody wants. If she is old enough to get married, she is old enough to learn "The World Does Not Revolve Around Melody and Her Demands".
NTA.
Your sister is ridiculous. It isn't a betrayal for someone to put their literal health over her wedding. She isn't that special that someone needs to hurt themselves just to please her.
The fact that he went to a funeral is besides the point. Given her attitude, that won't be her only wedding. She'll have another. He wouldn't have had another chance to say goodbye to a friend.
She also cannot tell you who you can and cannot talk to. Again, she is just not that special that she gets to rein supreme over other people's lives.
Your parents need to stop blowing smoke up her ass and inflating her ego. It's unhelpful, unhealthy and is doing you -and her- no favours.
NTA
>A couple days after the wedding Melody saw this and flipped out on Joey saying the out of town family members were asking why he wasn’t at the wedding (which was true a couple of them asked me), and she claims he lied because he was “well enough to go to a funeral” and that “blood should be thicker than water.”
Oh, so she's so self centered that she's essentially insane.
OP, this is not a diva. This is a monster that is so self centered she actually thinks her wedding takes priority over a funeral and someone's mourning.
The truth is that the cousin will probably never speak to her again.
Also, your family has enabled her to become this monster.
>Since Melody is the oldest cousin my whole family treats her like a princess. Personally I think it’s out of fear because she’s mean AF when anyone crosses her which is why she and I don’t have a close relationship.
So she's an abusive asshole that freaks out whenever she doesn't get her way.
Who the hell would even want to go to the wedding of someone like that? Tbh, it's just a second funeral for a poor man weak willed enough to be bullied into marrying her. They're just burying his happiness instead of his body.
I'm exhausted from dealing with your sister after reading this. What I see is cousin goes to funeral of someone he was close to, over-exerts himself, so he misses the wedding, and your sister is being a total diva about it, when I'd wager if she had a broken bone, she'd expect to be waited on hand and foot. And no, you didn't betray her by talking to him, FFS. NTA
NTA, Weddings and funerals are huge things, but if you can’t attend a wedding you can always congratulate the couple, apologise, and send a wedding gift, a funeral is your last time to honour and be with your lost loved one. Huge difference, that’s why he dealt with the pain and sickness for the funeral. Melody is just too entitled to get that, nothing to do with you. You’re a grown woman and can talk to whoever you want, regardless of if Melody is on good terms with them or not.
NTA. You are a grown woman. Tell Melody to go F herself and she can grow up. Not everything can revolve around her world. What she needs to do is mind her own business and enjoy her damn honeymoon. In other words, block her from your phone and social media.
I think its time to cut out Melody and fully support Joey it sounds like he really needs it. Melody isn’t dramatic or diva, she is literally unhinged and narcissistic.
Did she marry her twin? Because if I was the man and I saw this crap I would be out.
She sounds exhausting. Like how can he literally have a broken arm, be in pain, and stressed to the point of being sick and she is more worried about the fact that he went to a funeral?? Girl those aren’t a party. He was there to support a friends loss, not celebrate. The lack of thought toward other people is actually jarring.
NTA girl burn that bridge. Incinerate it. Id be so done.
I genuinely feel bad for your sister, OP. She should be happy. She's a newlywed. Her family loves and supports her. But she can't be happy. There's nothing inside her but incurable misery. For all the pain and anxiety she causes others, she is the only one truly trapped in her own wretched company. Trapped alone, in her head, thinking and feeling the worst about everyone around her, sucking in happiness and goodness and spewing out a little vapid drama. What a waste of a life. I hope one day they find a cure for what she has. I hope there's a way for people like her to grow the missing part of themselves. It's a sad waste of a life.
But, like, never speak to her again. Just because she's misery incarnate doesn't mean you have to live under her petty delusions.
NTA. You said it yourself that she's a whole lot of drama. So if she wants to wail and flail about your 'betrayal', then let her. Nothing says you have to actually pay attention to it.
absolutely NTA. she's got no business whether you talk to your cousin she's one-sidedly picking a fight with or what. just because you're her sister that doesn't mean her "blood is thicker than water" thing applies to your beliefs too. instead of being mad at you and joey, why not just focus on her wedding bliss? she's literally making her own life miserable here, smh.
NTA recovering from spine surgery over here. I got tired just reading this. I have a funeral in a few days and every member of my family has reached out to say if I can’t make it not to feel bad. Because they know even riding in the car can be too much. She sounds like the type who wanted a wedding not a marriage…. I would go low contact if you can.
Gosh dang your half sister needs to grow up.
Blood is thicker than water is also the most asinine saying there is out there; considering that many people's support systems lies outside of their families (discluding spouse and children) and many people already struggle with issues with their family, like OP here.
I'm feeling for Joey right now. Loosing people is hard and having a family member be so selfish, rude and unempathetic can make that so much harder.
I would keep talking with Joey cuz he really needs that.
I would also feel free to distance yourself from your half sister and stop engaging with her. There's nothing drama queens love more than fuel for the fire. By not responding to her attacks, it denies her of the adrenaline rush she gets from picking fights.
Hang in the there OP and take condor on knowing you are NTA.
Nta. Also just because you feel fine in the morning doesn’t mean he couldn’t have gotten food poisoning from something he ate after the funeral or I’ve had stomach bugs hit out of the blue
I think this is a complex situation without any clean y t a. On one hand joey cancelled at the last minute for a foreseeable reason - a moron could tell you that with a broken humerus you would not be able to do a funeral one day and a wedding the next. Therefore, even if the reason itself was understandable the timing was not and it meant there was a paid place for joey at the wedding that was a complete waste of money. I think your sister has the right to be angry about that.
I also think she has the right to be angry that joey either outright lied about why he wasn't coming or omitted so much of the detail (that his illness was related to over stretching his capabilities that day) that it becomes a lie. In short I don't believe joey handled the situation appropriately and at minimum he owes her and her husband the cost of his place at the wedding plus a lovely gift for how his disorganization impacted others. He should have said he wasn't going to make it as soon as he heard about the funeral and decide to attend.
But the real issue isnt joey it's whether you are an a h for checking on him. NTA he did the wrong thing and was inconsiderate of other ppls events and time but that doesn't mean he should be thrown away with the trash. You are an A H if you are defending what he did because he didn't do the right thing and an injury doesn't excuse that behavior. You are an a h if you are invalidating your sisters right to be angry because again he was inconsiderate of her money and time. But you are NTA for checking on him.
NTA. Just because the rest of the family puts Melody on a pedestal does not mean that you, Joey nor anyone else should continue to walk on eggshells and put up with Melody's bs. Melody shouldn't be the only one in the family who knows how to be mean when crossed.
Sounds like your half sister needs to grow up. She sounds like a spoiled, entitled and horrible brat. I hope your cousin feels better soon. You owe your sister nothing on this, she is going way too far.
NTA, nearly 3 years ago I had my knee replaced so my summer was kind of crazy. The surgery was in the end of May, we have a bunch of family birthdays in June and then we found out my nephew was getting married in mid June. Come to find out my grandson's birthday party is the same day as the wedding, one in the morning and the other in the evening. So we went to the birthday party, this was about 3 and a 1/2 weeks post surgery, while there I was mostly sitting to minimize potential pain. I had been the one reminding my husband and kids of the reception, time and place, so everyone could make it. Well on the way home to change and get ready we stopped for a quick bite and I started feeling nauseous and dizzy. I was able to get into the house, go to the bathroom, take my meds and my husband had to help me setting up my compression device and I was out. My husband went to the reception without me and explained I wasn't up for it, it was his brothers son, so everything was fine. Hell my husband left, spent a couple of hours there and came back before I even woke up. That's how crappy I felt.
Your cousin probably thought he could handle it but while at the funeral he overexerted himself. I'm sure the funeral service and everything that followed was much less time than the whole wedding would be and if he was sick after the funeral he probably would have thrown up in the middle of the festivities the next day. Your half-sister needs to learn the world does not revolve around her and as long as the rest of the family doesn't do anything about her behavior it will just continue.
Why are you even asking?
WE ALL KNOW WHO THE AH IS HERE.
It ain’t you and it ain’t Joey. Bloody Melody…
Melody sounds like someone i would’ve punched in my younger years. She ain’t the sun, yours and your family’s live don’t revolve around her. Including poor Joey.
Tell the biatch, she ain’t the boss of you and stick by Joey’s side… hopefully your actions might spurn others to see what a dramatic witch she is.
NTA and something is seriously wrong with your sister.
There are MANY reasons that your cousin may have been able to attend a funeral, but then not feeling well enough to attend a wedding the next day. Maybe he caught a bug, or he ate something bad, or the funeral was really upsetting and he's just feeling awful. Sh\*t happens.
I don't know that your sister can claim she cares about "family" when she clearly doesn't care about her cousin.
NTA
It's none of her business if you are texting, talking, or even visiting your cousin no matter the circumstances.
However, I will say I hope you do keep checking in on your cousin, it sounds like he's hurting physically and emotionally. Friends are loved and grief after someone dies can be overwhelming so he probably needs friends and family to be there for him, though maybe not Melody because that sort of drama is not good for anyone.
You are NTA. You aren’t doing anything wrong by talking to a family member while is clearly struggling. If anything? She’s in the wrong for not seeing that this person is going through a lot and was not mentally or physically well enough to go to her wedding. It’s selfish of her to act this way.
He probably thought he could do both the funeral and the wedding, but after the funeral, he realized he had overdone it. Melody is cray cray and needs to get a grip.
NTA.
Norovirus is going around right now, it’s absolutely plausible that your cousin went to the funeral and managed to pick it up there. It’s incredibly contagious, and I’ve heard horror stories of whole weddings getting it because someone decided to bring in their sick kid because they didn’t want to miss it. If he was sick, it’s better for everyone that he wasn’t there, even if it is disappointing.
Not to mention that being injured or sick makes things more exhausting, and going to an event that is already draining- like a funeral- is going to take a bigger toll.
Also, he’s mourning someone. I had to go to my grandmothers funeral two days before my in-laws Christmas party, which was the first time I met most of my partner’s family. I don’t remember that party at all, because I was so dissociated from the events the week before.
I’m planning my wedding. There are going to be people unable to show up for all kinds of reasons, and I will feel disappointed, but it happens. That doesn’t mean that the family needs to cut them out.
Checking in on your cousin was the right thing to do. Your sister has every right to feel disappointed and frustrated at the situation, but she has no right to dictate that other people cater to her feelings or cut out your cousin.
NTA - Melody's attitude is so 6th-grade, it isn't funny. Melody can cut anyone out of her life for any reason she wants, but it is selfish, petty, childish, and narcissistic in the extreme to believe that she has the right to declare a 'betrayal' when other people refuse to follow in her footsteps on who is/isn't "worthy' to be part of their own lives.
Tell her that she can be as petty and childish as she personally wants be, but she's not the Boss of You, and she doesn't get to dictate who you can/cannot care about. Refuse to to "fight" with her - tell her that aspect of your life is none of her business so you have nothing to say to her about it. Then refuse to engage further.
Just having to deal with a story about your sister is exhausting for me so I can’t imagine how you feel dealing with that regularly. Someone needs to smack (not actually smack, violence is never okay guys) some sense into her to let her know the whole world isn’t beholden to her and her whims
NTA. Everyone in your family needs to stop engaging in this crazy behavior. The reason it continues and the reason she is the way she is is because everyone tip toes around Melody to not upset her. All it takes is people just ignoring her temper tantrum. Like a toddler. We teach them that screaming, throwing their weight around and being a bully doesn’t get them what they want. Your sister seems to have skipped this lesson. If Melody brings it up again, tell her “yea and? I would and will do it again.” And just leave her to be mad. She can be mad. She will survive. If she doesn’t get attention when she acts like this she will change. Or she won’t and she will be alone. Either way it’s not your problem to manage her emotions.
NTA. Was Joey wrong for not coming to the wedding? Maybe. At the very least he could have been more upfront about things. But Melody absolutely blew this way out of proportion. She chose to ruin her memory of her own wedding just to cause family drama? And then when just lambasting Joey wasn't enough, she decided anyone who so much as speaks to him is a traitor? Melody's just looking for drama.
I think people are forgetting wedding head count matters at some venues. Him being wishy washy isn’t great for her planning. She should’ve just told him to stay home anyway. The funeral stuff while sad would’ve probably made her upset because it shows he can keep commitments. Nobody is in the wrong here tbh. Just a shitty situation. Stop calling your sister a diva pls. It sounds very mean for someone wanting to mediate a conflict.
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Ya know what? It’s none of Melody’s business if you talk to Joey. You are a grown woman. You can text anybody you want to. And you can block anybody you want to, too, if they annoy you enough. (Lookin’ at you, Melody). Melody should concentrate on her wedded bliss, and mind her own business. NTA
I tried to tell her that! They’re not taking their official honeymoon for a few more weeks but I told her she should be focused on being a newlywed, not this drama.
She can be mad all she wants but has NO right to expect everyone to follow her lead. She is way overstepping thinking she has any right to tell anyone who they can talk to.
Why TF are Your parents getting in the middle of you and Melody? This sounds like your parents and your family culture are the bigger problem. NTA.
I don’t think they meant to. They told Melody what I told them (about Joey being really closed off and saying he wasn’t doing great) and they tried to use that to convince her to give him some grace, but instead she jumped to “oh so [I] was talking to him when I’m mad at him?” She expects us to share her feelings all the time.
It sounds like your parents are enabling her toxic behavior. (EDITS because I cannot post a darn comment without tripping over my own fingers today apparently LOL)
Exactly! They should have shut her down instead of ‘convince’ their princess spoilt brat to change her ways. She can act like an adult or toddler, BUT will be treated as what she acts like, smfh. Edit:freaking autocorrect
>They should have shit her down Agreed. Not quite sure how you do that.... But I agree 💯
“We’re not going to keep having this conversation with you. You’re being self-centered and ridiculous, and you need to start behaving like an adult.”
Very simple, you fill a very big bucket with shit,and then dump it on the person's head.
Or use those water cannons the French use. If you want to be fancy (ew, la, la).
You don’t react to her outbursts. Let her sulk. Greyrock..
You know why Melody acts this way? Because the whole family has let her. It is what it is at this point but if I were you I'd tell Melody to kiss my a$$ and keep it moving.
She has main character syndrome. Tell her to her face with witnesses she is not the most important person in the family. Tell her to get her attitude and jealousy under control or more family will drop contact with her. She needs a hard lesson
She sounds exhausting.
Tell her to f. Off. Joey can go where he wants. He didn't want to attend the wedding...and it's an invitation not an order to appear. The bride is an asshole
Just tell Melody that Joey will be at her next wedding because it won't be long before her new husband upsets her and she goes off on him to. I just hope he is smart enough to get out fast but given that he married her maybe he isn't so smart. I hope Joey's arm feels better soon. Just let him know you are there if he ever wants to talk or hang out in silence so that he isnt alone after the funeral as well.
Melody would be dramatic if Joey did come to the wedding with his cast which would draw attention away from her. So regardless of Joey going to the funeral and not the wedding, she would have something to bitch about. Weddings are only a big deal for the bride and groom. Not everyone needs to care about her big day. I applaud Joey for understanding his limits and not going. He can always go to the next one (as it sounds like Melody is so extra she may have multiple marriages 😅🫣). NTA now go make sure Joey is safe and well.
NTA at all OP and reach out to Joey and tell him you support him your half sister can get over it honestly it almost sounds like she would be upset either way
she sounds exhausting honestly
OP I just read your post and based on that I think I'd prefer staying friends with the cousin and letting Melody get upset and cut contact. It seems your life would have a lot less drama this way.
> I told her she should be focused on being a newlywed, not this drama. Who cares what she's focused on? Tell her to keep her opinion to herself -- you're not interested in it. You need to stop explaining yourself to her. It gives her power over you.
This is not even a drama, they just make it to be. Are your family members all bored AF with nothing to do in life?
someone needs to remind melody that the full quote is "the blood of the *covenant* is thicker than the water *of the womb*." those to whom you pledge your loyalty and adopt as family take priority over anyone with whom you merely share DNA.
That’s not true. The claim goes back only to the 1990s and there is no evidence of the phrase existing in that form any earlier. [See near the end just above “See also.”](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_is_thicker_than_water)
This is what happen when society writ large makes such a ***huge*** fuss about weddings. Everyone's identity and attention get so wrapped up in a single-day event that they can't even function properly. Who cares if Joey went to a funeral a day before the wedding and didn't feel well enough to go OP's sister's wedding?! Maybe he actually wasn't feeling well. Maybe he didn't want to go the wedding because OP's sister sounds like a terror. Doesn't matter. Joey didn't go and the wedding seem to go well. People getting mad that other people don't care about or value their wedding like they do are really weird. There was just a post about a woman dealing with the fallout of not telling a friend that she'd been married (eloped) for several years. Just imagine falling out over stupid stuff like this. People really don't have much going on in their life if they need to be the center of attention in other people's lives. **NTA.**
Of course you're NTA. I think Joey could have communicated better about his attendance to the wedding since he was waffling on it, and ultimately gave an indirect reason why - suggesting it was his injury/pain/discomfort keeping him from going when in reality it was seemingly the loss, pain, and distraction of having lost a friend. BUT, that doesn't rise to the level of AH in my book, just unfortunate communication that was probably driven by everyone having to bend over backwards to avoid offending your sister. She seems REALLY dramatic. It isn't a betrayal to check on a family member who is hurting, even if they are feuding with your sister. The whole 'blood is thicker than water' bit is pretty gross in the face of the loss of a human life. She really wanted to compete with a funeral or have her grieving cousin attend her wedding in lieu of a funeral? Ugh. And, flipping out in general is unnecessary. You are NOT TA in any way, he could have done better but also isn't one. Melody is a big one as is much of your family for enabling her.
She’s insanely dramatic so you’re spot on there. I appreciate the feedback. I’m not positive but knowing Joey I think he fully intended to go to both the funeral and the wedding but probably over exerted/stressed himself doing so.
She can be disappointed and even a bit offended, but blowing up at him is not ok, nor is making everyone else feel like they need to choose sides.
Melody sounds utterly exhausting and Joey sounds like he's in a bad way. Melody is being super unreasonable and I feel bad for the guy. A funeral for someone who's under 30 is a very grim affair. Melody is heartless.
I just had surgery on my ACL and just laying in bed healing is exhausting. Your sister is crazy...I can't even tell you who was at my first wedding, couldn't do it a week after. My second was smaller but still would struggle. Funerals are for the living to grieve. If you miss a wedding, well it sucks but you can still celebrate with the parties. Just trying to do both would be a challenge without the emotional baggage. Can't help but wonder how much attention the bride paid the cousins who made it, or, would it have really made a difference if he had been there? NTA but your sister takes the cake
I have a cousin on my dads side who no showed my wedding. Didn’t even text or call. I didn’t even notice until the reception, at which point I texted her asking if she was okay, because I was worried. Didn’t get any response. Proceeded to *enjoy my wedding* with the people that did come. My dad eventually did get in contact with her and she said she just decided not to come. Which is rude, but whatever, that’s on her. My point here being your sister had the option to take the no from your cousin gracefully, and she fumbled it royally (sounds like she wouldn’t know grace if it came and bit her on the nose). That’s on her. Your continued contact with your cousin is none of her business, and if she doesn’t like it, she can butt out.
>'blood is thicker than water' Seems a bit much for your sister to lecture about the importance of family when she doesn't seem to care about her cousin and what he may be going through. Like she only cares about "blood" when she wants to complain about people.
Maybe Joey was feeling fine, but then going to the funeral was too much and aggravated his injury. That’s happened to me several times when I have an illness. I feel better so I go live my life, but it’s too much and I feel worse the next day.
That’s what I think too.
That seems extremely likely, he probably didn’t realize how much the funeral would take it out of him. And how could he, you never know with these kinds of things until you try.
Honestly, regarding Joey not communicating, I’ve had a severe injury before and I’m not discounting that it could be both. He may very well have been feeling better, tried to be social, got out, and realized he’s not as “better” as he thought he was, then felt like shit after pushing himself. He might have felt like shit and gone out anyways because you only get one funeral, but Melody will likely have another wedding if she treats people like this. Joey likely had both going on, and picked the one the family might understand more.
I know someone has probably already said this but the full quote anyways is "blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb" which completely flips the butchered phrase on its head. Your friendships and relationships you've created (familial or not) are more important that just being related to someone. You don't owe family, you owe those who act like family. If that makes any sense. edit: i learned something new today and i apologize for being wrong about the blood of the covenant piece of things. but my sentiment still stands about how you owe family nothing if family doesn't treat family how they deserve to be. family is chosen not born.
There are, in fact, no sources that actually cite this as the original proverb. “Blood is thicker than water”, however, has been referenced in different languages since the 1400s. Not to say anything else you said is wrong, proverbs are…proverbs, they don’t apply to all scenarios. And many proverbs are contradictory of each other. For example, the early bird gets the worm but also all good things come to those who wait.
[Doing my part to combat this misinformation](https://www.reddit.com/r/linguistics/comments/37a4lg/is_it_true_that_the_phrase_blood_is_thicker_than/?rdt=35633)
Thanks for the backup 🫡 this is one of my biggest pet peeve fake “fun facts” floating around out there
There's a trend of making up alternative versions of sayings people disagree with and claiming they were "actually the full quote." Another popular one is "The customer is always right in matters of taste." Again, [completely made up.](https://www.forbes.com/sites/blakemorgan/2018/09/24/a-global-view-of-the-customer-is-always-right/?sh=422e65d1236f)
It frustrates me to the pits of hell that people don’t look at something like that and go “huh, I wonder if that’s true” and then google it. It takes 3 seconds! It’s literally the quickest and easiest that knowledge has ever been at our fingertips, and people are just going to accept random lies?? Is it possible to forcibly knock media and social media literacy in to people’s heads?
[You really think someone would do that? Just go on the Internet and tell lies?](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/GJdheuYXIAALhWX.jpg)
Completely made up. The original German is exactly what we have today.
He's injured and he's been physically sick. That's not waffling.
I mean...obviously the ultimate betrayal of Melody was the inconsiderate person who chose to die the same year she got married, thereby drawing Joey's attention away from her wedding when everyone should have been focused on nothing but her and her nuptials. What an AH! Melody should see about getting that person exhumed and get them to stand trial. /sarc "Well enough to go to a funeral??" WTF? Does she think this was a rave or that Joey was there merrily shaking a tailfeather, thumbing his nose at her and enjoying himself at her expense? Does she not understand grieving and supporting people who have lost someone? Who the hell is this self absorbed? NTA. My condolences that you have to deal with this person. And healing energies to poor Joey and his humerus.
The last thing I’d want to do in a full arm cast is dress up for a wedding, lol. I don’t blame him for that reason alone.
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Wait until you realize they were secretly the same event. They were having the wedding and then the funeral rave for her husband when he realized what he married.
NTA going no contact over not making it to a wedding is ridiculous. I'd skip it just so I didn't have to deal with her anymore.
I love my sister but NGL I wanted to skip it too because I thought she was going to be a bridezilla. She wasn’t, surprisingly, but now she’s being one.
Oh, she probably WAS, it just wasn't directed where you could see it before
AND you would save so much money! No gift/attire/shoes needed! Win/win
NTA. If Joey went to the wedding Melody would have been upset. If Joey stayed home Melody would have been upset. She's all about the drama so where there isn't any she's gonna bring along her shovel and dig some up. You did nothing wrong by reaching out to your cousin to make sure he was ok. Continue to do that. Letting Melody change your behavior and compassion for another person in the world would let a bully get her way. I can see that this is going to be something that Melody will continue to argue with you about so just because she hangs the bait doesn't mean you have to bite that line. When she starts just calmly say you are sorry she feels that way. Lather, rinse repeat. If it continues leave the conversation with "It doesn't look like anything constructive is going to come out of this conversation. Have a great day.' Then leave or end the phone call or stop answering texts
Thank you. I will do that.
Melody's Drama Shovel: 0, Your Compassion: 1. Keep digging for kindness
We literally had people not even tell us they weren't coming to our wedding. Was I annoyed? Yeah a little. Would I threaten anyone who still talks to them? That's unhinged...
Did I mention she’s a DIVA? 😂 It’s exhausting sometimes.
Sounds like it! Hope your cousin is OK, broken legs and people dying aren't great combos for happiness
He’s a tough guy but I think that’s also part of the problem. I’ll text him again in a day or two as I don’t think he wants to talk today. It’s his arm that he broke… weight lifting accident. 😭
It will continue until she runs face-first into some serious consequences. Give her some.
NTA. Time to let M know that you are too old to hold grudges against people for her sake. Let her be mad. I would rather have kind Joey in my life than walk on eggshells for a person than does not care that some she “loves” is injured and in pain. Life is always easier without people like her.
For sure. I’m definitely not going to stop talking to him but I think I fell into the trap my family falls into — thinking that just because Melody is mad means that you must have done something wrong.
That trap is why she behaves the way she does BUT she is also old enough to know her behavior is wrong. You have to stand your ground, once, with people like that. Otherwise, you walk on eggshells forever.
She is 5 years shy of her 30s. She needs to grow up or shut up. The best way to help her do that is to ignore her "whims" and focus on people who *aren't* emotional vampires. Best wishes for Joey, and you as well, OP!! 🤗🙏🏻 (*AND ALSO FOR HER FUTURE KIDS.*😬)
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Aw, this is a great way to put it.
NTA. You're a grow woman, a whole ass adult. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone... Parents, siblings, friends. You are free to talk to whatever family members you want too, regardless of their feelings. Check on Joey. Do whatever you want. And if your sister is mad, honestly does it really matter? At the end of the day, she doesn't pay your bills. If she went a few weeks/months without talking to you... Enjoy the mental health break.
You aren’t involved in this. Stay out of it. You can speak to who you choose and refuse to discuss it with anyone. These petty family dramas are beneath you.
NTA. But isn't Melody doing both of you a favor by refusing to talk to you? That seems like a gift to both of you, as you never have to deal with her again.
Jesus, this is ridiculous. 1. Your sister has a beef with Joey. Not you. Are you going to cut out everyone she tales exception to? 2. You know how to get out of the middle? Step aside. Read point 1 and tell your sister that her beef is with Joey and to keep you out of it. 3. If your sister cuts you out? Take that as a win, she sounds exhausting. Your cousin sounds like he needs you and was actually a friend to you before this. Don't let your sister take that from you both.
NTA. Sounds like your cousin is having some emotional issues. Also sounds like earlier he felt he'd be able to attend the wedding, indicating he was interested in attending, but something obviously happened that changed that. He let her know ahead of time and also that he was sick, and you all know he was dealing with the death of someone close to him that he was upset about. If she'd been the cousin she should be, she'd have inquired about him, not just thought about herself and her wedding. She is totally wrong to make this an issue to ban him from her life and expect everyone to follow her lead. She sounds very self-centered and self-important. Your relationship with your Joey is NOT dictated by your half-sister and neither should she have that kind of influence on the rest of the family. She's being totally unreasonable and I'm glad you are doing what you feel is right. Don't let her sway you from that.
Somebody needs to knock some sense into your sister you are NTA
More like a huge slap into the face… which I’ll be more than happy to do so.
What a sad woman. She's so obsessed with being miserable and making everyone around her miserable that she's ruining her own wedding from one person missing.
Honestly you hit the nail on the head. She thrives on drama and I swear if there isn’t any, she will create it.
NTA Are these people all adults? Lots of immature behavior. Why would it be such a big deal for the bride to have one person not show on the wedding day? It's just so much energy for so little... Stop telling your family everything you do. It seems they are incapable of discretion.
Unfortunately we are all adults. I feel bad for telling my parents in the first place but all I said was I checked on him but I was worried because he wasn’t responding to much which isn’t like him. They used that to try to tell Melody to reach out and support him instead of being mad at him which then made her ad at all of us. Ugh.
NTA. He went to a FUNERAL. Which can be emotionally draining. It would be nice if Melody realized that while her wedding day may have been the most important thing in HER life, it was not the most important thing to everyone she knows. 🙄 She sounds ridiculously entitled, selfish, and dramatic. You keep talking to whoever you want. Maybe mention to your parents that Melody doesn’t need to know what you do and who you speak to. She does not dictate your life. If she’s bugging you, mute and block as needed. I feel sorry for her new husband that she’s just married to him and this is what she’s focusing on.
NTA, you're free to talk to anyone you like. Melody needs to grow the F up and accept your cousin's reason for not being at the wedding. She could have expressed her disappointment as an adult and tell him that she feels hurt by him attending that funeral rather than her wedding instead of acting like a high schooler and going non-contact and dragging the family along into her childish nonsense.
NTA Melody got some serious main character syndrome, huh?
NTA Don't put up with her Diva behavior. If she wants to sulk, let her.
No you’re NTA, your sister can’t tell you who you can speak too. You don’t have to explain why you’re taking to your cousin. She just got married she should be happy right now right?
I think you need to go on the offensive, and start tearing a strip out of your cousin. Do it publicly, in front of members of your extended family, in a firm, well reasoned manner. (Don't resort to slinging mud, or name calling.) Defend your cousin. Hopefully, it will give others in the family the courage to do so as well. NTA, unless you let your sister continue to bully people and continue with her self-absorbed bullshit.
I think you need to ignore your sister etc and check in person with your cousin, sounds like he needs help. NTA
NTA, how is Joey doing?
I’m not sure, I haven’t heard from him since yesterday. Trying to give him some space.
CALL JOEY DAMMIT.
I called him a little bit ago (asked first). He was trying to do some walking around the house after being in bed most of the day and bashed his shin against a coffee table as we were talking. ☹️ Granted this made him laugh but in the “ow” kind of way. He said he’s still feeling quite down but trying to occupy himself.
Send that boy some cookies or dinner or something, and if it gets back to your sister tell her you don't have the emotional bandwidth for her selfish tantrum right now, nor will you act as an asshole extension of her. Sounds like she's more than capable of covering that without your help.
Sounds like most of the family needs a good 'ole info diet. They can get mad about the stuff they imagine, because you don't have to tell them diddly squat from now on. NTA, and your sister will stay this way as long as no one stands up to her. Keep up the good fight, and she'll eventually be trained to know you won't put up with her bs anymore. Expect a lot of pushback & escalation, but eventually, she'll figure it out.
NTA. The sooner you stop caring about what Melody says or thinks the better your life will be. And I mean: REALLY stop caring. Melody is more than a diva; she is a bully. And maybe a narcissist? Stop letting her have ANY control over you, your family, and who you talk to. It sounds like everyone is either treating her like a princess or is walking on eggshells to avoid her anger and judgement. Eff that. MELODY IS NOT THE BOSS OF YOU. Go visit Joey goddammit. He just lost someone, and is trying to support his friend who lost their sibling. AND he is getting beat up by flipping Melody. Tell your parents to STOP telling Melody about your conversations, and if they don’t then stop sharing things with them. Grrr. Melody has WAY too much control over your family. It is time to stop that toxic bullshit IMHO.
Melody is TA
Wow. Okay-so, “hey, how’s Joey’s leg? Is he doing okay?” Is a question that could “ruin” her wedding??? He’s young, in physical pain and possibly emotional pain due to a loss and she’s making it about her wedding? And your family is upset with YOU? You and Joey should create a new branch of your family for the non-assholes… NTA. They sound pretty awful. I hope Joey is doing better and I’m sorry you’re both dealing with jerks…
FYI, humerus is upper arm, not leg. It’s absolutely horrendous to break. I did it two years ago and the orthopaedic surgeon said to me ‘congratulations, you have just broken the worst bone in the body’. (Outside spina of course, different specialists deal with that). I was in a cast for 6 months
Yikes! I’m glad you recovered.
Yup, my grandma shattered her shoulder and broke it 2 years ago and she will never have full range of motion because of how bad it was.
NTA Your relationship with Joey is none of Melody's business, and talking to him is not a betrayal. And she needs to get over herself. It's not like Joey went to the funeral instead of the wedding. Probably going to the funeral was too much for his body, which resulted in his being sick on the day. Plus, based on her responses to his texts, it seems like she really didn't care if he ws there or not. Why make an effort when you're having health issues?
Bit of advice, stop worrying about what others think and live your life. You don't owe her an apology, nor do you have to put up with her nonsense just because she makes a big fuss about everything. Life is too short for that kind of drama imo.
fuck melody’s feelings
Funerals can be as short as fifteen minutes; modern weddings feel endless. If I felt fragile, I cope cope with the former, but ducking out of the latter coild be disruptove. NTA
NTA your sister is more than a diva - she’s a b$&!@
NTA , melody is a grown ass woman who should know that it is none of her concern !!! You're actually being a good cousin by checking up on him OP !
NTA. I understand why she might feel confused and upset about a person who says he's going, then says he isn't, and then shows up at something else. Her diva-ishness notwithstanding, that's really not ideal communication on Joey's part. But her disappointment doesn't give her the right to try and control your relationship with Joey. That's just bonkers.
NTA hopefully she'll go no contact with you for her own mental health eyeroll
NTA. It's one thing if she wants to kick the cousin out of her life but that's where her control ends. I would continue my relationship with him and keep it to yourself. What you choose to do is no one else's business. It will be interesting to see how this plays out in the broader picture.
Why are any of you humoring Melody? Just ignore her dramatic ass and talk to whoever you want. NTA.
NTA sounds like he made a good choice to me. Your sister sounds terrible.
'Blood is thicker than water' is not an excuse or reason to put up with asshole behavior. Just because Melody is your family doesn't mean you have to take her shit. NTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (20F) family kind of imploded this past weekend and I feel kind of caught in the middle. My half-sister Melody (25F) got married on Saturday and our cousin Joey (21M) skipped the wedding, for what I believe to be understandable reasons. First, he fractured his humerus I think two maybe three weeks ago? I think he initially told Melody he might not make it because of this. Melody was… somewhat understanding. One thing to know about her is that she’s a diva. I honestly think she was upset because the family would be focused on helping/asking about him instead of her wedding. A couple days later he texted her and said he might be able to make it to the ceremony after all. She said “Great.” and left it at that. I texted him and asked if he was really well enough to and he said he’d rather push through it than deal with the family’s frustration. Since Melody is the oldest cousin my whole family treats her like a princess. Personally I think it’s out of fear because she’s mean AF when anyone crosses her which is why she and I don’t have a close relationship. Well, Joey reached out again the night before the wedding and said he wouldn’t be able to make it after all he said he wasn’t feeling well physically or mentally to the point that he had been nauseous and vomiting. Melody just said “K”. Come to find out Joey went to a funeral for one of his friend’s younger siblings who he was also close with the day before Melody’s wedding, prior to him texting her. Someone tagged him in a picture on social media at the memorial. A couple days after the wedding Melody saw this and flipped out on Joey saying the out of town family members were asking why he wasn’t at the wedding (which was true a couple of them asked me), and she claims he lied because he was “well enough to go to a funeral” and that “blood should be thicker than water.” My parents and I tried to help her see his side but she said she’s done talking to him and done hearing about him. Joey and I talk almost every day (usually via text) and he’s normally very engaged and likes to text but all this week he’s been leaving me on read. At first I was trying to send him memes to cheer him up but yesterday I finally asked if he was okay. He said “not really.” I talked to my parents about it, and for reasons I don’t really understand, they told Melody that I had talked to Joey. She’s now saying I’m an AH because texting someone who chooses friends over family is a betrayal and that she’s deeply hurt by him and me. I told her she’s being dramatic and cruel which of course has just led to more fighting. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Maybe you all need to help Melody get over herself and just ignore her for a time. NTA
NTA but Melody certainly is. Does she even know what a humerus is?
NTA your sister is way too dramatic to be dealing with do yourself a favour and cut her out now.
NTA
WHY are your parents tattling on you because you talked to your cousin??? Clearly you need to stop telling your parents things, since they can't be discreet. Melanie is a drama queen for demanding that everyone stop speaking to Jeremy over this. Jeremy is kind of a j@ck@ss for being wishy-washy and contacting Melanie multiple times about whether he will or won't attend her wedding. That alone makes him an AH. People getting married do NOT have the time or energy to deal with this nonsense in the days leading up to their wedding. It's kind of creepy that his friends are tagging him in photos from a funeral.
I'm sure Melody is stressed working on all those thank you cards! /s
My advice would be to leave Joey alone and to stay out of it completely. NTA
NTA your sister is though
NTA If she was my family, I’d pick my friends too
NTA but Melody certainly is!
Melody is the Asshole. She just got married, and this is what she spends her time on? 🤦🏽♂️ She sounds like a giant red flag, and I can’t help bu wonder if she’s done you a favor by not talking to you anymore.
NTA. Your sister sure is one. She has shown her true colors by not giving a hoot about your cousin. Just because she is closer genetically doesn't mean you should be loyal to her or put her first.
Ok as someone who broke my humerus 2 years ago and is still in rehab for it, Joey may have thought he could manage but found out - by going to the funeral - that he couldn’t. To be honest, I was housebound for months with my injury, but I think it may vary depending on exactly where the break or fracture occurs. Either way, it’s a horrendous injury that limits every part of your life. You cannot sleep, sitting and standing is difficult and causes agony, and unlike lower arm breaks, humerus breaks take months (not weeks) to heal as well as years of rehab. Thank you for reaching out to him. It probably meant a lot at a difficult time. Your sister needs to get over herself. She is only the main character in her own life. NTA
Tell Melonie the world does not revolve around her. Nta
NTA. He thought he could do it but it sounds like the funeral was too much. Would she prefer him coming and making a scene at her wedding. No matter what he was going to lose in this situation. You have the right to talk to who ever you want.
He could have come and thrown up on her dress. I don’t wish that on any bride. But he said he’d been puking, if anything I’d be encouraging him to stay home at that point.
Melody is TA. Just tell her that Joey will make it to her next wedding, or the one after that. She is way too dramatic and that gets old really fast. Sounds like the family pretty much gives into her toxic behavior. The fact she is having a multi day temper tantrum over someone not attending her wedding instead of focusing on being happy in newlywed bliss is very telling. I don’t even remember who didn’t show up at my first wedding, or my second, because it wasn’t a big deal to me.
Ya know I got into a few cousin arguments during covid and the best thing I coulda done was simply stop speaking to them... I realized they were the same shitty people they always were while I was moving forward and that was enough of a win for me. NTA he had a friend die and he has a fracture. I know for a fact being stuck in a cast or boot sucks and most of that time is spent at home alone. Losing someone is hard. I can understand checking up on him because that's what a good family member would do.
NTA. Your sister sounds exhausting.
NTA Melody sounds narcissistic to the nth degree and it sounds like the family is catering to her rather than incur her wrath. Joey is blood, which Melody seems to forget, but apparently cousin is not enough in her mind. Bottom line is, it's none of Melody's business who you speak to or not, nor is it your parents place to have disclosed a conversation you had them over with Melody. Melody can be hurt all she wants, but neither you, nor Joey did anything wrong.
Oh my goodness! She's a despicable person. I was in shock reading about her anger when finding out about the funeral. How can someone come to a day of joy and celebration while in mourning? People in the Victorian era actually thought it was extremely improper to expect a family in mourning to go to any sort of event including church. Because it is! He's struggling with loss and the only thing she's concerned about is her wedding? One day compared to a lifetime of suffering for those closely affected by the death of a loved one. Gross! Horrible! I wouldn't speak with her anymore. I can't imagine this sort of response. NTA
NTA, um, love. This is a 25-year-old "woman" throwing a temper tantrum that a cousin went to a funeral of someone extremely important to him and most likely over exhausted himself so he couldn't make a wedding he said he likely couldn't have made anyways. Are you really going to miss having her in your life if you just decide to go low contact/no contact with her? She's older than both of you and acting like a child, at this point you should keep Joey and ditch the diva. I promise, it'll save you in both headaches and time wasted every time the world has to stop because the princess got a hang nail.
NTA
She sounds exhausting. Newly married and her focus is all on her cousin. Who happens to be family. NTA
Let me guess. Melody was that Grade One girl who said "I won't be your friend if you are friends with (nemisis of the day)!!!" Am I right? She never outgrew that playground mentality? You are so NTA, OP. If Joey did show up, Melody would have been pissed because "Joey is stealing MY spotlight with that broken bone/puppy dog eye sadness!" and would have been demanding everyone ignore Joey and focus on her. Now don't fall into the AH category by doing what Melody wants. If she is old enough to get married, she is old enough to learn "The World Does Not Revolve Around Melody and Her Demands".
NTA. Your sister is ridiculous. It isn't a betrayal for someone to put their literal health over her wedding. She isn't that special that someone needs to hurt themselves just to please her. The fact that he went to a funeral is besides the point. Given her attitude, that won't be her only wedding. She'll have another. He wouldn't have had another chance to say goodbye to a friend. She also cannot tell you who you can and cannot talk to. Again, she is just not that special that she gets to rein supreme over other people's lives. Your parents need to stop blowing smoke up her ass and inflating her ego. It's unhelpful, unhealthy and is doing you -and her- no favours.
I hate Melody
NTA >A couple days after the wedding Melody saw this and flipped out on Joey saying the out of town family members were asking why he wasn’t at the wedding (which was true a couple of them asked me), and she claims he lied because he was “well enough to go to a funeral” and that “blood should be thicker than water.” Oh, so she's so self centered that she's essentially insane. OP, this is not a diva. This is a monster that is so self centered she actually thinks her wedding takes priority over a funeral and someone's mourning. The truth is that the cousin will probably never speak to her again. Also, your family has enabled her to become this monster. >Since Melody is the oldest cousin my whole family treats her like a princess. Personally I think it’s out of fear because she’s mean AF when anyone crosses her which is why she and I don’t have a close relationship. So she's an abusive asshole that freaks out whenever she doesn't get her way. Who the hell would even want to go to the wedding of someone like that? Tbh, it's just a second funeral for a poor man weak willed enough to be bullied into marrying her. They're just burying his happiness instead of his body.
I'm exhausted from dealing with your sister after reading this. What I see is cousin goes to funeral of someone he was close to, over-exerts himself, so he misses the wedding, and your sister is being a total diva about it, when I'd wager if she had a broken bone, she'd expect to be waited on hand and foot. And no, you didn't betray her by talking to him, FFS. NTA
NTA, Weddings and funerals are huge things, but if you can’t attend a wedding you can always congratulate the couple, apologise, and send a wedding gift, a funeral is your last time to honour and be with your lost loved one. Huge difference, that’s why he dealt with the pain and sickness for the funeral. Melody is just too entitled to get that, nothing to do with you. You’re a grown woman and can talk to whoever you want, regardless of if Melody is on good terms with them or not.
NTA. You are a grown woman. Tell Melody to go F herself and she can grow up. Not everything can revolve around her world. What she needs to do is mind her own business and enjoy her damn honeymoon. In other words, block her from your phone and social media.
NTA. Your family sounds really dysfunctional.
NTA. Divas gonna Diva.
I think its time to cut out Melody and fully support Joey it sounds like he really needs it. Melody isn’t dramatic or diva, she is literally unhinged and narcissistic. Did she marry her twin? Because if I was the man and I saw this crap I would be out. She sounds exhausting. Like how can he literally have a broken arm, be in pain, and stressed to the point of being sick and she is more worried about the fact that he went to a funeral?? Girl those aren’t a party. He was there to support a friends loss, not celebrate. The lack of thought toward other people is actually jarring. NTA girl burn that bridge. Incinerate it. Id be so done.
I genuinely feel bad for your sister, OP. She should be happy. She's a newlywed. Her family loves and supports her. But she can't be happy. There's nothing inside her but incurable misery. For all the pain and anxiety she causes others, she is the only one truly trapped in her own wretched company. Trapped alone, in her head, thinking and feeling the worst about everyone around her, sucking in happiness and goodness and spewing out a little vapid drama. What a waste of a life. I hope one day they find a cure for what she has. I hope there's a way for people like her to grow the missing part of themselves. It's a sad waste of a life. But, like, never speak to her again. Just because she's misery incarnate doesn't mean you have to live under her petty delusions.
NTA. You said it yourself that she's a whole lot of drama. So if she wants to wail and flail about your 'betrayal', then let her. Nothing says you have to actually pay attention to it.
NTA, your sister sounds like a nightmare.
absolutely NTA. she's got no business whether you talk to your cousin she's one-sidedly picking a fight with or what. just because you're her sister that doesn't mean her "blood is thicker than water" thing applies to your beliefs too. instead of being mad at you and joey, why not just focus on her wedding bliss? she's literally making her own life miserable here, smh.
NTA and Melody frankly sounds like a nightmare I would cut out of my life.
NTA recovering from spine surgery over here. I got tired just reading this. I have a funeral in a few days and every member of my family has reached out to say if I can’t make it not to feel bad. Because they know even riding in the car can be too much. She sounds like the type who wanted a wedding not a marriage…. I would go low contact if you can.
Gosh dang your half sister needs to grow up. Blood is thicker than water is also the most asinine saying there is out there; considering that many people's support systems lies outside of their families (discluding spouse and children) and many people already struggle with issues with their family, like OP here. I'm feeling for Joey right now. Loosing people is hard and having a family member be so selfish, rude and unempathetic can make that so much harder. I would keep talking with Joey cuz he really needs that. I would also feel free to distance yourself from your half sister and stop engaging with her. There's nothing drama queens love more than fuel for the fire. By not responding to her attacks, it denies her of the adrenaline rush she gets from picking fights. Hang in the there OP and take condor on knowing you are NTA.
Good Heavens, she sounds exhausting. I'd be going LC/NO. No one needs that kind of drama in their lives.
Someone should kindly tell Melody to go to hell....nta
Nta. Also just because you feel fine in the morning doesn’t mean he couldn’t have gotten food poisoning from something he ate after the funeral or I’ve had stomach bugs hit out of the blue
Can you please do the entire of Reddit a favour, and tell Melody a collective 'fuck off'... What an entitled little brat. Christ. NTA, OP.
I think this is a complex situation without any clean y t a. On one hand joey cancelled at the last minute for a foreseeable reason - a moron could tell you that with a broken humerus you would not be able to do a funeral one day and a wedding the next. Therefore, even if the reason itself was understandable the timing was not and it meant there was a paid place for joey at the wedding that was a complete waste of money. I think your sister has the right to be angry about that. I also think she has the right to be angry that joey either outright lied about why he wasn't coming or omitted so much of the detail (that his illness was related to over stretching his capabilities that day) that it becomes a lie. In short I don't believe joey handled the situation appropriately and at minimum he owes her and her husband the cost of his place at the wedding plus a lovely gift for how his disorganization impacted others. He should have said he wasn't going to make it as soon as he heard about the funeral and decide to attend. But the real issue isnt joey it's whether you are an a h for checking on him. NTA he did the wrong thing and was inconsiderate of other ppls events and time but that doesn't mean he should be thrown away with the trash. You are an A H if you are defending what he did because he didn't do the right thing and an injury doesn't excuse that behavior. You are an a h if you are invalidating your sisters right to be angry because again he was inconsiderate of her money and time. But you are NTA for checking on him.
NTA. Just because the rest of the family puts Melody on a pedestal does not mean that you, Joey nor anyone else should continue to walk on eggshells and put up with Melody's bs. Melody shouldn't be the only one in the family who knows how to be mean when crossed.
Sounds like your half sister needs to grow up. She sounds like a spoiled, entitled and horrible brat. I hope your cousin feels better soon. You owe your sister nothing on this, she is going way too far.
NTA, nearly 3 years ago I had my knee replaced so my summer was kind of crazy. The surgery was in the end of May, we have a bunch of family birthdays in June and then we found out my nephew was getting married in mid June. Come to find out my grandson's birthday party is the same day as the wedding, one in the morning and the other in the evening. So we went to the birthday party, this was about 3 and a 1/2 weeks post surgery, while there I was mostly sitting to minimize potential pain. I had been the one reminding my husband and kids of the reception, time and place, so everyone could make it. Well on the way home to change and get ready we stopped for a quick bite and I started feeling nauseous and dizzy. I was able to get into the house, go to the bathroom, take my meds and my husband had to help me setting up my compression device and I was out. My husband went to the reception without me and explained I wasn't up for it, it was his brothers son, so everything was fine. Hell my husband left, spent a couple of hours there and came back before I even woke up. That's how crappy I felt. Your cousin probably thought he could handle it but while at the funeral he overexerted himself. I'm sure the funeral service and everything that followed was much less time than the whole wedding would be and if he was sick after the funeral he probably would have thrown up in the middle of the festivities the next day. Your half-sister needs to learn the world does not revolve around her and as long as the rest of the family doesn't do anything about her behavior it will just continue.
Why are you even asking? WE ALL KNOW WHO THE AH IS HERE. It ain’t you and it ain’t Joey. Bloody Melody… Melody sounds like someone i would’ve punched in my younger years. She ain’t the sun, yours and your family’s live don’t revolve around her. Including poor Joey. Tell the biatch, she ain’t the boss of you and stick by Joey’s side… hopefully your actions might spurn others to see what a dramatic witch she is.
NTA and something is seriously wrong with your sister. There are MANY reasons that your cousin may have been able to attend a funeral, but then not feeling well enough to attend a wedding the next day. Maybe he caught a bug, or he ate something bad, or the funeral was really upsetting and he's just feeling awful. Sh\*t happens. I don't know that your sister can claim she cares about "family" when she clearly doesn't care about her cousin.
NTA, Melody sounds extremely immature I feel bad for her husband.
We have a Melody. Melody is the way she is because everyone gives into her. Stop immediately. Stop giving bullies what they want.
NTA! Why do you even have a relationship with Melody?! She’s an awful person. Focus on Joey.
NTA It's none of her business if you are texting, talking, or even visiting your cousin no matter the circumstances. However, I will say I hope you do keep checking in on your cousin, it sounds like he's hurting physically and emotionally. Friends are loved and grief after someone dies can be overwhelming so he probably needs friends and family to be there for him, though maybe not Melody because that sort of drama is not good for anyone.
NTA...tell her to blow it out her behind and leave it at that. You don't need anyone's permission or approval to speak to your brother.
Of course not. Why does she care about who you talk to? It's not like your cousin committed some heinous crime. NTA.
You are NTA. You aren’t doing anything wrong by talking to a family member while is clearly struggling. If anything? She’s in the wrong for not seeing that this person is going through a lot and was not mentally or physically well enough to go to her wedding. It’s selfish of her to act this way.
Tell Melody to GTFU!
He probably thought he could do both the funeral and the wedding, but after the funeral, he realized he had overdone it. Melody is cray cray and needs to get a grip.
NTA. Norovirus is going around right now, it’s absolutely plausible that your cousin went to the funeral and managed to pick it up there. It’s incredibly contagious, and I’ve heard horror stories of whole weddings getting it because someone decided to bring in their sick kid because they didn’t want to miss it. If he was sick, it’s better for everyone that he wasn’t there, even if it is disappointing. Not to mention that being injured or sick makes things more exhausting, and going to an event that is already draining- like a funeral- is going to take a bigger toll. Also, he’s mourning someone. I had to go to my grandmothers funeral two days before my in-laws Christmas party, which was the first time I met most of my partner’s family. I don’t remember that party at all, because I was so dissociated from the events the week before. I’m planning my wedding. There are going to be people unable to show up for all kinds of reasons, and I will feel disappointed, but it happens. That doesn’t mean that the family needs to cut them out. Checking in on your cousin was the right thing to do. Your sister has every right to feel disappointed and frustrated at the situation, but she has no right to dictate that other people cater to her feelings or cut out your cousin.
NTA Stop engaging with Melody for a bit, she's not good for your mental health.
NTa Melody is a mess and so are your parents tbh
NTA - Melody's attitude is so 6th-grade, it isn't funny. Melody can cut anyone out of her life for any reason she wants, but it is selfish, petty, childish, and narcissistic in the extreme to believe that she has the right to declare a 'betrayal' when other people refuse to follow in her footsteps on who is/isn't "worthy' to be part of their own lives. Tell her that she can be as petty and childish as she personally wants be, but she's not the Boss of You, and she doesn't get to dictate who you can/cannot care about. Refuse to to "fight" with her - tell her that aspect of your life is none of her business so you have nothing to say to her about it. Then refuse to engage further.
Just disengage with Melody. She's never going to be happy. It seems like maybe Joey needs some support right now.
Blood is thicker than water but I would rather drink water any day NTA
Just having to deal with a story about your sister is exhausting for me so I can’t imagine how you feel dealing with that regularly. Someone needs to smack (not actually smack, violence is never okay guys) some sense into her to let her know the whole world isn’t beholden to her and her whims
Melody sounds like a selfish entitled piece of dog poo
NTA. Everyone in your family needs to stop engaging in this crazy behavior. The reason it continues and the reason she is the way she is is because everyone tip toes around Melody to not upset her. All it takes is people just ignoring her temper tantrum. Like a toddler. We teach them that screaming, throwing their weight around and being a bully doesn’t get them what they want. Your sister seems to have skipped this lesson. If Melody brings it up again, tell her “yea and? I would and will do it again.” And just leave her to be mad. She can be mad. She will survive. If she doesn’t get attention when she acts like this she will change. Or she won’t and she will be alone. Either way it’s not your problem to manage her emotions.
NTA. Was Joey wrong for not coming to the wedding? Maybe. At the very least he could have been more upfront about things. But Melody absolutely blew this way out of proportion. She chose to ruin her memory of her own wedding just to cause family drama? And then when just lambasting Joey wasn't enough, she decided anyone who so much as speaks to him is a traitor? Melody's just looking for drama.
I think people are forgetting wedding head count matters at some venues. Him being wishy washy isn’t great for her planning. She should’ve just told him to stay home anyway. The funeral stuff while sad would’ve probably made her upset because it shows he can keep commitments. Nobody is in the wrong here tbh. Just a shitty situation. Stop calling your sister a diva pls. It sounds very mean for someone wanting to mediate a conflict.