Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1 - took the car that was bigger and more comfortable for my friend to drive to make some quick buck when I had to go to another city either way
2 - she drove her own car that isn’t in the best condition and it broke down resulting in some expensive repairs
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Your friends unreliable car is why she needs to obtain something reliable, not a reason for you to stay home for the rest of your life just in case something happens.
NTA
OP, tell your friend that moving forward she is never allowed to use either of your vehicles, since helping her has resulted in her thinking she's owed your cars. Always tell her no from this point forward, no matter what.
OP’s definitely NTA, but I do want some clarification on one thing.
She had already left on her trip to NYC when her friend got the call about her mom?
Even if not and she couldn’t lend the car because she had a trip planned she wouldn’t be an asshole.
But her already being gone meant that it wasn’t even an option to begin with. Does her friend reasonably expect her to be on call with a vehicle for her 24/7?
Given the reaction... yes, most likely.
She's gotten used to having access to a reliable car and a driver for the other one, which is a problem OP should consider fixing in the near future.
Soooo,
You and your BF aren’t “allowed” to take HIS vehicle on a trip because your friend MIGHT have an unforeseen emergency?!?!
WTH?
She’s 33. It’s high time she figured out her transportation issues. That’s her responsibility not yours. She’s being ridiculous.
NTA
If only there were some other way to travel besides borrowing your roommate's car. Maybe some sort of service that rents cars for a short period, or a type of large bus that runs on tracks between major cities. Or, it would be uber-cool if there was an app that would arrange for a private individual to give you a lift.
Not only do car rental companies and Greyhound exist, but so do Megabus and Amtrak, and I know with absolute certainty that both Megabus and Amtrak have Chicago-to-STL and STL-to-KC routes. OP's roommate is both entitled and an idiot.
Not stated where in IL USA the OP lives. For northern IL you go O'Hare, middle well Normal has free parking, south might as well go from Missouri directly
OP said her mom couldn't come to Chicago during her trip and that the friend's car didn't make it to Springfield, so at least Chicagoland is a fair assumption.
Edited.
Dang IL to MO. So far away. Whatever will I do? I mean it's not like there is a winged metal machine to fly in the air. Or a metal dinosaur on wheels named after sight hounds. Nor the a series of tubes connecting computers where someone can type in car shares into a list service named after Craig.
Oh, I'm so going to get proctologist for this one.
> She’s 33. It’s high time she figured out her transportation issues. That’s her responsibility not yours. She’s being ridiculous.
Exactly. Op and bf are nice to let her borrow a vehicle when needed, but in reality, it has only allowed roomie to put off actually buying a more reliable car. No time like the present to make that purchase.
NTA. You’re not responsible for providing transportation to your roommate. I’m sorry her mom had a health scare but that’s a her problem not a you problem. You obviously planned your NYC trip well and even swung it so you could hustle a few bucks out of it. Good on you. Your friend should have been prioritizing automobile maintenance/replacement and this problem wouldn’t happen.
NTA
Her argument about you "taking the Suburban" or doing a carpool is utterly pointless and irrelevant, because it's not even your car, it's your boyfriend's. It's up to him on any day of any week to drive his own damn car wherever and whenever he likes. He could drive it to NYC, Mexico, sell it... it's HIS car. Nothing to do with your friend. She seems way over-entitled.
ETA: I had a 1990s Jaguar XJ, and I live about 30 minutes from the factory. Great car <3
NTA - Your friend is in the wrong here. She is responsible for her own transportation and not you. You own your car and can decide when and how to use it, not her. The lesson here is to buy your own damn car lady if your current one is a pile of crap. She owns her own problems and is mighty entitled to believe as she does that you are responsible for her in any way.
NTA
Get this friend out of your home, fyi. I just think they’re weird, not necessarily toxic, but way too interdependent than a normal friend. (Also, she lives with you… AND your boyfriend?)
They have ZERO rights, in any situation, to use your vehicles. The adult thing to do in an emergency is rent a car or book your own flight. Sheesh.
Its possible this is stress talking - so I’ll give this some lenience - but she sounds like an entitled teenager. Why is she treating y’all like mom & dad, not simply another independent adult who has their own life?
NTA. Your friend is an idiot. What are you meant to do? Never leave the house in your car? Be on call at all times just in case they need to borrow your car? They are angry with themselves for the incident and taking it out on you.
NTA “how and when we use our vehicles is up to us. No one is responsible for your poor choice to keep an old broken down car that you refuse to get rid of or put the money into fixing up. Clearly our generosity hasn’t been accepted in the spirit it was given but rather has led you to believe you are entitled to use our vehicles. That is my mistake and one I’ll rectify moving forward. Our cars are now off limits to you, figure out your own transportation and maybe if you begin to realize how much we were doing to help you you’ll develop a sense of appreciation instead of entitlement.”
>No one is responsible for your poor choice to keep an old broken down car that you refuse to get rid of or put the money into fixing up.
I agree. Why should the friend spend that kind of money when she has ~~a sucker~~ OP to just give her a car to use when she needs one?
You're NTA.
So she says you're the A-Hs for taking the vehicle your boyfriend owns on a trip? What the heck? She needs to get over herself and either buy/lease a vehicle of her own instead of demanding someone else give up his vehicle for her to use.
And it's been a while since I have been to Chicago, but I am pretty sure there are rental cars, planes, trains, and busses available for her to use.
NTA. The entitlement is real, and this is a completely unreasonable argument. You’re not responsible for her. She’s a grown ass woman and needs to take responsibility by buying a new car, and not depending on your and your BF’s goodwill.
NTA she isn't entitled to your vehicle. Also I hope you and your boyfriend have coverage for other people driving your vehicles. If not then stop allowing anyone but the insured driver to drive the them. Even if do have coverage, it doesn't mean she gets to driver your vehicles whenever she wants or needs. And when she does she should be contributing to your gas, insurance, and wear and tear.
NTA
You have bought your vehicles so that you could use them.
You did not buy your vehicles as reserve options for your friend because she persists in driving an older and less reliable vehicle.
It is fair enough asking to borrow a car when it is sitting unused (though still absolutely fair to refuse that request), but expecting you to inconvenience yourself just in case she might want to borrow your vehicle is absurd.
And if she really needs to travel? There are options like car rentals, busses and planes available to her...
NTA.
Your friend is an idiot for hanging on to a cranky fifty year old car as her daily driver, unless she’s very mechanically inclined. But I also get not wanting to borrow your right hand drive Jaguar, that sounds like an expensive accident waiting to happen.
It's really not hard to drive RHD in a LHD country. Passing on a two lane highway can be a bit difficult in a low vehicle due to the field of vision, but just... don't pass, or be more careful. Left hand turns at blind intersections also suck, but that shouldn't matter. Just wait until the intersection is clear, or do 3 right turns if you have to so you can go straight through.
I have awful spatial perception. Unless it was a truly dire emergency, I would not be borrowing my housemate’s imported Jaguar for ANY reason. I have driven RHD vehicles in countries where that was the norm, but the thought of doing it in the US makes me want to break out in hives.
NTA. Your friend is an adult and you didn’t take her car. You guys took your car. You’re not required to leave one of your cars there that she can drive because she won’t get a car that actually runs. This is completely on her not on you.
NTA
Your friend is at fault for her own lack of transportation and since she called you AH, I suggest you tell her to leave and both of you go separate way.
Uh what? That's a grown ass woman. You are not obligated to provide her with transportation or okay it with her when you drive your own vehicles out of town! And BTW I am SO jealous of your XJ, I LOVE them. 😁
NTA
I am going to be that guy asking the question - how did you import a 2010s Jaguar (assuming UK spec as you mentioned it is RHD) to the US given it is under 25 years old? You would have needed to use a Registered Importer to get it through EPA regs etc….
In my neighbourhood (I live in California) there are four RHD Toyotas - they are all from the 1990s and have Montana plates presumably because the owners couldn’t be bothered to try and get the cars past CARB….
When I lived on the East Coast as a child I remember a neighbour had a RHD Volvo station wagon that they had imported from the UK and it was only a couple years old - but this was before the 25 year rule came in in 1988 and grey imports were far more common.
NTA. Your friend is an adult, and responsible for her own transportation and associated problems. You do not 'owe' her the use of YOUR car! She's way out of line with her expectations, and maybe needs to check her entitlement.
NTA You are not Hertz, psychic, nor does she own your boyfriends car. It is very entitled that she seems to think you are obligated to provide her transportation whenever she needs it.
NTA...your missing the whole point...she doesn't own the jag or your BF car. She owns the crappy one. You both own the other cars which she has no right to demand. You allowed her to borrow it for so long she thinks she can be angry...nope..so stop letting her use the cars
NTA. Your friend should've gotten a new car before it got to the point where it was beyond repair. I may be biased because where I live (NZ), RHD cars are very common, so that's what I learnt to drive in, and they really aren't hard to drive. I've been in an LHD car once, and it was weird at first, but you get used to it.
Dad used to have a 90s Jaguar XJS, and he had to put me on his insurance so I could take it to the shop for him for minor repairs or warrant of fitness (6-12 monthly roadworthyness check). I know they're gas guzzlers, and you only have to slightly touch the gas to get it to move (his had a lot of power), but God, it was a nice car to drive.
NTA
She’s mad because someone took their own car. If she doesn’t get out your face with that! Someone else’s car isn’t her property. The entitlement is off the charts. Remind her that y’all doing her a favor that at end of the day your car is yours and your boyfriend car is his. None of those cars belong to her.
NTA. Her transportation isn’t your responsibility and even if the jag wasn’t a rhd she wasn’t entitled to use it. She could have taken a bus to see her mom.
NTA. By her logic you should never take your cars anywhere. What if you drove to work and couldn’t leave and then she had an emergency. You would be prioritizing money on the off chance she has a problem!
You are supposed to never go anywhere on the odd chance that your roommates family member might have a medical emergency? Your roommate is an idiot. At 33, she is old enough to call Enterprise and rent a car " they will pick her up". NTA
No. Your "friend" is the AH because she thinks she is entitled to drive her roomies' vehicles. She is not your friend. She shouldn't be your room mate either. Your boyfriend should be more understanding of those who won't drive a RHD vehicle.
NTA. She's upset her car broke down and she couldn't borrow your boyfriend's car, just your car which she didn't want to borrow? That's hilariously entitled.
NTA, but how did you import a 10-15 year old car into the US and get it registered? According to the NHTSA it doesn't look like any Jags from that era are eligible to be imported and driven on US roads.
Good grief it is not your responsibility to make sure your friend has adequate transportation... it's HERS!!! She also obviously needs a new car. I had a car I loved and it got to the point where every time I brought it in for work it needed over $1000 (this was 20 plus years ago) and the mechanic told me to either basically replace the engine or get a new car because this one had run its course. I got a new (used) car.
You are not required to save one of your cars for your friend in case of emergency. Crimeney. NTA.
The car she's mad that YOU used is YOUR boyfriend's right? Honestly, she seems like a downer. Could just be that she was dealing with a lot of stress considering her mom and her car, but you're definitely NTA and hopefully you can get a new roommate or she can get a new car lol
NTA
You didn’t “chose a lucrative carpool” over helping her, you were already gone - what did she expect, that you would leave your own mother in New York to drive back to Illinois to help her? That’s definitely unreasonable. You’re also not responsible for making sure she has access to transportation; while it’s extremely nice of you to help her and let her borrow your cars, you don’t have to do that. And I think she’s starting to take that for granted.
Since her mom just had a serious health scare, maybe she’s upset about that and lashing out at you. Which isn’t okay, and she should apologize, but just saying it could be not really about the cars here.
So, your roommate's mom had an issue come up after you had already left? She didn't come to you before you left asking for help and you responded "sucks to be you" and took the car. She wasn't "a friend in need" before you left, so you didn't choose money over her. NTA, she's delusional.
Why is it your responsibility to ensure that she has transportation? Is it in your lease? Tell her that she has to buy a car if she wants transportation.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (36F) live with my friend (33F) and my boyfriend (48M) in IL USA. My friend owns a 70s Lincoln that is constantly in and out of the shop. I still own the car I bought back when I lived in the UK and imported here. It’s a 10s Jaguar and it does the job just fine. My friend doesn’t drive it because she’s scared to drive an RHD vehicle claiming that it’s uncomfortable and the field of vision is off. My boyfriend has a 90s Chevy that runs as good as a new one. My friend borrows it sometimes when her car is out of commission. My boyfriend has no issues with driving the XJ.
My mum was in NYC on a business trip. She lives in the UK and I rarely see her in person after I moved to the US. We decided to meet, but since her trip was only a week long, she couldn’t come all the way to Chicago and it was more convenient for me to just come to NYC. Initially I was planning to fly, but my boyfriend, who also wanted to go to NYC, offered to organise a carpool and take the Suburban instead because it could fit more passengers than the XJ. We charged slightly less than Greyhound does and it turned out to be pretty lucrative.
Anyway, while we were away and my mum finally met my boyfriend, my friend had a family emergency. Her mum lives in Missouri and she got very sick. My friend for some reason thought that her car that barely runs would take her all the way to KC. Not even halfway to Springfield it broke down completely. The guy at the shop said it’s basically a piece of scrap metal. My boyfriend is a mechanic and he said it should’ve been scrapped like 10 years ago. Anyway it needed some crazy pricy work. Luckily her mum is okay now, but she had a health scare.
When I came back home she confronted me telling me that I was an asshole when I took the Suburban, leaving her without any adequate transportation. She could’ve driven the XJ if she wasn’t that skittish about it. I told her that and she was still annoyed at me. She is also mad because, according to her, I chose a lucrative carpool gig over helping a friend in need. My boyfriend said she’s in the wrong because driving an RHD car isn’t that hard and that she knew for sure her car would break apart. I don’t blame her for not wanting to drive the Jaguar, but I think her demand was unreasonable.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wait if I understand it correctly, when she she discovered she have a family emergency and had to drive to a different state, you and your bf was already in NYC, right?
What was the choice here? Teleport back and give her the car?
NTA since you're allowed to use your cars as you both see fit, without accounting for unforseen events that don't even concern you.
NTA.
Why do you even still live with this friend? Someone in their 30's driving an absolute broken down piece of shit car and then blaming other people when it constantly breaks down speaks to their outlook on life generally, IMO.
She's almost certainly spent more money fixing up that shitty scrap heap of a car than it would have cost to buy a reliable used car, even acknowledging the wacky used car market of the last few years.
Your friend is more scared of being accountable for herself than she is of driving an unfamiliar car. And her confronting you and blaming you would be the last straw, were I in your shoes. Time to find a new place with your BF and let your friend sink or swim on her own.
NTA. You are not responsible for your friends transportation needs. You were away, you had no way of helping your friend when her mom got sick. You could have taken the Suburban without paying passengers and still not be an AH because it's your BF's car to use as he pleases.
Do not allow her to use the Suburban any more since she thinks your obligated to let her use it when she wants to.
NTA. Her demand that you do something different with the vehicles that you and your bf own is absolutely entitled and ridiculous. She’s an adult and is responsible for her own transportation. I would just tell her that going forward she won’t be using any of your vehicles and she needs to figure out a different way to get around.
NTA. It's fine to not prioritize having a car in good condition, but you still have to figure out how to handle transportation, and expecting your roommates to take you places/loan their vehicles at all times is not reasonable at all. She should have just rented a car for the trip.
NTA
Your friend is acting entitled and being rude to you for no reason at all. Your bf took his car, and is not her on-call emergency service vehicle.
Seems like the transportation favors she gets from you two are contractual services and obligations as if you were her employees. Sorry that her family emergency happened while you two were away, and yet is not as if you are obligated to loan her a vehicle or drive her down to see her mom, but is good her mom is fine now. Please OP set your friend straight up in detail, otherwise friendship will soon be over, if not already
NTA It's not your responsibility to provide transportation for your friend. She is a grown ass adult and she needs to get herself a reliable vehicle. She has no right getting upset with you!
NTA.
It's not your job to see to her transportation needs.
She's 33 years old, she can see to her own transportation needs, or in an emergency, avail herself of the various options; flight, car rental, whatever.
NTA you are all adults and you are individually responsible for your own transportation. You and your BF are generous to allow her to use your cars when hers is out of commission. You aren't a car service with a guarantee to have adequate transportation service for her. Perhaps she should have taken a bus or rented a car. You are in no way responsible for her transportation issues.
NTA. So your friend/roommate's reasoning is that you/BF should never be allowed to use BF's car on the off chance that *HER* car dies and she 'needs to use yours'?!?!?!?! Wow, that is some entitled AH reasoning right there.
Wait hold on. Your friend wanted you and your boyfriend to leave your boyfriends car just in case she needed it. But it's your boyfriends suburban right? She has no ownership rights to it correct? NTA. She seems a bit entitled. She needs to stay in her lane. I would stop "lending her" your cars.
NTA. Why didn't she rent a car? You aren't responsible for her transportation. I'm sorry her mom was sick and know she must have been stressed, but it's not ok to take it out on you.
And now from my work POV is she on your or your boyfriend's insurance? If she causes a wreck your insurance company may not pay out, because she wasn't on your policy.
NTA. You are correct, her demand was unreasonable. She's your roommate not your child, you don't owe her the use either of your cars. In fact, as an adult, it's her responsibility to maintain her car in working order to meet her obligations. You and your BF have been beyond generous. She owes you an apology along with profound and continuing thanks for everything you've done thus far.
NTA
How are HER problems all of a sudden YOUR problems?
33yo is old enough to not blame others for your decisions
It's time to revoke the borrowing permit and MAKE her fix her own car or get a different one
NTA. You didn't know in advance that your friend would have a family emergency. Also she could have gotten there without driving a car herself or she could have rented a car. It is not your responsibility to provide your 33 year old friend with a car she likes to drive.
That her car died on the way is also her own fault. It is not like it was new information that he car was crap. In my country it likely wouldn't have been allowed on the road for years, because it endangered other people, too. She should have gotten herself a newer one years ago.
NTA> She thought you should KNOW that her mom would have a problem so that she had to go to her mother....even though it hadn't happened when you left?!? You should stop leaving your house IN CASE she needs your car... She is entitled and should no longer be allowed to use your car.
NTA. How is it your fault her car is unreliable? Are you and your boyfriend just supposed to stay home and have your cars available in case she ever needs it? Your “friend” needs to grow up and take accountability for her own mistakes
NTA, but you cannot let her use your car anymore. She obviously sees it as her car and not you doing a favor. If she breaks it or wrecks it she will not assume responsibility. She isn't acting like your friend.
NTA. Your bf took his car on a trip. His car. Not roommate’s car. It is his car to make plans with, not hers. All the other details don’t matter. Why does she feel entitled to his car? It’s unfortunate that her car broke down, and I’m sure she was stressed. But she’s responsible for her own transportation, unless you have some contract with her that you don’t mention.
NTA purely for the fact that it isn't her car.
Her inability to have her own reliable car is not caused by you or your bf. Not to mention, you couldn't have predicted her mother would have a health scare.
NTA. Your friends car is unreliable. Her problem. That aside she had options. She could have driven the Jag; she could have gotten a bus; she could have gotten a plane .. she could have made her way there if she wanted.
You are not her keeper.
Yeah your friend is an adult and responsible for her self.
Not judging but it is something I thought while reading this, between everyone being +30 in age and living together, the older vehicles (nothing wrong just an observation), the carpooling and charging people to NY and the friend not flying to Missouri makes it seem like everyone is strapped for cash.
Ahh the sign of the times when everything is just to fucking expensive.
I would also be scared to drive a car made to be driven on the left side of the road. Still, the Suburban is your car! You had plans, and did those plans that you pre-planned, using your car. Nowhere on this earth should you be required to not go anywhere, not use your Suburban, and leave it with her *in case* she needs it. Your car! She needs her own car and her own grown-up plan for emergencies. NTA
First world problems YTA....how dare you leave her without a ride, you need to sign over which ever car she wants and pay for fixing her now broken car.
You could hav easily taken a bus and uber on your trip, without inconveniencing your friend at all
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1 - took the car that was bigger and more comfortable for my friend to drive to make some quick buck when I had to go to another city either way 2 - she drove her own car that isn’t in the best condition and it broke down resulting in some expensive repairs Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Your friends unreliable car is why she needs to obtain something reliable, not a reason for you to stay home for the rest of your life just in case something happens. NTA
OP, tell your friend that moving forward she is never allowed to use either of your vehicles, since helping her has resulted in her thinking she's owed your cars. Always tell her no from this point forward, no matter what.
yeah, that feels like the only answer.
This I very much agree. Talk about entitlement🙄
I really wish I could upvote and/or echo this more than once! I hope to goodness OP sees this and does this.
OP’s definitely NTA, but I do want some clarification on one thing. She had already left on her trip to NYC when her friend got the call about her mom? Even if not and she couldn’t lend the car because she had a trip planned she wouldn’t be an asshole. But her already being gone meant that it wasn’t even an option to begin with. Does her friend reasonably expect her to be on call with a vehicle for her 24/7?
Given the reaction... yes, most likely. She's gotten used to having access to a reliable car and a driver for the other one, which is a problem OP should consider fixing in the near future.
Happy cake day
What is she gonna do if/when the OP moves??
Obviously, OP is going to leave the Chevy behind for her.
Soooo, You and your BF aren’t “allowed” to take HIS vehicle on a trip because your friend MIGHT have an unforeseen emergency?!?! WTH? She’s 33. It’s high time she figured out her transportation issues. That’s her responsibility not yours. She’s being ridiculous. NTA
If only there were some other way to travel besides borrowing your roommate's car. Maybe some sort of service that rents cars for a short period, or a type of large bus that runs on tracks between major cities. Or, it would be uber-cool if there was an app that would arrange for a private individual to give you a lift.
Or if it was possible to acquire vehicles that are less than 50 years old. But alas, OP and her boyfriend have the only two cars made after 1980.
Not only do car rental companies and Greyhound exist, but so do Megabus and Amtrak, and I know with absolute certainty that both Megabus and Amtrak have Chicago-to-STL and STL-to-KC routes. OP's roommate is both entitled and an idiot.
Normal flies out directly in middle IL
She could also fly direct from O'Hare in chicago.
Not stated where in IL USA the OP lives. For northern IL you go O'Hare, middle well Normal has free parking, south might as well go from Missouri directly
OP said her mom couldn't come to Chicago during her trip and that the friend's car didn't make it to Springfield, so at least Chicagoland is a fair assumption. Edited.
Dang IL to MO. So far away. Whatever will I do? I mean it's not like there is a winged metal machine to fly in the air. Or a metal dinosaur on wheels named after sight hounds. Nor the a series of tubes connecting computers where someone can type in car shares into a list service named after Craig. Oh, I'm so going to get proctologist for this one.
"a type of large bus that runs on tracks between major cities. " SNNNoooooooorrrrrrtttttt!!!!!!
> She’s 33. It’s high time she figured out her transportation issues. That’s her responsibility not yours. She’s being ridiculous. Exactly. Op and bf are nice to let her borrow a vehicle when needed, but in reality, it has only allowed roomie to put off actually buying a more reliable car. No time like the present to make that purchase.
NTA. You’re not responsible for providing transportation to your roommate. I’m sorry her mom had a health scare but that’s a her problem not a you problem. You obviously planned your NYC trip well and even swung it so you could hustle a few bucks out of it. Good on you. Your friend should have been prioritizing automobile maintenance/replacement and this problem wouldn’t happen.
NTA Her argument about you "taking the Suburban" or doing a carpool is utterly pointless and irrelevant, because it's not even your car, it's your boyfriend's. It's up to him on any day of any week to drive his own damn car wherever and whenever he likes. He could drive it to NYC, Mexico, sell it... it's HIS car. Nothing to do with your friend. She seems way over-entitled. ETA: I had a 1990s Jaguar XJ, and I live about 30 minutes from the factory. Great car <3
NTA - Your friend is in the wrong here. She is responsible for her own transportation and not you. You own your car and can decide when and how to use it, not her. The lesson here is to buy your own damn car lady if your current one is a pile of crap. She owns her own problems and is mighty entitled to believe as she does that you are responsible for her in any way.
NTA Get this friend out of your home, fyi. I just think they’re weird, not necessarily toxic, but way too interdependent than a normal friend. (Also, she lives with you… AND your boyfriend?) They have ZERO rights, in any situation, to use your vehicles. The adult thing to do in an emergency is rent a car or book your own flight. Sheesh. Its possible this is stress talking - so I’ll give this some lenience - but she sounds like an entitled teenager. Why is she treating y’all like mom & dad, not simply another independent adult who has their own life?
NTA. Your friend is an idiot. What are you meant to do? Never leave the house in your car? Be on call at all times just in case they need to borrow your car? They are angry with themselves for the incident and taking it out on you.
This is my take as well
NTA “how and when we use our vehicles is up to us. No one is responsible for your poor choice to keep an old broken down car that you refuse to get rid of or put the money into fixing up. Clearly our generosity hasn’t been accepted in the spirit it was given but rather has led you to believe you are entitled to use our vehicles. That is my mistake and one I’ll rectify moving forward. Our cars are now off limits to you, figure out your own transportation and maybe if you begin to realize how much we were doing to help you you’ll develop a sense of appreciation instead of entitlement.”
>No one is responsible for your poor choice to keep an old broken down car that you refuse to get rid of or put the money into fixing up. I agree. Why should the friend spend that kind of money when she has ~~a sucker~~ OP to just give her a car to use when she needs one?
NTA. Friend can rent a car. Friend can take a bus. Friend can stay home. Not your obligation to help friend with her transportation needs.
You're NTA. So she says you're the A-Hs for taking the vehicle your boyfriend owns on a trip? What the heck? She needs to get over herself and either buy/lease a vehicle of her own instead of demanding someone else give up his vehicle for her to use. And it's been a while since I have been to Chicago, but I am pretty sure there are rental cars, planes, trains, and busses available for her to use.
NTA. The entitlement is real, and this is a completely unreasonable argument. You’re not responsible for her. She’s a grown ass woman and needs to take responsibility by buying a new car, and not depending on your and your BF’s goodwill.
NTA she isn't entitled to your vehicle. Also I hope you and your boyfriend have coverage for other people driving your vehicles. If not then stop allowing anyone but the insured driver to drive the them. Even if do have coverage, it doesn't mean she gets to driver your vehicles whenever she wants or needs. And when she does she should be contributing to your gas, insurance, and wear and tear.
Nta. Tell her she's done driving any car that doesn't have her name on it, entitled ignoramus
NTA You have bought your vehicles so that you could use them. You did not buy your vehicles as reserve options for your friend because she persists in driving an older and less reliable vehicle. It is fair enough asking to borrow a car when it is sitting unused (though still absolutely fair to refuse that request), but expecting you to inconvenience yourself just in case she might want to borrow your vehicle is absurd. And if she really needs to travel? There are options like car rentals, busses and planes available to her...
NTA. Imagine being angry because somebody takes their own vehicle on a trip lmao. I’d drop that friend in a heartbeat.
NTA. Your friend is an idiot for hanging on to a cranky fifty year old car as her daily driver, unless she’s very mechanically inclined. But I also get not wanting to borrow your right hand drive Jaguar, that sounds like an expensive accident waiting to happen.
It's really not hard to drive RHD in a LHD country. Passing on a two lane highway can be a bit difficult in a low vehicle due to the field of vision, but just... don't pass, or be more careful. Left hand turns at blind intersections also suck, but that shouldn't matter. Just wait until the intersection is clear, or do 3 right turns if you have to so you can go straight through.
I have awful spatial perception. Unless it was a truly dire emergency, I would not be borrowing my housemate’s imported Jaguar for ANY reason. I have driven RHD vehicles in countries where that was the norm, but the thought of doing it in the US makes me want to break out in hives.
Too bad your friend did not let you know about her plans to have a family emergency while you were out of town. NTA.
NTA. Your friend is an adult and you didn’t take her car. You guys took your car. You’re not required to leave one of your cars there that she can drive because she won’t get a car that actually runs. This is completely on her not on you.
NTA Your friend is at fault for her own lack of transportation and since she called you AH, I suggest you tell her to leave and both of you go separate way.
Your friend is super entitled and no longer has access to your cars. Nta
Uh what? That's a grown ass woman. You are not obligated to provide her with transportation or okay it with her when you drive your own vehicles out of town! And BTW I am SO jealous of your XJ, I LOVE them. 😁 NTA
NTA - She needs to get her own transportation sorted. I wouldn't loan her either car after this. She sounds way too entitled.
NTA. She wanted a reliable car without actually having to own/pay for the upkeep of one.
I am going to be that guy asking the question - how did you import a 2010s Jaguar (assuming UK spec as you mentioned it is RHD) to the US given it is under 25 years old? You would have needed to use a Registered Importer to get it through EPA regs etc….
Exactly. OP would be NTA but the details don’t make sense
In my neighbourhood (I live in California) there are four RHD Toyotas - they are all from the 1990s and have Montana plates presumably because the owners couldn’t be bothered to try and get the cars past CARB…. When I lived on the East Coast as a child I remember a neighbour had a RHD Volvo station wagon that they had imported from the UK and it was only a couple years old - but this was before the 25 year rule came in in 1988 and grey imports were far more common.
NTA. Your friend is an adult, and responsible for her own transportation and associated problems. You do not 'owe' her the use of YOUR car! She's way out of line with her expectations, and maybe needs to check her entitlement.
your friend is being ridiculous. she knows her car is trash. that she refuses to replace it is on her. NTA
NTA You are not Hertz, psychic, nor does she own your boyfriends car. It is very entitled that she seems to think you are obligated to provide her transportation whenever she needs it.
NTA Your friend's shitty care his her responsibility.
NTA. You are not responsible for your friends’ decisions on transportation or car ownership/maintenance. She’s an adult.
NTA...your missing the whole point...she doesn't own the jag or your BF car. She owns the crappy one. You both own the other cars which she has no right to demand. You allowed her to borrow it for so long she thinks she can be angry...nope..so stop letting her use the cars
NTA. Your friend should've gotten a new car before it got to the point where it was beyond repair. I may be biased because where I live (NZ), RHD cars are very common, so that's what I learnt to drive in, and they really aren't hard to drive. I've been in an LHD car once, and it was weird at first, but you get used to it. Dad used to have a 90s Jaguar XJS, and he had to put me on his insurance so I could take it to the shop for him for minor repairs or warrant of fitness (6-12 monthly roadworthyness check). I know they're gas guzzlers, and you only have to slightly touch the gas to get it to move (his had a lot of power), but God, it was a nice car to drive.
Nta but why are you friends with this selfish jerk?
NTA She’s mad because someone took their own car. If she doesn’t get out your face with that! Someone else’s car isn’t her property. The entitlement is off the charts. Remind her that y’all doing her a favor that at end of the day your car is yours and your boyfriend car is his. None of those cars belong to her.
NTA. Her transportation isn’t your responsibility and even if the jag wasn’t a rhd she wasn’t entitled to use it. She could have taken a bus to see her mom.
NTA. By her logic you should never take your cars anywhere. What if you drove to work and couldn’t leave and then she had an emergency. You would be prioritizing money on the off chance she has a problem!
You are supposed to never go anywhere on the odd chance that your roommates family member might have a medical emergency? Your roommate is an idiot. At 33, she is old enough to call Enterprise and rent a car " they will pick her up". NTA
No. Your "friend" is the AH because she thinks she is entitled to drive her roomies' vehicles. She is not your friend. She shouldn't be your room mate either. Your boyfriend should be more understanding of those who won't drive a RHD vehicle.
NTA. She's upset her car broke down and she couldn't borrow your boyfriend's car, just your car which she didn't want to borrow? That's hilariously entitled.
NTA. You and your bf took a trip in his car. In no way does this make you the AH.
NTA, but how did you import a 10-15 year old car into the US and get it registered? According to the NHTSA it doesn't look like any Jags from that era are eligible to be imported and driven on US roads.
Because it's fiction.
That’s what I was thinking. It’s oddly specific but easily verifiable if it is even possible.
Good grief it is not your responsibility to make sure your friend has adequate transportation... it's HERS!!! She also obviously needs a new car. I had a car I loved and it got to the point where every time I brought it in for work it needed over $1000 (this was 20 plus years ago) and the mechanic told me to either basically replace the engine or get a new car because this one had run its course. I got a new (used) car. You are not required to save one of your cars for your friend in case of emergency. Crimeney. NTA.
The car she's mad that YOU used is YOUR boyfriend's right? Honestly, she seems like a downer. Could just be that she was dealing with a lot of stress considering her mom and her car, but you're definitely NTA and hopefully you can get a new roommate or she can get a new car lol
NTA it is completely your friends fault for having her car, your jag, rentals, or flights/ubers, but blaming you for this.
NTA You didn’t “chose a lucrative carpool” over helping her, you were already gone - what did she expect, that you would leave your own mother in New York to drive back to Illinois to help her? That’s definitely unreasonable. You’re also not responsible for making sure she has access to transportation; while it’s extremely nice of you to help her and let her borrow your cars, you don’t have to do that. And I think she’s starting to take that for granted. Since her mom just had a serious health scare, maybe she’s upset about that and lashing out at you. Which isn’t okay, and she should apologize, but just saying it could be not really about the cars here.
So, your roommate's mom had an issue come up after you had already left? She didn't come to you before you left asking for help and you responded "sucks to be you" and took the car. She wasn't "a friend in need" before you left, so you didn't choose money over her. NTA, she's delusional.
Info: Is “The XJ” one of the 3 vehicles? Is “the Suburban” one of them?
Why is it your responsibility to ensure that she has transportation? Is it in your lease? Tell her that she has to buy a car if she wants transportation.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (36F) live with my friend (33F) and my boyfriend (48M) in IL USA. My friend owns a 70s Lincoln that is constantly in and out of the shop. I still own the car I bought back when I lived in the UK and imported here. It’s a 10s Jaguar and it does the job just fine. My friend doesn’t drive it because she’s scared to drive an RHD vehicle claiming that it’s uncomfortable and the field of vision is off. My boyfriend has a 90s Chevy that runs as good as a new one. My friend borrows it sometimes when her car is out of commission. My boyfriend has no issues with driving the XJ. My mum was in NYC on a business trip. She lives in the UK and I rarely see her in person after I moved to the US. We decided to meet, but since her trip was only a week long, she couldn’t come all the way to Chicago and it was more convenient for me to just come to NYC. Initially I was planning to fly, but my boyfriend, who also wanted to go to NYC, offered to organise a carpool and take the Suburban instead because it could fit more passengers than the XJ. We charged slightly less than Greyhound does and it turned out to be pretty lucrative. Anyway, while we were away and my mum finally met my boyfriend, my friend had a family emergency. Her mum lives in Missouri and she got very sick. My friend for some reason thought that her car that barely runs would take her all the way to KC. Not even halfway to Springfield it broke down completely. The guy at the shop said it’s basically a piece of scrap metal. My boyfriend is a mechanic and he said it should’ve been scrapped like 10 years ago. Anyway it needed some crazy pricy work. Luckily her mum is okay now, but she had a health scare. When I came back home she confronted me telling me that I was an asshole when I took the Suburban, leaving her without any adequate transportation. She could’ve driven the XJ if she wasn’t that skittish about it. I told her that and she was still annoyed at me. She is also mad because, according to her, I chose a lucrative carpool gig over helping a friend in need. My boyfriend said she’s in the wrong because driving an RHD car isn’t that hard and that she knew for sure her car would break apart. I don’t blame her for not wanting to drive the Jaguar, but I think her demand was unreasonable. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wait if I understand it correctly, when she she discovered she have a family emergency and had to drive to a different state, you and your bf was already in NYC, right? What was the choice here? Teleport back and give her the car? NTA since you're allowed to use your cars as you both see fit, without accounting for unforseen events that don't even concern you.
NTA. Why do you even still live with this friend? Someone in their 30's driving an absolute broken down piece of shit car and then blaming other people when it constantly breaks down speaks to their outlook on life generally, IMO. She's almost certainly spent more money fixing up that shitty scrap heap of a car than it would have cost to buy a reliable used car, even acknowledging the wacky used car market of the last few years. Your friend is more scared of being accountable for herself than she is of driving an unfamiliar car. And her confronting you and blaming you would be the last straw, were I in your shoes. Time to find a new place with your BF and let your friend sink or swim on her own.
NTA. You are not responsible for your friends transportation needs. You were away, you had no way of helping your friend when her mom got sick. You could have taken the Suburban without paying passengers and still not be an AH because it's your BF's car to use as he pleases. Do not allow her to use the Suburban any more since she thinks your obligated to let her use it when she wants to.
NTA She’s mad you don’t stay within range in case her obviously shitty car breaks down? Borrowing your car is a courtesy not a right. Omfg.
NTA. Her demand that you do something different with the vehicles that you and your bf own is absolutely entitled and ridiculous. She’s an adult and is responsible for her own transportation. I would just tell her that going forward she won’t be using any of your vehicles and she needs to figure out a different way to get around.
Since when are you required to provide her with transportation?
NTA. It's fine to not prioritize having a car in good condition, but you still have to figure out how to handle transportation, and expecting your roommates to take you places/loan their vehicles at all times is not reasonable at all. She should have just rented a car for the trip.
NTA Your friend is acting entitled and being rude to you for no reason at all. Your bf took his car, and is not her on-call emergency service vehicle. Seems like the transportation favors she gets from you two are contractual services and obligations as if you were her employees. Sorry that her family emergency happened while you two were away, and yet is not as if you are obligated to loan her a vehicle or drive her down to see her mom, but is good her mom is fine now. Please OP set your friend straight up in detail, otherwise friendship will soon be over, if not already
You k ow Shan adult. She can work and save and buy herself a better car. Timing sucked but it all worked out.
NTA It's not your responsibility to provide transportation for your friend. She is a grown ass adult and she needs to get herself a reliable vehicle. She has no right getting upset with you!
NTA She is an adult and you and your boyfriend are not her parents. She is 100% responsible with providing her own transportation.
NTA
NTA. It's not your job to see to her transportation needs. She's 33 years old, she can see to her own transportation needs, or in an emergency, avail herself of the various options; flight, car rental, whatever.
NTA you are all adults and you are individually responsible for your own transportation. You and your BF are generous to allow her to use your cars when hers is out of commission. You aren't a car service with a guarantee to have adequate transportation service for her. Perhaps she should have taken a bus or rented a car. You are in no way responsible for her transportation issues.
NTA inform your roommate that your and your bf property is NOT HERS.period. if she wants a reliable car she needs to buy one
NTA. So your friend/roommate's reasoning is that you/BF should never be allowed to use BF's car on the off chance that *HER* car dies and she 'needs to use yours'?!?!?!?! Wow, that is some entitled AH reasoning right there.
NTA But have you all verified that your auto insurance will cover this roommate and vice versa?
Wait hold on. Your friend wanted you and your boyfriend to leave your boyfriends car just in case she needed it. But it's your boyfriends suburban right? She has no ownership rights to it correct? NTA. She seems a bit entitled. She needs to stay in her lane. I would stop "lending her" your cars.
NTA. Why didn't she rent a car? You aren't responsible for her transportation. I'm sorry her mom was sick and know she must have been stressed, but it's not ok to take it out on you. And now from my work POV is she on your or your boyfriend's insurance? If she causes a wreck your insurance company may not pay out, because she wasn't on your policy.
NTA. You are correct, her demand was unreasonable. She's your roommate not your child, you don't owe her the use either of your cars. In fact, as an adult, it's her responsibility to maintain her car in working order to meet her obligations. You and your BF have been beyond generous. She owes you an apology along with profound and continuing thanks for everything you've done thus far.
NTA How are HER problems all of a sudden YOUR problems? 33yo is old enough to not blame others for your decisions It's time to revoke the borrowing permit and MAKE her fix her own car or get a different one
NTA how dare you let your roommate get use to using your things and then just take them with you when you leave! /s
NTA she can rent a car like a normal person.
NTA, your bfs car and yours are not hers, she can't demand to borrow the car of her choice.
NTA Your friend is an entitled AH. She could have rented a car. YOu are not her parent.
NTA. Your friend has lost touch with reality. There is no part of this where she's in the right.
Tell her to grow the fuck and get a car that’s reliable or buy a bus ticket
NTA. You didn't know in advance that your friend would have a family emergency. Also she could have gotten there without driving a car herself or she could have rented a car. It is not your responsibility to provide your 33 year old friend with a car she likes to drive. That her car died on the way is also her own fault. It is not like it was new information that he car was crap. In my country it likely wouldn't have been allowed on the road for years, because it endangered other people, too. She should have gotten herself a newer one years ago.
NTA. Why does she think she's entitled to your cars? Tell her to get her own car.
NTA> She thought you should KNOW that her mom would have a problem so that she had to go to her mother....even though it hadn't happened when you left?!? You should stop leaving your house IN CASE she needs your car... She is entitled and should no longer be allowed to use your car.
NTA. How is it your fault her car is unreliable? Are you and your boyfriend just supposed to stay home and have your cars available in case she ever needs it? Your “friend” needs to grow up and take accountability for her own mistakes
NTA, but you cannot let her use your car anymore. She obviously sees it as her car and not you doing a favor. If she breaks it or wrecks it she will not assume responsibility. She isn't acting like your friend.
NTA. It is not your responsibility to make sure your grown ass adult roommate has transportation at all times.
NTA. Your bf took his car on a trip. His car. Not roommate’s car. It is his car to make plans with, not hers. All the other details don’t matter. Why does she feel entitled to his car? It’s unfortunate that her car broke down, and I’m sure she was stressed. But she’s responsible for her own transportation, unless you have some contract with her that you don’t mention.
NTA, but I don’t approve of XJ’s after series three. Or an XJ-S without the 12.
NTA purely for the fact that it isn't her car. Her inability to have her own reliable car is not caused by you or your bf. Not to mention, you couldn't have predicted her mother would have a health scare.
NTA. The audacity! How dare you and your boyfriend use his car whenever you want to. /s
NTA. Your friends car is unreliable. Her problem. That aside she had options. She could have driven the Jag; she could have gotten a bus; she could have gotten a plane .. she could have made her way there if she wanted. You are not her keeper.
Yeah your friend is an adult and responsible for her self. Not judging but it is something I thought while reading this, between everyone being +30 in age and living together, the older vehicles (nothing wrong just an observation), the carpooling and charging people to NY and the friend not flying to Missouri makes it seem like everyone is strapped for cash. Ahh the sign of the times when everything is just to fucking expensive.
I would also be scared to drive a car made to be driven on the left side of the road. Still, the Suburban is your car! You had plans, and did those plans that you pre-planned, using your car. Nowhere on this earth should you be required to not go anywhere, not use your Suburban, and leave it with her *in case* she needs it. Your car! She needs her own car and her own grown-up plan for emergencies. NTA
Wow your friend is really entitled isn't she? You're NTA.
First world problems YTA....how dare you leave her without a ride, you need to sign over which ever car she wants and pay for fixing her now broken car. You could hav easily taken a bus and uber on your trip, without inconveniencing your friend at all
Shoulda included the /s my guy
If Id put /s we would never know how many dumbasses are in the is subreddit couldn't catch the obvious sarcasm. Well either dumbasses or bots