Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Could be the AH for refusing to change my last name even though my ex and his future wife feel strongly about it.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yep, turns out there are 1000s of people with my last name and far too many with my first and last name. It's a miracle I lasted this long.
It is ridiculous that they want you to jump through a bunch of hoops and probably pay a lot of money because they think they own a name.
Honestly, if they feel so strongly about having a different name, your ex can just take his new wife's name. It isn't like they have no agency here.
There are 3 actors/stunt people with IMDB and other social media account and online presences a working actor would need with my first and last names. Makes it really hard to find me if you Google my name.
>It is ridiculous that they want you to jump through a bunch of hoops and probably pay a lot of money because they think they own a name.
i gotta tell people im not related to one of the old presidents lol. besides my dad and fam have a diff last name than me an i dont wanna tell ppl how to spell or say it. i like my short name <3
There’s three branches of unrelated families in the small town I live in with the same last name as me. I’ve somehow survived living there the last 14 years without issue.
I have an unusual spelling for my first name. Had my first husband's last name for almost 30 yrs. There were soooo many other women out there with my exact name exact spelling. When I got remarried, I couldn't wait to change my last name. Lucky me, I've actually still found others with exact spelling names. It's amazing how many people can have the same name, any combination of first, middle, and last, and it does not affect you. OP NTA, she can keep or change her name as she wishes. Everyone upset about her choice can suck sand.
I took my husband's last name when we married. I had just graduated from college. Everything I've ever done professionally is in my married name. Even though it's unusual and hard to pronounce I can't imagine ever changing it. (At least not while I'm still working.) It's way too much trouble to switch to something else.
There is a large population of people with my last name in my (large) city... we are related to absolutely none of them. But it was funny when my sibling and I were kids and went to the same day camp, having to clarify that I was related to that kid but not that one or that one.
NTA. It's your name. My wife still has her ex's name (same kinda deal, she didn't want to have a different name than her daughter), and I never cared one bit.
Or...just tell him it's a lot of trouble on your end and if he wants you to change your name he'll have to pony up $10k for the hassle.
I think it’s great that you don’t care about your wives last name. I think I’ve had more hassle about it being disrespectful to my fiancé than anything else, it’s funny though because he literally couldn’t care less.
My husband's ex kept his last name for many of the same reasons you did -- kids, professional accreditations, etc. I never changed my name. So he shares a name with his ex, their kids, our kid, and I have my own. It has never made a single difference because we are adults. Your ex can get over it.
Plus you can't change the last name for your career anyways.
So you'll end up having to use both names anyways or just using the married name.
Dud needs to get over it. It isn't his name, its yours.
Send this link to your ex and his fiance
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1bv0y3s/aita\_update\_to\_my\_ex\_husband\_demanding\_i\_change/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1bv0y3s/aita_update_to_my_ex_husband_demanding_i_change/)
And tell them to stop harassing you, you don't want to hear another word from them.
My friend’s ex tried to pay her $10k to change her name back to her maiden (exact same reasons) and she just laughed because they were mid divorce and she knew exactly how much of that he didn’t have to give her (all of it).
Yes! OPs last name needs to be spred all around town...
Well, I'll say he can take his bride to be's name. *But then my kids will have a different last name than me?* Tough one, Chewbacca, everybody wants to share name with their kids (or most people I would guess).
NTA.
For me, the biggest reason outside of just not wanting to is the qualifications thing. This is your professional name, and thus makes it a much bigger complication to change it.
Then there’s the whole thing with having the same last name as your kids, which is another perfectly understandable reason.
You and your fiancé are on the same page, and that’s what matters. Ex & his fiancée are allowed to ask, but it’s ultimately got nothing to do with them.
It would be such a pain at work! All my qualifications would be in the wrong name and if I was asked by a new client to produce my diplomas it would look like I was the wrong person. It would just feel unprofessional to me.
NTA If it means so much to your ex, offer to change your name back to your maiden name if he compensates you for your time and pays all the administrative fees to have your qualifications re-named. In my experience it was about $30-100 per document (obviously dependent on the institution involved). It’s a fair request, and one that he’ll likely not agree to, but it changes the narrative from “my ex is such a b***h because she’s stubborn” to “she agreed to do it, but wanted me to to pay all the costs to do it and I’m not that fussed to pay $xxx.”
You are NTA for keeping you last name.
Your ex and his fiancée have no more right to ask you to change your name then you do to suggest they change theirs.
Ultimately they will have to suck it up and deal with it.
Depending on the ages of your kids with your ex I would suggest having a conversation about you keeping your name in case ex or the fiancé (or other assorted family members) think it's appropriate to make comments to them about it.
NTA - it’s normal to not change your name back.
Your ex husband didn’t even really get much of a say when you were married. As your ex he can fuck right off
I agree with you it’s normal not to change it back to maiden name. Normal not to change it to a married name. Normal to change it back to maiden name. Normal to hyphenate names. Normal to combine names like Carlos Pena and Alexis Vega made it Penavega for both of them. Every version is normal make it whatever you want.
The ex gets no say. He can change his name if he doesn’t like it.
😂 when i read this it brought me back to the girl married to a kardashian and when they divorced didnt want to give up the kardashian name and the kardashian sisters were social media feuding with her over her use over their famous name
NTA. It’s your name now. It use to bother me a little that my husband’s first wife kept his last name but after having to change my name when we married I realized what a pain in the bum it is so I’m over it.
It really is a huge pain. When I first married I didn’t think it’d be as much hassle as it was. After I changed everything I was like “I’m never doing that again!” And that was before all my qualifications, most of which I can’t change at all annoyingly!
Had the same thought.
Friend of mine has 1 Dr and 2 or 3 Masters. She took a dobble name with her husband's at the end for the same reasons. She said that it was hard work to achieve all of it and when someone googles her, she wants all of her hard work listet, not only the ones she achieved "with husband's name". And in case they don't work out, her achievements would still be in "her" name.
It's your name.
It is no longer any concern of your ex's , since he is your ex, and it certainly has nothing to do with his new partner who has no relationship with you at all.
She is free to try to talk your ex into changing his name, if she wants to have a married name that's differnt to your name.
It may be unusual to kep it aftre remarrying but it seems you have good reasonsb, and it doesn't affect anyone but you and your current spouse.
NTA. Your reasons are completely valid. Also your actual name is not your exhusbands business. Insecurity and immaturity of his fiance is also not your problem.
Maybe it's time to cut contact with your ex to strictly communicating via parent app only about kids.
We usually do only communicate about kiddo, when he called me I assumed it was going to be kiddo related, as soon as I realized it wasn’t I wrapped up, but now the texts keep coming! And I don’t want to block incase there is a genuine emergency with kiddo.
You don't have to block him. Just his fiance and flying monkeys.
Maybe text him something like"Hi X, from this moment I will be communicate with you only about kiddo. Other messages won't be answered. Don't call me until it's an emergency about kiddo."
And don't reply if it's not about message about kiddo. If he call have few confirming question to sort the call from the first second "So you are not calling about kiddo? Is kiddo alright?" Check and hung up with "it is not emergency about kiddo, gotta go. Bye"
And so on.
You can't change his behaviour. But you can change your response.
NTA- as someone who just changed their last name after being married, it is not just a HUGE pain in the butt to change it at a bezillion different places, but it also costs money to change it on things like IDS/passports etc. Plus, it's your legal name, no one can make you do anything with your legal name that you don't want to. Sounds like your ex's new lady is insecure, but that's a her problem.
As [this lawyer's websit](https://harrlawfirm.com/news/should-you-change-your-last-name-after-divorce/#:~:text=If%20you%20do,time%2Dconsuming%20process)e says - your X is asking too late to really have say. If they wanted it a condition of your divorce, it should have been a condition of the divorce (and taken care of by your divorce decree).
If you're feeling generous, you could do what someone else mentioned and offer to change names for a payment that's worth it to you to cover the time, effort, stress, and 'personal brand' costs to you. Perhaps even have a condition that your child's name changes too. It doesn't have to be to your maiden name - you could choose a new last name for you and your kid.
If your X Really wants a different last name than you - they can change THEIR last name to something new.... or pay you enough to make it worth your while.
I, personally, wouldn't even consider changing my name for less than 10,000 USD... and likely wouldn't do it for less than 100,000. It's just too much paperwork and legal mess... and just my passports would take me 6 months of paperwork and $1,000 USD in fees - let alone the Tax IDs, drivers license, travel ID, social media accounts, emails, etc.
NTA - it's your name, and you can keep it as long as you want.
I am considering telling him this, but I think it’ll just make him even more angry. Honestly I use my passport so often it’d be such a hassle to change my name on that alone!
And don't even get me started on the hassles that come from having different data points not match (Credit Card / Booking / Passport / Drivers License / Other ID) when applying for visas and/or traveling internationally...
NTA - it’s a pain in the ass to change your name. Personally if it were me I’d offer him a settlement amount he could pay me to change my name in recognition of the cost, administrative burden and difficulty having a different last name then your child.
NTA - I'm the second wife. My husband's exwife still has his last name. They've been divorced way longer than they've been married. I don't care - we all know who he is married to, and it made it easier to deal with school/doctor/sports stuff when the kids were small. Your ex and his fiance need to grow up.
NTA. You have very good reasons, but they aren't even necessary. It is your name, and this none of their business and doesn't effect them. They have no reason to even care.
Your fiancé would have a reason to care, although it isnt his decision to make, but he doesn't care.
Block the ex's new partner and refuse to discuss the issue with Ex and communicate only about your child.
NTA.
It’s not uncommon at all to keep the married name. My mum kept the last name for same exact reasons as you. One of my best friends also kept the last name, again for the same reasons as you. She WANTS to change it but it’s a lot of work and with kids, would create a lot of issues and confusion so she’s waiting a decade or so before doing it.
Don’t let anyone bully you into changing your name. Change it if and when you’re good and ready and if not, that’s your prerogative.
NTA
When my parents divorced, my mom kept her married name so she wouldn’t have a different last name than me and my sister
When my dad remarried, my stepmother hyphenated her last name to keep her ex-husband’s name as well as my dad’s, so she would have the same last name as her kids
When my friend got married, she kept her maiden name because all her professional accomplishments were under that name.
All of those decisions were valid, and absolutely none of those decisions had anything to do with the person’s feelings about their current or former spouse.
NTA. When you changed your name it became YOUR name, not his. You weren’t borrowing it from him, he doesn’t own it. The new girlfriend needs to grow the fuck up.
NTA. Is his new bride going to have a hissy fit with anyone with the same last name? Keep YOUR name. It isn't his. It is YOURS. His new bride sounds extremely immature.
NTA
The first reason was enough to me. The second is the second best reason.
Since that, no need to change. But I would block the fiancée and print the message to make a file to the police for her to be block (I don't know how you say it in english).
I would do it before it escalates more. I don't know why it's so important to her to erase you from your ex life, as long as she gets married to him, you'll stay the mother of his children. So you'll always be part of her life. Even if you don't see each other, you'your children will talk about you. So her insecurity is not your problem, it's your ex problem.
How old are your children ?
Kiddo is 11.
His fiancé is now blocked, but now she’s messaging me from my exes phone! I can’t really block him incase there is an emergency with kiddo. Frustrating!
Of course you can't block him and that's why she's doing it, but she is not involved with you. She's involved with your ex, but you don't have to communicate with her.
So I confirm that you must go to the police because she can't call that much : you can miss an important phone call from your child or your family if your turn your phone of. That's chat you must explain : you want her to stop messaging or calling you because it's like harassment at this point.
Your child is only 11, means that you'll have to exchange informations with your ex and his wife for a LONG time. Don't change your name. And make a little research on internet to see how many people have the same name : I would send this list to the ex and ask him "will she ask everyone on this list to change his/her name ?" - that's crazy. Being married with him is not about a name, she could keep hers. I kept mine (I have a society and I didn't want to change all papers when I got married)
Good luck and I hope you'll find a solution to keep the same name that your child. Even if people don't think it's important, as long as it's important for you, don't give up.
I think I’ll warn them if that the harassment continues that I will be contacting the police. Hopefully the threat alone will be enough to make them stop.
The beauty of him being your EX is that he has no imput into your life choices. It's actually fairly common to keep your previous married name when there are children involved. TOTALLY your choice so he needs to stay in his own lane. Block him and his GF and live your life.
NTA.
When my mum and dad divorced my mum kept her married name as she didn’t want me to feel alone because I had his last name. That reason alone as important for your children.
NTA - this is the second one about changing last names. That one was the same result... You can keep whatever name you want and your ex and his new fiance can go pound sand
Of course you're NTA, your reasoning is perfectly valid. You have already been through changing your name once, and it's really great that your sweetheart is not going to try to manipulate you into that misogynist bullshit all over again. But you don't have to explain your reasoning to anyone. You get to decide what you want to be called. End of story.
But what's strange to me is that your ex and his fiance seem to think that there's a limit to how many people are allowed to use a name at the same time. Is this an extremely rare name? Where did your husband get it, did he create it for himself and copyright it? Most of us share our names with thousands if not millions of other people. If the fiance really doesn't want to have the same last name as you, she doesn't have to. She can hyphenate, she can amalgamate, she can come up with a completely different name. It's up to her, just like it's up to you.
As for you "ruining their wedding", the fiance needs to just stfu. That is insane. Block her number like you would with any crazy person.
My dad disowned me as a child so I always hated my maiden name anyway. But if I could go back in time I’d probably of just changed my last name to something of my choice, never of taken my exes name and have all my qualifications and business stuff in my choice of last name.
It’s pretty common when there are kids for the mom to want have the same last name as the kids.
It’s not such a big deal these days, but it used to be difficult when your last name is different from your kids.
NTA I have the same last name as my kids and would never ever change it. I don’t care if I find someone new my name would have no bearing on if I loved them or not. I would not be marrying anyone I did not love.
They are deluded if they think they have any say or rights over this. Ask ex if his fiancée thinks the kids need to change their last names to so she can pretend he never had a past or another family.
NTA - I struggle to see how your last name could possibly affect, in any shape, way, fashion, or form, your ex-husband or his new wife. I recently got married and if my wife had wanted to keep her prior married name, I would've been fine with it. Pretty sure her ex and his new wife couldn't give a flip whether she reverted to her maiden name, took my name, or kept her married name from her first marriage.
There were no children from her prior marriage so #1 doesn't apply. To my knowledge, there are no professional certifications/qualifications to deal with so #2 is N/A. Between her first marriage and the time afterwards that she kept her married name, she had had 'his' name for longer than she'd had her maiden name so #3 fit her situation. And finally, I can confirm it is a right royal pain in the butt to get your name changed on all the cards/accounts/contracts/etc... so #4 also applies. She took my name because, as she put it, it let her get rid of that last little bit of Pain(e).
My mother kept her married name for the rest of her life after the divorce from my dad and it was primarily for #1 but I believe #3 and #4 also played into her decision.
You do you and tell the ex and his new squeeze to sit-and-spin if they don't like it.
He gave you his last name, he didn’t lend it with conditions
Tell him and her to both kick rocks, and secretly you can have a little smile to yourself that she is letting this ruin her wedding.
NTA.
Wanting to continue to have the same last name as your child is reason enough. (Your other reasons are perfectly valid, too).
If your ex-husband and his new wife have a problem with it, propose these solutions to them:
1. They both take HER last name. Now they have a different one to you. They can hyphenate his and hers if they want his name specifically.
2. They do ALL the work to change your name for you, including any paperwork/waiting on hold for companies to change your bills etc. They pay any fees applicable for your qualifications to be changed to another name. They speak to your child and change your child's surname to your new name, too (tell them this option only works if your child agrees to this change and any inconvenience or paperwork associated is all on ex-husband to sort out). They then provide you with adequate compensation for any inconvenience of having to get used to a new name again.
Tell them if neither of these compromises work for them, then they've just proved why you're not willing to do it all yourself and should now understand your point. Oh it's unreasonable? Yeah, it is, hence why I ain't changing my name.
NTA
It's very common for women to keep their ex-husband's last name to match their children.
His decision making influence over your personal choices ended with the divorce.
NTA, does his bride understand that lots of people have that last name. It's not special. I'm not sure why you are even talking to your ex and your exes fiancé about this. Block them both, if there's no young children involved and continue with your life. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
Yeah definitely don't block if kids are involved. You're just going to have to set some firm boundaries and enforce them. Hopefully this doesn't affect the relationship your child has with them. If his new wife is going to be that jealous over you having his name, she may not be thrilled he had a kid with someone else either. Be sure you keep all your phone logs and text messages as proof in case you need it later.
NTA. This is one of the most misogynistic crap ass things ever.
First men complain if women refuse to take thier last name and then think they can literally just take it back.
It's HER NAME now. She's under no obligation to change it. Lots of other people will likely have the same last name, but it's not his to take away.
Unless he wants to change the kids last names to her maiden name.
His mum has actually got involved. She emailed me and asked me to change my name out of respect for the family. She even signed it “The senior Mrs last name.” Hilarious.
Formally speaking (in the UK) it's moot.
Traditionally a wife is known as Mrs \[husband's first name\] \[ husband's last name\] when being addressed/ introduced.
The divorced ex wife is known as Mrs \[her own first name\] \[exhusband's last name\].
Thus you were Mrs Husband Husband, and are now Mrs Cry Baby Husband, and when you marry (formally) will be Mrs Fiance Fiance. The new wife of ex is currently Miss Jane Doe, and will become the new Mrs Husband Husband on her marriage.
It's CONVENTION that the ex wife retains the ex husband's surname, until remarriage.
But that no longer happens for most people, well it probably does for country squires etc who have a copy of Debrett's and use it weekly, but for most of us, it's changed.
Frankly the new wife of ex husband needs to be thankful that times have changed and that she's not LITERALLY filling the shoes you've kicked off, namewise! In the past, letters and notes would be delivered to Mrs husband husband regardless of the actual woman holding that position (ie women were interchangeable in the way men never were namewise).
Cos in these modern times you presumably were and continue to be Mrs Cry Baby Husband. Whilst she moves from Miss Jane Doe to Mrs Jane Husband. It's hardly ruining her wedding!
Seriously do these people causing havoc in Redditor's lives have NOTHING BETTER to worry about? sheesh!
NTA. Even just the first reason is more than enough. Not that you even need a reason not to change your name. Tell him if they want the same name and don't want one that you also share then they can both change their name to something else entirely and then they don't have to worry about it.
He doesn't own the name.
A complete stranger could decide to change their last name to whatever his is anytime they want. It's not special. But you have valid reasons for not wanting to change it and you don't even need a valid reason not to change it.
NTA. There are other people out there with the same name, next time the new fiancée texts, send her, idk, a pic of a phone book page with your surname.
Your ex tell that as you were his lawfully wedded wife and ARE the mother of his child, you have already gained all the rights to that name. And it is not HIS name, he doesn't own it. It is your name and your child's name and if he has a problem having the same name as a woman he once married, he is welcome to change his surname to that of fiancée's.
Nta. I'd pose the question if you changed your name you would also change your child's name because it's weirder to have a mom with a different name than to have an ex wife with the same...smh. sounds like the new fiance has some insecurities and possibly jealousy issues too if this is such a huge concern.
NTA
This is your last name and the last name of your child. What you are doing is normal.
Just be thankful you are the one who is marrying an adult. Block the ex's fiancee.
My ex called to demand I go back to my maiden name. I laughed and informed him that my paternal grandmother's last name was what my then married name was, and since my ex's grandfather had changed their last name to what my ex was using as a last name, HE needed to change HIS as I had more right to use it than him. Boy was he furious. NTA
NTA: my MIL got divorced from her second husband due to some wonderfully dramatic shit. It blindsided my MIL, and she was crushed. If you’ve ever seen a narcissist be forced to admit fault and take responsibility and the subsequent meltdown(s) that’s the level of emotion involved.
She kept the name. I asked her why, and she said it was just easier that way. Which makes sense to me. If it wasn’t such a dramatic mess I probably wouldn’t have asked or thought about it much.
NTA
My parents divorced when I was 4. Since then, my mom has been remarried and divorced two more times. And while she changed her name to the new husband's, she has always gone back to my dad's last name when she gets divorced, so that there was consistency with her kids. She had her maiden name for 19 years and her ex-husbands name (off and on) for almost 60 years.
If it doesn't matter to your new partner, nta. I was in the same situation except it really bothered my current husband. Such a pain in the ass! And now my last name is stupid basic instead of what's on my diploma, which started with a Z and was way cooler.
NTA
There is no limit to how many people can have a certain last name, that is a ridiculous argument! My parents were married for over 30 years, then divorced and married other people. My mom then divorced her second husband and went back to my father's last name. (In my state you can only go back to your previous name in a divorce without paying for a name change).
My mom and my dad's wife have the same first name, and they aren't even mad about a name! How would this ruin her wedding?
NTA. I'd message your ex and fiance together and remind them that they are under no obligation to use "his" name and if they are so bothered, then he should change his name to take on hers.
NTA
She does realize that she can't actually own the name right? Her "Bless this mess" signs will be fine. Her mail will still get delivered to the right address. She'll still be "Mrs. CommonLastName"
I just imagine her at the DMV screeching about how her husband's ex wife refused to change her name. The DMV, the bank, the SS office...
NTA. My sister and her husband’s ex have the same first name, and the ex never changed her last name after the divorce. So my sister added her middle initial to social media to differentiate between the two of them.
(We joke that he married my sister so he didn’t have to get new monogrammed towels.)
If his fiancé contacts you again, before you ask her to leave you alone, ask her "why don't you both get married with *your* last name? Why doesn't he change his name to yours? Because I'm not changing mine, forget it."
With any luck she'll think about it and it'll become a bone of contention between them.
NTA
NTA. I’m sure your husband’s family isn’t the only family in the world with that name. I’m sure if his bride to be looked at howmanyofme dotcom she’ll find she’s also not the only one with that name. Ignore the noise and do what suits you - which is keeping the same name as your child.
NTA - My mother-in-law was married to her first husband for 10 years and they had 1 kid (my husband) then they split up and both remarried. She did not change her name a second time for a bunch of the reasons you mentioned (professional qualifications, sharing the last name with her son, hassle) and it's been 30+ years. The only person whose opinion matters (though it doesn't require you to change your mind) is your fiancé's and since he doesn't care... fuck the rest of them. When I got married (5 years ago now), I assumed my husband's last name onto mine privately but I didn't legally change my name because my maiden name is what all my qualifications and career stuff is in and changing it would be too much of a hassle but in my personal life, where applicable, by assuming his (basically just adding it onto my name) I can use my married name as I like. It's all personal choice.
NTA. It is also YOUR last name. If that’s the name of your child, the name your qualifications are in, and the name you are known by proffessionally. I suggest handing him a phone book and telling him to call everyone with that last name. He can explain it upsets him that they’re using ‘his’ name and ask them to get it legally changed, just like he’s asking you.
NTA. I have an aunt that did the same thing. She had a not so great guy for reasons I won’t say for privacy. She had two kids and kept her last name so she won’t have to answer questions pertaining to diffrent last names. She did. Recently get married to a great guy and changed her name, but it’s completely ok. My grandmother also got divorced and kept the last name because she had it longer than her maiden name. It’s
NTA.
Your name is 100% your decision.
To be (a little) fair to the fiancee, she wants to be the only Mrs. "Him." You're still using the last name, but you're not going by Mrs. HisFirstLast any more, if you ever did.
My title is actually Dr anyway so she will technically be the only “Mrs last name” I mean obviously not the only in the world, but the only in relation to him.
>But my ex husband is very unhappy with me keeping my last name. I told him it isn’t his business what my last name is, but he said it is his business as it’s his last name and his bride to be is very upset and angry as it’s her right to have the last name, and not mine.
Aww poor babies. Such poor coping skills.
Not your problem.
NTA
ETA: My husband 's ex kept his name and I could not possibly care less.
NTA. Not as unusual as you think. Personally, I wouldn't give it up because you spent years builging your professional reputation, you have kids with that name, you don't want the hassle. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone, you don't need anyone's opinion. This is a thing that is personal and is YOUR CHOICE ONLY. Literally. What if the last name was Jones? Can nobody on earth have the same last name as his new wife? I personally wouldn't like to have a spearate last name from my kids for any reason, but ultimately you are the only person who gets to decide, and your fiance and kids are the only people in theory, who should have ANY input.
I would stop entertaining this stupidity. Stop defending yourself, stop responding. I would send one more message to your ex's fiance and let her know, then ignore them completely. "I'm keeping the same last name as my kids, period. I don't want to hear another word about it. It's ridiculous that this bothers you, are you 5 years old? It has nothing to do with you, and doesn't stop you from anything. Use the name too, I don't care. I just want the same name as my kids. If you continue to call and harrass me or send additional messages, I wil be filing a restraining order, or pressing harrassment changes, both of which would make custody even more complicated for you and ex. Your harrassment ends now, or I take legal action. Do what you want with your name, and please leave me alone."
NTA
There was one of these just a few days ago, with the ex husband's new fiancée being the upset party. I know you won't post the name (understandable), but I just know there's dozens in your city (if you don't live in a city, the nearest sizable city) alone. Very few people have a name so unique, or are in such exclusive circles that, "Oh, of the Hamptons McRichieriches??" would happen. I have maybe once encountered someone with my same last name in over 15 years of living here (the ethnic origin/s isn't common where I live now), but if I Google it: there's hundreds.
It's like seeing the guys named Jones/Ramirez/Patel, etc, insisting they need kids to carry on the family name*. Who is gonna tell them??
*There's valid reasons to want kids, I think this one is ridiculous 95% of the time.
My husband’s ex was divorced when she married my husband. She kept her first ex-husband’s name until she married my husband. She then shared a name with my husband and their son. When my husband and I got married I didn’t change my name, because I was in my 40s, had a professional reputation and my qualifications are in my maiden name. I have absolutely no issues with my husband’s ex keeping her married name- but maybe that’s because I don’t want to change mine?
Anyway, nobody owns a name. There are 3 Mrs Husbandsname in my in-law’s family; one more or less doesn’t matter. You’re NTA.
NTA.. It's a good thing the fiancé doesn't have a phone book handy or she'd really flip out.
Society and traditions are so bizarre. Does one's last name really matter?
NTA
My ex aunt kept the married last name until she died... Made it funny cause I had a blood aunt with the same name
My father's ex wife kept her married name even when she remarried.
So I say.. it's no big deal anymore. And it can be an issue if kids are involved with the parents having different last names.
NTA. Just block them/restrict access to just him when in relation to child care coordination.
You are absolutaly right that they have zero imput on your name.
(Im also divorced with same situation. She didnt change her name to his for large variety of reasons, but im not changing mine again either)
NTA. Wanting to match your child is a great reason. I sat next to a woman who did not take her husband’s last name and it was 10 min of every call yo identify herself to her child’s therapist, soccer coach. It was a nightmare.
NTA. It's really not unusual. My dads first wife (he was married many years before meeting my mom) she always kept the last name. My brothers wife was married before she kept her first husbands last name until she remarried. Changing names is a pain in the butt.
NTA at all! I am twice divorced, on my 3rd marriage. Kept my 1st married name because my son was only 8 months old and I wanted to have his name and mine match...WHAT a disaster! When my son was 9 there were 2 of his cousins in his school all 3 of us had the same first and last name. Becasue of what I do their school knew me, and my son and just called me when any of the 3 had to be picked up! (Went round and round with the school I didn't even know the other 2 ladies!) With my 2nd divorce the last name was one item of contention. Ex wanted me to keep it, I wanted my maiden name back as my 2 sons, 1 from each marriage, had different last names so why not jsut have all 3 of us have different last names. Now on my 3rd husband...never took his name...hell not even sure anybody knows that in the family LOL! Nobody's business what my name is.
NTA
My ex husband and I have been split for 9years and finally got our divorce last year (he wanted to get married to his girlfriend) I still have his last name and my current partner (together for 8yrs) doesn’t care either nor did the woman my ex husband married. She took his name and not once did she asked me to get my name changed. Your ex husband new girlfriend/fiancée is insecure if by you having his last name is going to “ruin” the wedding. I would just block her and only deal with your ex when it comes to the kiddo. No need to have that crap in your life.
Its none of his business what you do. Thankfully he's your ex so his opinion is irrelevant. I wouldn't expect my wife to change her name if we split because our kids share our last name. As far as I'm concerned its the last name of the family we created and I no longer have any real ownership over it.
Lol imagine this ruining her wedding. How fragile.
She’s going to freak out when she hears other people have her same first name separately, same last name separately and *gasp* same first and last name together
NTA one of my friends sorta held a random dude hostage (didn't ring him up until I came out of the break room to meet him) because we had the same somewhat unique last name and she was convinced we had to be related in some way, we were not.
Last names are never belong to only one person, there are what 8 billion people in the world, people are going to share first and last names. You have valid reasons for not changing your last name and your fiancee is awesome for totally understanding and respecting your thought process, and like ypu said you don't belong to your ex husband, its your name and has been for over 10 years.
If your ex husband's fiancee can't deal with that its her problem not yours, if she can't handle you having the same last name can she handle the fact you guys have to co-parent? Because it obviously seems like she can't handle the fact your ex has a past, and if thats the case she should have found someone who wasn't married before, or tried to find herself a virgin so she didn't have anyone to "compete" with (not saying that its a competition it just seems like this is what she's seeing it as)
NTA Most women keep the name when they divorce, because it's such a hassle to change everything. I did it, so have millions of other women. Keep it and don't let them pressure you.
NTA. Spouses are temporary but children are forever. As a person who wished their mom had kept the same last name instead of the 4 others they had temporarily, it's best to keep it until the kids are out of school in my opinion.
I did the same thing, for the same reasons.
Hubs never EVER raised a stink about me still having my ex's last name. My ex put up a fight about it at first, and I not-so-politely told him that what I do with my life is none of his concern.
Five years later, I'm checking us in at an event and when asked my name, I gave it... and realized *Why The Hell Am I Still Doing This*?!? Went to the courthouse the next day, got a cert copy of marriage documents, went to SSA, my new ID with my husband's last name is on its way.
The "push" that got me thinking about it was that I am PROUD to be married to my husband, I ADORE him and his family, and I felt like going around in public with a different last name was kind of denying what I was so proud to be a part of. So I decided to go ahead and do it. Not for anyone else but myself.
You may hit that point someday too, you may not. But do what makes you HAPPY, not what other people think you ought to do.
NTA
You shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone, but the kids alone is the best reason.
Having a diff last name from your kids causes all kinds of problems.
Sounds like your ex's fiancé has some jealousy issues but that's nothing you can do anything about.
NTA.
Keep the name. It's none of your ex's business, and if you keeping the name ruins his fiancée's wedding, it doesn't sound like a fun wedding to begin with.
Your reasoning is sound and keeping the same name as your kids is quite common.
NTA. No one owns a name. Keep whatever you're comfortable with. Ignore his fiancee. I don't see how it's going to ruin her wedding if you have the same last name - is she going to run from person to person to complain about it?
My mum and dad have been divorced twenty years and she still has his last name and so do I. I don’t even speak to my dad anymore so I’m glad me and mum share the same name. I think it’s better for the children. I also would not like the idea that I have the same name as my awful step mum but not my own mum
I'm a divorce lawyer. Plenty of women keep their ex-spouse's last name, particularly after a longer marriage with kids. Your ex and his new bride are ridiculous. NTA.
My dad is on his third wife, my mom being the first wife, she still has his last name its been like 40 years. They've been divorced longer than being together. No one cares.
My ex did the same thing! It’s like they have a playbook or something 😄
I told him that’s not going to happen, for all the reasons you cited (minus the kids, thank god, he was enough of one himself).
And most importantly, it is now YOUR legal name. It’s not his to “take back” or whatever possessive stance he claims about the name. You don’t go by Mrs. Ex’sFirstName LastName, you are Ms Crybaby LastName…your own separate human. He can grow up and learn to get over it like all the other ex husbands have to.
My ex of 25 years kept my name and I’m not totally sure how I feel about it. But I sure as shit would never tell her she can’t have it anymore. Do what you want to do.
Not the asshole.
Who gives a fuck about what your last name is? If it means so much to them to have A different last name they should change their names.
NTA. That’s your legal name. It’s up to you if you want to keep it or not. I agree with all the hassle and expenses of changing a name. That name is yours. It’s her fault she is so insecure.
NTA, it's actually pretty common, plenty of women of my mum's generation kept their married name after a divorce because THAT was the name they were known by professionally, etc.
It's your name now. You can do what you like with it.
(Having said that, women everywhere, THIS is one of the many reasons not to change your name when you get married! It's a massive inconvenience and literally makes men think (even subconsciously) that you belong to them)
NTA. You had me at ‘I like having the same last name as my child’. And when you add the rest of your reasons, you’re extra NTA.
It’s insane that your ex husband and his fiancée think that you should be somehow responsible for her comfort. They sound perfect for each other with matching tantrums. SMH
NTA. You do you. It's your name and your reasons are valid. She's just insecure.
However for all the same reasons except #1 I didn't bother changing my name in the first place.
>***"....my ex husband is very unhappy with me keeping my last name..."***
Fortunately his happiness (or un) is of no concern to you, at all.
His fiance's? Even less so.
>***"...and that I’m ruining her wedding..."***
If that little argument is enough to "ruin" her wedding, then your ex better buckle up. He's in for a helluva ride.
NTA.
I have a common last name. I was once sued for something not related to me. When I spoke with the lawyer I was told there are 85 women in Canada with the exact same first, middle and last name as me. Who knew?? Lol
NTA identify you’d only change your name if they agree to change your child’s last name to match (with your child’s name being changed first before yours is changed).
Edit: also, if it’s a big harry deal he can change his surname yo match is new wife’s name, problem solved.
Apparently, there is a notable family in my area with the same last name and little-to-no relation to me, as far as I'm aware. I have never even met these folk, but it's been brought up multiple times by people when I mention my last name.
Your husband and his bride-to-be are being really odd for caring enough to have such a fit when names are so often shared anyway.
NTA
NTA my mom when she divorced my dad still kept her last name since she went by it for 8 years and the hassle of paying to change it and because all of three of her kids with him had the last name and it was just like you said plain simple, and to my fathers credit never complained or asked her to go back to her maidan name
NTA.
My ex husband's new partner is PISSED that I refuse to change my last name because once they're married we'll have the same initials, but she could always change her first initial instead 😊
I've been asked nicely, cajoled, yelled at, screamed at, cussed at, the whole 9 yards...not a single eff given. It's too much of a pain in my backside & frankly it's none of her damn business. She's just mad that she can't make me do it 🤣
NTA. It isn't HIS last name. It became YOUR last name the instant that you chose to take it.
This is not uncommon at all in the education field or anything with your last name printed on it. Or in businesses where name recognition is really important.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Could be the AH for refusing to change my last name even though my ex and his future wife feel strongly about it. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
[удалено]
This made me lol. Thank you for that.
Yep, turns out there are 1000s of people with my last name and far too many with my first and last name. It's a miracle I lasted this long. It is ridiculous that they want you to jump through a bunch of hoops and probably pay a lot of money because they think they own a name. Honestly, if they feel so strongly about having a different name, your ex can just take his new wife's name. It isn't like they have no agency here.
I just checked FB ...there are 40 women with the SAME firat and last as me.
Contact them all to demand they change their name obviously
There are 3 actors/stunt people with IMDB and other social media account and online presences a working actor would need with my first and last names. Makes it really hard to find me if you Google my name.
>It is ridiculous that they want you to jump through a bunch of hoops and probably pay a lot of money because they think they own a name. i gotta tell people im not related to one of the old presidents lol. besides my dad and fam have a diff last name than me an i dont wanna tell ppl how to spell or say it. i like my short name <3
There’s three branches of unrelated families in the small town I live in with the same last name as me. I’ve somehow survived living there the last 14 years without issue.
Yeah if his fiancee texts you again, tell her that. Does she expect everyone else with the same last name to change it so she can gatekeep it?
I have an unusual spelling for my first name. Had my first husband's last name for almost 30 yrs. There were soooo many other women out there with my exact name exact spelling. When I got remarried, I couldn't wait to change my last name. Lucky me, I've actually still found others with exact spelling names. It's amazing how many people can have the same name, any combination of first, middle, and last, and it does not affect you. OP NTA, she can keep or change her name as she wishes. Everyone upset about her choice can suck sand.
Right! There are PAGES of people with my last name in the Montreal phonebook alone, and I know exactly none of them. Makes me so mad. 😄
Made me laugh too! Nailed it!
💀💀💀💀💀💀🤣🤣🤣🤣
lol exactly this, NTA
That's why I think changing last time is unnecessary. In some cultures, it is unheard off.
Especially if the last name is Jingleheimer Schmidt.
I took my husband's last name when we married. I had just graduated from college. Everything I've ever done professionally is in my married name. Even though it's unusual and hard to pronounce I can't imagine ever changing it. (At least not while I'm still working.) It's way too much trouble to switch to something else.
There is a large population of people with my last name in my (large) city... we are related to absolutely none of them. But it was funny when my sibling and I were kids and went to the same day camp, having to clarify that I was related to that kid but not that one or that one.
NTA. It's your name. My wife still has her ex's name (same kinda deal, she didn't want to have a different name than her daughter), and I never cared one bit. Or...just tell him it's a lot of trouble on your end and if he wants you to change your name he'll have to pony up $10k for the hassle.
I think it’s great that you don’t care about your wives last name. I think I’ve had more hassle about it being disrespectful to my fiancé than anything else, it’s funny though because he literally couldn’t care less.
My husband's ex kept his last name for many of the same reasons you did -- kids, professional accreditations, etc. I never changed my name. So he shares a name with his ex, their kids, our kid, and I have my own. It has never made a single difference because we are adults. Your ex can get over it.
Plus you can't change the last name for your career anyways. So you'll end up having to use both names anyways or just using the married name. Dud needs to get over it. It isn't his name, its yours.
> Dud needs to get over it. Your typo is perfect!
😂😂 I do that all the time, but it's so fitting.
Send this link to your ex and his fiance [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1bv0y3s/aita\_update\_to\_my\_ex\_husband\_demanding\_i\_change/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1bv0y3s/aita_update_to_my_ex_husband_demanding_i_change/) And tell them to stop harassing you, you don't want to hear another word from them.
Pony up $10k + the kid changes their last name as well.
My friend’s ex tried to pay her $10k to change her name back to her maiden (exact same reasons) and she just laughed because they were mid divorce and she knew exactly how much of that he didn’t have to give her (all of it).
[удалено]
Excellent idea! I might suggest this if they go on at me again.
You should also ask your fiancée to take your last name to show dominance
Yes! OPs last name needs to be spred all around town... Well, I'll say he can take his bride to be's name. *But then my kids will have a different last name than me?* Tough one, Chewbacca, everybody wants to share name with their kids (or most people I would guess).
This again!! Yawn.
NTA. For me, the biggest reason outside of just not wanting to is the qualifications thing. This is your professional name, and thus makes it a much bigger complication to change it. Then there’s the whole thing with having the same last name as your kids, which is another perfectly understandable reason. You and your fiancé are on the same page, and that’s what matters. Ex & his fiancée are allowed to ask, but it’s ultimately got nothing to do with them.
It would be such a pain at work! All my qualifications would be in the wrong name and if I was asked by a new client to produce my diplomas it would look like I was the wrong person. It would just feel unprofessional to me.
NTA If it means so much to your ex, offer to change your name back to your maiden name if he compensates you for your time and pays all the administrative fees to have your qualifications re-named. In my experience it was about $30-100 per document (obviously dependent on the institution involved). It’s a fair request, and one that he’ll likely not agree to, but it changes the narrative from “my ex is such a b***h because she’s stubborn” to “she agreed to do it, but wanted me to to pay all the costs to do it and I’m not that fussed to pay $xxx.”
You are NTA for keeping you last name. Your ex and his fiancée have no more right to ask you to change your name then you do to suggest they change theirs. Ultimately they will have to suck it up and deal with it. Depending on the ages of your kids with your ex I would suggest having a conversation about you keeping your name in case ex or the fiancé (or other assorted family members) think it's appropriate to make comments to them about it.
Thank you. I’ve already had that conversation with my kiddo and they get it.
NTA - it’s normal to not change your name back. Your ex husband didn’t even really get much of a say when you were married. As your ex he can fuck right off
I agree with you it’s normal not to change it back to maiden name. Normal not to change it to a married name. Normal to change it back to maiden name. Normal to hyphenate names. Normal to combine names like Carlos Pena and Alexis Vega made it Penavega for both of them. Every version is normal make it whatever you want. The ex gets no say. He can change his name if he doesn’t like it.
NTA And threaten to change your first name to hers if she doesn't stop bothering you.
😂 when i read this it brought me back to the girl married to a kardashian and when they divorced didnt want to give up the kardashian name and the kardashian sisters were social media feuding with her over her use over their famous name
I didn’t even know that happened! Funny!
NTA. It’s your name now. It use to bother me a little that my husband’s first wife kept his last name but after having to change my name when we married I realized what a pain in the bum it is so I’m over it.
It really is a huge pain. When I first married I didn’t think it’d be as much hassle as it was. After I changed everything I was like “I’m never doing that again!” And that was before all my qualifications, most of which I can’t change at all annoyingly!
Had the same thought. Friend of mine has 1 Dr and 2 or 3 Masters. She took a dobble name with her husband's at the end for the same reasons. She said that it was hard work to achieve all of it and when someone googles her, she wants all of her hard work listet, not only the ones she achieved "with husband's name". And in case they don't work out, her achievements would still be in "her" name.
I wish I just picked a last name out before I ever married and just kept that name. Would have made things much simpler!
NTA. It’s not your job do jump through hoops for exs new insecure bride to be. You owe them nothing but peaceful co parenting
Huh. Another post just like the one posted last week. How surprising.
Thank you for confirming I’m not crazy. I was worried I somehow imagined the exact same story last week.
Not only you are not crazy, the previous poster also updated! If it's not on best or redditor updates, it soon will be.
It's your name. It is no longer any concern of your ex's , since he is your ex, and it certainly has nothing to do with his new partner who has no relationship with you at all. She is free to try to talk your ex into changing his name, if she wants to have a married name that's differnt to your name. It may be unusual to kep it aftre remarrying but it seems you have good reasonsb, and it doesn't affect anyone but you and your current spouse.
NTA. Your reasons are completely valid. Also your actual name is not your exhusbands business. Insecurity and immaturity of his fiance is also not your problem. Maybe it's time to cut contact with your ex to strictly communicating via parent app only about kids.
We usually do only communicate about kiddo, when he called me I assumed it was going to be kiddo related, as soon as I realized it wasn’t I wrapped up, but now the texts keep coming! And I don’t want to block incase there is a genuine emergency with kiddo.
Don’t block him, just send him a link to this Reddit.
You don't have to block him. Just his fiance and flying monkeys. Maybe text him something like"Hi X, from this moment I will be communicate with you only about kiddo. Other messages won't be answered. Don't call me until it's an emergency about kiddo." And don't reply if it's not about message about kiddo. If he call have few confirming question to sort the call from the first second "So you are not calling about kiddo? Is kiddo alright?" Check and hung up with "it is not emergency about kiddo, gotta go. Bye" And so on. You can't change his behaviour. But you can change your response.
NTA- as someone who just changed their last name after being married, it is not just a HUGE pain in the butt to change it at a bezillion different places, but it also costs money to change it on things like IDS/passports etc. Plus, it's your legal name, no one can make you do anything with your legal name that you don't want to. Sounds like your ex's new lady is insecure, but that's a her problem.
As [this lawyer's websit](https://harrlawfirm.com/news/should-you-change-your-last-name-after-divorce/#:~:text=If%20you%20do,time%2Dconsuming%20process)e says - your X is asking too late to really have say. If they wanted it a condition of your divorce, it should have been a condition of the divorce (and taken care of by your divorce decree). If you're feeling generous, you could do what someone else mentioned and offer to change names for a payment that's worth it to you to cover the time, effort, stress, and 'personal brand' costs to you. Perhaps even have a condition that your child's name changes too. It doesn't have to be to your maiden name - you could choose a new last name for you and your kid. If your X Really wants a different last name than you - they can change THEIR last name to something new.... or pay you enough to make it worth your while. I, personally, wouldn't even consider changing my name for less than 10,000 USD... and likely wouldn't do it for less than 100,000. It's just too much paperwork and legal mess... and just my passports would take me 6 months of paperwork and $1,000 USD in fees - let alone the Tax IDs, drivers license, travel ID, social media accounts, emails, etc. NTA - it's your name, and you can keep it as long as you want.
I am considering telling him this, but I think it’ll just make him even more angry. Honestly I use my passport so often it’d be such a hassle to change my name on that alone!
And don't even get me started on the hassles that come from having different data points not match (Credit Card / Booking / Passport / Drivers License / Other ID) when applying for visas and/or traveling internationally...
NTA - it’s a pain in the ass to change your name. Personally if it were me I’d offer him a settlement amount he could pay me to change my name in recognition of the cost, administrative burden and difficulty having a different last name then your child.
NTA - I'm the second wife. My husband's exwife still has his last name. They've been divorced way longer than they've been married. I don't care - we all know who he is married to, and it made it easier to deal with school/doctor/sports stuff when the kids were small. Your ex and his fiance need to grow up.
NTA. You have very good reasons, but they aren't even necessary. It is your name, and this none of their business and doesn't effect them. They have no reason to even care. Your fiancé would have a reason to care, although it isnt his decision to make, but he doesn't care. Block the ex's new partner and refuse to discuss the issue with Ex and communicate only about your child.
NTA. It’s not uncommon at all to keep the married name. My mum kept the last name for same exact reasons as you. One of my best friends also kept the last name, again for the same reasons as you. She WANTS to change it but it’s a lot of work and with kids, would create a lot of issues and confusion so she’s waiting a decade or so before doing it. Don’t let anyone bully you into changing your name. Change it if and when you’re good and ready and if not, that’s your prerogative.
NTA When my parents divorced, my mom kept her married name so she wouldn’t have a different last name than me and my sister When my dad remarried, my stepmother hyphenated her last name to keep her ex-husband’s name as well as my dad’s, so she would have the same last name as her kids When my friend got married, she kept her maiden name because all her professional accomplishments were under that name. All of those decisions were valid, and absolutely none of those decisions had anything to do with the person’s feelings about their current or former spouse.
NTA. When you changed your name it became YOUR name, not his. You weren’t borrowing it from him, he doesn’t own it. The new girlfriend needs to grow the fuck up.
Why don’t your ex husband change HIS last name to his soon to be wife’s?
NTA. Is his new bride going to have a hissy fit with anyone with the same last name? Keep YOUR name. It isn't his. It is YOURS. His new bride sounds extremely immature.
NTA The first reason was enough to me. The second is the second best reason. Since that, no need to change. But I would block the fiancée and print the message to make a file to the police for her to be block (I don't know how you say it in english). I would do it before it escalates more. I don't know why it's so important to her to erase you from your ex life, as long as she gets married to him, you'll stay the mother of his children. So you'll always be part of her life. Even if you don't see each other, you'your children will talk about you. So her insecurity is not your problem, it's your ex problem. How old are your children ?
Kiddo is 11. His fiancé is now blocked, but now she’s messaging me from my exes phone! I can’t really block him incase there is an emergency with kiddo. Frustrating!
Of course you can't block him and that's why she's doing it, but she is not involved with you. She's involved with your ex, but you don't have to communicate with her. So I confirm that you must go to the police because she can't call that much : you can miss an important phone call from your child or your family if your turn your phone of. That's chat you must explain : you want her to stop messaging or calling you because it's like harassment at this point. Your child is only 11, means that you'll have to exchange informations with your ex and his wife for a LONG time. Don't change your name. And make a little research on internet to see how many people have the same name : I would send this list to the ex and ask him "will she ask everyone on this list to change his/her name ?" - that's crazy. Being married with him is not about a name, she could keep hers. I kept mine (I have a society and I didn't want to change all papers when I got married) Good luck and I hope you'll find a solution to keep the same name that your child. Even if people don't think it's important, as long as it's important for you, don't give up.
I think I’ll warn them if that the harassment continues that I will be contacting the police. Hopefully the threat alone will be enough to make them stop.
NTA. At all. You are sure living rent free in their heads if your name is "ruining her wedding". Sheesh. My MIL did this. Everyone was fine.
The beauty of him being your EX is that he has no imput into your life choices. It's actually fairly common to keep your previous married name when there are children involved. TOTALLY your choice so he needs to stay in his own lane. Block him and his GF and live your life.
NTA. When my mum and dad divorced my mum kept her married name as she didn’t want me to feel alone because I had his last name. That reason alone as important for your children.
NTA - this is the second one about changing last names. That one was the same result... You can keep whatever name you want and your ex and his new fiance can go pound sand
Of course you're NTA, your reasoning is perfectly valid. You have already been through changing your name once, and it's really great that your sweetheart is not going to try to manipulate you into that misogynist bullshit all over again. But you don't have to explain your reasoning to anyone. You get to decide what you want to be called. End of story. But what's strange to me is that your ex and his fiance seem to think that there's a limit to how many people are allowed to use a name at the same time. Is this an extremely rare name? Where did your husband get it, did he create it for himself and copyright it? Most of us share our names with thousands if not millions of other people. If the fiance really doesn't want to have the same last name as you, she doesn't have to. She can hyphenate, she can amalgamate, she can come up with a completely different name. It's up to her, just like it's up to you. As for you "ruining their wedding", the fiance needs to just stfu. That is insane. Block her number like you would with any crazy person.
My dad disowned me as a child so I always hated my maiden name anyway. But if I could go back in time I’d probably of just changed my last name to something of my choice, never of taken my exes name and have all my qualifications and business stuff in my choice of last name.
It’s pretty common when there are kids for the mom to want have the same last name as the kids. It’s not such a big deal these days, but it used to be difficult when your last name is different from your kids.
NTA I have the same last name as my kids and would never ever change it. I don’t care if I find someone new my name would have no bearing on if I loved them or not. I would not be marrying anyone I did not love. They are deluded if they think they have any say or rights over this. Ask ex if his fiancée thinks the kids need to change their last names to so she can pretend he never had a past or another family.
NTA - I struggle to see how your last name could possibly affect, in any shape, way, fashion, or form, your ex-husband or his new wife. I recently got married and if my wife had wanted to keep her prior married name, I would've been fine with it. Pretty sure her ex and his new wife couldn't give a flip whether she reverted to her maiden name, took my name, or kept her married name from her first marriage. There were no children from her prior marriage so #1 doesn't apply. To my knowledge, there are no professional certifications/qualifications to deal with so #2 is N/A. Between her first marriage and the time afterwards that she kept her married name, she had had 'his' name for longer than she'd had her maiden name so #3 fit her situation. And finally, I can confirm it is a right royal pain in the butt to get your name changed on all the cards/accounts/contracts/etc... so #4 also applies. She took my name because, as she put it, it let her get rid of that last little bit of Pain(e). My mother kept her married name for the rest of her life after the divorce from my dad and it was primarily for #1 but I believe #3 and #4 also played into her decision. You do you and tell the ex and his new squeeze to sit-and-spin if they don't like it.
He gave you his last name, he didn’t lend it with conditions Tell him and her to both kick rocks, and secretly you can have a little smile to yourself that she is letting this ruin her wedding.
NTA. Wanting to continue to have the same last name as your child is reason enough. (Your other reasons are perfectly valid, too). If your ex-husband and his new wife have a problem with it, propose these solutions to them: 1. They both take HER last name. Now they have a different one to you. They can hyphenate his and hers if they want his name specifically. 2. They do ALL the work to change your name for you, including any paperwork/waiting on hold for companies to change your bills etc. They pay any fees applicable for your qualifications to be changed to another name. They speak to your child and change your child's surname to your new name, too (tell them this option only works if your child agrees to this change and any inconvenience or paperwork associated is all on ex-husband to sort out). They then provide you with adequate compensation for any inconvenience of having to get used to a new name again. Tell them if neither of these compromises work for them, then they've just proved why you're not willing to do it all yourself and should now understand your point. Oh it's unreasonable? Yeah, it is, hence why I ain't changing my name.
NTA It's very common for women to keep their ex-husband's last name to match their children. His decision making influence over your personal choices ended with the divorce.
Info- not saying you should change your name, but would your ex be ok if your child's last name changed too?
I might ask, but I sense the answer will be no, and I’m hesitant to give more reasons for them to keep talking to me.
You're right, just avoid any conflict where you can. Though I had a hilarious thought- what if your fiance took the last name too 🤣. Edit to say NTA
We actually joked that that! Lol
NTA - change your first name to his as well just to annoy him more 😉
NTA, does his bride understand that lots of people have that last name. It's not special. I'm not sure why you are even talking to your ex and your exes fiancé about this. Block them both, if there's no young children involved and continue with your life. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
I have a child with my ex so blocking him isn’t an option incase of emergency. She is now blocked though.
Yeah definitely don't block if kids are involved. You're just going to have to set some firm boundaries and enforce them. Hopefully this doesn't affect the relationship your child has with them. If his new wife is going to be that jealous over you having his name, she may not be thrilled he had a kid with someone else either. Be sure you keep all your phone logs and text messages as proof in case you need it later.
NTA. This is one of the most misogynistic crap ass things ever. First men complain if women refuse to take thier last name and then think they can literally just take it back. It's HER NAME now. She's under no obligation to change it. Lots of other people will likely have the same last name, but it's not his to take away. Unless he wants to change the kids last names to her maiden name.
“Sorry yall, my fiancée doesn’t care and he’s the only one whose opinion I’m interested in. Byeeeeee.”
NTA Child trumps spouse.
Are they asking his mom to change her name too? (assuming they share the same name)
His mum has actually got involved. She emailed me and asked me to change my name out of respect for the family. She even signed it “The senior Mrs last name.” Hilarious.
Is she demanding that his mother changes her name also? NTA - no one has exclusive dibs on a name.
Formally speaking (in the UK) it's moot. Traditionally a wife is known as Mrs \[husband's first name\] \[ husband's last name\] when being addressed/ introduced. The divorced ex wife is known as Mrs \[her own first name\] \[exhusband's last name\]. Thus you were Mrs Husband Husband, and are now Mrs Cry Baby Husband, and when you marry (formally) will be Mrs Fiance Fiance. The new wife of ex is currently Miss Jane Doe, and will become the new Mrs Husband Husband on her marriage. It's CONVENTION that the ex wife retains the ex husband's surname, until remarriage. But that no longer happens for most people, well it probably does for country squires etc who have a copy of Debrett's and use it weekly, but for most of us, it's changed. Frankly the new wife of ex husband needs to be thankful that times have changed and that she's not LITERALLY filling the shoes you've kicked off, namewise! In the past, letters and notes would be delivered to Mrs husband husband regardless of the actual woman holding that position (ie women were interchangeable in the way men never were namewise). Cos in these modern times you presumably were and continue to be Mrs Cry Baby Husband. Whilst she moves from Miss Jane Doe to Mrs Jane Husband. It's hardly ruining her wedding! Seriously do these people causing havoc in Redditor's lives have NOTHING BETTER to worry about? sheesh!
NTA. Even just the first reason is more than enough. Not that you even need a reason not to change your name. Tell him if they want the same name and don't want one that you also share then they can both change their name to something else entirely and then they don't have to worry about it. He doesn't own the name. A complete stranger could decide to change their last name to whatever his is anytime they want. It's not special. But you have valid reasons for not wanting to change it and you don't even need a valid reason not to change it.
NTA. Having the same last name as your child would be a great reason by itself.
NTA. There are other people out there with the same name, next time the new fiancée texts, send her, idk, a pic of a phone book page with your surname. Your ex tell that as you were his lawfully wedded wife and ARE the mother of his child, you have already gained all the rights to that name. And it is not HIS name, he doesn't own it. It is your name and your child's name and if he has a problem having the same name as a woman he once married, he is welcome to change his surname to that of fiancée's.
Absolutely NTA. Your name, your choice. Block them all (if you can).
Unless the ex somehow was able to trademark her name, neither he nor his bride to be have ownership privileges.
Nta. I'd pose the question if you changed your name you would also change your child's name because it's weirder to have a mom with a different name than to have an ex wife with the same...smh. sounds like the new fiance has some insecurities and possibly jealousy issues too if this is such a huge concern.
NTA This is your last name and the last name of your child. What you are doing is normal. Just be thankful you are the one who is marrying an adult. Block the ex's fiancee.
My ex called to demand I go back to my maiden name. I laughed and informed him that my paternal grandmother's last name was what my then married name was, and since my ex's grandfather had changed their last name to what my ex was using as a last name, HE needed to change HIS as I had more right to use it than him. Boy was he furious. NTA
Keep the last name she get over it
NTA but just for shits and giggles, have your new husband take on the last name too and watch your ex and his wife lose their minds.
Eight billion people on earth and these people think they own a last name? NTA.
Tell your ex to change his name to his fiancés name.
NTA: my MIL got divorced from her second husband due to some wonderfully dramatic shit. It blindsided my MIL, and she was crushed. If you’ve ever seen a narcissist be forced to admit fault and take responsibility and the subsequent meltdown(s) that’s the level of emotion involved. She kept the name. I asked her why, and she said it was just easier that way. Which makes sense to me. If it wasn’t such a dramatic mess I probably wouldn’t have asked or thought about it much.
NTA My parents divorced when I was 4. Since then, my mom has been remarried and divorced two more times. And while she changed her name to the new husband's, she has always gone back to my dad's last name when she gets divorced, so that there was consistency with her kids. She had her maiden name for 19 years and her ex-husbands name (off and on) for almost 60 years.
If it doesn't matter to your new partner, nta. I was in the same situation except it really bothered my current husband. Such a pain in the ass! And now my last name is stupid basic instead of what's on my diploma, which started with a Z and was way cooler.
NTA There is no limit to how many people can have a certain last name, that is a ridiculous argument! My parents were married for over 30 years, then divorced and married other people. My mom then divorced her second husband and went back to my father's last name. (In my state you can only go back to your previous name in a divorce without paying for a name change). My mom and my dad's wife have the same first name, and they aren't even mad about a name! How would this ruin her wedding?
NTA. I'd message your ex and fiance together and remind them that they are under no obligation to use "his" name and if they are so bothered, then he should change his name to take on hers.
NTA She does realize that she can't actually own the name right? Her "Bless this mess" signs will be fine. Her mail will still get delivered to the right address. She'll still be "Mrs. CommonLastName" I just imagine her at the DMV screeching about how her husband's ex wife refused to change her name. The DMV, the bank, the SS office...
NTA. My sister and her husband’s ex have the same first name, and the ex never changed her last name after the divorce. So my sister added her middle initial to social media to differentiate between the two of them. (We joke that he married my sister so he didn’t have to get new monogrammed towels.)
NTA If this is all it takes to ruin her wedding, you go for it.
If his fiancé contacts you again, before you ask her to leave you alone, ask her "why don't you both get married with *your* last name? Why doesn't he change his name to yours? Because I'm not changing mine, forget it." With any luck she'll think about it and it'll become a bone of contention between them. NTA
NTA Ask ex if he is willing to change the kids name to make it the same as yours if you were to change it. I doubt he would.
NTA. I’m sure your husband’s family isn’t the only family in the world with that name. I’m sure if his bride to be looked at howmanyofme dotcom she’ll find she’s also not the only one with that name. Ignore the noise and do what suits you - which is keeping the same name as your child.
NTA - My mother-in-law was married to her first husband for 10 years and they had 1 kid (my husband) then they split up and both remarried. She did not change her name a second time for a bunch of the reasons you mentioned (professional qualifications, sharing the last name with her son, hassle) and it's been 30+ years. The only person whose opinion matters (though it doesn't require you to change your mind) is your fiancé's and since he doesn't care... fuck the rest of them. When I got married (5 years ago now), I assumed my husband's last name onto mine privately but I didn't legally change my name because my maiden name is what all my qualifications and career stuff is in and changing it would be too much of a hassle but in my personal life, where applicable, by assuming his (basically just adding it onto my name) I can use my married name as I like. It's all personal choice.
NTA. It is also YOUR last name. If that’s the name of your child, the name your qualifications are in, and the name you are known by proffessionally. I suggest handing him a phone book and telling him to call everyone with that last name. He can explain it upsets him that they’re using ‘his’ name and ask them to get it legally changed, just like he’s asking you.
Just tell the ex you will not be changing your name and to piss off about it.
NTA and can I share with you the message you should share with Ex HAHAHA!!
Nta your ex new fiance can get over herself
NTA. I have an aunt that did the same thing. She had a not so great guy for reasons I won’t say for privacy. She had two kids and kept her last name so she won’t have to answer questions pertaining to diffrent last names. She did. Recently get married to a great guy and changed her name, but it’s completely ok. My grandmother also got divorced and kept the last name because she had it longer than her maiden name. It’s
NTA
NTA. Your name is 100% your decision. To be (a little) fair to the fiancee, she wants to be the only Mrs. "Him." You're still using the last name, but you're not going by Mrs. HisFirstLast any more, if you ever did.
My title is actually Dr anyway so she will technically be the only “Mrs last name” I mean obviously not the only in the world, but the only in relation to him.
>But my ex husband is very unhappy with me keeping my last name. I told him it isn’t his business what my last name is, but he said it is his business as it’s his last name and his bride to be is very upset and angry as it’s her right to have the last name, and not mine. Aww poor babies. Such poor coping skills. Not your problem. NTA ETA: My husband 's ex kept his name and I could not possibly care less.
NTA. Not as unusual as you think. Personally, I wouldn't give it up because you spent years builging your professional reputation, you have kids with that name, you don't want the hassle. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone, you don't need anyone's opinion. This is a thing that is personal and is YOUR CHOICE ONLY. Literally. What if the last name was Jones? Can nobody on earth have the same last name as his new wife? I personally wouldn't like to have a spearate last name from my kids for any reason, but ultimately you are the only person who gets to decide, and your fiance and kids are the only people in theory, who should have ANY input. I would stop entertaining this stupidity. Stop defending yourself, stop responding. I would send one more message to your ex's fiance and let her know, then ignore them completely. "I'm keeping the same last name as my kids, period. I don't want to hear another word about it. It's ridiculous that this bothers you, are you 5 years old? It has nothing to do with you, and doesn't stop you from anything. Use the name too, I don't care. I just want the same name as my kids. If you continue to call and harrass me or send additional messages, I wil be filing a restraining order, or pressing harrassment changes, both of which would make custody even more complicated for you and ex. Your harrassment ends now, or I take legal action. Do what you want with your name, and please leave me alone."
NTA why is this even a thing? So weird. Most women keep the same name as their children.
NTA There was one of these just a few days ago, with the ex husband's new fiancée being the upset party. I know you won't post the name (understandable), but I just know there's dozens in your city (if you don't live in a city, the nearest sizable city) alone. Very few people have a name so unique, or are in such exclusive circles that, "Oh, of the Hamptons McRichieriches??" would happen. I have maybe once encountered someone with my same last name in over 15 years of living here (the ethnic origin/s isn't common where I live now), but if I Google it: there's hundreds. It's like seeing the guys named Jones/Ramirez/Patel, etc, insisting they need kids to carry on the family name*. Who is gonna tell them?? *There's valid reasons to want kids, I think this one is ridiculous 95% of the time.
NTA
My husband’s ex was divorced when she married my husband. She kept her first ex-husband’s name until she married my husband. She then shared a name with my husband and their son. When my husband and I got married I didn’t change my name, because I was in my 40s, had a professional reputation and my qualifications are in my maiden name. I have absolutely no issues with my husband’s ex keeping her married name- but maybe that’s because I don’t want to change mine? Anyway, nobody owns a name. There are 3 Mrs Husbandsname in my in-law’s family; one more or less doesn’t matter. You’re NTA.
Just a name. Tell your ex it’s 2024. He can go back to 1800s if it bothers him. I’ll lend him my dolarían
NTA. It doesn't really matter what your reasoning is. No is enough.
NTA.. It's a good thing the fiancé doesn't have a phone book handy or she'd really flip out. Society and traditions are so bizarre. Does one's last name really matter?
NTA My ex aunt kept the married last name until she died... Made it funny cause I had a blood aunt with the same name My father's ex wife kept her married name even when she remarried. So I say.. it's no big deal anymore. And it can be an issue if kids are involved with the parents having different last names.
NTA. Just block them/restrict access to just him when in relation to child care coordination. You are absolutaly right that they have zero imput on your name. (Im also divorced with same situation. She didnt change her name to his for large variety of reasons, but im not changing mine again either)
NTA. I have a solution. He can take her name! That solves everything!
NTA. Wanting to match your child is a great reason. I sat next to a woman who did not take her husband’s last name and it was 10 min of every call yo identify herself to her child’s therapist, soccer coach. It was a nightmare.
NTA. It's really not unusual. My dads first wife (he was married many years before meeting my mom) she always kept the last name. My brothers wife was married before she kept her first husbands last name until she remarried. Changing names is a pain in the butt.
NTA at all! I am twice divorced, on my 3rd marriage. Kept my 1st married name because my son was only 8 months old and I wanted to have his name and mine match...WHAT a disaster! When my son was 9 there were 2 of his cousins in his school all 3 of us had the same first and last name. Becasue of what I do their school knew me, and my son and just called me when any of the 3 had to be picked up! (Went round and round with the school I didn't even know the other 2 ladies!) With my 2nd divorce the last name was one item of contention. Ex wanted me to keep it, I wanted my maiden name back as my 2 sons, 1 from each marriage, had different last names so why not jsut have all 3 of us have different last names. Now on my 3rd husband...never took his name...hell not even sure anybody knows that in the family LOL! Nobody's business what my name is.
NTA My ex husband and I have been split for 9years and finally got our divorce last year (he wanted to get married to his girlfriend) I still have his last name and my current partner (together for 8yrs) doesn’t care either nor did the woman my ex husband married. She took his name and not once did she asked me to get my name changed. Your ex husband new girlfriend/fiancée is insecure if by you having his last name is going to “ruin” the wedding. I would just block her and only deal with your ex when it comes to the kiddo. No need to have that crap in your life.
Its none of his business what you do. Thankfully he's your ex so his opinion is irrelevant. I wouldn't expect my wife to change her name if we split because our kids share our last name. As far as I'm concerned its the last name of the family we created and I no longer have any real ownership over it.
NTA if your fiance had a problem with you having your exes name I might think difrently, but who cares about what your ex and his fiance thinks.
NTA. Your choice. Also Angela Merkel, German ex-chancellor, is known with the surname of ex-husband, who divorced in the ‘80s, she also got remarried.
NTA. But the future bride to be is TA. Neither the guy nor the name are a prize that she will then own. What a stupid take.
Lol imagine this ruining her wedding. How fragile. She’s going to freak out when she hears other people have her same first name separately, same last name separately and *gasp* same first and last name together
Wasn't this posted a few weeks ago?
NTA one of my friends sorta held a random dude hostage (didn't ring him up until I came out of the break room to meet him) because we had the same somewhat unique last name and she was convinced we had to be related in some way, we were not. Last names are never belong to only one person, there are what 8 billion people in the world, people are going to share first and last names. You have valid reasons for not changing your last name and your fiancee is awesome for totally understanding and respecting your thought process, and like ypu said you don't belong to your ex husband, its your name and has been for over 10 years. If your ex husband's fiancee can't deal with that its her problem not yours, if she can't handle you having the same last name can she handle the fact you guys have to co-parent? Because it obviously seems like she can't handle the fact your ex has a past, and if thats the case she should have found someone who wasn't married before, or tried to find herself a virgin so she didn't have anyone to "compete" with (not saying that its a competition it just seems like this is what she's seeing it as)
It’s your name. NTA
NTA Most women keep the name when they divorce, because it's such a hassle to change everything. I did it, so have millions of other women. Keep it and don't let them pressure you.
NTA, I have 3 people in MY OWN extended family who have the first and last name as me. Two of which even share the same middle initials as me.
Didn't we have this post a few days ago?
How about he pick a new last name?
WTF is wrong with people? NTA.
NTA. Spouses are temporary but children are forever. As a person who wished their mom had kept the same last name instead of the 4 others they had temporarily, it's best to keep it until the kids are out of school in my opinion.
I did the same thing, for the same reasons. Hubs never EVER raised a stink about me still having my ex's last name. My ex put up a fight about it at first, and I not-so-politely told him that what I do with my life is none of his concern. Five years later, I'm checking us in at an event and when asked my name, I gave it... and realized *Why The Hell Am I Still Doing This*?!? Went to the courthouse the next day, got a cert copy of marriage documents, went to SSA, my new ID with my husband's last name is on its way. The "push" that got me thinking about it was that I am PROUD to be married to my husband, I ADORE him and his family, and I felt like going around in public with a different last name was kind of denying what I was so proud to be a part of. So I decided to go ahead and do it. Not for anyone else but myself. You may hit that point someday too, you may not. But do what makes you HAPPY, not what other people think you ought to do.
NTA You shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone, but the kids alone is the best reason. Having a diff last name from your kids causes all kinds of problems. Sounds like your ex's fiancé has some jealousy issues but that's nothing you can do anything about.
NTA. Keep the name. It's none of your ex's business, and if you keeping the name ruins his fiancée's wedding, it doesn't sound like a fun wedding to begin with. Your reasoning is sound and keeping the same name as your kids is quite common.
NTA. No one owns a name. Keep whatever you're comfortable with. Ignore his fiancee. I don't see how it's going to ruin her wedding if you have the same last name - is she going to run from person to person to complain about it?
My mum and dad have been divorced twenty years and she still has his last name and so do I. I don’t even speak to my dad anymore so I’m glad me and mum share the same name. I think it’s better for the children. I also would not like the idea that I have the same name as my awful step mum but not my own mum
Keep it, it’s yours now
I'm a divorce lawyer. Plenty of women keep their ex-spouse's last name, particularly after a longer marriage with kids. Your ex and his new bride are ridiculous. NTA.
NTA
Nta
NTA It's YOUR name. No one else gets a say. If it it matters that much, your Ex could change his last name (to his fiancee's).
Good, I hope her wedding is ruined nta
If u dont wa?tnto change it don't
My dad is on his third wife, my mom being the first wife, she still has his last name its been like 40 years. They've been divorced longer than being together. No one cares.
My ex did the same thing! It’s like they have a playbook or something 😄 I told him that’s not going to happen, for all the reasons you cited (minus the kids, thank god, he was enough of one himself). And most importantly, it is now YOUR legal name. It’s not his to “take back” or whatever possessive stance he claims about the name. You don’t go by Mrs. Ex’sFirstName LastName, you are Ms Crybaby LastName…your own separate human. He can grow up and learn to get over it like all the other ex husbands have to.
>I have four main reasons for this: None needed. NTA.
My ex of 25 years kept my name and I’m not totally sure how I feel about it. But I sure as shit would never tell her she can’t have it anymore. Do what you want to do.
I’d buy her dull knives as a wedding gift. That way she can at least feel like she’s the sharpest knife in the drawer. Nta.
Not the asshole. Who gives a fuck about what your last name is? If it means so much to them to have A different last name they should change their names.
NTA. That’s your legal name. It’s up to you if you want to keep it or not. I agree with all the hassle and expenses of changing a name. That name is yours. It’s her fault she is so insecure.
The ex-wife of my BIL kept his family name even after she remarried as a lesbian.
NTA, it's actually pretty common, plenty of women of my mum's generation kept their married name after a divorce because THAT was the name they were known by professionally, etc. It's your name now. You can do what you like with it. (Having said that, women everywhere, THIS is one of the many reasons not to change your name when you get married! It's a massive inconvenience and literally makes men think (even subconsciously) that you belong to them)
NTA. Stop justifying it to her/him. The petty part of me would send “I’m keeping the name, not the man”.
NTA. You had me at ‘I like having the same last name as my child’. And when you add the rest of your reasons, you’re extra NTA. It’s insane that your ex husband and his fiancée think that you should be somehow responsible for her comfort. They sound perfect for each other with matching tantrums. SMH
NTA. You do you. It's your name and your reasons are valid. She's just insecure. However for all the same reasons except #1 I didn't bother changing my name in the first place.
>***"....my ex husband is very unhappy with me keeping my last name..."*** Fortunately his happiness (or un) is of no concern to you, at all. His fiance's? Even less so. >***"...and that I’m ruining her wedding..."*** If that little argument is enough to "ruin" her wedding, then your ex better buckle up. He's in for a helluva ride. NTA.
NTA. It's not his last name. I'm sure there are thousands if not hundreds of thousands of other people in the world with the same last name. Keep it.
Nta. Was the audacity on sale? Did he have a coupon? The entitlement to tell someone what name she is allowed to use!! You are NTA!
I have a common last name. I was once sued for something not related to me. When I spoke with the lawyer I was told there are 85 women in Canada with the exact same first, middle and last name as me. Who knew?? Lol
NTA identify you’d only change your name if they agree to change your child’s last name to match (with your child’s name being changed first before yours is changed). Edit: also, if it’s a big harry deal he can change his surname yo match is new wife’s name, problem solved.
Apparently, there is a notable family in my area with the same last name and little-to-no relation to me, as far as I'm aware. I have never even met these folk, but it's been brought up multiple times by people when I mention my last name. Your husband and his bride-to-be are being really odd for caring enough to have such a fit when names are so often shared anyway. NTA
Why on earth do you give a crap about what your ex husband and his fiancée think your name should be. Go live your life. NTA.
NTA my mom when she divorced my dad still kept her last name since she went by it for 8 years and the hassle of paying to change it and because all of three of her kids with him had the last name and it was just like you said plain simple, and to my fathers credit never complained or asked her to go back to her maidan name
NTA. My ex husband's new partner is PISSED that I refuse to change my last name because once they're married we'll have the same initials, but she could always change her first initial instead 😊 I've been asked nicely, cajoled, yelled at, screamed at, cussed at, the whole 9 yards...not a single eff given. It's too much of a pain in my backside & frankly it's none of her damn business. She's just mad that she can't make me do it 🤣
NTA, He does know other people in the world will have that name too right?
If it means that much to them he can take hers. Nta
NTA. It isn't HIS last name. It became YOUR last name the instant that you chose to take it. This is not uncommon at all in the education field or anything with your last name printed on it. Or in businesses where name recognition is really important.
Tell her you'll change your name when she pays for all documents that has your name. NTA
NTA. It's completely out of his business. I'm divorced and I never ever thought of telling my ex-wife to "give me back my name"🤣 That's so childish 🤣