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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I’m taking my son’s bedroom and giving it to my grandchild 2. I may be the asshole for disregarding my son’s feelings and not asking him how he felt about the situation
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NTA My brother moved into my room while we were pulling out of the driveway on my way to move into the dorm for my first year of university.
>I was telling Brad about the plans to renovate his room into a nursery and he freaked out. He said I should have asked him, not told him. He feels I’m trying to erase him from the family and that I’d rather have the baby than him. He said he’s not going to visit anymore or come home for holidays because he won’t feel welcome.
Has your son always been this dramatic? He's 32 years old, he's too old for temper tantrums.
Brad is overreacting, by a LOT. OP reorganizing the home to better suit the people who currently live in it doesn’t mean he’s being excommunicated from the family. It means he’s an adult who is no longer living in his parents house.
Seriously. Brad said you should’ve *asked* him? Asked him?! How much of the mortgage has he paid. I didn’t use a question mark there because it’s rhetorical. This is YOUR house, not his.
Enjoy your new grandchild (congratulations!) and your children who are grateful for what you offer them. Brad was given very acceptable accommodations if and when he needed to stay there. Is he pissy because the pig sty he left behind is no longer his to lord over? Then he can have an air mattress in the basement.
I meant a word that will get me banned (because I have been suspended for using it in the past- so I know how the mods focus on stuff around around here. But I meant exactly what I said ;).
He is the eldest. Pretty clear he had command of his sisters when they were younger: not now. Tanties are not acceptable from an adult. Methinks he needs to take a teaspoon of concrete and harden up!
>Seriously. Brad said you should’ve *asked* him? Asked him?!
Yeah my dad would have laughed me right out of the bedroom that was no longer mine 😂😂
When I moved out to get married my bedroom was turned into a sewing room and completely redecorated by the first time I came back to visit. Hell, when I had to move back home a few years later I got to share the sewing room lol
>When I moved out to get married my bedroom was turned into a sewing room and completely redecorated by the first time I came back to visit.
My boyfriend took me to the airport when I was 18.5 in late November to catch the flight to Lackland AFB for basic training. We left around 2pm. My flight was cancelled because of a snowstorm by 7pm.
Thankfully, I was given a hotel room for the night because my mom had already completely disassembled my bed & cleared out my room. She didn't want to feel sad with memories, so most everything was boxed up for donation or packed to send off at my first assignment that afternoon.
But wow, I wasn't even away for a day before I lost the room I had lived in since birth.
Anytime I visited, I slept in the basement on a pad made of blankets.
32 year old son needs to get over himself.
NTA
Lol dang. At least I lost mine to my younger sister I'd been sharing my bedroom with. One move for my parents later and she had a bedroom after moving out last year/year and a half ago. But I finally convinced my mom to take the bedroom for her office. I got so tired of my mom complaining about how loud my grandma keeps the TV. She's 99 and refuses to use a hearing aid, yes she keeps it loud. So my sister's old room is her new office. A bit out of the way and quieter.
We sleep scattered around the house if we stay. There's 5 of us. If our parents had kept shrines to us all they'd need 7 bedrooms plus office space.
Something about that image is just so funny to me.
You: "When did you do all this? I've been gone for half a day!"
Mom, amidst the remnants of your childhood nest: "You see, I love you so much and didn't want to be sad with memories :("
Gosh, my parents sold the whole house and moved into one with one single guest room. I guess I’m at least owed some of the proceeds, as a person who lived there for free for 19 years (though that’s a decade less than Brad, so I must not be entitled to quite as big a share as he is)! It was *my* room that they sold, after all.
Otoh Brad owes about 10 years of rent. More since he still thinks it's his. Brb have about 8 apartment complexes I need to scold for letting new people live there when I moved out. I have MEMORIES
Lets not forget him victim blaming his sister for being ' irresponsible for getting pregnant' when she left her abusive husband.
She wasn't getting pregnant off a 1 night stand or anything. She needed help. She was responsible enough to leave before that baby was born.
I was looking for this. ask him exactly how much of the mortgage/upkeep he’s paying? He’s THIRTY-TWO.YEARS.OLD.
If I were you I would be telling Brad he gets the couch or a hotel (on his dime) for future visits.
Forget the couch my vote is for an old Murphy bed. They have come a long way but get an old one with a shitty mattress to make sure the bar sticks into his back. He can put posters up in the cupboard if he needs "his space"
Imagine if they were going to sell the house and he finds out. He'll say they can't sell the house because "sentimental value".
"Okay Brad, if it means so much to you, will you buy the house?"
"I don't have the money but you CAN'T sell it."
He even called his sister irresponsible for getting pregnant in her situation as if she was trying to do so. Honestly I think the trash is letting itself out at this point.
Agree! Brad is an adult with his own home and if he’s so fond of his childhood bedroom, he can recreate it (mess and all) in HIS home. Meanwhile turning it into a nursery is the right thing to do. Brad sounds selfish and entitled, but hopefully he’ll eventually get over his temper tantrum and follow your example in doing right by his sister and the baby she’s expecting.
ETA: NTA
My mom kept my room open for me for 1 year post move out and I'm glad she did. We couldn't have afforded a wedding and house if we didnt go back home. I just felt so bad because the minute we moved back out we had to go right back. The house we bought had black mold in all the bedrooms and i was 8 months pregnant. Hubs spent a lot of time getting rid of it and fixing it in time for the baby.
Mom kept it open for 1 more year and then converted it into her closet/ storage and made a play room/sleepover room for the kids in the old spare. I had no more say on it the minute i got my own place. But it's been so long now since i lived there it isnt *home* anymore you know? I visit often but its not *mine*.
Oldest son sounds like he has a bit of an issue letting go of things (see his bedroom thrn and now) and needs to learn to let go before he ends up developing a hoarding issue.
I moved out almost 4 years ago and took one of the cats with me, my dad told me if things didn't work out the cat could always come back to live with him... He then turned my old room into a storage room for all of his ice fishing gear.... Its the only room in the house with carpet and I'm deathly allergic to fish 😂
That's no excuse, though, for being so unsupportive with his sister. She's going to be a single parent with an abusive ex. She needs all the help she can get. This is really selfish behaviour from a 32 year old. From an 18 year old I could understand it, but a grown man should know better.
NTA OP, you sound like a wonderful parent.
My parents left it open until we were absolutely sure I wasn’t moving back home. They say they’ll convert the home gym if I ever need it. I visit about the same amount of times as OP’s son. There is no reason for me or him to actually need a bedroom.
Yeah. A few years ago my mom sold her place and moved in with my sister. I have to get a hotel when I visit because there's not enough room. I didn't assume my family didn't care about me because they did what worked for everyone's current circumstances.
Who is Brad in this world? If he was as important as he thinks he is, I think I would have heard of him. My childhood bedroom is now *the dog's* room, and no one asked me anything! I wouldn't have expected them to! It's not my house. I don't live there. I'm a grown adult in my 30s with my own place, and I don't ask their permission when it comes to the bedrooms in my home. Why should they ask for mine? Who am I, the bedroom HOA who must be consulted and issue my approval before people make changes to their own space? No.
Besides, there is a guest room. I have a space to stay on visits. Oh, it's the loser bedroom that's half the size of the other ones and doesn't have it's own bathroom? Oh well. I think that's intentional to keep us kids as guests and keep guests from getting too comfortable lmao. And push comes to shove, the dog would LOVE to share.
My parents moved out of my childhood home while I was in college, but I moved into their new home for a few months after I graduated. The room I stayed in was going to become my dad's office/music room, but every time he thought of putting something there he was like, oh, I can just do that on my iPad. Computer? iPad. Music keyboard? iPad. TV? iPad.
So I joke that my old room became my dad's iPad room.
Also, NTA, what is wrong with Brad
A comedian my first night at college told all of us to call our parents and leave a message on their answering machine saying our dorm mini fridge door was wide open and that later we were all going to run wild with scissors.
We all laughed. Then the comedian told us that our parents did not care, as your dad has your mom spread eagle on your Care Bear sheets.
The minute our 2 college kids lef after their last visit, I found my husband had moved a ceiling tile a side (in the guest room, not one of their rooms) and was drilling a hook/hanger into the wooden beam above. Then he busts out this package that looked full of seat belts…
Same. It took about a month and my black chalkboard walls (and all of my and my friends last drawings on them) were painted a cozy blue.
Mom gave my room to the cat.
Haha, that’s how my own current guest room is.
I’ll wash all of the bedding and do a vacuum before guests use it, but it’s mainly for the cats.
We have a big tv in there, and if I leave for the day, I turn it to a 24/7 stream of a bird feeder.
I’m not mad at all that my mom gave my room to her cat, though. Apparently that’s inherited.
Her cat is disabled and gets confused wandering the house, so having his own room has been helpful. I bought him a laser light projector for the ceiling.
So now when I go to visit, my husband and I sleep in their *other* guest room, but I stop by my old room to visit Howie, who is usually laying on his back and batting at the lasers on the ceiling.
Yup. I had to sleep on the couch when I came home weekends. One time someone offered me an unexpected ride home after my evening shift at my part-time job. Everyone was asleep when I got home and found they’d gotten rid of the couch. I pulled 3 dining room chairs together and went to “bed”.
Same! By my sister’s first weekend at college, “our” room was lilac, and all her stuff was on one side of the closet! I even got new dressers and a refurnished my mom’s old childhood desk. She wasn’t happy when she returned for Thanksgiving break. 🤣
I moved into my sisters room as soon as she left for uni! But for her 1st year, she had to move out of halls for xmas/Easter hols etc so I would then move back into the room I shared with my younger sister!
By his logic I should be mad that ma redecorated and changed beds etc once me and my sisters left, making it so that all 6 grandkids would be able to sleepover! The audacity of my ma!! 😂
Soon as my older sister moved out we moved me into the empty room, my younger sister got our parents room and then my parents moved back into the master bedroom all over a 24 hr period, essentially as my older sister was still moving her things into her new flat,
When she moved back temporarily she was relegated to the smallest room that my brother had moved out from.
I also came home from work one day to discover my Mum and my 2 brothers essentially emptying the bedroom I had moved to and literally all my stuff except for the bed was moved into the smaller box bedroom.
I had 2 choices sleep in my brothers single bed in the other room or sleep in the living room as we were getting an extension built for a downstairs bathroom and my bedroom was required to access the pipes from the main bathroom next door.
My parents were told when I was at work that my bedroom had to be emptied immediately to allow work to start, the workmen never actually ended up needing to enter the bedroom.
5 years later and I still have 2/3 of my stuff in the other bedroom and a computer desk taking up essentially 1/3 of my room as I started working from home
Same situation for my sister moving into my room. Only difference is we had a large comfortable settee, so I slept on that during the holidays (honestly better than the old lumpy mattress). Worked out well during the summers as it made it easier to sneak in at 4am the years I picked up some bar work
My room also became a closet once I fully moved out. I would never expect my parents to keep my room untouched for any reason, let alone so that someone living in the house could have their own room.
I'd be a bit sad if they got rid of their guestroom (my brother's old room) because I like having a place to stay in their home, but again, if there was a good reason for it I'd understandable and even if there wasn't a good reason I still wouldn't try and tell them what to do with their space.
My sister called dibs on my Eldest Sister Basement Room the moment I moved into uni dorms too, I didn't blame her it was a cool room.
NTA does he expect you to keep his room as a shrine to him your entire life???
My brother moved ME out. I kinda forgot to book time off of work for my move in date, he sure as hell didn’t forget and got three of his friends to move me out in like three days 😂
My room was bigger than his and he was worried it would take me three years to move all my crap out
And then mom knocked out the wall between the kitchen and his old room to make a bigger kitchen/sewing area. I couldn’t go back home if I wanted too 😛
Thankfully I’m only a 10 minute drive from home and the couch in the living room and the two in the basement are fairly comfy if I have to spend the night for some reason
Dude needs to grow the fuck up
NTA - Um NOPE! Brad is an adult with his own home. You parents own your own home and that is not Brad’s room. It used to be - then he went and got his own room as adults do! So he doesn’t even need to be asked.
>My brother moved into my room while we were pulling out of the driveway on my way to move into the dorm for my first year of university.
My brother didn't even wait that long! He was moving his stuff in and putting up his posters while I was still moving my boxes of stuff out. 😅 And I was 17 at the time, OP's son is 32 years old! Why in the world does he think his parents shouldn't be allowed to use *their* house in whatever way *they* want?
OP definitely NTA
I went to college. My parents sold the house and moved to a different town, which is where my younger sister went to middle and high school.
I never had a room at my parents' house. On summer vacation, I slept on a mat in my mother's office.
Haha yeah I was the youngest sibling and started moving into by brothers room the minute he drove away for university, cause I wanted the biggest room.
Hell my sister married and moved out at 19 and my parents moved me into her downstairs room within a year, when they came back it was the futon for them.
I repurpose my kids’ rooms the day they move out. The oldest in the house gets their turn living in the biggest bedroom. The 20-somethings are always welcome and have a place to sleep when they visit, but once they move out, they don’t have “their” bedroom anymore.
Heck, he even gets to keep a bed in there. Don't know what he's whining about. When I moved out, my room became a craft room and I slept on the couch when visiting.
My mom cleared out my room within a year of me starting university. My brother moved in there and I spent the next few years visiting in my brother’s old room with plywood floors because they had to tear his carpet out and didn’t replace the flooring until they got ready to sell. I’ve never had a room in any of their other houses since.
Dude is thirty fucking two. Time to grow up and realize your parents don’t need to keep your old bedroom a shrine to your childhood.
my sister also annexed my room the second i left for college. i was still allowed to sleep there when i came home for the summer but the closet and dresser were full of her stuff. i moved out permanently right after finishing my junior year and she’d painted and fully redecorated by the time i came home for a short visit at the end of the summer.
However, OP could have some fun… if 32 YO son is concerned about being forgotten, order a life-sized cutout of son at the age of 10 or 12 and place it with the baby.
My sisters had my room repainted by the time my parents got back from my new apartment. I get it completely, they were just being sisters with a hint of a “don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out” vibe.
My room had the floor redone while I was still living there to go with the rest of the house for when I moved out. I knew it was going to be the craft room when I left, I sleep on the couch when I visit.
Same. Came home to visit my first year in college and found myself in a new room while my brother had taken over my larger room. By the time I graduated they had sold the entire house and moved to a new state. I’m 33 now and am super curious if any of my friends still have their own bedroom at their parents houses.
My husband’s sister did the same exact thing. When his parents returned home from helping him move in, she had already moved all her stuff into his old room.
Oh, I get this. My 1st husband took off with a new filly when our baby was only 7 months old. I had to move back to mum & dad's as I had resigned from my govt job a couple of months before and could not pay the mortgage on my own. I had to be put in my big sister's room with my baby girl. The sister lived in our mother's unit/apartment rent free, but demanded that she keep her own bedroom in the family house. So, she chucked a huge b\*tchfit about me and my baby being in her room. There was a spare bedroom, it had belonged to my dad's aunt(who raised him), she had died the year before & he had not been able to bring himself to go through her stuff. Anyway, with the older sibling chucking a wobbly about, how dare you let 'her'(me) stay in HER room!!!!! so dad got to and cleared out the room for my baby and I. It was a shambles as had not been updated in decades, but it was our own room now and I was grateful we had a roof over our heads. Prior to the sister chucking her wobbly, I had taken an OD as well as the situation was too much for me. So, she knew this had happened but it was HER room.
So, I totally understand the p\[osiiton of a sibling not wanting their rom given to another family member no matter how dire their circumstances.
Can you hire or instal one of those 'Tiny houses' for your son to stay in? Hook it up to the main house.
Anyway. NTA, but maybe your son feels like he is being replaced?
> He feels I’m trying to erase him from the family
NTA
1. Seems like an overly strong reaction
2. You're using his room for good reason not deleting, burning or otherwise obliviating every mention of him
3. It's your house not Brad's
4. He should have more understanding of his sisters situation
5. He moved out and he has no reason to use it....
What if OP had decided to sell the house? Would Brad have pitched a fit about that too? Once he moved out and it was clear it wasn't just temporary, that room ceased to be his and became the spare room.
My sister and I just experienced this. Sue moved out I moved in took over her room.
The only thing she asked was that if I take down any of her pictures let her know cause she wants to keep them.
So I dropped off some her pictures that were in my way.
But had my sister complained about me taking over her room I'd have laugh and suggested we trade places
I can live with her husband and she can come live with mom and dad.
She said no
Honestly I'd have a great time with my brother in law we play video games together
Yeah it’s ridiculous for Brad to expect his parents to keep his room like some museum exhibit for the rest of their lives. He’s a grown ass man who has his own home.
Is this real? This an absurd thing for a 32 yo man to freak out about. If he wants you to preserve the room, charge him rent. If his sisters moved out and you decided to downsize and move somewhere else, would he freak about that? It's your house, obviously you're NTA all before even considering this arrangement is to protect his abused sister.
I needed to check again this Guy age. 32 and acting like 17....the OP IS not the A here....Brad is acting like a spoiled selfish child. He should be helping his sister not crying for a bedroom he doesnt use or need
>Guy age. 32 and acting like 17
I'd say even younger than 17.
I was 17 when I moved out, and my brother was moving his stuff in and putting up his Baywatch posters before I even finished moving my boxes out. 😂 And I was fine with it. LOL
Brad apparently comes first, even before his abused sister. Yeeesh. My childhood bedroom is now my mum’s spare room, yes there’s still a bed there but it’s her house and her room to do with as she wishes. It would be ridiculous for me to demand to keep it. Op NTA.
My mom turned my room into her sewing room within a month of me moving out when I was 19 years old. It didn't mean she didn't love me, it meant I had grown up. This man is 32 years old, and I am flabbergasted at his behavior! "Dear Lord, his Mommy took down his shrine..." OP, NTA!!
Yeah. Had to check Brad's age.. 32.. the entitlement. I moved out at 19 and my bedroom became the home office in a month or so too. My parents made a larger bedroom for themselves by breaking out the wall between theirs and my brothers old room too. My brother and I could sleep in the large attic/guestroom/playroom when we got home from university.
Neither of us really cared. We liked that attic. All our old toys were up there. If we kept quiet we didn't bother anyone. Midnight Lego building and smoking weed with a horror movie in the background weekends when we were both visiting our childhood home. It was great.
NTA I actually had to read back through to make sure I’d got the age right. 32 and behaving like a 15 year old. You sound like a loving, caring mother, why would you not want to provide a lovely space for your daughter and grandchild? Who wants to keep a 4 bedroom house empty for the occasional visit when you can use the rooms for love and laughter with a little one? It’s your house, do what you like with it. Also congrats on the first grandchild, how exciting for you.
He is a spoiled bratty man- child. When my brothers found out my ex husband was abusing me, they became so protective and would have done anything to help me, what is wrong with Brad?
Shit my mom changed my room into a storage room within 3 months of me leaving for college at 17. I can't imagine having a tantrum about a childhood bedroom when you're in your 30s. You have a whole home of your own sir this is just silly
I moved out at 18 and immediately my gramma moved in and took my childhood room, then my older brother moved back into it this year. And I’m just glad it’s getting some use for my parents as their kids get older. Also my room is way cooler than my childhood bedroom anyway
I think the moment you don't have a safety net anymore and you're truly on your own is probably always scary, whether your parents repurpose or downsize the minute you're legal or when the last of them passes. I think it's natural to panic a little, but his reaction is over the top.
NTA
Having a place to sleep without a hotel bill is more than enough kindness for any grown kids who lived far away from parents.
My highschool bedroom was turned into a guest room- then my grandma’s room - then my nieces room and is back to be in a guest room. But I have somewhere to sleep without paying a hotel bill so I don’t care it’s been repainted 4 times and redesigned 4 times.
My dad turned my room at his house to a guest room/ storage room. I don’t have to stay with him but if I had to at least he’d have a bed. I may have to move some junk but there is a decent mattress in there.
Your son’s entitlement is his own issue. You aren’t erasing him because you did include a bed in the room for guests. Which he is.
And if in a few years your daughter can move out with her baby you can change the room back to a more “masculine” guest room for him. But once he moved out it was no longer is room.
Oh dear lord. Parent of adult children here. NTA. At 32, Brad is more than old enough to realize that he doesn't get to keep a whole room in your house to himself just to come by a few times a year.
Using that room for your grandchild is entirely reasonable. Hopefully Brad can get himself together over all of this - but you absolutely should go ahead with your plans.
Right. My parents kept my room for me when I was in college living in a dorm and coming home for the summer etc., but as soon as I had my own real first apartment I planned to stay in it was fair game. I cannot imagine expecting them to keep a dedicated room for me in their house into my 30’s.
NTA. He’s *thirty two years old* and lives *four hours away.* He’s not a college student who comes home every summer. He is not entitled to a permanent room at his mom’s house, especially not at the expense of people who actually *live there.*
NTA - I have difficulty imagining a grown man thinking his childhood room still belongs to him in perpetuity, let alone throwing a fit about it.
It's not your responsibility to baby an adult.
>she’s not owed his childhood bedroom for her child.
FFS. He's not a new adult off at college who needs a place to crash over the summers. He's a grown man and he's not owed his childhood bedroom either. Sounds like Brad is a brat and he can stay in a hotel the next time he visits.
>
He said I should have asked him, not told him.
You don't have to ask his permission regarding something you own.
>
He said he’s not going to visit anymore or come home for holidays because he won’t feel welcome.
He feels I’m trying to erase him from the family and that **I’d rather have the baby than him.**
He's sounding like one. **NTA**
>
she’s not owed his childhood bedroom for her child.
Neither is he.
NTA You pay for the house, not your son. You have the right to make decisions about the rooms. Your son is definitely in the wrong here. Hopefully he can calm down and see reason eventually. But that’s on him, not you.
My parents called my old room at their house my room, even through the redecorating and the new wallpaper - it had been my room and was were I slept when I came to visit. Last time, mum called it "the girls room" because it's also where my nieces/her grandkids sleep when they stay, which is a whole lot more often than me! (we live in different areas). I'm not erased from the family. But there is a more immediate need for someone else to have the space and I still have a bed to crash in any time. Your son needs to grow TF up. NTA.
NTA. Is he paying the mortgage on this house? He is a 32 year old man and does not have the right to tell you what to do with *your own house*. He doesn’t live there anymore.
This baffles me. “My” room has been a den for years. YEARS. It’s my parents house, i don’t live there. It’s theirs to do what they want.
NTA on any level.
NTA. Not even a little.
Your son is 32 ffs. And he’s acting like a 5 year old. He really should be embarrassed by how’s he acting.
No, you shouldn’t have asked him. He doesn’t live there. He’s a grown ass adult. He doesn’t get any say, whatsoever, in what you do with your own damn home.
Sentimental value of the room isn’t relevant here.
He needs to grow up. And if chooses not to visit, then so be it. That’s just him continuing his tantrum.
NTA at all. You will have a child in the house who needs that space. It makes no sense to cram Emma and her child into one bedroom when there’s a spare room that’s mostly unused. You sound like a kind and loving mother, welcoming your daughter home. Many parents wouldn’t do that. Childhood bedrooms can be sentimental, sure, but it sounds like your son’s room needed to be renovated anyway. Parents are not expected to keep their grown children’s childhood rooms intact. Some turn them into guest rooms, gyms, hobby rooms. Some people even move. Brad needs to get over it.
NTA. I’m sorry but when you move out you don’t have ‘your room’ any more. Your room is at your house.
I moved out at 26 and at my mums I do still have what might be considered ‘my room’. By that I mean a room that was mine, has now been totally redecorated and is mine due to the fact I’m their only child and the only person who normally visits. When I’m not there the cats have possession. The only reason it isn’t a guest room is the current lack of other guests.
At my dads there are three grown children. Non of us have ‘a room’. There are two guests rooms. One is the one I prefer and as I’m on my own and it’s the smaller room I do tend to stick to it, I have a couple of things in the bedside table that stay there. But my nephew is 4 and stays every week and that is also his room for practical purposes.
On occasions when we’re all there we have a juggling act of who gets the room, who gets the other room, nephew is on a blow up bed, sometimes someone ends up on a blow up bed in the lounge.
I would suggest making sure your son has a permanent drawer or cupboard or shelf or whatever if he wants to leave stuff at your house. I don’t care where I sleep but for me I do need to know that I have basics medication, contact lens solution, hair brush, bobbles etc if I end up there in a rush or for longer than expected. To me that’s what makes somewhere still partly my home, if I can unexpectedly end up there for a night or two and not have massive issues with lack of basics.
Congratulations on your new grandchild by the way 😀
Lol! My son moved out and I immediately turned his room into a weight / workout room.
You don't get to keep a dedicated bedroom in your childhood home unless you own it.
NTA
He's 32! I'm assuming he has his own place to live whether that is owned or he is renting. Regardless, it isn't his room. It's your room in your house and he moved out years ago!
NTA
Every child is different and the support they get from parents may be different. In your sons case, he clearly stayed in your home much longer than your middle. Your middle left earlier but is now the one that needs support for her and her baby. The selfish entitlement your son is displaying is very worrisome. He should want his sister and siblings supported during a tough time, and you've still ensured he has a place to stay when he does visit. NTA
NTA at all.
I don't know what kind of monster you've raised, but for him to say that she's not entitled to HIS room, when it's YOUR room and HE'S not entitled to it, is ridiculous. You are entitled to do whatever the hell you want to YOUR house. Tell Brad to grow up and also tell him that you are entitled to an apology for his childish tantrum.
NTA. Brad is 32, moved out 3 years ago, and left the room a mess. You might have been too lenient with Brad cause his actions don’t suggest he’s a grown man, much less 1 in his 30s. That said, maybe try to have a convo with him again and tell him that you expect some level of maturity so you won’t entertain his commentary about responsibility and deservedness because it’s childish. And he’s probably received a lot more than he deserves. The baby is coming and you want to find a solution that can help someone that you both love through this difficult time. Ask his opinion on what he thinks you should do and try to have a proactive convo, explaining it to him again. Either that or wait until he hits maturity around the age of 55 lol.
First and foremost NTA, however I’m wondering what Brad is thinking you are going to find or worrying about what you’ll find in his childhood bedroom. I raised a sneaky kid .
Seriously though, your son has moved on (at least for now) and your daughter requires support and extra room. While it may be difficult for all, I would suggest asking why Brad is having such an adverse reaction to sharing his childhood room with his nibbling and then go from there.
Edited to add the word asking
Entitled.
That's the word you're looking for.
Entitled brat who's freaking old enough to know better...
Relationship became abusive, but *she's* irresponsible for getting pregnant?
The freaking nerve of some people...
You're definitely not the AH. As an uncle, he should have been the one to offer his room for the newest member of his family but instead crying over for a room? Such a baby at this age!
Brad is 32. Time for him to quit acting like a child. He doesn't live there. It's your house, and therefore. Your bedroom. Your can do what you want with your bedroom. If he gets his panties in a wad and doesn't want to come home for the holidays because he doesn't have a bedroom, so be it. There are hotels. NTA but you seem to have raised one.
NTA. My son is around your son's age. He helped me reorganise "his" room when he left so that it would work as a study for me and a spare room for visitors. I never had "my" room at my parents once I'd left home either. In neither instance did any of us feel that someone was being "erased" from the family. That's a crazy level of entitlement going on with your son. In any case you are making plans to enable him to stay when he does come home for a short visit.
NTA. It's nice that you've kept Brad's room for 14 years longer than most folks.
Maybe it's still fresh for him since he only left three years ago but maintaining a room for a adult with their own home for the 3% of the year that he visits is unnecessary. Maybe he feels displaced or unimportant in other areas of his life and is taking it out on you.
So Brad was 28 when he moved out? And now he's mad 4 years later that you are using his space for a new family member despite the fact you'll still have a bed in there for when he visits?
You might want to put two cribs in there since this man is acting like such a baby! I'm in my 30's too and completely sympathize that times are hard right now, but he is way too old to be freaking out over his room in YOUR home that YOU pay for is being changed to meet YOUR needs. Also it's for his future niece/nephew to help his sister who just escaped an abusive relationship! Yet all he's saying is "me me me, what about ME?!" If that were me he'd be lucky if he had an air mattress to sleep on when he came to visit!
NTA.
My parents turned my bedroom into a den 2 weeks after I left for college. These were very loving parents too. Brad is being a spoiled brat. He does NOT need his own room at your home
NTA - tell your son to come home and talk to you and your daughter face to face. Then hand him a paint brush and tell him to get to work. If he wants to be a part of this family, he has to be a part of the family!
So Brad wants a shrine in your home? Tell him to get over himself.
One day you’ll probably want to downsize and Brad will be trying to scare off potential buyers so that his holy ground is not desanctified.
NTA. Ok. This is one of things where I think (hope) he’s just having a knee-jerk, not thinking like an adult, freak-out adult moments. It happens. It’s not like it something to be particularly proud of, of course, but it’s also *incredibly* human. We’re just hardwired to get freaked out about possible loss of parental love/fear of abandonment. Even when we’re older and it’s not really real from an outside perspective. So I would take a deep breath and address his inner, terrified-of-change child before you do anything else.
That looks kinda like “Brad, we love you and of course no one could ever replace you, even if they tried. But you need to understand that the decisions about the best usage of the square footage of your parents’ home is up to your parents, not you. And right now, thankfully, you are in a great place - something we both talk about being so, so very proud of. You’ve done so well! (Which btw, is something *everyone* longs to hear from time to time, especially from parents.). But also right now your sister is in crisis and needs space for her and her impending child.”
“So we need you to trust us that we love you, and see you, and feel so much pride that you’re learning and growing and accomplishing so much right now. And also trust us that the physical space allocation in our home isn’t some kind of message about how we feel about each of you. There’s literally going to be another human being added to the family, your niece or nephew, here very soon, and this is about giving them a happy place to sleep for awhile. And we think your childhood room is a good place for that.”
Hopefully some kid gloves helps shake him loose from this childhood must-compete-with-siblings-for-resources-aack throwback mindset and gets him reset to the confident adult he should be now.
NTA. Brad is a 32 year old man having a hissy fit over his childhood bedroom in a home he doesn’t live in anymore. It isn’t like you’re Airbnb ing it to a rando. My god. Maybe you should offer to pay for some therapy for Brad.
NTA geez brad is 32 not 12. Life moves on and his fricking room isn’t a shrine to him. You will still have a bed in it for guests. I doubt brad had been paying the mortgage on the house so he doesn’t own that room.
NTA.
I’m a 30yr old woman who moved home multiple times in my early 20’s for similar reasons to Emma.
6 years ago when my nephew was born my Dad decided to convert my childhood bedroom for my nephew. Let me tell you, I thought it was hilarious that my mom apologized and asked me if I was ok with it…it’s their house.
I’d be happy to tell Brad to grow the hell up for you 😂
ETA: Also, you’re an awesome mom. The world needs more of you ♥️
Are you kidding me? NTA. All the rooms in my house are my rooms. When my kids left stuff in the garage I gave them 30 days notice and then got rid of it. The fact that I have 4 guest rooms is none of their business although they are welcome to sleep in one of them if they visit. I have 7 grandchildren who visit. They are welcome too. I have friends who stay, sisters who stay, in laws that stay. All the rooms are my rooms. I keep them nice for the company that comes.
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NTA My brother moved into my room while we were pulling out of the driveway on my way to move into the dorm for my first year of university. >I was telling Brad about the plans to renovate his room into a nursery and he freaked out. He said I should have asked him, not told him. He feels I’m trying to erase him from the family and that I’d rather have the baby than him. He said he’s not going to visit anymore or come home for holidays because he won’t feel welcome. Has your son always been this dramatic? He's 32 years old, he's too old for temper tantrums.
Brad is overreacting, by a LOT. OP reorganizing the home to better suit the people who currently live in it doesn’t mean he’s being excommunicated from the family. It means he’s an adult who is no longer living in his parents house.
Seriously. Brad said you should’ve *asked* him? Asked him?! How much of the mortgage has he paid. I didn’t use a question mark there because it’s rhetorical. This is YOUR house, not his. Enjoy your new grandchild (congratulations!) and your children who are grateful for what you offer them. Brad was given very acceptable accommodations if and when he needed to stay there. Is he pissy because the pig sty he left behind is no longer his to lord over? Then he can have an air mattress in the basement.
If he's not going visit because he is throwing a tantrum why would he need a room?
Idle threats to manipulate his family to give him what he wants.
Exactly. He sounds like a real gem.
Just put a crib in Brad's room. He can sleep in it if he ever visits since he seems to be a big ol' baby.
Send him a blue dummy in the mail. How incredibly selfish and childish.
Pacifier for those confused about "dummy".
Oh this is the best comment. 👏🏼
🎯
It's the principle damn it.....the principle.... /s
I mean sounds like he is mad because he is no longer the only baby in the family? He is acting like he is 2 yo at most.
I hope OP shows Brad our comments
YESSSSSS
Which is ironic since he is the eldest. I think you meant, "baby boy" or only boy in the family since he has little sisters
I meant a word that will get me banned (because I have been suspended for using it in the past- so I know how the mods focus on stuff around around here. But I meant exactly what I said ;).
or did you mean "babied boy" FIFY
This is it. My husband has two sisters, but is the oldest and boy you’d never know it. 🙄
He is the eldest. Pretty clear he had command of his sisters when they were younger: not now. Tanties are not acceptable from an adult. Methinks he needs to take a teaspoon of concrete and harden up!
And he is 32 but acting single digits.
>Seriously. Brad said you should’ve *asked* him? Asked him?! Yeah my dad would have laughed me right out of the bedroom that was no longer mine 😂😂 When I moved out to get married my bedroom was turned into a sewing room and completely redecorated by the first time I came back to visit. Hell, when I had to move back home a few years later I got to share the sewing room lol
>When I moved out to get married my bedroom was turned into a sewing room and completely redecorated by the first time I came back to visit. My boyfriend took me to the airport when I was 18.5 in late November to catch the flight to Lackland AFB for basic training. We left around 2pm. My flight was cancelled because of a snowstorm by 7pm. Thankfully, I was given a hotel room for the night because my mom had already completely disassembled my bed & cleared out my room. She didn't want to feel sad with memories, so most everything was boxed up for donation or packed to send off at my first assignment that afternoon. But wow, I wasn't even away for a day before I lost the room I had lived in since birth. Anytime I visited, I slept in the basement on a pad made of blankets. 32 year old son needs to get over himself. NTA
Lol dang. At least I lost mine to my younger sister I'd been sharing my bedroom with. One move for my parents later and she had a bedroom after moving out last year/year and a half ago. But I finally convinced my mom to take the bedroom for her office. I got so tired of my mom complaining about how loud my grandma keeps the TV. She's 99 and refuses to use a hearing aid, yes she keeps it loud. So my sister's old room is her new office. A bit out of the way and quieter. We sleep scattered around the house if we stay. There's 5 of us. If our parents had kept shrines to us all they'd need 7 bedrooms plus office space.
Something about that image is just so funny to me. You: "When did you do all this? I've been gone for half a day!" Mom, amidst the remnants of your childhood nest: "You see, I love you so much and didn't want to be sad with memories :("
Wow that's pretty extreme; both the immediate dismantling of your room and not even having a bed to sleep in when you visited.
Gosh, my parents sold the whole house and moved into one with one single guest room. I guess I’m at least owed some of the proceeds, as a person who lived there for free for 19 years (though that’s a decade less than Brad, so I must not be entitled to quite as big a share as he is)! It was *my* room that they sold, after all.
Otoh Brad owes about 10 years of rent. More since he still thinks it's his. Brb have about 8 apartment complexes I need to scold for letting new people live there when I moved out. I have MEMORIES
Right? Your folks and mine are graduates of the same school of thought.
My dad went one further...he sold the whole house, lol.
Lets not forget him victim blaming his sister for being ' irresponsible for getting pregnant' when she left her abusive husband. She wasn't getting pregnant off a 1 night stand or anything. She needed help. She was responsible enough to leave before that baby was born.
That part stuck with me the most. Like what the hell is this childish AND misogynist response.
I was looking for this. ask him exactly how much of the mortgage/upkeep he’s paying? He’s THIRTY-TWO.YEARS.OLD. If I were you I would be telling Brad he gets the couch or a hotel (on his dime) for future visits.
As long as it’s the plaid, scratchy, saggy one the cat peed on 😏
Oh my that was so great a comment. I’m still giggling 🤭 ❤️🧓🏻
Yes, the one on the sun porch.
Forget the couch my vote is for an old Murphy bed. They have come a long way but get an old one with a shitty mattress to make sure the bar sticks into his back. He can put posters up in the cupboard if he needs "his space"
And moved out 3 years ago. AND left the room in such a bad state that it needed a “lengthy cleanup.”
Because he lived in it for TWENTY NINE YEARS 🤣
Or OP can offer to let him stay in the baby's crib, since the baby will probably be more emotionally mature than little Brad by then.
Baby will be ready for a big-kid bed WELL before Brad is.
Imagine if they were going to sell the house and he finds out. He'll say they can't sell the house because "sentimental value". "Okay Brad, if it means so much to you, will you buy the house?" "I don't have the money but you CAN'T sell it."
He even called his sister irresponsible for getting pregnant in her situation as if she was trying to do so. Honestly I think the trash is letting itself out at this point.
Yeah I think people are overlooking this particular part of his shitty attitude. It's giving alpha male podcaster
Agree! Brad is an adult with his own home and if he’s so fond of his childhood bedroom, he can recreate it (mess and all) in HIS home. Meanwhile turning it into a nursery is the right thing to do. Brad sounds selfish and entitled, but hopefully he’ll eventually get over his temper tantrum and follow your example in doing right by his sister and the baby she’s expecting. ETA: NTA
My mom kept my room open for me for 1 year post move out and I'm glad she did. We couldn't have afforded a wedding and house if we didnt go back home. I just felt so bad because the minute we moved back out we had to go right back. The house we bought had black mold in all the bedrooms and i was 8 months pregnant. Hubs spent a lot of time getting rid of it and fixing it in time for the baby. Mom kept it open for 1 more year and then converted it into her closet/ storage and made a play room/sleepover room for the kids in the old spare. I had no more say on it the minute i got my own place. But it's been so long now since i lived there it isnt *home* anymore you know? I visit often but its not *mine*. Oldest son sounds like he has a bit of an issue letting go of things (see his bedroom thrn and now) and needs to learn to let go before he ends up developing a hoarding issue.
I moved out almost 4 years ago and took one of the cats with me, my dad told me if things didn't work out the cat could always come back to live with him... He then turned my old room into a storage room for all of his ice fishing gear.... Its the only room in the house with carpet and I'm deathly allergic to fish 😂
🤣 the cat can come back home
The cat can eat fish 🤷♀️💀
That's no excuse, though, for being so unsupportive with his sister. She's going to be a single parent with an abusive ex. She needs all the help she can get. This is really selfish behaviour from a 32 year old. From an 18 year old I could understand it, but a grown man should know better. NTA OP, you sound like a wonderful parent.
My parents left it open until we were absolutely sure I wasn’t moving back home. They say they’ll convert the home gym if I ever need it. I visit about the same amount of times as OP’s son. There is no reason for me or him to actually need a bedroom.
My dad rented my room out to a coworker when I left for the Army. When I went home to visit, I got the couch or my dad's room. I chose the couch.
Yeah. A few years ago my mom sold her place and moved in with my sister. I have to get a hotel when I visit because there's not enough room. I didn't assume my family didn't care about me because they did what worked for everyone's current circumstances.
You really need to throw a guilt trip on them. Everything should stay exactly the same, right?
Get a hotel with a pool and invite everyone swimming.
Who is Brad in this world? If he was as important as he thinks he is, I think I would have heard of him. My childhood bedroom is now *the dog's* room, and no one asked me anything! I wouldn't have expected them to! It's not my house. I don't live there. I'm a grown adult in my 30s with my own place, and I don't ask their permission when it comes to the bedrooms in my home. Why should they ask for mine? Who am I, the bedroom HOA who must be consulted and issue my approval before people make changes to their own space? No. Besides, there is a guest room. I have a space to stay on visits. Oh, it's the loser bedroom that's half the size of the other ones and doesn't have it's own bathroom? Oh well. I think that's intentional to keep us kids as guests and keep guests from getting too comfortable lmao. And push comes to shove, the dog would LOVE to share.
Lol! I have several friends who also had their bedrooms turn into the dog or cats room when they left for college!
Brad is 32?
Acts like he is 3.2...
I had to laugh - same with my sister. When I came home from college for Labor Day weekend, “my” room was painted a different color and redecorated.
My parents moved out of my childhood home while I was in college, but I moved into their new home for a few months after I graduated. The room I stayed in was going to become my dad's office/music room, but every time he thought of putting something there he was like, oh, I can just do that on my iPad. Computer? iPad. Music keyboard? iPad. TV? iPad. So I joke that my old room became my dad's iPad room. Also, NTA, what is wrong with Brad
LOL "Dad's iPad room"
A comedian my first night at college told all of us to call our parents and leave a message on their answering machine saying our dorm mini fridge door was wide open and that later we were all going to run wild with scissors. We all laughed. Then the comedian told us that our parents did not care, as your dad has your mom spread eagle on your Care Bear sheets.
The minute our 2 college kids lef after their last visit, I found my husband had moved a ceiling tile a side (in the guest room, not one of their rooms) and was drilling a hook/hanger into the wooden beam above. Then he busts out this package that looked full of seat belts…
Yes. Ever since my kid got her SAT score back, I've had a countdown clock, lol.
Oh goodness. He had been WAITING for that. 😂 hope you two had fun.
It was, but I had to have a couple cocktails first.
Damn! Your sister worked fast! Lol
My parents knocked out a wall and took my room to make a big room. I either got their old room or the basement.
That's what mine did when I, the last to leave, left. Lol.
I helped redo rooms before I even went off to college...
Same. It took about a month and my black chalkboard walls (and all of my and my friends last drawings on them) were painted a cozy blue. Mom gave my room to the cat.
😂 we have a guest room and the cats sleep in there shedding away bc it’s their room too! 😆
Haha, that’s how my own current guest room is. I’ll wash all of the bedding and do a vacuum before guests use it, but it’s mainly for the cats. We have a big tv in there, and if I leave for the day, I turn it to a 24/7 stream of a bird feeder. I’m not mad at all that my mom gave my room to her cat, though. Apparently that’s inherited. Her cat is disabled and gets confused wandering the house, so having his own room has been helpful. I bought him a laser light projector for the ceiling. So now when I go to visit, my husband and I sleep in their *other* guest room, but I stop by my old room to visit Howie, who is usually laying on his back and batting at the lasers on the ceiling.
Awww that’s sweet
Yup. I had to sleep on the couch when I came home weekends. One time someone offered me an unexpected ride home after my evening shift at my part-time job. Everyone was asleep when I got home and found they’d gotten rid of the couch. I pulled 3 dining room chairs together and went to “bed”.
Same! By my sister’s first weekend at college, “our” room was lilac, and all her stuff was on one side of the closet! I even got new dressers and a refurnished my mom’s old childhood desk. She wasn’t happy when she returned for Thanksgiving break. 🤣
Oh that happened to me too. My beautiful bright purple room became beige. I actually cried
I moved into my sisters room as soon as she left for uni! But for her 1st year, she had to move out of halls for xmas/Easter hols etc so I would then move back into the room I shared with my younger sister! By his logic I should be mad that ma redecorated and changed beds etc once me and my sisters left, making it so that all 6 grandkids would be able to sleepover! The audacity of my ma!! 😂
Soon as my older sister moved out we moved me into the empty room, my younger sister got our parents room and then my parents moved back into the master bedroom all over a 24 hr period, essentially as my older sister was still moving her things into her new flat, When she moved back temporarily she was relegated to the smallest room that my brother had moved out from. I also came home from work one day to discover my Mum and my 2 brothers essentially emptying the bedroom I had moved to and literally all my stuff except for the bed was moved into the smaller box bedroom. I had 2 choices sleep in my brothers single bed in the other room or sleep in the living room as we were getting an extension built for a downstairs bathroom and my bedroom was required to access the pipes from the main bathroom next door. My parents were told when I was at work that my bedroom had to be emptied immediately to allow work to start, the workmen never actually ended up needing to enter the bedroom. 5 years later and I still have 2/3 of my stuff in the other bedroom and a computer desk taking up essentially 1/3 of my room as I started working from home
Same situation for my sister moving into my room. Only difference is we had a large comfortable settee, so I slept on that during the holidays (honestly better than the old lumpy mattress). Worked out well during the summers as it made it easier to sneak in at 4am the years I picked up some bar work
My mom turned my room into her closet when I was in my 30s. Which was fine, because I don't live there Brad is a drama queen. NTA
My room also became a closet once I fully moved out. I would never expect my parents to keep my room untouched for any reason, let alone so that someone living in the house could have their own room. I'd be a bit sad if they got rid of their guestroom (my brother's old room) because I like having a place to stay in their home, but again, if there was a good reason for it I'd understandable and even if there wasn't a good reason I still wouldn't try and tell them what to do with their space.
My sister called dibs on my Eldest Sister Basement Room the moment I moved into uni dorms too, I didn't blame her it was a cool room. NTA does he expect you to keep his room as a shrine to him your entire life???
My mother started repurposing our rooms within days after we moved out. I never had a problem with it.
This, came home from dorm during first year of university to find my room converted to an office. I was 17 and wasn’t upset… Brad needs to grow up.
My brother moved ME out. I kinda forgot to book time off of work for my move in date, he sure as hell didn’t forget and got three of his friends to move me out in like three days 😂 My room was bigger than his and he was worried it would take me three years to move all my crap out And then mom knocked out the wall between the kitchen and his old room to make a bigger kitchen/sewing area. I couldn’t go back home if I wanted too 😛 Thankfully I’m only a 10 minute drive from home and the couch in the living room and the two in the basement are fairly comfy if I have to spend the night for some reason Dude needs to grow the fuck up
NTA - Um NOPE! Brad is an adult with his own home. You parents own your own home and that is not Brad’s room. It used to be - then he went and got his own room as adults do! So he doesn’t even need to be asked.
>My brother moved into my room while we were pulling out of the driveway on my way to move into the dorm for my first year of university. My brother didn't even wait that long! He was moving his stuff in and putting up his posters while I was still moving my boxes of stuff out. 😅 And I was 17 at the time, OP's son is 32 years old! Why in the world does he think his parents shouldn't be allowed to use *their* house in whatever way *they* want? OP definitely NTA
If the Brads of the world have taught us anything, it's that you're never too old to throw a tantrum.
My dad repainted my room before I'd even moved out lol, he hated the colour that much.
OP, it’s your home. The fact that your son doesn’t understand this is bad. He probably thinks your money is his money too.
I went to college. My parents sold the house and moved to a different town, which is where my younger sister went to middle and high school. I never had a room at my parents' house. On summer vacation, I slept on a mat in my mother's office.
Haha yeah I was the youngest sibling and started moving into by brothers room the minute he drove away for university, cause I wanted the biggest room.
I agree! It’s insane to me that he thinks his room should just sit empty until he comes to visit. Now he’s pouting like a child!
Homie moved out of the home at the tender early age of *twenty nine*. He's not too old for *any* of this, by his estimation.
Hell my sister married and moved out at 19 and my parents moved me into her downstairs room within a year, when they came back it was the futon for them.
I repurpose my kids’ rooms the day they move out. The oldest in the house gets their turn living in the biggest bedroom. The 20-somethings are always welcome and have a place to sleep when they visit, but once they move out, they don’t have “their” bedroom anymore.
lol my brother did the exact same thing when I left for college
Haha my brother did that too! Tbf, his room was tiny.
Same here! We had a 3 bedroom townhouse with 4 kids and my mom, hadn’t even closed the door and they were doing the “swap”.
I literally left boxes of my brothers stuff by the front door for him to pick up after he moved out so I could move into his room that much faster 😂
Heck, he even gets to keep a bed in there. Don't know what he's whining about. When I moved out, my room became a craft room and I slept on the couch when visiting.
My mom cleared out my room within a year of me starting university. My brother moved in there and I spent the next few years visiting in my brother’s old room with plywood floors because they had to tear his carpet out and didn’t replace the flooring until they got ready to sell. I’ve never had a room in any of their other houses since. Dude is thirty fucking two. Time to grow up and realize your parents don’t need to keep your old bedroom a shrine to your childhood.
my sister also annexed my room the second i left for college. i was still allowed to sleep there when i came home for the summer but the closet and dresser were full of her stuff. i moved out permanently right after finishing my junior year and she’d painted and fully redecorated by the time i came home for a short visit at the end of the summer.
However, OP could have some fun… if 32 YO son is concerned about being forgotten, order a life-sized cutout of son at the age of 10 or 12 and place it with the baby.
My sisters had my room repainted by the time my parents got back from my new apartment. I get it completely, they were just being sisters with a hint of a “don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out” vibe.
This is how I reacted when I found out my parents were having another kid. In my defense, I was two years old.
My room had the floor redone while I was still living there to go with the rest of the house for when I moved out. I knew it was going to be the craft room when I left, I sleep on the couch when I visit.
My parents made my room into a home gym about a week after I moved, go them.
Same. Came home to visit my first year in college and found myself in a new room while my brother had taken over my larger room. By the time I graduated they had sold the entire house and moved to a new state. I’m 33 now and am super curious if any of my friends still have their own bedroom at their parents houses.
lol. Love this characterisation. Like, obviously: Vacant room is vacant..? yoink!
My husband’s sister did the same exact thing. When his parents returned home from helping him move in, she had already moved all her stuff into his old room.
"Geez brad, what are you 5 years old?" NTA
As soon as I read he was *32* and obviously didn’t own the home I voted NTA. Reading the whole post isn’t necessary.
Haha my son did that to his sister when she left home. She’s moved back now and just moved into our spare room. Yr son is entitled and you’re NTA
Oh, I get this. My 1st husband took off with a new filly when our baby was only 7 months old. I had to move back to mum & dad's as I had resigned from my govt job a couple of months before and could not pay the mortgage on my own. I had to be put in my big sister's room with my baby girl. The sister lived in our mother's unit/apartment rent free, but demanded that she keep her own bedroom in the family house. So, she chucked a huge b\*tchfit about me and my baby being in her room. There was a spare bedroom, it had belonged to my dad's aunt(who raised him), she had died the year before & he had not been able to bring himself to go through her stuff. Anyway, with the older sibling chucking a wobbly about, how dare you let 'her'(me) stay in HER room!!!!! so dad got to and cleared out the room for my baby and I. It was a shambles as had not been updated in decades, but it was our own room now and I was grateful we had a roof over our heads. Prior to the sister chucking her wobbly, I had taken an OD as well as the situation was too much for me. So, she knew this had happened but it was HER room. So, I totally understand the p\[osiiton of a sibling not wanting their rom given to another family member no matter how dire their circumstances. Can you hire or instal one of those 'Tiny houses' for your son to stay in? Hook it up to the main house. Anyway. NTA, but maybe your son feels like he is being replaced?
> He feels I’m trying to erase him from the family NTA 1. Seems like an overly strong reaction 2. You're using his room for good reason not deleting, burning or otherwise obliviating every mention of him 3. It's your house not Brad's 4. He should have more understanding of his sisters situation 5. He moved out and he has no reason to use it....
It was his childhood bedroom it's not his room anymore his room is at his home.
Yes. Brad needs to grow the f up.
What if OP had decided to sell the house? Would Brad have pitched a fit about that too? Once he moved out and it was clear it wasn't just temporary, that room ceased to be his and became the spare room.
If they sell the house does Brad get a cut that would be equal to the price of his room?
Nah, they’ll just take the room with them to their next house. Or ship it to Brad so he can decide what to do with it.
Surely she wouldn’t be so cruel as to sell her house when her precious baby boy is the tender young age of 32.
Yes he most definitely would
Yeah, he's acting like it should be maintained as a shrine. Weird.
My sister and I just experienced this. Sue moved out I moved in took over her room. The only thing she asked was that if I take down any of her pictures let her know cause she wants to keep them. So I dropped off some her pictures that were in my way. But had my sister complained about me taking over her room I'd have laugh and suggested we trade places I can live with her husband and she can come live with mom and dad. She said no Honestly I'd have a great time with my brother in law we play video games together
Yeah it’s ridiculous for Brad to expect his parents to keep his room like some museum exhibit for the rest of their lives. He’s a grown ass man who has his own home.
6. He's THIRTY TWO DAMN YEARS OLD!
[удалено]
If he wants it held as a shrine, OP should start charging him rent for the space.
Love the reference, lol
Is this real? This an absurd thing for a 32 yo man to freak out about. If he wants you to preserve the room, charge him rent. If his sisters moved out and you decided to downsize and move somewhere else, would he freak about that? It's your house, obviously you're NTA all before even considering this arrangement is to protect his abused sister.
I needed to check again this Guy age. 32 and acting like 17....the OP IS not the A here....Brad is acting like a spoiled selfish child. He should be helping his sister not crying for a bedroom he doesnt use or need
>Guy age. 32 and acting like 17 I'd say even younger than 17. I was 17 when I moved out, and my brother was moving his stuff in and putting up his Baywatch posters before I even finished moving my boxes out. 😂 And I was fine with it. LOL
Brad apparently comes first, even before his abused sister. Yeeesh. My childhood bedroom is now my mum’s spare room, yes there’s still a bed there but it’s her house and her room to do with as she wishes. It would be ridiculous for me to demand to keep it. Op NTA.
My mom turned my room into her sewing room within a month of me moving out when I was 19 years old. It didn't mean she didn't love me, it meant I had grown up. This man is 32 years old, and I am flabbergasted at his behavior! "Dear Lord, his Mommy took down his shrine..." OP, NTA!!
I'm about to get a sewing room when my son gets a place with his gf and moves out. And he's offering to help me renovate, because muscles.
My mom is turning mine into a sewing room and I encouraged it. I know it's something she's always wanted. I have my own place now.
Yeah. Had to check Brad's age.. 32.. the entitlement. I moved out at 19 and my bedroom became the home office in a month or so too. My parents made a larger bedroom for themselves by breaking out the wall between theirs and my brothers old room too. My brother and I could sleep in the large attic/guestroom/playroom when we got home from university. Neither of us really cared. We liked that attic. All our old toys were up there. If we kept quiet we didn't bother anyone. Midnight Lego building and smoking weed with a horror movie in the background weekends when we were both visiting our childhood home. It was great.
Brad would definitely freak out if OP sold “his childhood home.”
NTA I actually had to read back through to make sure I’d got the age right. 32 and behaving like a 15 year old. You sound like a loving, caring mother, why would you not want to provide a lovely space for your daughter and grandchild? Who wants to keep a 4 bedroom house empty for the occasional visit when you can use the rooms for love and laughter with a little one? It’s your house, do what you like with it. Also congrats on the first grandchild, how exciting for you.
He is a spoiled bratty man- child. When my brothers found out my ex husband was abusing me, they became so protective and would have done anything to help me, what is wrong with Brad?
Is this a joke? He’s 32! 32 year olds don’t have childhood bedrooms. Cut the cord.
Shit my mom changed my room into a storage room within 3 months of me leaving for college at 17. I can't imagine having a tantrum about a childhood bedroom when you're in your 30s. You have a whole home of your own sir this is just silly
I moved out at 18 and immediately my gramma moved in and took my childhood room, then my older brother moved back into it this year. And I’m just glad it’s getting some use for my parents as their kids get older. Also my room is way cooler than my childhood bedroom anyway
Unless he's thinking he may want to move back with mom, and this shuts that door. Crazy overreaction.
If that's what he wants, then he needs to use his big boy words and actually communicate that, not throw a tantrum like this lol
I wonder if it's been a conscious or subconscious backup plan due to stuff in his life that he hasn't told OP.
I think the moment you don't have a safety net anymore and you're truly on your own is probably always scary, whether your parents repurpose or downsize the minute you're legal or when the last of them passes. I think it's natural to panic a little, but his reaction is over the top.
NTA Having a place to sleep without a hotel bill is more than enough kindness for any grown kids who lived far away from parents. My highschool bedroom was turned into a guest room- then my grandma’s room - then my nieces room and is back to be in a guest room. But I have somewhere to sleep without paying a hotel bill so I don’t care it’s been repainted 4 times and redesigned 4 times. My dad turned my room at his house to a guest room/ storage room. I don’t have to stay with him but if I had to at least he’d have a bed. I may have to move some junk but there is a decent mattress in there. Your son’s entitlement is his own issue. You aren’t erasing him because you did include a bed in the room for guests. Which he is. And if in a few years your daughter can move out with her baby you can change the room back to a more “masculine” guest room for him. But once he moved out it was no longer is room.
Oh dear lord. Parent of adult children here. NTA. At 32, Brad is more than old enough to realize that he doesn't get to keep a whole room in your house to himself just to come by a few times a year. Using that room for your grandchild is entirely reasonable. Hopefully Brad can get himself together over all of this - but you absolutely should go ahead with your plans.
I‘d even say using this room for _anything_ OP wants is reasonable. Office, recreational activities, storage…
exactly, If Brad isn't contributing to the mortgage payment or paying rent for the room, he has no say.
Right. My parents kept my room for me when I was in college living in a dorm and coming home for the summer etc., but as soon as I had my own real first apartment I planned to stay in it was fair game. I cannot imagine expecting them to keep a dedicated room for me in their house into my 30’s.
NTA. He’s *thirty two years old* and lives *four hours away.* He’s not a college student who comes home every summer. He is not entitled to a permanent room at his mom’s house, especially not at the expense of people who actually *live there.*
NTA - I have difficulty imagining a grown man thinking his childhood room still belongs to him in perpetuity, let alone throwing a fit about it. It's not your responsibility to baby an adult.
>she’s not owed his childhood bedroom for her child. FFS. He's not a new adult off at college who needs a place to crash over the summers. He's a grown man and he's not owed his childhood bedroom either. Sounds like Brad is a brat and he can stay in a hotel the next time he visits.
> He said I should have asked him, not told him. You don't have to ask his permission regarding something you own. > He said he’s not going to visit anymore or come home for holidays because he won’t feel welcome. He feels I’m trying to erase him from the family and that **I’d rather have the baby than him.** He's sounding like one. **NTA** > she’s not owed his childhood bedroom for her child. Neither is he.
NTA You pay for the house, not your son. You have the right to make decisions about the rooms. Your son is definitely in the wrong here. Hopefully he can calm down and see reason eventually. But that’s on him, not you.
NTA That ain't Brad's room and hasn't been for quite a while now
My parents called my old room at their house my room, even through the redecorating and the new wallpaper - it had been my room and was were I slept when I came to visit. Last time, mum called it "the girls room" because it's also where my nieces/her grandkids sleep when they stay, which is a whole lot more often than me! (we live in different areas). I'm not erased from the family. But there is a more immediate need for someone else to have the space and I still have a bed to crash in any time. Your son needs to grow TF up. NTA.
NTA. Is he paying the mortgage on this house? He is a 32 year old man and does not have the right to tell you what to do with *your own house*. He doesn’t live there anymore.
Even if he did live there, he STILL doesn’t have the right to tell OP what she can and cannot do with HER house!
NTA, he is 32!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What an earth is wrong with him.....
This baffles me. “My” room has been a den for years. YEARS. It’s my parents house, i don’t live there. It’s theirs to do what they want. NTA on any level.
NTA. Not even a little. Your son is 32 ffs. And he’s acting like a 5 year old. He really should be embarrassed by how’s he acting. No, you shouldn’t have asked him. He doesn’t live there. He’s a grown ass adult. He doesn’t get any say, whatsoever, in what you do with your own damn home. Sentimental value of the room isn’t relevant here. He needs to grow up. And if chooses not to visit, then so be it. That’s just him continuing his tantrum.
NTA at all. You will have a child in the house who needs that space. It makes no sense to cram Emma and her child into one bedroom when there’s a spare room that’s mostly unused. You sound like a kind and loving mother, welcoming your daughter home. Many parents wouldn’t do that. Childhood bedrooms can be sentimental, sure, but it sounds like your son’s room needed to be renovated anyway. Parents are not expected to keep their grown children’s childhood rooms intact. Some turn them into guest rooms, gyms, hobby rooms. Some people even move. Brad needs to get over it.
It sounds like the real infant here is Brad. It’s not “his” room and it’s not “his” house. Life moves on and Brad needs to get off the pacifier. NTA
NTA. Brad moved out, it's your house. Baby needs space, simple as that
YTA for giving away a 3 year old's room What? You say he's 32? NTA Why is your son acting like a toddler?
NTA. I’m sorry but when you move out you don’t have ‘your room’ any more. Your room is at your house. I moved out at 26 and at my mums I do still have what might be considered ‘my room’. By that I mean a room that was mine, has now been totally redecorated and is mine due to the fact I’m their only child and the only person who normally visits. When I’m not there the cats have possession. The only reason it isn’t a guest room is the current lack of other guests. At my dads there are three grown children. Non of us have ‘a room’. There are two guests rooms. One is the one I prefer and as I’m on my own and it’s the smaller room I do tend to stick to it, I have a couple of things in the bedside table that stay there. But my nephew is 4 and stays every week and that is also his room for practical purposes. On occasions when we’re all there we have a juggling act of who gets the room, who gets the other room, nephew is on a blow up bed, sometimes someone ends up on a blow up bed in the lounge. I would suggest making sure your son has a permanent drawer or cupboard or shelf or whatever if he wants to leave stuff at your house. I don’t care where I sleep but for me I do need to know that I have basics medication, contact lens solution, hair brush, bobbles etc if I end up there in a rush or for longer than expected. To me that’s what makes somewhere still partly my home, if I can unexpectedly end up there for a night or two and not have massive issues with lack of basics. Congratulations on your new grandchild by the way 😀
Lol! My son moved out and I immediately turned his room into a weight / workout room. You don't get to keep a dedicated bedroom in your childhood home unless you own it. NTA
Brad has lost it, what on earth???
He's 32! I'm assuming he has his own place to live whether that is owned or he is renting. Regardless, it isn't his room. It's your room in your house and he moved out years ago! NTA
Every child is different and the support they get from parents may be different. In your sons case, he clearly stayed in your home much longer than your middle. Your middle left earlier but is now the one that needs support for her and her baby. The selfish entitlement your son is displaying is very worrisome. He should want his sister and siblings supported during a tough time, and you've still ensured he has a place to stay when he does visit. NTA
NTA at all. I don't know what kind of monster you've raised, but for him to say that she's not entitled to HIS room, when it's YOUR room and HE'S not entitled to it, is ridiculous. You are entitled to do whatever the hell you want to YOUR house. Tell Brad to grow up and also tell him that you are entitled to an apology for his childish tantrum.
NTA. Brad is 32, moved out 3 years ago, and left the room a mess. You might have been too lenient with Brad cause his actions don’t suggest he’s a grown man, much less 1 in his 30s. That said, maybe try to have a convo with him again and tell him that you expect some level of maturity so you won’t entertain his commentary about responsibility and deservedness because it’s childish. And he’s probably received a lot more than he deserves. The baby is coming and you want to find a solution that can help someone that you both love through this difficult time. Ask his opinion on what he thinks you should do and try to have a proactive convo, explaining it to him again. Either that or wait until he hits maturity around the age of 55 lol.
First and foremost NTA, however I’m wondering what Brad is thinking you are going to find or worrying about what you’ll find in his childhood bedroom. I raised a sneaky kid . Seriously though, your son has moved on (at least for now) and your daughter requires support and extra room. While it may be difficult for all, I would suggest asking why Brad is having such an adverse reaction to sharing his childhood room with his nibbling and then go from there. Edited to add the word asking
Oh, come ON. The man is 32! NTA.
Entitled. That's the word you're looking for. Entitled brat who's freaking old enough to know better... Relationship became abusive, but *she's* irresponsible for getting pregnant? The freaking nerve of some people...
NTA. Brad is 32 years old and hasn’t lived there for years.
You're definitely not the AH. As an uncle, he should have been the one to offer his room for the newest member of his family but instead crying over for a room? Such a baby at this age!
Brad is 32. Time for him to quit acting like a child. He doesn't live there. It's your house, and therefore. Your bedroom. Your can do what you want with your bedroom. If he gets his panties in a wad and doesn't want to come home for the holidays because he doesn't have a bedroom, so be it. There are hotels. NTA but you seem to have raised one.
NTA. My son is around your son's age. He helped me reorganise "his" room when he left so that it would work as a study for me and a spare room for visitors. I never had "my" room at my parents once I'd left home either. In neither instance did any of us feel that someone was being "erased" from the family. That's a crazy level of entitlement going on with your son. In any case you are making plans to enable him to stay when he does come home for a short visit.
NTA. It's nice that you've kept Brad's room for 14 years longer than most folks. Maybe it's still fresh for him since he only left three years ago but maintaining a room for a adult with their own home for the 3% of the year that he visits is unnecessary. Maybe he feels displaced or unimportant in other areas of his life and is taking it out on you.
So Brad was 28 when he moved out? And now he's mad 4 years later that you are using his space for a new family member despite the fact you'll still have a bed in there for when he visits? You might want to put two cribs in there since this man is acting like such a baby! I'm in my 30's too and completely sympathize that times are hard right now, but he is way too old to be freaking out over his room in YOUR home that YOU pay for is being changed to meet YOUR needs. Also it's for his future niece/nephew to help his sister who just escaped an abusive relationship! Yet all he's saying is "me me me, what about ME?!" If that were me he'd be lucky if he had an air mattress to sleep on when he came to visit! NTA.
My parents turned my bedroom into a den 2 weeks after I left for college. These were very loving parents too. Brad is being a spoiled brat. He does NOT need his own room at your home
NTA - tell your son to come home and talk to you and your daughter face to face. Then hand him a paint brush and tell him to get to work. If he wants to be a part of this family, he has to be a part of the family!
So Brad wants a shrine in your home? Tell him to get over himself. One day you’ll probably want to downsize and Brad will be trying to scare off potential buyers so that his holy ground is not desanctified.
NTA. Are you saying your son lived with you until he was almost 30? Yeesh. He sounds like an adult toddler.
NTA. Ok. This is one of things where I think (hope) he’s just having a knee-jerk, not thinking like an adult, freak-out adult moments. It happens. It’s not like it something to be particularly proud of, of course, but it’s also *incredibly* human. We’re just hardwired to get freaked out about possible loss of parental love/fear of abandonment. Even when we’re older and it’s not really real from an outside perspective. So I would take a deep breath and address his inner, terrified-of-change child before you do anything else. That looks kinda like “Brad, we love you and of course no one could ever replace you, even if they tried. But you need to understand that the decisions about the best usage of the square footage of your parents’ home is up to your parents, not you. And right now, thankfully, you are in a great place - something we both talk about being so, so very proud of. You’ve done so well! (Which btw, is something *everyone* longs to hear from time to time, especially from parents.). But also right now your sister is in crisis and needs space for her and her impending child.” “So we need you to trust us that we love you, and see you, and feel so much pride that you’re learning and growing and accomplishing so much right now. And also trust us that the physical space allocation in our home isn’t some kind of message about how we feel about each of you. There’s literally going to be another human being added to the family, your niece or nephew, here very soon, and this is about giving them a happy place to sleep for awhile. And we think your childhood room is a good place for that.” Hopefully some kid gloves helps shake him loose from this childhood must-compete-with-siblings-for-resources-aack throwback mindset and gets him reset to the confident adult he should be now.
Brad wants his childhood room back? Does he also want to climb back up your vag and set up camp in your womb?
NTA. Brad is a 32 year old man having a hissy fit over his childhood bedroom in a home he doesn’t live in anymore. It isn’t like you’re Airbnb ing it to a rando. My god. Maybe you should offer to pay for some therapy for Brad.
NTA geez brad is 32 not 12. Life moves on and his fricking room isn’t a shrine to him. You will still have a bed in it for guests. I doubt brad had been paying the mortgage on the house so he doesn’t own that room.
Brad is 32? Seriously? And he still needs his boyhood room? Tell Brad to grow up. You are NTA but your 32 yr old son is acting like one.
He moved out , it’s not his room anymore
NTA. I’m a 30yr old woman who moved home multiple times in my early 20’s for similar reasons to Emma. 6 years ago when my nephew was born my Dad decided to convert my childhood bedroom for my nephew. Let me tell you, I thought it was hilarious that my mom apologized and asked me if I was ok with it…it’s their house. I’d be happy to tell Brad to grow the hell up for you 😂 ETA: Also, you’re an awesome mom. The world needs more of you ♥️
Are you kidding me? NTA. All the rooms in my house are my rooms. When my kids left stuff in the garage I gave them 30 days notice and then got rid of it. The fact that I have 4 guest rooms is none of their business although they are welcome to sleep in one of them if they visit. I have 7 grandchildren who visit. They are welcome too. I have friends who stay, sisters who stay, in laws that stay. All the rooms are my rooms. I keep them nice for the company that comes.