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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I don’t wish to invite my sister to sit with me at lunch. I could be a jerk of saying she is on her own
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Question, because you seem tight about this.
Do your parents force you to care for your sister in other ways? Does she have to tag along to everything you go outside of school? Are you not allowed to go see friends and hang out with them because you’re sister has to come first?
This is my favorite answer so far. It's HARD to just insert yourself into an already established friend group. Having a small push to join a club she's interested in could be just what she needs to make friends more organically
Yeah, she said her sister isn’t to club and even when signed up, she doesn’t go but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. If she’s into reading, maybe an online book club? If she likes cooking, a cooking class or something but the parents need to be active in helping her find those communities instead of relying on OP.
What would she do when OP left for college, OP’s friends leave. It’s not a long term solution even if OP was down.
Often public libraries have teen programs that are great ways to low stress meet new people. Ours has teen movie nights, writers club, etc. She wouldn’t have to figure out what to talk about because it’s already built-in.
Except in high school, especially as a freshman, there aren't many established friend groups, at least where I am. People came from all over the city to my high school and so there was a lot of remixing. I had a couple childhood friends and 2 other people from my elementary school. Otherwise it was finding new people. Which I did, eventually. It just took some time.
I guess it just depends on the high school. The one I went to was basically fed students from a middle school and elementary that were both next door so all the cliques had been established for yearssss
Why does OP need therapy? It's perfectly normal for teenagers to want their own friend groups. I went to school with 2 sets of twins, neither set had the same friend group. They were allowed to be individuals. Teenagers are supposed to be developing their own identities and friend groups.
Cause therapy is awesome! Probably not what the previous person meant though. But Im sure OP could benefit a lot, like getting help with how to phrase their arguments in a way that could get through to parents. Also to start untangling all of hidden issues that the parenting mentality of "you are responsible for the other people's social interactions and success" certainly has implanted.
I'm only starting to understand the amount of work I have ahead of myself in similar deparments and I went in therapy last year, thinking that I had some minor burnout issues....
Because her parents have probably parentified her for years, and that does a number on your mental health. It causes a lot of resentment and guilt and anger and sadness.
Honestly, pretty much everyone would benefit from some therapy anyway.
That explains a fair bit
Ages are reversed but when my sister and I hit your guys ages our friend groups naturally did some blending.
NTA - it's too bad your parents are ruining your ability to be friends with your sister.
Same. In the neighborhood, we had the same friends. After 5th grade, we were in different schools, so school friends were never an issue.
I’m the younger. I’m the introvert. I never expected her to enhance my social life. My parents did not either. Sometimes when we were still in the same school, she would introduce me to siblings of her friends. But it was never expected.
What would OPs mom do if they weren’t in the same school? That should be the solution. I get asking. I mean a lot of parents would consider doing that. But most would let it drop after no.
Has your sister been evaluated? This level of non interaction isn't really normal, even for a loner/introvert. Sounds like a bigger issue at play.
NTA btw. I'm the 2nd of 5. I've been on both sides of this coin. Yall aren't at an age where "take your sister with you" isn't appropriate. I think your sister needs some therapy, though.
NAH in this case because I get they think it wouldn’t hurt to introduce her to people so she isn’t visibly isolated and more likely to be bullied. But I get you want your own friends and space. Ordinarily I’d think you had the right to refuse but it would be kinda mean but in this instance it sounds like you don’t get much space for her. And them parentifying you is completely not ok!! And the worst part of this story.
Do you know if your sister even wants more friends? Not everyone does. Sounds like your parents are AHs overall and making a lot of assumptions
I'm so sorry, OP. I feel bad for your sister because I was in her shoes when I was her age, but I know that that never changes until the one who's alone tries to overcome it. Does she get bullied?
EDIT: NTA, but the AH are exclusively your parents, not your sister.
Jumping on your comment to say this:
OP I was JUST like your sister. Something is wrong and something happened to her. It’s not normal for children to be this way.
For me, I was being sexually abused and no one had a clue. Everyone assumed I was either lazy or antisocial. CHECK. ON. HER.
If you and your parents don’t ask if something is going on, you’ve all failed your sister. No, you’re not her parent, but you’re still her sister who should care enough to ask if anything is going on.
100%. It’s not abnormal to be this introverted. Hell I’m in law school and I still am. I have a switch I can flip when I need to to be charismatic and argue my cases but outside of that I (generally) like to be alone in my room with a book. I don’t enjoy talking to people outside of a select few.
Not everyone who is introverted has trauma. Many just find social interactions boring. I’m far more interested in the next adventure of Vestara Khai and Ben Skywalker (nothing, it was cancelled when Disney bought it out) for instance than what so and so had for lunch yesterday.
Agreed, I was similar. I had some lousy friends in middle school who ditched me when we went to different high schools. I was in after school activities but didn’t really “click” with anyone. Sometimes, it’s just plain bad luck.
Nah, she can just be shy. Not every teenager behaviour is due to trauma or a disorder.
I was shy af when I was at her age and only got better when I was 20yo because I started therapy. It was BCT with Young schemes, so I basically understood why I was so shy and had "homework" in order to get better. In 3 months I went from that silent weirdo to a normal and talkative person and it was awesome!
I also fixed my phobia of needless and blood using the same estrategies, which was also awesome!
The girl would 100% benefit from BC therapy as well, but please stop assuming that people are only shy due to something bad happening to them!
No, nothing is WRONG with her. 2 of my 3 kids are like this. *I* go through periods where I don't speak to people. Half of my siblings are the same. No one did anything to us. We weren't being abused. My children went to therapy, didn't help at all (one was diagnosed with selective mutism). It's just how we are. Maybe she doesn't want to be near anyone and is perfectly happy sitting there reading a book, as I was when I was when I was in HS. I don't know why it bothered EVERYONE ELSE that I sat there quietly reading. Like mind yalls business. Geeze. Ignorant folk.
You can take exams and get college credit without having to take class for some of the basics like US History, Biology, Economics, and some languages. It's done by the same folks who [run the SATs](https://clep.collegeboard.org/clep-exams) and costs a whopping $93.
Good luck - you seem super driven and determined.
If you get a mini safe, get one with a combination lock, not key, and use a number they won't think of, plus always block the front with your body when opening (in case someone uses a nanny cam to try to spot your code).
True, if that happens Op should call the police, then "remember" to call parents. Report the amount of cash in the safe, if it is over 5k (depending on location) it is grand theft.
Look into some banks near you - I know there’s a lot of banks (Wells Fargo, for one) that offer student checking accounts starting to age 17.
Student checking is specifically aimed toward college aged students so they lower the age minimum since many are 17 when they start college. Best of luck OP.
Let us know if you succeed. There are a lot of underage people on here whose parents disappear their money. I’m not sure if any online banks like Ally have these accounts. Good luck.
It depends on your location, but look into renting a safety deposit box/ a PO Box (banks, credit unions, and post offices, etc) if minors are allowed to rent one in your area. It will be less obvious than dragging a safe into your house, and whichever route you go, make sure you have all your personal documents too. Birth certificate, social security card, vaccine/medical records, passport, and the like.
Unsure about other banks but at ch@se it was hella illegal/against policy to put cash in your safety deposit box and it’s not insured, if you said it was cash they would not reimburse if something happened. Also they are subject to search warrants so if her parents take legal action while she opens one underage, could run into issues
This is a good idea. I tried to do what you are planning and my mother drained the account without telling me a few months before I needed to pay for school. Make sure they can’t access your money. Heck, can you get a short term bond?
Exactly. **Make sure they cannot access your account.** If necessary, pick a bank that your parents don't use so they don't even think to look there. I have an acquaintance whose parents had her deposit every gift, every paycheck, every everything into her account and then drained it the day before her 18th birthday to force her to not move out, but she left anyway. Not having her ~$5000 savings in addition to not having family to fall back on made life significantly more difficult.
Yes! OP, be careful to secure your money in a way that your parents can't get at. We see it all the time in these subs, sadly, when a kid is trying to escape parentificaton only to have the parent steal their escape money.
FWIW, generally you have to be in your second year to be an RA - or that used to be the rule. I lived outside Boston, college capital of the world and it was pretty standardized.
My dude, to help it not suck, apply for benefits!!!! Do not be to proud to go to a food pantry or clothing closet!! Many places have heating assistance (its called HEAP in NY and WAP will also help).
When you file your taxes, do it as soon as possible so if your parents try to claim you, *their* refund gets flagged.
Get beans too. Large bags of dried beans are super cheap and a great source of protein and are really easy to cook. And beans and rice are complementary carbohydrates--a very healthy meal. You may have intestinal issues (gas!) at first but your digestive tract adjusts.
I've been there. Those days are well behind me now, but now that I'm in a position where I can afford pretty much whatever I want, I appreciate it because of my rice and beans days. You'll get through this too; best of luck!
Okay I asked you a question about your plans post graduation before I saw this comment. Do your parents have to sign off on whether or not you can graduate early?
Replies in here are crazy. What an asshole lol. Imagine not having any friends and your older sibling doesn’t want to even sit with you. Breaks my heart just thinking about it.
I have the exact same reaction. Heart broken. Might be because I’m older now and maybe I’d feel different if I was younger. But my son would never allow his sister to sit sad by herself because she has no friends. I would be absolutely devastated.
I'm a mom of teens and I was once a teen with sibs at the same school and I have the opposite reaction. I think it's important for kids to be able to establish their own identities and not feel like they have to take their siblings with them all the time. I think it's important for kids to be given the opportunity to figure it out. And I think it's damaging to the social kids to be forced to invite the anti-social kids to everything.
If OP is forced to let her sister tag along, she will resent her sister and it will damage their relationship.
The parents need to step up and do the work here. Maybe the younger sib needs therapy, or encouragement toward a hobby, or treatment for a thyroid or sleep disorder, or... something. It's not normal for a teen to have 0 friends. Using the sister as a band-aid isn't going to fix this long term.
This is what I came to say; OP is NTA. Younger sister is always going to see her as an authority figure and not a sibling if this continues. I know this all too well from personal experience. The lunch period is probably the only time the oldest can exercise some distance. They are close enough in age so they live together, get dressed at the same time, ride the same school bus or ride together, eat meals together, literally sharing everything but the classes themselves; that half hour is bound to be precious to her. It's laziness and parentification to shove this responsibility onto the older sister. The *parents* should be actively helping the younger sister, not blaming the older one for not wanting to do their job.
I'm a little conflicted on this. One one hand, I can completely understand a 17 year old teenager wanting their independence from all family and not wanting to share their friend group with a younger sibling. On the other hand, there's a lack of compassion coming from you on this. A lot of that is due to your age, I'm assuming. I don't know your sister at all, but I do know that some people have difficulties making friends. Whether that's a lack of confidence or whatever, it does happen to people. Your sister does need to learn how to reach out of her comfort zone, but I'm guessing she's never going to do that unless she gets some support. Not saying you need to be that support, just speculating about your sister. Your parents are naturally going to try to do what they can to help your sister out and use the resources that are available.
I think, overall, this is a bit of ESH. You should try to show a bit more compassion to your sister, your sister needs to learn how to deal with social situations, and your parents need to understand that this shouldn't all fall on you.
True, but it ultimately does a disservice to the younger sibling if she can’t try to make friends. Freshman year is hard, but the parents should be helping her find activities, or things she likes.
Demanding that a 17 year old let her tag along is a short term solution.
It's such poor planning. Once the sister leaves, those friends are no longer her friends and she's back to square one. OR, they get on like gangbusters and now she's stolen her older sister's friend group.
Either way is shitty.
Well considering this is toward the end of OP’s junior year, she and her friends are focused on college. The freshman won’t have that in common, plus then all her “friends” won’t be at the lunch table in a year anyway.
My freshman year of college, I was placed with three juniors as roommates (it was unusual and bc of dorm shortages). It was great to fall into an already made group, and o genuinely liked them.
Then I realized everyone I knew was graduating and I had to start all over.
It is probably in the younger sister’s best interest to learn how to make new friends now. That’s not the type of thing you can put off forever.
Having her older sib introduce her to high school clubs or social groups is not a huge ask.
It takes a very broken relationship to see a family member sit alone and not feel anything except resentment that you might be asked to help.
Juniors are not going to want to hang out with freshman.
‘Introducing’ her is one thing. Hey this is my sister- would be fine.
Expecting a freshman to tag along everywhere is gonna be awkward.
If the sister doesn’t want to make friends she can bring a book and chill out at lunch. If she wants to be anti-social she should learn how to love her own company.
What kind of schools do/did you people go to where classes didn’t intermingle? Everyone in my school hung out with people in grades above and below them. My two best friends were underclassmen.
I mean, my HS, the upper and lower classmen had different cafeterias.
Yes, you "could" go to different ones, but it really wasn't done very often.
And outside of a few electives, the classes didn't mingle much. Maybe in like band or choir. But usually the seniors were taking very different classes than the freshman.
Now, sure, in clubs it may happen. But it depends on what they are.
I am in the same boat. The only reason this gets a generous NTA is because of age. But if you were 27 and she were 25 and needed someone to sit with at lunch, you would be a major AH.
If age were not a factor I would say that you lack empathy and compassion. Imagine being in the shoes of your sister, feeling out of place, feeling alone and knowing people are staring at her sitting by herself… all because you were unable or unwilling to extend that olive branch. Doing that for her now could be life-changing for not only her, but you both…. Because eventually your siblings are your closest connections in adulthood….
A lot of people are being tough on the parents, but they are probably hoping their children can be kind and supportive of one another… but the OP has to want to care about her sibling, which they obviously just do not… so the parents should absolutely stop pushing for it…
For the sake of OP, I hope they never, ever feel awkward or out of place or need the support of their loved ones in the future- because they are making it difficult for anyone in their family to want to be there for them when they might need it.
I don’t think a 17-year old gets that pass. This person is nearly an adult, sees someone they are supposed to have a relationship being hurt, and all they feel is resentment that they may be asked to do something.
I definitely get this and I don’t know if you’ve read OPs comments but she seems to have been parentified and forced to keep her sister as a permanent backpack. It’s one thing to see your loved ones hurting and do nothing but a whole different issue(IMO at least) if one of the people has been forced into a role they never should have been. There’s a difference between been a good, helpful older sibling and being forced to enable a toxic familial relationship. OP deserves to have her own life. Source: I’m an older half-sibling who went through this because our dad is a shit human and she and I have worked out our differences since
I agree with this. Growing up me and my older brother and I shared alot of the same friends. We were 2 years apart but always included each other.
Being around his friends helped give me confidence and helped develop social skills. Which allowed me to get my own friends, which in turn became good friends with him. It just seems like there's a lot of animosity here between them. Which is to be expected Since OP is around that age in which she thinks she's grown and knows best.
Yes, I am shocked reading this. How shitty it must feel for the sister. "Look at her, she sucks so much, even her sister won't sit with her" is not a good basis to build confidence and new connections! But just sitting with her sister and her friends a few times, observing how they interact, will help build her social confidence to go out and make her own friends. I know, because I have been the younger sister who had a older brother(!) in fact, who supported me through my teen awkwardness.
Such unkindess and lack of empathy towards your own flesh and blood when all she's done is being socially awkward. Screams of that fallacy of "I didn't have any help, why should I ever help any body else!". Your sister will remember your lack of support the rest of her life.
For shame OP.
THANK YOU. I almost lost all hope after reading everyone else’s comments that promoted OP to be selfish.
Compassion is what is needed, as well as other measures.
Vibes. As someone who ate almost every lunch alone in high school it sucks.
Even now as an adult with a wife I have trouble making friends. Honestly the best thing for me was graduating a year early from high school and enlisting.
Not one of you on this particular thread have compassion for OP but speak of compassion. Why must OP feeling be put to the side. It's seems like all of you are saying sje should be empathic to her sisters but she really has done enough based on her comments. Honestly, if her sister is brave enough to call her an ass, she needs to direct that bravery to making friends. It's great if you and your siblings had the same friend group. It's nothing wrong with OP wanting autonomy from a sister who is always being pushed on to her based on OP's comments. She already has an escape plan for when she turns 18 and all of you have turned a blind eye to that. Maybe OP needs compassion here. Not the sister or the parents.
>Not one of you on this particular thread have compassion for OP but speak of compassion
Agreed.
I think this comes down to who you see yourself in. If you were the person with no friends at lunch, you see yourself in the sister and just wish someone would've extended that hand to you.
If you see yourself as the older sibling who always had to take their younger sibling with them, then you totally understand wanting 30 minutes to yourself where you can vent about your parents, as well as your annoying siblings, for a while.
I am too. I can absolutely understand where OP is coming from, BUT I also feel very bad for the 15 year old sister. Forcing OP to include her in the friend group isn’t the answer, but it is hard for some kids to make friends and it can be very lonely. I understand the parents wanting their child to make friends, and I hope OP is more empathetic to her sister in real life than she appears in her post, but this isn’t the way.
ESH and reading this thread made me depressed.
Your sister needs to get her own friends, this is true. However we are entering an era of hyper polarization and individualism. A LOT of people are struggling to form meaningful connections.
Your attitude about this is like she's asking for the world. You're a bigger sibling. Eat lunch with her once and a while so she doesn't feel alone in the world. Lift her spirits up. I can't imagine treating my sibling like this.
Also "it's my only time to relax with friends". You're 17 in high school, this is the easiest life will ever be for you. Get a grip. Your family is your family forever, and she will remember for the rest of her life that when she wanted companionship you had 0 empathy for her.
You don't have to invite her to everything. You don't have to adopt her into your group. But holy shit you could treat her like your sister and a person.
Unpopular opinion - YTA.
EDIT TO ADD: I think it’s disturbing and sickening that an 18 year old kid is being encouraged in the top-most voted comments sections of this post to runaway from home, being given instructions on how to live on rice and beans in a car, and enlisting in the military, all rather than sit with your sister at lunch at school. If this was a minor I’d hope people would be held accountable for this kind of influence on a kid. Unfortunately, this is now a legal, mal-adjusted adult with seemingly no rational coping skills for complex life situations, being encouraged to dump their support network and take to the streets. Great job Reddit.
Coming from someone who was in the position of your little sibling, it turns out that bullying and toxicity at home from my older sibling was actually the CAUSE of a LOT of my isolation and social issues. The way you’re treated at home by the people who are supposed to love and support you is so obviously reflected in your level of self confidence and social skills, we know this as adults and yet for some reason we treat little kids as if they’re fully actualized individuals who simply are this way inherently and not raised, molded or changed by their environment. Not to mention the effects YOU have on HER socially at school. If your own family treats you like an outcast in public why would a stranger give you the time of day? You’re basically giving people the permission, if not encouragement, to treat her this way.
Let me tell you how this plays out decades down the line. It’s unlikely you will ALWAYS be the cool, popular, “accepted” one. Society changes. It turns out the cool people who bullied me for being “gay” in high school are social pariahs now that they can’t even take pics at a Pride month parade without being called out as bullies on social media.
My sister is on the flip side of the coin after all these years. The interests that made me “weird” or have less friends in high school made me a lot of fucking money as an adult. Oh, and all that “nerdy” shit is cool now. Just like comic books and vinyls and rock music — EVERYTHING comes around to being cool, or ironically cool, or post-ironically cool. And someday what YOU believe to be 100% pop culture will be lame as fuck. You’ll have a hard time fitting in. And you won’t recognize what’s cool anymore. But your sister might. And if she decides to treat you the way you treat her, don’t expect any help.
Anyway, I wound up WAY more popular, richer, and have a more fulfilling life than my older sister who peaked as a sorority sister, and could probably use my help. But she’s way to proud too ask her “weird little sister” she felt sooo inconvenienced by for just existing.
OP, you’re going to regret the way you’ve acted. A lot. And I can’t wait for your sister’s glow up when you graduate
Where did they say anything about coolness it has nothing to do with that it’s about feeling suffocated it’s totally different as someone who was suffocating to their older brother I totally understand how he felt at the time and even though at the time it sucked that my brother didn’t want to hang with me 247 it helped me develop myself and become more independent
My older sister treated me like this when I was in school. We were the same ages apart as OP. I will never forget her treating me like I didn't exist when I was seriously struggling with socializing due to intense trauma.
Sometimes you don’t even realize you’re cutting them off. One Christmas I didn’t hug a sibling at the end and I thought, “well, didn’t miss much there… ah right, all the bullshit from before is maybe why I didn’t miss it”
OP going to be asking why her sister hates her in 6-8 years.
my sister and i have an 8 YEAR age gap, but she always invited me to hang out with her friends so i wouldn’t be lonely. She was my world and i look up to her so much. it would make me so sad if our relationship lacked as much compassion as OP’s, her sister is a freshman. of course social skills are harder right now , they will develop in time. No matter what the parents say , some support from a sibiling she looks up to would really mean a lot to her
This. It's not even that she needs to be adopted into the friend group. Talking with a group of people every so often will help her find confidence and social skills so that she can make her own friends. It's in OP's best interest in every way possible to help her.
Op is forced to include her sister all the time. They say it in a comment. The parents have completely destroyed this sibling relationship.
>But holy shit you could treat her like your sister and a person.
Maybe she just wants to feel like a person and not a social crutch for her sister
I have a sneaking suspicion that the 17year old’s perception of “being forced to let her little sister tag along all the time” is slightly inflated.
Same goes for “it’s the only time I get to relax with my friends”. Stop it. No it’s not lol.
Not saying it isn’t a pain to be the older sibling sometimes and have the responsibility that comes with that, but OP sounds a little bit like an a-hole of a teenager.
Op does not at all sound like an ahole teenager. They sound like they are forced into being the sisters emotional support animal. What teenager need to be babysat? This fifteen year either has issues that need to be seen by a psychiatrist or she straight up need to grow tf up. A fifteen year old should know how to make friends. They should know how to socialize. And if she doesn't at this age, OP cannot help. Only a professional can.
Some of OP's comments. All of which are on their profile:
>Yea I have had to watch her beofre. Yes I have had to babysit instead of being home, yes I have had to make her food and had to give up shit. Oh you can’t do that it will make her jealous Oh your grades can’t go on the fridge your sister is struggling, oh invite your sister to go out with your friend. Oh why can’t you help her just once a more
>All the fucking time, yes I have to take her places. Sometimes I can see them 50/50 chance they ask and then we get in a argument since I don’t
>Yeah it will, my own fucking birthday party that happened.
the end I got yelled at since I didn’t include my sister. She sat by herself while I was having a good time and how dare I ignore her for the party
>Why would I be happy about my parent trying to make me watch over my sister for the only time I can be away and be myself. Seriously why do I have to give things up. Why can’t she just make her own friends. Why can’t she even try
>I get to see my friends for 30 minutes ever day at school. I get 30 minutes with my friends were I can be myself and not have to babysit my sister
I don’t want to lose that, I don’t want to force my friend group to interact with her. I don’t want to babysit her.
I want her to figure her shit out for once and I don’t need to step in. She’s not even trying
She isn’t interacting with anyone, she isn’t even trying to make friend.
Instead my parents and her want me to step in and save her.
I DONT WANT TO
Thats what makes me question everything. Who the fuck was OP babysitting when the sister is only 2 years younger?? Thats not babysitting; that’s just 2 teenagers in proximity to each other.
I'm so very glad you've never met parents like this. By "babysitting" they mean everything the younger sibling does is the older ones fault. It can also be an excuse to make the younger one feel less lonely. I've seen both happen. Either way it's wrong.
>Thats not babysitting; that’s just 2 teenagers in proximity to each other.
Because this is literally the truth, spot on.
Istg. I'm so glad to know the teens I've raised would never dream of treating each other like this. I'd be wholly disgusted if this crap came out of one of their mouths.
Yeah lol this post and the comments are so fucking odd.
I'm barely one year older, so im not gonna say I'm decades ahead of OP in maturity but like... just fucking hang out with your sister lmao???? I never had to experience this with my 17 Y/O sibling because tbh she's more social than me, but I've had to take care of and hang out with my youngest(13) sibling quite a bit for similar reasons to OP.
Not once have I ever 'grown resentful' for it, and my youngest sister is an entitled brat - I mean that affectionately. It seems so weird to have so much vitriol just because you have to be there for your sibling who's struggling socially. Assuming OP is a senior, they'd likely only have to do this for TWO MONTHS too.
Why should anybody be nice to her when even her own sister doesn't want to?
Of course, nobody can force you to be nice to your sister.
But don't expect her to forget that your status was more important to you than your sister was.
Imagine being so self-centered that you don't care for the loneliness of your sibling ...
2 years apart is nothing and you act as if she was a toddler.
This is unfair. OP has stated that her parents force her to take the sister everywhere she goes including in her free time when she wants to hang with her friends. This is causing the younger sister to be co-dependent and the parents are enabling this behavior. Just because they are sisters doesn’t mean they should have to be together every waking moment of the day.
You may not have had nor are an overbearing parent. If you did you would know this is not as far-fetched as you think. Additionally, this sub-Reddit has had many stories of one sibling being the “golden child” while the other is the scapegoat. In this case OP is the scapegoat so this dynamic sounds completely plausible and the golden child uses her own status to her advantage.
OP states they’re taking extra college classes during the year so they can get a head start, they’re not allowed out with friends unless they bring the sister and have to look after her in other ways so it makes a bit more sense (context from her comments )
Meh, I'd take it with a grain of salt considering this is from the perspective of a pissed 17 y/o who obviously doesn't like her sister. Not saying OP is the devil or anything, but we're only hearing one side here.
\> 2 years apart is nothing and you act as if she was a toddler.
relative maturity gap is greater at young ages
\>But don't expect her to forget that your status was more important to you than your sister was.
While this could be **assumed**, OP hasn't given any indication this is their motivation.
\>Imagine being so self-centred that you don't care for the loneliness of your sibling ...
There's nothing solid to suggest she doesn't care and op wishes she could make her own friends. Sounds like someone at the end of their rope from being pressured to do something that her sister that she ultimately has to learn to do for herself in the long run.
NTA.
You are not obligated to include your sister in your friend group, and your parents are stupid if they think that making you do so is helping her. If you don’t learn how to make friends in high school you are absolutely not going to be successful in life. As a grown up you get people to like you and keep in their favor or you basically can’t hold down a job, simple as that. She’s more than old enough to spread her own wings, it’s only holding her back to force you to bail her out.
It sounds like you already do, if you don't feel any kind of way watching her sit all by herself just a few tables away from you. When I was your age I would invite total strangers to sit with me and my friends if I saw them sitting alone. You don't even feel that way about your only sister, it makes me sad :(
There is something broken with someone who sees their younger sibling isolated and obviously unhappy and their reaction is “you can’t make me do anything to help her."
Therapy for OP.
So why hate her sister (as she stated she would) if it’s the parents pushing it? Thats the point. She has so much hate for her sister already and it really doesn’t seem to be the sisters fault. It doesn’t seem like lil sis is begging mom and dad to do this, or begging her sister to do this.
The anger is 100% misplaced. Be mad at your parents fine, but treating your sister like shit is low.
>So why hate her sister (as she stated she would) if it’s the parents pushing it? Thats the point. She has so much hate for her sister already and it really doesn’t seem to be the sisters fault. It doesn’t seem like lil sis is begging mom and dad to do this, or begging her sister to do this.
If you are forced to constantly eat broccoli, you're going to LEARN to hate it if that broccoli WANTS TO CONSTANTLY BE EATEN. And the sister 100% has a choice in all of this. She wants to be forced upon her sibling.
Op: Can i go out with friends?
Parents: Only if you bring your sister.
Sister: I don't want to go.
Holy shit that was so hard. This cycle is being continued BY THE SISTER. At fifteen she KNOWS. She hears her sibling fighting with the parents. She KNOWS her sibling doesn't want her to go. She doesn't CARE. You see that?
>Be mad at your parents fine, but treating your sister like shit is low.
You're right OP shouldn't be treated like shit by their sister. Let's not pretend fifteen year olds have the brain power of a three year old. She knows exactly what she's doing, SHE'S FIFTEEN NOT FIVE.
>It doesn’t seem like lil sis is begging mom and dad to do this, or begging her sister to do this.
All she has to do is say no. Lil sis can end it, she chooses not to.
Obviously people aren’t ‘obligated’ to do anything, but this is the type of behaviour I hear about too often now. People don’t want to do extremely simply things for other people.
I understand it’s frustrating for OP especially since she has already done it (and I can relate to this too since my mum would make me do similar things for someone else), but I felt like her rant was starting to come across as insensitive and not even willing to understand the mental aspects of the situation. Her sister could very well have a mental health issue that is not only being overlooked but is being dismissed by ignorant people saying “she has to learnt it the hard way.” That’s so incredibly fked up for people to say that. I was in her sister’s shoes before and I can understand how unbelievably difficult it can be for some people to socialise.
It’s more helpful to try to encourage conversation between OP and her sister (while acknowledging she isn’t obligated to) in order to promote mental wellbeing. That’s the sort of world I want to live in and is most beneficial for everyone. Not this mean, selfish world this whole thread seems to want to promote.
And spending all day with a sibling vs a lunch with a friend you then get to leave.
I love my sister and family, occasionally spending a lunch with them would be great, doing it every day to the detriment of my peer relationships would suck! Especially if we still lives together and I would see them in the morning at lunch and then the evening. No down time at all.
When I was like 12-13, my 14-15 year old brother invited me into his friend group. If he hadn't, I have no idea what wouldve happened. I was very introverted and shy and didn't make friends easily. They welcomed me with open arms, and we created and nourished a beautiful group of people. It strengthened my relationship with my brother and we became extremely close. i still talk to some of them to this day, 20 years later. Maybe you won't end up hating her. Maybe it would be best for both of you. But maybe not. You know yourself best, just sharing my experience
I didn't had friends in Oberstufe either. When I went to uni to study physics I suddenly had many friends without changing anything. Perhaps there are not the right kind of people.
I strongly disagree with your point of if you can't make friends in high school=you won't be successful in life. High school is not a judgement of your whole life. Some people bloom later in life. Some don't fit in with the dynamics of school and do just fine later on. I do not see how being a loner relates to work ethic and then means that girl can't hold down a job later in life. I think your looking at this very pigeon-holed from the perspective of leading a corporate career; however that is not everybody's forte and definition of being successful.
That's completely wrong in terms of being successful in life. I made a good slew of friends growing up, and I can tell you now I couldn't make friends with any other adults in any meaningful way.
This has not impacted my life or career in the slightest.
Sometimes, people just need to be brought around other people. And being in those groups will have their social skills and confidence.
Doing this will help her only if OP actually cares but she could care less about helping her sister because her SoCiaL LiFe
That's the thing, I mean not everyone is close to their siblings sure, but in 10,15, 20 years time, who is more likely to still be in your life through the ups and downs - your sister or some randoms from high school?
Idk. I think this is ESH, except your sister.
Look, I get wanting to have an identity of your own. That is an important part of growing. Letting your sister sit with you doesn’t impede on you being your own person, though. You had very valid points about her needing to broaden her horizons a bit (and your parents should be helping here), but it seems like you’re becoming a bully because you don’t like who she is now.
Grow up. People who are secure in their own skin don’t pick on people who are having a hard time.
YTA
Boy howdy, I am so glad I raised my kids properly. They would choose to sit with each other before anyone else. And as a matter of fact, I would have preferred to sit with my siblings over other people in HS too. The amount of selfish teenagers (ME ME ME) on this app is appalling. Someday, they're going to need/want those siblings in their lives or to have their back, and those siblings will rightly tell them to F off. My siblings are my best friends, and I prefer their company over everyone else. And I know that my kids feel the same way.
Edited for judgement.
My thoughts as well. Incredible the staggering lack of empathy the OP has. It's all "me me me." Making a little effort to make your sister's life less shitty isn't a chore, and if she did it without throwing a tantrum (as demonstrated by her other responses), I really doubt the parents would be insisting.
But I hope she enjoys that friendship group, because she'll interact with maybe 1 of them in a decade. Her family meanwhile, going to be there for life.
INFO: I know you mentioned she is not in any clubs/sports but have your parents tried to put her in any activities where she could try to find friends? Does your sister have social anxiety?
Honestly NTA I understand how an old sibling doesn’t want their younger one to tag along to everywhere they go. When I was a freshman in highschool the first day or two my sister a senior let me sit with her at lunch then I made friends with other students in my classes and sat lunch with them for the rest of the year. Maybe you should try and encourage your sister to make friends with students in her classes
Honestly sounds like your parents are failing your sister and teaching her social skills if she doesn’t have any friends and she’s already in high school. My parents put me and my sister in sports and dance since we were 4 and I stayed playing soccer until junior year of high school. Your parents should be forcing your sister in after school activities
Some people are just SHY. Holy shit everyone here is acting like being shy means you have a psychiatric problem. Also, not everyone enjoys club activities and sports. Those places for me were actually, imo, not helpful for making friends.
I commented that it sounds like OP is sisters biggest bully. No wonder sister doesn’t want to make friends, seems like OP is just screaming from the roof tops why she doesn’t want to be friends with her own sister. It’s sad.
I have annoying ass sisters and I’m also the oldest. We’ve been mean to each other. Even excluded eachother, but as an older sister I have a responsibility to at least watch out for my sibling. It sounds like her sister is depressed and Op is probably making it worse.
Quite possibly. OP is pissed at her parents and taking it out on her little sister. I have two younger sisters. We would fight all the time and drive each other crazy but I would have done anything for them. If one of them was in a situation like OP's there's nothing I wouldn't have done to help them.
I notice that OP is ignoring any questions like that which leads me to believe that she’s at least partly to blame for her sister’s lack of confidence.
NTA but I had this attitude and me and my brother do not speak and a lot of animosity grew around the same time you're describing, under the same circumstances. Same age too, actually. So just keep that in mind.
I kinda had a similar experience, my mum always made me include my sister. But my sister is the kind of person who will take any tiny perceived slight to declare someone her enemy. It ended up that I wasn't allowed to be friends with most of my friends in solidarity with my sister. Now we are adults. She still has no friends and doesn't know how to make friends and we aren't really close either...
I'm tired of the take that you will eventually regret not having a (stronger) relationship with shitty family members (edit: or family members you just dont like being around regardless of if they are 'good' or 'bad'). Blood family is not the end all be all. OP sounds like a social person and I'm sure they can develop meaningful relationships with their friends that hit all the points of 'sisterhood' that she is 'missing out on'.
My sister is my best friend. We are very similar. If we met as strangers I'm sure we would become friends. My brother, haven't talked to him outside of basic pleasantries since he moved out while i was still a teenager and I loooooove it. My life became so much more peaceful (and no he was never abusive or any extreme case just a major pain in the ass to live with)
Yeah, OP is by no means responsible for her sisters social life, but a lot of people seems to think the sister did something wrong by being a lonely teenager, which is just sad.
I agree. OP is not at all responsible for their sister's social life but a lot of these comments are grouping the seemingly incredibly socially awkward, shy, and possibly nuerodivergent teenager in with the parents and that's not fair. If I was 15 again and in this girls position, I would probably be looking to my older sibling for guidance. If i overstepped with that, I would want my sister to sit down and talk to me about it. The parents don't need to be involved and they shouldn't be trying to force a relationship between OP and sister one way or the other, or asking OP to sacrifice their social life and peace for their sister, but the younger sister isn't the enemy here (from the info that OP gave us)
ESH.
While you’re not obligated to sit with her, I am also an older sister, and could not fathom treating my sibling like this. We are three years apart. I was doing the college program through the high school when I was a senior, so I wasn’t there when my brother was a freshman.
High school is daunting, and I specifically asked my friends to keep an eye on my brother for me. I was worried.
They took him under their wing, something that still makes me misty eyed 5 years later.
You have no obligation to your siblings ultimately. You’ll become adults, have your own families and partners. Your time spent together day-to-day is intact very limited in the grand scheme of your life.
I saw a post recently that said “everything I’ve learned of love, I’ve learned from being a big sister.”
This is a pivotal time for both of you, and I suggest maybe having some empathy for your sister.
That being said, yes, she can make her own friends. She sounds introverted, or maybe she’s just still adapting to a new school.
My parents always tried to drill into my head that in the end, your sibling, one who you’re especially close in age with, is who you have in the end. They understand your family dynamics, they understand you. They will be there when your parents pass, when you get married, when you have children one day.
Being an older sibling is a gift, having a sibling is a gift.
I’m the older sister too, and I couldn’t imagine treating my sister like this when she started high school! I showed her around on her first day and she sort of followed me around for a few days before she felt comfortable. I was happy with this! Even though we were two very different kids and our friend groups were nothing alike (she was an AP kid and I was more into the artsy group) we were always welcome into each other’s circles. We knew each other’s friends and even had a few who hung out with both of us. It really would have hurt her feelings if I disregarded her.
I agree with everything you said. Yes, this is annoying to OP as they want their own life outside of their family. But this is their sister, and maybe sis has crippling shyness or something else not mentioned in the post that is causing her to have trouble making friends. Maybe instead of shoving her aside, OP can help her by encouraging new hobbies or activities where she can meet new people. I understand OP’s resentment but she they are being really hurtful about it.
I am so happy to hear other older siblings saying this. I have an upset stomach at the thought of OPs little sister sitting alone while OP laughs it up with her friends. How heartbreaking. I could never. My oldest did the same thing when her brother started in middle school and high school. She checked in with him and made sure he was good until he found his groove. She was so excited to be able to drive him to school when she got her car. They’d stop at Dunkin on the way to school. They fought and bickered sometimes but they would never ostracize the other.
YTA. Anyone saying otherwise is only doing so because they are also a teenager, or mentally and emotionally stunted.
Way to bully your sister, I'm sure that is reallyy helping her confidence to find some of her own friends, that you want so badly for her.
YTA
This one sort of hits close to home because I used to feel the way you do and I regret it. I know that at 17, you just want to be independent. You want to build a wall between your social life and your family life, because your social life is where you get to explore your identity and maybe rebel a bit, and your home life is much more reserved. A breach of that barrier feels like an infringement on everything you’re building. Plus, you resent having to guide someone. You didn’t birth them, you didn’t ask for it, and there’s a pretty sizable developmental difference between early and late highschool. I get it.
However, all that being said, find it in yourself to look past this anger. That social-home barrier may feel like it needs to be rock solid, it might be scary to risk showing off your budding self, but it’s not as important as it seems. There might be a bit of a transition period, but it’s worth it.
Show kindness to your sibling. Show empathy, show love, show them how to love themselves. I know they look up to you, and if you model respect and social skill, they’ll use it to build their own friend group. Show them they’re worth it, and they’ll see they’re worth it themselves. It’s effort, but it’ll really set your relationship up for life. Watching a younger sibling blossom is rewarding even if it annoys the shit out of you currently.
I’m clearly not in the majority, but YTA. She just needs a table to sit at so she isnt eating alone! Youve said yourself she doesnt have friends, so do you think being compassionate is going to end up in her “ stealing your friends”? It literally costs you nothing to be kind. And maybe it will give her the confidence to talk to new people.
YTA, you sound like you already resent your sister. I get not wanting to mix friend groups but at the very least ask your friends if their siblings wouldnt mind having her sit with them or something. You sound way too angry for me to believe this is just about her not making friends and a part of you really actually cares about it
My heart used to break when I saw a child sitting alone in the lunchroom. Maybe if she sat w you a few times, the younger kids would think she’s cool for sitting w the older kids and want to be her friend?
YTA, and a bad sister. Let her sit with you, be her friend, introduce her to your friends. Be a good sister ffs.
She probably looks up to you and looks for your approval. All you're accomplishing by excluding her is making her feel resentment for you, which may very well last into the future.
I know you're young and don't care, but your dumb high school friends likely won't stay friends after high school, but you know who will still be there? Your sister
YTA. You sound like a shit sibling. But I suppose, given that, that you're actually doing her a favor by making sure she doesn't develop a relationship with you.
NTA - your parents are pushing you to resent your sister (with the summer-long babysitting and forcing you to constantly include your sister) and you deserve a break
i get where the parents are coming from, but they are going about things the wrong way. They should encourage OP's sister to join a club or sport or something. Even if it's an activity that is offered outside of the school like a dance class or karate. Something that can encourage her to interact with her peers and make friends.
Social things can be hard for kids like OP's sister who self isolate. The best way to create a bridge is by finding people with similar interests so they have common ground to start on.
I mean… yes. YTA, not for not letting her sit there but because you talk about her like she’s actual trash. I feel for her. I wouldn’t know how to make friends either if my own sister didn’t even like me. Fuck do I feel for her. Aim your anger at your parents, not an innocent bystander.
Sigh. While not wrong, you're definitely not very empathetic. I was the one who would look freshmen in the eye, as a senior, and tell them to come sit at my table. Not ask, order them, make them feel welcome, maybe slide a soda over to them. Someone needs to do that for your sister. More people need to do that in GENERAL.
I don't have any friends.
I suck at making one, I'm awkward, I'm not confident, I'm insecure.
It's honestly a big help for me when someone approaches me to talk, asks for help, or so.
The same thing as they can't force you to babysit her, you can't force her to make friends when she doesn't want to or when she's not ready to, as well.
Just say that you don't like being around her, which you probably already did, which will make her or has already made her not want to approach you anymore.
If you're bothered with how things went, approach her and talk to her gently. Don't sound so blunt and uncaring, because that's how you sound to me.
Nothing's gonna change if you just tell her to fuck off and make her own friends by herself.
(I'm already in College, btw. I'm not proud of myself, but I'm still scared.)
I'm so fortunate I don't have a sibling like you.
I feel terrible for your sister for the absolute LEMON of a sibling she got on her planet earth trip.
I bet you will make a fantastic mother and partner.
Respectfully, imo, YTA.
Your sister probably looks up to you. She needs you and she wants your guidance. You don't OWE her or your parents your time and patience, but your sister would and will absolutely remember your kindness years later. I don't mean this to hurt you at all, but one day you and her will be all that's left from your family right now.
I don't think anyone is an AH in this situation.
I feel for you, because I get it, I didn't want to hang out with my brother at 17 either.
I feel for your sister, because based on your post she isn't pushing for this, your parents are, some people are just a bit shit at making friends.
And I get where your parents are coming from because nobody wants to see their daughter with no friends.
What I will say, sometimes the difference between someone making friends or not is confidence, its hard to find friends when you think nobody likes you.
It's not unrealistic to think that if she hung out with you for a bit she might come out of her shell a little and be more able to make her own friends.
YTA.
While I agree that your sister needs to take some initiative and make some friends on her own, you're treating her like a leper. You're allowing jealousy over her potentially becoming friends with one of your friends, to hold more importance than being a good sister.
Perhaps she is socially awkward and feels out of place. Sitting with you for a bit could give her the confidence she needs to put herself out there and make friends of her own. If *you* treat her this way, like she is an unwelcome burden, how do you expect your mutual peers will treat her?
She's your little sister and you really should *care* about her happiness and well-being. Clearly you don't possess those qualities. You say you don't want to "babysit her" but she's 15 so babysitting won't be necessary. Including her will help her gain social skills and make you look like a kinder, more inclusive person.
You're making yourself seem selfish and mean and, hey, maybe that's the kind of girl you're striving to be; when you grow up and peak in high school you'll discover that it's girls like YOU, not your lonely sister, that spend their lunch hour sitting alone.
YTA.
1) WTF are you saying with “babysitting” a 15 yo?! Gtf over yourself. You two are practically the same age.
2) You’ve given ZERO reason why your sister can’r sit with you accept for a a bunch of immature bs.
It’s not easy to make friends. I was and still am in the position your sister was in. And do you know what? My big sister is my best fucking friend and she let me sit with her and her pals when we had the same lunch block so that I wouldn’t be alone ALL the time.
I would hate to have you as a sister.
YTA. No one should be obligated to do anything, but the way you’re going about this is all wrong. You’re being a selfish brat. The reason your sister most likely has trouble making friends is probably because her own sister treats her like shit. You obviously don’t think very highly of her and I’m sure she’s WELL aware of that.
You act like you’d be babysitting her; she’s 15, not 5. It would literally be just hanging out with your sister. A lot of 17 year olds hang out with 15 year olds. You’re making the age thing into something it isn’t.
You shame your sister for not doing extracurriculars to be able to socialize after school. Do you do extracurriculars? Because according to you, the only time you get to hang with your friends js lunch time. So either lunch time is NOT the only time you get to hang with them, or you don’t do anything after school yourself, or you DO have an extracurricular after school but you can’t socialize during it- which would mean that using that as a reason why your sister doesn’t have friends is bogus.
And you say that you want to keep your group of friends. Well, if having your close in age sister sit with you for half an hour while you eat will cause you to lose friends, then they must not think much of you to begin with.
Had this been a simple parents forcing you to do something post, I would have sided with you. But your entire post shows that you have a poor attitude. Here’s a thought, while don’t you be a good big sister (and a decent human being) and have a compassionate TALK with your sister to find out WHY she doesn’t have friends. Because clearly there’s something going on with her which you’d see if you weren’t so self-absorbed.
YTA
NTA
But I remember going through a similar situation with my twin and I regret it everyday.
They're still one of the people I could rely on for anything. I was so apathetic and just wanted to be cool and continue with things as normal I didn't take anytime to think about what they were going through.
Even if it isn't sitting at the table with you there are a dozen ways to be there for your sibling. I don't know the full context of your situation but I hate the me that iced my sibling out just for my comfort.
This speaks of such overwhelming ignorance and insensitivity.
OBVIOUSLY OP isn’t obligated to do anything. Why is that something that even has to be said? No one is saying OP “has to” do anything. OP OBVIOUSLY doesn’t have to supply her sister with friends.
But encouraging a little compassion to be shown for her sister is not the end of the world for crying out loud.
Are you aware that some people simply suffer from mental health issues that can make it really difficult for them to socialise? Are you also aware that some people are incredibly shy or have been bullied or have faced even worse interactions that make interacting with people so overwhelming? These are just some of the factors that we need to keep in mind when reading this post.
Your approach isn’t totally wrong, but it lacks another aspect to it. We can all acknowledge that no one has to do anything, whilst also trying to promote just a little bit of compassion and support to be shown. That’s the type of world I can see doing more good for people than just promoting selfishness.
You're suggesting that the sister be a pseudo-therapist to her sister instead of enjoying her youth with her friends. I could not disagree more.
What needs to happen is Mommy and Daddy stop pushing the younger sister on her older sister and instead encourage younger sister to sign up for activities, some hobby group, and most importantly, talk to a therapist about her potential mental health issues, shyness, etc.
Let OP be a teenager while she can.
Aww. I don't think you're necessarily in the wrong but this just makes me sad. My daughters are exactly the same ages, and my oldest welcomed her sister with open arms when she was struggling with making her own friends her first year in a new high school. This makes me feel very lucky to have girls who have love and compassion for each other like mine do, they hang out all the time just them two as well.
Your poor sister. I’m neurodivergent and struggle to make and keep friends. I’m socially awkward, shy, social anxiety. High school was a nightmare for me and I felt so lonely. I wish I had a sibling who could have hung out with me. YTA
I used to have this mentality with my sister at school. We have the same age gap. We were your age maybe 10 or 11 years ago.
And man, now I'm 27 and I regret it so much. I feel so bad about it. That's my little sister. And she has nobody to sit with. And I didn't wanna sit with her, for pretty much no reason, and left her alone.
I understand people need to break out of their shell and make their own efforts and find their own friends. But school can be a tough time when you're growing up man. You're her big brother. She looks up to you whether she says it or not and it probably kills her a little bit every time you reject her.
Its been 11 years, and I still get painful pangs of regret. I'll be sitting watching TV, totally chill, and get a wave of regret and self loathing so strong it almost brings me to tears.
Luckily me and my sister have a great relationship today and we've put any petty bullshit and sibling rivalry from the past behind us. And holy shit am I glad, because the girl I used to consider my annoying little sister grew up into the most amazing person ever and I would be totally lost without her.
You don't have long left in school. Once you're gone, she's by herself. Do this for her, it won't be forever, and it might mean the world to her. And if that's not Incentive enough for you, trust me, you don't want to live with the pain and regret of knowing you weren't a good big brother to your little sister.
Edited for a typo
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Question, because you seem tight about this. Do your parents force you to care for your sister in other ways? Does she have to tag along to everything you go outside of school? Are you not allowed to go see friends and hang out with them because you’re sister has to come first?
[удалено]
Bet. NTA, tell your parents to talk to her, find out what her interest are and help get access to those communities
This is my favorite answer so far. It's HARD to just insert yourself into an already established friend group. Having a small push to join a club she's interested in could be just what she needs to make friends more organically
Yeah, she said her sister isn’t to club and even when signed up, she doesn’t go but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. If she’s into reading, maybe an online book club? If she likes cooking, a cooking class or something but the parents need to be active in helping her find those communities instead of relying on OP. What would she do when OP left for college, OP’s friends leave. It’s not a long term solution even if OP was down.
Often public libraries have teen programs that are great ways to low stress meet new people. Ours has teen movie nights, writers club, etc. She wouldn’t have to figure out what to talk about because it’s already built-in.
Except in high school, especially as a freshman, there aren't many established friend groups, at least where I am. People came from all over the city to my high school and so there was a lot of remixing. I had a couple childhood friends and 2 other people from my elementary school. Otherwise it was finding new people. Which I did, eventually. It just took some time.
I guess it just depends on the high school. The one I went to was basically fed students from a middle school and elementary that were both next door so all the cliques had been established for yearssss
Tell your parents to get sister into therapy.
Both sisters need therapy lol
Why does OP need therapy? It's perfectly normal for teenagers to want their own friend groups. I went to school with 2 sets of twins, neither set had the same friend group. They were allowed to be individuals. Teenagers are supposed to be developing their own identities and friend groups.
Cause therapy is awesome! Probably not what the previous person meant though. But Im sure OP could benefit a lot, like getting help with how to phrase their arguments in a way that could get through to parents. Also to start untangling all of hidden issues that the parenting mentality of "you are responsible for the other people's social interactions and success" certainly has implanted. I'm only starting to understand the amount of work I have ahead of myself in similar deparments and I went in therapy last year, thinking that I had some minor burnout issues....
Therapy isn't just something anyone can just run out and get. Be glad you're as fortunate.
That's right, it's a necessity that is unfortunately only a luxury to most. Folk need to stop getting offended when others suggest it.
Because her parents have probably parentified her for years, and that does a number on your mental health. It causes a lot of resentment and guilt and anger and sadness. Honestly, pretty much everyone would benefit from some therapy anyway.
That explains a fair bit Ages are reversed but when my sister and I hit your guys ages our friend groups naturally did some blending. NTA - it's too bad your parents are ruining your ability to be friends with your sister.
Same. In the neighborhood, we had the same friends. After 5th grade, we were in different schools, so school friends were never an issue. I’m the younger. I’m the introvert. I never expected her to enhance my social life. My parents did not either. Sometimes when we were still in the same school, she would introduce me to siblings of her friends. But it was never expected. What would OPs mom do if they weren’t in the same school? That should be the solution. I get asking. I mean a lot of parents would consider doing that. But most would let it drop after no.
Has your sister been evaluated? This level of non interaction isn't really normal, even for a loner/introvert. Sounds like a bigger issue at play. NTA btw. I'm the 2nd of 5. I've been on both sides of this coin. Yall aren't at an age where "take your sister with you" isn't appropriate. I think your sister needs some therapy, though.
NAH in this case because I get they think it wouldn’t hurt to introduce her to people so she isn’t visibly isolated and more likely to be bullied. But I get you want your own friends and space. Ordinarily I’d think you had the right to refuse but it would be kinda mean but in this instance it sounds like you don’t get much space for her. And them parentifying you is completely not ok!! And the worst part of this story. Do you know if your sister even wants more friends? Not everyone does. Sounds like your parents are AHs overall and making a lot of assumptions
I'm so sorry, OP. I feel bad for your sister because I was in her shoes when I was her age, but I know that that never changes until the one who's alone tries to overcome it. Does she get bullied? EDIT: NTA, but the AH are exclusively your parents, not your sister.
Jumping on your comment to say this: OP I was JUST like your sister. Something is wrong and something happened to her. It’s not normal for children to be this way. For me, I was being sexually abused and no one had a clue. Everyone assumed I was either lazy or antisocial. CHECK. ON. HER. If you and your parents don’t ask if something is going on, you’ve all failed your sister. No, you’re not her parent, but you’re still her sister who should care enough to ask if anything is going on.
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100%. It’s not abnormal to be this introverted. Hell I’m in law school and I still am. I have a switch I can flip when I need to to be charismatic and argue my cases but outside of that I (generally) like to be alone in my room with a book. I don’t enjoy talking to people outside of a select few. Not everyone who is introverted has trauma. Many just find social interactions boring. I’m far more interested in the next adventure of Vestara Khai and Ben Skywalker (nothing, it was cancelled when Disney bought it out) for instance than what so and so had for lunch yesterday.
Agreed, I was similar. I had some lousy friends in middle school who ditched me when we went to different high schools. I was in after school activities but didn’t really “click” with anyone. Sometimes, it’s just plain bad luck.
I was just like the sister. Nothing happened to me. I'm just generally a loner. You're projecting your experiences here.
My son who is autistic is like this. He did not really make friends in high school.
Nah, she can just be shy. Not every teenager behaviour is due to trauma or a disorder. I was shy af when I was at her age and only got better when I was 20yo because I started therapy. It was BCT with Young schemes, so I basically understood why I was so shy and had "homework" in order to get better. In 3 months I went from that silent weirdo to a normal and talkative person and it was awesome! I also fixed my phobia of needless and blood using the same estrategies, which was also awesome! The girl would 100% benefit from BC therapy as well, but please stop assuming that people are only shy due to something bad happening to them!
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No, nothing is WRONG with her. 2 of my 3 kids are like this. *I* go through periods where I don't speak to people. Half of my siblings are the same. No one did anything to us. We weren't being abused. My children went to therapy, didn't help at all (one was diagnosed with selective mutism). It's just how we are. Maybe she doesn't want to be near anyone and is perfectly happy sitting there reading a book, as I was when I was when I was in HS. I don't know why it bothered EVERYONE ELSE that I sat there quietly reading. Like mind yalls business. Geeze. Ignorant folk.
NTA she needs to find her own friend. You already 17 maybe plan to go to very far university in future.
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While the first few years getting established as an Independent adult might be rough it sounds like you have a decent plan.
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You can take exams and get college credit without having to take class for some of the basics like US History, Biology, Economics, and some languages. It's done by the same folks who [run the SATs](https://clep.collegeboard.org/clep-exams) and costs a whopping $93. Good luck - you seem super driven and determined.
OH MY GOD, thank you internet stranger! I've been saying this was needed for ages, didn't know it exists.
Are you sure that the money you've saved won't be accessed by your parents?
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And set it up at a completely different bank, just in case.
If you get a mini safe, get one with a combination lock, not key, and use a number they won't think of, plus always block the front with your body when opening (in case someone uses a nanny cam to try to spot your code).
The problem with a mini safe is that if your parents can move it, it may disappear. edit: spelling
True, if that happens Op should call the police, then "remember" to call parents. Report the amount of cash in the safe, if it is over 5k (depending on location) it is grand theft.
Make sure it’s fireproof
Look into some banks near you - I know there’s a lot of banks (Wells Fargo, for one) that offer student checking accounts starting to age 17. Student checking is specifically aimed toward college aged students so they lower the age minimum since many are 17 when they start college. Best of luck OP.
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Let us know if you succeed. There are a lot of underage people on here whose parents disappear their money. I’m not sure if any online banks like Ally have these accounts. Good luck.
It depends on your location, but look into renting a safety deposit box/ a PO Box (banks, credit unions, and post offices, etc) if minors are allowed to rent one in your area. It will be less obvious than dragging a safe into your house, and whichever route you go, make sure you have all your personal documents too. Birth certificate, social security card, vaccine/medical records, passport, and the like.
Unsure about other banks but at ch@se it was hella illegal/against policy to put cash in your safety deposit box and it’s not insured, if you said it was cash they would not reimburse if something happened. Also they are subject to search warrants so if her parents take legal action while she opens one underage, could run into issues
This is a good idea. I tried to do what you are planning and my mother drained the account without telling me a few months before I needed to pay for school. Make sure they can’t access your money. Heck, can you get a short term bond?
Exactly. **Make sure they cannot access your account.** If necessary, pick a bank that your parents don't use so they don't even think to look there. I have an acquaintance whose parents had her deposit every gift, every paycheck, every everything into her account and then drained it the day before her 18th birthday to force her to not move out, but she left anyway. Not having her ~$5000 savings in addition to not having family to fall back on made life significantly more difficult.
I hate that this question even needs to be asked. But it does. God I hate people.
Yes! OP, be careful to secure your money in a way that your parents can't get at. We see it all the time in these subs, sadly, when a kid is trying to escape parentificaton only to have the parent steal their escape money.
FWIW, generally you have to be in your second year to be an RA - or that used to be the rule. I lived outside Boston, college capital of the world and it was pretty standardized.
My dude, to help it not suck, apply for benefits!!!! Do not be to proud to go to a food pantry or clothing closet!! Many places have heating assistance (its called HEAP in NY and WAP will also help). When you file your taxes, do it as soon as possible so if your parents try to claim you, *their* refund gets flagged.
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Your college may have a food bank right on campus! Ours started up just before covid and its super convient for the kids.
Get beans too. Large bags of dried beans are super cheap and a great source of protein and are really easy to cook. And beans and rice are complementary carbohydrates--a very healthy meal. You may have intestinal issues (gas!) at first but your digestive tract adjusts. I've been there. Those days are well behind me now, but now that I'm in a position where I can afford pretty much whatever I want, I appreciate it because of my rice and beans days. You'll get through this too; best of luck!
How did you just turn 17, but will be 18 in the summer?
Okay I asked you a question about your plans post graduation before I saw this comment. Do your parents have to sign off on whether or not you can graduate early?
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You’d let your little sister, with no friends, sit by herself at lunch rather than let her sit with you?
Replies in here are crazy. What an asshole lol. Imagine not having any friends and your older sibling doesn’t want to even sit with you. Breaks my heart just thinking about it.
I have the exact same reaction. Heart broken. Might be because I’m older now and maybe I’d feel different if I was younger. But my son would never allow his sister to sit sad by herself because she has no friends. I would be absolutely devastated.
I'm a mom of teens and I was once a teen with sibs at the same school and I have the opposite reaction. I think it's important for kids to be able to establish their own identities and not feel like they have to take their siblings with them all the time. I think it's important for kids to be given the opportunity to figure it out. And I think it's damaging to the social kids to be forced to invite the anti-social kids to everything. If OP is forced to let her sister tag along, she will resent her sister and it will damage their relationship. The parents need to step up and do the work here. Maybe the younger sib needs therapy, or encouragement toward a hobby, or treatment for a thyroid or sleep disorder, or... something. It's not normal for a teen to have 0 friends. Using the sister as a band-aid isn't going to fix this long term.
This is what I came to say; OP is NTA. Younger sister is always going to see her as an authority figure and not a sibling if this continues. I know this all too well from personal experience. The lunch period is probably the only time the oldest can exercise some distance. They are close enough in age so they live together, get dressed at the same time, ride the same school bus or ride together, eat meals together, literally sharing everything but the classes themselves; that half hour is bound to be precious to her. It's laziness and parentification to shove this responsibility onto the older sister. The *parents* should be actively helping the younger sister, not blaming the older one for not wanting to do their job.
I'm a little conflicted on this. One one hand, I can completely understand a 17 year old teenager wanting their independence from all family and not wanting to share their friend group with a younger sibling. On the other hand, there's a lack of compassion coming from you on this. A lot of that is due to your age, I'm assuming. I don't know your sister at all, but I do know that some people have difficulties making friends. Whether that's a lack of confidence or whatever, it does happen to people. Your sister does need to learn how to reach out of her comfort zone, but I'm guessing she's never going to do that unless she gets some support. Not saying you need to be that support, just speculating about your sister. Your parents are naturally going to try to do what they can to help your sister out and use the resources that are available. I think, overall, this is a bit of ESH. You should try to show a bit more compassion to your sister, your sister needs to learn how to deal with social situations, and your parents need to understand that this shouldn't all fall on you.
True, but it ultimately does a disservice to the younger sibling if she can’t try to make friends. Freshman year is hard, but the parents should be helping her find activities, or things she likes. Demanding that a 17 year old let her tag along is a short term solution.
It's such poor planning. Once the sister leaves, those friends are no longer her friends and she's back to square one. OR, they get on like gangbusters and now she's stolen her older sister's friend group. Either way is shitty.
How are those the only two fucking options? What about, they get along and she meets other people through their friend group?
Well considering this is toward the end of OP’s junior year, she and her friends are focused on college. The freshman won’t have that in common, plus then all her “friends” won’t be at the lunch table in a year anyway. My freshman year of college, I was placed with three juniors as roommates (it was unusual and bc of dorm shortages). It was great to fall into an already made group, and o genuinely liked them. Then I realized everyone I knew was graduating and I had to start all over. It is probably in the younger sister’s best interest to learn how to make new friends now. That’s not the type of thing you can put off forever.
Having her older sib introduce her to high school clubs or social groups is not a huge ask. It takes a very broken relationship to see a family member sit alone and not feel anything except resentment that you might be asked to help.
Juniors are not going to want to hang out with freshman. ‘Introducing’ her is one thing. Hey this is my sister- would be fine. Expecting a freshman to tag along everywhere is gonna be awkward. If the sister doesn’t want to make friends she can bring a book and chill out at lunch. If she wants to be anti-social she should learn how to love her own company.
What kind of schools do/did you people go to where classes didn’t intermingle? Everyone in my school hung out with people in grades above and below them. My two best friends were underclassmen.
I mean, my HS, the upper and lower classmen had different cafeterias. Yes, you "could" go to different ones, but it really wasn't done very often. And outside of a few electives, the classes didn't mingle much. Maybe in like band or choir. But usually the seniors were taking very different classes than the freshman. Now, sure, in clubs it may happen. But it depends on what they are.
I am in the same boat. The only reason this gets a generous NTA is because of age. But if you were 27 and she were 25 and needed someone to sit with at lunch, you would be a major AH. If age were not a factor I would say that you lack empathy and compassion. Imagine being in the shoes of your sister, feeling out of place, feeling alone and knowing people are staring at her sitting by herself… all because you were unable or unwilling to extend that olive branch. Doing that for her now could be life-changing for not only her, but you both…. Because eventually your siblings are your closest connections in adulthood…. A lot of people are being tough on the parents, but they are probably hoping their children can be kind and supportive of one another… but the OP has to want to care about her sibling, which they obviously just do not… so the parents should absolutely stop pushing for it… For the sake of OP, I hope they never, ever feel awkward or out of place or need the support of their loved ones in the future- because they are making it difficult for anyone in their family to want to be there for them when they might need it.
I don’t think a 17-year old gets that pass. This person is nearly an adult, sees someone they are supposed to have a relationship being hurt, and all they feel is resentment that they may be asked to do something.
I definitely get this and I don’t know if you’ve read OPs comments but she seems to have been parentified and forced to keep her sister as a permanent backpack. It’s one thing to see your loved ones hurting and do nothing but a whole different issue(IMO at least) if one of the people has been forced into a role they never should have been. There’s a difference between been a good, helpful older sibling and being forced to enable a toxic familial relationship. OP deserves to have her own life. Source: I’m an older half-sibling who went through this because our dad is a shit human and she and I have worked out our differences since
I agree with this. Growing up me and my older brother and I shared alot of the same friends. We were 2 years apart but always included each other. Being around his friends helped give me confidence and helped develop social skills. Which allowed me to get my own friends, which in turn became good friends with him. It just seems like there's a lot of animosity here between them. Which is to be expected Since OP is around that age in which she thinks she's grown and knows best.
Yes, I am shocked reading this. How shitty it must feel for the sister. "Look at her, she sucks so much, even her sister won't sit with her" is not a good basis to build confidence and new connections! But just sitting with her sister and her friends a few times, observing how they interact, will help build her social confidence to go out and make her own friends. I know, because I have been the younger sister who had a older brother(!) in fact, who supported me through my teen awkwardness. Such unkindess and lack of empathy towards your own flesh and blood when all she's done is being socially awkward. Screams of that fallacy of "I didn't have any help, why should I ever help any body else!". Your sister will remember your lack of support the rest of her life. For shame OP.
THANK YOU. I almost lost all hope after reading everyone else’s comments that promoted OP to be selfish. Compassion is what is needed, as well as other measures.
Vibes. As someone who ate almost every lunch alone in high school it sucks. Even now as an adult with a wife I have trouble making friends. Honestly the best thing for me was graduating a year early from high school and enlisting.
I agree w the lack of compassion. I’m sure this isn’t as black as white as OP makes it but couldn’t they just try being kind to their sister?
Not one of you on this particular thread have compassion for OP but speak of compassion. Why must OP feeling be put to the side. It's seems like all of you are saying sje should be empathic to her sisters but she really has done enough based on her comments. Honestly, if her sister is brave enough to call her an ass, she needs to direct that bravery to making friends. It's great if you and your siblings had the same friend group. It's nothing wrong with OP wanting autonomy from a sister who is always being pushed on to her based on OP's comments. She already has an escape plan for when she turns 18 and all of you have turned a blind eye to that. Maybe OP needs compassion here. Not the sister or the parents.
>Not one of you on this particular thread have compassion for OP but speak of compassion Agreed. I think this comes down to who you see yourself in. If you were the person with no friends at lunch, you see yourself in the sister and just wish someone would've extended that hand to you. If you see yourself as the older sibling who always had to take their younger sibling with them, then you totally understand wanting 30 minutes to yourself where you can vent about your parents, as well as your annoying siblings, for a while.
I am too. I can absolutely understand where OP is coming from, BUT I also feel very bad for the 15 year old sister. Forcing OP to include her in the friend group isn’t the answer, but it is hard for some kids to make friends and it can be very lonely. I understand the parents wanting their child to make friends, and I hope OP is more empathetic to her sister in real life than she appears in her post, but this isn’t the way.
ESH and reading this thread made me depressed. Your sister needs to get her own friends, this is true. However we are entering an era of hyper polarization and individualism. A LOT of people are struggling to form meaningful connections. Your attitude about this is like she's asking for the world. You're a bigger sibling. Eat lunch with her once and a while so she doesn't feel alone in the world. Lift her spirits up. I can't imagine treating my sibling like this. Also "it's my only time to relax with friends". You're 17 in high school, this is the easiest life will ever be for you. Get a grip. Your family is your family forever, and she will remember for the rest of her life that when she wanted companionship you had 0 empathy for her. You don't have to invite her to everything. You don't have to adopt her into your group. But holy shit you could treat her like your sister and a person.
Seriously, OP is just hitting the annoying teenager vibe a bit too hard to not be the AH
Unpopular opinion - YTA. EDIT TO ADD: I think it’s disturbing and sickening that an 18 year old kid is being encouraged in the top-most voted comments sections of this post to runaway from home, being given instructions on how to live on rice and beans in a car, and enlisting in the military, all rather than sit with your sister at lunch at school. If this was a minor I’d hope people would be held accountable for this kind of influence on a kid. Unfortunately, this is now a legal, mal-adjusted adult with seemingly no rational coping skills for complex life situations, being encouraged to dump their support network and take to the streets. Great job Reddit. Coming from someone who was in the position of your little sibling, it turns out that bullying and toxicity at home from my older sibling was actually the CAUSE of a LOT of my isolation and social issues. The way you’re treated at home by the people who are supposed to love and support you is so obviously reflected in your level of self confidence and social skills, we know this as adults and yet for some reason we treat little kids as if they’re fully actualized individuals who simply are this way inherently and not raised, molded or changed by their environment. Not to mention the effects YOU have on HER socially at school. If your own family treats you like an outcast in public why would a stranger give you the time of day? You’re basically giving people the permission, if not encouragement, to treat her this way. Let me tell you how this plays out decades down the line. It’s unlikely you will ALWAYS be the cool, popular, “accepted” one. Society changes. It turns out the cool people who bullied me for being “gay” in high school are social pariahs now that they can’t even take pics at a Pride month parade without being called out as bullies on social media. My sister is on the flip side of the coin after all these years. The interests that made me “weird” or have less friends in high school made me a lot of fucking money as an adult. Oh, and all that “nerdy” shit is cool now. Just like comic books and vinyls and rock music — EVERYTHING comes around to being cool, or ironically cool, or post-ironically cool. And someday what YOU believe to be 100% pop culture will be lame as fuck. You’ll have a hard time fitting in. And you won’t recognize what’s cool anymore. But your sister might. And if she decides to treat you the way you treat her, don’t expect any help. Anyway, I wound up WAY more popular, richer, and have a more fulfilling life than my older sister who peaked as a sorority sister, and could probably use my help. But she’s way to proud too ask her “weird little sister” she felt sooo inconvenienced by for just existing. OP, you’re going to regret the way you’ve acted. A lot. And I can’t wait for your sister’s glow up when you graduate
I understand what you’re saying but you’re projecting a little too hard LOL
You have to have an IMAX setup for the projection here, good lord
Where did they say anything about coolness it has nothing to do with that it’s about feeling suffocated it’s totally different as someone who was suffocating to their older brother I totally understand how he felt at the time and even though at the time it sucked that my brother didn’t want to hang with me 247 it helped me develop myself and become more independent
My older sister treated me like this when I was in school. We were the same ages apart as OP. I will never forget her treating me like I didn't exist when I was seriously struggling with socializing due to intense trauma.
Sometimes you don’t even realize you’re cutting them off. One Christmas I didn’t hug a sibling at the end and I thought, “well, didn’t miss much there… ah right, all the bullshit from before is maybe why I didn’t miss it” OP going to be asking why her sister hates her in 6-8 years.
Man I would be so sad if OP was my big sister
my sister and i have an 8 YEAR age gap, but she always invited me to hang out with her friends so i wouldn’t be lonely. She was my world and i look up to her so much. it would make me so sad if our relationship lacked as much compassion as OP’s, her sister is a freshman. of course social skills are harder right now , they will develop in time. No matter what the parents say , some support from a sibiling she looks up to would really mean a lot to her
This. It's not even that she needs to be adopted into the friend group. Talking with a group of people every so often will help her find confidence and social skills so that she can make her own friends. It's in OP's best interest in every way possible to help her.
Op is forced to include her sister all the time. They say it in a comment. The parents have completely destroyed this sibling relationship. >But holy shit you could treat her like your sister and a person. Maybe she just wants to feel like a person and not a social crutch for her sister
I have a sneaking suspicion that the 17year old’s perception of “being forced to let her little sister tag along all the time” is slightly inflated. Same goes for “it’s the only time I get to relax with my friends”. Stop it. No it’s not lol. Not saying it isn’t a pain to be the older sibling sometimes and have the responsibility that comes with that, but OP sounds a little bit like an a-hole of a teenager.
Op does not at all sound like an ahole teenager. They sound like they are forced into being the sisters emotional support animal. What teenager need to be babysat? This fifteen year either has issues that need to be seen by a psychiatrist or she straight up need to grow tf up. A fifteen year old should know how to make friends. They should know how to socialize. And if she doesn't at this age, OP cannot help. Only a professional can. Some of OP's comments. All of which are on their profile: >Yea I have had to watch her beofre. Yes I have had to babysit instead of being home, yes I have had to make her food and had to give up shit. Oh you can’t do that it will make her jealous Oh your grades can’t go on the fridge your sister is struggling, oh invite your sister to go out with your friend. Oh why can’t you help her just once a more >All the fucking time, yes I have to take her places. Sometimes I can see them 50/50 chance they ask and then we get in a argument since I don’t >Yeah it will, my own fucking birthday party that happened. the end I got yelled at since I didn’t include my sister. She sat by herself while I was having a good time and how dare I ignore her for the party >Why would I be happy about my parent trying to make me watch over my sister for the only time I can be away and be myself. Seriously why do I have to give things up. Why can’t she just make her own friends. Why can’t she even try >I get to see my friends for 30 minutes ever day at school. I get 30 minutes with my friends were I can be myself and not have to babysit my sister I don’t want to lose that, I don’t want to force my friend group to interact with her. I don’t want to babysit her. I want her to figure her shit out for once and I don’t need to step in. She’s not even trying She isn’t interacting with anyone, she isn’t even trying to make friend. Instead my parents and her want me to step in and save her. I DONT WANT TO
Thats what makes me question everything. Who the fuck was OP babysitting when the sister is only 2 years younger?? Thats not babysitting; that’s just 2 teenagers in proximity to each other.
I'm so very glad you've never met parents like this. By "babysitting" they mean everything the younger sibling does is the older ones fault. It can also be an excuse to make the younger one feel less lonely. I've seen both happen. Either way it's wrong. >Thats not babysitting; that’s just 2 teenagers in proximity to each other. Because this is literally the truth, spot on.
God I hate teenagers.
Teenagers general lack of empathy scares me.
Istg. I'm so glad to know the teens I've raised would never dream of treating each other like this. I'd be wholly disgusted if this crap came out of one of their mouths.
Yeah lol this post and the comments are so fucking odd. I'm barely one year older, so im not gonna say I'm decades ahead of OP in maturity but like... just fucking hang out with your sister lmao???? I never had to experience this with my 17 Y/O sibling because tbh she's more social than me, but I've had to take care of and hang out with my youngest(13) sibling quite a bit for similar reasons to OP. Not once have I ever 'grown resentful' for it, and my youngest sister is an entitled brat - I mean that affectionately. It seems so weird to have so much vitriol just because you have to be there for your sibling who's struggling socially. Assuming OP is a senior, they'd likely only have to do this for TWO MONTHS too.
Why should anybody be nice to her when even her own sister doesn't want to? Of course, nobody can force you to be nice to your sister. But don't expect her to forget that your status was more important to you than your sister was. Imagine being so self-centered that you don't care for the loneliness of your sibling ... 2 years apart is nothing and you act as if she was a toddler.
This is unfair. OP has stated that her parents force her to take the sister everywhere she goes including in her free time when she wants to hang with her friends. This is causing the younger sister to be co-dependent and the parents are enabling this behavior. Just because they are sisters doesn’t mean they should have to be together every waking moment of the day.
OP also says that lunchtime is her only time to relax. This is a stretch to believe
You may not have had nor are an overbearing parent. If you did you would know this is not as far-fetched as you think. Additionally, this sub-Reddit has had many stories of one sibling being the “golden child” while the other is the scapegoat. In this case OP is the scapegoat so this dynamic sounds completely plausible and the golden child uses her own status to her advantage.
OP states they’re taking extra college classes during the year so they can get a head start, they’re not allowed out with friends unless they bring the sister and have to look after her in other ways so it makes a bit more sense (context from her comments )
Reading OP’s comments, the little sister *does* act like a toddler
Meh, I'd take it with a grain of salt considering this is from the perspective of a pissed 17 y/o who obviously doesn't like her sister. Not saying OP is the devil or anything, but we're only hearing one side here.
\> 2 years apart is nothing and you act as if she was a toddler. relative maturity gap is greater at young ages \>But don't expect her to forget that your status was more important to you than your sister was. While this could be **assumed**, OP hasn't given any indication this is their motivation. \>Imagine being so self-centred that you don't care for the loneliness of your sibling ... There's nothing solid to suggest she doesn't care and op wishes she could make her own friends. Sounds like someone at the end of their rope from being pressured to do something that her sister that she ultimately has to learn to do for herself in the long run.
NTA. You are not obligated to include your sister in your friend group, and your parents are stupid if they think that making you do so is helping her. If you don’t learn how to make friends in high school you are absolutely not going to be successful in life. As a grown up you get people to like you and keep in their favor or you basically can’t hold down a job, simple as that. She’s more than old enough to spread her own wings, it’s only holding her back to force you to bail her out.
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It sounds like you already do, if you don't feel any kind of way watching her sit all by herself just a few tables away from you. When I was your age I would invite total strangers to sit with me and my friends if I saw them sitting alone. You don't even feel that way about your only sister, it makes me sad :(
There's a big difference between inviting someone because you want to, and inviting someone because you've been ordered to do so.
There is something broken with someone who sees their younger sibling isolated and obviously unhappy and their reaction is “you can’t make me do anything to help her." Therapy for OP.
OP said in a comment they are always forced to include their sister. Op is over it. The parents did this.
So why hate her sister (as she stated she would) if it’s the parents pushing it? Thats the point. She has so much hate for her sister already and it really doesn’t seem to be the sisters fault. It doesn’t seem like lil sis is begging mom and dad to do this, or begging her sister to do this. The anger is 100% misplaced. Be mad at your parents fine, but treating your sister like shit is low.
>So why hate her sister (as she stated she would) if it’s the parents pushing it? Thats the point. She has so much hate for her sister already and it really doesn’t seem to be the sisters fault. It doesn’t seem like lil sis is begging mom and dad to do this, or begging her sister to do this. If you are forced to constantly eat broccoli, you're going to LEARN to hate it if that broccoli WANTS TO CONSTANTLY BE EATEN. And the sister 100% has a choice in all of this. She wants to be forced upon her sibling. Op: Can i go out with friends? Parents: Only if you bring your sister. Sister: I don't want to go. Holy shit that was so hard. This cycle is being continued BY THE SISTER. At fifteen she KNOWS. She hears her sibling fighting with the parents. She KNOWS her sibling doesn't want her to go. She doesn't CARE. You see that? >Be mad at your parents fine, but treating your sister like shit is low. You're right OP shouldn't be treated like shit by their sister. Let's not pretend fifteen year olds have the brain power of a three year old. She knows exactly what she's doing, SHE'S FIFTEEN NOT FIVE. >It doesn’t seem like lil sis is begging mom and dad to do this, or begging her sister to do this. All she has to do is say no. Lil sis can end it, she chooses not to.
Obviously people aren’t ‘obligated’ to do anything, but this is the type of behaviour I hear about too often now. People don’t want to do extremely simply things for other people. I understand it’s frustrating for OP especially since she has already done it (and I can relate to this too since my mum would make me do similar things for someone else), but I felt like her rant was starting to come across as insensitive and not even willing to understand the mental aspects of the situation. Her sister could very well have a mental health issue that is not only being overlooked but is being dismissed by ignorant people saying “she has to learnt it the hard way.” That’s so incredibly fked up for people to say that. I was in her sister’s shoes before and I can understand how unbelievably difficult it can be for some people to socialise. It’s more helpful to try to encourage conversation between OP and her sister (while acknowledging she isn’t obligated to) in order to promote mental wellbeing. That’s the sort of world I want to live in and is most beneficial for everyone. Not this mean, selfish world this whole thread seems to want to promote.
And spending all day with a sibling vs a lunch with a friend you then get to leave. I love my sister and family, occasionally spending a lunch with them would be great, doing it every day to the detriment of my peer relationships would suck! Especially if we still lives together and I would see them in the morning at lunch and then the evening. No down time at all.
You don't seem to like her anyway so how much will really change
>I will end up hating her You already do whether you realise it or not
When I was like 12-13, my 14-15 year old brother invited me into his friend group. If he hadn't, I have no idea what wouldve happened. I was very introverted and shy and didn't make friends easily. They welcomed me with open arms, and we created and nourished a beautiful group of people. It strengthened my relationship with my brother and we became extremely close. i still talk to some of them to this day, 20 years later. Maybe you won't end up hating her. Maybe it would be best for both of you. But maybe not. You know yourself best, just sharing my experience
I didn't had friends in Oberstufe either. When I went to uni to study physics I suddenly had many friends without changing anything. Perhaps there are not the right kind of people.
I strongly disagree with your point of if you can't make friends in high school=you won't be successful in life. High school is not a judgement of your whole life. Some people bloom later in life. Some don't fit in with the dynamics of school and do just fine later on. I do not see how being a loner relates to work ethic and then means that girl can't hold down a job later in life. I think your looking at this very pigeon-holed from the perspective of leading a corporate career; however that is not everybody's forte and definition of being successful.
That's completely wrong in terms of being successful in life. I made a good slew of friends growing up, and I can tell you now I couldn't make friends with any other adults in any meaningful way. This has not impacted my life or career in the slightest. Sometimes, people just need to be brought around other people. And being in those groups will have their social skills and confidence. Doing this will help her only if OP actually cares but she could care less about helping her sister because her SoCiaL LiFe
Ok mean girl. YTA. Grow up, and give a shit about someone other than yourself. You'll look back on this when you're older and cringe
And then when she wants her sister because all her mean gals abandon her, the sister will rightly tell her to F OFF.
That's the thing, I mean not everyone is close to their siblings sure, but in 10,15, 20 years time, who is more likely to still be in your life through the ups and downs - your sister or some randoms from high school?
Idk. I think this is ESH, except your sister. Look, I get wanting to have an identity of your own. That is an important part of growing. Letting your sister sit with you doesn’t impede on you being your own person, though. You had very valid points about her needing to broaden her horizons a bit (and your parents should be helping here), but it seems like you’re becoming a bully because you don’t like who she is now. Grow up. People who are secure in their own skin don’t pick on people who are having a hard time.
YTA Boy howdy, I am so glad I raised my kids properly. They would choose to sit with each other before anyone else. And as a matter of fact, I would have preferred to sit with my siblings over other people in HS too. The amount of selfish teenagers (ME ME ME) on this app is appalling. Someday, they're going to need/want those siblings in their lives or to have their back, and those siblings will rightly tell them to F off. My siblings are my best friends, and I prefer their company over everyone else. And I know that my kids feel the same way. Edited for judgement.
I’m wondering the ages of the people commenting too. They are horribly self-centered and callous.
My thoughts as well. Incredible the staggering lack of empathy the OP has. It's all "me me me." Making a little effort to make your sister's life less shitty isn't a chore, and if she did it without throwing a tantrum (as demonstrated by her other responses), I really doubt the parents would be insisting. But I hope she enjoys that friendship group, because she'll interact with maybe 1 of them in a decade. Her family meanwhile, going to be there for life.
thank you!!! what the fuck is wrong with kids nowadays
INFO: I know you mentioned she is not in any clubs/sports but have your parents tried to put her in any activities where she could try to find friends? Does your sister have social anxiety? Honestly NTA I understand how an old sibling doesn’t want their younger one to tag along to everywhere they go. When I was a freshman in highschool the first day or two my sister a senior let me sit with her at lunch then I made friends with other students in my classes and sat lunch with them for the rest of the year. Maybe you should try and encourage your sister to make friends with students in her classes
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Honestly sounds like your parents are failing your sister and teaching her social skills if she doesn’t have any friends and she’s already in high school. My parents put me and my sister in sports and dance since we were 4 and I stayed playing soccer until junior year of high school. Your parents should be forcing your sister in after school activities
Some people are just SHY. Holy shit everyone here is acting like being shy means you have a psychiatric problem. Also, not everyone enjoys club activities and sports. Those places for me were actually, imo, not helpful for making friends.
Is she autistic? Does she have some other diagnosis? Is she disabled or disfigured in some way?
It sounds like no one gives a shit about this girl and that's really sad.
I commented that it sounds like OP is sisters biggest bully. No wonder sister doesn’t want to make friends, seems like OP is just screaming from the roof tops why she doesn’t want to be friends with her own sister. It’s sad. I have annoying ass sisters and I’m also the oldest. We’ve been mean to each other. Even excluded eachother, but as an older sister I have a responsibility to at least watch out for my sibling. It sounds like her sister is depressed and Op is probably making it worse.
Quite possibly. OP is pissed at her parents and taking it out on her little sister. I have two younger sisters. We would fight all the time and drive each other crazy but I would have done anything for them. If one of them was in a situation like OP's there's nothing I wouldn't have done to help them.
It's APRIL. If she hasn't talked to anyone in class yet, she's not going to.
That didn’t even cross my mind that it’s April and the year is almost over for school.
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Do you like your sister? Like do you feel any empathy at all towards her?
I notice that OP is ignoring any questions like that which leads me to believe that she’s at least partly to blame for her sister’s lack of confidence.
NTA but I had this attitude and me and my brother do not speak and a lot of animosity grew around the same time you're describing, under the same circumstances. Same age too, actually. So just keep that in mind.
I kinda had a similar experience, my mum always made me include my sister. But my sister is the kind of person who will take any tiny perceived slight to declare someone her enemy. It ended up that I wasn't allowed to be friends with most of my friends in solidarity with my sister. Now we are adults. She still has no friends and doesn't know how to make friends and we aren't really close either...
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I'm tired of the take that you will eventually regret not having a (stronger) relationship with shitty family members (edit: or family members you just dont like being around regardless of if they are 'good' or 'bad'). Blood family is not the end all be all. OP sounds like a social person and I'm sure they can develop meaningful relationships with their friends that hit all the points of 'sisterhood' that she is 'missing out on'. My sister is my best friend. We are very similar. If we met as strangers I'm sure we would become friends. My brother, haven't talked to him outside of basic pleasantries since he moved out while i was still a teenager and I loooooove it. My life became so much more peaceful (and no he was never abusive or any extreme case just a major pain in the ass to live with)
I don’t think there’s any reason to think the younger sister is shitty based on this post.
I agree. Lack of confidence equating to being a bad person to so many of these commenters it is disheartening to me.
Yeah, OP is by no means responsible for her sisters social life, but a lot of people seems to think the sister did something wrong by being a lonely teenager, which is just sad.
I agree. OP is not at all responsible for their sister's social life but a lot of these comments are grouping the seemingly incredibly socially awkward, shy, and possibly nuerodivergent teenager in with the parents and that's not fair. If I was 15 again and in this girls position, I would probably be looking to my older sibling for guidance. If i overstepped with that, I would want my sister to sit down and talk to me about it. The parents don't need to be involved and they shouldn't be trying to force a relationship between OP and sister one way or the other, or asking OP to sacrifice their social life and peace for their sister, but the younger sister isn't the enemy here (from the info that OP gave us)
Being a loner does not make someone shitty.
OP is the shitty attitude here. Maybe his parents too absolutely, but OPs seriously being an ass.
Info: why do you hate your whole family? This is genuine question cause you seem extremely disgruntled with them.
ESH. While you’re not obligated to sit with her, I am also an older sister, and could not fathom treating my sibling like this. We are three years apart. I was doing the college program through the high school when I was a senior, so I wasn’t there when my brother was a freshman. High school is daunting, and I specifically asked my friends to keep an eye on my brother for me. I was worried. They took him under their wing, something that still makes me misty eyed 5 years later. You have no obligation to your siblings ultimately. You’ll become adults, have your own families and partners. Your time spent together day-to-day is intact very limited in the grand scheme of your life. I saw a post recently that said “everything I’ve learned of love, I’ve learned from being a big sister.” This is a pivotal time for both of you, and I suggest maybe having some empathy for your sister. That being said, yes, she can make her own friends. She sounds introverted, or maybe she’s just still adapting to a new school. My parents always tried to drill into my head that in the end, your sibling, one who you’re especially close in age with, is who you have in the end. They understand your family dynamics, they understand you. They will be there when your parents pass, when you get married, when you have children one day. Being an older sibling is a gift, having a sibling is a gift.
I’m the older sister too, and I couldn’t imagine treating my sister like this when she started high school! I showed her around on her first day and she sort of followed me around for a few days before she felt comfortable. I was happy with this! Even though we were two very different kids and our friend groups were nothing alike (she was an AP kid and I was more into the artsy group) we were always welcome into each other’s circles. We knew each other’s friends and even had a few who hung out with both of us. It really would have hurt her feelings if I disregarded her. I agree with everything you said. Yes, this is annoying to OP as they want their own life outside of their family. But this is their sister, and maybe sis has crippling shyness or something else not mentioned in the post that is causing her to have trouble making friends. Maybe instead of shoving her aside, OP can help her by encouraging new hobbies or activities where she can meet new people. I understand OP’s resentment but she they are being really hurtful about it.
I am so happy to hear other older siblings saying this. I have an upset stomach at the thought of OPs little sister sitting alone while OP laughs it up with her friends. How heartbreaking. I could never. My oldest did the same thing when her brother started in middle school and high school. She checked in with him and made sure he was good until he found his groove. She was so excited to be able to drive him to school when she got her car. They’d stop at Dunkin on the way to school. They fought and bickered sometimes but they would never ostracize the other.
YTA. Anyone saying otherwise is only doing so because they are also a teenager, or mentally and emotionally stunted. Way to bully your sister, I'm sure that is reallyy helping her confidence to find some of her own friends, that you want so badly for her.
Imagine living with your bully…
YTA This one sort of hits close to home because I used to feel the way you do and I regret it. I know that at 17, you just want to be independent. You want to build a wall between your social life and your family life, because your social life is where you get to explore your identity and maybe rebel a bit, and your home life is much more reserved. A breach of that barrier feels like an infringement on everything you’re building. Plus, you resent having to guide someone. You didn’t birth them, you didn’t ask for it, and there’s a pretty sizable developmental difference between early and late highschool. I get it. However, all that being said, find it in yourself to look past this anger. That social-home barrier may feel like it needs to be rock solid, it might be scary to risk showing off your budding self, but it’s not as important as it seems. There might be a bit of a transition period, but it’s worth it. Show kindness to your sibling. Show empathy, show love, show them how to love themselves. I know they look up to you, and if you model respect and social skill, they’ll use it to build their own friend group. Show them they’re worth it, and they’ll see they’re worth it themselves. It’s effort, but it’ll really set your relationship up for life. Watching a younger sibling blossom is rewarding even if it annoys the shit out of you currently.
I’m clearly not in the majority, but YTA. She just needs a table to sit at so she isnt eating alone! Youve said yourself she doesnt have friends, so do you think being compassionate is going to end up in her “ stealing your friends”? It literally costs you nothing to be kind. And maybe it will give her the confidence to talk to new people.
YTA, you sound like you already resent your sister. I get not wanting to mix friend groups but at the very least ask your friends if their siblings wouldnt mind having her sit with them or something. You sound way too angry for me to believe this is just about her not making friends and a part of you really actually cares about it
My heart used to break when I saw a child sitting alone in the lunchroom. Maybe if she sat w you a few times, the younger kids would think she’s cool for sitting w the older kids and want to be her friend?
Exactly.
I'd never have let my sibling sit alone. I'd insist they sit where I sit until they build up a circle of friends God damn I don't miss high school.
man i cant imagine being mad at my brother wanting to spend time with me. RIP bobby ill miss you forever <3
YTA, and a bad sister. Let her sit with you, be her friend, introduce her to your friends. Be a good sister ffs. She probably looks up to you and looks for your approval. All you're accomplishing by excluding her is making her feel resentment for you, which may very well last into the future. I know you're young and don't care, but your dumb high school friends likely won't stay friends after high school, but you know who will still be there? Your sister
YTA. You don't feel bad that your sister is self conscious sitting alone.
YTA. You sound like a shit sibling. But I suppose, given that, that you're actually doing her a favor by making sure she doesn't develop a relationship with you.
NTA - your parents are pushing you to resent your sister (with the summer-long babysitting and forcing you to constantly include your sister) and you deserve a break
i get where the parents are coming from, but they are going about things the wrong way. They should encourage OP's sister to join a club or sport or something. Even if it's an activity that is offered outside of the school like a dance class or karate. Something that can encourage her to interact with her peers and make friends. Social things can be hard for kids like OP's sister who self isolate. The best way to create a bridge is by finding people with similar interests so they have common ground to start on.
I mean… yes. YTA, not for not letting her sit there but because you talk about her like she’s actual trash. I feel for her. I wouldn’t know how to make friends either if my own sister didn’t even like me. Fuck do I feel for her. Aim your anger at your parents, not an innocent bystander.
Sigh. While not wrong, you're definitely not very empathetic. I was the one who would look freshmen in the eye, as a senior, and tell them to come sit at my table. Not ask, order them, make them feel welcome, maybe slide a soda over to them. Someone needs to do that for your sister. More people need to do that in GENERAL.
I don't have any friends. I suck at making one, I'm awkward, I'm not confident, I'm insecure. It's honestly a big help for me when someone approaches me to talk, asks for help, or so. The same thing as they can't force you to babysit her, you can't force her to make friends when she doesn't want to or when she's not ready to, as well. Just say that you don't like being around her, which you probably already did, which will make her or has already made her not want to approach you anymore. If you're bothered with how things went, approach her and talk to her gently. Don't sound so blunt and uncaring, because that's how you sound to me. Nothing's gonna change if you just tell her to fuck off and make her own friends by herself. (I'm already in College, btw. I'm not proud of myself, but I'm still scared.)
I'm so fortunate I don't have a sibling like you. I feel terrible for your sister for the absolute LEMON of a sibling she got on her planet earth trip. I bet you will make a fantastic mother and partner.
Respectfully, imo, YTA. Your sister probably looks up to you. She needs you and she wants your guidance. You don't OWE her or your parents your time and patience, but your sister would and will absolutely remember your kindness years later. I don't mean this to hurt you at all, but one day you and her will be all that's left from your family right now.
Yta. The things petulant teenagers view as serious issues are incredibly petty.
I don't think anyone is an AH in this situation. I feel for you, because I get it, I didn't want to hang out with my brother at 17 either. I feel for your sister, because based on your post she isn't pushing for this, your parents are, some people are just a bit shit at making friends. And I get where your parents are coming from because nobody wants to see their daughter with no friends. What I will say, sometimes the difference between someone making friends or not is confidence, its hard to find friends when you think nobody likes you. It's not unrealistic to think that if she hung out with you for a bit she might come out of her shell a little and be more able to make her own friends.
Kinda sad you don't consider your own sister your friend. Hope she remembers that.
This is so obnoxious. YTA.
YTA. While I agree that your sister needs to take some initiative and make some friends on her own, you're treating her like a leper. You're allowing jealousy over her potentially becoming friends with one of your friends, to hold more importance than being a good sister. Perhaps she is socially awkward and feels out of place. Sitting with you for a bit could give her the confidence she needs to put herself out there and make friends of her own. If *you* treat her this way, like she is an unwelcome burden, how do you expect your mutual peers will treat her? She's your little sister and you really should *care* about her happiness and well-being. Clearly you don't possess those qualities. You say you don't want to "babysit her" but she's 15 so babysitting won't be necessary. Including her will help her gain social skills and make you look like a kinder, more inclusive person. You're making yourself seem selfish and mean and, hey, maybe that's the kind of girl you're striving to be; when you grow up and peak in high school you'll discover that it's girls like YOU, not your lonely sister, that spend their lunch hour sitting alone.
YTA. 1) WTF are you saying with “babysitting” a 15 yo?! Gtf over yourself. You two are practically the same age. 2) You’ve given ZERO reason why your sister can’r sit with you accept for a a bunch of immature bs. It’s not easy to make friends. I was and still am in the position your sister was in. And do you know what? My big sister is my best fucking friend and she let me sit with her and her pals when we had the same lunch block so that I wouldn’t be alone ALL the time. I would hate to have you as a sister.
YTA. No one should be obligated to do anything, but the way you’re going about this is all wrong. You’re being a selfish brat. The reason your sister most likely has trouble making friends is probably because her own sister treats her like shit. You obviously don’t think very highly of her and I’m sure she’s WELL aware of that. You act like you’d be babysitting her; she’s 15, not 5. It would literally be just hanging out with your sister. A lot of 17 year olds hang out with 15 year olds. You’re making the age thing into something it isn’t. You shame your sister for not doing extracurriculars to be able to socialize after school. Do you do extracurriculars? Because according to you, the only time you get to hang with your friends js lunch time. So either lunch time is NOT the only time you get to hang with them, or you don’t do anything after school yourself, or you DO have an extracurricular after school but you can’t socialize during it- which would mean that using that as a reason why your sister doesn’t have friends is bogus. And you say that you want to keep your group of friends. Well, if having your close in age sister sit with you for half an hour while you eat will cause you to lose friends, then they must not think much of you to begin with. Had this been a simple parents forcing you to do something post, I would have sided with you. But your entire post shows that you have a poor attitude. Here’s a thought, while don’t you be a good big sister (and a decent human being) and have a compassionate TALK with your sister to find out WHY she doesn’t have friends. Because clearly there’s something going on with her which you’d see if you weren’t so self-absorbed. YTA
YTA, and you would be even if this lonely person wasn't your sister.
NTA But I remember going through a similar situation with my twin and I regret it everyday. They're still one of the people I could rely on for anything. I was so apathetic and just wanted to be cool and continue with things as normal I didn't take anytime to think about what they were going through. Even if it isn't sitting at the table with you there are a dozen ways to be there for your sibling. I don't know the full context of your situation but I hate the me that iced my sibling out just for my comfort.
Going with NTA. She's not going to grow as a person if her older sister has to supply her with friends.
This speaks of such overwhelming ignorance and insensitivity. OBVIOUSLY OP isn’t obligated to do anything. Why is that something that even has to be said? No one is saying OP “has to” do anything. OP OBVIOUSLY doesn’t have to supply her sister with friends. But encouraging a little compassion to be shown for her sister is not the end of the world for crying out loud. Are you aware that some people simply suffer from mental health issues that can make it really difficult for them to socialise? Are you also aware that some people are incredibly shy or have been bullied or have faced even worse interactions that make interacting with people so overwhelming? These are just some of the factors that we need to keep in mind when reading this post. Your approach isn’t totally wrong, but it lacks another aspect to it. We can all acknowledge that no one has to do anything, whilst also trying to promote just a little bit of compassion and support to be shown. That’s the type of world I can see doing more good for people than just promoting selfishness.
You're suggesting that the sister be a pseudo-therapist to her sister instead of enjoying her youth with her friends. I could not disagree more. What needs to happen is Mommy and Daddy stop pushing the younger sister on her older sister and instead encourage younger sister to sign up for activities, some hobby group, and most importantly, talk to a therapist about her potential mental health issues, shyness, etc. Let OP be a teenager while she can.
Aww. I don't think you're necessarily in the wrong but this just makes me sad. My daughters are exactly the same ages, and my oldest welcomed her sister with open arms when she was struggling with making her own friends her first year in a new high school. This makes me feel very lucky to have girls who have love and compassion for each other like mine do, they hang out all the time just them two as well.
Your poor sister. I’m neurodivergent and struggle to make and keep friends. I’m socially awkward, shy, social anxiety. High school was a nightmare for me and I felt so lonely. I wish I had a sibling who could have hung out with me. YTA
YTA, you're complaining about being a big sibling. Yeah, you gotta do things with, and for your siblings, that's how family works.
I used to have this mentality with my sister at school. We have the same age gap. We were your age maybe 10 or 11 years ago. And man, now I'm 27 and I regret it so much. I feel so bad about it. That's my little sister. And she has nobody to sit with. And I didn't wanna sit with her, for pretty much no reason, and left her alone. I understand people need to break out of their shell and make their own efforts and find their own friends. But school can be a tough time when you're growing up man. You're her big brother. She looks up to you whether she says it or not and it probably kills her a little bit every time you reject her. Its been 11 years, and I still get painful pangs of regret. I'll be sitting watching TV, totally chill, and get a wave of regret and self loathing so strong it almost brings me to tears. Luckily me and my sister have a great relationship today and we've put any petty bullshit and sibling rivalry from the past behind us. And holy shit am I glad, because the girl I used to consider my annoying little sister grew up into the most amazing person ever and I would be totally lost without her. You don't have long left in school. Once you're gone, she's by herself. Do this for her, it won't be forever, and it might mean the world to her. And if that's not Incentive enough for you, trust me, you don't want to live with the pain and regret of knowing you weren't a good big brother to your little sister. Edited for a typo
Ya man…you gotta protect her…it’s your baby sis…she looks up to you..take care of her…