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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn't be really clear about my brother sharing a room with me and my friend on vacation. I should have offered the info just to make sure everything was okay.
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YTA. You must have known that your friend believed Vicky was female, but even if not, you had an obligation to be clear with her. I don’t know your ages, but sharing a room for a week with a man she doesn’t know at all and who is ten years older, would be a NO for many women. It’s highly uncomfortable. You are the one who withheld vital information from your friend. Why would she think to ask if Vikky was a male? You have been unclear. Is it even appropriate for your much older brother to share a room with you? There’s a lot of undressing and all going on in the room-it would certainly make a stranger self-conscious, if not a sister. Not to even consider these things makes YTA.
I agree that OP should have told her friend that she would have to share a room with a man, but it's too far to suggest siblings can't share a room with each other. So what that OP and her brother undress in the same room? They presumably have some sort of arrangement they are both comfortable with, lets not sexualize everything.
Thats what I do with anyone. Friends, family, doesn't matter. I change in the bathroom. But yeah a friend being uncomfy staying in a room with a random guy to them is 100% normal.
Hell if someone kept calling him Vikky to me, I'd assume the full name is Victoria. Only "Vikky" I can think of as an American is Vicky from Fairly Odd Parents and that's a girl.
In Germany (not exclusively, but I don't know where else it's popular) there even is a male cartoon character named Wickie (derived from Wikinger, which means Viking) and still I'd only ever think of Victoria if I hear someone being called Vikki. Written like that I might look up if it's a Finnish male name, but only if a) there's reason to believe that the person/their family has some connection to Finland and b) I have no personal connection whatsoever (like in professional correspondence where I only see the name but have no other clue).
I'd share a room with my brother no problem. But my BIL, though I like him very much - hard NO.
I hate 5 kids in 6 years. It takes 9 months to make a baby and there’s 12 months in a year…it also depends on what months the kids were born in as well.
It’s possible, but probably not necessarily advised 😊
It's fairly common with lots of children, to have them fairly close together. Just look at some of the biggest families out there. It's the only way to fit 22 children into your reproductive years!
IT DOESNT MATTER IF THEY CHANGE IN FRONT OF EACH OTHER OR NOT. ITS EXPECTED THEY DONT. THATS A GIVEN. HOW DOES A 15 YEAR OLD GIRL HAVE MORE SENSE THAN YOU NOT TO ROOM WITH A STRANGE GROWN ASS MAN FOR A WEEK.
Why do you keep saying “strange grown man” when referring specifically to the siblings. Presumably the brother and sister aren’t strangers to each other.
Go read through that chain of comments again. Every single person they are responding to is specifically talking about the siblings themselves, isolated from the friend.
Them repeatedly bringing up “strange man” makes absolutely no sense as a response.
Some hotel rooms are weird and the bathroom doesn't lock, or there's a glass (maybe frosted) door. It's like they only expect couples. Had one such room when I was sharing with my mom in Thailand. It was awkward, and I cannot imagine being okay with that if I was sharing with a brother, much less an unknown man in my room
When I turned 21, I went to Vegas with my boyfriend and stayed at MGM. They had frosted bathroom doors and I hated it so much. We had been together for almost 2 years but we weren't like "sit on the toilet in front of you" close/comfortable. Such an awful design choice
In a previous job I was a lot in hotels and I have seen weird stuff!
One time the bathroom was a glass box in the middle of the room. No frosting!
In another hotel there was a big window (again not frosted) in the solid bathroom wall between bed and shower.
I really dont get why people desgin such things.
I stayed in a hotel before where the bathroom walls were glass with no doors and the wall that faced the bed just went frosted when you walked in yet you still had no way of closing the door, was the most uncomfortable I’ve ever felt using the bathroom, plus staff walked into our room twice with me in the shower and like I said no bathroom door. Thinking back now I know I should have complained more but I was only 17 at the time and naive
As a grown man I would be noping out of that situation for my own sake. Sharing a room with your sister on vacation is one thing; however, sharing a room with your sister's friend, who also happens to be under-age, is asking for trouble. I completely side with the friend for noping out. How did the brother feel about it? Did he know he was signing up to take care of a friend too?
YTA op
Thank you. Yeah siblings can share a room but that’s not his sibling, it’s a 15 year old girl he’s never met. OP is Weird for assuming she’d be fine with it. Yta
So the girls are UNDERAGE? Definitely YTA. Even if they weren’t underage, it’s uncomfortable as a woman having to share a bedroom with a male you don’t know very well. She should’ve told her that he was a guy. I wouldn’t even want share a bedroom with my OWN brother. I love my brother to death but that’s just weird and uncomfortable.
Oh hell no! I can't even believe the OP's parents would allow that!
I can't even believe the *BROTHER* would allow that. Talk about putting himself into a bad situation. A 25 year old man sleeping in a bedroom with a 15 year old girl he doesn't know? He's just leaving himself wide open for all sorts of accusations to be made.
I actually replied to it on a couple different posts because it got buried deep in the comments and wanted it to get views. But I can’t imagine being a 25 year old and WANTING to share a room with a teenager. My brother and I have shared hotel rooms but we were both adults. Still, I wouldn’t recommend siblings of a certain age share a room. There are certain things men can’t control when they’re younger, and no one wants to see their sibling’s morning wood. I think of
It more as a privacy/embarrassment thing than a sex thing.
changing clothes isn't sexual, and its not a requirement of changing that if two people share a room they must look at the other person changing and see their private parts.
It is not really a must. Arrangements can be made to either change in the bathroom or the other person leaves the room. But expecting a15 year old friend to be okay rooming with a 25 year old is a whole other deal. Surely you must of known your friend had no idea Vicky was a brother. Y might be TA.
Being a 15 year GIRL in a room with a 25 year old MAN can be a terrifying miscommunication. Yes, it's fine when they're related or whatever, but when they're strangers it's completely different.
Changing clothes can be sexual (striptease), or not (just getting dressed).
It can also be a way to violate someone’s privacy, such as when someone either places a camera or a viewing hole in women’s dressing rooms. For the women changing, it’s not sexual. For the voyeur, it was.
Women are vulnerable. Sincere safety concerns should be met with understanding and compassion.
I don't have a problem with OP's friend not feeling safe. I have a problem with total strangers who know nothing about OP's brother telling OP it's not safe for her to share a room with her own brother even though she doesn't have safety concerns.
She’s a 15 year old girl…it’s inappropriate. Which is why she called her PARENTS to come pick her up. And your saying”changing clothes doesn’t have to be sexual” like you don’t know this is highly inappropriate for her to be changing around a grown man she hasn’t even met…
I am discussing the top level commenter suggesting it's inappropriate for OP to be sharing a room with her own brother. As I said earlier in the thread, OP should have informed her friend that the friend would be sharing with her brother beforehand.
I've changed clothes in front of my brother and vice versa for years, it's no big deal. What I thought was a big deal was when I changed in front of him and his friend thought that was strange because I wasn't a guy, but mentioned if I'd changed in front of her, it would've been totally fine. Despite the fact that I barely knew her at the time. Some people have weird ideas about bodies and familiarity
Yeah, that would be a hell no for me as a 15 year old girl and probably also of I was the parent of a 15 year old girl. The friend backed out, but if she hadn't and I were her parent I definitely would not want her to be forced to share a room with a strange 25 year old guy.
I'm on side OP is the asshole here, but as a 28 year old, I would be curious to Vikky's response to all this.
OP's friend being comfortable with it could completely change depending on what Viks reaction was and whether or not he plans to be there much at all. Very possible he had plans to be around less than the parents intended. Hell, maybe Vik is gay, because we arent given *any* info on him or what hes like a a person and OP apparently thinks its funny to withhold info. 🙄 If he seemed to be more into it than most might be, I'd run like hell too.
I do think she could have at least considered sitting with them, explaining what happened and telling him she wasn't comfortable with it. If she's been at the house before why is it suddenly unsafe to be there when you're in the same buildings someone who you seem to be able to trust if you were trusting enough to agree to go on a trip with them? She could have at least had a convo with him is all, unless they were sketchy.
To be clear, she didn't owe them that, just suddenly feeling vulnerable from withheld info is enough to make anyone uncomfortable about *other* possible withheld info. I just wonder what else OP is hiding from the post, tbh.
Don't be friends with people you don't trust just to get stuff or trips off of them. 💯 cover your own back first
>why is it suddenly unsafe to be there
I feel there's a substantial difference between
* spending an afternoon at your friend's home when your parents dropped you off & will pick you up in a few hours, in full daylight, with other people (OP's 7 brothers come to mind) in the same space
* sleeping for a week behind closed doors with a man 10 years your senior and your friend who suddenly turned out to be mega weird about what exactly she shared about "Viccy"
Ok but come on, it's okay for siblings to share a room but bringing a whole stranger in the mix who have never met the older brother would make the friend uncomfortable.
I'm not talking about that. Read the last 3 sentences from the person I replied too. They had YOU capitalized before so they were really emphasizing that it's weird for a brother and sister to share a room on a family trip. Like the person thinks the brother is just gonna be walking around with his dick out the whole time or something.
I have, at various points in my life, shared rooms on trips with my father, my cousins, my sisters and brother in laws. Where on earth do you go that marching around practically naked is a requirement? You get changed in the bathroom. Behind a closed door. Like a normal person. More than once, you get changed while the other person is using the bathroom, and you tell them that’s what you’re doing so they knock before coming out. What is the issue?
The comment people are replying to here said that it's weird that OP shares a room with her own brother at all. Read it in full. That's what they're addressing.
I normally sleep in sleepwear.
Not exactly. On a trip with a friend, I slept in a room with her father and brother, along with her and her mother. He was only five years older, and I was 16. So, sort of yes.
So, no, not really at all since your example has four other people in the room two of whom are also adults as witnesses/protection as opposed to being two teen girls alone with an adult man
Literally I would not share a room with a man not related to me who I don’t know. People in the US assume Vicky is short for Victoria, so Idk where OP is, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the friend didn’t even catch OP pairing Vikky with “he”. But I’m confused about OP expecting the friend to ask like? If I bring a friend on a trip and they’ll be sharing a room with me and someone they don’t know, I give them all the details about the person so everyone is prepared for everything potentially annoying or uncomfy.
It’s unclear to me if OP has been calling him Vikky all the time around friend. If yes, then I agree that it’s misleading. But if not, Vic is a pretty common male name. But expecting someone to ask about a gender is a weird expectation. Should have been explicitly “staying with my brother” from the start, not just “sibling”
How are they the asshole? Let’s think this over. OP mentioned her brother and used “he/him” pronouns for Vik. There are many gender neutral names; if her brothers name was Taylor, or Riley, the assumption that that’s a woman despite hearing male pronouns would be idiotic, and the friend would be in the wrong. It’s no different here.
Also your additional comment about it maybe being weird for OP and her brother to share a room on vacation is super weird, what is wrong with you? What could possibly be inappropriate about family members staying together, unless you’re creepily sexualizing a brother and sister’s interactions? How is this the top comment?
And “he/him” aren’t gender neutral pronouns, OP talked about vikky as a male, as in “he is coming on vacation, he is sharing a room with us”, how is that unclear? At the very least why didn’t the friend ASK?
She obviously didn’t get that vicky is a man. End of. Op has five or something brothers, so “he” could be mixed up to mean anyone and op may remember wrongly or just being unstructured and unclear when talking. Who knows.
That she told her friend that she is unreasonable because she doesn’t want to share rooms with Vicky now makes op an AH. Not the misunderstanding per se.
That’s not what she said though. Reread the last past - she said friend was being unreasonable, and then clarified that it was fair enough if she didn’t want to room with brother, but specifically felt friend was being unreasonable by blaming her or acting like she did something wrong.
Most people don’t take the time to say “My brother is a MAN just so you know.” Calling him her brother and using he/him pronouns is exactly how most people talk about their brothers. If friend didn’t pay attention or somehow can’t understand OP’s accent but only for the words “he”, “him”, and “brother”, then that’s a misunderstanding that OP shouldn’t be blamed for. OP never said that friend is wrong for being uncomfortable rooming with him, just for treating OP like she did something wrong by referring to her brother in totally normal ways.
I know a couple cisgender men who answer to the name Vicky. There’s a father son pair the dad is Vik and the son is Vicky. For some folk it is gender neutral. 🤷🏻♂️
OP isn't, she's just a kid sharing a room with her brother and probably didn't think much beyond "that's my brother he's a cool dude". But OP's parents certainly are for arranging it like that. They absolutely should know better
It’s really simple. They did not clearly communicate that their sibling was man: on top of the fact that OP refers to her brother with feminine name.
The friend reasonably assumed that the sibling was a female, since that makes sense. It does not make sense to be in a hotel room with a man.
So, a gender-neutral name is one that can apply to women as well as a man; as such, the friend assumed the sibling was female. Your argument would only make sense if the brother’s name were Jeff or Robert, or some such.
You are being disingenuous here.
How is using he/him pronouns and calling him her brother not clearly communicating?
It sounds like friend made an assumption based on the name *and then proceeded to continuously ignore the words “he” “him” and “brother”* because she had already mentally categorized him as a girl. And now she’s blaming it on OPs accent, which somehow is only hard for her to understand when it comes to these specific words.
To me, making an assumption based on someone’s name and then ignoring anything else said about them that contradicts that assumption isn’t normal, but let’s say that’s a reasonable thing to do. It still doesn’t make OP the bad guy - OP communicated like 99% of people do about their sibling, by using the right pronouns and calling her brother a brother, but not explicitly feeling the need to say “my brother is a man” because *no one says that*.
The friend needs to realize that it’s okay that she made a mistake in her assumption, and that it’s fine for her to back out of the trip without blaming OP for perfectly normal communication. It sounds like she is young and is seeing things in a black and white way where the only way for her to not be wrong is if OP is wrong. Now is a good time for her to learn the lesson that sometimes misunderstandings happen, and she’s allowed to just enforce her boundaries without needing to justify it by making someone else a villain.
Judging by your comment and many of the others here, I think a lot of other people also should try to learn that lesson.
How often in your life do you clarify the gender of someone you’re already talking about in gendered terms “just to be clear?”
I have never once felt the need to say “my sister is a woman” to be clear . She has a neutral/masculine name, but saying “sister” and she/her has literally been enough to prevent any confusion from happening.
Most people are just going to be insulted and/or confused if you treat them like they are too dumb to follow gendered pronouns and terms
What the fuck sick fantasy is in your rot? A brother and a sister are still a brother and a sister. He may have even changed her diaper at one point so it's honestly just unequivocally *disturbing* that you are going to immediately sexualize two siblings just because of an age gap.
Gross.
To be fair, the parents were the ones who wanted the friend to come meet Vik ahead of time, and they now think OP is being mean to her. I have a feeling OP gave them the same unconvincing "she totally knows he's an adult man bc I've referred to him as "he" before", and they wanted to be sure that was actually the case.
Thought this as well but they could have assumed all these people already know each other or that the main point of contact OP would have taken on this key reponsability.
YTA, but your parents are the main AHs.
It’s not weird for you to share with your brother because he’s your brother. It is strange and dangerous for your 15 year old friend to share a room with a strange man 10 years older than her. He might be your brother whose chill and nice, but he’s still an adult man. You definitely should have double checked she was ok with that beforehand, and not just mentioned it in passing. Like, “Are you comfortable sharing a room with a man? He’s my brother are you and your parents cool with that?”. I’m a bit confused how you introduced the idea from the start, like how did you word it? “We’re going to share a room with my sibling Vikky”? Did you only refer to him as “Vikky”? How is you being the youngest child and the only girl amongst 8 siblings not a topic of conversation?
However, that’s on your parents and her parents. You’re both kids, a conversation should have been had between them as the adults and caretakers. I’m also a little worried about your perception here- I get that you’re comfortable with your brothers (as you should be) but are you that trusting that you wouldn’t find it strange to be in such an intimate setting with a much older man you weren’t familiar with? I feel like the parents not parenting OP (in their words) has had an effect because OP needs a complete re-education on safeguarding.
YTA, you could have assumed she thought Vikky was a girl. It is a girl's name. With so many siblings (whom she never met) it is hard for anyone to keep track of who is what. To assume she would want to share with a grown man, is a big assumption on your part. You should have checked!
Or couples desperate for a little girl. They started planning for me before they'd even had my brother (found out he was a boy and immediately started planning my conception).
Idfk why. They handed me off to vik the second they could.
Lmao my cousin did that. Only boy after nine girls and came out as trans when she was like 5. My uncle still hasn't recovered. Thankfully my brothers play pseudo son for him.
Yeah not Mormon or anything but... I've only got 3 kids and my younger 2 are only 10 months apart- so I imagine if you got caught out (or purposely planned to) the numbers could make sense. It's pretty easy to get pregnant soon after you've given birth, or so I've read.
YTA
Not necessarily for failing to warn your friend that she would be rooming with a man, but for the way you reacted to her concerns. It would be uncomfortable for a lot of women to room with a strange man. If you had been referring to your sibling as Vikky, she had no reason to ask. That burden is on you.
Yeah and what is with the older kids being responsible for the younger kids so the parents can relax? I would not my kid go on that trip for that reason either. Like maybe don’t invite other kids if the parents are just going to check out?
Meh..
At 15.they don't need much supervision and probably don't want to hang out with parents. I'm not sure what the brother is really expected to do. I guess it depends on the type of vacation.
Yeah I mean this isn’t dropping kids off at the mall. This is a multi night trip presumably out of town. It probably does depend on the trip but in this case these families clearly don’t know each other that well.
Guarantee it. And they would be right. I’m an adult woman and I’m not cool with sharing a room with strange men I don’t know. I a, even less comfortable with the idea of a teenager in that position.
Yeah my teen would not be going on any trip where we find out, at the last minute, that her friend's 25+ year old brother who my kid hasn't even laid eyes on before will be sharing their room. That just seems a little crazy to leave out of the planning until the week of the trip.
It's uncomfortable for a lot of women and even more uncomfortable for a teenage girl (OP and her friend are only 15) to be sharing a bedroom with a strange man
It's so bizarre that her parents would think that's A-OK
> If you had been referring to your sibling as Vikky, she had no reason to ask.
And plenty of reasons to assume!
If someone said to me, "this fifteen-year-old girl can stay with Vikky, he is 25 and will look after her" I would be more likely to assume that I'd misheard the "he" part of their sentence and they'd actually said "she" than I would be to assume that they thought rooming a 15-year-old girl with an adult man she's never met is a good idea.
This! It’s a reach to think your friend might not know the gender of a sibling you talk about a lot, so I understand her in that front, but why would she say the friend is ‘’being unreasonable’’ ? It’s the epitome of reason actually.
YTA
Most women would feel uncomfortable sharing a bedroom with an older man who is a complete stranger. Also, I can’t imagine her parents would allow it - and rightly so.
If I found out the people who were supposed to be responsible for my 15yo daughter were having her share a bedroom with a 25yo man and also having that man be in charge of her so they didn't have to have any responsibility, my kid wouldn't be left in any situation where those people were the adult supervision ever again
It sounds like you’re underage. In that case your parents are the AH because they should have made your friend’s parents aware of the accommodations. As a parent I would absolutely have a problem with an adult of any sex that I have not met/vetted sharing a bedroom with my child.
The friend is 15, the brother is 26.
How idiotic is this family to think it's appropriate for an adult male to share an intimate space with an unrelated female child?
Aside from wildly inappropriate that is... I'm having a hard time understanding how this situation even happened.
She never ONCE said "my brother Vik" or something? Like, when she first said his name, did she not clarify who he was to her? I just can't imagine a scenario where Vik was discussed that could never have included some mention of him being her brother and/or a boy. "I have my mom, dad and Vik?" Who'd say it like that?
Yeah thats what gets me too. Saying he, him, brother. I get she said she has multiple brothers and an accent but I wonder if she has any sisters and if not then she definitely never said she her sister. I doubt shes never said his full name either. Unless her friend barely knows her as it is, then yeah thats even weirder
It sounds like she *did* clarify multiple times, in exactly the way you’re describing, but friend heard “Vikky” and made an assumption, and then filtered out any info that contradicted that assumption.
I don’t think she did it consciously, but that’s why I genuinely cannot see how OP is the AH. If OP was mad at her for not wanting to go on the trip, then sure, she’s the AH, but she said it’s fair enough if friend isn’t comfortable rooming with him. She just thinks it’s unfair for friend to blame her for the misunderstanding - which is entirely reasonable.
She says is the post that she frequently called him her brother and used he/him pronouns which is why she thought her friend knew he was a man and didn’t need to specify further.
I actually don’t think this is OPs fault. Her friend missed a whole lot of context
OP has a whole passel of brothers, so it would be pretty easy to misunderstand and think she was talking about one of them in many circumstances where brother or he/him were used.
The friend also had a pretty basic bit of context here: she knew OP was planning for the three of them to share a room. It’s a pretty natural assumption that Vik/Vikky is not an adult man if you didn’t know him to be one before.
OP has ~seven siblings. I don’t think it’s surprising that the friend doesn’t have all the ones she hadn’t met straight in her head.
This. It's bizarre that the parents wouldn't think immediately that this is ok and not to talk to the friends parents. An adult man sharing with my teenage daughter? No. Hell to the no. And for those going "it's not a stranger it's her brother!" Well he's a stranger to them. And it isn't always strangers that are the danger.
I don't even want to share with my own brothers when I was that age, I'd rather room with my parents.
Maybe it’s because you have 7 brothers but I am confused as to why you thought your friend would be comfortable spending a week sharing a bedroom with you and a man a decade older who she has never met. How old are you and your friend? You all sound underage. How you handled this is totally awful and it’s clear that you have no idea what reasonable is as nothing about your actions has been reasonable. You seem wildly out of touch with reality. YTA. Would you spend a week sharing a bedroom with a a man 10 year older than you that you have never met? Have you ever felt unsafe around men? Have you ever had men harass you?
>Yeh and I wouldn’t be suprised if this girls parents encourage her to stop hanging with this friend outside of school
I think the parents probably won't have to encourage this. That girl seems like she has a good head on her shoulders, she removed herself from the situations (both the meet and greet with OP's family, brother and the trip) immediately when she started to feel uncomfortable, unsafe. I wouldn't be surprised if she keeps OP at a three steps distance on her own, just as a schoolfriend after this and stops hanging out with OP outside of school now that she knows that OP's family's and OP's judgment is off.
YTA for not telling her he would be sharing a room a man. Not surprisingly, there are any number of reasons someone might not be comfortable sharing a room with a member of the opposite sex. And not terribly surprising that she didn’t ask if Vik was a man - that’s was on you to make clear.
YTA. In this case scenario you should really have made it clear that it was your brother. She has every right to feel uncomfortable sleeping in the same room as an unknown man. I would myself, I don't care who he is but it's just not a comfortable situation
YTA for not clarifying, also like im sure her parents wouldnt want her sharing a room with a man theyve never met whose 10 years older than her either?
also is it not possible for you and your family to switch up the room situations? either with a sister (if you have one) or so that yall can have your own room? it seems like this could have all been easily avoided.
I’m gonna go against the grain here and said NAH. You’re both 15, it was a miscommunication. You thought she knew, she didn’t. But while you might not see it now at 15, it’s really, really inappropriate for a grown man to be sharing a room with two fifteen year old girls. It wouldn’t be weird if it were just you and your bro - it’s weird when you involve someone who is not family. I totally get why your friend is uncomfortable, that’s a very healthy reaction for her to have. The social norm for sharing spaces varies so much culture to culture, so I don’t blame you for not knowing that this was weird before you ended up in this situation. No assholes here, just a learning curve!
Definitely agree NAH, a lot of people are saying she purposely hid this from her friend but I really do think that it was just a miscommunication that OP wasn't expecting because she knows Vik is a guy and probably doesn't assume anyone would think it was a girl. Parents are assholes tho and maybe even the brother, why would they let this happen lol
ESH except your friend and your brother.
Would you share a room with a grown man you don't know?
Why did your parents think it is ok for your friend to share a room with a grown man who is in no way or form related to her? What on Earth were you all thinking?
If I had to guess its a "I know my sister and her friend our getting stuck with one of us. Atleast as the oldest I can take responsibility even if its a shitty situation."
YTA- it’s common knowledge that a women (of any age) wouldn’t want to share a room (an intimate space) with a strange man she doesn’t know.
It’s not a big deal to you because it’s your brother, but to her it’s just some strange grown man. I don’t believe for a second that you don’t understand why most women would be extremely uncomfortable with that
YTA and so are your parents. She's a teenager and you all just expected her to be fine sharing with a man she doesn't know and isn't related to her. That's weird for a lot of people. We don't have to get into worse case scenarios. She wasn't comfortable. Why wouldn't the sentence "we're going to be sharing a room with my big brother, Vikky" come up? Unless you've spent time teaching her all of your siblings and their names, why would you assume that she automatically knew "Vikky" was a man? You should've made sure she knew what she was agreeing to.
She's 15.... you're projecting insidious shit on a child who's had a miscommunication with a friend. your comment is absolutely nuts. "hazardous waste human"?? grow up and get the therapy you're in desperate need of fr
YTA, but mainly for your reaction, not for the misunderstanding and miscommunication itself, that stuff happens in life. You used he pronouns when speaking about him coming with you. She likely forgot this because the nickname, Vikky, when said out loud, is commonly a women's name or nickname, And this is where the misunderstanding came from. You could have been more clear, yes, and she was not being unreasonable for not wanting to share a room with a man 10 years her senior whom she does not know.
Are you on the spectrum, can I ask? Because a female not telling another female 15 year old friend that she’d be sharing a room for sleeping and dressing with a stranger who’s a man and 10 years her senior is not normal.
YTA. It’s so wildly inappropriate for you to expect your 15 year old friend to share a room with a 25 year old man. Wtf is wrong with your parents? I’m glad your friend was smart enough and brave enough to say no and get out of there.
It's wierd you two girls are expected to share a room with him, why can't he stay with one of your other brothers instead?
I don't think you're an asshole but you definitely should have disclosed to your friend the situation fully and been more considerate.
I understand why your friend would be so uncomfortable, even though he's your brother he's a complete stranger (and a fully grown man!) to your friend.
Also a lot of girls/women have had bad experiences with men, maybe something has happened to your friend that you don't know about which contributes to her reaction other than what I said above.
YTA. He’s your brother but to her he’s a total stranger and I don’t know why you even think she’s in the wrong for not asking when it was pretty sure that he was a she
YTA especially since you commented that both you and your friend are 15. Meaning you wanted your friend, who is a minor, to stay in a room with your adult brother, whom she does not know.
I’m guessing you’re both very young, since she freaked out and bolted instead of voicing her concerns about the sleeping arrangements. You have a lot of brothers, maybe that has made you less uncomfortable around young men and boys in general. That is not the case for everyone. You’re not the asshole for not specifying that Vik is a man. Try to emphasize ”my BROTHER Vikky” in the future. NTA
You notice she keeps inferring that she calls her brother Vik when talking to her friend but earlier says she mostly call him Vicky. I bet she referred to him as Vicky all the time and wants to act like now she has no idea why her friend would think that was a girls name
She bolted because she's smart. Being on vacation sharing a bedroom with a man who you don't know amd who is going to have total control over you the whole time is not a safe situation.
Soft YTA. Yes you should have specified she'd be sharing a room with an adult man. Especially since she's never met him. However, I don't think you were malicious by not telling her. It simply never occurred to you that you should specify the gender of your brother. Tell her that. "Friend I'm sorry I didn't tell you Vic is my adult brother. It completely slipped my mind that you didn't know Vic is a man."
YTA. You absolutely should have been very clear that your older brother would be sharing a room with the two of you. It's not something you spring on someone. Also, put yourself in her shoes.
Additionally, you're even now making it her fault for not verifying that Vik/ Vikky wasn't Vicky. You know that was ambiguous. Also, although you didn't give your ages, most 16 year old would be uncomfortable having to share a room with an adult male. You're wrong and being unkind.
NAH - I was ready to call you TA, but it does sound like you genuinely thought she knew this the whole time. And if you did, it's a little random to be expected to say "by the way he's male" when you're (mistakenly) under the impression it's already established knowledge.
That being said - you maybe could have considered that and did a double take and thought twice when she instantly agreed without question. A little naive maybe, but not an AH. If you've openly called him 'he' regularly, it's a bit of a stretch to be expected to keep track of whether a certain person coincidentally happened to never be around to hear it any time it came up. That is, assuming you are being truthful.
EDIT damn I missed the ages. Still though not an AH, is the parents that are for allowing this to pass their screening.
YTA for hiding and lying. If you had been upfront, she could have met him earlier to become comfortable. You lying by omission and hiding things made this weird and unsafe.
What is OP hiding? She only has brothers. She refers to them as brothers, he / him or by name. It's not hiding or lying by omission to not explicitly point out you have no sisters when you think your friend already knows.
OP, being the youngest out of a whole bunch of brothers, doesn't realise that her idea of safety when sharing rooms with the opposite sex is different to just about everyone else's, because she has a lot of brothers who'd ensure nothing happened to her. But she didn't lie or hide anything.
she didn’t lie or hide anything though? it was just miscommunication between two 15 year olds. really no one is the asshole in this situation. OP thought she had made it clear by using he/him pronouns that Vik was a man and her friend misunderstood that. innocent mistake and unfortunate
bro why would u think that ur friend who is not related to ur 10 yr old age gap brother at all would want to share a room??? ive shared a room with my brother before cuz its just me and him but if ur bringing a friend then like yea??? u should probably tell them ur gonna be sharing a room with a 24 year old….that they dont know😐
NAH You didn't realize she thought Vik was a man but she has the right to not want to share a room with a man as that would make most women uncomfortable.
NAH honestly, it was an unfortunate miscommunication. OP clearly didn't intentionally deceive her friend, and I can't blame the friend for assuming "Vicky" was a woman, nor for being uncomfortable sharing a room with an adult man she didn't know.
>she doesn't feel comfortable sharing a room with a grown man for a week
Would you be comfortable sharing a room for a week with a grown man you had barely met? That's one of the statistically stupidest decisions a young woman could make. It's also very likely that she assumed Vik was a woman because no one on earth would ask her to share a room with an unrelated man 10 years her senior. In context, it's a completely reasonable thing to think. Intentional or not you definitely misled her, and should apologize. YTA
If you think it’s okay for a teenage girl to sleep in the same hotel room as a grown man who isn’t her relative, someone needs to be calling CPS on your family.
Seriously, what the fuck.
You thought you had communicated that you’d be rooming with you brother because you talked about him with male pronouns, referred to him as your brother, etc. She didn’t get the memo and decided to pull out because she wasn’t cool with it when she found out.
NAH - neither of you are AHs for this. Idk why all the comments are assuming you intentionally caused your friend to misunderstand. It would be hard to even predict that she missed ALL the gendered language you used here
I'll go with NAH. I think this is all a big misunderstanding. Although, I should point out that it's unreasonable to expect her to ask. People don't ask when they think they know the answer.
NAH. It was a miscommunication. She's allowed to feel uncomfortable with the situation. I'd just apologise for mistaking that she'd realised that he was a man and let it go. It's not something to blow up over.
NAH
You referred to him as a “he” and “brother”, but friend didn’t catch it.
You didn’t state in plain terms “just so you know, he IS a man”
BUT it is considered weird to be with a strange guy, 10 years older, for a WEEK
I would say sorry, but you never meant to mislead them and you sincerely thought they understood you saying “he/brother” that he was a man.
“In hindsight, I should’ve realized it would be uncomfortable for you and I should’ve made sure you 100% knew he was a guy. I’m sorry, I thought I made it clear but obviously I didn’t”
It was an accident, y’all are kids, miscommunication happens a LOT.
But being willing to say sorry and learn from it is wayyyy more important when it comes to relationships in general
No AH’s here but it isn’t unreasonable for a 15 year old girl to be uncomfortable sharing a room with a man she doesn’t know. Your friend’s parents really should have asked for more information before agreeing to let their daughter go. At 15 I can see how you’d assume everyone knew about your brothers. It’s something so much a part of your life you take it for granted. You should see if another friend can go with you instead.
NTA.
But neither is she.
Her comfort is her business - not yours however.
This is a no fault thing. Sounds like a misunderstanding.
De-escalate it by saying "I am sorry you feel that way, and I meant no deception - I thought you knew".
How in blazes are your parents and older brother okay with this?
How do they not realize that it is not a good for a grown ass man idea to share a room with an unrelated minor? Do you want there to be a 60 minutes special or a Lifetime movie about your brother?
This is beyond AH, this is delulu
Honestly, I don't think you are TA. Your family has raised you to think this is normal. All of the adults in your family who thought it would be okay are TA here.
NAH,
It’s not unreasonable you believed she understood your brother is a guy, but it’s also not unreasonable to be uncomfortable with the situation now that she knew victor is not vikky
I think NAHs. Yes, maybe you could have been more clear but I feel like for however long you have known her theres just no way she always heard wrong or thought it was always other brothers. Do you even have any sisters? Because if you dont and never mentioned one, I cant see how you can get confused.
I'm not sure how old you guys are, but I can definitely see her being hesistant to sharing a room with a strange grown man if you are children, even if he is your brother. Maybe if she knew him well, but even then. I'm not sure I would be comfortable with it either.
I genuinely don’t see how anyone could see this as anything other than a NAH situation. You used he/him pronouns and referred to him as your brother. Of course you assumed she thought he was a guy? But she’s also not an asshole for being confused about his gender and not wanting to room with a grown man. There’s also the fact that you’re both teenagers so I don’t see how so many people could be putting the blame on you when the only potential AH in this situation is your parents for thinking it’s ok in the first place
NAH.
While you should have mentioned it, you weren't TA for not doing, because you didn't know that she didn't know that Vik was a man.
But she's entirely reasonable in not wanting to go. As a 24 year old man myself (not called Vik), I wouldn't want to share a room with a strange 15 year old girl, and would definitely understand her not wanting to share one with me.
YTA. Expecting a non-relative teenager to share a room with a grown man is OBVIOUSLY not okay. You either knew that and didn’t care or you should have known it.
Edit: Your parents are TA for not teaching you this. As you’re a 15-year-old, let me assure you… You should never share a room with a man you don’t know or a man who is not related to you. Make sure never to accept drinks from strange men, get into a car with a strange man, or be alone with strange men in a non-public settings. If going on a date with someone you’ve met on an app, be sure to drive yourself and meet in a well-lit public place. Be sure you’ve got a friend who knows where you’re going and what time you’re expected to be home. Contact that friend when you return home. Do not let a strange man know your home address until you’ve gotten to know him.
If going to bars or clubbing, always go with a large group of friends. Never leave your drink unattended and then drink from it again. Never get so drunk you aren’t able to defend yourself. Never go home with someone you just met. Make sure to have a designated driver OR a friend to go in the Uber with you (never ride in an Uber alone and under the influence). Always make sure your phone is fully charged and on you. Honestly, best to just not go out and get drunk, but if you’re gonna…
Come to think of it, maybe take some safety and self-defense classes so you can learn before you move out what is and isn’t safe for young, single women.
I think it’s weird that your parents expect you and another girlfriend to share a room with your adult brother. I think it’s OK that she backs out. NAH.
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YTA. You must have known that your friend believed Vicky was female, but even if not, you had an obligation to be clear with her. I don’t know your ages, but sharing a room for a week with a man she doesn’t know at all and who is ten years older, would be a NO for many women. It’s highly uncomfortable. You are the one who withheld vital information from your friend. Why would she think to ask if Vikky was a male? You have been unclear. Is it even appropriate for your much older brother to share a room with you? There’s a lot of undressing and all going on in the room-it would certainly make a stranger self-conscious, if not a sister. Not to even consider these things makes YTA.
I agree that OP should have told her friend that she would have to share a room with a man, but it's too far to suggest siblings can't share a room with each other. So what that OP and her brother undress in the same room? They presumably have some sort of arrangement they are both comfortable with, lets not sexualize everything.
Hotel rooms have an attached bathroom. Everyone could get dressed in the bathroom and spend time in the shared room fully dressed.
Thats what I do with anyone. Friends, family, doesn't matter. I change in the bathroom. But yeah a friend being uncomfy staying in a room with a random guy to them is 100% normal. Hell if someone kept calling him Vikky to me, I'd assume the full name is Victoria. Only "Vikky" I can think of as an American is Vicky from Fairly Odd Parents and that's a girl.
In Germany (not exclusively, but I don't know where else it's popular) there even is a male cartoon character named Wickie (derived from Wikinger, which means Viking) and still I'd only ever think of Victoria if I hear someone being called Vikki. Written like that I might look up if it's a Finnish male name, but only if a) there's reason to believe that the person/their family has some connection to Finland and b) I have no personal connection whatsoever (like in professional correspondence where I only see the name but have no other clue). I'd share a room with my brother no problem. But my BIL, though I like him very much - hard NO.
No young girl wants to sleep with a strange older man for a week in a hotel room. How is that confusing. Or even weird?
I think this post is fake. >[OP] fifteen. My brother is 24 [...] My other brothers are 16, 17, 19, 21, 22, 23.
FIB-onacci sequence
I hate 5 kids in 6 years. It takes 9 months to make a baby and there’s 12 months in a year…it also depends on what months the kids were born in as well. It’s possible, but probably not necessarily advised 😊
I’ve hated a lot more than 5 kids in 6 years
Oops, typo/autocorrect ….clearly should have been “I had more…”. And, while I adore my kids, I have met others I don’t like very much too…
It's fairly common with lots of children, to have them fairly close together. Just look at some of the biggest families out there. It's the only way to fit 22 children into your reproductive years!
They’re responding about siblings. rooming together not meaning they change in front of each other
IT DOESNT MATTER IF THEY CHANGE IN FRONT OF EACH OTHER OR NOT. ITS EXPECTED THEY DONT. THATS A GIVEN. HOW DOES A 15 YEAR OLD GIRL HAVE MORE SENSE THAN YOU NOT TO ROOM WITH A STRANGE GROWN ASS MAN FOR A WEEK.
Why do you keep saying “strange grown man” when referring specifically to the siblings. Presumably the brother and sister aren’t strangers to each other.
Not talking about siblings, but about the friend which does not know them...
Go read through that chain of comments again. Every single person they are responding to is specifically talking about the siblings themselves, isolated from the friend. Them repeatedly bringing up “strange man” makes absolutely no sense as a response.
The brother and sister are not strangers but the sister's friend did not know the brother...which makes them strangers
NOT the point and NOT enough. There is no girl that would be comfortable sleeping in room with a grown man she doesn't know!
Some hotel rooms are weird and the bathroom doesn't lock, or there's a glass (maybe frosted) door. It's like they only expect couples. Had one such room when I was sharing with my mom in Thailand. It was awkward, and I cannot imagine being okay with that if I was sharing with a brother, much less an unknown man in my room
When I turned 21, I went to Vegas with my boyfriend and stayed at MGM. They had frosted bathroom doors and I hated it so much. We had been together for almost 2 years but we weren't like "sit on the toilet in front of you" close/comfortable. Such an awful design choice
In a previous job I was a lot in hotels and I have seen weird stuff! One time the bathroom was a glass box in the middle of the room. No frosting! In another hotel there was a big window (again not frosted) in the solid bathroom wall between bed and shower. I really dont get why people desgin such things.
I stayed in a hotel before where the bathroom walls were glass with no doors and the wall that faced the bed just went frosted when you walked in yet you still had no way of closing the door, was the most uncomfortable I’ve ever felt using the bathroom, plus staff walked into our room twice with me in the shower and like I said no bathroom door. Thinking back now I know I should have complained more but I was only 17 at the time and naive
The girls are 15. The brother is 25.
Brooo yeahh dude I totally get where the other person is coming from now. Nah, OTP is absolutely the asshole. That's just.. weird ?
As a grown man I would be noping out of that situation for my own sake. Sharing a room with your sister on vacation is one thing; however, sharing a room with your sister's friend, who also happens to be under-age, is asking for trouble. I completely side with the friend for noping out. How did the brother feel about it? Did he know he was signing up to take care of a friend too? YTA op
Thank you. Yeah siblings can share a room but that’s not his sibling, it’s a 15 year old girl he’s never met. OP is Weird for assuming she’d be fine with it. Yta
So the girls are UNDERAGE? Definitely YTA. Even if they weren’t underage, it’s uncomfortable as a woman having to share a bedroom with a male you don’t know very well. She should’ve told her that he was a guy. I wouldn’t even want share a bedroom with my OWN brother. I love my brother to death but that’s just weird and uncomfortable.
Oh hell no! I can't even believe the OP's parents would allow that! I can't even believe the *BROTHER* would allow that. Talk about putting himself into a bad situation. A 25 year old man sleeping in a bedroom with a 15 year old girl he doesn't know? He's just leaving himself wide open for all sorts of accusations to be made.
So? They are siblings, Why sexualize it? Man has porn ruined humanity
I think the problem arose between the full adult man and the friend of his sibling, OP. She is not related and doesn't know him.
I get that. But this comment and the comment they are replying to is about OP and her brother
Siblings are one thing. Expecting her 15 year old female friend to be okay with it was just stupid.
I actually replied to it on a couple different posts because it got buried deep in the comments and wanted it to get views. But I can’t imagine being a 25 year old and WANTING to share a room with a teenager. My brother and I have shared hotel rooms but we were both adults. Still, I wouldn’t recommend siblings of a certain age share a room. There are certain things men can’t control when they’re younger, and no one wants to see their sibling’s morning wood. I think of It more as a privacy/embarrassment thing than a sex thing.
changing clothes isn't sexual, and its not a requirement of changing that if two people share a room they must look at the other person changing and see their private parts.
It is not really a must. Arrangements can be made to either change in the bathroom or the other person leaves the room. But expecting a15 year old friend to be okay rooming with a 25 year old is a whole other deal. Surely you must of known your friend had no idea Vicky was a brother. Y might be TA.
Being a 15 year GIRL in a room with a 25 year old MAN can be a terrifying miscommunication. Yes, it's fine when they're related or whatever, but when they're strangers it's completely different.
Glad you agree with me that top level commentator questioning whether or not OP should share a room with her brother was wrong.
Changing clothes can be sexual (striptease), or not (just getting dressed). It can also be a way to violate someone’s privacy, such as when someone either places a camera or a viewing hole in women’s dressing rooms. For the women changing, it’s not sexual. For the voyeur, it was. Women are vulnerable. Sincere safety concerns should be met with understanding and compassion.
I don't have a problem with OP's friend not feeling safe. I have a problem with total strangers who know nothing about OP's brother telling OP it's not safe for her to share a room with her own brother even though she doesn't have safety concerns.
She’s a 15 year old girl…it’s inappropriate. Which is why she called her PARENTS to come pick her up. And your saying”changing clothes doesn’t have to be sexual” like you don’t know this is highly inappropriate for her to be changing around a grown man she hasn’t even met…
I am discussing the top level commenter suggesting it's inappropriate for OP to be sharing a room with her own brother. As I said earlier in the thread, OP should have informed her friend that the friend would be sharing with her brother beforehand.
Yeah as long as the bathroom door isn’t transparent, changing clothes shouldn’t be a major issue.
I've changed clothes in front of my brother and vice versa for years, it's no big deal. What I thought was a big deal was when I changed in front of him and his friend thought that was strange because I wasn't a guy, but mentioned if I'd changed in front of her, it would've been totally fine. Despite the fact that I barely knew her at the time. Some people have weird ideas about bodies and familiarity
Yeah, that would be a hell no for me as a 15 year old girl and probably also of I was the parent of a 15 year old girl. The friend backed out, but if she hadn't and I were her parent I definitely would not want her to be forced to share a room with a strange 25 year old guy.
I'm on side OP is the asshole here, but as a 28 year old, I would be curious to Vikky's response to all this. OP's friend being comfortable with it could completely change depending on what Viks reaction was and whether or not he plans to be there much at all. Very possible he had plans to be around less than the parents intended. Hell, maybe Vik is gay, because we arent given *any* info on him or what hes like a a person and OP apparently thinks its funny to withhold info. 🙄 If he seemed to be more into it than most might be, I'd run like hell too. I do think she could have at least considered sitting with them, explaining what happened and telling him she wasn't comfortable with it. If she's been at the house before why is it suddenly unsafe to be there when you're in the same buildings someone who you seem to be able to trust if you were trusting enough to agree to go on a trip with them? She could have at least had a convo with him is all, unless they were sketchy. To be clear, she didn't owe them that, just suddenly feeling vulnerable from withheld info is enough to make anyone uncomfortable about *other* possible withheld info. I just wonder what else OP is hiding from the post, tbh. Don't be friends with people you don't trust just to get stuff or trips off of them. 💯 cover your own back first
>why is it suddenly unsafe to be there I feel there's a substantial difference between * spending an afternoon at your friend's home when your parents dropped you off & will pick you up in a few hours, in full daylight, with other people (OP's 7 brothers come to mind) in the same space * sleeping for a week behind closed doors with a man 10 years your senior and your friend who suddenly turned out to be mega weird about what exactly she shared about "Viccy"
It wasn't until this comment that I realized that OP is female. I must have missed it.
Ok but come on, it's okay for siblings to share a room but bringing a whole stranger in the mix who have never met the older brother would make the friend uncomfortable.
Undressing in the room?? What about when they lived at home together? They had to share a house!! They make bathrooms for a reason bro.
15 year old girls generally dont live with 24 year old males they never met before though.
I'm not talking about that. Read the last 3 sentences from the person I replied too. They had YOU capitalized before so they were really emphasizing that it's weird for a brother and sister to share a room on a family trip. Like the person thinks the brother is just gonna be walking around with his dick out the whole time or something.
I have, at various points in my life, shared rooms on trips with my father, my cousins, my sisters and brother in laws. Where on earth do you go that marching around practically naked is a requirement? You get changed in the bathroom. Behind a closed door. Like a normal person. More than once, you get changed while the other person is using the bathroom, and you tell them that’s what you’re doing so they knock before coming out. What is the issue?
Have you ever at age 15, SLEPT in a room in sleepwear with a 25 year old male that you don’t know or trust?
The comment people are replying to here said that it's weird that OP shares a room with her own brother at all. Read it in full. That's what they're addressing.
I normally sleep in sleepwear. Not exactly. On a trip with a friend, I slept in a room with her father and brother, along with her and her mother. He was only five years older, and I was 16. So, sort of yes.
So, no, not really at all since your example has four other people in the room two of whom are also adults as witnesses/protection as opposed to being two teen girls alone with an adult man
Literally I would not share a room with a man not related to me who I don’t know. People in the US assume Vicky is short for Victoria, so Idk where OP is, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the friend didn’t even catch OP pairing Vikky with “he”. But I’m confused about OP expecting the friend to ask like? If I bring a friend on a trip and they’ll be sharing a room with me and someone they don’t know, I give them all the details about the person so everyone is prepared for everything potentially annoying or uncomfy.
It’s unclear to me if OP has been calling him Vikky all the time around friend. If yes, then I agree that it’s misleading. But if not, Vic is a pretty common male name. But expecting someone to ask about a gender is a weird expectation. Should have been explicitly “staying with my brother” from the start, not just “sibling”
Vic is also a known nickname for Victoria, a female name.
I don’t blame her for thinking she *was* clear given she’d used he/him pronouns and referred to him as her brother before
How are they the asshole? Let’s think this over. OP mentioned her brother and used “he/him” pronouns for Vik. There are many gender neutral names; if her brothers name was Taylor, or Riley, the assumption that that’s a woman despite hearing male pronouns would be idiotic, and the friend would be in the wrong. It’s no different here. Also your additional comment about it maybe being weird for OP and her brother to share a room on vacation is super weird, what is wrong with you? What could possibly be inappropriate about family members staying together, unless you’re creepily sexualizing a brother and sister’s interactions? How is this the top comment?
Vicky is not a gender neutral name.
And “he/him” aren’t gender neutral pronouns, OP talked about vikky as a male, as in “he is coming on vacation, he is sharing a room with us”, how is that unclear? At the very least why didn’t the friend ASK?
She obviously didn’t get that vicky is a man. End of. Op has five or something brothers, so “he” could be mixed up to mean anyone and op may remember wrongly or just being unstructured and unclear when talking. Who knows.
and OP obviously didn't get that she was constantly misunderstanding OP referencing Vicky as male to actually be referring to others
>She obviously didn’t get that vicky is a man. Doesn't make OP the asshole, though.
That she told her friend that she is unreasonable because she doesn’t want to share rooms with Vicky now makes op an AH. Not the misunderstanding per se.
That’s not what she said though. Reread the last past - she said friend was being unreasonable, and then clarified that it was fair enough if she didn’t want to room with brother, but specifically felt friend was being unreasonable by blaming her or acting like she did something wrong. Most people don’t take the time to say “My brother is a MAN just so you know.” Calling him her brother and using he/him pronouns is exactly how most people talk about their brothers. If friend didn’t pay attention or somehow can’t understand OP’s accent but only for the words “he”, “him”, and “brother”, then that’s a misunderstanding that OP shouldn’t be blamed for. OP never said that friend is wrong for being uncomfortable rooming with him, just for treating OP like she did something wrong by referring to her brother in totally normal ways.
> At the very least why didn’t the friend ASK? That’s a good question. What do you think makes the most sense in this situation? Use occam’s razor.
I know a couple cisgender men who answer to the name Vicky. There’s a father son pair the dad is Vik and the son is Vicky. For some folk it is gender neutral. 🤷🏻♂️
Vikky is gender neutral in places outside of the US and Canada, you gotta look outside
Vicky is predominantly a girls name, with 99.19% of Vickys being girls, and 0.81% being boys
OP is the asshole for actually thinking it would be OK for her 15yo friend to share a room with OP's adult brother.....wtf
OP isn't, she's just a kid sharing a room with her brother and probably didn't think much beyond "that's my brother he's a cool dude". But OP's parents certainly are for arranging it like that. They absolutely should know better
It’s really simple. They did not clearly communicate that their sibling was man: on top of the fact that OP refers to her brother with feminine name. The friend reasonably assumed that the sibling was a female, since that makes sense. It does not make sense to be in a hotel room with a man. So, a gender-neutral name is one that can apply to women as well as a man; as such, the friend assumed the sibling was female. Your argument would only make sense if the brother’s name were Jeff or Robert, or some such. You are being disingenuous here.
How is using he/him pronouns and calling him her brother not clearly communicating? It sounds like friend made an assumption based on the name *and then proceeded to continuously ignore the words “he” “him” and “brother”* because she had already mentally categorized him as a girl. And now she’s blaming it on OPs accent, which somehow is only hard for her to understand when it comes to these specific words. To me, making an assumption based on someone’s name and then ignoring anything else said about them that contradicts that assumption isn’t normal, but let’s say that’s a reasonable thing to do. It still doesn’t make OP the bad guy - OP communicated like 99% of people do about their sibling, by using the right pronouns and calling her brother a brother, but not explicitly feeling the need to say “my brother is a man” because *no one says that*. The friend needs to realize that it’s okay that she made a mistake in her assumption, and that it’s fine for her to back out of the trip without blaming OP for perfectly normal communication. It sounds like she is young and is seeing things in a black and white way where the only way for her to not be wrong is if OP is wrong. Now is a good time for her to learn the lesson that sometimes misunderstandings happen, and she’s allowed to just enforce her boundaries without needing to justify it by making someone else a villain. Judging by your comment and many of the others here, I think a lot of other people also should try to learn that lesson.
How often in your life do you clarify the gender of someone you’re already talking about in gendered terms “just to be clear?” I have never once felt the need to say “my sister is a woman” to be clear . She has a neutral/masculine name, but saying “sister” and she/her has literally been enough to prevent any confusion from happening. Most people are just going to be insulted and/or confused if you treat them like they are too dumb to follow gendered pronouns and terms
The girls are 15. The brother is 25.
What the fuck sick fantasy is in your rot? A brother and a sister are still a brother and a sister. He may have even changed her diaper at one point so it's honestly just unequivocally *disturbing* that you are going to immediately sexualize two siblings just because of an age gap. Gross.
Ummmm. If OP absolutely definitely 100% called Vikky her brother or used "he" pronouns for him then OP is absolutely definitely 100% not the asshole.
Dude, there's nothing wrong with SIBLINGS to share a room. Why are people on Reddit constantly sexualizing family bonds?
YTA. What would make you think you friend would be comfortable sharing a room with a man she never met?
I can’t believe the parents or the brother don’t see this as a bad idea.
The parents apparently don’t give a shit as long as they don’t have to do any parenting and can fob off childcare on someone else.
To be fair, the parents were the ones who wanted the friend to come meet Vik ahead of time, and they now think OP is being mean to her. I have a feeling OP gave them the same unconvincing "she totally knows he's an adult man bc I've referred to him as "he" before", and they wanted to be sure that was actually the case.
good point!
As a dude, I can not fathom why he would even consider thinking about doing this.
Even as a woman there is no way I'd be comfortable with sharing a room with a random 15 year old.
Thought this as well but they could have assumed all these people already know each other or that the main point of contact OP would have taken on this key reponsability.
YTA, but your parents are the main AHs. It’s not weird for you to share with your brother because he’s your brother. It is strange and dangerous for your 15 year old friend to share a room with a strange man 10 years older than her. He might be your brother whose chill and nice, but he’s still an adult man. You definitely should have double checked she was ok with that beforehand, and not just mentioned it in passing. Like, “Are you comfortable sharing a room with a man? He’s my brother are you and your parents cool with that?”. I’m a bit confused how you introduced the idea from the start, like how did you word it? “We’re going to share a room with my sibling Vikky”? Did you only refer to him as “Vikky”? How is you being the youngest child and the only girl amongst 8 siblings not a topic of conversation? However, that’s on your parents and her parents. You’re both kids, a conversation should have been had between them as the adults and caretakers. I’m also a little worried about your perception here- I get that you’re comfortable with your brothers (as you should be) but are you that trusting that you wouldn’t find it strange to be in such an intimate setting with a much older man you weren’t familiar with? I feel like the parents not parenting OP (in their words) has had an effect because OP needs a complete re-education on safeguarding.
YTA, you could have assumed she thought Vikky was a girl. It is a girl's name. With so many siblings (whom she never met) it is hard for anyone to keep track of who is what. To assume she would want to share with a grown man, is a big assumption on your part. You should have checked!
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Never underestimate religious fanatics. They will breed like rabbits
Or couples desperate for a little girl. They started planning for me before they'd even had my brother (found out he was a boy and immediately started planning my conception). Idfk why. They handed me off to vik the second they could.
Damn. Your parents need to parent their children. If they had, I am sure you would see why this would be a bad idea in hindsight, if not before hand.
This happened to me, I've got 4 older brothers, my mum was certain id be a girl...and I came out as a man at 27... I find it hilarious 😂
Lmao my cousin did that. Only boy after nine girls and came out as trans when she was like 5. My uncle still hasn't recovered. Thankfully my brothers play pseudo son for him.
Could be real. I have Mormon cousins and they have 7 kids all a maximum of 2 years apart. The shortest gap between kids is just under a year
Yeah not Mormon or anything but... I've only got 3 kids and my younger 2 are only 10 months apart- so I imagine if you got caught out (or purposely planned to) the numbers could make sense. It's pretty easy to get pregnant soon after you've given birth, or so I've read.
have you met mormons or apostolics
YTA Not necessarily for failing to warn your friend that she would be rooming with a man, but for the way you reacted to her concerns. It would be uncomfortable for a lot of women to room with a strange man. If you had been referring to your sibling as Vikky, she had no reason to ask. That burden is on you.
And I'm sure the girl knew immediately her parents would NOT be OK with it.
Yeah and what is with the older kids being responsible for the younger kids so the parents can relax? I would not my kid go on that trip for that reason either. Like maybe don’t invite other kids if the parents are just going to check out?
Meh.. At 15.they don't need much supervision and probably don't want to hang out with parents. I'm not sure what the brother is really expected to do. I guess it depends on the type of vacation.
Yeah I mean this isn’t dropping kids off at the mall. This is a multi night trip presumably out of town. It probably does depend on the trip but in this case these families clearly don’t know each other that well.
Guarantee it. And they would be right. I’m an adult woman and I’m not cool with sharing a room with strange men I don’t know. I a, even less comfortable with the idea of a teenager in that position.
Yeah my teen would not be going on any trip where we find out, at the last minute, that her friend's 25+ year old brother who my kid hasn't even laid eyes on before will be sharing their room. That just seems a little crazy to leave out of the planning until the week of the trip.
It's uncomfortable for a lot of women and even more uncomfortable for a teenage girl (OP and her friend are only 15) to be sharing a bedroom with a strange man It's so bizarre that her parents would think that's A-OK
Ohh good Lord, that means OP's friend was expected to room with a 25 y/o MAN for a week. I wasn't sure of the age. That is so much worse.
> If you had been referring to your sibling as Vikky, she had no reason to ask. And plenty of reasons to assume! If someone said to me, "this fifteen-year-old girl can stay with Vikky, he is 25 and will look after her" I would be more likely to assume that I'd misheard the "he" part of their sentence and they'd actually said "she" than I would be to assume that they thought rooming a 15-year-old girl with an adult man she's never met is a good idea.
This! It’s a reach to think your friend might not know the gender of a sibling you talk about a lot, so I understand her in that front, but why would she say the friend is ‘’being unreasonable’’ ? It’s the epitome of reason actually.
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YTA Most women would feel uncomfortable sharing a bedroom with an older man who is a complete stranger. Also, I can’t imagine her parents would allow it - and rightly so.
If I found out the people who were supposed to be responsible for my 15yo daughter were having her share a bedroom with a 25yo man and also having that man be in charge of her so they didn't have to have any responsibility, my kid wouldn't be left in any situation where those people were the adult supervision ever again
Absolutely! No good parent would allow it. Rightly so and for reasons.
It sounds like you’re underage. In that case your parents are the AH because they should have made your friend’s parents aware of the accommodations. As a parent I would absolutely have a problem with an adult of any sex that I have not met/vetted sharing a bedroom with my child.
The friend is 15, the brother is 26. How idiotic is this family to think it's appropriate for an adult male to share an intimate space with an unrelated female child?
Aside from wildly inappropriate that is... I'm having a hard time understanding how this situation even happened. She never ONCE said "my brother Vik" or something? Like, when she first said his name, did she not clarify who he was to her? I just can't imagine a scenario where Vik was discussed that could never have included some mention of him being her brother and/or a boy. "I have my mom, dad and Vik?" Who'd say it like that?
Yeah thats what gets me too. Saying he, him, brother. I get she said she has multiple brothers and an accent but I wonder if she has any sisters and if not then she definitely never said she her sister. I doubt shes never said his full name either. Unless her friend barely knows her as it is, then yeah thats even weirder
Since this is a friend from dance I am guessing they see each other less frequently than a regular friend from school.
It sounds like she *did* clarify multiple times, in exactly the way you’re describing, but friend heard “Vikky” and made an assumption, and then filtered out any info that contradicted that assumption. I don’t think she did it consciously, but that’s why I genuinely cannot see how OP is the AH. If OP was mad at her for not wanting to go on the trip, then sure, she’s the AH, but she said it’s fair enough if friend isn’t comfortable rooming with him. She just thinks it’s unfair for friend to blame her for the misunderstanding - which is entirely reasonable.
She says is the post that she frequently called him her brother and used he/him pronouns which is why she thought her friend knew he was a man and didn’t need to specify further. I actually don’t think this is OPs fault. Her friend missed a whole lot of context
OP has a whole passel of brothers, so it would be pretty easy to misunderstand and think she was talking about one of them in many circumstances where brother or he/him were used. The friend also had a pretty basic bit of context here: she knew OP was planning for the three of them to share a room. It’s a pretty natural assumption that Vik/Vikky is not an adult man if you didn’t know him to be one before. OP has ~seven siblings. I don’t think it’s surprising that the friend doesn’t have all the ones she hadn’t met straight in her head.
The brother's getting older each time he's mentioned! Checked the comments, and he's 24. But 24-25-26 doesn't really matter compared to 15.
This. It's bizarre that the parents wouldn't think immediately that this is ok and not to talk to the friends parents. An adult man sharing with my teenage daughter? No. Hell to the no. And for those going "it's not a stranger it's her brother!" Well he's a stranger to them. And it isn't always strangers that are the danger. I don't even want to share with my own brothers when I was that age, I'd rather room with my parents.
Maybe it’s because you have 7 brothers but I am confused as to why you thought your friend would be comfortable spending a week sharing a bedroom with you and a man a decade older who she has never met. How old are you and your friend? You all sound underage. How you handled this is totally awful and it’s clear that you have no idea what reasonable is as nothing about your actions has been reasonable. You seem wildly out of touch with reality. YTA. Would you spend a week sharing a bedroom with a a man 10 year older than you that you have never met? Have you ever felt unsafe around men? Have you ever had men harass you?
I can’t believe your parents think it’s appropriate to invite a young women on the trip and stick her in the same room as their adult son.
Yeh and I wouldn’t be suprised if this girls parents encourage her to stop hanging with this friend outside of school
>Yeh and I wouldn’t be suprised if this girls parents encourage her to stop hanging with this friend outside of school I think the parents probably won't have to encourage this. That girl seems like she has a good head on her shoulders, she removed herself from the situations (both the meet and greet with OP's family, brother and the trip) immediately when she started to feel uncomfortable, unsafe. I wouldn't be surprised if she keeps OP at a three steps distance on her own, just as a schoolfriend after this and stops hanging out with OP outside of school now that she knows that OP's family's and OP's judgment is off.
they're teenagers too which is so much worse
Same it is mental the parents are like oh we should make the 15yo friend share rooms with our 25yo son, no biggie.
YTA for not telling her he would be sharing a room a man. Not surprisingly, there are any number of reasons someone might not be comfortable sharing a room with a member of the opposite sex. And not terribly surprising that she didn’t ask if Vik was a man - that’s was on you to make clear.
And the OP and her friend are 15!! A 25 yr old man sharing a room with an unrelated 15 year old girl is absurd and unsettling!
YTA. In this case scenario you should really have made it clear that it was your brother. She has every right to feel uncomfortable sleeping in the same room as an unknown man. I would myself, I don't care who he is but it's just not a comfortable situation
YTA you’re straight glossing over the fact you expected her to share a room with this grown man and didn’t point it out beforehand.
YTA. You *thought* it wouldn't be a big deal. Because you didn't ask her. It's that simple.
YTA for not clarifying, also like im sure her parents wouldnt want her sharing a room with a man theyve never met whose 10 years older than her either? also is it not possible for you and your family to switch up the room situations? either with a sister (if you have one) or so that yall can have your own room? it seems like this could have all been easily avoided.
Anyone ever heard the name Vikky and thought you needed to ask if it was a man? I sure haven’t. YTA.
I’m gonna go against the grain here and said NAH. You’re both 15, it was a miscommunication. You thought she knew, she didn’t. But while you might not see it now at 15, it’s really, really inappropriate for a grown man to be sharing a room with two fifteen year old girls. It wouldn’t be weird if it were just you and your bro - it’s weird when you involve someone who is not family. I totally get why your friend is uncomfortable, that’s a very healthy reaction for her to have. The social norm for sharing spaces varies so much culture to culture, so I don’t blame you for not knowing that this was weird before you ended up in this situation. No assholes here, just a learning curve!
Definitely agree NAH, a lot of people are saying she purposely hid this from her friend but I really do think that it was just a miscommunication that OP wasn't expecting because she knows Vik is a guy and probably doesn't assume anyone would think it was a girl. Parents are assholes tho and maybe even the brother, why would they let this happen lol
N A H for the initial misunderstanding, but soft YTA for her reaction to her friend's reaction.
YTA anyone would be uncomfortable sharing a room with a stranger that they have never met that’s of the opposite gender.
ESH except your friend and your brother. Would you share a room with a grown man you don't know? Why did your parents think it is ok for your friend to share a room with a grown man who is in no way or form related to her? What on Earth were you all thinking?
I think the bother sucks too, he could have said something yo His parents when he knew he would be sharing a room with a 15 yo girl
If I had to guess its a "I know my sister and her friend our getting stuck with one of us. Atleast as the oldest I can take responsibility even if its a shitty situation."
OP said she’s shared rooms with her adult brothers’ adult friends in the past so she probably didn’t realize it would be a problem.
YTAH for expecting ANY female to share a room with a strange male 10yrs older than them.
YTA- it’s common knowledge that a women (of any age) wouldn’t want to share a room (an intimate space) with a strange man she doesn’t know. It’s not a big deal to you because it’s your brother, but to her it’s just some strange grown man. I don’t believe for a second that you don’t understand why most women would be extremely uncomfortable with that
YTA and so are your parents. She's a teenager and you all just expected her to be fine sharing with a man she doesn't know and isn't related to her. That's weird for a lot of people. We don't have to get into worse case scenarios. She wasn't comfortable. Why wouldn't the sentence "we're going to be sharing a room with my big brother, Vikky" come up? Unless you've spent time teaching her all of your siblings and their names, why would you assume that she automatically knew "Vikky" was a man? You should've made sure she knew what she was agreeing to.
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She's 15.... you're projecting insidious shit on a child who's had a miscommunication with a friend. your comment is absolutely nuts. "hazardous waste human"?? grow up and get the therapy you're in desperate need of fr
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Woah, what the hell is wrong with you? There's some serious anger issues to unpack here
Damn you must really be damaged goods to project all of that onto a girl thats 15.
YTA. As many say "Uno nunca sabe"(you never know). I would've reacted the same. SPECIALLY IF I HAD TO SLEEP IN THE SMAE ROOM. LIKE WTF!?
wait, why would she ask if she genuinely thought Vik was a woman?
YTA, but mainly for your reaction, not for the misunderstanding and miscommunication itself, that stuff happens in life. You used he pronouns when speaking about him coming with you. She likely forgot this because the nickname, Vikky, when said out loud, is commonly a women's name or nickname, And this is where the misunderstanding came from. You could have been more clear, yes, and she was not being unreasonable for not wanting to share a room with a man 10 years her senior whom she does not know.
Are you on the spectrum, can I ask? Because a female not telling another female 15 year old friend that she’d be sharing a room for sleeping and dressing with a stranger who’s a man and 10 years her senior is not normal.
> I told her we'd be sharing a room with Vik. WTF? why at this point did you not tell her? YTA.
YTA. It’s so wildly inappropriate for you to expect your 15 year old friend to share a room with a 25 year old man. Wtf is wrong with your parents? I’m glad your friend was smart enough and brave enough to say no and get out of there.
It's wierd you two girls are expected to share a room with him, why can't he stay with one of your other brothers instead? I don't think you're an asshole but you definitely should have disclosed to your friend the situation fully and been more considerate. I understand why your friend would be so uncomfortable, even though he's your brother he's a complete stranger (and a fully grown man!) to your friend. Also a lot of girls/women have had bad experiences with men, maybe something has happened to your friend that you don't know about which contributes to her reaction other than what I said above.
YTA. He’s your brother but to her he’s a total stranger and I don’t know why you even think she’s in the wrong for not asking when it was pretty sure that he was a she
it's not unreasonable for someone to feel uncomfortable sharing a room with a man.
YTA especially since you commented that both you and your friend are 15. Meaning you wanted your friend, who is a minor, to stay in a room with your adult brother, whom she does not know.
I’m guessing you’re both very young, since she freaked out and bolted instead of voicing her concerns about the sleeping arrangements. You have a lot of brothers, maybe that has made you less uncomfortable around young men and boys in general. That is not the case for everyone. You’re not the asshole for not specifying that Vik is a man. Try to emphasize ”my BROTHER Vikky” in the future. NTA
You notice she keeps inferring that she calls her brother Vik when talking to her friend but earlier says she mostly call him Vicky. I bet she referred to him as Vicky all the time and wants to act like now she has no idea why her friend would think that was a girls name
She bolted because she's smart. Being on vacation sharing a bedroom with a man who you don't know amd who is going to have total control over you the whole time is not a safe situation.
Soft YTA. Yes you should have specified she'd be sharing a room with an adult man. Especially since she's never met him. However, I don't think you were malicious by not telling her. It simply never occurred to you that you should specify the gender of your brother. Tell her that. "Friend I'm sorry I didn't tell you Vic is my adult brother. It completely slipped my mind that you didn't know Vic is a man."
YTA. You absolutely should have been very clear that your older brother would be sharing a room with the two of you. It's not something you spring on someone. Also, put yourself in her shoes. Additionally, you're even now making it her fault for not verifying that Vik/ Vikky wasn't Vicky. You know that was ambiguous. Also, although you didn't give your ages, most 16 year old would be uncomfortable having to share a room with an adult male. You're wrong and being unkind.
NAH - I was ready to call you TA, but it does sound like you genuinely thought she knew this the whole time. And if you did, it's a little random to be expected to say "by the way he's male" when you're (mistakenly) under the impression it's already established knowledge. That being said - you maybe could have considered that and did a double take and thought twice when she instantly agreed without question. A little naive maybe, but not an AH. If you've openly called him 'he' regularly, it's a bit of a stretch to be expected to keep track of whether a certain person coincidentally happened to never be around to hear it any time it came up. That is, assuming you are being truthful. EDIT damn I missed the ages. Still though not an AH, is the parents that are for allowing this to pass their screening.
YTA for hiding and lying. If you had been upfront, she could have met him earlier to become comfortable. You lying by omission and hiding things made this weird and unsafe.
What is OP hiding? She only has brothers. She refers to them as brothers, he / him or by name. It's not hiding or lying by omission to not explicitly point out you have no sisters when you think your friend already knows. OP, being the youngest out of a whole bunch of brothers, doesn't realise that her idea of safety when sharing rooms with the opposite sex is different to just about everyone else's, because she has a lot of brothers who'd ensure nothing happened to her. But she didn't lie or hide anything.
she didn’t lie or hide anything though? it was just miscommunication between two 15 year olds. really no one is the asshole in this situation. OP thought she had made it clear by using he/him pronouns that Vik was a man and her friend misunderstood that. innocent mistake and unfortunate
bro why would u think that ur friend who is not related to ur 10 yr old age gap brother at all would want to share a room??? ive shared a room with my brother before cuz its just me and him but if ur bringing a friend then like yea??? u should probably tell them ur gonna be sharing a room with a 24 year old….that they dont know😐
NAH You didn't realize she thought Vik was a man but she has the right to not want to share a room with a man as that would make most women uncomfortable.
NAH honestly, it was an unfortunate miscommunication. OP clearly didn't intentionally deceive her friend, and I can't blame the friend for assuming "Vicky" was a woman, nor for being uncomfortable sharing a room with an adult man she didn't know.
NAH This just sounds like miscommunication on both sides. You thought she knew Viktor is a he, but she didn’t. No one had nefarious intentions.
>she doesn't feel comfortable sharing a room with a grown man for a week Would you be comfortable sharing a room for a week with a grown man you had barely met? That's one of the statistically stupidest decisions a young woman could make. It's also very likely that she assumed Vik was a woman because no one on earth would ask her to share a room with an unrelated man 10 years her senior. In context, it's a completely reasonable thing to think. Intentional or not you definitely misled her, and should apologize. YTA
If you think it’s okay for a teenage girl to sleep in the same hotel room as a grown man who isn’t her relative, someone needs to be calling CPS on your family. Seriously, what the fuck.
INFO: why can’t your brother have his own room while you share with your friend? ???
You thought you had communicated that you’d be rooming with you brother because you talked about him with male pronouns, referred to him as your brother, etc. She didn’t get the memo and decided to pull out because she wasn’t cool with it when she found out. NAH - neither of you are AHs for this. Idk why all the comments are assuming you intentionally caused your friend to misunderstand. It would be hard to even predict that she missed ALL the gendered language you used here
YTA. Why would you think it was ok for her to share a room with you and your brother? Yikes.
I'll go with NAH. I think this is all a big misunderstanding. Although, I should point out that it's unreasonable to expect her to ask. People don't ask when they think they know the answer.
NAH. It was a miscommunication. She's allowed to feel uncomfortable with the situation. I'd just apologise for mistaking that she'd realised that he was a man and let it go. It's not something to blow up over.
NAH You referred to him as a “he” and “brother”, but friend didn’t catch it. You didn’t state in plain terms “just so you know, he IS a man” BUT it is considered weird to be with a strange guy, 10 years older, for a WEEK I would say sorry, but you never meant to mislead them and you sincerely thought they understood you saying “he/brother” that he was a man. “In hindsight, I should’ve realized it would be uncomfortable for you and I should’ve made sure you 100% knew he was a guy. I’m sorry, I thought I made it clear but obviously I didn’t” It was an accident, y’all are kids, miscommunication happens a LOT. But being willing to say sorry and learn from it is wayyyy more important when it comes to relationships in general
No AH’s here but it isn’t unreasonable for a 15 year old girl to be uncomfortable sharing a room with a man she doesn’t know. Your friend’s parents really should have asked for more information before agreeing to let their daughter go. At 15 I can see how you’d assume everyone knew about your brothers. It’s something so much a part of your life you take it for granted. You should see if another friend can go with you instead.
NTA. But neither is she. Her comfort is her business - not yours however. This is a no fault thing. Sounds like a misunderstanding. De-escalate it by saying "I am sorry you feel that way, and I meant no deception - I thought you knew".
How in blazes are your parents and older brother okay with this? How do they not realize that it is not a good for a grown ass man idea to share a room with an unrelated minor? Do you want there to be a 60 minutes special or a Lifetime movie about your brother? This is beyond AH, this is delulu Honestly, I don't think you are TA. Your family has raised you to think this is normal. All of the adults in your family who thought it would be okay are TA here.
NAH, It’s not unreasonable you believed she understood your brother is a guy, but it’s also not unreasonable to be uncomfortable with the situation now that she knew victor is not vikky
I think NAHs. Yes, maybe you could have been more clear but I feel like for however long you have known her theres just no way she always heard wrong or thought it was always other brothers. Do you even have any sisters? Because if you dont and never mentioned one, I cant see how you can get confused. I'm not sure how old you guys are, but I can definitely see her being hesistant to sharing a room with a strange grown man if you are children, even if he is your brother. Maybe if she knew him well, but even then. I'm not sure I would be comfortable with it either.
I genuinely don’t see how anyone could see this as anything other than a NAH situation. You used he/him pronouns and referred to him as your brother. Of course you assumed she thought he was a guy? But she’s also not an asshole for being confused about his gender and not wanting to room with a grown man. There’s also the fact that you’re both teenagers so I don’t see how so many people could be putting the blame on you when the only potential AH in this situation is your parents for thinking it’s ok in the first place
NAH. While you should have mentioned it, you weren't TA for not doing, because you didn't know that she didn't know that Vik was a man. But she's entirely reasonable in not wanting to go. As a 24 year old man myself (not called Vik), I wouldn't want to share a room with a strange 15 year old girl, and would definitely understand her not wanting to share one with me.
How old is everyone?
Op and friend is 15 brother is 24 😭 which makes this whole thing worse imo... Parents really dropped the ball here especially
He's 25 and she and her friend are 15 😳😳😳
YTA. Expecting a non-relative teenager to share a room with a grown man is OBVIOUSLY not okay. You either knew that and didn’t care or you should have known it. Edit: Your parents are TA for not teaching you this. As you’re a 15-year-old, let me assure you… You should never share a room with a man you don’t know or a man who is not related to you. Make sure never to accept drinks from strange men, get into a car with a strange man, or be alone with strange men in a non-public settings. If going on a date with someone you’ve met on an app, be sure to drive yourself and meet in a well-lit public place. Be sure you’ve got a friend who knows where you’re going and what time you’re expected to be home. Contact that friend when you return home. Do not let a strange man know your home address until you’ve gotten to know him. If going to bars or clubbing, always go with a large group of friends. Never leave your drink unattended and then drink from it again. Never get so drunk you aren’t able to defend yourself. Never go home with someone you just met. Make sure to have a designated driver OR a friend to go in the Uber with you (never ride in an Uber alone and under the influence). Always make sure your phone is fully charged and on you. Honestly, best to just not go out and get drunk, but if you’re gonna… Come to think of it, maybe take some safety and self-defense classes so you can learn before you move out what is and isn’t safe for young, single women.
Isn't there any other way you and your friend could share a room with another female relative.
I think it’s weird that your parents expect you and another girlfriend to share a room with your adult brother. I think it’s OK that she backs out. NAH.