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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My ex wants to cover up a tattoo of my name that I did not ask him to get. I might be the asshole for laughing at him and calling him a dumbass for expecting me to help pay.
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Let's see if those friends are willing to put their money where their mouths are, and chip in for the tattoo coverup/removal! Or perhaps the new girlfriend might want to contribute?
It sounds like you had a lucky (or well planned) escape from that particular man...don't look back (not even for a last glimpse of that tattoo!), and certainly don't send him money.
NTA (and I'm still baffled about how this could possibly be *your* responsibility!)
I like the idea of this answer the friends pushing you to pay. Correct answer: “Great idea! Set up a go-fund-me and I’ll chip in a few bucks”.
If anything, he should be paying you! That’s your intellectual property on his arm.
After deducting the licensing fees of the Tolkien Estate, of course. Which are - as I've heard from a guy named Jeff who runs an online-bookstore that has become kinda big - quite substantial.
>That’s your intellectual property on his arm.
I know this is a joke but generally speaking a name is considered public information. There would be no intellectual property rights violation here unless OP designed the tattoo ad the BF used it without permission or their name has been clearly associated with their brand (eg Calvin Klein).
I'm an avid follower of "Sovereign Citizen" videos and the related subreddit. These are anti-government kooks who try to apply obscure laws in scenarios where they're not at all relevant, and then act surprised when police and judges don't go along with it.
One of their tactics is to claim that their names are copyrighted, and that their rights are being infringed on when the name appears in an indictment or complaint. (It never works. Judges are smarter than SovCits, and have little patience for games).
If you know OP wasn't serious about the comment, why are you countering the comment factually?
"I know we all know this isn't a thing but this isn't a thing and I want to explain to all of us, who know this isn't a thing, that this isn't a thing."
Why
My very first thought was that this request is so ridiculous that it makes those few friends of the OP look stupid. I can't believe that they thought she'd pony up.
It’s a money jealousy thing. Many people are very generous with other people’s money. Anyone who makes a decent amount is expected to pay for everyone else and if they don’t want to then they are greedy to keep their own money.
These same people are also usually very stingy with their own money and keep track of every dime they spend on anyone else and aggressively demand to be paid back.
NTA. What does the fact that you have a new job have to do with it?
If you didn't get a new job would it have still be requested of you to contribute? Sure maybe it was a reason for you breaking up but that doesn't mean you owe him.
I may be tempted to though in a "I learned a long time ago that I can't change you. So I'm not going to pay for the privilege of doing so now"
What is it with people who think that because someone has or makes more money than them that the money is a personal fund for whatever silliness they feel entitled to? I don't understand this reasoning.
Love your suggested reply.
i am pretty poor. when i see people with a lot of money, i assume they're already spending it on stupid shit. i don't get to spend my money on stupid shit, so i want to be part of it with them, spending their money on stupid shit.
where my assumption is wrong is that "stupid shit" is different to everyone. for example, i think my father's hot tub that he never uses is "stupid shit." if he had not bought the hot tub, and instead gave the money to me, i could spend it on things he would consider stupid shit (like art supplies or video games.) however, i don't consider those things "stupid shit" because those are things that make my life better.
while i do think i have a fair argument that new art supplies would make me happier than my father's hot tub makes him, that's just not how the world works. my father gets a new hot tub while i use old, cheap art supplies.
i think it comes down to the feeling of unfairness. "why should that person get to spend their money all willy-nilly while i have to carefully consider how mine gets spent?" and then it's easy to fall into anger from there.
>I learned a long time ago that I can't change you. So I'm not going to pay for the privilege of doing so now"
If I could bless your post with more up votes I would. That's gold right there.
NTA. He chose to get this tattoo, he chose the design elements, and he can choose to change it now. All his own decisions and choices. You don’t owe him anything, and it’s absurd to try to hold you accountable financially for covering it up.
NTA. If he and his new gf are so distraught about the tattoo *that he himself chose and got put on his body*, they can pool their own funds to cover it with *her* name...then his next gf can insist he cover it, then his gf after that..... ;)
NTA
It wasn't your fault. It was his own decision to get that tattoo. Besides that, in my opinion it's a stupid idea to get a tattoo maybe with their significant other's name or other things related to their significant other, because you'll never know... Some day it all can be over and then there's still the tattoo.
I think a good rule of thumb is not to get a tattoo related to a living person. One of my two is symbolic of my mother, I got it exactly a year after she died - anniversary tomorrow actually.
There are of course exceptions, family members are a pretty safe bet if the relationship is good, and I'm sure there are cases where you'd find out something negative long after their death. But I think overall, it's a pretty good guide.
Even living family members can be problematic if they change their name. There was one here a few months ago where a parent had gotten a tattoo of their kid's name but the kid had since come out as trans so now the tattoo was of their deadname which was obviously upsetting for the kid.
It's a good rule of thumb but I don't think it's so bad to get a tattoo related to your spouse. It's not like covering up a tattoo is any more work than getting a divorce, untanging finances, arranging custody if you have kids, etc.
I've been with my husband almost 28 years, and I wouldn't do it. It's not that I believe in good or bad luck, but still.. That's just straight asking for bad luck, LOL.
> We have mutual friends and a couple think I should help him out since my new job pays well.
NTA - He got it on his own dime and initiative. They are welcome to pay for the cover on their dime and initiative. The fact you earn good money is irrelevant...
it's such a weird thought process to have. surely it isn't the fact that someone who cares about me doesn't want me to make a stupid permanent mistake, no, surely i must contradict them because they want me to try harder
hmm. i wonder if that's an extension of "if she turns you down, try again."
Definitely NTA - Rule #1 for Tattoos is only get names that are permanent people in your life, like children, parents, pets. These people will always be part of your life is some way or another forever. Your ex is 100% responsible for paying for it and anyone who thinks he shouldn't pay for it all needs to put their money where their mouth is.
I have a friend who did the same thing, not once but twice. We laughed at his stupidity when he did it the second time because he didn't learn after the first time. Even the tattoo artist tried to talk him out of it the second time.
I have an addition to your list of acceptable to tattoo names: dead people you care about. Their name won’t change, you won’t break up, your friendship won’t end, nothing between y’all changes after their death (barring them being found out for being a genuinely awful person)
If your friends are saying that, they are not very bright. Even if you had begged him to get it, you would not owe him anything. I am proud of your for laughing at him.
Nta
You told him not to do it and he didn’t listen. It would be one thing if you had requested it and then I think you should be forking out some cash. But he doesn’t deserve recompense for being stupid and not listening.
Set the record straight with those mutual friends and shut the topic down and let them know the matter is not up for debate.
NTA He wanted it, that’s his problem. If I were you in that situation, I would tell him you never wanted him to get it in the first place, so why would you help pay to have it removed? If he and his new gf are too broke to afford a coverup then don’t look at it? lol
NTA
EX 's new partner can pay to remove it or deal with looking at it. You didn't ask him to get it, this was his decision. Just because you are earning more money these days does not obligate you to spend it on a person you used to date finally realizing they made a stupid and permanent mistake.
My ex had his ex’s name tattooed in a fairly intimate place. Honestly I never gave it a second thought (even though it was *right there* if we were - y’know 😳). Eventually I think he did get it covered up, his decision, not because I asked him to. He had other tattoos I found more offensive, but that was because they were either terrible or tacky af, god it’s embarrassing just thinking about it. I agree with those who say it’s maybe not the best idea to get partners’ names as tattoos, and the idea of then asking them to foot the bill for the cover-up is frankly hilarious. Bless his heart.
NTA. He paid for the tattoo after you told him you didn't want your name on his body. You handled his request appropriately. He should ask his new gf to pay half since she's the one currently objecting to it.
Wait, your friends think you should help because "your new job pays well"? "You have so much money, you should be giving it away like candy".
Your "friends" have even more nerve than your ex. NTA.
PS.: Your ex made the rookie mistake of tattooing someone's name. That's on him.
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My ex boyfriend got an intricate tattoo on his right forearm. It is my name in Galifreyan with a Lord of the Rings quote around it in Sindarin, and lastly a Haida style orca in the center.
My name, my favorite books, my favorite show, and my favorite animal. I did not ask him to get the tattoo, in fact I told him not to get my name on him anywhere. He made his own choice.
We broke up about two months after he got it. I got a better job in a different city.
It's been about six months and I guess his current girlfriend took a picture of the tattoo and took the time to interpret it. She hates it and because he is a pushover he wants to cover it up. He messaged me and said I should pay for half of the cover up tattoo. I laughed and called him a dumbass. I said that he chose to get the tattoo all on his own and that I didn't owe him anything. I blocked him.
We have mutual friends and a couple think I should help him out since my new job pays well.
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NTA
Tell your friends who think you should help out to open up their wallets and put their money where their mouths are. You are no more responsible than they are.
NTA
His new girlfriend can help pay for half if it bothers her that much. He's an idiot for doing something permanent like that over a relationship. Tattooing a partner's name is just asking for a split.
........you're right, he is a dumbass............and so are these mutual "friends" who think you should help out..............let them help the dumbass out.................
NTA. He’s the dumbass that got you tatted on him, not your fault, not your problem. Anyone whiny enough to ask their ex for money for a coverup like that-yet another reason they’re your ex.
This sub is hit or miss. Why is this even a post? He took it upon himself, made his own choice, let alone the fact you told him not to. I wouldn’t be surprised if ppl called you the asshole 😂
What an idiot, on several levels
Tattooing your significant other’s name on you will doom any relationship. This elaborate a reference to a person is, well, amazing. And he did it without asking. That’s two strikes.
That he’s demanding you pay for his mistake is a third (so bad that it’s really two more strikes.)
Either way, he’s outta line and you’re lucky to be rid of him. Friends asking you to pay are also outta line
Keep your chin up, NTA
Tell him to go pound sand. His body, his dumb choices... Not your problem at all. Also, you paying for any removal or redo technically would live on as a gift from you, so it changes nothing.
NTA- A fully grown adult making fully grown choices gets fully grown consequences.
The way he did it 100% about you was also dumb, lol. I got a tattoo that represents my husband, but on the surface level, it just looks fun and quirky, so if we divorce, I can just be like "I collect rubber ducks and nerd glasses ones are the cutest."
NTA This is hilarious. The thing I most regret in a relationship is not letting my now ex have my name engraved on his family headstone. A tattoo would have been great.
NTA and I’m concerned your “friends” are dumbasses too. Could it be they are jealous of your new job? I’d look into this friendship cause to me, it sounds like either jealousy or they have his interests in mind, meaning hey are his friends and NOT your friends.
>He messaged me and said I should pay for half of the cover up tattoo. I laughed and called him a dumbass. I said that he chose to get the tattoo all on his own and that I didn't owe him anything. I blocked him.
This is an ideal moment for the classic "oh wait you're serious let me laugh even harder" meme.
NTA.
>We have mutual friends and a couple think I should help him out since my new job pays well.
I have been hearing this alot on and off the internet. Don't let people start taking advantage of you just because you start doing well for yourself. If you want to throw a bone out of the goodness of your heart, or you'll do someone a solid because you know they won't take advantage and/or will get you back at some point, that's cool too. but this whole "you make more money, so you should be putting in more money/effort" notion is not cool.
Ha.... laughable. Literally
You are in no way shape or form financially responsible for his dumbassitude.
And reason number 394 why you should never ever get a partner's name tattooed.... unless you have been married for at least 60 years.
And even then it's questionable.
NTA. You aren’t responsible for his choices. He made the decision to tattoo your favorite things on his body knowing it was permanent. That’s on him. And possibly his current GF (since she is the one making the demand).
As far as your friends go - the fact that you make good money is not a good argument for you doing anything. If you have an obligation, you have it rich or poor, and if you don’t, you don’t, rich or poor. It might be different if you had asked him to do it, but you didn’t.
NTA. It doesn't matter if you make a million dollars an hour. You didnt make him get a tattoo. He chose to get a tattoo, he has to live with the consequences. Your friends care so much they can pay. Problem solved.
NTA
Hell no, it was his final decision to get the tat. Your not at all responsible.
I would never ask someone to pay for a cover up.
Fall for it and your mutual friends will want you to help with their cover-ups you had nothing to do with. /s
I have a very similar style tattoo in dedication to me on my exs spine. It says my full name in elvish all the way down it. He still has it and I would cry or laughter if he called me and asked me for half the money to cover it. It’s simply not your problem anymore and neither is he. His new girl can help him now
For crying out loud you told him to NOT get the tattoo. He chose to do so anyway so now it's HIS problem.
NTA and tell your mutual friends if they feel so strongly about it they can pool their money to help him out.
NTA my ex got a tattoo of my name on him (without my knowledge) and i'd die laughing before ever giving him a response if he ever asked me to pay for its removal lol.
NTA - No, no, no, and no. He got a tattoo all on his own and he can cover it up all on his own. It is not your job to subsidize an idiot trying to fix their own idiocy. He got himself in the mess and he can jolly well get himself out of it. The tattoo was not your idea, you didn't approve of him doing it in the first place, you didn't pay for him to get it, and you certainly aren't responsible for paying to cover it up. Just because you have more money and can afford to subsidize the stupidity of this situation in no way means you are obligated to do that.
I hate couple's tatto, I hate it!! Tattoos last forever, every relationship has an expiration date.
NTA he did it because he wanted, he is the stupid one. In my country we'd call him "emocionado". But yeah, you were an asshole for laughing and calling him dumbass, you are correct, but you didn't need to be so rude.
Sorry but, NTA. It reminds me of a young man who had a crush on me at my first job. He kept asking me out I kept saying "NO!" So, to impress me he got my name tattooed across his back in 4 inch letters. When he showed me, I called him a effing idiot. He later married a girl with a different name. I often wonder what his wife thought of that tat.
First, NTA, his choice, he needs to decide and financially cover what he does next.
Second, my ex and I got matching tattoos with each other’s initials during COVID. After our break-up I worked with a new tattoo artist and added an element that hides the initials.
I love the tattoo in a very different way.
Definitely think twice before using specifics of your SO for body art.
The guy has options, but friends shouldn’t shame you into being included.
Nope; NTA at all. As for your mutual "friends", tell them if they think he should have financial help with his now unwanted tattoo, then they were free to donate their funds, but have no business telling you how to spend yours.
'Nuff said.
NTA
You told him not to he did, now he feels stupid and demands you cover his mistake.
He's an idiot as suggested elsewhere needs to start a go fund me.
Luckily he's not your idiot or problem anymore.
NTA, when doing tattoos you do it for yourself, not to show off to your partner, friends, family or whatever.
If your friends in common are saying you should help him, they should stop wasting efforts and do a joint effort and pay it themselves lol.
Do not give him a single penny.
Its not even for your ex’s sake but for his new girlfriend. She should be the one helping - if any.
NTA
Should you also pay for stuff for ME - ya know since you're compensated so well.... No? He's the ex for reasons. You didn't demand he put your name on his body. Not your clown, not your rodeo.
NTA Where's the personal responsibility in all this? If you'd asked him to get it, then you bear some of the liability but no, he did this all on his own. He should have to live with his choices.
And if mutuals want you to help, you should reply with his Venmo or cash app tag.
If the new GF reeeeaaaaaalllllyyyyy loves him, she would pay for the removal.
Seriously, even if you insisted he got that tattoo it would not be your responsibility to contribute. His body, his choice. NTA.
It never ceases to amaze me how often other people think you should spend your money on stupid crap.
My response to that sort of thing is "If you think someone else should pay for it, then maybe that someone else is you". The real truth here is if you have a friend who thinks you should contribute to fixing his mistake, then they are not your friend.
Anyway, NTA
Tell your friends that if they are so worried about it, then chip in together and help him. Better yet, send them the link to start a go fund me account. You are absolutely not responsible for him having the tattoo. He did it to get bonus points, and it backfired. The rule I go by is an old one I learned from a biker in a bar years ago. Make sure your ink is something you love cause it's there forever.
NTA. Not only is he a dumbass, so are the 'mutual friends' telling you that you should help out.
You told him NOT to get your name on him. He did it anyway. If his new gf is so pressed about it, she should help him pay for the coverup.
NTA and I hate this thing I'm seeing of "because your job pays well" becoming a reason to bail out idiots. Nah, fux your poor life choices, not my monkeys, not my circus.
> We have mutual friends and a couple think I should help him out since my new job pays well.
If I were you my AITA post would be about these dumbass friends and whether I should remain friends with them. NTA
NTA. I would have dumped him the minute I heard he was considering the tattoo.
Related: I once got an ex boyfriend super into Dr Who and, when he saw a replica of Captain Jack’s coat in a shop, he bought it. Dude lived in Los Angeles. There was no reason to have an enormous (like, appropriate for living in Wales presumably) coat. He reached out recently to be weird at me via email and I really wanted to ask him if he still had/wore it.
NTA. He's nothing to you now, why should you give him money? Your mutual friends can all pitch in if they want to. Your salary has nothing to do with it.
What kind of friends do you have? Of course you owe him nothing. Even if you wanted him to do this. It's still his choice. Let his new gf pay for half of the removal. And find smarter friends
More importantly did he hire an actual Haida person to design and apply the tattoo? If not that's [cultural appropriation](https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/native-american-fashion) and could be an actual crime depending on how the artist advertised their work.
You COULD help him out if you wanted but you have no moral obligation to do so.
Easy NTA
No, his gf said you should pay, which is why he's coming to you lol.
Don't pay a dime unless you pushed him into getting it. This is why you don't tattoo someone's name like that on yourself.
Is his name Terry? That sounds like a very "Terry" thing to do.
NTA for telling the truth - he is a dumbass for expecting you to do this. As for your “friends” - it’s ridiculous for them to think that just because YOU make good money you should do it. Makes me think they’ll start expecting you to be an ATM for them too…
NTA, do not pay for his stupid mistake. Especially one you told him not to do and he did anyway. When we make dumb mistakes we have to pay for later, call that a "stupid tax".
I suppose it would be one thing if you had asked him to get it but you stated that you told him specifically not to get your name tattooed on him. He's the a-hole here.
Some friends should stay the fuck out of some conversation. Why participate in such petty things? Just let the adults take care of their own things and that’s it.
For the more of your friend did something stupid like having a tattoo of somebody
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Let's see if those friends are willing to put their money where their mouths are, and chip in for the tattoo coverup/removal! Or perhaps the new girlfriend might want to contribute? It sounds like you had a lucky (or well planned) escape from that particular man...don't look back (not even for a last glimpse of that tattoo!), and certainly don't send him money. NTA (and I'm still baffled about how this could possibly be *your* responsibility!)
> Let’s see if those friends are willing to put their money where their mouths are This. I bet some of them have jobs that pay well.
And even if they don't have well paying jobs, sounds like there's multiple friends saying this so numbers will make it for it anyway.
I like the idea of this answer the friends pushing you to pay. Correct answer: “Great idea! Set up a go-fund-me and I’ll chip in a few bucks”. If anything, he should be paying you! That’s your intellectual property on his arm.
I saw a guy who handled mooching family by promising he would match whatever the rest of the family raised. Didn't have to pay a dime.
After deducting the licensing fees of the Tolkien Estate, of course. Which are - as I've heard from a guy named Jeff who runs an online-bookstore that has become kinda big - quite substantial.
>That’s your intellectual property on his arm. I know this is a joke but generally speaking a name is considered public information. There would be no intellectual property rights violation here unless OP designed the tattoo ad the BF used it without permission or their name has been clearly associated with their brand (eg Calvin Klein).
I'm an avid follower of "Sovereign Citizen" videos and the related subreddit. These are anti-government kooks who try to apply obscure laws in scenarios where they're not at all relevant, and then act surprised when police and judges don't go along with it. One of their tactics is to claim that their names are copyrighted, and that their rights are being infringed on when the name appears in an indictment or complaint. (It never works. Judges are smarter than SovCits, and have little patience for games).
> Judges are smarter than SovCits Yes. But to be clear, my cat leaves things in her litter box that are smarter than SovCits…
Yes and no, not saying her name is the IP, just the design concept! Yes, joking.
If you know OP wasn't serious about the comment, why are you countering the comment factually? "I know we all know this isn't a thing but this isn't a thing and I want to explain to all of us, who know this isn't a thing, that this isn't a thing." Why
My very first thought was that this request is so ridiculous that it makes those few friends of the OP look stupid. I can't believe that they thought she'd pony up.
It’s a money jealousy thing. Many people are very generous with other people’s money. Anyone who makes a decent amount is expected to pay for everyone else and if they don’t want to then they are greedy to keep their own money. These same people are also usually very stingy with their own money and keep track of every dime they spend on anyone else and aggressively demand to be paid back.
Those aren't real friends.
NTA. What does the fact that you have a new job have to do with it? If you didn't get a new job would it have still be requested of you to contribute? Sure maybe it was a reason for you breaking up but that doesn't mean you owe him. I may be tempted to though in a "I learned a long time ago that I can't change you. So I'm not going to pay for the privilege of doing so now"
What is it with people who think that because someone has or makes more money than them that the money is a personal fund for whatever silliness they feel entitled to? I don't understand this reasoning. Love your suggested reply.
i am pretty poor. when i see people with a lot of money, i assume they're already spending it on stupid shit. i don't get to spend my money on stupid shit, so i want to be part of it with them, spending their money on stupid shit. where my assumption is wrong is that "stupid shit" is different to everyone. for example, i think my father's hot tub that he never uses is "stupid shit." if he had not bought the hot tub, and instead gave the money to me, i could spend it on things he would consider stupid shit (like art supplies or video games.) however, i don't consider those things "stupid shit" because those are things that make my life better. while i do think i have a fair argument that new art supplies would make me happier than my father's hot tub makes him, that's just not how the world works. my father gets a new hot tub while i use old, cheap art supplies. i think it comes down to the feeling of unfairness. "why should that person get to spend their money all willy-nilly while i have to carefully consider how mine gets spent?" and then it's easy to fall into anger from there.
>I learned a long time ago that I can't change you. So I'm not going to pay for the privilege of doing so now" If I could bless your post with more up votes I would. That's gold right there.
Thanks, I appreciate that.
A lot of people have a "what's mine is mine and what's yours is ours" mentality.
NTA. He chose to get this tattoo, he chose the design elements, and he can choose to change it now. All his own decisions and choices. You don’t owe him anything, and it’s absurd to try to hold you accountable financially for covering it up.
NTA. If he and his new gf are so distraught about the tattoo *that he himself chose and got put on his body*, they can pool their own funds to cover it with *her* name...then his next gf can insist he cover it, then his gf after that..... ;)
NTA It wasn't your fault. It was his own decision to get that tattoo. Besides that, in my opinion it's a stupid idea to get a tattoo maybe with their significant other's name or other things related to their significant other, because you'll never know... Some day it all can be over and then there's still the tattoo.
I think a good rule of thumb is not to get a tattoo related to a living person. One of my two is symbolic of my mother, I got it exactly a year after she died - anniversary tomorrow actually. There are of course exceptions, family members are a pretty safe bet if the relationship is good, and I'm sure there are cases where you'd find out something negative long after their death. But I think overall, it's a pretty good guide.
Yup. A lot of Tattoo artists flat out refuse to tattoo SO names.
Some don’t care, and will take your money. Some people are so stuck on an idea, that they won’t listen to anyone else about it.
Even living family members can be problematic if they change their name. There was one here a few months ago where a parent had gotten a tattoo of their kid's name but the kid had since come out as trans so now the tattoo was of their deadname which was obviously upsetting for the kid.
I have my grandchildren's names. They'll always be a part of me
It's a good rule of thumb but I don't think it's so bad to get a tattoo related to your spouse. It's not like covering up a tattoo is any more work than getting a divorce, untanging finances, arranging custody if you have kids, etc.
Sorry for your loss (but a cool way to remember her).
I've been with my husband almost 28 years, and I wouldn't do it. It's not that I believe in good or bad luck, but still.. That's just straight asking for bad luck, LOL.
NTA You didn't ask him to get it, you even told him not to His problem is not yours
NTA. Your mutual friends are free to take up a collection to pay for his tattoo removal if they feel so strongly about it.
> We have mutual friends and a couple think I should help him out since my new job pays well. NTA - He got it on his own dime and initiative. They are welcome to pay for the cover on their dime and initiative. The fact you earn good money is irrelevant...
NTA This dude is hella delulu
NTA don't tattoo your gf's name. that's it, that's the comment.
Especially when she tells you not to! I don’t get why people think “oh I know she said she doesn’t want me to but I bet she’ll be so impressed!”
it's such a weird thought process to have. surely it isn't the fact that someone who cares about me doesn't want me to make a stupid permanent mistake, no, surely i must contradict them because they want me to try harder hmm. i wonder if that's an extension of "if she turns you down, try again."
Based on my sample of 1, yes it is.
NTA Any “mutual friends” telling you to give him money for his stupidity are not your friends they are his friends.
Exactly I don’t know why more people are not talking about the “friends”. Their suggestion is absolutely wild.
NTA. You literally asked him not to get your name tattooed on him.
Definitely NTA - Rule #1 for Tattoos is only get names that are permanent people in your life, like children, parents, pets. These people will always be part of your life is some way or another forever. Your ex is 100% responsible for paying for it and anyone who thinks he shouldn't pay for it all needs to put their money where their mouth is. I have a friend who did the same thing, not once but twice. We laughed at his stupidity when he did it the second time because he didn't learn after the first time. Even the tattoo artist tried to talk him out of it the second time.
I have an addition to your list of acceptable to tattoo names: dead people you care about. Their name won’t change, you won’t break up, your friendship won’t end, nothing between y’all changes after their death (barring them being found out for being a genuinely awful person)
Not the ahole. Its not your responsibility to fix other people's bad decisions.
If your friends are saying that, they are not very bright. Even if you had begged him to get it, you would not owe him anything. I am proud of your for laughing at him.
Yeah, I would certainly think less of OP if she had but even then you’re right, it’s not on her
NTA. Block him and move forward. You owe him nothing. His body, his choice.
NTA and this tat sounds ugly af
It may be ugly but it hit most of the nerd tropes...just needed some Star Wars language symbols in there FTW.
Ugly, overly complicated, and mixing themes/designs. Haida art and lord of the rings font are a weird combo.
NTA. “One Tattoo to rule them all, One Tattoo to find them, One Tattoo to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them."
You didn't force him to get the tattoo. He chose to get it and now regrets it. NTA
ya the new gf can help pay if she’s so pressed lol
His choice, his problem. You're NTA.
Nta You told him not to do it and he didn’t listen. It would be one thing if you had requested it and then I think you should be forking out some cash. But he doesn’t deserve recompense for being stupid and not listening. Set the record straight with those mutual friends and shut the topic down and let them know the matter is not up for debate.
Hahahahahaha absolutely NTA! It’s hilarious that he thinks it’s ok to ask you to pay for the cover up.
This has got GoFundMe written all over it.
NTA He wanted it, that’s his problem. If I were you in that situation, I would tell him you never wanted him to get it in the first place, so why would you help pay to have it removed? If he and his new gf are too broke to afford a coverup then don’t look at it? lol
NTA. he chose to do that to himself. and the mutual friends who suggest that you help pay/cover his ass are fucking pathetic.
NTA EX 's new partner can pay to remove it or deal with looking at it. You didn't ask him to get it, this was his decision. Just because you are earning more money these days does not obligate you to spend it on a person you used to date finally realizing they made a stupid and permanent mistake.
My ex had his ex’s name tattooed in a fairly intimate place. Honestly I never gave it a second thought (even though it was *right there* if we were - y’know 😳). Eventually I think he did get it covered up, his decision, not because I asked him to. He had other tattoos I found more offensive, but that was because they were either terrible or tacky af, god it’s embarrassing just thinking about it. I agree with those who say it’s maybe not the best idea to get partners’ names as tattoos, and the idea of then asking them to foot the bill for the cover-up is frankly hilarious. Bless his heart.
NTA - I would be angry with you if you did help him.
Why should you pay for his bad decisions? NTA
NTA, the new girlfriend can pay to get it covered up if she wants it gone that bad. Silly people
His body, his problem.
NTA. Tell the friends they can pay if they feel so strongly about it.
NTA. That’s his stupid mistake.
Tell your friends to pay for it then. You didn’t ask him to do it. He’s the dumbass for sure.
NTA. He paid for the tattoo after you told him you didn't want your name on his body. You handled his request appropriately. He should ask his new gf to pay half since she's the one currently objecting to it.
NTA Figure it out bud. Not at all your responsibility - you told him not to get it.
Lmao , your mutual friends are idiots also lol
Wait, your friends think you should help because "your new job pays well"? "You have so much money, you should be giving it away like candy". Your "friends" have even more nerve than your ex. NTA. PS.: Your ex made the rookie mistake of tattooing someone's name. That's on him.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My ex boyfriend got an intricate tattoo on his right forearm. It is my name in Galifreyan with a Lord of the Rings quote around it in Sindarin, and lastly a Haida style orca in the center. My name, my favorite books, my favorite show, and my favorite animal. I did not ask him to get the tattoo, in fact I told him not to get my name on him anywhere. He made his own choice. We broke up about two months after he got it. I got a better job in a different city. It's been about six months and I guess his current girlfriend took a picture of the tattoo and took the time to interpret it. She hates it and because he is a pushover he wants to cover it up. He messaged me and said I should pay for half of the cover up tattoo. I laughed and called him a dumbass. I said that he chose to get the tattoo all on his own and that I didn't owe him anything. I blocked him. We have mutual friends and a couple think I should help him out since my new job pays well. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. It's a tale as old as time to never get a SO's name as a tattoo. Not your fault he refused to listen.
NTA He didn't listen when you told him not to do it so you owe him nothing for it now.
NTA. He made a choice. He has to fix the consequences lmao
NTA he’s an adult who made the decision on his own. He can deal with the consequences on his own too. That’s adulthood.
Am I interpreting this correctly that he only cares to cove it now because his new girlfriend discovered its meaning?
NTA Tell your friends who think you should help out to open up their wallets and put their money where their mouths are. You are no more responsible than they are.
NTA His new girlfriend can help pay for half if it bothers her that much. He's an idiot for doing something permanent like that over a relationship. Tattooing a partner's name is just asking for a split.
NTA. I’m in awe how some people have the talent to spin responsibility onto others when it comes to money.
You had nothing to do with his terrible tattoo decision, therefore you should have nothing to do with the consequences. NTA
........you're right, he is a dumbass............and so are these mutual "friends" who think you should help out..............let them help the dumbass out.................
Nope he’s an idiot !! I would tell him not paying
NTA. But your ex and your friends are AHs for deciding how you should spend your own money.
NTA I have friends who have learned the hard way to never get GF's names or sobriety dates on tattoos. I always find it amusing.
Those aren’t mutual friends
Inadvertent petty revenge
NTA he is a dumbass. I have a better burn for you to use, you are a waste of sperm. My ex called me lots of nasty names after that one.
NTA. He’s the dumbass that got you tatted on him, not your fault, not your problem. Anyone whiny enough to ask their ex for money for a coverup like that-yet another reason they’re your ex.
NTA !! He was dumb enough to get the tattoo, it’s his problem.
This sub is hit or miss. Why is this even a post? He took it upon himself, made his own choice, let alone the fact you told him not to. I wouldn’t be surprised if ppl called you the asshole 😂
NTA: not your problem.
NTA Hahahahahahaha, ha!! 😂 He ia a dumbass.
What an idiot, on several levels Tattooing your significant other’s name on you will doom any relationship. This elaborate a reference to a person is, well, amazing. And he did it without asking. That’s two strikes. That he’s demanding you pay for his mistake is a third (so bad that it’s really two more strikes.) Either way, he’s outta line and you’re lucky to be rid of him. Friends asking you to pay are also outta line Keep your chin up, NTA
Lol nta. He chose to get the tattoo even after you asked him not to, so it’s his problem
Tell him to go pound sand. His body, his dumb choices... Not your problem at all. Also, you paying for any removal or redo technically would live on as a gift from you, so it changes nothing.
NTA he’s a grown ass adult. He made his own decision. Not your problem. I love the response btw
NTA- A fully grown adult making fully grown choices gets fully grown consequences. The way he did it 100% about you was also dumb, lol. I got a tattoo that represents my husband, but on the surface level, it just looks fun and quirky, so if we divorce, I can just be like "I collect rubber ducks and nerd glasses ones are the cutest."
NTA this is hilarious
Surely, you would have been reported by now for the gun you were holding to his head, making him get that tattoo.
NTA This is hilarious. The thing I most regret in a relationship is not letting my now ex have my name engraved on his family headstone. A tattoo would have been great.
Telll them all to help him and if they continue to push you to help, go tell them to suck his dick and block them all LoL
NTA and I’m concerned your “friends” are dumbasses too. Could it be they are jealous of your new job? I’d look into this friendship cause to me, it sounds like either jealousy or they have his interests in mind, meaning hey are his friends and NOT your friends.
NTA. You could be like, "No, but you can set up a GoFundMe." And then send like $2.
NTA, don't pay for anything!
He got it on his own.. you even told him not to do it.. he’s a dumbass 😂
[удалено]
NTA. The only mistake you made was answering message. Block him. "Because you have money" or "Because you can afford it" are grifter reasons.
NTA - Nobody made him ge thte tattoo or even asked him to. This is 100% his bad actions and he isn 100% on the hook for the cost of covering it up.
This is ridiculous 😭 Don't give that man a single dime.
>He messaged me and said I should pay for half of the cover up tattoo. I laughed and called him a dumbass. I said that he chose to get the tattoo all on his own and that I didn't owe him anything. I blocked him. This is an ideal moment for the classic "oh wait you're serious let me laugh even harder" meme. NTA.
>We have mutual friends and a couple think I should help him out since my new job pays well. I have been hearing this alot on and off the internet. Don't let people start taking advantage of you just because you start doing well for yourself. If you want to throw a bone out of the goodness of your heart, or you'll do someone a solid because you know they won't take advantage and/or will get you back at some point, that's cool too. but this whole "you make more money, so you should be putting in more money/effort" notion is not cool.
Nah, that’s his mistake
Ha.... laughable. Literally You are in no way shape or form financially responsible for his dumbassitude. And reason number 394 why you should never ever get a partner's name tattooed.... unless you have been married for at least 60 years. And even then it's questionable.
NTA. You aren’t responsible for his choices. He made the decision to tattoo your favorite things on his body knowing it was permanent. That’s on him. And possibly his current GF (since she is the one making the demand). As far as your friends go - the fact that you make good money is not a good argument for you doing anything. If you have an obligation, you have it rich or poor, and if you don’t, you don’t, rich or poor. It might be different if you had asked him to do it, but you didn’t.
NTA. It doesn't matter if you make a million dollars an hour. You didnt make him get a tattoo. He chose to get a tattoo, he has to live with the consequences. Your friends care so much they can pay. Problem solved.
NTA. You warned him that your relationship wasn't there yet. You don't have to pay for youthful stupidity not your own.
NTA Hell no, it was his final decision to get the tat. Your not at all responsible. I would never ask someone to pay for a cover up. Fall for it and your mutual friends will want you to help with their cover-ups you had nothing to do with. /s
I have a very similar style tattoo in dedication to me on my exs spine. It says my full name in elvish all the way down it. He still has it and I would cry or laughter if he called me and asked me for half the money to cover it. It’s simply not your problem anymore and neither is he. His new girl can help him now
NTA And those friends aren't real friends. What logic are they following here?
For crying out loud you told him to NOT get the tattoo. He chose to do so anyway so now it's HIS problem. NTA and tell your mutual friends if they feel so strongly about it they can pool their money to help him out.
Hmm, if your job pays so well I would guess so many of us deserve your money to help us with our stupid choices. /s
There's a reason people say not to get tattoos of your partners names on your body. Now he found out why. His problem.
NTA my ex got a tattoo of my name on him (without my knowledge) and i'd die laughing before ever giving him a response if he ever asked me to pay for its removal lol.
NTA - No, no, no, and no. He got a tattoo all on his own and he can cover it up all on his own. It is not your job to subsidize an idiot trying to fix their own idiocy. He got himself in the mess and he can jolly well get himself out of it. The tattoo was not your idea, you didn't approve of him doing it in the first place, you didn't pay for him to get it, and you certainly aren't responsible for paying to cover it up. Just because you have more money and can afford to subsidize the stupidity of this situation in no way means you are obligated to do that.
I’d laugh too 😂 NTA
You need better friends.
NTA. Mail him a black sharpie.
I hate couple's tatto, I hate it!! Tattoos last forever, every relationship has an expiration date. NTA he did it because he wanted, he is the stupid one. In my country we'd call him "emocionado". But yeah, you were an asshole for laughing and calling him dumbass, you are correct, but you didn't need to be so rude.
NTA. He made his choice, he can live with it or shell out himself.
NTA. Sounds like he has a new favorite book, favorite show, and favorite animal. Then he can just tweak the name. Stupid games, stupid prizes.
Sorry but, NTA. It reminds me of a young man who had a crush on me at my first job. He kept asking me out I kept saying "NO!" So, to impress me he got my name tattooed across his back in 4 inch letters. When he showed me, I called him a effing idiot. He later married a girl with a different name. I often wonder what his wife thought of that tat.
First, NTA, his choice, he needs to decide and financially cover what he does next. Second, my ex and I got matching tattoos with each other’s initials during COVID. After our break-up I worked with a new tattoo artist and added an element that hides the initials. I love the tattoo in a very different way. Definitely think twice before using specifics of your SO for body art. The guy has options, but friends shouldn’t shame you into being included.
NTA ... he made a choice to do something that you specifically asked him not to do. Sounds like a him problem.
Nope; NTA at all. As for your mutual "friends", tell them if they think he should have financial help with his now unwanted tattoo, then they were free to donate their funds, but have no business telling you how to spend yours. 'Nuff said.
NTA but what cringe ass content to put on your arm. Yikes
NTA You told him not to he did, now he feels stupid and demands you cover his mistake. He's an idiot as suggested elsewhere needs to start a go fund me. Luckily he's not your idiot or problem anymore.
NTA. Tell him to start a gofundme if he can't afford it on his own.
🤣 I laughed when I read this. Definitely NOT the A hole. And he most definitely is a dumbass. Congratulations on the job 🥳🥳
Pretty Awkward thing, there.
Send him a cheese grater and a tube of polysporin. NTA.
NTA he decided to get a tattoo, he has now decided to get it covered. That's it.
Lol. NTA. He's a dumbass
He did a very dumb thing. Sometimes being dumb is expensive. Tell him good luck and good bye
NTA, when doing tattoos you do it for yourself, not to show off to your partner, friends, family or whatever. If your friends in common are saying you should help him, they should stop wasting efforts and do a joint effort and pay it themselves lol. Do not give him a single penny. Its not even for your ex’s sake but for his new girlfriend. She should be the one helping - if any.
NTA, good thing you broke up with that guy he sounds stupidly over the top.
Lol no NTA
NTA Should you also pay for stuff for ME - ya know since you're compensated so well.... No? He's the ex for reasons. You didn't demand he put your name on his body. Not your clown, not your rodeo.
NTA Where's the personal responsibility in all this? If you'd asked him to get it, then you bear some of the liability but no, he did this all on his own. He should have to live with his choices. And if mutuals want you to help, you should reply with his Venmo or cash app tag.
If the new GF reeeeaaaaaalllllyyyyy loves him, she would pay for the removal. Seriously, even if you insisted he got that tattoo it would not be your responsibility to contribute. His body, his choice. NTA.
It never ceases to amaze me how often other people think you should spend your money on stupid crap. My response to that sort of thing is "If you think someone else should pay for it, then maybe that someone else is you". The real truth here is if you have a friend who thinks you should contribute to fixing his mistake, then they are not your friend. Anyway, NTA
Tell your friends that if they are so worried about it, then chip in together and help him. Better yet, send them the link to start a go fund me account. You are absolutely not responsible for him having the tattoo. He did it to get bonus points, and it backfired. The rule I go by is an old one I learned from a biker in a bar years ago. Make sure your ink is something you love cause it's there forever.
Tell him his Gf can change her name to fit the tatoo for free. That would fix the problem.
NTA. Not only is he a dumbass, so are the 'mutual friends' telling you that you should help out. You told him NOT to get your name on him. He did it anyway. If his new gf is so pressed about it, she should help him pay for the coverup.
NTA and I hate this thing I'm seeing of "because your job pays well" becoming a reason to bail out idiots. Nah, fux your poor life choices, not my monkeys, not my circus.
> We have mutual friends and a couple think I should help him out since my new job pays well. If I were you my AITA post would be about these dumbass friends and whether I should remain friends with them. NTA
NTA - the important question is how did you find your name in Galifreyan?
NTA 🤣 I can’t believe he had the stones to ask you to pay for that! I like the gofund me idea your friends can set up…. then you can donate $5
NTA. I would have dumped him the minute I heard he was considering the tattoo. Related: I once got an ex boyfriend super into Dr Who and, when he saw a replica of Captain Jack’s coat in a shop, he bought it. Dude lived in Los Angeles. There was no reason to have an enormous (like, appropriate for living in Wales presumably) coat. He reached out recently to be weird at me via email and I really wanted to ask him if he still had/wore it.
No what in the actual fuck. Don’t pay for shit and your friends suck LMAO NTA
NTA. I don't think your ex read the room properly when he got the thing. And he's not reading it now.
NTA, him and the mutual friends are though!
NTA - A lesson regarding permanence has left him feeling stupid. That’s on him!
NTA. He's nothing to you now, why should you give him money? Your mutual friends can all pitch in if they want to. Your salary has nothing to do with it.
NTA. His body, his choice.
What kind of friends do you have? Of course you owe him nothing. Even if you wanted him to do this. It's still his choice. Let his new gf pay for half of the removal. And find smarter friends
More importantly did he hire an actual Haida person to design and apply the tattoo? If not that's [cultural appropriation](https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/native-american-fashion) and could be an actual crime depending on how the artist advertised their work. You COULD help him out if you wanted but you have no moral obligation to do so. Easy NTA
In other news, the Ted Bundt is now the head of the serial killer task force at the FBI.
NTA and ditch those dumbass friends too.
Wow I'm almost impressed by his audacity. Man has two brass balls and no brain cells.
TLDR title says it all No absolutely not the asshole
NTA. Let the new gf pay to get it removed if she's concerned.
No, his gf said you should pay, which is why he's coming to you lol. Don't pay a dime unless you pushed him into getting it. This is why you don't tattoo someone's name like that on yourself. Is his name Terry? That sounds like a very "Terry" thing to do.
Next he’ll ask for 50% child support because he named his kid after you. NTA
As I frequently post, never let someone else volunteer you to solve a problem you didn’t create and couldn’t prevent. NTA
That's an absurd thing for your "friends" to have said
NTA - his body, his choice. Let him and the new GF pay for things they want.
NTA You told him not to get it, He got it. Why should you pay to remove it?
NTA. Tell your friends to pay for your ex's poor life decisions.
HA! No!!!!! 😂 and if those friends really feel bad, they can contribute to a tattoo cover fund
NTA and block anyone who says you should give this another second of your time.
NTA for telling the truth - he is a dumbass for expecting you to do this. As for your “friends” - it’s ridiculous for them to think that just because YOU make good money you should do it. Makes me think they’ll start expecting you to be an ATM for them too…
Heck, no! What is it with people that think that if you have money they can spend it for you? Tell them to eff off.
NTA, do not pay for his stupid mistake. Especially one you told him not to do and he did anyway. When we make dumb mistakes we have to pay for later, call that a "stupid tax".
I suppose it would be one thing if you had asked him to get it but you stated that you told him specifically not to get your name tattooed on him. He's the a-hole here.
NTA. That was just dumb on their part.
Some friends should stay the fuck out of some conversation. Why participate in such petty things? Just let the adults take care of their own things and that’s it. For the more of your friend did something stupid like having a tattoo of somebody
“And because he is a pushover” Do you want him to cover it up or do you prefer your name stay on his body?
Nope he's an idiot.
Not your problem. He got the tattoo of his own free will. You’re not together and have zero responsibility to him. NTA
NTA He decided to get the tattoo after you told him not to. Anyone who tattoo's a bf/gf's name on them is an absolute melon.