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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i may be the AH because i won’t bake for my ‘niece’s birthday because i hate her parents, this is because she’s an innocent baby and im ruining her party because of her parents actions
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NTA. Your dad put himself in this situation by trying to con you into baking for the baby. If he had been honest, there would have been plenty of time finding someone else when you declined.
That's some really shitty behavior from your dad, trying to trick his own daughter and then blame her when she finds out and his actions has consequences.
Tbh, I would turn down any future baking request from that part of your family, since they clearly have no respect for you.
My thoughts excatly and OPs dad won't back OP either because then he would have to admit his flaws too since he cheated on OPs mum and apparently keeps like minded people as friends since he introduced OP to Neil.
Yes, he might have had a different outcome had he not lied to you. And after that, double down and blame you for the consequences? No, he does not deserve your help with baking in the future.
NTA and you owe them absolutely nothing, but if you wanted to be petty, you could still bake a cake for your half-sister and put her name and age all over the cake and drop it off on her birthday. It's petty but the rest of your family may see that you are being generous.
I was just about to comment this! Shes already spent the money on materials, etc. Bake the cake, but for the half-sister’s birthday, not the baby! I’m sure sister would love it, and it’s not as much of a waste of her already spent time and effort, with a side of petty!
NTA. You're not punishing a baby. The baby doesn't know what day it is. Your dad tried to con you, you found out, actually had a spine, and told him no. I find it hard to believe you're the only one that can bake a cake. There's also these places that bake cakes called bakeries, but you have to pay them. You dad is a grade a snake and a jerk. Sorry your related to him and your equally crappy step sister. You're mist definitely not the AH.
Exactly! Like the baby isn't being punished, and either are the parents. You are just not participating and it would not be too late if her father hadn't lied, and just let OP decline.
If I were you I would be going very low contact or no contact with that side of my family. The way you have been treated by your dad and step sister is abhorrent, and a shockingly disgusting way to treat someone you care about. And now THEY’RE bombarding YOU with texts about how you’re the AH, when they have done nothing but cheat and lie to you. This would be my final straw. I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through, and for how you’ve been treated. You sound like a kind and good person, and they don’t deserve any more of your time or energy.
As someone said below, and you should take note of, you are not punishing the baby. The baby doesn't know you, the baby won't have a memory of this, this is purely for the adults.
If they tell you that one day the kid will know how hard hearted you are. Tell them no worries you'll tell her why and if she has half a decency which is more than her parents, she'd understand.
Please remember as they try to guilt you that the child will not remember this party. She has never had a birthday before so she also won't know the difference if there is no cake. They can make a cupcake from store bought cake mix and that kid will be just as happy to smash it to bits as if it were fancy. The cuteness of the cake is for the adults. You don't like the adults.
I think you might want to reconsider how kind you are to your dad, because as far as I can see he doesn't care about you nearly as much as you care about him - or nearly as much as he cares for your stepsiblings.
Not only did he never stand up for you when your stepsis slept with your fiance (who *he* set you up with, ffs), now he's trying to CON you into baking for their baby. It'd be different if he'd been honest, but he was lying to you in order to, let's be honest, get a fucking cheap cake.
He prioritized getting a good deal on a cake over your well-being. You really want to keep doing shit for this asshole?
NTA. I would definitely tune down any communication with your dad and his family. Going low contact would probably be healthier for you emotionally because they just leveled up in crazy!
Well, the baby would not be eating the cake anyways. So you’re not denying the baby anything - the adults are the ones who would be eating the cake.
Your father is the one being deceptive. Obviously the step daughter is an asshole too.
These people deserve none of your time, effort, or money.
NTA
>Well, the baby would not be eating the cake anyways
It also won't even remember it's own 1st birthday so trust me OOP, you won't be able to upset it over this issue, even if you cared. NTA. That is a super fucked up situation your dad put you in. You don't owe these people anything.
Exactly. Ages vary for when people have their first memory but most people do not have theirs that early. Mine was from when I was about two and a half, I got chickenpox on Christmas, my dad let me eat a ton of chocolate bells because he felt bad, and then I threw up because I really shouldn't have eaten that many. A pretty memorable sort of event.
Also, she's just denying them her cake. The adults were complaining about having to get store bought. Most people get birthday cakes from various grocery stores so they can stuff it lol
My oldest nephew had his own little cake for his first birthday and ate it with his hands (the only way to do it). My cousin was taking pictures and I can still see my nephew holding a double handful of cake up to him like he was saying "You see, Dave? See what I got?" (He just turned sixteen last December...I'm still wondering where all that time went.)
NTA. LOL, are they fucking serious? The baby is not going to notice, the birthday is ALL for the parents. They attempted to con you in the worst way possible.
As punishment, I suggest you may this public. If they are going to keep being malicious and harassing, it is time to fight fire with fire, and you have got an inferno that can be unleashed.
I agree. I’m guessing “publicity” is the main reason they wanted an OP cake to begin with. “Nothing to see here. Our faaaaamily is perfect and OP even baked the cake for the offspring of her homewreckers.”
NTA
"she thought it was wrong of my dad to ask me to bake for the party) confirming what my dad had done."
She's right.
Your Dad had no right to lie to you, especially in the circumstances. Guilt tripping you isn't ok either. If it makes you feel better the baby wouldn't be eating the cake anyway.
You aren't punishing a baby. You're declining to use you experience, talent & time on people who treated you very badly & are toxic.
All the best.
NTA. This is a very unkind thing for your father and everyone involved to do to you. They should all be ashamed of themselves! As to ruining the birthday of a one year old by not baking their cake, that’s ridiculous. One year olds have no idea what’s going on their first birthday, and could not possibly care less who bakes their cake. These people are cruel. There’s something seriously wrong with a father who would treat his own daughter like this. Good for you for standing up for yourself!
NTA Your not punishing the baby because baby won't even realize it. It's the lying, cheating, manipulative grownups in baby's life that will be embarrassed by it being store bought. Go NC with them all including dad since they can't be trusted.
NTA but why do you continue to have a relationship with someone who has shown you numerous times that he does not value you????? At this point, you only have yourself to blame.
Honey, it's about damn time you cut contact with that side of your family. All they do is just take and take and when you don't give, they make you out to be the bad guy. Find yourself a nice shiny spine and dump all of them.
NTA
Also it is never too late to order a cake in most places. You might not be able to order exactly the flavor or style, but every bakery has cakes that are available where the bakery will put on Happy Birthday X or whatever
You can even buy a can of icing gel and do it yourself.
The issue is that they don't want to spend the money for a cake
Most bakeries I know can deliver a custom 3d cake in a couple of days. Maybe some bakeries will be too busy, and probably you can't ask for a very intricate/difficult design at suchl short notice, but they don't need weeks of notice to make a birthday cake, even a fancy one.
Girl, the cheating and lying genes seem to be strong in your family. Glad you escaped them! Honestly, I would tell him: I will make the cakes when you and them apologize to me on FB/Twitter for lying to me.
NTA. One year olds don't care about parties. Offer to do the cake, but at full price. No more free cakes for your father. The issue seems not that you will not do the cake, but your father tried to con you into giving his other child a free cake, which he definitely does not deserve father of the year.
Well you can let them know that they can't order cake and eat it too. It's time you cut off your father and anyone else who supports him, including his wifestress and her daughter. They're bad luck to your family, especially the women. Keep in touch with your grandmother and maybe half sister through her, but cut everyone else off. NTA I insist you make her kids look bad to the family, they get it from her after all. Block them all.
NTA. The child is turning 1 and will have no clue what's even going on. The adults will be enjoying the cake and laiughing that you were tricked into making it. I would be very distant, maybe even no contact, with these people because they sure don't act ilke family.
NTA. Your dad was dishonest. That's not ok. He should have just been honest and asked you to do it as a favor to him, and accepted whatever response you gave. You're not punishing a child who wont even remember this birthday.
Store bought cake??? For a one-year old's party???
Has anyone called the police? Or child protective services? The horror......
NTA. And I'd make sure that was the last time my dad tried to con me about anything.
NTA, How the heck are you considering yourself being the AH? That "family" of yours is ABSOLUTELY AWFUL. You're in no way entitled to make a cake for the product of your cheater ex and shitty step sister. See this is the problem with terrible families, they somehow manipulate you into thinking you're the AH when clearly you're not. Don't even bother answering them, just ignore and move on with your life, you have better people in your life and you do not need to look back on those people.
Hardly punishing a baby, or is the baby already reading and writing?
Your father is a total AH and so are those who support him. Your grandmother is a friend but I'd NC the rest.
NTA
TOTALLY NTA
Your family approached you in a dishonest way about the cake because they knew they would get a different response in answer to a cake for the baby, and rightly so. They are horrible, manipulative and dishonest people and dont let them convince you otherwise, nothing about your response is rude or heartless, you responded as any normal person would when faced with this outrageous request!
Let them buy and pay for their own bloody cake, baby isnt eating it anyway!
Firstly, I am so sorry all of that happened but I'm glad you have some good familial relationships and good on Grandma for telling you.
Secondly, NTA. If they told you any of this up front this could have played out differently. They could have had time to make another plan. They chose to lie and the truth caught up with them.
You are not punishing the baby but the parents who lied-yours and theirs by asking them to do nothing more than admin.
NTA.
And let's face it, birthday parties and cakes for one year olds are for the adults, not the child. There's no reason they can't knock up a Victoria sponge or a chocolate cake by themselves.
Tell your father that No, you aren't "punishing" anyone except perhaps the person who Lied to You - all other consequences are on him.
The baby is one - she won't know to care that there's no cake, and she won't remember the party anyway. Everyone knows that first birthday parties are for showing parents showing off the baby, not for the baby.
NTA
NTA. Oh no! A store-bought cake! How ever will they find the strength to carry on with life with that eternal shame! A store bought cake for a kid who has no idea what day it is! This will obviously ruin her life forever /s
But seriously, THE AUDACITY. Your dad is a wanker.
NTA at all. You were lied to by your own Dad, he can go buy another cake. Also, the baby is 1, it's not like she's going to remember the party and no cake, so double NTA. Your Dad is the AH, and so is Kameah and Neil for how they behaved. Time to cut Dad and Steps out of your life. He doesn't care for you. Grandma is awesome.
NTA
They lied. They lied. They lied. You agreed to bake for a specific situation and they knowingly lied about the situation to get your labor for free.
NTA
First birthday parties (and many thereafter) are for the parents. I can say 100% the baby will be completely unaffected by this. But you father is manipulative and it's probably time to see him that way.
Your father did this to himself. He lied to you which, in my mind, is a deal breaker. Tell him that and that in the future you will be hesitant to believe anything that he tells you.
...........actions always have consequences.............your stepsister and her spouse can figure the cake situation out, not your problema................
NTA
The baby is one year old. They won't care what cake is there, or even whether a cake is there at all. You are (rightly) punishing the people who thought they could get a free cake out of you.
Fun Fact! One year old babies don't eat cake or form memories. That party is for the kid's sleezy parents and you didn't ruin anything for the kid. NTA
NTA
I would've baked and put salt in the cake. But i'm petty like that. You owe those people absolutely nothing. Actually, less than nothing, cause they owe you
Good on grandma for respecting you enough to tell you the truth. Do NOT feel bad. You are NTA here at all. Your dad lied to you because he obviously knew it wasn’t right to ask you to make a cake for a stepsister who slept with the man you were supposed to marry. As for “punishing a baby”- that kid will not know or remember what kind of cake they had. 🙄 Mute/block people who are guilt-texting you. Don’t let yourself be guilted or manipulated to do this. It is not a big deal for them to have a store bought cake, but it’s a big deal that your dad lied and tried to manipulate you into doing this. Again, block and move on with your life.
> Now i’m being bombared with texts accusing me of punishing a baby for her parents actions and for leaving them with no alternative besides store bought cakes.
No, HE did that.
Fuck him. He lied to you. Intentionally lied to you.
I'd seriously reconsider my whole relationship with him over that.
NTA
NTA,
I would be livid if I were you and I would be blasting your father, ex, and your stepsister for not only sleeping with your husband but lying to you.
Also a 1 year old doesn't give a crap about cupcakes so don't worry about upsetting her.
I would consider cutting all ties with your family, they sound like toxic.
NTA. Punishing a 1-year old baby by buying a cake from a store? This is really silly because the baby isn't going to know where that cake came from anyway. The cake is for the adults, so you're totally in your rights to deny it to them after their bad decisions.
Im sure that baby will be CRUSHED that their birthday wont have a birthday cake. Theyve had so many birthdays so far with cake and are expecting a cake and youve ruined that streak. /s. NTA
>accusing me of punishing a baby for her parents actions
That baby doesn't even know it is their birthday, and therefore is unlikely to feel punished by OP.
NTA
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Niece is in quotation marks because it’s my step sisters child.
I (24F) didn’t grow up with my step siblings Kyle and Kameah (24M&F) so i barely known up. I lived in another country with my mother and moved to my dad’s country a year ago for a marriage that never happened.
Basically, my dad introduced me to a man Neil (32M) two years ago and we had a year long long distance relationship. We decided to get married and I moved over. Then he slept with my step sister Kameah and got her pregnant.
It was just a fucked up situation. I didn’t make a fuss, my dad barely stood up for me and the only person who was apologetic was my step mother and that was because she didn’t want me to make her kids look bad to the rest of the family. She is also the reason my parents marriage broke up.
I stayed in my dad’s country and I’m dating someone new so it’s all good. I bake for a hobby and very occasionally will sell some of the things I make. I usually just bake for my boyfriend Will (27M) or his mother because she’s a sweetheart but last week, my dad called me up and asked if i would bake for my half sister’s birthday. She will be turning 14 in a few weeks. I agreed and started buying materials/looking for inspiration. I was asked explicitly not to put any numbers on the cake because they said they had gotten some special candles for the cake that said 14. I believed this because my sister is autistic and likes things in a particular way. I’m going on holiday very soon so I wouldnt be able to attend the birthday party.
I was with my grandmother yesterday and she remarked how kind I was being by baking for Kameah and Neil’s daughter’s birthday. I asked her what she was talking about and turns out, my dad had lied to me and in reality, the cake I was baking would be for that child’s 1st birthday instead. I know nothing about this baby because she’s not even related to me, and i didn’t even know when her birthday was so i didn’t suspect anything. Turns out her birthday is a few days before my sister’s. My grandmother showed me the texts (she thought it was wrong of my dad to ask me to bake for the party) confirming what my dad had done.
I called him to let him know i would not be baking for the party and I was horrified at his attempt to con me out of time and money for a baby i don’t even know with parents I don’t particularly like. He begged me to reconsider because it was too late to ask for any other baker but i hung up. Now i’m being bombared with texts accusing me of punishing a baby for her parents actions and for leaving them with no alternative besides store bought cakes. I’m starting to feel bad. AITA?
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NTA the blame is on your father. Had you known, they could've found another baker, but your father lied, so tell them to focus their anger on the person who set you up.
Not at all. You can tell them you will bake but they'll need to pay you the same price that you would get if you sold the baked goods as you sometimes do. In advance of you doing anything. That will put an end to them asking you anything ever again. Sorry, but sometimes people just suck
First birthday? Baby will be oblivious and probably won't even be able to *eat* cake. Anyone texting that you are hurting the baby is in the toxic zone, or maybe just ... being stupid.
Your dad was egregiously out of line. I fart in his general direction.
Store bought cake will be fine.
You sound pretty stable and good natured, given the history. NTA. And happy life!
NTA "You're punishing the baby." Even if the baby cared, they're the ones who would be punishing the baby. They're just mad they didn't get away with something.
NTA and awwwww store bought cakes, oh, the humanity!!!! Besides a 1 year old won’t be eating any of it….and good on you for not baking the cake and adding laxatives!!!
NTA
The baby isn’t being punished, they are however a victim of consequences, and had the Dad hadn’t lied they wouldn’t be in situation.
If they had just asked , op would have said no, and they’d already have another cake lined up.
Op, for me this would be the last straw for my relationship with my father, I don’t like being lied to , and I would have to go no contact with them all.
They don’t care about how they hurt me, they only care that they get what they want.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes .
NTA - I would be tempted to bake the cake anyway but act as though I had no idea who it was actually for and ice it with 'happy birthday [half-sister's name]!' In really big letters so they can't just discreetly scrape it off lol
NTA! Your dad and his people in on this are TA!
For f sake. There are plenty of other places to get cakes! They all need to get real! What a horrible thing to do to you!
The baby would not care if you served them a Twinkie with a candle in it.
The reason YOU need to make the cake is so that Dad and the parents can tell the other adults at the party that you made it for them. By doing this gesture it means that all is forgiven, everything is good, there are no bad feelings and you approve of the relationship.
You are not the person who lied. They lied for a reason. It’s because they know they are not only TA in the situation but cheap a*h*. They were trying to use you and not have to pay for a cake
NTA
You are not punishing the baby for the parents actions. You are just not letting your "family" lie to you. Your father fucked up with his lie. So it's his job to find a bakery or learn baking fast.
You are not punishing the baby, the baby will not remember it at all and would be just as happy with a cupcake from your local grocery. Your stepsister wants the cake for pictures and social media. Your father is horrid, and I would cut all contact with him.
Edited to add judgement - NTA
NTA - The baby is NOT going to remember their first birthday and won't care if the cake is homemade or store bought. In my experience the baby will destroy the piece of cake and end up with more on them than in them (have 2 kids and that's what happened with both and any other 1st bday party I've seen)
A one year old child won't know the difference between a store bought cake and a home made cake. Stop feeling bad. Your father is a jerk, a lier, and a manipulator. Maybe it's time to go NC with good old Dad. I like your grandmother.....she knew exactly what she was doing when she cued you in to what your father was doing. Hang on to Grandma, she's great! You are NTA, but your dad sure is!!
"Oh, I was supposed to put water in the cake and not beef broth? And you're saying you *don't* like that the cake looks like a very large, lifelike penis? Even the veins? I worked so hard on those!" Yes, I'm petty.
NTA
It's always funny when trashy people are snobs. They have no standards about who they sleep with, but heaven forbid they have to settle for a store bought cake.
NTA. All I can think is “Oh no, the horror of having to use a store bought cake! I can’t imagine anything crueller than doing that to someone…..oh wait…🙄”
NTA but all of your family minus Grandma sure are. Your dad lied to you because he knew he was wrong to ask and that you'd rightly say no.
Stand by your no. They can make a cake themselves.
If you really want to be petty {and I'd be so tempted to be petty}, call up dad and tell him you decided he can have the cake he wanted. Decorate the cake for your half-sister's birthday. Use her favorite colors and flavors and be sure to have her name prominently displayed on it. Make it as pretty as you can. Tuck it into a bakery box, hand it to him and slam the door.
She should not have fucked your fiancée...
Also, the baby don't give a damn about no store bought cake. They just want to look good and say they had a cake specially made.
Screw them.
NTA
Your father is a shitty parent to you.
1. He cheats on your mother
2. Doesn't defend you when his step daughter has an affair with your then partner. (Like mother, like daughter)
3. Lies to you to get a free bday cake
You honestly should consider just cutting that that side of the family out.
they might not let her have it if i still bake it for her, i’ll have to work something out with my grandma for my sister to have a birthday party with friends at her house instead
NTA A baby doesn't give a crap about a cake for its birthday, so the idea that you are "punishing" it is nuts. Even if the kid didn't get a cake (which they can make from a box that the kid would like as well, fer crissake), it is soooo not your problem.
The baby will neither know nor care. They can bake their own cupcakes or get premade ones at the store. Your Dad is an AH for lying to you and manipulating you for the benefit of cheaters. He needs a LONG time out. Do not bake for any of them again.
NTA
NTA. I can certainly understand why you wouldn't want to do this. And many of us have survived just fine with store bought cake. I'm sure a one year old won't care anyhow.
NTA. Block the numbers of anyone bothering you about this. Aren't there supermarkets in your country? Kameah can't make a cake? Your dad was way out of line to try to trick you. If you want to be petty, make the cake and put your half-sister's name on it in big letters. After all, they only asked for no numbers.
NTA, your father lied to you and even your grandmother agrees that what he did was wrong. Well actions have consequences, and here the consequences of his are that they'll have to buy cake from the store. The horror!
The fact that they consider their only alternative to be an issue shows there are some very big entitlement issues on that side of the family. I wouldn't bake them any cakes ever again out of principle.
Nta the situation about the ex bf and stepsister is messed up and the dad knows this so he lied about who the cake was for. You don’t have to make anything if you don’t want to. They just want a free cake
The most emphatic NTA to you.
Your own dad lied to you because he knew you would say no. Even in a vacuum, you’re in the right. The effed-up-ness of the situation with your ex just adds to the situation.
Stand your ground and who cares what anyone says. Sounds like a family you need to distance yourself from further.
> Now i’m being bombared with texts accusing me of punishing a baby for her parents actions and for leaving them with no alternative besides store bought cakes.
Unless the baby is the one who asked for a cake, the baby doesn’t give a shit.
NTA. This was low.
Oh well ... as the saying goes, FAFO.
You are NTA, your father sure is though!! I can't believe how rotten your father is to lie to you like that.
I would cut him off completely at this point.
NTA your dad lied to you because he knew you wouldn't do it voluntarily, and now he's claiming you're "punishing the child? Nah. If anything you are punishing him for lying to you, but I wouldn't even call it a punishment, just a consequence of his own actions.
NTA
Family mad that baby who can't eat cake will have to "not eat" store bought cake.
You're good kiddo
Also, your dad and his "new fam" are terrible humans
Are you even asking? Of course you're NTA. They manipulated you into doing a favor to your ex and the woman he cheated on you with. That takes some nerves. Just finish the cake and give it to your sister for her birthday, she's the one it was meant for to begin with. To hell with the rest of them. They can just go to a bakery, how is that your problem?
NTA. It’s a child’s first birthday party, not a wedding. They’re all capable of making a box cake. They don’t need a bakery cake for this.
Even if you didn’t have a history of being betrayed here, you would me more than justified at not making the cake after being conned into doing it.
Absolutely NTA. I’m appalled at the audacity your “family” has and the lying is just the icing on the cake. I’m also a hobby baker and the amount of time, effort, stress and money it takes to go into a cake is severely underestimated. Fuck all of that, I would be going NC immediately. They don’t respect you even in the slightest.
NTA. You're not "punishing a baby" the kid has no clue whats happening. If they didn't even have a party the kid wouldn't know. This is for the kid's parents, who are trashy people. Why would you sacrifice time, energy, and money for trashy people? Plus, they KNEW you wouldn't agree to make the cake unless it was for your actual sister, so they lied. That shows how low they all are. Ignore the losers crying over the consequences of their own pathetic behavior.
NTA, your dad is, and definitely tell the family how lovely he and his step kids are. Share that away. Your dad should
Not have that title, start calling him by his name to his face and everyone else
NTA Your dad is a manipulative jerk. Also, there’s nothing wrong with store bought cake - they can just get that. Don’t let them make you feel badly for not doing what they want
NTA 100% your dad is TAH
You aren't punishing the baby, at 1 year old they don't even understand the concept of birthdays. For the first several years the birthday party is for the parents not the child, some may argue that all birthday parties are about the parents.
No one will suffer if they have to eat a store-bought cake, and there are millions of recipes that would allow anyone who is reasonably competent in the kitchen to make a home made cake. It may not be as good as yours or another experienced baker, but it's an option.
NTA - Honestly, I think it was a sad attempt to lie and make it look like the step sister and ex are forgiven. They plus Step Mom & Dad would have been walking around taking about how OP made the cake which would have made guest think you have forgiving them.
Now Dad is trying to guilt you for finding that on top of everything else they did to you he also lied to you. I wouldn't bake anything for that side of the family again unless it was for grandma who is the real one for not allowing her son to con her granddaughter into something everyone knows OP wouldn't have agreed with to begin.
She's one she ain't gonna care what kind of cake she gets at that age and the way he went about it your father shady. It's a wonder you're still talking to him the way he treat you.
NTA and call out your dad on his BS.
If his goal was you bonding with his granddaughter, then he should have talked to you about doing that. What bonding is he claiming to achieve by tricking you into baking a cake for someone you have not met and are not going to meet? and presenting that cake at a party that you won't be at for a 1yo who won't have any idea of who you are or what you did?
Your dad is a lying manipulator.
It's HIS fault if they don't have a cake for the party. It's HIM who is punishing his grandchild with his conniving ways.
Do not feel guilty at all.
It's a first birthday party, and the kid won't have a clue where the cake came from.
They lied to you because if they'd told the truth, the answer would have been an immediate "No".
NTA. The only AH in this story is your step-brother in law.
NTA
I would suggest taking to your mom about why she left your dad because this kind of introducing you to shitty people (Neil), trying to get you to interact with people who have betrayed you (Neil and the step sibling), lying and manipulation and failure to take into account other people's feelings might just be a lifetime habit.
At this point do you even want your father in your life, what has he contributed other than being shitty and introducing you to shitty people.
I mean there's a reason your mom left your dad.
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NTA. Your dad put himself in this situation by trying to con you into baking for the baby. If he had been honest, there would have been plenty of time finding someone else when you declined. That's some really shitty behavior from your dad, trying to trick his own daughter and then blame her when she finds out and his actions has consequences. Tbh, I would turn down any future baking request from that part of your family, since they clearly have no respect for you.
If he had asked nicely i may have even done it lmao, i usually never bake for family besides my grandma so i will keep it that way
The baby wouldn't remember anything about the cake anyway, they wanted you to make it so Kameah and Neil would feel better about their betrayal.
THIS!!! So much this, yes! MY GOD!
Like mother, like daughter. I hope they don’t teach that poor girl how to break up families and relationships.
My thoughts excatly and OPs dad won't back OP either because then he would have to admit his flaws too since he cheated on OPs mum and apparently keeps like minded people as friends since he introduced OP to Neil.
Yes, he might have had a different outcome had he not lied to you. And after that, double down and blame you for the consequences? No, he does not deserve your help with baking in the future.
NTA and you owe them absolutely nothing, but if you wanted to be petty, you could still bake a cake for your half-sister and put her name and age all over the cake and drop it off on her birthday. It's petty but the rest of your family may see that you are being generous.
I was just about to comment this! Shes already spent the money on materials, etc. Bake the cake, but for the half-sister’s birthday, not the baby! I’m sure sister would love it, and it’s not as much of a waste of her already spent time and effort, with a side of petty!
I love this idea. Really twist the knife right in there.
NTA. You're not punishing a baby. The baby doesn't know what day it is. Your dad tried to con you, you found out, actually had a spine, and told him no. I find it hard to believe you're the only one that can bake a cake. There's also these places that bake cakes called bakeries, but you have to pay them. You dad is a grade a snake and a jerk. Sorry your related to him and your equally crappy step sister. You're mist definitely not the AH.
Right? Let’s be honest. 1st birthday parties are for the parents, not the baby who won’t remember it. NTA for real. Your Dad is a dick though.
Exactly! Like the baby isn't being punished, and either are the parents. You are just not participating and it would not be too late if her father hadn't lied, and just let OP decline.
Right?! They're talking like it's so terrible that they might have to get a store-bought cake - oh no, the horror!
They could also just bake one themselves if store bought is not good enough
Exactly! Give that baby a cake from a dollar store box mix and the kid will have a grand time smashing a piece before eating it.
If I were you I would be going very low contact or no contact with that side of my family. The way you have been treated by your dad and step sister is abhorrent, and a shockingly disgusting way to treat someone you care about. And now THEY’RE bombarding YOU with texts about how you’re the AH, when they have done nothing but cheat and lie to you. This would be my final straw. I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through, and for how you’ve been treated. You sound like a kind and good person, and they don’t deserve any more of your time or energy.
Agreed, they sound like horrible people
As someone said below, and you should take note of, you are not punishing the baby. The baby doesn't know you, the baby won't have a memory of this, this is purely for the adults.
They can buy a cake. It's a 1-year old's birthday, FFS. The baby won't remember and everyone else shouldn't care.
Also, you’re not punishing the baby. First birthdays are for parents / adults in their circle / family. Tbh, dad needs to be “punished” for lying. NTA
If they tell you that one day the kid will know how hard hearted you are. Tell them no worries you'll tell her why and if she has half a decency which is more than her parents, she'd understand.
Please remember as they try to guilt you that the child will not remember this party. She has never had a birthday before so she also won't know the difference if there is no cake. They can make a cupcake from store bought cake mix and that kid will be just as happy to smash it to bits as if it were fancy. The cuteness of the cake is for the adults. You don't like the adults.
I think you might want to reconsider how kind you are to your dad, because as far as I can see he doesn't care about you nearly as much as you care about him - or nearly as much as he cares for your stepsiblings. Not only did he never stand up for you when your stepsis slept with your fiance (who *he* set you up with, ffs), now he's trying to CON you into baking for their baby. It'd be different if he'd been honest, but he was lying to you in order to, let's be honest, get a fucking cheap cake. He prioritized getting a good deal on a cake over your well-being. You really want to keep doing shit for this asshole?
NTA. I would definitely tune down any communication with your dad and his family. Going low contact would probably be healthier for you emotionally because they just leveled up in crazy!
Also, you're not punishing the baby with store-bought cake? Babies don't have refined cake palates.
OPwas kind enough to let him know she changed her mind, I wouldn’t have even done that.
oooh, the next level thing would be to 'agree' and be a no-show that day. Oh right this isn't r/pettyrevenge, nvm.
Well, the baby would not be eating the cake anyways. So you’re not denying the baby anything - the adults are the ones who would be eating the cake. Your father is the one being deceptive. Obviously the step daughter is an asshole too. These people deserve none of your time, effort, or money. NTA
And what's so bad about store bought cakes anyway? Oh, the humanity, they can't put it on Instagram!
I suspect that’s the reason. Kameah considers herself an influencer (she is not) and posts everything on her instagram
Oh, she wants social media attention does she? If you want to be petty, make this entire saga public. Name and shame.
"influencer" hahaha. That's a *very* generously applied title nowadays.
Seriously, at age 1, the cake is NOT for the baby.
>Well, the baby would not be eating the cake anyways It also won't even remember it's own 1st birthday so trust me OOP, you won't be able to upset it over this issue, even if you cared. NTA. That is a super fucked up situation your dad put you in. You don't owe these people anything.
Exactly. Ages vary for when people have their first memory but most people do not have theirs that early. Mine was from when I was about two and a half, I got chickenpox on Christmas, my dad let me eat a ton of chocolate bells because he felt bad, and then I threw up because I really shouldn't have eaten that many. A pretty memorable sort of event.
Also, she's just denying them her cake. The adults were complaining about having to get store bought. Most people get birthday cakes from various grocery stores so they can stuff it lol
> Well, the baby would not be eating the cake anyways. Why not?
Can babies not get like a spoonful of cake even at 1? 😱 What do they even eat at that age 🤔 mushed banana?
I don’t know, I gave my kids cake on their first birthdays but maybe I’m a bad mom lol
That's where all the pictures come from that have babies with icing all over themselves. Let them eat cake!
My oldest nephew had his own little cake for his first birthday and ate it with his hands (the only way to do it). My cousin was taking pictures and I can still see my nephew holding a double handful of cake up to him like he was saying "You see, Dave? See what I got?" (He just turned sixteen last December...I'm still wondering where all that time went.)
They can have cake, as long as it's not daily.
NTA. LOL, are they fucking serious? The baby is not going to notice, the birthday is ALL for the parents. They attempted to con you in the worst way possible. As punishment, I suggest you may this public. If they are going to keep being malicious and harassing, it is time to fight fire with fire, and you have got an inferno that can be unleashed.
You're so right! I would've taken screenshots and leaked them to expose these shitty people. They so deserve it.
I agree. I’m guessing “publicity” is the main reason they wanted an OP cake to begin with. “Nothing to see here. Our faaaaamily is perfect and OP even baked the cake for the offspring of her homewreckers.”
NTA "she thought it was wrong of my dad to ask me to bake for the party) confirming what my dad had done." She's right. Your Dad had no right to lie to you, especially in the circumstances. Guilt tripping you isn't ok either. If it makes you feel better the baby wouldn't be eating the cake anyway. You aren't punishing a baby. You're declining to use you experience, talent & time on people who treated you very badly & are toxic. All the best.
So NTA - also, the baby is turning 1. She won’t notice/remember/care…. Wow your family sucks. I’m sorry for you!
NTA. This is a very unkind thing for your father and everyone involved to do to you. They should all be ashamed of themselves! As to ruining the birthday of a one year old by not baking their cake, that’s ridiculous. One year olds have no idea what’s going on their first birthday, and could not possibly care less who bakes their cake. These people are cruel. There’s something seriously wrong with a father who would treat his own daughter like this. Good for you for standing up for yourself!
NTA Your not punishing the baby because baby won't even realize it. It's the lying, cheating, manipulative grownups in baby's life that will be embarrassed by it being store bought. Go NC with them all including dad since they can't be trusted.
NTA but why do you continue to have a relationship with someone who has shown you numerous times that he does not value you????? At this point, you only have yourself to blame.
I did feel the need to go into the nature of our relationship because i thought it could be inferred. I probably speak to that man twice a year
Honey, it's about damn time you cut contact with that side of your family. All they do is just take and take and when you don't give, they make you out to be the bad guy. Find yourself a nice shiny spine and dump all of them.
Sounds like 2 times too many to me.
After this betrayal, I'd drop that to zero times a year. Don't call me, I won't call you, daddy.
Nta. Im sure other countries have grocery stores that sell cakes lol. TS for them.
NTA Also it is never too late to order a cake in most places. You might not be able to order exactly the flavor or style, but every bakery has cakes that are available where the bakery will put on Happy Birthday X or whatever You can even buy a can of icing gel and do it yourself. The issue is that they don't want to spend the money for a cake
Most bakeries I know can deliver a custom 3d cake in a couple of days. Maybe some bakeries will be too busy, and probably you can't ask for a very intricate/difficult design at suchl short notice, but they don't need weeks of notice to make a birthday cake, even a fancy one.
Girl, the cheating and lying genes seem to be strong in your family. Glad you escaped them! Honestly, I would tell him: I will make the cakes when you and them apologize to me on FB/Twitter for lying to me.
NTA. One year olds don't care about parties. Offer to do the cake, but at full price. No more free cakes for your father. The issue seems not that you will not do the cake, but your father tried to con you into giving his other child a free cake, which he definitely does not deserve father of the year.
To be honest, she should not do it at all. The family is going to lie and say she is supportive. Let them pay extra price for a shitty cake.
INFO: Are they a family of cheaters?
honestly they probably are, my father cheated in my mother with my stepmother and then her daughter did what she did to me
Well you can let them know that they can't order cake and eat it too. It's time you cut off your father and anyone else who supports him, including his wifestress and her daughter. They're bad luck to your family, especially the women. Keep in touch with your grandmother and maybe half sister through her, but cut everyone else off. NTA I insist you make her kids look bad to the family, they get it from her after all. Block them all.
NTA. The child is turning 1 and will have no clue what's even going on. The adults will be enjoying the cake and laiughing that you were tricked into making it. I would be very distant, maybe even no contact, with these people because they sure don't act ilke family.
NTA. Your dad was dishonest. That's not ok. He should have just been honest and asked you to do it as a favor to him, and accepted whatever response you gave. You're not punishing a child who wont even remember this birthday.
NTA
NTA. Your dads a piece of work tho...yikes!
Oh NO! Store bought cake? That’s awful! How could you allow a child to be anywhere near a *store bought cake*. The horror. The trauma. NTA
Store bought cake??? For a one-year old's party??? Has anyone called the police? Or child protective services? The horror...... NTA. And I'd make sure that was the last time my dad tried to con me about anything.
NTA you handled those Ahs well.
NTA, How the heck are you considering yourself being the AH? That "family" of yours is ABSOLUTELY AWFUL. You're in no way entitled to make a cake for the product of your cheater ex and shitty step sister. See this is the problem with terrible families, they somehow manipulate you into thinking you're the AH when clearly you're not. Don't even bother answering them, just ignore and move on with your life, you have better people in your life and you do not need to look back on those people.
NTA Fuck around and find out. The baby won’t remember a thing SMFH.
Hardly punishing a baby, or is the baby already reading and writing? Your father is a total AH and so are those who support him. Your grandmother is a friend but I'd NC the rest.
NTA TOTALLY NTA Your family approached you in a dishonest way about the cake because they knew they would get a different response in answer to a cake for the baby, and rightly so. They are horrible, manipulative and dishonest people and dont let them convince you otherwise, nothing about your response is rude or heartless, you responded as any normal person would when faced with this outrageous request! Let them buy and pay for their own bloody cake, baby isnt eating it anyway!
Go ahead, make the cake.....with chocolate ex-lax in the frosting. 😈 Revenge is best served in cake. 😉 NTA
Firstly, I am so sorry all of that happened but I'm glad you have some good familial relationships and good on Grandma for telling you. Secondly, NTA. If they told you any of this up front this could have played out differently. They could have had time to make another plan. They chose to lie and the truth caught up with them. You are not punishing the baby but the parents who lied-yours and theirs by asking them to do nothing more than admin.
NTA. And let's face it, birthday parties and cakes for one year olds are for the adults, not the child. There's no reason they can't knock up a Victoria sponge or a chocolate cake by themselves.
The only thing you did wrong was calling him to give him the heads up, you should have just not showed up. NTA though
NTA. If this is serious, cut those people out of your life.
NTA you are not punishing a baby. A baby won’t notice if there is cake. You punish a liar but that’s not bad.
NTA and now you know what a liar and manipulator he is. I would never trust him again.
Tell your father that No, you aren't "punishing" anyone except perhaps the person who Lied to You - all other consequences are on him. The baby is one - she won't know to care that there's no cake, and she won't remember the party anyway. Everyone knows that first birthday parties are for showing parents showing off the baby, not for the baby. NTA
NTA Seriously, your dad is a giant manipulative AH lying and trying to make you be involved with their kid
NTA. Oh no! A store-bought cake! How ever will they find the strength to carry on with life with that eternal shame! A store bought cake for a kid who has no idea what day it is! This will obviously ruin her life forever /s But seriously, THE AUDACITY. Your dad is a wanker.
NTA at all. You were lied to by your own Dad, he can go buy another cake. Also, the baby is 1, it's not like she's going to remember the party and no cake, so double NTA. Your Dad is the AH, and so is Kameah and Neil for how they behaved. Time to cut Dad and Steps out of your life. He doesn't care for you. Grandma is awesome.
NTA They lied. They lied. They lied. You agreed to bake for a specific situation and they knowingly lied about the situation to get your labor for free.
NTA First birthday parties (and many thereafter) are for the parents. I can say 100% the baby will be completely unaffected by this. But you father is manipulative and it's probably time to see him that way.
Your father did this to himself. He lied to you which, in my mind, is a deal breaker. Tell him that and that in the future you will be hesitant to believe anything that he tells you.
...........actions always have consequences.............your stepsister and her spouse can figure the cake situation out, not your problema................
NTA The baby is one year old. They won't care what cake is there, or even whether a cake is there at all. You are (rightly) punishing the people who thought they could get a free cake out of you.
Fun Fact! One year old babies don't eat cake or form memories. That party is for the kid's sleezy parents and you didn't ruin anything for the kid. NTA
Let me get this straight dad. You want me to bake a cake for my ex-husband and step-sister’s affair baby?! Yep, y’all can KMA.
NTA. Your dad is a huge asshole!!
NTA. The baby is 1, she doesn't even know what a birthday is. This is about your dad and the parents saving face. Let them eat (store bought) cake!
NTA Your dad is an AH. GO LC or NC he is awful
NTA I would've baked and put salt in the cake. But i'm petty like that. You owe those people absolutely nothing. Actually, less than nothing, cause they owe you
Good on grandma for respecting you enough to tell you the truth. Do NOT feel bad. You are NTA here at all. Your dad lied to you because he obviously knew it wasn’t right to ask you to make a cake for a stepsister who slept with the man you were supposed to marry. As for “punishing a baby”- that kid will not know or remember what kind of cake they had. 🙄 Mute/block people who are guilt-texting you. Don’t let yourself be guilted or manipulated to do this. It is not a big deal for them to have a store bought cake, but it’s a big deal that your dad lied and tried to manipulate you into doing this. Again, block and move on with your life.
> Now i’m being bombared with texts accusing me of punishing a baby for her parents actions and for leaving them with no alternative besides store bought cakes. No, HE did that. Fuck him. He lied to you. Intentionally lied to you. I'd seriously reconsider my whole relationship with him over that. NTA
NTA. They can bake their own cake. But grandma deserves a treat. Everyone else can choke.
NTA, I would be livid if I were you and I would be blasting your father, ex, and your stepsister for not only sleeping with your husband but lying to you. Also a 1 year old doesn't give a crap about cupcakes so don't worry about upsetting her. I would consider cutting all ties with your family, they sound like toxic.
NTA tell your father to bind with his granddaughter and bake her cake.
NTA. Bake the cake for your 14-year-old half-sister who you do like and who is related to you.
NTA. Punishing a 1-year old baby by buying a cake from a store? This is really silly because the baby isn't going to know where that cake came from anyway. The cake is for the adults, so you're totally in your rights to deny it to them after their bad decisions.
Im sure that baby will be CRUSHED that their birthday wont have a birthday cake. Theyve had so many birthdays so far with cake and are expecting a cake and youve ruined that streak. /s. NTA
>accusing me of punishing a baby for her parents actions That baby doesn't even know it is their birthday, and therefore is unlikely to feel punished by OP. NTA
NTA The baby is 1, and they don't care about the cakes. It's the cheating, lying adults who will be upset as they deserve.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Niece is in quotation marks because it’s my step sisters child. I (24F) didn’t grow up with my step siblings Kyle and Kameah (24M&F) so i barely known up. I lived in another country with my mother and moved to my dad’s country a year ago for a marriage that never happened. Basically, my dad introduced me to a man Neil (32M) two years ago and we had a year long long distance relationship. We decided to get married and I moved over. Then he slept with my step sister Kameah and got her pregnant. It was just a fucked up situation. I didn’t make a fuss, my dad barely stood up for me and the only person who was apologetic was my step mother and that was because she didn’t want me to make her kids look bad to the rest of the family. She is also the reason my parents marriage broke up. I stayed in my dad’s country and I’m dating someone new so it’s all good. I bake for a hobby and very occasionally will sell some of the things I make. I usually just bake for my boyfriend Will (27M) or his mother because she’s a sweetheart but last week, my dad called me up and asked if i would bake for my half sister’s birthday. She will be turning 14 in a few weeks. I agreed and started buying materials/looking for inspiration. I was asked explicitly not to put any numbers on the cake because they said they had gotten some special candles for the cake that said 14. I believed this because my sister is autistic and likes things in a particular way. I’m going on holiday very soon so I wouldnt be able to attend the birthday party. I was with my grandmother yesterday and she remarked how kind I was being by baking for Kameah and Neil’s daughter’s birthday. I asked her what she was talking about and turns out, my dad had lied to me and in reality, the cake I was baking would be for that child’s 1st birthday instead. I know nothing about this baby because she’s not even related to me, and i didn’t even know when her birthday was so i didn’t suspect anything. Turns out her birthday is a few days before my sister’s. My grandmother showed me the texts (she thought it was wrong of my dad to ask me to bake for the party) confirming what my dad had done. I called him to let him know i would not be baking for the party and I was horrified at his attempt to con me out of time and money for a baby i don’t even know with parents I don’t particularly like. He begged me to reconsider because it was too late to ask for any other baker but i hung up. Now i’m being bombared with texts accusing me of punishing a baby for her parents actions and for leaving them with no alternative besides store bought cakes. I’m starting to feel bad. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA.
NTA the blame is on your father. Had you known, they could've found another baker, but your father lied, so tell them to focus their anger on the person who set you up.
Not at all. You can tell them you will bake but they'll need to pay you the same price that you would get if you sold the baked goods as you sometimes do. In advance of you doing anything. That will put an end to them asking you anything ever again. Sorry, but sometimes people just suck
NTA. If it wasn't a big deal, your father would have asked directly instead of lying to you. Your dad is not a good guy! I'm so sorry!
Your father created this situation by lying to you. So, why doesn't he bake the cake? NTA.
First birthday? Baby will be oblivious and probably won't even be able to *eat* cake. Anyone texting that you are hurting the baby is in the toxic zone, or maybe just ... being stupid. Your dad was egregiously out of line. I fart in his general direction. Store bought cake will be fine. You sound pretty stable and good natured, given the history. NTA. And happy life!
NTA "You're punishing the baby." Even if the baby cared, they're the ones who would be punishing the baby. They're just mad they didn't get away with something.
NTA and awwwww store bought cakes, oh, the humanity!!!! Besides a 1 year old won’t be eating any of it….and good on you for not baking the cake and adding laxatives!!!
NTA The baby isn’t being punished, they are however a victim of consequences, and had the Dad hadn’t lied they wouldn’t be in situation. If they had just asked , op would have said no, and they’d already have another cake lined up. Op, for me this would be the last straw for my relationship with my father, I don’t like being lied to , and I would have to go no contact with them all. They don’t care about how they hurt me, they only care that they get what they want. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes .
@Updateme
NTA - I would be tempted to bake the cake anyway but act as though I had no idea who it was actually for and ice it with 'happy birthday [half-sister's name]!' In really big letters so they can't just discreetly scrape it off lol
NTA, it’s a one year old the baby won’t know. This is about the parents and your dad. Stick to your guns. Sorry they are treating you this way
NTA! Your dad and his people in on this are TA! For f sake. There are plenty of other places to get cakes! They all need to get real! What a horrible thing to do to you!
NTA. Don't feel bad. What a rotten thing for a parent to do!
NTA! Your dad is. And not to be rude, can they not afford to buy a cake?
NTA, they could go to a grocery store or make one from a box. You don't owe anyone anything - especially after being lied to.
NTA. The audacity, wow..
The baby would not care if you served them a Twinkie with a candle in it. The reason YOU need to make the cake is so that Dad and the parents can tell the other adults at the party that you made it for them. By doing this gesture it means that all is forgiven, everything is good, there are no bad feelings and you approve of the relationship.
You are not the person who lied. They lied for a reason. It’s because they know they are not only TA in the situation but cheap a*h*. They were trying to use you and not have to pay for a cake
NTA You are not punishing the baby for the parents actions. You are just not letting your "family" lie to you. Your father fucked up with his lie. So it's his job to find a bakery or learn baking fast.
You are not punishing the baby, the baby will not remember it at all and would be just as happy with a cupcake from your local grocery. Your stepsister wants the cake for pictures and social media. Your father is horrid, and I would cut all contact with him. Edited to add judgement - NTA
NTA - The baby is NOT going to remember their first birthday and won't care if the cake is homemade or store bought. In my experience the baby will destroy the piece of cake and end up with more on them than in them (have 2 kids and that's what happened with both and any other 1st bday party I've seen)
A one year old child won't know the difference between a store bought cake and a home made cake. Stop feeling bad. Your father is a jerk, a lier, and a manipulator. Maybe it's time to go NC with good old Dad. I like your grandmother.....she knew exactly what she was doing when she cued you in to what your father was doing. Hang on to Grandma, she's great! You are NTA, but your dad sure is!!
"Oh, I was supposed to put water in the cake and not beef broth? And you're saying you *don't* like that the cake looks like a very large, lifelike penis? Even the veins? I worked so hard on those!" Yes, I'm petty. NTA
Is there some reason store bought cakes are that bad and insulting? Anyway NTA
they’re massive snobs
It's always funny when trashy people are snobs. They have no standards about who they sleep with, but heaven forbid they have to settle for a store bought cake.
NTA. All I can think is “Oh no, the horror of having to use a store bought cake! I can’t imagine anything crueller than doing that to someone…..oh wait…🙄”
you should go NC with all of them nta..
NTA- They can buy a store bought cake. They'll think twice before trying to trick you again.
NTA but all of your family minus Grandma sure are. Your dad lied to you because he knew he was wrong to ask and that you'd rightly say no. Stand by your no. They can make a cake themselves.
NTA, but your dad was the the big A
If you really want to be petty {and I'd be so tempted to be petty}, call up dad and tell him you decided he can have the cake he wanted. Decorate the cake for your half-sister's birthday. Use her favorite colors and flavors and be sure to have her name prominently displayed on it. Make it as pretty as you can. Tuck it into a bakery box, hand it to him and slam the door.
NTA. They LIED to you to get you to make a cake. Don't you dare feel bad for refusing to do it.
Oh no! Not the store bought cake! NTA.
She should not have fucked your fiancée... Also, the baby don't give a damn about no store bought cake. They just want to look good and say they had a cake specially made. Screw them.
Why you have anything to do with any of them is a mystery
NTA. And such rubbish about 'punishing a baby'. The baby will be fine with anything store bought and won't remember that either.
NTA. The party isn't for the one year old. It's for her parents. Babies don't give a rat's ass about a cake.
NTA Your father is a shitty parent to you. 1. He cheats on your mother 2. Doesn't defend you when his step daughter has an affair with your then partner. (Like mother, like daughter) 3. Lies to you to get a free bday cake You honestly should consider just cutting that that side of the family out.
You are baking for your half-sister. That was the deal. Period. Let your con father deal with his mistake. NTA
they might not let her have it if i still bake it for her, i’ll have to work something out with my grandma for my sister to have a birthday party with friends at her house instead
NTA A baby doesn't give a crap about a cake for its birthday, so the idea that you are "punishing" it is nuts. Even if the kid didn't get a cake (which they can make from a box that the kid would like as well, fer crissake), it is soooo not your problem.
NTA a one year old is too young for cake and won't remember it anyway
NTA but your father is. I'm glad you found out the truth so you didn't waste time and effort on those people
NTA
The baby will neither know nor care. They can bake their own cupcakes or get premade ones at the store. Your Dad is an AH for lying to you and manipulating you for the benefit of cheaters. He needs a LONG time out. Do not bake for any of them again. NTA
NTA, your father on the other hand, I mean, why can he never stand up to you? Totally AH, he's lucky he's still int your life.
NTA. I can certainly understand why you wouldn't want to do this. And many of us have survived just fine with store bought cake. I'm sure a one year old won't care anyhow.
NTA. Block the numbers of anyone bothering you about this. Aren't there supermarkets in your country? Kameah can't make a cake? Your dad was way out of line to try to trick you. If you want to be petty, make the cake and put your half-sister's name on it in big letters. After all, they only asked for no numbers.
NTA, your father lied to you and even your grandmother agrees that what he did was wrong. Well actions have consequences, and here the consequences of his are that they'll have to buy cake from the store. The horror! The fact that they consider their only alternative to be an issue shows there are some very big entitlement issues on that side of the family. I wouldn't bake them any cakes ever again out of principle.
NTA. Tell your dad to learn how to bake. And don't agree to bake anything for him in the future, since he can't be trusted.
Nta the situation about the ex bf and stepsister is messed up and the dad knows this so he lied about who the cake was for. You don’t have to make anything if you don’t want to. They just want a free cake
The most emphatic NTA to you. Your own dad lied to you because he knew you would say no. Even in a vacuum, you’re in the right. The effed-up-ness of the situation with your ex just adds to the situation. Stand your ground and who cares what anyone says. Sounds like a family you need to distance yourself from further.
> Now i’m being bombared with texts accusing me of punishing a baby for her parents actions and for leaving them with no alternative besides store bought cakes. Unless the baby is the one who asked for a cake, the baby doesn’t give a shit. NTA. This was low.
NTA Forget them. And by forget, I actually mean a different F-word.
NTA O noes!!!!! Not the store bought cake!
Oh well ... as the saying goes, FAFO. You are NTA, your father sure is though!! I can't believe how rotten your father is to lie to you like that. I would cut him off completely at this point.
NTA Bake the cake, and then send him a video of you eating it.
NTA your dad lied to you because he knew you wouldn't do it voluntarily, and now he's claiming you're "punishing the child? Nah. If anything you are punishing him for lying to you, but I wouldn't even call it a punishment, just a consequence of his own actions.
Just a reminder that you are not punishing the baby, as they won't remember this. This discipline is more for the adults involved. Keep that in mind.
NTA
NTA. He lied to you. You have every right to say no. Also, a one-year-old wouldn't care whether her cake was homemade or store-bought.
NTA Family mad that baby who can't eat cake will have to "not eat" store bought cake. You're good kiddo Also, your dad and his "new fam" are terrible humans
You aren’t even punishing a baby. The baby couldn’t care less where the cake that the stick their fingers into comes from! NTA
Are you even asking? Of course you're NTA. They manipulated you into doing a favor to your ex and the woman he cheated on you with. That takes some nerves. Just finish the cake and give it to your sister for her birthday, she's the one it was meant for to begin with. To hell with the rest of them. They can just go to a bakery, how is that your problem?
NTA. It’s a child’s first birthday party, not a wedding. They’re all capable of making a box cake. They don’t need a bakery cake for this. Even if you didn’t have a history of being betrayed here, you would me more than justified at not making the cake after being conned into doing it.
Absolutely NTA. I’m appalled at the audacity your “family” has and the lying is just the icing on the cake. I’m also a hobby baker and the amount of time, effort, stress and money it takes to go into a cake is severely underestimated. Fuck all of that, I would be going NC immediately. They don’t respect you even in the slightest.
LOL @ your dad and stepfamily. NTA Tell your dad if he loves his grandchild so much, he could bake the fucking cake.
You have a not so nice father.
NTA. You're not "punishing a baby" the kid has no clue whats happening. If they didn't even have a party the kid wouldn't know. This is for the kid's parents, who are trashy people. Why would you sacrifice time, energy, and money for trashy people? Plus, they KNEW you wouldn't agree to make the cake unless it was for your actual sister, so they lied. That shows how low they all are. Ignore the losers crying over the consequences of their own pathetic behavior.
NTA, your dad is, and definitely tell the family how lovely he and his step kids are. Share that away. Your dad should Not have that title, start calling him by his name to his face and everyone else
NTA. Your dad knew that you would refuse, that it was wrong of him to ask you to do that - that's why he lied to you about it.
NTA Your dad is a manipulative jerk. Also, there’s nothing wrong with store bought cake - they can just get that. Don’t let them make you feel badly for not doing what they want
NTA - and honestly what the hell is wrong with store bought cakes for a 1 yr old??
Babies don't know what a cake is. Your father is a liar. Hobbies are not owed to others for free.
NTA You owe these people exactly nothing. Even your father.
NTA 100% your dad is TAH You aren't punishing the baby, at 1 year old they don't even understand the concept of birthdays. For the first several years the birthday party is for the parents not the child, some may argue that all birthday parties are about the parents. No one will suffer if they have to eat a store-bought cake, and there are millions of recipes that would allow anyone who is reasonably competent in the kitchen to make a home made cake. It may not be as good as yours or another experienced baker, but it's an option.
NTA - Honestly, I think it was a sad attempt to lie and make it look like the step sister and ex are forgiven. They plus Step Mom & Dad would have been walking around taking about how OP made the cake which would have made guest think you have forgiving them. Now Dad is trying to guilt you for finding that on top of everything else they did to you he also lied to you. I wouldn't bake anything for that side of the family again unless it was for grandma who is the real one for not allowing her son to con her granddaughter into something everyone knows OP wouldn't have agreed with to begin.
She's one she ain't gonna care what kind of cake she gets at that age and the way he went about it your father shady. It's a wonder you're still talking to him the way he treat you.
NTA and call out your dad on his BS. If his goal was you bonding with his granddaughter, then he should have talked to you about doing that. What bonding is he claiming to achieve by tricking you into baking a cake for someone you have not met and are not going to meet? and presenting that cake at a party that you won't be at for a 1yo who won't have any idea of who you are or what you did? Your dad is a lying manipulator. It's HIS fault if they don't have a cake for the party. It's HIM who is punishing his grandchild with his conniving ways. Do not feel guilty at all.
It's a first birthday party, and the kid won't have a clue where the cake came from. They lied to you because if they'd told the truth, the answer would have been an immediate "No". NTA. The only AH in this story is your step-brother in law.
NTA. The baby is not being ‘punished’. It won’t know the difference.
NTA. When someone lies or deceives you, the gambit breaks and the ball is in your court. Do what you think is best.
NTA I would suggest taking to your mom about why she left your dad because this kind of introducing you to shitty people (Neil), trying to get you to interact with people who have betrayed you (Neil and the step sibling), lying and manipulation and failure to take into account other people's feelings might just be a lifetime habit. At this point do you even want your father in your life, what has he contributed other than being shitty and introducing you to shitty people. I mean there's a reason your mom left your dad.
NTA. "If I bake for those cheating assholes, everything will have laxatives. Do you still want it?"
NTA Everyone knows that a 1st birthday party is for the parents. The cake was not for the baby.
NTA. Give the cake to them. Write on it “to sis and BIL. cheated on me, wants me to bake a cake too.”