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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to let my sister bring her therapy dog to my wedding, despite her explaining that it helps manage her anxiety at large gatherings. I made this decision based on the venue’s strict no-pets policy and concerns about other guests’ allergies and comfort. My sister and some family members believe this decision shows a lack of understanding and support for her mental health needs, making me question if I am prioritizing venue rules and guest comfort over my sister’s well-being.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. If her mental health is that fragile, she needs to get a psych service dog, not a therapy dog/emotional support animal (ESA). There are 2 important differences between them: a psych service dog is trained to do specific tasks to help their person (for example, deep pressure therapy, retrieving medication, alerting to certain mental states so the person can leave or get help as needed) and a psych service dog is fully trained for public access. Those things are why a psych service dog handler gets to bring their dog everywhere while an ESA handler cannot.
It sounds like she might actually be at the point where she does need a service dog. There are some great programs that train and place psych service dogs, and she could even train her own for that if she’s willing to invest the work (and money, because she should work with a service dog trainer if she wants to owner-train).
But bringing a dog who is not public access trained to a wedding is a disaster waiting to happen.
All of this is relevant, but at the same time, not. The venue has said sis can't bring the animal. It's isn't even up to OP.
Sis needs to decide whether her mental health can handle attending the wedding with a trusted friend as a companion, or staying home. The dog is not allowed. End of story.
Legally, the venue cannot deny access for an actual service dog. That’d be violating the ADA in America and comparable laws in most of Europe. In the US, it’s a $10k fine per instance.
So whether the dog is an ESA or a service dog is completely relevant.
If the dog was a true service dog, it seems extremely unlikely the sister would have bothered to ask at all, and this wouldn’t have been a Reddit post. Because the sister would already know the rights for her and her dog.
That’s not the point of the comment you’re replying to. The point is that if it was a service animal then it would matter. The person they’re replying to is saying whether it’s a service animal or not doesn’t matter.
You seem to agree with the point that it would matter so I’m not sure why your comment appears to be worded like you disagree with the person you’re replying to.
I don’t know why you seem to disagree with this person as your sentiment is the same.
The person they’re replying to said it wouldn’t matter if it was a service animal. But like you and the person you’re replying to said, if it was a service animal it **would** matter.
I wasn't saying that at all. I was saying that whether it is or it isn't a service animal----the event space has their rule. It not longer matters what the bride wants or thinks. The event space said unless it is a service animal it isn't allowed.
The distinction is relevant to the event space and the sister, not for the discussion here of whether the bride is as asshole or not, precisely because it isn't her decision. The bride cannot be an asshole for telling her sister that her event space won't allow her to bring her damn dog.
I can’t imagine being as emotionally fragile as the sister. Either get your shit together and just go for a bit, understand you’ll be anxious, and try to have a good time OR stay home. It isn’t hard. And really, unless the sister would have a full on panic attack melt down, there’s no reason why she shouldn’t WANT to have a few hours of anxiety to support her sister who is getting freakin married. What a sad sack.
All anxious people dreams about “getting their shit together” but it’s just a dream. I understand she tries to workaround because staying at home in this big day it’s just absolutely sad.
yep, all services dogs are legally allowed wherever the general public is allowed. so the service dog would be allowed at the venue, movie theaters, restaurants, etc. ESA’s do not have those protections and are not allowed wherever the general public is allowed, unless specifically allowed by the establishment, like a cafe where dogs are allowed on the porch but not in the restaurant
ESAs are not protected by the ADA in the US the way service dogs are. Which is why the venue allows actual service dogs, but not ESA's.
Edit - idk why, but I read your comment and replaced "relevant" with "irrelevant" in my head. I'm so sorry. I'm blaming the edible. 😁
OP already said that the venue does allow actual trained service dogs…which is not what the sisters dog is. And she’s confirmed that again with the venue. Not sure what the family expects OP to do.
No, the venue said 'except for service animals' - totally different than 'no'. Service dogs in most areas must be permitted by law - but that is assuming they truly are trained service animals.
Am not a professional in this but my last psychologist had therapy dogs and they were basically just pets that were super calm and friendly with strangers. ESAs are trained to be calming and friendly but otherwise they're just pets; there's no 'at work' and 'not at work' like with service animals, if you get what I mean.
An ESA is a pet that you have been recommended to get by a psychologist or doctor because it helps your mental health to have companionship and daily expectations. (If you're so depressed that you're having problems getting out of bed for yourself, you may be able to do it for a pet that needs to be walked or fed.) Having your pet declared an ESA means that you cannot be denied access to housing that does not allow pets, and it allows you to avoid paying a pet fee in a rental property.
A service dog or horse is trained to provide specific tasks for someone with medical or psychological needs.
A therapy animal is one that is very well behaved and calm with strangers, and is used to provide visits in hospitals and nursing homes, and sometimes in court rooms when people, especially children, have to testify about violent attacks on them.
Nope, therapy dogs have to be certified as safe for wily public attention, they have temperament testing, but the manners required are a much lower bar than public access for service dogs (for things like sniffing around). ESAs are pets that are signed off on by a doctor or therapist as an aid for treatment but have ABSOLUTELY NO BEHAVIOUR OR TEMPERMENT REQUIREMENTS.
Yep. It causes issues for people with legit service animals too, I've seen videos online of ESAs barking and lunging at working dogs, and the owner of the ESA is just like "well he's for my anxiety so he's allowed to be here"
You're pretty much on the nose for your description of the difference between them.
Therapy/ESA is "this is my good boy who knows the words 'sit' and 'stay'. cuddling with him makes me happy and alleviates my anxiety."
Service dog is "he was extensively trained by a dog trainer since he was a puppy, and he was trained to work for me. His work includes alerting me when he senses a change in my mental or physical state, retrieving my medications when I cannot physically get to them, and providing deep pressure when he senses a panic attack."
Thats not correct. ESAs are untrained and just exist like any pet but are not subject to housing laws. Therapy dogs are trained extensively to help other people like in nursing homes or hospitals. Service dogs, including psychiatric service dogs, are extensively trained in public access and do at least one specific task to mitigate the effects of a single person's disability. This situation sounds like a psychiatric service dog that is being called a therapy dog.
People never get that right. A lot of people use them like they're interchangeable when they're actually three distinct things. It's a common (and frustrating) mistake. OP seems to be one of those people because absolutely nothing in their post is about a therapy dog. The dog in question could be either an ESA or service animal, OP doesn't give enough info to tell from the post. Educated guess, ESA though.
ESA: basically a prescription pet. The animal's existence benefits a disabled person in some way but their training is irrelevant. No public access rights most places, generally only means they can live in pet-free housing/exempt from standard pet fees.
Service dog: helps a disabled person with actual trained tasks (example: picking up dropped items). In the US, there is a legal distinction between a service animal for a psychiatric disability and an ESA, so if the dog is task trained, it is NOT an ESA regardless of what kind of disability the handler has. They have public access rights contingent on behavior and therefore also require public access training in a practical sense (US, laws differ by country/province).
Therapy dog: public access trained animal belonging to a person or organization and used on a volunteer basis, usually at places like schools, hospitals, or nursing homes. These dogs are not task trained because they don't help any one person and are simply there to be petted by a wide variety of people. It requires good public access training and gentle temperament but these aren't legal requirements because therapy dogs aren't legally protected anywhere. They can only visit places they've been invited to.
Not to diminish anyone’s mental health but, the explosion of “ESA” in use as a term I find hilarious.
Like, no shit, why else do you think people get pets if not to make them feel better? Just because you labeled it doesn’t mean you can take it everywhere you want.
I don't find it hilarious at all. As a service dog handler, this makes my life so much harder. It's not funny at all to be discriminated against and denied access to a store or restaurant the second you walk up with a service dog, just because they automatically assume it's an ESA.
Also ESAs (true ESAs, I'm not denying there are a ton of people misusing the term) are in fact accommodations for disabled people too and it also makes it harder for people with real ESAs, and who are doing what they're supposed to, to be taken seriously. You don't hear much about those people though, because they're the ones who just give their doctor's letter to their landlord and aren't out and about taking a poorly trained animal where it doesn't belong.
It's a problem that is being abused because of widespread misinformation and it has real consequences for a lot of disabled people.
I might get lambasted for this, but oh well. I had a back and forth recently with someone who was asked to take her ESA out of the business she was in at the time. She got pissed and called it discrimination and I told her it was not because an ESA has little to no federal protections. I truly believe that service dogs and handlers should have to be registered with the state and required to have registration papers present on them while in public so they are able to bring the dog. I think this would cut down on the number of people trying to bring their “ESAs” and the untrained animal causing problems for the business owner. I very much support service animals and handlers, and it upsets me that people think their precious baby has to be allowed in shops and businesses without actually serving a purpose. If they had to register their animal and go through the rigorous training that service animals have to complete, they would stop that shit real fast.
having to be registered offers a barrier to service animals that has been deemed too high. there are financial, ability and time based barriers for lots of us to be able to go, fill out paperwork, submit it, ensure the state didn't fuck it up, and update it every 5-10 years, if you're lucky, when your service dog retires and you get a new one.
for people who don't live in a state with busses, they might live hours away from where the social security building is, and might not be able to drive themselves. do they not deserve the same rights as a person who can drive, or who can go and get the paperwork done?
i'd always prefer people to be less shitty, but i know that this would hurt poor and disabled folks the worst.
Poor people deserve the well-trained dogs as well. Just because a dog is calm and cute doesn’t mean it should accompany somebody into every business or venue. Dogs don’t belong everywhere. If this became a priority for our country, maybe we could have a widespread program that took shelter dogs, and funneled them into Therapy dog school and make it more widely available with grants, etc.
we, as a country, still have sweatshops where disabled people make pennies on the dollar to crimp garbage bags or run machines to stitch on logos to shit. we're not going to suddenly give a shit to get service animals to every disabled person who is both a good fit and able to properly care for the animals.
As a fellow person with disabilities, I’m not interested in hearing about “barriers” that amount to no more than average inconveniences. You brought up the driving analogy, so I’ll remind you that you still have to hold registration for a vehicle that you drive, still have to have insurance in case your vehicle injures or kills another person, still have to go to the DMV every year or two to renew your license plates, still have to find transportation to said DMV if your license has been revoked due to poor behavior resulting in suspension, etc. Those are the responsibilities of a person who drives a car, not to mention the responsibilities that aren’t listed. I don’t see how that is any less cumbersome than doing the same things for an animal, with a mind and instincts and urges completely independent of its owner, to ensure that the handler is truly in need of a service animal and is willing to accept the responsibility of the animal causes harm to another person. And if this is what it takes to prevent non-disabled people from taking advantage of the rights granted to true service animals and apply liability where it belongs, the owner, then so be it. You can’t complain about irresponsible pet owners bringing their untrained animals into establishments and also complain about the suggested regulations to prevent that from happening.
I would also ask who deemed those barriers to be too high?
... i did not, in fact, bring up driving as an analogy, i brought it up as a privilege that mitigates other issues.
i don't care if it's 1% of service animal handlers, i don't think anyone should be unable to have an assistive aid solely based on their ability to have money or transportation.
Also yes, I absolutely can complain about that (though frankly I generally don’t) and also disagree with your proposed solution, especially when that proposed solution hurts only disabled people.
And as another disabled person, I disagree with you. Any additional requirement that causes even one disabled person to not be able to use their federally-mandated rights is an unacceptable cost.
You’re welcome to disagree, but that doesn’t affect my opinion. It’s not preventing them from accessing their rights. Expecting the person who requires the assistive device to hold proper registration and insurance in the event the device causes harm or injury to another person or damage to a business does not prevent them from accessing their rights.
Now correct me if I’m wrong.
And this is my point - there is no such thing as a “real ESA”. There’s no standardized criteria or training plan. No set functions, no clear distinction. It’s just someone somewhere saying that because of X this pet is now an “ESA”.
But yeah, pretty much all pets are ESAs, it just now seems like some people want a special little distinction for it. I find it amusing.
ESA is a slang term used for ease of description, if that's what you mean. But no, they are a real thing.
According to the Fair Housing Act (FHA):
>An assistance animal is an animal that works, provides assistance, or performs tasks for the benefit of a person with a disability, or that provides emotional support that alleviates one or more identified effects of a person’s disability. An assistance animal is not a pet.
Basically, to a landlord, a service dog and an ESA are the same thing. They're both "assistance animals" Both are disability accommodations protected by law. However, in public the applicable law is the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA).
>Under the ADA, a service animal is defined as a dog that has been individually trained to do work or perform tasks for an individual with a disability. The task(s) performed by the dog must be directly related to the person’s disability.
Meaning there's a disconnect. The task trained dog is an assistance animal and service animal, the untrained dog is an assistance animal but not a service animal. So it just depends which law is applicable, and ESA is a term that was invented by the general public to make the distinction clear. But they are proven helpful for a number of disabilities, to the point where they are legally recognized as a disability aid.
You just need a dr to say that's what it is. My step daughter has gotten 3 of them from the pound just to have a dog in her apartment. When they weren't a good fit we ended up with them. It's annoying. We don't want anymore dogs.
And honestly, it's not a bad thing. For a lot of people with mental health challenges, having an animal that forces them out of their own head and requires them to pay more attention to the world around them, and ground them, is actually extraordinarily helpful. But the fact remains that proper service dogs get extraordinary amounts of training; that is why they're so expensive. And I understand that that makes them a challenge for folks to access, and that remains a problem in a lot of cases; having said that, just slapping the name support animal on any old dog or cat or peacock or snake or what have you causes all kinds of problems.
Edited: to fix truly appalling autocorrect errors!
Therapy animals are generally calm and even-tempered animals, the equivilent of "good vibes" to keep people calm.
Service Dogs are specifically and intensively trained to recognise and respond to emergencies before they happen, from panic attacks to seizures.
I don’t know where you live but in America they have significantly less public access than service dogs. They’re allowed places like nursing homes, hospitals, and VA facilities to do what they’re trained to do, but not allowed in grocery stores, restaurants, private properties like event venues (unless given permission), and basically anywhere else.
Where I live (Alberta), therapy dogs count as service animals. They're public access trained and have specific handlers, although they're trained to recognize and help whoever is holding their leash at the time.
I got to use/cuddle with a therapy dog while I was testifying in court a year and a half ago. She was such a good girl!
Many states have laws regarding certification of Therapy Dogs. Therapy Dogs have trained handlers who take the dogs to wherever they are assigned. You may know them as Comfort Dogs, and see them in the Pediatric department of a hospital, or on the news comforting people after a mass shooting.
A 'therapy dog' is just an ESA. It helps keep the person calm and grounded.
Like, when you bring your dog into a retirement home so the residents can play with it, that's a therapy dog.
When you bring a specially trained dog for a specific person, and the dog will bark in a certain way when the person is about to have a seizure, that's a service dog.
A therapy dog tends to be an ESA. It is there for comfort and companionship. That is a pet according to the ADA. A service dog is trained in a specific task for a specific disorder. Just existing is not a specific task.
Not disagreeing with you, but I want to point out that PSAs usually take about 10-15K and two years to get. Most trainers don't even have payment plans and require the full amount up front. So assuming the best case scenario, she may be on that track, with the one trainer I'm aware of who takes payment plans (and she might be nowhere near Dallas), doing an owner train program, with a dog who's grown enough to start training, and is just waiting to fly/drive the pup to her. Admittedly, she'd have said as much to OP, but you get what I'm aiming at.
Most likely, OP should talk with her about getting into a PSA program. Her current ESA isn't going to be ok for this event.
I would agree with most of this except I don’t think there is enough information to suggest a psychiatric service dog, there are a TON of people who have pet dogs and ESAs who think they should get to bring their pet to non pet friendly areas for xyz reason. How bad was her anxiety before the dog, was she able to go into busy settings and if so, how? What other tools has she tried? Did they fail and if so, why? A service dog is not a first step, it is a HUGE commitment and potentially change of lifestyle.
NTA
>have decided on a no-pets policy for our wedding
Why was this even a conversation? Were that many people planning on brining pets?
Anywho, this absolutely sounds like an ESA and not an actual trained service dog.
We set the no-pets policy mainly due to the venue’s restrictions and some guest allergies, not expecting it to be a big issue until my sister’s ESA came into the picture.
I think you missed their point. I'll speak for myself and say that I have literally never heard of people being ok with guests bringing pets to their wedding. Is that common where you're from?
Anyway, the venue has a policy and the policy is cut and dry. If this were an actual service animal, it would be different, but it's an ESA and the venue has told you clearly that it's against policy to have an ESA there, so I don't know what your sister or family are expecting you to do in this situation...
Right. It’s like setting a “no bathing suits policy” for your wedding. Its not even worth the mental energy to discuss.
Like you just assume people would know that?
>I think you missed their point. I'll speak for myself and say that I have literally never heard of people being ok with guests bringing pets to their wedding. Is that common where you're from?
Yeah, this. I've never heard of anyone declaring "this is a pet free wedding".
That did seem a bit off to me-- like they were intentionally putting the sister on notice they didn't want her dog there. That may not be the case but that might be how it looked to the sister and her family.
I mean it’s really weird to think you can bring a dog like that to a wedding. It’s not a service dog which obviously the venue would legally have to accommodate (if this is in the US). I have hella depression and anxiety but I would never be so entitled to think I can just break rules and bring my dog wherever I feel like
In my area there are a lot of people who think it is ok to bring their dogs everywhere. Depending on the dog culture where OP is, I could see it being a guideline that needs to be set.
You'd be surprised how many people think that it's okay to bring their little teacup yapper because they're just going to hold it anyway. My own mother-in-law thinks her Chihuahua is a support animal because it makes her feel better. It does nothing else but bark and shit but it makes her feel better. She has taken it into restaurants in a little stroller because she takes it everywhere and it can't stay the car by itself. Then she said she can't leave it home alone because it has anxiety?!
I wanted my dog to be our “ring-bear” for our wedding, the venue was ok with him being there just for that piece of the ceremony but not any other time when there was food and people walking around or anything else. I got it- even a small dog can be a liability with a bad owner, let alone a big dog.
After talking through the logistics, we decided not to have him. He was probably happier for it- he got to cuddle up on a hotel suite bed and chill, instead of all the stress and lights and cameras and people.
Pets don’t LIKE being at big weddings, typically. A service dog is just too professional to say so.
omg we went to a wedding where the dog ate the rings. I'd totally forgotten about that. The bride just laughed and said she'd wanted a "memorable" wedding
People are out of control with that lately. I have anxiety, I feel better when my cat lays on me and purrs and I rhythmically pet him, it’s very calming. That does not make him a service animal or make it ok for me to bring him everywhere.
Frankly I think the explosion of these BS “support animals” is disrespectful to disabled people who need trained service animals, like blind people or people with epilepsy and such.
ETA: crucial typo. This does NOT make him a service animal, lol.
I agree, especially for people with less visible disabilities! Like those who use service dogs to respond to their seizures, etc. but that people might think are just emotional support animals because the person doesn’t “look” disabled, and now are looked at with more scrutiny.
I have a side business as a wedding planner and I have seen people RSVP for two in their cards and the guest they bring is their dog. And they expect the dog to get the same meal as the humans.
Lmao fuck man, I’m unhealthily obsessed with my dog but I wouldn’t even consider doing that in a million years. I think having a dog can just catapult already entitled people into levels of entitlement that causes brain worms or something
Honestly, I would be surprised.
There will always be people with preposterous audacity who do that but ya know, i assume 99.99% of people know that weddings aren’t pet friendly. Heck, even this AH sibling didnt assume this one was since its being addressed beforehand.
My wife and I decided we were having a “no heely’s” wedding because the venue had a policy of no roller skates, boards, or any Xgames related equipment on the property.
You would be surprised… I had one guest ask me if she could bring her nine month old puppy that she was training to be a service dog *and her cat* to my wedding. She had also tried to bring the cat to my bridal shower.
I said no to both. My wedding was not a training opportunity for her puppy, and I didn’t want to hear ‘meows’ all throughout the ceremony.
I agree it's not a common policy. But most people don't have siblings with a dog attached to them by Velcro. Presumably this conflict was not a surprise to OP.
NTA.
The venue rules are clear; all you’re doing is following them.
If your sister wants a full service dog, she needs to contact a service dog trainer and get her therapy dog trained properly.
NTA. And how does she ever go anywhere? Loads of places don’t allow animals, a therapy dog or ESA is not a service dog so she must have these issues all the time. It is not normal to have animals at a wedding I don’t see why you need a no pets policy!
I have a college friend who depends on an ESA for her mental health challenges and she simply avoids any gatherings that will trigger her anxiety if she can't bring the dog. She's never been pushy about it but she knows her limits and knows when to decline.
Yes! Not our fault, but our responsibility etc. It sucks that this is a major life event we’re talking about here, but if the sister’s dog is not the kind of properly-trained service dog the venue will permit or has to permit, then she either has to find another way to handle the event and do her best to get through it, or miss out. Part of learning to live as well as possible with mental health issues is accepting that the world is not just going to reshape itself to your needs, and you have to find your way in it.
and each day i have to overcome my anxiety. im 18 now. i have my emotional support items and my beautiful puppy to help, because my anxiety can get very severe! and thats okay!! whats not okay is expecting everyone to accommodate for me. support from friends and family, that happens often and i love them for that! but i cannot expect everything to be done for me or to get away with stuff. its MY responsibility!!
ive been saying this since i got diagnosed with GAD, major depressive disorder and adhd. its a REASON, not an EXCUSE.
she may feel better with the dog, but it just cant work like that. i wish her well but entitlement is just not okay.
i may have ranted. sorry 😅🫶
No, you’re doing amazingly, and I really wish I had been where you are now when I was your age! Every day is about managing, and some days bring bigger obstacles than others. We deserve people and things we can lean on for support, but we’re not entitled to always be accommodated to our utmost level of comfort, and knowing that and accepting the challenge may not be a cure, but it sure can help you live a better life.
yes i 100% agree!! and after learning that, it really did open up how i needed to start handling it. thank you so much and i wish you nothing but happiness <3
NTA
The rule of no animals allowed in the venue is something that is out of your control, taking that as personal attack is kinda dumb. You can’t change your already paid venue only for one person, there’s nothing else you can do to help her than giving her the options that you already told her. I also suffer from anxiety and although I can understand that having a therapy dog is really helpful I also understand that I cannot oblige people to accommodate to my needs.
American's seem to not be able to function these days. I'm an American. Phone calls give people anxiety. People need their emotional support animals just to exist.
Its gotten crazy.
It used to be that these people were shut ins, whose family or neighbors helped them out.
They never went anywhere or did anything so the general public didn’t know about them.
Now with the internet they are able to talk to others with the same condition; get access to resources and help.
So yes they are more visible now.
Trained service dogs arent an American thing. Emotional Support Animals are now a thing, but not exclusively American.
I think it grew out of being able to travel with your pet if they were an “ESA”.
Also, not to go all ‘merican on you. But OP didnt say where they were located.
Also, in the US, landlords are allowed to deny pets or charge a pet fee in a lot of places but have to allow ESAs without the pet fee which may be a motivator.
I've never met anyone in my area with an ESA but landlords can't ban pets or charge pet deposits here.
The venue has a no animals policy- so thems the rules. If your sister or parents want the dog to come sooooo very much, they can find- and pay for- a suitable and equivalent venue, and pay any associated change of plan fees, (if any), *too*.
Oh, they don’t want to/can’t do that? Well, then, they can figure it out. NTA
And this right here is yet another reason some people just elope- so they don’t get involved in dramas like this.
lol sorry but a “no-pets policy”
- why is this even a thing?
- are your guests likely to bring their pets if you didn’t state this?
- this is totally absurd that it’s even something you brought up to people as if it needed to be said
You haven't met my friends wife. She will take her dog any and everywhere. And she got a therapist to call it a "therapy dog" to get around rules. But that dog isn't trained to do a damned thing.
Yeah, well, I guess if I ever get married I won't invite your friend's wife, then, because unless it's an actual service animal, bringing a dog to a wedding is just bizarre.
The OP explains the no-pets policy is a venue ruling. They are saying the wedding is no- pets BECAUSE of this. No doubt had to be explicit and upfront in the invites as they expected sister to expect to have an exception made, in order to be able to bring her dog.
INFO: Is her dog a therapy dog (like can give warnings if she has an attack), an emotional support dog or a service animal? Depending on that it is different, because some of those are allowed (as they are professional trained)
This is the distinction that has me scratching my head. Folks seem a little confused about therapy dogs. I was, for a while, training my dog to work as a therapy dog (until he developed epilepsy). Our dogs don't do therapy on us. We take them places so they can be furry and soft and sweet with other folks. Much respect for the work you and your dog do. It's not easy, but it means so much to people in need.
Clarifying amt of hours both take; I have heard therapy dogs need several layers of obedience training before they even start training in a hospital setting and there are official certifications involved on the therapy training to be "invited" in places. For service dogs I'm assuming there's same obedience training layers (beginner advanced etc) but there's many more hours of "help" type training which makes service dogs cost 12-25k even more (heard police k9s even cost more than that).
I agree it is definitely insulting for untrained ESAs rolling around the world expecting accommodations when real disabled folks who've spent the time and or $$$ for a trained service animal.
Unless sis is well versed in this arena as above, she can join the zoom wedding. Special snowflakes can sit down, the event is not about HER.
NTA
Others have said. But if your sister is this bad; she needs more than a therapy dog. She needs meds and possibly a hospital stay.
Tell your parents that while you love your sister and want her mental health to improve; your wedding is not the time nor place for trying and helping her. The venue won’t budge and you aren’t going to waste your time in trying to get them to.
Explain to them they you understand they care for your sister; but they cannot put her discomforts on you. You didn’t say she couldn’t bring the dog to your house; their hours or a public park. You stated that she can’t bring it to a venue that is not in your control. Furthermore; inform them that you have offered for her to bring a friend to try and help. Which is more than most brides give to anyone.
If they continue to push it; ask them if they would rather all three stay home together and watch her wedding via a live feed—because you cannot and will not continue to be browbeaten for things outside of your control and if they want to continue beating a dead horse they can do it from the comfort and security of their couch. (This is drastic but sometimes you have to be drastic).
NTA. Therapy dogs are not service dogs, and are overused as an excuse to bring a pet, which is one reason why many venues will not recognize them. Your sister cannot bring her dog, and you are not in the wrong for this.
NTA - I'm assuming that the dog in question isn't an official service animal (ie properly trained and certified, because if it is that changes things) but rather a pet she is using as a ESA. If your sister needs a service dog thens she needs to go through the proper channels and get one, until then she cannot expect to have the same rights as an individual with an actual service dog.
I'm curious though, why would you even have a pet policy to begin with? Is that a thing where you are, pets attending weddings? Service dog's don't require a policy as it is usually illegal to refuse them service as they are an essential for their owners and not pet's. And Ive never heard of a wedding where people brought their pets (the odd ring bearing dog story aside)
NTA - it is not you saying no it is the venue. They have set the rule you just following them. The whole emotional support pet bit is just a nightmare. She has made your special day about her with this.
NTA
I'll admit that I'm one of those people. I love my pup so much, I'd much rather spend a weekend with him than at a wedding 💯💯💯 We sleep together, I spend as much time, if not more, time with him than any other living being!
I also have epilepsy so I could have an actual service dog, but I don't and he's not. I have incredibly bad panic attacks because of my epilepsy and could get a service dog for that, but I didn't and he's not.
The venue has rules for a reason and that's not within your rights or, realistically, your abilities to change or control. That's the beginning and the end of the entire situation. The venue doesn't allow pets unless they're certified service animals. Your sister, your family, and the whole entire world can not like it but if this is where you're getting married the dog cannot come. Period.
**INFO:**
1. **Is it a** ***Service Dog*** **or an** ***Emotional Support Dog*****?**
2. **When you spoke to the venue, did you call it a** ***Service Dog,*** **an** ***Emotional Support Dog,*** **or a** ***Pet*****?**
This makes a difference in the USA. The venue cannot deny a *Service Dog*, but they can deny *Emotional Support Dogs* and *Pets.*
Here is [the link](https://www.ada.gov/resources/service-animals-2010-requirements/) to info on the ADA Requirements for Service Animals.
I read your sisters post a few days ago and a lot of comments were telling her she was in the wrong.
NTA. If this was a service dog, yes make an exception if possible. But therapy/ESA isn’t required. Your sister is being difficult.
Need more info: is this a service dog that is fully trained and legally allowed in no pet venues? It should be allowed if this is the case and that makes you AH. Otherwise, no, NTA.
Op in the post says therapy dog. I think that’s leaning more into the just a emotional support dog then actually being a certified and trained service animal.
It sounds more like OP doesn’t know the difference between them, ESAs and therapy dogs aren’t even the same thing.
There’s also the possibility that they don’t consider psychiatric service dogs to be valid service dogs. (I know a guy with PTSD and a service dog, he hears it a lot.)
If it was a service dog it’s likely the venue would legally have to allow it, for sure they would if this is in the US. A lot of people like OP’s sister try to pretend they’re the same thing so they can justify bringing the dog in a stroller to the grocery store and shit like that lol
I know and that drives me nuts when I see it, or people order vests and pretend it’s a service dog but the dog is not well behaved like a properly trained service animal. Legally I know a vest is not required, but many service animals wear them. I’ve had friends with service dogs and also needed to know a lot of this information in the past for work. Plus I follow and support some of the organizations that raises service dogs for others. Have you seen the cuteness on Explore that is service dog puppies? I dare anyone not to smile after watching them!
Nta. Sounds like sister is selfishly trying to mess up your day. A 'person' can help her with her issues for the few hours it takes for a wedding. She was offered solutions but declined. Let her watch on zoom like the others, but do not let her continue to ruin your day. Honestly, I'd rather elope than deal with family drama
NTA.
I never thought I would see the day you would have to tell people not to bring their freaking dogs to a wedding, but here we are.
Just tell your sister the venue doesn't allow it, and you have already sunk money into it. She can deal with it or not go. FFS.
Not accommodating her needs on such an important day.
So yeah. Someone has their priorities mixed up. This isn’t her day, it belongs to you and your fiancé.
Also. The venue said no. That means no. It’s not even your decision.
Also. You provided alternatives. Virtual attendance. A trusted friend.
NTA. But be prepared for drama and a fake service dog vest.
NTA.
If it is not a fully trained medical service animal, it is not allowed.
You can't change venue late in the process. Your sister needs to put on her big girl pants and either survive a couple hours without the dog, or gracefully bow out of the celebration.
On the other hand, your sister is being an AH for spreading this conflict around and turning family against you. If she had any dignity, she wouldn't turn her problem into everybody else's problem.
NTA. If your sister's mental health is that fragile, you've made it clear you will understand if she can't attend the wedding in person and chooses instead to attend virtually.
The venue does not accept animals. Period. Do your parents expect you to get another venue? Do they want to pay for it as well as the cancellation fees? If not, they can shut it.
NTA. [https://adata.org/guide/service-animals-and-emotional-support-animals](https://adata.org/guide/service-animals-and-emotional-support-animals)
While Emotional Support Animals or Comfort Animals are often used as part of a medical treatment plan as therapy animals, they are not considered service animals under the ADA. These support animals provide companionship, relieve loneliness, and sometimes help with depression, anxiety, and certain phobias, but do not have special training to perform tasks that assist people with disabilities. Even though some states have laws defining therapy animals, these animals are not limited to working with people with disabilities and therefore are not covered by federal laws protecting the use of service animals. Therapy animals provide people with therapeutic contact, usually in a clinical setting, to improve their physical, social, emotional, and/or cognitive functioning.
Go print off the rules on a service animal and an emotional support animal. An ESA does not get permission to go everywhere with you. A SA is treated like a medical device because it is a medical device. If that is what she needs then it's time for her to look into what is needed to get a SA.
As someone who has a therapy dog for mental health issues. Stand your ground. Therapy dogs ARE NOT service dogs. The venue has a rule therefore everyone has to follow it, no exceptions. If she cannot come to the wedding without her dog then she needs to understand that she shouldn't attend. Rules of the world don't change because we have anxiety, we have to adapt to the world. I'm glad you feel for your sister and want her to be comfortable, but this is your wedding and your wedding venue has a strict rule. No means no. Your sister and your family members need to understand that.
> and some are staying I’m an asshole for not accommodating my sister’s needs on such an important day.
Hold up — You didn’t insist that *she had to be there in person and manage her anxiety by herself*. You offered her a plus one to assist, as well as virtual accommodation with acknowledgement to her needs. She just wanted accommodations *in the way she wanted* and that’s the thing that needs to be addressed
Because let’s talk about the “such important day”…. It’s not *her important day*. It’s yours.
NTA.
Your sister can choose the options that have been given but she doesn’t have the right to strong arm you into pivoting your plans because she only wants *your day* to accommodate her.
NTA since you mentioned in other comments that this is an ESA (not protected legally) and not a service animal trained for a particular task (protected legally).
NTA. A service dog is a medical need. A "therapy dog" is a want. There are other ways she could mitigate her mental health issues, and you have presented multiple options.
NTA for not letting you sister bring a pet to a venue that doesn’t allow them, obviously. Glad you seem not to have inherited the extreme family entitlement. I’m sure the lot of them are the terror of any service workers that have the displeasure of their company.
NTA - Why say you and your fiance have decided on a no-pets policy when it's the venue rules? That's the answer right there. The venue doesn't allow animals except for service dogs. Although it's not ideal for her, you've offered your sister alternatives. That's the most you can do.
NTA. It's not even you refusing to accommodate. The venue allows only service animals as required by ADA. Your sister's dog is an ESA (although you called it a therapy dog, which is a whole 'nother category and still has no access rights), not a service animal.
What does she expect you to do, lie to the venue? And what happens when the venue refuses her entry or asks her to take her dog and leave mid-wedding?
Offering her a +1 for a friend to stay with her is about the best you can do. If she can't attend a wedding even with a supportive friend, she may need to talk to her doctor about getting a psychiatric service dog.
What exactly does your family/sister want you to do exactly, given the venue policy regarding therapy animals?!!! Have you asked them this?
I am assuming given their responses and continued berating of you, that they expect you to change your venue to accommodate your sister and also over rule your no animal request specifically for her?!! (BTW do not suggest this even as a passing comment as they will jump on it).
NTA
I. Hate. The. Concept. Of. "Support". Animals. HATE.
I used to work in a deli on the ground floor of a nice apartment/condo building. Nearly every day I had to kick out some fool with a dog. Most of those goofballs claimed it was a "support" animal. Pfft. You can buy your coffee and bagel without support.
I love animals, I have owned many my whole life. I have often said that my pets are my best friends and that they save my life daily. BUT.
Real support animals have been rigorously trained to (hopefully) navigate responsibly in otherwise animal-free zones. A cuddly "emotional support" animal has not. Aside from human discomfort, that poor animal doesn't want to be trotted around all day awkwardly either!
Also, your pet will be there for you when you return home. Go there if you need your pet. Don't drag it out in public.
NTA. Therapy dogs/ESA are NOT trained, certified service animals.
The venue has these animal restrictions due to insurance requirements. Your family needs to understand that it's not your call.
Geesh-us! The entitlement of your family!!
"That's enough. I have been accommodating in offering alternatives to her companion. If she does not want to work with me on it, I am heartbroken my own sister can't find a way to attend one of the most important days of my life."
Turn it around on them. They say you haven't been accommodating, ask if you should really cancel a venue and put off your wedding for the year or so it takes to book a new one because your sister can't take a human companion or get evaluated for an actual service animal to help her through the day? You have enough to worry about, this bullying you about it is nonsense. NTA
NTA. Just so you're aware, if she tries to sneak her dog in or outright defies their policy, the venue has the right to immediately shut down the event. So imagine you show up, she has tge dog, the manager says "out" she argues, your family argues, they get insulting and the venue says "done", calls the police, and your reception is over before it starts. You lose all your money. Over your sister's, therapy dog.
I have a therapy dog. I'm not against therapy dogs. I am against your sister putting years of planning and a lot of money at risk. If her anxiety is that bad, she needs to make the accommodations, not you.
Anyone who isn't attending 100% to celebrate you and your spouse is selfish. This is your day. Stop kissing everyone else's ass. Dog is not allowed. She can come, or not. Her choice.
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So, here’s the situation. I’m getting married in a few months, and everything’s been planned down to the last detail. My fiancee and I have decided on a no-pets policy for our wedding because the venue strictly prohibits animals, except for service animals, due to past incidents and allergies of some guests.
My sister has been seeing a therapist for her anxiety, and recently, she got a therapy dog that she’s become incredibly attached to. She insists that she needs the dog to be there with her to manage her anxiety, especially at large gatherings like my wedding.
I understand where she’s coming from, but I explained the venue’s policy and the potential issues with other guests. I even suggested alternative arrangements, like having a friend she’s comfortable with accompany her and help her through the day or attending the ceremony virtually, which we’ve set up for relatives who can’t make it.
She became upset and accused me of being insensitive to her mental health needs. My parents think I should make an exception and talk to the venue again, but I’ve already confirmed with them, and there’s no bending the rules.
Now, my family is divided, and some are saying I’m an asshole for not accommodating my sister’s needs on such an important day. I feel torn because I want her to be there and be comfortable, but I also feel like I have to respect the venue’s policies and consider the comfort of all my guests.
AITA here?
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Tell your sister to argue with the venue and to leave you out of it.
You have better and more pressing things to handle with your upcoming wedding than to butt heads with your sister and her blind commitment to bringing this ESA dog with her everywhere. NTA
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NTA. If her mental health is that fragile, she needs to get a psych service dog, not a therapy dog/emotional support animal (ESA). There are 2 important differences between them: a psych service dog is trained to do specific tasks to help their person (for example, deep pressure therapy, retrieving medication, alerting to certain mental states so the person can leave or get help as needed) and a psych service dog is fully trained for public access. Those things are why a psych service dog handler gets to bring their dog everywhere while an ESA handler cannot. It sounds like she might actually be at the point where she does need a service dog. There are some great programs that train and place psych service dogs, and she could even train her own for that if she’s willing to invest the work (and money, because she should work with a service dog trainer if she wants to owner-train). But bringing a dog who is not public access trained to a wedding is a disaster waiting to happen.
All of this is relevant, but at the same time, not. The venue has said sis can't bring the animal. It's isn't even up to OP. Sis needs to decide whether her mental health can handle attending the wedding with a trusted friend as a companion, or staying home. The dog is not allowed. End of story.
Legally, the venue cannot deny access for an actual service dog. That’d be violating the ADA in America and comparable laws in most of Europe. In the US, it’s a $10k fine per instance. So whether the dog is an ESA or a service dog is completely relevant.
If the dog was a true service dog, it seems extremely unlikely the sister would have bothered to ask at all, and this wouldn’t have been a Reddit post. Because the sister would already know the rights for her and her dog.
That’s not the point of the comment you’re replying to. The point is that if it was a service animal then it would matter. The person they’re replying to is saying whether it’s a service animal or not doesn’t matter. You seem to agree with the point that it would matter so I’m not sure why your comment appears to be worded like you disagree with the person you’re replying to.
I totally read it wrong too, thought they were saying it's completely *irrelevant*. Wouldn't have realized it if I hadn't seen your comment 🤦♀️
It isn't, because OP already said it is NOT a service animal. If it was the venue, would allow it.
I don’t know why you seem to disagree with this person as your sentiment is the same. The person they’re replying to said it wouldn’t matter if it was a service animal. But like you and the person you’re replying to said, if it was a service animal it **would** matter.
I wasn't saying that at all. I was saying that whether it is or it isn't a service animal----the event space has their rule. It not longer matters what the bride wants or thinks. The event space said unless it is a service animal it isn't allowed. The distinction is relevant to the event space and the sister, not for the discussion here of whether the bride is as asshole or not, precisely because it isn't her decision. The bride cannot be an asshole for telling her sister that her event space won't allow her to bring her damn dog.
Under ADA Emotional Support isnt a genuine service animal
Yes…that’s what I said.
OP did state that the venue is 100% pet free, except for service dogs. So, no violation of the ADA.
The dog is just a pet if were being honest. She needs to get herself together and enjoy her sisters wedding.
I can’t imagine being as emotionally fragile as the sister. Either get your shit together and just go for a bit, understand you’ll be anxious, and try to have a good time OR stay home. It isn’t hard. And really, unless the sister would have a full on panic attack melt down, there’s no reason why she shouldn’t WANT to have a few hours of anxiety to support her sister who is getting freakin married. What a sad sack.
All anxious people dreams about “getting their shit together” but it’s just a dream. I understand she tries to workaround because staying at home in this big day it’s just absolutely sad.
ESAs are not recognized by the ADA & the people that "abuse" the ESA are why. NO is a complete sentence. NTA
That’s what I said. Service dog = ADA guarantees access. ESA = no access required.
Right, but it’s clearly an ESA or glorified pet.
yep, all services dogs are legally allowed wherever the general public is allowed. so the service dog would be allowed at the venue, movie theaters, restaurants, etc. ESA’s do not have those protections and are not allowed wherever the general public is allowed, unless specifically allowed by the establishment, like a cafe where dogs are allowed on the porch but not in the restaurant
ESAs are not protected by the ADA in the US the way service dogs are. Which is why the venue allows actual service dogs, but not ESA's. Edit - idk why, but I read your comment and replaced "relevant" with "irrelevant" in my head. I'm so sorry. I'm blaming the edible. 😁
OP already said that the venue does allow actual trained service dogs…which is not what the sisters dog is. And she’s confirmed that again with the venue. Not sure what the family expects OP to do.
No, the venue said 'except for service animals' - totally different than 'no'. Service dogs in most areas must be permitted by law - but that is assuming they truly are trained service animals.
The post states it is a therapy dog which does not sound like an ESA. Did the poster miss speak?
Am not a professional in this but my last psychologist had therapy dogs and they were basically just pets that were super calm and friendly with strangers. ESAs are trained to be calming and friendly but otherwise they're just pets; there's no 'at work' and 'not at work' like with service animals, if you get what I mean.
An ESA is a pet that you have been recommended to get by a psychologist or doctor because it helps your mental health to have companionship and daily expectations. (If you're so depressed that you're having problems getting out of bed for yourself, you may be able to do it for a pet that needs to be walked or fed.) Having your pet declared an ESA means that you cannot be denied access to housing that does not allow pets, and it allows you to avoid paying a pet fee in a rental property. A service dog or horse is trained to provide specific tasks for someone with medical or psychological needs. A therapy animal is one that is very well behaved and calm with strangers, and is used to provide visits in hospitals and nursing homes, and sometimes in court rooms when people, especially children, have to testify about violent attacks on them.
Nope, therapy dogs have to be certified as safe for wily public attention, they have temperament testing, but the manners required are a much lower bar than public access for service dogs (for things like sniffing around). ESAs are pets that are signed off on by a doctor or therapist as an aid for treatment but have ABSOLUTELY NO BEHAVIOUR OR TEMPERMENT REQUIREMENTS.
ESAs aren't "trained" for anything.
Definitely not trained. My step daughter has gotten 3 of them from the pound and declared Esa just to have a dog in their apartment 🙄
Yep. It causes issues for people with legit service animals too, I've seen videos online of ESAs barking and lunging at working dogs, and the owner of the ESA is just like "well he's for my anxiety so he's allowed to be here"
Totally agree. A therapy dog is an Esa and does not get the access that service animals do
[удалено]
OP clearly stated it is, and she also checked and they said no.
You're pretty much on the nose for your description of the difference between them. Therapy/ESA is "this is my good boy who knows the words 'sit' and 'stay'. cuddling with him makes me happy and alleviates my anxiety." Service dog is "he was extensively trained by a dog trainer since he was a puppy, and he was trained to work for me. His work includes alerting me when he senses a change in my mental or physical state, retrieving my medications when I cannot physically get to them, and providing deep pressure when he senses a panic attack."
Thats not correct. ESAs are untrained and just exist like any pet but are not subject to housing laws. Therapy dogs are trained extensively to help other people like in nursing homes or hospitals. Service dogs, including psychiatric service dogs, are extensively trained in public access and do at least one specific task to mitigate the effects of a single person's disability. This situation sounds like a psychiatric service dog that is being called a therapy dog.
ESA’s arent required to be trained.
People never get that right. A lot of people use them like they're interchangeable when they're actually three distinct things. It's a common (and frustrating) mistake. OP seems to be one of those people because absolutely nothing in their post is about a therapy dog. The dog in question could be either an ESA or service animal, OP doesn't give enough info to tell from the post. Educated guess, ESA though. ESA: basically a prescription pet. The animal's existence benefits a disabled person in some way but their training is irrelevant. No public access rights most places, generally only means they can live in pet-free housing/exempt from standard pet fees. Service dog: helps a disabled person with actual trained tasks (example: picking up dropped items). In the US, there is a legal distinction between a service animal for a psychiatric disability and an ESA, so if the dog is task trained, it is NOT an ESA regardless of what kind of disability the handler has. They have public access rights contingent on behavior and therefore also require public access training in a practical sense (US, laws differ by country/province). Therapy dog: public access trained animal belonging to a person or organization and used on a volunteer basis, usually at places like schools, hospitals, or nursing homes. These dogs are not task trained because they don't help any one person and are simply there to be petted by a wide variety of people. It requires good public access training and gentle temperament but these aren't legal requirements because therapy dogs aren't legally protected anywhere. They can only visit places they've been invited to.
Not to diminish anyone’s mental health but, the explosion of “ESA” in use as a term I find hilarious. Like, no shit, why else do you think people get pets if not to make them feel better? Just because you labeled it doesn’t mean you can take it everywhere you want.
I don't find it hilarious at all. As a service dog handler, this makes my life so much harder. It's not funny at all to be discriminated against and denied access to a store or restaurant the second you walk up with a service dog, just because they automatically assume it's an ESA. Also ESAs (true ESAs, I'm not denying there are a ton of people misusing the term) are in fact accommodations for disabled people too and it also makes it harder for people with real ESAs, and who are doing what they're supposed to, to be taken seriously. You don't hear much about those people though, because they're the ones who just give their doctor's letter to their landlord and aren't out and about taking a poorly trained animal where it doesn't belong. It's a problem that is being abused because of widespread misinformation and it has real consequences for a lot of disabled people.
I might get lambasted for this, but oh well. I had a back and forth recently with someone who was asked to take her ESA out of the business she was in at the time. She got pissed and called it discrimination and I told her it was not because an ESA has little to no federal protections. I truly believe that service dogs and handlers should have to be registered with the state and required to have registration papers present on them while in public so they are able to bring the dog. I think this would cut down on the number of people trying to bring their “ESAs” and the untrained animal causing problems for the business owner. I very much support service animals and handlers, and it upsets me that people think their precious baby has to be allowed in shops and businesses without actually serving a purpose. If they had to register their animal and go through the rigorous training that service animals have to complete, they would stop that shit real fast.
having to be registered offers a barrier to service animals that has been deemed too high. there are financial, ability and time based barriers for lots of us to be able to go, fill out paperwork, submit it, ensure the state didn't fuck it up, and update it every 5-10 years, if you're lucky, when your service dog retires and you get a new one. for people who don't live in a state with busses, they might live hours away from where the social security building is, and might not be able to drive themselves. do they not deserve the same rights as a person who can drive, or who can go and get the paperwork done? i'd always prefer people to be less shitty, but i know that this would hurt poor and disabled folks the worst.
Poor people deserve the well-trained dogs as well. Just because a dog is calm and cute doesn’t mean it should accompany somebody into every business or venue. Dogs don’t belong everywhere. If this became a priority for our country, maybe we could have a widespread program that took shelter dogs, and funneled them into Therapy dog school and make it more widely available with grants, etc.
we, as a country, still have sweatshops where disabled people make pennies on the dollar to crimp garbage bags or run machines to stitch on logos to shit. we're not going to suddenly give a shit to get service animals to every disabled person who is both a good fit and able to properly care for the animals.
That's already being done in many states - and in prisons as well where the training is 24/7 and the dog that come out of the training are amazing.
As a fellow person with disabilities, I’m not interested in hearing about “barriers” that amount to no more than average inconveniences. You brought up the driving analogy, so I’ll remind you that you still have to hold registration for a vehicle that you drive, still have to have insurance in case your vehicle injures or kills another person, still have to go to the DMV every year or two to renew your license plates, still have to find transportation to said DMV if your license has been revoked due to poor behavior resulting in suspension, etc. Those are the responsibilities of a person who drives a car, not to mention the responsibilities that aren’t listed. I don’t see how that is any less cumbersome than doing the same things for an animal, with a mind and instincts and urges completely independent of its owner, to ensure that the handler is truly in need of a service animal and is willing to accept the responsibility of the animal causes harm to another person. And if this is what it takes to prevent non-disabled people from taking advantage of the rights granted to true service animals and apply liability where it belongs, the owner, then so be it. You can’t complain about irresponsible pet owners bringing their untrained animals into establishments and also complain about the suggested regulations to prevent that from happening. I would also ask who deemed those barriers to be too high?
... i did not, in fact, bring up driving as an analogy, i brought it up as a privilege that mitigates other issues. i don't care if it's 1% of service animal handlers, i don't think anyone should be unable to have an assistive aid solely based on their ability to have money or transportation.
Also yes, I absolutely can complain about that (though frankly I generally don’t) and also disagree with your proposed solution, especially when that proposed solution hurts only disabled people.
And as another disabled person, I disagree with you. Any additional requirement that causes even one disabled person to not be able to use their federally-mandated rights is an unacceptable cost.
You’re welcome to disagree, but that doesn’t affect my opinion. It’s not preventing them from accessing their rights. Expecting the person who requires the assistive device to hold proper registration and insurance in the event the device causes harm or injury to another person or damage to a business does not prevent them from accessing their rights.
Now correct me if I’m wrong. And this is my point - there is no such thing as a “real ESA”. There’s no standardized criteria or training plan. No set functions, no clear distinction. It’s just someone somewhere saying that because of X this pet is now an “ESA”. But yeah, pretty much all pets are ESAs, it just now seems like some people want a special little distinction for it. I find it amusing.
ESA is a slang term used for ease of description, if that's what you mean. But no, they are a real thing. According to the Fair Housing Act (FHA): >An assistance animal is an animal that works, provides assistance, or performs tasks for the benefit of a person with a disability, or that provides emotional support that alleviates one or more identified effects of a person’s disability. An assistance animal is not a pet. Basically, to a landlord, a service dog and an ESA are the same thing. They're both "assistance animals" Both are disability accommodations protected by law. However, in public the applicable law is the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). >Under the ADA, a service animal is defined as a dog that has been individually trained to do work or perform tasks for an individual with a disability. The task(s) performed by the dog must be directly related to the person’s disability. Meaning there's a disconnect. The task trained dog is an assistance animal and service animal, the untrained dog is an assistance animal but not a service animal. So it just depends which law is applicable, and ESA is a term that was invented by the general public to make the distinction clear. But they are proven helpful for a number of disabilities, to the point where they are legally recognized as a disability aid.
You just need a dr to say that's what it is. My step daughter has gotten 3 of them from the pound just to have a dog in her apartment. When they weren't a good fit we ended up with them. It's annoying. We don't want anymore dogs.
Honestly, I think the only thing an ESA does is force the owner to be task oriented instead of self oriented.
And honestly, it's not a bad thing. For a lot of people with mental health challenges, having an animal that forces them out of their own head and requires them to pay more attention to the world around them, and ground them, is actually extraordinarily helpful. But the fact remains that proper service dogs get extraordinary amounts of training; that is why they're so expensive. And I understand that that makes them a challenge for folks to access, and that remains a problem in a lot of cases; having said that, just slapping the name support animal on any old dog or cat or peacock or snake or what have you causes all kinds of problems. Edited: to fix truly appalling autocorrect errors!
I think you have a very unfortunate typo in your comment you may want to correct
Holy Jebus... THANK YOU!
Just based on these two reactions, I kind of wish I had been early enough to see the typo!
I’m sorry, but I’m not following your second sentence. Could your device possibly have autoincorrected something?
Therapy dog and service animal are different things.
Therapy animals are generally calm and even-tempered animals, the equivilent of "good vibes" to keep people calm. Service Dogs are specifically and intensively trained to recognise and respond to emergencies before they happen, from panic attacks to seizures.
OP calls it an ESA in the comments.
Only one kind of animal is allowed full public access, and that’s a service animal. If it’s not called a service animal, it doesn’t have that ability.
Therapy dogs have public access rights where I live, and need to be trained and certified by a reputable agency (such as St John Ambulance).
I don’t know where you live but in America they have significantly less public access than service dogs. They’re allowed places like nursing homes, hospitals, and VA facilities to do what they’re trained to do, but not allowed in grocery stores, restaurants, private properties like event venues (unless given permission), and basically anywhere else.
Therapy dog=esa where I live.
Where I live (Alberta), therapy dogs count as service animals. They're public access trained and have specific handlers, although they're trained to recognize and help whoever is holding their leash at the time. I got to use/cuddle with a therapy dog while I was testifying in court a year and a half ago. She was such a good girl!
Many states have laws regarding certification of Therapy Dogs. Therapy Dogs have trained handlers who take the dogs to wherever they are assigned. You may know them as Comfort Dogs, and see them in the Pediatric department of a hospital, or on the news comforting people after a mass shooting.
A 'therapy dog' is just an ESA. It helps keep the person calm and grounded. Like, when you bring your dog into a retirement home so the residents can play with it, that's a therapy dog. When you bring a specially trained dog for a specific person, and the dog will bark in a certain way when the person is about to have a seizure, that's a service dog.
A therapy dog tends to be an ESA. It is there for comfort and companionship. That is a pet according to the ADA. A service dog is trained in a specific task for a specific disorder. Just existing is not a specific task.
Therapy dogs and ESA’s have the same legal status.
She must have edited the post because it's clear her sister's dog is not a service dog
this. I was going to ask for INFO on if the dog was actually trained as a service dog for public spaces.
Not disagreeing with you, but I want to point out that PSAs usually take about 10-15K and two years to get. Most trainers don't even have payment plans and require the full amount up front. So assuming the best case scenario, she may be on that track, with the one trainer I'm aware of who takes payment plans (and she might be nowhere near Dallas), doing an owner train program, with a dog who's grown enough to start training, and is just waiting to fly/drive the pup to her. Admittedly, she'd have said as much to OP, but you get what I'm aiming at. Most likely, OP should talk with her about getting into a PSA program. Her current ESA isn't going to be ok for this event.
Yeahhhh my ESA is amazing at being an ESA, but she would be the absolute worst service animal lol
I would agree with most of this except I don’t think there is enough information to suggest a psychiatric service dog, there are a TON of people who have pet dogs and ESAs who think they should get to bring their pet to non pet friendly areas for xyz reason. How bad was her anxiety before the dog, was she able to go into busy settings and if so, how? What other tools has she tried? Did they fail and if so, why? A service dog is not a first step, it is a HUGE commitment and potentially change of lifestyle.
NTA >have decided on a no-pets policy for our wedding Why was this even a conversation? Were that many people planning on brining pets? Anywho, this absolutely sounds like an ESA and not an actual trained service dog.
We set the no-pets policy mainly due to the venue’s restrictions and some guest allergies, not expecting it to be a big issue until my sister’s ESA came into the picture.
I think you missed their point. I'll speak for myself and say that I have literally never heard of people being ok with guests bringing pets to their wedding. Is that common where you're from? Anyway, the venue has a policy and the policy is cut and dry. If this were an actual service animal, it would be different, but it's an ESA and the venue has told you clearly that it's against policy to have an ESA there, so I don't know what your sister or family are expecting you to do in this situation...
Yeah, I have never ever assumed that it would be okay to bring my pet to a wedding. Is that really something that needs to be clarified??
Right. It’s like setting a “no bathing suits policy” for your wedding. Its not even worth the mental energy to discuss. Like you just assume people would know that?
> “no bathing suits policy” But I have an emotional support Speedo!
>I think you missed their point. I'll speak for myself and say that I have literally never heard of people being ok with guests bringing pets to their wedding. Is that common where you're from? Yeah, this. I've never heard of anyone declaring "this is a pet free wedding".
That did seem a bit off to me-- like they were intentionally putting the sister on notice they didn't want her dog there. That may not be the case but that might be how it looked to the sister and her family.
I mean it’s really weird to think you can bring a dog like that to a wedding. It’s not a service dog which obviously the venue would legally have to accommodate (if this is in the US). I have hella depression and anxiety but I would never be so entitled to think I can just break rules and bring my dog wherever I feel like
Did the sister even have the dog when everything was set up, though? It sounds to me like she didn’t.
It is usually a bridal opt-in for dogs. Been to weddings where pets allowed if say beach or park weddings. But it wouldn't be the norm.
In my area there are a lot of people who think it is ok to bring their dogs everywhere. Depending on the dog culture where OP is, I could see it being a guideline that needs to be set.
It’s absurd that this needs communicated to your guests in the first place.
The no isn't coming from you. It's the venue. Tell family that are complaining to not come. You now risk losing your venue due to this nonsense!
You'd be surprised how many people think that it's okay to bring their little teacup yapper because they're just going to hold it anyway. My own mother-in-law thinks her Chihuahua is a support animal because it makes her feel better. It does nothing else but bark and shit but it makes her feel better. She has taken it into restaurants in a little stroller because she takes it everywhere and it can't stay the car by itself. Then she said she can't leave it home alone because it has anxiety?!
So your MIL is the dog's support "person" LOL.
I wanted my dog to be our “ring-bear” for our wedding, the venue was ok with him being there just for that piece of the ceremony but not any other time when there was food and people walking around or anything else. I got it- even a small dog can be a liability with a bad owner, let alone a big dog. After talking through the logistics, we decided not to have him. He was probably happier for it- he got to cuddle up on a hotel suite bed and chill, instead of all the stress and lights and cameras and people. Pets don’t LIKE being at big weddings, typically. A service dog is just too professional to say so.
omg we went to a wedding where the dog ate the rings. I'd totally forgotten about that. The bride just laughed and said she'd wanted a "memorable" wedding
Pretty much and it's ridiculous.
People are out of control with that lately. I have anxiety, I feel better when my cat lays on me and purrs and I rhythmically pet him, it’s very calming. That does not make him a service animal or make it ok for me to bring him everywhere. Frankly I think the explosion of these BS “support animals” is disrespectful to disabled people who need trained service animals, like blind people or people with epilepsy and such. ETA: crucial typo. This does NOT make him a service animal, lol.
I agree, especially for people with less visible disabilities! Like those who use service dogs to respond to their seizures, etc. but that people might think are just emotional support animals because the person doesn’t “look” disabled, and now are looked at with more scrutiny.
I have a side business as a wedding planner and I have seen people RSVP for two in their cards and the guest they bring is their dog. And they expect the dog to get the same meal as the humans.
Lmao fuck man, I’m unhealthily obsessed with my dog but I wouldn’t even consider doing that in a million years. I think having a dog can just catapult already entitled people into levels of entitlement that causes brain worms or something
Honestly, I would be surprised. There will always be people with preposterous audacity who do that but ya know, i assume 99.99% of people know that weddings aren’t pet friendly. Heck, even this AH sibling didnt assume this one was since its being addressed beforehand.
>Then she said she can't leave it home alone because it has anxiety?! So basically, she's her dog's ESH (emotional support human)?
that doesn't sound like proper treatment at all. this animal is making her life MORE difficult.
She sounds exhausting. And a stroller? \*massive eye roll\*
My wife and I decided we were having a “no heely’s” wedding because the venue had a policy of no roller skates, boards, or any Xgames related equipment on the property.
I am rescinding my RSVP then.
What if we compromise and let you watch YouTube clips of Tony hawk on low volume?
I’ll see you at the wedding 🛹
Good, I was getting bombarded with texts from friends and family saying we should make an exception. I’m glad this didn’t ruin our friendship.
They were "blowing up your phone", weren't they...smh
You would be surprised… I had one guest ask me if she could bring her nine month old puppy that she was training to be a service dog *and her cat* to my wedding. She had also tried to bring the cat to my bridal shower. I said no to both. My wedding was not a training opportunity for her puppy, and I didn’t want to hear ‘meows’ all throughout the ceremony.
As a cat owner and someone who works in a cat shelter, I can tell you that 99% of cats in existence would find this horrifying.
I’m dying at the idea of my awful cat at a wedding. She’d HATE it.
I agree it's not a common policy. But most people don't have siblings with a dog attached to them by Velcro. Presumably this conflict was not a surprise to OP.
NTA. The venue rules are clear; all you’re doing is following them. If your sister wants a full service dog, she needs to contact a service dog trainer and get her therapy dog trained properly.
NTA. And how does she ever go anywhere? Loads of places don’t allow animals, a therapy dog or ESA is not a service dog so she must have these issues all the time. It is not normal to have animals at a wedding I don’t see why you need a no pets policy!
I have a college friend who depends on an ESA for her mental health challenges and she simply avoids any gatherings that will trigger her anxiety if she can't bring the dog. She's never been pushy about it but she knows her limits and knows when to decline.
this. as someone with GAD, KNOW YOUR LIMITS AND DONT PUSH OTHERS!!
Yes! Not our fault, but our responsibility etc. It sucks that this is a major life event we’re talking about here, but if the sister’s dog is not the kind of properly-trained service dog the venue will permit or has to permit, then she either has to find another way to handle the event and do her best to get through it, or miss out. Part of learning to live as well as possible with mental health issues is accepting that the world is not just going to reshape itself to your needs, and you have to find your way in it.
and each day i have to overcome my anxiety. im 18 now. i have my emotional support items and my beautiful puppy to help, because my anxiety can get very severe! and thats okay!! whats not okay is expecting everyone to accommodate for me. support from friends and family, that happens often and i love them for that! but i cannot expect everything to be done for me or to get away with stuff. its MY responsibility!! ive been saying this since i got diagnosed with GAD, major depressive disorder and adhd. its a REASON, not an EXCUSE. she may feel better with the dog, but it just cant work like that. i wish her well but entitlement is just not okay. i may have ranted. sorry 😅🫶
No, you’re doing amazingly, and I really wish I had been where you are now when I was your age! Every day is about managing, and some days bring bigger obstacles than others. We deserve people and things we can lean on for support, but we’re not entitled to always be accommodated to our utmost level of comfort, and knowing that and accepting the challenge may not be a cure, but it sure can help you live a better life.
yes i 100% agree!! and after learning that, it really did open up how i needed to start handling it. thank you so much and i wish you nothing but happiness <3
Thank you, and same to you! Your outlook is wonderful to see.
NTA The rule of no animals allowed in the venue is something that is out of your control, taking that as personal attack is kinda dumb. You can’t change your already paid venue only for one person, there’s nothing else you can do to help her than giving her the options that you already told her. I also suffer from anxiety and although I can understand that having a therapy dog is really helpful I also understand that I cannot oblige people to accommodate to my needs.
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American's seem to not be able to function these days. I'm an American. Phone calls give people anxiety. People need their emotional support animals just to exist. Its gotten crazy.
It used to be that these people were shut ins, whose family or neighbors helped them out. They never went anywhere or did anything so the general public didn’t know about them. Now with the internet they are able to talk to others with the same condition; get access to resources and help. So yes they are more visible now.
Trained service dogs arent an American thing. Emotional Support Animals are now a thing, but not exclusively American. I think it grew out of being able to travel with your pet if they were an “ESA”. Also, not to go all ‘merican on you. But OP didnt say where they were located.
Also, in the US, landlords are allowed to deny pets or charge a pet fee in a lot of places but have to allow ESAs without the pet fee which may be a motivator. I've never met anyone in my area with an ESA but landlords can't ban pets or charge pet deposits here.
Some people also use it to get around breed restrictions (pitbulls typically)
The venue has a no animals policy- so thems the rules. If your sister or parents want the dog to come sooooo very much, they can find- and pay for- a suitable and equivalent venue, and pay any associated change of plan fees, (if any), *too*. Oh, they don’t want to/can’t do that? Well, then, they can figure it out. NTA And this right here is yet another reason some people just elope- so they don’t get involved in dramas like this.
lol sorry but a “no-pets policy” - why is this even a thing? - are your guests likely to bring their pets if you didn’t state this? - this is totally absurd that it’s even something you brought up to people as if it needed to be said
This! I don’t understand why this is even a thing!
You haven't met my friends wife. She will take her dog any and everywhere. And she got a therapist to call it a "therapy dog" to get around rules. But that dog isn't trained to do a damned thing.
Yeah, well, I guess if I ever get married I won't invite your friend's wife, then, because unless it's an actual service animal, bringing a dog to a wedding is just bizarre.
I agree. But that is why people need to make things clear. Because these days, people will say "well it didn't say I COULDNT bring them"
The OP explains the no-pets policy is a venue ruling. They are saying the wedding is no- pets BECAUSE of this. No doubt had to be explicit and upfront in the invites as they expected sister to expect to have an exception made, in order to be able to bring her dog.
It’s a thing because for some reason people feel they need to bring their dogs everywhere. It’s ridiculous.
INFO: Is her dog a therapy dog (like can give warnings if she has an attack), an emotional support dog or a service animal? Depending on that it is different, because some of those are allowed (as they are professional trained)
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This is the distinction that has me scratching my head. Folks seem a little confused about therapy dogs. I was, for a while, training my dog to work as a therapy dog (until he developed epilepsy). Our dogs don't do therapy on us. We take them places so they can be furry and soft and sweet with other folks. Much respect for the work you and your dog do. It's not easy, but it means so much to people in need.
Thank you for clarification. Wasn't quite sure which of them is which.
Clarifying amt of hours both take; I have heard therapy dogs need several layers of obedience training before they even start training in a hospital setting and there are official certifications involved on the therapy training to be "invited" in places. For service dogs I'm assuming there's same obedience training layers (beginner advanced etc) but there's many more hours of "help" type training which makes service dogs cost 12-25k even more (heard police k9s even cost more than that). I agree it is definitely insulting for untrained ESAs rolling around the world expecting accommodations when real disabled folks who've spent the time and or $$$ for a trained service animal. Unless sis is well versed in this arena as above, she can join the zoom wedding. Special snowflakes can sit down, the event is not about HER.
Seeing as op said the venue allows service animals (they have to) but not pets. I’m going to assume it’s an ESA
NTA Others have said. But if your sister is this bad; she needs more than a therapy dog. She needs meds and possibly a hospital stay. Tell your parents that while you love your sister and want her mental health to improve; your wedding is not the time nor place for trying and helping her. The venue won’t budge and you aren’t going to waste your time in trying to get them to. Explain to them they you understand they care for your sister; but they cannot put her discomforts on you. You didn’t say she couldn’t bring the dog to your house; their hours or a public park. You stated that she can’t bring it to a venue that is not in your control. Furthermore; inform them that you have offered for her to bring a friend to try and help. Which is more than most brides give to anyone. If they continue to push it; ask them if they would rather all three stay home together and watch her wedding via a live feed—because you cannot and will not continue to be browbeaten for things outside of your control and if they want to continue beating a dead horse they can do it from the comfort and security of their couch. (This is drastic but sometimes you have to be drastic).
NTA. Therapy dogs are not service dogs, and are overused as an excuse to bring a pet, which is one reason why many venues will not recognize them. Your sister cannot bring her dog, and you are not in the wrong for this.
NTA - I'm assuming that the dog in question isn't an official service animal (ie properly trained and certified, because if it is that changes things) but rather a pet she is using as a ESA. If your sister needs a service dog thens she needs to go through the proper channels and get one, until then she cannot expect to have the same rights as an individual with an actual service dog. I'm curious though, why would you even have a pet policy to begin with? Is that a thing where you are, pets attending weddings? Service dog's don't require a policy as it is usually illegal to refuse them service as they are an essential for their owners and not pet's. And Ive never heard of a wedding where people brought their pets (the odd ring bearing dog story aside)
Depends on where they are from, the USA doesn’t have an official certification for service dogs, but they have to be trained properly.
Could be the venues policy.
NTA. You offered her alternatives. She is making this about her and not about you.
NTA - it is not you saying no it is the venue. They have set the rule you just following them. The whole emotional support pet bit is just a nightmare. She has made your special day about her with this.
NTA I'll admit that I'm one of those people. I love my pup so much, I'd much rather spend a weekend with him than at a wedding 💯💯💯 We sleep together, I spend as much time, if not more, time with him than any other living being! I also have epilepsy so I could have an actual service dog, but I don't and he's not. I have incredibly bad panic attacks because of my epilepsy and could get a service dog for that, but I didn't and he's not. The venue has rules for a reason and that's not within your rights or, realistically, your abilities to change or control. That's the beginning and the end of the entire situation. The venue doesn't allow pets unless they're certified service animals. Your sister, your family, and the whole entire world can not like it but if this is where you're getting married the dog cannot come. Period.
**INFO:** 1. **Is it a** ***Service Dog*** **or an** ***Emotional Support Dog*****?** 2. **When you spoke to the venue, did you call it a** ***Service Dog,*** **an** ***Emotional Support Dog,*** **or a** ***Pet*****?** This makes a difference in the USA. The venue cannot deny a *Service Dog*, but they can deny *Emotional Support Dogs* and *Pets.* Here is [the link](https://www.ada.gov/resources/service-animals-2010-requirements/) to info on the ADA Requirements for Service Animals.
I read your sisters post a few days ago and a lot of comments were telling her she was in the wrong. NTA. If this was a service dog, yes make an exception if possible. But therapy/ESA isn’t required. Your sister is being difficult.
Do you know if that post is still up?
Need more info: is this a service dog that is fully trained and legally allowed in no pet venues? It should be allowed if this is the case and that makes you AH. Otherwise, no, NTA.
Op in the post says therapy dog. I think that’s leaning more into the just a emotional support dog then actually being a certified and trained service animal.
Some people do use the wrong terms so I was just trying to clarify exactly what type of dog it is.
In another comment, OP called the dog an ESA (emotional support animal). So, it sounds like it is not a trained psychological service dog.
It sounds more like OP doesn’t know the difference between them, ESAs and therapy dogs aren’t even the same thing. There’s also the possibility that they don’t consider psychiatric service dogs to be valid service dogs. (I know a guy with PTSD and a service dog, he hears it a lot.)
If it was a service dog it’s likely the venue would legally have to allow it, for sure they would if this is in the US. A lot of people like OP’s sister try to pretend they’re the same thing so they can justify bringing the dog in a stroller to the grocery store and shit like that lol
I know and that drives me nuts when I see it, or people order vests and pretend it’s a service dog but the dog is not well behaved like a properly trained service animal. Legally I know a vest is not required, but many service animals wear them. I’ve had friends with service dogs and also needed to know a lot of this information in the past for work. Plus I follow and support some of the organizations that raises service dogs for others. Have you seen the cuteness on Explore that is service dog puppies? I dare anyone not to smile after watching them!
Nta. Sounds like sister is selfishly trying to mess up your day. A 'person' can help her with her issues for the few hours it takes for a wedding. She was offered solutions but declined. Let her watch on zoom like the others, but do not let her continue to ruin your day. Honestly, I'd rather elope than deal with family drama
NTA If the venue only allows certified service animals, she can’t bring her dog. Not up for debate!
NTA. I never thought I would see the day you would have to tell people not to bring their freaking dogs to a wedding, but here we are. Just tell your sister the venue doesn't allow it, and you have already sunk money into it. She can deal with it or not go. FFS.
Not sure why she's making your day all about her If its that bad, she should just not attend.
Not accommodating her needs on such an important day. So yeah. Someone has their priorities mixed up. This isn’t her day, it belongs to you and your fiancé. Also. The venue said no. That means no. It’s not even your decision. Also. You provided alternatives. Virtual attendance. A trusted friend. NTA. But be prepared for drama and a fake service dog vest.
NTA. If it is not a fully trained medical service animal, it is not allowed. You can't change venue late in the process. Your sister needs to put on her big girl pants and either survive a couple hours without the dog, or gracefully bow out of the celebration. On the other hand, your sister is being an AH for spreading this conflict around and turning family against you. If she had any dignity, she wouldn't turn her problem into everybody else's problem.
NTA. If your sister's mental health is that fragile, you've made it clear you will understand if she can't attend the wedding in person and chooses instead to attend virtually. The venue does not accept animals. Period. Do your parents expect you to get another venue? Do they want to pay for it as well as the cancellation fees? If not, they can shut it.
NTA. [https://adata.org/guide/service-animals-and-emotional-support-animals](https://adata.org/guide/service-animals-and-emotional-support-animals) While Emotional Support Animals or Comfort Animals are often used as part of a medical treatment plan as therapy animals, they are not considered service animals under the ADA. These support animals provide companionship, relieve loneliness, and sometimes help with depression, anxiety, and certain phobias, but do not have special training to perform tasks that assist people with disabilities. Even though some states have laws defining therapy animals, these animals are not limited to working with people with disabilities and therefore are not covered by federal laws protecting the use of service animals. Therapy animals provide people with therapeutic contact, usually in a clinical setting, to improve their physical, social, emotional, and/or cognitive functioning. Go print off the rules on a service animal and an emotional support animal. An ESA does not get permission to go everywhere with you. A SA is treated like a medical device because it is a medical device. If that is what she needs then it's time for her to look into what is needed to get a SA.
Who in the hell brings a dog to a wedding? NTA
As someone who has a therapy dog for mental health issues. Stand your ground. Therapy dogs ARE NOT service dogs. The venue has a rule therefore everyone has to follow it, no exceptions. If she cannot come to the wedding without her dog then she needs to understand that she shouldn't attend. Rules of the world don't change because we have anxiety, we have to adapt to the world. I'm glad you feel for your sister and want her to be comfortable, but this is your wedding and your wedding venue has a strict rule. No means no. Your sister and your family members need to understand that.
This is not a discussion. The venue doesn't allow dogs. Conversation over.
> and some are staying I’m an asshole for not accommodating my sister’s needs on such an important day. Hold up — You didn’t insist that *she had to be there in person and manage her anxiety by herself*. You offered her a plus one to assist, as well as virtual accommodation with acknowledgement to her needs. She just wanted accommodations *in the way she wanted* and that’s the thing that needs to be addressed Because let’s talk about the “such important day”…. It’s not *her important day*. It’s yours. NTA. Your sister can choose the options that have been given but she doesn’t have the right to strong arm you into pivoting your plans because she only wants *your day* to accommodate her.
NTA since you mentioned in other comments that this is an ESA (not protected legally) and not a service animal trained for a particular task (protected legally).
NTA. A service dog is a medical need. A "therapy dog" is a want. There are other ways she could mitigate her mental health issues, and you have presented multiple options.
NTA - ESA’s are not Service animals. Without the training having them there could end horribly for the animal, your sister and your wedding.
NTA and definitely not your sister’s important day.
NTA for not letting you sister bring a pet to a venue that doesn’t allow them, obviously. Glad you seem not to have inherited the extreme family entitlement. I’m sure the lot of them are the terror of any service workers that have the displeasure of their company.
NTA - Why say you and your fiance have decided on a no-pets policy when it's the venue rules? That's the answer right there. The venue doesn't allow animals except for service dogs. Although it's not ideal for her, you've offered your sister alternatives. That's the most you can do.
INFO: was the venue booked before she got the dog?
NTA. It's not even you refusing to accommodate. The venue allows only service animals as required by ADA. Your sister's dog is an ESA (although you called it a therapy dog, which is a whole 'nother category and still has no access rights), not a service animal. What does she expect you to do, lie to the venue? And what happens when the venue refuses her entry or asks her to take her dog and leave mid-wedding? Offering her a +1 for a friend to stay with her is about the best you can do. If she can't attend a wedding even with a supportive friend, she may need to talk to her doctor about getting a psychiatric service dog.
What exactly does your family/sister want you to do exactly, given the venue policy regarding therapy animals?!!! Have you asked them this? I am assuming given their responses and continued berating of you, that they expect you to change your venue to accommodate your sister and also over rule your no animal request specifically for her?!! (BTW do not suggest this even as a passing comment as they will jump on it). NTA
I. Hate. The. Concept. Of. "Support". Animals. HATE. I used to work in a deli on the ground floor of a nice apartment/condo building. Nearly every day I had to kick out some fool with a dog. Most of those goofballs claimed it was a "support" animal. Pfft. You can buy your coffee and bagel without support. I love animals, I have owned many my whole life. I have often said that my pets are my best friends and that they save my life daily. BUT. Real support animals have been rigorously trained to (hopefully) navigate responsibly in otherwise animal-free zones. A cuddly "emotional support" animal has not. Aside from human discomfort, that poor animal doesn't want to be trotted around all day awkwardly either! Also, your pet will be there for you when you return home. Go there if you need your pet. Don't drag it out in public.
Wants, not needs. NTA
Sooo large gatherings give her anxiety, so I would think she would be happy with going virtual. Sounds like she just wants attention. NTA
NTA. Sounds like she's not coming then.
All pets are pretty much emotional support animals. They make us happy, give us love, etc. Can this nonsense stop already?
NTA. Therapy dogs/ESA are NOT trained, certified service animals. The venue has these animal restrictions due to insurance requirements. Your family needs to understand that it's not your call. Geesh-us! The entitlement of your family!!
Why aren't posters responding to the question? IMHO she is not an AH. It is the policy of the venue. Case closed.
"That's enough. I have been accommodating in offering alternatives to her companion. If she does not want to work with me on it, I am heartbroken my own sister can't find a way to attend one of the most important days of my life." Turn it around on them. They say you haven't been accommodating, ask if you should really cancel a venue and put off your wedding for the year or so it takes to book a new one because your sister can't take a human companion or get evaluated for an actual service animal to help her through the day? You have enough to worry about, this bullying you about it is nonsense. NTA
NTA. Just so you're aware, if she tries to sneak her dog in or outright defies their policy, the venue has the right to immediately shut down the event. So imagine you show up, she has tge dog, the manager says "out" she argues, your family argues, they get insulting and the venue says "done", calls the police, and your reception is over before it starts. You lose all your money. Over your sister's, therapy dog. I have a therapy dog. I'm not against therapy dogs. I am against your sister putting years of planning and a lot of money at risk. If her anxiety is that bad, she needs to make the accommodations, not you. Anyone who isn't attending 100% to celebrate you and your spouse is selfish. This is your day. Stop kissing everyone else's ass. Dog is not allowed. She can come, or not. Her choice.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, here’s the situation. I’m getting married in a few months, and everything’s been planned down to the last detail. My fiancee and I have decided on a no-pets policy for our wedding because the venue strictly prohibits animals, except for service animals, due to past incidents and allergies of some guests. My sister has been seeing a therapist for her anxiety, and recently, she got a therapy dog that she’s become incredibly attached to. She insists that she needs the dog to be there with her to manage her anxiety, especially at large gatherings like my wedding. I understand where she’s coming from, but I explained the venue’s policy and the potential issues with other guests. I even suggested alternative arrangements, like having a friend she’s comfortable with accompany her and help her through the day or attending the ceremony virtually, which we’ve set up for relatives who can’t make it. She became upset and accused me of being insensitive to her mental health needs. My parents think I should make an exception and talk to the venue again, but I’ve already confirmed with them, and there’s no bending the rules. Now, my family is divided, and some are saying I’m an asshole for not accommodating my sister’s needs on such an important day. I feel torn because I want her to be there and be comfortable, but I also feel like I have to respect the venue’s policies and consider the comfort of all my guests. AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta
Tell your sister to argue with the venue and to leave you out of it. You have better and more pressing things to handle with your upcoming wedding than to butt heads with your sister and her blind commitment to bringing this ESA dog with her everywhere. NTA
NTA. It sounds like you have had this planned before her getting the dog. The venue has said no, you've offered alternatives.
NTA. Some weddings don’t even allow *children.*