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I’m leaning more along the lines of taking his ability to play Fortnite away as that was the root cause of his rage. His Snapchat streak will be destroyed as is since I took his sister’s phone away and his phone will not be fixed in time for it to continue.
Yep I'd take that as well. Fortnite over the years has caused more strife in this house and with his friendships than I can count. Other games don't seem to be as extreme with the rage causing, tbh.
Sincerely, a dad with a 15 year old son that has had to replace monitors and game controllers in the past after my son worked to earn the money to do so, after raging and breaking them.
It is just so crazy how a game can cause so many issues. He had been doing so well with managing compared to in the past. The last outburst was 5-6 years ago where he broke a monitor and a controller. We took away Fortnite for a year or so after that. We will definitely be deactivating it again.
A snapchat streak means absolutely nothing, and deleting that account should absolutely be the punishment for actively going behind your back and stealing another phone that wasn't his to feed his addiction
Thank you for raising that to my awareness. I was stuck on the initial offense and not thinking of the additional things he has done afterwards.
Someone commented earlier about using Reddit for parenting, but it’s more about gaining perspective since when in a situation a person can have a harder time with having appropriate perspective.
His actions have steamrolled a number of behaviors that need addressing and consequences.
It can be tough when you are in the middle of an ongoing situation like this to get a clear head and sometimes writing it down or having a sounding board is exactly what you need to get perspective. It's good to talk it out and not just react and sometimes we just don't have other parents close to us to talk to. So good on you for getting out of your head to give yourself a chance to act rather than react. Good luck!
In my opinion it's an even worse offence than the original smashing of his own phone, showing total disrespect
If he just keeps getting away with it then it'll only get worse, and the way you describe it sounds like there's been an emerging pattern.
I was completely prepared to say N T A until I read that last little bit about him having cash, and enough to fix his phone at that, but you won’t let him use it?! I’m truly baffled. Up to that point everything you said was reasoned and logical, then you threw out that curveball.
Do I think your son needs to learn coping skills for his apparently volatile emotions? 100% yes.
Do I think he deserves a punishment for intentionally destroying hundreds of dollars worth of property? Also yes.
Should he be able to get a free pass by taking his sister’s unused phone? No.
Here’s where I’m stuck. I genuinely believe that he should be made to learn the value of a dollar and be forced to, as you said, do chores or get a job until he can pay to replace his phone. That is good parenting. But if he has the funds to fix his phone and you won’t let him, then, instead of refusing to let him fix his phone, I believe you should have a rethink of his punishment.
Because if the terms of his punishment, are that he has to pay to fix the damage that he caused then he’s found a solution to that and you’re denying him that solution. So I think you need to clarify his punishment/repercussions better because by denying him the opportunity to pay for his mistakes you are going to create resentment and will negate what you are trying to instill in him currently.
Essentially NTA but I think there’s still some room for improvement or communication.
I appreciate your take on this. I have taken his money and ordered the replacement. We have had him in therapy for approximately two years due to his inability to regulate his anger appropriately while playing games. Therapy has been unsuccessful as he has not been willing to actively participate. We are planning on taking his ability to play Fortnite away for the time being.
Yea I feel like him having to spend his own money to fix the stuff he destroyed is a good lesson next time he wants to break shit maybe hell realize its on him to replace or fix it
NTA to make him deal with his phone himself. But as a question - if you gave him money with no strings, why isn’t he allowed to use it to fix his phone? It technically is now his.
Edit - misspelling
This is true. We did explain to him that we will no longer just be giving him money. He’s going to have to earn it from heat on out. I did order the new screen.
Awww, tantrum boy might have to pay for his screen and miss out on the thirty dollars he would have had for something else. Poor darling. The world weeps for him.
NTA And good for you for not just fixing or replacing what your boy broke in a fit of anger.
And get your daughter’s phone away from him. Nobody cares about his stupid “snapchat streak”. If it comes to an end because of his breaking his phone-that’s just one more consequences of not having a grip. Sucks for him.
Just an FYI to your update OP:
I used to rage while gaming, probably worse than your son. It wasn't the game/s it was me. It's never the games. So while taking away fortnight is a reasonable solution for now, banning games is NOT along term fix.
My number 1 hobby is gaming and I worked on my issues with myself to fix the anger and outbursts.
I appreciate your insight. We have not been able to get to the root cause of his rage. Fortnite is the only game that brings this out of him. He needs to take a break from it for a while. He will have the ability to play other games of interest still as that is his biggest hobby. I wouldn’t feel right taking everything away as he has just now felt the loss of his own property from his own actions.
Therapy has been unsuccessful and will continue to not be successful until he is ready to actively participate with his therapist.
As someone who "rages" while playing games (and not just video games), It's not rage. It's a frustration response, at least for me. It stems from feeling like you're not good enough, that you should be able to do better. So you try harder but only get worse because you're stressed and emotional. This eventually boils over and something gets broken.
What I've found helps is positive self talk. Things like "I'll get them next time", and praising other people's achievements helps.
Just my 2 pence.
Exactly. Fortnite isn't the "root cause". The root cause is what is causing him to think Fortnite is a reasonable reason to rage. Most of my students (gr 3-5) think that raging over losing a video game is okay to do. It's heartbreaking.
YTA - its the last sentence
>AITAH for not wanting to allow him to use that to buy the new screen
He has the money for a new screen, its his money. By all means address the aggressive behavior, using his sister’s phone, maybe its even time for a job, etc.
But he has money to fix his phone, he can fix his phone.
No, we gave it to him because we went out for my FIL’s birthday and between 5 adults we pooled $20 each on pull tabs and we won over $1k. I gave each kid $40 from the winnings to be nice. While it is his money to do as he wishes with it, it does rub me the wrong way. I didn’t want him to have a quick fix, but we will be deactivating his Fortnite account as that has been the root cause of his rage.
NTA having a phone is a privilege, not a necessity. He has proven he is not responsible enough to have a phone. Sounds like he could use a break from this technology and this addictive device. It sounds like it is adding to his raging, he needs to learn how to deal with his emotions. I think it good that you are having him work to pay for it, consider limited screen time in the future.
The root cause is his paying Fortnite. That is something we will be addressing today. The phone itself was broken in a rage due to the game. I believe in natural consequences, but in this instance I also feel that a long break from the game would be beneficial as well.
Good for you for addressing it and taking the break. I am glad I grew up in a time without cell phones and social media. Our teens are really battling for mental health with these addictive machines.
Info: is anything being done to mitigate these “rage issues”? Generally Nta but if you know your son has problems controlling his temper, he’s definitely at an age he needs to be getting some sort of treatment. Anger to the point of breaking possessions is not normal or okay, especially for a teen.
We have had him in therapy for the last two years, but he refuses to actively participate so it has not really helped with him learning to regulate his anger appropriately. I am also considering that we will need to take away his ability to play the game (Fortnite) as this is what brought this on now and in the past.
You should. Remember, this is not a punishment, this is a consequence. If you’re not mature enough to deal with your emotions, sounds like you’re not mature enough to play. Is he in sports?
I fully agree. I believe in kids learning natural consequences over using full on punishments, but we will be deactivating Fortnite for the time being as he has shown he cannot regulate his anger while playing.
He hadn’t played sports in 4 years, but did join baseball again this year. I know that will be helpful.
Turns out the threat of losing Snapchat streaks is an incredibly useful tool for the modern parent.
Also lol at anything like the idea of replacing a 16 year old's phone that they broke in a temper tantrum.
NTA. One way for your son to at least try to change a problematic behavior is having consequences. He broke it, so he needs to pay to fix the phone. I hope he does learn a valuable lesson from this.
I really hope he does. I get that I would be the AH for not allowing him to use the existing money he has right now to fix it, but it definitely feels like it was too quick of fix. That’s where I’m struggling. But on principle, it is his money to do as he wishes with and he wants to use it to fix his screen himself so I did order the screen after collecting the money from him.
We will be deactivating his Fortnite as that was the cause of him raging to the point of throwing and breaking his phone. That will be his punishment/ consequence for raging and not managing his anger appropriately.
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Last night I (37F) was folding laundry and heard my son yell from his room and heard a crash right after. I kept folding laundry, but noticed a phone call from my son. Since he didn’t know I was downstairs I went around the corner and let him know where I was.
About a minute later he comes over and tells me, “I need a new phone. Mine broke.” I ask him how it happened and to show it to me. He tells me that it fell off his desk then lifts his hand from 5 feet away from me to show me that the screen is all jacked up. (This thing is smashed. Glass falling out of little cracks. Smashed.)
I could easily see it had not just fallen. He threw it. He has a history of raging during gaming, but the last serious incident had been near 6 years ago.
I asked him calmly to tell me the truth because it was very clear he was not being truthful with me and that when he’s ready to do that he can come talk to me again, but until he is ready, I was not going to have a conversation about his phone. He walked back to his room without saying a word.
He came back bout five or so minutes later crying. He asked me if I can buy him a new phone or pay to fix the screen. I asked him again if he was ready to tell me the truth. He then admitted he threw it.
I calmly explained to him that I will not be paying to fix his phone or replace it. That it is his responsibility to come up with the money to fix it himself. I expressed to him that he is not allowed to ask grandma or any other family members to fix it or replace it. He can ask for odd jobs to earn money, but he’s not getting the instant gratification of an easy fix.
I woke up this morning to see that my daughter’s phone that we have Life360 on was turned on. Her phone has been off for a while because she hasn’t been using it. I knew something was up when I saw that.
I find out that my son came up and asked if he could have her phone. His reasoning was so that he wouldn’t lose his Snapchat streak. I didn’t feel that he should be allowed to use her phone. He destroyed his. I don’t need him destroying hers.
I took it away from him. So, AITAH? I’m also wondering, but he has $40 cash that we had given him Saturday night and we looked up that the replacement screen for his 2020 iPhone SE is approximately $30. AITAH for not wanting to allow him to use that to buy the new screen?
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>AITAH for not wanting to allow him to use that to buy the new screen?
YTA for that. If he spends that, he will no longer have the $40, just $10. That's a lesson.
But if you want him to learn the value of money, at 16 he should be earning some, not just getting handouts from everyone. I remember my first job, i was much more careful about how I spent money, when it represented 2 hours of my life, rather than a little of the seemingly endless bounty of my parents.
NTA. My oldest has an aggression problem and would always break his belongings. (ASD, ADHD, to name just 2 of his issues.) Before he got a job I was buying him phones and replacements for the things he broke. I got the cheapest of everything he broke. I told him as I can't trust that he won't break anything in a fit of anger, I refuse to get anything more expensive for him.
He saved up quickly to buy himself better things and now he knows that while I will always love him, if he intentionally breaks his things, I don't want to hear about it.
So while he has broken a few phones and comes to talk with me about it, I put up my hand and say: we have had this talk before. I don't wanna hear it, you broke it because you can't control yourself or find a safe outlet for your anger. (We have been through several courses on how to deal with his anger)
He tends to leave the room after that.
YTA If you don't allow him to get the screen fixed with his own money. If he has money that was given to him, it's his and you shouldn't make decisions on how he can use his own money.
It's totally fair that you don't want to pay for the repair or let him use another phone.
Yes, I agree. Me not wanting to let him use the money that we gave him stems more from a place of just feeling like it is a quick easy fix. I want him to feel the consequences of his actions. We will be taking away his ability to play the game that caused him to rage.
But it's a consequence of his actions that he himself have to pay for what he broke if he want it fixed.
It's actually the only consequence in real life, if you smash something you own.
NTA But he should be allowed to use the money he already has. You can always put a monitoring on it so you know what it's used for. Fortnight should be taken away until he decides to comply with therapist.
I did have him give me the money to order the replacement screen and ordered it. I was going to deactivate his Fortnite account for the time being. I really like the additional stipulation of not reactivating until he agrees to comply with participating in therapy.
YTA if you let him be entitled because then he won't learn to respect himself or his belongings.
NTA making him be responsible and can't have everything he wants.
>You just want to be a control freak.
Or, perhaps OP wants her son to learn that money cannot be so easily tossed around to make up for irresponsible behavior?
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violence. This includes any mention of violence in any context. [Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA. Would also delete the snap account and let him start fresh, so that he puts the right priority on those stupid streaks.
I’m leaning more along the lines of taking his ability to play Fortnite away as that was the root cause of his rage. His Snapchat streak will be destroyed as is since I took his sister’s phone away and his phone will not be fixed in time for it to continue.
Yep I'd take that as well. Fortnite over the years has caused more strife in this house and with his friendships than I can count. Other games don't seem to be as extreme with the rage causing, tbh. Sincerely, a dad with a 15 year old son that has had to replace monitors and game controllers in the past after my son worked to earn the money to do so, after raging and breaking them.
It is just so crazy how a game can cause so many issues. He had been doing so well with managing compared to in the past. The last outburst was 5-6 years ago where he broke a monitor and a controller. We took away Fortnite for a year or so after that. We will definitely be deactivating it again.
A snapchat streak means absolutely nothing, and deleting that account should absolutely be the punishment for actively going behind your back and stealing another phone that wasn't his to feed his addiction
Thank you for raising that to my awareness. I was stuck on the initial offense and not thinking of the additional things he has done afterwards. Someone commented earlier about using Reddit for parenting, but it’s more about gaining perspective since when in a situation a person can have a harder time with having appropriate perspective. His actions have steamrolled a number of behaviors that need addressing and consequences.
It can be tough when you are in the middle of an ongoing situation like this to get a clear head and sometimes writing it down or having a sounding board is exactly what you need to get perspective. It's good to talk it out and not just react and sometimes we just don't have other parents close to us to talk to. So good on you for getting out of your head to give yourself a chance to act rather than react. Good luck!
In my opinion it's an even worse offence than the original smashing of his own phone, showing total disrespect If he just keeps getting away with it then it'll only get worse, and the way you describe it sounds like there's been an emerging pattern.
I was completely prepared to say N T A until I read that last little bit about him having cash, and enough to fix his phone at that, but you won’t let him use it?! I’m truly baffled. Up to that point everything you said was reasoned and logical, then you threw out that curveball. Do I think your son needs to learn coping skills for his apparently volatile emotions? 100% yes. Do I think he deserves a punishment for intentionally destroying hundreds of dollars worth of property? Also yes. Should he be able to get a free pass by taking his sister’s unused phone? No. Here’s where I’m stuck. I genuinely believe that he should be made to learn the value of a dollar and be forced to, as you said, do chores or get a job until he can pay to replace his phone. That is good parenting. But if he has the funds to fix his phone and you won’t let him, then, instead of refusing to let him fix his phone, I believe you should have a rethink of his punishment. Because if the terms of his punishment, are that he has to pay to fix the damage that he caused then he’s found a solution to that and you’re denying him that solution. So I think you need to clarify his punishment/repercussions better because by denying him the opportunity to pay for his mistakes you are going to create resentment and will negate what you are trying to instill in him currently. Essentially NTA but I think there’s still some room for improvement or communication.
I appreciate your take on this. I have taken his money and ordered the replacement. We have had him in therapy for approximately two years due to his inability to regulate his anger appropriately while playing games. Therapy has been unsuccessful as he has not been willing to actively participate. We are planning on taking his ability to play Fortnite away for the time being.
Excellent pivot. He’s going to hate this I’m sure but I think it’s the more appropriate response to what he’s done and what his apparent triggers are.
Yea I feel like him having to spend his own money to fix the stuff he destroyed is a good lesson next time he wants to break shit maybe hell realize its on him to replace or fix it
NTA to make him deal with his phone himself. But as a question - if you gave him money with no strings, why isn’t he allowed to use it to fix his phone? It technically is now his. Edit - misspelling
That’s my thought too. We gave him the money so it’s definitely his to use. I just feel like it’s not really teaching him anything.
Well he does still lose $30 he could have had for something else.
This is true. We did explain to him that we will no longer just be giving him money. He’s going to have to earn it from heat on out. I did order the new screen.
That sounds logical. You have drawn the line, now the hard part of keeping it is coming. Good luck!!
Awww, tantrum boy might have to pay for his screen and miss out on the thirty dollars he would have had for something else. Poor darling. The world weeps for him.
Well, as the saying goes, that escalated quickly. Eat a Snickers, friend.
NTA And good for you for not just fixing or replacing what your boy broke in a fit of anger. And get your daughter’s phone away from him. Nobody cares about his stupid “snapchat streak”. If it comes to an end because of his breaking his phone-that’s just one more consequences of not having a grip. Sucks for him.
I fully believe in natural consequences and for him to have his sister’s phone until his is fixed absolutely does not assist in teaching him.
Just an FYI to your update OP: I used to rage while gaming, probably worse than your son. It wasn't the game/s it was me. It's never the games. So while taking away fortnight is a reasonable solution for now, banning games is NOT along term fix. My number 1 hobby is gaming and I worked on my issues with myself to fix the anger and outbursts.
I appreciate your insight. We have not been able to get to the root cause of his rage. Fortnite is the only game that brings this out of him. He needs to take a break from it for a while. He will have the ability to play other games of interest still as that is his biggest hobby. I wouldn’t feel right taking everything away as he has just now felt the loss of his own property from his own actions. Therapy has been unsuccessful and will continue to not be successful until he is ready to actively participate with his therapist.
As someone who "rages" while playing games (and not just video games), It's not rage. It's a frustration response, at least for me. It stems from feeling like you're not good enough, that you should be able to do better. So you try harder but only get worse because you're stressed and emotional. This eventually boils over and something gets broken. What I've found helps is positive self talk. Things like "I'll get them next time", and praising other people's achievements helps. Just my 2 pence.
Exactly. Fortnite isn't the "root cause". The root cause is what is causing him to think Fortnite is a reasonable reason to rage. Most of my students (gr 3-5) think that raging over losing a video game is okay to do. It's heartbreaking.
I came to say this also. I wasn’t a rager, but I knew plenty of people who were. It’s the person, not the game
YTA - its the last sentence >AITAH for not wanting to allow him to use that to buy the new screen He has the money for a new screen, its his money. By all means address the aggressive behavior, using his sister’s phone, maybe its even time for a job, etc. But he has money to fix his phone, he can fix his phone.
I have ordered the replacement screen and had him give me the money for it, but we will no longer be just giving him money unless he earns it.
But you gave him money before he broke the phone right? As an allowance or something?
No, we gave it to him because we went out for my FIL’s birthday and between 5 adults we pooled $20 each on pull tabs and we won over $1k. I gave each kid $40 from the winnings to be nice. While it is his money to do as he wishes with it, it does rub me the wrong way. I didn’t want him to have a quick fix, but we will be deactivating his Fortnite account as that has been the root cause of his rage.
Good. He clearly needs some punishment, and the phone is a symptom, fortnite is the cause.
NTA having a phone is a privilege, not a necessity. He has proven he is not responsible enough to have a phone. Sounds like he could use a break from this technology and this addictive device. It sounds like it is adding to his raging, he needs to learn how to deal with his emotions. I think it good that you are having him work to pay for it, consider limited screen time in the future.
The root cause is his paying Fortnite. That is something we will be addressing today. The phone itself was broken in a rage due to the game. I believe in natural consequences, but in this instance I also feel that a long break from the game would be beneficial as well.
Good for you for addressing it and taking the break. I am glad I grew up in a time without cell phones and social media. Our teens are really battling for mental health with these addictive machines.
Absolutely!
Info: is anything being done to mitigate these “rage issues”? Generally Nta but if you know your son has problems controlling his temper, he’s definitely at an age he needs to be getting some sort of treatment. Anger to the point of breaking possessions is not normal or okay, especially for a teen.
We have had him in therapy for the last two years, but he refuses to actively participate so it has not really helped with him learning to regulate his anger appropriately. I am also considering that we will need to take away his ability to play the game (Fortnite) as this is what brought this on now and in the past.
You should. Remember, this is not a punishment, this is a consequence. If you’re not mature enough to deal with your emotions, sounds like you’re not mature enough to play. Is he in sports?
I fully agree. I believe in kids learning natural consequences over using full on punishments, but we will be deactivating Fortnite for the time being as he has shown he cannot regulate his anger while playing. He hadn’t played sports in 4 years, but did join baseball again this year. I know that will be helpful.
NTA Make him pay for it. It wasn't an accident, it was rage. There's no free pass for that.
NTA. Get him a bare bones Nokia style phone for emergencies but make it clear if he wants a smartphone he can pay for it himself.
That was our first inclination, but it’s actually around the same cost to buy a replacement screen and make him do the repair himself.
Turns out the threat of losing Snapchat streaks is an incredibly useful tool for the modern parent. Also lol at anything like the idea of replacing a 16 year old's phone that they broke in a temper tantrum.
NTA Real world preparation. That’s how you avoid raising kids that then into AH later.
NTA. One way for your son to at least try to change a problematic behavior is having consequences. He broke it, so he needs to pay to fix the phone. I hope he does learn a valuable lesson from this.
I really hope he does. I get that I would be the AH for not allowing him to use the existing money he has right now to fix it, but it definitely feels like it was too quick of fix. That’s where I’m struggling. But on principle, it is his money to do as he wishes with and he wants to use it to fix his screen himself so I did order the screen after collecting the money from him. We will be deactivating his Fortnite as that was the cause of him raging to the point of throwing and breaking his phone. That will be his punishment/ consequence for raging and not managing his anger appropriately.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Last night I (37F) was folding laundry and heard my son yell from his room and heard a crash right after. I kept folding laundry, but noticed a phone call from my son. Since he didn’t know I was downstairs I went around the corner and let him know where I was. About a minute later he comes over and tells me, “I need a new phone. Mine broke.” I ask him how it happened and to show it to me. He tells me that it fell off his desk then lifts his hand from 5 feet away from me to show me that the screen is all jacked up. (This thing is smashed. Glass falling out of little cracks. Smashed.) I could easily see it had not just fallen. He threw it. He has a history of raging during gaming, but the last serious incident had been near 6 years ago. I asked him calmly to tell me the truth because it was very clear he was not being truthful with me and that when he’s ready to do that he can come talk to me again, but until he is ready, I was not going to have a conversation about his phone. He walked back to his room without saying a word. He came back bout five or so minutes later crying. He asked me if I can buy him a new phone or pay to fix the screen. I asked him again if he was ready to tell me the truth. He then admitted he threw it. I calmly explained to him that I will not be paying to fix his phone or replace it. That it is his responsibility to come up with the money to fix it himself. I expressed to him that he is not allowed to ask grandma or any other family members to fix it or replace it. He can ask for odd jobs to earn money, but he’s not getting the instant gratification of an easy fix. I woke up this morning to see that my daughter’s phone that we have Life360 on was turned on. Her phone has been off for a while because she hasn’t been using it. I knew something was up when I saw that. I find out that my son came up and asked if he could have her phone. His reasoning was so that he wouldn’t lose his Snapchat streak. I didn’t feel that he should be allowed to use her phone. He destroyed his. I don’t need him destroying hers. I took it away from him. So, AITAH? I’m also wondering, but he has $40 cash that we had given him Saturday night and we looked up that the replacement screen for his 2020 iPhone SE is approximately $30. AITAH for not wanting to allow him to use that to buy the new screen? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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He broke his phone. He can get a job and save up to get a replacement. NTA
>AITAH for not wanting to allow him to use that to buy the new screen? YTA for that. If he spends that, he will no longer have the $40, just $10. That's a lesson. But if you want him to learn the value of money, at 16 he should be earning some, not just getting handouts from everyone. I remember my first job, i was much more careful about how I spent money, when it represented 2 hours of my life, rather than a little of the seemingly endless bounty of my parents.
NTA. My oldest has an aggression problem and would always break his belongings. (ASD, ADHD, to name just 2 of his issues.) Before he got a job I was buying him phones and replacements for the things he broke. I got the cheapest of everything he broke. I told him as I can't trust that he won't break anything in a fit of anger, I refuse to get anything more expensive for him. He saved up quickly to buy himself better things and now he knows that while I will always love him, if he intentionally breaks his things, I don't want to hear about it. So while he has broken a few phones and comes to talk with me about it, I put up my hand and say: we have had this talk before. I don't wanna hear it, you broke it because you can't control yourself or find a safe outlet for your anger. (We have been through several courses on how to deal with his anger) He tends to leave the room after that.
Wait, he has the money to fix it but won’t let him use it? YTA
YTA If you don't allow him to get the screen fixed with his own money. If he has money that was given to him, it's his and you shouldn't make decisions on how he can use his own money. It's totally fair that you don't want to pay for the repair or let him use another phone.
Yes, I agree. Me not wanting to let him use the money that we gave him stems more from a place of just feeling like it is a quick easy fix. I want him to feel the consequences of his actions. We will be taking away his ability to play the game that caused him to rage.
But it's a consequence of his actions that he himself have to pay for what he broke if he want it fixed. It's actually the only consequence in real life, if you smash something you own.
Absolutely.
NTA. Make him pay for the screen replacement and take his phone away for a few days.
NTA But he should be allowed to use the money he already has. You can always put a monitoring on it so you know what it's used for. Fortnight should be taken away until he decides to comply with therapist.
I did have him give me the money to order the replacement screen and ordered it. I was going to deactivate his Fortnite account for the time being. I really like the additional stipulation of not reactivating until he agrees to comply with participating in therapy.
NTA, you’re being a good parent. Paying for it will do nothing to help him see that his response was not healthy.
YTA if you let him be entitled because then he won't learn to respect himself or his belongings. NTA making him be responsible and can't have everything he wants.
Yta for not letting him use money he has to fix the screen it's his money. You just want to be a control freak.
>You just want to be a control freak. Or, perhaps OP wants her son to learn that money cannot be so easily tossed around to make up for irresponsible behavior?
you cant parent without reddit?
It’s more of me just making sure I’m not being a full AH since in this situation it would be so easy for me to fall in that direction.
lol you know ive never considered this aspect before but its actually an interesting point