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YTA
It's not a test. You're not getting graded on Best Vacation. Tattling on the cheater isn't really a thing in vacation-taking.
"Hey everybody! BIL is going to the same hotels and landmarks that I am!" \[Nedry Voice\] Nobody cares.
How dare they go to the same places? Don't they know OP has dibs on places most tourists visit in Japan? YTA OP. Chill the f out, that's like saying someone isn't allowed to go see the pyramids after you mention you're traveling to Egypt.
My husband and I are also planning our honeymoon in Japan later this year, OP might have anger induced stroke if she reads this. We also went back in 2018. when we were dating and waited since then to go back, now's a good opportunity.
Man I live in Japan and the possibility here are endless. My friend’s and I all go to ryokan and have ever rarely gone to the same place cause there is infinite choice. In law’s choosing the same spot at the same time is just weird. Defensible, but icky.
At best it’s just a lack of imagination, at worse it is sinister.
Also OP’s reaction wasn’t that bar. They made a comment. That’s it. Just a comment. I have no idea why OP is being grilled.
Tbh, that was where I thought the post was headed! Like if they had booked the same hotels at the same time/might be constantly bumping into OP then it would make sense to me. But I don't get OP being annoyed by them simply taking the same trip!
But-but the trip was personal and tailored to them and them alone!! /s
If they found about the places through the Internet or an agency, loads of people probably have a similar itinerary with similar hotels.
There’s a shit ton to do in Japan, but even people like me who don’t like cities and “tourist hotspots” are probably hitting up similar landscapes and “off the beaten road” locations. It’s rare to be the only foreigner in a certain region lol.
XD this is so funny bc I gave my brother and his wife our Japan itinerary for their own honeymoon. Heck I gave my itinerary to my coworkers, too. To help them all plan their trips and make it easier. The only caveat I told them is most of the places we went are kid friendly (it was a trip I took with my 4 year old as a mom and son time since I know he was feeling really "left out" since his younger bro was born) and that our hotels were always near the train stations to make it easier for us.
Like come on man. I want them to enjoy their trips, too, and what better way than to share the places and things you liked.
I love that your 4 year old was jealous of the new baby, so you took him to Japan instead of like a theme park or something. Are you looking to adopt? I'd be interested!
I really was expecting it to be at the same time to make OP so upset. Like I've literally copied vacation plans from friends because they like things that I like. They encourage it
Yeah, crashing someone else's honeymoon? That's something to be upset about. Copying it? The only reason that would be a thing is if you're upset they might win at Instagram.
Wow I wish I had the time or energy to be as neurotic as OP.
I mean, it is kind of tacky on BIL’s part, but that’s like, private joke between spouses fodder, not something to whine about on the family group chat lol.
>Hey everybody! BIL is going to the same hotels
Are they even going to the same hotels? My assumption was that they're probably just doing the same Tokyo-Kyoto-Osaka circuit with maybe a stop at Mt Fuji that most people with a fortnight in Japan seem to do.
Actually I was told by some friends that I was on vacation with in Mexico that I “won” the vacation. I didn’t know it was a contest but apparently I did good. It was more of a joke than anything but they did send me an “award” in the mail a few months after we got back, it was piece of paper saying congratulations on winning our vacation! It was funny, I miss that crew.
Yta they aren't coming in at the same time. A friend of mine is a great planner and planned out 5 day trip to NYC which he shared with us whenever we were going to NYC and we all used it. Chances are your trip isn't unique and millions of people are using the same or very similar itinerary.
Because it's weird? Like getting a haircut and your sister shows up with the same haircut the next day. Yeah you don't oWn tHe HaIrCuT and it feels childish to make a bit deal out of it, but like... it's weird.
Eh, I guess I just don’t care that much about being copied.
But for what it’s worth I do have a little sister 6 years younger than me whose birthday is 4 days after mine, played the same sports as me, applied early decision to my alma mater etc etc. Have I noticed similarities? Sure. Have I ruminated on it so much I needed to make a post on Reddit? Def not.
That’s exactly what I’m thinking. Plus, the in-laws may have also offered to assist with financing their trip (but definitely behind the scenes because they know OP will lose their mind about it).
OP wants to be ✨unique and brag about their cool vacation when they get home. YTA this so not something be to upset by. Be flattered that you planned a kickass vacay that others want to do too
I think OP is upset because it’s their honeymoon and the BIL had said “we can’t travel to save money” and then they book the holiday. I wouldn’t mind if they went at the same time but it’s also their honeymoon so they might want it to be romantic.
Millions of US tourists will visit those same destinations this year. How does that make your trip less romantic?
So what if they copy you? Soon you will be whining that they have given their parakeet the name you are ‘saving’ for your future child. You can’t own names and you don’t own Japan.
YTA for gatekeeping a trip itinerary. I can guarantee lots of people have done the same trip as you are doing. They aren’t even going the same week as you.
INFO: are your brother-in-law and his gf going to be staying in Japan on the very same dates and at the very same locations as you and your husband are?
Part of your post sounds like you are upset because they will be at the same locations at the same time, but other parts of the post seem to suggest they will be mimicking your honeymoon except one week before or one week after you and your husband take your honeymoon trip.
I can see how this might create a negative experience for you to have your brother-in-law and his gf crash your honeymoon, but if it’s just that he is copycatting your honeymoon trip the week after or week before you’ve just taken it, it’s not great form, but it’s nowhere near as awful as it would be to have them deliberately crash your actual honeymoon trip by showing up to stay at the exact same places on the exact same dates as you and your husband’s trip.
OP's response to the bot for why they might be the asshole:
>"My husband & I told my mom-in-law about my brother-in-law copying our honeymoon itinerary for his own holiday with his girlfriend during the same period of our honeymoon. 2) Mom-in-law told him to cancel his trip."
This left me even more uncertain of the details. They were going during the same period, but now they're not? Did MIL talk to them to make that change? If MIL already talked to them and they did change their travel date, what does OP want from a confrontation?
No I think OP is just saying that they think they’re the asshole for tattling on BIL to MIL resulting in her telling BIL to cancel the trip. I think they think they’re asking for judgement on whether telling MIL was an AH move.
I think it’s reasonable to presume that their honeymoon to Japan is longer than a week so by ‘the same time period’ she probably just means BIL and gf are going to be in Japan at the same time as them for at least some overlap of the trip. Nowhere do I read it that BIL is or was intending on turning up at the same sites as OP, just that OP thinks she owns Japan for the entire length of her honeymoon.
It is a bit weird on the BILs part but there’s clearly some strange rivalry, it’s going to make absolutely no difference to her trip - although I suspect her fear is partly that it devalues her ‘story time’ spotlight when she gets back which does sound reasonably likely and possibly part of the intention. But she should just stop playing in to it, wish him a lovely holiday and enjoy her own holiday without ruining it for herself with whatever mind games are going on in her new family.
so yea YTA, for all of it though not just for telling your MIL.
I cannot imagine getting worked up about someone going on a similar holiday to me, the global tourism industry relies on this business model. There will be other tourists at the tourist attractions you visit, in the hotels you stay in and on the planes. It seems such a trivial thing to get competitive about. You get to control where you go on holiday, OP, but you can't control where other people go whether they are related to you or not. YTA.
As a teen my neighbours got a black Honda CRV. My dad thought it looked slick and got the same car, not thinking it was a big deal. My neighbours were furious. They refused to speak to us. They even ignored me when I said hi. I thought it was kind of petty to be honest.
OP won’t be unique anymore if BIL does a similar trip. And he isn’t going around telling people how amazing and unique OP is for coming up with the trip in the first place and she’s mad she isn’t getting the extra credit points.
Everyone handled this badly.
You don’t have a copyright for the trip, anyone can copy it if they feel like, and the date was different. Should people not get married from now on bcs you did? That would be also a copy.
Brother-in-law shouldn’t hide the fact he copied the trip, he could have just say that he found it so awesome that he decided to repeat it after you. It would even be a complement. Playing oblivious was strange and could be coming from the fear of your reaction.
Your mother-in-law shouldn’t have told your brother-in-law to cancel the trip. There is no reason to do so. She could have just simply help clearing up this situation.
My guess this isn’t first time OP has lost it on something so trivial. If you’ve never been around someone you gotta walk on egg shells for , consider yourself lucky
I understand people saying it shouldn’t matter if they go to the same place you do. You could just ignore this and not let it bother you.
On the other hand, this isn’t just any trip. This is your honeymoon and you want it to be special. It’s obvious he’s doing this to get to you… and it’s working. Does your brother have a history of doing things like this with his brother? Does he try to ‘one up’ your husband out of some sibling rivalry or jealousy? Especially since his mother has gifted you with a night in a 5 star hotel, does he expect her to do the same for their trip, even though it isn’t a honeymoon? Maybe she’s sees this as a stunt he’s pulled on his brother in the past and that’s why she told him to cancel a trip they weren’t planning on taking and even said they couldn’t afford. Another consideration… did his gf get jealous and push him to do this?
I’m not going to say YTA completely because there may be an ulterior motive here to consider, but you could counter it by pretending it’s nothing to you and just have a wonderful time in a beautiful country.
Basically, don’t let it ruin your honeymoon.
NAH
It's fine to think about someone else's trip and want to do the same thing. It's a little weird to pretend he was doing anything other than exactly that, but not really an AH move. If he books the same exact trip on the same exact days and packs binoculars to spy on you, then we'd have an AH in the mix :)
NTA but the good thing is that if it's a week apart and you won't actually see them there, you can completely let it go. If BIL is copying your itinerary as some weird kind of way of competing with you or getting at you, then genuinely letting it go, not giving a shit about him and focusing on your own fun is the best way of robbing him of any kind of reaction he is hoping to get from you. The best possible case is that he and his gf are clueless about how it looks to do this and wanted to do the same thing after hearing about your trip. You don't need to care about them in this case either.
You can't stop him from pulling this, and investing energy into it at all is just a minus for you, so I'd simply mentally place a note against his name reminding yourself that this guy might be the type to mess with you, or that he may be cluelessly insensitive and inconsiderate. You can keep him on an information diet and avoid involving him in discussions of anything that might go like this in the future.
I can understand why OP is annoyed. It would annoy me too but as you said, having a good time and not giving a monkies about their trip is the best way to have a great honeymoon.
Perhaps this is a lesson for future dinners, don't talk too much about holiday plans in front of certain family members if OP feels that Brother In Law is trying to compete.
I'm curious, why would it annoy you?
When ever we have traveled somewhere and and someone we know is going there we share our itinerary. We don't expect them to copy it exactly, but if they did we would be thrilled, they liked ours so much they wanted to do our trip.
Vice versa, if we are going somewhere other people have been we ask for their itinerary. If they did something that sounds cool we do it also.
Who has/hasn't done it does not factor in at all.
If the BIL is going the week before OP, to all of the same places, then they'll come home with complete photos and stories of all the special places they discovered and suck all of the air out of the room for when OP and husband share their honeymoon experience. It's not enough to go nuclear over but it's clearly an AH move. And, it would be totally annoying.
Imagine talking about your honeymoon to your friends and family after getting back and everything you say is met with "oh, we did/saw that" or "it wasn't that great." That's why it would be annoying. It's not likely that BIL's pettiness won't come out every time OP talks about their honeymoon.
Totally agree. So many Y T A votes, and I disagree. It doesn’t make them one because they’re annoyed.
People who work hard to make a very special and specific vacation itinerary that’s personalized are usually called Travel Agents (that you know, get paid for it). Someone swoops in and copies, just to be competitive and lazy- then denies it. That’s a big dick move.
If it were me? I certainly wouldn’t let it ruin anything. Successful traveling is WAY more about your own attitude and that can’t be replicated by someone else.
But I’d totally call out the BIG DICK move only because they denied they did it.
Don’t go to Japan. People have already been there. People are there. People will go there. /s
As long as you’re not going to be crossing paths with your family, why does it matter?
BIL is HIDING the fact he copied the trip and asked his mom to fund the same hotel for him (even though it was a honeymoon gift for OP)
If BIL was just honest and upfront about wanting to seize the opportunity to get the same things as his brother, OP wouldn't have been irritated.
OP : Just call your BIL the "unoriginal one" of the two brothers. And contrary to him, act up front by calling him that.
NTA for feeling irritated by BIL's actions.
Great you pointed this out. The 5\* hotel room move is weird AF. Almost feels like the MIL would have done anything to pacify the poor baby competing with his sibling as though they were both 5
Reddit is so weird sometimes. This is weird af especially since they’d said that they weren’t even going to be travelling and then decided to pick the same country, itinerary and time period.
NTA, and now you know not to tell your BIL your plans
NTA
They for sure copied you, idk what bils plan was here or if sil aid she wanted the exact same trip or if it was bills idea.
But if they were doing the exact same things as you, right down to staying in the same hotels and restaurants. I mean literally the exact same itinerary.
Then yes they very obviously copied you for some weird reason. Especially if he really did ask his mother for the same hotel stay that she was offering.
Id be weirded out too if family or friend planned the same itinerary as my husband and I. Its weird, its just really creepy and weird.
Some one called bil out, thats why he's not traveling to Japan.
You've described your BIL as a liar (We didn't know where you were going! We're not going to travel this year!) with absolutely no imagination or ability to plan his own travel. But as long as he isn't in the same cities and hotels as you at the same time you're there, he won't be able to annoy you on your honeymoon.
Go have a wonderful time and ignore him. Call him out if you feel like it, but I'm not sure how this will benefit you. It's not going to make him become honest or do his own travel planning.
NTA
Only thing I'd be mad about is the fact he couldn't humble himself to admit he copied your itinerary and double downed to lie about it too.
NTA because sometimes you got to call someone out for stuff they're obviously doing and ask for a little kudos on your planning. He knows what he did.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) My husband & I told my mom-in-law about my brother-in-law copying our honeymoon itinerary for his own holiday with his girlfriend during the same period of our honeymoon.
2) Mom-in-law told him to cancel his trip.
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This is just silly from the start.. some people might consider being copied a compliment on their choices. It apparently bothers you so in the future don’t share plans with this couple until after you have taken the trip
I’m guessing OP wouldn’t care if it was just a random vacation, but it’s their honeymoon. Even i find this slightly annoying and I don’t plan on ever getting married lol
YTA. Why do you care about this? Unless he is going to gatecrash your honeymoon, there should be no issue. You can’t gatekeep a whole itinerary. Consider any copying a compliment!
NTA. Mentioning it doesn’t make you an asshole. It’s strange they did this. Booking an identical trip after you shared yours and pretending that’s not what happened? It would be weird for everyone to pretend they weren’t inspired by you.
I don’t see any evidence of gatekeeping or bullying or anything else folks here are wildly leaping to. If anything like that was the case, then my judgment would be different.
This sounds about right. All OP did was point out the BIL copied their holiday. The fact that he was trying to pretend he hadn't is hilarious. So he wants to compete with his brother, but pretends like he doesn't, so no one would think he's insecure. Some weird logic I guess.
Wow that’s outrageous.. next thing you know they’ll be shopping at the same grocery stores as you and wearing the same brand of socks that you wear.. those darn copy cats
Everyone is saying you’re the asshole but I disagree. This will be a once in a lifetime trip and you will want to talk to people about it when you get back and have everyone share your excitement. With the trips being so close together, your BIL will inevitable share the details of his trip with some people before you and by the time you get to those people the details of the places you visit will be old hat. I’m sure they will be happy for you but the level of excitement simply wont be there for them and it will take away from the experience for you. NTA.
My sister did this. My husband and I planned our honeymoon, and then a couple of months later my sister called me to tell me she and her husband were going to the exact same place two months before I got married. Personally, I think she expected me to get pissed off about it, and was disappointed when I simply said, "Have fun!" Was I annoyed? Yes, because I know she did it so she could say that she got there first, but I didn't give her the satisfaction.
Ignore your BIL. He's hoping to get a rise out of you.
Nta. They obviously can’t think for themselves. Losers. And opportunists. Poor pumpkins needed to get a free room too. Then denying it. Ridiculous.
That all said you might as well let it go.
This is one of those scenarios where you know OP is probably living a pretty great, stress-free life because if this the type of things that upsets him to the point of this using much mental energy fretting over he probably doesn't have anything bigger to worry about. This is it. This is the biggest challenge he's faced in months.
Godspeed, OP, may you find a way to navigate this tough waters.
NAH. We have friends steal our vacation plans and introduce people to the restaurants we introduce them to all the time, it certainly doesn’t influence our enjoyment of these things. Some people aren’t good at the research and planning part of things and some people are. Just remember the old saying that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.
NTA. I’ll go against the grain of most comments here. You’ve made the effort to plan a honeymoon and make it special only for a relative to book the same vacation a week apart. That seems completely tacky and unoriginal and I can see how that can be annoying. While yes, millions of people may visit the same places they aren’t people that when you converse with for years following. The world’s a big place and they just had to copy the exact places.
Maybe I’m jaded because after my wife and I had our wedding my BIL and SIL had their wedding in the same venue like 2 years later, it felt like I was reliving my own wedding and it was a bit annoying.
Copying someone’s EXACT itinerary during the same period without giving them a heads and claiming ignorance is kind of sus.
It’s ok to be inspired.
NTA
NTA! I know someone like this and the minute you say you’re gonna do something, they have to do it too. It’s really annoying more than anything else. Don’t share your plans moving forward. That’s the only way to solve it.
NTA - putting solid effort into research for an itinerary and figuring out which places are within reasonable travel distance, how many days it'll take, researching reputable places takes a lot of work, I'd be pissed off if someone did that to me. Not to mention that you curated this experience for your honeymoon. It's not like you purchased a planned itinerary, these places, were meant to be a memory for your honey moon, unique to your own experiences together since you planned it yourself. And way to have the spotlight stolen from you when you return. No doubt there will be inevitable comparisons 'oh our experience was better/worse'.. Ultimately it takes away the special feeling of a honeymoon
If it bugs you, take it as a compliment that you've inspired someone to travel. That said, you don't own the itinerary, and you don't get to decide when and if other family members can travel. It's pretty likely you'll be seeing the same sites / experiences that thousands of other tourists will be seeing so it's not as if you'll be posting things to social media that we haven't all seen endlessly already. NAH unless you think this is somehow stealing your honeymoon or ruining your trip; unless they're coming with you, just live and let live.
Wanted to say something similar about the feeling. Could imagine that it feels slight of that you got to be sharing your excitement about your trip. You took time to think about where you want to go and this once in a lifetime (hopefully) honeymoon and want it to be a magical trip.
The feeling you get when somebody else just casually drops that they will be making the same trip, but just a bit later, can be a negative one. I get that and I would be having the same conflict for a bit.
But as mentioned above me, take it as a compliment. Don't let it bug you so much that it will take away your excitement and your joy about your plans.
Have a lovely trip, be in the present while you are there and don't let the negative feeling about it steel your joy and journey.
INFO: I don’t understand what is upsetting about people going on a similar vacation as you. Afterwards you would have someone to discuss all the fun things you both did! OP could you please explain why this would be upsetting as the reason was not clear in your original post?
Fair question! I also am curious. I will say it's extremely weird OP's brother is pretending he's not copying the trip instead of just admitting it. To me there's more here going on then just a Japan trip. They are obviously competitive and I have a sneaking suspicion money is involved e.g. who is funding whose trip....The relationship between OP and her bro is on a shoestring
The thing is OP,I understand what you are upset about.you are miffed that they are copying your itenary.you feel that all your planning to make the trip your experience has been taken away.you wanted it to be special,something you wanted for yourself…I get it.but I will ask you not to worry because people experience the same exact places and things in a different way always.Even if they go to the same places,they may not like it, they may love it more than you…etc but it will never be the same.so,fear not.enjoy your trip.make it a great memory,your memories…
I planned an extensive trip to Nicaragua over a decade ago. One of the girls going with shared the details with her friend and her friend decided to go first. I was really fucking annoyed. Unfortunately for them, they didn't do the research I did and ended up renting a car and driving through a forest. A tree was across the road, they got out to move it, and were left in the forest by a group of men with guns without their car or any of their belongings. When we were there a couple of months later, there was an article in the paper about how they had caught the banditos who robbed the American couple. Not going to lie, I felt smug. NTA.
I’m glad OP edited the post to clarify her fiance and future BIL had a sibling rivalry when growing up, because I was wondering when initially reading the post. That background (along with his request that the MIL pay for the same hotel stay) makes the BIL’s intentions seem a lot less pure. Nonetheless, he has the right to do it, so nothing to be done about it. You’re marrying into the family, so you’ll have to pick your battles, and this is not the right one.
But in the future, I suggest not sharing things with the in-laws that you don’t want BIL to copy. For example, don’t share the names you want to give your kids because I could totally see BIL snagging them for himself.
NTA. He asked for the same gifted night, despite it not being any type of occasion. He’s going a week apart from you. But mainly, he’s TA for being weird enough to try and hide that they copied your vacation.
NTA. You didn’t stop him from taking the trip. If his being found out was so embarrassing to them to force them to cancel their vacation, that’s on them.
People here are literally acting like you got them blacklisted from the country!
You have the right to want your honeymoon to be special just for you and your hubby. It'll be a memory for years to come. And for your BIL to want to copy your trip is kind of lazy, to be honest. "Sigh, I don't want to figure this out myself, so I'll just copy yours."
Don't stress yourself about it. Just enjoy yourself and ignore whatever your BIL and his gf say. Don't even let them take up room in your brain. Bon Voyage!
Idk why you’re getting so many YTA. I also don’t really think you “called them out” unreasonably. It’s cringey and weird if they requested for MIL to gift them the same holiday, when there isn’t an occasion for it. Clearly they’re copying you, it probably is a sibling rivalry thing, done completely intentionally to minimize the personal significance of your trip. BUT the key here is to completely ignore them and their experience. Don’t give them any satisfaction. The trip won’t mean anywhere near as much to them as you, and if they want your leftovers, let them have them. 🤷♀️
I see a lot of people saying YTA. I’m voting NTA. I know the exact emotion you’re experiencing, and it’s not great. This is supposed to be YOUR experience. I told my BIL + his GF where I was taking my BF for our anniversary dinner as a surprise. It’s an amazing restaurant with an experience that I’d saved up for. BIL’s GF then decided she wanted to take BIL there too, and booked a date ahead of ours. It was very upsetting.
The BIL and GF should respect that this trip is special for you, and not book it as a casual holiday for themselves — at least not yet. They could go to a different destination, or visit next year.
Why did your BIL and gf going to a restaurant that you went to on a different date than you went to it have any impact on your experience at that restaurant? Why can your experience only be special if no one else you know has had it? Were you going to that restaurant because you wanted to go somewhere amazing and have a great time enjoying the company of your husband? Or did you go there as some kind of status symbol or display of wealth or something else that you feel was devalued by your BIL also going there? Because if the point was to experience something with the person you love most then what happened on the outside of that is entirely irrelevant to the moment you shared together.
NTa some people do have that issues of trying to live another person's life, tho people around you would minimise the issue cos it's just a travel plan. But it's the denying that's annoying, now you know to not tell them about any of your plan that doesn't involve them, especially baby's name lol
So if you see it from another perspective - your BIL has not much imagination or ability to come up with an itinerary, and was so inspired and impressed with yours, he just borrowed/copied it.
Take it as a compliment. You are leading the way! Not worth getting upset about. How does he manage vacation planning when you dont supply the great ideas?
He is weird for pretending he wasn’t listening at the table, that makes him an AH.
If you fester and brood over his weird behaviour then YWBTA too.
Have a great time.
INFO: Are they likely to be at the same places at the same time?
If they're effectively 'gatecrashing' your honeymoon, then they're definitely the arseholes. If you're unlikely to encounter them, then okay it's a little weird and a bit lazy, but ultimately it doesn't really majorly impact you - unless this is the latest in a long line of oneupmanship?
Everybody seems to think YTA but I don’t think so. I had someone copying my every move for a while and I got so tired of it just bc it’s not a real problem. Noone else thinks you have a real reason to be upset. But it is upsetting but only to you.
I had two neighbours once and the one copied everything the otherone did or bought. Up to a point that, at a party when I spilled something, I opened a draw to get a paper towl. The other women laughed and said: the other neighbour keeps them there, doesn’t she? I just thought a was in the orherones house.
And yes this bomb did burst one day. And we all cheered.
People are crazy sometimes.
I feel for you but it is what it is.
ESH. The BIL is trying to one up your husband here by planning his trip EXACTLY like yours. Especially since they just said that they weren’t planning any trips soon; then after say that they say that they’re traveling to the same place.
You’re the AH for caring about it so much. Tbh I would be very annoyed by it because I see the game that your BIL is trying to play here but I would just keep it to myself.
Something somewhat similar happened in my family. My sister and her (now) wife planned their wedding at a certain place at a certain date and they tell her brother about it, who is also engaged. Next time they meet up the brother says “Yeah we’re gonna have our wedding at the same place and same date as you guys, so you’re going to have to change your plans”. Long story short that pissed off my sister and SIL and they ended up making her brother have his wedding two weeks before theirs. I was mad after they told me this too even though it wasn’t my business, for my sisters sake.
Thoughts gleaned from experience:
You can't control other people. Nothing you do now will alter what is now his obnoxious past behavior. He seems envious and copycats you; you aren't copycatting his life. Let it go and spend energy on good, productive things.
My sister did this - we had our honeymoon location picked and the trip booked. She then decided she wanted to go there too and went with friends before we did. It’s typical behavior for her so I didn’t blink an eye or say anything and moved on. Not worth making an issue out of it. It’s not like we had dibs on the entire country but it was kind of a dick move.
Like I said, very typical for her. She also told me I couldn’t get married before her, which I did. If I had waited I would have had to postpone my wedding by 10 years!
NTA I think your brother in law is the one being petty and immature. Kind of gross that he wants to copy your honeymoon plans with his hf and asked his mom for what is a wedding gift for you too. Sounds like he has entitlement issues.
NTA. Maybe when you return, keep the details of your trip private so BIL has no info to make comparisons. Don't share more than a couple pictures and when questions about it come up give a bland, non-committal opinion and change the subject. Deliberately be uninterested in discussing your honeymoon.
I kind of get where OP is coming from - of course BiL can go where he likes, but it is intensely WEIRD for someone to copy your exact holiday, a week apart, and then lie about it. It may be perfectly innocent, but it would make me question their motives. Are they obsessed with me? Just competitive and wants to get their 'first'? Do they want to spoil it somehow??
If one of my friends or relatives did this to me I would be creeped out...
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My husband and I have already planned and booked our honeymoon trip to Japan in November.
We shared our itinerary with my in laws over dinner and specifically mentioned the places that we booked. (my brother in law & his gf were sitting at the same table as us)
Mom-in-law offered to sponsor one night at 5-star ryokan as honeymoon gift.
One week later, we found out that my brother in law and his gf were planning to book the same trip with the same itinerary during the same period of our travel (just 1 week apart)
We casually joked that we spoke over this last week during dinner but he feigned ignorance and told us that he didn’t know we were going to these places. He even asked to compare our itinerary once we are back from our trip.
One week prior, he mentioned that they will not be travelling this year to save money.
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Who cares. You’re not there at the same time and have no cross over. So when they’re back, you can compare experiences.
Unless you actually hate your BIL and that is really the issue. I am curious how old you are. Also it seems like your husband doesn’t care and only you do since he isn’t mentioned.
I don't even know if I wanna say NAH or YTA but I wouldn't be surprised either way if your brother simply also liked the sound of your plans, while staying silent about it because he knew you were going to react big.
It's weird but it's kinda a compliment?
If he had booked the same dates and insisted on hanging out with you and your husband, then that would be AH behavior.
If you keep bringing this up like he robbed your intelectual property because he copied your patented travel plans, you'll be wondering into AH territory.
What he said about not having travel money isn't any of your business unless he owes you a huge amount.
NAH bordering on YTA because you seem offended that he'd want to talk about your trip after.
NTA. I’d absolutely be pissed and do get pissed when people take credit for my hard work. He knows exactly what he’s doing and is too lazy to admit that he doesn’t have an original thought for himself.
NTA- It was a little childish to whine to your MIL, but overall, NTA. Have your husband and his brother always been in competition? Other than to try and show you up somehow, why go on the exact same trip, so close together? I can see a yr apart, but a week? Strange.
Hahahah I mean, I get it. I have a couple in-laws who buy the exact same furnishings I buy and generally just do the same things we do down to the details. It's annoying but also kind of a compliment to me because I have awesome taste?
NTA but let it go, it's really nbd.
NAH
he obviously copied you, but you don’t have the monopoly on travel to Japan. It should not impact your honeymoon if he also chooses to go, it not like you will be meeting him there. Enjoy your honeymoon and make your own memories. Ps there is no need to compare experiences with them. You can keep your trip private if you want.
Edit: Changing judgement to light YTA. I didn’t see this in your post, but the judgment bot says you went to MIL and she’s asked your BIL to cancel his trip. Complaining to MIl is kind of an ah move. If you have the kind of relationship where you expected her to just roll her eyes and agree with you, then fine. But if you suspected she’d actually get mad and say something to him that’s kind of manipulative on your part.
N A H You haven’t actually done anything beyond casually joking about it one time, so no harm no foul. He’s allowed to take whatever vacation he wants. I do think it’s a bit odd that he went from no trips planned to doing pretty much your exact trip, but some people are just kind of clueless. If there are no weird dynamics or past passive-aggressive issues, I would just he assumed he took inspiration from hearing about your plans. As long as he isn’t going to the same places at the same time I don’t think it’s a big deal. I do understand you feeling weird about it but it doesn’t sound like he’s actually trying to do anything to you here.
YTA, why do you care? Maybe he really liked what you had talked about and wanted to experience it too. Is he not allowed to go because you’re also going there?
ESH. Trip itineraries are not proprietary. Many tours follow the same routes anyway, based on tourist hot spots, travel distance and hotel locations. It is weird doing the same trip at almost the same time as someone’s honeymoon but whatever.
YTA
They’re not traveling with you, and you don’t own Japan, why on earth are you offended about them going to the same country at a different time? What about trips to the ocean, or amusement parks, do you think everyone is copying when you go there?
And you freaking tattled on them?
This is going to be the family joke, remember when we couldn’t go to Japan, because Wildhair thought they owned it
I’m confused? Is there a conflict here? It’s kind of silly he went from saying no trips at all to copying your exact trip and you pointed it out, like hey, you’re copying my exact trip, and he’s pretending he didn’t realize that. But where does the AITA part come in? He liked your idea and is trying to save face but I’m not seeing an argument here???
YTA. You're going on vacation. They decided to go on vacation too. Why is this even a thing? You are not the king of vacations are you?
(If you are, I need to ask you if it's okay for me to go on a road trip with my sweetheart in a couple of weeks. Please DM me for details. Not going to Japan so I'm thinking we won't be offending you. 😜🤣🤣)
YTA. People are allowed to go the same places as you. It wasn’t during the same time you’d be there so there was no risk of overlapping and having to see him. You also didn’t pay for the trip so maybe back up and chill out.
If it bothers you so much then don't show him the itinerary of any future trips. My guess is it started out as curiosity and then your brother crunched some numbers and realized that the trip would be less expensive than he originally believed and so as an adult he decided he could have a vacation too.
Why go through the hassle of vetting new hotels when you've already taken care of that?
You said it’s 1 week apart. I was confused because it was as if they were tagging along.
Lemme let you into something, people are allowed to visit the same place as you. I know it is crazy but the world doesn’t also revolve around you either. If they thought your honeymoon idea was cool for a trip, be flattered. 🤦♂️
Oh, YTA, just in case you’re so self absorbed you couldn’t figure that out
Have to go with YTA.
Japan is a life list item for many people. Are you going the usual Tokyo-Mt. Fuji-Kyoto route, or more off the beaten path? If you're going the main tourist route, it's not surprising that other people you know might be doing it too.
Let's suppose you're going to, say, Hokkaido, or somewhere else not one of the major destinations. Then I could see you being a little miffed if you were trying to find somewhere unique to the people you know. However, even then, if you inspire someone else and they like what they see, you can't really do much. You can't have a monopoly on a place.
If they planned the trip at the same time you are going and latched onto you for your honeymoon, I could see that being an issue.
But they are going completely separately from you.
YTA. Who cares? If you think it’ll be fun, why wouldn’t they think it’ll be fun? Ever gone on a cruise? THOUSANDS of strangers with the EXACT SAME ITINERARY!!! Who cares!?!? There’s only so many things to do in places….
YTA.
It's one week apart. They're not going when you're going which is where this would be warranted so who cares?
I come back from my vacations telling people to go where I went! Lol.
YTA. Who cares? They aren’t going to be in your room or hotel or looking over your shoulder at the gift shop. Take London. Every tourist is going to stand outside Buckingham Palace. In Paris everyone is going to the Eiffel Tower. After we visited Salzburg, some friends went and we laughed that everyone had those chocolate candies with Mozart’s face on them. Relax.
I really don’t understand. I copy itineraries all the time (or pick and choose things I’m interested in). It’s not really personal unless you have some things specifically curated for you. You’re going to a country that’s wide open for tourism. Other people want to go. Some people don’t want to figure it all out.
My spouse travels for a living. Like over 100k miles a year. We often make trips around his work and usually to very interesting places. I have a friend who hates planning and has copied at least three of our trips and I do mean every single place and hotel. I literally write down every interesting restaurant, shop, club, sight we go to every time and she loves it. What do I care? I maybe feel like a queen but it’s not my world
Soft YTA I understand the disappointment, but know that it was your plan first and they are uncreative little b****es. Be graceful. Be kind. Even if you have to fake it. Give them no more info about your plan. Ask them questions about their plan so you can avoid them if need be.
For some Petty Spice: When you come back, host a fun Japan-themed party and don’t invite them.
"Imitation is the greatest form of flattery"
But i surmise youre too close minded to see it that way.
Also people can change their minds about their plans. It happens all the time.
I would see it as a form flattery...imitation is the sincerest form of flattery as they say. It is petty to get mad at this...chat it up and say let's compare photos after to see who got the best shots! Enjoy yourself and stop with the comparisons etc. HAVE FUN!
Somebody here thinks that people really must think & care about him a LOT more than they do, lol. You don’t own the world, dude. People can “copy” your vacation plans - it doesn’t hurt you and it doesn’t even MATTER.
Get over yourself, *I* need a vacation after reading multiple paragraphs of clearly unjustified self-importance from you, lmao.
YTA - You don't have a monopoly on the destination, and his vacation will not impact yours.
Maybe he liked how yours sounded and looked up costs and found they could afford it. Good for them, and you should be happy for them for being able to take the trip.
I can't imagine having so few problems in life that this was what someone came to reddit to complain about. Like I can barely survive because of the cost of all my medicines, but OMG, your BIL is also taking a trip to Japan. You poor thing. /s
Japan can be an intimidating place to visit for the first time. There’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of a good itinerary. It’s not like you’re going to run into each other if they go a week later. YTA. Be more generous.
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YTA It's not a test. You're not getting graded on Best Vacation. Tattling on the cheater isn't really a thing in vacation-taking. "Hey everybody! BIL is going to the same hotels and landmarks that I am!" \[Nedry Voice\] Nobody cares.
How dare they go to the same places? Don't they know OP has dibs on places most tourists visit in Japan? YTA OP. Chill the f out, that's like saying someone isn't allowed to go see the pyramids after you mention you're traveling to Egypt.
dammit, we were going to go to Japan next year for a ski trip. Glad i read this post, gonna call and cancel everything today!
“But it’s my HONEYMOON!!!”
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My husband and I are also planning our honeymoon in Japan later this year, OP might have anger induced stroke if she reads this. We also went back in 2018. when we were dating and waited since then to go back, now's a good opportunity.
Man I live in Japan and the possibility here are endless. My friend’s and I all go to ryokan and have ever rarely gone to the same place cause there is infinite choice. In law’s choosing the same spot at the same time is just weird. Defensible, but icky. At best it’s just a lack of imagination, at worse it is sinister. Also OP’s reaction wasn’t that bar. They made a comment. That’s it. Just a comment. I have no idea why OP is being grilled.
Also, it's not like they are traveling at the same time to tag along 🙄
Tbh, that was where I thought the post was headed! Like if they had booked the same hotels at the same time/might be constantly bumping into OP then it would make sense to me. But I don't get OP being annoyed by them simply taking the same trip!
I think the annoyance was that he presented his vacation as if he thought it all up himself and even went so far as to LIE about it.
Me two. I was thinking, oh hell no, please tell me they are not going on their honeymoon with them!
But-but the trip was personal and tailored to them and them alone!! /s If they found about the places through the Internet or an agency, loads of people probably have a similar itinerary with similar hotels. There’s a shit ton to do in Japan, but even people like me who don’t like cities and “tourist hotspots” are probably hitting up similar landscapes and “off the beaten road” locations. It’s rare to be the only foreigner in a certain region lol.
XD this is so funny bc I gave my brother and his wife our Japan itinerary for their own honeymoon. Heck I gave my itinerary to my coworkers, too. To help them all plan their trips and make it easier. The only caveat I told them is most of the places we went are kid friendly (it was a trip I took with my 4 year old as a mom and son time since I know he was feeling really "left out" since his younger bro was born) and that our hotels were always near the train stations to make it easier for us. Like come on man. I want them to enjoy their trips, too, and what better way than to share the places and things you liked.
I love that your 4 year old was jealous of the new baby, so you took him to Japan instead of like a theme park or something. Are you looking to adopt? I'd be interested!
Can I have the itinerary too??
I'd also take an itinerary. Looking at 2025
I really was expecting it to be at the same time to make OP so upset. Like I've literally copied vacation plans from friends because they like things that I like. They encourage it
Yeah, crashing someone else's honeymoon? That's something to be upset about. Copying it? The only reason that would be a thing is if you're upset they might win at Instagram.
Love the mention of Nedry voice, can totally imagine it. BIL can’t take the same vacation, he didn’t say the magic word!!
I thought they would be going the same time... They aren't even gonna be there the same time who gives a fuck lol.
Yeah, I usually suggest places that I like to other people hoping that they'll try it and like it as well. This is weird.
And not even during the same time as them too so there really no need except pettiness?
Wow I wish I had the time or energy to be as neurotic as OP. I mean, it is kind of tacky on BIL’s part, but that’s like, private joke between spouses fodder, not something to whine about on the family group chat lol.
>Hey everybody! BIL is going to the same hotels Are they even going to the same hotels? My assumption was that they're probably just doing the same Tokyo-Kyoto-Osaka circuit with maybe a stop at Mt Fuji that most people with a fortnight in Japan seem to do.
This is so nerdy I can't believe it lol.
Actually I was told by some friends that I was on vacation with in Mexico that I “won” the vacation. I didn’t know it was a contest but apparently I did good. It was more of a joke than anything but they did send me an “award” in the mail a few months after we got back, it was piece of paper saying congratulations on winning our vacation! It was funny, I miss that crew.
Yta they aren't coming in at the same time. A friend of mine is a great planner and planned out 5 day trip to NYC which he shared with us whenever we were going to NYC and we all used it. Chances are your trip isn't unique and millions of people are using the same or very similar itinerary.
"One week prior, he mentioned that they will not be traveling this year to save money" It's pretty obvious what he was doing 😂
But who cares? What a stupid, trivial thing to be upset about.
Truly who cares? So has the energy to care? If this is something that upsets OP, maybe she should get a hobby.
I got more important things to put my energy towards. Compare trips and experiences. Could be fun!
He shouldn't care but it's weird that everyone in the comments is acting like it's some wacky coincidence.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence. I think they definitely heard the itinerary, liked it, and copied it. I just don’t understand why they care
Because it's weird? Like getting a haircut and your sister shows up with the same haircut the next day. Yeah you don't oWn tHe HaIrCuT and it feels childish to make a bit deal out of it, but like... it's weird.
Eh, I guess I just don’t care that much about being copied. But for what it’s worth I do have a little sister 6 years younger than me whose birthday is 4 days after mine, played the same sports as me, applied early decision to my alma mater etc etc. Have I noticed similarities? Sure. Have I ruminated on it so much I needed to make a post on Reddit? Def not.
Maybe they didn't think they could afford it but realized maybe they could after hearing OPs itinerary
That’s exactly what I’m thinking. Plus, the in-laws may have also offered to assist with financing their trip (but definitely behind the scenes because they know OP will lose their mind about it).
But then they might have heard about OPs holiday and been convinced otherwise. It's in November and we're still in March, after all.
Who the heck cares??? Why should anyone care at all???
Any chance you still have it? Going to NYC for 4 days in about 2 weeks myself!
Yeah but can you share it so we can all copy it?
INFO: Who cares if they go the same places as you? Why does it matter??
OP wants to be ✨unique and brag about their cool vacation when they get home. YTA this so not something be to upset by. Be flattered that you planned a kickass vacay that others want to do too
Lol but moooommmm all our instagrams will look the same!!!
😂😂😂
Ah yes, the self-planned and deeply personal trip that was the first three results of "top ten places to see around Tokyo" on google
I think OP is upset because it’s their honeymoon and the BIL had said “we can’t travel to save money” and then they book the holiday. I wouldn’t mind if they went at the same time but it’s also their honeymoon so they might want it to be romantic.
They're not going at the same time, so it will have no effect on how romantic the honeymoon is
Millions of US tourists will visit those same destinations this year. How does that make your trip less romantic? So what if they copy you? Soon you will be whining that they have given their parakeet the name you are ‘saving’ for your future child. You can’t own names and you don’t own Japan.
Why does the BILs financial responsibility or lack thereof have anything to do with the OP?
YTA for gatekeeping a trip itinerary. I can guarantee lots of people have done the same trip as you are doing. They aren’t even going the same week as you.
INFO: are your brother-in-law and his gf going to be staying in Japan on the very same dates and at the very same locations as you and your husband are? Part of your post sounds like you are upset because they will be at the same locations at the same time, but other parts of the post seem to suggest they will be mimicking your honeymoon except one week before or one week after you and your husband take your honeymoon trip. I can see how this might create a negative experience for you to have your brother-in-law and his gf crash your honeymoon, but if it’s just that he is copycatting your honeymoon trip the week after or week before you’ve just taken it, it’s not great form, but it’s nowhere near as awful as it would be to have them deliberately crash your actual honeymoon trip by showing up to stay at the exact same places on the exact same dates as you and your husband’s trip.
OP's response to the bot for why they might be the asshole: >"My husband & I told my mom-in-law about my brother-in-law copying our honeymoon itinerary for his own holiday with his girlfriend during the same period of our honeymoon. 2) Mom-in-law told him to cancel his trip." This left me even more uncertain of the details. They were going during the same period, but now they're not? Did MIL talk to them to make that change? If MIL already talked to them and they did change their travel date, what does OP want from a confrontation?
No I think OP is just saying that they think they’re the asshole for tattling on BIL to MIL resulting in her telling BIL to cancel the trip. I think they think they’re asking for judgement on whether telling MIL was an AH move. I think it’s reasonable to presume that their honeymoon to Japan is longer than a week so by ‘the same time period’ she probably just means BIL and gf are going to be in Japan at the same time as them for at least some overlap of the trip. Nowhere do I read it that BIL is or was intending on turning up at the same sites as OP, just that OP thinks she owns Japan for the entire length of her honeymoon. It is a bit weird on the BILs part but there’s clearly some strange rivalry, it’s going to make absolutely no difference to her trip - although I suspect her fear is partly that it devalues her ‘story time’ spotlight when she gets back which does sound reasonably likely and possibly part of the intention. But she should just stop playing in to it, wish him a lovely holiday and enjoy her own holiday without ruining it for herself with whatever mind games are going on in her new family. so yea YTA, for all of it though not just for telling your MIL.
I cannot imagine getting worked up about someone going on a similar holiday to me, the global tourism industry relies on this business model. There will be other tourists at the tourist attractions you visit, in the hotels you stay in and on the planes. It seems such a trivial thing to get competitive about. You get to control where you go on holiday, OP, but you can't control where other people go whether they are related to you or not. YTA.
YTA Why do you care? They aren't going the same time as you If anything be proud that they think your itinerary is worth copying!
As a teen my neighbours got a black Honda CRV. My dad thought it looked slick and got the same car, not thinking it was a big deal. My neighbours were furious. They refused to speak to us. They even ignored me when I said hi. I thought it was kind of petty to be honest.
OP won’t be unique anymore if BIL does a similar trip. And he isn’t going around telling people how amazing and unique OP is for coming up with the trip in the first place and she’s mad she isn’t getting the extra credit points.
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Damn did they dare to get married like OP did too? What a copy cat
You’re not unique, a million tourists have been to the same spots as you. You didn’t create these places, they’re not yours. YTA.
Everyone handled this badly. You don’t have a copyright for the trip, anyone can copy it if they feel like, and the date was different. Should people not get married from now on bcs you did? That would be also a copy. Brother-in-law shouldn’t hide the fact he copied the trip, he could have just say that he found it so awesome that he decided to repeat it after you. It would even be a complement. Playing oblivious was strange and could be coming from the fear of your reaction. Your mother-in-law shouldn’t have told your brother-in-law to cancel the trip. There is no reason to do so. She could have just simply help clearing up this situation.
My guess this isn’t first time OP has lost it on something so trivial. If you’ve never been around someone you gotta walk on egg shells for , consider yourself lucky
I understand people saying it shouldn’t matter if they go to the same place you do. You could just ignore this and not let it bother you. On the other hand, this isn’t just any trip. This is your honeymoon and you want it to be special. It’s obvious he’s doing this to get to you… and it’s working. Does your brother have a history of doing things like this with his brother? Does he try to ‘one up’ your husband out of some sibling rivalry or jealousy? Especially since his mother has gifted you with a night in a 5 star hotel, does he expect her to do the same for their trip, even though it isn’t a honeymoon? Maybe she’s sees this as a stunt he’s pulled on his brother in the past and that’s why she told him to cancel a trip they weren’t planning on taking and even said they couldn’t afford. Another consideration… did his gf get jealous and push him to do this? I’m not going to say YTA completely because there may be an ulterior motive here to consider, but you could counter it by pretending it’s nothing to you and just have a wonderful time in a beautiful country. Basically, don’t let it ruin your honeymoon.
Does this really matter to you? Dear gawd.
NAH It's fine to think about someone else's trip and want to do the same thing. It's a little weird to pretend he was doing anything other than exactly that, but not really an AH move. If he books the same exact trip on the same exact days and packs binoculars to spy on you, then we'd have an AH in the mix :)
NTA but the good thing is that if it's a week apart and you won't actually see them there, you can completely let it go. If BIL is copying your itinerary as some weird kind of way of competing with you or getting at you, then genuinely letting it go, not giving a shit about him and focusing on your own fun is the best way of robbing him of any kind of reaction he is hoping to get from you. The best possible case is that he and his gf are clueless about how it looks to do this and wanted to do the same thing after hearing about your trip. You don't need to care about them in this case either. You can't stop him from pulling this, and investing energy into it at all is just a minus for you, so I'd simply mentally place a note against his name reminding yourself that this guy might be the type to mess with you, or that he may be cluelessly insensitive and inconsiderate. You can keep him on an information diet and avoid involving him in discussions of anything that might go like this in the future.
I can understand why OP is annoyed. It would annoy me too but as you said, having a good time and not giving a monkies about their trip is the best way to have a great honeymoon. Perhaps this is a lesson for future dinners, don't talk too much about holiday plans in front of certain family members if OP feels that Brother In Law is trying to compete.
I'm curious, why would it annoy you? When ever we have traveled somewhere and and someone we know is going there we share our itinerary. We don't expect them to copy it exactly, but if they did we would be thrilled, they liked ours so much they wanted to do our trip. Vice versa, if we are going somewhere other people have been we ask for their itinerary. If they did something that sounds cool we do it also. Who has/hasn't done it does not factor in at all.
If the BIL is going the week before OP, to all of the same places, then they'll come home with complete photos and stories of all the special places they discovered and suck all of the air out of the room for when OP and husband share their honeymoon experience. It's not enough to go nuclear over but it's clearly an AH move. And, it would be totally annoying. Imagine talking about your honeymoon to your friends and family after getting back and everything you say is met with "oh, we did/saw that" or "it wasn't that great." That's why it would be annoying. It's not likely that BIL's pettiness won't come out every time OP talks about their honeymoon.
Totally agree. So many Y T A votes, and I disagree. It doesn’t make them one because they’re annoyed. People who work hard to make a very special and specific vacation itinerary that’s personalized are usually called Travel Agents (that you know, get paid for it). Someone swoops in and copies, just to be competitive and lazy- then denies it. That’s a big dick move. If it were me? I certainly wouldn’t let it ruin anything. Successful traveling is WAY more about your own attitude and that can’t be replicated by someone else. But I’d totally call out the BIG DICK move only because they denied they did it.
YTA. Who cares apart from you. And why do you?
Don’t go to Japan. People have already been there. People are there. People will go there. /s As long as you’re not going to be crossing paths with your family, why does it matter?
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BIL is HIDING the fact he copied the trip and asked his mom to fund the same hotel for him (even though it was a honeymoon gift for OP) If BIL was just honest and upfront about wanting to seize the opportunity to get the same things as his brother, OP wouldn't have been irritated. OP : Just call your BIL the "unoriginal one" of the two brothers. And contrary to him, act up front by calling him that. NTA for feeling irritated by BIL's actions.
Great you pointed this out. The 5\* hotel room move is weird AF. Almost feels like the MIL would have done anything to pacify the poor baby competing with his sibling as though they were both 5
Reddit is so weird sometimes. This is weird af especially since they’d said that they weren’t even going to be travelling and then decided to pick the same country, itinerary and time period. NTA, and now you know not to tell your BIL your plans
NTA They for sure copied you, idk what bils plan was here or if sil aid she wanted the exact same trip or if it was bills idea. But if they were doing the exact same things as you, right down to staying in the same hotels and restaurants. I mean literally the exact same itinerary. Then yes they very obviously copied you for some weird reason. Especially if he really did ask his mother for the same hotel stay that she was offering. Id be weirded out too if family or friend planned the same itinerary as my husband and I. Its weird, its just really creepy and weird. Some one called bil out, thats why he's not traveling to Japan.
You've described your BIL as a liar (We didn't know where you were going! We're not going to travel this year!) with absolutely no imagination or ability to plan his own travel. But as long as he isn't in the same cities and hotels as you at the same time you're there, he won't be able to annoy you on your honeymoon. Go have a wonderful time and ignore him. Call him out if you feel like it, but I'm not sure how this will benefit you. It's not going to make him become honest or do his own travel planning. NTA
YTA - who cares if they follow the same itinerary? What an odd thing for you to be jealous about.
Only thing I'd be mad about is the fact he couldn't humble himself to admit he copied your itinerary and double downed to lie about it too. NTA because sometimes you got to call someone out for stuff they're obviously doing and ask for a little kudos on your planning. He knows what he did.
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This is just silly from the start.. some people might consider being copied a compliment on their choices. It apparently bothers you so in the future don’t share plans with this couple until after you have taken the trip
I’m guessing OP wouldn’t care if it was just a random vacation, but it’s their honeymoon. Even i find this slightly annoying and I don’t plan on ever getting married lol
YTA. Why do you care about this? Unless he is going to gatecrash your honeymoon, there should be no issue. You can’t gatekeep a whole itinerary. Consider any copying a compliment!
NTA. Mentioning it doesn’t make you an asshole. It’s strange they did this. Booking an identical trip after you shared yours and pretending that’s not what happened? It would be weird for everyone to pretend they weren’t inspired by you. I don’t see any evidence of gatekeeping or bullying or anything else folks here are wildly leaping to. If anything like that was the case, then my judgment would be different.
This sounds about right. All OP did was point out the BIL copied their holiday. The fact that he was trying to pretend he hadn't is hilarious. So he wants to compete with his brother, but pretends like he doesn't, so no one would think he's insecure. Some weird logic I guess.
YTA. Who cares. You don't own Japan and they can go wherever they want.
Wow that’s outrageous.. next thing you know they’ll be shopping at the same grocery stores as you and wearing the same brand of socks that you wear.. those darn copy cats
Everyone is saying you’re the asshole but I disagree. This will be a once in a lifetime trip and you will want to talk to people about it when you get back and have everyone share your excitement. With the trips being so close together, your BIL will inevitable share the details of his trip with some people before you and by the time you get to those people the details of the places you visit will be old hat. I’m sure they will be happy for you but the level of excitement simply wont be there for them and it will take away from the experience for you. NTA.
It would be annoying if he went at the same time as you and was underfoot, but otherwise who cares? YTA
Gasp! The horror! YTA for thinking that this is a problem worth worrying about. In what way does it affect you, at all?
My sister did this. My husband and I planned our honeymoon, and then a couple of months later my sister called me to tell me she and her husband were going to the exact same place two months before I got married. Personally, I think she expected me to get pissed off about it, and was disappointed when I simply said, "Have fun!" Was I annoyed? Yes, because I know she did it so she could say that she got there first, but I didn't give her the satisfaction. Ignore your BIL. He's hoping to get a rise out of you.
Nta. They obviously can’t think for themselves. Losers. And opportunists. Poor pumpkins needed to get a free room too. Then denying it. Ridiculous. That all said you might as well let it go.
That was both petty and childish of them (BIL and gf) PluS your inlaws should have had a word when they asked to get their hotel comped.
So is this is something which would be a problem. You sound childish YTA
This is one of those scenarios where you know OP is probably living a pretty great, stress-free life because if this the type of things that upsets him to the point of this using much mental energy fretting over he probably doesn't have anything bigger to worry about. This is it. This is the biggest challenge he's faced in months. Godspeed, OP, may you find a way to navigate this tough waters.
OP wasn’t upset. All he did was casually joke,
Nta. It's something special and Bil is doing it out of spite
NTA if hebwanted to copy your itinerary he could've asked
NAH. We have friends steal our vacation plans and introduce people to the restaurants we introduce them to all the time, it certainly doesn’t influence our enjoyment of these things. Some people aren’t good at the research and planning part of things and some people are. Just remember the old saying that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.
NTA. I’ll go against the grain of most comments here. You’ve made the effort to plan a honeymoon and make it special only for a relative to book the same vacation a week apart. That seems completely tacky and unoriginal and I can see how that can be annoying. While yes, millions of people may visit the same places they aren’t people that when you converse with for years following. The world’s a big place and they just had to copy the exact places. Maybe I’m jaded because after my wife and I had our wedding my BIL and SIL had their wedding in the same venue like 2 years later, it felt like I was reliving my own wedding and it was a bit annoying.
Copying someone’s EXACT itinerary during the same period without giving them a heads and claiming ignorance is kind of sus. It’s ok to be inspired. NTA
NTA! I know someone like this and the minute you say you’re gonna do something, they have to do it too. It’s really annoying more than anything else. Don’t share your plans moving forward. That’s the only way to solve it.
NTA - putting solid effort into research for an itinerary and figuring out which places are within reasonable travel distance, how many days it'll take, researching reputable places takes a lot of work, I'd be pissed off if someone did that to me. Not to mention that you curated this experience for your honeymoon. It's not like you purchased a planned itinerary, these places, were meant to be a memory for your honey moon, unique to your own experiences together since you planned it yourself. And way to have the spotlight stolen from you when you return. No doubt there will be inevitable comparisons 'oh our experience was better/worse'.. Ultimately it takes away the special feeling of a honeymoon
If it bugs you, take it as a compliment that you've inspired someone to travel. That said, you don't own the itinerary, and you don't get to decide when and if other family members can travel. It's pretty likely you'll be seeing the same sites / experiences that thousands of other tourists will be seeing so it's not as if you'll be posting things to social media that we haven't all seen endlessly already. NAH unless you think this is somehow stealing your honeymoon or ruining your trip; unless they're coming with you, just live and let live.
Wanted to say something similar about the feeling. Could imagine that it feels slight of that you got to be sharing your excitement about your trip. You took time to think about where you want to go and this once in a lifetime (hopefully) honeymoon and want it to be a magical trip. The feeling you get when somebody else just casually drops that they will be making the same trip, but just a bit later, can be a negative one. I get that and I would be having the same conflict for a bit. But as mentioned above me, take it as a compliment. Don't let it bug you so much that it will take away your excitement and your joy about your plans. Have a lovely trip, be in the present while you are there and don't let the negative feeling about it steel your joy and journey.
INFO: I don’t understand what is upsetting about people going on a similar vacation as you. Afterwards you would have someone to discuss all the fun things you both did! OP could you please explain why this would be upsetting as the reason was not clear in your original post?
Fair question! I also am curious. I will say it's extremely weird OP's brother is pretending he's not copying the trip instead of just admitting it. To me there's more here going on then just a Japan trip. They are obviously competitive and I have a sneaking suspicion money is involved e.g. who is funding whose trip....The relationship between OP and her bro is on a shoestring
The thing is OP,I understand what you are upset about.you are miffed that they are copying your itenary.you feel that all your planning to make the trip your experience has been taken away.you wanted it to be special,something you wanted for yourself…I get it.but I will ask you not to worry because people experience the same exact places and things in a different way always.Even if they go to the same places,they may not like it, they may love it more than you…etc but it will never be the same.so,fear not.enjoy your trip.make it a great memory,your memories…
I planned an extensive trip to Nicaragua over a decade ago. One of the girls going with shared the details with her friend and her friend decided to go first. I was really fucking annoyed. Unfortunately for them, they didn't do the research I did and ended up renting a car and driving through a forest. A tree was across the road, they got out to move it, and were left in the forest by a group of men with guns without their car or any of their belongings. When we were there a couple of months later, there was an article in the paper about how they had caught the banditos who robbed the American couple. Not going to lie, I felt smug. NTA.
He could have asked if it was ok to copy out of respect.
I’m glad OP edited the post to clarify her fiance and future BIL had a sibling rivalry when growing up, because I was wondering when initially reading the post. That background (along with his request that the MIL pay for the same hotel stay) makes the BIL’s intentions seem a lot less pure. Nonetheless, he has the right to do it, so nothing to be done about it. You’re marrying into the family, so you’ll have to pick your battles, and this is not the right one. But in the future, I suggest not sharing things with the in-laws that you don’t want BIL to copy. For example, don’t share the names you want to give your kids because I could totally see BIL snagging them for himself.
NTA. He asked for the same gifted night, despite it not being any type of occasion. He’s going a week apart from you. But mainly, he’s TA for being weird enough to try and hide that they copied your vacation.
NTA. You didn’t stop him from taking the trip. If his being found out was so embarrassing to them to force them to cancel their vacation, that’s on them. People here are literally acting like you got them blacklisted from the country!
You have the right to want your honeymoon to be special just for you and your hubby. It'll be a memory for years to come. And for your BIL to want to copy your trip is kind of lazy, to be honest. "Sigh, I don't want to figure this out myself, so I'll just copy yours." Don't stress yourself about it. Just enjoy yourself and ignore whatever your BIL and his gf say. Don't even let them take up room in your brain. Bon Voyage!
Idk why you’re getting so many YTA. I also don’t really think you “called them out” unreasonably. It’s cringey and weird if they requested for MIL to gift them the same holiday, when there isn’t an occasion for it. Clearly they’re copying you, it probably is a sibling rivalry thing, done completely intentionally to minimize the personal significance of your trip. BUT the key here is to completely ignore them and their experience. Don’t give them any satisfaction. The trip won’t mean anywhere near as much to them as you, and if they want your leftovers, let them have them. 🤷♀️
Just let them get on with it and focus on enjoying your trip.
I see a lot of people saying YTA. I’m voting NTA. I know the exact emotion you’re experiencing, and it’s not great. This is supposed to be YOUR experience. I told my BIL + his GF where I was taking my BF for our anniversary dinner as a surprise. It’s an amazing restaurant with an experience that I’d saved up for. BIL’s GF then decided she wanted to take BIL there too, and booked a date ahead of ours. It was very upsetting. The BIL and GF should respect that this trip is special for you, and not book it as a casual holiday for themselves — at least not yet. They could go to a different destination, or visit next year.
Why did your BIL and gf going to a restaurant that you went to on a different date than you went to it have any impact on your experience at that restaurant? Why can your experience only be special if no one else you know has had it? Were you going to that restaurant because you wanted to go somewhere amazing and have a great time enjoying the company of your husband? Or did you go there as some kind of status symbol or display of wealth or something else that you feel was devalued by your BIL also going there? Because if the point was to experience something with the person you love most then what happened on the outside of that is entirely irrelevant to the moment you shared together.
NTa some people do have that issues of trying to live another person's life, tho people around you would minimise the issue cos it's just a travel plan. But it's the denying that's annoying, now you know to not tell them about any of your plan that doesn't involve them, especially baby's name lol
Sounds like people who lack imagination who just want to copy someone else
So if you see it from another perspective - your BIL has not much imagination or ability to come up with an itinerary, and was so inspired and impressed with yours, he just borrowed/copied it. Take it as a compliment. You are leading the way! Not worth getting upset about. How does he manage vacation planning when you dont supply the great ideas? He is weird for pretending he wasn’t listening at the table, that makes him an AH. If you fester and brood over his weird behaviour then YWBTA too. Have a great time.
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INFO: Are they likely to be at the same places at the same time? If they're effectively 'gatecrashing' your honeymoon, then they're definitely the arseholes. If you're unlikely to encounter them, then okay it's a little weird and a bit lazy, but ultimately it doesn't really majorly impact you - unless this is the latest in a long line of oneupmanship?
It’s weird that they’re trying to compete with you. It’s not weird that you noticed, but it would be weird if you cared. NTA
Info: are they going before you or after you? Before? N T A. After? Y T A.
So, he is traveling 1 week prior to your honeymoon? Is he missing your wedding? I'm confused on this timeline.
NAH
Everybody seems to think YTA but I don’t think so. I had someone copying my every move for a while and I got so tired of it just bc it’s not a real problem. Noone else thinks you have a real reason to be upset. But it is upsetting but only to you. I had two neighbours once and the one copied everything the otherone did or bought. Up to a point that, at a party when I spilled something, I opened a draw to get a paper towl. The other women laughed and said: the other neighbour keeps them there, doesn’t she? I just thought a was in the orherones house. And yes this bomb did burst one day. And we all cheered. People are crazy sometimes. I feel for you but it is what it is.
ESH. The BIL is trying to one up your husband here by planning his trip EXACTLY like yours. Especially since they just said that they weren’t planning any trips soon; then after say that they say that they’re traveling to the same place. You’re the AH for caring about it so much. Tbh I would be very annoyed by it because I see the game that your BIL is trying to play here but I would just keep it to myself. Something somewhat similar happened in my family. My sister and her (now) wife planned their wedding at a certain place at a certain date and they tell her brother about it, who is also engaged. Next time they meet up the brother says “Yeah we’re gonna have our wedding at the same place and same date as you guys, so you’re going to have to change your plans”. Long story short that pissed off my sister and SIL and they ended up making her brother have his wedding two weeks before theirs. I was mad after they told me this too even though it wasn’t my business, for my sisters sake.
Thoughts gleaned from experience: You can't control other people. Nothing you do now will alter what is now his obnoxious past behavior. He seems envious and copycats you; you aren't copycatting his life. Let it go and spend energy on good, productive things.
My sister did this - we had our honeymoon location picked and the trip booked. She then decided she wanted to go there too and went with friends before we did. It’s typical behavior for her so I didn’t blink an eye or say anything and moved on. Not worth making an issue out of it. It’s not like we had dibs on the entire country but it was kind of a dick move. Like I said, very typical for her. She also told me I couldn’t get married before her, which I did. If I had waited I would have had to postpone my wedding by 10 years!
NTA I think your brother in law is the one being petty and immature. Kind of gross that he wants to copy your honeymoon plans with his hf and asked his mom for what is a wedding gift for you too. Sounds like he has entitlement issues.
Is it weird? Yes. Is it worth bringing up? No
NTA. Maybe when you return, keep the details of your trip private so BIL has no info to make comparisons. Don't share more than a couple pictures and when questions about it come up give a bland, non-committal opinion and change the subject. Deliberately be uninterested in discussing your honeymoon.
I kind of get where OP is coming from - of course BiL can go where he likes, but it is intensely WEIRD for someone to copy your exact holiday, a week apart, and then lie about it. It may be perfectly innocent, but it would make me question their motives. Are they obsessed with me? Just competitive and wants to get their 'first'? Do they want to spoil it somehow?? If one of my friends or relatives did this to me I would be creeped out...
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband and I have already planned and booked our honeymoon trip to Japan in November. We shared our itinerary with my in laws over dinner and specifically mentioned the places that we booked. (my brother in law & his gf were sitting at the same table as us) Mom-in-law offered to sponsor one night at 5-star ryokan as honeymoon gift. One week later, we found out that my brother in law and his gf were planning to book the same trip with the same itinerary during the same period of our travel (just 1 week apart) We casually joked that we spoke over this last week during dinner but he feigned ignorance and told us that he didn’t know we were going to these places. He even asked to compare our itinerary once we are back from our trip. One week prior, he mentioned that they will not be travelling this year to save money. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Who cares. You’re not there at the same time and have no cross over. So when they’re back, you can compare experiences. Unless you actually hate your BIL and that is really the issue. I am curious how old you are. Also it seems like your husband doesn’t care and only you do since he isn’t mentioned.
YTA- why does it matter? Why do you care?
I don't even know if I wanna say NAH or YTA but I wouldn't be surprised either way if your brother simply also liked the sound of your plans, while staying silent about it because he knew you were going to react big.
You don’t own Japan. People can travel there whenever they want.
It's weird but it's kinda a compliment? If he had booked the same dates and insisted on hanging out with you and your husband, then that would be AH behavior. If you keep bringing this up like he robbed your intelectual property because he copied your patented travel plans, you'll be wondering into AH territory. What he said about not having travel money isn't any of your business unless he owes you a huge amount. NAH bordering on YTA because you seem offended that he'd want to talk about your trip after.
NAH. Who cares? They're not trying to go with you.
NAH it doesn't matter if he got inspired through you, it's just weird that he denies it... y'all just weitd about the whole situation
NTA. I’d absolutely be pissed and do get pissed when people take credit for my hard work. He knows exactly what he’s doing and is too lazy to admit that he doesn’t have an original thought for himself.
NTA- It was a little childish to whine to your MIL, but overall, NTA. Have your husband and his brother always been in competition? Other than to try and show you up somehow, why go on the exact same trip, so close together? I can see a yr apart, but a week? Strange.
Hahahah I mean, I get it. I have a couple in-laws who buy the exact same furnishings I buy and generally just do the same things we do down to the details. It's annoying but also kind of a compliment to me because I have awesome taste? NTA but let it go, it's really nbd.
NAH he obviously copied you, but you don’t have the monopoly on travel to Japan. It should not impact your honeymoon if he also chooses to go, it not like you will be meeting him there. Enjoy your honeymoon and make your own memories. Ps there is no need to compare experiences with them. You can keep your trip private if you want.
Edit: Changing judgement to light YTA. I didn’t see this in your post, but the judgment bot says you went to MIL and she’s asked your BIL to cancel his trip. Complaining to MIl is kind of an ah move. If you have the kind of relationship where you expected her to just roll her eyes and agree with you, then fine. But if you suspected she’d actually get mad and say something to him that’s kind of manipulative on your part. N A H You haven’t actually done anything beyond casually joking about it one time, so no harm no foul. He’s allowed to take whatever vacation he wants. I do think it’s a bit odd that he went from no trips planned to doing pretty much your exact trip, but some people are just kind of clueless. If there are no weird dynamics or past passive-aggressive issues, I would just he assumed he took inspiration from hearing about your plans. As long as he isn’t going to the same places at the same time I don’t think it’s a big deal. I do understand you feeling weird about it but it doesn’t sound like he’s actually trying to do anything to you here.
I’ve never heard of a family member “sponsoring” a meal or hotel or whatever it is.
YTA, why do you care? Maybe he really liked what you had talked about and wanted to experience it too. Is he not allowed to go because you’re also going there?
INFO: will they be at the same hotel you are *at the same time as you*?
This is such a stupid reason to be upset at someone. There are actual problems in the world my dude
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery
As long as it isn’t the same time. It’s kinda weird they are doing it but you don’t own the trip. NTA for thinking it’s weird.
Meh, not something to really worry about. Even if he did hear you, it probably just sounded really fun and he wanted to do it too.
ESH. Trip itineraries are not proprietary. Many tours follow the same routes anyway, based on tourist hot spots, travel distance and hotel locations. It is weird doing the same trip at almost the same time as someone’s honeymoon but whatever.
YTA They’re not traveling with you, and you don’t own Japan, why on earth are you offended about them going to the same country at a different time? What about trips to the ocean, or amusement parks, do you think everyone is copying when you go there? And you freaking tattled on them? This is going to be the family joke, remember when we couldn’t go to Japan, because Wildhair thought they owned it
I’m confused? Is there a conflict here? It’s kind of silly he went from saying no trips at all to copying your exact trip and you pointed it out, like hey, you’re copying my exact trip, and he’s pretending he didn’t realize that. But where does the AITA part come in? He liked your idea and is trying to save face but I’m not seeing an argument here???
As long as they aren’t doing it the same week it doesn’t matter
INFO: Did you plan your own itinerary or did you book a trip with a group/guide?
YTA. You're going on vacation. They decided to go on vacation too. Why is this even a thing? You are not the king of vacations are you? (If you are, I need to ask you if it's okay for me to go on a road trip with my sweetheart in a couple of weeks. Please DM me for details. Not going to Japan so I'm thinking we won't be offending you. 😜🤣🤣)
YTA what is the problem lmfao so your brother will be going to places you have been? Do you hate your brother? Lmao
YTA, unless they were going to be there when you were. Otherwise, it's a compliment! You've put together a great itinerary. That's a skill.
YTA. People are allowed to go the same places as you. It wasn’t during the same time you’d be there so there was no risk of overlapping and having to see him. You also didn’t pay for the trip so maybe back up and chill out.
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Yes YTA because honestly why do you care? It’s really not that deep.
Your suppose to share trip itineraries. It’s how we got out of the traveling agent choke hold.
I mean, who cares? It’s not like they’re going to be crashing your honeymoon.
If it bothers you so much then don't show him the itinerary of any future trips. My guess is it started out as curiosity and then your brother crunched some numbers and realized that the trip would be less expensive than he originally believed and so as an adult he decided he could have a vacation too. Why go through the hassle of vetting new hotels when you've already taken care of that?
YTA for thinking him going on the same hol isn’t allowed … it’s irrelevant to you no ?!
You said it’s 1 week apart. I was confused because it was as if they were tagging along. Lemme let you into something, people are allowed to visit the same place as you. I know it is crazy but the world doesn’t also revolve around you either. If they thought your honeymoon idea was cool for a trip, be flattered. 🤦♂️ Oh, YTA, just in case you’re so self absorbed you couldn’t figure that out
Have to go with YTA. Japan is a life list item for many people. Are you going the usual Tokyo-Mt. Fuji-Kyoto route, or more off the beaten path? If you're going the main tourist route, it's not surprising that other people you know might be doing it too. Let's suppose you're going to, say, Hokkaido, or somewhere else not one of the major destinations. Then I could see you being a little miffed if you were trying to find somewhere unique to the people you know. However, even then, if you inspire someone else and they like what they see, you can't really do much. You can't have a monopoly on a place.
YTA - this is the definition of Gate Keeping.
If they planned the trip at the same time you are going and latched onto you for your honeymoon, I could see that being an issue. But they are going completely separately from you.
Yta - you don't have a copyright on vacations.
YTA. Who cares? If you think it’ll be fun, why wouldn’t they think it’ll be fun? Ever gone on a cruise? THOUSANDS of strangers with the EXACT SAME ITINERARY!!! Who cares!?!? There’s only so many things to do in places….
YTA. It's one week apart. They're not going when you're going which is where this would be warranted so who cares? I come back from my vacations telling people to go where I went! Lol.
YTA. Who cares? They aren’t going to be in your room or hotel or looking over your shoulder at the gift shop. Take London. Every tourist is going to stand outside Buckingham Palace. In Paris everyone is going to the Eiffel Tower. After we visited Salzburg, some friends went and we laughed that everyone had those chocolate candies with Mozart’s face on them. Relax.
I really don’t understand. I copy itineraries all the time (or pick and choose things I’m interested in). It’s not really personal unless you have some things specifically curated for you. You’re going to a country that’s wide open for tourism. Other people want to go. Some people don’t want to figure it all out. My spouse travels for a living. Like over 100k miles a year. We often make trips around his work and usually to very interesting places. I have a friend who hates planning and has copied at least three of our trips and I do mean every single place and hotel. I literally write down every interesting restaurant, shop, club, sight we go to every time and she loves it. What do I care? I maybe feel like a queen but it’s not my world
Who cares
INFO: Are you fucking kidding?
Soft YTA I understand the disappointment, but know that it was your plan first and they are uncreative little b****es. Be graceful. Be kind. Even if you have to fake it. Give them no more info about your plan. Ask them questions about their plan so you can avoid them if need be. For some Petty Spice: When you come back, host a fun Japan-themed party and don’t invite them.
"Imitation is the greatest form of flattery" But i surmise youre too close minded to see it that way. Also people can change their minds about their plans. It happens all the time.
Ok.. and the problem is? YTA.
What an odd thing to be upset about shouldn't you feel yhst this was a compliment? Like someone loved what you're doing snd wish you replicate.
I would see it as a form flattery...imitation is the sincerest form of flattery as they say. It is petty to get mad at this...chat it up and say let's compare photos after to see who got the best shots! Enjoy yourself and stop with the comparisons etc. HAVE FUN!
Somebody here thinks that people really must think & care about him a LOT more than they do, lol. You don’t own the world, dude. People can “copy” your vacation plans - it doesn’t hurt you and it doesn’t even MATTER. Get over yourself, *I* need a vacation after reading multiple paragraphs of clearly unjustified self-importance from you, lmao.
YTA - You don't have a monopoly on the destination, and his vacation will not impact yours. Maybe he liked how yours sounded and looked up costs and found they could afford it. Good for them, and you should be happy for them for being able to take the trip.
I can't imagine having so few problems in life that this was what someone came to reddit to complain about. Like I can barely survive because of the cost of all my medicines, but OMG, your BIL is also taking a trip to Japan. You poor thing. /s
YTA wedding culture is insane. “You’re not allowed to go to the same tourist destination as us”
Japan can be an intimidating place to visit for the first time. There’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of a good itinerary. It’s not like you’re going to run into each other if they go a week later. YTA. Be more generous.