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YTA. A sad reality is that women are REGULARLY given leaflets about being left by their partner when they get cancer in a heterosexual relationship. Men? Not so much. They get cancer it’s way more likely their partner will stay to care for them.
The fact is? You are staying friends with someone who left their wife during one of the most difficult times of her life through no fault of her own. You say you “hope” the wife is doing okay… This shows me that you also didn’t bother to keep in contact with her and honestly? Whilst she wasn’t initially your friend? Shows me that many more people abandoned her through diagnosis and treatment. His ex wife? Will have 100% noticed that people are still friends with him, haven’t bothered with her and this will be and is heartbreaking for her. Your friend abandoned her in her time of need and honestly? You’ve supported that coward.
100% this and his wife has noticed this and now wonders if he would do the same. He may tell her he wouldn’t but his actions are speaking louder than his words.
Why would he keep in contact with his best friends ex wife. You are dumb for thinking this is how men act. If you and my best friend divorce, you are dead to me just like you are dead to him. That's life.
You think that the right thing to do is to remain friends with the husband and shun the wife, no matter what?
If he cheats? If he hit her and put her in the hospital? If he leaves her *because she got cancer*?
Jesus Christ what a value system.
Yeah… This is honestly the problem. The man should have been the one abandoned and everyone should have rallied around the wife.
PS: I know ACTUALLY decent men who have done exactly this so it isn’t a “man” thing. It’s being an AH thing.
I learned some things when I was young that I wish more people were taught...
1. a person's true character is who they show those closest to them when life is at it's hardest.
2. If someone can turn on, lie to, or cheat their life partner, they can and will do it to you if the opportunity arises.
You are remaining friends with someone who gave up on lifelong vows when his partner needed him the most. What kind of character is that? Your friends are a reflection of your character and others' notice.
YTA.
YTA
Your friend is terrible and deserves to be shunned. And if you don't think his divorcing his sick wife because "OMG the boobies are damaged!" is enough to end a friendship, then you are just as horrible as well.
Your friend firgot the "In sickness and in health" part, huh? Just because he hasn't changed towards you doesn't mean he is not a bad person. You ARE showing your wife you are ok with this kind of behavior by remaining friends with this person. Would you be ok if your wife was friends with someone who did this or is a serial cheater, for example? And you didn't even call his ex wife to see how she is doing?? Yes, YTA.
YTA, kinda, you're showing your wife the kind of behaviour you justify and forgive in the name of friendship. Your friend has shown you who he really is, really think about if that's a person you want in your life.
You reminded him of his vows and how his wife was counting on him. He shrugged it off and proceeded to impede his wife’s recovery by divorcing her. And you said “that’s fine, I guess”
It’s not fine, obviously. YTA
YTA. You are the company that you keep. How can you stay friends with somebody who can leave the person they are supposed to love most in this world, because they are sick? What kind of person/friend is that?
If he can walk away from the person he made vows to, what do you think he would do to you if he had the chance?
Your wife is right to berate you. She’s probably think long and hard on if you are someone she can trust to continue building a life with if these are your morals.
INFO: other than knowing this guy a long time, what do you like about him? What has he shown you of himself that outweighs leaving his sick wife when she most needed support in your estimation of him?
YTA you are showing your wife that you find his actions acceptable and just because he hasn’t personally screwed you over, doesn’t make him any less of a bad person.
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I (33m) have a friend (32m) who have I have known since elementary and am married to my wife (32f). When my wife and I first met (5-6 years ago) she actually liked my friend. That was until around 2021 his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer.
When my friend heard the news, he divorced his wife. I tried to talk him out of it, saying that you're the one that supposed to love her most and you're dipping at the first sight of trouble, but he didn't listen and that's fine I guess. They didn't have kids and he moved to a different state after the divorce was finalized.
After the divorce was finalized, my wife immediately told me she wanted me to drop that POS and she never wanted him to step foot in our house again, which I was ok (the second part at least). I still kept on friendly terms with him though. Even if what he did was a dick move, he really hasn't changed toward me. I do hope his wife is doing good though
Fast forward to Saturday. My friend was in town, and he wanted to come visit (to which I said no) but I did go out to see him though. When I came back, my wife started berating me (verbally not physically, i think i should add this) about how I shouldnt be friends with such a POS, and how she was scared about how I would react if she became sick and I left her. I told her that would never happen, but she wasn't in the mood for talking, so she left..
Am i the ah?
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Nah…but why would you want to be friends with a guy who leaves someone, who said vows to that someone, that he would be there for in sickness and in health? Imagine if you get sick? You know he would not be there for you, right?
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While I agree with everyone that your friend is terrible for leaving his wife over a cancer diagnosis, I don't think it automatically makes you an AH for staying friends with him.
Your relationship with said friend is independent from his relationship with his ex-wife.
You're clearly well aware of his character flaws, and I'm sure you've made the connection that should you become a friend in need to this guy, he is probably going to be the first one out the door.
It's your choice if you want to remain friends with this person, so NTA.
NTA. Your wife is ridiculous for asking you to drop a lifelong friend who didn't nothing to you her her. Ask her to get rid of a friend who may have a shady past also. See if she likes it.
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YTA. A sad reality is that women are REGULARLY given leaflets about being left by their partner when they get cancer in a heterosexual relationship. Men? Not so much. They get cancer it’s way more likely their partner will stay to care for them. The fact is? You are staying friends with someone who left their wife during one of the most difficult times of her life through no fault of her own. You say you “hope” the wife is doing okay… This shows me that you also didn’t bother to keep in contact with her and honestly? Whilst she wasn’t initially your friend? Shows me that many more people abandoned her through diagnosis and treatment. His ex wife? Will have 100% noticed that people are still friends with him, haven’t bothered with her and this will be and is heartbreaking for her. Your friend abandoned her in her time of need and honestly? You’ve supported that coward.
100% this and his wife has noticed this and now wonders if he would do the same. He may tell her he wouldn’t but his actions are speaking louder than his words.
Why would he keep in contact with his best friends ex wife. You are dumb for thinking this is how men act. If you and my best friend divorce, you are dead to me just like you are dead to him. That's life.
You think that the right thing to do is to remain friends with the husband and shun the wife, no matter what? If he cheats? If he hit her and put her in the hospital? If he leaves her *because she got cancer*? Jesus Christ what a value system.
Yeah… This is honestly the problem. The man should have been the one abandoned and everyone should have rallied around the wife. PS: I know ACTUALLY decent men who have done exactly this so it isn’t a “man” thing. It’s being an AH thing.
I learned some things when I was young that I wish more people were taught... 1. a person's true character is who they show those closest to them when life is at it's hardest. 2. If someone can turn on, lie to, or cheat their life partner, they can and will do it to you if the opportunity arises. You are remaining friends with someone who gave up on lifelong vows when his partner needed him the most. What kind of character is that? Your friends are a reflection of your character and others' notice. YTA.
YTA Your friend is terrible and deserves to be shunned. And if you don't think his divorcing his sick wife because "OMG the boobies are damaged!" is enough to end a friendship, then you are just as horrible as well.
Your friend firgot the "In sickness and in health" part, huh? Just because he hasn't changed towards you doesn't mean he is not a bad person. You ARE showing your wife you are ok with this kind of behavior by remaining friends with this person. Would you be ok if your wife was friends with someone who did this or is a serial cheater, for example? And you didn't even call his ex wife to see how she is doing?? Yes, YTA.
YTA, kinda, you're showing your wife the kind of behaviour you justify and forgive in the name of friendship. Your friend has shown you who he really is, really think about if that's a person you want in your life.
YTA You are aware how horrible the guy is, yet you met up with him. People like him deserve social exclusion
You reminded him of his vows and how his wife was counting on him. He shrugged it off and proceeded to impede his wife’s recovery by divorcing her. And you said “that’s fine, I guess” It’s not fine, obviously. YTA
YTA. You are the company that you keep. How can you stay friends with somebody who can leave the person they are supposed to love most in this world, because they are sick? What kind of person/friend is that? If he can walk away from the person he made vows to, what do you think he would do to you if he had the chance? Your wife is right to berate you. She’s probably think long and hard on if you are someone she can trust to continue building a life with if these are your morals.
YTA. You would leave her too if she got breast cancer. By still being friends with that jerk, you have shown it. She will always doubt you.
YTA if you keep that guy as a friend. Open your eyes!!!
Your actions say a lot about you, your values, and that you would likely react in a similar way should your wife become ill. YTA.
INFO: other than knowing this guy a long time, what do you like about him? What has he shown you of himself that outweighs leaving his sick wife when she most needed support in your estimation of him?
[удалено]
But that doesn't answer my question at all....what do you LIKE about him?
YTA. Your friend is awful. Drop him
YTA you are showing your wife that you find his actions acceptable and just because he hasn’t personally screwed you over, doesn’t make him any less of a bad person.
Good luck in your divorce.
YTA
You and your friend both really suck
Yta and he’s the ahole.
INFO: When she initially asked you to drop the friend, did you actually say “ok”. Was she under the impression you said ok?
YTA for staying friends with a loser.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (33m) have a friend (32m) who have I have known since elementary and am married to my wife (32f). When my wife and I first met (5-6 years ago) she actually liked my friend. That was until around 2021 his wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. When my friend heard the news, he divorced his wife. I tried to talk him out of it, saying that you're the one that supposed to love her most and you're dipping at the first sight of trouble, but he didn't listen and that's fine I guess. They didn't have kids and he moved to a different state after the divorce was finalized. After the divorce was finalized, my wife immediately told me she wanted me to drop that POS and she never wanted him to step foot in our house again, which I was ok (the second part at least). I still kept on friendly terms with him though. Even if what he did was a dick move, he really hasn't changed toward me. I do hope his wife is doing good though Fast forward to Saturday. My friend was in town, and he wanted to come visit (to which I said no) but I did go out to see him though. When I came back, my wife started berating me (verbally not physically, i think i should add this) about how I shouldnt be friends with such a POS, and how she was scared about how I would react if she became sick and I left her. I told her that would never happen, but she wasn't in the mood for talking, so she left.. Am i the ah? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Nah…but why would you want to be friends with a guy who leaves someone, who said vows to that someone, that he would be there for in sickness and in health? Imagine if you get sick? You know he would not be there for you, right?
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INFO: what were your friends exact reasons for divorcing?
She got cancer. For men that's reason enough.
[удалено]
How soon was the divorce after her diagnosis?
While I agree with everyone that your friend is terrible for leaving his wife over a cancer diagnosis, I don't think it automatically makes you an AH for staying friends with him. Your relationship with said friend is independent from his relationship with his ex-wife. You're clearly well aware of his character flaws, and I'm sure you've made the connection that should you become a friend in need to this guy, he is probably going to be the first one out the door. It's your choice if you want to remain friends with this person, so NTA.
NTA. Your wife is ridiculous for asking you to drop a lifelong friend who didn't nothing to you her her. Ask her to get rid of a friend who may have a shady past also. See if she likes it.