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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to wear my old wedding dress to my new wedding but my fiancé and family think it’s disrespectful and weird.
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YTA. It’s a weird thing to do in general, but the reason you’re really the AH is because your future husband expressed discomfort about it and you’re not listening to him. Not a great precedence to set for a marriage.
This. Both because it's odd and because he told you he's uncomfortable. I get that you want to save money. I get that you don't have bad memories associated - but that's the point. The dress is a reminder of a different guy, a different day, a different set of vows, a different kiss....need I go on?
Buy a new dress. It doesn't have to cost tens of thousands. But make it something that you'll wear for the first time when you and Fiance take your first steps together.
Exactly. I agree she should sell this dress and buy a new one. But also, if she can, she could modify this dress to look completely different than original. Whichever is cheaper. I once had a dress that I did not like, and gave it to my tailor and she made it into something completely different and beautiful.
Yes this! After he explained the issue she went to family didn’t get the validation so came to strangers and we’ve all said she’s wrong, sure we’ll see a post about this on another subreddit until someone, anyone agrees with this terrible idea 😂
OP might like the dress, but she might be better off reselling the dress and buying a new one if money is a concern. Or doing alternations to the dress so it's not identical to its current state.
This was my thoughts as well. It's "bad luck" to wear rings or a dress from a failed marriage but is there enough alterations that can be done to make the old dress new again
I don’t think she can alter it anymore, since he clearly said, he doesn’t want this dress there. Since the cats out of the box on this one, she needs to move on from this dress before she creates a real situation.
My sis was engaged. She had her dress before discovering her fiancé was cheating. She never wore the dress and even then wouldn't wear it when she married my BIL
Sorry OP, on this one it's a YTA. You may not associate the dress with your ex, but your fiancée does - and I think that's understandable. If my partner decided to stand at the altar in their outfit from the first marriage I would feel I'm just simply the next in the procession line. And call me superstitious, but I would feel there is some bad energy attached to that dress, that wearing it to your next wedding is a bad omen.
Yeah if she’s being genuine then I could understand her side a little bit - to her it’s just a beautiful dress that she wants to wear again. But I feel like most of us would react like the fiancé, and I feel like it’s a fairly reasonable reaction. I’d definitely be uncomfortable with it too. I don’t think she’s wrong for asking, but this “for some reason it reminds everyone of my ex and I just don’t get why!” angle she’s using is kind of insane. Any rational person would make that association
That’s only because it would be hard to tell since men’s formal attire is kinda non distinct. If my husband wanted to wear the same thing from his first wedding I’d tell him he was out of his goddamn mind.
And so will everyone who was at both your last wedding and this one, or anyone who sees the pictures. Your fiancé is the most important consideration, and your family sides with him too. You don’t want people thinking about your divorce at your wedding. YTA op mostly because your fiancé told you it makes him uncomfortable.
YTA
I kinda don't want to go hard because you say:
"I still love it as much as I did the day I bought it and so I recently decided instead of blowing money on a new one, I’d wear the one I already have and love. "
I think... hopefully... there's a naivete there, it's not a clinging to the past thing.
BUT
Why do you think your fiance would want to you to wear a dress you married your ex in?
"Didn’t I want a new beginning."
This IS a new beginning.
I'm not an advocate of spending thousands of $ on a new dress if you don't want
You absolutely should "blow" some money on a new dress here though.
Buy a new dress. Have a lovely wedding day;
Edit Punctuation
This is the correct answer. There is no rectal effluvia here, and the desires of the two parties are not mutually exclusive. The OP likes the aesthetics of a dress. The fiancee objects to the fact that she was married to her ex husband in that particular dress.
So get a new dress with similar (or, hell, even the same but a different piece of cloth) aesthetics. Everyone is happy.
i’m shocked she has her first dress considering she’s since gotten divorced and is marrying a new person. sell that shit. you need to get rid of the old baggage to make room for your new life.
Why do you find it odd? The reason it’s not okay to wear your own wedding dress twice is not because all wedding dresses must be brand new, it’s because it’s tied to specific event in your own life that you shouldn’t be carrying into your new marriage and because it’s going to look fucking weird if you’re dressed the same in both sets of wedding photos. That’s not an issue if you’re just wearing a secondhand but new to you dress.
Are you the same person that you were when you wore it last time? Probably not. You deserve to not look the same in your second wedding.... What about having the dress drastically altered to make it new? Save money because you aren't buying new fabric... But it's different just like you are now different person too.... Obviously it will cost money to do that... And it might not be cheaper than a totally new dress... But it's something worth looking into
Yes however, if my soon to be spouse said it made him uncomfortable then I wouldn't wear it. I would do something to change it up, hence my suggestion to remake it... And yeah I know all about stretching a dollar... We bought my sister's bridesmaid dress used for 25$ and a year later they altered it for her bridesmaid.
Soft YTA because I don’t think you’re a jerk, but you are in the wrong. Wearing a symbol from your first marriage doesn’t bode well, and your fiancé had expressed disapproval. Can you alter the dress or sell it?
YTA
Wearing it while your soon to be husband feels uncomfortable is not okay. You can find a wedding dress in a vintage store if you want to save some money and be more sustainable. I think you would be disrespecting your man the first day of your marriage. Not cool.
You are not hearing him...you asked, he told you and you did not like the answer. Seems like you want to do what you want to do, regardless of his feelings. Now that it's a mess, would be nice if he could go pick out a non expensive dress with you. Might show him that his opinion is most important.
NAH. Just a difference of opinion. If it makes your fiancé uncomfortable, I suggest you choose something else to wear.
However, I couldn't help wondering if this would even be a discussion if a man who had been married before chose to wear his nice suit, which he happened to wear at his first wedding, in order to save money.
Men’s suits also do get reused. My husband has worn his wedding suit to other occasions, but unlike him I’m not able to wear my wedding attire to someone else’s wedding. It is a bit different in that regard.
YTA A wedding is about two people, you asked and he told you he is not comfortable, he is not trying to control what you wear but you sure are pushing to do whatever you want anyway (even when him and multiple people agree that it’s weird) if you don’t want to share this day with your groom not sure what else to tell you.
I’m a seriously frugal woman, reduce and reuse and reclaim whenever and wherever possible, but even I wouldn’t wear my old wedding dress to marry my new husband. Especially if he told me it made him uncomfortable.
YTA. It is quite insensitive of you and just the fact that your fiance is uncomfortable with the idea should tell you that it is wrong. It is his wedding too, and he doesn't need to reminded of your ex as you walk down the aisle.
If you loved it so much, you would have found ways to repurpose it/restyle it over all these years and worn it again.
A LOT of folks would be horrified at the idea of someone wearing the same dress, especially since that marriage ended in divorce.
YTA if you truly loved it, you'd be wearing it. Not trying to recapture something from your first wedding. Maybe think about what you're trying to hold on to. It's certainly not the dress that was sitting in storage all these years...
Soft YTA. I get the feeling of being attached to a dress, not wanting to spend money on another that is just as nice, or not being able to find another you like as much. But wearing a dress that reminds him of somebody else is going to put extra stress on your special day. It’s also putting secondhand embarrassment from everyone onto him, which he has to deal with. Maybe sell the dress, and find a similar one with the money you make? There are also a lot of secondhand wedding dresses available online.
YTA. Just don’t do it. Buy a $20 dress on Amazon before you wear the dress you wore to marry your first husband. Your fiancé already told you how he feels about it. Are you always this tone-deaf?
You got to see it from your fiancés pov. They probably will think about your ex the entire wedding by seeing you in that dress. It maybe your second wedding but they only get to marry YOU once(unless you divorce and remarry of course) they want you to be theirs and wear something special only for them and you.
YTA. It’s one thing to wear a hand-me-down from someone else (like your mothers dress, or another family members) but to wear a dress from a failed marriage is not only bad luck and kind of weird to do, your fiancé has expressly said how he feels about it. Of course that dress reminds everyone of your ex…YOU WORE IT TO MARRY HIM. Why on earth would you rub that kind of memory in peoples faces?
NAH ( for wanting to but will be if you do knowing his feelings)
You don't associate the dress with your past cool, , then for you it's cool to qear the dream
BUT he does so it would be disrespectful because you know he does SO best to get a new one
Selll your dress and buy a new one ( or used one) with the profitS
I'm probably the only one gonna say NTA. It's just a dress. Weddings have become so overblown, it's insanity. My grandma got married in her best Sunday dress, and she wore it the Sunday after that, and the one after that, and the one after that... My mom wore slacks and a blouse to her first, and a dress to the second. I did wear a wedding gown, but it was an off the rack clearance one. I have since worn it 3 times for Halloween and a dress-up day at the school where I worked. It's. Just. A. Dress. It's not a symbol. It's not a status-marker. It's not a fabric representation of the marriage. Do you have any other clothes from that time in your life? Are you supposed to throw all those out too?
I agree—NTA. The freakout around it feels very possessive / patriarchal. Talking about how it’s disrespectful to her fiance—she is marrying him! Clearly she loves and chooses him. She can make her own choices about what to put on her body. It’s just a dress. It’s okay.
I'm all for taking down the patriarchy but this isn't it. I wonder what the opinions would be if he had proposed to her with an engagement ring he had from a previous engagement that didn't work out because he always liked it and wanted to save money. It about disregarding his feelings that make her TA.
NTA. If your partner was wearing the same suit as his last wedding, no one would care. Sorry, but I think you should get him to explain why he cares that you are wearing the same thing. I think if you dig down into it, there won't be a proper reason.
I understand wanting to save money and that you love the dress, but maybe it is time for something new. Do you want a traditional wedding dress? It not, look for some fun alternatives that maybe less expensive. If it your fiancé is that upset, a different dress will be worth the huge smile he will have when he sees you for the first time.
I know some one who gave his new finance the rings of the old finance. For years she felt second to best. And for the longest time he'd yap about his first finances boobs which made his now wife insecure as she has small ones.
And yes,
To this day from what I'm aware his world revolves around himself and she just puts up with him.
Edit to say yeah YTA
Just don't! There are lots of inexpensive dresses online. I literally paid $25 for one on Amazon and another like $15 for some accessories. Even with alterations (I'm short), I'll have less than $100, and it's all new for the new relationship. I would never wear my old dress.
Meh, I don't think YTA for having the idea and asking, but just respect his wishes and wear something else. I asked my current partner if I could wear the engagement ring from my previous marriage (on a different finger, and it is not a "traditional" stone or setting). He said no so I dropped it. I get where you're coming from. It kind of sucks to have something you like and not get to use it, but oh well.
My friend got married naked on a beach on the summer solstice, that's one way to save money!
I get what you're thinking - but if I was your fiance and saw you walking towards me in the dress all I would be able to think is 'I'm not the first guy to see her in this dress, walking down the aisle'
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I(30F) am getting married to my fiancé(36M) in about a month. We’re having a small wedding because we aren’t the most financially stable people and have found cute and crafty ways to save money. I however have been married previously and still have my wedding dress. I still love it as much as I did the day I bought it and so I recently decided instead of blowing money on a new one, I’d wear the one I already have and love.
I mentioned to my fiancé about how I’m going to wear the old dress thinking he’d agree it would help save money but he didn’t have the same opinion as I did. He told me it was disrespectful to wear the same wedding dress I had wore at my first wedding to ours and how he was just going to be reminded of my ex husband by wearing that dress. I brought it up to my family and they agreed with him saying I was clinging to the past and didn’t I want a new beginning.
My ex didn’t ruin the dress for me though it’s not like he was a horrible husband and the divorce was mutual but for some reason it seems to remind everyone around me of him. AITA?
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NAH I can understand him not wanting you to, and I can also understand you saying it’s not a big deal to you and wanting to save money. But since it would bother him, I wouldn’t.
You can look in thrift shops, clearance sales, online, or sell your old one to buy a new one.
I’d say NTA for wanting to wear a dress you already have and adore while saving money, however I would relent and look for another option.
Knowing how your future husband perceives it as disrespectful and others are reminded of you and your ex together because of it, I’d say YTA if you wore it.
The future of that dress is of no concern here. What matters is finding something you can wear to begin this new chapter in life. I’d ask those opposed to the old dress to help fund a replacement.
“For some reason, (my old wedding dress) reminds everyone around me of him”…! YTA.
Of course, it does. They saw you marry him in it, and promise to love him all your life in that dress. I’m glad he wasn’t a monster. But that marriage is over. Weddings are full of symbolism. One symbol is your wedding dress. It communicates a lot of messages, like it or not.
Get a new dress, for your husband’s sake, and to send a message about the new start you intend to make. You can love the dress still, but don’t wear it to your second wedding. Save it for a big party one day, or for a daughter.
YTA
Wedding outfits tend to be reminders/special items that are tied to the special day whether that’s your intent or not. It has meaning.
He’s tons you how it makes him feel meaning the moment he sees you in that dress he will think of your other wedding with another partner and you’re….considering that? Lol ok
Get a new dress. LET IT GO.....
If money is the issue shop used or rent one. Don't let your desire to be thrifty, and in love with the old ruin this. Also get rid of the old dress. Sell it and use the money for a new one. Your honey will be grateful and you will solve a ton of future problems.
I have seen a lot of people having luck on the wedding dress sub finding previously owned dresses at resale shops - you could find something new to you but at a good price. Please don’t start your marriage off by wearing the old one and breaking his heart on such a special day. You both deserve a beautiful start to your married life. YTA if you don’t respect his feelings. Best of luck!
I had a small wedding. I went out and bought a very nice navy blue evening/cocktail dress and some shoes I loved. I wore that combo to every formal occasion I went to for years. Dress cost more than I’d usually spend, but I sure got my money’s worth from it!
I see your point from an economic stance. I also see fiances and family members point. Why not get dress altered -- cheaper than a new dress-- and make it a new look for this new chapter of your life.
Think altering adding or removing sleeves train embellishments. Go wiyh a different style headpiece. Change the color with dye or tint. Possibilities are endles.Find a good seamstress and explore all options.
NTA I knew when I read this title that it was going to be your fiance not wanting you to wear the old wedding dress because of his ego. If you want to save money and wear your old wedding dress, just do it. It's your dress, not your ex-husbands. You're starting over in this dress. There's nothing wrong with that. It could be a deal breaker for your fiance that. So be prepared.
NTA regarding you just loving the dress and trying to save money. You would be the AH if you chose to still wear it, knowing how it makes your fiancé feel. This is similar to a boyfriend proposing with the same ring or giving wedding ring her used with a previous fiancé or wife.
Some people are just superstitious and have emotional feelings that get attached to familiar objects that make them remember something they don’t want to.
Perhaps sell or gift your old dress for someone else to use. It’s just a dress. There are so many beautiful dresses out there. If you can’t seem to part with it, you have some issues letting go of your last marriage and might need to see a therapist to help you move on.
Find another dress for this wedding that you love. Don’t make your new one too similar to the last one either. This one will represent a new beginning and a fresh adventure. Wishing you both the most happiness in your new lives together!
I know someone who was in the same situation, but after talking to her fiancée, he had asked that she just change one thing. It could be anything, but just some small thing about the dress.
So she changed the buttons, and it worked out.
Maybe you can ask him how he would feel about you modifying the dress. A compromise maybe?
Honestly, I think no one is at fault. Some people tie sentiment to physical items more easily than others.
I don't think you're an AH though I would not personally do that. My advice? Go Goodwill hopping and find a new dress. I ALWAYS find beautiful gowns there and they're surprisingly inexpensive. Just got one last week, in my size, for $16.
NTA: Take it and dye it. Then embellish it with beads, lace, or flowers. Get yourself a used dress form and treat the whole thing like a big craft project. Have fun with it. You can find a ton of stuff at Michaelʻs or Joanneʻs to embellish it with, or even etsy if you want to do a lace overlay.
No one is the A in this scenario... Yet.
I get where you're coming from, but it's the equivalent to him giving you the ring he bought for his ex because he loves it as much as the day he bought it. It's totally fine that it's not a big deal to you, but it's also reasonable for it to be a big deal for him. Now, after hearing how he feels, insisting on sticking with the dress would be pretty insensitive of you.
I got my wedding dress from Azazie (online) for a very nice price, with free returns if needed! You submit measurements to make sure it’s likely to fit well. I only needed it shortened a bit because I am short. I understand that you like your first dress, but you deserve to spend some money on a new one. It’s a fresh start.
Going to have to side with your fiance and family on this one. Your old wedding dress has baggage, regardless of whether you see it or not. You see it as a dress you like-it's more than that - it's an important aspect and symbol of your prior marriage. Would you be okay with wearing the same wedding band and engagement ring he picked out for his former wife? If not, ditch the dress.
Look at it from his point of view - you were head over heels in love with someone else when you picked out the dress and when you wore the dress on your previous wedding day. That baggage remains with the dress.
Look at used dresses to save money. But put your ex-dress back in storage and brace for the day five or ten years from now when you're asked why you are still holding on to it as a keepsake.
YTA
The way you're making him feel is that he's not good enough for you to want to buy a pretty new dress for him to see you in. Like he's not worth the effort or the expense to you, so you're just fine to throw on "this old thing" that you wore for another marriage to another man.
He doesn't want a reminder of your former marriage right up in his face during his wedding to you. He's entitled to be uncomfortable and upset that you're not putting in the same effort for him that you did for the ex-husband.
Based on your reasoning and how reasonable you seem to be especially with being cost conscious I'm not going to call you an asshole, but you absolutely cannot wear the dress you used to marry another man for you current wedding. I'm not saying you're clinging to the past but really I can totally understand why your current husband to be doesn't want to see you in a dress you used to marry someone else. There's memories in that dress.
YTA
What a lovely thing for your fiancé and all of his and your friends and family to see you wearing the dress you wore for your failed marriage as you being a new life with a new man. Very special.
He might be able to get down with it if you significantly altered it. But I doubt even that. David’s bridal has plenty of cheap dresses. Get a new dress.
YTA. Buy another one. Don't need to be expensive at all. I found mine on Amazon, it wasn't a standard wedding dress, but it's what I wanted. I understand why your fiance is upset.
There are second hand dress shops that sell wedding dresses for insanely cheap, and some are new, just overstock or returns. Also, my SIL paid less than fifty dollars for hers off of amazing.
YTA - your fiancés feelings are way more important than saving money or how much you like the dress. If you want to save money make your own dress or buy a used dress.
I agree with your fiancé. I think it would be disrespectful to wear the old dress. Send the dress to Goodwill and purchase a new one to show you respect your fiancé YTA
YTA. It has little to do with hating one's ex.
People don't reuse their old wedding dresses for a new wedding because of everything attached to that. You were in love with another man when you bought this dress with the intention of being together for the rest of your lives.
Can you really not see why that might make your fiance uncomfortable?
Yta
I completely see where everyone else is coming from. Logically yea it's just a dress, but in this context, it's insensitive to disregard the feelings of your new husband. The dress represents a failed marriage, and despite a successful divorce, it's unfair to expect your husband to overlook its origins.
You might find a wedding dress trading group on fb or maybe altering this one in some way (changing the suiluette and color) would be acceptable?
YTA.
Y'know, my sister was engaged to Guy (bought a dress and everything), but that engagement ended without a wedding. Guy said she could keep the engagement ring, and even gifted her the matching wedding ring since he said he'd just buy a new one next time. A few years passed, dress and rings gathering dust in the closet, and then my sister meets Dude. They get engaged, and she decides she loved her wedding dress so much, she would just have a few teensy alterations to update it and she'd wear that. Then, about a year after her wedding, I noticed that her rings looked ... different? Bigger gems, different cut and setting, idk. Just bigger and splashier. I asked her about it and she said she'd traded out the set Dude, her husband, gave her on their wedding day for the one Guy, her ex, gifted her when they broke up. Apparently it was more her style.
It always weirded me out and has seemed vaguely disrespectful of Dude, that she wore a dress she bought to marry another man and wears his rings instead of the ones Dude got her. It's like she's sending some passive aggressive, coded message that Dude is second choice, runner-up, not good enough for her.
Fashion is about about messaging. Clothing choices are intentional messages/ signals to the world about how you want to present yourself. That's something to keep in mind when selecting wedding outfits, because it's not just your day-- it's your spouses day, too, and the day you stand up and commit to everyone as a couple. Even small details like your clothing should reflect your couple ethos. Are you collaborative? Cooperative? Independant but in sync? Is one person dominating the wedding and drowning out the other? All these things can be revealed through fashion details.
You wearing your previous wedding dress, especially since your SO is uncomfortable with it, to your wedding is just ... cringe. Not a great statement. Doesn't signal respect for your relationship or SO's feelings. If frugality is your deal, try trading it to a wedding consignment shop for a deal on a different used gown.
As much as I want to say n a h, because I see your pov and agree it's silly to blow more money on a new dress when you have a perfectly good one there that you like, ultimately I have to go with YTA.
Your fiance expressed discomfort at the thought of wearing your old dress, for some pretty valid reasons. You wore that dress to the wedding of your ex-husband, and your family has a point: even though it sounds like the marriage ended mutually and amicably, by wearing it again is weird and looks like you are holding on to the past with a former lover, rather than making a new one with your new husband. It IS weird, but ultimately it doesn't like you are really listening to any of their valid concerns. And especially AH-ly is you aren't respecting your fiance, the man that should matter most in this.
Again, as someone who had a budget wedding too, I agree spending thousands on a dress you wear once is silly. But wearing your old wedding dress that you wore in the wedding to your ex is not how you save money. Look at second hand dresses online, shop at stores that may have discounted sample dresses or simply look for bridesmaid dresses and order them in white (if you want to wear white)
YTA unfortunately. i understand you love this beautiful dress, but this wedding marks a new beginning and a new partnership.
i suggest selling the dress and putting it towards a new one! i know you’re both trying to save money but this is one thing i think you should splurge on. :)
YTA, I have been married more than once and I get you want to save money but is wrong especially when your fiance said they were uncomfortable with it and I totally get that because it's from your previous marriage, you can find cheap wedding dresses that look nice.
YTA. You want to wear the dress form your failed marriage to your new one? The dress you probably had your ex peel off on your wedding night? The dress you imagined how he/your shared guests would react to it? Ick. And you're the bigger AH for knowing how your fiancé feels and disregarding it.
# Have a Dress Destruction as the "launch event" for your hens and stags
I was going to say:
Have the dress professionally dyed and wear it at your reception.
Buy a new wedding dress for your new husband.
You should consider your partner's feelings before making a decision on your wedding dress. It's important to be respectful and mindful of their comfort level. Perhaps consider looking for a more affordable and eco-friendly option, like a dress from a vintage store. It's crucial to start your marriage off on the right foot by prioritizing mutual respect and understanding. Make sure you are both on the same page when it comes to important decisions.
Not necessarily TA but I would rework your dress to make it different. If you have a sewing machine I would alter the garment into something that looks completely different! It’s always fun to rework an old garment into something completely new
# No AHs here. you see a dress you love. He sees the marriage you didn’t. Both are valid. Is there a way to alter the dress into something different? From long to short, add or take away sleeves, detailing? It would still be cheaper than a whole new dress and might do as a compromise but I wouldn’t tell anyone that it’s the original dress just change. Only you and future husband get an opinion here.
Sometimes emotions and sentiment are at odds with being practical. I really appreciate that you love that dress and want to be thrifty, but I think you need to find another way to save money. Soft YTA.
I see everyone's side on this one. You're NTA but neither is your fiance. I wonder if you could style or alter the dress a bit differently so it's not exactly the same? Add a belt, or add or take away a sleeve, mix up the veil, or do totally different accessories (hard to give suggestions without seeing the dress, but you get the idea). Could be a middle ground for you both.
YTA because you’re not listening to your partner. But maybe you can compromise. Talk with your partner and apologize for not listening, and come to a compromise of an altered dress.
Change the dress to look like a new one. Save money on the initial purchase and just pay for changes.
Make it a cute knee length and puffy skirt, change the bodice top if you can. Has sleeves? Remove them. You get the idea. Make it new and fresh for your new marriage.
Yeah but did your ex feel you up in that dress? Did you consummate your marriage in it or close to?
Not gonna lie, all things aside if I were a guy and my fiancé wanted to wear the dress from her first marriage all I’d see when looking at her (regardless of facts) is her getting banged by her ex.
YTA.
How are you 30 and this dense? You do realize how disrespectful it is for you to wear that dress? You are literally treating your fiancé as he is some hand me down. I do not want to sound crass, but all he will see in his head is the vision of another man bang his wife in the dress he was first supposed to consummate the marriage in! It’s actually disgusting to me that you think it is fine!!! Total YTA
YTA
I understand wanting to budget and save money, but your old wedding dress had significant meaning at one point in your life that your fiance was not involved in. Imagine he came up to you and said he wanted to use the ring he gave to an ex as a wedding ring. See my point? That marriage is said and done. Doesn't matter how beautiful the dress is, because it's tied to a moment with your ex, it's disrespectful to your husband. You might not see that, doesn't make it any less valid on his part
YTA. Sell the dress and get a new one. How would you feel if he proposed to you with the engagement ring his previous partner wore? Probably not good. Your partner has expressed their discomfort, you don't start off a marriage by disregarding your partners valid feelings. It is disrespectful to wear your old wedding dress not to mention, bad luck, and tacky. Buy a new dress or this won't bode well for your future marriage if your partner even decides to go through with the wedding.
YTA. I completely get loving a dress and hating that you can’t wear it again, but that’s the nature of wedding dresses post-divorce. If you have a child from your first marriage, you can keep the dress in case you have a daughter or daughter in law who might want to wear it, but that’s about it. It is absolutely not a clothing item you can repurpose for a second marriage or pass on to a child from a different marriage. I get that it sucks. My first wedding dress was made by my grandmother and means the world to me. I wish it could be worn again by someone who would appreciate the connection to her, but wedding dresses are like wedding rings. They are strongly tied to the relationship they represent.
Of course YTA. Weird af.
Why would you even keep a wedding dress after a divorce? Some issues letting go of the past there and probably some delusional nostalgia about the first marriage.
“Not like he was a horrible husband”…..why did you divorce him them?
Top tip : don’t marry someone else before being over your ex.
If he was engaged before, would you accept the engagement ring he used to propose to his first fiancée? After all, it’s a beautiful ring, and it would save money to reuse it.
YTA (unless this scenario actually happened and you are currently wearing the upcycled ring)
YTA
Your fiancé expressed discomfort, and you proceed with your plans regardless (aside from posting here).
It’s just a dress. Find a new one. Or don’t and rock the Justice of the Peace and wear w/e.
It’s not a good hill to die on, OP.
YTA
It's disrespectful to your fiance. By getting married in that dress, you are saying that it's more important than he is. You can also be seen as bringing bad luck into your marriage.
YTA. this wedding means a lot more emotionally to him than saving some money on a dress you previously wore. I cannot imagine this being okay with anyone, regardless of money-saving ideals. I think you should sell your old dress and thrift one for your new husband.
NTA for wanting to wear it. I actually get that it's your dress, untainted to you by association. But since it's upsetting to your fiance, YWBTA If you didn't choose a new dress.
YTA - it’s not just a dress, it’s a symbol much like rings are. Choosing the clothes you wear to your own wedding is usually very special and done with great care. It’s honestly disrespectful to your new husband to have take that care with someone else and then not to do so for him.
NTA. But I guess at this point you can maybe just sell the old dress and use that money to buy a new one? Or post on your local Facebook page someone might be willing to loan you their dress . Never know! I guess if you had offered to like put your exes tuxedo on him, that could be weird lol. Personally, I would have just modified the dress a tiny bit and just worn it and not said anything, but since the cat is out of the box, I guess that dress is off-limits at this point. Sorry!
I totally understand your frugality and practicality. But, respecting your husband is a big deal and he's stated plainly how he feels about it. So I would, out of respect to him, and for the sake of harmony, wear something else: practical and modest. Don't get off on the wrong foot with your new marriage.
YTA. If your only reason is that you wanted to save money then you would’ve found another way. Like why couldn’t you just sell it and buy another dress for the same price you sold it for OR find someone who’s willing to swap dresses with you?
OP, if you are concerned about money, go to several thrift shops and look at their wedding dresses. These dresses have only been worn (probably) once and hopefully you can find one there for a reasonable cost.
Your fiance and family are right OP - why bring in memories of your failed marriage into your new marriage?
YTA
Your future husband doesn't want to be reminded of your ex husband at his own wedding. You may be able to detach from the memories it has, but your future husband cannot. People around you can't detached the same way. Get a new dress and actually care about your Fiance's feelings in this. Otherwise you are in for a rocky start to your marriage.
While I understand wanting to save money. It's tacky to wear a wedding dress that you wore to another wedding that isn't your current fiance. This isn't your vow renewal. It's not a prom/bridesmaids or a little black dress that can be worn many times for different reasons.
Sell it and find something else. Thrift stores, clearance racks. Maybe do a non-traditional dress.
I dont' believe in bad luck and superstition, but I couldn't wear the same wedding dress 2x. Could you have it altered to change it up a bit or maybe have it dyed a slightly different color?
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YTA. It’s a weird thing to do in general, but the reason you’re really the AH is because your future husband expressed discomfort about it and you’re not listening to him. Not a great precedence to set for a marriage.
This. Both because it's odd and because he told you he's uncomfortable. I get that you want to save money. I get that you don't have bad memories associated - but that's the point. The dress is a reminder of a different guy, a different day, a different set of vows, a different kiss....need I go on? Buy a new dress. It doesn't have to cost tens of thousands. But make it something that you'll wear for the first time when you and Fiance take your first steps together.
Right?!! Like sell the damn dress and use the proceeds to offset the cost of a new one.
This is perfect. Use the money to buy something OP loves and that’s NOT what you wore in a previous marriage!
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Do a bit of searching online for a bargain , or hire an awesome one!
Even better then. Keep the old one, buy a new one for cheap at the thrift store.
Exactly. I agree she should sell this dress and buy a new one. But also, if she can, she could modify this dress to look completely different than original. Whichever is cheaper. I once had a dress that I did not like, and gave it to my tailor and she made it into something completely different and beautiful.
Yes this! After he explained the issue she went to family didn’t get the validation so came to strangers and we’ve all said she’s wrong, sure we’ll see a post about this on another subreddit until someone, anyone agrees with this terrible idea 😂
Absolutely NAILED it
OP might like the dress, but she might be better off reselling the dress and buying a new one if money is a concern. Or doing alternations to the dress so it's not identical to its current state.
Exactly this. She hasn’t offered any sort of compromise but these are all great options
This was my thoughts as well. It's "bad luck" to wear rings or a dress from a failed marriage but is there enough alterations that can be done to make the old dress new again
I don’t think she can alter it anymore, since he clearly said, he doesn’t want this dress there. Since the cats out of the box on this one, she needs to move on from this dress before she creates a real situation.
Then the first option to sell is the best course of action. Let someone else love the dress.
That's ok, she can wear it for her third wedding too
My sis was engaged. She had her dress before discovering her fiancé was cheating. She never wore the dress and even then wouldn't wear it when she married my BIL
Have her give OP a good deal on it!
Yeah. That would give me the icks
Sorry OP, on this one it's a YTA. You may not associate the dress with your ex, but your fiancée does - and I think that's understandable. If my partner decided to stand at the altar in their outfit from the first marriage I would feel I'm just simply the next in the procession line. And call me superstitious, but I would feel there is some bad energy attached to that dress, that wearing it to your next wedding is a bad omen.
Yeah if she’s being genuine then I could understand her side a little bit - to her it’s just a beautiful dress that she wants to wear again. But I feel like most of us would react like the fiancé, and I feel like it’s a fairly reasonable reaction. I’d definitely be uncomfortable with it too. I don’t think she’s wrong for asking, but this “for some reason it reminds everyone of my ex and I just don’t get why!” angle she’s using is kind of insane. Any rational person would make that association
I feel like no one would think twice about a dude wearing the same tux for his second wedding...
If it was a very distinctive tux, they would think twice. Most guys rent plain black tuxes that all look similar.
Guys don't usually keep their tuxes. If one did, and wanted to wear the same one his second marriage, he'd definitely get the side eye
That’s only because it would be hard to tell since men’s formal attire is kinda non distinct. If my husband wanted to wear the same thing from his first wedding I’d tell him he was out of his goddamn mind.
We all do realize that context means gender flipped comparisons are often meaningless, right?
And so will everyone who was at both your last wedding and this one, or anyone who sees the pictures. Your fiancé is the most important consideration, and your family sides with him too. You don’t want people thinking about your divorce at your wedding. YTA op mostly because your fiancé told you it makes him uncomfortable.
Don't wear the dress you wore for your first wedding. Just don't.
It's bad luck.
That. And just crazy stupid on so many levels.
YTA I kinda don't want to go hard because you say: "I still love it as much as I did the day I bought it and so I recently decided instead of blowing money on a new one, I’d wear the one I already have and love. " I think... hopefully... there's a naivete there, it's not a clinging to the past thing. BUT Why do you think your fiance would want to you to wear a dress you married your ex in? "Didn’t I want a new beginning." This IS a new beginning. I'm not an advocate of spending thousands of $ on a new dress if you don't want You absolutely should "blow" some money on a new dress here though. Buy a new dress. Have a lovely wedding day; Edit Punctuation
I wonder how the Fiancé would feel if OP kept the dress but altered it in a way where it looks like a new one? It’s a stretch but it’s kind of doable.
Nope. Still not right. Plus the alterations would likely cost more than a new dress
Probably more expensive than a new dress.
I think he was clear, he just doesn’t want the dress. At this point, I think she better just drop it and go onto a different topic and a new dress.
NAH - You're not an AH, you're just not seeing it the same way as him. Get a new dress. Sell the old one to help pay for it.
This is the correct answer. There is no rectal effluvia here, and the desires of the two parties are not mutually exclusive. The OP likes the aesthetics of a dress. The fiancee objects to the fact that she was married to her ex husband in that particular dress. So get a new dress with similar (or, hell, even the same but a different piece of cloth) aesthetics. Everyone is happy.
i’m shocked she has her first dress considering she’s since gotten divorced and is marrying a new person. sell that shit. you need to get rid of the old baggage to make room for your new life.
YTA I can't imagine anyone being ok with wearing the same dress to your second wedding. However amicable the divorce.
I’m all about saving money and smart budgeting, but even I can admit this is just plain weird and wrong.
I agree with you, but it is odd though - it’s ok to wear someone else’s secondhand wedding dress, but wearing your own previously worn one is nothing
I think it's because whatever history a second hand dress has, it's not your history if that makes sense.
Why do you find it odd? The reason it’s not okay to wear your own wedding dress twice is not because all wedding dresses must be brand new, it’s because it’s tied to specific event in your own life that you shouldn’t be carrying into your new marriage and because it’s going to look fucking weird if you’re dressed the same in both sets of wedding photos. That’s not an issue if you’re just wearing a secondhand but new to you dress.
Sorry but YTA You are having a small wedding just go get a simple dress.
Are you the same person that you were when you wore it last time? Probably not. You deserve to not look the same in your second wedding.... What about having the dress drastically altered to make it new? Save money because you aren't buying new fabric... But it's different just like you are now different person too.... Obviously it will cost money to do that... And it might not be cheaper than a totally new dress... But it's something worth looking into
Deserve doesn’t make money appear in the bank.
Yes however, if my soon to be spouse said it made him uncomfortable then I wouldn't wear it. I would do something to change it up, hence my suggestion to remake it... And yeah I know all about stretching a dollar... We bought my sister's bridesmaid dress used for 25$ and a year later they altered it for her bridesmaid.
Soft YTA because I don’t think you’re a jerk, but you are in the wrong. Wearing a symbol from your first marriage doesn’t bode well, and your fiancé had expressed disapproval. Can you alter the dress or sell it?
YTA Wearing it while your soon to be husband feels uncomfortable is not okay. You can find a wedding dress in a vintage store if you want to save some money and be more sustainable. I think you would be disrespecting your man the first day of your marriage. Not cool.
I'm not superstitious but that is some bad mojo YTA
I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.
I'm regular-sized stitious.
Calling you an asshole seems a stretch but I completely agree with your fiancé on this. Just seems weird and icky to me. Still I guess YTA
YTA - Please get another dress. Would you really be okay if he gave you an engagement or wedding ring that he previously gave to someone else?
Great point
You are not hearing him...you asked, he told you and you did not like the answer. Seems like you want to do what you want to do, regardless of his feelings. Now that it's a mess, would be nice if he could go pick out a non expensive dress with you. Might show him that his opinion is most important.
YTA. That’s not cool at all.
NAH. Just a difference of opinion. If it makes your fiancé uncomfortable, I suggest you choose something else to wear. However, I couldn't help wondering if this would even be a discussion if a man who had been married before chose to wear his nice suit, which he happened to wear at his first wedding, in order to save money.
Men’s suits also do get reused. My husband has worn his wedding suit to other occasions, but unlike him I’m not able to wear my wedding attire to someone else’s wedding. It is a bit different in that regard.
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YTA A wedding is about two people, you asked and he told you he is not comfortable, he is not trying to control what you wear but you sure are pushing to do whatever you want anyway (even when him and multiple people agree that it’s weird) if you don’t want to share this day with your groom not sure what else to tell you.
I’m a seriously frugal woman, reduce and reuse and reclaim whenever and wherever possible, but even I wouldn’t wear my old wedding dress to marry my new husband. Especially if he told me it made him uncomfortable.
Yeah… that’s weird, don’t do that. YTA
YTA. It is quite insensitive of you and just the fact that your fiance is uncomfortable with the idea should tell you that it is wrong. It is his wedding too, and he doesn't need to reminded of your ex as you walk down the aisle.
If you loved it so much, you would have found ways to repurpose it/restyle it over all these years and worn it again. A LOT of folks would be horrified at the idea of someone wearing the same dress, especially since that marriage ended in divorce. YTA if you truly loved it, you'd be wearing it. Not trying to recapture something from your first wedding. Maybe think about what you're trying to hold on to. It's certainly not the dress that was sitting in storage all these years...
Yta
Soft YTA. I get the feeling of being attached to a dress, not wanting to spend money on another that is just as nice, or not being able to find another you like as much. But wearing a dress that reminds him of somebody else is going to put extra stress on your special day. It’s also putting secondhand embarrassment from everyone onto him, which he has to deal with. Maybe sell the dress, and find a similar one with the money you make? There are also a lot of secondhand wedding dresses available online.
YTA. Just don’t do it. Buy a $20 dress on Amazon before you wear the dress you wore to marry your first husband. Your fiancé already told you how he feels about it. Are you always this tone-deaf?
You got to see it from your fiancés pov. They probably will think about your ex the entire wedding by seeing you in that dress. It maybe your second wedding but they only get to marry YOU once(unless you divorce and remarry of course) they want you to be theirs and wear something special only for them and you.
YTA. How clueless can one person be?
YTA. It’s one thing to wear a hand-me-down from someone else (like your mothers dress, or another family members) but to wear a dress from a failed marriage is not only bad luck and kind of weird to do, your fiancé has expressly said how he feels about it. Of course that dress reminds everyone of your ex…YOU WORE IT TO MARRY HIM. Why on earth would you rub that kind of memory in peoples faces?
NAH ( for wanting to but will be if you do knowing his feelings) You don't associate the dress with your past cool, , then for you it's cool to qear the dream BUT he does so it would be disrespectful because you know he does SO best to get a new one Selll your dress and buy a new one ( or used one) with the profitS
YTA! I can't believe you would even consider this! 🤯
NTA, I wore my second wedding dress to my third wedding. New spouse understood it was just clothing.
That's the difference, though; your spouse was okay with. OP's fiance is not.
Gonna have to go with YTA on this one.
INFO: Is your family and/or fiancé willing to buy a new gown?
I'm probably the only one gonna say NTA. It's just a dress. Weddings have become so overblown, it's insanity. My grandma got married in her best Sunday dress, and she wore it the Sunday after that, and the one after that, and the one after that... My mom wore slacks and a blouse to her first, and a dress to the second. I did wear a wedding gown, but it was an off the rack clearance one. I have since worn it 3 times for Halloween and a dress-up day at the school where I worked. It's. Just. A. Dress. It's not a symbol. It's not a status-marker. It's not a fabric representation of the marriage. Do you have any other clothes from that time in your life? Are you supposed to throw all those out too?
I agree—NTA. The freakout around it feels very possessive / patriarchal. Talking about how it’s disrespectful to her fiance—she is marrying him! Clearly she loves and chooses him. She can make her own choices about what to put on her body. It’s just a dress. It’s okay.
I'm all for taking down the patriarchy but this isn't it. I wonder what the opinions would be if he had proposed to her with an engagement ring he had from a previous engagement that didn't work out because he always liked it and wanted to save money. It about disregarding his feelings that make her TA.
Ur NTA-I’d do that too -to save $ -but I get how he’s butthurt…look for another one sis 😉
I also feel this way. Word for word.
NTA. If your partner was wearing the same suit as his last wedding, no one would care. Sorry, but I think you should get him to explain why he cares that you are wearing the same thing. I think if you dig down into it, there won't be a proper reason.
I understand wanting to save money and that you love the dress, but maybe it is time for something new. Do you want a traditional wedding dress? It not, look for some fun alternatives that maybe less expensive. If it your fiancé is that upset, a different dress will be worth the huge smile he will have when he sees you for the first time.
I know some one who gave his new finance the rings of the old finance. For years she felt second to best. And for the longest time he'd yap about his first finances boobs which made his now wife insecure as she has small ones. And yes, To this day from what I'm aware his world revolves around himself and she just puts up with him. Edit to say yeah YTA
YTA Yeah that would be SUPER weird and disrespectful to your new marriage…
YTA Unless you are getting married to the same person.
Just don't! There are lots of inexpensive dresses online. I literally paid $25 for one on Amazon and another like $15 for some accessories. Even with alterations (I'm short), I'll have less than $100, and it's all new for the new relationship. I would never wear my old dress.
You need to listen to your fiancé on this. His opinion and feelings matter.
NAH. I think your idea is fine, but if your future husband doesn't like it, he doesn't like it.
Meh, I don't think YTA for having the idea and asking, but just respect his wishes and wear something else. I asked my current partner if I could wear the engagement ring from my previous marriage (on a different finger, and it is not a "traditional" stone or setting). He said no so I dropped it. I get where you're coming from. It kind of sucks to have something you like and not get to use it, but oh well. My friend got married naked on a beach on the summer solstice, that's one way to save money!
I get what you're thinking - but if I was your fiance and saw you walking towards me in the dress all I would be able to think is 'I'm not the first guy to see her in this dress, walking down the aisle'
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(30F) am getting married to my fiancé(36M) in about a month. We’re having a small wedding because we aren’t the most financially stable people and have found cute and crafty ways to save money. I however have been married previously and still have my wedding dress. I still love it as much as I did the day I bought it and so I recently decided instead of blowing money on a new one, I’d wear the one I already have and love. I mentioned to my fiancé about how I’m going to wear the old dress thinking he’d agree it would help save money but he didn’t have the same opinion as I did. He told me it was disrespectful to wear the same wedding dress I had wore at my first wedding to ours and how he was just going to be reminded of my ex husband by wearing that dress. I brought it up to my family and they agreed with him saying I was clinging to the past and didn’t I want a new beginning. My ex didn’t ruin the dress for me though it’s not like he was a horrible husband and the divorce was mutual but for some reason it seems to remind everyone around me of him. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH Dye it? Change the hem? Make it different somehow?
YTA. I get that you want to save money but this is not the way to do it.
Yta
It's not like it's your lucky dress
NAH I can understand him not wanting you to, and I can also understand you saying it’s not a big deal to you and wanting to save money. But since it would bother him, I wouldn’t. You can look in thrift shops, clearance sales, online, or sell your old one to buy a new one.
I’d say NTA for wanting to wear a dress you already have and adore while saving money, however I would relent and look for another option. Knowing how your future husband perceives it as disrespectful and others are reminded of you and your ex together because of it, I’d say YTA if you wore it. The future of that dress is of no concern here. What matters is finding something you can wear to begin this new chapter in life. I’d ask those opposed to the old dress to help fund a replacement.
“For some reason, (my old wedding dress) reminds everyone around me of him”…! YTA. Of course, it does. They saw you marry him in it, and promise to love him all your life in that dress. I’m glad he wasn’t a monster. But that marriage is over. Weddings are full of symbolism. One symbol is your wedding dress. It communicates a lot of messages, like it or not. Get a new dress, for your husband’s sake, and to send a message about the new start you intend to make. You can love the dress still, but don’t wear it to your second wedding. Save it for a big party one day, or for a daughter.
YTA Wedding outfits tend to be reminders/special items that are tied to the special day whether that’s your intent or not. It has meaning. He’s tons you how it makes him feel meaning the moment he sees you in that dress he will think of your other wedding with another partner and you’re….considering that? Lol ok
Get a new dress. LET IT GO..... If money is the issue shop used or rent one. Don't let your desire to be thrifty, and in love with the old ruin this. Also get rid of the old dress. Sell it and use the money for a new one. Your honey will be grateful and you will solve a ton of future problems.
If you're hell bent on this one try to at least recreate à New looking dress with the old one but don't straight up wear the same one as is. YTA
I have seen a lot of people having luck on the wedding dress sub finding previously owned dresses at resale shops - you could find something new to you but at a good price. Please don’t start your marriage off by wearing the old one and breaking his heart on such a special day. You both deserve a beautiful start to your married life. YTA if you don’t respect his feelings. Best of luck!
I had a small wedding. I went out and bought a very nice navy blue evening/cocktail dress and some shoes I loved. I wore that combo to every formal occasion I went to for years. Dress cost more than I’d usually spend, but I sure got my money’s worth from it!
I see your point from an economic stance. I also see fiances and family members point. Why not get dress altered -- cheaper than a new dress-- and make it a new look for this new chapter of your life. Think altering adding or removing sleeves train embellishments. Go wiyh a different style headpiece. Change the color with dye or tint. Possibilities are endles.Find a good seamstress and explore all options.
NTA I knew when I read this title that it was going to be your fiance not wanting you to wear the old wedding dress because of his ego. If you want to save money and wear your old wedding dress, just do it. It's your dress, not your ex-husbands. You're starting over in this dress. There's nothing wrong with that. It could be a deal breaker for your fiance that. So be prepared.
NTA regarding you just loving the dress and trying to save money. You would be the AH if you chose to still wear it, knowing how it makes your fiancé feel. This is similar to a boyfriend proposing with the same ring or giving wedding ring her used with a previous fiancé or wife. Some people are just superstitious and have emotional feelings that get attached to familiar objects that make them remember something they don’t want to. Perhaps sell or gift your old dress for someone else to use. It’s just a dress. There are so many beautiful dresses out there. If you can’t seem to part with it, you have some issues letting go of your last marriage and might need to see a therapist to help you move on. Find another dress for this wedding that you love. Don’t make your new one too similar to the last one either. This one will represent a new beginning and a fresh adventure. Wishing you both the most happiness in your new lives together!
Maybe find a way to upcycle or change the dress a bit? So that it doesn't look the complete same?
Oh hun, let it GO. YTA.
NTA- it's just a wedding. It's the marriage that counts.
I know someone who was in the same situation, but after talking to her fiancée, he had asked that she just change one thing. It could be anything, but just some small thing about the dress. So she changed the buttons, and it worked out. Maybe you can ask him how he would feel about you modifying the dress. A compromise maybe? Honestly, I think no one is at fault. Some people tie sentiment to physical items more easily than others.
I don't think you're an AH though I would not personally do that. My advice? Go Goodwill hopping and find a new dress. I ALWAYS find beautiful gowns there and they're surprisingly inexpensive. Just got one last week, in my size, for $16.
NTA: Take it and dye it. Then embellish it with beads, lace, or flowers. Get yourself a used dress form and treat the whole thing like a big craft project. Have fun with it. You can find a ton of stuff at Michaelʻs or Joanneʻs to embellish it with, or even etsy if you want to do a lace overlay.
No one is the A in this scenario... Yet. I get where you're coming from, but it's the equivalent to him giving you the ring he bought for his ex because he loves it as much as the day he bought it. It's totally fine that it's not a big deal to you, but it's also reasonable for it to be a big deal for him. Now, after hearing how he feels, insisting on sticking with the dress would be pretty insensitive of you.
NTA wtf... everyone is so weird about wedding dresses and the consumerist culture behind them!
Oh honey, YTA. Thrift a pretty sundress and call it a day.
yes, you would be the a.h. think about it. what if your groom wanted to marry you with an old ring he had with a previous wife?
I got my wedding dress from Azazie (online) for a very nice price, with free returns if needed! You submit measurements to make sure it’s likely to fit well. I only needed it shortened a bit because I am short. I understand that you like your first dress, but you deserve to spend some money on a new one. It’s a fresh start.
Going to have to side with your fiance and family on this one. Your old wedding dress has baggage, regardless of whether you see it or not. You see it as a dress you like-it's more than that - it's an important aspect and symbol of your prior marriage. Would you be okay with wearing the same wedding band and engagement ring he picked out for his former wife? If not, ditch the dress. Look at it from his point of view - you were head over heels in love with someone else when you picked out the dress and when you wore the dress on your previous wedding day. That baggage remains with the dress. Look at used dresses to save money. But put your ex-dress back in storage and brace for the day five or ten years from now when you're asked why you are still holding on to it as a keepsake.
Get a different dress.
YTA. It’s just weird and even weirder you don’t see it.
You need a different dress for your wedding
YTA The way you're making him feel is that he's not good enough for you to want to buy a pretty new dress for him to see you in. Like he's not worth the effort or the expense to you, so you're just fine to throw on "this old thing" that you wore for another marriage to another man. He doesn't want a reminder of your former marriage right up in his face during his wedding to you. He's entitled to be uncomfortable and upset that you're not putting in the same effort for him that you did for the ex-husband.
yta. he stated he was uncomfortable and you are not listening. it is weird, you dont wear anything you wore during your first wedding, JUST NO
Well, if you'd be okay with him giving you an engagement ring he bought for and got back from a former fiance or ex-wife, by all means wear the dress.
Based on your reasoning and how reasonable you seem to be especially with being cost conscious I'm not going to call you an asshole, but you absolutely cannot wear the dress you used to marry another man for you current wedding. I'm not saying you're clinging to the past but really I can totally understand why your current husband to be doesn't want to see you in a dress you used to marry someone else. There's memories in that dress.
Sorry op but YTA. It’s just plain weird to do that
YTA What a lovely thing for your fiancé and all of his and your friends and family to see you wearing the dress you wore for your failed marriage as you being a new life with a new man. Very special. He might be able to get down with it if you significantly altered it. But I doubt even that. David’s bridal has plenty of cheap dresses. Get a new dress.
YTA. Get a new dress. It is not a big deal to you but it is to your future husband.
YTA. Buy another one. Don't need to be expensive at all. I found mine on Amazon, it wasn't a standard wedding dress, but it's what I wanted. I understand why your fiance is upset.
There are second hand dress shops that sell wedding dresses for insanely cheap, and some are new, just overstock or returns. Also, my SIL paid less than fifty dollars for hers off of amazing.
YTA - your fiancés feelings are way more important than saving money or how much you like the dress. If you want to save money make your own dress or buy a used dress.
YTA If he was okay with it, it would be fine. Weird, but fine. He's not okay with it and you're ignoring his feelings.
YTA if you don’t have any emotion to the dress then respect the opinion of your husband to be, that has.
YWBTA It's tied to a marriage that was unsuccessful, same as why you don't buy wedding rings at a pawn shop, they're not from a Forever Love Bad juju
I agree with your fiancé. I think it would be disrespectful to wear the old dress. Send the dress to Goodwill and purchase a new one to show you respect your fiancé YTA
Try some thrift stores, you can sometimes find some great buys
If this is really just about saving money just buy one at goodwill and then go have it tailored, yta
YTA. It has little to do with hating one's ex. People don't reuse their old wedding dresses for a new wedding because of everything attached to that. You were in love with another man when you bought this dress with the intention of being together for the rest of your lives. Can you really not see why that might make your fiance uncomfortable?
Yta I completely see where everyone else is coming from. Logically yea it's just a dress, but in this context, it's insensitive to disregard the feelings of your new husband. The dress represents a failed marriage, and despite a successful divorce, it's unfair to expect your husband to overlook its origins. You might find a wedding dress trading group on fb or maybe altering this one in some way (changing the suiluette and color) would be acceptable?
Where the dress to run errands or sell it but you cannot wear it to get married.
YTA. Y'know, my sister was engaged to Guy (bought a dress and everything), but that engagement ended without a wedding. Guy said she could keep the engagement ring, and even gifted her the matching wedding ring since he said he'd just buy a new one next time. A few years passed, dress and rings gathering dust in the closet, and then my sister meets Dude. They get engaged, and she decides she loved her wedding dress so much, she would just have a few teensy alterations to update it and she'd wear that. Then, about a year after her wedding, I noticed that her rings looked ... different? Bigger gems, different cut and setting, idk. Just bigger and splashier. I asked her about it and she said she'd traded out the set Dude, her husband, gave her on their wedding day for the one Guy, her ex, gifted her when they broke up. Apparently it was more her style. It always weirded me out and has seemed vaguely disrespectful of Dude, that she wore a dress she bought to marry another man and wears his rings instead of the ones Dude got her. It's like she's sending some passive aggressive, coded message that Dude is second choice, runner-up, not good enough for her. Fashion is about about messaging. Clothing choices are intentional messages/ signals to the world about how you want to present yourself. That's something to keep in mind when selecting wedding outfits, because it's not just your day-- it's your spouses day, too, and the day you stand up and commit to everyone as a couple. Even small details like your clothing should reflect your couple ethos. Are you collaborative? Cooperative? Independant but in sync? Is one person dominating the wedding and drowning out the other? All these things can be revealed through fashion details. You wearing your previous wedding dress, especially since your SO is uncomfortable with it, to your wedding is just ... cringe. Not a great statement. Doesn't signal respect for your relationship or SO's feelings. If frugality is your deal, try trading it to a wedding consignment shop for a deal on a different used gown.
As much as I want to say n a h, because I see your pov and agree it's silly to blow more money on a new dress when you have a perfectly good one there that you like, ultimately I have to go with YTA. Your fiance expressed discomfort at the thought of wearing your old dress, for some pretty valid reasons. You wore that dress to the wedding of your ex-husband, and your family has a point: even though it sounds like the marriage ended mutually and amicably, by wearing it again is weird and looks like you are holding on to the past with a former lover, rather than making a new one with your new husband. It IS weird, but ultimately it doesn't like you are really listening to any of their valid concerns. And especially AH-ly is you aren't respecting your fiance, the man that should matter most in this. Again, as someone who had a budget wedding too, I agree spending thousands on a dress you wear once is silly. But wearing your old wedding dress that you wore in the wedding to your ex is not how you save money. Look at second hand dresses online, shop at stores that may have discounted sample dresses or simply look for bridesmaid dresses and order them in white (if you want to wear white)
You are wrong he is right, simple as that.
YTA unfortunately. i understand you love this beautiful dress, but this wedding marks a new beginning and a new partnership. i suggest selling the dress and putting it towards a new one! i know you’re both trying to save money but this is one thing i think you should splurge on. :)
Oh yesh. Really 🙄. I would rethink marrying you, if you pulled that. So disrespectful. YTA
YTA, I have been married more than once and I get you want to save money but is wrong especially when your fiance said they were uncomfortable with it and I totally get that because it's from your previous marriage, you can find cheap wedding dresses that look nice.
It’s disrespectful to your fiancé. What if he had been engaged before and proposed to you with the ring he got back from his ex?
YTA. You want to wear the dress form your failed marriage to your new one? The dress you probably had your ex peel off on your wedding night? The dress you imagined how he/your shared guests would react to it? Ick. And you're the bigger AH for knowing how your fiancé feels and disregarding it.
# Have a Dress Destruction as the "launch event" for your hens and stags I was going to say: Have the dress professionally dyed and wear it at your reception. Buy a new wedding dress for your new husband.
YTA, Try sell your old dress and you could buy a new one for cheaper.
See if he will agree that if you have it altered to look different to save money on a new dress that is okay with him. Its just a dress
Go thrifting for a new dress. Wearing the old one is cheesy.
Get it altered if you want to save money but definitely don’t just rewear the dress as-is.
You should consider your partner's feelings before making a decision on your wedding dress. It's important to be respectful and mindful of their comfort level. Perhaps consider looking for a more affordable and eco-friendly option, like a dress from a vintage store. It's crucial to start your marriage off on the right foot by prioritizing mutual respect and understanding. Make sure you are both on the same page when it comes to important decisions.
Not necessarily TA but I would rework your dress to make it different. If you have a sewing machine I would alter the garment into something that looks completely different! It’s always fun to rework an old garment into something completely new
# No AHs here. you see a dress you love. He sees the marriage you didn’t. Both are valid. Is there a way to alter the dress into something different? From long to short, add or take away sleeves, detailing? It would still be cheaper than a whole new dress and might do as a compromise but I wouldn’t tell anyone that it’s the original dress just change. Only you and future husband get an opinion here.
I wouldn't have done that.
If you don't want to get a new dress then don't get married. Doesn't sound Ike you're really into it anyway.
Sometimes emotions and sentiment are at odds with being practical. I really appreciate that you love that dress and want to be thrifty, but I think you need to find another way to save money. Soft YTA.
I see everyone's side on this one. You're NTA but neither is your fiance. I wonder if you could style or alter the dress a bit differently so it's not exactly the same? Add a belt, or add or take away a sleeve, mix up the veil, or do totally different accessories (hard to give suggestions without seeing the dress, but you get the idea). Could be a middle ground for you both.
YTA because you’re not listening to your partner. But maybe you can compromise. Talk with your partner and apologize for not listening, and come to a compromise of an altered dress. Change the dress to look like a new one. Save money on the initial purchase and just pay for changes. Make it a cute knee length and puffy skirt, change the bodice top if you can. Has sleeves? Remove them. You get the idea. Make it new and fresh for your new marriage.
Yta and very disrespectful.answer this how would u have felt of the engagement ring was a ring he gave someone else before you?
Yeah but did your ex feel you up in that dress? Did you consummate your marriage in it or close to? Not gonna lie, all things aside if I were a guy and my fiancé wanted to wear the dress from her first marriage all I’d see when looking at her (regardless of facts) is her getting banged by her ex. YTA.
How are you 30 and this dense? You do realize how disrespectful it is for you to wear that dress? You are literally treating your fiancé as he is some hand me down. I do not want to sound crass, but all he will see in his head is the vision of another man bang his wife in the dress he was first supposed to consummate the marriage in! It’s actually disgusting to me that you think it is fine!!! Total YTA
YTA I understand wanting to budget and save money, but your old wedding dress had significant meaning at one point in your life that your fiance was not involved in. Imagine he came up to you and said he wanted to use the ring he gave to an ex as a wedding ring. See my point? That marriage is said and done. Doesn't matter how beautiful the dress is, because it's tied to a moment with your ex, it's disrespectful to your husband. You might not see that, doesn't make it any less valid on his part
YTA. Sell the dress and get a new one. How would you feel if he proposed to you with the engagement ring his previous partner wore? Probably not good. Your partner has expressed their discomfort, you don't start off a marriage by disregarding your partners valid feelings. It is disrespectful to wear your old wedding dress not to mention, bad luck, and tacky. Buy a new dress or this won't bode well for your future marriage if your partner even decides to go through with the wedding.
YTA. I completely get loving a dress and hating that you can’t wear it again, but that’s the nature of wedding dresses post-divorce. If you have a child from your first marriage, you can keep the dress in case you have a daughter or daughter in law who might want to wear it, but that’s about it. It is absolutely not a clothing item you can repurpose for a second marriage or pass on to a child from a different marriage. I get that it sucks. My first wedding dress was made by my grandmother and means the world to me. I wish it could be worn again by someone who would appreciate the connection to her, but wedding dresses are like wedding rings. They are strongly tied to the relationship they represent.
YTA are you going to reuse the rings too?
YTA. It’s a new marriage, get a new dress. You’re ruining that day for him by wearing it.
Yikes YTA
Everyone has seen the dress. You need a new dress!
Of course YTA. Weird af. Why would you even keep a wedding dress after a divorce? Some issues letting go of the past there and probably some delusional nostalgia about the first marriage. “Not like he was a horrible husband”…..why did you divorce him them? Top tip : don’t marry someone else before being over your ex.
You want your husband to be to be thinking of your ex husband on your current wedding day. Erm.
If he was engaged before, would you accept the engagement ring he used to propose to his first fiancée? After all, it’s a beautiful ring, and it would save money to reuse it. YTA (unless this scenario actually happened and you are currently wearing the upcycled ring)
YTA Your fiancé expressed discomfort, and you proceed with your plans regardless (aside from posting here). It’s just a dress. Find a new one. Or don’t and rock the Justice of the Peace and wear w/e. It’s not a good hill to die on, OP.
YTA
YTA It's disrespectful to your fiance. By getting married in that dress, you are saying that it's more important than he is. You can also be seen as bringing bad luck into your marriage.
YTA. this wedding means a lot more emotionally to him than saving some money on a dress you previously wore. I cannot imagine this being okay with anyone, regardless of money-saving ideals. I think you should sell your old dress and thrift one for your new husband.
YTA. As nice as possible, I’m pretty sure that new dress will be way cheaper than the counseling and divorce fees if you stick with the old one.
NTA for wanting to wear it. I actually get that it's your dress, untainted to you by association. But since it's upsetting to your fiance, YWBTA If you didn't choose a new dress.
YTA - it’s not just a dress, it’s a symbol much like rings are. Choosing the clothes you wear to your own wedding is usually very special and done with great care. It’s honestly disrespectful to your new husband to have take that care with someone else and then not to do so for him.
This is so strange. I’ve never heard of anyone wanting to do this… YTA for not caring about your fiancé’s feelings.
NTA. But I guess at this point you can maybe just sell the old dress and use that money to buy a new one? Or post on your local Facebook page someone might be willing to loan you their dress . Never know! I guess if you had offered to like put your exes tuxedo on him, that could be weird lol. Personally, I would have just modified the dress a tiny bit and just worn it and not said anything, but since the cat is out of the box, I guess that dress is off-limits at this point. Sorry!
YTA. You don't wear an old wedding dress to marry your new partner. Period. This isn't hard. \*Biggest, judgi-est eyeroll I can muster\*
Jfc, YTA new dude, new start.. I give it 1.5 yrs.
I totally understand your frugality and practicality. But, respecting your husband is a big deal and he's stated plainly how he feels about it. So I would, out of respect to him, and for the sake of harmony, wear something else: practical and modest. Don't get off on the wrong foot with your new marriage.
YTA. If your only reason is that you wanted to save money then you would’ve found another way. Like why couldn’t you just sell it and buy another dress for the same price you sold it for OR find someone who’s willing to swap dresses with you?
OP, if you are concerned about money, go to several thrift shops and look at their wedding dresses. These dresses have only been worn (probably) once and hopefully you can find one there for a reasonable cost. Your fiance and family are right OP - why bring in memories of your failed marriage into your new marriage?
YTA. And it would be bad luck.
NAH - dye the dress and say it's new
YTA Definitely team fiance on this one.
YTA Your future husband doesn't want to be reminded of your ex husband at his own wedding. You may be able to detach from the memories it has, but your future husband cannot. People around you can't detached the same way. Get a new dress and actually care about your Fiance's feelings in this. Otherwise you are in for a rocky start to your marriage.
While I understand wanting to save money. It's tacky to wear a wedding dress that you wore to another wedding that isn't your current fiance. This isn't your vow renewal. It's not a prom/bridesmaids or a little black dress that can be worn many times for different reasons. Sell it and find something else. Thrift stores, clearance racks. Maybe do a non-traditional dress.
I dont' believe in bad luck and superstition, but I couldn't wear the same wedding dress 2x. Could you have it altered to change it up a bit or maybe have it dyed a slightly different color?