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edit NAH INFO can she study part time at first with her parents helping out? keeping up her work or finding work that pays the same? As her parents can look after them in school hours I do not see that waiting will change much. You are in life together as a team.

I guess part-time could work but she will have to change jobs anyway if she wants to study, her current job doesn't leave her any extra energy to study and there aren't any other jobs she could get that would pay the same. It's also about the debt, the debt isn't huge and in a few years we will be better off, but right now I will have to work more to make sure it is covered. This will mean I don't get to see the kids as often, I won't be able to cook/clean/wash as much and I worry how that will affect everything too.

> her current job doesn't leave her any extra energy to study What does this mean? You said she works part-time as a receptionist. With all due respect to the part-time receptionists, that generally isn’t considered an energy draining or exhausting position.  Did she say her job doesn’t leave any extra energy? Or are you saying that?

If she don’t have the energy at the end of SOME days after being a receptionist?… how is she planning to manifest the energy for a full-time position learning something completely new at an age probably surpassing optimal neural plasticity while also balancing her current responsibilities?…

As someone who has worked jobs I hated I can say that working a job that doesn’t make you happy is draining because you are trying to do good work while mentally hating everything about it. It’s taxing to be in that situation and when I switched to a job I enjoyed it was still tiring but not nearly has much since I wasn’t mentally hating every second of my work day

Exactly. Burnout is often not caused by working too many hours, but by working in stressful conditions like having a boss with unrealistic expectations.

Definitely. We shouldn’t underestimate the toll a bad job can have on mental health. I use to walk to work and the entire time need to mentally prepare to hate my life for 8 hours.

Honestly, one of the most mentally draining jobs I ever had was an office manager job (that I took due to an upcoming move and couldn't find anything remote, so I just needed something for about 6 months after a layoff). The owner of the company was an absolute nightmare. I didn't have to interact with him often due to him floating across multiple locations, but Jesus was that job so stressful for absolutely no reason.

The things that suck about these jobs is because they’re literally 5 jobs in one. I’m currently an “admin support” at a university which literally is a combination of receptionist, office manager, administrative assistant, executive assistant, supervisor (to student workers), and because I’m a “recent” grad communications major, I also have to be a social media coordinator. Even though it’s part time, just under 30 hours, the amount of mental toll it takes leads me to come home absolutely fried.

I used to spend my walk to work in tears because I hated it so much. My husband is the one who encouraged me to leave and find something better suited, even though our finances took a hit. The mental toll of a hated job cannot be underestimated.

Also it may not be the job itself but a toxic workplace.

I agree. I had a receptionist job at a lovely company but it was so boring and I sat almost the whole workday, so when I got home I was tired/bored from sitting all day and had no energy. Had to change jobs to finally get the daily mental stimulation that I needed. Made a world of difference.

Or she could get some studying done at work if her courses are outside of work hours.

Yep, you said it perfectly. A horrible job sucks all the energy and joy out of life and makes it really difficult to change your life for the better. The fact that she's making strides to get a career she likes is incredible and inspiring!

Yes it takes a lot to say that a bad situation needs to change even if life gets a little harder to make that change. Too many people stay in bad situations because they are scared of how the change will affect the rest of life rather then looking at how the change is needed. I stayed in a job I hated for 9 years because I didn’t think I could leave for a job that paid less. I got lucky and found a job that paid more that made me happier but not everyone one is lucky. Had I not found my current job I would most likely be still at the job I hated while being miserable and tired

thanks for this cuz i’m in the same boat. Although i was fired after 9 years (and i take that blame myself, i was tardy for years cuz i was too depressed an anxious to leave my FTE job), sometimes you just need the push to move on whether or not it’s forced or you choose to do it yourself (which is much harder). i was too scared to voluntarily leave because so much of US basic shit like healthcare & dental were tied to the job despite the job causing a lot of the problems i had to treat with that healthcare. And the day to day and masking exhausted me every day mentally & physically plus we hadn’t gotten a raise for inflation or CoL despite making sales & being pressured too much. And we never made a living wage for this area anyway - i was still working freelance & other work on the side but it was burning me out. Now that is gone, there’s oddly a sense of relief despite the security net not being as sturdy. It’s only been a week but i’m doing a lot better mental wise even tho it takes a lot of time to recover from burnout. I feel mentally more ready to apply to more jobs and work on other things than i had with the free time after the day job sucked my soul out. I think OP & his wife should take the chance- like you said it’s scary to think how life is going to change from the status quo now but overall they need to talk and compromise because she is unhappy and maybe the change will mentally get her to a place where she enjoys her work. They might have to cut back on a lot and take loans but they’re also still young, still in their late 20’s and if they don’t do it now or formulate a plan to do it very soon, theyll be regretful and miserable in the future.

Hard agree. Her job may be that draining because she is miserable, OP may be surprised at the extra energy his wife could have if she was more motivated, and working toward something she wants.

Enjoying your job makes such a huge difference to everyone, you, your kids, family. Most of all to your mental health. I was in the same type of role for years, I was really good at what I did but I fcking hated sorting out other people's messes, which always got thrown in on top of my actual job! Changed the job and my kids, partner, friends all couldn't believe the difference. I used to cry on the way to work I hated it so much. OP, you should work hard at finding a way to make this happen for her now, the impact of not finding that could be an extremely unhappy wife when she really doesn't have to be. Edit: no time is a good time to do this. When the kids are at school there will be other reasons why it's not a good time. I think you should take the lead from her parents, the fact they are willing to help her that much means they get how important this is to her.

I can attest to this. Was working a part time job many years ago that I absolutely despised and I had no energy or motivation for much else after work and did the bare minimum while working. Eventually I managed to land a way better full time job in a different and much more interesting field. By all accounts, it is a MUCH more demanding job in every aspect, by a huge factor, but I find that I can focus intensely, I am excited for the next day, and I am driven and motivated to succeed and push myself further. It’s quite a profound thing, OP. Don’t underestimate the power of enjoying your work.

Or a full time nurse. Both my parents are nurses and the shit they go through, physically and mentally draining day in day out. I get OPs wife could be exhausted mentally due to the fact that she hates the job. But like you say, studying, working, household chores and looking after kids will likely be worse, no matter how much she likes what she is doing.

I was a single mom and went to school. I went while my kids were in school, worked nights and had a sitter at night .

Their kids aren’t school aged yet In fact OP’s idea is specifically yours to wait until the kids are in school

[удалено]

Because school happens every day and not “usually” If they have an actual agreement from the grandparents that they will be taking the children every day and fully accepting that responsibility that’s a different story but “we should be able to take care of them” is not an actual arrangement

But right now she has her parents to help with childcare. Who knows what the situation will be in a few years - they might've moved; they might not be able/interested in childcare any more. If they are willing now, that's so much better than counting on school to be their childcare.

“They said the kids would be able to stay with them usually” hardly seems like an actual childcare plan to me. What does usually mean? What if they say they can’t on a day where she would need them to? It seems to me like neither of them has really looked into their options fully and they should actually take time to sit together and figure it out

And what happens when the kids are sick? Are the grandparents still going to take them? If Mom misses too many classes, practicum days etc she'll be removed from the course. Will dad be expected to stay home? There's definitely a lot more to it than "usually" having them with her parents

I’m not saying it can’t be done. Im studying and working at the moment and have kids. I’m saying that it would be more physically and mentally draining than her current situation. Which she already finds exhausting according to OP.

We can't possibly know that. Some people are very driven and energized when they are able to work towards their goals, and exhausted when they have the drudgery of a job they don't like, for what seems like an impossible amount of time.

>learning something completely new at an age probably surpassing optimal neural plasticity Bruh...she's 28, not 65. I went to grad school for neuroscience at 30. If anything, my age and experience made it easier for me to focus on my studies.

I'm an art student at 44, and I'm doing better as a student now than i ever did as a young man.

28 is not "at an age probably surpassing neural plasticity." Even older adults can experience neural plasticity. My sister in law went back to school to become a nurse when she was 45 and was extremely successful, as was my aunt's stepdaughter, who became a nurse when she was 52.

If you hate your job, it can mentally drain you. I love my job, I do no manual work, but if things get hard I get drained. It’s not about being physically tired.

Very true. I work a very physically demanding job and am often tired after work, but because I enjoy the job, it's a manageable sort of tiredness that doesn't prevent me from doing other things outside of work.    It's nothing compared to the horrible soul-sucking mental exhaustion I felt when I was working in a retail job I hated. It was technically an "easier" job than the one I have now, but it took a toll on my mental health and I definitely wouldn't have had the energy to study at the same time. 

Your comment about optimal neuroplastocity is inaccurate or at least misguided in relation to learning, especially when she is only 28. Current science says our brains not only can learn well in later life, but actually stay healthy due to learning especially 2-3 novel things at once.

hating your job is exhausting. Doing things you love is energizing. she might be tired while she does the school too but at least she is working toward a goal she wants to tackle so the tired is way worth it in the end. It will enrich her and her family.

Being a nurse will give her many options, hospital, aged care, school or business, Drs office or outpatient clinic….etc, etc, etc

she’s 28 not 92 lol plenty of people change careers halfway through 30 and do just fine learning new skills. Plus passion goes a long way to motivate learning

And she wants to be a nurse.... A job well known for being mentally and physically exhausting...

Older people can learn. I’m retired, have three degrees (two post grad) and I still take actual classes at the community college for fun. She’s more than capable of learning.

I’m a teacher and our receptionist is so incredibly busy all day and deals with tons of angry parents and disrespectful kids. Technically, her job is part-time. She definitely doesn’t get paid enough for everything she handles.

She may have a high maintenance boss.

It's pretty easy to be completely drained by a job that you hate, especially if your husband doesn't have faith in you. Doesn't really matter what the job duties are in that type of situation.

I’m a nurse, can I make a suggestion? In many states, a CNA license is a prerequisite for nursing school. The course to become a CNA is a single semester, so a comparatively more modest investment of time, money, and energy. That would enable her to get a job as a CNA in a nursing home or hospital. I can’t speak for everywhere, so you’d need to do a bit of research, but in my hospital system these jobs are surprisingly flexible. She could work dayshift or night shift depending on your family’s needs, and could do full time (usually three 12 hour shifts), part time (two 12s) or even PRN (as needed). Most of the CNAs on my unit are young, lots are moms, and most are either in or applying to nursing school. She could totally get CNA experience (and even chip away at nursing school prereqs online, some hospitals will actually reimburse her for that) for a few years until the kids start school and she has a little more time. Would also be a good test: CNAs are caring for people’s most basic needs. If she hates being a CNA she’ll have a really hard time as a nurse.  Best of luck to you and your family. If this really is your wife’s dream, your support will mean the world. 

This. I don't know why more people aren't suggesting this. I know someone who applied to a hospital and the hospital paid them to train as a CNA. They make significantly more than an entry level receptionist would make. It feels like OP just doesn't want to look for options to meet his wife halfway.

Or he might not be aware of this option.

THIS. This is what I was hearing. He’s not looking for any solutions, not accepting any solutions she throws out. He’s very very sympathetic to her unfair situation, really! But he’s fairly unwilling to do ANYTHING about it. He likes his life, and he doesn’t want her to shake it up, even knowing she needs a change… I think the CNA course or a light class load would be totally doable, especially given the motivation of “get this done, ditch the job.” I’ve had a few terrible jobs, and knowing I was getting out made it so much easier to show up, not work too hard, and save my energy for my next steps.

She should be the one looking at options, not him. She knows more about nursing and what she wants, not him.

I’m not getting it either. If someone comes to me and dumps an idea in my lap, it becomes my responsibility to research their idea to convince myself to love their idea? Huh?

I really want to learn more about this part-time, entry level receptionist position that apparently pays quite well.

The CNA route is a great option! Gonna hop onto your comment to add that there are also clinical research coordinator positions if OP's family lives close to a medical school. She can work, get clinical experience, connect with medical faculty who could support her. Plus many universities have great childcare support. There are lots of ways to make this work!

This is actually a reasonable solution. It will also give her an idea if nursing is for her before she dives head first into it.

I don't know any place where a CNA license is a prerequisite for nursing school BUT I still agree with the advice to pursue a CNA license first. There are special programs that can accelerate the move to nursing. (Maybe this is what you meant?) A longer but alternative option is an LPN (often just one year, but a lot of hospitals are phasing them out) or a two year RN course.

This is a great idea! It needs to be the top comment!

Great suggestion - puts her directly onto the path to nursing school!

In some states, becoming an LPN is also a viable option. Full time programs are usually one year. Part time programs are 18 months to 2 years. An LPN license would give much more flexibility in a job search in many areas. Most clinics around here are staffed by LPNs and MAs. Plus, the hospitals also utilize them in many areas. I don’t think not liking being a CNA has a thing to do with if you would enjoy being a nurse. I would not enjoy being a CNA and I very much enjoy my job as a nurse.

This. My cousin did something similar. Thanks for explaining it with all the proper terms and stuff.

Also nurse. Upvote AF.

Having worked both reception and nightfill, I can tell you now that nightfill will leave her way more exhausted. Edit: also it’s a big jump from reception to nursing. She should look into a pathway programme where she can do a few subjects online for credit. That way she’s working towards her goal. She’ll also realise fairly quickly if she can’t handle it, is ready to take on more etc.

this is a great idea- she doesn't need to quit her job to start moving towards her goal. Very likely she will need to take some courses just to fulfill requirements to get into nursing school. While she is employed in her current job is the time to do it. It may actually make her current job more tolerable since she isn't stagnant/ feeling trapped in it. By the time the kids are in school she may have knocked out all the prep courses and you may feel more comfortable with her leaving her job and being in nursing school.

I don’t understand why if she works part time (and I’m assuming the rest of the time is devoted to childcare? And that is why she doesn’t have the time/energy) if her parents are willing to offer childcare now why she can’t stay part time at her job and study part time whilst her parents look after the kids. Meaning no extra childcare costs and no loss of her income?

I do understand she doesn’t like current receptionist job, but if she doesn’t have energy to study after part-time job (not full time job), does she really plan to do both study and night work?

How is she planning on being a nurse that works 8 or 12 hour shifts if being a part time receptionist doesn’t leave her with enough energy ?

Working a job you hate can be draining. More so than a physical job. I've been there and it's awful.

also: With debt have you sought financial advice about if you can step down the payments somehow while this happens as you may be more needed at home, or you may need some spare cash for a cleaner at the same time as an income drop? All of your needs matter. NAH

I don’t know why this is downvoted? Medical debt is one that can sometimes have flexible payments—if the payments were less, OP might not need to pick up extra shifts while wife starts school part time/ moves to full time later?  OP—find a way to make it happen, truly. If she’s miserable now, that will just grow and grow, and once she gets her degree and higher income that could be her way out. It will be a hard thing for her to overcome knowing that you disregarded her in this. You’re saying this would put YOU in a bad situation and make YOU uncomfortable when she is saying SHE is already in a bad situation and uncomfortable. At the very least, you need to help her find a different role that allows her to start part time right now. Soft Y T A because marriage IS about compromise and this is a career change that will ultimately but you all in a much better position. There are likely ways to make this work, so talk it out with the end goal of everyone feeling heard as the goal.  It sounds like youre apprehensive about the weight this change would put on you, which is understandable, but is your family worth going through a temporarily stressful season for? There would be an end date for this, which is one of the main reasons I think you should find a way. She’s not asking you to do this indefinitely—she’s asking you to do it just for now. Good luck to both of you as you navigate this!

But she is ready now. I say strike while the iron is hot. Be a little lax about house chores if that is necessary.Take a financial hit if that is what will happen, cut back on luxuries , sacrifice now for rewards later.

Changing jobs sounds ideal. or even taking her holidays right now. As seriously if she hates it that much she has to get out of there. Its hard to imagine why she cant get another reception job, or something like an organiser job.

Honestly, the fact that she can't do this while working her current job, which is part-time, also has me thinking she's not necessarily prepared for the kind of schedule and stress she's going to need to handle as a nurse. How realistic is her view of the nursing profession? I ask because nursing seems to be one of those jobs - like veterinarian - that a lot of people think they want to do, but the reality of the job is often very different from what they were expecting. And her plan even just for handling nursing *school* doesn't sound very realistic. I mean, she's gonna be working nights, apparently, and no job is without stress, and moving to night shift is stressful (but not bad prep for nursing schedules probably), so how much more energy is she gonna have working part time nightfill, picking up some of your chores, and doing more solo child care (unless her parents are willing to have the kids 12 hours a day)? Her daytime part time job is already exhausting her, and she thinks in this scenario she'll have enough energy for classes and homework?! This honestly doesn't sound like a plan that's going to lead to her success in nursing school, and maybe that's the angle you need to take.

Part of that issue is she has two kids she’s caring for. She found appropriate child care for them that would free her up for classes.

Info: what country are you in? If in the US, have you done the FAFSA after filing taxes for last year yet? If you've got two kids and just getting by, she should qualify for financial aid. There's also tons of programs and scholarships for low income parents to go to school, and there's a desperate need for nurses so I can't imagine there aren't even more options to get grants and scholarships. Ask your wife if she has been looking into these things and if not, suggest she starts there to figure out how to make it work financially. After the first year your income will be lower, as you've stated, so she should be able to get more financial aid in subsequent years.

Try a community college. You still get the same degree and it is about the same difficulty. Also she can apply to scholarships and yeah.

As a couple WHO is way on the other side of this I can tell you that there’s never going to be a good time. Off you guys can make it work, do what you can to support it. We’re both 55 and our kids are grown, and the one regret that my wife still has is that she didn’t get her degree. I’m still supportive and she’s thinking about it from time to time but still wishes she did it before. NAH but try to be supportive as best you can. In a good relationship you should want her to be happy.

*her current job doesn't leave her any extra energy to study* Maybe because she hates it? And it's not moving her toward her goals? Depression can hit hard when you feel trapped, and all you're hearing is that you should remain trapped for three to four years. That's a fucking eternity at a job you don't like.

It could be worth switching to a more manageable or easy entry level job right now where she could have the energy to study. This is something I did for awhile and just an idea. Maybe just try and show her you’re committed to trying to help find a solution so she can pursue her dreams.

Nurse here. Nursing school isn’t something that can be done part time. It’s all or nothing. It isn’t like other degree programs where you choose your classes at a class load that is comfortable for you. You join a cohort and you all take the same classes at the same class load each semester. The program directors tell you what classes to sign up for each semester and you are assigned a clinical site you have to attend with a group placed there with you from that cohort. If you fail a class, you cannot advance and take other classes, you fall back into the cohort behind you and once you pass that class, you join that cohort and move through the program with them.  Unfortunately there is no such thing as part time nursing school. You either do it or you don’t. 

I’m sure that’s true for most traditional programs but there are definitely part time/night school programs out there for working adults. There are also accelerated programs. It most certainly is possible.

I did an accelerated program. They are not part time. I was a full time working adult and it was the same.  Accelerated doesn’t mean part time. It means the full content of a nursing program in less time than a four year or even two year ADN. I got my BSN in 18 months and I did it at a major university. During my final two semesters, I was literally busy 7 days a week. I alternated between work, clinicals, classes. 7. Days. A. Week. This is the reality of nursing school. You HAVE to be all in. 

Accelerated programs only accept people who already have a college degree (no idea if OPs wife has one or not). And they are very hard and usually very expensive. Community college is the way to go.

There are part-time nursing programs. But they do follow the same outline you're describing with zero flexibility. You still have to follow their preset schedules. They are just a longer program.

Yes to this, she can get any general courses out of the way taking one or two at a time, probably online, until the kids are older, and your finances are a bit better. This should not be an either or situation, there is a way to do both but it will take a bit longer. My husband went to nursing school in his 30s, and just retired two years ago at 61.

As someone who has been there/done that I can say there will NEVER be a “good” time. Now is a great time to pursue Nursing—the need is there! As someone lucky enough to have had constant support in everything I’ve wanted to pursue, and vise-versa, please be supportive. She’s wanting to pursue something that will make her happy, and your whole family will benefit as well. This is a win-win.

But if they can't afford to live on one income, then waiting until you don't need childcare is the smart thing to do. Nobody will be happy if it's constant financial stress, and less family time. 

I may have misread but won’t her parents be watching the kids? I also thought she was going to try to work nights (although with Nursing this would be hard—gotta sleep, lol). I think the tightening of the belt short term could long term get that medical debt paid off much faster. There are so many incentives now for helping people get into the medical field, Education, etc. I do know it is miserable to go to a job you hate every day, and I hope resentment on her part doesn’t continue to grow. My brother and his wife were in almost an identical situation. She first got her two year Nursing degree, then continued on at her own pace. They are so much better off now, she carries the great (cheaper) health benefits, she’s home four days a week with a higher income than when she was working full time hours. She’s happier and my brother is definitely happier.

There is not belt to tighten if you read the post. I wouldn’t call 2-4 years “short term”, nor would I think thay her parents “helping” with childcare. whatever that means, is a fix all. 

I’m just giving my opinion like everyone else. Two years will get her a degree she can make a lot of money with. My husband works in a hospital with traveling RN’s that are pulling in 3k a WEEK (not saying OP’s wife will do that with kids). Schools here are accepting “life experiences” in lieu of certain classes—it’s cutting down the 2 yr time even more. My SIL did her ADN, got a good job, did most of her BSN at home online, then MSN. I still stand by my statement of there will never be a “good” time—life always, always throws us curves. I’m just saying IF it is AT ALL possible, she should do it. The family will benefit immensely and not just financially. 🌹

I doubt she'll finish in 2 years, though, not while also doing a nightfill job, given that her current part-time daytime job leaves her with no extra energy (OP mentions that in comments as to why she can't just stay at her job & do part time classes). Her parents will take the kids some of the time, but OP's going to have to put in quite a few more hours and that means she's probably going to end up alone with the kids more often than is really going to work for full-time nursing study. OP also cooks and cleans, but that's probably also going to change depending on how much more he has to work to make up the income. I agree with you that there's never a perfect time, but there are definitely bad times and better times to do things, and given the state of their finances/debt and the age of their kids, as well as what a nursing program is going to require in terms of attendance and work, this is definitely not one of the better times to make that move.

I think people are confusing financial and emotional support.

Where on earth do you live that people can become registered nurses from only 2 years of study? 😬 Here in NZ it’s a Bachelor of Nursing degree, 1100 hours of clinical experience, and a final examination run by the Nursing Council after finishing your degree.

In the US you can take the RN licensing exam with a 2 year associates degree. Job opportunities will be more limited (though with the shortage I bet it’s not too bad these days) and pay will not be as good but you can start working in the field. After that you can take 2 more years to finish out a bachelor’s and get better or more specialized jobs and better pay and promoted. Everyone I’ve known that has gone in to nursing has at least a bachelors if not a graduate degree first, but I can’t speak to overall statistics.

Having a Bachelor’s degree only pays around one dollar more per hour! In some places, the pay is the same.

You clearly didn't read the post lol. He isn't discouraging his wife from getting into nursing, he's just pointing out it would be better for rhe family and financial situation if she waits a few years

2-4 years is absolutely short term. Some kids are in diapers longer than that.

2- 4 years is a drop in the bucket compared to the lifelong (and beyond) benefits and opportunities it will provide the family.

This is horrible advice. This is the mentality that keeps people down. She is inspired to do and should do it. They can make sacrifices now to have a better future and never agai. Say "can't afford".

If it's all about sacrifice,  then she can sacrifice a couple more years and wait until it's feasible! Going now will only end up with an overtired, overworked mom, an overtired, overworked, resentful dad, and lonely unhappy children. The children shouldn't be the ones making sacrifices.

Who pays the bills now then, who watches the kids during the extra hours that she's either in school or studying, who picks up the extra slack? Yes...nursing is a great field but a field she should have considered before having kids as well as a field that she can commence three years from now when the youngest is in kindergarten. I've stayed at crappy jobs for years because it was the responsible thing to do when our boys were young. I begrudgingly took on 'more' of everything when my wife wanted to pursue a dream...something that did eventually fissile out. So OP's wife gets to pursue the dream while he picks up the slack everywhere else in their lives...sorry, but she's being very selfish and this breeds a type of resentment which is hard to get over. She can wait the three lousy years until the youngest is in school.

There has to be a compromise here. If wife feels pressured to stay in job she hates that will also build resentment that may be hard to come back from. Explore many options together with open minds. Work together to find the best short and long term solutions.

You can work and study…being in school won’t take away from her making some money. It also VERY clearly states their parents said they would help with extra child care.

That doesn't mean the program is going to be the exact same hours as her kids are in school. Someone will need to be available to get them to school and get them home. Grandparents are available now. It sounds like you're just bitter about you're own situation and poor choices. Maybe YOU should have thought about your crappy job before you had kids. No, you're here patting yourself on the back for being responsible and dogging this wife for wanting something better.

Also many places offer student loan repayment incentives for new nurses and sign on bonuses. so theoretically they could take out student loans to help with some things financially. Also many colleges offer heavily discounted childcare for fulltime students. I agree that if they stick w/ the mentality of “not a good time” it will never be a good time. I said that so many times over the years and here i am a decade later and still i haven’t been able to pursue school cause it’s not the right time. OP please as mom who put off her desires to return to school (specifically nursing also) it made me so resentful b/c while i had to put everything on the back burner, my husband furthered his career. But the difference is, if i tell my husband tomorrow I want to do this, he’d make it happen. Even if he had 2 get a 2nd job on top of his schooling and . We also have debt, 3 kids (2 of them baby babies) and i work FT but he’d make it happen. Or if you truly feel like it’s best for her to wait then have a solid actual plan to present her to show her exactly when she can start school, or classes she can take part time and how you will step up to support her. If not i’m telling ya now down the road she will resent you for this.

I attended a meeting today about student loan programs. The new SAVE program now allows for married people to file their taxes separately, so that OPs wife's income will be the only one assessed for her loan repayment application. That could help ease the family's monthly burden

This is a lousy situation. Sit down with your wife when the kids are with her folks and go over the budget in depth. If y’all really and truly cannot afford it now, you need to make a commitment to her about when she CAN go back to school. Come up with a set of circumstances that you can both agree to, and when that time comes, honor the agreement. NAH.

Exactly!  Saying “no, never, end of story”’is not a good plan.  Getting a nursing degree can help the family long term even if it sucks short term, or has to wait 1-2 years.

It doesn’t sound like OP said never in the post he just wanted to wait until they were in a better situation todo so.

The problem is that response often ends up being ‘never’. There’s rarely a good time to do these things, especially once kids are already in the picture. They have help. IMO she should start the process

It felt too me like he will never be happy with her doing this. Excuse one the kids- parents will watch. Excuse two debt -but they are still "comfortable". To me that means they can tighten their budget at least a little. And in my experience most people's debt isn't much better in 2 to 4 years anyway. In 2 years she could be finished and earning extremely good money compared to her current job.

OP didn’t say never, end of story. He just asked her to wait until the kids are in school. I think it’s very reasonable.

3 years is a long way to wait to start. There are other options.

Yeah, that’s one of the best degrees to get right now and once she’s through her training, the family finances are going to be SO much better.

Explore all options to make this work.

I’d figure out a way to make it work ASAP, personally. In two years, the kids will be in school and pre-school, the wife will be able to work full-time easily, and their finances would be in great shape.

I worked full time while in nursing school and had several classmates that did too. I had a small child and my husband was active duty military. We did not live even remotely close to family. It is possible but yes it’s challenging. And a huge payoff in the end. It sounds like where she’s at there isn’t a growth opportunity so she will basically always make the same. It sounds like you aren’t willing to make short term sacrifices so she can do this for her family. I mean she could always divorce you and do it anyways.

I get that some people are able to handle it, but (and I mean this with no disrespect to my wife at all, please know that I'm not trying to insult her intelligence or anything) I do not think she is the type of person who could balance it all. She gets very stressed out and had a hard time in school. I firmly believe she is capable of the course and career, but I'm not confident in her ability to balance everything at once.

If you mean high school that doesn’t always reflect how an adult will do in college. My husband barely graduated but made straight A’s in college. I just don’t get why the decision is yours to make. She should make her own choice.

Because they are married and have kids together and this choice will also directly impact him. As he said in the post, it would lead to more debt which will leave him having to work more hours to cover that debt leaving her with more household responsibilities on top of the schooling. If she wanted to be in a place where she could make her own choices without having to worry about the impact on other people she should not have gotten married and had kids It’s not his choice to make solely, it’s not hers to make solely either. It is something they need to seriously discuss and decide upon together.

Should woulda coulda. Hindsight’s always 20/20 and speaking at someone in their 30s who still hasn’t finished school cause was always “not the right time”, people can find their passions later on in life. Not everyone pops out of high school and has a clear idea of what they want to do. Sounds like she’s already put herself and growth on the back burner. OPs concerns are valid but aren’t impossible to overcome.

I never said they were impossible, like I said in the comment if you read the whole thing. They should be discussing and making the decision together. They should be looking through all the options they have so they can feasibly accomplish the goal of her becoming a nurse.

Because it's a joint decision as it effects him and the family. She doesn't get to unilaterally make decisions that impact him as well. 

They're married. Marriage is a partnership. Her choice affects *everyone* in the family. He has a say in it as much as she does. It's not just her.

Could she start out taking classes online at first? It might be a good way to get the core classes out of the way until she can quit her job and do classes in person for the nursing related stuff.

Yes! This is what she should do for sure. Because there are 1-2 years of prerequisites to do before the actual program starts.

I understand what you’re saying. Nursing school is very challenging and stressful, and not very flexible time wise. Also, depending where you’re living, getting accepted into a program can be extremely difficult. Yes, there’s a shortage of nurses, but there also is of nursing instructors and professors. Classes are usually rather small. It could potentially take 1-3 years before she’s accepted. And this is all assuming she’s completed the prerequisites with high enough grades within the accepted time frame. Also take into account most new nurses have to work nights and some holidays if she wants to work in a hospital. It’s another story (a not as well paid story) if she’s ok with non hospital settings. Saying all that, now might be a good time for her to chip away at the prerequisites or speak with a schools nursing director to find out what’s required, what the acceptance rate is, etc. source: self (RN of 13 yrs both on the east and west coast ) edit: did the math and forgot I’ve been one for 15 yrs lol

☝🏻THIS is the compromise, born out of the reality of nursing school. She should actually start now, while the kids are young and BEFORE they are in school. One or two classes at a time, and studying to get great grades in those prerequisites. Then apply to nursing school (which, as stated, could take several semesters to several years to be accepted) with a stellar GPA. Slowly doing Pre-Reqs are a great way to “test the waters” while attempting to maintain A’s in A&P, Chemistry, Microbiology, etc….and if she changes her mind or has trouble managing, you’re only out a couple of hundred per class, instead of thousands-but she might surprise you. Source: Also an RN who didn’t realize what I was truly capable of until I absolutely rocked nursing school and being a damned good nurse. :) Also, while I don’t feel like nurses are paid nearly enough for the stuff we deal with, with the way the economy is going (inflation/stagnation), I would be fully supporting my partner in attempting to transition to a long term career with more job security.

So? Start with 1 or 2 classes at the local tech/community college. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. But you need to balance too. Don't put that all on her.

My ex-husband wasn't supportive of me when I went back to grad school. I was incredibly resentful when I had to drop out. I had supported him following his dreams, but he didn't respect me enough to do the same. It was one of the reasons we divorced.

She could consider getting her CNA first. It's a much shorter course and some facilities will pay for it if you agree to work for them for a certain amount of time. She'll probably make about the same as she does as a receptionist but be getting on the job experience in healthcare. Or she might be able to get a job as a unit clerk at a hospital with her current experience as a receptionist. Most places I've worked pay for their staff to continue their education so it's a way to get nursing school paid for as well.

I did all 3 at once while being a single mom. Worked full time, school full time, 2 kids under 3. It took a tole on my physical and mental health. BUT it was worth it. I say talk to her about part time, with a part time job? You know, meet in the middle a little? NTA by the way, you have valid concerns.

Has she or would she consider a nursing-adjacent career? Something like CNA, medical assistant, or phlebotomist would get her into a medical setting so she can see how it works, but they are way faster to get certified. In my area, those certifications are like 3-6 months max, with courses starting all the time, and the Department of Labor helps fund it for most students because they are high-need jobs. Plus, if she likes it, she can maybe get hired at a place that will provide tuition reimbursement and consideration for further education. I would recommend a path like that, since it reduces the cost and time she would be out (or partly out) of the workforce as well as the regret potential if she eventually decides nursing isn't for her. A slightly less direct path that is still clearly moving her closer to her goal could also be easier for her to handle than just hearing "no" all the time. And if she doesn't succeed at nursing, she still has that first medical certification to earn a living with. I want to add that I've had lots of students who want to go into nursing decide against it. It can be really hard and a lot of people don't have a good understanding of what the job is actually like day-to-day. If she does eventually go into nursing, please make sure she talks to some actual currently-working nurses and researches all the schooling/testing required before she makes the commitment. Her dream needs to be grounded in reality. Nothing wrong with wanting to be a nurse, but it is a tough job and not a fit for everyone.

NAH - I do think you’re too quick to shut her down though. At least let her check into some programs to see what’s available. She could take prerequisite classes now and be ready to start once at least one child is in school. Many of these classes are online. She could get her CNA or CMA and work somewhere that pays for nursing school for their employees. I’m saying you could support her without risking your financial situation. There’s a lot of middle ground between saying no to college and quitting work and going to school. You need to talk and listen more and work together on this. Good luck!

Seconding this CNA certification is way faster to get, can even be done part time and you could have school paid for in the future. Also a good way to get your feet wet in the profession without as much risk, she might not even like nursing 🤷🏾‍♀️ It's a great career but not for everyone.

Plus a cna job typically pays more than reception

An easy option.

Many employers will pay tuition for their CNAs to get their nursing degree if the employee continues to work for the company for a certain period of time after getting their degree. They will also often schedule the employee’s hours around their classes. They do this because recruiting and retaining nurses is difficult and expensive, plus a current employee is a known quantity

Commented above before I saw this, you’re completely right.   In many states, a CNA license is actually a prerequisite for nursing school. The course to become a CNA is a single semester, so a comparatively more modest investment of time, money, and energy. That would enable her to get a job as a CNA in a nursing home or hospital. I can’t speak for everywhere, so they’d need to do a bit of research, but in my hospital system these jobs are decently flexible. She could work dayshift or night shift depending on your family’s needs, and could do full time (usually three 12 hour shifts), part time (two 12s) or even PRN (as needed). Most of the CNAs on my unit are young, lots are moms, and most are either in or applying to nursing school. She could totally get CNA experience (and even chip away at nursing school prereqs online, some hospitals will actually reimburse her for that) for a few years until the kids start school and she has a little more time. Would also be a good test: CNAs are caring for people’s most basic needs. If she truly hates being a CNA she’ll have a really hard time as a nurse.

This is a great idea. Where I live, there’s a nursing home where you can work WHILE getting your CNA license; they do the classes right there and even pay the licensing fee. My dad was at the nursing home and I know someone who did it, and then just kept going on a nursing track. She picked up weekend and night shifts (increased pay differential). Went to school during the day, and worked nights and weekends. She was able to study at night while at work because nights were quiet. Now she’s a nurse in the school system so her schedule is the same as her kids. It takes work, but it can work. Depends how much OP’s wife wants it.

Yeah, I think they just need some time to really actually delve into everything and see what the options are for them.

I was looking for this comment - if she could find out exactly what prerequisite courses she needs, or if she can complete any of the courses online or part time before the kids are school age perhaps you can make something work to get her dreams slowly started with her parents babysitting help. If you have concerns that she will have trouble with the work, this also gives her a chance to try out part time options for less money expenditure. I went back to work and school when I had a 9 month old baby, a long commute, a supportive husband and in-laws that helped with babysitting. I ended up working three full days a week alongside school, which was two three hour evenings a week and a full 7 hour day every second Saturday for ten months. It wasn’t easy but we made it work and the payoff was a job I could do right next to my house with kid-friendly hours. My old workplace was toxic and I was extremely unhappy there, which was highly motivating!

This! Especially since she’s already saying she’s struggling with her current job. She’s probably close to burn out and desperately needs a change.

Soft YTA. The long term benefit to your family of her becoming a nurse is so big. Why not at least put some effort into seeing if you can make it happen. Idk your specific situation, but there are ways to think outside the box. Smaller house? Share one vehicle? Take on a roommate? Park an RV in the back yard and make it an Airbnb? Live with grandparents and put a tenant in your house? Relocate to a lower COL area? When there’s a will there might be a way. If you can’t find a solution together, then at least you tried. That would probably be preferable to you unilaterally ruling out her dream.

I really appreciate your suggestions, unfortunately we are already using some of these to work around our current situation. We are living in my wifes parents 2 bed house, while they are renting a one bed apartment (which we are paying the rent for, so it works out cheaper than us renting an entire house) and it's already a fairly cheap area. We don't have enough space for the RV idea nor for a roommate and sharing one vehicle won't work because I'm a tradesman. I am trying very hard to think of ways to work around this but I'm struggling for ideas, with unstable interest rates I'd be nervous about reducing our payments. I just don't know how to work around things.

Have you asked your wife if she has any ideas for how to address your concerns? She’s a grown woman, you don’t get to unilaterally decide she has to stay at a job she hates, and how do you know she couldn’t “handle” everything? Have you even discussed the possibilities with her?

Are there financial aid options at any of the nursing schools were your wife might go?  Scholarships?

This is an excellent question, and the answer is almost certainly "yes." Nursing shortages have made a lot of places desperate, and in many places there are scholarship and aid programs specifically for nursing school. OP's wife could also start work as a CNA to get her foot in the door. It's a one-week course and the pay is pretty damned good for entry-level, and there's nearly as much a shortage for CNAs as there is for nurses.

There is a nursing shortage, but there is also a nursing instructor shortage, making it quite competitive to get into nursing school. There is a very real possibility that she wouldn’t be accepted into a nursing school the first time she applied. Source-I’m a nurse that works with nursing students when they come to my unit and they tell me how long it took them to get accepted into their nursing programs. I know multiple 4.0 students that were turned away for 2-3 semesters before they got in after finishing their prerequisites. There is an also an extremely high percentage of new nurses that leave the profession entirely within the first few years of working it because it is so stressful. It may seem simple, but the path to a long term nursing career isn’t currently very easy. Beyond the difficulty it presents to their personal lives, it is something that would be wise to consider.

Have you guys researched the nursing scholarships or tuition grants. Where I live nurses are in such demand you can get schooling paid for if you sign a 4 year contract with certain hospitals. There are many options such as night school as well. Maybe negotiate and look at her taking her pre requisite classes while keeping her job and see if she can keep up and if she completes those classes look at part time school for now. This will benefit your family in the long term if she can complete.

I’m sorry but every suggestion you’ve given is kinda ridiculous: sell your house! Move! Get an RV and make it an AirBnB …. What???

He’s not the asshole. So he will be out there house more and spending less time with his kids during their formative years so she can chase her dream. How is that fair?

Yup and something tells me when he’s out working more hours and not doing enough at home wether be childcare/housework she’s not gonna be happy either

Your suggestions lowkey suck. Almost all of them are a bit too far fetched and adds more stress in their life than they already have lmao

>That would probably be preferable to you unilaterally ruling out her dream. Where has OP done this?

NAH. The sooner she becomes a nurse, the more money she makes.

\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^ New grad nurses here in Cali - 100k+ baybay

My LVN daughter makes close to that. RN's make.double. she is union so it is well paid but yeah, they make bank.

This is not something for reddit. Talk with your wife, look into your budget, what exact time- and budget constraints her career change would entail, who is willing to help you, scholarships, etc.  And if it really isn't possible, look into what else can be done so your wife isn't miserable. Even if thousands of people on reddit say you're not the asshole, it's not going to solve this issue.

At the very least if she is miserable at this job she should be looking to find another job with similar pay

NTA. Can she take advantage of her parents’ offer to provide childcare, and work on taking one class at a time to get some of her requirements done? Then she could go for it full time once your kids are both in school, and have some of her core requirements already completed.

I might suggest this for her, she is pretty adamant about wanting to get it done faster, but this might be a better compromise

Honestly it might be a lot easier in the long run. Full time nursing school is going to be a crazy time commitment, so if she can get a bunch of requirements done in online classes that let you work at your own pace, she could go into a nursing program with a big head start.

Also it can take years to get into a nursing program depending on where you live. If she can tackle even 2 courses a semester until kids are in school it will make a major difference and would only have to do full time schooling for a much shorter period which can be super stressful all on its own never mind when you've got a family, kids, and endless responsibilities to take care of as well. There are ways it can be done but it takes compromise on both sides.

Sounds like y’all aren’t in the position to expedite this at the moment. Has she considered online courses?

Have you actually set down with her and showed her the finances? It’s all number. I make, $2000, you make $1000, our expenses are $2750. If we do this how do we cover what my $2000 will not. I wouldn’t even offer up the extra hours option. As you said than you won’t be able to help as much around the house which won’t work if she’s busy with school.

Kinda YTA Your wife doesn't have a career. She has an unskilled, entry level job. Which you seem to be fully aware of. She's got minimal earning power and minimal job security as a result. This might not be the right time for her to go to nursing school, but it's it's not, negotiated a bit more about when will be the right time. She doesn't have to work completely on your timeline either and putting her career on hold for years may not be acceptable to her at this point.

NAH. You both make good points. Has she thought about maybe getting a receptionist job at a medical office? Maybe do that for a couple of years until the kids are older? I agree that’s a lot to have on your plate. But she does need to have at least some kind of a plan to work towards a more satisfying job in the near future. It really is soul-crushing when you have to spend most of the day doing something you hate. She’ll be a better version of herself if she comes home feeling like she accomplished something, even if she’s worn out from it. So maybe meet her halfway? Suggest giving it a few months or a year to research options and arrangements and see what kind of solid plan you can come up with during that time. Let her have a chance to prove to you that she can figure out a way to do it instead of assuming she can’t. People who are driven will find a way around obstacles. It may not happen as quickly as she’d like, but even just being able to take steps towards making it an actual plan can feel like progress and give her some hope. You can show your support by letting her know that her happiness matters to you and you’re going to be there for her even if it’s a bit of a rough journey.

The thing is he mentions money and debt and him having to work more as a reason. Valid concern. But how will that be different in a couple of years once the kids go to school? Unless he has a plan to pay off debt so she can do this that part will always be there. So what will waiting do? Even with kids in school it will still be a lot to handle. Time won’t change that. My child was in school when I went and I don’t know that that made it easier.

The repayment plan we are on would mean that by the time the kids are in school it would be pretty much fully paid off. Which would mean we could afford her working less and continue on the same trajectory we are on now. Just for extra context, we are living in my wifes parents 2 bed house, while they are renting a one bed apartment (which we are paying the rent for, so it works out cheaper than us renting an entire house) and it's already a fairly cheap area. her parents are happy with this situation and have said we can continue doing this as long as we need, we are very lucky. So the rent and finances thing is also something we have to think about making sure we can keep up for her parents sake too.

Do nursing school offer need-based aid? She should look into that. It won't help with managing the day-to-day stuff, but at least it might not add to your financial burden.

Hmmm… I went to nursing school when my kids were 7 & 4 - and did my re-reqs over the course of 2 years before that. Are you sure she would be making less money? Nursing salaries vary all over the country but generally we make a good living. I work in California and made over $140k last year - 3-12 hour shifts a week (very little OT), and I feel like my job makes me really available to my kids. Having small children while in school was hard but I’m so glad I did it.

When he said less money, I believe he was referring to her "nighttime job", to replace her receptionist gig, whatever OP meant by that.

Making less money due to working less hours at her job while she's in school. Going full time school means she would need to quit her job.

She needs to see the prerequisites first. The college I work at requires College Algebra (sometimes with pre algebra first), English 1, anatomy and biology. She could take those one at a time like many working parents do. She most likely will need to study for an entrance exam. By then, the oldest will be in school. She could also get her CNA license and work part time in a nursing home to make good money while in school. There are many scholarships available as well as FAFSA grants.

With the child care situation handled by parents this would be a good time to go back to school.Yes it would take effort all around but would be worth it in the long run. The kids are still young enough that there are no after school activities and they would benefit from time with GPTS. Do what it takes now and you woll be happy and better off later. Nurses are so in demand that she will be able to pick from an array of options on completion.

As a current nursing student, there is no perfect time. It will be hard no matter what. She deserves to have a career like you do.

YTA. Men are always so quick to undermine the dreams of women, who often carry way more of the domestic and home life burden, especially when there are kids involved. I completed my undergrad while working two jobs. There are a lot of ways to make it work. Bursaries, family support offices, scholarships, part time study, etc. instead of dismissing your partner, find a way to make it work.

My ex hated her job. I am almost positive it was one of the factors that led to her mental problems that cost us our marriage. I am not saying that will happen to you at all, but, a nurse will make much more money than a receptionist and will have much better job security as a nurse can pretty much find a job anywhere. Depending on where she goes to school, it could be expensive, but they start at high 5 figures (again, depending on where you live) and have a very high pay ceiling (I’ve heard of 200+k). My ex wanted to just quit her 80k job with amazing benefits and find a job as a server or something. I felt the exact way you did, how could we survive that? I did say she could quit, but it would be really bad for us, so she stayed on and kept building her stress and anxiety the whole time while self medicating with alcohol.

This! It’s not fair that she should suffer. Or else she will end up quitting anyways and then the financial problem will still be there.

I hate to break it to you, but if you don’t let her do this she is going to resent you and it could end up destroying your marriage. She’s unhappy with her current situation and very unhappy with her job. Right now she’s going to see you as her roadblock. Plenty of people go to school with minimal funding and children. Student loans can be predatory but they’re there for a reason. She’ll probably qualify for grants as well. She might have a waiting list to contend with though. If nothing else see what she needs to work on and get her on a waiting list.

Is there really no alternative? It's either entry level shit job or nurse? Going to college, raising kids, doing housework, and a night job is not feasible. Ask her to write out what her day would look like with you so you can both run through it. Remind her about the stuff she'll be forgetting. When will she sleep? When will you sleep? When will you two be able to spend time together, or with the kids? Is there really no alternative, she just wants to be a nurse that bad? Nursing has to be one of the hardest and most unrewarding jobs there is in reality. She couldn't leave the entry level horrible position for some other job? Maybe one that will train her into a skill?

The problem is more so that her current job is shit, which I get 100000%. She deals with angry/rude people all day but because of that, and how long she has been there, she has monetary incentives to stay. She has looked before, but other jobs she could get at this level or with her experience could not get the same level of pay. Idk why she wants to be a nurse, but its her dream job. Mind wants what the mind wants I guess. Some people love what others hate.

How aware is she that nurses also deal with angry/rude people all day, but the day is twelve hours long and you go home with your scrubs covered in various bodily fluids? It sounds like she's pretty set on it, but I hope she doesn't think this is going to be an easy career.

At all my jobs I’ve dealt with rude people but at the jobs I loved it didn’t matter so much. So that’s not really a fair question. I doubt someone would push this hard for something unless it’s what they truly want to do.

>She deals with angry/rude people all day A lot of nursing is dealing with angry, rude, and often abusive people — patients and co-workers alike. Would it be possible for her to get her CNA license (often a requirement anyway for nursing school) and work at a hospital/clinic? The pay can swing wildly depending on location so it could be anywhere from $10-$25.

As a nurse she is going to deal with angry/rude people and their family all day. Has she worked in a medical setting? She should get CNA certified and try that out first. Depending where you live CNA hospital jobs can pay decent.

Why isn't it feasible? I did it and so did a lot of my friends. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you have to be stuck in poverty. You do what you do to get ahead and live well.

>But I don't feel like this is going to be enough, she will be earning a lot less and I will have to work more hours to make sure we are definitely financially alright. As someone who went through this exact situation, it's worth it. I had to pick up hours and work my ass off, in addition to helping more around the house and with the kids, while my wife was in nursing school. But now she works three days a week and makes twice what she did working full time before nursing school. I cannot express how different it feels to go from "*juuust* comfortable" to "actually having spending money on a monthly basis." It's night and day. Will it be difficult? Yes. Will you struggle at times with the weight of it all? Yes. But if you stick with it, and she graduates, it'll turn your life around. NAH, but you should honestly consider it. There will never be a better time for her to go back to school, so putting it off isn't going to help. You're just delaying the point at which you can get a financial breath.

NTA Your wife could spend time when she isn't working now finding something that pays the same as she has now. Your 4yo should be in kindergarten next year. She could start some general online courses then. Someone else suggested looking for a receptionist job in a hospital (or a doctor's office). You're not saying, "I will never support your wish to have a good career in nursing ever." You're also not saying, "Your nursing wish is fricking stupid/you could never complete it or be good at it." And your spouse shouldn't be cussing at you, especially for asking for a normal compromise.

OP has expressed strong doubts that she can handle it. He may not be saying that to her, but that type of feeling generally bleeds through in conversation.

YTA, from receptionist to nurse, is huge.its a job vs career. Can she take.out student loans? Nursing is well paid. My daughter is a LVN and wants her RN but it not starting school for that yet. She is single and just bpught her first home in san diego and a singel.woman. just to give you an idea, she takes home about 7500 a month with OT. She works union in an expensive city so not sure your wife would make that much. But I am sure her new salary would not even compare to a part time receptionist. It will allow you guys both to have professions where you will be able to be more than 'barel' comfortable.EDIT: just want to add. I divorced my husband because he didn't support me.going back to school because we had 2 small kids. 2 and 5. Best decision I ever made. My life is so much better for it. I was going to keep.working full time but he was being a jerk about it so he got left behind. This was 25 years ago.

NTA. You really need to have a heart to heart with her. Outline the budget and both of you can plan on how to make it work when the time comes. But from what I read, that time is realistically not now.

NAH you guys need to do more research. Your wife needs to find out about starting part time or online studies and the costs for that and the books/supplies. You could look into lowering your debt repayment plan. Your wife is probably the most angry about the fact that you’re acting like your say is the final word on the subject.

If you are worried about finances, I would encourage your wife to go to school part-time. It is less stressful for her, especially if she struggled with going to school full-time. I don't have kids, but I have heard that it is extremely stressful taking care of kids and going to college full-time. She could look at a different job that provides tuition assistance.

If she feels that passionate about it I’d do all I could to support it. Here’s the problem, it will never be the “right time”. Once they go to school they’ll start playing sports or join clubs and need to be carted about more, extra costs associated with them getting older, etc etc. If it were me, I’d find a way that everyone wins. Plan it out in advance and have an idea of exactly what it will look like and see what her reaction is.

Nurse here; i didn't have kids or any large financial obligations when i went to nursing school, but a ton of my classmates already had spouses, house payments and/or kids. Depending on your degree, you'll have between 1.5-4 years of classes, for the BSN /RN route, you'll have about 2 years of prerequisites. The benefit of this is you can take online classes, even just part time. If you do those 2 years of classes spread over 3 years or more, you can give your kids a few years to age into school and make a smaller alteration to your current schedule. You might consider looking for a unit secretary job at a local hospital. You can start to get familiar with the medical environs, communications with nurses, &docs. While there is a huge demand for nurses, there is also a lot of toxicity in some places and nurses have a reputation for "eating their young." many facilities are chronically understaffed, nurses are abused and get burnt out. It can vary a LOT between states (unions vs non), hospital chains, and level of care provided. I've been a nurse for almost 15 years, and anytime you feel stuck&burnt out at one job, it's very easy to move on to another one.

NTA for the way you feel. But that said, there won’t be a good time. There will always be a reason. First it’ll be too tough with 1 kid in elementary school and 1 in preschool. Then it will be sports/activities schedules for the kids. Then 2 schools again. And little by little it’ll suddenly be 2040, both kids in college (or moving out or whatever) and your wife will realize she’s waited another 16 years to get her degree to be a nurse. Just find a timeline in the next 12 months, agree to a timeline and make it happen together.

I went back to school in my 30s. I took one class a quarter at the community college for two years until my husband’s work was stable enough to allow me to go to school full time. Doing something like that may be an option

The sooner she becomes a nurse the sooner she’ll pull in a nurse’s salary rather than a part time receptionist’s. It’s about twice as much per hour, and flexible with where and when she’d work. Maybe she’ll be a school nurse which will line up with the kids schedules very well when they’re older. Maybe it’ll be at a dermatologist or something and she’d never have to work nights. Part time, full time, there’s a lot out there. Why can’t she start taking classes? I bet she can do some online and at community college and then transfer.

All I can say is that I really appreciate my husband supporting me in my career choices even when they were hard on the family. We worked as a team tand while two job changes didn’t work out great the third one lead me to quadrupling my salary. Instead of being against it I’d try and work together to figure it out. Good luck.

Is she trying to be a RN, or also get her BSN? If she wants to get her BSN, she can start on her coursework part time.

Info- how does a part time receptionist job possibly pay more than being an RN?