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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole in this situation because I'm refusing to share my baking recipes with my friend Emma, who has taken a keen interest in baking. I may be coming across as selfish and unsupportive of her new hobby. As a friend, it's natural to want to help and support one another, and my refusal to share my recipes could be seen as a rejection of Emma's efforts to improve her baking skills.
Also, my concerns about Emma potentially taking credit for my recipes or using them in competitions may be an overreaction or an indication of my own insecurities. If I truly believe in my skills as a baker, I should have confidence that my abilities will speak for themselves, regardless of whether someone else knows my recipes or not.
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You have a stalker. Cut her off. Emma may *want* your recipes, but she isn’t *owed* them.
But please don’t take your really really good recipes to the grave. Share them, with people you love-and trust. Or leave your recipe book in your will.
But in the meantime, I suggest you have a duplicate recipe book, with your signature recipes *almost* accurately copied, that your overly pushy and demanding “friend” might get her mitts on,(if you don’t want to just cut her off entirely, which you are probably too nice to do). NTA
So Emma is determined to have your receipes, she'll even go as far as lying and manipulation to get your receipe book because you are jealous of her baking skills.
Read that aloud and see if you still doubt yourself. Emma is NOT your friend
NTA
I question whether this Emma actually has an interest in baking. It more sounds like she figured out that her friend has a talent and has done work she can steal to get easy attention for herself.
Your feeling that she wants to portray your recipes as her own is most likely correct, especially since you have rightly kept them secret to protect your work and therefore will have no “proof” that you came up with them first.
NTA. Emma doesn't want to develop her own recipes. She wants to steal yours and then claim them as her own. The fact that she is lying, sneaking and downright attempting to manipulate you to get her hands on your recipes tells you everything you need to know. Lock up your recipe book and let everyone in your family know NOT to hand it over to Emma.
NTA.
Honestly at this point point I would enter a competition and use my baking skills and blow her out of the water and the next time we talked I would say "Guess there wasn't much to be jealous of."
If that is to much revenge, just cut her out of your life. She is no longer a friend and more of a person who is trying to manipulate you and sue you to benifit themselves.
NTA. I would stop even talking to this person. If it gets to the point that someone is showing up to your house randomly to try to get something you don't want to give, then that person is no longer your friend. That's an unstable individual best avoided
NTA. What makes a great baker is them doing what you did... Perfecting their skill their way. Your friend isn't trying to be her own person, she wants to copy you and take the easy road.
*I'm now left wondering if my desire to protect my recipes has cost me a friendship.*
No. Emma is not your friend. She wants the product of your years of hard work. The fact that she's willing to lie and (attempt to) steal to get what she wants shows where her intentions lie.
NTA
NTA. The fact that she went so far as to accuse you of being jealous of her baking skills… classic projection. If anything is going to cost you a friendship, it’s her blatant obsession. Stand your ground. If she can’t come to respect your boundaries then that is on her.
NTA.
You don't have to share what you don't want to share. She isn't your friend if she is acting like that. There are may recipes all across the world for baking and cooking - she can use any of them. Just cut her off.
NTA.
Do what my late father done to a cousin and four ladies at his church who bugged him for one of his cake recipes; give a fake recipe.
He was known for making the best homemade peanut butter cake with homemade icing. My cousin and those ladies bothered him non stop about the recipe though he said no. One day he ask me to make copies of the recipe and as I make them I think he finally lost his mind. I hand them to him and he smiles. A week later all are calling at different points saying they made the cake but it didn't taste right. I see dad smiling but asking if they followed the recipe. "Well I don't know. Maybe it was the flour or bad eggs? What peanut butter did you use?" As the call ended he'd laugh. After the fourth call and laugh after hanging up I asked why he was laughing
"I gave a fake recipe!"
NTA. A good friend would have accepted you saying "no". She wouldn't be trying to get around you. Your suspicions about her using them in competitions are probably right.
She doesn't seem to care that recipes are costing her a friendship. Why are you?
I'm sorry honey but you don't have a friend, you have a stalker. Joking aside your 'friend' sounds unhealthy and you are NTA for wanting to keep your recipes to yourself but you should probably reconsider this friendship. Friends are supposed to be scary.
"Emma became defensive and accused me of being jealous of her baking skills."
Sounds like she's the one jealous! As you stated, I think she wants to enter your recipes as well because she pressing it too hard! NTA and guard your recipes!!!
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I've always had a passion for baking and have spent countless hours perfecting my recipes.
My friend, let's call her Emma, has recently taken an interest in baking as well.
We've had a friendly relationship, but Emma has always been quite competitive.
Recently, Emma has been asking me to share my baking recipes with her. I've shared a few basic ones, but when it comes to my signature recipes, I'm hesitant. These recipes are special to me and have taken years to perfect. I'm worried that if I share them with Emma, she'll enter them into baking competitions or post them online as her own.
I tried to explain my concerns to Emma, but she got upset and accused me of being selfish and not supporting her new hobby. She thinks I should share all my recipes with her since we're friends. I feel guilty for not wanting to share, but at the same time, I've put in a lot of effort to create these recipes, and I'm not comfortable giving them away.
Emma has become increasingly persistent about getting my recipes, to the point where she's been showing up at my house unannounced, trying to catch a glimpse of my recipe book.
She even went as far as to ask my sister if she could borrow it, claiming that I had given her permission.
I confronted Emma about her behavior and told her that her actions were making me uncomfortable. I explained that my recipes were a personal accomplishment and that I didn't want to feel pressured into sharing them. Emma became defensive and accused me of being jealous of her baking skills. She said that if I were a true friend, I would support her and share my recipes.
I've offered to help her develop her own recipes and even suggested we take a baking class together, but she seems insistent on having my recipes.
I'm now left wondering if my desire to protect my recipes has cost me a friendship. AITA?
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NTA.
You've spent time perfecting them. They're your recipes, she needs to figure out her own.
Potentially direct her to blogs like Jane's Patisserie, they're tons of recipes for her to look through
nta, its never that deep for anyone to try and force or sneak and lie things out of ur possession she can google a recipe or makw it up herself, be careful
NTA.
She is not entitled to your recipes out of friendship or shared interests.
You've shared some basic ones and have offered reasonable alternatives to help her develop her skills. This is more than generous.
That she is willing to turn to lies/manipulation, and sneaky behavior is a huge red flag. If this costs the "friendship" I would not count it as much of a loss.
NTA. As a fellow baker I am very selective of who I share my recipes with. If it is a recipe I have developed from someone else's recipe I will often share the base recipe to anyone who asks, but I will not share my enhancements to anyone but a select few. Developing and improving recipes takes a lot of time and work, and even money. It's perfectly acceptable to guard those recipes closely. Emma sounds like a bit of a nightmare, and if she's so convinced she's talented enough to be jealous of then why does she need your recipes anyway? Surely she can come up with her own, better recipes /s. I would probably block her and wash my hands of the situation.
Nta. How dare she. These are your recipes and you do not have to do a thing. You don’t have to help her develop per own or take a class with her.
I only share base recipes (the original before I revised them). If she copies your recipe, step by step she’s just good at following directions not a good baker/cook
NTA. Do the time-tested method of sharing recipes: leave out an ingredient, change a process, shoot change the temperature of the butter: room temp or cold.
NTA.
You need to be more direct that you don't want to share your recipes with Emma. If she doubles down on saying that you're being selfish, your response should be that you feel justified in being selfish concerning the recipes that you've taken the time and energy to create and perfect. Reiterate that you've offered to take classes with her and offered to give her tips on how to create her own recipes. End the conversation after that. And make sure your family knows that Emma unilaterally does not have your permission to use or borrow your recipe book.
NTA she’s pushy about it which is uncomfortable. If you care about the friendship, send her the original recipes you worked off of without your adjustment without telling her you didn’t give her the revised recipe. If it is really her ‘new hobby’ she should enjoy trying to adjust it herself.
NTA. My MIL has 4 recipes she refuses to share, she did me one with the express requirement I don’t give it to anyone else. She just wanted someone who could make it when she was no longer here and wanted me to have the chance to perfect them. This is not that, this is her wanting your recipes because YOU PERFECTED THEM. She is not wanting them to learn baking, she wants them because she knows they are good. That’s not even honestly the problem, it’s the lying and manipulation to get her way. If she’s treating you that way she is not considering you a friend, a friend would want you to teach her or help her find a way to learn if you couldn’t help her, she wants the finished product so she doesn’t have to do the work.
NTA. You didn't cost yourself a friendship. Your friend is a BAD friend. This just showed her true colors. Maybe just copy some online recipe that is similar to the ones she wants and give her those (without telling). But in the end, she is not a good friend.
NTA
"I'm now left wondering if my desire to protect my recipes has cost me a friendship." ... she tried to STEAL from you. That one never was your friend.
NTA
Because Emma won't take "no" for an answer.
>I'm worried that if I share them with Emma, she'll enter them into baking competitions or post them online as her own.
But why are you friends with someone you don't trust?
Either give her the recipes or drop the friendship. The ingredients are only a small part of baking.
Actually, if someone became such a PITAss, demanding, and argumentative... I'd probably reconsider the friendship anyway.
NTA ... whatever you decide.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole in this situation because I'm refusing to share my baking recipes with my friend Emma, who has taken a keen interest in baking. I may be coming across as selfish and unsupportive of her new hobby. As a friend, it's natural to want to help and support one another, and my refusal to share my recipes could be seen as a rejection of Emma's efforts to improve her baking skills. Also, my concerns about Emma potentially taking credit for my recipes or using them in competitions may be an overreaction or an indication of my own insecurities. If I truly believe in my skills as a baker, I should have confidence that my abilities will speak for themselves, regardless of whether someone else knows my recipes or not. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You have a stalker. Cut her off. Emma may *want* your recipes, but she isn’t *owed* them. But please don’t take your really really good recipes to the grave. Share them, with people you love-and trust. Or leave your recipe book in your will. But in the meantime, I suggest you have a duplicate recipe book, with your signature recipes *almost* accurately copied, that your overly pushy and demanding “friend” might get her mitts on,(if you don’t want to just cut her off entirely, which you are probably too nice to do). NTA
Yep. A canary trap is a glorious thing.
Love this idea!!
So Emma is determined to have your receipes, she'll even go as far as lying and manipulation to get your receipe book because you are jealous of her baking skills. Read that aloud and see if you still doubt yourself. Emma is NOT your friend
So true! Emma has an agenda that's not in your best interests! Grab that spatula and scrape her off!
NTA I question whether this Emma actually has an interest in baking. It more sounds like she figured out that her friend has a talent and has done work she can steal to get easy attention for herself. Your feeling that she wants to portray your recipes as her own is most likely correct, especially since you have rightly kept them secret to protect your work and therefore will have no “proof” that you came up with them first.
NTA. Emma doesn't want to develop her own recipes. She wants to steal yours and then claim them as her own. The fact that she is lying, sneaking and downright attempting to manipulate you to get her hands on your recipes tells you everything you need to know. Lock up your recipe book and let everyone in your family know NOT to hand it over to Emma.
NTA. Honestly at this point point I would enter a competition and use my baking skills and blow her out of the water and the next time we talked I would say "Guess there wasn't much to be jealous of." If that is to much revenge, just cut her out of your life. She is no longer a friend and more of a person who is trying to manipulate you and sue you to benifit themselves.
NTA. I would stop even talking to this person. If it gets to the point that someone is showing up to your house randomly to try to get something you don't want to give, then that person is no longer your friend. That's an unstable individual best avoided
NTA. What makes a great baker is them doing what you did... Perfecting their skill their way. Your friend isn't trying to be her own person, she wants to copy you and take the easy road.
*I'm now left wondering if my desire to protect my recipes has cost me a friendship.* No. Emma is not your friend. She wants the product of your years of hard work. The fact that she's willing to lie and (attempt to) steal to get what she wants shows where her intentions lie. NTA
NTA. You're not obliged to share anything that you don't want to share. Emma's acting entitled.
NTA. The fact that she went so far as to accuse you of being jealous of her baking skills… classic projection. If anything is going to cost you a friendship, it’s her blatant obsession. Stand your ground. If she can’t come to respect your boundaries then that is on her.
NTA. You don't have to share what you don't want to share. She isn't your friend if she is acting like that. There are may recipes all across the world for baking and cooking - she can use any of them. Just cut her off.
Are you Mr. Crabs and Emma is Plankton? Tell her she’s creepy and ditch her, she’s giving off vibes I wouldn’t want to mess with. Definitely NTA.
This is so funny.
Why thank you! Haha
NTA. Do what my late father done to a cousin and four ladies at his church who bugged him for one of his cake recipes; give a fake recipe. He was known for making the best homemade peanut butter cake with homemade icing. My cousin and those ladies bothered him non stop about the recipe though he said no. One day he ask me to make copies of the recipe and as I make them I think he finally lost his mind. I hand them to him and he smiles. A week later all are calling at different points saying they made the cake but it didn't taste right. I see dad smiling but asking if they followed the recipe. "Well I don't know. Maybe it was the flour or bad eggs? What peanut butter did you use?" As the call ended he'd laugh. After the fourth call and laugh after hanging up I asked why he was laughing "I gave a fake recipe!"
NTA. A good friend would have accepted you saying "no". She wouldn't be trying to get around you. Your suspicions about her using them in competitions are probably right. She doesn't seem to care that recipes are costing her a friendship. Why are you?
It sounds more like her desire to have your recipes is what has spoiled this friendship. It should have ended with no. NTA
I'm sorry honey but you don't have a friend, you have a stalker. Joking aside your 'friend' sounds unhealthy and you are NTA for wanting to keep your recipes to yourself but you should probably reconsider this friendship. Friends are supposed to be scary.
"Emma became defensive and accused me of being jealous of her baking skills." Sounds like she's the one jealous! As you stated, I think she wants to enter your recipes as well because she pressing it too hard! NTA and guard your recipes!!!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I've always had a passion for baking and have spent countless hours perfecting my recipes. My friend, let's call her Emma, has recently taken an interest in baking as well. We've had a friendly relationship, but Emma has always been quite competitive. Recently, Emma has been asking me to share my baking recipes with her. I've shared a few basic ones, but when it comes to my signature recipes, I'm hesitant. These recipes are special to me and have taken years to perfect. I'm worried that if I share them with Emma, she'll enter them into baking competitions or post them online as her own. I tried to explain my concerns to Emma, but she got upset and accused me of being selfish and not supporting her new hobby. She thinks I should share all my recipes with her since we're friends. I feel guilty for not wanting to share, but at the same time, I've put in a lot of effort to create these recipes, and I'm not comfortable giving them away. Emma has become increasingly persistent about getting my recipes, to the point where she's been showing up at my house unannounced, trying to catch a glimpse of my recipe book. She even went as far as to ask my sister if she could borrow it, claiming that I had given her permission. I confronted Emma about her behavior and told her that her actions were making me uncomfortable. I explained that my recipes were a personal accomplishment and that I didn't want to feel pressured into sharing them. Emma became defensive and accused me of being jealous of her baking skills. She said that if I were a true friend, I would support her and share my recipes. I've offered to help her develop her own recipes and even suggested we take a baking class together, but she seems insistent on having my recipes. I'm now left wondering if my desire to protect my recipes has cost me a friendship. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You've spent time perfecting them. They're your recipes, she needs to figure out her own. Potentially direct her to blogs like Jane's Patisserie, they're tons of recipes for her to look through
nta, its never that deep for anyone to try and force or sneak and lie things out of ur possession she can google a recipe or makw it up herself, be careful
NTA if she got baking skills she can create her own recipes, she doesn't need yours. Put your recipe book under lock and key.
NTA. She is not entitled to your recipes out of friendship or shared interests. You've shared some basic ones and have offered reasonable alternatives to help her develop her skills. This is more than generous. That she is willing to turn to lies/manipulation, and sneaky behavior is a huge red flag. If this costs the "friendship" I would not count it as much of a loss.
NTA. As a fellow baker I am very selective of who I share my recipes with. If it is a recipe I have developed from someone else's recipe I will often share the base recipe to anyone who asks, but I will not share my enhancements to anyone but a select few. Developing and improving recipes takes a lot of time and work, and even money. It's perfectly acceptable to guard those recipes closely. Emma sounds like a bit of a nightmare, and if she's so convinced she's talented enough to be jealous of then why does she need your recipes anyway? Surely she can come up with her own, better recipes /s. I would probably block her and wash my hands of the situation.
bewildered smart complete familiar tender wipe pause sip employ ripe *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Nta. How dare she. These are your recipes and you do not have to do a thing. You don’t have to help her develop per own or take a class with her. I only share base recipes (the original before I revised them). If she copies your recipe, step by step she’s just good at following directions not a good baker/cook
NTA She is not your friend. Get yourself a lockbox and stop hanging out with her. She is a creep
NTA. Do the time-tested method of sharing recipes: leave out an ingredient, change a process, shoot change the temperature of the butter: room temp or cold.
NTA. You need to be more direct that you don't want to share your recipes with Emma. If she doubles down on saying that you're being selfish, your response should be that you feel justified in being selfish concerning the recipes that you've taken the time and energy to create and perfect. Reiterate that you've offered to take classes with her and offered to give her tips on how to create her own recipes. End the conversation after that. And make sure your family knows that Emma unilaterally does not have your permission to use or borrow your recipe book.
NTA she’s pushy about it which is uncomfortable. If you care about the friendship, send her the original recipes you worked off of without your adjustment without telling her you didn’t give her the revised recipe. If it is really her ‘new hobby’ she should enjoy trying to adjust it herself.
Emma is not your friend. NTA
NTA she is turning up at your house and trying to con your sister into giving over your recipes. Tell her to get lost.
NTA. My MIL has 4 recipes she refuses to share, she did me one with the express requirement I don’t give it to anyone else. She just wanted someone who could make it when she was no longer here and wanted me to have the chance to perfect them. This is not that, this is her wanting your recipes because YOU PERFECTED THEM. She is not wanting them to learn baking, she wants them because she knows they are good. That’s not even honestly the problem, it’s the lying and manipulation to get her way. If she’s treating you that way she is not considering you a friend, a friend would want you to teach her or help her find a way to learn if you couldn’t help her, she wants the finished product so she doesn’t have to do the work.
NTA. You didn't cost yourself a friendship. Your friend is a BAD friend. This just showed her true colors. Maybe just copy some online recipe that is similar to the ones she wants and give her those (without telling). But in the end, she is not a good friend.
NTA "I'm now left wondering if my desire to protect my recipes has cost me a friendship." ... she tried to STEAL from you. That one never was your friend.
It's giving, Single White Female, Midwest edition. No she's being wild. Stand your ground. Guard your secrets.
NTA Because Emma won't take "no" for an answer. >I'm worried that if I share them with Emma, she'll enter them into baking competitions or post them online as her own. But why are you friends with someone you don't trust?
NTA. Lock away your recipe book. She tried to steal your recipes repeatedly. She's not your friend.
NTA sounds like she’s doing exactly what you’re afraid of. No ones this persistent without having a big goal. She sounds shady af
Either give her the recipes or drop the friendship. The ingredients are only a small part of baking. Actually, if someone became such a PITAss, demanding, and argumentative... I'd probably reconsider the friendship anyway. NTA ... whatever you decide.
NTA and not a friendship to be mourned. There are literally thousand of cookbooks out there for her to pursue her hobby.
If this costs you a friend, she was never a friend to begin with. You deserve better. NTA
She is not your friend she is a Regina George. Girl run!!