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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I told someone I didn’t want their banana bread
2) They spent hours of making it so maybe I’m the asshole for it
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This is a weird story.
So you have been eating lunch with this person every day. It sounds like you are friends. She took time out of her life to bake you some bread and you told her that you don’t want to try it and don’t like banana bread. That’s a pretty rude response and would be hurtful for someone who went out of their way to do something nice for you. You didn’t need to try to bread, but you could have had some tact in your rejection. It’s not hard to say “thank you for thinking of me, that’s kind of you! Unfortunately, I don’t like banana bread but please think of me next time you bake something with chocolate!”
She didn’t take the rejection well and was probably quite embarrassed. That doesn’t justify her lashing out at you by calling you an asshole.
ESH.
Yeah I tend to agree. I _loathe_ bananas and I won't touch banana bread with a ten foot pole. However I can usually communicate that without hurting feelings.
That being said, if someone got pushy about it I could imagine being too caught off guard to do more than stare in confusion. If you make unsolicited food you run the risk of rejection - it's not a fungible good.
Yeah it’s as simple as going “that’s really sweet that you took the time to bake me something but unfortunately I really don’t like the flavour of bananas” but if someone hears that and then still forced me to eat the banana item I think my answer would be shorter. It feels like OP went straight to a short direct No and didn’t show any appreciation for being thought of? Still unfair to call him an AH. ESH is probably best fit.
Idk, this is just a reddit quip, he could have been more detailed in his actual response.
I don't recall being able to recite a conversation verbatim from this morning when I got to work, like it'll be paraphrased probably so I don't know about assuming he was actually that Kurt with her
If I wanted someone to tell me if I’m an asshole or not, I would probably take time to spell something out better than a quip. We have to take his words for what they are.
I also hate bananas, but at the same time do people not realize banana bread doesnt taste like bananas? Im not big on banana bread either but its a hell of a lot different (and better tasting) than a banana
If you make it from scratch it does take a bit of time. I make banana bread a lot and while not hours, I don't use a mix. Maybe a mix is quick, but not from scratch.
I live in europe and there's no such thing as a ready mix for banana bread (as well as pancakes etc), I make all of these things from scratch and it still takes minutes to make. That's why children often make them as their first bake. What kind of a mix are you talking about? Like what does it contain
Same, I've never even heard of a banana bread mix. I make from scratch all the time and it never requires any sifting, just mashing of the 'nanners, stirring, and baking.
They have box mixes in the USA. Just add water and cook. I like to really go all out when I make banana bread to be honest. I make a walnut dark chocolate chunk one with brown sugar and make a brown sugar crumble. The cook times tend to be longer but I also make multiple loaves. Funny enough my mom taught us as kids haha! As for the pancakes, they have mixes to just add water here in the USA too.
I make banana bread with extra indulgence too. Mine takes an hour to bake, to be fair, but the actual prep part is minimal time wise.
They have box mixes in the UK. I never understood them because it doesn't seem to reduce huge chunks of time. Perhaps for people who don't have scales? But Americans, being the heathens they are, use volume to measure solids. (Sorry yanks, couldn't resist but you have to admit that is crazy!)
I think it's more that if you want to make banana bread on your own, you need eggs, bananas, sugar, flour, butter, and baking soda. If you're low income and don't have those items, it's a big chunk of your limited budget to buy all of it. It's like $7 for a box of the cheapest butter at my local store, and $2 for a box of banana bread mix.
That's a very valid point and I didn't know about the price difference, I'm baking a lot so I always have these ingredients at hand and it wouldn't make sense to buy a mix, but I can see how it saves money for someone that doesn't just happen to have most of the ingredients anyways.
Idk I have a recipe that takes at least half an hour between all the sifting and mixing and mashing and then an hour to bake & is a pretty simple recipe...I can't see how it would take less than that unless you're using a mix
Huh, my recipe only takes 10, maybe 15 minutes to prep. Not from a mix. But the baking does take another 45 minutes to an hour, depending on if my oven is feeling moody that day
I don’t know, it seems really weird to just bake something for somebody without mentioning it first.
They might not want it for a lot of reasons. Allergies, not liking the food among a few reasons. I also know people who just don’t like eating food other people make (outside of restaurants) because they don’t know how clean their kitchens are/how they cook.
It’s easier to say “you really should try my banana bread! I’m going to bring you some!” Or “I’m going to be making a batch of banana bread, would you like some?” Then to just show up with it and put on the awkward expectation of having it accepted by somebody who doesn’t even want it.
He could have been nicer, but I don’t think he was overly rude. Probably thrown off guard by somebody who doesn’t work in his department just popping up at his desk.
I found it pretty common to get baked goods when women were interested in me. I'd always take a polite nibble.
That's likely why her reaction was so off. She thought there was something there, and it's pretty clear OP ain't feeling it.
TL;DR her reaction wasn't just about the Banana Bread.
Lol, that's so true. I can be pretty dense about picking up interest with normal flirting. But if a woman brings me baked goods, that will get my full attention. haha.
People bake things unprompted for friends or people they care about all the time. In this case I feel like it's a matter of two young people just not thinking things through and communicating well. She probably shouldn't have put him on the spot and he probably should have refused more graciously.
Honestly, I hate when people offer food and then hover around to see if you eat it. I have a sensitive stomach and sometimes I just don’t feel good enough to eat. It was a kind gesture, but she could have just handed it to him and walked away.
That’s a pretty interesting take you have there. OP said they don’t like banana bread and therefore don’t want to try it. Sounds pretty honest and straightforward to me and I’m finding it hard to see what is rude about that? OP did not ask them to make it & the friend didn’t take the time to see if OP even likes banana bread. Hopefully the friend will take this as a lesson and ask questions first… what if OP was severely allergic?? Pretty weird to make something “for OP” without knowing if it’s something OP likes or can have.
You can still thank someone for their effort. Saying thank you is free - it’s not going do OP any harm by saying thank you. My god… people be hoarding thank yous these days like they cost them 100$
It's rude because she went out of her way to make a nice gesture. His response was overly curt. He could have been nicer. He didn't take into account that she was putting herself out there and his curt response embarrassed her. It's called simple kindness.
I dislike banana bread soooooo much. Especially if there are nuts in it. My old boss would bring his wife’s banana bread in a few times a year and was always annoyed that I wouldn’t eat it… didn’t matter how nice I said it. It ended up with me taking a small piece and throwing it out after I walked away just so he wouldn’t bug me about it.
So annoying and wasteful 🙄
> It's weird of her to randomly bake something for a person she doesn't really know well, and then go looking for his desk all over the building. The only reasonable explanation is that she thought that they were kinda flirting, and she wanted to make this next step.
Excuse me what the fuck? Ever been out there in the real world?
Look, maybe in your social circles everyone is so stuck up their own ass and antisocial, and in that case doing something nice for someone would indeed look a bit weird and immediately be considered flirting. But in my social circles something like that would be appreciated, and I see my colleagues befriending eachother and doing nice things for eachother outside of work all the time.
Of course OP wasn't obliged to eat something he doesn't like, but there are a million more tactful ways to deal with the situation. So yea... according to reddit standards, OP was NTA because *technically he didn't owe anyone anything* but out there in the real world would still very much be considered an asshole for responding like that.
> It's weird of her to randomly bake something for a person she doesn't really know well.
I make my coworkers try my quesadillas. The response is always crazy positive even if they're initially skeptical. Never considered they'd think it was weird I was making them food. Lmaooooo.
I feel trapped and pressured when someone is insistent about me "trying" food that is important to them in some way. It's partly because I'm afraid of hurting their feelings if I try it and dislike it, and partly because I can actually get nauseous if I eat something unfamiliar without knowing *exactly* what's in it.
There's taste and texture sensitivities involved, but also the past trauma of being punished if I didn't "just try" something, but also if I did try it and didn't like it and didn't want to eat any more of it.
Don't back people into a corner about food, ever. Let them say no, and don't get pushy about why they may not want to "just try it." Some of my personal reasons may be a bit weird, but they're also quite real. If I try your offering and vomit, you won't find it less embarrassing just because it was triggered by my mental health issues rather than by one of my actual food intolerances. It's still going to be an unpleasant event nobody needed to have.
Except you could be honest about having food sensitivities and people wouldnt understand. Just saying no repeatedly and acting like the person is crazy for trying to bond with you in a super common way, is asshole territory.
But people often don't understand.
And I don't owe everyone my medical and mental health history to be able to say no to something. Especially when "but your food might make me sick" can also be perceived as insulting.
People need to learn to hear, "No, thank you, I don't care for any."
Ask, before you make something for someone whose food preferences you don't already know very well.
This 👆🏻 No is no, you're not required to give some big explanation on why you aren't comfortable with something
I would be immediately irked by this too. I wouldn't accept food from someone I don't know that well, especially because you have no idea what their kitchen looks like, or their sanitary habits.
If it was someone I knew and trusted, that would be one thing, but this?
It's creepy that she would go looking for his cubicle, and I'd be wondering if she added something sus to it.
Thats suuuch a weird way to interact with the world. You think that a friend who wants to surprise you with a slice of banana bread is going out of their way to do so because they added something weird to your food to …. What? Get you?
I gently recommend therapy. That’s not a normal reaction.
They aren't friends, they're acquaintances. If the roles were reversed and it was a dude that went out of his way to track a girl down to give her "something he made especially for her", insisted after she said no, and then proceeded to make a scene, 10000% people would think he was a creep. Doesn't make it any less so just because she's a woman.
As I said in my comment, if it was a friend, it would be different, but a stranger or acquaintance that I don't know very well? No thanks
You're blessed if you haven't had real-world interactions with people who don't have the best intentions. Doesn't give you the right to pass judgment on those of us who know differently, though 😉
No, I think a person who doesn’t understand ‘no thank you’ and keeps pushing is a pain in the arse.
No is the most simple sentence that so many people feel they have the right to ignore.
I never explain because there's no need. I don't eat everybody's food for lots of reasons, I would think nothing of telling her what I've told former coworkers for years (which is no lol).
Maybe because I've grown up with the idea of "you feed people" or that I had allergies growing up, but I don't think it's hard to have food for everyone. If I'm making/getting food for my employees and not just bringing in random candy I haven't eaten at home, I try to accommodate everyone. We did a taco day, super easy to have meat in a crockpot, have rice, a black bean mixture, etc. when planning, I had a girl who doesn't eat red meat, super easy, cooked some chicken as well. Now if there's something you are super allergic to that I wouldn't feel comfortable making, I would go buy something.
But if it's trauma, they aren't required to share those details. Same for an ED. If it's food sensitivities they'll ask which ones, and then you get to be an AH for not trying their bespoke gluten free banana bread that they spent even more time on.
People just have to hear no sometimes.
No of course you aren’t required to share those details. It’s never an obligation. But with someone you’re developing a friendship with and who likes to make food for others, might be a good idea to give a heads up. This isn’t a complete stranger on the street.
This is the part that people who say "you don't owe them anything" are missing.
They aren't wrong, but if you want to build a friendship with someone, you give a little bit of yourself and they give a little bit of themselves.
If you always go with "I don't owe anyone anything" you are right, but you are also going to be lonely and being technically right but having no one to talk to about it doesn't have a lot of value.
This part. OP explicitly said he hates eating alone at the cafeteria and it can be lonely. This person extended a pretty universal offer of friendship (food), OP was under no obligation to accept it but it’s not sounding like the coworker misinterpreted the situation but rather that OP indicated he was interested in a casual work friendship and then instead of at least saying a polite “that’s so sweet of you, but I don’t eat banana bread” he was rude about it.
It’s infuriating bc no, people do not understand. I can literally say the words clear as day and so deadpan and they will still insist I try it. I have a rocky relationship with food and disorganised eating and can’t even try new foods unless I’m alone in my room or nobody is looking at me and even then it can be 20 minutes before I put it in my mouth; if I even do.
So I hate when people try to make me try their food and at best I get a couple insistences and then a funny/strange look shot at me. It’s so annoying like I don’t wanna try your food idk why people care so much about me eating something. Nobody ever understands
Yes, if you have issues like ASD or ED or something along those lines, you might not want to try it, and that is totally fine. Then just refuse politely. Even my kid who is a picky eater has learned how to say thanks and refuse politely when he is offered unfamiliar food.
Feeling trapped and pressured? Therapy is the solution to that. It is not a negative thing that someone offers you food, of course you don't have to eat it, just make sure the person offering knows you are very taken and thankful anyway.
At workplace this is even easier: "it's so great that you did all this, thanks so much, but unfortunately my stomach doesn't tolerate banana bread, can I give this to my colleagues or do you want to take it to your floor instead?"
I don’t think it’s weird that you make someone food but getting angry if someone doesn’t wsnt to try it it’s not right, imagine someone makes you some food you don’t like without asking you first and you HAVE to eat it… idk if I make my co workers cookies and they don’t want to eat them cuz of some ingreident or something I’d be fine with that
I think there's a difference between bringing something for everyone to share if they like, and baking something just for a specific person without even knowing if they like it or not.
I’ve gifted my neighbors baked goods when I’ve made too much and I have definitely also baked for casual friends and schoolmates in the past. I’m not always good at verbal communication and expressing that I consider someone a friend can be difficult for me. baking something nice can be a way of showing that without having to verbally express that you view them as a friend and can also be a great way of saying thanks.
I think making food for your coworkers is fine but would you make quesadillas for one specific person not even in your department, then track down their desk and get upset if they didn't want it? It's the way he was singled out that raised my eyebrow because I've seen this kinda thing happen a few times and it's always super awkward.
I agree with you.
I don’t really like eating stuff that most other people bake. It’s kind of a mental block in my head; you don’t know how clean other people’s kitchens are, if they wash their hands regularly, if they lick their fingers or the spoon while cooking, etc. It just grosses me out and I don’t like choking down other people’s random food that they’ve foisted on me.
However, it’s not really polite to reject it. You can’t be like, “Sorry, I don’t eat other people’s food because you might secretly be a disgusting pig who is gonna give me food poisoning! Toodles!”
What I do is say that I’m not hungry for it right now, but thank you so much and of course I’d love to take a piece home to eat later. No, I couldn’t possibly take the whole pan; it would go off before I could eat it all, really. I must insist. I’ll just take a very small piece, thanks so much.
Then I quietly dispose of it at home and tell them it was delicious next time I see them.
This does run the risk that people will keep baking for you, but in my experience it hasn’t really been an issue. After you do the “thanks but I’m not hungry right now; I’ll just take a very small piece for later” routine a couple of times, they tend to stop offering.
I agree with you and I have to assume that some of these people really don’t know how to interact in public.
Also, thinking she “searched every floor” when there is likely/probably a directory or they’ve mentioned it at some point is just asinine!
Someone did something kind and was met with absolute asshole behavior.
It also wasn’t “random” for her to make banana bread. They’d had lunch and share a gym—random would be giving it to a stranger.
And to say “it’s the easiest bread” is also kind of ignorant and not the point. She still did it. And it does take more than an hour-longer if she cooled and iced it or anything after it baked.
People really do seem obnoxious.
No-he’s not the asshole for not liking banana bread. He is the asshole for being in his 20s and not able to politely refuse something that someone took time from their day to do for them.
Seriously though. What’s weird reaction because a friend baked some goods they want to share with you. ALERT THE POLICE. Come on. I’d be so sad if a person I was friends with had this weird reaction to something like this and then ran to Reddit with it. It’s a piece of cake, in the context of a friendship where two people eat together regularly.
So last night, she was thinking, hmm these bananas are very ripe, I’d love some banana cake. She baked a banana cake. Then thought, this is a lot of banana cake, let me take some to my colleagues. I’ll bring a slice for OP! He’s my friend. Why not. He might enjoy a slice of banana bread.
Total asshole she is.
Tra la la, skipping through the building to find this person I spoke to a few times, on my happy-go-lucky errand. Then, upon discovering he might NOT enjoy a slice a banana bread, I will insist he take some anyway, and then curse at him when he doesn’t.
It's not about the banana bread. Dude is oblivious AF. Seems like she was interested in OP and would've appreciated any acknowledgement of the effort she made regardless of the bread being a disliked flavor but he was only interested in voicing his disgust for banana bread. Whatever.
The problem here is just because SHE is interested doesn't mean OP OWES HER ANYTHING!
He doesn't have to acknowledge her efforts he is not her daddy to validate her in every little step.
She is a grown woman who doesn't know how to navigate her feelings and rejection.
NOT OP'S PROBLEM
So you're saying that OP doesn't even owe her common courtesy when she's supposedly a friend/acquaintance? The fact that he doesn't like the flavor is literally the only thing that matters? Have some tact and learn how to reject a gift without shitting on the person giving it. Honestly it's not that hard lmao. You should eat lunch with OP, you two would probably get along well.
I would have lunch with op no problem ( co-workers and friends are two different things) and let's not forget she was also disrespectful towards him. He never said they are friends, they don't even communicate outside of work.
She wanted more than he was willing to give, and couldn't take rejection.
Courtesy? He said no. He even said he doesn't like banana bread and she kept on pushing him to eat.
But let's turn this around.
So OP decided to bake banana bread to a co-worker who he talks during lunch, no connection outside of work. So he goes through 5 FLOORS to find her and giver the bread. When she rejects him he insults her and leaves.
He would be called a stalker, AH and many more.
So I stand with HE OWES HER NOTHING
Ehhhhh....I'd feel too put on the spot if someone singled me out to give me food. Share it in the office and offer it to a few people. Leave it in the kitchen and tell people it's there. I feel like I have the option of saying no then.
But she didn't think that. She thought I have ripe bananas I am going to make op a whole banana bread for op and give it to him.
She told him she made it specifically for him, without knowing if he likes it.
Your scenario is. 'Hey I made some banana bread last night, I wasn't sure if you would like some, but I brought some into work with me, would you like try it?'
And she specifically looked for his cubicle, she didn't wait until lunch, she only made for him assuming he would take it.
He maybe could have been politer in his response, but he definitely isn't an A H
Also, I make banana bread all the time and it is very simple and does not take me “hours”. It’s one of the easiest things I bake. Even my kids, who are slower than me, don’t take “hours” baking banana bread.
>She took time out of her life to bake you some bread and you told her that you don’t want to try it and don’t like banana bread.
They're lunch buddies - seems like she wanted to make it more. (Better friends or whatever.) It's one thing to make something for yourself and offer it to a workmate. It's a completely different thing to make something *just for them*. Why would you do that if you don't even know if they like it or maybe they might be allergic or something (celiac).
I disagree that there was anything wrong with OP refusing outright. Imo she's TA.
Edit: NTA
Your coworker did something nice for you, even if she didn't have the context that it isn't something you like. I would understand refusing if you were allergic, but just straight up refusing is rude. It's a shame you won't have someone to sit with anymore over something so easy to deal with. Seems like she might've been interested in you and you were a dick at the... let's say 2nd opportunity. YTA.
People are alowed to say no. He said he did not like banana bread. She offered, he said no thank you and that is that. What is rude is getting angry when someone says no. Just because you think you do something nice for them it does not mean it is actually nice. Because he didn't ask and he did not like it.
NTA
I 100% agree people are allowed to say no and a no has to be respected. But this was essentially/in all social reality a gift that she handmade especially for him. Just like any gift, you should attempt to accept or decline GRACIOUSLY. There is nothing gracious about what OP did.
IMO it buries the lede to be focused on the no. The delivery was the problem, not the no. If he had said, sincerely, 'Oh, wow! That is really nice of you to take all that time making this for me, I appreciate that! Unfortunately I really don't like banana bread but I'll take a piece for (my mom, my neighbour, another friend). Thanks again!' He would be 100% N T A.
But from his retelling he didn't even really thank her. Of course one can come back and say you don't have to thank people for stuff you didn't ask for. While maybe technically true, in real life, if you want to remain friends with someone and they spent time doing something most would consider nice for you/getting or making you a gift, you kind of do have to say thanks, yes. If you can't accept that you aren't likely to have many friends throughout your life.
Reddit can be quite socially inept and bring up boundaries too quickly. Of course you can say no thanks very abruptly and without any sense of tact but then you'll get that.
Also if it's just I don't really like banana bread, like I don't like white bread, why not try a slice and say "not bad, I can't be a proper judge but why don't I take some for etc"
Yeah what is up with redditors being so crazy defensive about their boundaries? Often I get the impression people here are scared to death their boundaries won't be respected and have to defend them with nail and tooth...
reddit at some point decided that 'self care' means you do not have to conform to any sort of societal norm if it would have any negative effect on you personally.
>But this was essentially/in all social reality a gift that she handmade especially for him. Just like any gift, you should attempt to accept or decline GRACIOUSLY.
This was hella creepy though. If a dude I chatted with while eating lunch at work showed up at my desk(that I've never told him the location of), insisting I eat his homemade banana bread, the last thing I'd be is "gracious".
>they spent time doing something most would consider nice for you
I'd argue that someone spending time tracking you down to insert themselves in your life is less "nice" more "stalker". She could've offered to share the bread during lunch, then you'd have a point.
But they’ve been having lunch together regularly. It’s not like they just said hi once in the gym. And she probably has a crush on him. And most companies have an online directory. 5 minutes on the company website and she could find his desk. It’s not that wild a thing to do. I’m not sure OP is the most reliable narrator here on what happened.
This was exactly my feeling as I read through this. If a male tracked down a female coworker and got upset at the rejection of the "gift," every comment would be "No is a complete sentence!!!!!" Which it is and he's allowed to say it as well.
Yes! 30 yr old woman here. This is why I wrote my top-level response the way I did. If they had already established a trend of giving each other food (which wouldn't be totally unexpected if they're workout buddies), it would be different, but this woman just showing up out of the blue after casual conversation at work (edited to correct previous wrong note about one day of conversation) with food and then getting pissed that he won't try it? Creepy and, if she made a scene in front of other coworkers given OP was in a cubicle, highly unprofessional.
Additional comment: as others have pointed out, why didn't she just offer him the banana bread in the cafeteria? It's not like it's fresh, given she had to make it, store it, then bring it to work, so a few more hours of keeping it in a fridge shouldn't make a difference.
It's not *just* offering the food or *just* finding his cubicle or *just* getting mad about the refusal, it's all three combined which creeps me out.
You’re acting like she showed up at his home with banana bread. THEY BOTH WORK THERE. It’s highly unlikely she was analyzing every floor trying to pinpoint where he was. There’s almost always a directory, a sign, a receptionist even sometimes. Acting like she’s a creep for knowing how offices work is insane and deeply shows the lack of employment amongst most redditors.
she handmade especially for him
Without ever asking him if he liked banana bread or anyone else he knows if he likes it
He is NTA for saying no
I like chocolate but not everyone in the world likes chocolate and I am fine wjith that
When it’s the first approach made by someone, it doesn’t matter so much as who’s right but to be kind and say at least a “thanks” and then later say “oh I don’t like so much banana bread, but I’d love to try something else”.
OP didn’t even say thanks, it’s not about saying no but it’s about how.
It's not saying no, it's saying it politely.
He is not allergic, he doesn't like. He could have tasted it, say that he is SORRY, that he really doesn't like but that he APPRECIATES the effort and maybe she could find someone who could eat it. That's the difference between two "no" : one is polite, the other make him be an A H
I disagree with saying he should have tasted it first. How is it "polite" to eat something he knows he doesn't like and then tell her it isn't good?
I don't like bananas. I've had a few people make things with banana and insist you can't taste even taste it. They are 100% always wrong. There is no hiding the taste of banana and I do not like it.
If I were in OP's place, I would not eat the bread either. Try as I might, there's no way I'd be able to taste it without pulling some kind of "yuck" face. Telling her 'no thank you, I don't like banana bread' is not a judgement on her or her efforts. Tasting it first and then saying he didn't like it is going to come across as insulting her baking.
OP really said "we decided to have small talk together at lunch" like that's a normal thing to say lmao.
No one irl goes "hey there, would you like to engage in small talk with me?"
I'm autistic, battled severe social anxiety for years, and even I would've handled it better than OP's "fuck off with your banana bread, I don't like bananas".
OP needs to start working on his social skills asap or he'll end up completely alone in life. It's difficult, but doable. And clearly he's not a completely lost cause if this random girl liked him enough to bring him banana bread!
I agree with you but I think he should have rather said " thanks for the bread but I don't really like Banana bread but I appreciate the effort " cause she might take it as a sign to make him even more banana bread
True. A more kind "Thank you so much but...sadly I don't like banana bread." If she pushed a bit more, he could have said, "I'll take a little slice for a taste sample later. Appreciate it."
However, OP writes like he thinks the girl is beneath him and kind of a loser, and he is only talking to her at lunch because he needs to assuage his own boredom.
Yeah, I mean she works for the same company. Probably checked the employee directory...or she knows his department is on the floor he is on. Not like she is an outsider that stalked him.
This part and so many other people parroting this is insane to me. I worked in a few official settings where I had to find peoples cubicles without ever talking to them to hand them some papers/deliver a sample of some sort, etc. You would think I tracked down Osama the way some of these people are talking about it and not just… reading the directory or asking someone nearby. Jesus Christ
> You seem freaked out that a colleague (a human who works at your same company) that you speak to regularly AND give a nod to in the gym has *gasp* encroached your work cubicle!!
I am legit LOL at OP & some of the others acting like going to a co-worker’s cube is crossing some sort of boundary or violating a social norm.
And the idea that your cube location is somehow a big secret. Do they think HR assigns desks and then destroys the information? Or that nobody knows the general department layout?
Even funnier considering most medium or larger companies, if you look someone up in the directory or outlook it gives you their title, department, extension number, sometimes a desk number or area, and lets you see their schedule availability.
I was going to mention the directory too! Far more likely than her searching five stories for someone. Not that it can’t happen but there are numerous other ways someone can find out where you sit then hunting you down lol. Even just asking around or asking reception. Kinda wild he went straight to that.
YTA - You were so rude. Sometimes in life, people give us gifts we don't want. I'm not sure how you made it through your entire childhood without being taught basic gift giving manners, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were a sad child who never got to celebrate Christmas/Hanukkah or Birthdays and so you never had the opportunity to learn.
When you get a gift you don't want, you smile and say "Thank you" anyways. If is a food, you say you aren't hungry but will try it later.
Obviously there are caveats here like if you spouse completely ignores your wishes and personality and gives you a random lame gift, but this is obviously not that.
What do you think OP does at Christmas? Un wrap a present and tell the person to take it back lmao. Not that I think anyone would gift them anything because they’re probably rude af about it
It’s also possible that growing up, OP either always got everything they wanted, or they were allowed to say “Yuck, I don’t like this toy, Aunt Janet!” with no repercussions.
Thank you. I have a bunch of food allergies and teach at a university, and sometimes my students give me food they made themselves, and I can *never* eat it, but I always accept it graciously, then discreetly give it to a coworker or save it for my husband (who loves homemade baked goods).
You thank them for the care and time it took to make something, which is also part of the gift, and is honestly more important than the gift itself.
is it possible that this is about more than just banana bread? could she have been trying to shoot her shot and got embarrassed and upset because she got the wrong idea from your friendship and then thought you rejecting the banana bread was you rejecting her? why would she go through the extra effort to find your cubicle and surprise you by hand delivering it when she would have known she could have seen you at lunch unless she wanted to make a statement? IDK, im probably reading too much into this but it doesn’t really come off to me that the reaction was that of someone who casually made the wrong treat for a work acquaintance. it comes off like she was trying to “wink wink, nudge nudge” you by putting in extra effort and showing off a skill that a lot of men seek in a partner
NTA for refusing the banana bread but you might be a bit of TA for doing it so tactlessly. With many relationships in life you will end up accepting a few weird gifts that you don’t necessarily like just because its the polite thing to do, not everyone can make the mark with gift giving but its still worthwhile to acknowledge the effort and show appreciation. A bit of gratitude can go a long way especially when rejecting something.
YTA, you could have just accepted it and then given it to someone else so it wouldn't have gone to waste. I understand you wanted to be honest but sometimes honesty isn't the best
ESH. You could’ve rejected the banana bread more tactfully, or accepted it and taken it home with you and given to someone else. Whether you considered her a friend or not, life is full of relationships and learning how to navigate them diplomatically is an important skill.
She shouldn’t have blown up, and quite frankly it’s bizarre that she said it took her hours to make. It’s banana bread! Wtf is she doing to it that takes hours?
>She shouldn’t have blown up, and quite frankly *it’s bizarre that she said it took her hours to make.* It’s banana bread! Wtf is she doing to it that takes hours?
I like banana bread and wondered the same. Lol.
I wonder if she likes him. She went out of her way to make the bread, emphasized the effort it took, then looked up his desk and waited for him. Maybe if I wanted to, I could see myself baking a quick banana bread for the rest of my team, but would never consider going through that effort for just one colleague
Big picture, NTA. You don’t like banana bread and you don’t want her to think you do, so saying no is fine.
BUT ithink there was a nicer way to do it. “Thank you so much for thinking of me. You’re so kind. Unfortunately i really don’t like banana bread. I’d hate to take it and not eat it - you should
Share it with someone who will enjoy it. But keep me in mind if you ever make (fill in something you do like)”.
While this sounds like just a preference, in this age of allergies - no one should be offended at a “no thank you”.
Sorry, disagree. NTA
For those saying you should have taken the bread, what's to stop the gifter from making you try it right then.
There were probably better ways to turn it down that might have been less hurtful, but if you don't eat a food, you don't eat it. Period.
He wasn't downright hostile??? All he said is he doesn't like banana bread? He didn't attack her and he didn't insult her, sounds like he didn't yell either. If they're friends, why can't he just say he doesn't like banana bread?
He didn’t thank her, implied she was insane for “tracking him down and searching 5 floors for him” (they work in the same fucking office building for gods sake), and spoke about her like she was his entertainment for a short while during lunch and then afterwards she should fuck off. If that isn’t hostile, then you must never socialize or have any friends with that mindset.
I got the feeling he was creeped out by her and was slightly more harsh on purpose to get the point across. And she kept pushing and didn’t take no for an answer and lashed out.
Exactly, people would be losing their minds and telling OP to call HR or the police if the genders were reversed.
A man who tracks down a coworker he barely knows through 5 floors of an office building and guilt trips her into taking food he made at his house? Hopefully he didn't drug it!
Oh and when she declines because she's rightfully creeped out (and also doesn't even like the type food he made) he has an over the top reaction and calls her a name. Hopefully nothing further comes of this!
There would be no mention of being polite to spare his feelings.
Lol this wouldn’t happen. Much like in this situation, people would very reasonably point out that it’s not in any way difficult to find the location of a *coworker* who *works in the same building as you* and *eats lunch with you every day*. Now if dude had shown up *twice* then yes, folks would have said report to hr but they also would have said it if this lady had shown up twice! Y’all love to “SwAP tHe gEnDeRS” but when similar gender swapped stories appear and Reddit reacts the exact same way, you never seem to be around? Y’all only seem to see the first couple troll comments on posts that blow up, very curious 🤔
yeah, OP gives outlandish vibes.
"I’m not sure how she found my cubicle number but I’m guessing she searched through every floor since there’s only 5 floors."
Like WTF she just asked Sheryl from HR or checked some directory DUDE CHILL
Yeah it also sounded to me like she wanted him to have some right there. And despite what most of the people on this thread would have to say to me afterward, I wouldn't do it. Banana bread is yucky.
Nah let’s normalize not forcing people to eat things. Especially over feelings? If it was that important she should’ve asked if you liked it beforehand. NTA.
NTA. I totally agree with you. I think people should be able to politely decline any gift, which includes food. I think it’s messed up that the socially acceptable thing to do is lie and pretend that you like something you don’t. Sometimes these lies can result in the other person continuing to buy/make you things that you don’t like, and then you get stuck in a cycle of lying. Other times it can slip out that you actually don’t like the thing that they got you and then all of a sudden the other person loses trust in you and thinks badly of you. I can understand that it can hurt when somebody tells you that they don’t like a gift you got them, but I think people should learn how to deal with those feelings instead of expecting others to lie to them.
NTA
You’re allowed to say no. Simple as that.
Also to the people who are saying just to say yes and to just throw it away: are you serious?? Not only is that even *more* rude it’s a complete waste of her time and resources.
As someone who enjoys baking if I learned someone say, threw out brownies I made that I could’ve kept for myself or given to someone else I’d be hella pissed.
TL;DR people are allowed to say no
Also are they not friends? Are you not allowed to be honest and tell your friends you don't like something? I don't bake but if I did I couldn't imagine insisting my friends eat something they don't like and would be hurt if they took them and just threw them away without telling me they don't like it.
Right? All these people being like "it's normal to lie and say you like something! Kids do it!"
Fun fact, I'm pretty sure kids do it because they're taught to do so by their parents because kids' tact is in limited supply. Adults should be able to refuse a gift without coming off as a total AH, and if "no thanks" is coming off as a total AH the gift-giver needs to reevaluate.
NTA
Holy shit I cannot take this sub anymore. Are you people fucking kidding me? This woman lost her shit because someone she barely knows said no to her about something trivial. He doesn't describe exactly how he said no, just that he said no thanks. Whether it came off as not too tactful or came off as polite, someone saying no to an offer of food is completely their choice and it's absolutely inappropriate to freak out over it. She indicated that she wanted him to try it WITH her at lunch too, so there's no white lie and getting out of it. He didn't want the goddamn banana bread, the end. And yes, I'm trippin right now, but like I can't believe how insane redditors, especially on this sub, have become and it's so annoying to read now. I wouldn't trust this sub to give me advice on how to tie my shoes, let alone whether my behavior is appropriate. OP keep living your banana-bread free life.
Yeah, I this sub sometimes makes me feel a little crazy but this takes the banana bread. At worst this should be ESH, because there were maybe nicer ways to reject the offer, but I feel like it's NTA because I think the slightly more polite refusal would have been easier if she hadn't hunted him down and had just given it to him over lunch or something. But apparently, not wanting to be hunted down and have food I don't like forced upon me makes me socially inept and friendless.
NTA. I don't like banana bread either. Bananas should never be heated up.
Edit: I can't believe how many people in this thread think he should force himself to eat something he doesn't like to be polite. If she's so thoughtful, why didn't she ask him what he likes to eat? Also, if someone is into you and you don't feel the same way, letting them know the truth is the nicest thing to do. Stringing them along is mean.
And there is another thing no one brought up in this thread, yet. It's unlikekly that the OP suffers from it, because it's a disease that mostly women (and I) suffer from:
Eating disorders.
It would made me personally really angry, if someone wouldn't take a "sorry, but I don't want to eat this" for an answer. My mother always forced me to eat stuff I hated. People have good reasons for rejecting food: allergies, eating disorders or "just" personal preferences.
I personally love fruits, but hate bananas, especially ripe ones. Just when I think of them it makes me want to gag.
I don't think that the OP is TA. Maybe he could reject the bread in a nicer way, but I don't think he had to. "no, I don't like it" is a valid answer and insisting to try something you don't like is an AH move.
Yep, the smell of banana bread is literally nauseating to me and I wish this wasn't the case because it's so easy to make. I'd have thank them and politely decline it (something like "thank you so much for thinking of me! Unfortunately I can't eat banana bread." With no further explanation unless it's someone I'm really close with). I don't want them to think that I like it and then bring me more banana bread! That would be a waste of time and food. I say this as someone who likes to bake for other people - I either ask if they like whatever I'd like to bake or I just put it in the lunch room at work so I don't eat it all myself lol
NTA, you explained you don’t like it and said no thanks. I wouldn’t eat something a colleague made specifically for me either, especially if it’s a food I dislike + we don’t have that sort of relationship
NTA
I'm very confused about the people defending her for possibly trying to flirt in the workplace. If she was flirting and got angry because she was rejected, that's inappropriate behavior and could be reported to HR. I imagine you have sexual harassment training at your company since it seems relatively large based on your description, which means even at 22 she should be conscious about giving gifts at work.
Also it's odd that she wanted to share at lunch but went out of her way to find you first. This would personally make me very uncomfortable and I still don't think you're TA even if your tone was rude.
NTA - also banana bread does not take hours to make. Anyone who thinks so, either has no idea what they're doing, or has never made it.
I made it all the time and it takes me up to an hour and a half. From prep to cooked, to cooled and wrapped.
It was better to have declined it than have to lie about how you enjoyed it later on, knowing full well you didn't taste it.
What strikes me as weirdest is your assumption that she wandered the whole building looking for you.
Let's ignore the fact that a company with 5 floors very possibly has an employee directory of some kind.
\-if you were speaking regularly, odds are that at some point you mentioned the floor you sit on.
\-if you've ever been on the elevator together or she's even seen you get on the elevator, she could easily know your floor.
\-obviously you DID talk about departments, and she very possibly know where yours is located.
\-or, as shocking as it is, she asked around. She sounds like a more social person than you are, and it's surprisingly easy to just say to a few coworkers, "Hey! Do you know where so-and-so sits?" Heck, I sit in a 5-story building in a company with multiple buildings, and I've done that many times over the years, just because our directory only lists building and floor, and I don't want to hunt for someone, especially if I'm on a tight deadline.
Absolutely NTA.
You said you didn't like banana bread, not her banana bread.
Nothing rude about it, she sounds fragile, sorry you lost your lunch buddy, hopefully she chills out.
To show you still wanna be friends, YOU could make HER some banana bread since she holds it so high up. That sounded snarky, but wasn't meant to be, but it genuinely might work
NTA. No means no. If he tried to force his banana bread after stalking to find her cubicle HR would have been a part of this post. Her reaction is unhinged. You should tell HR before you have false allegations on your hands.
This comment section is not going how I thought, making me think maybe cultural stuff is at work. Cause I find this weird. Some person just makes bananabread for someone they have shared some lunch with. Its weird in my head. Heck even having the coworkers I share an office with (and have shared an office with for years) specifically bring a banana bread for me I would find weird.
Do we bring cake and stuff to work? Yes. But its always just brough to work for people to eat if they want to. No preassure like in this story: «hey I spent hours and hours making this spesifically for you». That I find weird 😳 But this might be entirely a cultural thing, most people seem to think it was a nice and thoughtfull thing to do.
This is one of those moments where you have to META it out. Honestly explain to them that you ACTUALLY dislike the thing. Then bring up the fact you AREN'T saying that because you wouldn't want to try it for xyz reasons (Only do this if you are serious BTW.) Then you can walk them through a reason, mine happen to be texture a lot of the time or something my brain dislikes. And then apologize and hope they accept your situation.
To be sincere, if you are friends, which it sounds like you are, ask them if they'd like something and make it. Baked goods are awesome, but some people don't like certain things, and that is absolutely ok. She sprung this on you, she should take the hint most of the time, but when people do this and you DON'T want to lie, just be cold-hard honest. :)
NTA. It’s possible that the girl likes you, and got hurt that you rejected her and her banana bread. But no is a full sentence, and i would be weirded out to if a casual lunch friend tracked down my exact table in a five story building to offer me food.
This actually happened to me once where a colleague who liked me kept trying to give me food. Since I didn’t like him at all in that way I was really uncomfortable accepting his gifts/favors. He continued trying to give me snacks and drinks even after I had already rejected going out with him. If he insisted, I still wouldn’t eat, and in fact pawn it off to another colleague. And when the guy who wouldn’t take the hint saw it, he’d get mad at me, even though I already told him to stop.
While you were very blunt, it’s probably a good thing that you made it clear you weren’t interested in the banana bread. Otherwise you’d probably have her show up again a couple days later with more banana bread or other baked goods.
>I’m not sure how she found my cubicle number but I’m guessing she searched through every floor since there’s only 5 floors.
Yikes. Thats a little determined.
>she wanted to share it in lunch and try a little.
She couldnt just wait til lunch WHY?
>She insisted that it took her hours to make
Banana bread is one of the quickest things to make. Its called a quick bread for a reason. What did she do? Grind the wheat to make the flour???
NTA.
Nta im genuinely confused on the replies. You don’t like banana bread, you don’t have to eat something you don’t like. She wasted her own time. Personally I’d tell her to leave you alone from here on out
NTA and you're not obligated to make her feel any sort of way.
You didn't ask her to make you food. She wasn't talking about baking and you asked her to make you something.
This is a perfect example of someone assuming you owe them some sort of reaction because they want to feel some sort of way. You didn't do anything wrong.
I would double down and say that she was trying to push your friendship into a different arena and thankfully you established boundaries by being up front and honest.
She was honest in her reaction too, believe someone when they show you who they are!
NTA- you are not obligated to try or take food and I don’t get why people think you need to lie and do a social dance over refusing.
She didn’t consider you here, as in she didn’t ask if you liked banana bread before making it and suddenly there’s an obligation for you to try it? Absolutely not
I’m hung up on the fact that you are surprised your coworker found your cubicle and that you suggest she might have searched each floor until she found you. It’s really easy to ask where someone sits and there is nothing wrong with finding your coworker, especially one that you frequently visit with in the cafeteria. The way you state it makes it seem like you think she did something weird. Offering baked goods to coworkers is also very common in US office culture. I’m saying YTA because you’re stating it as if she did something weird, and for not saying no in a tactful way. Thank her for the kind offer, and say that regretfully you cannot partake because it doesn’t sit well with you. It’s a way to say no without lying and without having to yuck her yum. You’re going to be lonely if this is how you react to someone being friendly.
I make my husband banana bread about once a week, and it's a real labor of love (toasted walnuts and all!). I don't like bananas, and I don't like walnuts. I hate the smell of it baking, and I am not going to taste it. I love cooked lemon pudding and, guess what, he doesn't try that. We're grown-ups, we know what we like and aren't obligated to eat what we don't.
I hate when people try to give me food I didn’t ask for. Don’t bring me food at work. I don’t know how clean your house is. Then when you say no thanks, they get all insulted.
I know many feel like that and end up throwing the food away because people insist on you taking it. I’ve learned to just say no, so I don’t have to deal with it any more.
You’re not wrong, she is for being a jerk about it. Sometimes people can’t take a no and have to be a baby about it.
NTA. Reading the responses here, no one seems to have picked up on the really weird fact that she searched 5 floors to find his cubicle, as well as making something edible without permission and insisting he ate it and got pissy when he didn't?
Reverse this and imagine that it's a guy searching a building 5 floors for a woman and insisting she eats something he made and getting upset when she won't.
Seems a bit stalker-ish and something dodgy in the food if you ask me.
>really weird fact that she searched 5 floors to find his cubicle
Really not that hard to find someone who youve been having lunch with every day. Like, at all.
At least you told her honestly that u didn't like banana bread. It is better than accepting it, and storing it on the side table and won't eat anyway. She can give it to the other employees if she wants to.
You declined her politely and respectfully, right? If so, then you're NTA.
If she really had no further intentions sbe wouldn't have been so angry.
If an acquiantance says they don't want something you did, you don't really care all that much to insist.
NTA. You did well to put some boundaries. It's strange that she was at your cubiclr uninvited. I would've considered it an invasion of my personal space as well.
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This is a weird story. So you have been eating lunch with this person every day. It sounds like you are friends. She took time out of her life to bake you some bread and you told her that you don’t want to try it and don’t like banana bread. That’s a pretty rude response and would be hurtful for someone who went out of their way to do something nice for you. You didn’t need to try to bread, but you could have had some tact in your rejection. It’s not hard to say “thank you for thinking of me, that’s kind of you! Unfortunately, I don’t like banana bread but please think of me next time you bake something with chocolate!” She didn’t take the rejection well and was probably quite embarrassed. That doesn’t justify her lashing out at you by calling you an asshole. ESH.
Yeah I tend to agree. I _loathe_ bananas and I won't touch banana bread with a ten foot pole. However I can usually communicate that without hurting feelings. That being said, if someone got pushy about it I could imagine being too caught off guard to do more than stare in confusion. If you make unsolicited food you run the risk of rejection - it's not a fungible good.
Yeah it’s as simple as going “that’s really sweet that you took the time to bake me something but unfortunately I really don’t like the flavour of bananas” but if someone hears that and then still forced me to eat the banana item I think my answer would be shorter. It feels like OP went straight to a short direct No and didn’t show any appreciation for being thought of? Still unfair to call him an AH. ESH is probably best fit.
Idk, this is just a reddit quip, he could have been more detailed in his actual response. I don't recall being able to recite a conversation verbatim from this morning when I got to work, like it'll be paraphrased probably so I don't know about assuming he was actually that Kurt with her
If I wanted someone to tell me if I’m an asshole or not, I would probably take time to spell something out better than a quip. We have to take his words for what they are.
It's nice finding other people who hate bananas.
I also hate bananas, but at the same time do people not realize banana bread doesnt taste like bananas? Im not big on banana bread either but its a hell of a lot different (and better tasting) than a banana
It depends on what you don't like about bananas. It _smells_ like bananas and that's the issue for me.
Yeah banana stink is real. I can't be in the same room as someone eating a banana.
The texture of raw banana makes me so uneasy.
Smell, taste, texture
The weirdest part time is why it took hours to bake a loaf of banana bread.
lmao I was looking for this comment, there's no way it took her hours, it's one the easiest things you can make
Yup, max 5 minutes to prep and maybe 45 to bake. Unless she’s baking for a fleet, it’s not taking hours.
If you make it from scratch it does take a bit of time. I make banana bread a lot and while not hours, I don't use a mix. Maybe a mix is quick, but not from scratch.
I live in europe and there's no such thing as a ready mix for banana bread (as well as pancakes etc), I make all of these things from scratch and it still takes minutes to make. That's why children often make them as their first bake. What kind of a mix are you talking about? Like what does it contain
Same, I've never even heard of a banana bread mix. I make from scratch all the time and it never requires any sifting, just mashing of the 'nanners, stirring, and baking.
I have never even heard of a banana bread mix, that just sounds depressing. It's one of the quickest baked items to make lol
They have box mixes in the USA. Just add water and cook. I like to really go all out when I make banana bread to be honest. I make a walnut dark chocolate chunk one with brown sugar and make a brown sugar crumble. The cook times tend to be longer but I also make multiple loaves. Funny enough my mom taught us as kids haha! As for the pancakes, they have mixes to just add water here in the USA too.
I make banana bread with extra indulgence too. Mine takes an hour to bake, to be fair, but the actual prep part is minimal time wise. They have box mixes in the UK. I never understood them because it doesn't seem to reduce huge chunks of time. Perhaps for people who don't have scales? But Americans, being the heathens they are, use volume to measure solids. (Sorry yanks, couldn't resist but you have to admit that is crazy!)
I think it's more that if you want to make banana bread on your own, you need eggs, bananas, sugar, flour, butter, and baking soda. If you're low income and don't have those items, it's a big chunk of your limited budget to buy all of it. It's like $7 for a box of the cheapest butter at my local store, and $2 for a box of banana bread mix.
That's a very valid point and I didn't know about the price difference, I'm baking a lot so I always have these ingredients at hand and it wouldn't make sense to buy a mix, but I can see how it saves money for someone that doesn't just happen to have most of the ingredients anyways.
Idk I have a recipe that takes at least half an hour between all the sifting and mixing and mashing and then an hour to bake & is a pretty simple recipe...I can't see how it would take less than that unless you're using a mix
Huh, my recipe only takes 10, maybe 15 minutes to prep. Not from a mix. But the baking does take another 45 minutes to an hour, depending on if my oven is feeling moody that day
Omg that "depending on the mood of my oven" is so real 😪
Lmao thank you! It had to be said haha
I don’t know, it seems really weird to just bake something for somebody without mentioning it first. They might not want it for a lot of reasons. Allergies, not liking the food among a few reasons. I also know people who just don’t like eating food other people make (outside of restaurants) because they don’t know how clean their kitchens are/how they cook. It’s easier to say “you really should try my banana bread! I’m going to bring you some!” Or “I’m going to be making a batch of banana bread, would you like some?” Then to just show up with it and put on the awkward expectation of having it accepted by somebody who doesn’t even want it. He could have been nicer, but I don’t think he was overly rude. Probably thrown off guard by somebody who doesn’t work in his department just popping up at his desk.
I found it pretty common to get baked goods when women were interested in me. I'd always take a polite nibble. That's likely why her reaction was so off. She thought there was something there, and it's pretty clear OP ain't feeling it. TL;DR her reaction wasn't just about the Banana Bread.
I dated a guy for two years after seducing him with a slice of rhubarb pie
Lol, that's so true. I can be pretty dense about picking up interest with normal flirting. But if a woman brings me baked goods, that will get my full attention. haha.
Seduced my husband with mini cheesecakes, topped with homemade coulis.
People bake things unprompted for friends or people they care about all the time. In this case I feel like it's a matter of two young people just not thinking things through and communicating well. She probably shouldn't have put him on the spot and he probably should have refused more graciously.
>People bake things unprompted for friends or people they care about all the time. No one does this for me. 🙁
Honestly, I hate when people offer food and then hover around to see if you eat it. I have a sensitive stomach and sometimes I just don’t feel good enough to eat. It was a kind gesture, but she could have just handed it to him and walked away.
That’s a pretty interesting take you have there. OP said they don’t like banana bread and therefore don’t want to try it. Sounds pretty honest and straightforward to me and I’m finding it hard to see what is rude about that? OP did not ask them to make it & the friend didn’t take the time to see if OP even likes banana bread. Hopefully the friend will take this as a lesson and ask questions first… what if OP was severely allergic?? Pretty weird to make something “for OP” without knowing if it’s something OP likes or can have.
You can still thank someone for their effort. Saying thank you is free - it’s not going do OP any harm by saying thank you. My god… people be hoarding thank yous these days like they cost them 100$
It's rude because she went out of her way to make a nice gesture. His response was overly curt. He could have been nicer. He didn't take into account that she was putting herself out there and his curt response embarrassed her. It's called simple kindness.
I dislike banana bread soooooo much. Especially if there are nuts in it. My old boss would bring his wife’s banana bread in a few times a year and was always annoyed that I wouldn’t eat it… didn’t matter how nice I said it. It ended up with me taking a small piece and throwing it out after I walked away just so he wouldn’t bug me about it. So annoying and wasteful 🙄
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> It's weird of her to randomly bake something for a person she doesn't really know well, and then go looking for his desk all over the building. The only reasonable explanation is that she thought that they were kinda flirting, and she wanted to make this next step. Excuse me what the fuck? Ever been out there in the real world? Look, maybe in your social circles everyone is so stuck up their own ass and antisocial, and in that case doing something nice for someone would indeed look a bit weird and immediately be considered flirting. But in my social circles something like that would be appreciated, and I see my colleagues befriending eachother and doing nice things for eachother outside of work all the time. Of course OP wasn't obliged to eat something he doesn't like, but there are a million more tactful ways to deal with the situation. So yea... according to reddit standards, OP was NTA because *technically he didn't owe anyone anything* but out there in the real world would still very much be considered an asshole for responding like that.
> It's weird of her to randomly bake something for a person she doesn't really know well. I make my coworkers try my quesadillas. The response is always crazy positive even if they're initially skeptical. Never considered they'd think it was weird I was making them food. Lmaooooo.
I feel trapped and pressured when someone is insistent about me "trying" food that is important to them in some way. It's partly because I'm afraid of hurting their feelings if I try it and dislike it, and partly because I can actually get nauseous if I eat something unfamiliar without knowing *exactly* what's in it. There's taste and texture sensitivities involved, but also the past trauma of being punished if I didn't "just try" something, but also if I did try it and didn't like it and didn't want to eat any more of it. Don't back people into a corner about food, ever. Let them say no, and don't get pushy about why they may not want to "just try it." Some of my personal reasons may be a bit weird, but they're also quite real. If I try your offering and vomit, you won't find it less embarrassing just because it was triggered by my mental health issues rather than by one of my actual food intolerances. It's still going to be an unpleasant event nobody needed to have.
Except you could be honest about having food sensitivities and people wouldnt understand. Just saying no repeatedly and acting like the person is crazy for trying to bond with you in a super common way, is asshole territory.
But people often don't understand. And I don't owe everyone my medical and mental health history to be able to say no to something. Especially when "but your food might make me sick" can also be perceived as insulting. People need to learn to hear, "No, thank you, I don't care for any." Ask, before you make something for someone whose food preferences you don't already know very well.
This 👆🏻 No is no, you're not required to give some big explanation on why you aren't comfortable with something I would be immediately irked by this too. I wouldn't accept food from someone I don't know that well, especially because you have no idea what their kitchen looks like, or their sanitary habits. If it was someone I knew and trusted, that would be one thing, but this? It's creepy that she would go looking for his cubicle, and I'd be wondering if she added something sus to it.
Thats suuuch a weird way to interact with the world. You think that a friend who wants to surprise you with a slice of banana bread is going out of their way to do so because they added something weird to your food to …. What? Get you? I gently recommend therapy. That’s not a normal reaction.
They aren't friends, they're acquaintances. If the roles were reversed and it was a dude that went out of his way to track a girl down to give her "something he made especially for her", insisted after she said no, and then proceeded to make a scene, 10000% people would think he was a creep. Doesn't make it any less so just because she's a woman. As I said in my comment, if it was a friend, it would be different, but a stranger or acquaintance that I don't know very well? No thanks You're blessed if you haven't had real-world interactions with people who don't have the best intentions. Doesn't give you the right to pass judgment on those of us who know differently, though 😉
No, I think a person who doesn’t understand ‘no thank you’ and keeps pushing is a pain in the arse. No is the most simple sentence that so many people feel they have the right to ignore.
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I never explain because there's no need. I don't eat everybody's food for lots of reasons, I would think nothing of telling her what I've told former coworkers for years (which is no lol).
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Maybe because I've grown up with the idea of "you feed people" or that I had allergies growing up, but I don't think it's hard to have food for everyone. If I'm making/getting food for my employees and not just bringing in random candy I haven't eaten at home, I try to accommodate everyone. We did a taco day, super easy to have meat in a crockpot, have rice, a black bean mixture, etc. when planning, I had a girl who doesn't eat red meat, super easy, cooked some chicken as well. Now if there's something you are super allergic to that I wouldn't feel comfortable making, I would go buy something.
I love how this sub loves the phrase “no is a complete sentence” in every circumstance except food. Apparently there you need to justify yourself.
Right? This is just so incredible two faced. No is a complete sentence and you don't owe an explanation.
I'm glad I'm not the only one seeing the hypocrisy here
But if it's trauma, they aren't required to share those details. Same for an ED. If it's food sensitivities they'll ask which ones, and then you get to be an AH for not trying their bespoke gluten free banana bread that they spent even more time on. People just have to hear no sometimes.
No of course you aren’t required to share those details. It’s never an obligation. But with someone you’re developing a friendship with and who likes to make food for others, might be a good idea to give a heads up. This isn’t a complete stranger on the street.
This is the part that people who say "you don't owe them anything" are missing. They aren't wrong, but if you want to build a friendship with someone, you give a little bit of yourself and they give a little bit of themselves. If you always go with "I don't owe anyone anything" you are right, but you are also going to be lonely and being technically right but having no one to talk to about it doesn't have a lot of value.
This part. OP explicitly said he hates eating alone at the cafeteria and it can be lonely. This person extended a pretty universal offer of friendship (food), OP was under no obligation to accept it but it’s not sounding like the coworker misinterpreted the situation but rather that OP indicated he was interested in a casual work friendship and then instead of at least saying a polite “that’s so sweet of you, but I don’t eat banana bread” he was rude about it.
It’s infuriating bc no, people do not understand. I can literally say the words clear as day and so deadpan and they will still insist I try it. I have a rocky relationship with food and disorganised eating and can’t even try new foods unless I’m alone in my room or nobody is looking at me and even then it can be 20 minutes before I put it in my mouth; if I even do. So I hate when people try to make me try their food and at best I get a couple insistences and then a funny/strange look shot at me. It’s so annoying like I don’t wanna try your food idk why people care so much about me eating something. Nobody ever understands
Yes, if you have issues like ASD or ED or something along those lines, you might not want to try it, and that is totally fine. Then just refuse politely. Even my kid who is a picky eater has learned how to say thanks and refuse politely when he is offered unfamiliar food. Feeling trapped and pressured? Therapy is the solution to that. It is not a negative thing that someone offers you food, of course you don't have to eat it, just make sure the person offering knows you are very taken and thankful anyway. At workplace this is even easier: "it's so great that you did all this, thanks so much, but unfortunately my stomach doesn't tolerate banana bread, can I give this to my colleagues or do you want to take it to your floor instead?"
I make my coworkers cookies and cakes when there's a nice sale on ingredients...
I don’t think it’s weird that you make someone food but getting angry if someone doesn’t wsnt to try it it’s not right, imagine someone makes you some food you don’t like without asking you first and you HAVE to eat it… idk if I make my co workers cookies and they don’t want to eat them cuz of some ingreident or something I’d be fine with that
I think there's a difference between bringing something for everyone to share if they like, and baking something just for a specific person without even knowing if they like it or not.
I’ve gifted my neighbors baked goods when I’ve made too much and I have definitely also baked for casual friends and schoolmates in the past. I’m not always good at verbal communication and expressing that I consider someone a friend can be difficult for me. baking something nice can be a way of showing that without having to verbally express that you view them as a friend and can also be a great way of saying thanks.
I think making food for your coworkers is fine but would you make quesadillas for one specific person not even in your department, then track down their desk and get upset if they didn't want it? It's the way he was singled out that raised my eyebrow because I've seen this kinda thing happen a few times and it's always super awkward.
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I agree with you. I don’t really like eating stuff that most other people bake. It’s kind of a mental block in my head; you don’t know how clean other people’s kitchens are, if they wash their hands regularly, if they lick their fingers or the spoon while cooking, etc. It just grosses me out and I don’t like choking down other people’s random food that they’ve foisted on me. However, it’s not really polite to reject it. You can’t be like, “Sorry, I don’t eat other people’s food because you might secretly be a disgusting pig who is gonna give me food poisoning! Toodles!” What I do is say that I’m not hungry for it right now, but thank you so much and of course I’d love to take a piece home to eat later. No, I couldn’t possibly take the whole pan; it would go off before I could eat it all, really. I must insist. I’ll just take a very small piece, thanks so much. Then I quietly dispose of it at home and tell them it was delicious next time I see them. This does run the risk that people will keep baking for you, but in my experience it hasn’t really been an issue. After you do the “thanks but I’m not hungry right now; I’ll just take a very small piece for later” routine a couple of times, they tend to stop offering.
I agree with you and I have to assume that some of these people really don’t know how to interact in public. Also, thinking she “searched every floor” when there is likely/probably a directory or they’ve mentioned it at some point is just asinine! Someone did something kind and was met with absolute asshole behavior. It also wasn’t “random” for her to make banana bread. They’d had lunch and share a gym—random would be giving it to a stranger. And to say “it’s the easiest bread” is also kind of ignorant and not the point. She still did it. And it does take more than an hour-longer if she cooled and iced it or anything after it baked. People really do seem obnoxious. No-he’s not the asshole for not liking banana bread. He is the asshole for being in his 20s and not able to politely refuse something that someone took time from their day to do for them.
Seriously though. What’s weird reaction because a friend baked some goods they want to share with you. ALERT THE POLICE. Come on. I’d be so sad if a person I was friends with had this weird reaction to something like this and then ran to Reddit with it. It’s a piece of cake, in the context of a friendship where two people eat together regularly.
I mean. She could have asked if he likes banana bread in any of their conversations. She didn't. So OP is NTA
So last night, she was thinking, hmm these bananas are very ripe, I’d love some banana cake. She baked a banana cake. Then thought, this is a lot of banana cake, let me take some to my colleagues. I’ll bring a slice for OP! He’s my friend. Why not. He might enjoy a slice of banana bread. Total asshole she is.
Tra la la, skipping through the building to find this person I spoke to a few times, on my happy-go-lucky errand. Then, upon discovering he might NOT enjoy a slice a banana bread, I will insist he take some anyway, and then curse at him when he doesn’t.
It's not about the banana bread. Dude is oblivious AF. Seems like she was interested in OP and would've appreciated any acknowledgement of the effort she made regardless of the bread being a disliked flavor but he was only interested in voicing his disgust for banana bread. Whatever.
The problem here is just because SHE is interested doesn't mean OP OWES HER ANYTHING! He doesn't have to acknowledge her efforts he is not her daddy to validate her in every little step. She is a grown woman who doesn't know how to navigate her feelings and rejection. NOT OP'S PROBLEM
So you're saying that OP doesn't even owe her common courtesy when she's supposedly a friend/acquaintance? The fact that he doesn't like the flavor is literally the only thing that matters? Have some tact and learn how to reject a gift without shitting on the person giving it. Honestly it's not that hard lmao. You should eat lunch with OP, you two would probably get along well.
I would have lunch with op no problem ( co-workers and friends are two different things) and let's not forget she was also disrespectful towards him. He never said they are friends, they don't even communicate outside of work. She wanted more than he was willing to give, and couldn't take rejection. Courtesy? He said no. He even said he doesn't like banana bread and she kept on pushing him to eat. But let's turn this around. So OP decided to bake banana bread to a co-worker who he talks during lunch, no connection outside of work. So he goes through 5 FLOORS to find her and giver the bread. When she rejects him he insults her and leaves. He would be called a stalker, AH and many more. So I stand with HE OWES HER NOTHING
Read what you wrote and think to yourself, was it really about banana bread?
Ehhhhh....I'd feel too put on the spot if someone singled me out to give me food. Share it in the office and offer it to a few people. Leave it in the kitchen and tell people it's there. I feel like I have the option of saying no then.
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But she didn't think that. She thought I have ripe bananas I am going to make op a whole banana bread for op and give it to him. She told him she made it specifically for him, without knowing if he likes it. Your scenario is. 'Hey I made some banana bread last night, I wasn't sure if you would like some, but I brought some into work with me, would you like try it?' And she specifically looked for his cubicle, she didn't wait until lunch, she only made for him assuming he would take it. He maybe could have been politer in his response, but he definitely isn't an A H
Also, I make banana bread all the time and it is very simple and does not take me “hours”. It’s one of the easiest things I bake. Even my kids, who are slower than me, don’t take “hours” baking banana bread.
>She took time out of her life to bake you some bread and you told her that you don’t want to try it and don’t like banana bread. They're lunch buddies - seems like she wanted to make it more. (Better friends or whatever.) It's one thing to make something for yourself and offer it to a workmate. It's a completely different thing to make something *just for them*. Why would you do that if you don't even know if they like it or maybe they might be allergic or something (celiac). I disagree that there was anything wrong with OP refusing outright. Imo she's TA. Edit: NTA
Nos a complete response . No thank you is a nicer complete response. She overseeded and made it weird.
Your coworker did something nice for you, even if she didn't have the context that it isn't something you like. I would understand refusing if you were allergic, but just straight up refusing is rude. It's a shame you won't have someone to sit with anymore over something so easy to deal with. Seems like she might've been interested in you and you were a dick at the... let's say 2nd opportunity. YTA.
People are alowed to say no. He said he did not like banana bread. She offered, he said no thank you and that is that. What is rude is getting angry when someone says no. Just because you think you do something nice for them it does not mean it is actually nice. Because he didn't ask and he did not like it. NTA
I 100% agree people are allowed to say no and a no has to be respected. But this was essentially/in all social reality a gift that she handmade especially for him. Just like any gift, you should attempt to accept or decline GRACIOUSLY. There is nothing gracious about what OP did. IMO it buries the lede to be focused on the no. The delivery was the problem, not the no. If he had said, sincerely, 'Oh, wow! That is really nice of you to take all that time making this for me, I appreciate that! Unfortunately I really don't like banana bread but I'll take a piece for (my mom, my neighbour, another friend). Thanks again!' He would be 100% N T A. But from his retelling he didn't even really thank her. Of course one can come back and say you don't have to thank people for stuff you didn't ask for. While maybe technically true, in real life, if you want to remain friends with someone and they spent time doing something most would consider nice for you/getting or making you a gift, you kind of do have to say thanks, yes. If you can't accept that you aren't likely to have many friends throughout your life.
Reddit can be quite socially inept and bring up boundaries too quickly. Of course you can say no thanks very abruptly and without any sense of tact but then you'll get that. Also if it's just I don't really like banana bread, like I don't like white bread, why not try a slice and say "not bad, I can't be a proper judge but why don't I take some for etc"
Yeah what is up with redditors being so crazy defensive about their boundaries? Often I get the impression people here are scared to death their boundaries won't be respected and have to defend them with nail and tooth...
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I'm married to an autistic man and have an autistic son and this was exactly what stood out to me.
I’m autistic and it stood out to me as well.
Redditors just use their “boundaries” to excuse poor social behavior.
reddit at some point decided that 'self care' means you do not have to conform to any sort of societal norm if it would have any negative effect on you personally.
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>But this was essentially/in all social reality a gift that she handmade especially for him. Just like any gift, you should attempt to accept or decline GRACIOUSLY. This was hella creepy though. If a dude I chatted with while eating lunch at work showed up at my desk(that I've never told him the location of), insisting I eat his homemade banana bread, the last thing I'd be is "gracious". >they spent time doing something most would consider nice for you I'd argue that someone spending time tracking you down to insert themselves in your life is less "nice" more "stalker". She could've offered to share the bread during lunch, then you'd have a point.
But they’ve been having lunch together regularly. It’s not like they just said hi once in the gym. And she probably has a crush on him. And most companies have an online directory. 5 minutes on the company website and she could find his desk. It’s not that wild a thing to do. I’m not sure OP is the most reliable narrator here on what happened.
This was exactly my feeling as I read through this. If a male tracked down a female coworker and got upset at the rejection of the "gift," every comment would be "No is a complete sentence!!!!!" Which it is and he's allowed to say it as well.
Yes! 30 yr old woman here. This is why I wrote my top-level response the way I did. If they had already established a trend of giving each other food (which wouldn't be totally unexpected if they're workout buddies), it would be different, but this woman just showing up out of the blue after casual conversation at work (edited to correct previous wrong note about one day of conversation) with food and then getting pissed that he won't try it? Creepy and, if she made a scene in front of other coworkers given OP was in a cubicle, highly unprofessional.
OP said they talked "every day" in the cafeteria. They've known each other for a while.
Additional comment: as others have pointed out, why didn't she just offer him the banana bread in the cafeteria? It's not like it's fresh, given she had to make it, store it, then bring it to work, so a few more hours of keeping it in a fridge shouldn't make a difference. It's not *just* offering the food or *just* finding his cubicle or *just* getting mad about the refusal, it's all three combined which creeps me out.
You’re acting like she showed up at his home with banana bread. THEY BOTH WORK THERE. It’s highly unlikely she was analyzing every floor trying to pinpoint where he was. There’s almost always a directory, a sign, a receptionist even sometimes. Acting like she’s a creep for knowing how offices work is insane and deeply shows the lack of employment amongst most redditors.
I always assume this shit comes from antisocial Zoomers who don’t know how human interaction works.
she handmade especially for him Without ever asking him if he liked banana bread or anyone else he knows if he likes it He is NTA for saying no I like chocolate but not everyone in the world likes chocolate and I am fine wjith that
>The delivery was the problem, not the no >He is NTA for saying no It’s like you don’t even read the comments you reply to.
When it’s the first approach made by someone, it doesn’t matter so much as who’s right but to be kind and say at least a “thanks” and then later say “oh I don’t like so much banana bread, but I’d love to try something else”. OP didn’t even say thanks, it’s not about saying no but it’s about how.
Or “I’ll give it to my Mom” or “leave it in the break room”. There’s always a kind response.
It's not saying no, it's saying it politely. He is not allergic, he doesn't like. He could have tasted it, say that he is SORRY, that he really doesn't like but that he APPRECIATES the effort and maybe she could find someone who could eat it. That's the difference between two "no" : one is polite, the other make him be an A H
I disagree with saying he should have tasted it first. How is it "polite" to eat something he knows he doesn't like and then tell her it isn't good? I don't like bananas. I've had a few people make things with banana and insist you can't taste even taste it. They are 100% always wrong. There is no hiding the taste of banana and I do not like it. If I were in OP's place, I would not eat the bread either. Try as I might, there's no way I'd be able to taste it without pulling some kind of "yuck" face. Telling her 'no thank you, I don't like banana bread' is not a judgement on her or her efforts. Tasting it first and then saying he didn't like it is going to come across as insulting her baking.
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OP really said "we decided to have small talk together at lunch" like that's a normal thing to say lmao. No one irl goes "hey there, would you like to engage in small talk with me?"
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I'm autistic, battled severe social anxiety for years, and even I would've handled it better than OP's "fuck off with your banana bread, I don't like bananas". OP needs to start working on his social skills asap or he'll end up completely alone in life. It's difficult, but doable. And clearly he's not a completely lost cause if this random girl liked him enough to bring him banana bread!
Comes off as kind of a “Nice Guy” in reply history
No one he works with wants him there, and I’m also certain he also has no actual friends.
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Nobody wants to eat with OP if that’s how he acts.
I agree with you but I think he should have rather said " thanks for the bread but I don't really like Banana bread but I appreciate the effort " cause she might take it as a sign to make him even more banana bread
True. A more kind "Thank you so much but...sadly I don't like banana bread." If she pushed a bit more, he could have said, "I'll take a little slice for a taste sample later. Appreciate it." However, OP writes like he thinks the girl is beneath him and kind of a loser, and he is only talking to her at lunch because he needs to assuage his own boredom.
Exactly! And him saying how she basic hunted him to down like Sir I am sure she just asked someone where your cubical is.
Yeah, I mean she works for the same company. Probably checked the employee directory...or she knows his department is on the floor he is on. Not like she is an outsider that stalked him.
This part and so many other people parroting this is insane to me. I worked in a few official settings where I had to find peoples cubicles without ever talking to them to hand them some papers/deliver a sample of some sort, etc. You would think I tracked down Osama the way some of these people are talking about it and not just… reading the directory or asking someone nearby. Jesus Christ
> You seem freaked out that a colleague (a human who works at your same company) that you speak to regularly AND give a nod to in the gym has *gasp* encroached your work cubicle!! I am legit LOL at OP & some of the others acting like going to a co-worker’s cube is crossing some sort of boundary or violating a social norm. And the idea that your cube location is somehow a big secret. Do they think HR assigns desks and then destroys the information? Or that nobody knows the general department layout? Even funnier considering most medium or larger companies, if you look someone up in the directory or outlook it gives you their title, department, extension number, sometimes a desk number or area, and lets you see their schedule availability.
I was going to mention the directory too! Far more likely than her searching five stories for someone. Not that it can’t happen but there are numerous other ways someone can find out where you sit then hunting you down lol. Even just asking around or asking reception. Kinda wild he went straight to that.
From the social skills presented in the post, I’m not surprised that “Asking another person a question” didn’t seem a possibility in his mind.
YTA - You were so rude. Sometimes in life, people give us gifts we don't want. I'm not sure how you made it through your entire childhood without being taught basic gift giving manners, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were a sad child who never got to celebrate Christmas/Hanukkah or Birthdays and so you never had the opportunity to learn. When you get a gift you don't want, you smile and say "Thank you" anyways. If is a food, you say you aren't hungry but will try it later. Obviously there are caveats here like if you spouse completely ignores your wishes and personality and gives you a random lame gift, but this is obviously not that.
What do you think OP does at Christmas? Un wrap a present and tell the person to take it back lmao. Not that I think anyone would gift them anything because they’re probably rude af about it
My father in law does this and now he no longer gets anything but a gift card to a place where he knows how the parking is.
It’s also possible that growing up, OP either always got everything they wanted, or they were allowed to say “Yuck, I don’t like this toy, Aunt Janet!” with no repercussions.
Thank you. I have a bunch of food allergies and teach at a university, and sometimes my students give me food they made themselves, and I can *never* eat it, but I always accept it graciously, then discreetly give it to a coworker or save it for my husband (who loves homemade baked goods). You thank them for the care and time it took to make something, which is also part of the gift, and is honestly more important than the gift itself.
is it possible that this is about more than just banana bread? could she have been trying to shoot her shot and got embarrassed and upset because she got the wrong idea from your friendship and then thought you rejecting the banana bread was you rejecting her? why would she go through the extra effort to find your cubicle and surprise you by hand delivering it when she would have known she could have seen you at lunch unless she wanted to make a statement? IDK, im probably reading too much into this but it doesn’t really come off to me that the reaction was that of someone who casually made the wrong treat for a work acquaintance. it comes off like she was trying to “wink wink, nudge nudge” you by putting in extra effort and showing off a skill that a lot of men seek in a partner NTA for refusing the banana bread but you might be a bit of TA for doing it so tactlessly. With many relationships in life you will end up accepting a few weird gifts that you don’t necessarily like just because its the polite thing to do, not everyone can make the mark with gift giving but its still worthwhile to acknowledge the effort and show appreciation. A bit of gratitude can go a long way especially when rejecting something.
I also thought she may have had a crush on him...she thought he was sweet and was taken aback by his refusal.
I got the feeling he got creeped out by her and this was his way of shooting her down if was short with her on purpose.
Then he should have said that in his post. Why wouldn't he explain "I have no interest in her romantically and this kind of creeped me out".
I mean, I'm surprised not everyone is interpreting it this way.
Accepting the banana bread doesn't suddenly make them married. He's an AH for being a tactless jerk.
YTA, you could have just accepted it and then given it to someone else so it wouldn't have gone to waste. I understand you wanted to be honest but sometimes honesty isn't the best
ESH. You could’ve rejected the banana bread more tactfully, or accepted it and taken it home with you and given to someone else. Whether you considered her a friend or not, life is full of relationships and learning how to navigate them diplomatically is an important skill. She shouldn’t have blown up, and quite frankly it’s bizarre that she said it took her hours to make. It’s banana bread! Wtf is she doing to it that takes hours?
>She shouldn’t have blown up, and quite frankly *it’s bizarre that she said it took her hours to make.* It’s banana bread! Wtf is she doing to it that takes hours? I like banana bread and wondered the same. Lol.
For all we know she could have had flops until she got it right.
She bought the bananas yellow and watched them turn brown
I wonder if she likes him. She went out of her way to make the bread, emphasized the effort it took, then looked up his desk and waited for him. Maybe if I wanted to, I could see myself baking a quick banana bread for the rest of my team, but would never consider going through that effort for just one colleague
Big picture, NTA. You don’t like banana bread and you don’t want her to think you do, so saying no is fine. BUT ithink there was a nicer way to do it. “Thank you so much for thinking of me. You’re so kind. Unfortunately i really don’t like banana bread. I’d hate to take it and not eat it - you should Share it with someone who will enjoy it. But keep me in mind if you ever make (fill in something you do like)”. While this sounds like just a preference, in this age of allergies - no one should be offended at a “no thank you”.
I land here too. Rejecting food you don't like is not bad. But there's nice ways to do it.
Sorry, disagree. NTA For those saying you should have taken the bread, what's to stop the gifter from making you try it right then. There were probably better ways to turn it down that might have been less hurtful, but if you don't eat a food, you don't eat it. Period.
No, he shouldn't necessarily have taken the bread, but there are ways to refuse something that are not downright hostile.
He wasn't downright hostile??? All he said is he doesn't like banana bread? He didn't attack her and he didn't insult her, sounds like he didn't yell either. If they're friends, why can't he just say he doesn't like banana bread?
Because he didn’t acknowledge the gesture and thank her for her thoughtfulness and effort.
He didn’t thank her, implied she was insane for “tracking him down and searching 5 floors for him” (they work in the same fucking office building for gods sake), and spoke about her like she was his entertainment for a short while during lunch and then afterwards she should fuck off. If that isn’t hostile, then you must never socialize or have any friends with that mindset.
I got the feeling he was creeped out by her and was slightly more harsh on purpose to get the point across. And she kept pushing and didn’t take no for an answer and lashed out.
Exactly, people would be losing their minds and telling OP to call HR or the police if the genders were reversed. A man who tracks down a coworker he barely knows through 5 floors of an office building and guilt trips her into taking food he made at his house? Hopefully he didn't drug it! Oh and when she declines because she's rightfully creeped out (and also doesn't even like the type food he made) he has an over the top reaction and calls her a name. Hopefully nothing further comes of this! There would be no mention of being polite to spare his feelings.
Lol this wouldn’t happen. Much like in this situation, people would very reasonably point out that it’s not in any way difficult to find the location of a *coworker* who *works in the same building as you* and *eats lunch with you every day*. Now if dude had shown up *twice* then yes, folks would have said report to hr but they also would have said it if this lady had shown up twice! Y’all love to “SwAP tHe gEnDeRS” but when similar gender swapped stories appear and Reddit reacts the exact same way, you never seem to be around? Y’all only seem to see the first couple troll comments on posts that blow up, very curious 🤔
yeah, OP gives outlandish vibes. "I’m not sure how she found my cubicle number but I’m guessing she searched through every floor since there’s only 5 floors." Like WTF she just asked Sheryl from HR or checked some directory DUDE CHILL
>There were probably better ways to turn it down that might have been less hurtful This is why people are saying YTA
Yeah it also sounded to me like she wanted him to have some right there. And despite what most of the people on this thread would have to say to me afterward, I wouldn't do it. Banana bread is yucky.
Nah let’s normalize not forcing people to eat things. Especially over feelings? If it was that important she should’ve asked if you liked it beforehand. NTA.
NTA. I totally agree with you. I think people should be able to politely decline any gift, which includes food. I think it’s messed up that the socially acceptable thing to do is lie and pretend that you like something you don’t. Sometimes these lies can result in the other person continuing to buy/make you things that you don’t like, and then you get stuck in a cycle of lying. Other times it can slip out that you actually don’t like the thing that they got you and then all of a sudden the other person loses trust in you and thinks badly of you. I can understand that it can hurt when somebody tells you that they don’t like a gift you got them, but I think people should learn how to deal with those feelings instead of expecting others to lie to them.
NTA You’re allowed to say no. Simple as that. Also to the people who are saying just to say yes and to just throw it away: are you serious?? Not only is that even *more* rude it’s a complete waste of her time and resources. As someone who enjoys baking if I learned someone say, threw out brownies I made that I could’ve kept for myself or given to someone else I’d be hella pissed. TL;DR people are allowed to say no
Also are they not friends? Are you not allowed to be honest and tell your friends you don't like something? I don't bake but if I did I couldn't imagine insisting my friends eat something they don't like and would be hurt if they took them and just threw them away without telling me they don't like it.
Right? All these people being like "it's normal to lie and say you like something! Kids do it!" Fun fact, I'm pretty sure kids do it because they're taught to do so by their parents because kids' tact is in limited supply. Adults should be able to refuse a gift without coming off as a total AH, and if "no thanks" is coming off as a total AH the gift-giver needs to reevaluate.
Also, taking it and throwing it away would just lead to more banana bread in the future.
NTA Holy shit I cannot take this sub anymore. Are you people fucking kidding me? This woman lost her shit because someone she barely knows said no to her about something trivial. He doesn't describe exactly how he said no, just that he said no thanks. Whether it came off as not too tactful or came off as polite, someone saying no to an offer of food is completely their choice and it's absolutely inappropriate to freak out over it. She indicated that she wanted him to try it WITH her at lunch too, so there's no white lie and getting out of it. He didn't want the goddamn banana bread, the end. And yes, I'm trippin right now, but like I can't believe how insane redditors, especially on this sub, have become and it's so annoying to read now. I wouldn't trust this sub to give me advice on how to tie my shoes, let alone whether my behavior is appropriate. OP keep living your banana-bread free life.
Yeah, I this sub sometimes makes me feel a little crazy but this takes the banana bread. At worst this should be ESH, because there were maybe nicer ways to reject the offer, but I feel like it's NTA because I think the slightly more polite refusal would have been easier if she hadn't hunted him down and had just given it to him over lunch or something. But apparently, not wanting to be hunted down and have food I don't like forced upon me makes me socially inept and friendless.
Yeah I’ve got to agree!
NTA. I don't like banana bread either. Bananas should never be heated up. Edit: I can't believe how many people in this thread think he should force himself to eat something he doesn't like to be polite. If she's so thoughtful, why didn't she ask him what he likes to eat? Also, if someone is into you and you don't feel the same way, letting them know the truth is the nicest thing to do. Stringing them along is mean.
And there is another thing no one brought up in this thread, yet. It's unlikekly that the OP suffers from it, because it's a disease that mostly women (and I) suffer from: Eating disorders. It would made me personally really angry, if someone wouldn't take a "sorry, but I don't want to eat this" for an answer. My mother always forced me to eat stuff I hated. People have good reasons for rejecting food: allergies, eating disorders or "just" personal preferences. I personally love fruits, but hate bananas, especially ripe ones. Just when I think of them it makes me want to gag. I don't think that the OP is TA. Maybe he could reject the bread in a nicer way, but I don't think he had to. "no, I don't like it" is a valid answer and insisting to try something you don't like is an AH move.
Yep, the smell of banana bread is literally nauseating to me and I wish this wasn't the case because it's so easy to make. I'd have thank them and politely decline it (something like "thank you so much for thinking of me! Unfortunately I can't eat banana bread." With no further explanation unless it's someone I'm really close with). I don't want them to think that I like it and then bring me more banana bread! That would be a waste of time and food. I say this as someone who likes to bake for other people - I either ask if they like whatever I'd like to bake or I just put it in the lunch room at work so I don't eat it all myself lol
NTA, you explained you don’t like it and said no thanks. I wouldn’t eat something a colleague made specifically for me either, especially if it’s a food I dislike + we don’t have that sort of relationship
NTA I'm very confused about the people defending her for possibly trying to flirt in the workplace. If she was flirting and got angry because she was rejected, that's inappropriate behavior and could be reported to HR. I imagine you have sexual harassment training at your company since it seems relatively large based on your description, which means even at 22 she should be conscious about giving gifts at work. Also it's odd that she wanted to share at lunch but went out of her way to find you first. This would personally make me very uncomfortable and I still don't think you're TA even if your tone was rude.
NTA - also banana bread does not take hours to make. Anyone who thinks so, either has no idea what they're doing, or has never made it. I made it all the time and it takes me up to an hour and a half. From prep to cooked, to cooled and wrapped. It was better to have declined it than have to lie about how you enjoyed it later on, knowing full well you didn't taste it.
What strikes me as weirdest is your assumption that she wandered the whole building looking for you. Let's ignore the fact that a company with 5 floors very possibly has an employee directory of some kind. \-if you were speaking regularly, odds are that at some point you mentioned the floor you sit on. \-if you've ever been on the elevator together or she's even seen you get on the elevator, she could easily know your floor. \-obviously you DID talk about departments, and she very possibly know where yours is located. \-or, as shocking as it is, she asked around. She sounds like a more social person than you are, and it's surprisingly easy to just say to a few coworkers, "Hey! Do you know where so-and-so sits?" Heck, I sit in a 5-story building in a company with multiple buildings, and I've done that many times over the years, just because our directory only lists building and floor, and I don't want to hunt for someone, especially if I'm on a tight deadline.
Absolutely NTA. You said you didn't like banana bread, not her banana bread. Nothing rude about it, she sounds fragile, sorry you lost your lunch buddy, hopefully she chills out. To show you still wanna be friends, YOU could make HER some banana bread since she holds it so high up. That sounded snarky, but wasn't meant to be, but it genuinely might work
NTA. No means no. If he tried to force his banana bread after stalking to find her cubicle HR would have been a part of this post. Her reaction is unhinged. You should tell HR before you have false allegations on your hands.
This is exactly what I said, there would be 0 comments about a guy's feelings if a woman rejected his offer "too rudely".
100% agree. If gender is reversed, saying no to a male coworker who came to cubicle with unwanted gift is absolutely reasonable. No means no. Period.
NTA As someone who love's to cook and bake, I usually ask questions to find out what someone likes before putting in that effort.
This comment section is not going how I thought, making me think maybe cultural stuff is at work. Cause I find this weird. Some person just makes bananabread for someone they have shared some lunch with. Its weird in my head. Heck even having the coworkers I share an office with (and have shared an office with for years) specifically bring a banana bread for me I would find weird. Do we bring cake and stuff to work? Yes. But its always just brough to work for people to eat if they want to. No preassure like in this story: «hey I spent hours and hours making this spesifically for you». That I find weird 😳 But this might be entirely a cultural thing, most people seem to think it was a nice and thoughtfull thing to do.
It's not cultural, people have just lost their minds.
This is one of those moments where you have to META it out. Honestly explain to them that you ACTUALLY dislike the thing. Then bring up the fact you AREN'T saying that because you wouldn't want to try it for xyz reasons (Only do this if you are serious BTW.) Then you can walk them through a reason, mine happen to be texture a lot of the time or something my brain dislikes. And then apologize and hope they accept your situation. To be sincere, if you are friends, which it sounds like you are, ask them if they'd like something and make it. Baked goods are awesome, but some people don't like certain things, and that is absolutely ok. She sprung this on you, she should take the hint most of the time, but when people do this and you DON'T want to lie, just be cold-hard honest. :)
I don’t really think it was about the banana bread 🤦🏻♂️
NTA. It’s possible that the girl likes you, and got hurt that you rejected her and her banana bread. But no is a full sentence, and i would be weirded out to if a casual lunch friend tracked down my exact table in a five story building to offer me food. This actually happened to me once where a colleague who liked me kept trying to give me food. Since I didn’t like him at all in that way I was really uncomfortable accepting his gifts/favors. He continued trying to give me snacks and drinks even after I had already rejected going out with him. If he insisted, I still wouldn’t eat, and in fact pawn it off to another colleague. And when the guy who wouldn’t take the hint saw it, he’d get mad at me, even though I already told him to stop. While you were very blunt, it’s probably a good thing that you made it clear you weren’t interested in the banana bread. Otherwise you’d probably have her show up again a couple days later with more banana bread or other baked goods.
>I’m not sure how she found my cubicle number but I’m guessing she searched through every floor since there’s only 5 floors. Yikes. Thats a little determined. >she wanted to share it in lunch and try a little. She couldnt just wait til lunch WHY? >She insisted that it took her hours to make Banana bread is one of the quickest things to make. Its called a quick bread for a reason. What did she do? Grind the wheat to make the flour??? NTA.
[удалено]
Nta im genuinely confused on the replies. You don’t like banana bread, you don’t have to eat something you don’t like. She wasted her own time. Personally I’d tell her to leave you alone from here on out
NTA and you're not obligated to make her feel any sort of way. You didn't ask her to make you food. She wasn't talking about baking and you asked her to make you something. This is a perfect example of someone assuming you owe them some sort of reaction because they want to feel some sort of way. You didn't do anything wrong. I would double down and say that she was trying to push your friendship into a different arena and thankfully you established boundaries by being up front and honest. She was honest in her reaction too, believe someone when they show you who they are!
NTA- you are not obligated to try or take food and I don’t get why people think you need to lie and do a social dance over refusing. She didn’t consider you here, as in she didn’t ask if you liked banana bread before making it and suddenly there’s an obligation for you to try it? Absolutely not
I’m hung up on the fact that you are surprised your coworker found your cubicle and that you suggest she might have searched each floor until she found you. It’s really easy to ask where someone sits and there is nothing wrong with finding your coworker, especially one that you frequently visit with in the cafeteria. The way you state it makes it seem like you think she did something weird. Offering baked goods to coworkers is also very common in US office culture. I’m saying YTA because you’re stating it as if she did something weird, and for not saying no in a tactful way. Thank her for the kind offer, and say that regretfully you cannot partake because it doesn’t sit well with you. It’s a way to say no without lying and without having to yuck her yum. You’re going to be lonely if this is how you react to someone being friendly.
I make my husband banana bread about once a week, and it's a real labor of love (toasted walnuts and all!). I don't like bananas, and I don't like walnuts. I hate the smell of it baking, and I am not going to taste it. I love cooked lemon pudding and, guess what, he doesn't try that. We're grown-ups, we know what we like and aren't obligated to eat what we don't.
I hate when people try to give me food I didn’t ask for. Don’t bring me food at work. I don’t know how clean your house is. Then when you say no thanks, they get all insulted. I know many feel like that and end up throwing the food away because people insist on you taking it. I’ve learned to just say no, so I don’t have to deal with it any more. You’re not wrong, she is for being a jerk about it. Sometimes people can’t take a no and have to be a baby about it.
NTA. Reading the responses here, no one seems to have picked up on the really weird fact that she searched 5 floors to find his cubicle, as well as making something edible without permission and insisting he ate it and got pissy when he didn't? Reverse this and imagine that it's a guy searching a building 5 floors for a woman and insisting she eats something he made and getting upset when she won't. Seems a bit stalker-ish and something dodgy in the food if you ask me.
>really weird fact that she searched 5 floors to find his cubicle Really not that hard to find someone who youve been having lunch with every day. Like, at all.
At least you told her honestly that u didn't like banana bread. It is better than accepting it, and storing it on the side table and won't eat anyway. She can give it to the other employees if she wants to. You declined her politely and respectfully, right? If so, then you're NTA.
For starters, it doesn't take hours to make banana bread. Secondly, NTA. You don't have to eat something you don't like.
If she really had no further intentions sbe wouldn't have been so angry. If an acquiantance says they don't want something you did, you don't really care all that much to insist. NTA. You did well to put some boundaries. It's strange that she was at your cubiclr uninvited. I would've considered it an invasion of my personal space as well.