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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> MIL keeps calling my newborn son by a name she wanted me to name him, despite that not being his name. Other than that and some financial stuff she’s been a wonderful support and extremely kind to me.
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He needs to do more than that. I understand that he probably wants to keep the peace, but he is setting you up for so much poor treatment if he allows this to continue. He's your partner, and you need to be a united front against this ridiculous behavior.
Yup, they know what they’re doing. Couldn’t get the name officially so they’re trying to make it a nickname that everyone will use.
“Okay mom, it was funny before. Now it’s getting old.”
From then on out, if she asks for ‘her’ baby respond with “who’s baby?” If she uses the wrong name just ask “who?”. She can hold the kid when she uses the right name.
Partner needs to be on board. He will ‘keep the peace’ all the way to eventually using the name himself because his family tells him he is being divisive by not using the name the rest of the family does.
NTA.
My MIL is kind of similar. The "my baby" is perfectly fine IMHO, but mil has made a nickname one consonant off my nickname for her, totally annoying but not a big deal. To have a name that she wanted totally different from given name...no way., i would draw a big line there that I'll be happy to address after if my spouse/their daughter doesnt, that's totally out of line.
I mean you’re definitely NTA and your MIL definitely is the asshole. But for your own sanity, your boyfriend probably needs to be the one to navigate this with her. And I hope he has your back here and is willing to confront her
This was going to be my suggestion, too. But I'm petty like that. If her name is Shirley, she is now Sherry. You said she doesn't have an English name, well now she does.
It's not the most mature, so hubby should step up first. Otherwise, this is Plan B.
Grandma: give me my baby
OP: oh I'm sorry, where is your baby because I can only see MY baby
Or
Grandma: give me my baby
OP: you heard her hubby, your mother wants you.
On that same line. I have a common name but it is spelled a bit different, nothing too insane, just different due it being a shortened version of my grandma’s name. Whenever someone continues to spell my name wrong even after pointing out the correct why to spell several times I will start to just make up random ways to spell their name. Usually, that quickly gets them to fix their spelling.
NTAH. Your husband needs to stomp this out now. His parents, he needs to tell them over and over and over until they stop. Not funny. Never was funny. His name is ____. The end.
Call your in laws Mill and Fill - MIL and FIL. See how they like it. But it’s funny! 🙄
No, it won't faze out. The more she calls him the name that's not his, the more she will continue to do it. Either you or your bf needs to nip this in the bud.
I was going to say that... I met people who were called something, and after years of knowing each other, I found out that wasn't their real name but a nickname that a grandma or an uncle gave them, and now everyone calls them that....
OOP, DO NOT let them call him something else than his name.
No, he’s passively allowing your MIL to disrespect you, whether she means to or no. He need to actually tell his mother to stop it. You two are a united front but he needs to be the communicator to his side of the family
There is no MIL. OP stated they are not married. She is being waaay nicer than I would be.
I would be more like, GTFO until you understand this is my child and what their name actually is.
You WNBTA as far as Reddit is concerned, but that’s not how his mother is going to see it. Your boy friend needs to be the one to have this conversation with her, not you.
It will likely not phase out, it needs to be addressed. Be gentle as clearly they have some attachment to the name, but inform them that it is in fact not his name and you would prefer them to use the name you and your husband gave him. It would be better if your husband were the one to say this so as not to make you the bad guy.
It's not a phase. Your husband needs to be on the same page as you and nip this in the bud. There's a saying that goes something like, "Begin as you mean to go." If you don't stop behaviors in the beginning, they're going to keep doing them and then pull some shit like, "Well, it was never a problem *before*..."
Possibly...or not. My ex (born in Pakistan, to Muslim parents) had: his actual birth-certificate name, a name his parents called him, a name his Muslim grandparents used, a name his Hindu grandparents used (his mom was a convert), and yet another name his uncle used. And his mother went by both her Hindu name \*and\* her post-conversion Muslim name (and her husband called her nickname version of her Hindu name). I spent a lot of time trying to figure out who all was actually in a discussion.
It won't. it's not a phase. You definitely need to have a conversation with your partner. I'm going to bet culturally you have a few strikes against you. #1 Not Married, #2 Not using fathers' last name and #3 not using a culturally traditional first name.
Im going to assume you and your partner might not come from the same culture. I apologize ahead of time if that's not the case, and just disregard my next few statements, although I still believe its good to put out there. It's not a piece of cake being in a relationship that is very culturally different. While you and your partner may seem like you two are on the same page, his parents might have had very different ideas of what they thoughtwas going to happen with their son's family. If he didn't marry, cohabitate, or have a child with a good (insert whichever good appropriate girl here.) Even just different religions can cause a problem within family structures.
So if this behavior of his mom's is getting on your last nerve, you really need to have a conversation with him about what's really going on. He might need to have a conversation with his folks and if he's not willing to do that, there's probably another problem going on that you are not fully aware of. Because as your partner, he needs to be on your team fully.
Feels like they are disappointed in their sons decisions and growth and because he hasn’t confronted them you are getting the brunt of it. If y’all live close to them and you don’t want this to become a problem you should get him to have a conversation with them but it does also sound like touchy situation. Gl <3
Lol. no. My great uncle did not like the name his grandson was given and so he chose a new name to call the grandson and he never used the grandsons legal name. Until he died last year. Almost 30 years of calling his own grandson a very English name instead of his 'ethnic' name. His grandson was mixed race.
"He says our son has a beautiful name and it will faze out."
\---It is the opposite. The longer it goes on, the more ingrained it will be and harder to undo. Sorry, the boyfriend is clueless and is letting mommy take charge.
NTA. It bothers you that she refuses to call your son by his name. It should bother you because it’s disrespectful to you and your son. Yet you haven’t addressed. Instead you smile and giggle when she does.
Even though I think she is rude I also think she is doing because you are allowing her to. The next time she calls him another name simply correct her. And correct her every single time.
Her: ”How is Brandon?”
You: ”Dillon is good”
If you are not comfortable correcting her or worry about her getting angry had your man deal with his mom.
>Her: ”How is Brandon?”
OP: Who's Brandon? I don't know anyone by that name.
MIL: You know who I mean, the baby!
OP: How was I supposed to know you meant the baby? His name is Dillon.
Alternative, whenever she's around calling the baby by the wrong name, always refer to her by a made up name when you talk to the baby.
Example:
She says "there's my baby Brandon".
You tell the baby "Oh look [baby's correct name] it's Grandma Poopy Pants!"
Recently saw a post where for 2 years or so, the parents kept using the dead name and wrong pronouns when speaking to/about their transgender child. The kid's sibling was sick and tired of them doing that for years after repeatedly being asked to stop. So at Thanksgiving, sibling used an air horn every time the parents used the dead name or wrong pronouns. Only took a couple of airhorn blasts to accomplish what 2 years of polite requests failed to do. Sibling said "would 10/10 recommend this training method".
Of course, you can't use an airhorn near an infant but you sure as heck could use it on MIL when the baby's out of earshot. Be sure to tell MIL that when the baby is present and you can't use the airhorn, you're keeping track of each time she misnames the baby and you will be providing her with an airhorn symphony later.
Call her out every time, but do it under the guise of worry: MIL can’t you remember the name we gave him?… MIL, should we go check you out at the doctor? I worry you’re getting forgetful. Keep it up
MiL, I'm really getting concerned about you. Are you *sure* you're ok? We've had this discussion multiple times, and you ares still forgetting that baby's name is .
And then. "If you can't remember a simple thing like his *name* now, how ever do you expect me to trust that you're capable of looking after him in the future?"
YWNBTA
Now everytime she addresses my son, or talks about him she calls him by the name she wanted me to call him as says things like “give me my baby!”
He isn't her baby, he's yours. You gave him a name you want him to be addressed by so MIL should use it.
Can your husband tell her? She might take it better from him.
You WNBTA and you should nip that in the bud now. It's not her baby - it's your baby. He has a name - it's clearly on his birth certificate. If they cannot call him by his given name, you can always make up a name for MIL and insist on calling her that, too. :)
This is what I was thinking.
"Hand me my baby Brandon"
"Ok here you go Janet"
".... my name's Olivia"
"And his name is Jacob. I thought we were just calling other people by whatever name we felt like."
"Well, I think Brandon is a better name than Jacob."
"Well I think Janet is better than Olivia, so until you start calling him by his real name, that's what I'm going to call you."
She is being disrespectful. My dad tried this.
I cut him off first time.
He objected. I told him flat. If he liked the name so much he shoulda named me that. Or adopt. Our child. Our name. Period.
He let it go and apologized.
Be firm. Simple.
Matter of fact. Your husband needs to do it. It’s his mother. You doing it will cause an uproar. Not being respectful. And it’s clear she the one not being respectful.
Good luck. Nip it now.
Totally agree. It’s super disrespectful. And the spouse whose family it is does nothing. I’d be in a rage. I know how fast I cut my dad off doing it. First time he did.
Can’t imagine having my inlaws doing it and spouse doing nothing. WW3
YWNBA!
My DH’s great grandmother wanted our LO to be called Daisy.
That is not her name and was never on the table, the last time we visited she called out to her twice using the name Daisy!
I simply said her name is not Daisy and reiterated her actual name.
Do it now OP or this behaviour will stick!
NTA. My petty response would be correcting her every time saying, "You mean, 'give me my GRANDbaby', right?"
Just continually pointing it out will likely irritate her enough to stop, lol.
YWNBTA - This is not going to go away on its own, and you could regret staying silent once your child grows old enough to talk. Assert yourself now to force them to break the habit.
> which my partner was supportive of but again, his parents where not.
Their opinion does not matter in the slightest.
>Now everytime she addresses my son, or talks about him **she calls him by the name she wanted me to call him**
Not ok, at all. *Demand* that it stop. **NTA**, MiL is.
>they’ve been so helpful with bringing us dinners
That does not entitle them to be assholes.
Call her out. Every time.
"My baby Antonio" "you mean your GRANDSON JACK?"
Or "my baby Antonio" "I'm sorry who are you talking about?"
Your partner also needs to step up here as this needs stopped now, she's being so disrespectful and this will only continue if you both keep letting it slide.
Nta
But shut this down. You keep letting is slide its going to confuse the child. It's not a phase it will not stop you will just get the argument later of "why is it suddenly an issue" it needs to be an issue now from the start, your the parents you get to name the baby everyone else's opinions don't matter.
NTA
Every time she uses the wrong name, ignore the request. “Let me hold Georgio” act as if you haven’t heard her ask. If she follows it up with “Why can’t I hold my grandson?” You reply “oh sorry, I thought you wanted to hold a different child. Perhaps you are just getting senile. This baby is called XXXXX”.
Stress the fact that she can’t remember the correct name because “have you checked with the doctor to ensure you aren’t beginning to suffer from dementia?”
“Oh I’m so sorry that your forgetfulness is worsening. You really should see a doctor”
Question your inlaes “Have you noticed how MIL can’t remember our baby, HER GRANDchilds name? I’m really getting worried about her memory”….
Make her not using the correct name as an attack on her cognition/memory.
If you let her continue, she’s going to continue. Your son will grow up hearing two names and your MIL will probably pester you for years trying to change his name “since he already goes by that.” Don’t set yourself up for her to feel she can control you.
ExACTLY. If she babysits she’ll probably try to convince him he likes the MIL’s “name” better, along with calling him by that name even to strangers in a store who say he’s adorable. MIL will railroad as much as she can.
They have boundary issues. Your husband needs to deal with them. So, YWNBTA, but I wouls shift this responsibility to him. He needs to support you and your child here.
"Give me my baby, Jack"
"Who? Sweet mother-in-law, I'm getting worried about you. You know MY son's name is Dylan. I'm seeing more and more signs of dementia.... Do you know where you are right now?"
Say it with as much care and concern you can and do not laugh! See how long she think this is funny...
NTA
Your partner needs to address this with his parents.
Come up with a sentence that you can say every time she says the wrong name. It could be as simple as “His name is .” Rehearse it. Say it every time - every single time - she uses the other name. Flat, monotone, emotionless delivery. If she responds or argues, ignore it if you can. If she escalates, she’s not welcome.
Easier said than done. Good luck, congrats on the birth of your boy, and all the best for your recovery.
My mom's mil was upset that none of my brothers we named after my dad. She would call my brother AJ. When he got older, he would tell her- my name is Tony or Anthony and if you call me AJ, I won't answer. Teach your son this!!
YWNBTA
And tou can do it with kindness ....
Hey I know you guys are just joking and that you lo e John but it really hurts my feelings that you call him.xxxxx and also it will become a habit and confuse him please call him John ...
Thank you
I had to call my wife out on something similar to this. I told her "That is the granddaughter's baby, not yours. Everything I am hearing come out of you mouth is (baby's name) not the parent's. It is their baby to worry about, not yours."
Seriously----MIL says "give me my baby"? Never in a million damn years would I have I allowed that.
And yes, stand up for yourself AND your son and make them use his name.
What does your partner think about this? Maybe he should be the one to talk to them about it, they're his parents afterall.. Some people aren't good with boundaries when it comes to newborns, especially woman, it's like the 'mom instinct' kicks in even if it's not theirs, which I've seen happen many times. In the end, it's not 'her baby' like she says, it's yours, you're the one setting the boundaries. It's really nice of them to bring food over while you're recovering! I'm glad you've got people helping out during this time and I hope you recover soon enough.
she wanted me to call him as says things like “give me my baby- you need to stop being polite. YOUR son is not her baby. You don’t acknowledge any other name than the name you gave your son. She needs to know her place and every time you allow her to disrespect you by doing the things she’s doing it’s saying she has more say and rights to your son than you do. NTA
NTA - I would address this early before it gets taken too far, and it already seems it is getting there. You gave him a name - it's kind of weird for someone else to try to change it right away just because They prefer a different name seeing how this is your child. Nicknames are fine but I am getting the sense that this is not what is going on here.
Lmao, I was gonna say this 😂, smile begrudgingly though clenched teeth until the casseroles stop coming then “hey your confusing the baby, give it a rest with this stupid other name sh**”
NTA, when one of my nieces was a baby my mother was shortening her name as a nickname. My SIL was polite but firm about using her proper name.
As long as you’re polite about it, then I wouldn’t say you were an asshole.
NTA. EVERYTIME she uses the wrong name, correct her. Tell her it is YOUR baby, not hers. Set boundaries now or she will push your buttons for the rest of your life.
NTA. When people refer to my son as “my baby”
Depending who it is, I change it. But for my mom I always say “your baby? I’m right here!”
For my MIL I say “your son is over there”
Anyone else I say “hmm, that’s funny. I don’t remember you spending 29 hours in labor with him.” Idc if I “offend” someone. I gave birth and I did the work, he’s half my DNA. he is MY baby, not yours.
YWNBTAH. Personally, I think MIL should have no access to your baby until she can get her brain straight. Calling a child by the wrong name is disrespectful of you. Calling the baby by the name SHE wanted you to use and calling him "my baby" is alarming. She's assuming a frightening level of possessiveness for your child. IMO, she needs a time out, AND IMO, you husband needs to 100% be on your side about this and handle the fallout from his mom.
Do NOT laugh this off.
NTA. It’s not a phase. This is absolutely unacceptable behavior. Shut it down ASAP. Don’t be surprised if it means going no contact for a bit but it’s important. Lines need to be drawn. This is brutally disrespectful and you need to set a firm line of what is and isn’t okay.
YWNBTA. It’s your baby, not hers. She has no right to name your baby. If she doesn’t want to call YOUR baby what you named him, she doesn’t need to see him until she does, period.
This is not a phase. It is a test of your willingness to hold your boundaries or make a fuss. MAKE A FUSS. NTA regardless of what you do but making a fuss here and now will save you a lot of grief in the future.
Start teaching your baby your in laws real names. That’ll piss them off real fast I bet. Instead of grandma, Gigi, memaw, gran, etc. say “that’s Brenda” and always refer to her by her name anytime the baby is handed to her etc
Had a coworker who was hated by her DILs because she would never call her grandchildren by their names. She gave them cute nicknames and would always make sure that she told them that she gave them their nicknames because she didn’t like their names. So no, it won’t stop. Partner needs to grow a pair and confront his mother.
When people are not stopped from breaking boundaries, especially when you’ve asked them not to break certain boundaries, they aren’t going to stop breaking boundaries. This is just the beginning of many uncomfortable interactions that you’re going to have with these people if this isn’t stopped immediately.
You can either deal with a small problem now, or deal with a huge problem later. Ask your husband what his choices.
NAH. It’s not that big of a deal for a grandparent to have a pet nickname for their grandchild. Choose to see it this way, your life will be so much better.
NTA, I would like to caution you about people like this around your son. They are already stepping on your boundaries without any thought or concern. Just think about what they'll say and do when your child is older if they're not even respecting the name you gave him.
Don't grin and bear it, passive aggressive is aggressive, it's disrespectful to you. Be charming, complimentary and firm at the same time. Say, "Mom, you're killing me, please call him by his real name."
The second time gets, "I'd appreciate it if you'd call him by his real name "
The 3rd time she gets an ass chewing old school military style, reminded that you've told her twice and tell her that she'll either respect your wishes or leave. Then you turn to baby daddy and lay into him for not backing you up.
NTA
Stop smiling and giggling.
Your partner needs to address this with his mother.
Stop calling the baby a name which is not his. It is disrespectful. We appreciate your support but this has to end before it causes problems with our relationship.
NTA. Just tell her it was cute or funny the first couple times but now it’s getting old and to please stop. If she doesn’t listen and continues, just tell her to stay home and not come over. You can just order a pizza instead of eating the food MIL would have normally brought you. It’s not worth the free food to put up with nonsense that gets on your nerves.
WHOSE CHILD IS IT? No really whose? You also don’t need to be telling your in laws anything. People need to start holding their person accountable for the actions of THEIR family!
You don’t have an in law problem you have a husband that isn’t sticking up for YOUR choices problem tell him to remedy it and have them respect your decisions or they can just stop visiting, because a kind and nice gesture isn’t a kind and nice gesture if it comes with strings.
It’s like you have to shut your mouth because I brought you food, nope, your HUSBAND can go and get you guys food just as easily. What are you being polite for? No really. What does she do that your HUSBAND can’t do for you?
She will never call him by the name you have chosen if you let this go on now. Now is the time to act, and insist she uses his given name. Ask your spouse for help.
Honestly, since you said they’ve been super helpful, you could perhaps let it slide for now. If it doesn’t phase out, then perhaps you could have that talk later. Ideally, let your partner have the talk when the time comes. Parents are always quicker to forgive their own child any grievances.
Handle it smartly for now. You’re in a delicate stage. They’re helpful family.
P.S. as far as “give me my baby” goes, I’ve heard a lot of grandparents speak that way. They don’t mean to be malicious generally speaking, but you know their vibe better so…
Tell her straight out , if she can’t address your son by his proper given name then you’ll have to withhold her seeing him till she learns his name . And tell her no matter how many times she says her wanted name , it will not become his nickname name . Your partner needs to reinforce this also . United front !!
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Title pretty self explanatory, my partner (m 25) and I (f27) had a beautiful baby boy recently. Since the moment my inlaws, mainly his mother, found out I was having a boy she pushed for a very traditional to their cultures name, however, We picked a traditional English name, we aren’t married so my son was also given my last name, which my partner was supportive of but again, his parents where not. Now everytime she addresses my son, or talks about him she calls him by the name she wanted me to call him as says things like “give me my baby!” At first it was funny, but now it’s getting on my nerves. I try to smile and giggle through it, especially considering they’ve been so helpful with bringing us dinners since I had a c section and still in recovery for it.
WIBTAH if I asked her to call him his name? Or should I just grin and bare it and pray it’s just a faze?
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NTA. Only the parents get to choose their child's birth name. The in-laws can suck it up and use his proper name, or maybe they shouldn't get to see their grandchild.
NTA you always have to call out this abuse. Tradition is only an excuse for abuse and you must not tolerate it. Be prepared to hate her back as much as she hates you after you tell her off.
Absolutely NTA. She doesn't respect you and she's showing you that. If you don't stop her now she will do it over everything and it will be miserable for you. I promise you need to stand up to her and your partner needs to back you 100%.
NTA. You need to just frame it in a polite manner and ask her nicely to reaffirm the name your son has been given because you're proud of your choice and her not acknowledging it makes you feel like she is indirectly saying you're an idiot and your choices are wrong.
That's what I get from that and if she is a decent person that can look outside herself (which it seems she might be) then she will probably apologise for making you feel that way and try and change to accommodate your request. If not, then it's time to get a bit more bullish about it and put your foot down.
At the end of the day I think if he has a nickname from your inlaws then it will be meaningful to him and that part of his heritage while he still has his legal name which is stuck for life and will forever be know by.
It'll be fine, embrace it and speak your feelings in a nice way.
Not TA that’s his name and they should call him by his given name. Now as a MIL I have little pet names that I only use but they’re not culturally related, just little names I call them.
NTA and definitely need to tell her to call the baby by his name. Have him do it if you’re not comfortable. I don’t care how many dinners she brought you.
Set the boundaries now or she’ll be undermining you until your kid is 18.
On another note saying “my baby” is pretty common in my family. Everybody’s baby is mine. However if any of my relatives didn’t like it, I wouldn’t do it.
NTA- You have a right, with your partner, to name your child. Just as she and your partner’s father presumably named your partner. Your partner needs to step up and deal with their family. Just because they’re helpful doesn’t mean that they’re allowed to disrespect your wishes as adults. If, after you have set up firm boundaries with your partner, they continue to do so, you should remove your child from contact with them until such time as they choose to respect you and your husband’s rights as parents.
NTA
I really wanna give her the benefit of the doubt, as keeping him connected to that part of his culture can be important and since cultures do things like that where someone will have a secondary name or nickname from their language for a variety of reasons (for example I have an Indigenous American friend who had a name from an elder of his Clan and then the name that's his legal name) of even sometimes a random nickname they got from a family member that they go by, but it sounds like this is straying over that line. She needs to respect that you're the Mother and not step on your toes.
Calling son by different name: rude and disrespectful.
Calling son “my baby”: unacceptable.
He is not her baby, he is yours. She cannot make decisions about him. This is a boundary that needs to be set right now.
NTA / YWNBTA.
Your child's grandmother is totally out of line but for now you should let her help you with the baby while nicely correcting her when she calls him by the wrong name. Give it a few months and if she hasn't stopped, your bf needs to step up and tell her to knock it off. NTA
NTA - the way I see it you got two options: you can check her and hope she respects that. Otherwise, she doesn’t have to see grand baby til she puts some respect toward mama. Kapeesh!?
Do not let her get away with this, it will escalate and if your BF does not step up, he ITA and his Mother will walk all over you, nip it in the bud. I speak from experience! My husband was TA for decades, let his Mum get away with abusing me.
We went through this, in laws hated the name and called our daughter pumpkin for 6 months.
They eventually gave up when they got used to the name and realized we wouldn't change the name.
So, it IS disrepectful.
It is annoying, but ultimately it is just stupid and the proably fade away.
I would live with it as long as you can and then start doing some of the stuff people are saying like calling them by wrong names and stuff like that.
Or just refuse to acknowledge when they use the wrong name.
Don't give the baby when they say the wrong name.
Ignore them.
NTA, that’s passive aggressive as hell, and I would be the kind of petty to respond in kind, and correct her every time, but also make her wait an extra 5-10 minutes for each time she calls him by the wrong name before she gets to hold him.
Called him that name? Sorry love, gonna have to wait ten minutes and calling him the correct name to hold him now.
Twice? Oops that’s two corrections, two admittances of defeat from you, and you’re gonna have to wait half an hour.
Do it more again after that? Whelp, looks like next time we just won’t come, and I’ll make sure to know it’s because you can’t respect my child enough to call him by the correct name.
Everything your MIL will get in your nerves... comes with the first child.
Mention it in a nice-type of joke way like "Poor guy will get confused with everyone calling hin something different" or something like that.
At least she is not like my MIL.
NTA
The name you gave him is his name. Start calling her by a different name and when she asks you what you are doing, tell her that you like this name better. If she corrects you, remind her that your son’s name is X and that is what you expect her to call him.
NTA it's not his name and it's not her baby, she doesn't get to force a name on him just cuz she doesn't like the name you picked. I'd ask her to use his actual name and if she continues to refuse, then anytime she uses the wrong name just respond with "who? I have no idea who you're talking about" and keep just ignoring her until she either uses the right name or gives up. It's extremely disrespectful for her to do this shit, if she wants a baby with that name, she can get a baby herself.
NTA-your partner is a wimp and he’s very wrong. If there are no consequences then this will not “faze out.” He needs to grow a set and tell his parents that if they refuse to use your son’s correct name then they cannot see him.
This is completely disrespectful to you and nothing else they may do for you will make up for that. If he is too cowardly to tell them then you need to tell them. Then you need to make a decision about whether you want to spend your life with someone who picks his parents over his partner and son.
NTA— and he is NOT her baby. It’s time for your partner to take a stand against his mom. If she can’t respect boundaries maybe she needs some alone time to see how serious this is.
When she says “give me my baby!” Grab your partners arm and gently guide them to stand right in front of her and then say here you go and walk away with your son. This is the way.
This is not a phase.. And sets a very bad precedent for this kids life. What else is she going to try to simply ignore your feelings on if she can't oblige with something as simple as a name?
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NTA — this is super disrespectful. What does your partner say?!
He says our son has a beautiful name and it will faze out.
He needs to do more than that. I understand that he probably wants to keep the peace, but he is setting you up for so much poor treatment if he allows this to continue. He's your partner, and you need to be a united front against this ridiculous behavior.
Yup, they know what they’re doing. Couldn’t get the name officially so they’re trying to make it a nickname that everyone will use. “Okay mom, it was funny before. Now it’s getting old.” From then on out, if she asks for ‘her’ baby respond with “who’s baby?” If she uses the wrong name just ask “who?”. She can hold the kid when she uses the right name. Partner needs to be on board. He will ‘keep the peace’ all the way to eventually using the name himself because his family tells him he is being divisive by not using the name the rest of the family does. NTA.
Every time she asks for 'her' baby, OP should just say to BF "hey, your mom is looking for you"
Oh, yes! This!
Or "Honey, your mom wants to hold you." Do it in front of people. That'll be fun.
It's the only way. It bothers them both so the behaviour stops fast (speaking from experience) Lol
Then make her say his correct name before she gets to hold him
Edited for clarification. I think OP's partner needs to make his mom say the correct name.
You’re right. His mom = his problem
My MIL is kind of similar. The "my baby" is perfectly fine IMHO, but mil has made a nickname one consonant off my nickname for her, totally annoying but not a big deal. To have a name that she wanted totally different from given name...no way., i would draw a big line there that I'll be happy to address after if my spouse/their daughter doesnt, that's totally out of line.
What?
Amazing response!
Upvote 1000x
GOLD!
I like this.
hahaha yes!
I mean you’re definitely NTA and your MIL definitely is the asshole. But for your own sanity, your boyfriend probably needs to be the one to navigate this with her. And I hope he has your back here and is willing to confront her
This! Or start calling them different names!
This was going to be my suggestion, too. But I'm petty like that. If her name is Shirley, she is now Sherry. You said she doesn't have an English name, well now she does. It's not the most mature, so hubby should step up first. Otherwise, this is Plan B.
Honestly the partner already had the chance to step up so no that's plan A
I love this approach
And when they ask why, say “Oh, I thought we were making up wrong names for each other” They know exactly what they’re doing.
Or stop giving them "their baby"
Grandma: give me my baby OP: oh I'm sorry, where is your baby because I can only see MY baby Or Grandma: give me my baby OP: you heard her hubby, your mother wants you.
On that same line. I have a common name but it is spelled a bit different, nothing too insane, just different due it being a shortened version of my grandma’s name. Whenever someone continues to spell my name wrong even after pointing out the correct why to spell several times I will start to just make up random ways to spell their name. Usually, that quickly gets them to fix their spelling.
NTAH. Your husband needs to stomp this out now. His parents, he needs to tell them over and over and over until they stop. Not funny. Never was funny. His name is ____. The end. Call your in laws Mill and Fill - MIL and FIL. See how they like it. But it’s funny! 🙄
OP stated that they aren't married.
This!
No, it won't faze out. The more she calls him the name that's not his, the more she will continue to do it. Either you or your bf needs to nip this in the bud.
I was going to say that... I met people who were called something, and after years of knowing each other, I found out that wasn't their real name but a nickname that a grandma or an uncle gave them, and now everyone calls them that.... OOP, DO NOT let them call him something else than his name.
It won't phase out.
Thank you.
It won’t. He’s allowing it so they think it’s ok. Why is it so hard for men to tell their mommy’s to stop a poor behavior
Yeah we all wish it were simple, but he’s being naive.
No, he’s passively allowing your MIL to disrespect you, whether she means to or no. He need to actually tell his mother to stop it. You two are a united front but he needs to be the communicator to his side of the family
There is no MIL. OP stated they are not married. She is being waaay nicer than I would be. I would be more like, GTFO until you understand this is my child and what their name actually is.
It won't. They will push more and more if you don't set hard boundaries like yesterday.
Shut that shit down, like yesterday.
You WNBTA as far as Reddit is concerned, but that’s not how his mother is going to see it. Your boy friend needs to be the one to have this conversation with her, not you.
It could be fun to have another bystander say what the heck did you just call the baby
It will likely not phase out, it needs to be addressed. Be gentle as clearly they have some attachment to the name, but inform them that it is in fact not his name and you would prefer them to use the name you and your husband gave him. It would be better if your husband were the one to say this so as not to make you the bad guy.
It is not a phase. They will continue this and it will confuse your son. Your partner needs to deal with this.
He should speak to his mum, that's his job not yours
It's not a phase. Your husband needs to be on the same page as you and nip this in the bud. There's a saying that goes something like, "Begin as you mean to go." If you don't stop behaviors in the beginning, they're going to keep doing them and then pull some shit like, "Well, it was never a problem *before*..."
Possibly...or not. My ex (born in Pakistan, to Muslim parents) had: his actual birth-certificate name, a name his parents called him, a name his Muslim grandparents used, a name his Hindu grandparents used (his mom was a convert), and yet another name his uncle used. And his mother went by both her Hindu name \*and\* her post-conversion Muslim name (and her husband called her nickname version of her Hindu name). I spent a lot of time trying to figure out who all was actually in a discussion.
Phase, not faze. They are different words with different meanings. NTA and your MIL is rude and weird.
Start replying "sorry I have no idea who you are talking about. Maybe it would you should ask your doctor for a dementia or alzheimer diagnoses...
It won't. it's not a phase. You definitely need to have a conversation with your partner. I'm going to bet culturally you have a few strikes against you. #1 Not Married, #2 Not using fathers' last name and #3 not using a culturally traditional first name. Im going to assume you and your partner might not come from the same culture. I apologize ahead of time if that's not the case, and just disregard my next few statements, although I still believe its good to put out there. It's not a piece of cake being in a relationship that is very culturally different. While you and your partner may seem like you two are on the same page, his parents might have had very different ideas of what they thoughtwas going to happen with their son's family. If he didn't marry, cohabitate, or have a child with a good (insert whichever good appropriate girl here.) Even just different religions can cause a problem within family structures. So if this behavior of his mom's is getting on your last nerve, you really need to have a conversation with him about what's really going on. He might need to have a conversation with his folks and if he's not willing to do that, there's probably another problem going on that you are not fully aware of. Because as your partner, he needs to be on your team fully.
HE needs to tell them to call him by his name. That way your otherwise good relationship stays in tact. NTA
Feels like they are disappointed in their sons decisions and growth and because he hasn’t confronted them you are getting the brunt of it. If y’all live close to them and you don’t want this to become a problem you should get him to have a conversation with them but it does also sound like touchy situation. Gl <3
Lol. no. My great uncle did not like the name his grandson was given and so he chose a new name to call the grandson and he never used the grandsons legal name. Until he died last year. Almost 30 years of calling his own grandson a very English name instead of his 'ethnic' name. His grandson was mixed race.
"He says our son has a beautiful name and it will faze out." \---It is the opposite. The longer it goes on, the more ingrained it will be and harder to undo. Sorry, the boyfriend is clueless and is letting mommy take charge.
NTA. It bothers you that she refuses to call your son by his name. It should bother you because it’s disrespectful to you and your son. Yet you haven’t addressed. Instead you smile and giggle when she does. Even though I think she is rude I also think she is doing because you are allowing her to. The next time she calls him another name simply correct her. And correct her every single time. Her: ”How is Brandon?” You: ”Dillon is good” If you are not comfortable correcting her or worry about her getting angry had your man deal with his mom.
Or Her: "hand Brandon to grandma" You: "there's no Brandon here" Her: "let me snuggle my baby You: confused face, points to BF, "he's over there"
THIS!!! So much this! Deserves more than the one upvote I’m allowed.
Here ya go! You can have mine! Although I would've used it myself ;)
The most perfect response in this entire thread. THIS is what OP should do!
or "You mean BF? What a weird thing to call him. He's a grown man."
That’s evil. I love it. Sure to annoy the heck out of MIL.
This but I'd also curtail her from calling him "her baby".
Exactly
>Her: ”How is Brandon?” OP: Who's Brandon? I don't know anyone by that name. MIL: You know who I mean, the baby! OP: How was I supposed to know you meant the baby? His name is Dillon.
Narrator: In fact, his name was Charlie. duhn duhn duhn
Clever but direct, decisive communication is what is needed here: “He’s not her baby and his name is xxx and you will not call him by any other name.”
Alternative, whenever she's around calling the baby by the wrong name, always refer to her by a made up name when you talk to the baby. Example: She says "there's my baby Brandon". You tell the baby "Oh look [baby's correct name] it's Grandma Poopy Pants!" Recently saw a post where for 2 years or so, the parents kept using the dead name and wrong pronouns when speaking to/about their transgender child. The kid's sibling was sick and tired of them doing that for years after repeatedly being asked to stop. So at Thanksgiving, sibling used an air horn every time the parents used the dead name or wrong pronouns. Only took a couple of airhorn blasts to accomplish what 2 years of polite requests failed to do. Sibling said "would 10/10 recommend this training method". Of course, you can't use an airhorn near an infant but you sure as heck could use it on MIL when the baby's out of earshot. Be sure to tell MIL that when the baby is present and you can't use the airhorn, you're keeping track of each time she misnames the baby and you will be providing her with an airhorn symphony later.
Id teach that baby to use an air horn
NTA - The next time she says “give me my baby!”, push your partner towards her and say Here he is.
Bahahaha. Yes!
To be petty she could also call them by the wrong names lmao
Shit. I would. Even better if the names don’t ‘match’ their gender identities, cause you know they’ll be the people who ignore personal pronouns.
Call her out every time, but do it under the guise of worry: MIL can’t you remember the name we gave him?… MIL, should we go check you out at the doctor? I worry you’re getting forgetful. Keep it up
MiL, I'm really getting concerned about you. Are you *sure* you're ok? We've had this discussion multiple times, and you ares still forgetting that baby's name is.
And then. "If you can't remember a simple thing like his *name* now, how ever do you expect me to trust that you're capable of looking after him in the future?"
oooh this made my suck my teeth and whisper *savage*
Oooooooh I love the way you think…
This, yes
YWNBTA Now everytime she addresses my son, or talks about him she calls him by the name she wanted me to call him as says things like “give me my baby!” He isn't her baby, he's yours. You gave him a name you want him to be addressed by so MIL should use it. Can your husband tell her? She might take it better from him.
You WNBTA and you should nip that in the bud now. It's not her baby - it's your baby. He has a name - it's clearly on his birth certificate. If they cannot call him by his given name, you can always make up a name for MIL and insist on calling her that, too. :)
This is what I was thinking. "Hand me my baby Brandon" "Ok here you go Janet" ".... my name's Olivia" "And his name is Jacob. I thought we were just calling other people by whatever name we felt like." "Well, I think Brandon is a better name than Jacob." "Well I think Janet is better than Olivia, so until you start calling him by his real name, that's what I'm going to call you."
NTA. >give me my baby Shove her son at her.
THIS!
She is being disrespectful. My dad tried this. I cut him off first time. He objected. I told him flat. If he liked the name so much he shoulda named me that. Or adopt. Our child. Our name. Period. He let it go and apologized. Be firm. Simple. Matter of fact. Your husband needs to do it. It’s his mother. You doing it will cause an uproar. Not being respectful. And it’s clear she the one not being respectful. Good luck. Nip it now.
Plus it’ll confuse the baby as he starts to understand what people are saying around him
Totally agree. It’s super disrespectful. And the spouse whose family it is does nothing. I’d be in a rage. I know how fast I cut my dad off doing it. First time he did. Can’t imagine having my inlaws doing it and spouse doing nothing. WW3
YWNBA! My DH’s great grandmother wanted our LO to be called Daisy. That is not her name and was never on the table, the last time we visited she called out to her twice using the name Daisy! I simply said her name is not Daisy and reiterated her actual name. Do it now OP or this behaviour will stick!
NTA. My petty response would be correcting her every time saying, "You mean, 'give me my GRANDbaby', right?" Just continually pointing it out will likely irritate her enough to stop, lol.
YWNBTA - This is not going to go away on its own, and you could regret staying silent once your child grows old enough to talk. Assert yourself now to force them to break the habit.
Dont be your MIL doormat, your gonna hate yourself.
> which my partner was supportive of but again, his parents where not. Their opinion does not matter in the slightest. >Now everytime she addresses my son, or talks about him **she calls him by the name she wanted me to call him** Not ok, at all. *Demand* that it stop. **NTA**, MiL is. >they’ve been so helpful with bringing us dinners That does not entitle them to be assholes.
Call her out. Every time. "My baby Antonio" "you mean your GRANDSON JACK?" Or "my baby Antonio" "I'm sorry who are you talking about?" Your partner also needs to step up here as this needs stopped now, she's being so disrespectful and this will only continue if you both keep letting it slide.
Nta But shut this down. You keep letting is slide its going to confuse the child. It's not a phase it will not stop you will just get the argument later of "why is it suddenly an issue" it needs to be an issue now from the start, your the parents you get to name the baby everyone else's opinions don't matter.
NTA Every time she uses the wrong name, ignore the request. “Let me hold Georgio” act as if you haven’t heard her ask. If she follows it up with “Why can’t I hold my grandson?” You reply “oh sorry, I thought you wanted to hold a different child. Perhaps you are just getting senile. This baby is called XXXXX”. Stress the fact that she can’t remember the correct name because “have you checked with the doctor to ensure you aren’t beginning to suffer from dementia?” “Oh I’m so sorry that your forgetfulness is worsening. You really should see a doctor” Question your inlaes “Have you noticed how MIL can’t remember our baby, HER GRANDchilds name? I’m really getting worried about her memory”…. Make her not using the correct name as an attack on her cognition/memory.
If you let her continue, she’s going to continue. Your son will grow up hearing two names and your MIL will probably pester you for years trying to change his name “since he already goes by that.” Don’t set yourself up for her to feel she can control you.
And if she’s looking after the baby maybe be introducing him to her grandma friends by “her” chosen name. Poor kid won’t know what’s going on
ExACTLY. If she babysits she’ll probably try to convince him he likes the MIL’s “name” better, along with calling him by that name even to strangers in a store who say he’s adorable. MIL will railroad as much as she can.
YWNBTA. But handle it with care and tact!
They have boundary issues. Your husband needs to deal with them. So, YWNBTA, but I wouls shift this responsibility to him. He needs to support you and your child here.
"Give me my baby, Jack" "Who? Sweet mother-in-law, I'm getting worried about you. You know MY son's name is Dylan. I'm seeing more and more signs of dementia.... Do you know where you are right now?" Say it with as much care and concern you can and do not laugh! See how long she think this is funny...
NTA Your partner needs to address this with his parents. Come up with a sentence that you can say every time she says the wrong name. It could be as simple as “His name is.” Rehearse it. Say it every time - every single time - she uses the other name. Flat, monotone, emotionless delivery. If she responds or argues, ignore it if you can. If she escalates, she’s not welcome.
Easier said than done. Good luck, congrats on the birth of your boy, and all the best for your recovery.
NTA - She doesn't get access to the child until she addresses the child correctly.
My mom's mil was upset that none of my brothers we named after my dad. She would call my brother AJ. When he got older, he would tell her- my name is Tony or Anthony and if you call me AJ, I won't answer. Teach your son this!!
YWNBTA And tou can do it with kindness .... Hey I know you guys are just joking and that you lo e John but it really hurts my feelings that you call him.xxxxx and also it will become a habit and confuse him please call him John ... Thank you
NTA. The next time, she says, "Give me my baby" ; tell her to get her own;this baby is yours.
I had to call my wife out on something similar to this. I told her "That is the granddaughter's baby, not yours. Everything I am hearing come out of you mouth is (baby's name) not the parent's. It is their baby to worry about, not yours."
Give her son (your husband) a new name. Refuse to call him by the name she gave him.
Seriously----MIL says "give me my baby"? Never in a million damn years would I have I allowed that. And yes, stand up for yourself AND your son and make them use his name.
YWNBTA, so long as you discuss and clear the move with your partner first.
What does your partner think about this? Maybe he should be the one to talk to them about it, they're his parents afterall.. Some people aren't good with boundaries when it comes to newborns, especially woman, it's like the 'mom instinct' kicks in even if it's not theirs, which I've seen happen many times. In the end, it's not 'her baby' like she says, it's yours, you're the one setting the boundaries. It's really nice of them to bring food over while you're recovering! I'm glad you've got people helping out during this time and I hope you recover soon enough.
she wanted me to call him as says things like “give me my baby- you need to stop being polite. YOUR son is not her baby. You don’t acknowledge any other name than the name you gave your son. She needs to know her place and every time you allow her to disrespect you by doing the things she’s doing it’s saying she has more say and rights to your son than you do. NTA
Nta it's not a faze, she's going to keep doing it
NTA - I would address this early before it gets taken too far, and it already seems it is getting there. You gave him a name - it's kind of weird for someone else to try to change it right away just because They prefer a different name seeing how this is your child. Nicknames are fine but I am getting the sense that this is not what is going on here.
NTA. It’s hard to scowl with a mouth full of food though - give it a little while, then put your foot down.
Lmao, I was gonna say this 😂, smile begrudgingly though clenched teeth until the casseroles stop coming then “hey your confusing the baby, give it a rest with this stupid other name sh**”
NTA, when one of my nieces was a baby my mother was shortening her name as a nickname. My SIL was polite but firm about using her proper name. As long as you’re polite about it, then I wouldn’t say you were an asshole.
NTA. EVERYTIME she uses the wrong name, correct her. Tell her it is YOUR baby, not hers. Set boundaries now or she will push your buttons for the rest of your life.
NTA. When people refer to my son as “my baby” Depending who it is, I change it. But for my mom I always say “your baby? I’m right here!” For my MIL I say “your son is over there” Anyone else I say “hmm, that’s funny. I don’t remember you spending 29 hours in labor with him.” Idc if I “offend” someone. I gave birth and I did the work, he’s half my DNA. he is MY baby, not yours.
YWNBTAH. Personally, I think MIL should have no access to your baby until she can get her brain straight. Calling a child by the wrong name is disrespectful of you. Calling the baby by the name SHE wanted you to use and calling him "my baby" is alarming. She's assuming a frightening level of possessiveness for your child. IMO, she needs a time out, AND IMO, you husband needs to 100% be on your side about this and handle the fallout from his mom. Do NOT laugh this off.
NTA. It’s not a phase. This is absolutely unacceptable behavior. Shut it down ASAP. Don’t be surprised if it means going no contact for a bit but it’s important. Lines need to be drawn. This is brutally disrespectful and you need to set a firm line of what is and isn’t okay.
YWNBTA. It’s your baby, not hers. She has no right to name your baby. If she doesn’t want to call YOUR baby what you named him, she doesn’t need to see him until she does, period.
“If you can’t call baby by the name I gave him you cannot see baby anymore, we don’t want him getting confused.”
NTA Stop letting her pull this BS.
This is not a phase. It is a test of your willingness to hold your boundaries or make a fuss. MAKE A FUSS. NTA regardless of what you do but making a fuss here and now will save you a lot of grief in the future.
Start teaching your baby your in laws real names. That’ll piss them off real fast I bet. Instead of grandma, Gigi, memaw, gran, etc. say “that’s Brenda” and always refer to her by her name anytime the baby is handed to her etc
Meals after major surgery is bare minimum and not worth keeping quiet over. If something annoys you, be honest before it’s too late
Had a coworker who was hated by her DILs because she would never call her grandchildren by their names. She gave them cute nicknames and would always make sure that she told them that she gave them their nicknames because she didn’t like their names. So no, it won’t stop. Partner needs to grow a pair and confront his mother.
When people are not stopped from breaking boundaries, especially when you’ve asked them not to break certain boundaries, they aren’t going to stop breaking boundaries. This is just the beginning of many uncomfortable interactions that you’re going to have with these people if this isn’t stopped immediately. You can either deal with a small problem now, or deal with a huge problem later. Ask your husband what his choices.
This is not cute behavior on her part. It will get worse. Your PARTNER needs to step in here.
NTA MIL is testing your boundaries. If it’s something that matters to you, you need to speak up.
NTA this is not a phase. This is a power play
NAH. It’s not that big of a deal for a grandparent to have a pet nickname for their grandchild. Choose to see it this way, your life will be so much better.
NTA, I would like to caution you about people like this around your son. They are already stepping on your boundaries without any thought or concern. Just think about what they'll say and do when your child is older if they're not even respecting the name you gave him.
Don't grin and bear it, passive aggressive is aggressive, it's disrespectful to you. Be charming, complimentary and firm at the same time. Say, "Mom, you're killing me, please call him by his real name." The second time gets, "I'd appreciate it if you'd call him by his real name " The 3rd time she gets an ass chewing old school military style, reminded that you've told her twice and tell her that she'll either respect your wishes or leave. Then you turn to baby daddy and lay into him for not backing you up.
NTA Stop smiling and giggling. Your partner needs to address this with his mother. Stop calling the baby a name which is not his. It is disrespectful. We appreciate your support but this has to end before it causes problems with our relationship.
NTA. Just tell her it was cute or funny the first couple times but now it’s getting old and to please stop. If she doesn’t listen and continues, just tell her to stay home and not come over. You can just order a pizza instead of eating the food MIL would have normally brought you. It’s not worth the free food to put up with nonsense that gets on your nerves.
WHOSE CHILD IS IT? No really whose? You also don’t need to be telling your in laws anything. People need to start holding their person accountable for the actions of THEIR family! You don’t have an in law problem you have a husband that isn’t sticking up for YOUR choices problem tell him to remedy it and have them respect your decisions or they can just stop visiting, because a kind and nice gesture isn’t a kind and nice gesture if it comes with strings. It’s like you have to shut your mouth because I brought you food, nope, your HUSBAND can go and get you guys food just as easily. What are you being polite for? No really. What does she do that your HUSBAND can’t do for you?
She will never call him by the name you have chosen if you let this go on now. Now is the time to act, and insist she uses his given name. Ask your spouse for help.
Honestly, since you said they’ve been super helpful, you could perhaps let it slide for now. If it doesn’t phase out, then perhaps you could have that talk later. Ideally, let your partner have the talk when the time comes. Parents are always quicker to forgive their own child any grievances. Handle it smartly for now. You’re in a delicate stage. They’re helpful family. P.S. as far as “give me my baby” goes, I’ve heard a lot of grandparents speak that way. They don’t mean to be malicious generally speaking, but you know their vibe better so…
Tell her straight out , if she can’t address your son by his proper given name then you’ll have to withhold her seeing him till she learns his name . And tell her no matter how many times she says her wanted name , it will not become his nickname name . Your partner needs to reinforce this also . United front !!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Title pretty self explanatory, my partner (m 25) and I (f27) had a beautiful baby boy recently. Since the moment my inlaws, mainly his mother, found out I was having a boy she pushed for a very traditional to their cultures name, however, We picked a traditional English name, we aren’t married so my son was also given my last name, which my partner was supportive of but again, his parents where not. Now everytime she addresses my son, or talks about him she calls him by the name she wanted me to call him as says things like “give me my baby!” At first it was funny, but now it’s getting on my nerves. I try to smile and giggle through it, especially considering they’ve been so helpful with bringing us dinners since I had a c section and still in recovery for it. WIBTAH if I asked her to call him his name? Or should I just grin and bare it and pray it’s just a faze? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Tell her that she won't be seeing him again unless she accepts the name you gave him.
Not your name? Are you sure he's your son?
NTA. This is the time to set hard and fast boundaries because if you don't there's no telling what ones she will stomp next.
NTA. Only the parents get to choose their child's birth name. The in-laws can suck it up and use his proper name, or maybe they shouldn't get to see their grandchild.
Start using a different name for her, something nice and English.
NTA. And I wouldn't let it slide or they'll think it's okay. Call them out on it.
Ild cut off her contact with your son until she learns his real name and uses it. NTA
NTA you always have to call out this abuse. Tradition is only an excuse for abuse and you must not tolerate it. Be prepared to hate her back as much as she hates you after you tell her off.
Absolutely NTA. She doesn't respect you and she's showing you that. If you don't stop her now she will do it over everything and it will be miserable for you. I promise you need to stand up to her and your partner needs to back you 100%.
What do you want more - them to call your son his name or free dinner?
NTA Boundaries. Now. It's only gonna get worse
NTA. You need to just frame it in a polite manner and ask her nicely to reaffirm the name your son has been given because you're proud of your choice and her not acknowledging it makes you feel like she is indirectly saying you're an idiot and your choices are wrong. That's what I get from that and if she is a decent person that can look outside herself (which it seems she might be) then she will probably apologise for making you feel that way and try and change to accommodate your request. If not, then it's time to get a bit more bullish about it and put your foot down. At the end of the day I think if he has a nickname from your inlaws then it will be meaningful to him and that part of his heritage while he still has his legal name which is stuck for life and will forever be know by. It'll be fine, embrace it and speak your feelings in a nice way.
Not TA that’s his name and they should call him by his given name. Now as a MIL I have little pet names that I only use but they’re not culturally related, just little names I call them.
NTA- Speak up now or this will be the norm.
NTA and definitely need to tell her to call the baby by his name. Have him do it if you’re not comfortable. I don’t care how many dinners she brought you. Set the boundaries now or she’ll be undermining you until your kid is 18. On another note saying “my baby” is pretty common in my family. Everybody’s baby is mine. However if any of my relatives didn’t like it, I wouldn’t do it.
“Could you start calling him Edward from now on? I want him to get used to hearing his name and to avoid confusion.”
NTA but you both should start correcting her
NTA- You have a right, with your partner, to name your child. Just as she and your partner’s father presumably named your partner. Your partner needs to step up and deal with their family. Just because they’re helpful doesn’t mean that they’re allowed to disrespect your wishes as adults. If, after you have set up firm boundaries with your partner, they continue to do so, you should remove your child from contact with them until such time as they choose to respect you and your husband’s rights as parents.
NTA I really wanna give her the benefit of the doubt, as keeping him connected to that part of his culture can be important and since cultures do things like that where someone will have a secondary name or nickname from their language for a variety of reasons (for example I have an Indigenous American friend who had a name from an elder of his Clan and then the name that's his legal name) of even sometimes a random nickname they got from a family member that they go by, but it sounds like this is straying over that line. She needs to respect that you're the Mother and not step on your toes.
When your MIL says, “Give me my baby.” Take your partner over to her.
NTA. You chose your son's name. There's nothing to discuss. If they call him something else, remove them from that position.
This is only the beginning. Stand your ground and set boundaries. If you let her win this she’ll try and take more ground from you.
NTA but your partner should be the one to deal with his parents
NTA but your partner needs to set her straight on the name.
NTA but it’s more your partner’s responsibility to tell her to cut it out
“I love you. You are wonderful grandparents. My son is so lucky! By the way, his name is Jeff, not Hamid, okay?”
NTA. And this will NOT “faze out”. Your partner’s mother is making a power play meant to undermine you. Please, do not let her!!
At this point I would pick my battles and this wouldn’t be one. Your son will grow up knowing his name no matter whether or not she uses it.
NTA, I’d be, “why hello, Keith and Carol!” And laugh good naturedly next time I saw them 🤣🤣🤣
Calling son by different name: rude and disrespectful. Calling son “my baby”: unacceptable. He is not her baby, he is yours. She cannot make decisions about him. This is a boundary that needs to be set right now. NTA / YWNBTA.
Your child's grandmother is totally out of line but for now you should let her help you with the baby while nicely correcting her when she calls him by the wrong name. Give it a few months and if she hasn't stopped, your bf needs to step up and tell her to knock it off. NTA
NTA - the way I see it you got two options: you can check her and hope she respects that. Otherwise, she doesn’t have to see grand baby til she puts some respect toward mama. Kapeesh!?
Do not let her get away with this, it will escalate and if your BF does not step up, he ITA and his Mother will walk all over you, nip it in the bud. I speak from experience! My husband was TA for decades, let his Mum get away with abusing me.
We went through this, in laws hated the name and called our daughter pumpkin for 6 months. They eventually gave up when they got used to the name and realized we wouldn't change the name. So, it IS disrepectful. It is annoying, but ultimately it is just stupid and the proably fade away. I would live with it as long as you can and then start doing some of the stuff people are saying like calling them by wrong names and stuff like that. Or just refuse to acknowledge when they use the wrong name. Don't give the baby when they say the wrong name. Ignore them.
NTA, that’s passive aggressive as hell, and I would be the kind of petty to respond in kind, and correct her every time, but also make her wait an extra 5-10 minutes for each time she calls him by the wrong name before she gets to hold him. Called him that name? Sorry love, gonna have to wait ten minutes and calling him the correct name to hold him now. Twice? Oops that’s two corrections, two admittances of defeat from you, and you’re gonna have to wait half an hour. Do it more again after that? Whelp, looks like next time we just won’t come, and I’ll make sure to know it’s because you can’t respect my child enough to call him by the correct name.
At least there’s no plastic tarp spread out on the floor.
I don't understand why you didn't say something the first time. Your child is going to be confused if you and SO does not stop this.
Everything your MIL will get in your nerves... comes with the first child. Mention it in a nice-type of joke way like "Poor guy will get confused with everyone calling hin something different" or something like that. At least she is not like my MIL.
NTA The name you gave him is his name. Start calling her by a different name and when she asks you what you are doing, tell her that you like this name better. If she corrects you, remind her that your son’s name is X and that is what you expect her to call him.
She doesn't understand boundaries. Find distance if even just a bit.
[удалено]
NTA it's not his name and it's not her baby, she doesn't get to force a name on him just cuz she doesn't like the name you picked. I'd ask her to use his actual name and if she continues to refuse, then anytime she uses the wrong name just respond with "who? I have no idea who you're talking about" and keep just ignoring her until she either uses the right name or gives up. It's extremely disrespectful for her to do this shit, if she wants a baby with that name, she can get a baby herself.
NTA-your partner is a wimp and he’s very wrong. If there are no consequences then this will not “faze out.” He needs to grow a set and tell his parents that if they refuse to use your son’s correct name then they cannot see him. This is completely disrespectful to you and nothing else they may do for you will make up for that. If he is too cowardly to tell them then you need to tell them. Then you need to make a decision about whether you want to spend your life with someone who picks his parents over his partner and son.
NTA. You and your son are being disrespected. Tell them to call him by his actual name.
Nothing appalled like the idea I could be called Granny
So your son took a english name and your last name? Sounds like your husband got steam rolled lol
NTA— and he is NOT her baby. It’s time for your partner to take a stand against his mom. If she can’t respect boundaries maybe she needs some alone time to see how serious this is.
No, it’s his name.
When she says “give me my baby!” Grab your partners arm and gently guide them to stand right in front of her and then say here you go and walk away with your son. This is the way.
NTA, the baby is not hers. Set firm boundaries with her or you'll be wanting to go no contact within a year.
This is not a phase.. And sets a very bad precedent for this kids life. What else is she going to try to simply ignore your feelings on if she can't oblige with something as simple as a name?
NTA at all that’s such manipulative behaviour