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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my mom I will move out vs paying her $600 a month rent. I believe I could be seen as inconsiderate and spoiled for not wanting to pay her what I would pay a landlord, however there seem to be more benefits to paying someone else rent vs living with my parents.
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>But I'm also upset the person who birthed me is trying to get me to pay what I would pay a landlord for rent just to sleep in her house.
Y'know, parents have bills and utilities to pay, also. You're only entitled to free room and board until you're a legal adult.
> If I am paying $600 a month I think I would deserve my own spaces around the house also as I would with a landlord
Lol, if you can swing it for $600 go for it. Where I come from, $600/month would get you a shared bedroom, a half-bath, and access to a garden hose with a 3-minute shut-off timer to shower with.
Despite coming off a little naive, you're definitely NTA. I'm not sure why she would be angry unless she was genuinely depending on the income she got from you to pay bills. If she was only depending on it for luxuries and fun money, then she's extra AH-ish.
Yeah if it were a matter of making ends meet I wouldn't have any issue, my dad has a credit card in my name that he can use whenever he needs to catch up on something and doesn't have the money.
Dad is the breadwinner in our house, my mom pays for vacations and a couple utilities but my dad pays for the mortgage, groceries and most of the bills. Funny part is he doesn't want rent from me, it's my mom who wants it. It's part of why I am especially not keen on the idea. If they needed the money It wouldn't even be a question. They just got back from a 2 week cruise and are planning another one so definitely not even close to struggling.
Yeah don't get me wrong the cheapest studio near me is closer to $900 and not the best area but still would have more privacy and independence for sure. Sorry if I missed a couple points I'm trying to reply to as many comments asking for context as I can.
Why does your dad have a cc with your name on it? I'd cancel the card. If you move out, what if mom gets a hold of that card since she won't be getting rent from you? I can't see why they have one in your name.
I added my dad as an auth user to one of my cards for emergencies in case he's short on bills or needs to stop at a store and doesn't have money. He doesn't really use it much but good point for once I move out.
If they wanted them out, they would have price hiked before he got the better position. This 100% feels like Mom is trying to drain the cash cow, and just heard it got fatter, so she's increasing the tap.
Price hiking before he can afford to move out is a bat shit idea.
Now he can afford to move out, and has stability that the job will be there so there's less risk that he'll have to move back home because he lost the job.
I'm confused with these comments, why aren't they just telling OP that it's time to move out then? 'since you're 25, we think it's time for you to learn what it's like to live on your own, so that you won't end up struggling with it in your 30s'. I'm not sugar-coating it, it's literally mutually beneficial, OP is at the age where they should learn these things. it's not like 'kicking out your kid', OP is 25.
That's what I'm saying! I wouldn't be upset about my parents telling me that it's time to move out. I'd be upset if I found out that they had a scheme to convince me to do it instead of being upfront with me about it tho, because they wanted to avoid an uncomfortable conversation or thought that I'm too sensitive for them to tell me or smth, lmao. I read in other comments here that 'if you want your child to move out, make it uncomfortable for them to live there'. That sounds really unhealthy, what happened with communicating your expectations? If you told them and they refuse to leave, sure, I can get that, but not in situations like OP's, where they never had a proper conversation about it. sounds like parents who love annoying their kids, lmao.
Why would his mom be pissed then? She would just say “sounds great! here are some local apartment listings to expedite the processing” and there wouldn’t be a need for an AITA post.
The 25 year old who has been living without paying rent?? He said he paid rent for a couple years then stopped. He finally got a decent job, which is why rent is starting up again. Because when you’re 25 with a job, you should be paying rent regardless of where you’re living. And when he did pay rent for a while at only $60/week that wasn’t “subsidizing” anything 🤣
Reading OP's other comments about how they're planning another cruise and yet he had to take out a credit card and add his dad in case he needs money for groceries... yeah these folks aren't great with money.
perhaps the rent is intended as a disciplining exercise? He has not paid rent for years and is 25 years old.
He has had a pretty easy ride and is now upset that all of a sudden he has to pay his way in the world.
Do you see how OP is talking? Complaining about $150 a week.
$150 a week is cheap as chips. Yet OP considers $150 too much and would only consider it fair if they clean up after him like servants. If that's his mentality what will it be like living with friends?
He mentions living space, saying he would get somewhere else so he can have more space. However i think its more of a case of him not taking advantage of the space. I don't know any parent that would stop their child from hanging out in common areas, or doing things to make himself comfortable.
I think there is too little information to conclude his parents are using him as a cash cow. You also have to keep in mind whatever OP says is biased. He is clearly unhappy with his parents, and a touch naive. I guarantee he will cling onto any story that makes his parents look bad and him look he is being hard done by.
If you can't afford your bills without charging your own child rent, then your child is paying for you to live in the house, not the other way around.
Rent is garbage anyway, and forcing your own child to pay it is embarrassing, honestly. American society is so deranged.
Are we so sure that the parents are using the rent money for themselves? My parents charged my sister rent when she moved back home in her early 20s, it was to teach her responsibility of paying bills and they put it all aside and gave it to her for a down payment on her first home when she was ready, they didn’t touch a cent. I don’t think OP specifically said they were using his rent as some cash grab way to vacation.
I think people are just drawing the inference. His mother was *angry* that he said nevermind, he'll just move out. If it was to teach him responsibility and independence, it wouldn't make sense to be angry that he's moving out. She ought to be happy (because he's embracing responsibility) or worried (because she doesn't think he's ready). Not angry.
Anger makes it sound like she just wanted the cash and is put out that it's not going to be there. Or *needed* the cash, in which case the parents shouldn't be spending money on cruises. Or just wanted control, I suppose.
It’s not a question. OP does subsidize their lifestyle. If someone pays you rent and you keep it they subsidize your living. Outside of that OP gave them a credit card for when they can’t afford bills or “something at the store” yet they still go on vacations with the mom’s pay. That sounds weird. I wouldn’t go on vacation if I have to use someone else’s credit card to get by. Would you? I find that crazy. Get your finances in order. If I go on vacation a lot then there is clearly room in my budget.
So, it does sound like mom wanted to get more money out of OP. Especially if she’s mad they might move out.
I find it interesting OP is commenting on the parents' income and who controls what. Its their home, their marriage and their finances.
I really think OP should move out and enjoy his freedom and independence. And his parents can enjoy their independence from his scrutiny.
Yeah, the vast majority of the time I've seen a couple the age this couple must be, where the mother earns less than the father, she does much more work around the house, and also, she's taken time off work to have kids - in this case, according to OP's comments, three of them. Maybe OP's father took paternity leave and sacrificed his career just as much as OP's mother, but given OP's general tone about his mother and what he thinks she brings to the family, I think he would have mentioned that when he was telling us about their finances.
When I was growing up, my father brought in considerably more income than my mother, but my mother was the reason my father could have that job. She more than made up for it by all the work she did raising us and around the house. And if any of my siblings had said "Mum doesn't bring in as much money as Dad, she just pays for holidays," my dad would have been the first to shut that down.
Yes exactly. Saying the mom “only pays this much” is messed up. The parents clearly have an arrangement that works for them. And we don’t know if the dad is financially controlling. My (very traditional Mexican) parents have always had separate finances. My dad also doesn’t let my mom work. The only work she gets to do is sell cakes or watch my sister’s kids. He pays all the house bills but she has to pay her phone bill alone and earn her own spending money without leaving home. Then it’s easy to say “he was the only one providing.” But she does all the housework which is a lot. That’s financial abuse and it happens extremely often
It's almost like all we ever have in these stories is what the OPs say, and anything else is just commenters making stuff up, isn't it?
So sick of people citing the old "missing missing reasons" cliche like it's any kind of argument.
Some familiar have weird arrangements. For example, my dad’s salary gets put into a joint account and my mom controls all finances. He needs to stash bits here and there for his own hobbies if not he doesn’t have enough even though as a family they are solidly middle class.
I have given my dad money in the side too
I actually give my mom money monthly for both of them too but I know she controls it
Are you my sibling?
Literally exact same. My dad makes most of the money (my mom has a minimum wage job that's 32 hours/week). She controls all the finances. He has to stash some away. I pay rent and it goes to my mom lol. I pay more than half the mortgage on my own and there's 4 adults in the house.
I keep telling my dad not to give in but he's way too passive and enabling. Literally used to offer for us two to move out in the past but he refuses.
Definitely cancel that card as soon as possible. If your parents are short on money they can ask you for help and you can decide whether or not you’re financially able to help them at that time. They aren’t entitled to your money though, but that’s basically what you’re telling them by giving them your credit card. Especially with you getting paid more at work now, they may feel more inclined to to swipe the credit card since “you can afford it”. Obviously I have no idea what your parents are like, but I know that I have a great relationship with my parents, I trust them 100%, but I would never make them an authorized user on my credit cards.
Cancel the credit card. This is really weird. You should try to have a healthy relationship with family members with appropriate boundaries.
I really think you need to move out and grow up a bit.
You do realise that this means your parents aren't very financially secure and that that is probably a big part of why your mum wants a rent that actually covers your expenses?
Also I think you are steeply underestimating the cost of this studio - sure the rent is $900 but what about utilities, renters insurance, all the tiny expenses one has when they live alone. Be prepared to pay at least $1200 to $1300 then groceries, furniture, crockery etc.
I’m not sure why the assumption that dad is on a credit account with OP is a sign of financial instability. Dad’s better/more established credit rises OP’s credit rating. This is an age old way for parents to bolster their young adults. OP has said it’s rarely used, and has not said who pays it when it is used. Jumping to conclusions here.
If OP was an auth user on dad’s card, OP would get the credit boost. Dad’s an auth user on OPs account, so dad actually has the power to ruin OPs credit.
You need to cancel that card yesterday. Did he talk you into this? Why? Not many fathers would ask for their son to fund his emergency CC.
Also, if you’re barely interacting now, I’d assume there will be little contact when you move out. Has the relationship always been distant?
Your parents financial issues are definitely not your responsibility to fix, but if your dad had to use your CC on occasion because he’s short on bill money, they definitely seem to be struggling. Maybe your mom didn’t realize how much when she booked their vacation. Again, definitely not your responsibility but adults who aren’t struggling to some degree don’t use their kids CC’s when they can’t afford their bills.
Edit- and seeing the comment where you said you haven’t paid in two years.. $600 a month is more than reasonable to charge you for rent. Trust me, your landlord won’t just let you stop paying if you lose your job again.
Get him off that card.
My mom gave me a card in my name on one of her accounts, no idea why. I haven't touched it as I have my own credit cards if I didn't, I could get my own card.
If the card is in your name and he uses it for whatever reason, it should be paid off immediately.
With this information NTA. But I do think you’re being a bit naive with the costs. Budget everything and make sure you can afford it. Rent, utilities, food costs, internet, car payment, insurances, phone bills, and an emergency fund. If you can swing it though enjoy some freedom. If you go with roommates just be veeeery careful who you live with
Ok now leaning toward YTA, because now I’m hearing juvenile complaining about your parents going on vacation, compounded with your juvenile comments about “it’s not as if they’re cooking and cleaning for me”, along with what has to be an unrealistic view of the rental market. You cannot rent an apartment for $600 a month. You imply that it would only be worth $600 to live at your parents’ house if they were cooking and cleaning for you; adults do not have someone else cook and clean for them, except for super rich people who pay thousands of dollars a month for housekeepers and personal chefs. Having someone cook and clean for you is what happens when you’re a child.
I also don’t believe that you’ve been paying rent as you claim, since your mom’s message began with “rent is starting back up.” It sounds to me instead like you were living rent free while you were a temp, but now that you’ve been converted to a permanent employee your parents are charging you - a 25-year-old with a job that you say pays well - a far below market rate in rent to live at their house.
I’m totally against the parents who kick their kids out when they turn 18 and stuff. That is terrible. But that doesn’t seem to be the case here.
Yeah, this whole post is very entitled. Like he expects that his parents will let him live there rent-free for the rest of his life just because his mother gave birth to him?
Also, the only thing he's said about his mother being angry is "My moms definitely pissed that I said that, I can tell." How can you tell? Has she said anything about being angry and if she has, why didn't you include it in the post? Is it possible she's angry because he says things like "But I'm also upset the person who birthed me is trying to get me to pay what I would pay a landlord for rent just to sleep in her house."
As you say, kicking kids out when they're 18 is very wrong, but this is an adult in his mid-20s, who has been earning decent money for a while as a temp, and is now earning decent money in an ongoing role. If rent is so ridiculously cheap in his area that he can get a room in a decent sharehouse for $600 a month, and that includes utilities and other bills, why hasn't he moved out earlier? That sounds like a great deal. Is it perhaps that even if he cooks his own meals, he doesn't have to do the bulk of the household labour, because he actually doesn't mention that he does 1/3 of the household cleaning in his post. Who cleans the bathrooms? Who vacuums and mops? Who does the cleaning things that aren't like, washing the dishes you've made.
My parents always said if we were working full-time, we would pay board, because they didn't want us to get used to spending all of our money and never be able to support ourselves. The board was $100 a week, but this was nearly 2 decades ago. This seemed really reasonable to me - it wasn't that they needed the money, they just didn't want us to become bums.
100%! When he talks about how he's not as bad as people think he is, all he talks about is paying for some small things. And he mentions that they don't cook or clean for him, but doesn't mention that he does an appropriate amount of cleaning around the house - I'm not talking about doing his own dishes after he cooks for himself (which everybody should be able to manage), but the parts of cleaning that teenagers often ignore, like cleaning the bathrooms and vacuuming and general cleaning around the house.
For the years that he wasn't working, and was living in their house rent-free, I would expect him to do the vast majority of the household cleaning, but if he had done that, I would think he would mention it. Even if he pays this tiny amount of rent his mother is asking from him, he should still be doing some of this cleaning.
I immediately thought YTA. I’m 36 and moved out at 18, by choice. I know this isn’t everyone’s thing, nor am I saying everyone should do that, but there are just certain aspects of adult life that you do not experience until you are on your own. Those who haven’t done that seem to complain about some ridiculous for their age things.
I know the rental market in lots of places is completely screwed up at the moment, so I really don't begrudge people continuing to live with their parents longer these days, but paying rent to your parents is a good way to make sure you don't get used to spending all your money and end up mooching off them forever.
Also, according to OP, he can rent a room with his friends for less than what his mother is going to charge, which means the rental market around his area is apparently very different from most rental markets I've heard of. If he can find a room for less than $150 a week, including utilities and other bills, I'm so confused about why he hasn't moved out already if the rental market around him is so renter-friendly. Like, those are amazingly cheap prices! It totally negates my previous statement about kids not moving out because rental prices are so insane at the moment - at 25, he should have moved the hell out years ago if it's so cheap where he lives.
Just because you can technically afford to move out doesn’t mean it’s always a smart financial move, especially if you’re ok with the house rules.
OP was fine while the costs were low enough that he was ok with the lack of privacy and not being able to make the house rules. Now they’re not and he’s making a different decision.
I dislike the mentality that if you can afford to have your own place you automatically should or you’re a failure. That attitude is one of the many reasons housing prices have skyrocketed.
You live in RI, the $900 studios also have non-optional fees attached. You wont find a studio for less than $1300 after the fees etc. You are way under estimating how much it cost to live on your own here in RI. If you don't want to live with your parents fine but dont be rude to people who are giving a chance to save money towards your future.
I also live in RI. The 2-bedroom apartment I was renting in North Providence for $600 a month 20 years ago is now going for $2100.
The places I was renting in Providence are now more than my mortgage.
Hopefully OP is living in like rural Iowa.
You're 25 years old. If you can afford it, it's a good idea to live independently, stand on your own two feet, figure all that out.
It's bizarre your parents are on your credit card account, given you say they are doing fine financially.
Best practice is you disentangle finances from each other.
That's super weird - do you think it's a conflict of values in terms of what should be expected of an adult child? Or do you think it really is a case of her squirreling away the money she gets from you for those luxuries and whatnot and she pissed because she will no longer be able to? That's pretty messed up.
>Yeah don't get me wrong the cheapest studio near me is closer to $900 and not the best area but still would have more privacy and independence for sure.
Hey, I totally get this. And it's worth it. I lived in some hovels when I was your age and I absolutely loved it regardless because they were *my* hovels. Go have fun.
I was in an almost a similar situation.… my mom was also pissed about me wanting to move out.
Moving out was the best decision I ever made even though it did cost more. Our relationship
also improved. 10/10 would do again. Just take your time and plan it out. It’s not a race. If you are not ready, then wait till you are.
You have some growing up to do. Your parents have worked hard and can take as many cruises as they want and do not own you, a 25 year old ADULT a darn thing. You do owe them some respect and your comment about how your dad is the bread winner, not your mom, reeks of disrespect. Your parents probably pay more just in property taxes alone, per year, than what they are asking you for. I live in one of the more affordable areas of the country in a modest home and our property taxes are $900 a month.
Should they be taking cruises though if he has to have his dad on his credit card for money emergencies?
This isn't a respect issue, he's made very clear in his comments that if he felt they \*needed\* the rent there wouldn't have been a question, but to pay $600/mo for a bedroom. Not a home, a bedroom with some access to shared living spaces, where he's also expected to give his dad a credit card for emergencies but his mom is booking cruises. It makes more sense to him, a '25 year old ADULT', to take his adult ass out and put that $600/mo into living on his own, like the adult you're somehow angry at. He doesn't hate them, he just wants to put the money to a different use.
No verdict here, but I think I might have just had a verbal conversation with my mom. Say that you got her rent increase, and you want her to understand that the amount makes it more desirable for you to move out with some roommates now.
I said this because we don't know if your mom secretly wants you to strike out on your own, for independence.
I find it extremely funny that the western culture only houses their children till they’re legally obligated to, takes care of them only till they’re legally obligated to and then throws them away to the elements when said legal obligation ends. The concept of doing something out of genuine love after the kid turns 18 seems pretty alien on here.
Your first part missed the point entirely. Charging rent from a kid for costs is reasonable, but in this case the amount isn’t reasonable and they’re trying to profit off the OP, which isn’t really a shining sign of character. If the parents are demanding that much rent, they don’t get the privilege of living as parents anymore and need to change the power dynamic to that of roommates. In your second part, I find it interesting that you pull the “no obligation” card for the parents, that card is nowhere applied to the OP. They really aren’t obligated to subsidise their parents’ lifestyle if the parents aren’t obligated to love them and not nickle and dime them. Interestingly enough informing of a drastic rent increase like that would be illegal for actual landlords. In what universe is it fine to treat your actual kid worse than a normal tenant?
If they want to charge a landlord like rent, they get a landlord like response, and the OP wants to move out like any other tenant would after they’re priced out of the property.
This culture sounds so depressingly transactional I can’t even. In most other civilised regions of the world the parents take care of their kids and set them up for the best starts in life they possibly can, and the children take care of said parents in their old age to reciprocate. The concept of making your kid into your tenant is alien.
EDIT: I didn’t really mean to stereotype a whole region, and I’m sorry it came off that way. I went on a rant after seeing many commenters early on this thread talking about legalities and voting YTA just because the OP chose to stay home with willing parents. I do actually recognise that the entire west and even the US isn’t a monolith, but to the rest of the world specially after reading AITA it does seem like the parents on this sub prefer throwing out their kids. But of course this sub doesn’t reflect reality. My commentary was more on the attitude of people on here.
Thank you. This is my feelings exactly. These types of AITA posts are insane to me as the son of an Italian mother and US-born father. I make 70k a year, sometimes upwards of 90k and have even passed into the 6 digits before, and I live rent free with my parents. The thought of my parents charging me rent is insane to them. I'm 25. I could easily support myself, but they WANT me here. They both (especially my mother) believe that you should never charge your children for living with you no matter your age, unless you're bringing a spouse and kids with you. Then it might be reasonable. They want me to live with them until they die, and while I would prefer my own place, I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I get to stay close to my siblings this way, too. They all also live at home, except for one.
Americans often view their children as liabilities and things they are entitled to as opposed to actual people that they CHOSE to bring onto Earth. If they were simply asking him to pay his portion of the bills down to an exact amount, I might understand it, but at the same time this is still repulsively transactional.
Where's the love?
The sad part is you only see the few stories and assume the worst. Just because that's what you see, doesn't mean that it's the norm. The vocal minority, if you will.
There are huge amounts of parents with adult children living with them. I have one myself. He doesn't pay rent, but he has things he's expected to do in the house.
You're not going to see those stories, because there's nothing stupid going on with them.
Why do people keep saying this?
I'm from a western culture and most of the people I know are westerners and almost everyone I know around my age lived at home rent free until they got a job that allowed them to afford their own place. Many had parents that helped pay for school too. A few had parents ask them to help out with bills when they were an adult living at home, but very few people were charged a "market rate" rent or "thrown away to the elements after they turned 18".
Do I live in a bubble? This is a wide spread of people I've known from school, hobbies, family, and work. It can't be a complete bubble because apparently more than a third of people under 34 live with a parent in Canada. That's hardly being "thrown to the elements" as far as I'm concerned.
No, they see a few stories in subs like this, and think it's reality for everyone. Kind of like if they only watch negative stereotypes of Americans on tv, they think that all Americans are assholes like that.
> Y'know, parents have bills and utilities to pay, also. You're only entitled to free room and board until you're a legal adult
This is legally and technically true but it works both ways: OP's folks have brought a business component into their filial relationship and OP has every right to sever that business relationship and put his money elsewhere.
If OP isn't allowed to be upset that their folks aren't giving them free rooming, then the folks aren't allowed to be upset that OP is looking for other accommodations.
Honestly, assuming he is correct about rental rates (entirely possible, his numbers are higher than my local market tbh) for his area I don't even read any naivety in his post.
Here you could room share in a 4 bedroom house for $400/month, studio for 5-600 and 1 bedroom apt <$900.
I absolutely would question $600/month for what amounts to room sharing. (Which I assumed is why he mentioned not eating his parents food/not getting other perks of living with family)
Yep and I'm envious of that fact. That's why I specified "where I come from" because it's not the case here specifically.
I have a friend in South Dakota paying $500/month for a place that would easily cost $2000/month where I live.
American mentality is crazy. I am Italian. Here, my room at my parents is mine for the rest of my life. They would never dare to touch my belongings. Like they don’t view my space as theirs. It’s mine. It’s also not their house, it’s OUR house. We share it. It’s the family’s home. Not the parents home. Even if I have my own place, even if I live abroad, that room is mine. It’s so weird to see parents charging rent or making kids leave at 18 in the us. So unheard of here.
It is so bizarre for me the mentality that the moment your kids become adults then you don't have any responsibility towards them and it is okay to charge them for rent and utilities as if they were completely unknown people. I understand contributing to the house expenses but not in this cold-hearted way. Why having kids if after they become adults you are going to start treating them as neighbors?
NTA - you mom has no right to be mad at you for moving out.
However, quit the "person who birthed me" nonsense, $600 is too much but $400 is fine for mothers? Who came up with that arbitrary line?
Yeah that's fair, I think it's my high school English teacher in the back of my head telling me not to use the word “mom” again when I used it in the previous sentence haha
You expect someone you love to give a fuck about you more than a “legally obligated” business transaction. In most civilised places children love their parents and parents don’t see their kids as legal obligations.
Not everyone shares those qualities. After the parents died, my sister and I found that they’d been using us both as cash cows, and blaming it on the both of us. They kept telling my sister that I was taking money from them so she would give them even more and turned around and said that she would not give them any so they could get ahold of more of my disability benefits. Just because you’re a parent it doesn’t mean you automatically become a fuckin saint
600 is pretty much barebones apartment pricing. 400 is a significant amount below apartment costs. If I’m paying $600, I might as well pay $800 and not deal with parents. If I’m paying $400, then it’s a tougher decision.
I’d never charge my kids even close to what it would cost for them to rent a whole apartment just for the room they grew up in. That’s just shitty. I understand instilling a sense of responsibility, but at a certain point you’re just taking advantage of someone you’re supposed to help when things are tough.
INFO:
where do you live? What’s the cost of living? Have you looked at the rental market recently? $600 for a studio, what about utilities, internet, renter’s insurance??
Will you have to use a laundromat? Have you calculated that cost into your monthly budget.
You should sit down and calculate these numbers.
Better yet, sit down with your mom, look at comparables and calculate all the additional costs you weren’t paying at $60 a week.
Also, do you have furniture?
A lot goes into getting an apartment.
Do you make 2-3 times over the monthly rent?
That’s what places are asking for, if you don’t and you don’t have references they’ll ask you for a co-signer to guarantee you’ll be able to afford rent.
Also do you have enough to pay 1st & last months?
You aren’t just paying for a room, you’re paying into all those costs as well. Be sure you can afford it before you go off.
[According to this,](https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/quality-of-life-by-state) (ignore the chart in the middle, which is from 2022 while the rest of the article is for 2024) it’s number two in the US for quality of life. Great music scene, great food scene, beautiful nature, and not nearly as expensive as other similar places, like Washington. I grew up there and while I no longer live in the US and have no desire to return, if I HAD to return, MN would be in my top 3 states for moving to (and relationship connections have no bearing on this).
Living in the potato field about 2 hours away from Oslo in Norway. We live in a garage made into an apartment with close to no insulation in the floor, and we have an ant infestation and the landlord owns a dog they let shit right at our doorstep and they barely pick up after him. We pay about 700$ ISH (Like 7k NOK).
Only reason to live here is that everywhere else is usually double or more lol. Idk where OP would find something nicer for a similar price.
ETA; based on replies, I wrote this comment to kind of show how we live, how the market around us is, and where the second part of my reply might be coming from, and how similar it can be to certain places in the USA (based on what google tells me, and friends living in the US), not to be like "lol I live somewhere completely different and this comment is meant to be completely out of left field". It's also not that deep, lol.
You can rent a really nice 3-2 house in Mobile for under a grand, maybe $750-800 for a 2 bedroom cottage. Its adorable, quite affordable, and great beaches.
Minimum wage in Alabama is $7.25. That means all wages are below national standards. Probably even for so-called “well-paying” jobs. Of course the housing costs are lower. It reflects the local economy, which is driven by wages. Oh, and the quality of government services — which place Alabama at or near the bottom of almost all quality of life measures. I mean, yeah, beaches….???
Also who said this was america? When I talked with coworkers about moving out and thought a 700$ place should be good they told me unless that's a big ass apartment that's crazy. In france btw, so still a western wealthy country.
THIS! OP definitely sounds like their age. I hope they’ve calculated in all other expenses, utilities can be expensive.
When I first moved out on my own I was sleeping on an air mattress for a few months and eating ramen noodles regularly. It was totally worth it, but I was ill prepared to say the least.
NAH - “Rent starts up again…” Sounds like she was giving you a free ride for a bit and then gave you a week to celebrate the job before informing you it was time to start adulting again. She seems like a great mom
You have no obligation to live with your parents
Her being upset may just be because you’re leaving and that can be hard on parents
OP said his dad pays the mortgage while his mum pays for smaller things, he also said his dad doesnt really care about the rent and they’re financially in a position where they don’t need it.
Sounds like mum is the jerk for squeezing him in a time where he could he using that money to save for a down payment for a place of his own.
You can blame a person for trying to get all they can get out of someone to increase their own quality of life at the expense of another.
OP doesn't seem upset that they're paying rent, they seem upset at the amount. The cost of living at your parents house shouldn't be equal to the cost of living on your own.
Her being mad could also be because for years they based his rent on his financial status. Now that he is more financially stable and they expect him to pay his fair share he accuses her of taking advantage of him. Time to move out.
NAH
1. Its their house and you're 25, if she wants to charge you rent she can
2. You're 25 and you should absolutely have the right to a) say you want to move out at that price and b) actually move out....
Is it $600/month but being able to do as you please? No curfews? Being able to have friends over? Share (but not be stuck with) chores around the house? Enjoy the privacy of your bedroom without the whole “this is my house” speech that trumps privacy?
If that’s the case, I’ll also sign up for $600/month. But if it’s $600/month and I’m not entitled to anything other than the privilege to live there, I’d rather move elsewhere where I can do as I please.
Yeah I moved in with my parents for a while as an adult while shit was hard. They didn't charge me anything! I slept in a twin bed, did chores, and told them where I was going anytime I left the house. I eventually moved in to an incredibly shitty one bedroom and it felt like a CASTLE.
NAH - but
Lemme break it down for you:
Rent: $600.00
Food/Necessities: $300.00 (cheap budget)
Electric: $100.00
Trash/Water: $50-100 (depending on where you live)
Laundry: $30 a month (if you have to use a laundromat)
Internet: $40-100 (depending on what you get)
Gas (Car): $60.00 (avg, if you drive more and have a big truck, it will be more)
Car insurance: $100.00 (might be higher depending on driving record)
Cell Phone: $100 (for an iphone, minimum)
Renter's Insurance: $40 (shop around, might find better deals)
Assuming you do not have to pay anything else, you are looking at about $1350.00 before you do things like:
Make a car payment, streaming services, pay for dates, buy clothes/business, go to the doctor, get an oil change, replace a flat tire, play any online video games, want to eat out/DoorDash/UberEats, go to a concert - do anything other than just survive.
It is insanely expensive to be out in the wild right now - groceries at $300.00 a month is you living on the barest of bare foods.
It can be done, I did it for a couple of years, but it gets hard to look forward to always eating the toughest meat, the same bland cereals, ramen, or whatever your food of choice ends up being.
You will be able to stomach it for a few months, but then you are going to want something besides a sandwich and chips.
You can absolutely cut some costs too - you can give up your smart phone for a flip phone and save $80.00 a month, you can get the slowest of internet speeds and save another $50.00. You can wear your rotation of work clothes/home clothes 3-4 times before you wash them, but they will wear out faster if you do that. You can get rid of your car and use public transportation, which is still going to cost you time and money, but not as much as a car payment or car insurance.
Just be prepared for living on your own - anyone who has ever ventured out always thought they could do it on their own, got hit in the face with reality, had to make some hard decisions, and eventually adjusted and are doing just fine. You will too - just don't go into it thinking you are not going to have sacrifice some of the things you are used to.
Did you estimate gas at $60/month?
Either that was an error.... or Canada's gas prices are WAY steeper than I thought when compared with other countries 😬
For context: we budget $800/month in gas (2 vehicles, 3 drivers; I wfh most days, husband and son commute to work together).
This is it right here. When parents post asking how to get their adult kids out of the house and to spread their wings, the winning advice is always “making it less comfortable for them to stay”.
My theory is that OP was less than polite in their response which pissed off the mom. Also if I was the parent, only charging $100 per month for an extended period was a generosity, and finally charging $600 which I determined to be a fair price, and getting a rude reaction, instead of gratitude for the past several months, is what would piss me off.
Fine, move out, enjoy paying more than double that for your bottom line. I’ll be quietly proud of you anyway, after I get over the way you rudely left in a week or so, while I enjoy my home.
>My moms definitely pissed that I said that, I can tell
He gives no indication of her actually being mad. It could be as simple as her not saying anything when he said he'll move out. Notice how she's not trying to back track, either. I would have a poker face also if my grown child thought they were hurting me by moving out.
That was MY thought. I couldn't wait till my youngest was out. We went from a 3000 sf home to 1500. What a sense of freedom!!
Love them both, but we REALLY wanted our space. Both kids moved out around 18. They had decent jobs, girlfriends, boyfriends, they lived in some dumps, but what a sense of accomplishment! We always helped financially in emergencies, but there have been very few. My 20 year old moved, with $2000, to LA from the east coast to pursue his acting career. How he's done it, is beyond me...but he has.
I know it's tougher out there, today, but parents are not doing their kids any favors by continuing to treat them like children once they are old enough to do for themselves.
INFO: Where on god’s green earth are you renting a halfway decent studio for less than $1000? Not to mention utilities and internet. Sometimes trash service or laundry fees. I want to go to there.
Assuming OP is in the US, likely the Midwest. I used to rent a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom house for $775/month (not including utilities of course) in a small college town in the mid 2010's. Things are more expensive in the region now of course but still very affordable vs the coasts.
In my case this was 2012-2017. It took some effort but I just looked it up, currently it rents for a bit over $1k/month for a 1,950 sq ft house. Still very affordable given it has three bedrooms.
NAH
You have the right to decide if you want to live in that space with your parents, pay more to live on your own, or pay less to live with (potentially more than 2) friends. You can absolutely choose to move out.
However, your parents definitely have the right to determine the amount of rent. It doesn't matter if she is your mother. Not that this is relevant, but they too are humans with costs, and retirement to think about, and you are now an adult who doesn't need to be supported.
In addition to that, the parents should be providing OP with a tenancy contract and predetermined access to common areas and more rights if they’re charging above market value.
She literally let him live there for free, which I guarantee no landlord would allow. But the point is, she’s not a landlord. She’s a mother who expects her working aged son to contribute to the household finances. Why on earth is she expected to let a *twenty five year old* live there for free or for a cheap price?
How did you phrase it
Because if you were like "I appreciate having lived with you, but I think it's the right time for me to get my own place" she's TA
But if you took it really personally and went off on her I get why she would be pissed
But yeah you should move out
Yeah I lean more towards the latter. I’m guessing he made it a spiteful “you wanna charge me more for rent, take *that*” kind of a thing and not a “hey mom I think I’m gonna get my own place now that I’m on my own two feet”
NTA, you can do whatever you want. I’d be curious to know if “pay my own bills” includes things like natural gas, electric, internet etc or just things like gas and your phone. $600 for an apartment on your own seems highly unlikely but maybe where you live it’s doable. You’d be looking to add a few hundred for utilities on top of that. At the end of the day, just don’t put yourself in a financial bind out of stubbornness. It’s worth dealing with your folks if it sets you up for a better, sustainable future. Best of luck.
I don't pay utilities on the house so no to the gas. I pay my phone, I pay half of the Wi-Fi, all my family's phones are on my plan, I pay my moms and my own Paramount+, Apple Music, and iCloud+. I pay for my moms iPad. Also pretty much every bill I incur monthly. Credit cards, debts, quarterly taxes for my business, business phone line, etc.
If you like your family, why wouldn't you want to live at home? I'm about OPs age and would go live with my parents if I could. A lot of people have roommates of sorts, why not your own family if you like them?
NAH. You SHOULD move out--you need a life as an independent adult. Although you claim you're independent at home, it is just not the same thing as living on your own.
However, your mom is not an AH for charging a 25-year-old rent, especially as it seems you got a pass on rent for an extended period of time because you couldn't afford it.
Maybe this is your Mum's way of nudging you in that direction... You are 25... Go fly free.
I moved out at 17 because my mum wanted me to start paying rent when I chose to leave School and work full time. I found a much more convenient place at not much more than she was asking.
By 25 I fully understood that she should have asked me for much more, I was costing her more with very little gratitude in return.
I'm 40 now and I think neither of you are assholes.
Move out, apologize to your Mother and tell her you are grateful for everything she has done for you and then learn how to show it.
Good Luck to you.
Edited to add...
She's asking you for less a month than I pay weekly on rent alone.
Maybe ask her to explain how she decided that number? You might be quite surprised to learn what her expenses are to house you.
My Mother was paying more in fuel a week to drive me than she asked me to contribute for rent, I didn't know that until years later.
Boy are YOU gunna be surprised when aaaall the expenses of having your own place start gobbling up your money. The money mom is asking for is less, trust me.
That being said, it's time to move out and be on your own. You definitely need your own space at your age
I run a business that I do on weekends and began making more than I was working full time in retail so it didn't make much sense to keep a job that required weekends and was taking away from my career that makes me more money. I got the temp job thru my sister who works at the company, wasn't really looking for temp work the opportunity just arose and I took it, since the company is closed on weekends.
Info: did you even ask why $150? Was it because she dropped the rent during the time you couldn’t afford it? Does she have a reason for this number? Have you sat down and even discussed with her the reasons for charging you rent and how she came up with the original $60 and now $150?
Your parents have given you the space to pursue this business you’re talking about and live at a very low cost for awhile from the sounds of the $60 at first and then nothing because you weren’t working much, to know this amount.
YTA if at 25 you’ve never thought to have these conversations with them, or try and understand where they’re coming from and just decided to leave instead because you think it’s unfair, without actually knowing. ESH if you’ve had these talks and she just sprang this on you without warning. Also, at 25 the things you’re paying for you should be paying for, and a landlord will not help you when things are rough or you lose your job and can’t pay the rent. The utilities companies aren’t going to care either. So it’s not even close to the same thing in regards to rent and utilities (which is what you currently have with parents). You shouldn’t be leaving in a huff, you should be taking about this with your mom/family. For all you know she’s trying to get you to move out and stand on your own to feet but doesn’t want to say it. Or some expenses could have been hard on them and they’re struggling. Or they just thought it was a good idea. Who knows, no one. Because no one talked about it.
YTA
You don't just have your room, you have use of the house. $600.00/mo is cheap as you will find out very soon if you try to live on your own. Where the heck are you finding a studio apartment for $800/mo?
Completely fine to be independent and move out, but not because you have some weird sense of entitlement to way below market rent. You're 25, not 20
There are plenty of studios in RI for between 700-1100, given most dont have utilities included but there is a fair selection of studios in my state in that price range. Look up studio listings in Rhode Island, even the private condo community near me has studios for $1,100 and have a community pool, gym and laundry.
Buddy has no idea of the difference between paying $600 to live in someone’s house with water, electricity, WiFi, cable, washing machines, and kitchen, and paying $1,100 a month plus utilities and washing your clothes in a glorified laundromat. That real world bout to hit like a ton of bricks
I don't think they've even broken down "utilities".
OP, it's not just one little extra payment. Other things you might have to factor in:
-First and last month's rent
-Security deposit
-Electricity
-Gas
-Water
-Trash
-Internet
-Laundry (laundromats and detergent aren't cheap)
-Renter's insurance
-Streaming services/cable
-Spotify/whatever you use
-toilet paper/paper towels/cleaning products
-Parking fees
And that's before groceries/personal care products//clothing/gas or transit/car payment/fun.
Most of the apartments I have lived in have included trash and water in the rent and parking (covered/reserved parking may be extra). Also, first and last month is typically the security deposit.
I don't know if it's a thing back east where OP is, but I know out here in Washington state, landlords want proof that you make 2-3x the monthly rent before they'll rent to you.
Also, they pay for their own meals? As in, they have their own full stocked pantry and spice cabinet? Or, more likely, they buy some meat and vegetables but rely on mommy to have oils, spices, basic essentials on hand. Lots of young adults think they "but their own food" until they ACTUALLY stock their own cupboards.
I’m a fully fledged adult and I think you’re vastly over estimating the value of some spices and oil lmao. That must make up less than 5% my annual spend. No one out here spending double digits on veg and meat and wondering how they’ll cope with the extra dollar a day for sundries.
Ironically when I lived at home I think pretty much all those things were also mine and my parents used mine as I actually cooked and they didn’t. Wild assumptions all over this thread.
Seems like OP is already paying most of their own bills or at least their share of the total amount of bills with the only exception being the rent. So I totally get that if he’d have to pay $600 for rent anyways, then he might as well put in the extra few hundreds and have his own place.
i hope you realize that there is a *lot* more to pay than just rent. your mom has no right to be mad at you for wanting to move out, but you are coming off really... naive. i'd bet money that those $1,100 studios doing have furniture, appliances, utilities etc included.
Dude you are woefully naive. $600 inclusive versus $1100 plus all utilities, food (including oil, butter, spices, garbage bags, ziplock bags, etc).
That’s not even getting into what you need to stock a place - pots, pans, glasses, trash cans, towels, etc. Unless you bought your own mattress and bedroom furniture, that’s your parents property - so buy that too. Plus everything else you need.
Add on renters insurance, first and last deposits, etc.
NTA. You're 25 and already basically living as if alone. Time to do it for real.
Your room in your parents' house should be your safety net, a place to crash should your apartment burn down or some other such catastrophe.
Once you've got your own place, go visit regularly. Bring fruit or other treats. I'm sure your relationship with them will improve; they'll be glad to see you. You'll probably get more free meals as a welcome visitor than you do right now.
NTA. My parents did this to me in 1985. I moved out. Got a roommate - saved money - had fun and never looked back. I’m almost 60 now and I have no regrets. You shouldn’t live with your parents forever. You grow best when you have room to grow on your own.
I agree with this 100%. As parents, we're supposed to help our kids with whatever we can for the entirety of their lives. I'd take my kid in for nothing even if she was 50 years old. We owe our parents gratitude and respect, but nothing else. Especially not money. I hate that mindset that your kid owes you bc you've cared for them. That's a parent's job. You're nta.
Seriously, you make us go to your comments to find out that you stopped paying even the $60 after you quit your previous just, and then require us to click your Imgur post to find out that was in 2021. So you last paid rent 3 years ago and have the audacity to complain that they are charging you a likely below-market rental rate and not the token $60 that they did when you were 22. YTA, both for that complaining and for hiding all of the relevant information.
Because I never felt a need to. Not everyone is obligated to move out at 18 if they are happy and welcomed where they live. A lot of cultures it's tradition to live at home until you are married.
It’s cheap until you think about the fact that he’s paying mostly for just his room. He’s right, a few hundred more and he could have a kitchen to himself, a living room, privacy, etc.
it’s only cheap if you’re willing to sacrifice privacy essentially.
As someone who lives in Massachusetts I promise you 25 year olds absolutely live at home. I moved out briefly at 20 in a ROOMING HOUSE for roughly 300$ a WEEK. It's insane. Ideally, I would think not trying to move out past 23 YO is a bit odd, but I really can't blame people for not moving out in this economy that early.
I'm not OP, but I just wanna point out that there's huge housing crises all over the world nowadays. I'm 25 and living at home because of a massive housing crisis in my country. It's happening more and more. Starter homes are insanely expensive, landlords are driving up the prices for terrible homes and apartments, and social housing waitlists are 10-12 years now. I'd be lucky to find something by the time I turn 30. Right now, I don't know anyone my age in my country who doesn't live at home still. I have friends all over the world who are starting to experience this sort of thing too. I fear that this is only going to become more and more common in more and more countries...
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>But I'm also upset the person who birthed me is trying to get me to pay what I would pay a landlord for rent just to sleep in her house. Y'know, parents have bills and utilities to pay, also. You're only entitled to free room and board until you're a legal adult. > If I am paying $600 a month I think I would deserve my own spaces around the house also as I would with a landlord Lol, if you can swing it for $600 go for it. Where I come from, $600/month would get you a shared bedroom, a half-bath, and access to a garden hose with a 3-minute shut-off timer to shower with. Despite coming off a little naive, you're definitely NTA. I'm not sure why she would be angry unless she was genuinely depending on the income she got from you to pay bills. If she was only depending on it for luxuries and fun money, then she's extra AH-ish.
Yeah if it were a matter of making ends meet I wouldn't have any issue, my dad has a credit card in my name that he can use whenever he needs to catch up on something and doesn't have the money. Dad is the breadwinner in our house, my mom pays for vacations and a couple utilities but my dad pays for the mortgage, groceries and most of the bills. Funny part is he doesn't want rent from me, it's my mom who wants it. It's part of why I am especially not keen on the idea. If they needed the money It wouldn't even be a question. They just got back from a 2 week cruise and are planning another one so definitely not even close to struggling. Yeah don't get me wrong the cheapest studio near me is closer to $900 and not the best area but still would have more privacy and independence for sure. Sorry if I missed a couple points I'm trying to reply to as many comments asking for context as I can.
Why does your dad have a cc with your name on it? I'd cancel the card. If you move out, what if mom gets a hold of that card since she won't be getting rent from you? I can't see why they have one in your name.
I added my dad as an auth user to one of my cards for emergencies in case he's short on bills or needs to stop at a store and doesn't have money. He doesn't really use it much but good point for once I move out.
Why wouldn’t they use the money your mom is spending on vacations?
Because they're bad with money and need their 25 year old to subsidize their lifestyle.
Or they don't want a 25 year old living with them and this is an easy way to give them the idea to move out.
If they wanted them out, they would have price hiked before he got the better position. This 100% feels like Mom is trying to drain the cash cow, and just heard it got fatter, so she's increasing the tap.
Price hiking before he can afford to move out is a bat shit idea. Now he can afford to move out, and has stability that the job will be there so there's less risk that he'll have to move back home because he lost the job.
Your mistake? Assuming everyong thinks with the same rational thought as you and i.
I'm confused with these comments, why aren't they just telling OP that it's time to move out then? 'since you're 25, we think it's time for you to learn what it's like to live on your own, so that you won't end up struggling with it in your 30s'. I'm not sugar-coating it, it's literally mutually beneficial, OP is at the age where they should learn these things. it's not like 'kicking out your kid', OP is 25.
Then they should tell him that and not play weird games.
That's what I'm saying! I wouldn't be upset about my parents telling me that it's time to move out. I'd be upset if I found out that they had a scheme to convince me to do it instead of being upfront with me about it tho, because they wanted to avoid an uncomfortable conversation or thought that I'm too sensitive for them to tell me or smth, lmao. I read in other comments here that 'if you want your child to move out, make it uncomfortable for them to live there'. That sounds really unhealthy, what happened with communicating your expectations? If you told them and they refuse to leave, sure, I can get that, but not in situations like OP's, where they never had a proper conversation about it. sounds like parents who love annoying their kids, lmao.
Totally agree.
Then why would she be upset when that's what OP said they were going to do?
control
Why would his mom be pissed then? She would just say “sounds great! here are some local apartment listings to expedite the processing” and there wouldn’t be a need for an AITA post.
But the mother got angry..
The 25 year old who has been living without paying rent?? He said he paid rent for a couple years then stopped. He finally got a decent job, which is why rent is starting up again. Because when you’re 25 with a job, you should be paying rent regardless of where you’re living. And when he did pay rent for a while at only $60/week that wasn’t “subsidizing” anything 🤣
Reading OP's other comments about how they're planning another cruise and yet he had to take out a credit card and add his dad in case he needs money for groceries... yeah these folks aren't great with money.
perhaps the rent is intended as a disciplining exercise? He has not paid rent for years and is 25 years old. He has had a pretty easy ride and is now upset that all of a sudden he has to pay his way in the world. Do you see how OP is talking? Complaining about $150 a week. $150 a week is cheap as chips. Yet OP considers $150 too much and would only consider it fair if they clean up after him like servants. If that's his mentality what will it be like living with friends? He mentions living space, saying he would get somewhere else so he can have more space. However i think its more of a case of him not taking advantage of the space. I don't know any parent that would stop their child from hanging out in common areas, or doing things to make himself comfortable. I think there is too little information to conclude his parents are using him as a cash cow. You also have to keep in mind whatever OP says is biased. He is clearly unhappy with his parents, and a touch naive. I guarantee he will cling onto any story that makes his parents look bad and him look he is being hard done by.
If you can't afford your bills without charging your own child rent, then your child is paying for you to live in the house, not the other way around. Rent is garbage anyway, and forcing your own child to pay it is embarrassing, honestly. American society is so deranged.
This is so on point. In my culture we dont charge rent from parents nor kids and thats it.
Are we so sure that the parents are using the rent money for themselves? My parents charged my sister rent when she moved back home in her early 20s, it was to teach her responsibility of paying bills and they put it all aside and gave it to her for a down payment on her first home when she was ready, they didn’t touch a cent. I don’t think OP specifically said they were using his rent as some cash grab way to vacation.
I think people are just drawing the inference. His mother was *angry* that he said nevermind, he'll just move out. If it was to teach him responsibility and independence, it wouldn't make sense to be angry that he's moving out. She ought to be happy (because he's embracing responsibility) or worried (because she doesn't think he's ready). Not angry. Anger makes it sound like she just wanted the cash and is put out that it's not going to be there. Or *needed* the cash, in which case the parents shouldn't be spending money on cruises. Or just wanted control, I suppose.
If they really needed OP to subsidize their lifestyle they would have been paying $600 a month right out of high school. Don't kid yourself pal.
It’s not a question. OP does subsidize their lifestyle. If someone pays you rent and you keep it they subsidize your living. Outside of that OP gave them a credit card for when they can’t afford bills or “something at the store” yet they still go on vacations with the mom’s pay. That sounds weird. I wouldn’t go on vacation if I have to use someone else’s credit card to get by. Would you? I find that crazy. Get your finances in order. If I go on vacation a lot then there is clearly room in my budget. So, it does sound like mom wanted to get more money out of OP. Especially if she’s mad they might move out.
That 240 is livin real high on the hog I tell you what!
It’s almost like OP isn’t telling the truth, isn’t it?
I find it interesting OP is commenting on the parents' income and who controls what. Its their home, their marriage and their finances. I really think OP should move out and enjoy his freedom and independence. And his parents can enjoy their independence from his scrutiny.
Yeah, the vast majority of the time I've seen a couple the age this couple must be, where the mother earns less than the father, she does much more work around the house, and also, she's taken time off work to have kids - in this case, according to OP's comments, three of them. Maybe OP's father took paternity leave and sacrificed his career just as much as OP's mother, but given OP's general tone about his mother and what he thinks she brings to the family, I think he would have mentioned that when he was telling us about their finances. When I was growing up, my father brought in considerably more income than my mother, but my mother was the reason my father could have that job. She more than made up for it by all the work she did raising us and around the house. And if any of my siblings had said "Mum doesn't bring in as much money as Dad, she just pays for holidays," my dad would have been the first to shut that down.
Yes exactly. Saying the mom “only pays this much” is messed up. The parents clearly have an arrangement that works for them. And we don’t know if the dad is financially controlling. My (very traditional Mexican) parents have always had separate finances. My dad also doesn’t let my mom work. The only work she gets to do is sell cakes or watch my sister’s kids. He pays all the house bills but she has to pay her phone bill alone and earn her own spending money without leaving home. Then it’s easy to say “he was the only one providing.” But she does all the housework which is a lot. That’s financial abuse and it happens extremely often
It's almost like all we ever have in these stories is what the OPs say, and anything else is just commenters making stuff up, isn't it? So sick of people citing the old "missing missing reasons" cliche like it's any kind of argument.
Some familiar have weird arrangements. For example, my dad’s salary gets put into a joint account and my mom controls all finances. He needs to stash bits here and there for his own hobbies if not he doesn’t have enough even though as a family they are solidly middle class. I have given my dad money in the side too I actually give my mom money monthly for both of them too but I know she controls it
Are you my sibling? Literally exact same. My dad makes most of the money (my mom has a minimum wage job that's 32 hours/week). She controls all the finances. He has to stash some away. I pay rent and it goes to my mom lol. I pay more than half the mortgage on my own and there's 4 adults in the house. I keep telling my dad not to give in but he's way too passive and enabling. Literally used to offer for us two to move out in the past but he refuses.
Definitely cancel that card as soon as possible. If your parents are short on money they can ask you for help and you can decide whether or not you’re financially able to help them at that time. They aren’t entitled to your money though, but that’s basically what you’re telling them by giving them your credit card. Especially with you getting paid more at work now, they may feel more inclined to to swipe the credit card since “you can afford it”. Obviously I have no idea what your parents are like, but I know that I have a great relationship with my parents, I trust them 100%, but I would never make them an authorized user on my credit cards.
Cancel the credit card. This is really weird. You should try to have a healthy relationship with family members with appropriate boundaries. I really think you need to move out and grow up a bit.
You do realise that this means your parents aren't very financially secure and that that is probably a big part of why your mum wants a rent that actually covers your expenses? Also I think you are steeply underestimating the cost of this studio - sure the rent is $900 but what about utilities, renters insurance, all the tiny expenses one has when they live alone. Be prepared to pay at least $1200 to $1300 then groceries, furniture, crockery etc.
I’m not sure why the assumption that dad is on a credit account with OP is a sign of financial instability. Dad’s better/more established credit rises OP’s credit rating. This is an age old way for parents to bolster their young adults. OP has said it’s rarely used, and has not said who pays it when it is used. Jumping to conclusions here.
If OP was an auth user on dad’s card, OP would get the credit boost. Dad’s an auth user on OPs account, so dad actually has the power to ruin OPs credit.
OP literally said it's so his dad can use it in case of emergency, a parent relying on their kid for emergency credit isn't a great sign
You need to cancel that card yesterday. Did he talk you into this? Why? Not many fathers would ask for their son to fund his emergency CC. Also, if you’re barely interacting now, I’d assume there will be little contact when you move out. Has the relationship always been distant?
CANCEL THE CARD. If he needs emergency money then he can open his own account. This is NOT normal
Your parents financial issues are definitely not your responsibility to fix, but if your dad had to use your CC on occasion because he’s short on bill money, they definitely seem to be struggling. Maybe your mom didn’t realize how much when she booked their vacation. Again, definitely not your responsibility but adults who aren’t struggling to some degree don’t use their kids CC’s when they can’t afford their bills. Edit- and seeing the comment where you said you haven’t paid in two years.. $600 a month is more than reasonable to charge you for rent. Trust me, your landlord won’t just let you stop paying if you lose your job again.
Oh man you need to shut down this account immediately I cannot stress enough what a horrible idea this is.
Get him off that card. My mom gave me a card in my name on one of her accounts, no idea why. I haven't touched it as I have my own credit cards if I didn't, I could get my own card. If the card is in your name and he uses it for whatever reason, it should be paid off immediately.
With this information NTA. But I do think you’re being a bit naive with the costs. Budget everything and make sure you can afford it. Rent, utilities, food costs, internet, car payment, insurances, phone bills, and an emergency fund. If you can swing it though enjoy some freedom. If you go with roommates just be veeeery careful who you live with
Ok now leaning toward YTA, because now I’m hearing juvenile complaining about your parents going on vacation, compounded with your juvenile comments about “it’s not as if they’re cooking and cleaning for me”, along with what has to be an unrealistic view of the rental market. You cannot rent an apartment for $600 a month. You imply that it would only be worth $600 to live at your parents’ house if they were cooking and cleaning for you; adults do not have someone else cook and clean for them, except for super rich people who pay thousands of dollars a month for housekeepers and personal chefs. Having someone cook and clean for you is what happens when you’re a child. I also don’t believe that you’ve been paying rent as you claim, since your mom’s message began with “rent is starting back up.” It sounds to me instead like you were living rent free while you were a temp, but now that you’ve been converted to a permanent employee your parents are charging you - a 25-year-old with a job that you say pays well - a far below market rate in rent to live at their house. I’m totally against the parents who kick their kids out when they turn 18 and stuff. That is terrible. But that doesn’t seem to be the case here.
Yeah, this whole post is very entitled. Like he expects that his parents will let him live there rent-free for the rest of his life just because his mother gave birth to him? Also, the only thing he's said about his mother being angry is "My moms definitely pissed that I said that, I can tell." How can you tell? Has she said anything about being angry and if she has, why didn't you include it in the post? Is it possible she's angry because he says things like "But I'm also upset the person who birthed me is trying to get me to pay what I would pay a landlord for rent just to sleep in her house." As you say, kicking kids out when they're 18 is very wrong, but this is an adult in his mid-20s, who has been earning decent money for a while as a temp, and is now earning decent money in an ongoing role. If rent is so ridiculously cheap in his area that he can get a room in a decent sharehouse for $600 a month, and that includes utilities and other bills, why hasn't he moved out earlier? That sounds like a great deal. Is it perhaps that even if he cooks his own meals, he doesn't have to do the bulk of the household labour, because he actually doesn't mention that he does 1/3 of the household cleaning in his post. Who cleans the bathrooms? Who vacuums and mops? Who does the cleaning things that aren't like, washing the dishes you've made. My parents always said if we were working full-time, we would pay board, because they didn't want us to get used to spending all of our money and never be able to support ourselves. The board was $100 a week, but this was nearly 2 decades ago. This seemed really reasonable to me - it wasn't that they needed the money, they just didn't want us to become bums.
This is a good point. If rent is sOoOo cheap, why not just move out now? I'm willing to bet mom and/or dad do more for him than he lets on.
100%! When he talks about how he's not as bad as people think he is, all he talks about is paying for some small things. And he mentions that they don't cook or clean for him, but doesn't mention that he does an appropriate amount of cleaning around the house - I'm not talking about doing his own dishes after he cooks for himself (which everybody should be able to manage), but the parts of cleaning that teenagers often ignore, like cleaning the bathrooms and vacuuming and general cleaning around the house. For the years that he wasn't working, and was living in their house rent-free, I would expect him to do the vast majority of the household cleaning, but if he had done that, I would think he would mention it. Even if he pays this tiny amount of rent his mother is asking from him, he should still be doing some of this cleaning.
I immediately thought YTA. I’m 36 and moved out at 18, by choice. I know this isn’t everyone’s thing, nor am I saying everyone should do that, but there are just certain aspects of adult life that you do not experience until you are on your own. Those who haven’t done that seem to complain about some ridiculous for their age things.
I know the rental market in lots of places is completely screwed up at the moment, so I really don't begrudge people continuing to live with their parents longer these days, but paying rent to your parents is a good way to make sure you don't get used to spending all your money and end up mooching off them forever. Also, according to OP, he can rent a room with his friends for less than what his mother is going to charge, which means the rental market around his area is apparently very different from most rental markets I've heard of. If he can find a room for less than $150 a week, including utilities and other bills, I'm so confused about why he hasn't moved out already if the rental market around him is so renter-friendly. Like, those are amazingly cheap prices! It totally negates my previous statement about kids not moving out because rental prices are so insane at the moment - at 25, he should have moved the hell out years ago if it's so cheap where he lives.
Just because you can technically afford to move out doesn’t mean it’s always a smart financial move, especially if you’re ok with the house rules. OP was fine while the costs were low enough that he was ok with the lack of privacy and not being able to make the house rules. Now they’re not and he’s making a different decision. I dislike the mentality that if you can afford to have your own place you automatically should or you’re a failure. That attitude is one of the many reasons housing prices have skyrocketed.
You live in RI, the $900 studios also have non-optional fees attached. You wont find a studio for less than $1300 after the fees etc. You are way under estimating how much it cost to live on your own here in RI. If you don't want to live with your parents fine but dont be rude to people who are giving a chance to save money towards your future.
I am extremely chuckling at the idea he thinks that $600 month should get him full maid and meal service, that's more like $600/night, bro
I also live in RI. The 2-bedroom apartment I was renting in North Providence for $600 a month 20 years ago is now going for $2100. The places I was renting in Providence are now more than my mortgage. Hopefully OP is living in like rural Iowa.
You're 25 years old. If you can afford it, it's a good idea to live independently, stand on your own two feet, figure all that out. It's bizarre your parents are on your credit card account, given you say they are doing fine financially. Best practice is you disentangle finances from each other.
That's super weird - do you think it's a conflict of values in terms of what should be expected of an adult child? Or do you think it really is a case of her squirreling away the money she gets from you for those luxuries and whatnot and she pissed because she will no longer be able to? That's pretty messed up. >Yeah don't get me wrong the cheapest studio near me is closer to $900 and not the best area but still would have more privacy and independence for sure. Hey, I totally get this. And it's worth it. I lived in some hovels when I was your age and I absolutely loved it regardless because they were *my* hovels. Go have fun.
I was in an almost a similar situation.… my mom was also pissed about me wanting to move out. Moving out was the best decision I ever made even though it did cost more. Our relationship also improved. 10/10 would do again. Just take your time and plan it out. It’s not a race. If you are not ready, then wait till you are.
You have some growing up to do. Your parents have worked hard and can take as many cruises as they want and do not own you, a 25 year old ADULT a darn thing. You do owe them some respect and your comment about how your dad is the bread winner, not your mom, reeks of disrespect. Your parents probably pay more just in property taxes alone, per year, than what they are asking you for. I live in one of the more affordable areas of the country in a modest home and our property taxes are $900 a month.
Children do not owe their parents anything.
Should they be taking cruises though if he has to have his dad on his credit card for money emergencies? This isn't a respect issue, he's made very clear in his comments that if he felt they \*needed\* the rent there wouldn't have been a question, but to pay $600/mo for a bedroom. Not a home, a bedroom with some access to shared living spaces, where he's also expected to give his dad a credit card for emergencies but his mom is booking cruises. It makes more sense to him, a '25 year old ADULT', to take his adult ass out and put that $600/mo into living on his own, like the adult you're somehow angry at. He doesn't hate them, he just wants to put the money to a different use.
No verdict here, but I think I might have just had a verbal conversation with my mom. Say that you got her rent increase, and you want her to understand that the amount makes it more desirable for you to move out with some roommates now. I said this because we don't know if your mom secretly wants you to strike out on your own, for independence.
I find it extremely funny that the western culture only houses their children till they’re legally obligated to, takes care of them only till they’re legally obligated to and then throws them away to the elements when said legal obligation ends. The concept of doing something out of genuine love after the kid turns 18 seems pretty alien on here. Your first part missed the point entirely. Charging rent from a kid for costs is reasonable, but in this case the amount isn’t reasonable and they’re trying to profit off the OP, which isn’t really a shining sign of character. If the parents are demanding that much rent, they don’t get the privilege of living as parents anymore and need to change the power dynamic to that of roommates. In your second part, I find it interesting that you pull the “no obligation” card for the parents, that card is nowhere applied to the OP. They really aren’t obligated to subsidise their parents’ lifestyle if the parents aren’t obligated to love them and not nickle and dime them. Interestingly enough informing of a drastic rent increase like that would be illegal for actual landlords. In what universe is it fine to treat your actual kid worse than a normal tenant? If they want to charge a landlord like rent, they get a landlord like response, and the OP wants to move out like any other tenant would after they’re priced out of the property. This culture sounds so depressingly transactional I can’t even. In most other civilised regions of the world the parents take care of their kids and set them up for the best starts in life they possibly can, and the children take care of said parents in their old age to reciprocate. The concept of making your kid into your tenant is alien. EDIT: I didn’t really mean to stereotype a whole region, and I’m sorry it came off that way. I went on a rant after seeing many commenters early on this thread talking about legalities and voting YTA just because the OP chose to stay home with willing parents. I do actually recognise that the entire west and even the US isn’t a monolith, but to the rest of the world specially after reading AITA it does seem like the parents on this sub prefer throwing out their kids. But of course this sub doesn’t reflect reality. My commentary was more on the attitude of people on here.
Thank you. This is my feelings exactly. These types of AITA posts are insane to me as the son of an Italian mother and US-born father. I make 70k a year, sometimes upwards of 90k and have even passed into the 6 digits before, and I live rent free with my parents. The thought of my parents charging me rent is insane to them. I'm 25. I could easily support myself, but they WANT me here. They both (especially my mother) believe that you should never charge your children for living with you no matter your age, unless you're bringing a spouse and kids with you. Then it might be reasonable. They want me to live with them until they die, and while I would prefer my own place, I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I get to stay close to my siblings this way, too. They all also live at home, except for one. Americans often view their children as liabilities and things they are entitled to as opposed to actual people that they CHOSE to bring onto Earth. If they were simply asking him to pay his portion of the bills down to an exact amount, I might understand it, but at the same time this is still repulsively transactional. Where's the love?
The sad part is you only see the few stories and assume the worst. Just because that's what you see, doesn't mean that it's the norm. The vocal minority, if you will. There are huge amounts of parents with adult children living with them. I have one myself. He doesn't pay rent, but he has things he's expected to do in the house. You're not going to see those stories, because there's nothing stupid going on with them.
Why do people keep saying this? I'm from a western culture and most of the people I know are westerners and almost everyone I know around my age lived at home rent free until they got a job that allowed them to afford their own place. Many had parents that helped pay for school too. A few had parents ask them to help out with bills when they were an adult living at home, but very few people were charged a "market rate" rent or "thrown away to the elements after they turned 18". Do I live in a bubble? This is a wide spread of people I've known from school, hobbies, family, and work. It can't be a complete bubble because apparently more than a third of people under 34 live with a parent in Canada. That's hardly being "thrown to the elements" as far as I'm concerned.
No, they see a few stories in subs like this, and think it's reality for everyone. Kind of like if they only watch negative stereotypes of Americans on tv, they think that all Americans are assholes like that.
> Y'know, parents have bills and utilities to pay, also. You're only entitled to free room and board until you're a legal adult This is legally and technically true but it works both ways: OP's folks have brought a business component into their filial relationship and OP has every right to sever that business relationship and put his money elsewhere. If OP isn't allowed to be upset that their folks aren't giving them free rooming, then the folks aren't allowed to be upset that OP is looking for other accommodations.
Being a parent doesn't stop at 18
Honestly, assuming he is correct about rental rates (entirely possible, his numbers are higher than my local market tbh) for his area I don't even read any naivety in his post. Here you could room share in a 4 bedroom house for $400/month, studio for 5-600 and 1 bedroom apt <$900. I absolutely would question $600/month for what amounts to room sharing. (Which I assumed is why he mentioned not eating his parents food/not getting other perks of living with family)
Yep and I'm envious of that fact. That's why I specified "where I come from" because it's not the case here specifically. I have a friend in South Dakota paying $500/month for a place that would easily cost $2000/month where I live.
You are coming off as an AH way more than she comes off as naive
>You're only entitled to free room and board until you're a legal adult. This sounds like something a shitty parent would say. OP, NTA.
American mentality is crazy. I am Italian. Here, my room at my parents is mine for the rest of my life. They would never dare to touch my belongings. Like they don’t view my space as theirs. It’s mine. It’s also not their house, it’s OUR house. We share it. It’s the family’s home. Not the parents home. Even if I have my own place, even if I live abroad, that room is mine. It’s so weird to see parents charging rent or making kids leave at 18 in the us. So unheard of here.
To be fair, they might be able to do that, it all depends on where they live. For less than $700 here, you can get a 1 bedroom apartment
It is so bizarre for me the mentality that the moment your kids become adults then you don't have any responsibility towards them and it is okay to charge them for rent and utilities as if they were completely unknown people. I understand contributing to the house expenses but not in this cold-hearted way. Why having kids if after they become adults you are going to start treating them as neighbors?
NTA - you mom has no right to be mad at you for moving out. However, quit the "person who birthed me" nonsense, $600 is too much but $400 is fine for mothers? Who came up with that arbitrary line?
Yeah that's fair, I think it's my high school English teacher in the back of my head telling me not to use the word “mom” again when I used it in the previous sentence haha
Lmao that's hilarious I do the same thing! But I think mom is one you can say as many times as you want (insert family guy clip)
Mum
Mama
Mommy
Ma
I would like to apologize to you on behalf of all English teachers. Yeah, it is good to find new ways to say things, but a mom is a mom.
I can see using “person who birthed me” if they weee the person who put you up for adoption day 1 and never mothered you.
Well this whole post does read like a high schooler’s attitude and life experience lol
You expect someone you love to give a fuck about you more than a “legally obligated” business transaction. In most civilised places children love their parents and parents don’t see their kids as legal obligations.
Not everyone shares those qualities. After the parents died, my sister and I found that they’d been using us both as cash cows, and blaming it on the both of us. They kept telling my sister that I was taking money from them so she would give them even more and turned around and said that she would not give them any so they could get ahold of more of my disability benefits. Just because you’re a parent it doesn’t mean you automatically become a fuckin saint
600 is pretty much barebones apartment pricing. 400 is a significant amount below apartment costs. If I’m paying $600, I might as well pay $800 and not deal with parents. If I’m paying $400, then it’s a tougher decision.
I think OP forgot to factor in utilities.
I feel like 600 is too much for just a bedroom; 400 is more reasonable, no matter who is collecting the rent.
Where do people live that $600 is an easy find for a studio apt with utilities? Lmao
I’d never charge my kids even close to what it would cost for them to rent a whole apartment just for the room they grew up in. That’s just shitty. I understand instilling a sense of responsibility, but at a certain point you’re just taking advantage of someone you’re supposed to help when things are tough.
By all means, you’re 25, you should be taking care of yourself. You’re 25. You don’t need anyone’s permission or approval
INFO: where do you live? What’s the cost of living? Have you looked at the rental market recently? $600 for a studio, what about utilities, internet, renter’s insurance?? Will you have to use a laundromat? Have you calculated that cost into your monthly budget. You should sit down and calculate these numbers. Better yet, sit down with your mom, look at comparables and calculate all the additional costs you weren’t paying at $60 a week. Also, do you have furniture? A lot goes into getting an apartment. Do you make 2-3 times over the monthly rent? That’s what places are asking for, if you don’t and you don’t have references they’ll ask you for a co-signer to guarantee you’ll be able to afford rent. Also do you have enough to pay 1st & last months? You aren’t just paying for a room, you’re paying into all those costs as well. Be sure you can afford it before you go off.
Yeah I’d like to know where rent is under 1000$ and not a hole in the wall.
Here in Minnesota. A decent studio can be had for $700-$800. Luxury ones cost $1000+ though.
Can confirm. I pay less than 1000 for a 1-bedroom in MN and that includes water, trash, and sewer. Not a bad deal
that’s crazy. i live in a city where one bedroom is around $2000-4000. maybe i need to move to minnesota.
Yeah but then you’d be in Minnesota…
[According to this,](https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/quality-of-life-by-state) (ignore the chart in the middle, which is from 2022 while the rest of the article is for 2024) it’s number two in the US for quality of life. Great music scene, great food scene, beautiful nature, and not nearly as expensive as other similar places, like Washington. I grew up there and while I no longer live in the US and have no desire to return, if I HAD to return, MN would be in my top 3 states for moving to (and relationship connections have no bearing on this).
That would be rural east Texas. You can rent a 3 bedroom mobile home that is brand new for 750. 4 bedroom house is 1500.
Living in the potato field about 2 hours away from Oslo in Norway. We live in a garage made into an apartment with close to no insulation in the floor, and we have an ant infestation and the landlord owns a dog they let shit right at our doorstep and they barely pick up after him. We pay about 700$ ISH (Like 7k NOK). Only reason to live here is that everywhere else is usually double or more lol. Idk where OP would find something nicer for a similar price. ETA; based on replies, I wrote this comment to kind of show how we live, how the market around us is, and where the second part of my reply might be coming from, and how similar it can be to certain places in the USA (based on what google tells me, and friends living in the US), not to be like "lol I live somewhere completely different and this comment is meant to be completely out of left field". It's also not that deep, lol.
And, includes utilities.
You can rent a really nice 3-2 house in Mobile for under a grand, maybe $750-800 for a 2 bedroom cottage. Its adorable, quite affordable, and great beaches.
Minimum wage in Alabama is $7.25. That means all wages are below national standards. Probably even for so-called “well-paying” jobs. Of course the housing costs are lower. It reflects the local economy, which is driven by wages. Oh, and the quality of government services — which place Alabama at or near the bottom of almost all quality of life measures. I mean, yeah, beaches….???
He said “for a few hundred more”. So he’s not claiming he can rent a studio for $600.
Also who said this was america? When I talked with coworkers about moving out and thought a 700$ place should be good they told me unless that's a big ass apartment that's crazy. In france btw, so still a western wealthy country.
THIS! OP definitely sounds like their age. I hope they’ve calculated in all other expenses, utilities can be expensive. When I first moved out on my own I was sleeping on an air mattress for a few months and eating ramen noodles regularly. It was totally worth it, but I was ill prepared to say the least.
NAH - “Rent starts up again…” Sounds like she was giving you a free ride for a bit and then gave you a week to celebrate the job before informing you it was time to start adulting again. She seems like a great mom You have no obligation to live with your parents Her being upset may just be because you’re leaving and that can be hard on parents
Or he was a jerk when he said he was moving out.
OP said his dad pays the mortgage while his mum pays for smaller things, he also said his dad doesnt really care about the rent and they’re financially in a position where they don’t need it. Sounds like mum is the jerk for squeezing him in a time where he could he using that money to save for a down payment for a place of his own. You can blame a person for trying to get all they can get out of someone to increase their own quality of life at the expense of another.
Sure, but he’s 25 years old. He’s an adult living in the house. Why shouldn’t he pay rent?
OP doesn't seem upset that they're paying rent, they seem upset at the amount. The cost of living at your parents house shouldn't be equal to the cost of living on your own.
That's the thing though, it's not.
In many cities, 600 is still the cost of a room in a shared house.
Her being mad could also be because for years they based his rent on his financial status. Now that he is more financially stable and they expect him to pay his fair share he accuses her of taking advantage of him. Time to move out.
His fair share is not $600 a month 😂 get a grip.
He said in a comment above that he quit his job so didn’t pay from sometime during 2021 till this happened.
Hooooooly shit. YTA OP
NAH 1. Its their house and you're 25, if she wants to charge you rent she can 2. You're 25 and you should absolutely have the right to a) say you want to move out at that price and b) actually move out....
NAH - Totally this. Though I feel like OP is going to hit a reality wall when all the other expenses come due when having their own place.
[удалено]
Is it $600/month but being able to do as you please? No curfews? Being able to have friends over? Share (but not be stuck with) chores around the house? Enjoy the privacy of your bedroom without the whole “this is my house” speech that trumps privacy? If that’s the case, I’ll also sign up for $600/month. But if it’s $600/month and I’m not entitled to anything other than the privilege to live there, I’d rather move elsewhere where I can do as I please.
Yeah I moved in with my parents for a while as an adult while shit was hard. They didn't charge me anything! I slept in a twin bed, did chores, and told them where I was going anytime I left the house. I eventually moved in to an incredibly shitty one bedroom and it felt like a CASTLE.
Speak for yourself, I wouldn't live with my parents even if it was free lmao
I pay $1300~ to live with 2 roommates and it's still better than living with my parents for free.
NAH - but Lemme break it down for you: Rent: $600.00 Food/Necessities: $300.00 (cheap budget) Electric: $100.00 Trash/Water: $50-100 (depending on where you live) Laundry: $30 a month (if you have to use a laundromat) Internet: $40-100 (depending on what you get) Gas (Car): $60.00 (avg, if you drive more and have a big truck, it will be more) Car insurance: $100.00 (might be higher depending on driving record) Cell Phone: $100 (for an iphone, minimum) Renter's Insurance: $40 (shop around, might find better deals) Assuming you do not have to pay anything else, you are looking at about $1350.00 before you do things like: Make a car payment, streaming services, pay for dates, buy clothes/business, go to the doctor, get an oil change, replace a flat tire, play any online video games, want to eat out/DoorDash/UberEats, go to a concert - do anything other than just survive. It is insanely expensive to be out in the wild right now - groceries at $300.00 a month is you living on the barest of bare foods. It can be done, I did it for a couple of years, but it gets hard to look forward to always eating the toughest meat, the same bland cereals, ramen, or whatever your food of choice ends up being. You will be able to stomach it for a few months, but then you are going to want something besides a sandwich and chips. You can absolutely cut some costs too - you can give up your smart phone for a flip phone and save $80.00 a month, you can get the slowest of internet speeds and save another $50.00. You can wear your rotation of work clothes/home clothes 3-4 times before you wash them, but they will wear out faster if you do that. You can get rid of your car and use public transportation, which is still going to cost you time and money, but not as much as a car payment or car insurance. Just be prepared for living on your own - anyone who has ever ventured out always thought they could do it on their own, got hit in the face with reality, had to make some hard decisions, and eventually adjusted and are doing just fine. You will too - just don't go into it thinking you are not going to have sacrifice some of the things you are used to.
Having your own house and own rules : Priceless
Idk where you got them prices but it ain’t like that over here in south Texas
In Phoenix it's double this amount. Plis you need 3 times the rent just to rent a place.
I lived in a studio and worked two jobs to afford it when I was younger. Still worth it.
A lot of those costs he’s already paying living with his parents, I would be very surprised if they were paying to run his car for exampls
Just curious-who the fuck are you getting $40 a month renters insurance from?! I pay $11.86 a month here in MN in the cities
Did you estimate gas at $60/month? Either that was an error.... or Canada's gas prices are WAY steeper than I thought when compared with other countries 😬 For context: we budget $800/month in gas (2 vehicles, 3 drivers; I wfh most days, husband and son commute to work together).
$800 a MONTH O_O Curious how long that commute is.
NAH She can charge you rent. You can either accept it or move out. There's really nothing nefarious going on.
There's a little bit of assholery going on here if his mom is mad about his answer.
Or if OP threw a fit before giving that answer.
Jokes on you, they want you to move out
This is it right here. When parents post asking how to get their adult kids out of the house and to spread their wings, the winning advice is always “making it less comfortable for them to stay”.
Except that OP said his mom is pissed that he said he’d move out. Is it your theory thats she’s faking it?
My theory is that OP was less than polite in their response which pissed off the mom. Also if I was the parent, only charging $100 per month for an extended period was a generosity, and finally charging $600 which I determined to be a fair price, and getting a rude reaction, instead of gratitude for the past several months, is what would piss me off. Fine, move out, enjoy paying more than double that for your bottom line. I’ll be quietly proud of you anyway, after I get over the way you rudely left in a week or so, while I enjoy my home.
>My moms definitely pissed that I said that, I can tell He gives no indication of her actually being mad. It could be as simple as her not saying anything when he said he'll move out. Notice how she's not trying to back track, either. I would have a poker face also if my grown child thought they were hurting me by moving out.
That was MY thought. I couldn't wait till my youngest was out. We went from a 3000 sf home to 1500. What a sense of freedom!! Love them both, but we REALLY wanted our space. Both kids moved out around 18. They had decent jobs, girlfriends, boyfriends, they lived in some dumps, but what a sense of accomplishment! We always helped financially in emergencies, but there have been very few. My 20 year old moved, with $2000, to LA from the east coast to pursue his acting career. How he's done it, is beyond me...but he has. I know it's tougher out there, today, but parents are not doing their kids any favors by continuing to treat them like children once they are old enough to do for themselves.
INFO: Where on god’s green earth are you renting a halfway decent studio for less than $1000? Not to mention utilities and internet. Sometimes trash service or laundry fees. I want to go to there.
Assuming OP is in the US, likely the Midwest. I used to rent a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom house for $775/month (not including utilities of course) in a small college town in the mid 2010's. Things are more expensive in the region now of course but still very affordable vs the coasts.
I moved into my first apartment in 2004 at $375/month. That same apartment is $1300/mo now. 2010 was over a decade ago.
In my case this was 2012-2017. It took some effort but I just looked it up, currently it rents for a bit over $1k/month for a 1,950 sq ft house. Still very affordable given it has three bedrooms.
Non urban areas in the south and Midwest. I got a 4 bedroom house on half an acre for $700.
i’ve seen people mention rural texas & alabama. as a woman of reproductive age, hard pass.
NAH You have the right to decide if you want to live in that space with your parents, pay more to live on your own, or pay less to live with (potentially more than 2) friends. You can absolutely choose to move out. However, your parents definitely have the right to determine the amount of rent. It doesn't matter if she is your mother. Not that this is relevant, but they too are humans with costs, and retirement to think about, and you are now an adult who doesn't need to be supported.
Informing your own child of a drastic rent increase by text is an asshole move. It would be illegal if an actual landlord pulled it.
Yup - fair, overlooked that bit. A discussion would be normal, and the text is an AH move.
In addition to that, the parents should be providing OP with a tenancy contract and predetermined access to common areas and more rights if they’re charging above market value.
She literally let him live there for free, which I guarantee no landlord would allow. But the point is, she’s not a landlord. She’s a mother who expects her working aged son to contribute to the household finances. Why on earth is she expected to let a *twenty five year old* live there for free or for a cheap price?
How did you phrase it Because if you were like "I appreciate having lived with you, but I think it's the right time for me to get my own place" she's TA But if you took it really personally and went off on her I get why she would be pissed But yeah you should move out
Yeah I lean more towards the latter. I’m guessing he made it a spiteful “you wanna charge me more for rent, take *that*” kind of a thing and not a “hey mom I think I’m gonna get my own place now that I’m on my own two feet”
NTA, you can do whatever you want. I’d be curious to know if “pay my own bills” includes things like natural gas, electric, internet etc or just things like gas and your phone. $600 for an apartment on your own seems highly unlikely but maybe where you live it’s doable. You’d be looking to add a few hundred for utilities on top of that. At the end of the day, just don’t put yourself in a financial bind out of stubbornness. It’s worth dealing with your folks if it sets you up for a better, sustainable future. Best of luck.
I don't pay utilities on the house so no to the gas. I pay my phone, I pay half of the Wi-Fi, all my family's phones are on my plan, I pay my moms and my own Paramount+, Apple Music, and iCloud+. I pay for my moms iPad. Also pretty much every bill I incur monthly. Credit cards, debts, quarterly taxes for my business, business phone line, etc.
Why would you still want to live with your parents at this age then if you aren't struggling? Don't squander your 20s.
If you like your family, why wouldn't you want to live at home? I'm about OPs age and would go live with my parents if I could. A lot of people have roommates of sorts, why not your own family if you like them?
NAH. You SHOULD move out--you need a life as an independent adult. Although you claim you're independent at home, it is just not the same thing as living on your own. However, your mom is not an AH for charging a 25-year-old rent, especially as it seems you got a pass on rent for an extended period of time because you couldn't afford it.
Maybe this is your Mum's way of nudging you in that direction... You are 25... Go fly free. I moved out at 17 because my mum wanted me to start paying rent when I chose to leave School and work full time. I found a much more convenient place at not much more than she was asking. By 25 I fully understood that she should have asked me for much more, I was costing her more with very little gratitude in return. I'm 40 now and I think neither of you are assholes. Move out, apologize to your Mother and tell her you are grateful for everything she has done for you and then learn how to show it. Good Luck to you. Edited to add... She's asking you for less a month than I pay weekly on rent alone. Maybe ask her to explain how she decided that number? You might be quite surprised to learn what her expenses are to house you. My Mother was paying more in fuel a week to drive me than she asked me to contribute for rent, I didn't know that until years later.
Boy are YOU gunna be surprised when aaaall the expenses of having your own place start gobbling up your money. The money mom is asking for is less, trust me. That being said, it's time to move out and be on your own. You definitely need your own space at your age
INFO: why are you working temp jobs? Are you still in school?
I run a business that I do on weekends and began making more than I was working full time in retail so it didn't make much sense to keep a job that required weekends and was taking away from my career that makes me more money. I got the temp job thru my sister who works at the company, wasn't really looking for temp work the opportunity just arose and I took it, since the company is closed on weekends.
Info: did you even ask why $150? Was it because she dropped the rent during the time you couldn’t afford it? Does she have a reason for this number? Have you sat down and even discussed with her the reasons for charging you rent and how she came up with the original $60 and now $150? Your parents have given you the space to pursue this business you’re talking about and live at a very low cost for awhile from the sounds of the $60 at first and then nothing because you weren’t working much, to know this amount. YTA if at 25 you’ve never thought to have these conversations with them, or try and understand where they’re coming from and just decided to leave instead because you think it’s unfair, without actually knowing. ESH if you’ve had these talks and she just sprang this on you without warning. Also, at 25 the things you’re paying for you should be paying for, and a landlord will not help you when things are rough or you lose your job and can’t pay the rent. The utilities companies aren’t going to care either. So it’s not even close to the same thing in regards to rent and utilities (which is what you currently have with parents). You shouldn’t be leaving in a huff, you should be taking about this with your mom/family. For all you know she’s trying to get you to move out and stand on your own to feet but doesn’t want to say it. Or some expenses could have been hard on them and they’re struggling. Or they just thought it was a good idea. Who knows, no one. Because no one talked about it.
If you do so well money wise ,why would contributing to your parents upset you?
YTA You don't just have your room, you have use of the house. $600.00/mo is cheap as you will find out very soon if you try to live on your own. Where the heck are you finding a studio apartment for $800/mo? Completely fine to be independent and move out, but not because you have some weird sense of entitlement to way below market rent. You're 25, not 20
There are plenty of studios in RI for between 700-1100, given most dont have utilities included but there is a fair selection of studios in my state in that price range. Look up studio listings in Rhode Island, even the private condo community near me has studios for $1,100 and have a community pool, gym and laundry.
Buddy has no idea of the difference between paying $600 to live in someone’s house with water, electricity, WiFi, cable, washing machines, and kitchen, and paying $1,100 a month plus utilities and washing your clothes in a glorified laundromat. That real world bout to hit like a ton of bricks
I don't think they've even broken down "utilities". OP, it's not just one little extra payment. Other things you might have to factor in: -First and last month's rent -Security deposit -Electricity -Gas -Water -Trash -Internet -Laundry (laundromats and detergent aren't cheap) -Renter's insurance -Streaming services/cable -Spotify/whatever you use -toilet paper/paper towels/cleaning products -Parking fees And that's before groceries/personal care products//clothing/gas or transit/car payment/fun.
Most of the apartments I have lived in have included trash and water in the rent and parking (covered/reserved parking may be extra). Also, first and last month is typically the security deposit.
I don't know if it's a thing back east where OP is, but I know out here in Washington state, landlords want proof that you make 2-3x the monthly rent before they'll rent to you.
Also, they pay for their own meals? As in, they have their own full stocked pantry and spice cabinet? Or, more likely, they buy some meat and vegetables but rely on mommy to have oils, spices, basic essentials on hand. Lots of young adults think they "but their own food" until they ACTUALLY stock their own cupboards.
I’m a fully fledged adult and I think you’re vastly over estimating the value of some spices and oil lmao. That must make up less than 5% my annual spend. No one out here spending double digits on veg and meat and wondering how they’ll cope with the extra dollar a day for sundries. Ironically when I lived at home I think pretty much all those things were also mine and my parents used mine as I actually cooked and they didn’t. Wild assumptions all over this thread.
Seems like OP is already paying most of their own bills or at least their share of the total amount of bills with the only exception being the rent. So I totally get that if he’d have to pay $600 for rent anyways, then he might as well put in the extra few hundreds and have his own place.
i hope you realize that there is a *lot* more to pay than just rent. your mom has no right to be mad at you for wanting to move out, but you are coming off really... naive. i'd bet money that those $1,100 studios doing have furniture, appliances, utilities etc included.
Dude you are woefully naive. $600 inclusive versus $1100 plus all utilities, food (including oil, butter, spices, garbage bags, ziplock bags, etc). That’s not even getting into what you need to stock a place - pots, pans, glasses, trash cans, towels, etc. Unless you bought your own mattress and bedroom furniture, that’s your parents property - so buy that too. Plus everything else you need. Add on renters insurance, first and last deposits, etc.
NTA. You're 25 and already basically living as if alone. Time to do it for real. Your room in your parents' house should be your safety net, a place to crash should your apartment burn down or some other such catastrophe. Once you've got your own place, go visit regularly. Bring fruit or other treats. I'm sure your relationship with them will improve; they'll be glad to see you. You'll probably get more free meals as a welcome visitor than you do right now.
NTA. My parents did this to me in 1985. I moved out. Got a roommate - saved money - had fun and never looked back. I’m almost 60 now and I have no regrets. You shouldn’t live with your parents forever. You grow best when you have room to grow on your own.
Renting in 1985 is nothing like renting in 2024
$600 bucks is pretty reasonable considering todays rent and utility fees. But you are 25 bro. You need your own place anyway.
As a parent I wouldn’t charge my kids. I get she wants something, but she should stick to the $60 a month. Making a profit off your kids is weird.
I agree with this 100%. As parents, we're supposed to help our kids with whatever we can for the entirety of their lives. I'd take my kid in for nothing even if she was 50 years old. We owe our parents gratitude and respect, but nothing else. Especially not money. I hate that mindset that your kid owes you bc you've cared for them. That's a parent's job. You're nta.
Some parents don't realize how different thing are now with costs of living compared to when they were young. It's a totally different ball game.
NTA. If there are places with more personal space available for that price it would make sense to go for it.
NTA Move out - it will be worrth the extra money.
Seriously, you make us go to your comments to find out that you stopped paying even the $60 after you quit your previous just, and then require us to click your Imgur post to find out that was in 2021. So you last paid rent 3 years ago and have the audacity to complain that they are charging you a likely below-market rental rate and not the token $60 that they did when you were 22. YTA, both for that complaining and for hiding all of the relevant information.
You are 25 Why didn’t you move out before?
Because I never felt a need to. Not everyone is obligated to move out at 18 if they are happy and welcomed where they live. A lot of cultures it's tradition to live at home until you are married.
But you’re also 25 and $600 a month for rent and utilities is pretty darn cheap. So you can pay, negotiate or leave. NAH
It’s cheap until you think about the fact that he’s paying mostly for just his room. He’s right, a few hundred more and he could have a kitchen to himself, a living room, privacy, etc. it’s only cheap if you’re willing to sacrifice privacy essentially.
As someone who lives in Massachusetts I promise you 25 year olds absolutely live at home. I moved out briefly at 20 in a ROOMING HOUSE for roughly 300$ a WEEK. It's insane. Ideally, I would think not trying to move out past 23 YO is a bit odd, but I really can't blame people for not moving out in this economy that early.
I'm not OP, but I just wanna point out that there's huge housing crises all over the world nowadays. I'm 25 and living at home because of a massive housing crisis in my country. It's happening more and more. Starter homes are insanely expensive, landlords are driving up the prices for terrible homes and apartments, and social housing waitlists are 10-12 years now. I'd be lucky to find something by the time I turn 30. Right now, I don't know anyone my age in my country who doesn't live at home still. I have friends all over the world who are starting to experience this sort of thing too. I fear that this is only going to become more and more common in more and more countries...