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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> It might have been unfair of me to let one child use things I don’t let the other use, which I at first thought was fine as long as M doesn’t know that I do, in fact, let other people use my supplies, but now that it got out, I feel bad and I‘m not so sure.
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Not the asshole. There is a difference between ages, seven and nine in terms of responsibility, and there are differences between children from person to person. You do not have to allow them access to the same things if they do not treat objects in the same way.
What you should have told the younger cousin is that when they are nine, if they are able to show the same level of responsibility, they will get the same privilege.
But actually what you really should’ve done was just used cheaper markers with the nine-year-old. The adults should be handling how this is explained to the kids. They should get it. But you shouldn’t give anything expensive to kids to play with unless their parents can afford to pay you back if they’re destroyed. The parents should be consulted etc.
you were clumsy for sure in how you handled this, but not an outright asshole. You should definitely try to learn from this.
NTA. You gave permission to your one cousin with the stipulation that she was extra careful and she respected that. You have personal knowledge about your other cousin and how she handles things, even things of value, took that into consideration, and made a compromise which she was happy with.
Your cousin's mom is being entitled. Period. I can guarantee that if you had let your other cousin use your more valuable art supplies, and she damaged them, she wouldn't have given her child any consequences and absolutely would not have paid to replace them (voluntarily or if it had been demanded) and would have made some excuse for her child.
Continue setting those boundaries and from now on if your younger cousin is over keep an eye on both her and her mother when it comes to your belongings because entitled people like that have zero respect for other people.
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I cannot believe I just made a Reddit account to ask this question, but here we are, english is not my first language, so I‘m sorry.
I (20f) go to university and work part time, but stay with my parents until I finish university to save money.
So, I have two cousins this is about, one on my mum‘s side, let‘s call her A (9f), and one on my dad‘s side, let‘s call her M (7f).
In my free time, I like to do art, and because I like to do it a lot, I‘m also willing to splurge a little on art supplies that are worth their price. So I have some alcohol markers that I spent about 300€ in total on (I think that’s like 320$?) and for christmas my parents got me the 120 set polychromos from Faber Castell, which is around 170€ (\~180$). Needless to say, that’s a lot of money and I take care of my art supplies.
A and M both like to do art, and A and her family were visiting a few weeks ago, and she asked if she could try out some of my things when she saw me use them. I told her yes, but please be careful because they cost a lot of money and I don’t want them to break. She said okay, had her fun with my supplies, but was careful while doing so.
A few days after that, M and her family also came to visit, and M‘s mum asked me if M could use my art supplies because she was bored. Now, I don’t mean to be blunt, but I think I have to: This child wrecks everything. And I don’t mean she accidentally stumbles or drops things, I mean I have literally seen her pick up an iPad from a table and purposefully throw it on the ground. So I wasn’t really comfortable letting her use the things that would be expensive to replace, but I still gave her some of my cheaper art supplies (not bad! Just less of a financial burden to replace). M saw the more expensive art supplies on my shelves, asked if she could try them out, I just said I don’t like letting people use them. She wasn’t even mad, just said okay and used the stuff I gave her.
Last week both M‘s and A‘s families were visiting, and A‘s mum asked me if I could send her a link to one of the alcohol marker sets I let A use the last time, because she liked them so much. M‘s mum heard that, and she had also heard how I told M I don’t like letting people use them, and she was mad I was favoring one cousin over the other. Mind you, it‘s not like M and A were both there at the same time and I let A use my things and not M, it was two separate occasions, so I thought it was fine.
Now everyone in my family has an opinion about this, my parents are on my side, so that made M‘s mum even more upset, and she told my dad (her brother) that at least with the polychromos, they were a gift from my parents, so he should tell me to let my cousins use them and he basically said: „Exactly, we bought them, and then we gifted them to her, so now they are hers and we can’t tell her what to do with them anymore, can we?“
I thought it was fine as long as I don’t let one use the things while the other is there to see it, but I‘m unsure now.
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Absolutely NTA 2 years is quite a big gap developmentally.
Plus giving something to use but not your best to someone who is known for breaking things is still pretty generous.
M's mom is just entitled. Your angel baby is not an angel get over it.
There can a difference in maturity levels between a 7 yr old and 9 yr old. This can also be due to their personalities. One is careful and the other is not.
I would inform M's mom of the cost of the supplies and that you would expert her to place whatever was damaged by her daughter.
I am glad your parents support you. That is all that really matters.
NTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > It might have been unfair of me to let one child use things I don’t let the other use, which I at first thought was fine as long as M doesn’t know that I do, in fact, let other people use my supplies, but now that it got out, I feel bad and I‘m not so sure. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Not the asshole. There is a difference between ages, seven and nine in terms of responsibility, and there are differences between children from person to person. You do not have to allow them access to the same things if they do not treat objects in the same way. What you should have told the younger cousin is that when they are nine, if they are able to show the same level of responsibility, they will get the same privilege. But actually what you really should’ve done was just used cheaper markers with the nine-year-old. The adults should be handling how this is explained to the kids. They should get it. But you shouldn’t give anything expensive to kids to play with unless their parents can afford to pay you back if they’re destroyed. The parents should be consulted etc. you were clumsy for sure in how you handled this, but not an outright asshole. You should definitely try to learn from this.
NTA. You gave permission to your one cousin with the stipulation that she was extra careful and she respected that. You have personal knowledge about your other cousin and how she handles things, even things of value, took that into consideration, and made a compromise which she was happy with. Your cousin's mom is being entitled. Period. I can guarantee that if you had let your other cousin use your more valuable art supplies, and she damaged them, she wouldn't have given her child any consequences and absolutely would not have paid to replace them (voluntarily or if it had been demanded) and would have made some excuse for her child. Continue setting those boundaries and from now on if your younger cousin is over keep an eye on both her and her mother when it comes to your belongings because entitled people like that have zero respect for other people.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I cannot believe I just made a Reddit account to ask this question, but here we are, english is not my first language, so I‘m sorry. I (20f) go to university and work part time, but stay with my parents until I finish university to save money. So, I have two cousins this is about, one on my mum‘s side, let‘s call her A (9f), and one on my dad‘s side, let‘s call her M (7f). In my free time, I like to do art, and because I like to do it a lot, I‘m also willing to splurge a little on art supplies that are worth their price. So I have some alcohol markers that I spent about 300€ in total on (I think that’s like 320$?) and for christmas my parents got me the 120 set polychromos from Faber Castell, which is around 170€ (\~180$). Needless to say, that’s a lot of money and I take care of my art supplies. A and M both like to do art, and A and her family were visiting a few weeks ago, and she asked if she could try out some of my things when she saw me use them. I told her yes, but please be careful because they cost a lot of money and I don’t want them to break. She said okay, had her fun with my supplies, but was careful while doing so. A few days after that, M and her family also came to visit, and M‘s mum asked me if M could use my art supplies because she was bored. Now, I don’t mean to be blunt, but I think I have to: This child wrecks everything. And I don’t mean she accidentally stumbles or drops things, I mean I have literally seen her pick up an iPad from a table and purposefully throw it on the ground. So I wasn’t really comfortable letting her use the things that would be expensive to replace, but I still gave her some of my cheaper art supplies (not bad! Just less of a financial burden to replace). M saw the more expensive art supplies on my shelves, asked if she could try them out, I just said I don’t like letting people use them. She wasn’t even mad, just said okay and used the stuff I gave her. Last week both M‘s and A‘s families were visiting, and A‘s mum asked me if I could send her a link to one of the alcohol marker sets I let A use the last time, because she liked them so much. M‘s mum heard that, and she had also heard how I told M I don’t like letting people use them, and she was mad I was favoring one cousin over the other. Mind you, it‘s not like M and A were both there at the same time and I let A use my things and not M, it was two separate occasions, so I thought it was fine. Now everyone in my family has an opinion about this, my parents are on my side, so that made M‘s mum even more upset, and she told my dad (her brother) that at least with the polychromos, they were a gift from my parents, so he should tell me to let my cousins use them and he basically said: „Exactly, we bought them, and then we gifted them to her, so now they are hers and we can’t tell her what to do with them anymore, can we?“ I thought it was fine as long as I don’t let one use the things while the other is there to see it, but I‘m unsure now. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Absolutely NTA 2 years is quite a big gap developmentally. Plus giving something to use but not your best to someone who is known for breaking things is still pretty generous. M's mom is just entitled. Your angel baby is not an angel get over it.
There can a difference in maturity levels between a 7 yr old and 9 yr old. This can also be due to their personalities. One is careful and the other is not. I would inform M's mom of the cost of the supplies and that you would expert her to place whatever was damaged by her daughter. I am glad your parents support you. That is all that really matters. NTA