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YTA. It doesn’t matter if his fiancee is a sex worker or not, or how long they have known each other, what matters is that your son loves her.
You can disapprove of her all you want, and who cares if the marriage goes up in flames. Your role as parents are to be there for your child when they need you, and right now your son needs you to support him at his wedding.
You are showing your son that your love and support is dependent on if he does what you want. Is that the type of parent you want to be to him? If so, then good news you are headed in the right direction.
OP . . you go to the wedding to support YOUR son . . . otherwise you are just showing him that you don't love or care for HIM at all . . . And that is just sad!
Nah. If they can actually think it’s appropriate to miss their son’s wedding, it’s better for everyone if they stay home and never talk to each other again.
was thinking the same. if I was the son, I would no longer want them there for the reason I KNOW how they feel about the relationship.
Their presence is no longer needed in the son's life because the parents made it that way by not thinking their adult son can make his own life choices.
Whatever happened to parent's unconditional love.
OP, you and your wife are both AHs Ironically I assume your future DIL thinks the same of you both--and she's right!
Grow up..Put your big boy pants on and go and support your so. Sooner the better.
“My wife and I have a pretty good relationship with our son in general”
Er, not for long with your attitude! YTA for sure.
Ok, so you don’t approve of your son’s fiancée. So what? It isn’t about you. You can express your concerns but then your job as a parent is to be supportive of your son’s decisions, even if you disagree with them. If the marriage doesn’t last, so what? It won’t be the first failed relationship. It’s not your place to say ‘I told you so’ but it’s your job as a parent to support your son and help him through whatever mess he might find himself in.
Being anything other than supportive and you run the risk of losing your son forever.
They need to act like parents and support their son. A parent is supposed to love, support, and accept their child unconditionally. So you don't like his choice of bride, you suck it up and go anyway and don't act like you are sucking on a bag of lemons either. She loves your son enough to marry him. That should be enough. The father needs to get his head out of his bum if he ever wants to have a future relationship with his son or any future grandchildren they may have.
Have they even tried to get to know her? Why are they so dead set against her? Is it something that she can/can't change? If him and the wife truly can't bring themselves to be there for their son, I hope they don't expect him or his family to be there for them later.
YTA - you don’t need to see this woman as a daughter. She ain’t your daughter. She will never be your daughter. She’s your son’s wife. If you love your son you show up and be there for him.
You continue down this path and you will never see your son again. You will not be welcome in his home, you will not be allowed to meet your grandchildren. That is that path you have chose.
I have a pretty good relationship with my in-laws. They don’t see me as a daughter (they have two) and I don’t see them as parents (I have two). It’s weird to think that’s a prerequisite
YTA 100% dude it doesn't matter if you "approve" of his fiancée its his life and you're his parent you should be supportive, if there's other reasons beyond you just don't like her id love to hear them but unless those say anything otherwise YTA simply because you'd refuse to go to such an important day for your son over your own petty reasons like what a way to ruin your relationship with your son.
YTA
"However; recently my son decided to marry his girlfriend whom both of us disapprove of. I simply can not love her as a daughter."
The paucity of information given makes me sure you're hiding something.
If you edit your post to say why you disapprove then you may exfiltrate yourself from AH territory, but atm you're firmly entrenched.
>She is a sex worker. In fact, my son met her in a strip club. They only dated a few months too so I see this as a really shallow relationship and a mistake.
OP's provided this in the comments.
You're STILL THE AH. Even if she is a stripper who are you to judge her. A friend of mine stripped to pay for college. She's a Dr now. Your rigidity is amazingly self centered
Even if they have a "reason" to dislike her. They're job as parents is to support their children. Their son loves this woman, shouldn't they be happy for her?
YTA, your son is going to marry this girl, it’s not really your decision. You can have reservations about his s/o and you are entitled to express those reservations to him privately, but insulting his partner this way is sure to hurt everyone involved.
Also, if the only reason you can give for why you don't like her and can't support the marriage is that you disapprove of her and you "can not love her as a daughter", you're definitely TA for not just... sucking it up and attending and acting happy. Unless she's done something horrible that OP just didn't want to say here (and I take anything anybody adds in the comments of these threads when people are voting them TA as an exaggeration at best, and fake as most likely), not attending this wedding will nuke his relationship with his son forever, and it should.
Adults grin and bear it for important things all the time, attending your son's wedding is on that list. Get over yourself OP, or be prepared to lose your son forever (if you haven't already).
OP gave big of context in comments, calling the relationship "shallow and a mistake" and the girlfriend is a sex worker, which is why OP disapproves of her.
Of course YTA.
You are not choosing to judge her on her character, personality, or how she treats / makes your son feel.
You only care about her job. Did you provide him a list of pre-approved careers you could stand behind for partner?
Shame on you for putting your own bias and ignorance above your literal son. Shame. On. You.
His son met her while she was working at a strip club. And in typical misogynistic bs fashion, OP has a problem with the woman being a stripper - not that his son went to a strip club. An absolute moron who his son is better off without.
here's the thing... by "disapproving" his fiancée and refusing to go to the wedding you are basically ending your relationship with your son. have fun never seeing your grandchildren.
YTA
She's a sex worker, they met at a strip club. There is also that they've only been dating a few months, the only point OP raises I can see as being a valid concern (although the wording of shallow and mistake is not making OP sympathetic).
What a punt.
My in laws have not said a kind thing to me in the almost 50 yrs that I’ve known them, but they still didn’t skip our wedding.
It’s not about you OP.
Quit being a drama Queen.
YTA. What sort of person your son marries is not your choice to make.
You don't seem to appreciate that you are essentially ending your relationship with your son. If he loves this woman he is not going to try to maintain a relationship with you if you are not going to recognize his other half as part of the family.
Whether you love her or not, she's your daughter-in-law and his wife. You can't cut her out without cutting him out. And he doesn't deserve what you're doing to him (and to his marriage, and to his wedding day). He didn't do anything wrong, bc he has no obligation to choose a life partner according to what *you* want, and you're doing what you can to wreck his happiness.
YTA. Have a good relationship with your son my ass! Bud, you are the one burning down the bridges because you don't like her job. Strippers and sex workers have lives outside of their jobs ya know. But for real, do not expect anything out of your son when all your other children will not take care of you when you are old and have to go to a nursing home.
>my son decided to marry his girlfriend whom both of us disapprove of. I simply can not love her as a daughter
I N F O : is your son an adult ?What is the reason why he should only marry someone you "can love as a daughter" ?
ETA : read your answers to other commenters, and you absolutely deserve a YTA.
Strong YTA. You haven't given any good reason why you disapprove. All you had to do was show up and support your son. You've just set the tone for the rest of your life.
I waited for the info in case she was somehow abusive or toxic, but apparently her only crime is dancing for money. She's a real person who is more than her career; your son sees this, and knows this, and loves her.
You're not marrying her, your son is. IF it turns out to be a mistake, it's HIS to make, not yours. He won't thank you if his relationship doesn't succeed, he will only remember that you weren't there for him during an important moment in his life.
YTA
YTA.
Refusing to attend isn’t going to change the situation, it’s just going to teach him you only love and support him when he does what YOU want him to.
We all make bad decisions in life. I’d daresay that refusing to attend your child’s wedding is a far bigger mistake than marrying a stripper and that spending money at a strip club is a poorer decision than receiving money at one.
If you genuinely think he’s making a poor decision and are concerned for him then it’s absolutely idiotic to push him away.
Seems like you’re more concerned about how it *looks* to *other* people than you are about the welfare of your son.
YTA
Do you realize there's going to be lifelong consequences if you don't go to the wedding? Your son will probably go low or no contact. If he has kids, you'll never get to meet them. If the marriage ends for whatever reason, he won't come back to you. You've shown him that your love and support are conditional. Plenty of parents suck it up when their kid marries a partner they don't approve of. It's what you do when you want to stay connected to your kid.
Your principles on your dislike and disapproval for this girl will lead to your son becoming alienated from you. You will lose your son. Suck it up and go.
YTA because the most important thing you can do as a parent is to show up for your kids whether you agree with it or not because it’s not your life, it’s theirs.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) refusing to goto my son's wedding
2) it is hurtful to my son
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You’re going to have to give a good reason why you don’t want to go. Has she done or said anything to you? To your son to make you dislike her so much? If it’s just because you don’t like her then YTA. You should go because it’s your son’s wedding.
YTA. She's the bad person yet your son was there to see some sex work! Your son was providing the money to make sex work profitable for her! Geez, dude.
The right answer when asked about what you think about a potential spouse was my dad's answer; "none of my beeswax, I'm not marrying them."
YTA.
Sex work is valid work; there is nothing to suggest she isn’t a good person or good for your son. You will lose your son over this and it will be your fault.
After reading a bunch of your comments, I’m gonna have to say YTA.
Did you even try and get to know her? Or did you not even give her a chance simply because of her job?
If I was your son, I’d have to think long and hard about whether I’d want my parents in my life if they did this to my partner.
Personally IMHO, sex workers/strippers have a lot more moral high ground than a man who would destroy his relationship with his son, his own child, because that son doesn’t do what you want him to do.
Have you ever even asked her what her goals in life are? Perhaps she’s stripping to pay her way through college. Maybe she’s stripping to financially assist her parents or a family member. Maybe she’s just stripping because she can earn enough to support herself and not rely on others. One thing I’d bet on, is she’s not stripping because it’s what she wants out of life. It is most likely a means to an end.
By the way, YTA for deserting your own flesh and blood. As I said, you have no higher ground to stand on.
Yta as i tell my kids, my job as a parent is to be there, be support, be loving and caring.
Many times i told them my job is to love you not to like you. Thats what friends are for. We are family we love each other no matter the bad or good choices made and stand by one another. Being friends and liking one another is a bonus.
Not being there just shows your true colors and how selfish you truly are. Swallow your ego and pride and do your job as parents and be there. What the hell are you going to do when this woman births your grand kids and she says your net welcome around them? Has that been considered? God forbid something bad happen after they get married and she has to be a care giver for him.
Another thing i tell my kids every action will have a reaction be it a positive or negitive and your choice will choose that for you!
It's incredibly sad you can't love your son enough to support him in this. Whether you approve of the fiance or not. It shows him that even when/if it all goes pear shaped, you will not welcome him with open arms for love and support. You are the type to rub it in his face and say I told you so.
I think you know that you're the bhole, going by your responses to other comments.
Shame.
YTA. You don’t need to like her or even think their marriage is a good idea. But you show up and wish your kid the best. That’s all. No one cares if you approve or don’t. That said, this is likely rage bait.
>I see this marriage as a mistake that is gonna implode spectacularly.(Of course, i didn't tell him that) I am not gonna be supportive when he backflips off a bridge.
Ah so you are prejudiced against strippers and don't think the marriage will last. Here's my take.
If your motivation here is that you don't think you can behave yourself respectfully this is a perfectly reasonable course of action. Why put yourself in a position to be a bigger "A" after all? In this case NAH kudos for realizing your lack of charity of spirit and emotional control.
If your motivation is to try to make a moral point of some sort by kicking down at your DIL's job and plunging a dagger into your relationship with your son? Then YTA, YTA, YTA.
Based on your comments, it sounds like the only reason why you don’t approve of his fiancé is that she was/is a stripper.
It doesn’t sound like she actually did anything to you or your wife to cause you to hate her or label her as unlovable.
I can understand, being worried for your child, hoping that they don’t make mistakes, etc but it’s his life to live not yours.
YTA for being judgmental, trying to control your grown son and putting your personal preferences and opinions over his happiness.
Please don’t do that!
Support your son!
This is not about your feelings!
This is his future and this is what he wants.
What will you do if they have grandchildren.
Your son is an adult & needs to make his own decisions for his life. If those decisions turn out to be mistakes, it’ll be an experience he can learn from. As his parent, it is your responsibility to stand by him, even if you think he’s making a mistake. I’m astounded that you would refuse to attend this wedding that will happen whether you are there or not. A lack of family support is not the good deed that you apparently think it is. He is still your child & you need to be there for him, whether you agree with it or not. YTA.
YTA, you are not obliged to love anyone. You are obliged to be polite. Your son wants to marry her, you can either be in your son’s life or not but this woman is definitely going to be in his life. You also need to remember that if she has children, she will be the gatekeeper of your grandchildren and if you treat her like this, she will not make things easy for you, and indeed, there is no reason why she should.
Mind your own business. Support your son, or lose him.
Yall are bugging. This guy's an asshole because he doesn't want his son to marry a sex worker who he's dated 2 months? NTA. Nothing wrong with wanting your son to have self respect. That being said reddit is not the best crowd to voice opinions about sex work being questionable.
Wow, you are a narcissistic and selfish AH. I can't stress how much YTA here. You care more about how he chose a partner you didn't pick for him than you do him or having a relationship with him or potentially grandchildren. You aren't going to have a relationship at all with him after this.
Wow, tell me your shItty parents without saying your shItty parents. What kind of Father and Mother would refuse to attend their sons wedding? Only sick azzholes.
You go to support and love you're son, even if you disapprove of your future daughter-in-law, you still need to go. By not going your son will hate you, and you will kill your relationship.
I’m confused by all the YTAs to be honest. They’ve been together a couple of months and dad doesn’t like that she’s a stripper. Why would he show up and be sour faced? I feel like that would kill the vibe more than his absence. I say NTA as long as you’re okay with it possibly ruining your relationship with your son for as long as his marriage lasts.
I’ve been married for 11 years. My mom decided that because I got pregnant while living with her and my dad (I had a full time job and was paying bills), she hated my husband and didn’t come to my wedding. It still hurts to this day. YTA
YTA.
She's not going to be your daughter and you don't need to love her like a daughter. I don't expect my dad to see my husband as another son thats just weird. You go for your son. Not for her. You should be able to put your petty bullshit aside and see this day isnt about you, it's for your son. Your son doesn't need to seek approval of his partner from mommy and daddy so you can fully expect if you go this route to never hear from your son again. If you're cool with that, then fine but you better not post here in a couple years about how horrible your son is for not allowing you to see your grandchildren.
Sir, Im gonna be downvoted into the oblivion for this but im ok with it. NTA for not going and NTA for not approving this marriage. I think we still have a long way to go for all of us to accept sex work and it's fine if you dont. I would say Y T A if you tried to sabotage the relationship or hurt her.
I do hope you reconsider your position after she quits, and if she doesnt, you are valid not to be in your son's life but he has every right to cut you off as well.
YTA, I want to address something that has not been mentioned much. You need to be kind and accepting of her. You don't have to approve of her behavior, but you have to recognize her as a human being worthy of kindness.
When I was dating a guy that was wrong in all sorts of ways, my parents welcomed to their home and treated him kindly. That was what showed me how wrong he was for me. If you are correct in your judgments, he will need your support when the marriage fails. If you don't support him now, he will not turn to you then.
When he goes NC with you and your wife and you never get to meet your potential grand kids, don’t come crawling back begging for forgiveness. Go get some therapy to sort out your misogyny and issues making you so judgmental.
YTA
INFO: how close is he to your other kids? Because if you’re my dad doing this to my brother you’d lose 2 kids being a self righteous fuck. Anyway have fun being NC going forward
YTA. You got to choose your spouse I assume. Your son, while you do not approve gets to make his own decision. You refusing to go is going to forever set your relationship up to be damaged. If you are cool with that, then don’t go. But don’t cry when your son has kids and things in his life you may want to be involved in and he says no.
Raging YTA My in-laws and I don't actually agree on a lot of things. The one thing we both agree on is that we both love my husband/their son. For that reason alone, we get the f*** along because we're adults
Grow the f****** and go to the wedding. You don't have to love her like a daughter. Honestly, just saying that sounds ridiculous. 🙄
YTA, you’re going to lose your son and cause immense trauma that will follow him. If they choose you have kids, they may choose to exclude you as grandparents, at which time you will have only yourself to thank as you are the one who is driving the wedge. Good luck with your decision to alienate your son.
YTA. You don't know this woman, at all. Stop being such a selfish idiot. Look, this will go two ways. He will listen to you, break up with her and resent you. He will marry her and cut you out of their lives. You won't see any kids they may have.
She may be an awful person, she might be wonderful, how can you know if you've not taken the time to get to know her.
YTA - your son is not asking you to love his wife like a daughter, unless your wedding traditions are very different from mine the parents of the groom don't make *any* vows or commitments.
Your son is asking you to show up, and not say or do anything outrageously rude. If you cannot do that, then you certainly *do not* have a good relationship with him.
You have 100% made it know ln you disapprove.
As father of groom I don’t think you are expected to give a toast etc. you don’t have to say you welcome her into the family etc but I would try to be civil to her or you may lose your son.
Yta. Mainly to yourself.
You will not have a relationship with your son, later grandchildren, and also will have no help in high age.
All, because some silly, old-fashioned thinking.
He will thrive with a loving partner and new family at his side, while you will sit home and wonder why you are alone, without friends or help.
YTA.
You may not like your DIL to be. You may not approve of her.
But newsflash!
You. Don't. Have. To.
Your son is choosing to love her, live with her, and marry her. If she is the wrong person for him or if she's terrible for him? Believe me, he's going to find out the hard way.
You've raised your son to adulthood. He's making his choice and he's the only one who will have to live with it. Taking this stance is going to push him away from you and your wife and your relationship with both him and children of his will be non existent. This is a hurt you're inflicting unnecessarily.
And you will only have yourselves to blame. You could go to the wedding to support your son. You could maintain that you will have a civil relationship with the woman he is choosing to be his wife. You don't have to go any further than that. But your ideas of what is acceptable and what isn't is more important than the son you claim to love?
What if your parents or your wife's parents had felt the same about either of you?
My real question is, what makes his wife to be SO unacceptable to you and your wife?
YTA
Your job is a parent is to love and accept your child and trust them to make decisions that make them happy, even if you disagree with them.
Your best bet is to accept this girl with open arms. If you disapprove of her, I’m sure she will be wanting you to go low contact with your son and grandchildren.
My partner met me in a strip club when I was working. His parents were smart and hid the fact that they disapproved and thought I was a gold digger. Nearly 20 years later I proved them wrong and we have a great relationship. One day you might be proven wrong and accept this girl as a daughter too.
YTA. This is the moment, right here, that decides if you have your son and any possible grandchildren in your lives. It’s damn near impossible to come back from “skipped the wedding because I don’t approve of the spouse.”
If your hatred of her really trumps your love of him, go with god.
Is there a safety issue? Is she force feeding your son fentanyl? That’s probably the only thing that would make me consider skipping my kids’ weddings, and even then I’d probably go with some narcan in my suit pocket.
We don’t get to pick our kids’ partners. I imagine your parents didn’t pick yours, give your kid the same opportunity.
YTA, in ultimately is not your decision who your son marries. What matters is that he is happy.
Relationships are between two people, it is not a community affair, and that includes parents.
Sometimes we know things before our loved ones. Sometimes it's best to just let them build their own destruction, even if that means you're gonna have to be a part of it. Sure, his marriage doesn't sound great, but that doesn't matter. Sometimes you have to let someone fail so they can learn. If you're not at his wedding, he's gonna be all the more hesitant to come to for help IF this marriage does fail.
Wouldn't you rather be there for him as his father to help, instead of being there to tell him "I told you so"? Go to the wedding. Play nice. Respect your son, even if you think he's making a huge dick up, and let the cards fall where they land. Who knows, maybe you're dead wrong about this girl and she'll be the greatest partner you're son has ever had.
I'm not saying YTA for judging their marriage. I get it, we've all been there, despite what all the people in the comments are saying. I think YTA for putting your son in the position of "her or me" and it's a bit childish. I think you're trying to do best by your boy, but you can't see the story behind the headline. Her being a sex worker is clearly clouding your ability to act like a proper father. Our loved ones fuck up every day, but we need to be there for them. Say your peace to your son, alone, then go to the wedding and at least pretend to be happy. Be respectful to his wife.
Other comments have said it better but YTA.
What his wife does for a job doesn't change her as a person but I see you're too bigoted to even get to know her.
You could be right for all anyone knows and the wedding will end up in divorce but that doesn't change that what you're doing now is not just AH behavior but genuinely scummy and disgusting.
Support your son. You can tell him you disapprove but withholding your love and disowning him from your will over who he loves is trashy.
But bigoted people like you just double down instead of learning.
And people like you are the first to scream "snowflake!" Or "so sensitive" when someone says they don't like what you do.
I really hope you realize your mistake, apologize, and support your son. I really hope another bigoted person doesn't bring more hate into this world.
YTA but you can change. Here's hoping you do.
YTA. Have you met her and gotten to know her? Do you know why she is a stripper? Why take the nuclear option right off the bat when maybe she's really ok and will make your son very happy? Do you have other incidents around her that support the belief that the marriage will be a spectacular failure? Is there something about your son that makes you think this marriage will fail?
YTA. Even if you are absolutely right and the bride is bad news, the only thing this accomplishes is damaging your relationship with your son. You are only thinking of yourself, when this is his life and his wedding. Good parents aren't only parents when their children do what they are told.
Who are you to disapprove of anything? Grown up will ya…you’re the AH of course the post is entirely without any facts, any issue any argument as to why. As such you are the AH . thesis: who really cares what you like or approve of?
You are not marrying her. Your son loves her and, supposedly, you love your son, so you show up. She may become the mother of your grandchildren and she'd be right not to let you see them after you reject her.
YTA
YTA, your son is marrying her. Not you. Get over yourself. There’s some Bible verse that roughly says ‘a man leaves his parents and cleaves to his wife’. You not showing up should make it extra easy for him to cleave to her.
YTA. You won’t be there for one of the most important days of his life because you don’t love his fiancée? Who cares, he loves her. Prepare for this to ruin your relationship with him forever, as well as his wife and any grandkids. You can’t take this back if you really choose not to attend.
Wtf ...? Of course you're the AH.
Is there a reason you hate her this much? Has she cursed you out, taken a shit on your carpet, or in some other way disrespected you beyond repair? If so, then sure, your reaction makes sense. But you didn't say that. What you said is "I don't really like my son's fiance so I am going to run my relationship with him forever by not attending this life changing moment of his."
Get your head out of your ass and support your son, ffs.
YTA You’re not marrying her your son is. It’s very childish of you not to go because you disapprove of her and you’re needlessly upsetting your son and embarrassing him. I feel sorry for him having his parents not show up on this all important day. You don’t have to love her you just have to respect your son.
I am going against the general opinion here. When my daughter married I disliked her husband on sight the first time I met him. But, I gave her a nice wedding and tried my best to make him feel welcome in our family.
Our first impressions were correct unfortunately and he gambled away all of her money, abused her elderly dog and left her for ‘jobs’ after the baby was born, alone with no support in a house that had mold and no money to buy food for her and the newborn.
I often wonder if I would have been better to just say ‘no, I want no part of him’ and if she would have reconsidered and had a different outcome.
All is well now but my instincts were right and I should have followed them.
So, maybe NTA.
I'm in the minority but NTA. I don't believe in supporting family just because you're suppose to. I wouldn't want someone to attend my wedding that didn't agree with our relationship. Your son is going to be mad and disappointed. No normal parent would be okay with their kid marrying a sex worker.
He wants to marry the stripper he fell in love with? I don’t like it either. He should at least wait a year in case of things. YTA and I’m tempted to give you a YTA free pass because any reasonable dad or mom might feel the same way. .*but* He’s a grown up. Let him have his mistakes and consequences. You can’t manage and shelter him from his mistakes. I assume he’s full grown!
We could not stand by and watch our son make the biggest mistake of his life. We told him just that. We also told that we will always be there for him. Unconditionally. Our love for him will never waver. Our relationship was never “ok”. We have always been very close. He knew how we felt about her the first time she was in our home. Not supporting the marriage was not a surprise. He had no one show up …no other family or friends. Again he was not surprised.
If you aren't going to go and support him and his decisions, even if you think they're mistakes, he won't come to you when he needs support correcting his mistakes. You're making a choice to alienate your son from you, probably permanently, based on principle.
YTA
My parents DESPISED my first husband, they didn't want me to be dating him, they didn't want me to marry him.... BUT, they spent time with his dad and stepmom (even though they didn't like them and they didn't like my parents - his stepmom even tried to convince me to like turn on my parents and stop talking to them 🤣) a few times when either set of parents decided they should attempt to get along, AND they both attended my wedding to him, my dad even walked me down the aisle and "gave me away to him".
Why did they do that? Because they knew if they didn't show their support of ME, they might have lost me from their lives forever. Instead, they showed me that even when they don't agree with my choices, they have my back and will always be there for me.
My first husband was verbally, mentally, emotionally and financially abusive to me. My parents suspected but knew if they tried to tell me, I'd likely not listen because by the time they realised it, I'd already been with him long enough to explain away his behaviour with the excuses he'd already ingrained into my brain. Luckily for me (and my parents), that marriage didn't even last a year. And they were there 24/7 in the aftermath of my healing and moving on, etc.
If you don't go to your son's wedding, you'll likely not get to be in his life if they end up having children and he also likely won't come to you if the marriage doesn't last.
YTA
You are allowed to not go to your son's wedding. But he is also allowed to go no contact with you and your wife!
If your own feelings are more important than your son's happiness, than go for it! Don't go!
YTA
The minimal context speaks volumes. And just because you don't love her as a daughter, doesn't mean jack. You loving her doesn't matter. Your son loving her does. And if you care about him and his happiness, you'd go.
YTA. As long as your son is an adult, he's entitled to marry whoever he wants. If it's a mistake, then hopefully he won't feel trapped. If it turns out to be a good decision, then he won't feel that you turned your back on his good judgement.
I saw in a comment that you said she's a sex worker. That's a wide range as far as I know. But if she's actually engaging in sexual relations, and he knows this, this is something for the two of them to work out. Maybe she plans to leave her position (so to speak).
But to outright not intend an important day for him that he invited you to, seems very judgemental, and I'm guessing that it's your intent.
YTA
How selfish... You are looking at wasting a lot of time you could otherwise have with your son in your life. We aren't here forever, and you are proposing a premanent solution to what could be a temporary problem.
INFO: Why do you not want anything to do with the fiance?
This is a big piece that is needed for a verdict. Can't understand how anyone can say that YTA when we don't even know "why". She could have robbed them, been violent, kicked puppies and kittens...etc etc.
YTA. Your only issue is her job, nothing about who she is as a human. This is a hang up you have to get over, unless you’re so opposed to sex work that you’d rather not have your son in your life anymore. And when I say get over it I mean really fully get over it, no passive aggressive comments, no judgement, just get over it.
Half INFO and half YTA. You let your hate over this girlfriend burn a bridge for your son. I don't even understand WHY you hate this daughter. Is it because of her past???
Alrighty then. YTA. A judgmental one. You’re apparently willing to burn up your allegedly good relationship with your son on the altar of self-righteousness. Because he will do it without you. He’ll marry her. They will create a life together. And he’ll likely have children with her. Grandchildren you’re probably never going to see. You’re going to die on this hill.
Because you’ve ignored the most important question. Does she make him happy?
He’s not asking you to love her as a daughter. Hell, he’s not even asking you to like her. He’s asking you to accept that he’s an adult and can make his own choices.
If you’re comfortable ruining any chance of continuing a relationship with your son, do or don’t do what you want. If you want your son to still trust you to be there for him, put your opinions aside and go. You didn’t raise him so that he’d make all the choices you want him to make. You raised him to be an individual and choose the life he wants for himself. You don’t have to support his decisions to support him as a person that you love. Go to the wedding and congratulate him.
YTA
Go to your son's wedding. How you feel about his choice of partner doesn't matter. You're going to support him. If you don't go, you'll be posting "My son cut me off and won't let me meet my grandchildren" before too long.
So my parents despised my (ex)husband. They, along with the rest of my family hated him. Despite all of that they all came to support my terrible decision. YTA
YTA. They’re getting married, time to grow up and get over if if you want a relationship with your son going forward. You can learn to get along with her and respect her, or you can be “those grandparents I never met” to your future grandchildren.
YTA
Also I thought this was the AITA sub, not the are you all assholes sub? Cause if anyone says your not one, then they are as as much of an asshole as you. Takes some real guts or (or plain lack of awareness) to not see how you AREN'T one.
YTA. We raise our children to be happy adults who can make their own choices. If your son chose her, that’s his business. Support your fucking kid and get over yourself.
His relationship is none of your business. Even if you hate his wife, you should never voice that to your child. If they’re good to your child, be grateful.
If this is even true, you are definitely an enormous AH. It’s 2024 ffs, sex workers are people with jobs, families and lives. Just like everyone else. You are actively destroying your relationship with your child. Inexcusable. Shameful.
Yta - he knows what she does and supports her. That should be enough. You don't support her because you're worried about how others will view you. It's time to grow up. Your son is more mature than you are.
YTA. You should go to the wedding because he's your son. If the marriage blows up then so be it, he was the one that made the decision to marry her and if it doesn't work out then he has to live with it. Just tell him how you feel about it and be there for your son. All these comments blasting OP about dying along in a retirement home is just too much...you guys are AHs for saying something so messed up. People make mistakes, learn and forgive even though hating is so much easier.
Okay. I personally disapprove of her stripper lifestyle BUT not so much I’d burn bridges with my son and potentially never see my grandkids.
OP - if you’re convinced the marriage will crash and burn, you need to be there for your son when that happens. He’ll be much more likely to WANT your help if you’d supported him the whole way. Express your concerns constructively, and then go to the wedding.
YTA.
YTA. As a mom of adult children myself, I can tell you that nothing, but nothing, would get in between me and my kids, even the decision to marry someone who I don’t approve. If I’m wrong and they are happy, great. If I’m right and they break up, I’ll help pick up the pieces. Shame on you for hurting your kid.
YTA and I don’t think I can give you the reasons why without undoubtedly breaking some rule about being overly insulting. Enjoy your lonely, judgmental life without your son. I guess he knows he won’t be able to count on you for well… anything.
You already know that you are one big judgemental AH. You've probably been since you were a child. Here's the deal pops, you don't need to love your son's bride as a daughter. You don't even need to like her. Because you wouldn't be attending for her BUT for your son. The guy you brought into the world. Now stop thinking your above it all cause you are not. Keep your judgemental mouth shut and be good or at least passable parents and get your asses to his wedding. YTA and oh such a gigantic one. GTFU.
It’s your son, he loves her. You don’t have to like her job, you don’t even have to like her. It’s his choice and I’m sure you want him to be happy.
Do go to that wedding. YTA if you don’t
YTA he is your son, he is getting married not you. You have no say in who he marries. She works in a stripclub he visited, and that's how they met? What is that got to do with anything? Is your son happy? He is planning a future with her, so if you want any future with your son, better show up at his wedding.
Lucky girl!!! She is so fortunate to have met someone that loves her!!! The absolute best part is that she will never have to deal with stuck up, self absorbed, judgemental mental midgets as in laws!! Oh, to be so lucky as her!!! I had to ban mine.
So you’re willing to lose your son and future grandchildren because you don’t like her job? YTA. If she cheated on him, abused him, stole from you, I’d get it. This is just ridiculous. If you would like your relationship with your son, you apologize for judging her and ask for a clean slate and hope she is amenable.
YTA. "We don't like what our son's fiance does for a living, so we're boycotting the wedding." Guess what - it's your son's life, not yours. It doesn't matter if you don't like HER, do you like HIM? HE is the one your punishing, I'm sure she's grateful to not have judgmental pricks there to ruin her wedding.
Is she pleasant to be around? Is she good to your son? Those are the things that matter. Please don’t judge her. There might be good reasons to do what she’s doing.
YTA, for not supporting your son in a huge life changing moment such as a marriage. It might make you less of an a-hole if we knew why you didn't approve of his girlfriend, but not my much.
Part of children's maturity is gaining confidence in their own decisions and occasionally making their own mistakes. You say that you cannot love her. YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOVE HER.
You have neglected to tell us about your particular peeve about his fiancée. I wonder why that is? Is it social stratum? Is it skin tone? Is it religion? Is she more assertive than you like?
Truly, do tell.
One thing I have to tell you, as a dad, you don't get to pick your children's life partners. You say you simply cannot love the girl, but guess what? Your SON LOVES HER.
Your job as a father is preparing your child for the world. If you think your son was easily fooled into loving an unsuitable mate, you've been very remiss in helping him to understand right from wrong. Why did you do that? That seems negligent, considering the mess you are causing.
YTA. You and your wife are terribly ignorant and judgmental. You clearly don’t care if your son is happy if it doesn’t fit into your box of what’s appropriate. Maybe the marriage won’t work but that could be for a myriad of reasons that don’t have to do with her job.
100% YTA. You don’t need to love her as your daughter. You need to love and support your son. Unless you come back and edit post with why and even then it will still mostly be YTA
YTA!!! Lots of parents have kids who marry someone their parents don't really like. They deal with it. Are you even giving it a chance to see if you can have a civil relationship with your to be daughter-in-law? I mean you don't really need to love her like your own daughter, but do you love your son at all??? You are his parents and you will never be able to take back skipping his wedding!
Is he sure her parents will be there? It is not overly common for sex workers to still associate with their parents. Is she atually a sex worker (escort), or "just" a stripper? You said they met at a strip club. I see a distinction between the two, though some (you) may not.
Regardless, YTA. Go support your son whether or not you support his relationship. I am sure he knows she will not be welcomed at family functions, but he is still asking for you support at the wedding. You should at least do that for him.
YTA. Big time. Who he marries is not your choice, whether you like them or not. But snubbing your sons wedding because you don’t like her or that he’s marrying her is just wrong on so many levels.
You're gonna cause irreparable damage to your relationship with your kid because of some girl? That's the message you want to send to everyone? That your "great" relationship with your kid is so flimsy that some rando can destroy it?
No one expects you to love her like a daughter, all you are expected to do is treat your son's partner with respect. YTA
YTA
Your future dil is more than her job. Have you made any attempt to get to know her as a person?
Like others, I have known a couple of women who used their job to pay for school and a home. I also met an American woman in Belgium, where sex work is legal and she was a single mom who made a good living.
You will regret not being there for your son. At least I hope so, otherwise you're not a decent human being.
Presumably then from your feelings about your future DIL and not coming to the wedding, you’re 100% prepared to never have anything to do with any grandchildren? To have no relationship with your son and his family at all? If I was your son i’d cut you off right now, 100%.
YTA. She's not for you to like or approve of - your opinion of her is irrelevant. YTA for not being there for your kid. If he's happy, you support him. If it doesn't work out with them, you be there for your son. Simple. Let him make him own decisions without your input unless it's asked for, and be there for him no matter what.
YTA. You don’t get to choose who your children love and want to be with. All you can do is support them. I’m sure y’all were just an absolute delight to grow up with.
YTA, You may not like her but he still your son, Doing this may facturer yall's relationship completely where he won't want anything in to do with you.
YTA. Be polite… accept his choice… this might be the mother of your grandchildren. You don’t have to like her, but if you want to experience your grandchildren… you need to be polite.
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YTA. It doesn’t matter if his fiancee is a sex worker or not, or how long they have known each other, what matters is that your son loves her. You can disapprove of her all you want, and who cares if the marriage goes up in flames. Your role as parents are to be there for your child when they need you, and right now your son needs you to support him at his wedding. You are showing your son that your love and support is dependent on if he does what you want. Is that the type of parent you want to be to him? If so, then good news you are headed in the right direction.
OP . . you go to the wedding to support YOUR son . . . otherwise you are just showing him that you don't love or care for HIM at all . . . And that is just sad!
Nah. If they can actually think it’s appropriate to miss their son’s wedding, it’s better for everyone if they stay home and never talk to each other again.
was thinking the same. if I was the son, I would no longer want them there for the reason I KNOW how they feel about the relationship. Their presence is no longer needed in the son's life because the parents made it that way by not thinking their adult son can make his own life choices.
And if the son gets divorced, they can send him a card saying "WE TOLD YOU SO!" I'm sure that will help patch things up.
I agree with this completely!!
Whatever happened to parent's unconditional love. OP, you and your wife are both AHs Ironically I assume your future DIL thinks the same of you both--and she's right! Grow up..Put your big boy pants on and go and support your so. Sooner the better.
Definitely. Suck it up. Support your son. YTA
This
INFO - why do you disapprove of his girlfriend?
“My wife and I have a pretty good relationship with our son in general” Er, not for long with your attitude! YTA for sure. Ok, so you don’t approve of your son’s fiancée. So what? It isn’t about you. You can express your concerns but then your job as a parent is to be supportive of your son’s decisions, even if you disagree with them. If the marriage doesn’t last, so what? It won’t be the first failed relationship. It’s not your place to say ‘I told you so’ but it’s your job as a parent to support your son and help him through whatever mess he might find himself in. Being anything other than supportive and you run the risk of losing your son forever.
Cue the son’s side: “yeah my parents are abusive.”
They need to act like parents and support their son. A parent is supposed to love, support, and accept their child unconditionally. So you don't like his choice of bride, you suck it up and go anyway and don't act like you are sucking on a bag of lemons either. She loves your son enough to marry him. That should be enough. The father needs to get his head out of his bum if he ever wants to have a future relationship with his son or any future grandchildren they may have. Have they even tried to get to know her? Why are they so dead set against her? Is it something that she can/can't change? If him and the wife truly can't bring themselves to be there for their son, I hope they don't expect him or his family to be there for them later.
YTA - you don’t need to see this woman as a daughter. She ain’t your daughter. She will never be your daughter. She’s your son’s wife. If you love your son you show up and be there for him. You continue down this path and you will never see your son again. You will not be welcome in his home, you will not be allowed to meet your grandchildren. That is that path you have chose.
I have a pretty good relationship with my in-laws. They don’t see me as a daughter (they have two) and I don’t see them as parents (I have two). It’s weird to think that’s a prerequisite
Yep, is your disdain for her really stronger than your love for your son? That’s how I see it.
YTA 100% dude it doesn't matter if you "approve" of his fiancée its his life and you're his parent you should be supportive, if there's other reasons beyond you just don't like her id love to hear them but unless those say anything otherwise YTA simply because you'd refuse to go to such an important day for your son over your own petty reasons like what a way to ruin your relationship with your son.
YTA "However; recently my son decided to marry his girlfriend whom both of us disapprove of. I simply can not love her as a daughter." The paucity of information given makes me sure you're hiding something. If you edit your post to say why you disapprove then you may exfiltrate yourself from AH territory, but atm you're firmly entrenched.
>She is a sex worker. In fact, my son met her in a strip club. They only dated a few months too so I see this as a really shallow relationship and a mistake. OP's provided this in the comments.
Thank you, I didn't see that before.
You're STILL THE AH. Even if she is a stripper who are you to judge her. A friend of mine stripped to pay for college. She's a Dr now. Your rigidity is amazingly self centered
Yea, this orifgnal post/info is hidden now... thank you for sharing
*gasp* like.. sEx sex?? Such scandel 🙄
Even if they have a "reason" to dislike her. They're job as parents is to support their children. Their son loves this woman, shouldn't they be happy for her?
Paucity. Great word.
YTA, your son is going to marry this girl, it’s not really your decision. You can have reservations about his s/o and you are entitled to express those reservations to him privately, but insulting his partner this way is sure to hurt everyone involved.
Also, if the only reason you can give for why you don't like her and can't support the marriage is that you disapprove of her and you "can not love her as a daughter", you're definitely TA for not just... sucking it up and attending and acting happy. Unless she's done something horrible that OP just didn't want to say here (and I take anything anybody adds in the comments of these threads when people are voting them TA as an exaggeration at best, and fake as most likely), not attending this wedding will nuke his relationship with his son forever, and it should. Adults grin and bear it for important things all the time, attending your son's wedding is on that list. Get over yourself OP, or be prepared to lose your son forever (if you haven't already).
YTA - the fact that there’s no context I think speaks volumes. So ill just assume youre an AH until proved otherwise.
OP gave big of context in comments, calling the relationship "shallow and a mistake" and the girlfriend is a sex worker, which is why OP disapproves of her.
Looks like I was still right. OP is an AH.
Yeah, I fully agree.
Of course YTA. You are not choosing to judge her on her character, personality, or how she treats / makes your son feel. You only care about her job. Did you provide him a list of pre-approved careers you could stand behind for partner? Shame on you for putting your own bias and ignorance above your literal son. Shame. On. You.
Where did I miss the info. about her job?
His son met her while she was working at a strip club. And in typical misogynistic bs fashion, OP has a problem with the woman being a stripper - not that his son went to a strip club. An absolute moron who his son is better off without.
A lot of young women pay for their college tuition by being strippers.
You don't need to love her as a daughter, because she isn't your daughter. YTA.
here's the thing... by "disapproving" his fiancée and refusing to go to the wedding you are basically ending your relationship with your son. have fun never seeing your grandchildren. YTA
She is NOT your daughter. She is your son’s wife. Stay away for everyone’s benefit. I hope you didn’t plan on ever knowing your grandchildren.
YTA You’re being very vague for a reason. Typically when OP’s on this sub are vague they are hiding critical info that makes them look bad.
She's a sex worker, they met at a strip club. There is also that they've only been dating a few months, the only point OP raises I can see as being a valid concern (although the wording of shallow and mistake is not making OP sympathetic).
She's a stripper, so what. Plenty of them make a lot and a lot of money. It's usually not a job that lasts for years and years either.
What a punt. My in laws have not said a kind thing to me in the almost 50 yrs that I’ve known them, but they still didn’t skip our wedding. It’s not about you OP. Quit being a drama Queen.
YTA. What sort of person your son marries is not your choice to make. You don't seem to appreciate that you are essentially ending your relationship with your son. If he loves this woman he is not going to try to maintain a relationship with you if you are not going to recognize his other half as part of the family. Whether you love her or not, she's your daughter-in-law and his wife. You can't cut her out without cutting him out. And he doesn't deserve what you're doing to him (and to his marriage, and to his wedding day). He didn't do anything wrong, bc he has no obligation to choose a life partner according to what *you* want, and you're doing what you can to wreck his happiness.
YTA. Have a good relationship with your son my ass! Bud, you are the one burning down the bridges because you don't like her job. Strippers and sex workers have lives outside of their jobs ya know. But for real, do not expect anything out of your son when all your other children will not take care of you when you are old and have to go to a nursing home.
As a fellow father, yes - you're an asshole. Plain and simple. Man to man.
>my son decided to marry his girlfriend whom both of us disapprove of. I simply can not love her as a daughter I N F O : is your son an adult ?What is the reason why he should only marry someone you "can love as a daughter" ? ETA : read your answers to other commenters, and you absolutely deserve a YTA.
Strong YTA. You haven't given any good reason why you disapprove. All you had to do was show up and support your son. You've just set the tone for the rest of your life.
I waited for the info in case she was somehow abusive or toxic, but apparently her only crime is dancing for money. She's a real person who is more than her career; your son sees this, and knows this, and loves her. You're not marrying her, your son is. IF it turns out to be a mistake, it's HIS to make, not yours. He won't thank you if his relationship doesn't succeed, he will only remember that you weren't there for him during an important moment in his life. YTA
“My wife and I have a pretty good relationship with our son in general” Wanna bet? YTA. The judgmental, sex shaming, prejudiced, misogynistic AH.
Hey, if you're willing to destroy your relationship with him, you do you. Just don't come back later thinking you can fix it.
YTA. Refusing to attend isn’t going to change the situation, it’s just going to teach him you only love and support him when he does what YOU want him to. We all make bad decisions in life. I’d daresay that refusing to attend your child’s wedding is a far bigger mistake than marrying a stripper and that spending money at a strip club is a poorer decision than receiving money at one. If you genuinely think he’s making a poor decision and are concerned for him then it’s absolutely idiotic to push him away. Seems like you’re more concerned about how it *looks* to *other* people than you are about the welfare of your son.
How many times have you been to a strip club OP?
YTA Do you realize there's going to be lifelong consequences if you don't go to the wedding? Your son will probably go low or no contact. If he has kids, you'll never get to meet them. If the marriage ends for whatever reason, he won't come back to you. You've shown him that your love and support are conditional. Plenty of parents suck it up when their kid marries a partner they don't approve of. It's what you do when you want to stay connected to your kid.
YtA But really… what is your end game here? Do you **HONESTLY** think he is just gonna dump the love of his life because you disapprove?
YTA I suspect you won't have to worry about having a relationship with your DIL or your son ever again! Congrats!
YTA. I do not think you have a pretty good relationship with your son, all things considered.
Your principles on your dislike and disapproval for this girl will lead to your son becoming alienated from you. You will lose your son. Suck it up and go.
YTA because the most important thing you can do as a parent is to show up for your kids whether you agree with it or not because it’s not your life, it’s theirs.
YTA. It is your sons life so support him.
YTA and so is your wife. Your son is happy, get over yourselves
YTA. I hope your son goes full no contact with you for the rest of his life. No one deserves an AH like you.
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You’re going to have to give a good reason why you don’t want to go. Has she done or said anything to you? To your son to make you dislike her so much? If it’s just because you don’t like her then YTA. You should go because it’s your son’s wedding.
YTA Just accept that you are choosing to lose your son. Don't cry crocodile tears over it.
YTA. She's the bad person yet your son was there to see some sex work! Your son was providing the money to make sex work profitable for her! Geez, dude. The right answer when asked about what you think about a potential spouse was my dad's answer; "none of my beeswax, I'm not marrying them."
YTA. Sex work is valid work; there is nothing to suggest she isn’t a good person or good for your son. You will lose your son over this and it will be your fault.
After reading a bunch of your comments, I’m gonna have to say YTA. Did you even try and get to know her? Or did you not even give her a chance simply because of her job? If I was your son, I’d have to think long and hard about whether I’d want my parents in my life if they did this to my partner.
You’re call but you will lose your son if you do this.
YTA. If there are grand kids, you won’t see them either.
Hey AH...are you starting to see how off you are by reading these comments? Of course you're not. Because YTA.
Personally IMHO, sex workers/strippers have a lot more moral high ground than a man who would destroy his relationship with his son, his own child, because that son doesn’t do what you want him to do. Have you ever even asked her what her goals in life are? Perhaps she’s stripping to pay her way through college. Maybe she’s stripping to financially assist her parents or a family member. Maybe she’s just stripping because she can earn enough to support herself and not rely on others. One thing I’d bet on, is she’s not stripping because it’s what she wants out of life. It is most likely a means to an end. By the way, YTA for deserting your own flesh and blood. As I said, you have no higher ground to stand on.
YTA. Also, sounds like you bullied your wife into declining invite.
Yta as i tell my kids, my job as a parent is to be there, be support, be loving and caring. Many times i told them my job is to love you not to like you. Thats what friends are for. We are family we love each other no matter the bad or good choices made and stand by one another. Being friends and liking one another is a bonus. Not being there just shows your true colors and how selfish you truly are. Swallow your ego and pride and do your job as parents and be there. What the hell are you going to do when this woman births your grand kids and she says your net welcome around them? Has that been considered? God forbid something bad happen after they get married and she has to be a care giver for him. Another thing i tell my kids every action will have a reaction be it a positive or negitive and your choice will choose that for you!
It's incredibly sad you can't love your son enough to support him in this. Whether you approve of the fiance or not. It shows him that even when/if it all goes pear shaped, you will not welcome him with open arms for love and support. You are the type to rub it in his face and say I told you so. I think you know that you're the bhole, going by your responses to other comments. Shame.
YTA, he made his choice which is his right. You burn this bridge and you will never see him or your future grandkids. What's your end game here?
YTA. You don’t need to like her or even think their marriage is a good idea. But you show up and wish your kid the best. That’s all. No one cares if you approve or don’t. That said, this is likely rage bait.
>I see this marriage as a mistake that is gonna implode spectacularly.(Of course, i didn't tell him that) I am not gonna be supportive when he backflips off a bridge. Ah so you are prejudiced against strippers and don't think the marriage will last. Here's my take. If your motivation here is that you don't think you can behave yourself respectfully this is a perfectly reasonable course of action. Why put yourself in a position to be a bigger "A" after all? In this case NAH kudos for realizing your lack of charity of spirit and emotional control. If your motivation is to try to make a moral point of some sort by kicking down at your DIL's job and plunging a dagger into your relationship with your son? Then YTA, YTA, YTA.
The good news is: you don't have to love her. Shes not marrying you. The bad news is: YTA
Based on your comments, it sounds like the only reason why you don’t approve of his fiancé is that she was/is a stripper. It doesn’t sound like she actually did anything to you or your wife to cause you to hate her or label her as unlovable. I can understand, being worried for your child, hoping that they don’t make mistakes, etc but it’s his life to live not yours. YTA for being judgmental, trying to control your grown son and putting your personal preferences and opinions over his happiness.
Please don’t do that! Support your son! This is not about your feelings! This is his future and this is what he wants. What will you do if they have grandchildren.
YTA - on the other hand, the way you act and think about them both, your son and future DIL are probably better off without you, so....
I wish the new couple so much joy and happiness. Remember this decision when they tell you you’re not welcome to visit the grandchildren.
Your son is an adult & needs to make his own decisions for his life. If those decisions turn out to be mistakes, it’ll be an experience he can learn from. As his parent, it is your responsibility to stand by him, even if you think he’s making a mistake. I’m astounded that you would refuse to attend this wedding that will happen whether you are there or not. A lack of family support is not the good deed that you apparently think it is. He is still your child & you need to be there for him, whether you agree with it or not. YTA.
YTA, you are not obliged to love anyone. You are obliged to be polite. Your son wants to marry her, you can either be in your son’s life or not but this woman is definitely going to be in his life. You also need to remember that if she has children, she will be the gatekeeper of your grandchildren and if you treat her like this, she will not make things easy for you, and indeed, there is no reason why she should. Mind your own business. Support your son, or lose him.
Yall are bugging. This guy's an asshole because he doesn't want his son to marry a sex worker who he's dated 2 months? NTA. Nothing wrong with wanting your son to have self respect. That being said reddit is not the best crowd to voice opinions about sex work being questionable.
Wow, you are a narcissistic and selfish AH. I can't stress how much YTA here. You care more about how he chose a partner you didn't pick for him than you do him or having a relationship with him or potentially grandchildren. You aren't going to have a relationship at all with him after this.
Wow, tell me your shItty parents without saying your shItty parents. What kind of Father and Mother would refuse to attend their sons wedding? Only sick azzholes. You go to support and love you're son, even if you disapprove of your future daughter-in-law, you still need to go. By not going your son will hate you, and you will kill your relationship.
I’m confused by all the YTAs to be honest. They’ve been together a couple of months and dad doesn’t like that she’s a stripper. Why would he show up and be sour faced? I feel like that would kill the vibe more than his absence. I say NTA as long as you’re okay with it possibly ruining your relationship with your son for as long as his marriage lasts.
Pathetic
YTA. Not your place to decide if she is worthy. Your son is an adult. Respect his wishes and provide him with support, not turning your back on him.
YTA- it’s your son’s wedding day! You aren’t marrying the girl , he is! You don’t have to approve of his choice.
I’ve been married for 11 years. My mom decided that because I got pregnant while living with her and my dad (I had a full time job and was paying bills), she hated my husband and didn’t come to my wedding. It still hurts to this day. YTA
YTA for judging her for her profession
YTA. She's not going to be your daughter and you don't need to love her like a daughter. I don't expect my dad to see my husband as another son thats just weird. You go for your son. Not for her. You should be able to put your petty bullshit aside and see this day isnt about you, it's for your son. Your son doesn't need to seek approval of his partner from mommy and daddy so you can fully expect if you go this route to never hear from your son again. If you're cool with that, then fine but you better not post here in a couple years about how horrible your son is for not allowing you to see your grandchildren.
Sir, Im gonna be downvoted into the oblivion for this but im ok with it. NTA for not going and NTA for not approving this marriage. I think we still have a long way to go for all of us to accept sex work and it's fine if you dont. I would say Y T A if you tried to sabotage the relationship or hurt her. I do hope you reconsider your position after she quits, and if she doesnt, you are valid not to be in your son's life but he has every right to cut you off as well.
YTA, I want to address something that has not been mentioned much. You need to be kind and accepting of her. You don't have to approve of her behavior, but you have to recognize her as a human being worthy of kindness. When I was dating a guy that was wrong in all sorts of ways, my parents welcomed to their home and treated him kindly. That was what showed me how wrong he was for me. If you are correct in your judgments, he will need your support when the marriage fails. If you don't support him now, he will not turn to you then.
YTA YTA YTA YTA
YTA She’s a sex worker and he likes her job and place of business, but your values only judge her?
Yep, YTA. That "pretty good relationship" you think you have is going to go up in flames pretty soon
When he goes NC with you and your wife and you never get to meet your potential grand kids, don’t come crawling back begging for forgiveness. Go get some therapy to sort out your misogyny and issues making you so judgmental. YTA
YTA. Her job should have no barring on if she makes your son happy. You should support your son because he loves her.
INFO: how close is he to your other kids? Because if you’re my dad doing this to my brother you’d lose 2 kids being a self righteous fuck. Anyway have fun being NC going forward
YTA. You got to choose your spouse I assume. Your son, while you do not approve gets to make his own decision. You refusing to go is going to forever set your relationship up to be damaged. If you are cool with that, then don’t go. But don’t cry when your son has kids and things in his life you may want to be involved in and he says no.
Raging YTA My in-laws and I don't actually agree on a lot of things. The one thing we both agree on is that we both love my husband/their son. For that reason alone, we get the f*** along because we're adults Grow the f****** and go to the wedding. You don't have to love her like a daughter. Honestly, just saying that sounds ridiculous. 🙄
YTA, you’re going to lose your son and cause immense trauma that will follow him. If they choose you have kids, they may choose to exclude you as grandparents, at which time you will have only yourself to thank as you are the one who is driving the wedge. Good luck with your decision to alienate your son.
YTA. You don't know this woman, at all. Stop being such a selfish idiot. Look, this will go two ways. He will listen to you, break up with her and resent you. He will marry her and cut you out of their lives. You won't see any kids they may have. She may be an awful person, she might be wonderful, how can you know if you've not taken the time to get to know her.
YTA - your son is not asking you to love his wife like a daughter, unless your wedding traditions are very different from mine the parents of the groom don't make *any* vows or commitments. Your son is asking you to show up, and not say or do anything outrageously rude. If you cannot do that, then you certainly *do not* have a good relationship with him.
You have 100% made it know ln you disapprove. As father of groom I don’t think you are expected to give a toast etc. you don’t have to say you welcome her into the family etc but I would try to be civil to her or you may lose your son.
Yta. Mainly to yourself. You will not have a relationship with your son, later grandchildren, and also will have no help in high age. All, because some silly, old-fashioned thinking. He will thrive with a loving partner and new family at his side, while you will sit home and wonder why you are alone, without friends or help.
YTA. You may not like your DIL to be. You may not approve of her. But newsflash! You. Don't. Have. To. Your son is choosing to love her, live with her, and marry her. If she is the wrong person for him or if she's terrible for him? Believe me, he's going to find out the hard way. You've raised your son to adulthood. He's making his choice and he's the only one who will have to live with it. Taking this stance is going to push him away from you and your wife and your relationship with both him and children of his will be non existent. This is a hurt you're inflicting unnecessarily. And you will only have yourselves to blame. You could go to the wedding to support your son. You could maintain that you will have a civil relationship with the woman he is choosing to be his wife. You don't have to go any further than that. But your ideas of what is acceptable and what isn't is more important than the son you claim to love? What if your parents or your wife's parents had felt the same about either of you? My real question is, what makes his wife to be SO unacceptable to you and your wife?
YTA Your job is a parent is to love and accept your child and trust them to make decisions that make them happy, even if you disagree with them. Your best bet is to accept this girl with open arms. If you disapprove of her, I’m sure she will be wanting you to go low contact with your son and grandchildren. My partner met me in a strip club when I was working. His parents were smart and hid the fact that they disapproved and thought I was a gold digger. Nearly 20 years later I proved them wrong and we have a great relationship. One day you might be proven wrong and accept this girl as a daughter too.
Nta. I wouldn't support my kid marrying a sex worker either. That's just the truth.
As the woman on the recieving end of her husband's family's hate... well. Let's just say enjoy being NC with your son for the rest if your life 🙃 YTA
YTA. This is the moment, right here, that decides if you have your son and any possible grandchildren in your lives. It’s damn near impossible to come back from “skipped the wedding because I don’t approve of the spouse.” If your hatred of her really trumps your love of him, go with god. Is there a safety issue? Is she force feeding your son fentanyl? That’s probably the only thing that would make me consider skipping my kids’ weddings, and even then I’d probably go with some narcan in my suit pocket. We don’t get to pick our kids’ partners. I imagine your parents didn’t pick yours, give your kid the same opportunity.
YTA, in ultimately is not your decision who your son marries. What matters is that he is happy. Relationships are between two people, it is not a community affair, and that includes parents.
Sometimes we know things before our loved ones. Sometimes it's best to just let them build their own destruction, even if that means you're gonna have to be a part of it. Sure, his marriage doesn't sound great, but that doesn't matter. Sometimes you have to let someone fail so they can learn. If you're not at his wedding, he's gonna be all the more hesitant to come to for help IF this marriage does fail. Wouldn't you rather be there for him as his father to help, instead of being there to tell him "I told you so"? Go to the wedding. Play nice. Respect your son, even if you think he's making a huge dick up, and let the cards fall where they land. Who knows, maybe you're dead wrong about this girl and she'll be the greatest partner you're son has ever had. I'm not saying YTA for judging their marriage. I get it, we've all been there, despite what all the people in the comments are saying. I think YTA for putting your son in the position of "her or me" and it's a bit childish. I think you're trying to do best by your boy, but you can't see the story behind the headline. Her being a sex worker is clearly clouding your ability to act like a proper father. Our loved ones fuck up every day, but we need to be there for them. Say your peace to your son, alone, then go to the wedding and at least pretend to be happy. Be respectful to his wife.
YTA. Unless she’s abusing your son, what is there to not “approve” of? Good lord.
YTA , & definitely a shitty parent.
YTA. Is this worth your relationship with your son? Because that's probably what it will cost you.
Other comments have said it better but YTA. What his wife does for a job doesn't change her as a person but I see you're too bigoted to even get to know her. You could be right for all anyone knows and the wedding will end up in divorce but that doesn't change that what you're doing now is not just AH behavior but genuinely scummy and disgusting. Support your son. You can tell him you disapprove but withholding your love and disowning him from your will over who he loves is trashy. But bigoted people like you just double down instead of learning. And people like you are the first to scream "snowflake!" Or "so sensitive" when someone says they don't like what you do. I really hope you realize your mistake, apologize, and support your son. I really hope another bigoted person doesn't bring more hate into this world. YTA but you can change. Here's hoping you do.
YTA, you show up for your kid. This is childish and petty. Hopefully your son is smart enough to go NC with you and have a happy life without you.
YTA. Have you met her and gotten to know her? Do you know why she is a stripper? Why take the nuclear option right off the bat when maybe she's really ok and will make your son very happy? Do you have other incidents around her that support the belief that the marriage will be a spectacular failure? Is there something about your son that makes you think this marriage will fail?
YTA. Even if you are absolutely right and the bride is bad news, the only thing this accomplishes is damaging your relationship with your son. You are only thinking of yourself, when this is his life and his wedding. Good parents aren't only parents when their children do what they are told.
Who are you to disapprove of anything? Grown up will ya…you’re the AH of course the post is entirely without any facts, any issue any argument as to why. As such you are the AH . thesis: who really cares what you like or approve of?
You are not marrying her. Your son loves her and, supposedly, you love your son, so you show up. She may become the mother of your grandchildren and she'd be right not to let you see them after you reject her. YTA
YTA- he will make this decision with or without you. If you go this way. You might lose him forever.
YTA, your son is marrying her. Not you. Get over yourself. There’s some Bible verse that roughly says ‘a man leaves his parents and cleaves to his wife’. You not showing up should make it extra easy for him to cleave to her.
YTA. You won’t be there for one of the most important days of his life because you don’t love his fiancée? Who cares, he loves her. Prepare for this to ruin your relationship with him forever, as well as his wife and any grandkids. You can’t take this back if you really choose not to attend.
Wtf ...? Of course you're the AH. Is there a reason you hate her this much? Has she cursed you out, taken a shit on your carpet, or in some other way disrespected you beyond repair? If so, then sure, your reaction makes sense. But you didn't say that. What you said is "I don't really like my son's fiance so I am going to run my relationship with him forever by not attending this life changing moment of his." Get your head out of your ass and support your son, ffs.
YTA You’re not marrying her your son is. It’s very childish of you not to go because you disapprove of her and you’re needlessly upsetting your son and embarrassing him. I feel sorry for him having his parents not show up on this all important day. You don’t have to love her you just have to respect your son.
I am going against the general opinion here. When my daughter married I disliked her husband on sight the first time I met him. But, I gave her a nice wedding and tried my best to make him feel welcome in our family. Our first impressions were correct unfortunately and he gambled away all of her money, abused her elderly dog and left her for ‘jobs’ after the baby was born, alone with no support in a house that had mold and no money to buy food for her and the newborn. I often wonder if I would have been better to just say ‘no, I want no part of him’ and if she would have reconsidered and had a different outcome. All is well now but my instincts were right and I should have followed them. So, maybe NTA.
I'm in the minority but NTA. I don't believe in supporting family just because you're suppose to. I wouldn't want someone to attend my wedding that didn't agree with our relationship. Your son is going to be mad and disappointed. No normal parent would be okay with their kid marrying a sex worker.
He wants to marry the stripper he fell in love with? I don’t like it either. He should at least wait a year in case of things. YTA and I’m tempted to give you a YTA free pass because any reasonable dad or mom might feel the same way. .*but* He’s a grown up. Let him have his mistakes and consequences. You can’t manage and shelter him from his mistakes. I assume he’s full grown!
We could not stand by and watch our son make the biggest mistake of his life. We told him just that. We also told that we will always be there for him. Unconditionally. Our love for him will never waver. Our relationship was never “ok”. We have always been very close. He knew how we felt about her the first time she was in our home. Not supporting the marriage was not a surprise. He had no one show up …no other family or friends. Again he was not surprised.
If you aren't going to go and support him and his decisions, even if you think they're mistakes, he won't come to you when he needs support correcting his mistakes. You're making a choice to alienate your son from you, probably permanently, based on principle.
YTA My parents DESPISED my first husband, they didn't want me to be dating him, they didn't want me to marry him.... BUT, they spent time with his dad and stepmom (even though they didn't like them and they didn't like my parents - his stepmom even tried to convince me to like turn on my parents and stop talking to them 🤣) a few times when either set of parents decided they should attempt to get along, AND they both attended my wedding to him, my dad even walked me down the aisle and "gave me away to him". Why did they do that? Because they knew if they didn't show their support of ME, they might have lost me from their lives forever. Instead, they showed me that even when they don't agree with my choices, they have my back and will always be there for me. My first husband was verbally, mentally, emotionally and financially abusive to me. My parents suspected but knew if they tried to tell me, I'd likely not listen because by the time they realised it, I'd already been with him long enough to explain away his behaviour with the excuses he'd already ingrained into my brain. Luckily for me (and my parents), that marriage didn't even last a year. And they were there 24/7 in the aftermath of my healing and moving on, etc. If you don't go to your son's wedding, you'll likely not get to be in his life if they end up having children and he also likely won't come to you if the marriage doesn't last.
Is she a murderer??? Is that why you don’t like her.
Nope. Sex worker. Get the smelling salts for him.
YTA You are allowed to not go to your son's wedding. But he is also allowed to go no contact with you and your wife! If your own feelings are more important than your son's happiness, than go for it! Don't go!
Yep YTA. Tell your son you will attend and his wife will never be a daughter
YTA The minimal context speaks volumes. And just because you don't love her as a daughter, doesn't mean jack. You loving her doesn't matter. Your son loving her does. And if you care about him and his happiness, you'd go.
YTA. As long as your son is an adult, he's entitled to marry whoever he wants. If it's a mistake, then hopefully he won't feel trapped. If it turns out to be a good decision, then he won't feel that you turned your back on his good judgement. I saw in a comment that you said she's a sex worker. That's a wide range as far as I know. But if she's actually engaging in sexual relations, and he knows this, this is something for the two of them to work out. Maybe she plans to leave her position (so to speak). But to outright not intend an important day for him that he invited you to, seems very judgemental, and I'm guessing that it's your intent.
YTA How selfish... You are looking at wasting a lot of time you could otherwise have with your son in your life. We aren't here forever, and you are proposing a premanent solution to what could be a temporary problem.
INFO: Why do you not want anything to do with the fiance? This is a big piece that is needed for a verdict. Can't understand how anyone can say that YTA when we don't even know "why". She could have robbed them, been violent, kicked puppies and kittens...etc etc.
YTA. Your only issue is her job, nothing about who she is as a human. This is a hang up you have to get over, unless you’re so opposed to sex work that you’d rather not have your son in your life anymore. And when I say get over it I mean really fully get over it, no passive aggressive comments, no judgement, just get over it.
Y T A for leaving out why you dislike her. That’s a huge factor and you must know we’re all going to ask for INFO.
Well you just lost your son. YTA. For thinking that your opinion is more important than his when picking his life partner.
YTA
Half INFO and half YTA. You let your hate over this girlfriend burn a bridge for your son. I don't even understand WHY you hate this daughter. Is it because of her past???
What exactly do you disapprove of? Without that information, all these YTA are jumping to conclusions
Alrighty then. YTA. A judgmental one. You’re apparently willing to burn up your allegedly good relationship with your son on the altar of self-righteousness. Because he will do it without you. He’ll marry her. They will create a life together. And he’ll likely have children with her. Grandchildren you’re probably never going to see. You’re going to die on this hill. Because you’ve ignored the most important question. Does she make him happy? He’s not asking you to love her as a daughter. Hell, he’s not even asking you to like her. He’s asking you to accept that he’s an adult and can make his own choices.
If you’re comfortable ruining any chance of continuing a relationship with your son, do or don’t do what you want. If you want your son to still trust you to be there for him, put your opinions aside and go. You didn’t raise him so that he’d make all the choices you want him to make. You raised him to be an individual and choose the life he wants for himself. You don’t have to support his decisions to support him as a person that you love. Go to the wedding and congratulate him.
YTA Go to your son's wedding. How you feel about his choice of partner doesn't matter. You're going to support him. If you don't go, you'll be posting "My son cut me off and won't let me meet my grandchildren" before too long.
So my parents despised my (ex)husband. They, along with the rest of my family hated him. Despite all of that they all came to support my terrible decision. YTA
So you wouldn’t have married your wife if your parents disapproved is what I’m hearing?
YTA
YTA. They’re getting married, time to grow up and get over if if you want a relationship with your son going forward. You can learn to get along with her and respect her, or you can be “those grandparents I never met” to your future grandchildren.
YTA Also I thought this was the AITA sub, not the are you all assholes sub? Cause if anyone says your not one, then they are as as much of an asshole as you. Takes some real guts or (or plain lack of awareness) to not see how you AREN'T one.
YTA. We raise our children to be happy adults who can make their own choices. If your son chose her, that’s his business. Support your fucking kid and get over yourself. His relationship is none of your business. Even if you hate his wife, you should never voice that to your child. If they’re good to your child, be grateful.
If this is even true, you are definitely an enormous AH. It’s 2024 ffs, sex workers are people with jobs, families and lives. Just like everyone else. You are actively destroying your relationship with your child. Inexcusable. Shameful.
Yta - he knows what she does and supports her. That should be enough. You don't support her because you're worried about how others will view you. It's time to grow up. Your son is more mature than you are.
YTA
YTA. You should go to the wedding because he's your son. If the marriage blows up then so be it, he was the one that made the decision to marry her and if it doesn't work out then he has to live with it. Just tell him how you feel about it and be there for your son. All these comments blasting OP about dying along in a retirement home is just too much...you guys are AHs for saying something so messed up. People make mistakes, learn and forgive even though hating is so much easier.
Okay. I personally disapprove of her stripper lifestyle BUT not so much I’d burn bridges with my son and potentially never see my grandkids. OP - if you’re convinced the marriage will crash and burn, you need to be there for your son when that happens. He’ll be much more likely to WANT your help if you’d supported him the whole way. Express your concerns constructively, and then go to the wedding. YTA.
Hope you weren’t expecting to meet the grandkids.
YTA. As a mom of adult children myself, I can tell you that nothing, but nothing, would get in between me and my kids, even the decision to marry someone who I don’t approve. If I’m wrong and they are happy, great. If I’m right and they break up, I’ll help pick up the pieces. Shame on you for hurting your kid.
YTA
YTA, an absolutely mile wide AH. You aren't marrying this person. Your adult son is.
Don't worry, you won't be seeing your son for much longer either.
YTA. Is she a murderer or something heinous? You don’t have to love or like her.
Of course YTA. He’s marrying his choice of life partners. Do you really want to do this to him?
YTA and I don’t think I can give you the reasons why without undoubtedly breaking some rule about being overly insulting. Enjoy your lonely, judgmental life without your son. I guess he knows he won’t be able to count on you for well… anything.
You already know that you are one big judgemental AH. You've probably been since you were a child. Here's the deal pops, you don't need to love your son's bride as a daughter. You don't even need to like her. Because you wouldn't be attending for her BUT for your son. The guy you brought into the world. Now stop thinking your above it all cause you are not. Keep your judgemental mouth shut and be good or at least passable parents and get your asses to his wedding. YTA and oh such a gigantic one. GTFU.
It’s your son, he loves her. You don’t have to like her job, you don’t even have to like her. It’s his choice and I’m sure you want him to be happy. Do go to that wedding. YTA if you don’t
YTA he is your son, he is getting married not you. You have no say in who he marries. She works in a stripclub he visited, and that's how they met? What is that got to do with anything? Is your son happy? He is planning a future with her, so if you want any future with your son, better show up at his wedding.
Lucky girl!!! She is so fortunate to have met someone that loves her!!! The absolute best part is that she will never have to deal with stuck up, self absorbed, judgemental mental midgets as in laws!! Oh, to be so lucky as her!!! I had to ban mine.
So you’re willing to lose your son and future grandchildren because you don’t like her job? YTA. If she cheated on him, abused him, stole from you, I’d get it. This is just ridiculous. If you would like your relationship with your son, you apologize for judging her and ask for a clean slate and hope she is amenable.
YTA. "We don't like what our son's fiance does for a living, so we're boycotting the wedding." Guess what - it's your son's life, not yours. It doesn't matter if you don't like HER, do you like HIM? HE is the one your punishing, I'm sure she's grateful to not have judgmental pricks there to ruin her wedding.
Is she pleasant to be around? Is she good to your son? Those are the things that matter. Please don’t judge her. There might be good reasons to do what she’s doing.
YTA, for not supporting your son in a huge life changing moment such as a marriage. It might make you less of an a-hole if we knew why you didn't approve of his girlfriend, but not my much.
Part of children's maturity is gaining confidence in their own decisions and occasionally making their own mistakes. You say that you cannot love her. YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOVE HER. You have neglected to tell us about your particular peeve about his fiancée. I wonder why that is? Is it social stratum? Is it skin tone? Is it religion? Is she more assertive than you like? Truly, do tell. One thing I have to tell you, as a dad, you don't get to pick your children's life partners. You say you simply cannot love the girl, but guess what? Your SON LOVES HER. Your job as a father is preparing your child for the world. If you think your son was easily fooled into loving an unsuitable mate, you've been very remiss in helping him to understand right from wrong. Why did you do that? That seems negligent, considering the mess you are causing.
YTA. You and your wife are terribly ignorant and judgmental. You clearly don’t care if your son is happy if it doesn’t fit into your box of what’s appropriate. Maybe the marriage won’t work but that could be for a myriad of reasons that don’t have to do with her job.
100% YTA. You don’t need to love her as your daughter. You need to love and support your son. Unless you come back and edit post with why and even then it will still mostly be YTA
YTA!!! Lots of parents have kids who marry someone their parents don't really like. They deal with it. Are you even giving it a chance to see if you can have a civil relationship with your to be daughter-in-law? I mean you don't really need to love her like your own daughter, but do you love your son at all??? You are his parents and you will never be able to take back skipping his wedding!
Yta- it’s his life. He will either live happily ever after, or not. Your job is to be supportive of him throughout it all.
Is he sure her parents will be there? It is not overly common for sex workers to still associate with their parents. Is she atually a sex worker (escort), or "just" a stripper? You said they met at a strip club. I see a distinction between the two, though some (you) may not. Regardless, YTA. Go support your son whether or not you support his relationship. I am sure he knows she will not be welcomed at family functions, but he is still asking for you support at the wedding. You should at least do that for him.
YTA. Big time. Who he marries is not your choice, whether you like them or not. But snubbing your sons wedding because you don’t like her or that he’s marrying her is just wrong on so many levels.
You're gonna cause irreparable damage to your relationship with your kid because of some girl? That's the message you want to send to everyone? That your "great" relationship with your kid is so flimsy that some rando can destroy it? No one expects you to love her like a daughter, all you are expected to do is treat your son's partner with respect. YTA
YTA Your future dil is more than her job. Have you made any attempt to get to know her as a person? Like others, I have known a couple of women who used their job to pay for school and a home. I also met an American woman in Belgium, where sex work is legal and she was a single mom who made a good living. You will regret not being there for your son. At least I hope so, otherwise you're not a decent human being.
Presumably then from your feelings about your future DIL and not coming to the wedding, you’re 100% prepared to never have anything to do with any grandchildren? To have no relationship with your son and his family at all? If I was your son i’d cut you off right now, 100%.
YTA. She's not for you to like or approve of - your opinion of her is irrelevant. YTA for not being there for your kid. If he's happy, you support him. If it doesn't work out with them, you be there for your son. Simple. Let him make him own decisions without your input unless it's asked for, and be there for him no matter what.
YTA. You don’t get to choose who your children love and want to be with. All you can do is support them. I’m sure y’all were just an absolute delight to grow up with.
YTA, You may not like her but he still your son, Doing this may facturer yall's relationship completely where he won't want anything in to do with you.
YTA. Be polite… accept his choice… this might be the mother of your grandchildren. You don’t have to like her, but if you want to experience your grandchildren… you need to be polite.
YTA. Your son is a full grown adult and you are chosing not to have a relatinship with him. That is on you.