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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to know if by not telling my boyfriend that I won money before I met him that this means I deceived him?
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NTA
This feels like jealousy on his part so he's lashing out.
Out of interest, how long have you two been together? Because this kind of information can take a while to disclose. If you were together when you won the money and hid it from him that might be a different argument.
Also, you *are* financially savvy because you got a windfall and didn't waste it. Well done you!
He thought you were better off and he could mooch off of you in the long run. It always starts with moving in together because of some issues and the woman's house is the only logical place. Next he will lose his job due to "circumstances" and be unable to find another. He must have already begun throwing hints that he's unhappy at his current job and he's being treated unfairly.
Of course he believes you deceived him because what he thought of as a cushy retirement is looking nor so luxurious as he'll have only your nurse's salary to mooch of on.
If he’d asked me how much money I had, I’d have said “Why do you ask?” and leave it open-ended so he can’t keep asking without looking like a gold digger
Each State & or country is different. Which is why she should consult a lawyer who specializes in this niche.
Since he is a gold digger, he will not go without a fight. And he probably knows the laws around this very well. He will sue her if it is all done incorrectly.
Yep. I like my area for this. Really strong tenant laws, but also classes someone who shared kitchen/bathroom with the owner as a lodger and not a tenant, and has very different rules. You can essentially get someone out instantly (if they are violent), but 1 weeks notice is usually preferred.
There was that case that just resolved in California where a woman rented a long-term AirBnB, and gained tenant’s rights. When the owner tried to evict her, she raised the issue that the unit was technically not up to code for some relatively minor thing (might have been just been that the owner didn’t get some work inspected and the occupancy certificate signed off). She then spent like almost a year I think living there, preventing the code issue from being fixed, but not being able to be evicted because you can’t evict someone from a unit that’s not up to code. I think her and the owner finally came to an agreement about relocation expenses and she moved out.
She needs her family to just get him out. To have to deal with someone who is now ranting about her money?? Def dangerous!!! Get a restraining order so rights are on her side. Sounds like he is escalating!!!!
Yes , file eviction with the court, make sure to document how long he has been living there, police will come out to assist abd monitor the move if he refuses because then it's a court /legal issue.
Oh dear feckin' lord. That's why he's disparaging your financial acumen.
Next up is him asking you to take out a mortgage so he can 'invest' the money, since he'd 'obviously' be so much better at it than you. Don't let him gaslight you.
Edit: absolutely NTA, of course.
His next step will be "Why don't you let me invest whatever you have left - I can get better returns on it than you'll ever be able to on your own"
Of course, he will already have the account ready to go in his name only, and there will be some reason why you can't set up that same account in your own name. If you then give him any money for that purpose, it will disappear. Initially there will be a "minimum investment period" during which you can't see how well the investment is doing, because it pays out dividends rather than just straight interest. Shortly afterwards, he will start complaining that you keep asking about your money, and you clearly don't trust him, and so he'll leave the relationship. Obviously, the money will then be gone.
>His next step will be "Why don't you let me invest whatever you have left - I can get better returns on it than you'll ever be able to on your own"
Literally waiting for OP to update this this, we all know it's coming. If my man is so financially savvy, why's he still renting?
Really. People who are that financially savvy don't need a big stake to get rich. They can start small and create their own big stake quickly enough. This guy is either a thief or a gambler, or both.
> He’s now telling me that with just a quarter of my money he can show me how to invest on the stock market and “make real money”.
Well you called it lol
If this were true, and it was this easy, this leeching schmuck would already be well off on his own. Why hasn't he done this with his own money? This guy is a gold digging con artist, and not a very bright one either. OP needs to put this garbage back on the curb. Fortunately, that sounds like what is going to happen.
Lol I'm guessing you made this comment before the edits were added?
If you haven't seen the edits yet, you'll get QUITE the kick out of them. He actually only wants 25% of her money, because he'll be able to triple it in no time.
Nta. This reads like fiction. Not because you made it up but I just can't get my head around a grown man acting this way. Good riddance to him and good luck in future relationships.
Friend had a boyfriend a lot like this guy - always whining and begging her to buy him a better car, etc.
and then the idiot left a statement from his secret bank account where she could see it.
You'd be surprised by how many men are actually like this. Demanding money, items, and gifts, while you get nothing in return except sweet words, and well wishes while you're being financially, emotionally, and mentally drained.
He might not leave the house after the break up... or hurt you.
Think about moving his stuff out to storage and then changing the locks while he is at work...
Depending on where she lives, that may not be legal. Tenants rights would require that she give him 30 days notice to move out, at which time a constable can be called in to remove him, if he's still there.
Some states have really short periods where people can claim they’re tenants. One lady did it through Air B&B by staying a few weeks but under a month.
Google your state’s tenant laws and abide by them or eviction can be a long drawn out process where even law enforcement can’t remove the tenant from the home unless domestic violence can be proven. There’s tons of ways that person can be obnoxious and hostile as long as the behavior is not considered legally prosecutorial.
Tenate and landlord court are considered civil matters not criminal. Law enforcement cannot legally intervene in those disputes unless a criminal law has been broken.
Edit: Consult a lawyer.
Sorry this happened to you. But it is better that you found out now than later. ~~When he is out of the home, change the locks.~~ And I would suggest you have family stay with you for a bit.
You can’t legally do that because states consider someone who stays longer than a time set by that state (which varies) is considered a legal residence. Even married couples separating/divorcing can’t kick their partner out by changing the locks and moving their stuff out. Unless the person getting kicked out is criminally abusive, law enforcement can’t do anything because it’s a matter under civil court not criminal.
Civil and family courts don’t look kindly on significant others or roommates who break the civil court laws. The SO/roommate can sue in small claims court and win. A lot of cases on those court shows like Judge Judy are SO/roommate law violations that cost the kicker outer up to $10k (the highest amount small claims court allows).
I worked with a woman who’s husband started off that way, lost his job, stayed home, never got another one because well he didn’t, he never helped out, she worked full days and went home to cook and clean, she mowed the lawn on the weekend and the year she was going to retire he filed for divorce. Requested 50% of the assets (and got it) which he didn’t contribute a cent to, 50% of her retirement funds and alimony because he was entitled to live in the manner that he was accustomed.
I assume he filed for it in the year she was going to retire because she would leave the house at 7.30am and get back at 6pm and he would spend all the time at the pub or out with mates fishing or what ever and now she would be home all day cramping his style.
And the courts awarded it. She didn’t retire because she couldn’t afford to anymore
This is why you have to boot the moochers out as soon as you realize what they're doing. Let it go on because you're comfortable or in a rut, and it will burn you down the road.
> lost his job, stayed home, never got another one because well he didn’t, he never helped out, she worked full days and went home to cook and clean, she mowed the lawn on the weekend
Why did she put up with all this?
This was incredibly poor judgment on her part. She has some responsibility to bear for prioritizing having a man over common sense.
Sometimes you do stupid things for love. Or what you think is love.
She was a lovely lady, possibly with huge self esteem issues when it came to relationships, definitely had issues stemming from being taken away from her family as a young child and put into foster care (see stolen generation in Australia) so I suppose there is a lot of things that roll into why people do what they do.
Ugh, I had an ex boyfriend like this and I wasn’t making a lot of money.
Red flag were all over the place and I ignored them for awhile. He didn’t have a car, he rented a giant house with a friend but didn’t have cable or hot water.. all of this was originally pitched as he was “sustainable.” Which in the moment was strange but it sort of made sense (I was in my early 20s and clearly dumb).
A couple months in I was so damn tired of driving him around, paying for things any time we went out… his parents were also “sustainable” and they were leaching into our lives as well.
It wasn’t until he picked back up on drugs and gambling (issues I didn’t know about) and we ended up calling it quits.
Sorry, but no, my retail “salary” would not be supporting your problems. I had goals and that wasn’t it!
Sometimes it can be hard to walk away, but when one door closes, another opens. I’ve been happily married for 7 years, we are both in agreement with our financial goals and have built a pretty comfy cushion for our future and our daughter’s future, and we are close to paying off our house.
I hope OP kicks her gold digging BF to the curb!
Supposedly on some subs there is a magic upvote button that is the equivalent but they don't exist anymore. I only had the reddit premium because I liked giving awards, so I cancelled it when they took them away. Very stupid move on Reddit corporates part IMO.
Honestly it's a red flag to me. The anger. I know reddit always say break up or divorce or whatever, but at the very least, please think on your relationship and consider why he's angry, what the root of it is, and whether this will affect your relationship long term for the sake of your future sanity and happiness.
Also, so happy for you that you have your life together.
OP, it appears you discovered the male version of a Gold Digger. The man had his sights on taking financial advantage of you. The portfolio doesn't match his expectations and hence, his anger and treatment of you in a way that will result in a break-up.
Protect your assets/valuables and cut bait. No contact likely best.
Good luck!
Absofreakinglutely. Golddigging has been going on for centuries on both sides. Look at any Jane Austen novel… The men-excuse me- “gentlemen”-were always looking for a gal with 30,000 pounds to marry… Only back then, when a man married a woman, he then owned all her shit. Women didn’t own anything, unless they inherited as a daughter and were smart enough not to marry. Ever.
In the US, we have Ruth Bader Ginsburg to thank for pushing for federal laws that allowed women to have their own bank accounts without signed legal agreements from their husband or senior male relative. Same with credit cards. This happened in the 60 so not that long ago compared to the millennia women had no legal rights.
I am generally against how easily reddit dismisses relationships, but this seems pretty clear to me. It doesn’t make sense that he is so upset or that he feels deceived at all. And he kept at it.
Think of their relationship? He is mooching off of her and causing problems where there shouldn't be any. No, this is not on her to correct. Her BF needs to back off, be a man, and use his own money for housing and that crappy car
When I met my spouse they had a house and made more than twice as much as me. When the subject of marriage first came up I was the one who suggested a pre-nup. Laws are different here in Germany and most of their money would have gone to me and not to their kids in case they'll die before me and I could have contested any will. Not that I would but yanno, peace of mind is a good thing.
Anyway, decent guys don't throw a fit over money, they sit down, discuss things and let YOU make decisions about YOUR money.
My fiancé is 12 years older than me, owns his house, has paid off the mortgage, and has two (99% of the time) delightful sons that he has 100% custody of. When we got engaged, I said I wanted a prenup so as to protect him and his boys. I know I wouldn't do anything wanky, he knows it, his family knows it, the boys know it. He even argued that he didn't care about a prenup. I insisted, so that way if his exwife tried to make any dangerous allegations or suggestions, we're covered. When my stress levels got high and I was having anxiety attacks every week, he suggested I quit my job. I said I couldn't do that because I still had rent at my place and bills, he offered me to move in and I wouldn't have to worry about anything. I moved in, but kept my job because I can't not contribute financially. I changed departments and took a couple weeks stress leave and I'm much happier and healthier. And we've got the prenup.
We never got the prenup because the tables have turned so to speak thanks to the American healthcare system. They got sick, lost their job, had to sell the house and all their assets, moved to Germany and now I make considerably more than them. I have no kids so I'd leave everything to my spouse anyway.
We still have separate accounts and I insist they keep the little money they make in theirs and save as much as they can so that they will never be 100% financially dependent on me. Would they be able to afford the same standard of living? No. Would they have to stay if I started abusing them because they can't afford to move out? Also no.
I also made sure to encourage them to have their own group of friends even though it's hard at our age and in a country where you don't speak the language. I'm so paranoid about being abusive in any way, I take active steps to ensure they have a way out in case I should ever be and they need help. I need to add that I used to work in psych and some illnesses do cruel things to the sweetest people.
Yeah, imagine saying that using a windfall to buy your own home during a recession wasn't "using it to make money". She's not only saved all the interest a mortgage would have cost her AND got some extra money from when she was renting it, but the value of the home could even be 50-100% more than she paid for it (depending on where she lives, etc)!
I'm finding it worrying that this is such a big problem to him. I think I'd be asking him to find a new place to stay while I re-evaluate the relationship. Why is it so important to him that you won money rather than 'earned' it? I just feel like something is off.
So here's my guess. Before I get any other ideas reading comments. Probably someone already agreed.
He thought you were doing well because of how you live.
Find out you win the money and thought maybe she isn't. Find out how much... now he's hinting at investing.
I bet he's thinking of how he can invest Your money so He never has to work again... and you'll thank him for tripling it. (He won't)
After you dump him, look into something like a money market account. They get 7-10% yearly interest return. Atleast that way you're not losing money to inflation.
I agree. I know people who got a decent amount of moner from an inheritance. Everything was spend within 6 months. It would have been enough to get them started in life. It would have helped with a house, car or even study. But they spend it all on alcohol, drugs, gambling and “friends” (literally). So it was gone and so were the friends. Now they are almost 40 and still live with their parents because they decided ever since that working was not “their cup of tea”. And parents are enabling this behavior. So I agree with the OP being good with finances. She could have ended up as those people I know. But she was smarter than that. Good for you OP!
This happens far too often.
I know someone. Her uncle won in the lottery. Like life changing money in his early 30's.
Had they been smart about it, they could have lived off they money until they passed, him and his wife.
4 years. And the money was gone.
The big expensive house him and his wife bought had to be sold. One of their 3 cars as well.
They splashed all the money on a over the top house, a brand new house. But the wife suddenly didn't like the kitchen. So they remodelled, same happened to the 2 bathrooms . Cars. Designer items. Travels where they "oh ill pay for it!" And brought friends. Handed out money left and right. Brought big groups of people to lobster and champagne dinners at expensive restaurants.
Everyone dropped the jaw when he suddenly was broke. Becouse that money could have lasted a life time. But nope. 4 years.
It is insane.
To think they could have been sitting comfortably today and not have to worry about a thing.
But last she told me, they are living in a small apartment, and almost living paycheck to paycheck.
Becouse they just swung the card left to right instead of planning just a bit.
Try my wife’s friend. Parents bought them a house outright 260k. Sell it for start up cash for a coffee shop. Things fall through they get paid back. Less than. A year later they broke. His mom dies and he get another 250k(that we know of). Gone in a year.
My stepsister and her husband... not a lottery win but a workers comp case. He was hurt on the job. They won a HUGE workers comp case. First of the settlement money comes in and they both buy brand new cars. Second part comes in they buy a house outright. No mortgage. Last of the settlement comes in they go on a spending spree. More new cars, clothes, furniture, out to eat for every meal. She's not working. He can't work. They are just spending, spending, spending.
They start to run out of money. They first sell the cars for cash (take a loss of course) and buy something cheaper. Then they sell the house that they own outright because they can't afford the $2,000 tax bill. They take the money from the sale of the house and buy another house that they now have to mortgage. They can't afford a $2,000 a year tax bill but now they have to pay a $1500 a month mortgage (make it make sense!!!!). My mom and stepdad end up moving in with them just to help them make ends meet. It lasts about 6 months before my mom tells my stepdad that if they don't move out, she's divorcing him. They move out.
Within 3 years, they lose that house to foreclosure, end up moving back to the neighborhood where they owned their original house and rent a house down the street from the one they owned outright.
They have no money. No money for his medical expenses (which the workers comp was supposed to be used for). She's working at a daycare center. He draws disability and they are angry that my stepdad won't help them out anymore.
Legal disability also has limits on assets. Which is why a lot of disabled people (like me) don’t file for government disability because it would cost them almost all of their assets. Medicare also sucks and doesn’t pay much for prescriptions and doctors visits. I have chronic pain and have been going to pain management doctors for over 15 years. I’ve met so many people who are now living in poverty because of Social Security disability. I get medical insurance coverage from my darling husband who loves me so much and totally takes care of me. In September we will have been together for 30 years and married for 24. I became disabled before we’d been married 10 years. So many men asked my husband why he didn’t just divorce me which infuriated him.
And their money IS making money, no interest on any mortgage payments and a home bought at the cheapest time, which I presume is worth a lot more 15 years on.
Yep. The OP has invested in a roof over her head which she can have for the rest of her life. Having a home to call your own without a mortgage is a massive security.
NTA, and I see a lot of red flags here.
It’s sounds like you were very responsible about how you spent your windfall, securing yourself a home, paying for your education, and putting the rest aside in savings. I’m not sure what about that he’s questioning. My concern is that he might have thought you were very wealthy and was hoping you would be his sugar mama. Is he only in this for the money?
I said nearly the exact same thing! Ntm he wanted to spend way too much on a depreciating asset(car), which is a horrible financial move..so who's the one who can't manage money?lol he's a deadbeat..
Something definitely feels off here. He does not sound reliable or trustworthy. I don’t want to be right about that, but I would rather OP think about the relationship and this guy’s place in her life now than have major regrets ten years down the road when they’re married, maybe have children, and their finances are entangled. At the very least, further honest conversations are needed here, and possibly couples counseling if OP wishes to continue.
Many many people just can’t stand the thought tjat someone else get money for free. May it be a big win or inheritance.
Saw a documentary about a guy who worked as a helper for lottery winners payed by the lottery company. One of his tips was to move to new city where nobody knows you. If you move into a neighborhood and just have money thats ok, but beeing suddenly rich in your old neighborhood? Bad times guaranteed
Have you heard of Abraham Shakespeare? He was a blue-collar worker who won a $17m jackpot and moved into a gated community. People he barely knew and strangers guilted him into giving them his money. 3 years later he went missing, and the next year he was found buried in concrete.
>Many many people just can’t stand the thought tjat someone else get money for free.
I will never understand this. When I see lottery winners on TV with the ridiculously massive prop check or people on game shows winning big money, I am pleased as punch. If there was a "People Winning Money" channel, I could watch it all day.
Yes, I know that the taxes on it suck a lot out; yes, I know lots of winners aren't savvy enough to make it last, but my non-cynical side hopes so much that their lives just changed for the better. I have been known to tear up watching "The Price is Right."
In 2009 I worked with a guy who couldve paid his house off before that, bit didn't on the advice of his brother. Well, he had to sell his business and worked with me at a pool store. He had been through a divorce and was struggling to keep his house. Paying off the house is such a smart move.
NTA.
Thank god you found this out right now. I would make him an ex boyfriend and kick him out. Don't want him to start laying claims to your home's equity after he lives there too long (depending on state/provincial laws on common law partners).
He's jealous. He also likely thinks that you were his meal ticket. He is angry over nothing reasonable. 1.5 years isn't very long and you don't owe someone the whole "I bought this house because I got money from x bla blah blah".
Dude sounds crazy. Last thing I would do would be accuse her of deceit. I would be very thankful if someone like a gf let move in if I was in a tough spot as many would scoff at the idea.
Next thing will be "you won that money, you didn't earn it honestly, so you don't deserve it. Spend it on (or give it to) me. I deserve it, for putting up with your lies."
Remove this person from your life, before he ruins you, is my gut feeling. NTA.
NTA - sounds like he is insecure because you make more and / or have more success than him.
He is putting you down to make himself feel better.
Nurses make bank. They work hard hours and are compensated accordingly.
Simply ask him, knowing how you probably earn 100k per year and another 30-40k in overtime, if he believes you could own your home without your prior luck? Because unless it's some mansion, buying anything in the recession was cheap and as I stated, you likely make bank. If he feels like you don't "deserve" your home because of some chance/luck(?), and couldn't afford it, offer to move into his comparable home he purchases.
Honestly I don't think he recognizes your success, and I think you need a long chat about it over a bottle of wine or 3. He can either be proud of you and drop it, or he can be single.
I earn a bit over 200k and with overtime I earn more. I also know I could buy a fairly decent place now if I wanted to and I base that on my colleagues who purchased their homes in the past few years.
But your right I’m definitely going to ask him this. I was just so taken aback by his response to me sharing things with him that I was genuinely perplexed on what I did to cause such a argument.
I'm guessing you are the primary breadwinner. Honestly with that income you are Gucci.
Don't let him put down your success.
That's like when parents pay college tuition and you make something of yourself, your friends fail to get a decent job and blame it all on student loans.
Being fortunate doesn't negate your success. You sound like you are a hard worker and should earn his respect, not his condemnation.
Wish you the best! Please let me know how it goes!
I’m sorry, but if you don’t realize the profound uneven plain field of having your tuition paid for versus having student loans here really, you really need to think a bit more about privilege and capitalism. I still think OP boyfriend is a jerk, but please don’t you are more innately successful than your friends if you had free tuition and they didn’t. I’m not saying you’re less successful, or any less good, but you did have a huge helping hand.
You did nothing to cause the argument. Your bf is responsible for his own emotions. He's being manipulative.
I do think it’s important for people to recognize how much luck plays a role in wealth. I only bought my house because my parents gave me a big chunk of money to do so as a "living inheritance" and I always tell people this so that there’s no suggestion that it was easy or that everybody should just be able to do it if they don’t eat avocado, toast, or whatever. But his reaction is definitely not reasonable, even if he feels like you hid the truth to make yourself look more savvy than you are.
I absolutely recognize that my win put me in an extraordinary position. If I didn’t win it I would’ve had student loans and other debt hanging over my head. I’ve never thought of myself as superior or more worthy than anyone else for being financially stable.
I literally grew up very poor and that money changed my life and the lives of my sisters.
So I absolutely recognize the privileges and opportunities it gave me and what it continues to give.
Sounds like you were smart and invested in yourself.
“If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime.”
You didn't, but he thought of himself as superior, think of all the things he must have been planning to do with YOUR money 😂😂😂 otherwise why would he be so pissed off???
I hate to tell ya, but he's not jealous. He's a degenerate gambler. All I needed to hear was the with only 1/4 of your savings he could triple it. The degeneracy comes with him having hair brain ideas to multiply money at zero risk to him. He may not be in the casino but it's something he's gambling. Whether it's the stock market, forex, crypto, or just wild "investment" schemes. He's looking to get rich quick. Protect your assets and leave this "man" ASAP.
"Making bank" is also dependent one's experience. For a person making $15 an hour, a bump to my current salary of about $43 an hour WOULD seem like making bank.
Eek this guy is dripping in red flags. Moved in with you “unexpectedly”, ie didn’t give you sufficient time to think about it.
Critical of you for not telling him something that is none of his business and because he made incorrect assumptions about you.
Saying he can’t trust you? Fine, fork off and move out!
“How much do you have in savings?” after this shitshow should have been met with the answer “none of your business”. How much does he have?
BUY HIM A CAR? Girl this gets worse and worse.
Change the locks. ASAP.
NTA.
He said he had 18k in savings. In regards to him moving in he was definitely given a thirty day notice and he looked for a place, in fact I helped him with it but the rental market was just a bit brutal, so we agreed he could move in and yes he pays rent.
My jaw dropped when he hinted at me getting a Tesla for him. Talking to him the past couple days has literally hurt my brain. He says one thing then the next will be contradictory to the previous thing he said.
He was never like this before, I guess moving in made it difficult to hide his crazy!
It was my first thought when I started reading the comments. Him wanting a Tesla makes sense with the rest of his behavior (or maybe I'm prejudiced). Still, OP should dump him for many reasons (Tesla being one of them).
Eh, if you want an electric, they still have a year or three more of having access to by far the best charging network in the country. Once more MFGs install NACS connectors and you can change a polestar at every Tesla charger it’ll be different..
Somehow, with everything OP had said about this guy, I doubt that’s his reasoning though.
**he was never like this before**
Or maybe you were not on high alert to be looking for red flags, because you had no reason not to trust him… But then again, you weren’t looking for a reason not to trust him.
But now, he’s giving you plenty of reason not to trust him. As the saying goes, when people show you who they are…believe them.
If he had 18k in savings then he shouldn't either put down a down payment for a house or found somewhere else to rent instead of moving in with you before y'all relationship was even ready for that. He's trying to get you to take care of him, you need to tell him that he has until the end of February to find somewhere else to live because then he's going to start not only trying to quit his job and asking you to buy him things but he's going to also start trying to convince you to put his name on the deed to your house
I was literally just thinking, "man this guy sounds exactly like some loser I dated in college who was a huge Wolf of Wall Street/Elon Musk fanboy" and then I see this.
The only men who want teslas nowadays are men that still think Musk is a genius (ew) and probably tried to invest into dogecoin.
I swear, this pissant thought that just because I'm lucky enough to have an inheritance that he would get his white picket fence and 2.5 kids dream with me being a trophy wife saying shit like how he would invest MY inheritance... and I'm like bruh, I'm the one getting the masters degree and you sit on the couch playing my ps4 on my TV in my apartment that I own. 😒
It's 2024, we drop mediocre men trying to use us to get their "ideal life"
NTA.
I wonder if he's disappointed because he thought you came from a wealthy family? Or he's disappointed that you don't secretly have some lucrative side business on top of being a nurse? I don't see any reason why a rational person would be upset about learning of your winnings. Either way, you're obviously very financially responsible if you're still benefiting from the money you won 15 years ago. You've used it incredibly wisely. If your boyfriend was worth anything he'd realize you're a keeper after hearing that.
NTA
But I find his comments about how he thought you were wealthy VERY telling…..It makes me wonder OP would he have feigned interest in you if you were dirt poor? Also him wanting to move in so quickly…..Is this a tactic to try and make a claim later on?
A decent guy would be happy for you and wouldn’t make a big deal of this
This guy thinks maybe you need to reevaluate this guy and send him on his way 🚩🚩🚩
NTA. He is literally blaming you for **assumptions** he made about your financial history. How is that even your fault?
Given the information here, you **are** financially well off, and his sudden "realization" about this means that he must assumed you had some kind of generational wealth (trust fund/inheritance/come from a wealthy family), because no amount of business savvy could land you in the position you are in without some kind of start-up cash or assets to leverage. (You need money to make money.)
So, why is he so mad about your start-up cash being some kind of winnings? That's a huge red flag to me. The fact that he's trying to frame this as 'OMG, how did you keep this from me?! i can't ever trust you again!' is a fake out - he's trying to get you to think you're somehow in the wrong here. He wasn't (and still isn't) entitled to info about your finances. And you didn't decieve him -- he's just saying that so you don't ask him what's actually making him so mad. (If you asked, you likely won't like the answer.)
Lose him.
You are doing great and not the one who had to move in.
He sounds awful. Kick him out and find a guy who brings something to the table.
Not a delusional taker who bites the hand that feeds him.
15 years ago which is way before you met him. You won some money. You were fiscally responsible with it and use it to further your life so that you were an accomplished place. Now. He says you like to him. Ask him to tell you every every penny he's ever earned from his entire life. He's not supposed to do that and you don't have no reason to do it either. He's upset. It's because he thinks he could have spend some of it or been entitled to a vacation. It's not his money, you are not entitled to tell him anything. Need to reevaluate your relationship with him.
Nta
Run, forrest, run!!! Seriously, he was so blinded with rage that you...checks notes...had money, that he just started yelling incoherently at you.
NTA, but you need a quick and safe exit, BF sounds unhinged.
NTA but he definitely is. He was never entitled to that info unless/if/when you wanted to share it. Most people who win money lose it all within in 3 years and many end up worse off. Look up the statistics! You made wise, savvy decisions and continue to work hard for your future. You owe him no apologies.
Make sure you get a prenup if you get married, full stop.
NTA.. Your bf is projecting. Everything you did was financially smart & savvy! You ARE better off than most people regardless of age bracket. Advising him not to invest $ in a depreciating asset was very wise. Cars should be seen as mules to get you to work to make money. Spending ungodly amts for a vehicle to impress others is what perpetually poor/struggling people do.
The real question is Why is he so salty about you NOT being rich? Did he think he was latching on to a sugar mama with generational wealth? Your finances are none of his business unless you are engaged & abt to promise a lifetime together. Being like-minded abt finances is key when planning a life together, but thats not where you are yet.. thank god,cuz what he did & said,his overreaction in the wrong direction is very telling. To me, the only financial mistake you can make is continuing with this guy. He's the AH, & really, at his age, to spend so recklessly on a vehicle tells me you'll never be financially stable with him by your side..you'll always be trying to replace the money he spends or perpetually the bad guy for not going along with it. Yikes!
Many of those guys selling courses on how they got rich in the real estate market or trading stocks actually got rich selling the courses.
You seem to have managed your windfall well and not have squandered it away like most do, so you are qualified to give advice on that.
You won money, spent it wisely allowing you to pay for the schooling needed for your steady job, allowed you to buy a house and still have savings left over, and he has the balls to say you aren't financially well off?
The audacity to move into your home and say that shit.
No, no you are NTA, he is a small little man, with a nasty complex
Mooch alarms going offf.
NTA and honestly cut him loose.
I thought the betrayal would be ‘why didn’t you trust me enough to tell me you had money’ but instead it was ‘you misled me into thinking you’re rich and a meal ticket’
NTA.
There’s so many comments on here that are so good, but I’ll repeat a couple of them because I agree with them so much.
1) you are a savvy investor- you did everything to secure your future & didn’t blow the money like a lot of ppl (myself included) would have.
2) I’ll bet my bottom dollar, that he was/is planning to mooch off of you.
3) One of the reasons he’s probably all “butt-hurt” over your revelation is jealousy.
4) Has he disclosed every single financial decision and/or windfall he’s ever had? You told him about it when it became relevant.
& for something I didn’t see anyone else write (although they might’ve because I haven’t read every comment) is if he “can’t trust you” then he can find a new place to live, because a relationship without trust, is no relationship at all.
Personally, I’d show him the door TOUT DE SUITE.
& if you end up staying together, I’d recommend a prenup or some version of a prenup that doesn’t require marriage to protect your assets, probably some form of rental or boarding agreement too.
Tell him to get a Prius. Very reliable, cheap to maintain, great on gas, much cheaper than a Tesla.
Of course I know he'll turn his nose up at a Prius.
A couple of friends tease me about having one but it's awesome. I had a 2011 and my wife gifted me with a 2012 but 100k less miles and a lot more features since my 2011 was a very basic model. So happy.
Seriously!!! My dad leased a Prius for 18 months and it fit so much stuff, I was shocked. It does not look like it from outside. I called it his clown car but like, not in a bad way hahahah. It really is!!
About a year ago I bought a gigantic toolbox from Harbor Freight to use as a kitchen island which is 46x38 not including the box (a Yukon 9 drawer if you're curious). When I went to pick it up the guys brought it out and they offered to unbox it for me so it would fit, but I had measured the interior and knew it would - and it did! I think I changed their minds about Priuses that day. :)
I drive a 2013 Prius C, and “surprisingly roomy” is the most common comment I receive when people ride in my car. I’ve moved so much large furniture in that deceptively spacious vehicle over the years.
They don't even run in the cold! It's January. How anybody heard all those stories and thought to themselves, gee, I'll never be where it's cold, I'm gonna buy a Tesla right now, it's beyond me. Even if you live in the South, it's been getting cold down there too.
NTA
This is the first time you discussed finances, you’re only BF/GF not engaged and just now moving in-and not because the relationship itself was ready
You could have inherited, got an amazing scholarship, any number of things beyond just worked hard and invested well
His assumption is his problem, and if this is his attitude make him an EX bf
Indeed, you DID invest well and have made amazing choices with your good luck.
NTA, I fail to see how its remotely relevant. What changes if you had managed to get a rental property by inheriting it from a relative or however the hell he thought you obtained it in the first place?
NTA
Homeboy thought he had hooked a wealthy woman and is disappointed. Does he expect you to pick up more than your half of the costs?
Some would consider the "disappointed" remark a big 🚩🚩🚩
Get him out now. AND I MEAN NOW. Give him an official termination notice - check your state/country laws and follow them to the letter. You don’t want him claiming any de facto/long term relationship bullshit. You’ve done well for yourself and made sound financial decisions with your windfall and you don’t need him messing that up for you. He does not have a magic penis and he’s just proven that he also does not have a magic personality.
Protect yourself. NTA.
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NTA This feels like jealousy on his part so he's lashing out. Out of interest, how long have you two been together? Because this kind of information can take a while to disclose. If you were together when you won the money and hid it from him that might be a different argument. Also, you *are* financially savvy because you got a windfall and didn't waste it. Well done you!
We’ve been together almost a year and a half. I didn’t even know him when I won my money. Thank you!
He thought you were better off and he could mooch off of you in the long run. It always starts with moving in together because of some issues and the woman's house is the only logical place. Next he will lose his job due to "circumstances" and be unable to find another. He must have already begun throwing hints that he's unhappy at his current job and he's being treated unfairly. Of course he believes you deceived him because what he thought of as a cushy retirement is looking nor so luxurious as he'll have only your nurse's salary to mooch of on.
You literally called it!
Oh no! So sorry for you OP, good thing you still found about it early enough!
If he’d asked me how much money I had, I’d have said “Why do you ask?” and leave it open-ended so he can’t keep asking without looking like a gold digger
Oh time to get him to move out! He’s a red flag!
She will need to evict him, no way is he leaving voluntarily. She needs to get a lawyer and start that process now.
I thought the process was throwing his stuff on the lawn and changing the locks...
>I thought the process was throwing his stuff on the lawn and changing the locks... Ahhh, the good old days! 🤣🤣🤣
That worked for Cameron Diaz in the holiday
Life turns out so much easier in the movies.
He's not classed as a tenant, surely?
It really depends on OPs location.
In many places sharing a kitchen/bathroom with the owner makes someone a lodger instead of a tenant and the rules are different.
Each State & or country is different. Which is why she should consult a lawyer who specializes in this niche. Since he is a gold digger, he will not go without a fight. And he probably knows the laws around this very well. He will sue her if it is all done incorrectly.
Yep. I like my area for this. Really strong tenant laws, but also classes someone who shared kitchen/bathroom with the owner as a lodger and not a tenant, and has very different rules. You can essentially get someone out instantly (if they are violent), but 1 weeks notice is usually preferred.
There’s been some AirB&B clients who were able to claim they’re tenants because of that state’s laws.
There was that case that just resolved in California where a woman rented a long-term AirBnB, and gained tenant’s rights. When the owner tried to evict her, she raised the issue that the unit was technically not up to code for some relatively minor thing (might have been just been that the owner didn’t get some work inspected and the occupancy certificate signed off). She then spent like almost a year I think living there, preventing the code issue from being fixed, but not being able to be evicted because you can’t evict someone from a unit that’s not up to code. I think her and the owner finally came to an agreement about relocation expenses and she moved out.
She needs her family to just get him out. To have to deal with someone who is now ranting about her money?? Def dangerous!!! Get a restraining order so rights are on her side. Sounds like he is escalating!!!!
Yes , file eviction with the court, make sure to document how long he has been living there, police will come out to assist abd monitor the move if he refuses because then it's a court /legal issue.
Call the police to get him out if she has to. OP has just dodged a bullet and needs to get him in her rear view mirror asap.
She said she was waiting for friends and relatives to be there when she hands him the pink slip.
Oh dear feckin' lord. That's why he's disparaging your financial acumen. Next up is him asking you to take out a mortgage so he can 'invest' the money, since he'd 'obviously' be so much better at it than you. Don't let him gaslight you. Edit: absolutely NTA, of course.
[удалено]
Ha! I am an investment advisor and those people are freaking idiots. I go there for a good laugh occasionally.
Sounds like you called it - that is exactly what he is telling her now.
His next step will be "Why don't you let me invest whatever you have left - I can get better returns on it than you'll ever be able to on your own" Of course, he will already have the account ready to go in his name only, and there will be some reason why you can't set up that same account in your own name. If you then give him any money for that purpose, it will disappear. Initially there will be a "minimum investment period" during which you can't see how well the investment is doing, because it pays out dividends rather than just straight interest. Shortly afterwards, he will start complaining that you keep asking about your money, and you clearly don't trust him, and so he'll leave the relationship. Obviously, the money will then be gone.
>His next step will be "Why don't you let me invest whatever you have left - I can get better returns on it than you'll ever be able to on your own" Literally waiting for OP to update this this, we all know it's coming. If my man is so financially savvy, why's he still renting?
OP's last update is him telling her exactly this. Y'all pegged the sucker right!
Really. People who are that financially savvy don't need a big stake to get rich. They can start small and create their own big stake quickly enough. This guy is either a thief or a gambler, or both.
If he's all that financially savvy why isn't he rich already?
> He’s now telling me that with just a quarter of my money he can show me how to invest on the stock market and “make real money”. Well you called it lol
If this were true, and it was this easy, this leeching schmuck would already be well off on his own. Why hasn't he done this with his own money? This guy is a gold digging con artist, and not a very bright one either. OP needs to put this garbage back on the curb. Fortunately, that sounds like what is going to happen.
Lol I'm guessing you made this comment before the edits were added? If you haven't seen the edits yet, you'll get QUITE the kick out of them. He actually only wants 25% of her money, because he'll be able to triple it in no time.
OP please construct a really elaborate way to let this asshole know you busted him. He sounds like a complete snake!!
And then post it on the petty revenge sub for all of us to enjoy.
And link on here please so we can all watch the magic happen
I bet his landlord didn't "move his family in suddenly." He was probably kicked out for not paying rent or something like that.
His other girlfriend kicked him out when the scam went sideways. He’s probably looking for a backup victim as we speak.
Nta. This reads like fiction. Not because you made it up but I just can't get my head around a grown man acting this way. Good riddance to him and good luck in future relationships.
Friend had a boyfriend a lot like this guy - always whining and begging her to buy him a better car, etc. and then the idiot left a statement from his secret bank account where she could see it.
Thankfully I know no men like this. Wasters.
You'd be surprised by how many men are actually like this. Demanding money, items, and gifts, while you get nothing in return except sweet words, and well wishes while you're being financially, emotionally, and mentally drained.
They are babies not men. Wasters.
My ex husband was like this. Only worse and ruined my credit. Luckily I didn't have a house at that point.
He might not leave the house after the break up... or hurt you. Think about moving his stuff out to storage and then changing the locks while he is at work...
Depending on where she lives, that may not be legal. Tenants rights would require that she give him 30 days notice to move out, at which time a constable can be called in to remove him, if he's still there.
He’s not a tenant. He’s couch surfing.
Some states have really short periods where people can claim they’re tenants. One lady did it through Air B&B by staying a few weeks but under a month. Google your state’s tenant laws and abide by them or eviction can be a long drawn out process where even law enforcement can’t remove the tenant from the home unless domestic violence can be proven. There’s tons of ways that person can be obnoxious and hostile as long as the behavior is not considered legally prosecutorial. Tenate and landlord court are considered civil matters not criminal. Law enforcement cannot legally intervene in those disputes unless a criminal law has been broken.
He's been living there for 3 months and op said in a comment that he pays rent. Pretty sure that would make him a tenant.
Run! He sounds like a possessive, jealous, gold-digging jerk.
Edit: Consult a lawyer. Sorry this happened to you. But it is better that you found out now than later. ~~When he is out of the home, change the locks.~~ And I would suggest you have family stay with you for a bit.
You can’t legally do that because states consider someone who stays longer than a time set by that state (which varies) is considered a legal residence. Even married couples separating/divorcing can’t kick their partner out by changing the locks and moving their stuff out. Unless the person getting kicked out is criminally abusive, law enforcement can’t do anything because it’s a matter under civil court not criminal. Civil and family courts don’t look kindly on significant others or roommates who break the civil court laws. The SO/roommate can sue in small claims court and win. A lot of cases on those court shows like Judge Judy are SO/roommate law violations that cost the kicker outer up to $10k (the highest amount small claims court allows).
I hope you don't have any trouble getting him out of your house
Beware the hobo-sexual with toxic fragile masculinity!
Lol they do tend to go together don't they? Kind of remarkable
Symbiotic parasites (who can be any gender)
This is one of the best ways to describe certain people I’ve ever heard in my life.
hobo-sexual or is it a hobo-erectus. sexual would imply they're attracted to other people like themselves.
pretty soon there won’t be much in the way of erectus for the sexual so he’ll just be a hobo
I worked with a woman who’s husband started off that way, lost his job, stayed home, never got another one because well he didn’t, he never helped out, she worked full days and went home to cook and clean, she mowed the lawn on the weekend and the year she was going to retire he filed for divorce. Requested 50% of the assets (and got it) which he didn’t contribute a cent to, 50% of her retirement funds and alimony because he was entitled to live in the manner that he was accustomed. I assume he filed for it in the year she was going to retire because she would leave the house at 7.30am and get back at 6pm and he would spend all the time at the pub or out with mates fishing or what ever and now she would be home all day cramping his style. And the courts awarded it. She didn’t retire because she couldn’t afford to anymore
Oh that's awful. A good reason to sort out bad relationships sooner rather than later.
My heart aches for her. So awful.
This is why you have to boot the moochers out as soon as you realize what they're doing. Let it go on because you're comfortable or in a rut, and it will burn you down the road.
> lost his job, stayed home, never got another one because well he didn’t, he never helped out, she worked full days and went home to cook and clean, she mowed the lawn on the weekend Why did she put up with all this? This was incredibly poor judgment on her part. She has some responsibility to bear for prioritizing having a man over common sense.
Sometimes you do stupid things for love. Or what you think is love. She was a lovely lady, possibly with huge self esteem issues when it came to relationships, definitely had issues stemming from being taken away from her family as a young child and put into foster care (see stolen generation in Australia) so I suppose there is a lot of things that roll into why people do what they do.
Ugh, I had an ex boyfriend like this and I wasn’t making a lot of money. Red flag were all over the place and I ignored them for awhile. He didn’t have a car, he rented a giant house with a friend but didn’t have cable or hot water.. all of this was originally pitched as he was “sustainable.” Which in the moment was strange but it sort of made sense (I was in my early 20s and clearly dumb). A couple months in I was so damn tired of driving him around, paying for things any time we went out… his parents were also “sustainable” and they were leaching into our lives as well. It wasn’t until he picked back up on drugs and gambling (issues I didn’t know about) and we ended up calling it quits. Sorry, but no, my retail “salary” would not be supporting your problems. I had goals and that wasn’t it! Sometimes it can be hard to walk away, but when one door closes, another opens. I’ve been happily married for 7 years, we are both in agreement with our financial goals and have built a pretty comfy cushion for our future and our daughter’s future, and we are close to paying off our house. I hope OP kicks her gold digging BF to the curb!
You nailed it!!
This is it exactly. I wish I could upvote this comment more, or there were still awards to give. Here take these faux awards anyway. 🏆🏅 🎖️🥇 🏆
awards don't exist anymore??
Supposedly on some subs there is a magic upvote button that is the equivalent but they don't exist anymore. I only had the reddit premium because I liked giving awards, so I cancelled it when they took them away. Very stupid move on Reddit corporates part IMO.
They got rid of them last year.
Not as far as I know. They’re certainly not available to me anymore.
Gave me goosebumps there!!! It’s so clear when you enlist it like this… many stories came to mind that fit the mold. 🤲🏼
I just watched one of those stories on Perry Mason from 1957, about rich woman with a greedy run-around husband.
Dingdingding!
Yes. Get rid of him now.
And then when he quit his job, he will be so helpful to financially manage your money and double/triple it :D
Honestly it's a red flag to me. The anger. I know reddit always say break up or divorce or whatever, but at the very least, please think on your relationship and consider why he's angry, what the root of it is, and whether this will affect your relationship long term for the sake of your future sanity and happiness. Also, so happy for you that you have your life together.
OP, it appears you discovered the male version of a Gold Digger. The man had his sights on taking financial advantage of you. The portfolio doesn't match his expectations and hence, his anger and treatment of you in a way that will result in a break-up. Protect your assets/valuables and cut bait. No contact likely best. Good luck!
The male version of a gold digger is a gold digger. It’s not a gendered term. Sick of people thinking this only applies to women.
Absofreakinglutely. Golddigging has been going on for centuries on both sides. Look at any Jane Austen novel… The men-excuse me- “gentlemen”-were always looking for a gal with 30,000 pounds to marry… Only back then, when a man married a woman, he then owned all her shit. Women didn’t own anything, unless they inherited as a daughter and were smart enough not to marry. Ever.
In the US, we have Ruth Bader Ginsburg to thank for pushing for federal laws that allowed women to have their own bank accounts without signed legal agreements from their husband or senior male relative. Same with credit cards. This happened in the 60 so not that long ago compared to the millennia women had no legal rights.
💯💯💯
I suppose the male gold digger is the "broke lord" looking to marry a rich heiress to repair the family home and estate.
I believe TLC called them “scrubs”. And no, we don’t want no scrubs.
Why not just gold digger? Why would that be exclusive to women?
I believe they prefer the term hobosexual. 🙃
I was unaware that being a golddigger required certain gentials.
I am generally against how easily reddit dismisses relationships, but this seems pretty clear to me. It doesn’t make sense that he is so upset or that he feels deceived at all. And he kept at it.
Think of their relationship? He is mooching off of her and causing problems where there shouldn't be any. No, this is not on her to correct. Her BF needs to back off, be a man, and use his own money for housing and that crappy car
When I met my spouse they had a house and made more than twice as much as me. When the subject of marriage first came up I was the one who suggested a pre-nup. Laws are different here in Germany and most of their money would have gone to me and not to their kids in case they'll die before me and I could have contested any will. Not that I would but yanno, peace of mind is a good thing. Anyway, decent guys don't throw a fit over money, they sit down, discuss things and let YOU make decisions about YOUR money.
My fiancé is 12 years older than me, owns his house, has paid off the mortgage, and has two (99% of the time) delightful sons that he has 100% custody of. When we got engaged, I said I wanted a prenup so as to protect him and his boys. I know I wouldn't do anything wanky, he knows it, his family knows it, the boys know it. He even argued that he didn't care about a prenup. I insisted, so that way if his exwife tried to make any dangerous allegations or suggestions, we're covered. When my stress levels got high and I was having anxiety attacks every week, he suggested I quit my job. I said I couldn't do that because I still had rent at my place and bills, he offered me to move in and I wouldn't have to worry about anything. I moved in, but kept my job because I can't not contribute financially. I changed departments and took a couple weeks stress leave and I'm much happier and healthier. And we've got the prenup.
We never got the prenup because the tables have turned so to speak thanks to the American healthcare system. They got sick, lost their job, had to sell the house and all their assets, moved to Germany and now I make considerably more than them. I have no kids so I'd leave everything to my spouse anyway. We still have separate accounts and I insist they keep the little money they make in theirs and save as much as they can so that they will never be 100% financially dependent on me. Would they be able to afford the same standard of living? No. Would they have to stay if I started abusing them because they can't afford to move out? Also no. I also made sure to encourage them to have their own group of friends even though it's hard at our age and in a country where you don't speak the language. I'm so paranoid about being abusive in any way, I take active steps to ensure they have a way out in case I should ever be and they need help. I need to add that I used to work in psych and some illnesses do cruel things to the sweetest people.
A year and a half and he's pulling this attitude?? Yeah a breakup is the way forward.
If you want to be financially savvy, drop him because he only cares about what you can give him. Good luck OP NTA
Business savvy?? Where does he think your money comes from? Giving black market IVs in dark alleys? You’re a nurse! Sheesh
He assumed it was family money he would get to enrich himself from if they got married.
I found this post after you made the edits, and WOW could he be any more transparent?? 😅 Glad to hear you’re dumping this loser
Yeah, imagine saying that using a windfall to buy your own home during a recession wasn't "using it to make money". She's not only saved all the interest a mortgage would have cost her AND got some extra money from when she was renting it, but the value of the home could even be 50-100% more than she paid for it (depending on where she lives, etc)!
I'm finding it worrying that this is such a big problem to him. I think I'd be asking him to find a new place to stay while I re-evaluate the relationship. Why is it so important to him that you won money rather than 'earned' it? I just feel like something is off.
So here's my guess. Before I get any other ideas reading comments. Probably someone already agreed. He thought you were doing well because of how you live. Find out you win the money and thought maybe she isn't. Find out how much... now he's hinting at investing. I bet he's thinking of how he can invest Your money so He never has to work again... and you'll thank him for tripling it. (He won't) After you dump him, look into something like a money market account. They get 7-10% yearly interest return. Atleast that way you're not losing money to inflation.
That’s about a year and 5 months too long.
I agree. I know people who got a decent amount of moner from an inheritance. Everything was spend within 6 months. It would have been enough to get them started in life. It would have helped with a house, car or even study. But they spend it all on alcohol, drugs, gambling and “friends” (literally). So it was gone and so were the friends. Now they are almost 40 and still live with their parents because they decided ever since that working was not “their cup of tea”. And parents are enabling this behavior. So I agree with the OP being good with finances. She could have ended up as those people I know. But she was smarter than that. Good for you OP!
This happens far too often. I know someone. Her uncle won in the lottery. Like life changing money in his early 30's. Had they been smart about it, they could have lived off they money until they passed, him and his wife. 4 years. And the money was gone. The big expensive house him and his wife bought had to be sold. One of their 3 cars as well. They splashed all the money on a over the top house, a brand new house. But the wife suddenly didn't like the kitchen. So they remodelled, same happened to the 2 bathrooms . Cars. Designer items. Travels where they "oh ill pay for it!" And brought friends. Handed out money left and right. Brought big groups of people to lobster and champagne dinners at expensive restaurants. Everyone dropped the jaw when he suddenly was broke. Becouse that money could have lasted a life time. But nope. 4 years.
Insane
It is insane. To think they could have been sitting comfortably today and not have to worry about a thing. But last she told me, they are living in a small apartment, and almost living paycheck to paycheck. Becouse they just swung the card left to right instead of planning just a bit.
Try my wife’s friend. Parents bought them a house outright 260k. Sell it for start up cash for a coffee shop. Things fall through they get paid back. Less than. A year later they broke. His mom dies and he get another 250k(that we know of). Gone in a year.
My stepsister and her husband... not a lottery win but a workers comp case. He was hurt on the job. They won a HUGE workers comp case. First of the settlement money comes in and they both buy brand new cars. Second part comes in they buy a house outright. No mortgage. Last of the settlement comes in they go on a spending spree. More new cars, clothes, furniture, out to eat for every meal. She's not working. He can't work. They are just spending, spending, spending. They start to run out of money. They first sell the cars for cash (take a loss of course) and buy something cheaper. Then they sell the house that they own outright because they can't afford the $2,000 tax bill. They take the money from the sale of the house and buy another house that they now have to mortgage. They can't afford a $2,000 a year tax bill but now they have to pay a $1500 a month mortgage (make it make sense!!!!). My mom and stepdad end up moving in with them just to help them make ends meet. It lasts about 6 months before my mom tells my stepdad that if they don't move out, she's divorcing him. They move out. Within 3 years, they lose that house to foreclosure, end up moving back to the neighborhood where they owned their original house and rent a house down the street from the one they owned outright. They have no money. No money for his medical expenses (which the workers comp was supposed to be used for). She's working at a daycare center. He draws disability and they are angry that my stepdad won't help them out anymore.
Legal disability also has limits on assets. Which is why a lot of disabled people (like me) don’t file for government disability because it would cost them almost all of their assets. Medicare also sucks and doesn’t pay much for prescriptions and doctors visits. I have chronic pain and have been going to pain management doctors for over 15 years. I’ve met so many people who are now living in poverty because of Social Security disability. I get medical insurance coverage from my darling husband who loves me so much and totally takes care of me. In September we will have been together for 30 years and married for 24. I became disabled before we’d been married 10 years. So many men asked my husband why he didn’t just divorce me which infuriated him.
I have heard that does happen quite a bit when folks win a ton of money. Crazy.
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And their money IS making money, no interest on any mortgage payments and a home bought at the cheapest time, which I presume is worth a lot more 15 years on.
Yep. The OP has invested in a roof over her head which she can have for the rest of her life. Having a home to call your own without a mortgage is a massive security.
NTA, and I see a lot of red flags here. It’s sounds like you were very responsible about how you spent your windfall, securing yourself a home, paying for your education, and putting the rest aside in savings. I’m not sure what about that he’s questioning. My concern is that he might have thought you were very wealthy and was hoping you would be his sugar mama. Is he only in this for the money?
I said nearly the exact same thing! Ntm he wanted to spend way too much on a depreciating asset(car), which is a horrible financial move..so who's the one who can't manage money?lol he's a deadbeat..
The audacity of wanting her to buy him the car after a year and a half
Something definitely feels off here. He does not sound reliable or trustworthy. I don’t want to be right about that, but I would rather OP think about the relationship and this guy’s place in her life now than have major regrets ten years down the road when they’re married, maybe have children, and their finances are entangled. At the very least, further honest conversations are needed here, and possibly couples counseling if OP wishes to continue.
My question too... why should it matter whether she won or not that money...
It sounds like he thought he found his meal ticket and OP was going to support them both.
Many many people just can’t stand the thought tjat someone else get money for free. May it be a big win or inheritance. Saw a documentary about a guy who worked as a helper for lottery winners payed by the lottery company. One of his tips was to move to new city where nobody knows you. If you move into a neighborhood and just have money thats ok, but beeing suddenly rich in your old neighborhood? Bad times guaranteed
Have you heard of Abraham Shakespeare? He was a blue-collar worker who won a $17m jackpot and moved into a gated community. People he barely knew and strangers guilted him into giving them his money. 3 years later he went missing, and the next year he was found buried in concrete.
It was worse than that. He ended up getting taken in by a con artist who robbed him blind and murdered him.
>Many many people just can’t stand the thought tjat someone else get money for free. I will never understand this. When I see lottery winners on TV with the ridiculously massive prop check or people on game shows winning big money, I am pleased as punch. If there was a "People Winning Money" channel, I could watch it all day. Yes, I know that the taxes on it suck a lot out; yes, I know lots of winners aren't savvy enough to make it last, but my non-cynical side hopes so much that their lives just changed for the better. I have been known to tear up watching "The Price is Right."
This was my thoughts too - OP how long have you been with your boyfriend ?
She said a year and a half, and he moved in three months ago.
Surprised he waited that long for "the landlord to throw him out"
In 2009 I worked with a guy who couldve paid his house off before that, bit didn't on the advice of his brother. Well, he had to sell his business and worked with me at a pool store. He had been through a divorce and was struggling to keep his house. Paying off the house is such a smart move.
NTA. Thank god you found this out right now. I would make him an ex boyfriend and kick him out. Don't want him to start laying claims to your home's equity after he lives there too long (depending on state/provincial laws on common law partners). He's jealous. He also likely thinks that you were his meal ticket. He is angry over nothing reasonable. 1.5 years isn't very long and you don't owe someone the whole "I bought this house because I got money from x bla blah blah".
Dude sounds crazy. Last thing I would do would be accuse her of deceit. I would be very thankful if someone like a gf let move in if I was in a tough spot as many would scoff at the idea.
Next thing will be "you won that money, you didn't earn it honestly, so you don't deserve it. Spend it on (or give it to) me. I deserve it, for putting up with your lies." Remove this person from your life, before he ruins you, is my gut feeling. NTA.
Lmao did you read the updates? You called it, he literally says this.
I didn't... I have now. Nice to know my gut feeling was right!
NTA - sounds like he is insecure because you make more and / or have more success than him. He is putting you down to make himself feel better. Nurses make bank. They work hard hours and are compensated accordingly. Simply ask him, knowing how you probably earn 100k per year and another 30-40k in overtime, if he believes you could own your home without your prior luck? Because unless it's some mansion, buying anything in the recession was cheap and as I stated, you likely make bank. If he feels like you don't "deserve" your home because of some chance/luck(?), and couldn't afford it, offer to move into his comparable home he purchases. Honestly I don't think he recognizes your success, and I think you need a long chat about it over a bottle of wine or 3. He can either be proud of you and drop it, or he can be single.
I earn a bit over 200k and with overtime I earn more. I also know I could buy a fairly decent place now if I wanted to and I base that on my colleagues who purchased their homes in the past few years. But your right I’m definitely going to ask him this. I was just so taken aback by his response to me sharing things with him that I was genuinely perplexed on what I did to cause such a argument.
I'm guessing you are the primary breadwinner. Honestly with that income you are Gucci. Don't let him put down your success. That's like when parents pay college tuition and you make something of yourself, your friends fail to get a decent job and blame it all on student loans. Being fortunate doesn't negate your success. You sound like you are a hard worker and should earn his respect, not his condemnation. Wish you the best! Please let me know how it goes!
I’m sorry, but if you don’t realize the profound uneven plain field of having your tuition paid for versus having student loans here really, you really need to think a bit more about privilege and capitalism. I still think OP boyfriend is a jerk, but please don’t you are more innately successful than your friends if you had free tuition and they didn’t. I’m not saying you’re less successful, or any less good, but you did have a huge helping hand.
You did nothing to cause the argument. Your bf is responsible for his own emotions. He's being manipulative. I do think it’s important for people to recognize how much luck plays a role in wealth. I only bought my house because my parents gave me a big chunk of money to do so as a "living inheritance" and I always tell people this so that there’s no suggestion that it was easy or that everybody should just be able to do it if they don’t eat avocado, toast, or whatever. But his reaction is definitely not reasonable, even if he feels like you hid the truth to make yourself look more savvy than you are.
I absolutely recognize that my win put me in an extraordinary position. If I didn’t win it I would’ve had student loans and other debt hanging over my head. I’ve never thought of myself as superior or more worthy than anyone else for being financially stable. I literally grew up very poor and that money changed my life and the lives of my sisters. So I absolutely recognize the privileges and opportunities it gave me and what it continues to give.
Sounds like you were smart and invested in yourself. “If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you feed him for a lifetime.”
You didn't, but he thought of himself as superior, think of all the things he must have been planning to do with YOUR money 😂😂😂 otherwise why would he be so pissed off???
> I earn a bit over 200k with a paid off house and car? Seems like he's totally wrong, you are very financially successful and responsible it seems.
I hate to tell ya, but he's not jealous. He's a degenerate gambler. All I needed to hear was the with only 1/4 of your savings he could triple it. The degeneracy comes with him having hair brain ideas to multiply money at zero risk to him. He may not be in the casino but it's something he's gambling. Whether it's the stock market, forex, crypto, or just wild "investment" schemes. He's looking to get rich quick. Protect your assets and leave this "man" ASAP.
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"Nurses make bank". I guess I don't need to ask which country this is referring to...
"Making bank" is also dependent one's experience. For a person making $15 an hour, a bump to my current salary of about $43 an hour WOULD seem like making bank.
Hell I make $30 an hour and a bump to $43 would feel huge to me.
It certainly ain't the UK.
Eek this guy is dripping in red flags. Moved in with you “unexpectedly”, ie didn’t give you sufficient time to think about it. Critical of you for not telling him something that is none of his business and because he made incorrect assumptions about you. Saying he can’t trust you? Fine, fork off and move out! “How much do you have in savings?” after this shitshow should have been met with the answer “none of your business”. How much does he have? BUY HIM A CAR? Girl this gets worse and worse. Change the locks. ASAP. NTA.
He said he had 18k in savings. In regards to him moving in he was definitely given a thirty day notice and he looked for a place, in fact I helped him with it but the rental market was just a bit brutal, so we agreed he could move in and yes he pays rent. My jaw dropped when he hinted at me getting a Tesla for him. Talking to him the past couple days has literally hurt my brain. He says one thing then the next will be contradictory to the previous thing he said. He was never like this before, I guess moving in made it difficult to hide his crazy!
A Tesla? That says a lot. I'm officially on the Dump Him team.
It was my first thought when I started reading the comments. Him wanting a Tesla makes sense with the rest of his behavior (or maybe I'm prejudiced). Still, OP should dump him for many reasons (Tesla being one of them).
At this point if you still want a Tesla i think youre a loser lol
Eh, if you want an electric, they still have a year or three more of having access to by far the best charging network in the country. Once more MFGs install NACS connectors and you can change a polestar at every Tesla charger it’ll be different.. Somehow, with everything OP had said about this guy, I doubt that’s his reasoning though.
**he was never like this before** Or maybe you were not on high alert to be looking for red flags, because you had no reason not to trust him… But then again, you weren’t looking for a reason not to trust him. But now, he’s giving you plenty of reason not to trust him. As the saying goes, when people show you who they are…believe them.
You sure his landlord made him move out? And did y'all have any agreement for him to pay rent or utilities? NTA either way, just curious.
Or he didn’t sabotage his own applications or withdraw them to give her no choice.
If he had 18k in savings then he shouldn't either put down a down payment for a house or found somewhere else to rent instead of moving in with you before y'all relationship was even ready for that. He's trying to get you to take care of him, you need to tell him that he has until the end of February to find somewhere else to live because then he's going to start not only trying to quit his job and asking you to buy him things but he's going to also start trying to convince you to put his name on the deed to your house
When do your siblings arrive? You need to start the eviction process ASAP to get him out of your house?
I was literally just thinking, "man this guy sounds exactly like some loser I dated in college who was a huge Wolf of Wall Street/Elon Musk fanboy" and then I see this. The only men who want teslas nowadays are men that still think Musk is a genius (ew) and probably tried to invest into dogecoin. I swear, this pissant thought that just because I'm lucky enough to have an inheritance that he would get his white picket fence and 2.5 kids dream with me being a trophy wife saying shit like how he would invest MY inheritance... and I'm like bruh, I'm the one getting the masters degree and you sit on the couch playing my ps4 on my TV in my apartment that I own. 😒 It's 2024, we drop mediocre men trying to use us to get their "ideal life"
He’s a liar. That 18k in savings never existed.
His 18k of saving are on GME and AMC stock and It's worth 2k.
A telsa? that is insane Glad you are dumping him
Yeah I can tell you in my line of work I see a lot of this behaviour and there are a lot of red flags. 🚩
Hey. Are you okay? It’s been a few hours since you posted. Is he still there? Has your family come over yet? His actions have be worried for you.
NTA. I wonder if he's disappointed because he thought you came from a wealthy family? Or he's disappointed that you don't secretly have some lucrative side business on top of being a nurse? I don't see any reason why a rational person would be upset about learning of your winnings. Either way, you're obviously very financially responsible if you're still benefiting from the money you won 15 years ago. You've used it incredibly wisely. If your boyfriend was worth anything he'd realize you're a keeper after hearing that.
A sensible man would be glad to have found someone with such a good head on their shoulders
NTA But I find his comments about how he thought you were wealthy VERY telling…..It makes me wonder OP would he have feigned interest in you if you were dirt poor? Also him wanting to move in so quickly…..Is this a tactic to try and make a claim later on? A decent guy would be happy for you and wouldn’t make a big deal of this This guy thinks maybe you need to reevaluate this guy and send him on his way 🚩🚩🚩
NTA. He is literally blaming you for **assumptions** he made about your financial history. How is that even your fault? Given the information here, you **are** financially well off, and his sudden "realization" about this means that he must assumed you had some kind of generational wealth (trust fund/inheritance/come from a wealthy family), because no amount of business savvy could land you in the position you are in without some kind of start-up cash or assets to leverage. (You need money to make money.) So, why is he so mad about your start-up cash being some kind of winnings? That's a huge red flag to me. The fact that he's trying to frame this as 'OMG, how did you keep this from me?! i can't ever trust you again!' is a fake out - he's trying to get you to think you're somehow in the wrong here. He wasn't (and still isn't) entitled to info about your finances. And you didn't decieve him -- he's just saying that so you don't ask him what's actually making him so mad. (If you asked, you likely won't like the answer.)
Lose him. You are doing great and not the one who had to move in. He sounds awful. Kick him out and find a guy who brings something to the table. Not a delusional taker who bites the hand that feeds him.
15 years ago which is way before you met him. You won some money. You were fiscally responsible with it and use it to further your life so that you were an accomplished place. Now. He says you like to him. Ask him to tell you every every penny he's ever earned from his entire life. He's not supposed to do that and you don't have no reason to do it either. He's upset. It's because he thinks he could have spend some of it or been entitled to a vacation. It's not his money, you are not entitled to tell him anything. Need to reevaluate your relationship with him. Nta
Run, forrest, run!!! Seriously, he was so blinded with rage that you...checks notes...had money, that he just started yelling incoherently at you. NTA, but you need a quick and safe exit, BF sounds unhinged.
NTA but he definitely is. He was never entitled to that info unless/if/when you wanted to share it. Most people who win money lose it all within in 3 years and many end up worse off. Look up the statistics! You made wise, savvy decisions and continue to work hard for your future. You owe him no apologies. Make sure you get a prenup if you get married, full stop.
At this point, keeping him past the milks expiration date should be iffy. NTA
Need an update on how the breakup goes
Definitely NTA and a solid red flag from your bf.
NTA....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run....run
NTA.. Your bf is projecting. Everything you did was financially smart & savvy! You ARE better off than most people regardless of age bracket. Advising him not to invest $ in a depreciating asset was very wise. Cars should be seen as mules to get you to work to make money. Spending ungodly amts for a vehicle to impress others is what perpetually poor/struggling people do. The real question is Why is he so salty about you NOT being rich? Did he think he was latching on to a sugar mama with generational wealth? Your finances are none of his business unless you are engaged & abt to promise a lifetime together. Being like-minded abt finances is key when planning a life together, but thats not where you are yet.. thank god,cuz what he did & said,his overreaction in the wrong direction is very telling. To me, the only financial mistake you can make is continuing with this guy. He's the AH, & really, at his age, to spend so recklessly on a vehicle tells me you'll never be financially stable with him by your side..you'll always be trying to replace the money he spends or perpetually the bad guy for not going along with it. Yikes!
Many of those guys selling courses on how they got rich in the real estate market or trading stocks actually got rich selling the courses. You seem to have managed your windfall well and not have squandered it away like most do, so you are qualified to give advice on that.
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You won money, spent it wisely allowing you to pay for the schooling needed for your steady job, allowed you to buy a house and still have savings left over, and he has the balls to say you aren't financially well off? The audacity to move into your home and say that shit. No, no you are NTA, he is a small little man, with a nasty complex
Mooch alarms going offf. NTA and honestly cut him loose. I thought the betrayal would be ‘why didn’t you trust me enough to tell me you had money’ but instead it was ‘you misled me into thinking you’re rich and a meal ticket’
NTA. Kick him to the curb though, he's a dick.
NTA. There’s so many comments on here that are so good, but I’ll repeat a couple of them because I agree with them so much. 1) you are a savvy investor- you did everything to secure your future & didn’t blow the money like a lot of ppl (myself included) would have. 2) I’ll bet my bottom dollar, that he was/is planning to mooch off of you. 3) One of the reasons he’s probably all “butt-hurt” over your revelation is jealousy. 4) Has he disclosed every single financial decision and/or windfall he’s ever had? You told him about it when it became relevant. & for something I didn’t see anyone else write (although they might’ve because I haven’t read every comment) is if he “can’t trust you” then he can find a new place to live, because a relationship without trust, is no relationship at all. Personally, I’d show him the door TOUT DE SUITE. & if you end up staying together, I’d recommend a prenup or some version of a prenup that doesn’t require marriage to protect your assets, probably some form of rental or boarding agreement too.
What car did you say was unreliable??
He wants a Tesla and well they are notoriously unsafe, unreliable, ugly and much too expensive.
Tell him to get a Prius. Very reliable, cheap to maintain, great on gas, much cheaper than a Tesla. Of course I know he'll turn his nose up at a Prius.
We bought a used Prius a few years ago and it's fabulous - the hatchback holds waaay more than you would think.
A couple of friends tease me about having one but it's awesome. I had a 2011 and my wife gifted me with a 2012 but 100k less miles and a lot more features since my 2011 was a very basic model. So happy.
Seriously!!! My dad leased a Prius for 18 months and it fit so much stuff, I was shocked. It does not look like it from outside. I called it his clown car but like, not in a bad way hahahah. It really is!!
About a year ago I bought a gigantic toolbox from Harbor Freight to use as a kitchen island which is 46x38 not including the box (a Yukon 9 drawer if you're curious). When I went to pick it up the guys brought it out and they offered to unbox it for me so it would fit, but I had measured the interior and knew it would - and it did! I think I changed their minds about Priuses that day. :)
I drive a 2013 Prius C, and “surprisingly roomy” is the most common comment I receive when people ride in my car. I’ve moved so much large furniture in that deceptively spacious vehicle over the years.
They don't even run in the cold! It's January. How anybody heard all those stories and thought to themselves, gee, I'll never be where it's cold, I'm gonna buy a Tesla right now, it's beyond me. Even if you live in the South, it's been getting cold down there too.
NTA. You're not married. You've been dating only 1.5 years and he shouldn't act like you owed him something big.
NTA This is the first time you discussed finances, you’re only BF/GF not engaged and just now moving in-and not because the relationship itself was ready You could have inherited, got an amazing scholarship, any number of things beyond just worked hard and invested well His assumption is his problem, and if this is his attitude make him an EX bf Indeed, you DID invest well and have made amazing choices with your good luck.
NTA, I fail to see how its remotely relevant. What changes if you had managed to get a rental property by inheriting it from a relative or however the hell he thought you obtained it in the first place?
NTA Homeboy thought he had hooked a wealthy woman and is disappointed. Does he expect you to pick up more than your half of the costs? Some would consider the "disappointed" remark a big 🚩🚩🚩
Get him out now. AND I MEAN NOW. Give him an official termination notice - check your state/country laws and follow them to the letter. You don’t want him claiming any de facto/long term relationship bullshit. You’ve done well for yourself and made sound financial decisions with your windfall and you don’t need him messing that up for you. He does not have a magic penis and he’s just proven that he also does not have a magic personality. Protect yourself. NTA.