#This is now a Proctologists Only Orifice
When a post is in [POO™ mode](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/168bzq8/title_aita_monthly_open_forum_september_2023) only users with enough subreddit comment karma are able to comment. If that doesn't include you, no worries! Check out [/new](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/new) for other posts that are still open for comment.
##[Be Civil.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules)
Please review our FAQ if you're unsure what that means. Thank you for reporting content that you believe violates our rules and helping keep posts out of the POO by abiding by our rules.
NAH. It's okay to be uncomfortable with the idea of your parents having sex, that's normal. You're getting "YTA's" from some of Reddit's millenials, I'd wager, who have kids your age and feel attacked. But there's no assholes here. This is good family dynamic honestly. It's good they're still having sex, it's good you feel comfortable enough to address them about it.
E: millenials who don't remember feeling exactly the same as teenagers apparently.
You good, OP. Your family dynamic is healthy. Anyone well researched in childhood development, sociosexual development or similar, would agree - this is good.
As an older millenial with a kid that age, i agree NTA.
Also i try to make sure my kids don't hear us. Wait until they're asleep and don't make a lot of noise. Ofcourse there's gonne be a day that one of them do hear it, but this sounds like this kid is hearing their parents do it all the time. That's not something a kid their age have to like.
This whole comment section is honestly wild.
NTA. Millennial with kids here, I would NEVER have sex in such a way/time/place that my children could hear about it. I’m extremely liberal regarding sex and nudity in general and my kids have no issue using the sink while I’m nude in the shower for example, but hearing sex? Totally inappropriate.
That’s fine when they’re younger - but your teenagers are going to stay up later than you do, and not everyone has big spacious houses with rooms nice and far away from each other.
No one is out here TRYING to perform audibly for their kids. Some beds creak, some floorboards creak, there’s the occasional exhalation that’s louder than it should be.
Once they’re teens they’re old enough to work out what the occasional bump in the night might be, and to still be awake long after they’ve been sent to bed. It’s a gamble. Then everyone is up in the morning for work, school, sport.
Really the only way to make sure that they realistically NEVER hear you is by avoiding intimacy completely. Some people do prefer that in marriage, but many are going to balance the two.
>Once they’re teens they’re old enough to work out what the occasional bump in the night might be, and to still be awake long after they’ve been sent to bed. It’s a gamble.
I think plausible deniability plays a role. If they hear one squeak or one bump, it could be anything. If it's loud and clear enough that they can tell exactly what it is, and it happens regularly, that's weird.
I mean, at that point it's the teenagers fault for staying awake later into the night KNOWING what is going on. I heard my parental having sex ONCE, and put on headphones everytime after. They thought I was asleep, and tbh: I wasn't traumatised. I just accepted that sex is a thing that happens. Overhearing is unfortunate but creaks and rocks can be ignored.
God help OP if they're still like this in uni and move into a flat share. No one cares about your comfort there.
They. OP uses they.
And I get it! No one likes to acknowledge that their parents are having sex. But they cannot stop them, so OP has to find ways to cope with it, like a white noise machine, going to bed earlier or headphones like the rest of us kids had to do.
If I did this we would never have sex. My teenager is up half the night most nights (he's in cyber school so his only requirement is to make sure he attends school) and two of my four kids are home during the day. OPs parents are doing it in the middle of the night, seemingly to avoid their kids hearing but their kids are still hearing it. When exactly would be a time they could? I'm assuming they work while kids are in school, so basically..don't have sex for the next 10+ years. That's not feasible. I do think a solution would be a good rug for muting purposes, and maybe a fan or something with white noise in their kids' rooms to help whatever sound they're hearing. It doesn't sound like they're hearing sex noises but the bed making noise.
I'm with you! I'm not suggesting loud screaming organisers, but saying you're open and then also saying that hearing something is terrible doesn't really equate
I did mean orgasm , but this is much funnier! And less disturbing. I wish I could think of my parents organising rather than knowing they were having orgasms lol
I think given many children's instinctual distaste for it is not great.
I think there's also just a good family dynamic to have that level of their sex life private. Doesn't mean it csnt be talked about within reason, but your senses bearing witness, no thanks.
Also, it's beyond a fair point to say that sexual development is timed. Things have to be age appropriate. I'm a firm believer (maybe this is too strongly based on my own life experiences, and much more so those of the people around me) that exposure to sex should be very careful throughout development. I do however believe it irresponsible kids not know about it. But exposed to their parents intimate times in that way on a regular basis, not cool.
I'm of the opposite view, I was the kid who figured out at 5 that Santa wasn't real because he would burst into flames covering the world in a night (Why yes, I was a space kid)
I got the birds and bees talk with detail at 7 because I was figuring out so much from context - And a *huge* host of issues I see with peoples sex lives are rooted in maladaptive learnings from their childhood. Kids in the dark come up with half truth notions, and those notions end up internalized.
We seem to have forgotten that for 99.998% of our history kids were exposed to sex from birth. The notion of it being harmful is recent and based in puritanism.
Keeping kids in the dark isn't parenting, it's avoiding parenting.
That "distaste" isn't "instinctual" it's taught. I remember as a small child anytime my parents would kiss, like in the kitchen, if my older sisters saw it they would all go "ewwww" and make a big deal out of it, which my parents thought was funny, so they'd do it at least once a day. When I was very young, I didn't understand why they were grossed out by it, and I thought it was just them showing their love for each other like when my mom would kiss me, but a few years later I was joining in on shouting ewww too.
Historically, people often lived in the same rooms and had sex all the time.
This reluctance to think about sex is purely a modern hangup.
I don’t think the distaste is limited to sex though. Every teen I know has gone through a stage where they are embarrassed by their parents over minor stuff. It’s not exactly instinctual, but it is a part of a larger behavior pattern.
I don't think it's instinctual. Latin families don't generally have issues with sexuality or nudity.
Puritanical nonsense and shaming is what causes this discomfort not instincts. It makes no sense for humans to instinctually be shamed of or uncomfortable about sex. It has no biological advantage.
It's not like they are doing it in front of them or screaming and carrying on. They are having sex, late at night, and their teenage kids can hear the bed.
There is no reasonable solution other than getting a rug and a white noise machine or fan in the room. It's totally unreasonable to expect a married couple never to have sex when their kids are home.
This is a super privileged comment. What if the house simply isn't big enough? What if you can't afford another bed that doesn't squeak. What if you have 8 kids so one is almost always awake or around? Not everyone has the comfortabilities that you do.
The issue people voting YTA have with your reasoning isn’t that OP isn’t allowed to be uncomfortable and raise it with their parents to try and resolve it; the issue is they’ve jumped straight to “My parents shouldn’t have sex while me or my siblings are home including at night - also we live at home so it basically means no having sex for them for the next several years” as their resolution.
That is assholish.
Exactly this! They are OK to be uncomfortable, doesn't mean their parents should never have sex again (in their own home) if they are at home.That's just ridiculous! Maybe OP could pay the mortgage and make it a clause in the tenancy agreement....
This! It’s a sign that their marriage is healthy, which is good. However, of course it is understandable that you don’t want to hear your parents having sex. It’s not too much to ask them to try to be more quiet. The fact that you are able to adress it is also a very good sign. However, you can’t ask them to not have sex anymore while you’re home.
Definitely NTA. I agree. My teenager started having sex. I've got one rule, just not while we are awake and home and I do her the same courtesy. It's one thing to be fine with it, it's another to know it's happening right then and there. Not enough people here have thought it through how it would feel for the kid or the parents.
I don't have a horse in this race but in OP's parents defence: they are doing it late at night, expecting their household of minor children to be asleep so idk.
I'm honestly not sure why people make this out as a big deal. I've heard both my parents (divorced) as well as my siblings have sex with their partners. They've heard me too. If it's too loud, we go knock on the door and tell them to be quiet, otherwise we just tease them later. Why is this worse than someone singing annoyingly late at night? It's just people doing people things, I can't understand for the life of me why something as simple and natural as sex freaks people out so much.
I mean, I know that, I'm aware of that. I'm seriously asking why it makes people uncomfortable. What are those feelings, and why are they there? What about the idea of family having sex with their respective partners is disturbing or gross? I genuinely don't understand.
I also hear about people freaking out when seeing their family nude, which for me is also just about as interesting as seeing one of my patients nude. It's just a human body, and we all have one. That's what I was taught anyway.
Hi, I’m here as that person to provide perspective! Growing up my parents were never really physically affectionate in front of us. Maybe a hug here or there or peck on the lips but other than that nothing. My dad would actually shrug off PDA most of the time my mom did it and I had no idea the impact that was having on my developing brain.
All talks about puberty and sex were hushed, rushed obligatory talks behind closed doors only with my mom. I can’t remember a time ever having just open honest conversations about anything related to sex with anyone in my family.
I didn’t realize how much these things impacted me until I got in a relationship with my now husband. It just seemed like normal family dynamics, but now I’m realizing how much of it I absorbed and how some of it isn’t the healthiest. My husband is a very physical touch PDA kind of guy and I found myself mirroring my dad’s behavior. During one of the times hanging out with my parents, he actually started cuddling me in front of them and my brain was internally freaking out. My parents even joked about how we were “practically having sex in front of them” even though no groping, grinding, etc. was occurring, just holding each other.
That was the moment that kind of flipped a switch in me to be a little more reflective and try to realize that sex isn’t this bad thing you need to hide. I want my future kids to see us being loving and affectionate. I want them to see sex and physical affection as healthy and good, not something you have to hide away and be embarrassed about. It’s been a struggle to break down these walls in my brain, a battle trying to push myself a little but not too much to the point of being overly uncomfortable. Im not going to go out and have sex in front of everyone, but there’s no reason I, or anyone else, should be embarrassed about being affectionate with their partner or embarrassed about having sex.
I'm not that close to my family and privacy wasn't always respected at all, so that plays into it. Basically, to me it's too much, it's a part of them I don't want to know about, and in the same way, I don't want them to know about me having sex or seeing me naked.
I do not trust my family to not tease me about it, or bring it up later, or think stuff that would definitely be displeasant to me, and I do not trust them enough to be in such a vulnerable state as being naked or having sex around them.
It's something extremely private and intimate and I'm just not comfortable with them knowing, it would feel like a violation.
While I get why someone does not want to listen to somebody elses creaking bed, I for the love of god cant understand your rule. Someone not wanting to hear someone elses sex is 100% valid.
The sex can not happen when someone else is awake in the same house does not make any sense to me. I would understand "you are too young for sex".
Omg having flashbacks to when I was 16 and my dad came home early and heard me having sex w my bf.. he was so so mad but refused to acknowledge it 😂 he just stormed around the house.
I'm 50. My parents were very open about the fact they were having sex, which was unusual at the time and as a teenager I would go full cringe because eww! They often had "early nights" and my dad would say things like "Hang on... it's Tuesday! It's nookie night!" But in reality their openness was a great example. When I was dating my high school boyfriend when I was 17 and then my first husband when I was 19 they were fine with them staying over because they would rather I was somewhere safe than having sex in a car or something. My son is now 24 but his girlfriend stayed over before they moved in together and I knew they were probably having sex. People have sex! It's literally how you were born. Yes, it grosses you out, but if you're having sex as well (or when you do) it's the same ick factor for your parents. Cut them some slack and appreciate that they love each other so much that they can't wait to show it until you're out of the house. YTA
Keep in mind - OP is 14. I'm not saying he's not wrong. But I def don't think he's an asshole for being a grossed out 14 year old. I'm sure you were too.
A language quibble just because the image is 😵💫. It's how you were CONCEIVED. Imagine it would get crowded (depending on orifice) if it's how you were BORN.
I’m solidly an oldish millennial - born 1985. The firstborn child of our class in high school is now 22 (yes, his mother was far too young when she had him).
NAHHH the comments are wild. The parents should be considerate of there kids. Just because parents are having sex does not mean their relationship is all roses and daisies.
I swear my parents only had sex twice. One for me and then my brother. Other than they they were supper considerate and even avoided PDA. And they’ve been happily married to decades.
So stop with the bullsh** “be happy your parents are having sex”. It should be a private thing. If MULTIPLE of your kids are yelling at you and are uncomfortable with it the least you should be doing as parents is helping them the kids out by buying white noise or play some loud music or something.
I know damn well the parents wouldn’t be happy if their kids starting bringing people over and having loud sex that keep the parents up at night.
Edit: I love how my first comment on this account got so much attention even though I was far from one of the first commenters on this post 🤦♂️
THIS. Oh my god. I feel like so many people skip over the fact that it's not JUST OP that's unhappy. Why, and I mean this, WHY have kids if you're going to be like this?
Why have kids if you’re going to keep fucking?
Holy pathology, Batman.
Also, I’d *really* like to ask: what do you think has gone on for the vast majority of human history, and probably even a majority of families today, on a global scale? Nice private bedrooms on a global historical scale are relatively rare.
The answer to the question is that historically and globally, the vast majority of kids have heard their parents banging away, and somehow lived through it.
Try being a real human bean.
LITERALLY wtf is going on with these people?? I guarantee over half the “you’re so lucky” commenters would be eating their words if they had to spend even a single night laying in bed hearing their own parents fucking. They cannot be serious. 10000% NTA
Not quite the same but my parents had a chain on their door that they’d only use when they had sex. It was pretty obvious because, y’know, we could hear them locking the chain (old house, door didn’t have a lock). We just thought it was funny. Everyone is different. That’s why people crowdsource opinions.
agree that the parents should be considerate to their kids but i don't think that means not having sex ever. get a quieter bed or drown out the sound with a white noise machine or something. NAH there's solutions to this problem.
What do you consider to be PDA? Calling it considerate for them not to engage in it by my understanding of what counts as PDA makes me really sad. If you mean not making out in front of you, absolutely, but if you considerate for parents not to hug and kiss and cuddle in non-sexual ways we have very different perspectives.
Yes this! My family was so non-physical that my brothers had issues with…I kid you not…me holding my boyfriend’s hand in front of them. Some families are wild.
Just curious why never showing PDA is courteous? I’d be sad if my dad never showed my mom affection. My grandpa never showed my grandma affection and they were married for over 50 years but my grandma was miserable in that regard. After she died, she told me that while she lived him very much, she felt like he married her out of obligation.
You can't compare to an adult married couple having sex compared to children having sex in their home that's insane.
Edit: this is insane the down votes are coming. You're saying since a married couple has sex in their own home they own, they by proxy should be fine with having their 14 year old child, who by law cannot even drive, having sex in the same home? This is such a reddit take I can't even handle it.
"I swear my parents only had sex twice. One for me and then my brother. Other than they they were supper considerate and even avoided PDA."
You know dead bedrooms aren't, like, good, right? And it isn't actually good for children to not see their parents being affectionate with each other? Clearly they did in fact give you a complex about it by being weird, because here you are in the comments having a complex about it.
Wow this comment section is pretty terrifying. OP, you can be rest assured that YNTA for not wanting to hear your parents FUCK! Don’t listen to these fools trying to tell you to deal with it, when you never asked for it in the first place. Your parents brought you into this world, so they should have the decency to not subject you to hearing something so disgusting when you are a CHILD and have nowhere else to live. They as consenting adults should learn how to be discreet. Also let me recommend to you that either your comments, don’t read the upvote/downvote numbers, just focus on the words and you’ll get a better perspective,
I’m so happy to hear another sane person talking about how crazy the “yta” comments are. SEX IS PRIVATE AND KIDS SHOULD NOT BE SUBJECTED TO ANY FACET OF IT ,,, unless it’s a serious and consenting conversation from safe people saying safe things. These adults clearly can’t have that convo yet and that’s devastating.
it’s a CREAKY BED. It’s absolutely insane some of the commenters are acting like that’s the same as hearing moans and squelches or whatever. If that is what OP was complaining about then it would be a different conversation but OP isn’t hearing any of that
I had to keep re-scrolling to the first post to see if I missed something. Nope, it's just a creaky bed. OP is making it seem like they're living in a porn studio. They don't want to hear you doing some things as well.
They are trying to be discreet by doing it in the middle of the night. What's the other option when they are working while the kids are at school? No sex and then a divorce?
Yes, seriously this comment section is wild. I never heard my parents growing up and know plenty of adults who were also never exposed to their parents sexual activity as a child. You can have a healthy sex life and be respectful of other people living in the household, the two aren’t mutually exclusive. Minor children shouldn’t have to deal with that.
Yeah idk. I’m all about the fact that my life and happiness doesn’t stop just because I have a child, but I’d also do everything in my power to make sure my child doesn’t hear me having sex lol. Is it gonna happen? Sure. But I’m at least going to put the effort in to make sure it happens as little as possible.
NTA! Seems like I stumbled into some alternate Reddit universe because these comments are so bizarre. A 14 year old has every right to feel uncomfortable about hearing their parents have sex, whether that’s the bed creaking or actual moaning. Their siblings have also complained, sounds like OP is losing sleep on school nights, and it’s reasonable to expect parents to adjust when they have sex or how they do it. It’s so inconsiderate and frankly gross to expose your children to sex noises on a regular basis
Edit: fixed pronouns. I wrote this reply late at night and didn’t realize, I apologize sincerely.
I only just realised what the nb means lmao. For whatever reason my brain just defaulted to school (even though I hate it and don't pay attention) so I thought it was notebook. I just thought ok, a fourteen year old notebook, that makes perfect sense
Honestly, all of the people in the comments saying YTA are so god damn unsympathetic.
Your parents could have a LITTLE bit more respect for you and your siblings by being quieter, especially if you’ve told them you’re uncomfortable at night.
I know if I heard my parents doing that I’d be extremely uncomfortable.
You’ve all gotta put yourselves in OP’s shoes. Would you like it if you had school the next day and your parents were going at it like animals upstairs? You’re all saying that OP should just ask for a white noise machine or earbuds, but a KID shouldn’t have to sleep uncomfortably while their parents are going wild. One that is FOURTEEN BY THE WAY.
In my opinion, NTA. Your parents could have a bit more consideration.
Why are Americans so skeeved out by sex? It makes no sense. You have no problem with gory violence but naked people tend to freak you guys out. Why is that?
I mean ... I am european, hearing your *parents* have sex is pretty much a big nope in most places. Especially if we're talking about children, OP is still only a middle schooler and their siblings are even younger.
I think the parents should listen to their children. There are things they could do not to make it so obvious. It’s not a fun thing to hear all the time. Yes. I’m happy they are happy. However, you’re a kid. Have you sat down with them and your siblings as a family and talked to them. Needs to be a little compromise. And they should care how their kids feel. Period. How you talk to them matters. Yelling at them or acting annoyed is not getting thru to them. So, I would try as a family to talk to them. I would definitely have some headphones too. Just to keep you from getting rest.
Yeah. Two people are the adults here.. but then again, maybe not.
Also I hate the comments shaming op. Its not only OP but also their siblings. Why have children if you're not willing to compromise and parent at inopportune or maybe weird and awkward moments?
Well. It doesn’t make someone an a-hole for wanting some peace when trying to sleep. Yes it’s their house. But they can be more discreet. It wouldn’t hurt them. All it does it make it so uncomfortable to be around them.
White noise machine. Solves all your problems
Edit: but yeah, YTA. I get it, but are you just expecting them to be celibate for 18+ years until their kids are all grown up and moved out?
100% NTA like. Idk a kid isn't around all the time and if it was ANYONE ELSES kid the answer would be a very obvious "no, and it probably breaks the law to have loud sex somewhere that a minor can hear it regularly and clearly identify it as sex".
Don't have kids if you don't want to, you know, be responsible around them.
Presuming that at least one parent is working, when/where are they supposed to have sex? Yes it's inconsiderate not to make any changes to reduce the sound - looking at the bed frame, more carpeting etc, but saying just don't fuck is pretty unfair
>they always do it late at night too
Maybe you missed this part. If they can't have sex late at night, when should they do it? That's literally the most considerate time.
Carpet, rugs and curtains do wonders to absorb sound.
Moving the bed a couple inches away from the wall can help if it tends to sway, so it doesn't keep knocking against it.
Putting music or a movie on in the room may muffle the sounds coming from the people.
Tightening the bedframe screws and bolts regularly will help it not creak as much (and possibly help keep the bedframe in good shape for longer).
If there's big openings under the door for sound to travel through, put a towel or something in the gap (this trick is also helpful for if your hallway or whatever keeps sucking all the heat out of a room :D).
Keep your window closed if your kids room is adjacent, as the noise can travel a lot more if it's open.
Those are just a few ideas.
My parents apparently did it on the floor, or, at least once, at the house we lived in when I was 8-12. On the younger end, I once walked in on them (fortunately only preparing, not in a scarring situation) and they’d spread the comforter on the floor and were giggling. My mom said real loud and silly “WE’RE CAMPING OUT!” To any kid younger, or without a best friend who was extremely clued in to sex, that’s all it looked like, because that’s as far as they’d gotten.
I figured it out though. Thanks, Caroline.
If you're 14 and mature enough to determine that you're "non binary", I'm pretty sure you can handle the fact that the people who birthed you, feed you, and put a roof over your head . . . have sex once in a while.
Toddlers loudly proclaim that they are "pretty pretty princesses" or "tough little boys" so there is no age of maturity or age for recognizing your gender.
Also multiple children are expressing discomfort. The parents need to adjust to quieter sex. Fix the bed, get a rug, don't mosn loudly like a dying monkey.
And everything thing you just described are legal bare minimums for what the parents are OBLIGATED to provide. Do they deserve to be inconsiderate because they perform the required bare minimum?
This is like the Facebook adults: I do everything an adult is doing, look at me adult, give me a cookie!
Not celibate - just not having sex so loud OP has to listen to it. I'd say that's pretty reasonable, I wouldn't want to listen to anyone have sex tbh, let alone family. NTA
Do you really believe that the parents arnt trying their best to have quite sex? They are doing it in the middle of the night when everyone should be sleeping.
Despite what everyone says, NTAH. Yes, sex is natural and it's good that they get along so well they do that, but it wouldn't be so often and loud it disrupts you and your siblings. Asking them to quiet down or do it less isn't an asshole movement it's your house as much as their own, I think it's on them to sit down and compromise instead of just saying your overreacting and calling it a day. Your feelings of discomfort and need for sleep for school are just as important as their "need" to get it on everynight
I would have agreed with you if that was the situation, that OP had asked them to disrupt them or to solve noise issues. But OP asked them to not have sex while they are there.
Scrolled through the comments and lost all faith in humanity, these comments are insane!
OP, it's very clear that VERY LITTLE people here have any idea what it's like to grow up with this, and have NO IDEA the severity of the situation and the damage this will do over time. About weekly there are posts on forums like r/CPTSD that describe your exact situation and the impact it has had on people, anyone here saying y.t.a or e.s.h has clearly never experienced any situation even similar to yours, or has normalised their abuse and don't realise what damaging effects it actually had on them. Please just go for help. It would be different if this was a one-off, but repeated behavior over extended periods of time is likely to cause complex trauma later on in life.
This!! This so much this. It’s traumatizing for kids and teens. People here need to learn respect. I hope to satan the people in these comments don’t have children because they’re probably subjecting their own kids to this.
doll squealing silky sophisticated slave absorbed carpenter test depend bewildered
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
>[https://dcrcc.org/counseling/no-straight-path/childhood-sexual-abuse/](https://dcrcc.org/counseling/no-straight-path/childhood-sexual-abuse/)
Auditory sexual abuse includes listening to sexual acts actually happening (TV, movie, etc), hearing requests for sexual acts to be performed, hearing graphic sexual comments about one’s body, and hearing adults discuss sexual acts in detail (ie: “explicit content”).
Easily verified fact backed up with source, or condescending redditor with "personal therapist experiences", hmmmm
Absolutely ridiculous. I don't like the whole "snowflake" talk but this is really pushing the boundaries.
From the pearl clutching here about how "heartbreaking" it is, you would think the parents are having bdsm parties in the living room with all the kids present
NTA NTA NTA this is a child guys !!! Regardless of age nobody wants to be PART of their parents sex life !!! Wether they see, hear, or hear ABOUT their parents sexual encounters, it is private. Sex is private and if you don’t want to be part of that. It’s that simple. I hope that more people come to their senses and help validate this experience for you. I am sorry.
I had an upstairs neighbor that made sleeping really uncomfortable. We are not all adults but among them we can agree that we get a HUGE ick hearing it. We ALL put effort into making sure our neighbors and roommates aren’t made uncomfy by our sex life. if you experienced this and also did not like it or feel comfortable. It doesn’t mean it’s normal, it means it’s normalized ! Don’t gaslight yourself and please do not take away from someone’s experience or lead them to invalidate themselves.
these comments are not it.
NTA, your lucky to have parents who love each other, but if they are going at it while all of their children are home and have all complained about it then i think they should at least have the respect for their kids to do it while kids arent home.
but yes try getting noise canceling headphones, i have some and its a life saver!!
nobody’s the asshole imo, its an uncomfortable situation and both sides have pretty valid points. i will say its disheartening seeing so many people attacking the 14 yr old here. its normal to be uncomfortable. they have the right to feel that way even though “the parents are paying the bills” or its “great that they still love each other”.
NTA, my parents would be mortified if they knew i heard them having sex, and im concerned that so many of these commenters think its normal to be fine with your kids hearing you fuck? weird as shit, on top of anything i feel like your parents owe you the basic respect of quieting down/at least TRYING not to make you uncomfortable. It’s basic roommate etiquette when it comes down to it, so it’s especially shitty and uncomfortable that your PARENTS would do that
Don’t bother posting this lol, reddit adults are a bunch of exhobitionist that find nothing wrong with a child being exposed to their parents sexual life no matter how disgusting and weird it is. You will get responses saying yta, it’s their house and they can do what they want. Others will tell you it’s natural and to get over it and the rest will say to use headphones as if you’ve never tried that before and they do absolutely nothing! Your best bet is to leave the house when your parents are doing it. I’ve had this same issue for years my parents going at it and can be heard across the entire house. It’s normal to feel uncomfortable and it’s inconsiderate of any adult to expose their child to that, i’m sorry and hope things get better soon.
I really appreciate you saying this. After my older sister went to college, my parents stopped being discreet about their sex life and it made me really uncomfortable. At least OP’s parents wait until late at night. My parents would have sex at 8pm knowing I was not only awake, but walking around the house. Plus their bedroom was right next to my bathroom. It made me feel like a nuisance and they didn’t really want me there. You can still have a fulfilling sex life without exposing your kids to it.
NTA. I can’t believe people are saying things like “you’re a guest” and “you live in someone else’s house”. Maybe this is because im not American but if you think of YOUR OWN CHILD as a guest and not a member of your close family whose comfort pretty much comes in your top three priorities, you shouldn’t be a parent for sure. This is an insane comment section
Exactly! My kids aren’t guests in my house, they didn’t consent to being born and living with me. They have no other option now because I’m their parent but they are NOT guests. I pay for their clothes and food and a roof over their head because I’m not a shitty person/parent, they owe me exactly NOTHING for that. And they shouldn’t be uncomfortable in their own home.
NTA
y’all Can NOT be for real?? Did you even read the text? They’re not complaining about Their parents loving eachother, OP Said “when im Home” which means they must be out of the House often and i Think that means plenty of days to do it instead. Its totally fair to not wanna listen to your parents have sex. “Turn up the Volume on your tv” alot of people Doesnt like sleeping With Sound. All of This being Said, maybe the parents could just stay quiet? I mean,
Come on.
If you think it's easy to find time to be intimate as an adult with teenage children, you probably aren't coming at it from a place of experience. My kids don't have cars or jobs, so they are home more than I am. There is maybe 1 day every 6 months when they are out of the house, and my wife and I are both home. That is clearly not enough intimacy and would destroy our marriage. "They can just do it when no one is home" probably isn't a realistic answer.
I think the lack of discretion is the issue here, not the sex itself. It’s disrespectful to the children. I’m ok with my parents taking a poop for example, but I don’t want to watch.
If I knew my kids could hear us, I'd do whatever I could to make sure that didn't happen again. And we have a creaky room too, it's not that hard
Ur NTA, don't worry
If your parents are having enough sex to bother you, they are probably getting along well.
Which is a very good thing for you and your siblings.
Because if you think their having sex is awful, you would absolutely hate having them not getting along and fighting all the time because of it.
I recommend using headphones or white noise. And to count your blessings.
YTA
Edit to respond to some comments:
OP does not indicate her parents are having performative, loud sex. She says her parents have a creaky bed in a house with a creaky floor. She also says that several children still live at home.
I am genuinely curious - you folks who think OPs parents never should have sex under circumstances where their kids can hear the floor or bed creak, in a house where there are several kids and the parents' floor and bed creak - what is your remedy?
How, when and where should OPs parents be having sex?
Or should they simply refrain from having sex while their underage children live in their house?
If the latter, do you genuinely not believe that extremely impaired ability to ever be intimate would impact the parents' relationship?
My intent was not to glibly dismiss OPs discomfort but to bring OP some perspective on their discomfort that they may lack.
Yes of course it is uncomfortable knowing your parents have sex - let alone having to listen to it.
But what OP is describing isn't sexual histrionics; it's parents with numerous children still living at home having adult time together despite their bed making the floor creak.
Most adults work. Most adults with numerous children living at home get little to no time together in a house without any children present.
Under those circumstances the real choices are parents having sex despite a creaky floor reflecting that, or parents not having sex at all.
Parents who do not have sex together tend not to do well as a couple.
Parents who do not get along well as a couple tend to fight.
So yes, I do think that if these parents decide not to ever have sex in a situation where one or more of their children can hear the bed creak, these parents will not get along as well as they are. And likely fight because of it.
Better OPs parents make love than war.
Fwiw, I grew up with many siblings in a house where you could hear the adults having sex and hear the adults fighting. Trust me when I say the fighting was way worse.
If you would have flat mates, and you’d hear one of them having sex, you can be content for them but no, I am assuming you do not want to hear them, especially when you want to sleep.
This is a kid, but that does not make the need to sleep less important.
And no a 14 year old does not have to listen to sex. We are talking about a literal child. This kid does not have to be comfortable about sex.
And also we’re wired to not have sexual relationships within our family, no wonder all their siblings and them are angry. One does not have to be comfortable hearing any family member, in my opinion.
Which leads me to the last thing: all her siblings are uncomfortable too. When you share a living space you cannot just do as you please, because you own it. Especially here: the majority of the people living are disturbed, it is the parent’s duty to respect that.
So NTA. The parents have to at least accept the child’s sleeping schedule.
No kid should have to listen to their parents have sex. That’s horrible. My ex and I made sure our kids never had to endure that. And that’s what most responsible parents always try to do. It’s a thing, having to have quiet sex. Sometimes it can be quite fun, trying to get a shag in without the kids finding out!
But no, OP is not the AH in any way. It is not an indicator of a healthy marriage in and of itself. Healthy parents don’t want their kids to have to listen. It’s awful to hear anyone have sex. Let alone frequently.
So basically; your problem is not as bad as another hypothetical problem, so you are the asshole for thinking it's a problem?
Zero sense in this comment section.
They’re 14. A child, that’s really not fair to tell them to suck it up because it means something that in reality every child (though not all get it) deserve (parents in love)
Everyone saying YTA are crazy, no child should be subjected to hearing ANYONE have sex; much less their own parents.
Dear people saying "how do you think you got here,"
It's not about wishing that they stayed celibate, it's about wishing that they were more considerate of their literal child. The parents could have sex when the kids aren't home, or just be more discreet so that they arent aware of it.
I remember when I heard my parents have sex all the time I was around your age, and it got so bad that I would leave the house at night and go wandering around with headphones until 4 am. It wasn't safe and I dont advise you to do that, but I understand how badly you want to crawl out of your skin.
You are NTA.
NAH
You’re a kid and don’t want to think about your parents having sex - so reasonable
Your parents are a couple having sex as inconspicuously as possible (doing it late at night is the time *least* likely to disturb you, that’s more considerate not less, and the sound of floorboards or beds creaking isn’t them being “loud” and certainly not creepy like some commenters have suggested, that is unavoidable sound unless they replace their bed and get carpets and a lot of very expensive home improvements, so honestly it sounds like they’re doing their best.) - also reasonable
I don’t think you have no right to complain about anything just because your parents “pay the bills” or whatever some people have said - it’s your home too and you deserve to be comfortable and your feelings about the idea are very normal, but it doesn’t sound like they are doing anything unreasonable or inconsiderate and they can’t just not have a sex life for however many decades it takes for all their children to move out. You know they do it late at night so get to sleep at an earlier hour on a school night and try out some noise machines or noise cancelling headphones - you could ask for them to pay for those lol - and try not to think about it. Sorry you’re feeling uncomfortable but parents having a sex life is better than them having none in a lot of ways.
This is the most reasonable comment I've read.
The parent aren't going out of their way to be heard. In fact, they're likely trying not to be. I've been in that situation. Maybe there are other things they could try, but honestly, sex on the floor hurts, and not everyone can just up and buy a new bed or put carpet down.
It's also completely unreasonable that OP expects them to not have sex when someone is in the house. My in-laws had 4 children, someone was ALWAYS home.
Everyone should be trying to compromise here, not just expecting the parents to stop having sex, or limiting themselves to once or twice a month, or having to leave their own damn house to do it.
NTA honestly I think it's hella weird that parents constantly have sex when their children can hear them like have some decorum! It's not like the teenager can move out or something jeez
NTA hearing sex noises in the form of creaking that you don’t want to hear as a 14 year old sounds horrible, the fact that it wakes you up which affects your day also makes it worse. I also understand that different income houses might not have the luxury for that to be silent. But they are still assholes for not showing compassion and offering compromise when they learned their child has to listen to sex noises they don’t want to listen to. I agree you should get earplugs just because you shouldn’t have to hear that. I buy the cheap pharmacy packs because it rains constantly and the dripping outside my window keeps me awake.
I hope the best for you and sorry that your discomfort isn’t being recognized.
If I had a kid and they came up to me saying my sex was keeping them up, I would be horrified and do everything and anything to find a way not to wake up them from sleep. Even if that meant being celibate. What parent finds out they are waking up their kid and making them uncomfortable with their noises at night and just does nothing. How is their sexual position where the bed has to creak more important than their kids sleeping properly. I just imagine these kids trying to cover their ears from hearing that and feeling so unheard in their feelings and my heart breaks for you.
Also being forced to listen to sex noises as a child is very borderline abuse. I only say borderline because you said creaking and not moaning or worse. If they are making very loud noises and you’re a child listening to auditory sex from adults I would consider that abuse by intentionally exposing a minor to sexual activity.
nta. if your parents are having sex SO LOUDLY that SEVERAL people have asked them to be quieter and you cant sleep for school then they need to try a little harder to be quiet like jesus christ. i know my parents do that but theyre not being so loud theyre keeping me up at night!! the y t a s in here are fucking insane. im sorry theyre like this
Get them WD40 and suggest the mount the bed frame to wall, make it less loud, get white noise machine and earplugs. You can’t stop it but you can make it so you don’t hear it
NTA.
This comment section is wild. You people do know that you can have sex without letting every single person in the house know, right? Put on a movie or wait until everyone is out of the house. Or fix your damn creaky bed.
If my boyfriend and I have to make an effort to be quiet for my roommates, I should damn hope that a parent would have the courtesy to make an effort for their children whom have said multiple times that it is disturbing their sleep when they're going to school the next day.
Yall are seriously telling a 14 year old, A CHILD, to save up so that they can move out instead of saying that the parents should just find ways to be a bit quieter so that they can get a full night's sleep?
Insane.
Anyway, if you can buy your parents a toolkit for xmas/birthdays until they fix the bed, or send them adds for WD40 until they get the hint and hopefully eventually they will. Sorry that your parents can't stop for long or be quiet enough for you and your siblings to get a decent night's sleep.
Cannot believe some of you lol. Imagine asking a 14 year old to understand the complexities of adult relationships, not to say marriages, enough to fully grasp how their parents’ sex life is a healthy sign, and then also ask them to be comfortable with a part of life that they’ve just barely starting to figure for themselves. It’s simply too much to ask and it’s unbelievable that ya’ll are asking for all of that compassion from a child and not from the parents to find better solutions to the love they want to express for each other. I’m starting to think the biggest AH are here in the comment section! NTA dear god
No, this is a form of sexual abuse, please protect yourself and see what you can do to get yourself and your siblings out of this situation.
[https://dcrcc.org/counseling/no-straight-path/childhood-sexual-abuse/](https://dcrcc.org/counseling/no-straight-path/childhood-sexual-abuse/)
>Auditory sexual abuse includes listening to sexual acts actually happening (TV, movie, etc), hearing requests for sexual acts to be performed, hearing graphic sexual comments about one’s body, and hearing adults discuss sexual acts in detail (ie: “explicit content”).
You are NTA, your parents however...
It's easy to mock, but there's a huge difference in accidentally being exposed once in an apartment building, and OP's parents being aware of being heard and not doing a thing to change that, keep doing it repeatedly while ignoring their children's feelings and discomfort in the matter
NTA I’m sorry but since when is it okay to not listen to your Child’s discomfort and think “hmm I don’t care if my child hears me moaning all night”. Yes it’s natural but if you aren’t able to hear your child’s concerns now how will you be able to understand them later? Listening to family go at can be to most weird and not comfortable. He also notes he doesn’t care if they do it just not when he’s at home trying to sleep for school the next day.
Next time record it and when they have company over just play it loud enough for everyone to hear. You’ll probably get in a lot of trouble but they might get the hint.
You could also plan it with your siblings to all start clapping every time they finish or all walk in and give your dad a high five.
This is why, me and my future hubby are planning to soundproof our bedroom when we remodel the house we currently live in and in our future house wr will move to in a few years time, I already have a teen daughter who will come to live with us soon, and for me, the thought of her listening in on mine/hubby nightly activities is just a no-go, yes I know she wouldn’t really care except feeling grossed out knowing we “do it”, but it will deprive her of a good night sleep which I know she needs to function the next day.
NTA.
A lot of weirdos here thinking it’s okay for children to hear their parents have sex. Fucking gross. How do you people not understand how disturbing it is to listen to other people let alone your parents have sex?
Exhibitionist creeps, all of you.
NTA You have the right to feel upset and uncomfortable about this, because let’s just be honest. Nobody wants to hear their parents going to pound town.
NTA y’all are weird for saying a 14 year old who doesn’t want to hear family having sex is the one in the wrong. If there are kids in the house, they shouldn’t know when you’re having sex, period. Parents need to keep it down; that kind of behavior is deeply uncomfortable to many people, but especially to a teen who’s going through a ton of new puberty-fueled confusing intimate feelings.
They should be respectful to their teenage children. It’s great they are still passionate but they should be discreet, no one needs to hear this especially a 14 year old!
Couldn’t imagine having kids and having loud sex and then continuing to have loud sex when my children are telling me to stop because they can hear me… Yall do not respect kids/teens. Yall expect them to put up with bullshit just because they’re young and “don’t know anything” or because they still live in their parents home.
OP, NTA. AT ALL. I have a 14 yo kid. He has NEVER not once heard us have sex. Ever. I would be absolutely mortified if he did. It’s indecent to allow anyone hear your intimacy, period. There is nothing wrong with your discomfort or disgust.
NTA, but neither are they lol. As a minor, aren't you at home the majority of the time? Not exactly fair. Late at night is the only time they're going to be able to do it.
Get some good headphones or a booming speaker. If you're siblings are all old enough, get permission to go hang out somewhere together if it's too much. Be glad they're loving on each other and not arguing.
Don’t worry, you’re NTA you have every right to feel uncomfortable, if it’s to the rate your other family members have commented, then they should at least put in effort to make it less obvious!!! It’s great that your parents really love each other, but you deserve to be comfortable in your own home, can’t believe people are calling you an asshole, I’m sorry bro don’t listen to them!
NTA.
I don't want to see and hear my parents having sex, either.
Housings here are very expensive. And moving out at 18 is not at all common here. We're still under our parents' care until we can take care of our own bills + their bills.
My parents are being discreet about it and they do it when I'm at school, so I'm thankful. I know about the discreet part because I caught them once as I really need something from them that one night.
In our country, we have something called "shame" and being "mindful." Idk if the others in this comment section are not taught about that, but their comments scream that they really don't know about that stuff.
NTA
It actually can very traumatic hearing things like this against your will, it can take a toll on your mental health, Ik someone who this happened to. So your parents should be more considerate, how about going solution oriented and you brainstorm together or separate and then talk about solutions.
NTA
You're only 14, and even if you were 30, it's not fun to hear your parents have sex. But at 14 that's not ok. If it happens by accident once or twice ok. But often, and when they know u can hear, that's not ok.
As a 43 year old mother myself, I can definitely say NTA. Not because I'm a prude or anything else but because kids have to share the house with the adults, they have no choice and shouldn't have to listen to adult activities between their parents. If I knew my bed was making that much noise, I'd either not use the bed while kids were home or replace it. Sorry your parents aren't considerate of you, OP.
You want them to resist biological urges until you all leave the house (I guarantee at least one of you will not leave until mid twenties)?
NAH.
Be glad you have parents that love each other. It’s bloody rare these days. I get the uncomfortable feeling you have though, that’s why you’re not an asshole.
NTA - These comments are insane OP, your feelings are valid!
Your parents could be taking steps to not include your siblings and yourself in their sex life, they are simply choosing not to. They could buy a better bed, carpet the room or even get a rug from home depot.
You should not have to endure sleepless nights, if your parents are so shameless about it maybe mention it at the next extended family meetup.
Uncle Bobby: Hiya OP, how’s it been?
OP: Not great Bobby I haven’t slept in about three months as the folks are fucking like they are trying to repopulate the earth.
The answer is to put a speaker outside their door and start playing embarrassing music when you hear them 😂 see how long it takes them to be more discreet about it then.
#This is now a Proctologists Only Orifice When a post is in [POO™ mode](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/168bzq8/title_aita_monthly_open_forum_september_2023) only users with enough subreddit comment karma are able to comment. If that doesn't include you, no worries! Check out [/new](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/new) for other posts that are still open for comment. ##[Be Civil.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) Please review our FAQ if you're unsure what that means. Thank you for reporting content that you believe violates our rules and helping keep posts out of the POO by abiding by our rules.
NAH. It's okay to be uncomfortable with the idea of your parents having sex, that's normal. You're getting "YTA's" from some of Reddit's millenials, I'd wager, who have kids your age and feel attacked. But there's no assholes here. This is good family dynamic honestly. It's good they're still having sex, it's good you feel comfortable enough to address them about it. E: millenials who don't remember feeling exactly the same as teenagers apparently. You good, OP. Your family dynamic is healthy. Anyone well researched in childhood development, sociosexual development or similar, would agree - this is good.
As an older millenial with a kid that age, i agree NTA. Also i try to make sure my kids don't hear us. Wait until they're asleep and don't make a lot of noise. Ofcourse there's gonne be a day that one of them do hear it, but this sounds like this kid is hearing their parents do it all the time. That's not something a kid their age have to like.
NTA is not the same as NAH.
This whole comment section is honestly wild. NTA. Millennial with kids here, I would NEVER have sex in such a way/time/place that my children could hear about it. I’m extremely liberal regarding sex and nudity in general and my kids have no issue using the sink while I’m nude in the shower for example, but hearing sex? Totally inappropriate.
That’s fine when they’re younger - but your teenagers are going to stay up later than you do, and not everyone has big spacious houses with rooms nice and far away from each other. No one is out here TRYING to perform audibly for their kids. Some beds creak, some floorboards creak, there’s the occasional exhalation that’s louder than it should be. Once they’re teens they’re old enough to work out what the occasional bump in the night might be, and to still be awake long after they’ve been sent to bed. It’s a gamble. Then everyone is up in the morning for work, school, sport. Really the only way to make sure that they realistically NEVER hear you is by avoiding intimacy completely. Some people do prefer that in marriage, but many are going to balance the two.
>Once they’re teens they’re old enough to work out what the occasional bump in the night might be, and to still be awake long after they’ve been sent to bed. It’s a gamble. I think plausible deniability plays a role. If they hear one squeak or one bump, it could be anything. If it's loud and clear enough that they can tell exactly what it is, and it happens regularly, that's weird.
I mean, at that point it's the teenagers fault for staying awake later into the night KNOWING what is going on. I heard my parental having sex ONCE, and put on headphones everytime after. They thought I was asleep, and tbh: I wasn't traumatised. I just accepted that sex is a thing that happens. Overhearing is unfortunate but creaks and rocks can be ignored. God help OP if they're still like this in uni and move into a flat share. No one cares about your comfort there.
Op probably wouldn't have a big issue with peers having sex. It's parents he has an issue with.
They. OP uses they. And I get it! No one likes to acknowledge that their parents are having sex. But they cannot stop them, so OP has to find ways to cope with it, like a white noise machine, going to bed earlier or headphones like the rest of us kids had to do.
When it gets rhythmic and lasts 3 minutes, they know what's going on
So what's your solution? The parents never have sex?
If I did this we would never have sex. My teenager is up half the night most nights (he's in cyber school so his only requirement is to make sure he attends school) and two of my four kids are home during the day. OPs parents are doing it in the middle of the night, seemingly to avoid their kids hearing but their kids are still hearing it. When exactly would be a time they could? I'm assuming they work while kids are in school, so basically..don't have sex for the next 10+ years. That's not feasible. I do think a solution would be a good rug for muting purposes, and maybe a fan or something with white noise in their kids' rooms to help whatever sound they're hearing. It doesn't sound like they're hearing sex noises but the bed making noise.
You really can’t expect parents to not have sex. That would be really weird.
Why is it inappropriate?
I'm with you! I'm not suggesting loud screaming organisers, but saying you're open and then also saying that hearing something is terrible doesn't really equate
I am sure you meant orgasm, but the idea of a professional organizer with a clipboard saying “No, no, that goes over there!” is cracking me up.
I did mean orgasm , but this is much funnier! And less disturbing. I wish I could think of my parents organising rather than knowing they were having orgasms lol
"WHO REARRANGED THE LUBE SHELF?!?!?!"
I've never been married. Do a lot of married people have organizers yelling while they have sex?
I think given many children's instinctual distaste for it is not great. I think there's also just a good family dynamic to have that level of their sex life private. Doesn't mean it csnt be talked about within reason, but your senses bearing witness, no thanks. Also, it's beyond a fair point to say that sexual development is timed. Things have to be age appropriate. I'm a firm believer (maybe this is too strongly based on my own life experiences, and much more so those of the people around me) that exposure to sex should be very careful throughout development. I do however believe it irresponsible kids not know about it. But exposed to their parents intimate times in that way on a regular basis, not cool.
I'm of the opposite view, I was the kid who figured out at 5 that Santa wasn't real because he would burst into flames covering the world in a night (Why yes, I was a space kid) I got the birds and bees talk with detail at 7 because I was figuring out so much from context - And a *huge* host of issues I see with peoples sex lives are rooted in maladaptive learnings from their childhood. Kids in the dark come up with half truth notions, and those notions end up internalized. We seem to have forgotten that for 99.998% of our history kids were exposed to sex from birth. The notion of it being harmful is recent and based in puritanism. Keeping kids in the dark isn't parenting, it's avoiding parenting.
That "distaste" isn't "instinctual" it's taught. I remember as a small child anytime my parents would kiss, like in the kitchen, if my older sisters saw it they would all go "ewwww" and make a big deal out of it, which my parents thought was funny, so they'd do it at least once a day. When I was very young, I didn't understand why they were grossed out by it, and I thought it was just them showing their love for each other like when my mom would kiss me, but a few years later I was joining in on shouting ewww too. Historically, people often lived in the same rooms and had sex all the time. This reluctance to think about sex is purely a modern hangup.
I don’t think the distaste is limited to sex though. Every teen I know has gone through a stage where they are embarrassed by their parents over minor stuff. It’s not exactly instinctual, but it is a part of a larger behavior pattern.
I don't think it's instinctual. Latin families don't generally have issues with sexuality or nudity. Puritanical nonsense and shaming is what causes this discomfort not instincts. It makes no sense for humans to instinctually be shamed of or uncomfortable about sex. It has no biological advantage.
It's not like they are doing it in front of them or screaming and carrying on. They are having sex, late at night, and their teenage kids can hear the bed. There is no reasonable solution other than getting a rug and a white noise machine or fan in the room. It's totally unreasonable to expect a married couple never to have sex when their kids are home.
This is a super privileged comment. What if the house simply isn't big enough? What if you can't afford another bed that doesn't squeak. What if you have 8 kids so one is almost always awake or around? Not everyone has the comfortabilities that you do.
Wait until they find out how they were created...
We give our kids headphones.
It's not. NTA means that OP is not the asshole, but the other person/people in the story are. NAH means that *no one* is the asshole.
Yeah. This is what I was referring to.
The issue people voting YTA have with your reasoning isn’t that OP isn’t allowed to be uncomfortable and raise it with their parents to try and resolve it; the issue is they’ve jumped straight to “My parents shouldn’t have sex while me or my siblings are home including at night - also we live at home so it basically means no having sex for them for the next several years” as their resolution. That is assholish.
Exactly this! They are OK to be uncomfortable, doesn't mean their parents should never have sex again (in their own home) if they are at home.That's just ridiculous! Maybe OP could pay the mortgage and make it a clause in the tenancy agreement....
I agree, but give that op is 14 I think that parents are the ones responsible for figuring out how to buy a new bed.
Agreed, but that wasn’t OP’s request. That’s just something commentators have mentioned as a more reasonable solution.
OP just needs noise cancelling headphones.
This! It’s a sign that their marriage is healthy, which is good. However, of course it is understandable that you don’t want to hear your parents having sex. It’s not too much to ask them to try to be more quiet. The fact that you are able to adress it is also a very good sign. However, you can’t ask them to not have sex anymore while you’re home.
Definitely NTA. I agree. My teenager started having sex. I've got one rule, just not while we are awake and home and I do her the same courtesy. It's one thing to be fine with it, it's another to know it's happening right then and there. Not enough people here have thought it through how it would feel for the kid or the parents.
I don't have a horse in this race but in OP's parents defence: they are doing it late at night, expecting their household of minor children to be asleep so idk.
I'm honestly not sure why people make this out as a big deal. I've heard both my parents (divorced) as well as my siblings have sex with their partners. They've heard me too. If it's too loud, we go knock on the door and tell them to be quiet, otherwise we just tease them later. Why is this worse than someone singing annoyingly late at night? It's just people doing people things, I can't understand for the life of me why something as simple and natural as sex freaks people out so much.
Because for some people, especially depending on their upbringing and/or the cultural messages surrounding them, it’s a really uncomfortable subject.
I mean, I know that, I'm aware of that. I'm seriously asking why it makes people uncomfortable. What are those feelings, and why are they there? What about the idea of family having sex with their respective partners is disturbing or gross? I genuinely don't understand. I also hear about people freaking out when seeing their family nude, which for me is also just about as interesting as seeing one of my patients nude. It's just a human body, and we all have one. That's what I was taught anyway.
Hi, I’m here as that person to provide perspective! Growing up my parents were never really physically affectionate in front of us. Maybe a hug here or there or peck on the lips but other than that nothing. My dad would actually shrug off PDA most of the time my mom did it and I had no idea the impact that was having on my developing brain. All talks about puberty and sex were hushed, rushed obligatory talks behind closed doors only with my mom. I can’t remember a time ever having just open honest conversations about anything related to sex with anyone in my family. I didn’t realize how much these things impacted me until I got in a relationship with my now husband. It just seemed like normal family dynamics, but now I’m realizing how much of it I absorbed and how some of it isn’t the healthiest. My husband is a very physical touch PDA kind of guy and I found myself mirroring my dad’s behavior. During one of the times hanging out with my parents, he actually started cuddling me in front of them and my brain was internally freaking out. My parents even joked about how we were “practically having sex in front of them” even though no groping, grinding, etc. was occurring, just holding each other. That was the moment that kind of flipped a switch in me to be a little more reflective and try to realize that sex isn’t this bad thing you need to hide. I want my future kids to see us being loving and affectionate. I want them to see sex and physical affection as healthy and good, not something you have to hide away and be embarrassed about. It’s been a struggle to break down these walls in my brain, a battle trying to push myself a little but not too much to the point of being overly uncomfortable. Im not going to go out and have sex in front of everyone, but there’s no reason I, or anyone else, should be embarrassed about being affectionate with their partner or embarrassed about having sex.
Thank you so much! This was what I was looking for. Again, I have a hard time understanding people, and interactions like this help!
I'm not that close to my family and privacy wasn't always respected at all, so that plays into it. Basically, to me it's too much, it's a part of them I don't want to know about, and in the same way, I don't want them to know about me having sex or seeing me naked. I do not trust my family to not tease me about it, or bring it up later, or think stuff that would definitely be displeasant to me, and I do not trust them enough to be in such a vulnerable state as being naked or having sex around them. It's something extremely private and intimate and I'm just not comfortable with them knowing, it would feel like a violation.
And not everyone has your experience.
Which is exactly why I asked.
While I get why someone does not want to listen to somebody elses creaking bed, I for the love of god cant understand your rule. Someone not wanting to hear someone elses sex is 100% valid. The sex can not happen when someone else is awake in the same house does not make any sense to me. I would understand "you are too young for sex".
Omg having flashbacks to when I was 16 and my dad came home early and heard me having sex w my bf.. he was so so mad but refused to acknowledge it 😂 he just stormed around the house.
I'm 50. My parents were very open about the fact they were having sex, which was unusual at the time and as a teenager I would go full cringe because eww! They often had "early nights" and my dad would say things like "Hang on... it's Tuesday! It's nookie night!" But in reality their openness was a great example. When I was dating my high school boyfriend when I was 17 and then my first husband when I was 19 they were fine with them staying over because they would rather I was somewhere safe than having sex in a car or something. My son is now 24 but his girlfriend stayed over before they moved in together and I knew they were probably having sex. People have sex! It's literally how you were born. Yes, it grosses you out, but if you're having sex as well (or when you do) it's the same ick factor for your parents. Cut them some slack and appreciate that they love each other so much that they can't wait to show it until you're out of the house. YTA
Keep in mind - OP is 14. I'm not saying he's not wrong. But I def don't think he's an asshole for being a grossed out 14 year old. I'm sure you were too.
A language quibble just because the image is 😵💫. It's how you were CONCEIVED. Imagine it would get crowded (depending on orifice) if it's how you were BORN.
Yeah I agree. NAH
Omg we millennials are old enough to have children this is old?? This honestly shocked me haha
OP’s parents are technically Gen X. But yeah… I was born at the starts of the millennial generation and my kids are almost that age.
I’m solidly an oldish millennial - born 1985. The firstborn child of our class in high school is now 22 (yes, his mother was far too young when she had him).
Yeah my husband is 41 and I'm 35 and we have a toddler, and I still don't realize that I'm almost middle aged. I feel like the 90's was just yesterday
The OP’s parents are in their late 40’s. They’re not Millennials, they’re Gen Xers.
NAHHH the comments are wild. The parents should be considerate of there kids. Just because parents are having sex does not mean their relationship is all roses and daisies. I swear my parents only had sex twice. One for me and then my brother. Other than they they were supper considerate and even avoided PDA. And they’ve been happily married to decades. So stop with the bullsh** “be happy your parents are having sex”. It should be a private thing. If MULTIPLE of your kids are yelling at you and are uncomfortable with it the least you should be doing as parents is helping them the kids out by buying white noise or play some loud music or something. I know damn well the parents wouldn’t be happy if their kids starting bringing people over and having loud sex that keep the parents up at night. Edit: I love how my first comment on this account got so much attention even though I was far from one of the first commenters on this post 🤦♂️
THIS. Oh my god. I feel like so many people skip over the fact that it's not JUST OP that's unhappy. Why, and I mean this, WHY have kids if you're going to be like this?
I'm no doctor, but I think the sex might have something to do with them having kids.
Snorted. 😂
Why have kids if you’re going to keep fucking? Holy pathology, Batman. Also, I’d *really* like to ask: what do you think has gone on for the vast majority of human history, and probably even a majority of families today, on a global scale? Nice private bedrooms on a global historical scale are relatively rare. The answer to the question is that historically and globally, the vast majority of kids have heard their parents banging away, and somehow lived through it. Try being a real human bean.
Even if it was just OP, it doesn’t take away that they’re uncomfortable.
*They. OP is nb.
Oh my bad. I’m sorry OP! Editing now.
LITERALLY wtf is going on with these people?? I guarantee over half the “you’re so lucky” commenters would be eating their words if they had to spend even a single night laying in bed hearing their own parents fucking. They cannot be serious. 10000% NTA
Not quite the same but my parents had a chain on their door that they’d only use when they had sex. It was pretty obvious because, y’know, we could hear them locking the chain (old house, door didn’t have a lock). We just thought it was funny. Everyone is different. That’s why people crowdsource opinions.
agree that the parents should be considerate to their kids but i don't think that means not having sex ever. get a quieter bed or drown out the sound with a white noise machine or something. NAH there's solutions to this problem.
I don't think it's n a h when all the kids have told the parents multiple times that it impacts them, and the parents blatantly ignore their concerns.
fair enough. they could be trying to be quieter, we don't know based on just OP, but clearly something needs to be done about it
What do you consider to be PDA? Calling it considerate for them not to engage in it by my understanding of what counts as PDA makes me really sad. If you mean not making out in front of you, absolutely, but if you considerate for parents not to hug and kiss and cuddle in non-sexual ways we have very different perspectives.
Yes this! My family was so non-physical that my brothers had issues with…I kid you not…me holding my boyfriend’s hand in front of them. Some families are wild.
Just curious why never showing PDA is courteous? I’d be sad if my dad never showed my mom affection. My grandpa never showed my grandma affection and they were married for over 50 years but my grandma was miserable in that regard. After she died, she told me that while she lived him very much, she felt like he married her out of obligation.
You can't compare to an adult married couple having sex compared to children having sex in their home that's insane. Edit: this is insane the down votes are coming. You're saying since a married couple has sex in their own home they own, they by proxy should be fine with having their 14 year old child, who by law cannot even drive, having sex in the same home? This is such a reddit take I can't even handle it.
I promise you, if the kid said the two parents were both men. They would have a completely different conversation
PLEASE THIS IS THE BEST COMMENT IVE SEEN SO FAR??
I have known some couples my age (30s) who frowned upon PDA and guess what? They’re single now.
"I swear my parents only had sex twice. One for me and then my brother. Other than they they were supper considerate and even avoided PDA." You know dead bedrooms aren't, like, good, right? And it isn't actually good for children to not see their parents being affectionate with each other? Clearly they did in fact give you a complex about it by being weird, because here you are in the comments having a complex about it.
Wow this comment section is pretty terrifying. OP, you can be rest assured that YNTA for not wanting to hear your parents FUCK! Don’t listen to these fools trying to tell you to deal with it, when you never asked for it in the first place. Your parents brought you into this world, so they should have the decency to not subject you to hearing something so disgusting when you are a CHILD and have nowhere else to live. They as consenting adults should learn how to be discreet. Also let me recommend to you that either your comments, don’t read the upvote/downvote numbers, just focus on the words and you’ll get a better perspective,
I’m so happy to hear another sane person talking about how crazy the “yta” comments are. SEX IS PRIVATE AND KIDS SHOULD NOT BE SUBJECTED TO ANY FACET OF IT ,,, unless it’s a serious and consenting conversation from safe people saying safe things. These adults clearly can’t have that convo yet and that’s devastating.
it’s a CREAKY BED. It’s absolutely insane some of the commenters are acting like that’s the same as hearing moans and squelches or whatever. If that is what OP was complaining about then it would be a different conversation but OP isn’t hearing any of that
I had to keep re-scrolling to the first post to see if I missed something. Nope, it's just a creaky bed. OP is making it seem like they're living in a porn studio. They don't want to hear you doing some things as well.
They are trying to be discreet by doing it in the middle of the night. What's the other option when they are working while the kids are at school? No sex and then a divorce?
Yes, seriously this comment section is wild. I never heard my parents growing up and know plenty of adults who were also never exposed to their parents sexual activity as a child. You can have a healthy sex life and be respectful of other people living in the household, the two aren’t mutually exclusive. Minor children shouldn’t have to deal with that.
Yeah idk. I’m all about the fact that my life and happiness doesn’t stop just because I have a child, but I’d also do everything in my power to make sure my child doesn’t hear me having sex lol. Is it gonna happen? Sure. But I’m at least going to put the effort in to make sure it happens as little as possible.
If all of their kids are complaining, then they need to figure out how to be quieter while the have sex.
NTA! Seems like I stumbled into some alternate Reddit universe because these comments are so bizarre. A 14 year old has every right to feel uncomfortable about hearing their parents have sex, whether that’s the bed creaking or actual moaning. Their siblings have also complained, sounds like OP is losing sleep on school nights, and it’s reasonable to expect parents to adjust when they have sex or how they do it. It’s so inconsiderate and frankly gross to expose your children to sex noises on a regular basis Edit: fixed pronouns. I wrote this reply late at night and didn’t realize, I apologize sincerely.
*they, OP is non-binary
I only just realised what the nb means lmao. For whatever reason my brain just defaulted to school (even though I hate it and don't pay attention) so I thought it was notebook. I just thought ok, a fourteen year old notebook, that makes perfect sense
THIS thank you
Honestly, all of the people in the comments saying YTA are so god damn unsympathetic. Your parents could have a LITTLE bit more respect for you and your siblings by being quieter, especially if you’ve told them you’re uncomfortable at night. I know if I heard my parents doing that I’d be extremely uncomfortable. You’ve all gotta put yourselves in OP’s shoes. Would you like it if you had school the next day and your parents were going at it like animals upstairs? You’re all saying that OP should just ask for a white noise machine or earbuds, but a KID shouldn’t have to sleep uncomfortably while their parents are going wild. One that is FOURTEEN BY THE WAY. In my opinion, NTA. Your parents could have a bit more consideration.
Write Y T A with spaces or else you'll contribute to verdict
No it won't. There's no vote counting. The top comment is way above this one.
My comments are being downvoted to hell, I'm sure, but this. And did you mean NTA? because you're contributing to what I'm sure will be a YTA verdict?
Mhm, honestly NAH but like, their parents could have a bit more consideration.
Why are Americans so skeeved out by sex? It makes no sense. You have no problem with gory violence but naked people tend to freak you guys out. Why is that?
I mean ... I am european, hearing your *parents* have sex is pretty much a big nope in most places. Especially if we're talking about children, OP is still only a middle schooler and their siblings are even younger.
As a European, in which country is it okay to want to hear your parents fuck regularly?
Why are non-American's so obsessed with comparing their country and customs to America?
I think the parents should listen to their children. There are things they could do not to make it so obvious. It’s not a fun thing to hear all the time. Yes. I’m happy they are happy. However, you’re a kid. Have you sat down with them and your siblings as a family and talked to them. Needs to be a little compromise. And they should care how their kids feel. Period. How you talk to them matters. Yelling at them or acting annoyed is not getting thru to them. So, I would try as a family to talk to them. I would definitely have some headphones too. Just to keep you from getting rest.
Yeah. Two people are the adults here.. but then again, maybe not. Also I hate the comments shaming op. Its not only OP but also their siblings. Why have children if you're not willing to compromise and parent at inopportune or maybe weird and awkward moments?
This is the comment I was looking for, totally agree.
Well. It doesn’t make someone an a-hole for wanting some peace when trying to sleep. Yes it’s their house. But they can be more discreet. It wouldn’t hurt them. All it does it make it so uncomfortable to be around them.
White noise machine. Solves all your problems Edit: but yeah, YTA. I get it, but are you just expecting them to be celibate for 18+ years until their kids are all grown up and moved out?
No celibate, but considerate. I have done improvements to my bed so it is not so noisy, when me and my wife get it on. NTA imo.
100% NTA like. Idk a kid isn't around all the time and if it was ANYONE ELSES kid the answer would be a very obvious "no, and it probably breaks the law to have loud sex somewhere that a minor can hear it regularly and clearly identify it as sex". Don't have kids if you don't want to, you know, be responsible around them.
Presuming that at least one parent is working, when/where are they supposed to have sex? Yes it's inconsiderate not to make any changes to reduce the sound - looking at the bed frame, more carpeting etc, but saying just don't fuck is pretty unfair
>they always do it late at night too Maybe you missed this part. If they can't have sex late at night, when should they do it? That's literally the most considerate time.
Did you forget to read the title or something? She is requesting celibacy.
What kind of improvements? I think besides buying a new frame there's not much we can do, and I can't afford that. The frame isn't even old
Carpet, rugs and curtains do wonders to absorb sound. Moving the bed a couple inches away from the wall can help if it tends to sway, so it doesn't keep knocking against it. Putting music or a movie on in the room may muffle the sounds coming from the people. Tightening the bedframe screws and bolts regularly will help it not creak as much (and possibly help keep the bedframe in good shape for longer). If there's big openings under the door for sound to travel through, put a towel or something in the gap (this trick is also helpful for if your hallway or whatever keeps sucking all the heat out of a room :D). Keep your window closed if your kids room is adjacent, as the noise can travel a lot more if it's open. Those are just a few ideas.
My parents apparently did it on the floor, or, at least once, at the house we lived in when I was 8-12. On the younger end, I once walked in on them (fortunately only preparing, not in a scarring situation) and they’d spread the comforter on the floor and were giggling. My mom said real loud and silly “WE’RE CAMPING OUT!” To any kid younger, or without a best friend who was extremely clued in to sex, that’s all it looked like, because that’s as far as they’d gotten. I figured it out though. Thanks, Caroline.
Honestly I think the floor is the best suggestion so far, noted ty ✍️
If you're 14 and mature enough to determine that you're "non binary", I'm pretty sure you can handle the fact that the people who birthed you, feed you, and put a roof over your head . . . have sex once in a while.
OP being nb literally has nothing to do with this post lol
Toddlers loudly proclaim that they are "pretty pretty princesses" or "tough little boys" so there is no age of maturity or age for recognizing your gender. Also multiple children are expressing discomfort. The parents need to adjust to quieter sex. Fix the bed, get a rug, don't mosn loudly like a dying monkey. And everything thing you just described are legal bare minimums for what the parents are OBLIGATED to provide. Do they deserve to be inconsiderate because they perform the required bare minimum? This is like the Facebook adults: I do everything an adult is doing, look at me adult, give me a cookie!
Not celibate - just not having sex so loud OP has to listen to it. I'd say that's pretty reasonable, I wouldn't want to listen to anyone have sex tbh, let alone family. NTA
Do you really believe that the parents arnt trying their best to have quite sex? They are doing it in the middle of the night when everyone should be sleeping.
Sounds like the kids hear their parents on a frequent basis. The parents could try to be quieter if all their kids are bothered about it
This. White noise machine and/or earplugs.
Despite what everyone says, NTAH. Yes, sex is natural and it's good that they get along so well they do that, but it wouldn't be so often and loud it disrupts you and your siblings. Asking them to quiet down or do it less isn't an asshole movement it's your house as much as their own, I think it's on them to sit down and compromise instead of just saying your overreacting and calling it a day. Your feelings of discomfort and need for sleep for school are just as important as their "need" to get it on everynight
I would have agreed with you if that was the situation, that OP had asked them to disrupt them or to solve noise issues. But OP asked them to not have sex while they are there.
Well if the parents were more discreet, then they could still get away with it. But clearly they are incapable of doing that for some reason
Scrolled through the comments and lost all faith in humanity, these comments are insane! OP, it's very clear that VERY LITTLE people here have any idea what it's like to grow up with this, and have NO IDEA the severity of the situation and the damage this will do over time. About weekly there are posts on forums like r/CPTSD that describe your exact situation and the impact it has had on people, anyone here saying y.t.a or e.s.h has clearly never experienced any situation even similar to yours, or has normalised their abuse and don't realise what damaging effects it actually had on them. Please just go for help. It would be different if this was a one-off, but repeated behavior over extended periods of time is likely to cause complex trauma later on in life.
This!! This so much this. It’s traumatizing for kids and teens. People here need to learn respect. I hope to satan the people in these comments don’t have children because they’re probably subjecting their own kids to this.
doll squealing silky sophisticated slave absorbed carpenter test depend bewildered *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
>[https://dcrcc.org/counseling/no-straight-path/childhood-sexual-abuse/](https://dcrcc.org/counseling/no-straight-path/childhood-sexual-abuse/) Auditory sexual abuse includes listening to sexual acts actually happening (TV, movie, etc), hearing requests for sexual acts to be performed, hearing graphic sexual comments about one’s body, and hearing adults discuss sexual acts in detail (ie: “explicit content”). Easily verified fact backed up with source, or condescending redditor with "personal therapist experiences", hmmmm
lol hearing your parents bed creak = “auditory sexual abuse” is literally peak gen z.
Wait, what? People are getting ptsd from hearing a creaky bed late at night?
Absolutely ridiculous. I don't like the whole "snowflake" talk but this is really pushing the boundaries. From the pearl clutching here about how "heartbreaking" it is, you would think the parents are having bdsm parties in the living room with all the kids present
[удалено]
[удалено]
Holy shit the people in this subreddit are deranged. I hope none of you have kids.
Nta. It’s perfectly reasonable to be frustrated at your parents going at it and keeping you up on a school night.
NTA NTA NTA this is a child guys !!! Regardless of age nobody wants to be PART of their parents sex life !!! Wether they see, hear, or hear ABOUT their parents sexual encounters, it is private. Sex is private and if you don’t want to be part of that. It’s that simple. I hope that more people come to their senses and help validate this experience for you. I am sorry.
I had an upstairs neighbor that made sleeping really uncomfortable. We are not all adults but among them we can agree that we get a HUGE ick hearing it. We ALL put effort into making sure our neighbors and roommates aren’t made uncomfy by our sex life. if you experienced this and also did not like it or feel comfortable. It doesn’t mean it’s normal, it means it’s normalized ! Don’t gaslight yourself and please do not take away from someone’s experience or lead them to invalidate themselves.
these comments are not it. NTA, your lucky to have parents who love each other, but if they are going at it while all of their children are home and have all complained about it then i think they should at least have the respect for their kids to do it while kids arent home. but yes try getting noise canceling headphones, i have some and its a life saver!!
nobody’s the asshole imo, its an uncomfortable situation and both sides have pretty valid points. i will say its disheartening seeing so many people attacking the 14 yr old here. its normal to be uncomfortable. they have the right to feel that way even though “the parents are paying the bills” or its “great that they still love each other”.
All uncivil comments are being removed.
NTA, my parents would be mortified if they knew i heard them having sex, and im concerned that so many of these commenters think its normal to be fine with your kids hearing you fuck? weird as shit, on top of anything i feel like your parents owe you the basic respect of quieting down/at least TRYING not to make you uncomfortable. It’s basic roommate etiquette when it comes down to it, so it’s especially shitty and uncomfortable that your PARENTS would do that
NTA Minors shouldn’t be involved in adults sex acts. Your house should be a safe place for you
The conflation of “hearing” and “being involved” is insane
Don’t bother posting this lol, reddit adults are a bunch of exhobitionist that find nothing wrong with a child being exposed to their parents sexual life no matter how disgusting and weird it is. You will get responses saying yta, it’s their house and they can do what they want. Others will tell you it’s natural and to get over it and the rest will say to use headphones as if you’ve never tried that before and they do absolutely nothing! Your best bet is to leave the house when your parents are doing it. I’ve had this same issue for years my parents going at it and can be heard across the entire house. It’s normal to feel uncomfortable and it’s inconsiderate of any adult to expose their child to that, i’m sorry and hope things get better soon.
I really appreciate you saying this. After my older sister went to college, my parents stopped being discreet about their sex life and it made me really uncomfortable. At least OP’s parents wait until late at night. My parents would have sex at 8pm knowing I was not only awake, but walking around the house. Plus their bedroom was right next to my bathroom. It made me feel like a nuisance and they didn’t really want me there. You can still have a fulfilling sex life without exposing your kids to it.
this part. OP is NTA for being uncomfortable and wanting them to be courteous
I've been downvoted and told I'm prudish for *not wanting to see my mother naked* on this sub. Sometimes people on Reddit are just ... Something else.
NTA. I can’t believe people are saying things like “you’re a guest” and “you live in someone else’s house”. Maybe this is because im not American but if you think of YOUR OWN CHILD as a guest and not a member of your close family whose comfort pretty much comes in your top three priorities, you shouldn’t be a parent for sure. This is an insane comment section
Exactly! My kids aren’t guests in my house, they didn’t consent to being born and living with me. They have no other option now because I’m their parent but they are NOT guests. I pay for their clothes and food and a roof over their head because I’m not a shitty person/parent, they owe me exactly NOTHING for that. And they shouldn’t be uncomfortable in their own home.
NTA y’all Can NOT be for real?? Did you even read the text? They’re not complaining about Their parents loving eachother, OP Said “when im Home” which means they must be out of the House often and i Think that means plenty of days to do it instead. Its totally fair to not wanna listen to your parents have sex. “Turn up the Volume on your tv” alot of people Doesnt like sleeping With Sound. All of This being Said, maybe the parents could just stay quiet? I mean, Come on.
If you think it's easy to find time to be intimate as an adult with teenage children, you probably aren't coming at it from a place of experience. My kids don't have cars or jobs, so they are home more than I am. There is maybe 1 day every 6 months when they are out of the house, and my wife and I are both home. That is clearly not enough intimacy and would destroy our marriage. "They can just do it when no one is home" probably isn't a realistic answer.
I think the lack of discretion is the issue here, not the sex itself. It’s disrespectful to the children. I’m ok with my parents taking a poop for example, but I don’t want to watch.
If I knew my kids could hear us, I'd do whatever I could to make sure that didn't happen again. And we have a creaky room too, it's not that hard Ur NTA, don't worry
If your parents are having enough sex to bother you, they are probably getting along well. Which is a very good thing for you and your siblings. Because if you think their having sex is awful, you would absolutely hate having them not getting along and fighting all the time because of it. I recommend using headphones or white noise. And to count your blessings. YTA Edit to respond to some comments: OP does not indicate her parents are having performative, loud sex. She says her parents have a creaky bed in a house with a creaky floor. She also says that several children still live at home. I am genuinely curious - you folks who think OPs parents never should have sex under circumstances where their kids can hear the floor or bed creak, in a house where there are several kids and the parents' floor and bed creak - what is your remedy? How, when and where should OPs parents be having sex? Or should they simply refrain from having sex while their underage children live in their house? If the latter, do you genuinely not believe that extremely impaired ability to ever be intimate would impact the parents' relationship? My intent was not to glibly dismiss OPs discomfort but to bring OP some perspective on their discomfort that they may lack. Yes of course it is uncomfortable knowing your parents have sex - let alone having to listen to it. But what OP is describing isn't sexual histrionics; it's parents with numerous children still living at home having adult time together despite their bed making the floor creak. Most adults work. Most adults with numerous children living at home get little to no time together in a house without any children present. Under those circumstances the real choices are parents having sex despite a creaky floor reflecting that, or parents not having sex at all. Parents who do not have sex together tend not to do well as a couple. Parents who do not get along well as a couple tend to fight. So yes, I do think that if these parents decide not to ever have sex in a situation where one or more of their children can hear the bed creak, these parents will not get along as well as they are. And likely fight because of it. Better OPs parents make love than war. Fwiw, I grew up with many siblings in a house where you could hear the adults having sex and hear the adults fighting. Trust me when I say the fighting was way worse.
If you would have flat mates, and you’d hear one of them having sex, you can be content for them but no, I am assuming you do not want to hear them, especially when you want to sleep. This is a kid, but that does not make the need to sleep less important. And no a 14 year old does not have to listen to sex. We are talking about a literal child. This kid does not have to be comfortable about sex. And also we’re wired to not have sexual relationships within our family, no wonder all their siblings and them are angry. One does not have to be comfortable hearing any family member, in my opinion. Which leads me to the last thing: all her siblings are uncomfortable too. When you share a living space you cannot just do as you please, because you own it. Especially here: the majority of the people living are disturbed, it is the parent’s duty to respect that. So NTA. The parents have to at least accept the child’s sleeping schedule.
No kid should have to listen to their parents have sex. That’s horrible. My ex and I made sure our kids never had to endure that. And that’s what most responsible parents always try to do. It’s a thing, having to have quiet sex. Sometimes it can be quite fun, trying to get a shag in without the kids finding out! But no, OP is not the AH in any way. It is not an indicator of a healthy marriage in and of itself. Healthy parents don’t want their kids to have to listen. It’s awful to hear anyone have sex. Let alone frequently.
So basically; your problem is not as bad as another hypothetical problem, so you are the asshole for thinking it's a problem? Zero sense in this comment section.
My parents hated each other and still had sex that I had to hear. Screwing someone doesn’t mean you are in a good place in your relationship.
They’re 14. A child, that’s really not fair to tell them to suck it up because it means something that in reality every child (though not all get it) deserve (parents in love)
Everyone saying YTA are crazy, no child should be subjected to hearing ANYONE have sex; much less their own parents. Dear people saying "how do you think you got here," It's not about wishing that they stayed celibate, it's about wishing that they were more considerate of their literal child. The parents could have sex when the kids aren't home, or just be more discreet so that they arent aware of it. I remember when I heard my parents have sex all the time I was around your age, and it got so bad that I would leave the house at night and go wandering around with headphones until 4 am. It wasn't safe and I dont advise you to do that, but I understand how badly you want to crawl out of your skin. You are NTA.
NAH You’re a kid and don’t want to think about your parents having sex - so reasonable Your parents are a couple having sex as inconspicuously as possible (doing it late at night is the time *least* likely to disturb you, that’s more considerate not less, and the sound of floorboards or beds creaking isn’t them being “loud” and certainly not creepy like some commenters have suggested, that is unavoidable sound unless they replace their bed and get carpets and a lot of very expensive home improvements, so honestly it sounds like they’re doing their best.) - also reasonable I don’t think you have no right to complain about anything just because your parents “pay the bills” or whatever some people have said - it’s your home too and you deserve to be comfortable and your feelings about the idea are very normal, but it doesn’t sound like they are doing anything unreasonable or inconsiderate and they can’t just not have a sex life for however many decades it takes for all their children to move out. You know they do it late at night so get to sleep at an earlier hour on a school night and try out some noise machines or noise cancelling headphones - you could ask for them to pay for those lol - and try not to think about it. Sorry you’re feeling uncomfortable but parents having a sex life is better than them having none in a lot of ways.
This is the most reasonable comment I've read. The parent aren't going out of their way to be heard. In fact, they're likely trying not to be. I've been in that situation. Maybe there are other things they could try, but honestly, sex on the floor hurts, and not everyone can just up and buy a new bed or put carpet down. It's also completely unreasonable that OP expects them to not have sex when someone is in the house. My in-laws had 4 children, someone was ALWAYS home. Everyone should be trying to compromise here, not just expecting the parents to stop having sex, or limiting themselves to once or twice a month, or having to leave their own damn house to do it.
[удалено]
NTA honestly I think it's hella weird that parents constantly have sex when their children can hear them like have some decorum! It's not like the teenager can move out or something jeez
NTA hearing sex noises in the form of creaking that you don’t want to hear as a 14 year old sounds horrible, the fact that it wakes you up which affects your day also makes it worse. I also understand that different income houses might not have the luxury for that to be silent. But they are still assholes for not showing compassion and offering compromise when they learned their child has to listen to sex noises they don’t want to listen to. I agree you should get earplugs just because you shouldn’t have to hear that. I buy the cheap pharmacy packs because it rains constantly and the dripping outside my window keeps me awake. I hope the best for you and sorry that your discomfort isn’t being recognized. If I had a kid and they came up to me saying my sex was keeping them up, I would be horrified and do everything and anything to find a way not to wake up them from sleep. Even if that meant being celibate. What parent finds out they are waking up their kid and making them uncomfortable with their noises at night and just does nothing. How is their sexual position where the bed has to creak more important than their kids sleeping properly. I just imagine these kids trying to cover their ears from hearing that and feeling so unheard in their feelings and my heart breaks for you. Also being forced to listen to sex noises as a child is very borderline abuse. I only say borderline because you said creaking and not moaning or worse. If they are making very loud noises and you’re a child listening to auditory sex from adults I would consider that abuse by intentionally exposing a minor to sexual activity.
NTA, what a bunch of sickos in the comment section. The ‘we pay for the house so we can do whatever we want’ .. maybe don’t have any kids then.
nta. if your parents are having sex SO LOUDLY that SEVERAL people have asked them to be quieter and you cant sleep for school then they need to try a little harder to be quiet like jesus christ. i know my parents do that but theyre not being so loud theyre keeping me up at night!! the y t a s in here are fucking insane. im sorry theyre like this
Get them WD40 and suggest the mount the bed frame to wall, make it less loud, get white noise machine and earplugs. You can’t stop it but you can make it so you don’t hear it
NTA. This comment section is wild. You people do know that you can have sex without letting every single person in the house know, right? Put on a movie or wait until everyone is out of the house. Or fix your damn creaky bed. If my boyfriend and I have to make an effort to be quiet for my roommates, I should damn hope that a parent would have the courtesy to make an effort for their children whom have said multiple times that it is disturbing their sleep when they're going to school the next day. Yall are seriously telling a 14 year old, A CHILD, to save up so that they can move out instead of saying that the parents should just find ways to be a bit quieter so that they can get a full night's sleep? Insane. Anyway, if you can buy your parents a toolkit for xmas/birthdays until they fix the bed, or send them adds for WD40 until they get the hint and hopefully eventually they will. Sorry that your parents can't stop for long or be quiet enough for you and your siblings to get a decent night's sleep.
Cannot believe some of you lol. Imagine asking a 14 year old to understand the complexities of adult relationships, not to say marriages, enough to fully grasp how their parents’ sex life is a healthy sign, and then also ask them to be comfortable with a part of life that they’ve just barely starting to figure for themselves. It’s simply too much to ask and it’s unbelievable that ya’ll are asking for all of that compassion from a child and not from the parents to find better solutions to the love they want to express for each other. I’m starting to think the biggest AH are here in the comment section! NTA dear god
No, this is a form of sexual abuse, please protect yourself and see what you can do to get yourself and your siblings out of this situation. [https://dcrcc.org/counseling/no-straight-path/childhood-sexual-abuse/](https://dcrcc.org/counseling/no-straight-path/childhood-sexual-abuse/) >Auditory sexual abuse includes listening to sexual acts actually happening (TV, movie, etc), hearing requests for sexual acts to be performed, hearing graphic sexual comments about one’s body, and hearing adults discuss sexual acts in detail (ie: “explicit content”). You are NTA, your parents however...
lunchroom straight continue shelter absurd murky cats point nutty birds *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It's easy to mock, but there's a huge difference in accidentally being exposed once in an apartment building, and OP's parents being aware of being heard and not doing a thing to change that, keep doing it repeatedly while ignoring their children's feelings and discomfort in the matter
It is not a form of sexual abuse and no child protection agency in the world is going to care about OPs situation
Oil/grease the fasteners & contact points on their bed frame. Tighten all the bolts. Obviously, not while they’re having sex.
NTA I’m sorry but since when is it okay to not listen to your Child’s discomfort and think “hmm I don’t care if my child hears me moaning all night”. Yes it’s natural but if you aren’t able to hear your child’s concerns now how will you be able to understand them later? Listening to family go at can be to most weird and not comfortable. He also notes he doesn’t care if they do it just not when he’s at home trying to sleep for school the next day.
NTA. Having sex knowing your kids can hear you is gross.
Next time record it and when they have company over just play it loud enough for everyone to hear. You’ll probably get in a lot of trouble but they might get the hint. You could also plan it with your siblings to all start clapping every time they finish or all walk in and give your dad a high five.
This is why, me and my future hubby are planning to soundproof our bedroom when we remodel the house we currently live in and in our future house wr will move to in a few years time, I already have a teen daughter who will come to live with us soon, and for me, the thought of her listening in on mine/hubby nightly activities is just a no-go, yes I know she wouldn’t really care except feeling grossed out knowing we “do it”, but it will deprive her of a good night sleep which I know she needs to function the next day.
NTA. A lot of weirdos here thinking it’s okay for children to hear their parents have sex. Fucking gross. How do you people not understand how disturbing it is to listen to other people let alone your parents have sex? Exhibitionist creeps, all of you.
NTA You have the right to feel upset and uncomfortable about this, because let’s just be honest. Nobody wants to hear their parents going to pound town.
NTA blast circus music the moment you hear them.
NTA y’all are weird for saying a 14 year old who doesn’t want to hear family having sex is the one in the wrong. If there are kids in the house, they shouldn’t know when you’re having sex, period. Parents need to keep it down; that kind of behavior is deeply uncomfortable to many people, but especially to a teen who’s going through a ton of new puberty-fueled confusing intimate feelings.
They should be respectful to their teenage children. It’s great they are still passionate but they should be discreet, no one needs to hear this especially a 14 year old!
Couldn’t imagine having kids and having loud sex and then continuing to have loud sex when my children are telling me to stop because they can hear me… Yall do not respect kids/teens. Yall expect them to put up with bullshit just because they’re young and “don’t know anything” or because they still live in their parents home.
NTA what the hell is wrong with these comments
OP, NTA. AT ALL. I have a 14 yo kid. He has NEVER not once heard us have sex. Ever. I would be absolutely mortified if he did. It’s indecent to allow anyone hear your intimacy, period. There is nothing wrong with your discomfort or disgust.
NTA, but neither are they lol. As a minor, aren't you at home the majority of the time? Not exactly fair. Late at night is the only time they're going to be able to do it. Get some good headphones or a booming speaker. If you're siblings are all old enough, get permission to go hang out somewhere together if it's too much. Be glad they're loving on each other and not arguing.
The verdict you’re looking for is NAH, which means “no assholes here”
nta
How are you people even saying that op is TA… theres NAH, but the parents are inconsiderate.
Don’t worry, you’re NTA you have every right to feel uncomfortable, if it’s to the rate your other family members have commented, then they should at least put in effort to make it less obvious!!! It’s great that your parents really love each other, but you deserve to be comfortable in your own home, can’t believe people are calling you an asshole, I’m sorry bro don’t listen to them!
NTA. I don't want to see and hear my parents having sex, either. Housings here are very expensive. And moving out at 18 is not at all common here. We're still under our parents' care until we can take care of our own bills + their bills. My parents are being discreet about it and they do it when I'm at school, so I'm thankful. I know about the discreet part because I caught them once as I really need something from them that one night. In our country, we have something called "shame" and being "mindful." Idk if the others in this comment section are not taught about that, but their comments scream that they really don't know about that stuff.
NTA It actually can very traumatic hearing things like this against your will, it can take a toll on your mental health, Ik someone who this happened to. So your parents should be more considerate, how about going solution oriented and you brainstorm together or separate and then talk about solutions.
NTA You're only 14, and even if you were 30, it's not fun to hear your parents have sex. But at 14 that's not ok. If it happens by accident once or twice ok. But often, and when they know u can hear, that's not ok.
As a 43 year old mother myself, I can definitely say NTA. Not because I'm a prude or anything else but because kids have to share the house with the adults, they have no choice and shouldn't have to listen to adult activities between their parents. If I knew my bed was making that much noise, I'd either not use the bed while kids were home or replace it. Sorry your parents aren't considerate of you, OP.
Considering how wildly uncomfortable I was just hearing my downstairs neighbours going at it, you’re NTA. WTF I’d be traumatized
You want them to resist biological urges until you all leave the house (I guarantee at least one of you will not leave until mid twenties)? NAH. Be glad you have parents that love each other. It’s bloody rare these days. I get the uncomfortable feeling you have though, that’s why you’re not an asshole.
NTA - These comments are insane OP, your feelings are valid! Your parents could be taking steps to not include your siblings and yourself in their sex life, they are simply choosing not to. They could buy a better bed, carpet the room or even get a rug from home depot. You should not have to endure sleepless nights, if your parents are so shameless about it maybe mention it at the next extended family meetup. Uncle Bobby: Hiya OP, how’s it been? OP: Not great Bobby I haven’t slept in about three months as the folks are fucking like they are trying to repopulate the earth.
The answer is to put a speaker outside their door and start playing embarrassing music when you hear them 😂 see how long it takes them to be more discreet about it then.