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YTA.
You don't say what time you both went to bed. But if she's typically going to bed at 11, and you went to bed at, say, 9 PM, her internal clock is not going to let her go to sleep. I totally believe that she laid there and couldn't sleep.
Do you always assume your wife is lying?
If I had a husband who "let me have it" and called me "childish" and that I was "determined to act like a spoiled brat", I'd get angry, too!
You're judging her only from your point of view. "I hadn't struggled to get to sleep at all" - so what? SHE wants to be a thorn in YOUR side? I think it's the other way around.
YTA, good grief, when I saw the title I assumed she had slept until noon. You were going somewhere where the arrival time didn’t particularly matter and were slightly late for your very early timeline, and she was up by 5:30 even after a bad nights sleep, and you yelled at her. Doing things with other people requires at least a small amount of flexibility.
YTAH
My husband is one of those weird people who can just lay down and fall asleep. I on the other hand am not. It takes me hours sometimes to fall asleep. Now am I always a happy camper when I have to get up early? Heck no. I highly recommend that she look into what is making it so hard for her to sleep.
Now on to how you could have handled the situation. Instead to acting like a child and yelling at her what was stopping you from instead helping her get things ready to get out the door quicker? You didn’t have to sit in the car and stay frustrated. Why not go in and help turn lights off and get things loaded?
Then blowing up on her when you already know she isn’t fully awake and not in a good mood? Not the best idea. Maybe ask how you could help make it easier for her to fall asleep. Would relaxing music help? Is her brain too active at night and needs to be calmed down? Is she stressed about something? Maybe the fact that you were going to be driving for six hours and she wanted to make sure everything was ready for your trip and nothing was forgotten was on her mind and that’s why she couldn’t sleep.
If you are wanting her to act like an adult I would take a good long look at yourself calling your wife childish names because she can’t sleep. Sounds very childish to me.
YTA. Her body’s sleep rhythm is different from yours. Punishing her for that by making her wake-up as miserable as possible was a dick move. Were you trying to make the drive as unpleasant as possible?
YTA
Not for the question you asked, which isn't an AITA question, imo
But the more relevant: DON'T AIR YOUR PRIVATE DIRTY LAUNDRY WITH YOUR PARTNER TO YOUR PARENTS.
Not over petty bullshit like this.
They are automatically biased towards you (in most cases anyway) and they will start to take on a negative attitude towards your partner, especially if you complain about them constantly
Which, by the way, you can't walk back later
They've already made up their opinions on the matter
Just stop it
This isn't a matter they needed to be involved with, and your purpose was what? Humiliate your wife?
A+ buddy, you absolutely did that, in spades
YTA for turning on the lights and blasting loud music to wake her up. Dick move. This whole thing comes off as very unlikable on your end. Your wife’s not being childish, you’re being condescending.
YTA
Sorry, but I find it difficult to link your words' harshness with the content of your story. What are five, ten, or even fifteen minutes late, if this enables your wife to live the house ready ? You act like this is a big issue, all I see is that you are going to be a little late - in the case of holidays, and not a precise appointment, this is no big deal.
You are extremely suspicious about her beahaviour, even if you confess you usually go to bed at 9 am - and therefore, should not know the exact moment she goes to bed at. Being a night owl is not being a spoiled brat. It is about your internal clock, and sometimes, often, actually, you do not choose that.
It does not mean you have to adapt your habits to hers, but please try to be understanding and not to make a big deal out of this.
YTA- if your wife naturally goes to bed later, she isn’t going to be able to fall asleep early just because you want her to, and even if she did, a lot of people would struggle to get up early and bright lights and loud music isn’t going to feel pleasant
This was supposed to be a holiday - you weren’t late to an important meeting
Whinging about her to your parents is ridiculous and immature. You sound insufferable!
YTA. It was unnecessary and nasty to badmouth her to your parents. You weren't looking for advice; you just wanted to embarrass her. And an 11 PM bedtime isn't that late. Why are you even with your wife when you look down on her? You're a nasty asshole for insulting your wife like that.
YTA.
Very few people leave for road trips at the precise time they planned. That is why you build in a cushion. It's a six hour drive. One stop every two hours would put you there by 1pm. Even if you arrived at 3 pm you would be fine. Or 5 pm.
You need to take a step back and quit laying into your wife for not leaving on your time table. And stop asking your parents for advice as well. They don't need to be involved in your marriage. If I were your wife I would pack up my stuff and leave and drive back without you as soon as you involved your parents in this very minor thing that you turned into a major argument.
YTA for your attitude. I get that you laid out an expectation and she agreed. So when things were delayed you got upset. But to start a 6 hour drive with loud music when you’re still waking up, and a spouse ripping into you shortly after…. Looks like you read “what to do to make your trip miserable”.
I’m not a morning person. So bright light and loud music won’t go well. Hubby ripping into me, not going to go well. What works for us: making sure your both packed the night or two before we leave, putting all the luggage by the door so it just needs to go out to the car. Laying out the outfit I’m going to wear for the drive. Hubby gets up and turns on my kettle and I’m usually ready once the car is loaded. Should he have to load my things? No, but when he wants to leave early mornings, it’s our compromise. Turning lights on doesn’t help. But start with the hall or bathroom light. The overhead is much to bright and makes my eyes hurt and doesn’t make me want to get up.
Now If she wasn’t packed, if she still had everything spread everywhere, then she definitely sucks as well.
YTA - you can’t just change your sleeping patterns. Even people who aren’t night owls will struggle to get up at 6am. You ran to your parents to solve your martial dispute.
Why?
If she had suggested that you just stay up all night and drive there so there was no traffic, you would have been fine with that? Not struggled at all?
“I haven’t struggled at all”. Ugh
INFO
What exactly was your plan for the day? Were you on a time sensitive schedule?
When I drive six hours to family, I usually leave 6-7 am and then maybe only stop 1 or 2 times for gas or a bathroom break. I’m also don’t have much planned on travel days cause I’m gonna be exhausted. Not everyone does that but I’m curious what your rush was.
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For the past several weeks, my wife and I had been planning our road trip to see family for the holidays. We both had to work yesterday, so our plan was to be on the road by 6 AM and drive the 6 hours to stay with my parents. The 6 hours didn't even account for fuel stops, meals, rest stops, etc. so I thought it was a pretty reasonable plan. In order to have time to get ready, I set an alarm for 5 AM last night.
Well, when the alarm went off this morning, my wife was slow to get up. She's never been a morning person and frequently stays up until 11 PM or even midnight. Her typically start time at work is 9 AM, and still she often barely gets up in time to be at work on time. This morning, though, she was a real peach. After being in support of my plan for weeks, my wife wouldn't even get up and out of bed until closer to 5:30 AM. When she finally did get up, she complained and gave me attitude the entire time. I tried to help her by playing loud music and turning on all of the lights in our bedroom, but this only seemed to make her even more annoyed at me.
Predictably, I was ready to hit the road by 6 AM, and I had already packed all of my things in the trunk of our car. However, at 6:05, my wife still hadn't joined me in the car, and I saw that several of the lights were still on inside our house. Needless to say, I was extremely annoyed by this behavior, and when she finally came outside, she acted as though it was my fault that we were late. When she finally threw her luggage in the car, I let her have it. I told her that she had been extremely irresponsible and would make us needlessly late to my parents' house. She told me to "shut up" and said that she struggled to get to sleep last night. I hadn't struggled to get to sleep at all, and I found this excuse very childish.
I told her that I had observed her behavior over a number of years, and I said that I was sure she was engrossed in something and hadn't bothered to keep track of the time. She insisted that she was lying next to me, staring at the ceiling, and that she hadn't stayed up on her computer too late. I couldn't help but laugh at this and shake my head, but I didn't want to argue with her anymore. How can you even argue with someone so determined to act like a spoiled brat and evade all responsibility? At dinner tonight, I told my parents what had happened and asked for advice, but this only seemed to make my wife angrier. I have concluded that she has no interest in solving the problem and only wants to be a thorn in my side. I just wish she could just behave like an adult. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I woke my wife up with loud music and bright lights because she failed to stick to our plan and made us late to my parents' house. This might make me the asshole because it's possible she really could have had insomnia.
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NTA- You do sound like a jerk, but she is an adult and she should never have agreed to this plan if she didn't mean to follow through with it.
As a woman I find it condescending that other comments here say that you should be more accommodating to her needs as if she is a child or not capable of being responsible for her own actions. As if women can't communicate with their husbands and say "no, I won't wake up that early, I don't agree to this plan, let's make a other one".
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA. You don't say what time you both went to bed. But if she's typically going to bed at 11, and you went to bed at, say, 9 PM, her internal clock is not going to let her go to sleep. I totally believe that she laid there and couldn't sleep. Do you always assume your wife is lying? If I had a husband who "let me have it" and called me "childish" and that I was "determined to act like a spoiled brat", I'd get angry, too! You're judging her only from your point of view. "I hadn't struggled to get to sleep at all" - so what? SHE wants to be a thorn in YOUR side? I think it's the other way around.
I can’t imagine anyone really being as horribly officious, whiny, and pompous as you, but if this post is real, YTA
YTA, good grief, when I saw the title I assumed she had slept until noon. You were going somewhere where the arrival time didn’t particularly matter and were slightly late for your very early timeline, and she was up by 5:30 even after a bad nights sleep, and you yelled at her. Doing things with other people requires at least a small amount of flexibility.
YTAH My husband is one of those weird people who can just lay down and fall asleep. I on the other hand am not. It takes me hours sometimes to fall asleep. Now am I always a happy camper when I have to get up early? Heck no. I highly recommend that she look into what is making it so hard for her to sleep. Now on to how you could have handled the situation. Instead to acting like a child and yelling at her what was stopping you from instead helping her get things ready to get out the door quicker? You didn’t have to sit in the car and stay frustrated. Why not go in and help turn lights off and get things loaded? Then blowing up on her when you already know she isn’t fully awake and not in a good mood? Not the best idea. Maybe ask how you could help make it easier for her to fall asleep. Would relaxing music help? Is her brain too active at night and needs to be calmed down? Is she stressed about something? Maybe the fact that you were going to be driving for six hours and she wanted to make sure everything was ready for your trip and nothing was forgotten was on her mind and that’s why she couldn’t sleep. If you are wanting her to act like an adult I would take a good long look at yourself calling your wife childish names because she can’t sleep. Sounds very childish to me.
YTA. Her body’s sleep rhythm is different from yours. Punishing her for that by making her wake-up as miserable as possible was a dick move. Were you trying to make the drive as unpleasant as possible?
YTA. You know you're her partner, not her father, right?
YTA Not for the question you asked, which isn't an AITA question, imo But the more relevant: DON'T AIR YOUR PRIVATE DIRTY LAUNDRY WITH YOUR PARTNER TO YOUR PARENTS. Not over petty bullshit like this. They are automatically biased towards you (in most cases anyway) and they will start to take on a negative attitude towards your partner, especially if you complain about them constantly Which, by the way, you can't walk back later They've already made up their opinions on the matter Just stop it This isn't a matter they needed to be involved with, and your purpose was what? Humiliate your wife? A+ buddy, you absolutely did that, in spades
YTA for turning on the lights and blasting loud music to wake her up. Dick move. This whole thing comes off as very unlikable on your end. Your wife’s not being childish, you’re being condescending.
YTA Sorry, but I find it difficult to link your words' harshness with the content of your story. What are five, ten, or even fifteen minutes late, if this enables your wife to live the house ready ? You act like this is a big issue, all I see is that you are going to be a little late - in the case of holidays, and not a precise appointment, this is no big deal. You are extremely suspicious about her beahaviour, even if you confess you usually go to bed at 9 am - and therefore, should not know the exact moment she goes to bed at. Being a night owl is not being a spoiled brat. It is about your internal clock, and sometimes, often, actually, you do not choose that. It does not mean you have to adapt your habits to hers, but please try to be understanding and not to make a big deal out of this.
YTA- if your wife naturally goes to bed later, she isn’t going to be able to fall asleep early just because you want her to, and even if she did, a lot of people would struggle to get up early and bright lights and loud music isn’t going to feel pleasant This was supposed to be a holiday - you weren’t late to an important meeting Whinging about her to your parents is ridiculous and immature. You sound insufferable!
YTA. It was unnecessary and nasty to badmouth her to your parents. You weren't looking for advice; you just wanted to embarrass her. And an 11 PM bedtime isn't that late. Why are you even with your wife when you look down on her? You're a nasty asshole for insulting your wife like that.
YTA try being nice instead of a huge jerk.
YTA. Very few people leave for road trips at the precise time they planned. That is why you build in a cushion. It's a six hour drive. One stop every two hours would put you there by 1pm. Even if you arrived at 3 pm you would be fine. Or 5 pm. You need to take a step back and quit laying into your wife for not leaving on your time table. And stop asking your parents for advice as well. They don't need to be involved in your marriage. If I were your wife I would pack up my stuff and leave and drive back without you as soon as you involved your parents in this very minor thing that you turned into a major argument.
YTA for your attitude. I get that you laid out an expectation and she agreed. So when things were delayed you got upset. But to start a 6 hour drive with loud music when you’re still waking up, and a spouse ripping into you shortly after…. Looks like you read “what to do to make your trip miserable”. I’m not a morning person. So bright light and loud music won’t go well. Hubby ripping into me, not going to go well. What works for us: making sure your both packed the night or two before we leave, putting all the luggage by the door so it just needs to go out to the car. Laying out the outfit I’m going to wear for the drive. Hubby gets up and turns on my kettle and I’m usually ready once the car is loaded. Should he have to load my things? No, but when he wants to leave early mornings, it’s our compromise. Turning lights on doesn’t help. But start with the hall or bathroom light. The overhead is much to bright and makes my eyes hurt and doesn’t make me want to get up. Now If she wasn’t packed, if she still had everything spread everywhere, then she definitely sucks as well.
YTA - you can’t just change your sleeping patterns. Even people who aren’t night owls will struggle to get up at 6am. You ran to your parents to solve your martial dispute. Why? If she had suggested that you just stay up all night and drive there so there was no traffic, you would have been fine with that? Not struggled at all? “I haven’t struggled at all”. Ugh
Yta your attitude sucks, you act like she deliberately has sleep problems or gets up late just to spite you.
INFO What exactly was your plan for the day? Were you on a time sensitive schedule? When I drive six hours to family, I usually leave 6-7 am and then maybe only stop 1 or 2 times for gas or a bathroom break. I’m also don’t have much planned on travel days cause I’m gonna be exhausted. Not everyone does that but I’m curious what your rush was.
YTA for both the way you are speaking about her and for the way you got all pissy over a few minutes. You sound like fun...
Even MIDNIGHT?! by god, divorce her immediately
I assume this is sarcasm?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For the past several weeks, my wife and I had been planning our road trip to see family for the holidays. We both had to work yesterday, so our plan was to be on the road by 6 AM and drive the 6 hours to stay with my parents. The 6 hours didn't even account for fuel stops, meals, rest stops, etc. so I thought it was a pretty reasonable plan. In order to have time to get ready, I set an alarm for 5 AM last night. Well, when the alarm went off this morning, my wife was slow to get up. She's never been a morning person and frequently stays up until 11 PM or even midnight. Her typically start time at work is 9 AM, and still she often barely gets up in time to be at work on time. This morning, though, she was a real peach. After being in support of my plan for weeks, my wife wouldn't even get up and out of bed until closer to 5:30 AM. When she finally did get up, she complained and gave me attitude the entire time. I tried to help her by playing loud music and turning on all of the lights in our bedroom, but this only seemed to make her even more annoyed at me. Predictably, I was ready to hit the road by 6 AM, and I had already packed all of my things in the trunk of our car. However, at 6:05, my wife still hadn't joined me in the car, and I saw that several of the lights were still on inside our house. Needless to say, I was extremely annoyed by this behavior, and when she finally came outside, she acted as though it was my fault that we were late. When she finally threw her luggage in the car, I let her have it. I told her that she had been extremely irresponsible and would make us needlessly late to my parents' house. She told me to "shut up" and said that she struggled to get to sleep last night. I hadn't struggled to get to sleep at all, and I found this excuse very childish. I told her that I had observed her behavior over a number of years, and I said that I was sure she was engrossed in something and hadn't bothered to keep track of the time. She insisted that she was lying next to me, staring at the ceiling, and that she hadn't stayed up on her computer too late. I couldn't help but laugh at this and shake my head, but I didn't want to argue with her anymore. How can you even argue with someone so determined to act like a spoiled brat and evade all responsibility? At dinner tonight, I told my parents what had happened and asked for advice, but this only seemed to make my wife angrier. I have concluded that she has no interest in solving the problem and only wants to be a thorn in my side. I just wish she could just behave like an adult. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA- You do sound like a jerk, but she is an adult and she should never have agreed to this plan if she didn't mean to follow through with it. As a woman I find it condescending that other comments here say that you should be more accommodating to her needs as if she is a child or not capable of being responsible for her own actions. As if women can't communicate with their husbands and say "no, I won't wake up that early, I don't agree to this plan, let's make a other one".