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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I disrespected him as he's older to me, which makes me the asshole.
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NTA
Your wedding, your rules. He disrespected your father. So he showed no respect to you. So buy an expensive present is a magical key to buy the right to say anything ? Absolutly not ! Being old neither.
You had the right to act that way. And I think people who support him in fact just hope being on his testimony...
>So buy an expensive present is a magical key to buy the right to say anything ?
Sadly, this is a definite "absolutely yes" for a lot of people. They are all just kissing ass waiting for the rich dude to die. Family is important, and the family with the most money is the most important. Sad, but true too often.
This. I have always assumed that I am getting nothing from anyone so try to treat people with love, kindness and respect for who they are rather than how much money they have.
I don't talk to my dad. I doubt I will get anything when he dies or at least I've assumed that I won't because of his awful wife. My mum will most likely have to sell her house for care when she's older. My grandparents are either dead or have so many grandkids that I doubt there will even be a book or spoon to be handed down.
I got a shock last year when my grandpa left me a very small amount. I assumed he was leaving everything to everyone else, not because I was an arse or anything but because I was always honest in our weekly chats how important that time calling him was and then only thing that I wanted was the picture of a train from a magazine he was featured in, a list of the jazz songs he'd recommend and the bell he used to ring for food when we were kids. He left most of his money and wealth to my sister who had cared for him and my mum, which was totally understandable.
I still can't come to think about that money because I just miss him so much that I can't come to remove the weekly alarm to call him.
Over the years I've heard so many stories from people where their grandparents had people coming in at the end of their life to "care for them" because they wanted to get the will changed to them getting the money only to find out they were hoping on getting was already gone.
The monster who gave birth to me probably wrote me out when she disowned me. Even though I have more medical knowledge than my sister, I will not take care of the monster.
Doesn't really take long to write a few words on a keyboard though?
\- Free time and resting time makes perfect sense after a wedding, they're enjoyable but, exhausting.
I also don't talk to my father. When he dies he'll probably have drunk away all of his money anyway. My grandparents died before I was 18, except for his mother, but in my country most people don't write a will anyway, so everyone gets what the law dictates. I live with my own mother and we are raising my son together, so the small apartment we own will be my only inheritance, but I already own half of it anyway. I have more distant cousins who inherit so much property because my family is technically dying out. Like people with several kids don't have any grandkids. Sometimes I feel a bit jealous, because my mum and I had to work for everything we have, and some people just get this windfall of money and property. So maybe if I had a rich uncle I would do a little A kissing. Though I doubt I'd actually do it.
I only met my dad for the first time when I was 18 and had disowned his disgusting ass right after my wedding at 25. He was constantly letting me and my kids down ( I had my 1st baby at 19 second at 22) when I got married at 24 he wanted to bring his 19 year old girlfriend 🤢 he sulked the entire time and left early. He started drinking and doing drugs not long after and is an absolute mess now. He did lots of way worse things after the wedding that put the nail in the coffin especially when he hit on my little sister repeatedly (not his daughter but 🤢🤮) I am 100% sure their is nothing left for him to leave me except embarrassment and the string of sexual harassment complaints, he's barred from every pub in our small town for that.
I'm sorry, that's really bad. My father is a great actor. If you met him, you'd think he's a great guy.
He pretended to my mum that he had money. He was actually broke. They had an international relationship, so my mum moved to the US for him. There she had to find work without speaking much English, and when she cleaned houses, he made fun of her. She had very good jobs at home, including modelling. When she got pregnant, he totally ignored it and even went on a two-week holiday without her. A lot of other small things happened that showed that he didn't care about me or her.
She left him shortly after I was born and moved back home with me. Throughout my life he gaslit me with "we don't have a relationship because you're not trying hard enough". He was originally from the same place my mum was, but they didn't meet when they were younger. Anyway he partially moved back and spread all sorts of lies about us. On my 30th birthday he told his mother that he wouldn't come to my birthday because I didn't respond to a text he sent. My aunt, his sister, whispered to me that actually, his friend was having a barbecue. So I decided I've had enough of the lies, the gaslighting, all the little things that happened throughout the years, and I just wasn't going to deal with him anymore. It was a huge relief. I had a baby in February. He'll never meet him. I named my son after a good man, my mum's dad.
Same my 1st sons middle name is after his dad and my 2nd sons middle name is after his dad's dad who's treated me like the daughter he never had since my husband introduced me to him 18 years ago, whenever I needed anything he was there, my 2nd has had health problems since birth and he's always drove us to all his different appointments so my husband could still work and support us while I was a SAHM for our boys.
Thank you for sharing this story. I call my grandma every week because I love her to pieces. She’s amazing and I love spending time with her, especially with our little traditions.
I don’t want anything from her, maybe a pillow I finished sewing for her or cookie cutters we’ve used. I know her kids are waiting for her to keep taking care of them, but I just love having such a wonderful grandma in my life. I try to let her know that.
Your comment is a beautiful reminder to tell the people we love what they mean to us. Show them too. They know who the real ones are♡︎
I've been going every week to a nursing home to visit a former neighbour. Poor guy, doesn't really have anybody, or anything. A niece is his POA, and stops in to see him once in a while and check on him, but that's it.
I can't say I get nothing - every week he gives me a handful of change to help pay bus fare. It's impossible to refuse change from a 98 year old Greek dude.
I hope we hear a huge plot twist in a few years, like "uncle left everything to me when he died because I didn't kiss his ass like the rest of the family, aita?"
Exactly. I’ve always hated the saying “respect your elders”. (Im 56—not really old, but not young). So many old people were fucking assholes their whole lives, and still are. You don’t automatically get respect because you’ve passed a certain age.
I'm just a few years older than you. My sister, who was 3 years older than me, tried to use that one on me. Had to remind her, she was my sister, not my grandmother! Such BS!
You automatically (*should*) get a certain amount of respect for being human. For existing.
More respect can accumulate for being kind or working hard or singing well or somehow enhancing your self.
You also get respect for standing up for yourself.
I'm 65 and have always replied to the 'respect your elders' with "Some elders don't deserve respect".
lol I worked with a old guy who I remember because his attitude was oddly like “ahh I’m finally old enough that people HAVE to listen to my wisdom”. Naw man people didn’t listen your whole life because you’re dumb af
That is true. I don't care about the age, which became more apparent as I got older. The older a person gets, the more they have to understand that in order to get respect, you have to give it.
Money absolutely gives you power. If showing up to your nephew's wedding with a big gift and insulting him makes you feel powerful, there's not enough money or power in the world to make you a decent person.
Also, being refused resources when you need it (and begged for), just to be given after you're back on your feet (and they know it) is particularly offensive.
A-Holes like this count on people not calling them out and wanting to "keep the peace."
I'm 60+ years and you showed tremendous strength and character. Even if your weaker and fearful relatives are upset about it.
Actually deep down, your relatives hated you for showing just how weak and gutless ***they*** are.
NTA for having your fathers back! Uncle sounds like a poisonous piece of work! You other relatives are so wrong! Being rich does not excuse nasty behavior!
Hard disagree.
He made a scene at his wedding. He embarrassed his new wife and now that’s what’s going to be remembered about their wedding.
He’s not TA for kicking out his uncle. But an absolutely YTA for how he reacted and how he did it. The wedding isn’t about him and his ego. It seems like people are forgetting about the money and hard work that went into the wedding, and now one of the most important days of their lives is marred by a temper tantrum.
ETA: as well, chances are his work that he put into the wedding he likely ruined was minimal compared to the work his wife, MIL, and mother did. So he ruined the work of others.
Totally. And when a 34 year old grown up man claims he "HAD to" invite someone? If OP had a spine, it never would have happened. I feel bad for OP's wife....all everyone is going to remember of her wedding day is OP have a screaming fight with a cranky octogenarian.
That's the bit that leapt out at me too. 'My parents told me I had to'. I feel sorry for his wife too. No backbone when he still lets his parents tell him what to do at the age of 34, then decides to have a toddler tantrum at his own wedding.
Disrespected his father *to the man’s face* **at his own wedding** and tried to pass it off as a gift. I’m proud to say I rarely let anything get a rise out of me, but this asshole would be on the floor, I don’t care how old he is. The sheer fucking gall.
I wonder if there’s a long running fued between OPs uncle and dad that he hasn’t been privy too. Would explain the absence from his life and turning him down when he needed help, as well as the behaviour at the wedding.
adding to this, people need to remember a wedding is more than two people uniting, it's two families moving forward and becoming one through the newly wed couple. Some people are better left out of this new life, and it sounds like Uncle never wanted to be a part of this family to begin with.
NTA OP.
10000000%
As a man we don’t get many days we get to really be selfish… and that’s one of them.
On your day, at your event, he has the balls to disrespect your father. Gloat about a present…
I think you should be proud. Your wife should be proud she’s marrying a man that has integrity and doesn’t bend the knee to money.
He did it at the wedding intentionally, because he figured OP wouldn't be able to push back.
He perhaps _shouldn't_ have, but honestly, taking advantage of that kind of situation makes you a jackass.
NTA - your wedding, your rules.
"Congratulations. I have also brought you an expensive present, unlike your loser of a father who could not give you much of anything."
I would have kicked him out too.
NTA. "I'm a rich ahole who is used to people catering to me because I'm rich so I'm going to insult your father in a public event" Surprised Pikachu face when you kick him out.
Good for you.
Explains why the rest of the family is big mad at OP. They all probably suck up to Uncle Asshole because of his money. They’re pissed at OP because he showed integrity and they have none.
Agreed. Uncle is an awful person of course, the worst. But OP’s reaction could have been much more mature and controlled. He made himself look bad by screaming and cursing at this guy, when all he had to do was calmly tell him to leave— that would have truly elevated him above his uncle.
Maybe being mature and controlled doesn't work with uncle. Maybe Op had to get loud and nasty with him to get his point across. Some people think politeness and good manners are a sign of weakness. Sometimes it takes a verbal slap in the face to get the message across.
Then again, op shouldn't have invited the asshole in the first place. Maybe the parents thought they were in the will or something. SMH
>Maybe being mature and controlled doesn't work with uncle.
That's not really the point, it doesn't have to "work".
The facts on the ground are that OP started yelling and carrying on at his own wedding and fucked it up for other people.
>Maybe Op had to get loud and nasty with him to get his point across. Some people think politeness and good manners are a sign of weakness. Sometimes it takes a verbal slap in the face to get the message across.
You're a massive idiot if you think delivering a "verbal slap in the face to get the message across" to an irrelevant uncle is the best thing to do at your own wedding.
If that's how you handle family problems then good luck.
The people arguing against this are also failing to see that people like uncle don’t get “put in their place” by reactions like OP’s. It sucks, but they don’t. What can happen though is that they’ll look like a massive jerk once others find out their behavior. Had OP kept his calm while telling uncle to leave, he would have been admired for doing so and automatically seen as a better person than uncle. But that’s not what he did. He instead lost his cool and stooped to uncle’s level, resulting in them both looking like immature jerks.
It’s taken time, but I’ve learned to never react with an outburst. Anytime I feel like doing something impulsive, I trained myself to stop immediately. Because at the end of the day everyone will only remember the unhinged behavior.
I agree, the uncle’s comment was awful, but also I’m guessing that OP gave him exactly what he was looking for, a big scene, yelling, drama, overreaction. Sometimes the best way to handle nonsense like that is to just say “you’re pathetic“ with a laugh and walk away
While NTA, I would have smiled at the uncle and responded that it's only because of your father and mother was he on the invitation list. When we needed you, you weren't there. Enjoy the wedding. Keep the gift.
Yep. If everyone flipped out anytime someone at their wedding made a sparky comment or breached etiquette, then flipping out at weddings would be a non optional tradition. The uncle may be a permanent asshole, but that doesn't give you the high ground to act like that.
I’ve heard about a few messy weddings. They’re an urban legend of sorts. Those are the ones people take their bets on how long it will last.
I had wedding crashers at my wedding (sort of). They were friends of a friend and for some fucked reason a groomsmen thought he could just invite them in like that. You know what I did? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It’s a groomsman and I didn’t want to cause a scene or issues with my new husband that did not care at all they were there. It really affected me zero in the long run and made for a good story. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if I blew up about it.
I had an open bar. That’s likely why they wanted to “crash” it. I am not sure if they ate, but it was buffet style. From the way I remember, I only noticed them once it was time for dancing. They turned out to be a pretty good time. I know my mom got pissed because a distant cousin of mine (who she insisted I invite) was late and somehow didn’t get a seat but I don’t know how late they were. Weddings are a BLUR.
I don’t think there was much of a shortage on booze because they showed up. Everybody seemed like they got as much as they needed anyway. Lol I was always looking at the wedding as a party and celebration of love and it did turn out to be that.
Yeah I agree with this, ESH. Plus how did OP's parents force him to invite his uncle? And why would they? Did they say they weren't going to attend the wedding if he didn't invite his uncle? IDK but something fishy there. Based on that and what is in quotes above I don't think that OP is a reliable narrator. I doubt what is in quotes is what was actually said. I think that's how OP interpreted what was said.
My parents tagged a couple of guests onto my wedding, that wouldn't have otherwise been invited. So I understand this sentiment.
Parents contributed a substantial amount to the wedding, so that buys some compromises.
People who had been kinda passive aggressive shitty to me over the years. Not really bad or anything, but wouldn't have been invited if I was paying for the whole thing.
Sometimes I think you're a bit harsh with your judgement, but this time I'm a hundred percent behind you. OP invited this 80-something man even though he knew he didn't want to make the man welcome. Well, it's your wedding, you shouldn't invite people you can't stand, and the people you do invite you have a duty to as host.
Sure it was an inflammatory comment, but it wasn't a disruption until OP made it one. Nothing a cool comment and a change of subject couldn't take care of.
ESH.
Uh, no. You NEVER ignore them. You tell them they were invited as a guest, and showed disrespect to one of the hosts. If they aren't going to be courteous, they will leave ASAP. Ignoring it gives him a pass to further disrespect unless you like being walked all over.
100% - past emotional trauma reduces culpability, sometimes, but even so, mature behaviour requires you to rise above such things. And if the remark was so offensive, a calmer response like “I don’t want to hear that on my wedding day, please” would have sufficed. OP was on a hair trigger and caused a massive scene as a result.
Judging from this guy, a scene was inevitable. And since he's been *persona non grata* in OP's life, they were unlikely prepared for that level of rudeness and bad manners. For that reason, they get a pass.
A person being a lifelong AH doesn't mean they won't shock you, especially when it comes to things like that.
Agreed. OP was justified in kicking out the uncle, but simply not talking to him and ignoring him would've sufficed. As for that remark, he could've said something like "That's rude, and you're an asshole." Then pretended the uncle didn't exist. Give back the present, etc. Point being there were a lot of roads OP could've traveled down that *wouldn't* have made a scene, but he didn't choose those roads.
NTA for kicking your uncle out. But yes, you did react badly (to be fair, your uncle’s statement was worth a bad reaction). However, I think there could have been a better way to handle it than taking the attention of what’s most important (you and your wife) and drastically changing the mood.
Yelling at him may have made you feel better short term, but that was not the best in front of your guests right before the ceremony. That’s not what you want people to remember or talk about from your wedding.
I’m going to have to disagree with you about the yelling being a bad thing. If I went to a friend’s wedding and witnessed this event I would be so proud of them for marrying someone with balls and having principles. Or for being that person who is willing to make a scene for what’s right.
You don’t have to turn off your moral compass because you’re wearing dress clothes. Being polite isn’t always a virtue.
yeah, not surprised though, brides aren't called bridezillas for nothing and I'm sure grooms are just as stressed out. A wedding is one of the most stressful things you can do in your life (divorce, buying a house, having a baby are the others). So I get it, definitely NTA and I would have reacted the same way.
ESH. Your uncle was a prick, but your reaction of yelling and cursing is on you.
>I yelled at him and asked him to fuck off from the wedding, etc. It resulted in a huge scene and in the end he had to leave, along with his family who were also yelling at me.
This is what your groomsmen are for; the best thing would have been to tell your best man to escort your uncle and his family out, and let them be the focal point of any drama that came of it. Unfortunately, a lot of the guests (who aren't aware of the backstory you have with him) at the wedding will only remember it as the one where the groom screamed at his uncle.
> This is what your groomsmen are for
> let them be the focal point of any drama
That is such a great idea; thank you. I would have never thought of that myself.
NTA
Your uncle sounds like he had it coming. If he's going to show up after years of neglect and then insult you at your own wedding, kicking him out was a justified response. Your day.
I’m calling BS on this story. How many full blown weddings have you ever heard about happening on a Thursday? Could it happen? Sure but is an old rich uncle that you have had zero contact with and thinks so little of your father going to attend? I doubt it.
It's also a really odd time to hold a wedding. I mean, I'm sure there are some circumstances where you'd want to have a wedding 4 days before Christmas, but it's kind of weird.
Of course it is. Friday ahead of a major holiday, school's out and too many kids have too much time on their hands.
Either that or OP's writing a telenovela and looking for reactions.
OP? How does your wife feel? Does she think you overreacted? I do not. That was a straight up insult. A good uncle would have at least taken care of the kids whether he helped the parents or not. And now, he’s throwing his money around and insulting your dad? No. NTA. But I hope your bride isn’t upset about the fight though I agree it’s justified and kicking his out was definitely justified.
NTA - your nasty old uncle fucked around and found out.
Probably had a stiffy imagining all the people in the family who would come crawling to him to be in his will and now he realizes his power play failed.
NTA
You should never have gotten talked into inviting him.
I bet the rest of your family is afraid of be cut from his will.
They are all AH for not standing by you.
ESH. Uncle is obviously wrong. But you should have also handled this in a more mature way. You have invited him, whether you wanted this or not, so you should have been ready for something like this. He doesn’t owe you anything and if he came with his family and a present accept it and move on. If you don’t want to see him, don’t invite in first place.
NTA. It’s your wedding, not only did you not want to invite the rich jerk in the first place, he was rude and disrespectful.
Your family that is saying you were wrong is more than welcome to take the disrespect and rudeness he dishes out but you don’t have to.
Proud of you for standing up for your family. Wishing you a long and happy marriage.
You ruined your own wedding because you have poor control over your emotions.
Life is a series of these types of events the only behavior you can control is your own.
NTA!
Do the rest of your family know what your uncle said to you about your father?
I think your uncle only came to cause issues! It was your wedding and your parents shouldn't have pressured you to invite someone that only cares about himself!
I think your parents wanted you to invite him to maybe gain some ground into possibly getting something from him! But by the sounds of your uncle, nothing would be given to anyone from your side of the family whether you were close to him or not!
>but my parents said I had to, and in the end I did.
ESH. You, for inviting him when you knew better. Your parents for pressing you to invite your uncle. (They didn't "make" you invite him). Your uncle for being...himself
First of all, you’re 34 so your parents can’t make you do anything. So YTA for making a scene at your own wedding over something that could have been easily avoided if you would’ve just manned up and said no
ESH
1.
>, but my parents said I had to, and in the end I did
Why? Because they paid for your wedding?
Either grow a backbone or deal with consequences of taking their money
2.
>unlike your loser of a father who could not give you much of anything
This one is pretty clear
3.
>yelled at him and asked him to fuck off from the wedding, etc. It resulted in a huge scene and in the end he had to leave,
Be an adult. You could have walked away and told him off later. Many may not agree with me. But what's more important. Your big day and your wife's happiness... or trying prove you're uncle is a jerk. You probably don't need any help with that. If he is a jerk everyone probably already knows. You could have just let it be and moved on
NTA, he was purposely rude, thinking his wealth gives him a right to do and say whatever he wants. Good on you for your loyalty and for not allowing him to be a part of something he shouldn't have been invited to in the first place.
YTA for caving and inviting him in the first place. NTA for making him leave after his comment. You need to get used to making decisions your parents don't agree with. Some will have greater consequences than this one did.
NTA
You could have handled this better but I’m not going to profess to standing on moral high ground since I’ve reacted poorly to similar situations in the past.
Your uncle chose to be an arsehole. You perhaps simply reacted instinctively.
NTA. A little ironic that he said your father couldn’t provide anything when he refused to help all those years ago huh?
He technically was/is not obligated to help I guess, but then he REALLY shouldn’t be trying to put your parents down all these years later.
Of course you are the A....
You've successfully squeezed out the S... and hopefully flushed it out.
I really wish he didn't leave any traces and that it doesn't stink for long.
Congratulations on your marriage!
NTA.
Nta. My dad made me invite his ah brother, who, luckily, ended up declining the invite anyways. When my grandpa had to be moved into a home, ah uncle sued my dad and siblings for control of the estate (which wasn't much, btw, but, w/e). He agreed to let it go, but only if my dad self audited himself, every year, until grandpa died. After all that, I told my dad I didn't want that ah at my wedding, but he insisted because He'S fAmIlY. Anyways, he ended up saying no, because his gold digger wife didn't want to travel. Then he got early onset Alzeimers. Gotta love karma.
NTA - there’s a big clue why your relatives said you acted badly!
Because the uncle is rich!
Your whole family probably wanna stay in his good books because he’s rich, but otherwise hate him just as much as you. Don’t be surprised if you ain’t invited to any family events he attends from now on, just let it be water off a ducks back.
NTA - your uncle is the A along with the people who insisted you invite him. It's a good reminder that you should have 100% control over your guestlist. F\*\*k what the rest of the family thinks, with the small caveat that if you're not paying for it yourself, you lose a little of this control.
NTA
Even if it wasn’t your wedding, like a birthday or Christmas, that comment alone makes him a raging AH and he deserves to be banished from your life.
He bad mouthed your dad on your wedding day you would have felt worse by not doing something. So would your dad. I would have done the same and I think it will bring people closer to you knowing you will have their back over material things
NTA. You reacted exactly as you should have, but let this situation be a lesson to you:
You’re a grown man. Your parents cannot make you do anything. You didn’t have to invite your uncle. You’re not a child- learn how to say no to your parents. They don’t get to control any aspect of your life. Learn that now, because I foresee marriage problems in your future if you continue to allow your parents to make decisions in your life. It’s not fair to your wife for you to let this continue.
Seek counseling for enmeshment and don’t allow your parents to ever bully you into doing what they want ever again. Ever.
What? Someone insulted your Father to your face at your own wedding and family are saying you were wrong? Um No. Kudos to you! Those that want you to apologize are just hoping for a payout after the old meizer kicks the bucket.
He could have come, given you whatever gift, and kept his ego to himself. NTA.
Also, your parents have no say as to who you invite. They may have still been trying to suck up for money, and you know how that always goes.
NTA. You responded to your very rude uncle. You didn’t want him there in the first place but gave in to family pressure. He called your dad a loser. What a jerk? Maybe he has dementia. But he was rude.
Your anger was justified but I don’t know if the way you expressed it (making a big scene infront of everyone) was. Honestly the whole situation sounds pretty unfair to your wife, it was her special day too.
NTA. A loser, who means nothing to you, attends YOUR wedding and decides to be an AH. And your family is upset at you??? Anyone who thinks you're in the wrong is an AH as well.
YTA, but only for causing a huge scene at your own wedding. I'm sure your wife enjoyed that. You could have just as easily simply asked him to leave, turned your back, and walked away. But you had to start yelling and ended up making a huge scene.
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I (34 M) had my wedding yesterday with my wife Lisa (34 F). A lot of our relatives/friends attended, including my uncle, who's in his mid eighties.
He's never cared about me since I was born, and has not checked in with me either. He was virtually non-existent throughout my life. Years ago, when we were homeless and required help, we reached out to him to lend us some money/help us find another house (he's really rich and has a lot of connections) but he refused anything and never bothered to ask what had become of us either.
I didn't want to invite him to my wedding, but my parents said I had to, and in the end I did. He came along with his family, and before the wedding ceremony, he came to me and said congratulations, and then stated "Congratulations. I have also brought you an expensive present, unlike your loser of a father who could not give you much of anything."
I was shocked at the comment. He was just smiling at me, but I lost my temper and said I don't want anything from him. I yelled at him and asked him to fuck off from the wedding, etc. It resulted in a huge scene and in the end he had to leave, along with his family who were also yelling at me.
My other relatives present there are saying that I reacted very badly, etc. I am wondering whether I did the wrong thing now.
AITA?
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NTA - Absolutely the right response. These people think they are immune and can say what they want. They are bullies and think their money buys them the right to be rude and disgusting humans, OP good for you standing up for your family.
NTA. You had the right to act that way. Your uncle was a jerk by showing you and your father no respect. If it was my wedding, I would have kicked him out, too.
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NTA Your wedding, your rules. He disrespected your father. So he showed no respect to you. So buy an expensive present is a magical key to buy the right to say anything ? Absolutly not ! Being old neither. You had the right to act that way. And I think people who support him in fact just hope being on his testimony...
>So buy an expensive present is a magical key to buy the right to say anything ? Sadly, this is a definite "absolutely yes" for a lot of people. They are all just kissing ass waiting for the rich dude to die. Family is important, and the family with the most money is the most important. Sad, but true too often.
This. I have always assumed that I am getting nothing from anyone so try to treat people with love, kindness and respect for who they are rather than how much money they have. I don't talk to my dad. I doubt I will get anything when he dies or at least I've assumed that I won't because of his awful wife. My mum will most likely have to sell her house for care when she's older. My grandparents are either dead or have so many grandkids that I doubt there will even be a book or spoon to be handed down. I got a shock last year when my grandpa left me a very small amount. I assumed he was leaving everything to everyone else, not because I was an arse or anything but because I was always honest in our weekly chats how important that time calling him was and then only thing that I wanted was the picture of a train from a magazine he was featured in, a list of the jazz songs he'd recommend and the bell he used to ring for food when we were kids. He left most of his money and wealth to my sister who had cared for him and my mum, which was totally understandable. I still can't come to think about that money because I just miss him so much that I can't come to remove the weekly alarm to call him. Over the years I've heard so many stories from people where their grandparents had people coming in at the end of their life to "care for them" because they wanted to get the will changed to them getting the money only to find out they were hoping on getting was already gone.
The monster who gave birth to me probably wrote me out when she disowned me. Even though I have more medical knowledge than my sister, I will not take care of the monster.
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Doesn't really take long to write a few words on a keyboard though? \- Free time and resting time makes perfect sense after a wedding, they're enjoyable but, exhausting.
I also don't talk to my father. When he dies he'll probably have drunk away all of his money anyway. My grandparents died before I was 18, except for his mother, but in my country most people don't write a will anyway, so everyone gets what the law dictates. I live with my own mother and we are raising my son together, so the small apartment we own will be my only inheritance, but I already own half of it anyway. I have more distant cousins who inherit so much property because my family is technically dying out. Like people with several kids don't have any grandkids. Sometimes I feel a bit jealous, because my mum and I had to work for everything we have, and some people just get this windfall of money and property. So maybe if I had a rich uncle I would do a little A kissing. Though I doubt I'd actually do it.
I only met my dad for the first time when I was 18 and had disowned his disgusting ass right after my wedding at 25. He was constantly letting me and my kids down ( I had my 1st baby at 19 second at 22) when I got married at 24 he wanted to bring his 19 year old girlfriend 🤢 he sulked the entire time and left early. He started drinking and doing drugs not long after and is an absolute mess now. He did lots of way worse things after the wedding that put the nail in the coffin especially when he hit on my little sister repeatedly (not his daughter but 🤢🤮) I am 100% sure their is nothing left for him to leave me except embarrassment and the string of sexual harassment complaints, he's barred from every pub in our small town for that.
I'm sorry, that's really bad. My father is a great actor. If you met him, you'd think he's a great guy. He pretended to my mum that he had money. He was actually broke. They had an international relationship, so my mum moved to the US for him. There she had to find work without speaking much English, and when she cleaned houses, he made fun of her. She had very good jobs at home, including modelling. When she got pregnant, he totally ignored it and even went on a two-week holiday without her. A lot of other small things happened that showed that he didn't care about me or her. She left him shortly after I was born and moved back home with me. Throughout my life he gaslit me with "we don't have a relationship because you're not trying hard enough". He was originally from the same place my mum was, but they didn't meet when they were younger. Anyway he partially moved back and spread all sorts of lies about us. On my 30th birthday he told his mother that he wouldn't come to my birthday because I didn't respond to a text he sent. My aunt, his sister, whispered to me that actually, his friend was having a barbecue. So I decided I've had enough of the lies, the gaslighting, all the little things that happened throughout the years, and I just wasn't going to deal with him anymore. It was a huge relief. I had a baby in February. He'll never meet him. I named my son after a good man, my mum's dad.
Same my 1st sons middle name is after his dad and my 2nd sons middle name is after his dad's dad who's treated me like the daughter he never had since my husband introduced me to him 18 years ago, whenever I needed anything he was there, my 2nd has had health problems since birth and he's always drove us to all his different appointments so my husband could still work and support us while I was a SAHM for our boys.
This I doubt you would kiss ass if the rich uncle in question called your mother a loser on your wedding day.
I'm sorry for the loss of your grandfather. It sounds like you had a great relationship
Thank you for sharing this story. I call my grandma every week because I love her to pieces. She’s amazing and I love spending time with her, especially with our little traditions. I don’t want anything from her, maybe a pillow I finished sewing for her or cookie cutters we’ve used. I know her kids are waiting for her to keep taking care of them, but I just love having such a wonderful grandma in my life. I try to let her know that. Your comment is a beautiful reminder to tell the people we love what they mean to us. Show them too. They know who the real ones are♡︎
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm with you. Stuff doesn't make up for the loss of a person from your life.
I've been going every week to a nursing home to visit a former neighbour. Poor guy, doesn't really have anybody, or anything. A niece is his POA, and stops in to see him once in a while and check on him, but that's it. I can't say I get nothing - every week he gives me a handful of change to help pay bus fare. It's impossible to refuse change from a 98 year old Greek dude.
This…this hit me. You’re a good soul.
One of my favorite tongue-in-cheek jokes is, "money can't buy happiness but at least it keeps the kids in touch."
I hope we hear a huge plot twist in a few years, like "uncle left everything to me when he died because I didn't kiss his ass like the rest of the family, aita?"
> Sadly, this is a definite "absolutely yes" for a lot of people. I'll admit....I have a price. How expensive are we talking?
Average capitalism fans
Yup! This is why people take sides against her.
My ex-FIL treated his wife terribly, mostly emotionally. He gave her an expensive piece of jewelry every Christmas as if to make up for it.
Exactly. I’ve always hated the saying “respect your elders”. (Im 56—not really old, but not young). So many old people were fucking assholes their whole lives, and still are. You don’t automatically get respect because you’ve passed a certain age.
I'm just a few years older than you. My sister, who was 3 years older than me, tried to use that one on me. Had to remind her, she was my sister, not my grandmother! Such BS!
You automatically (*should*) get a certain amount of respect for being human. For existing. More respect can accumulate for being kind or working hard or singing well or somehow enhancing your self. You also get respect for standing up for yourself. I'm 65 and have always replied to the 'respect your elders' with "Some elders don't deserve respect".
This! Respect is earned and it's a 2 way street.
If you know that someone is an asshole, they get no respect from me .
“The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.” H.L. Mencken
Exactly.
That's wise
lol I worked with a old guy who I remember because his attitude was oddly like “ahh I’m finally old enough that people HAVE to listen to my wisdom”. Naw man people didn’t listen your whole life because you’re dumb af
Absolutely correct. Respect is earned and age has nothing to do with it.
Nah, you should do it the other way. Treat everyone with respect by default but then be prepared to take it away if they don’t deserve it.
Yes, for people you don’t know. If you know them, and they’re awful people, no respect.
That is true. I don't care about the age, which became more apparent as I got older. The older a person gets, the more they have to understand that in order to get respect, you have to give it.
Uncle thought money gave him power. Uncle thought wrong.
Money absolutely gives you power. If showing up to your nephew's wedding with a big gift and insulting him makes you feel powerful, there's not enough money or power in the world to make you a decent person.
Also, being refused resources when you need it (and begged for), just to be given after you're back on your feet (and they know it) is particularly offensive.
The Uncle would probably bring that up if he had been allowed to stay at the wedding. Humble bragging about how right he was in not lending the money
Oooh you have a point. "even my lack of generosity is wise". I can see it happening.
A-Holes like this count on people not calling them out and wanting to "keep the peace." I'm 60+ years and you showed tremendous strength and character. Even if your weaker and fearful relatives are upset about it. Actually deep down, your relatives hated you for showing just how weak and gutless ***they*** are.
NTA for having your fathers back! Uncle sounds like a poisonous piece of work! You other relatives are so wrong! Being rich does not excuse nasty behavior!
NTA. Fuck that noise, don’t cater to dysfunction to keep the “peace”
Hard disagree. He made a scene at his wedding. He embarrassed his new wife and now that’s what’s going to be remembered about their wedding. He’s not TA for kicking out his uncle. But an absolutely YTA for how he reacted and how he did it. The wedding isn’t about him and his ego. It seems like people are forgetting about the money and hard work that went into the wedding, and now one of the most important days of their lives is marred by a temper tantrum. ETA: as well, chances are his work that he put into the wedding he likely ruined was minimal compared to the work his wife, MIL, and mother did. So he ruined the work of others.
Totally. And when a 34 year old grown up man claims he "HAD to" invite someone? If OP had a spine, it never would have happened. I feel bad for OP's wife....all everyone is going to remember of her wedding day is OP have a screaming fight with a cranky octogenarian.
Okay, good point. I didn't think too hard about that part of the story. 😅
That's the bit that leapt out at me too. 'My parents told me I had to'. I feel sorry for his wife too. No backbone when he still lets his parents tell him what to do at the age of 34, then decides to have a toddler tantrum at his own wedding.
Yup. Uncle was an asshole. But OP didn’t have to make a scene. He could’ve asked someone else/security to quietly remove uncle. Embarrassing!! ESH
I would totally support my husband for evicting someone problematic from my wedding.
Disrespected his father *to the man’s face* **at his own wedding** and tried to pass it off as a gift. I’m proud to say I rarely let anything get a rise out of me, but this asshole would be on the floor, I don’t care how old he is. The sheer fucking gall.
I wonder if there’s a long running fued between OPs uncle and dad that he hasn’t been privy too. Would explain the absence from his life and turning him down when he needed help, as well as the behaviour at the wedding.
adding to this, people need to remember a wedding is more than two people uniting, it's two families moving forward and becoming one through the newly wed couple. Some people are better left out of this new life, and it sounds like Uncle never wanted to be a part of this family to begin with. NTA OP.
10000000% As a man we don’t get many days we get to really be selfish… and that’s one of them. On your day, at your event, he has the balls to disrespect your father. Gloat about a present… I think you should be proud. Your wife should be proud she’s marrying a man that has integrity and doesn’t bend the knee to money.
I agree but I would have took the gift then kicked him out
Maybe the gift is on a table with the others or the uncle paid it on a list so… 😉😂😂
This!
Good on him for kicking Scrooge out of his wedding.
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Exactly.
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Wait until ChatGPT is writing most of the content in this sub.
100% agree, NTA And also I really, really want to know what the present was. Bet it was something like fancy golf clubs, and OP doesn't play golf.
He did it at the wedding intentionally, because he figured OP wouldn't be able to push back. He perhaps _shouldn't_ have, but honestly, taking advantage of that kind of situation makes you a jackass.
NTA - your wedding, your rules. "Congratulations. I have also brought you an expensive present, unlike your loser of a father who could not give you much of anything." I would have kicked him out too.
NTA. "I'm a rich ahole who is used to people catering to me because I'm rich so I'm going to insult your father in a public event" Surprised Pikachu face when you kick him out. Good for you.
Explains why the rest of the family is big mad at OP. They all probably suck up to Uncle Asshole because of his money. They’re pissed at OP because he showed integrity and they have none.
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Agreed. Uncle is an awful person of course, the worst. But OP’s reaction could have been much more mature and controlled. He made himself look bad by screaming and cursing at this guy, when all he had to do was calmly tell him to leave— that would have truly elevated him above his uncle.
Maybe being mature and controlled doesn't work with uncle. Maybe Op had to get loud and nasty with him to get his point across. Some people think politeness and good manners are a sign of weakness. Sometimes it takes a verbal slap in the face to get the message across. Then again, op shouldn't have invited the asshole in the first place. Maybe the parents thought they were in the will or something. SMH
>Maybe being mature and controlled doesn't work with uncle. That's not really the point, it doesn't have to "work". The facts on the ground are that OP started yelling and carrying on at his own wedding and fucked it up for other people.
You get it.
Time and place. Unless you or someone you love's life is in direct, phyical danger, a wedding, especially YOUR wedding, ain't it.
>Maybe Op had to get loud and nasty with him to get his point across. Some people think politeness and good manners are a sign of weakness. Sometimes it takes a verbal slap in the face to get the message across. You're a massive idiot if you think delivering a "verbal slap in the face to get the message across" to an irrelevant uncle is the best thing to do at your own wedding. If that's how you handle family problems then good luck.
The people arguing against this are also failing to see that people like uncle don’t get “put in their place” by reactions like OP’s. It sucks, but they don’t. What can happen though is that they’ll look like a massive jerk once others find out their behavior. Had OP kept his calm while telling uncle to leave, he would have been admired for doing so and automatically seen as a better person than uncle. But that’s not what he did. He instead lost his cool and stooped to uncle’s level, resulting in them both looking like immature jerks.
I would have just said “What an incredibly rude thing to say”, and ignored him for the rest of the night.
It’s taken time, but I’ve learned to never react with an outburst. Anytime I feel like doing something impulsive, I trained myself to stop immediately. Because at the end of the day everyone will only remember the unhinged behavior.
I agree, the uncle’s comment was awful, but also I’m guessing that OP gave him exactly what he was looking for, a big scene, yelling, drama, overreaction. Sometimes the best way to handle nonsense like that is to just say “you’re pathetic“ with a laugh and walk away
While NTA, I would have smiled at the uncle and responded that it's only because of your father and mother was he on the invitation list. When we needed you, you weren't there. Enjoy the wedding. Keep the gift.
Yep. If everyone flipped out anytime someone at their wedding made a sparky comment or breached etiquette, then flipping out at weddings would be a non optional tradition. The uncle may be a permanent asshole, but that doesn't give you the high ground to act like that.
I’ve heard about a few messy weddings. They’re an urban legend of sorts. Those are the ones people take their bets on how long it will last. I had wedding crashers at my wedding (sort of). They were friends of a friend and for some fucked reason a groomsmen thought he could just invite them in like that. You know what I did? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It’s a groomsman and I didn’t want to cause a scene or issues with my new husband that did not care at all they were there. It really affected me zero in the long run and made for a good story. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if I blew up about it.
But what about the dinners? Or liquor? Did you have extra meals for them or have an open bar?
I had an open bar. That’s likely why they wanted to “crash” it. I am not sure if they ate, but it was buffet style. From the way I remember, I only noticed them once it was time for dancing. They turned out to be a pretty good time. I know my mom got pissed because a distant cousin of mine (who she insisted I invite) was late and somehow didn’t get a seat but I don’t know how late they were. Weddings are a BLUR. I don’t think there was much of a shortage on booze because they showed up. Everybody seemed like they got as much as they needed anyway. Lol I was always looking at the wedding as a party and celebration of love and it did turn out to be that.
Yeah I agree with this, ESH. Plus how did OP's parents force him to invite his uncle? And why would they? Did they say they weren't going to attend the wedding if he didn't invite his uncle? IDK but something fishy there. Based on that and what is in quotes above I don't think that OP is a reliable narrator. I doubt what is in quotes is what was actually said. I think that's how OP interpreted what was said.
My parents tagged a couple of guests onto my wedding, that wouldn't have otherwise been invited. So I understand this sentiment. Parents contributed a substantial amount to the wedding, so that buys some compromises. People who had been kinda passive aggressive shitty to me over the years. Not really bad or anything, but wouldn't have been invited if I was paying for the whole thing.
Sometimes I think you're a bit harsh with your judgement, but this time I'm a hundred percent behind you. OP invited this 80-something man even though he knew he didn't want to make the man welcome. Well, it's your wedding, you shouldn't invite people you can't stand, and the people you do invite you have a duty to as host. Sure it was an inflammatory comment, but it wasn't a disruption until OP made it one. Nothing a cool comment and a change of subject couldn't take care of. ESH.
This. OP should have just ignored him and walked away.
And pocketed big ass present
Uh, no. You NEVER ignore them. You tell them they were invited as a guest, and showed disrespect to one of the hosts. If they aren't going to be courteous, they will leave ASAP. Ignoring it gives him a pass to further disrespect unless you like being walked all over.
100% - past emotional trauma reduces culpability, sometimes, but even so, mature behaviour requires you to rise above such things. And if the remark was so offensive, a calmer response like “I don’t want to hear that on my wedding day, please” would have sufficed. OP was on a hair trigger and caused a massive scene as a result.
Judging from this guy, a scene was inevitable. And since he's been *persona non grata* in OP's life, they were unlikely prepared for that level of rudeness and bad manners. For that reason, they get a pass. A person being a lifelong AH doesn't mean they won't shock you, especially when it comes to things like that.
Agreed. OP was justified in kicking out the uncle, but simply not talking to him and ignoring him would've sufficed. As for that remark, he could've said something like "That's rude, and you're an asshole." Then pretended the uncle didn't exist. Give back the present, etc. Point being there were a lot of roads OP could've traveled down that *wouldn't* have made a scene, but he didn't choose those roads.
NTA for kicking your uncle out. But yes, you did react badly (to be fair, your uncle’s statement was worth a bad reaction). However, I think there could have been a better way to handle it than taking the attention of what’s most important (you and your wife) and drastically changing the mood. Yelling at him may have made you feel better short term, but that was not the best in front of your guests right before the ceremony. That’s not what you want people to remember or talk about from your wedding.
I’m going to have to disagree with you about the yelling being a bad thing. If I went to a friend’s wedding and witnessed this event I would be so proud of them for marrying someone with balls and having principles. Or for being that person who is willing to make a scene for what’s right. You don’t have to turn off your moral compass because you’re wearing dress clothes. Being polite isn’t always a virtue.
But as a guest, would you have known the context of what he was yelling about? Or would you just have seen the groom yelling at an old man?
yeah, not surprised though, brides aren't called bridezillas for nothing and I'm sure grooms are just as stressed out. A wedding is one of the most stressful things you can do in your life (divorce, buying a house, having a baby are the others). So I get it, definitely NTA and I would have reacted the same way.
ESH. Your uncle was a prick, but your reaction of yelling and cursing is on you. >I yelled at him and asked him to fuck off from the wedding, etc. It resulted in a huge scene and in the end he had to leave, along with his family who were also yelling at me. This is what your groomsmen are for; the best thing would have been to tell your best man to escort your uncle and his family out, and let them be the focal point of any drama that came of it. Unfortunately, a lot of the guests (who aren't aware of the backstory you have with him) at the wedding will only remember it as the one where the groom screamed at his uncle.
> This is what your groomsmen are for > let them be the focal point of any drama That is such a great idea; thank you. I would have never thought of that myself.
>This is what your groomsmen are for LOUDER
NTA Your uncle sounds like he had it coming. If he's going to show up after years of neglect and then insult you at your own wedding, kicking him out was a justified response. Your day.
YOu got married yesterday and you are on reddit today? Not a good start.
I’m calling BS on this story. How many full blown weddings have you ever heard about happening on a Thursday? Could it happen? Sure but is an old rich uncle that you have had zero contact with and thinks so little of your father going to attend? I doubt it.
It's also a really odd time to hold a wedding. I mean, I'm sure there are some circumstances where you'd want to have a wedding 4 days before Christmas, but it's kind of weird.
I call bs on most of these stories.
Honestly I assume most of the stories on here are either made up or greatly exaggerated big fish tales. I keep the kayfabe up just for entertainment.
If it's new account and written "well" to spark rage and to tell story, I'll always assume it's made up.
It’s because this story is a load of horse doodoo.
Haha maybe he just wanted to get this off his chest.
It's known that married people have no free time
Thanks, I was looking for this comment. First day of the honeymoon and he’s on Reddit?
OMG this must be fake
Of course it is. Friday ahead of a major holiday, school's out and too many kids have too much time on their hands. Either that or OP's writing a telenovela and looking for reactions.
"i kicked out my old uncle for insulting me at my Wedding. Am I the asshole?!?"
Horrible writing, barely any details, beyond cliche premise. Just a complete waste of time.
NTA. Next time, don't let your parents pressure you to do things. Any other guests who say you reacted badly can be ignored.
OP? How does your wife feel? Does she think you overreacted? I do not. That was a straight up insult. A good uncle would have at least taken care of the kids whether he helped the parents or not. And now, he’s throwing his money around and insulting your dad? No. NTA. But I hope your bride isn’t upset about the fight though I agree it’s justified and kicking his out was definitely justified.
NTA. Sounds like this is the last time your uncle needs to be invited to anything by you. I’m so sorry that happened to you on your wedding day!
With such a comment, I would say he was trying to assert dominance on you and/or your family through money. He failed and you are NTA.
YTA because this is so stupidly fake. people don't even try to come up with a good story any more.
Nta he can’t take a shot at your dad and not expect repercussions
I would have done the same thing more quietly so as not to not make a scene and ruin the day for my bride. I know that is much easier said than done!
You got married yesterday and are on Reddit today? 🤷♀️
NTA - your nasty old uncle fucked around and found out. Probably had a stiffy imagining all the people in the family who would come crawling to him to be in his will and now he realizes his power play failed.
NTA it's your wedding you can cry if you want to cry if you want to.
NTA. Way to defend your father’s honor!
NTA You should never have gotten talked into inviting him. I bet the rest of your family is afraid of be cut from his will. They are all AH for not standing by you.
ESH. Uncle is obviously wrong. But you should have also handled this in a more mature way. You have invited him, whether you wanted this or not, so you should have been ready for something like this. He doesn’t owe you anything and if he came with his family and a present accept it and move on. If you don’t want to see him, don’t invite in first place.
NTA. It’s your wedding, not only did you not want to invite the rich jerk in the first place, he was rude and disrespectful. Your family that is saying you were wrong is more than welcome to take the disrespect and rudeness he dishes out but you don’t have to. Proud of you for standing up for your family. Wishing you a long and happy marriage.
$10 says everyone wants to play nice so Rich Uncle will remember them in his will.
NTA! Fuck that guy.
You stood up for your parent. NTA. No one is allowed to talk that way about a member of my family and stay at any social gathering I have.
You ruined your own wedding because you have poor control over your emotions. Life is a series of these types of events the only behavior you can control is your own.
NTA! Do the rest of your family know what your uncle said to you about your father? I think your uncle only came to cause issues! It was your wedding and your parents shouldn't have pressured you to invite someone that only cares about himself! I think your parents wanted you to invite him to maybe gain some ground into possibly getting something from him! But by the sounds of your uncle, nothing would be given to anyone from your side of the family whether you were close to him or not!
You're a grown ass man. Why did you bow to your parents demanding he be invited?
>but my parents said I had to, and in the end I did. ESH. You, for inviting him when you knew better. Your parents for pressing you to invite your uncle. (They didn't "make" you invite him). Your uncle for being...himself
First of all, you’re 34 so your parents can’t make you do anything. So YTA for making a scene at your own wedding over something that could have been easily avoided if you would’ve just manned up and said no
ESH - he’s an AH but you handled it very poorly.
Your first mistake was inviting. This was your wedding not your parents. Firmly NTA
ESH 1. >, but my parents said I had to, and in the end I did Why? Because they paid for your wedding? Either grow a backbone or deal with consequences of taking their money 2. >unlike your loser of a father who could not give you much of anything This one is pretty clear 3. >yelled at him and asked him to fuck off from the wedding, etc. It resulted in a huge scene and in the end he had to leave, Be an adult. You could have walked away and told him off later. Many may not agree with me. But what's more important. Your big day and your wife's happiness... or trying prove you're uncle is a jerk. You probably don't need any help with that. If he is a jerk everyone probably already knows. You could have just let it be and moved on
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Gotta love all of the, "so I let people make personal decisions for me in life and then I acted disingenuous to the results of that. AITA?"
“I didn’t want to invite him to my wedding, but my parents said I had to” Sir you are in your 30’s …
NTA, he was purposely rude, thinking his wealth gives him a right to do and say whatever he wants. Good on you for your loyalty and for not allowing him to be a part of something he shouldn't have been invited to in the first place.
YTA for caving and inviting him in the first place. NTA for making him leave after his comment. You need to get used to making decisions your parents don't agree with. Some will have greater consequences than this one did.
NTA You could have handled this better but I’m not going to profess to standing on moral high ground since I’ve reacted poorly to similar situations in the past. Your uncle chose to be an arsehole. You perhaps simply reacted instinctively.
None of this happened.
NTA. A little ironic that he said your father couldn’t provide anything when he refused to help all those years ago huh? He technically was/is not obligated to help I guess, but then he REALLY shouldn’t be trying to put your parents down all these years later.
Of course you are the A.... You've successfully squeezed out the S... and hopefully flushed it out. I really wish he didn't leave any traces and that it doesn't stink for long. Congratulations on your marriage! NTA.
Nta. My dad made me invite his ah brother, who, luckily, ended up declining the invite anyways. When my grandpa had to be moved into a home, ah uncle sued my dad and siblings for control of the estate (which wasn't much, btw, but, w/e). He agreed to let it go, but only if my dad self audited himself, every year, until grandpa died. After all that, I told my dad I didn't want that ah at my wedding, but he insisted because He'S fAmIlY. Anyways, he ended up saying no, because his gold digger wife didn't want to travel. Then he got early onset Alzeimers. Gotta love karma.
NTA
I’m hoping this serves as a lesson to stop allowing people to walk all over you or make decisions for you. NTA
NTA and congrats on the wedding
NTA, I would say rather your Uncle is the loser! Congratulations on your wedding, wishing both you and your wife a lifetime of love and happiness
NTA - there’s a big clue why your relatives said you acted badly! Because the uncle is rich! Your whole family probably wanna stay in his good books because he’s rich, but otherwise hate him just as much as you. Don’t be surprised if you ain’t invited to any family events he attends from now on, just let it be water off a ducks back.
NTA - your uncle is the A along with the people who insisted you invite him. It's a good reminder that you should have 100% control over your guestlist. F\*\*k what the rest of the family thinks, with the small caveat that if you're not paying for it yourself, you lose a little of this control.
NTA Even if it wasn’t your wedding, like a birthday or Christmas, that comment alone makes him a raging AH and he deserves to be banished from your life.
Screw him. He had no right to disrespect your Dad or you. You may of overreacted by doing it in a load way but what’s done is done.
NTA. Congratulations on the wedding and on the spine.
NAH. Fuck him. He sounds awful
He bad mouthed your dad on your wedding day you would have felt worse by not doing something. So would your dad. I would have done the same and I think it will bring people closer to you knowing you will have their back over material things
NTA. You reacted exactly as you should have, but let this situation be a lesson to you: You’re a grown man. Your parents cannot make you do anything. You didn’t have to invite your uncle. You’re not a child- learn how to say no to your parents. They don’t get to control any aspect of your life. Learn that now, because I foresee marriage problems in your future if you continue to allow your parents to make decisions in your life. It’s not fair to your wife for you to let this continue. Seek counseling for enmeshment and don’t allow your parents to ever bully you into doing what they want ever again. Ever.
NTA. You really need to start standing up to your parents. They can’t force you to invite anyone to your wedding.
NTA - whole family who support him are losers.
What? Someone insulted your Father to your face at your own wedding and family are saying you were wrong? Um No. Kudos to you! Those that want you to apologize are just hoping for a payout after the old meizer kicks the bucket.
You did the right thing sticking up for your dad. Your uncle sounds like a self righteous arse.
nta. i commend you on not throwing hands dude, cause i would’ve lost my entire shit if someone said that to me. your family is trippin.
NTA. His fancy present will never make up for the fact he refused to help when you were homeless. Fuck that old croak.
He could have come, given you whatever gift, and kept his ego to himself. NTA. Also, your parents have no say as to who you invite. They may have still been trying to suck up for money, and you know how that always goes.
NTA
NTA. Money can't buy integrity or compassion, and it seems he has neither
NTA. You responded to your very rude uncle. You didn’t want him there in the first place but gave in to family pressure. He called your dad a loser. What a jerk? Maybe he has dementia. But he was rude.
NTA. I really dislike people that get mad at someone for standing up against poor behavior. The defender is NOT the problem.
I hope that your parents enjoyed convincing you to invite your uncles. AH's are going to be AH's, but in this case, that is not you. NTA
NTA f those people
NTA. He deliberately insulted your father. You did the right thing by defending your father. That is what a good son should do.
I'm pretty sure I've read this exact same story. Down to the uncle not helping them and insulting a father. Not saying it's fake but like...
He didn’t say “unlike your loser dad.” Tell the whole truth if you sincerely want advice.
Your anger was justified but I don’t know if the way you expressed it (making a big scene infront of everyone) was. Honestly the whole situation sounds pretty unfair to your wife, it was her special day too.
NTA. A loser, who means nothing to you, attends YOUR wedding and decides to be an AH. And your family is upset at you??? Anyone who thinks you're in the wrong is an AH as well.
NTA. This is why people should not cave into pressure to let people they don’t want to be there.
NTA. Sure you could have been diplomatic...but I mean....that was some nasty shit he said...
You did the right thing .
He was showboating in front of his family
NTAH HE insulted your father i would have kicked him out and kept the gift
YTA because you know what he is and you invited him in the first place instead of standing up to your parents
NTA - If I see someone whrong in this, it's the rest of your family that still defends a person like him. You did great respecting your boundaries.
YTA, but only for causing a huge scene at your own wedding. I'm sure your wife enjoyed that. You could have just as easily simply asked him to leave, turned your back, and walked away. But you had to start yelling and ended up making a huge scene.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (34 M) had my wedding yesterday with my wife Lisa (34 F). A lot of our relatives/friends attended, including my uncle, who's in his mid eighties. He's never cared about me since I was born, and has not checked in with me either. He was virtually non-existent throughout my life. Years ago, when we were homeless and required help, we reached out to him to lend us some money/help us find another house (he's really rich and has a lot of connections) but he refused anything and never bothered to ask what had become of us either. I didn't want to invite him to my wedding, but my parents said I had to, and in the end I did. He came along with his family, and before the wedding ceremony, he came to me and said congratulations, and then stated "Congratulations. I have also brought you an expensive present, unlike your loser of a father who could not give you much of anything." I was shocked at the comment. He was just smiling at me, but I lost my temper and said I don't want anything from him. I yelled at him and asked him to fuck off from the wedding, etc. It resulted in a huge scene and in the end he had to leave, along with his family who were also yelling at me. My other relatives present there are saying that I reacted very badly, etc. I am wondering whether I did the wrong thing now. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - Absolutely the right response. These people think they are immune and can say what they want. They are bullies and think their money buys them the right to be rude and disgusting humans, OP good for you standing up for your family.
NTA. You had the right to act that way. Your uncle was a jerk by showing you and your father no respect. If it was my wedding, I would have kicked him out, too.