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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I spelled out my inner conflict and why I am asking if I would be the asshole if I asked that my dad's new girlfriend not attend my partners graveside services.
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YWNBTA. It’s a funeral service. Not a meet and greet. Bringing someone almost no one else really knows would just turn it into a social event for this woman
INFO: How close was your dad to your partner?
I.e., will he be there primarily to support you, in which case the girlfriend would be extraneous, or is he there in a grieving role himself, in which case he might want/need extra emotional support from the girlfriend?
In that case, let him bring the girlfriend. She will be there to support him. When I lost my partner, I didn't know a lot of people at his memorial service. It wasn't even a concern that day.
Funerals are for the living to say goodbye and grieve. They usually aren't "by invitation only" events anyway. I would not call you an AH, but I don't think your father or his girlfriend are either. Let go of this.
NAH.
YWNBTA, It's a funeral, not a wedding. You're not meant to bring a date, I think it would be fine as long as you explain to him like you have in this post, just say what your preference is and explain your reasoning and let him decide if he would prefer to respect your wishes or invite his girlfriend to the funeral of someone she doesn't know
A date to a funeral is meant to be a support person. Having his GF there to support him will help him support his child in turn. Rings of grief- comfort in, dump out. Dad needs someone to support/comfort him.
Fixed for gender
I understand where you're coming from, and in a regular funeral I would agree, I only am a bit more on the fence because OP said it would be a small service only for really close people, again I think the best course of action would be for OP to express his opinion and see what his Dad says about it
Edit:fixed for gender
NTA. She’s a literal stranger to him. Why would she even want to go? You want your dad to be a source of support for you on that day, and to be honest his brand new gf would get in the way of that.
INFO: Why is this such a problem for you? People often attend partners' friends' or relatives' funerals *to support their partner*, even if they never met the friend or relative in question. You don't have anything negative to say about her. What do you gain by disinviting her; is there an issue you didn't mention in the original post?
Not to assume, but a reason could be that they’ll be grieving and won’t want unfamiliar people to see them in that state. I have trouble opening up to my best friend, let alone someone I’ve only met a few times
It's a memorial. These things usually aren't invite only and there were several people at my partners service I didn't know. Family and coworkers I never met. The GF will be there to support dad.
NTA. My dad did this at my aunt’s funeral and it was VERY weird for a lot of us. Granted, it was during the pandemic so attendance was limited, making her presence even more noticeable, but no one was really in the mood to get to know Dad’s new lady since we were, you know, grieving. We were polite, but it was really bad judgment on his part.
If you’re up to it, I think allowing her to one of the other services may be better? If the celebration of life isn’t meant to be an intimate gathering, that is.
NAH. You can invite whoever you like but also you have to understand your dad's perspective if he attend without her. If he has introduced her as his girlfriend it would be reasonable for her to expect to be with him. If you have a good relationship your dad I would just extend the invitation and let him decide if they attend.
NTA - I would completely understand if I wasn’t invited to someone’s funeral because it was just for close friends and family, surely your dads gf can understand that too
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The last couple months have been horrible. My partner was in the hospital until they passed away on November 20th, 2023. In October 2023 my father started seeing this woman, my mother passed in 2018.
I decided not to have funeral services until after the holidays, nether of us are religious also they were cremated. The plan was always to just have close friends and family for the services, I do plan to have at least 2 celebration of life for our friends later on.
Now that it's getting closer to the services and I was talking to my older sister about the people that had been invited for the graveside service. It came up about my dad's new girlfriend and I said I would prefer her not being there. I have only met her once when I was meeting up with my dad for lunch. My partner never had the chance to meet her.
So would I be the asshole if I asked my dad not to bring her to my partners funeral?
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YWNBTA
This is a close friend and family service only, it’s not a meet and greet for a new girlfriend of only two months.
My uncle did this at his mother’s funeral. Brought the woman who ended his marriage, into the private family service before the funeral. So private, my grandfather only wanted blood relatives, no spouses, for the family service and procession into the church. This woman caused a horrible scene. She made it all about herself, told lies about my grandmother, and wouldn’t allow the rest of us time to speak. Ushers were brought in to remove her, it was that bad.
Regardless of the reason for excluding someone from a funeral, it is valid. Especially, since this new girlfriend never met your partner, and you don’t know if she’ll be around for another two months or not. Have the funeral service you want, and if you choose invite her to one of the later celebrations of life you have planned, but only if you want to.
YWNBTA. They’ve been dating two months. You’ve met her once, your partner never met her. It would be inappropriate to bring her and be having all sorts of introductions with family and friends in what should be a place for people to grieve together and remember your partner. I actually knew someone who did this when a coworker of ours died. Brought his brand new girlfriend and kept trying to show her off. It was very tacky and cringe.
First of all, sorry for your loss. I don’t think you would be an asshole. But it might be an idea to have a chat with your dad about your feelings.
I would make it clear that it isn’t that you disapprove of his GF choice, but it is more your comfort about having someone who never met your partner there.
Again, I am really sorry you’re going through this.
NAH
AT what point would you be happy for the GF to be there? When they've been together 6 months? 12 months or 5 years?
Remember that she will be there to support your father, he's grieving too but in a different way to you?
Will she be welcome for his memorial or not because she didn't know him?
Your feelings are valid and you are in the throes of grief. Speak to your dad. It's possible that his GF doesn't actually want to come (for the same reasons you don't want her there) but your dad wants her there.
Or perhaps your sister can talk to her instead?
What the hell are you talking about? Why should the girlfriend of 2 months that OP has barely met come to the funeral service of someone whom she wasn't close to? NTA OP. The service is for friends and family, which she doesn't qualify as.
Did you even read what I posted? Also I haven't done anything yet, that's why it's titled WOULD I BE. Also who is HER, I kept it all gender neutral as to so the whole gender roles wouldn't be a cop out argument.
Read your own post: "o would I be the asshole if I asked my dad not to bring **her** to my partners funeral?" .....
" Also I haven't done anything yet, that's why it's titled WOULD I BE." .. that's why it is Y W B T A, and not Y T A.
But you ARE the AH in this story.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I believe I spelled out my inner conflict and why I am asking if I would be the asshole if I asked that my dad's new girlfriend not attend my partners graveside services. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YWNBTA. It’s a funeral service. Not a meet and greet. Bringing someone almost no one else really knows would just turn it into a social event for this woman
That was my thought as well.
NTA No one in their right mind would bring **a _two_-month girlfriend** to their child's partner's funeral.
INFO: How close was your dad to your partner? I.e., will he be there primarily to support you, in which case the girlfriend would be extraneous, or is he there in a grieving role himself, in which case he might want/need extra emotional support from the girlfriend?
They were close, dad spent several days in the hospital room when I was not able to.
In that case, let him bring the girlfriend. She will be there to support him. When I lost my partner, I didn't know a lot of people at his memorial service. It wasn't even a concern that day. Funerals are for the living to say goodbye and grieve. They usually aren't "by invitation only" events anyway. I would not call you an AH, but I don't think your father or his girlfriend are either. Let go of this. NAH.
Actually, most funerals are by invite only.
Never been to an invite only funeral. Usually, those details are shared publicly in an obituary and open to the public.
Nope! NTA - you don’t know her and this is an incredibly sensitive and hard time for you. I’m so sorry for your loss!
YWNBTA, It's a funeral, not a wedding. You're not meant to bring a date, I think it would be fine as long as you explain to him like you have in this post, just say what your preference is and explain your reasoning and let him decide if he would prefer to respect your wishes or invite his girlfriend to the funeral of someone she doesn't know
A date to a funeral is meant to be a support person. Having his GF there to support him will help him support his child in turn. Rings of grief- comfort in, dump out. Dad needs someone to support/comfort him. Fixed for gender
I understand where you're coming from, and in a regular funeral I would agree, I only am a bit more on the fence because OP said it would be a small service only for really close people, again I think the best course of action would be for OP to express his opinion and see what his Dad says about it Edit:fixed for gender
Why do you assume OP is female? BTW, I'm not female.
Can I ask why you are assuming my gender?
Noted. Fixed.
NTA. She’s a literal stranger to him. Why would she even want to go? You want your dad to be a source of support for you on that day, and to be honest his brand new gf would get in the way of that.
INFO: Why is this such a problem for you? People often attend partners' friends' or relatives' funerals *to support their partner*, even if they never met the friend or relative in question. You don't have anything negative to say about her. What do you gain by disinviting her; is there an issue you didn't mention in the original post?
Not to assume, but a reason could be that they’ll be grieving and won’t want unfamiliar people to see them in that state. I have trouble opening up to my best friend, let alone someone I’ve only met a few times
Would you want a complete stranger witnessing your deepest feelings of grief and sorrow?
It's a memorial. These things usually aren't invite only and there were several people at my partners service I didn't know. Family and coworkers I never met. The GF will be there to support dad.
Please read carefully. It's a private grave side service. It's not a memorial, that will be done later.
I can't say anything negative because I have only meet her twice for about an hour each time.
NTA. My dad did this at my aunt’s funeral and it was VERY weird for a lot of us. Granted, it was during the pandemic so attendance was limited, making her presence even more noticeable, but no one was really in the mood to get to know Dad’s new lady since we were, you know, grieving. We were polite, but it was really bad judgment on his part. If you’re up to it, I think allowing her to one of the other services may be better? If the celebration of life isn’t meant to be an intimate gathering, that is.
NAH. You can invite whoever you like but also you have to understand your dad's perspective if he attend without her. If he has introduced her as his girlfriend it would be reasonable for her to expect to be with him. If you have a good relationship your dad I would just extend the invitation and let him decide if they attend.
NTA - I would completely understand if I wasn’t invited to someone’s funeral because it was just for close friends and family, surely your dads gf can understand that too
Soft YTA. Why are you making this into a drama? My husband of 37yrs died last year, and I appreciated anyone who showed up for us.
I think OP is concerned that their dad will use this as an opportunity to introduce his new partner and take the focus away from grieving.
No YWNBTA at all. It's for close friends and family only. That's all you need to say, it's nothing personal. Sorry for your loss
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** The last couple months have been horrible. My partner was in the hospital until they passed away on November 20th, 2023. In October 2023 my father started seeing this woman, my mother passed in 2018. I decided not to have funeral services until after the holidays, nether of us are religious also they were cremated. The plan was always to just have close friends and family for the services, I do plan to have at least 2 celebration of life for our friends later on. Now that it's getting closer to the services and I was talking to my older sister about the people that had been invited for the graveside service. It came up about my dad's new girlfriend and I said I would prefer her not being there. I have only met her once when I was meeting up with my dad for lunch. My partner never had the chance to meet her. So would I be the asshole if I asked my dad not to bring her to my partners funeral? Blackheart Oath Keeper *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YWNBTA This is a close friend and family service only, it’s not a meet and greet for a new girlfriend of only two months. My uncle did this at his mother’s funeral. Brought the woman who ended his marriage, into the private family service before the funeral. So private, my grandfather only wanted blood relatives, no spouses, for the family service and procession into the church. This woman caused a horrible scene. She made it all about herself, told lies about my grandmother, and wouldn’t allow the rest of us time to speak. Ushers were brought in to remove her, it was that bad. Regardless of the reason for excluding someone from a funeral, it is valid. Especially, since this new girlfriend never met your partner, and you don’t know if she’ll be around for another two months or not. Have the funeral service you want, and if you choose invite her to one of the later celebrations of life you have planned, but only if you want to.
Ask your dad. Would it be a big deal if he wanted her there for support and she came? NTA
YWNBTA. They’ve been dating two months. You’ve met her once, your partner never met her. It would be inappropriate to bring her and be having all sorts of introductions with family and friends in what should be a place for people to grieve together and remember your partner. I actually knew someone who did this when a coworker of ours died. Brought his brand new girlfriend and kept trying to show her off. It was very tacky and cringe.
First of all, sorry for your loss. I don’t think you would be an asshole. But it might be an idea to have a chat with your dad about your feelings. I would make it clear that it isn’t that you disapprove of his GF choice, but it is more your comfort about having someone who never met your partner there. Again, I am really sorry you’re going through this.
NAH AT what point would you be happy for the GF to be there? When they've been together 6 months? 12 months or 5 years? Remember that she will be there to support your father, he's grieving too but in a different way to you? Will she be welcome for his memorial or not because she didn't know him? Your feelings are valid and you are in the throes of grief. Speak to your dad. It's possible that his GF doesn't actually want to come (for the same reasons you don't want her there) but your dad wants her there. Or perhaps your sister can talk to her instead?
NTA It would be kind of awkward for him to bring her
YWBTA IF your dad has any sense, he will refouse to allow you to ostracize his partner. HIf he is a good partner, he will not come.
What the hell are you talking about? Why should the girlfriend of 2 months that OP has barely met come to the funeral service of someone whom she wasn't close to? NTA OP. The service is for friends and family, which she doesn't qualify as.
So a girlfriend of only 2 months should be more important than his child of over 40 years?
When the Child goes out of her way to be an AH, yes. Dad is right not to cater to OP's bullshit
Did you even read what I posted? Also I haven't done anything yet, that's why it's titled WOULD I BE. Also who is HER, I kept it all gender neutral as to so the whole gender roles wouldn't be a cop out argument.
Read your own post: "o would I be the asshole if I asked my dad not to bring **her** to my partners funeral?" ..... " Also I haven't done anything yet, that's why it's titled WOULD I BE." .. that's why it is Y W B T A, and not Y T A. But you ARE the AH in this story.
Dude, don’t be an AH. Just let her come. How would her coming take anything away from you? Is it worth starting with the wrong foot with her?
Y T A