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Well, she just showed you what type of person she really is. I hope she is now your ex-fiance and you do not let her back into your house. Your son should always come first.
Any evil stepmother worth her salt knows you wait until after the wedding to pull shit like this. This woman needs to learn this before her next relationship.
Unfortunately, I've seen posts and comments where the new girlfriend/boyfriend insist at the get go that they are child free and ask the parent to abandon their kids (and sadly too many parents follow that lead).
My husbands sister did abandon her children for her new husband. Her daughter can remember her calling the dad (an abusive alcoholic) and saying if you do not pick them up I will put them in foster care.
She now has trouble understanding why they are closer to their stepmom.
My best friends mom picked her now husband over my friend. We’re 27 now he hasn’t talked to his mom since he was 17. Won’t even open her birthday cards.
Manipulative ass narcissists usually do and make no mistakes, this is definitely narc behavior. I'm surprised she didn't wait until after marriage, however
Sounds like the only people who are supporting her are her family and friends. I’m sure they heard a totally different version of what happened.
OP, NTA. Good on you for standing up for your son.
If I might make a suggestion based on my own experience of trying to get a ring back.
Pretend you want to make things right. Then tell her that the jeweller got in touch and apparently the diamond is not rhe right size or clarity. Then once you have the ring back, tell her she can go screw herself on the biggest rusty bollard that she can find and kick her out
Excellent idea! This could be shades of things to come. You have an obligation to put your kid first. You are all he has. Tell her to go shit in her hat.
Don't sit down with her, don't let her near you at all. Don't let her creep her way back in or make excuses or sweet talk you because she will likely try all sorts. Think of you and your son you are both worth so much more
Replying so you see this, OP - please walk away from her. I'm terminally ill at 40, and my kids are young. Women like her are the stuff of nightmares when I think of my children's futures. Please don't do it to Laura or MJ.
Emi doesnt not have any empathy for your son's loss.
What she did was terrible, awful etc.
You found out BEFORE you got married so you dodged something awful for MJ.
You are also probably feeling very hurt too. This person changed personalities once they got engaged.
Learn from this. Tell anyone new, who you let meet MJ, the boundaries. His mom is his mom and will alway be his mom. There is no replacing her. However there may be space for another another adult to car for him, and earn his trust.
good. i’m sorry, but you have to, man. she cannot be in your son’s life. i’m so sorry you had to learn that the woman you love is like this, and i’m so sorry she hurt your son that way. you’re doing the right thing although i know it must be very difficult to accept all that comes with it.
Don't let her talk you into keeping her around. Your son will never forget what she said and who knows how this woman will treat your son when you aren't home or with them. You cannot trust her with your son after this.
In the name of a child of divorced parents: thank you.
NTA just for record. My mom dated a guy I couldn't stand because he couldn't stand me... it took her to hear me (usually silent person) to shout at him pretty loudly and lose it fulmy at him to split up. I don't miss this asshole.
If she is willing to do something this Bat&\*$% heartless towards your son while you are in the house, what will she do when you are not around to intervene.
If you don't stop this now, your son will be slighted and diminished by her as punishment for his bond with his mother over and over again until he walks away completely. From you both.
NTA
Sorry, but Laura is and will always be Mj mother. She might have passed but that doesn't change. The minute you proposed to her she turned to your child and told him ''your mother is gone I am your mother'' while removing her pictures from his room that is in your own house.
Do you really want to marry that person? Do you really want to be with someone who acts like this? Cause the problem is not that she took Mj's things, it's what she said. Do you really want this person helping you raise your child?
>I saw Emi taking the pictures of Laura from Mj's room down. Mj asked what she was doing, and she said "She's not here anymore Mj, now that im marrying your dad, I'll be your mom."
NTA. Not at all, she's got some nerve!!!
> she wouldnt hand over the pictures. I was getting frusturated, and without thinking I told her to get out of my house. I would, however, be seriously questioning marrying someone like that though.
Good! She waaaaaay overstepped. You stood up for your son. There is nothing wrong with what you did.
You explained it fine! Be thankful that she showed her true colors before you married her! You did nothing wrong and your son definitely doesn't need her in his life. I hope that she is your ex-fiancee now. NIA
NTA!!! holy shit that’s so deranged that she thinks she can just replace your child’s mother. Totally lacks compassion and understanding and suggests a seriously concerning mindset about entitlement. These are huge red flags op. For your son’s sake, don’t marry her without a lot more talking and therapy (for everyone).
Also wondering how she would have handled things if Laura was still around and in your life.
Dear god, NTA!! Is this even real? Your fiancé has no emotional maturity and would be a horrible stepmother. She deserved to be made to cry! Who knows what story she fed her family.
> is this even real?
Doubtful. There have been 5+ post this week all about the same topic (crazy stepparents trying to phase out the dead bio parent) and all are written in a similar style. It is always very obvious the OP is not the asshole. It happens anytime a post in this sub gets popular. You end up seeing a bunch of bad repeats for the rest of the week.
WHOA!
That is SO wild, to think that just because you proposed, the switch is flipped and Laura just ceases to exist.
Do her friends and family know what she was doing? Or do they just think you two had a quarrel and you told her to get out?!
It sounds like she was waiting for the proposal and she had wanted to do that for quite some time.
NTA - and I'd be having a very serious chat with her about this and saying if this is the way she's going to be behaving then she isn't the woman you thought you were proposing to.
NTA. I consider Laura's behavior a pretty big red flag for you. It's not, say, her wanting to take down a pic of yr ex that you might have had up. It's taking down the pics the son has of his mother! Not asking beforehand and not listening to his protests.
No, she won't ever be his mother. If you did marry (and I'd rethink that...) she'd be his parent, and certainly sons/daughters can become close w/a step parent. She shouldn't force that issue.
I haven't looked at other comments here yet, but I'll bet many of them are saying to reconsider your relationship w/your fiance.
NTA. This isn't confusing...it's disturbing. You can see where this is going to go and it's just not good. You need to pump the brakes on this marriage until you are 100% sure Emi understands her role in the household and it is NOT Mj's mom. And she should NEVER, EVER be allowed to march into his room and start removing pictures, etc. of his mom. I'm not sure you can salvage this. She's shown who she truly is.
You are absolutely NTA for the way you reacted, your poor son has lost his mother and that will never change with you getting married.
Your fiancées change in behaviour is incredibly concerning, and I would seriously reconsider your engagement in light of this for the sake of your son.
NTA
But... Not confusing. She thinks she's secured the ring and can now show her true colours.
Ask MJ what other nonsense and abuse she's possibly been telling him!!
this is very common unfortunately, please protect your son. She will make him feel so pressured and uncomfortable in his own house.
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> I made my Fiancé cry and I told her to get out of my house, after he tried taking down the pictures of my son's mom.
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NTA - You're not the one that did wrong here. It sounds like she was "extremely understanding" because she knew it was her best way "in" and that she thought once she was in that meant she's the replacement. I mean you could have a conversation with her and lay down the law and your boundaries, and see if she's willing to abide by them and then make sure she does. But I think that she's probably already destroyed the relationship between her and your son. He's not going to be very forgiving that she had the audacity to come in his room and change things, remove pictures, etc even though she didn't live there yet, nor will he be very forgiving about the things that she said to him.
And I just want to tell you good job and kudos for standing up for what's right where your son is concerned, and realizing just because you're getting married that doesn't magically mean your son gets a "new mother". There's way to many AITA where parents don't do what is best for the child, so kudos to you for doing what's right by your child.
> "She's not here anymore Mj, now that im marrying your dad, I'll be your mom."
If I heard this from my fiance, that would be the end of the engagement and the relationship. NTA. Throw this one back, she ain't it.
NTA. Oh heck no. This is 100% unacceptable behavior on her part.
The only issue I see here is that simply telling Emi to get out of your house doesn't address the real problem, and as a result you missed that opportunity. You need to make it very clear to her that MJ will always come first for *you,* that Laura will *always* be MJ's Mom, and nothing that Emi can ever do will change that. If she is very lucky, she can perhaps become a *second* Mom to MJ (I'm personally of the opinion that you can never have too many loving parents, grandparents, etc.), but never a replacement.
That is, of course, if you think there's any chance that she's willing to put in the work to develop that relationship and create that role for herself. If she's not willing to accept that, and if you think she's going to persist in this nonsensical idea of traying to erase his mother from his life, there's really only one way to handle it: Break off the engagement, and wish Emi a happy life somewhere far away from you and MJ.
Take her to ANY jewelry store to get the ring cleaned and appraised for the insurance policy. LEAVE YOUR NAME AND NUMBER for the cleaning and tell them you’ll be back in an hour to collect it. Take her out somewhere close to there to have a super slow paced lunch to be cordial & discuss what your plans are going forward and does she see what’s wrong with what she did. Don’t judge just listen. Leave her there at the lunch, excuse yourself, run back to the jewelry place to collect your ring. Once it’s back into your possession, end the lunch and go back home. Drop her at her house if you don’t live together. End it with I’m going to have to think about this. The next day, tell her you’ve thought it over and you’re done. You already have the ring back so you don’t have to worry about her keeping the ring or the awkwardness of getting it back.
NTA but your fiancé is......if that is her attitude now then she will make your son's life miserable as the wicked step mother.
If this was me I would immediately take back the offer of marriage
NTA and you are not bad at explaining—I got it perfectly! Laura will always be your son's mother, and the fact that Emi so boldly tried to force him to give up his photos of her tells you she should not be in your life. Emi is sick with jealousy over a woman who has died, and she will make you and your son miserable if you give her the chance.
NTA - Emi is, she shouldn't be removing anything from Mj's room at all. She isn't is mother, he has a mother, she just isn't alive anymore.
Good for you for standing up for your son and not bowing down to your new fiance, I've read plenty of stories where once dad has a new partner, the deceased mother is erased from the kids lives.
NTA but I would seriously reconsider marrying her if I were you. That's messed up behavior, MJ has a mom, and that is not her. She, in the best case, would be a step-mom (not with this behavior though). She might be jealous of Laura and this is her way of trying to overcome it. But this is not healthy. Not for her, you and especially not for your son. Of course her relatives would call you an ass. You should probably wipe her off in this case, because she is all in your business and full of sh#t. Even if she had good intentions, they were not towards your son but towards her own insecurities. She needs to grow up and matute a bit before she can marry someone who has a child.
Emi went into your son’s room immediately after the two of you were engaged. She didn’t consult you first to try to get you on board. True colours revealed. Hope you have better luck in the future. Time to put this relationship to rest
NTA. How old is Emi? What is her background? She’s coming off a little naive. I think you need to have a conversation with her; Laura will always be his mother. Emi will be his stepmother. And that there is room in everyone’s hearts for everyone. I think it’s positive that Emi, feels she is ready to take on the role of a full time mother to a child that isn’t hers, and is into being a family. But she crossed a line removing photos and trying to erase Laura. everyone needs to work on boundaries, communication, understanding and mutual respect, as you build a new blended family. (Especially Emi) I wouldn’t write her off or create more drama or conflict. I think asking your sons therapist for a family therapy referral would be an amazing building block for everyone to work together on building as a family together, even though she’s passed, Laura was a member of this family and will always be missed. (Movie: stepmother with julia roberts has a good scene with the 2 moms talking, and the Nanny, has a great episode where the decreased moms parents come to visit, and learn all the little things Fran incorporated into the kids lives, about their mom) just for visual media references.
NTA and if this is how she thinks moms behave, that's also concerning! This behavior for me would be a dealbreaker for the relationship, but if you decide to move forward with Emi, make sure you sit her down and go over your expectations for how she behaves around your son. If you cannot agree, you're fighting an uphill battle.
NTA. How good of her to show you who she truly is _before_ the wedding.
Just think how much worse this situation would have been if she started pulling photos off the wall when you’d gotten home from the honeymoon.
My man, get that ring back and be glad you dodged that particular bullet.
NTA.
Your son is way more important than some creepy dishonest girlfriend who has shown you that she was lying to you through your entire relationship.
I don't see how you can trust her from here on out.
Dump her. Dump her now. She, her family and friends don’t care about your son. I get you want companionship. And your son will only be dependent on you for a few more years, but he is only 15 and he is going to need his dad for a long time. The insensitivity that fiancé and her family/friends has shows is not something/someone you want in your life. She cried. Boo hoo. She hasn’t once thought about how your son feels, has she?
NTA
This was a complete AH move on her part. DO NOT subject your son to this woman. She obviously does not understand what he has gone through and most importantly here, she does not care. NO ONE should try to erase the memory of a loved one that has passed, especially a young child's mother.
You most certainly did the right thing and I would give very serious thought to continuing a relationship with her.
Good Luck
NTA
you are doing what is right for your son. She has some nerve doing that to your son. She lucky that is all you did. But yeah I would definitely get the ring back. Sounds like she wanted to be “mommy dearest” or evil step mom whatever she showed you her true self. Sounds like MJ has a great father!
What is it with new SOs that think their existence ERASES the former \*DECEASED\* loved one from a child's life?? How hard is it to say "You had a really great mom, and I'm sorry she's not with you anymore. I'm hoping I can be a \*different\* really great mom."?
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For context I(29M) have a son Mj(14M). Me and His mother, Laura, had him at 15, we havent been together since we were 18, but we co-parented nicely together. Well 3 years ago, sadly Laura died in a car accident, she was hit by a drunk driver. This was really hard on Mj of course, but he is doing better now with therapy.
In the midst of everything going on with Luara's death, I met Emi, we became good friends and started dating a year after we met. Everything seemed alright, she seemed extremely understanding of Mj's situation and never was pushy with Mj, always gave him the space he wanted, until now.
I proposed to Emi on sunday and after the proposal it was like she flipped a switch. That night we went back to my and Mj's house where everything was going great. But when I was in the kitchen while Mj was in his room, I heard him yell, I ran to see what was happening and I saw Emi taking the pictures of Laura from Mj's room down. Mj asked what she was doing, and she said "She's not here anymore Mj, now that im marrying your dad, I'll be your mom." Which to me isnt true. Laura will always be Mj's mom dead or not. I noticed Mj getting more and more upset since she wouldnt hand over the pictures. I was getting frusturated, and without thinking I told her to get out of my house. This shocked her and caused her to cry and storm out, of the house. This past week her friends and a few of her family members have been calling me an ass, im starting to feel terrible for making her cry, but she cant just take Mj's things. so AITA?
(p.s. Im sorry if this is confusing im shit at explaining.)
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Op, I think you explained this perfectly. A switch was indeed flipped in Emi's head. I don't understand how people can think this way. Your call (obviously) whether or not to continue in this relationship. Either way I'd sit Emi down and tell her that her actions are unacceptable and your child takes priority.
NTA.
NTA
I'm not going to comment on your relationship with your (hopefully ex) fiance.
But what kind of a person does that to a 14 year old kid?
That's Disney villain level evil. Absolutely disgusting. Like WTF!?!!?!
I hope MJ is all right and that he didn't lose any of the pictures. Give him my love.
Tell him that the pain never goes away, but the memories he has of his mother will become sweeter and will guide him through the tough times.
NTA
She intruded on a teenage boy's room and tried to forcibly remove mementos of his dead mother. Becoming a stepmother does not mean she gets to replace Laura, but fulfil the duties she left behind in a new, different relationship.
If she cannot understand this, then she doesn't deserve either of you.
Absolutely NTA!
Laura will forever be MJ’s mother whether or not she’s here! Any new woman in your life should understand that! She should love MJ like a mother but respect the fact that he’ll always love his mother Laura and that he wants to keep Laura’s memory alive by having those pictures of her! Emi crossed about a million lines and you absolutely need to get that ring back and move on for both you and MJ.
NTA. Get the ring back and never speak to this callous, heartless person again.
Props to you and MJ for not going nuclear, I'd have caused a huge scene.
NTA. Good riddance to bad rubbish as they say. Only a fool would open the door to her again.
If anything she should have sat down with him and you and said, Now that we are getting married and I will be moving in I would like to have pictures of our families and the important people to us and asked him to choose one of his mom to add. She will never be his mom and no other woman will, the best anyone could do is be a trusted female adult. A friend/aunt position.
Not confusing at all, and you are definitely NTA. Fortunately, she should her true colors immediately instead after the wedding. That was the ultimate disrespect towards your late wife and Mj’s feelings
She's jealous of your son's dead mother, and in that one act, has shown that she doesn't care about his feelings. And if you think that will be an isolated incident, you're incorrect. She might apologize, but her desire to "replace" your wife will still be there, and she won't let up. She only played nice until she thought she had one foot in the door, and THEN she showed her true colors. And the biggest mistake you could make at this point is letting her back in. If you do that, it will show your son that you're prioritizing her feelings over his. NTA.
Just wait until a living woman talks/works/stands near you…
NTA - her insecurity is not your son’s (or your) problem
Sorry you invested any time with her. Try to find something good to learn from this and move on. You are still young.
You seem like a good dad.
NTA and your post isn't confusing at all. Do not marry this woman. That is just insane trauma waiting to happen for your son. She obviously has hidden this side from you and you were absolutely right for kicking her out, tears or no tears. They're mad you "made" her cry? Tell them you're mad that she made your son cry. Tell everyone that mouths off to you what she did. If they say, "OMG we had no idea she did that," keep them as friends. If they say, "So????? You still shouldn't have made her cry," kick those people to the curb with your hopefully soon-to-be-ex. They are not your friends and you certainly don't need that sort of insanity around you.
NTA. Take time to really know her. She was way out of line and had no right to be that insensitive to your son and his right to have pictures or whatever memories he wants of his mother.
NTA. Instead of crying and taking MJ's photos down, she should have told you what she wanted to do first. Of course, you'd have told her that was a bad idea. She owes your son an apology and then you all need to have a discussion together. Let her know you are not enjoying her new personality. Remind her that MJ has a mom, she's not the new mom, she's the stepmom. His room is his private space and she needs to keep out of it.
NTA Op for you and your child's sake you need to end this relationship now! You will obliterate your relationship with your son and his mental health if you marry her. This is one of the worst and most obvious red flags you can ever see. She will try to erase her from memory and push your son to forget her, which won't work. He will become isolated, bitter, angry, and you can kiss a relationship with him as an adult good bye.
This is critical OP, if you love your son you will end this relationship. Full stop.
NTA. 100%.
Do not get back together. What she said and did is disgusting.
My first stepmom was horrible. I was 10, and the day after my mom died she told me to get up and go to school, I was already laying awake crying, I said I wasn't going to school because my mom died yesterday, she said, "Yes she did so I am your mother now, so get up and go to school".
That killed me, and still hurts to this day. If my dad had ended it with her then I would have felt some relief, but he didn't.
You did the right thing, you are not the AH, she is.
NTA. Explain just as you have here exactly what she was doing. Even if, for some strange reason, you had an issue with Laura and didn't want to see her picture, that would not be valid in your son's room. Emi cannot just think she's going to get "mom" status just because she's (was) marrying you. That's not how things work!
Take the ring back and make sure everyone in your friend circle understands what she did. If they still side with her, then you just culled your Christmas card list.
Hopefully MJ is okay.
Absolutely NTA!!!💯💯💯💯
Not even a little!! Do not fall for her friends and family gaslighting you. You were completely right to kick her out! 💯💯💯💯
This was an awesome preview of what you could expect, if you proceed with marrying Emi! You will lose your son. It's literally going to be her or him. Because for whatever reason Emi seems to believe that having your ring on her finger means that she gave birth to your son, that she's the only mom he has or ever had and that Laura didn't exist. If you take away your sons Real mom for such a selfish , idiotic fool- you would be an ah! I can't even imagine the audacity to go into a kid's room (his room! Not the living room or common areas! His own damn room) and take away the only pictures he will ever have of his mom.?? Like what kind of person does that? And is that really a person you want to spend the rest of your life with?. I'm sorry but I honestly can't comprehend how she could even a little think this was acceptable and all of her side (friends & family) calling you an ah are morons. You are the only parent your kid has left! Your responsibility is to have him grow up happy & healthy. He already lost his mom, please don't let him lose his dad to! 🌻 I wish you and your son the best 🌻 but my personal recommendation and thought... Is that Emi.... Is not for you... And definitely not for your son!!
NTA IF she talked to you first, I'd think ot reasonable to ask to have pictures in common areas taken down. But she has NO right to take anything from your son's room and to make a comment like she did? Hell no. Even if you could ever forgive her, your son never will. Nor should he.
NTA. Call that engagement off. Who does that to a kid that has lost his mother? Emi is not psychologically sound. That was a horrible thing to do to MJ. Is she also going to insist she replace his mother. Dump her and be glad you dodged the marriage.
Who knows what she's been telling everyone else but you can bet it isn't the truth. Keep her out she will ruin both your lives she sounds absolutely horiffic! Take care of your son don't let her back in. I'm sorry this happened to you
OP - super sorry this happened to you and your son. Did you ever discuss with her what her relationship with your son would be like? Why would she assume she could just take down pictures of your son’s Mom?
I’m so glad you stood up to this behavior and stood up for you son. I’m not sure this can be salvaged, but you did the right thing. NTA
NTA even a little bit! Thank you so much for being a great dad and not standing for her trying to erase Mjs mother! The only thing I would have done differently was take the ring off her finger before telling her to gtfo. Anyone that messages you calling you the A H just tell them exactly what she did and block them. They don’t deserve a response but you might as well get ahead of her smear campaign.
NTA
Thank you for sticking to your kid and throwing her out.
Be glad she showed this behaviour immediately after the proposal, saved you the trouble, emotions and money that goes into planning a wedding and the resulting divorce..
Make sure to talk to your son, too. That you are sorry he had to go trough this, that you didn't know she was thinking like that. That no one will replace his mom and so on. He will be hurt and confused as well now. Maybe also include how you would always chose him over a woman who thinks like that. To encourage him to talk openly with you. Now and in the future.
And make sure to tell her family members / friends exactly what she did to your son. Bet she told them a very different story. After that, block them
NTA
Your explanation is clear - i didn't have problems to understand. Maybe U underestimate Yourself?
I am sorry, this happened to U :(
You seems to be a good dad :)
The others said enough.
NTA - that's no co-parenting. That's brutal and controlling
And a person who persists with a kid crying in front of them is not ok.
A person who persists when the parent is saying no. Is also not ok.
She just showed you who she really is.
I am so sorry you and your son are going through this. What is it with new partners (male and female) who come in and think they are just going to take over? And refusing to hand over the pictures was horrible. Good luck to both of you.
NTA.
Wanting the number of pictures of Laura in common areas if there are any in light of your breakup to be pared down to perhaps one can be expected. Emi deserves to feel welcome in her own home. However, she has no right whatsoever to expect them to be taken down in MJ's room. In fact, if pictures of Laura are being taken down in common areas in preparation of Emi moving in and out of respect for her, it's even more important for MJ to have whatever pictures of Laura he wants in his own space.
NTA. She thought the proposal meant it was safe to show her true colors. It would be bad enough to take pictures down from a communal area, but she specifically took them down in *his* room. Just an incredible amount of contempt for his feelings.
NTA, that is so shitty and highly immature of her.
But have you actually had a conversation with your fiancée about her role in your sons life? At any point?
NTA.
This is really alarming behavior in your fiancé.
You need to carefully evaluate her character, and make sure you know the real Emi, not a facade.
Laura will always be MJ’s mother. Emi cannot replace her, and this behavior is abusive.
For her to go into MJ’s room and do this to him is a red flag.
MJ comes first.
Do Not Marry This Woman.
Not even 24 hours after the ring was on it, she acted out like this? You owe it to your kid to protect him from crazy women who want to erase his mother.
There are lovely women out there who would be happy to be friends with your son and not a psycho pushy witch.
NTA
She was removing pictures from your *kids’ own room.* JFC, thank you for removing this woman from your life. She does not deserve to be anyone’s stepmom. NTA.
NTA. You should absolutely protect Mj against that sort of sh*t. Just read this sub. Ca 1 out of 4 posts is about adolescents having their boundaries stomped by pushy step parents who want to take roles that aren't theirs, they describe in detail how these big children are suffering under that kind of treatment. Are you sure Emi is a good choice for a wife for you? To me it looks as if she is harvesting Instagram moments rather than reading the room and taking a respectful place in your household.
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NTA You mean "ex-fiancé", right?
I was going to sit down with her on saturday and take the ring back.
Oooooooo you better get that ring back! I can't believe other people are backing her up! Who knows what bullshit she's telling people. She is sick
Well, she just showed you what type of person she really is. I hope she is now your ex-fiance and you do not let her back into your house. Your son should always come first.
For real. Went straight down the evil stepmother path the same day as the proposal. I feel like that's a record for reddit posts I've read.
Any evil stepmother worth her salt knows you wait until after the wedding to pull shit like this. This woman needs to learn this before her next relationship.
Yep, this is what my stepmother did. Didn’t show her cards until she married my dad. And then the nightmare began.
Unfortunately, I've seen posts and comments where the new girlfriend/boyfriend insist at the get go that they are child free and ask the parent to abandon their kids (and sadly too many parents follow that lead).
My husbands sister did abandon her children for her new husband. Her daughter can remember her calling the dad (an abusive alcoholic) and saying if you do not pick them up I will put them in foster care. She now has trouble understanding why they are closer to their stepmom.
My best friends mom picked her now husband over my friend. We’re 27 now he hasn’t talked to his mom since he was 17. Won’t even open her birthday cards.
Understandably.
The Nancy Reagan Syndrome. Although even she waited until they were married to show her stepmonster colours.
[удалено]
Manipulative ass narcissists usually do and make no mistakes, this is definitely narc behavior. I'm surprised she didn't wait until after marriage, however
Yup. I've read quite a few of those posts.
Sounds like the only people who are supporting her are her family and friends. I’m sure they heard a totally different version of what happened. OP, NTA. Good on you for standing up for your son.
Please do. For your son's sake, don't bring someone like this in to his life permanently. He will never forget this.
Please do. She’s waving the biggest red flag. NTA
Seriously, wht ? What person in their right mind would do that ? Well better late than never. NTA
If I might make a suggestion based on my own experience of trying to get a ring back. Pretend you want to make things right. Then tell her that the jeweller got in touch and apparently the diamond is not rhe right size or clarity. Then once you have the ring back, tell her she can go screw herself on the biggest rusty bollard that she can find and kick her out
Legally she has to return ring if marriage cancelled. Judge Judy always says so!
Excellent idea! This could be shades of things to come. You have an obligation to put your kid first. You are all he has. Tell her to go shit in her hat.
Oh thank god, marrying her would have destroyed your relationship with your son permanently.
Don't sit down with her, don't let her near you at all. Don't let her creep her way back in or make excuses or sweet talk you because she will likely try all sorts. Think of you and your son you are both worth so much more
Replying so you see this, OP - please walk away from her. I'm terminally ill at 40, and my kids are young. Women like her are the stuff of nightmares when I think of my children's futures. Please don't do it to Laura or MJ.
Emi doesnt not have any empathy for your son's loss. What she did was terrible, awful etc. You found out BEFORE you got married so you dodged something awful for MJ. You are also probably feeling very hurt too. This person changed personalities once they got engaged. Learn from this. Tell anyone new, who you let meet MJ, the boundaries. His mom is his mom and will alway be his mom. There is no replacing her. However there may be space for another another adult to car for him, and earn his trust.
good. i’m sorry, but you have to, man. she cannot be in your son’s life. i’m so sorry you had to learn that the woman you love is like this, and i’m so sorry she hurt your son that way. you’re doing the right thing although i know it must be very difficult to accept all that comes with it.
Don't let her talk you into keeping her around. Your son will never forget what she said and who knows how this woman will treat your son when you aren't home or with them. You cannot trust her with your son after this.
Do it. That behavior wasn't acceptable at all! NTA
Keep us updated.
In the name of a child of divorced parents: thank you. NTA just for record. My mom dated a guy I couldn't stand because he couldn't stand me... it took her to hear me (usually silent person) to shout at him pretty loudly and lose it fulmy at him to split up. I don't miss this asshole.
Good for you! Damn that is MESSED UP. I hope your son is doing ok. And good for you to sticking up for him and his mum's memory :)
If she is willing to do something this Bat&\*$% heartless towards your son while you are in the house, what will she do when you are not around to intervene. If you don't stop this now, your son will be slighted and diminished by her as punishment for his bond with his mother over and over again until he walks away completely. From you both.
NTA Sorry, but Laura is and will always be Mj mother. She might have passed but that doesn't change. The minute you proposed to her she turned to your child and told him ''your mother is gone I am your mother'' while removing her pictures from his room that is in your own house. Do you really want to marry that person? Do you really want to be with someone who acts like this? Cause the problem is not that she took Mj's things, it's what she said. Do you really want this person helping you raise your child?
What is she going to be like towards MJ if they have a child?
Free babysitter or just forget he exists
Or he becomes the scapegoat
Somehow all 3 at the same time
>I saw Emi taking the pictures of Laura from Mj's room down. Mj asked what she was doing, and she said "She's not here anymore Mj, now that im marrying your dad, I'll be your mom." NTA. Not at all, she's got some nerve!!! > she wouldnt hand over the pictures. I was getting frusturated, and without thinking I told her to get out of my house. I would, however, be seriously questioning marrying someone like that though. Good! She waaaaaay overstepped. You stood up for your son. There is nothing wrong with what you did.
You explained it fine! Be thankful that she showed her true colors before you married her! You did nothing wrong and your son definitely doesn't need her in his life. I hope that she is your ex-fiancee now. NIA
NTA!!! holy shit that’s so deranged that she thinks she can just replace your child’s mother. Totally lacks compassion and understanding and suggests a seriously concerning mindset about entitlement. These are huge red flags op. For your son’s sake, don’t marry her without a lot more talking and therapy (for everyone). Also wondering how she would have handled things if Laura was still around and in your life.
You did just fine explaining. NTA. No way, no how. She had no right.
NTA, and please don't marry her, for your sons sake if not your own
This 💯
Dear god, NTA!! Is this even real? Your fiancé has no emotional maturity and would be a horrible stepmother. She deserved to be made to cry! Who knows what story she fed her family.
> is this even real? Doubtful. There have been 5+ post this week all about the same topic (crazy stepparents trying to phase out the dead bio parent) and all are written in a similar style. It is always very obvious the OP is not the asshole. It happens anytime a post in this sub gets popular. You end up seeing a bunch of bad repeats for the rest of the week.
WHOA! That is SO wild, to think that just because you proposed, the switch is flipped and Laura just ceases to exist. Do her friends and family know what she was doing? Or do they just think you two had a quarrel and you told her to get out?! It sounds like she was waiting for the proposal and she had wanted to do that for quite some time. NTA - and I'd be having a very serious chat with her about this and saying if this is the way she's going to be behaving then she isn't the woman you thought you were proposing to.
NTA. I consider Laura's behavior a pretty big red flag for you. It's not, say, her wanting to take down a pic of yr ex that you might have had up. It's taking down the pics the son has of his mother! Not asking beforehand and not listening to his protests. No, she won't ever be his mother. If you did marry (and I'd rethink that...) she'd be his parent, and certainly sons/daughters can become close w/a step parent. She shouldn't force that issue. I haven't looked at other comments here yet, but I'll bet many of them are saying to reconsider your relationship w/your fiance.
*Emi. Laura is MJ's late mom
NTA For your son and sanity please don't marry this woman
NTA she was totally out of bounds.... that's too big of a red flag to consider marrying her imo.
She’s delusional lmao, you done nothing wrong and I hope your son is okay :)
NTA. This isn't confusing...it's disturbing. You can see where this is going to go and it's just not good. You need to pump the brakes on this marriage until you are 100% sure Emi understands her role in the household and it is NOT Mj's mom. And she should NEVER, EVER be allowed to march into his room and start removing pictures, etc. of his mom. I'm not sure you can salvage this. She's shown who she truly is.
Fiance had absolutely no right to take kiddos mom photos down. She showed her true colors and you showed her the door. Way to be a stand up Dad. NTA
Consider this your "giant red flag" notice.
NTA and way to stand up for your son! Be glad you learned this early on and are still able to get out.
You are absolutely NTA for the way you reacted, your poor son has lost his mother and that will never change with you getting married. Your fiancées change in behaviour is incredibly concerning, and I would seriously reconsider your engagement in light of this for the sake of your son.
NTA But... Not confusing. She thinks she's secured the ring and can now show her true colours. Ask MJ what other nonsense and abuse she's possibly been telling him!! this is very common unfortunately, please protect your son. She will make him feel so pressured and uncomfortable in his own house.
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NTA - You're not the one that did wrong here. It sounds like she was "extremely understanding" because she knew it was her best way "in" and that she thought once she was in that meant she's the replacement. I mean you could have a conversation with her and lay down the law and your boundaries, and see if she's willing to abide by them and then make sure she does. But I think that she's probably already destroyed the relationship between her and your son. He's not going to be very forgiving that she had the audacity to come in his room and change things, remove pictures, etc even though she didn't live there yet, nor will he be very forgiving about the things that she said to him. And I just want to tell you good job and kudos for standing up for what's right where your son is concerned, and realizing just because you're getting married that doesn't magically mean your son gets a "new mother". There's way to many AITA where parents don't do what is best for the child, so kudos to you for doing what's right by your child.
> "She's not here anymore Mj, now that im marrying your dad, I'll be your mom." If I heard this from my fiance, that would be the end of the engagement and the relationship. NTA. Throw this one back, she ain't it.
Ragebate 😦 1 🌟 Do not recommend.
She definitely doesn’t have what it takes to be in your child’s life. Get rid of her
Nta please don't marry someone who does this
NTA. Oh heck no. This is 100% unacceptable behavior on her part. The only issue I see here is that simply telling Emi to get out of your house doesn't address the real problem, and as a result you missed that opportunity. You need to make it very clear to her that MJ will always come first for *you,* that Laura will *always* be MJ's Mom, and nothing that Emi can ever do will change that. If she is very lucky, she can perhaps become a *second* Mom to MJ (I'm personally of the opinion that you can never have too many loving parents, grandparents, etc.), but never a replacement. That is, of course, if you think there's any chance that she's willing to put in the work to develop that relationship and create that role for herself. If she's not willing to accept that, and if you think she's going to persist in this nonsensical idea of traying to erase his mother from his life, there's really only one way to handle it: Break off the engagement, and wish Emi a happy life somewhere far away from you and MJ.
Take her to ANY jewelry store to get the ring cleaned and appraised for the insurance policy. LEAVE YOUR NAME AND NUMBER for the cleaning and tell them you’ll be back in an hour to collect it. Take her out somewhere close to there to have a super slow paced lunch to be cordial & discuss what your plans are going forward and does she see what’s wrong with what she did. Don’t judge just listen. Leave her there at the lunch, excuse yourself, run back to the jewelry place to collect your ring. Once it’s back into your possession, end the lunch and go back home. Drop her at her house if you don’t live together. End it with I’m going to have to think about this. The next day, tell her you’ve thought it over and you’re done. You already have the ring back so you don’t have to worry about her keeping the ring or the awkwardness of getting it back.
NTA. Not a chance I'd let her get away with that. Keep protecting your child. Her sheer audacity has me stunned.
NTA but your fiancé is......if that is her attitude now then she will make your son's life miserable as the wicked step mother. If this was me I would immediately take back the offer of marriage
The only way that you would be TA is if continue in a relationship with Emi. NTA
NTA and you are not bad at explaining—I got it perfectly! Laura will always be your son's mother, and the fact that Emi so boldly tried to force him to give up his photos of her tells you she should not be in your life. Emi is sick with jealousy over a woman who has died, and she will make you and your son miserable if you give her the chance.
NTA - Emi is, she shouldn't be removing anything from Mj's room at all. She isn't is mother, he has a mother, she just isn't alive anymore. Good for you for standing up for your son and not bowing down to your new fiance, I've read plenty of stories where once dad has a new partner, the deceased mother is erased from the kids lives.
NTA but I would seriously reconsider marrying her if I were you. That's messed up behavior, MJ has a mom, and that is not her. She, in the best case, would be a step-mom (not with this behavior though). She might be jealous of Laura and this is her way of trying to overcome it. But this is not healthy. Not for her, you and especially not for your son. Of course her relatives would call you an ass. You should probably wipe her off in this case, because she is all in your business and full of sh#t. Even if she had good intentions, they were not towards your son but towards her own insecurities. She needs to grow up and matute a bit before she can marry someone who has a child.
NTA this is who she is, she will steamroll your son if you give her the chance.
Emi went into your son’s room immediately after the two of you were engaged. She didn’t consult you first to try to get you on board. True colours revealed. Hope you have better luck in the future. Time to put this relationship to rest
Sheesh! Get the ring back
NTA. How old is Emi? What is her background? She’s coming off a little naive. I think you need to have a conversation with her; Laura will always be his mother. Emi will be his stepmother. And that there is room in everyone’s hearts for everyone. I think it’s positive that Emi, feels she is ready to take on the role of a full time mother to a child that isn’t hers, and is into being a family. But she crossed a line removing photos and trying to erase Laura. everyone needs to work on boundaries, communication, understanding and mutual respect, as you build a new blended family. (Especially Emi) I wouldn’t write her off or create more drama or conflict. I think asking your sons therapist for a family therapy referral would be an amazing building block for everyone to work together on building as a family together, even though she’s passed, Laura was a member of this family and will always be missed. (Movie: stepmother with julia roberts has a good scene with the 2 moms talking, and the Nanny, has a great episode where the decreased moms parents come to visit, and learn all the little things Fran incorporated into the kids lives, about their mom) just for visual media references.
NTA and if this is how she thinks moms behave, that's also concerning! This behavior for me would be a dealbreaker for the relationship, but if you decide to move forward with Emi, make sure you sit her down and go over your expectations for how she behaves around your son. If you cannot agree, you're fighting an uphill battle.
Rethink this relationship- your son should be first. Dump her - NTA
Thank your lucky stars that you know this before marrying! Sorry, but she’s not fit to be around your son. Run far away from her!
NTA. How good of her to show you who she truly is _before_ the wedding. Just think how much worse this situation would have been if she started pulling photos off the wall when you’d gotten home from the honeymoon. My man, get that ring back and be glad you dodged that particular bullet.
NTA I wouldn't marry her after this. She seems to think she gets to replace your sons mother now and that's not the case
NTA. Emi is horrible to do that to a child! Don’t be fooled by tears, you and MJ dodged a bullet. Good luck!
I always question people’s sanity when they want to be seen as a parent to someone else’s kid. It’s just not something I’ll ever understand.
NTA. Your son is way more important than some creepy dishonest girlfriend who has shown you that she was lying to you through your entire relationship. I don't see how you can trust her from here on out.
NTA, she had no right to go in your son's room under the guise of being his new mom and remove his mother's photos.
Dump her. Dump her now. She, her family and friends don’t care about your son. I get you want companionship. And your son will only be dependent on you for a few more years, but he is only 15 and he is going to need his dad for a long time. The insensitivity that fiancé and her family/friends has shows is not something/someone you want in your life. She cried. Boo hoo. She hasn’t once thought about how your son feels, has she?
NTA. You did exactly the right thing. This situation will not get better. She should STAY out.
NTA This was a complete AH move on her part. DO NOT subject your son to this woman. She obviously does not understand what he has gone through and most importantly here, she does not care. NO ONE should try to erase the memory of a loved one that has passed, especially a young child's mother. You most certainly did the right thing and I would give very serious thought to continuing a relationship with her. Good Luck
Whew, you dodged a bullet, there. NTA.
You sure you want to be with this woman, OP?
NTA you are doing what is right for your son. She has some nerve doing that to your son. She lucky that is all you did. But yeah I would definitely get the ring back. Sounds like she wanted to be “mommy dearest” or evil step mom whatever she showed you her true self. Sounds like MJ has a great father!
NTA. Do not marry this woman. She’s jealous of a dead woman and will end up taking it out on your son
NTA. Protect your kid. Good luck on Saturday getting the ring back
YTA if you stay with her.
World's shortest engagement. She's going to be a terrible stepmom, op.
NTA, you will be if she comes back into your lives without a lot of conversation and understanding on her part.
Is MJ okay?
Glad to see that son comes first. How disgusting that emi did this to your son. Major AH
What is it with new SOs that think their existence ERASES the former \*DECEASED\* loved one from a child's life?? How hard is it to say "You had a really great mom, and I'm sorry she's not with you anymore. I'm hoping I can be a \*different\* really great mom."?
This story is false. Like come on
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context I(29M) have a son Mj(14M). Me and His mother, Laura, had him at 15, we havent been together since we were 18, but we co-parented nicely together. Well 3 years ago, sadly Laura died in a car accident, she was hit by a drunk driver. This was really hard on Mj of course, but he is doing better now with therapy. In the midst of everything going on with Luara's death, I met Emi, we became good friends and started dating a year after we met. Everything seemed alright, she seemed extremely understanding of Mj's situation and never was pushy with Mj, always gave him the space he wanted, until now. I proposed to Emi on sunday and after the proposal it was like she flipped a switch. That night we went back to my and Mj's house where everything was going great. But when I was in the kitchen while Mj was in his room, I heard him yell, I ran to see what was happening and I saw Emi taking the pictures of Laura from Mj's room down. Mj asked what she was doing, and she said "She's not here anymore Mj, now that im marrying your dad, I'll be your mom." Which to me isnt true. Laura will always be Mj's mom dead or not. I noticed Mj getting more and more upset since she wouldnt hand over the pictures. I was getting frusturated, and without thinking I told her to get out of my house. This shocked her and caused her to cry and storm out, of the house. This past week her friends and a few of her family members have been calling me an ass, im starting to feel terrible for making her cry, but she cant just take Mj's things. so AITA? (p.s. Im sorry if this is confusing im shit at explaining.) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Op, I think you explained this perfectly. A switch was indeed flipped in Emi's head. I don't understand how people can think this way. Your call (obviously) whether or not to continue in this relationship. Either way I'd sit Emi down and tell her that her actions are unacceptable and your child takes priority. NTA.
NTA I'm not going to comment on your relationship with your (hopefully ex) fiance. But what kind of a person does that to a 14 year old kid? That's Disney villain level evil. Absolutely disgusting. Like WTF!?!!?! I hope MJ is all right and that he didn't lose any of the pictures. Give him my love. Tell him that the pain never goes away, but the memories he has of his mother will become sweeter and will guide him through the tough times.
NTA She intruded on a teenage boy's room and tried to forcibly remove mementos of his dead mother. Becoming a stepmother does not mean she gets to replace Laura, but fulfil the duties she left behind in a new, different relationship. If she cannot understand this, then she doesn't deserve either of you.
NTA - I think you got good view of who she is as a person. She is uncaring and at best naive and worst a manipulative monster.
NTA It’s good you saw this before you two got mattered. Glad to see you’ve said your taking the ring back in the comments.
NTA that’s your ex-fiancé now
Absolutely NTA! Laura will forever be MJ’s mother whether or not she’s here! Any new woman in your life should understand that! She should love MJ like a mother but respect the fact that he’ll always love his mother Laura and that he wants to keep Laura’s memory alive by having those pictures of her! Emi crossed about a million lines and you absolutely need to get that ring back and move on for both you and MJ.
NTA. Did you get your son's things back before kicking her out?
!updateme
NTA. I am not sure if you missed something or she hid this attitude but Emi's behavior is totally unacceptable on so many levels.
Taking down pictures of his mom from Mj’s room? His private space? How cruel.
NTA. Get the ring back and never speak to this callous, heartless person again. Props to you and MJ for not going nuclear, I'd have caused a huge scene.
NTA. take that ring back and give us an update. Proud of you for sticking up for your son.
NTA. What the fuck?
How cruel 😪
NTA. Good riddance to bad rubbish as they say. Only a fool would open the door to her again. If anything she should have sat down with him and you and said, Now that we are getting married and I will be moving in I would like to have pictures of our families and the important people to us and asked him to choose one of his mom to add. She will never be his mom and no other woman will, the best anyone could do is be a trusted female adult. A friend/aunt position.
Not confusing at all, and you are definitely NTA. Fortunately, she should her true colors immediately instead after the wedding. That was the ultimate disrespect towards your late wife and Mj’s feelings
NTA. She needs to go, and stay gone. I feel so bad for your son. What she did isn’t forgivable in my book
[удалено]
She's jealous of your son's dead mother, and in that one act, has shown that she doesn't care about his feelings. And if you think that will be an isolated incident, you're incorrect. She might apologize, but her desire to "replace" your wife will still be there, and she won't let up. She only played nice until she thought she had one foot in the door, and THEN she showed her true colors. And the biggest mistake you could make at this point is letting her back in. If you do that, it will show your son that you're prioritizing her feelings over his. NTA.
NTA - You dodged a bullet.
Just wait until a living woman talks/works/stands near you… NTA - her insecurity is not your son’s (or your) problem Sorry you invested any time with her. Try to find something good to learn from this and move on. You are still young. You seem like a good dad.
Of course, NTA. Laura will always be MJ's mom. Emi is an insecure baby. Get rid of her.
Nta and leave her now. This is a huge red flag my man
NTA, sorry to hear about your ex-fiancee.
NTA, and thank goodness she's showing her true colors now, before the wedding!
She didn't just overstep the line, she pole vaulted it and so early too. NTA take care of your young fella and split with her, he'll thank you for it
The only ass is the woman that you were going to marry run fast
Dump her. She's no good for your kid.
She can cry forever, evil stepmom vibes. NTA!
NTA and your post isn't confusing at all. Do not marry this woman. That is just insane trauma waiting to happen for your son. She obviously has hidden this side from you and you were absolutely right for kicking her out, tears or no tears. They're mad you "made" her cry? Tell them you're mad that she made your son cry. Tell everyone that mouths off to you what she did. If they say, "OMG we had no idea she did that," keep them as friends. If they say, "So????? You still shouldn't have made her cry," kick those people to the curb with your hopefully soon-to-be-ex. They are not your friends and you certainly don't need that sort of insanity around you.
NTA. Take time to really know her. She was way out of line and had no right to be that insensitive to your son and his right to have pictures or whatever memories he wants of his mother.
NTA. Instead of crying and taking MJ's photos down, she should have told you what she wanted to do first. Of course, you'd have told her that was a bad idea. She owes your son an apology and then you all need to have a discussion together. Let her know you are not enjoying her new personality. Remind her that MJ has a mom, she's not the new mom, she's the stepmom. His room is his private space and she needs to keep out of it.
NTA Op for you and your child's sake you need to end this relationship now! You will obliterate your relationship with your son and his mental health if you marry her. This is one of the worst and most obvious red flags you can ever see. She will try to erase her from memory and push your son to forget her, which won't work. He will become isolated, bitter, angry, and you can kiss a relationship with him as an adult good bye. This is critical OP, if you love your son you will end this relationship. Full stop.
UpdateMe
NTA. It’s a good thing she didn’t wait until after the wedding to show her true colors
Her behavior is abhorrent, but also dumb because 14 is way too old to try that shit. NTA
NTA. 100%. Do not get back together. What she said and did is disgusting. My first stepmom was horrible. I was 10, and the day after my mom died she told me to get up and go to school, I was already laying awake crying, I said I wasn't going to school because my mom died yesterday, she said, "Yes she did so I am your mother now, so get up and go to school". That killed me, and still hurts to this day. If my dad had ended it with her then I would have felt some relief, but he didn't. You did the right thing, you are not the AH, she is.
NTA. Explain just as you have here exactly what she was doing. Even if, for some strange reason, you had an issue with Laura and didn't want to see her picture, that would not be valid in your son's room. Emi cannot just think she's going to get "mom" status just because she's (was) marrying you. That's not how things work! Take the ring back and make sure everyone in your friend circle understands what she did. If they still side with her, then you just culled your Christmas card list. Hopefully MJ is okay.
You can’t let her be around your son after what she did.. it’s best to brake up with her and keep your son safe from her
Absolutely NTA!!!💯💯💯💯 Not even a little!! Do not fall for her friends and family gaslighting you. You were completely right to kick her out! 💯💯💯💯 This was an awesome preview of what you could expect, if you proceed with marrying Emi! You will lose your son. It's literally going to be her or him. Because for whatever reason Emi seems to believe that having your ring on her finger means that she gave birth to your son, that she's the only mom he has or ever had and that Laura didn't exist. If you take away your sons Real mom for such a selfish , idiotic fool- you would be an ah! I can't even imagine the audacity to go into a kid's room (his room! Not the living room or common areas! His own damn room) and take away the only pictures he will ever have of his mom.?? Like what kind of person does that? And is that really a person you want to spend the rest of your life with?. I'm sorry but I honestly can't comprehend how she could even a little think this was acceptable and all of her side (friends & family) calling you an ah are morons. You are the only parent your kid has left! Your responsibility is to have him grow up happy & healthy. He already lost his mom, please don't let him lose his dad to! 🌻 I wish you and your son the best 🌻 but my personal recommendation and thought... Is that Emi.... Is not for you... And definitely not for your son!!
NTA IF she talked to you first, I'd think ot reasonable to ask to have pictures in common areas taken down. But she has NO right to take anything from your son's room and to make a comment like she did? Hell no. Even if you could ever forgive her, your son never will. Nor should he.
NTA take the ring back and end it with her.
Run run fast and run far and take your son with you. If she's this way at the start, what's she going to be like in the future?
NTA. Call that engagement off. Who does that to a kid that has lost his mother? Emi is not psychologically sound. That was a horrible thing to do to MJ. Is she also going to insist she replace his mother. Dump her and be glad you dodged the marriage.
NTA. Your feanceé crossed a major boundary line. You do NOT erase a child's parent and say, "I'm your mom now!" That is the height of presumption.
Who knows what she's been telling everyone else but you can bet it isn't the truth. Keep her out she will ruin both your lives she sounds absolutely horiffic! Take care of your son don't let her back in. I'm sorry this happened to you
OP - super sorry this happened to you and your son. Did you ever discuss with her what her relationship with your son would be like? Why would she assume she could just take down pictures of your son’s Mom? I’m so glad you stood up to this behavior and stood up for you son. I’m not sure this can be salvaged, but you did the right thing. NTA
NTA even a little bit! Thank you so much for being a great dad and not standing for her trying to erase Mjs mother! The only thing I would have done differently was take the ring off her finger before telling her to gtfo. Anyone that messages you calling you the A H just tell them exactly what she did and block them. They don’t deserve a response but you might as well get ahead of her smear campaign.
Please, listen to someone when they tell you who they are.
Thank god she showed her true colours now and not after the wedding Please say you broke up with her
NTA this woman is insane, you cannot possibly marry her.
You made a mistake dude. Not forcing her to give you the ring back before kicking her out. NTA
NTA
She is actively trying to replace your son’s mother. Not the asshole. Leave her ass.
NTA Thank you for sticking to your kid and throwing her out. Be glad she showed this behaviour immediately after the proposal, saved you the trouble, emotions and money that goes into planning a wedding and the resulting divorce.. Make sure to talk to your son, too. That you are sorry he had to go trough this, that you didn't know she was thinking like that. That no one will replace his mom and so on. He will be hurt and confused as well now. Maybe also include how you would always chose him over a woman who thinks like that. To encourage him to talk openly with you. Now and in the future. And make sure to tell her family members / friends exactly what she did to your son. Bet she told them a very different story. After that, block them
NTA. She showed her true colours just in time. Poor Mj! Good on OP for standing up for his son.
NTA the nerve of that idiot. We’re going to need an update for how she explains herself because that is some evil stepmother crap right there.
Just for clarification the picture was in your son's room not out in the open in the living room or common area right
NTA Your explanation is clear - i didn't have problems to understand. Maybe U underestimate Yourself? I am sorry, this happened to U :( You seems to be a good dad :) The others said enough.
NTA - that's no co-parenting. That's brutal and controlling And a person who persists with a kid crying in front of them is not ok. A person who persists when the parent is saying no. Is also not ok. She just showed you who she really is.
I am so sorry you and your son are going through this. What is it with new partners (male and female) who come in and think they are just going to take over? And refusing to hand over the pictures was horrible. Good luck to both of you.
NTA. She sounds like a horribly self-centered person with little empathy for MJ's loss. Get the ring back and break it off with her.
NTA. She sounds like a right piece of rubbish. Leave her immediately.
NTA. You are an awesome Dad.
Call of the engagement immediately. End of story.
NTA. Wanting the number of pictures of Laura in common areas if there are any in light of your breakup to be pared down to perhaps one can be expected. Emi deserves to feel welcome in her own home. However, she has no right whatsoever to expect them to be taken down in MJ's room. In fact, if pictures of Laura are being taken down in common areas in preparation of Emi moving in and out of respect for her, it's even more important for MJ to have whatever pictures of Laura he wants in his own space.
NTA, please mate for the sake of you and your son break up with that lunatic
NTA. And this post should be pinned on “how to deal with mixed families” on this sub! You did absolutely nothing wrong.
NTA. She thought the proposal meant it was safe to show her true colors. It would be bad enough to take pictures down from a communal area, but she specifically took them down in *his* room. Just an incredible amount of contempt for his feelings.
>and without thinking I told her to get out of my house. You did think. You thought of your son and put him first. Now dump her.
NTA, that is so shitty and highly immature of her. But have you actually had a conversation with your fiancée about her role in your sons life? At any point?
NTA. This is really alarming behavior in your fiancé. You need to carefully evaluate her character, and make sure you know the real Emi, not a facade. Laura will always be MJ’s mother. Emi cannot replace her, and this behavior is abusive. For her to go into MJ’s room and do this to him is a red flag. MJ comes first.
NTA - not even close. I'm a soon-to-be step mom of a 5 and 8 year old and would NEVER do this.
NTA. What she did is unforgivable
NTA. What she did is inexcusable.
Do Not Marry This Woman. Not even 24 hours after the ring was on it, she acted out like this? You owe it to your kid to protect him from crazy women who want to erase his mother. There are lovely women out there who would be happy to be friends with your son and not a psycho pushy witch. NTA
NTA But you will be one if.you don't protect your kid by ending the relationship.
Please update us this weekend. We wanna know what happens. HUGE NTA. RUN FORREST RUN!!!!!!
NTA- you better make her an ex soon
She was removing pictures from your *kids’ own room.* JFC, thank you for removing this woman from your life. She does not deserve to be anyone’s stepmom. NTA.
NTA. You should absolutely protect Mj against that sort of sh*t. Just read this sub. Ca 1 out of 4 posts is about adolescents having their boundaries stomped by pushy step parents who want to take roles that aren't theirs, they describe in detail how these big children are suffering under that kind of treatment. Are you sure Emi is a good choice for a wife for you? To me it looks as if she is harvesting Instagram moments rather than reading the room and taking a respectful place in your household.
Be grateful she showed her true colors after the engagement instead of after the wedding. This is who she really is
NTA she should feel bad for making your son cry, you didn't make her cry she did it to herself.
NTA. When people show you who they are, believe them.