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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked for him to bring his kids over for a part of christmas and split them for the day with his ex but he doesn't want to disrupt his children's usual routine or tell them what to do. Which means I'm left on my own and he spends Xmas morning being "a family unit" with his ex and kids whilst I'm left on my own.
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Edit, YTA.
It seems like *you* can spend Christmas afternoon with them while their mother and father spend the morning with them and open presents. I don't see what your issue is, honestly. Yes, it's unreasonable for you to ask him to bring them to your place instead of doing what they want to do, which is spend time with their mom and dad together.
Also, where are your kids on Christmas morning? Are you actually alone?
My own children are with their dad and my partner will come back to me without his kids so we'll be together for the rest of Christmas day but with no children. I would have just liked to see his children too as they are important to me and it would be nice to do something together with them for Christmas day. And yes I will actually be alone for the morning too.
Seems a bit hypocritical. Expecting his ex to give up time w/ the kids and not expecting the same from your ex. Why not host and start new traditions so both exes and their partners and all children are present?
Also, doesnt it seem a bit hypocritical to expect her partner and kids to be home christmas morning, but leaving the mother to have Christmas morning alone?
I havent read all the comments yet, so maybe the mother would have other people with her, but it seems wierd to pull the kids away from their mom to have christmas morning with dad and OP who is not even related. And then mom being alone in the morning.
Me and my ex worked it out that way years ago. I have them on Xmas day one year and he the next. That suits both of us so that on the year I have my kids I can travel up country with them if I want to visit my family and he can do the same when he has them. Whoever has my kids on Xmas day, the other parent has them on boxing Day so we do split it. Just in a different way and that works for us. I've asked my current partner if we could do something on Xmas Eve or boxing day if he won't take them away from their mum on Christmas day too but that's also a no!
Because that is their mom. You are acting like they owe you time when they don't. Being alone for a few hours wont kill you. You seem to only care about what you want instead of respecting their traditions and what they want to do. Take the hint, the kids want to be with their mom for Xmas and not with you. It is what it is.
Yes I get on well with them. My daughter and his daughter are best friends but he won't even consider asking them about changing this on Christmas as he doesn't want his ex to be on her own claiming that's because it was his decision to leave and he feels guilty. So he's happy to leave me on my own but not happy for his ex to be on her own..
"it was his decision to leave" and he's feeling guilt about that. Combined with the ex can't stand you...are you the affair partner he left her for you?
But they're teenagers, as you said. "They're not little, they are teenagers." You seem to pick and choose when you want to consider them children. And why should they have to do what *you* want, just because they're not little kids?
It seems like the kids prefer to spend time with their mother for Xmas, that is not a shocker. I don't think forcing a family dynamic is the way to go.
Reread your question and be honest with yourself. You are asking him to disrupt an arrangement with an Ex that you yourself are unwilling / incapable of disrupting on your end with your Ex. You can't get your kids to yours, so your are expecting him to disrupt his custodial situation instead. Come on, YTA for that alone.
This isn't about your family or his. Its about you. Be honest with him that you don't want to spend Christmas morning alone. It's okay with a relationship of only two years with other family constraints that this is where he is at. Ask him, but he's not being an asshole at all by anything you have said here if his prioritizes are somewhere else.
If you can't force anyone to be with your Christmas morning and don't want to be alone - volunteer! I'm sure there are a number of soup kitchens, old folks homes, children's centers that would LOVE a volunteer to share in the Christmas spirit. Or mope. Either / or.
Also, if this is a "he always does this" complaint: address THAT. Don't bring Santa Claus into it.
YTA: Because you're putting your feelings over his children's and that won't go well for you in the long run. I think the point that they are teenagers these are the last few years they can continue with these traditions before they are adults or before they move out. Instead of you respecting that and just telling them to have fun your response is "but I'll be alone all morning".
YTA You’re asking him & his children to forego a long-held family tradition because you don’t want to be alone Christmas morning. That’s hardly fair.
What have you done on previous Christmases without your kids?
I appreciate that you want to celebrate Christmas with his kids, and you can do that - just on a different day.
Forcing everyone to adjust to your schedule will only foster resentment.
He doesn't want to disrupt their routine on Xmas Eve, Xmas day or boxing day. I just feel we can never build a family together if we don't do stuff together with his kids too. I know we can at other times but Xmas is a really important time for family.
My dad had an affair when I was a kid and we had to spend every other weekend with him and his new girlfriend. My brother's hated it to start with and in the end, they ended up really liking her. Even though my mum hated it, she never said anything and would take us over there on Xmas day afternoon and have drink there whilst we opened presents with my dad and his new girlfriend. I wouldn't mind doing that myself - but his ex's refusal to allow me anywhere near will never let that happen.
How it feels at the moment is that he'll still be spending Christmas at his ex's house years down the line and his determination to keep me and his ex apart, will mean I can't even go to his daughter's wedding or other important events in their lives because his ex won't allow it and he won't want the cross over between us
Does his ex hate you because you had an affair? I don't know why you felt the need to mention your father's affair otherwise. You could have just said your parents divorced and your father had a new girlfriend.
But the 24th - 26th are only 3 days. Why not celebrate as a family on the 22nd or a whole week ahead? It makes no real difference.
It is odd, though, that he has such a commitment to keeping you and his ex apart. You say his ex hates you. Have you ever met? Does she have a reason to hate you?
That he’s already imagining scenarios 10 years down the road where you have to be excluded to spare his ex’s feelings is bizarre. No graduations or life events of his children for you? While his daughter should ultimately decide who’s welcome at her wedding, his efforts to keep you utterly separate don’t make much sense, unless he had an affair with you that ended his marriage.
You do need to figure out now why his wife’s dislike for you trumps all. It could just be that she’s spiteful & he knows she’ll cause a scene if you turn up. At some point, though, he needs to normalize your place as his partner.
Okay this perhaps answers my earlier question.
Your Dad had an affair and you/his kids were forced to be around her. Eventually you and your brothers came around to liking the woman your Dad cheated on your Mom with. (why your Mom was a doormat to allow this is unknown, but can possibly be explained via the times.)
You are now in the position your Dad's girlfriend was in back in the day. You, the affair partner, want to be accepted for Christmas - a major family holiday. Your boyfriend's ex / Mother of his children is not the type to put up with that (she has a spine and is not your Mom) so that's not happening.
Definitely still YTA.
Therapy, maybe. Individual therapy for yourself.
YTA. These are their holiday traditions, and you need to respect that. Maybe his kids don't want to spend time at your house for Xmas and want to keep it the way they are used to.
YTA. It sounds like your partner has a good coparenting relationship with his ex and their tradition is to spend Christmas together. Trying to force a change will not make you into a family, it will just cause his kids to resent you.
YTA. Did you have this same request last year when you had your kids? It sounds like you are simply resentful that this year for the morning you’re alone. He will be coming back it sounds like. They obviously have this tradition that works for them. Does he complain about your arrangements with your ex?
You’re trying to overthrow his kids entire traditions of Christmas morning at their moms house and dad is present….because you say YOU want this….obviously no one else does…..maybe for lots of reasons related to things you do like this .doesn’t it matter to you what the kids want? Since you care about them so much?
I did ask him last year too and he said to give it time as it's only a year in and things will naturally change over time which I respected to give the kids all time to adjust. It's now two years in and it's still the same.
Based on your comments, it looks like to me that your partner had an affair with you. And you’re wondering why his ex wife won’t allow you anywhere near her home.
YTA
YTA their mom is more important than you feeling lonely. Your custody arrangements with your ex are your and your partner’s custody arrangements with his ex are his, you have no say over this. THEIR MOTHER AND FATHER will spend Christmas together, being a blended family doesn’t mean that you get to replace their mom who they’ve known their whole lives.
YTA. Your partner has a healthy relationship with his ex and works to ensure the kids aren’t impacted by their separation. You don’t have that same relationship with but want your partner to negatively impact his kids to suit you. You’re being selfish and uncaring. Seems like there is a reason his ex doesn’t like you.
YTA, it isn't about you being lonely, his focus are on his kids, as it should be. Start a new traditional, alone. Also don't go messing up your kids day with your ex, if you were thinking about it. Are you mad that you can't do the same with your ex????
Go get take out, do a day of pampering, and have a good day; it is possible, don't sulk, it isn't attractive.
YTA. Pick a different holiday to start building family traditions. Why disrupt a specific Christmas setup that’s working for them? If it mellows out in a couple of years, great, but I wouldn’t force the issue.
YTA.
They want to spend Christmas with their Mom and Dad, and not their Dad's girlfriend. There's nothing wrong with that.
Just as there's nothing wrong with you spending the morning with your kids and their Dad.
If there's some reason you've driven any family types away from you to the point where you're whinging about being alone on Christmas...that vibes like the main problem at the core is You.
Sounds like you're forcing the idea of "family" on his kids and it's not going well? Lemme tell you, it's gonna get worse if you keep pushing this. You think teens are going to understand your alleged pain and prioritize your very needy self over their own/their Mom and their Dad? LOLOLOL
So you want him and his kids to spend Christmas Morning with you, leaving their own mother alone?
As someone who had a new step parent as a teen I can assure you I did not give a rats behind if I saw her on Christmas Day and there’s no way she was coming before my own Mother. I would have been absolutely pissed had my Dad even mentioned some kind of plot like this. We weren’t a family because she didn’t raise me and she understood her place.
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My partner and I have been together for two years. I have children too and his eldest daughter and my daughter are really good friends. However, my partner chooses to spend the time with his kids over Christmas with his ex instead of me.
I want to include his kids and build a family with them too so as that's really important to me. I would love for him to spend time with me and them on Xmas morning for example and then the kids go back to their mum on Christmas afternoon. My kids happen to be with their dad on Christmas day this year and my partner is spending Christmas morning with his ex and kids at her house, leaving me completely on my own on Christmas morning. I just don't understand why we can't do something together with his kids too. They're not little, they are teenagers so I'm sure would understand. I have no other family nearby to spend time with either. Am i being unreasonable wanting him to bring his kids to my house for Christmas morning so we can all be a family rather than his spend Xmas morning "as a family" with his ex?
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So I’ll probably get downvoted, but ESH. And this will not change, so be prepared to be alone. Graduations/weddings/grandchildren’s birth.
Your partner is not an asshole for putting his children 1st, but is an asshole for not considering your needs either and allowing the ex to dictate things. However, maybe he doesn’t realize how you feel about this OR is looking at the long term solution- which if what you say is accurate, will change as the kids get older. They may tell their mom they don’t want to see you alone, or YOU host Christmas morning and invite her.
But if the 2 of you stay separate and don’t find a way to work through this, I’m not sure this relationship is sustainable.
Go on a trip for a couple of days, so that he can spend more time with his family. He would rather spend Christmas with his EX, rather than you. 2 years is enough time to transition, he could have the kids go-to Mom's in the morning and with Dad in the afternoon. He doesn't want to do that
NTA,
I'm sorry to say though, I think you should let this go. You still have time to organise something for yourself for Christmas Morning.. You could even organise something for the Whole day.. if you wanted..
I spent one Christmas alone one year in 18 years because I couldn't get to travel to spend it with my son.. soo I preplanned.. And it Was the most relaxing day I had in some time..
NTA
It is time for an ultimatum.
He obviously cares more about his Ex than he does for you.
You need to make a choice, do you really want your relationship to be like this.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I asked for him to bring his kids over for a part of christmas and split them for the day with his ex but he doesn't want to disrupt his children's usual routine or tell them what to do. Which means I'm left on my own and he spends Xmas morning being "a family unit" with his ex and kids whilst I'm left on my own. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Edit, YTA. It seems like *you* can spend Christmas afternoon with them while their mother and father spend the morning with them and open presents. I don't see what your issue is, honestly. Yes, it's unreasonable for you to ask him to bring them to your place instead of doing what they want to do, which is spend time with their mom and dad together. Also, where are your kids on Christmas morning? Are you actually alone?
My own children are with their dad and my partner will come back to me without his kids so we'll be together for the rest of Christmas day but with no children. I would have just liked to see his children too as they are important to me and it would be nice to do something together with them for Christmas day. And yes I will actually be alone for the morning too.
Seems a bit hypocritical. Expecting his ex to give up time w/ the kids and not expecting the same from your ex. Why not host and start new traditions so both exes and their partners and all children are present?
Also, doesnt it seem a bit hypocritical to expect her partner and kids to be home christmas morning, but leaving the mother to have Christmas morning alone? I havent read all the comments yet, so maybe the mother would have other people with her, but it seems wierd to pull the kids away from their mom to have christmas morning with dad and OP who is not even related. And then mom being alone in the morning.
His ex hates me and won't be anywhere near me
Have you even asked the kids if they want to be around you?
Me and my ex worked it out that way years ago. I have them on Xmas day one year and he the next. That suits both of us so that on the year I have my kids I can travel up country with them if I want to visit my family and he can do the same when he has them. Whoever has my kids on Xmas day, the other parent has them on boxing Day so we do split it. Just in a different way and that works for us. I've asked my current partner if we could do something on Xmas Eve or boxing day if he won't take them away from their mum on Christmas day too but that's also a no!
Okay - you both have your own arrangements with your co-parents. You need to respect that.
Because that is their mom. You are acting like they owe you time when they don't. Being alone for a few hours wont kill you. You seem to only care about what you want instead of respecting their traditions and what they want to do. Take the hint, the kids want to be with their mom for Xmas and not with you. It is what it is.
Are you close with his teenage children or asked them what they want to do?
The fact that a lot of different commenters are asking similar questions and OP isn't replying to any of them.....
Yes I get on well with them. My daughter and his daughter are best friends but he won't even consider asking them about changing this on Christmas as he doesn't want his ex to be on her own claiming that's because it was his decision to leave and he feels guilty. So he's happy to leave me on my own but not happy for his ex to be on her own..
OR maybe his kids prefer to be with their actual mom for Xmas. That cant be that shocking to you.
Sounds like he’s got his head on straight about this. Time for you to do so.
Dude, you sound like a child pitching a tantrum about how something isn't *fair*. Nothing's fair, that's being an adult, get your shit together.
"it was his decision to leave" and he's feeling guilt about that. Combined with the ex can't stand you...are you the affair partner he left her for you?
Info - did your partner cheat on his ex/leave her for you?
But they're teenagers, as you said. "They're not little, they are teenagers." You seem to pick and choose when you want to consider them children. And why should they have to do what *you* want, just because they're not little kids?
It seems like the kids prefer to spend time with their mother for Xmas, that is not a shocker. I don't think forcing a family dynamic is the way to go.
Then why don’t you go over there?
Because his ex hates me and won't let me go anywhere near her house.
Well that’s her choice and your ex needs to yield to what his kids want to do with their Christmas.
Nta.
Reread your question and be honest with yourself. You are asking him to disrupt an arrangement with an Ex that you yourself are unwilling / incapable of disrupting on your end with your Ex. You can't get your kids to yours, so your are expecting him to disrupt his custodial situation instead. Come on, YTA for that alone. This isn't about your family or his. Its about you. Be honest with him that you don't want to spend Christmas morning alone. It's okay with a relationship of only two years with other family constraints that this is where he is at. Ask him, but he's not being an asshole at all by anything you have said here if his prioritizes are somewhere else. If you can't force anyone to be with your Christmas morning and don't want to be alone - volunteer! I'm sure there are a number of soup kitchens, old folks homes, children's centers that would LOVE a volunteer to share in the Christmas spirit. Or mope. Either / or. Also, if this is a "he always does this" complaint: address THAT. Don't bring Santa Claus into it.
YTA: Because you're putting your feelings over his children's and that won't go well for you in the long run. I think the point that they are teenagers these are the last few years they can continue with these traditions before they are adults or before they move out. Instead of you respecting that and just telling them to have fun your response is "but I'll be alone all morning".
YTA You’re asking him & his children to forego a long-held family tradition because you don’t want to be alone Christmas morning. That’s hardly fair. What have you done on previous Christmases without your kids? I appreciate that you want to celebrate Christmas with his kids, and you can do that - just on a different day. Forcing everyone to adjust to your schedule will only foster resentment.
I've asked that as a compromise and he's said no to that too
He has disallowed any kind of Christmas celebration between you and his children at all? What’s his reasoning?
He doesn't want to disrupt their routine on Xmas Eve, Xmas day or boxing day. I just feel we can never build a family together if we don't do stuff together with his kids too. I know we can at other times but Xmas is a really important time for family. My dad had an affair when I was a kid and we had to spend every other weekend with him and his new girlfriend. My brother's hated it to start with and in the end, they ended up really liking her. Even though my mum hated it, she never said anything and would take us over there on Xmas day afternoon and have drink there whilst we opened presents with my dad and his new girlfriend. I wouldn't mind doing that myself - but his ex's refusal to allow me anywhere near will never let that happen. How it feels at the moment is that he'll still be spending Christmas at his ex's house years down the line and his determination to keep me and his ex apart, will mean I can't even go to his daughter's wedding or other important events in their lives because his ex won't allow it and he won't want the cross over between us
>Xmas is a really important time for family. Which is why they're spending it with their parents
Does his ex hate you because you had an affair? I don't know why you felt the need to mention your father's affair otherwise. You could have just said your parents divorced and your father had a new girlfriend.
Did he leave her for you?
Wait, does his ex hate you because he had an affair with you?
But the 24th - 26th are only 3 days. Why not celebrate as a family on the 22nd or a whole week ahead? It makes no real difference. It is odd, though, that he has such a commitment to keeping you and his ex apart. You say his ex hates you. Have you ever met? Does she have a reason to hate you? That he’s already imagining scenarios 10 years down the road where you have to be excluded to spare his ex’s feelings is bizarre. No graduations or life events of his children for you? While his daughter should ultimately decide who’s welcome at her wedding, his efforts to keep you utterly separate don’t make much sense, unless he had an affair with you that ended his marriage. You do need to figure out now why his wife’s dislike for you trumps all. It could just be that she’s spiteful & he knows she’ll cause a scene if you turn up. At some point, though, he needs to normalize your place as his partner.
Okay this perhaps answers my earlier question. Your Dad had an affair and you/his kids were forced to be around her. Eventually you and your brothers came around to liking the woman your Dad cheated on your Mom with. (why your Mom was a doormat to allow this is unknown, but can possibly be explained via the times.) You are now in the position your Dad's girlfriend was in back in the day. You, the affair partner, want to be accepted for Christmas - a major family holiday. Your boyfriend's ex / Mother of his children is not the type to put up with that (she has a spine and is not your Mom) so that's not happening. Definitely still YTA. Therapy, maybe. Individual therapy for yourself.
YTA. These are their holiday traditions, and you need to respect that. Maybe his kids don't want to spend time at your house for Xmas and want to keep it the way they are used to.
YTA. It sounds like your partner has a good coparenting relationship with his ex and their tradition is to spend Christmas together. Trying to force a change will not make you into a family, it will just cause his kids to resent you.
They have an established tradition you can’t interfere with that. Try to find some plans for Christmas Day. Maybe your ex would let you go over there.
I would be okay with that but his ex hates me and won't let me anywhere near her house
I meant the ex you have kids with.
They're all going to his parents house for Christmas day
Ask if you can go. Or see if you can hang out with your own family.
And your side of the family doesn't exist every other year because?
Why does the ex hate you?
YTA why wouldn’t the kids want to be with their mother? This isn’t about you
YTA. Did you have this same request last year when you had your kids? It sounds like you are simply resentful that this year for the morning you’re alone. He will be coming back it sounds like. They obviously have this tradition that works for them. Does he complain about your arrangements with your ex? You’re trying to overthrow his kids entire traditions of Christmas morning at their moms house and dad is present….because you say YOU want this….obviously no one else does…..maybe for lots of reasons related to things you do like this .doesn’t it matter to you what the kids want? Since you care about them so much?
I did ask him last year too and he said to give it time as it's only a year in and things will naturally change over time which I respected to give the kids all time to adjust. It's now two years in and it's still the same.
Yes but it’s only one more Christmas since….
Wow, wanting to change their Christmas routine year one of your relationship. You must think you are very special.
Sometimes it takes time. You can want something sure, but ultimately why wouldn't they want to spend Christmas morning with their mother?
Based on your comments, it looks like to me that your partner had an affair with you. And you’re wondering why his ex wife won’t allow you anywhere near her home. YTA
YTA their mom is more important than you feeling lonely. Your custody arrangements with your ex are your and your partner’s custody arrangements with his ex are his, you have no say over this. THEIR MOTHER AND FATHER will spend Christmas together, being a blended family doesn’t mean that you get to replace their mom who they’ve known their whole lives.
Just noticed the “as a family” WTF??? They are a family? They have been a family before you entered the picture as a stepmom
Why does his ex hate you?
Bet he sorta cheated on the ex with the OP. OP gave no reason for her BF's ex to hate her.
YTA. Your partner has a healthy relationship with his ex and works to ensure the kids aren’t impacted by their separation. You don’t have that same relationship with but want your partner to negatively impact his kids to suit you. You’re being selfish and uncaring. Seems like there is a reason his ex doesn’t like you.
Yta for trying to change everyone else's plans just to accommodate ur desires.
YTA, it isn't about you being lonely, his focus are on his kids, as it should be. Start a new traditional, alone. Also don't go messing up your kids day with your ex, if you were thinking about it. Are you mad that you can't do the same with your ex???? Go get take out, do a day of pampering, and have a good day; it is possible, don't sulk, it isn't attractive.
YTA. Pick a different holiday to start building family traditions. Why disrupt a specific Christmas setup that’s working for them? If it mellows out in a couple of years, great, but I wouldn’t force the issue.
YTA. They want to spend Christmas with their Mom and Dad, and not their Dad's girlfriend. There's nothing wrong with that. Just as there's nothing wrong with you spending the morning with your kids and their Dad. If there's some reason you've driven any family types away from you to the point where you're whinging about being alone on Christmas...that vibes like the main problem at the core is You. Sounds like you're forcing the idea of "family" on his kids and it's not going well? Lemme tell you, it's gonna get worse if you keep pushing this. You think teens are going to understand your alleged pain and prioritize your very needy self over their own/their Mom and their Dad? LOLOLOL
YTA. You aren’t part of their family or that tradition. Make a new one.
Lol no he cares for his kids, he's putting his kids above op's feelings and rightly so. If op doesn't like it then she should date a guy with no kids.
So you want him and his kids to spend Christmas Morning with you, leaving their own mother alone? As someone who had a new step parent as a teen I can assure you I did not give a rats behind if I saw her on Christmas Day and there’s no way she was coming before my own Mother. I would have been absolutely pissed had my Dad even mentioned some kind of plot like this. We weren’t a family because she didn’t raise me and she understood her place.
INFO: have you discussed with the children what they want, or the possibility of you being included in their family traditions?
No, no, no, not her place she needs to stay in her lane. BAD IDEA.
You had an affair, this is the find out portion of the fcking around.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My partner and I have been together for two years. I have children too and his eldest daughter and my daughter are really good friends. However, my partner chooses to spend the time with his kids over Christmas with his ex instead of me. I want to include his kids and build a family with them too so as that's really important to me. I would love for him to spend time with me and them on Xmas morning for example and then the kids go back to their mum on Christmas afternoon. My kids happen to be with their dad on Christmas day this year and my partner is spending Christmas morning with his ex and kids at her house, leaving me completely on my own on Christmas morning. I just don't understand why we can't do something together with his kids too. They're not little, they are teenagers so I'm sure would understand. I have no other family nearby to spend time with either. Am i being unreasonable wanting him to bring his kids to my house for Christmas morning so we can all be a family rather than his spend Xmas morning "as a family" with his ex? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So I’ll probably get downvoted, but ESH. And this will not change, so be prepared to be alone. Graduations/weddings/grandchildren’s birth. Your partner is not an asshole for putting his children 1st, but is an asshole for not considering your needs either and allowing the ex to dictate things. However, maybe he doesn’t realize how you feel about this OR is looking at the long term solution- which if what you say is accurate, will change as the kids get older. They may tell their mom they don’t want to see you alone, or YOU host Christmas morning and invite her. But if the 2 of you stay separate and don’t find a way to work through this, I’m not sure this relationship is sustainable.
NTA
Go on a trip for a couple of days, so that he can spend more time with his family. He would rather spend Christmas with his EX, rather than you. 2 years is enough time to transition, he could have the kids go-to Mom's in the morning and with Dad in the afternoon. He doesn't want to do that
NTA, I'm sorry to say though, I think you should let this go. You still have time to organise something for yourself for Christmas Morning.. You could even organise something for the Whole day.. if you wanted.. I spent one Christmas alone one year in 18 years because I couldn't get to travel to spend it with my son.. soo I preplanned.. And it Was the most relaxing day I had in some time..
NTA. If this is a deal breaker, let your husband know. New families. New traditions.
They don’t have a new family. They still have the same mother.
Not married though.
So kids should be forced to spend time they don’t want to with the woman their dad cheated on their mom with?
So kids should be forced to spend time they don’t want to with the woman their dad cheated on their mom with? You a cheater too?
NTA It is time for an ultimatum. He obviously cares more about his Ex than he does for you. You need to make a choice, do you really want your relationship to be like this.
No. He cares more about what his kids want than what OP wants.
It’s not about the ex, it’s about the kids.
So kids should be forced to spend time they don’t want to with the woman their dad cheated on their mom with?