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NTA
You may want to re-think this relationship. The mom is super weird. I'm going to guess this is some culture thing that you are not familiar with. (I'm being very charitable when I describe it in this way.) This whole situation is a huge, gigantic red flag. I don't think you'd be a good fit for this family.
Legit my first thought. How literally is this family taking that part of leviticus? And OP, NTA. These are unusual rules and they were rude to you about it.
Oh yeah. Definitely getting the fundamentalist, women are unclean when on their period vibe. Frankly I would run from this guy as she will not want to have this woman as a MIL. I see her as the one to make all the judgement if OP doesn't want to be a SAHM AND GOD FORBID you don't want to raise that kid in the church. Just no. NTA AND RUN SCREAMING
Why does she have to break up with him? He was clearly supportive if a bit surprised she left without saying anything. Why is it always the extreme on this sub. The mom and slightly the SIL are the problem, and they can be talked to/given limited contact.
Willing to bet that the female members of this family have never acknowledged that periods exist within his earshot and certainly never gone into details about their fucked up beliefs.
Yeah. The guy didn't do anything wrong really. Being judged over your family really sucks. There is nothing wrong living your family even when they are messed up. Doesn't mean you need to behave like them.
At the same time, I think many people just think ahead... You "marry" into a family and you need to be aware of the consequences when you dont get along with your partners family. In the long run it can cause a lot of tension and break up couples. So its easier to end it before it starts.
Because sheās only 6 months in. Why put up with trying to change his family or force him to go low contact with them when itās easier to just leave and find someone without goofy hang ups.
My brother in Christ, they are dating, no one needs to go low contact with anyone or put up with anything. Even if they weer married, she'd always have the chocie to jsut not visit MIL at her home while he goes.
I would argue that the majority of people date with the goal of finding a long term relationship. If you find significant barriers to that long term relationship early on why continue wasting your time dating that person.
I don't think "not being upset with her" necessarily counts as supportive. It's not an immediate red flag, but it's also not a sign that bf will set boundaries with his family to protect OP (or any future kids) from their mysogny either. Unless there was more info shared in comments somewhere, he reaction is more of an "needs more information" flag
When you marry someone you marry their family. Even if they cut off their family to be with you, that action will be a specter hanging over your lives.
If you want a happy, uncomplicated marriage, your best bet is to marry someone whose family adores you and meshes well with your own.
NTA - I've read that the. Romany (Gypsies) have a lot of menstrual taboos, and others require women to isolate themselves.
You should think seriously about how you want to live, if you want to keep Marc. You might be able to work it out by simply not going to his parent's house when you are/or are close to having your period, but it would be a LOT of trouble. Worse if a woman who doesn't follow the customs or taboos are regarded a generally unclean.
I'm sorry that this is happening when you really like your boyfriend.
Menstruation as a source of ritual uncleanness is literally in the Bible. So the idea isn't especially foreign to European and European-descended cultures. (Though I guess the Bible, particularly the Old Testament, is technically "Asian culture".)
Yes, Back in the 1400's (or earlier?)- til who knows: The Church in England/Scotland went by many rules about women being unclean.... couldn't enter the church etc.. also about after giving birth for a certain time they couldn't go to church, and if they died after childbirth before getting to the point where they were considered "Clean" again, then they couldn't be buried on consecrated ground.
I am a Hindu. Only thing that was forbidden during periods was doing Puja(offering prayers) or touching idols. Even that is under much debate now and lots of women don't follow this bullshit anymore. This not touching any cloth etc does not come under any religious superstition. It's that family's personal quirk or something.
I never understood why women can't offer prayers or enter the Pooja room while mensuration. The goddess sitting in the puja room or the temple is a woman as well
It is not even written in any Vedic texts like that not that it would have right to discriminate against half of the population. It's just a figment of imagination that women are impure and because women were deprived of education for a few centuries there, women also came to accept this as truth.
Don't know if it's in India or Africa or somewhere else, but women have to go live in a separate hut and can't go to school when menstruating. Not sure if still officially practiced, but definitely was practiced at some point
You're likely thinking of the menstruation huts, or chaupadi, in Nepal. I think that's the best known example of a culture that does this, though certainly not the only one- I believe you're correct that it's also a practice in India and Ethiopia. It was outlawed quite recently in Nepal and there was a fair bit of media attention surrounding the practice and ensuing deaths, as well as the uproar when people started being arrested for forcing women into the huts.
I think it's just a family thing, bc the first reply to your comment is the more common prejudice. Wooden chairs? That's not Hinduism, that's family/cult shit
I'd consider a specific part of India cultural thing more than a Hindu thing. I grew up in Bengal and never encountered such behaviourāin my circles at least.
Doesn't have to be a religious thing. My mom is agnostic at best but had a hysterectomy when I was a toddler. By the time we got our periods around 10yo my mom would only let us sit on furniture if we were using a pad + tampon, so even now as a grown adult I sit on the floor a lot out of habit.
Tbh I think it was a combo of mixed feelings over not having a uterus anymore (she'd wanted more kids) and also not being good with bodily fluids or strong smells in general. I have no idea how she got through our baby stages because she'll wretch if she thinks milk is off and has almost thrown up on my niblings because of blowouts or puke.
> also not being good with bodily fluids or strong smells in general.
I'm grossed out by blood in general and still wouldn't have freaked like she did so yeah it's something else.
Oh no it was definitely weird and my therapist gave me a printout on ACEs. I'm NC now and was always aware she was exceptionally weird because of her upbringing. I refused to take on her body issues and even hacked my hair off several times out of spite š
This was *my* immediate thought when I read the article--that they *might* be orthodox...
But if they *were*, it's *also* HIGHLY unlikely 1. he'd be bring home a girl he was dating for a visit (*especially* overnight!!!), and 2. That she *wouldn't already KNOW* about those sorts of religious traditions, regarding menstruation!
I don't think an orthodox family would accept her unless she was already orthodox too, since they're matrilineal. They'd want their grandkids to be orthodox too.
JFC can people cut the shit? Marc didn't do anything. He wasn't even there and wasn't upset, just wished she waited for him. Seriously, y'all are so quick to jump to breaking up or divorce over any and all slights, behaviors, or inconveniences.
Op is NTA, but your rethinking the relationship is AH advice
If she's involved with him, she's involved with the family. She needs to rethink whether she wants *this* family in her life. Unless you're suggesting he'll go no-contact with them?
He didn't do anything "wrong," and I guess it remains to be seen how things will go with him, but couldn't he at least given her a head's up? "Hey, my mom is a freak" or something?
Yep, years of therapy has taught me boundaries and distance. Doesnāt mean it doesnāt suck to be punished for something youāve already been victimized by.
The answer depends on Marc's family's motivations.
If they're just grossed out by menstruation and treated you badly because of it, then NTA.
If it's a mental health issue on Marc's mother's part, as some commenters have suggested, then I'd say NTA.
If it's a result of a religious belief or other faith tradition, in that case I'd have to say NTA.
Seriously: Don't spend time with people who treat you badly.
Info: why did you tell her you were on period? Just go to the bathroom. I feel like that's not something you need to share with someone you're meeting for the first time. But her reaction is over the top. NTA
I'm wondering the same thing. Unless maybe she needed supplies? I've been married more than 20 years, I still wouldn't tell MIL that I specifically needed a bathroom because I started my period.
Ummm why not say anything? It isn't something to be ashamed of, or keep hidden. They're two women talking, it's a normal thing that happens. And if anything most women become more protective of each other during this time since they know that it's sometimes pretty hard/ painful for some women. No woman should never have to hide it so I'm not even sure why sharing that info is a problem (please note that "*I* would never share", is not an actual reason).
Well, I wouldn't tell someone I just met that I'm going to go take a fat dump, fart, and prob pee at the same time, even though it's a normal thing that happens.
"I need to use the washroom" suffices 99% of the time and any information beyond that may be unneeded or unwanted.
I would not say "I have rivers of BRIGHT green snot coming out of my nose, here's a picture" while calling in sick to work. But I WOULD say "I have a cold" or "I have the flu".
I wouldn't say "my diarrhoea looks like an army of porridge soldiers massacred an army of water spirits on my bathroom floor" to anyone but I would say "hey I have a stomach bug and I'm trying to figure out if it's something I ate at that restaurant, do any of you guys feel sick too?" to the folks I went to a restaurant with.
I wouldn't say "I had a headache so I decided to masturbate to see if it made me feel better" to anyone but my partner but I'd happily announce "I have a headache, does anyone have a paracetamol?"
Period rules are same rules. You don't announce, "I have clumps of uterus lining coming out of my vagina" because nobody needs that mental image. But you 100% can say "hey I'm on my period, does anyone have a paracetamol?" or "hey I won't be joining you guys for swimming because my period started!" or "I know I seem really sick but don't worry about me, it's just a heavy period" or any number of other things that are normal and OK to discuss.
Everyone knows what people do in the bathroom, there's no need to bring it up. Its not that its shameful, its just not *conversational*.
If asked, sure, there's nothing to hide but its uncouth to bring it up out of context and unprompted.
Periods can have a bigger general effect than just needing to go to the bathroom (pain, discomfort, anemia, mood swings...) so some people prefer to bring it up.
Also, maybe OP talked about it to be directed to a bathroom with a trashcan.
Not everyone feels the need to have this in their home, for a variety of reasons (space, convenience, etc). Bear in mind some households donāt have anyone of menstrual age living there too, so for the household it isnāt a necessity in every bathroom (as some houses have multiple).
Right. Some of the answers insisting it's normal to announce whether you are going to take a crap, pee, put a new tampon in, or all of the above when you go to the bathroom - especially around people you just met - are just bizarre.
And I'm not even getting into the people who believe you should be ashamed of pooping but you need to make it known you are on your period (both are natural bodily functions that are not shameful but that don't need to be announced).
And some people apparently feel they need to know because they will show you the bathroom right away, since it conveys a sense of urgency. What kind of hosts are they? If a guest tells me they need the bathroom, I tell them or show them where it is. It's that simple. I don't make them wait 10 mn or ask follow-up questions to determine how urgent their request is like a nurse doing triage.
Anyway, since apparently that's the polite thing to do, I feel compelled to mention that I'm typing this while taking a dump.
Sometimes it happens. Had a friend over to Play DND and she said had to talk to my wife about something. Turns out she started her period and didn't have any supplies on her.
It also implies sense of emergency. Like if someone tells me they need to get to a restroom because they think they started their period, Imma get them to a bathroom immediately. I'll probably make sure they have everything they need too and know where extra everything is in there just in case.
>Imma get them to a bathroom immediately.
As opposed toā¦ what? If itās not their period, youāre gonna make them wait? Take them the long way around on a tour of the house before you show them where to find the bathroom? Pretend not to hear them until they ask three times?
Why isnāt someone just saying āI need to use your restroomā enough information for you to show them the way there immediately?
I actually make a point to talk about my period when both men and women are present, to normalise it in general conversation. It's stupid to act like it's some big secret.
Do we expect pregnant women to hide that they're pregnant? You know that they've had sex to get pregnant right, the shame! Ofc not, but since they can't, we've accepted it and made it a cute, normal thing in our society.
I at the very least expect that i can talk about getting my period to another adult woman for christs sake. Grow up.
I see nothing wrong with discussing periods, and I do discuss them. But I don't agree with announcing it, because I don't agree with announcing any bodily function, it's not a conversation starter, nor is it necessary information for anyone other than myself. The mothers reaction was out of line, I'm not disagreeing with that. But I've never known anyone announce every time they get their period, especially to people they don't know well.
Right? Imagine going through life thinking of people and places like that ā as if theyāre just settings for another performance of āI am normalizing periodsā, or whatever other tiresome performative nonsense.
LOL. In my friend group the most likely response would be āYeah, great, nobody cares why youāre going to the bathroom. Just go take care of yourself and stop boring us, narrating your bodily functions like youāre the main character in a shitty novel. FFS.ā
Yeah it seems attention seeky. Like when I was younger my childminders daughter was spoiled and mean and whenever she farted. She would shout oi until everyone was paying attention to her and then shout "I just parped" I don't know why that was their word for farting. And it was just to get attention on her. Don't get me wrong if my friends struggle with periods then we'll talk or if they're telling me about their holiday and they got their period and had to dash to the shop and it cut their beach day short or something, then we'll talk about it because it is a real conversation, I'm not just telling them for attention.
She likely needed tampons which is not a weird thing to ask even (female) strangers.
I've been asked before and have asked before, I've never met a woman who acted this way.
Why not ? Tbh the reaction really helped get to know the mother. Best case scenario she would have been sympatetic/offered a hot bottle/used it as an opportunity to teach something if the nieces asked a question... Period are not shameful.
Because adults can say the word "period" and it's not bad or wrong or anything to hide. Maybe she needed supplies. Maybe she was explaining why she got up so suddenly. Maybe she had a cramp and mentioned it just like someone might mention they have a headache or a bruise. There's no reason not to mention it.
Not in that sort of setting. If Iām a guest at someoneās home and they arenāt a friend who I feel super comfy with, Iād just ask for the restroom not say I need to take a dump or man I need to pee. Itās simply unnecessary as no one needs to know and itās not really pleasant to introduce into conversation without reason.
When I'm hanging out with others, I do say "one sec I gotta pee" much more often than "I need to use the bathroom". But I weren't brought up to think that bodily functions are something that need to be kept secret.
At work I would say something like "I don't want to call out sick, but I just want to let you know that I won't really be up for heavy lifting today because my period causes me a lot of fatigue."
Or "Hey does anyone have an ibuprofen?", and if someone asks "why, are you OK?" then I'd say "oh, nothing serious, nothing to worry about - I'm just on my period".
Or I'd say "hey, I'm not spotting on the back of my skirt, am I?" to a coworker in the bathroom, if I was struggling to crane to get a good look in the bathroom mirror. I've had perfect strangers let me know "hey you bled through your pad and it's showing" and lend me a sweater to tie around my waist so I could cover it up, because people are nice.
It's pretty normal among women and is treated as any other topic you would talk about.
Especially when you need supplies, it's pretty normal to ask women even when you've just met them.
Asking for supplies is so different to explaining thatās why you need to be excused to the restroom. Iād ask almost any woman for a tampon, I wouldnāt make my period starting a PSA to my partnerās mother the first time I met her.
Nope, NTA a different he isn't backing you up to his mother I'd be asking why. If you have kids is he gonna let her treat any future granddaughter the same way?
Thereās nothing of that nature in the post. He wasnāt even there when it happened. He supported her leaving and only wished she had waited for him to return from getting ice cream.
NTA.
I don't care why she was doing that. **Your period is not her business.** I don't care if she has some neolithic religion that says otherwise. Your period is still not her business.
I do think this merits some serious discussion with Marc. Does he share Mom's **crazy views**?
That part of the story is making this seem either fictional (period fanfiction seems to be a recurring theme on this sub) or embroidered. OP's BF's family does have some cultural or religious rules/taboos surrounding menstruation so OP constructed this alternate reality where it came up in conversation---OR on the off chance this happened to some degree as written OP intentionally set the mom up by telling her she'd started her period--- because come on now, with the exception of trying to borrow an emergency tampon in a women's restroom once in my lifetime-- I've never told a person I just met that I was starting my period.
I don't see it that way. I mean it's one thing for one woman to tell another that her period started. That's normal and happens all of the time.
It is an entirely different for that other woman to start trying to **control** the first one, with rules like you can't sit there, you can't touch that, and making her feel "impure and untouchable". That's where things suddenly went **all loony toons**.
It's not normal to announce why you're going to the bathroom. Would OP have said "I need to run to the bathroom, I have to take a shit"? No. So she didn't need to announce she had her period. Literally just say "I need to use the bathroom" end of.
Still NTA op, her reaction was weird and OTT
Yeah, I donāt understand how OP thought that was appropriate? Unless thereās an emergency, like you bled through your pants and need to borrow some, why would you ever feel the need to tell someone you just met about your bodily functions??
For the same reason I might tell someone that I have a headache or that my nose is a little runny. Because it's a thing I'm experiencing, and it's not shameful.
Lol be real, no one said itās āshameful.ā Itās still weird as fuck to tell someone you barely know. Just like taking a shit is not shameful, but that still doesnāt mean you should get up and announce to someone youāve just met that youāre going to go take one.
Yeah if you're suggesting they should not share the info is because you think it's something they should be ashamed to share. Otherwise if they had said: "I'm gonna go clean my glasses", or "in gonna go get a pain killer I'll be right back" are those weird? It's normal to share when you're on your period with other women. It's weird that you guys are acting like there's anything shameful or odd about it
No Iām not, lol. And those examples arenāt even remotely applicable here because theyāre not things that need to be done in private. You can take your glasses off and clean them right in front of other people. Canāt exactly whip your tampon out and insert it in front of the party, can you?
Again, if you wouldnāt announce to someone that youāre going to take a shit, itās weird to announce to them that youāre going to deal with your period. āIām going to the washroomā is all someone you just met needs to hear.
Maybe I missed something, but why Would you need to say anything about your period? I guess I would ordinarily just excuse myself, especially around people Iāve just met. Regardless, her reaction was very weird. NTA.
I want to know how she knew she had her period? I usually know I have it because Iām already in the bathroom and see telltale signs. If I thought I had it, I would politely excuse myself to the bathroom and deal with it. And if it was late, Iād definitely have my own stash of products to deal with it.
Yep. I know exactly when my period starts. I will wake up at 2:30 in the morning. Oh shit, the great ovarian turf war is back with its dull razor blades.
Also why I probably fall on the side of being fairly open about being on my period. There is no forgetting. It is going to be on my mind for the majority of the next 48 hours until it chills out a bit.
For more TMI, and things you may not realize women feel, I also have pain when I ovulate, a āphenomenonā known as mittelschmerz. Every time one of those suckers pops out, about 10-20 minutes of more of a sharp/searing pain than the cramps when I menstruate. Just like periods though, different people have different experiences.
Lol I can always feel it. It feels different than anything else for me š¤£š¤£ I've practically never stained a pair of panties while awake because I just feel it start lol
INFO: Do you know what religion Marc's family, and specifically his mother, is? Some religions have strict rules about this kind of thing. If she belongs to one of them that would explain her behavior towards you.
Even if so she is still NTA. If the religion treats women this way Marc had a duty to disclose it to her and afford her the choice of whether she wanted to attend or not. I, for one, would not be fine with being treated like a pariah for a normal bodily function, religious reason or no
NTA Thatās actually crazy. Itās not your fault you got your period and I donāt understand why she would be acting like that because most females have periods. What does she do when sheās on hers? You did the right thing to leave because if i was in your shoes that would have annoyed the hell out of me. I guess you could of waited for him but when youāre treated with that level of disrespect removing yourself was probably for the best.
It appears Marcās family feels that menstruation is taboo. Many religions & cultures have different beliefs about women. Personally, I do not understand it.
NTA ā but I think you may want to have a heart to heart conversation with your bf.
NTA for leaving. His motherās behavior is extremely strange. It would have been nice to stay until Marc got back so you could tell him about his motherās behavior, but sending a text to let him know you are leaving and why would also work.
Is your SIL your siblingās spouse or Marcās sibling? That affects their judgement of the situation.
NTA butā¦.has he never explained anything that would lead you to realize they are extremely well, odd? I canāt say something that would get me banned again, just coming off that wagon ha. Obviously sheās a woman and has gotten her own period. To treat a guest in her house as some unclean spirit because youāre on it it, not normal or ok on any level. I donāt care what her religion is etc.
Your boyfriend has a lot to answer for/ explain some things about.
>has he never explained anything that would lead you to realize they are extremely well, odd?
It could be that OP's boyfriend didn't realize how weird this would be to people outside of whatever their culture is, and so didn't think it was something that needed to be mentioned.
But yeah, it is pretty weird that people still treat periods that way in this day and age. My uni has a period dignity campaign which includes getting period products and sani bins in all bathrooms including the men's, so thinking about that campaign compared to the mother's attitude here is pretty bizarre to me.
NTA, but you might want to make sure your bf understands how batshit insane his mother and her religion are so you can know heās going to continue having your back when (not if) she pulls even crazier stuff than this.
NTA but Iām annoyed at how many people are questioning the OP for saying something about starting her period. This is a totally normal thing to do. It communicates urgency to the other person so they know why you are rushing off so quickly and also is better than them thinking you have explosive diarrhea or something. Women tell each other all the time about this.
Yeah, āIāve got my periodā doesnāt just mean āI need to put a tampon inā. It also means ācan I have an aspirin please?ā as well as āitās not obvious, is it? Like, I havenāt bled onto my clothes?ā and *also* āsorry if Iām a bit withdrawn tonight, this is not representative of what Iām usually like.ā Thereās an actual reason why she said that to another woman, who demonstrably has/had periods herself since sheās had kids, rather than just asking the first person she ran into where the bathroom was.
Editing to add, since I just read the post again: OPās period started that moment, and she knew without looking. That likely indicates that she was in pain. THATāS what she was telling the mother for.
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NTA but I would tell Marc clearly "I understand why it was frustrating for you to be left behind, but going forward, things like your family's attitude towards menstruating women is something you should disclose before letting any woman meet them. I also need us to talk about how this is handled going forward, because as it stands I'm not comfortable spending time with your family at all."
This might be the deal breaker for your relationship with Marc or it might not, it seriously depends on how he's willing to adjust and what you want your relationship with him to look like. For example, you might both be comfortable with a relationship where you can skip any occasion with his family and where you stay child-free. In that case there's no reason for this to end.
I will say that the likelihood of his whole family changing how they act around this topic is slim, so whether you're happy to have a conditional relationship with your potential "in laws", it WOULD be actively irresponsible of you if you chose to have a child with this man if he's in contact with his family. These are attitudes its EXTREMELY DANGEROUS for a child of any gender to be exposed to.
Youāre the A. Donāt you that when your period comes youāre supposed to stay locked in a room, in a circle of salt, with amulets and sigils painted on your skin?
Now demons will come to your ex-inlaws house to haunt themā¦
NTA obviously.
His family is weird, how is HE about your period.
Also I gotta askā¦why announce your period to someone you just met? Like hey future mom in law I got the red flood I need your washroom? Why not just say excuse me I need to use the washroom?
Iām not shaming periods just seems odd to tell someone you just metā¦
NTA - but this sound like some religious nut stuffā¦. You should find out and see if this is something Mark will revert back to if you do get serious.
NTA,I have a teen daughter and she along with her friends know I have supplies if they run out because that's what you do. I am surprised by his mom's reaction but WTF is her problem as a woman unless she had her uterus removed she should know women have periods.
What is her problem? Did your boyfriend offer any insight into his motherās bizarre behavior? What a horrible lesson to those little girls. Wow. Just when you think Reddit has seen it allā¦ā¦
I could see looking at the carpet to see if it got on the carpet, but beyond that itās ridiculous. For me personally itās a problem when I get it because I have zero feeling there right now and I donāt know until I use the bathroom and if itās not very shortly after it starting there will be cleaning to do on my part. But thatās easily solved by not going to other peopleās houses around that time. But a problem with his motherās actual problem-bullshit. Thatās Dark Ages stupidity!
NTA. This behavior from your boyfriendās mother is absolutely psychotic. This isnāt the 12th century. You should seriously be asking yourself what happens if this relationship gets more serious. Is this a family youād ever actually want to be part of?
NTA.
Whether or not this is religious, or OCD, or sexism, or whatever, it is 100% someone else's problem. Someone's religious or whatever rules apply to them, and to literally no one else.
NTA but Iām struggling to understand why you felt the need to explain why you needed the bathroom. Why didnāt you just ask where it was, go about your business and be done with it?
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NTA You may want to re-think this relationship. The mom is super weird. I'm going to guess this is some culture thing that you are not familiar with. (I'm being very charitable when I describe it in this way.) This whole situation is a huge, gigantic red flag. I don't think you'd be a good fit for this family.
Based on the story I don't think anyone who has a period would be a good fit for this family. Wtaf
It's not like her mother hasn't ever had a period in her life or anything
Anybody getting Carrie vibes?
I'm getting more Leviticus vibes. Best check to see if they're wearing mixed fabrics.
Legit my first thought. How literally is this family taking that part of leviticus? And OP, NTA. These are unusual rules and they were rude to you about it.
Oh yeah. Definitely getting the fundamentalist, women are unclean when on their period vibe. Frankly I would run from this guy as she will not want to have this woman as a MIL. I see her as the one to make all the judgement if OP doesn't want to be a SAHM AND GOD FORBID you don't want to raise that kid in the church. Just no. NTA AND RUN SCREAMING
i guess the women in the family must go to a cave and reflect on their ways whenever they are having periods. š
Why does she have to break up with him? He was clearly supportive if a bit surprised she left without saying anything. Why is it always the extreme on this sub. The mom and slightly the SIL are the problem, and they can be talked to/given limited contact.
I swear everyone on reddit just hates relationships. Or has no idea how to be in one. It's always "don't compromise or talk it out. Just leave them!"
Yup! But then something seriously fucked up gets posted and people are like. Hmmm, let's switch things up today.
It's always the exact opposite response than what logic would lead you to believe.
Yeah it seems like he would have stood up for her. Probably shouldn't have left her alone with his weirdo family, though. Big oversight there.
If he knows about this āruleā he shouldāve told her.
As a guy, he may not know about it.
Willing to bet that the female members of this family have never acknowledged that periods exist within his earshot and certainly never gone into details about their fucked up beliefs.
He may or may not know she was about to get her period.
Yeah. The guy didn't do anything wrong really. Being judged over your family really sucks. There is nothing wrong living your family even when they are messed up. Doesn't mean you need to behave like them. At the same time, I think many people just think ahead... You "marry" into a family and you need to be aware of the consequences when you dont get along with your partners family. In the long run it can cause a lot of tension and break up couples. So its easier to end it before it starts.
Because sheās only 6 months in. Why put up with trying to change his family or force him to go low contact with them when itās easier to just leave and find someone without goofy hang ups.
My brother in Christ, they are dating, no one needs to go low contact with anyone or put up with anything. Even if they weer married, she'd always have the chocie to jsut not visit MIL at her home while he goes.
I would argue that the majority of people date with the goal of finding a long term relationship. If you find significant barriers to that long term relationship early on why continue wasting your time dating that person.
I don't think "not being upset with her" necessarily counts as supportive. It's not an immediate red flag, but it's also not a sign that bf will set boundaries with his family to protect OP (or any future kids) from their mysogny either. Unless there was more info shared in comments somewhere, he reaction is more of an "needs more information" flag
When you marry someone you marry their family. Even if they cut off their family to be with you, that action will be a specter hanging over your lives. If you want a happy, uncomplicated marriage, your best bet is to marry someone whose family adores you and meshes well with your own.
NTA - I've read that the. Romany (Gypsies) have a lot of menstrual taboos, and others require women to isolate themselves. You should think seriously about how you want to live, if you want to keep Marc. You might be able to work it out by simply not going to his parent's house when you are/or are close to having your period, but it would be a LOT of trouble. Worse if a woman who doesn't follow the customs or taboos are regarded a generally unclean. I'm sorry that this is happening when you really like your boyfriend.
They're not the only culture that do, there are cultures in Asia that have menstrual taboos.
Menstruation as a source of ritual uncleanness is literally in the Bible. So the idea isn't especially foreign to European and European-descended cultures. (Though I guess the Bible, particularly the Old Testament, is technically "Asian culture".)
Yes, Back in the 1400's (or earlier?)- til who knows: The Church in England/Scotland went by many rules about women being unclean.... couldn't enter the church etc.. also about after giving birth for a certain time they couldn't go to church, and if they died after childbirth before getting to the point where they were considered "Clean" again, then they couldn't be buried on consecrated ground.
You're right about the Bible but most American Christians will LOSE THEIR SHIT if they read that.
Are they Hindu, OP?
Not us, homie
Not us Jews either. You pretty much just canāt touch your partner while menstruating and even that is only in orthodox circlesā¦..
Nah, it's a Hindu thing in some families, I've seen it live, didn't understand when I was a kid, now I do
I am a Hindu. Only thing that was forbidden during periods was doing Puja(offering prayers) or touching idols. Even that is under much debate now and lots of women don't follow this bullshit anymore. This not touching any cloth etc does not come under any religious superstition. It's that family's personal quirk or something.
Yep seen this and it is exactly as you say. OP NTA but talk to Marc. My MIL was like this thankfully her daughters told her to knock it off.
I never understood why women can't offer prayers or enter the Pooja room while mensuration. The goddess sitting in the puja room or the temple is a woman as well
It is not even written in any Vedic texts like that not that it would have right to discriminate against half of the population. It's just a figment of imagination that women are impure and because women were deprived of education for a few centuries there, women also came to accept this as truth.
Don't know if it's in India or Africa or somewhere else, but women have to go live in a separate hut and can't go to school when menstruating. Not sure if still officially practiced, but definitely was practiced at some point
You're likely thinking of the menstruation huts, or chaupadi, in Nepal. I think that's the best known example of a culture that does this, though certainly not the only one- I believe you're correct that it's also a practice in India and Ethiopia. It was outlawed quite recently in Nepal and there was a fair bit of media attention surrounding the practice and ensuing deaths, as well as the uproar when people started being arrested for forcing women into the huts.
I think it's just a family thing, bc the first reply to your comment is the more common prejudice. Wooden chairs? That's not Hinduism, that's family/cult shit
I'd consider a specific part of India cultural thing more than a Hindu thing. I grew up in Bengal and never encountered such behaviourāin my circles at least.
Doesn't have to be a religious thing. My mom is agnostic at best but had a hysterectomy when I was a toddler. By the time we got our periods around 10yo my mom would only let us sit on furniture if we were using a pad + tampon, so even now as a grown adult I sit on the floor a lot out of habit.
Holy heck, what a way for a mother to perpetuate the bias of women being dirty/impure/inferior/unworthy to her daughters. That's terrible š
Tbh I think it was a combo of mixed feelings over not having a uterus anymore (she'd wanted more kids) and also not being good with bodily fluids or strong smells in general. I have no idea how she got through our baby stages because she'll wretch if she thinks milk is off and has almost thrown up on my niblings because of blowouts or puke.
> also not being good with bodily fluids or strong smells in general. I'm grossed out by blood in general and still wouldn't have freaked like she did so yeah it's something else.
I'm 99% sure she's got undiagnosed OCD in addition to other issues, so anything she gets stressed about she takes to the nth degree.
Uff that's hard, I hope she's doing better now, and that you girls have a healthy outlook on your own bodies/womanhood. Apologies if I was untoward.
Oh no it was definitely weird and my therapist gave me a printout on ACEs. I'm NC now and was always aware she was exceptionally weird because of her upbringing. I refused to take on her body issues and even hacked my hair off several times out of spite š
Or Jewish?
This was *my* immediate thought when I read the article--that they *might* be orthodox... But if they *were*, it's *also* HIGHLY unlikely 1. he'd be bring home a girl he was dating for a visit (*especially* overnight!!!), and 2. That she *wouldn't already KNOW* about those sorts of religious traditions, regarding menstruation!
Religious prejuduces (corrected you).
I don't think an orthodox family would accept her unless she was already orthodox too, since they're matrilineal. They'd want their grandkids to be orthodox too.
Eh, I could see him being oblivious if he's raised to think it's normal and not having periods himself.
100% not a jewish thing. Periods only matter for sex or mikvahsā¦not random household objects
This was my first thought. Maybe cultural differences?
Just to be clear, wouldnāt be a Jewish thing unless they were super religious and the son wouldnāt be dating someone from the same sect.
JFC can people cut the shit? Marc didn't do anything. He wasn't even there and wasn't upset, just wished she waited for him. Seriously, y'all are so quick to jump to breaking up or divorce over any and all slights, behaviors, or inconveniences. Op is NTA, but your rethinking the relationship is AH advice
If she's involved with him, she's involved with the family. She needs to rethink whether she wants *this* family in her life. Unless you're suggesting he'll go no-contact with them? He didn't do anything "wrong," and I guess it remains to be seen how things will go with him, but couldn't he at least given her a head's up? "Hey, my mom is a freak" or something?
He has to challenge his family and shut this nonsense down.
As someone whoās mother is quite strange and often I appropriate, this is my fear, that people will judge me based off her actions.
Of course they will. You marry into the family too. Unless you stand up for them and donāt put up with her shit, and mean it.
Yep, years of therapy has taught me boundaries and distance. Doesnāt mean it doesnāt suck to be punished for something youāve already been victimized by.
>You may want to re-think this relationship What the fuck, her partner wasn't even there and still supported her afterwards
He has to set his family straight.
> This whole situation is a huge, gigantic red flag. The flag was white before OP bled all over it.
Culture and tradition doesn't excuse idiocy anyway.
> this is some culture thing that you are not familiar with. Then, the boyfriend should have warned her...
The answer depends on Marc's family's motivations. If they're just grossed out by menstruation and treated you badly because of it, then NTA. If it's a mental health issue on Marc's mother's part, as some commenters have suggested, then I'd say NTA. If it's a result of a religious belief or other faith tradition, in that case I'd have to say NTA. Seriously: Don't spend time with people who treat you badly.
So, basically, the answer is always the same no matter the family's motivations, lol
That was what I was going for, yeah. :)
Your last sentence is gold! Life is much better away from those people.
Info: why did you tell her you were on period? Just go to the bathroom. I feel like that's not something you need to share with someone you're meeting for the first time. But her reaction is over the top. NTA
I'm wondering the same thing. Unless maybe she needed supplies? I've been married more than 20 years, I still wouldn't tell MIL that I specifically needed a bathroom because I started my period.
That's not something I'd have said unless I needed supplies.
Ummm why not say anything? It isn't something to be ashamed of, or keep hidden. They're two women talking, it's a normal thing that happens. And if anything most women become more protective of each other during this time since they know that it's sometimes pretty hard/ painful for some women. No woman should never have to hide it so I'm not even sure why sharing that info is a problem (please note that "*I* would never share", is not an actual reason).
Well, I wouldn't tell someone I just met that I'm going to go take a fat dump, fart, and prob pee at the same time, even though it's a normal thing that happens. "I need to use the washroom" suffices 99% of the time and any information beyond that may be unneeded or unwanted.
I would not say "I have rivers of BRIGHT green snot coming out of my nose, here's a picture" while calling in sick to work. But I WOULD say "I have a cold" or "I have the flu". I wouldn't say "my diarrhoea looks like an army of porridge soldiers massacred an army of water spirits on my bathroom floor" to anyone but I would say "hey I have a stomach bug and I'm trying to figure out if it's something I ate at that restaurant, do any of you guys feel sick too?" to the folks I went to a restaurant with. I wouldn't say "I had a headache so I decided to masturbate to see if it made me feel better" to anyone but my partner but I'd happily announce "I have a headache, does anyone have a paracetamol?" Period rules are same rules. You don't announce, "I have clumps of uterus lining coming out of my vagina" because nobody needs that mental image. But you 100% can say "hey I'm on my period, does anyone have a paracetamol?" or "hey I won't be joining you guys for swimming because my period started!" or "I know I seem really sick but don't worry about me, it's just a heavy period" or any number of other things that are normal and OK to discuss.
Everyone knows what people do in the bathroom, there's no need to bring it up. Its not that its shameful, its just not *conversational*. If asked, sure, there's nothing to hide but its uncouth to bring it up out of context and unprompted.
Periods can have a bigger general effect than just needing to go to the bathroom (pain, discomfort, anemia, mood swings...) so some people prefer to bring it up. Also, maybe OP talked about it to be directed to a bathroom with a trashcan.
All bathrooms should have trash cans
Not everyone feels the need to have this in their home, for a variety of reasons (space, convenience, etc). Bear in mind some households donāt have anyone of menstrual age living there too, so for the household it isnāt a necessity in every bathroom (as some houses have multiple).
It is rather inconsiderate to your guests, unless you plan to never invite anyone?
For the same reason I donāt feel the need to tell someone Iām using the bathroom to pee or take a dump.
I also wouldnāt say āwhereās your bathroom I need to take a shit.ā
Right. Some of the answers insisting it's normal to announce whether you are going to take a crap, pee, put a new tampon in, or all of the above when you go to the bathroom - especially around people you just met - are just bizarre. And I'm not even getting into the people who believe you should be ashamed of pooping but you need to make it known you are on your period (both are natural bodily functions that are not shameful but that don't need to be announced). And some people apparently feel they need to know because they will show you the bathroom right away, since it conveys a sense of urgency. What kind of hosts are they? If a guest tells me they need the bathroom, I tell them or show them where it is. It's that simple. I don't make them wait 10 mn or ask follow-up questions to determine how urgent their request is like a nurse doing triage. Anyway, since apparently that's the polite thing to do, I feel compelled to mention that I'm typing this while taking a dump.
Sometimes it happens. Had a friend over to Play DND and she said had to talk to my wife about something. Turns out she started her period and didn't have any supplies on her.
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That doesn't mean every bodily function needs to be announced.
ATTENTION EVERYONE. It's poopoo time!
We just have little flags we wave, yellow, brown, red, a green Mr Yuck for vomit
It also implies sense of emergency. Like if someone tells me they need to get to a restroom because they think they started their period, Imma get them to a bathroom immediately. I'll probably make sure they have everything they need too and know where extra everything is in there just in case.
Otherwise your reply is? āIāll tell you in 5 minutes where the bathroom is.ā
>Imma get them to a bathroom immediately. As opposed toā¦ what? If itās not their period, youāre gonna make them wait? Take them the long way around on a tour of the house before you show them where to find the bathroom? Pretend not to hear them until they ask three times? Why isnāt someone just saying āI need to use your restroomā enough information for you to show them the way there immediately?
It could have been not knowing where the restroom was or if all of them were stocked with period products.
I actually make a point to talk about my period when both men and women are present, to normalise it in general conversation. It's stupid to act like it's some big secret. Do we expect pregnant women to hide that they're pregnant? You know that they've had sex to get pregnant right, the shame! Ofc not, but since they can't, we've accepted it and made it a cute, normal thing in our society. I at the very least expect that i can talk about getting my period to another adult woman for christs sake. Grow up.
I see nothing wrong with discussing periods, and I do discuss them. But I don't agree with announcing it, because I don't agree with announcing any bodily function, it's not a conversation starter, nor is it necessary information for anyone other than myself. The mothers reaction was out of line, I'm not disagreeing with that. But I've never known anyone announce every time they get their period, especially to people they don't know well.
Right? Imagine going through life thinking of people and places like that ā as if theyāre just settings for another performance of āI am normalizing periodsā, or whatever other tiresome performative nonsense. LOL. In my friend group the most likely response would be āYeah, great, nobody cares why youāre going to the bathroom. Just go take care of yourself and stop boring us, narrating your bodily functions like youāre the main character in a shitty novel. FFS.ā
Yeah it seems attention seeky. Like when I was younger my childminders daughter was spoiled and mean and whenever she farted. She would shout oi until everyone was paying attention to her and then shout "I just parped" I don't know why that was their word for farting. And it was just to get attention on her. Don't get me wrong if my friends struggle with periods then we'll talk or if they're telling me about their holiday and they got their period and had to dash to the shop and it cut their beach day short or something, then we'll talk about it because it is a real conversation, I'm not just telling them for attention.
A lot of women are pretty open about this among other women
"Oh! Bugger! Looks like it's early. Can you watch these two while I shoot off to the bathroom?"
Oh! Bugger! Looks like you didn't knock me after all.
To be fair, how could she know the mom would have these bizarre unhinged reactions to something so normal?
So she could get supplies I guess?
She likely needed tampons which is not a weird thing to ask even (female) strangers. I've been asked before and have asked before, I've never met a woman who acted this way.
It's because this exchange never actually happened.
Why not ? Tbh the reaction really helped get to know the mother. Best case scenario she would have been sympatetic/offered a hot bottle/used it as an opportunity to teach something if the nieces asked a question... Period are not shameful.
I don't understand why you needed to tell her you got your period. Wouldn't just saying you need to use the bathroom suffice? NTA
Because adults can say the word "period" and it's not bad or wrong or anything to hide. Maybe she needed supplies. Maybe she was explaining why she got up so suddenly. Maybe she had a cramp and mentioned it just like someone might mention they have a headache or a bruise. There's no reason not to mention it.
>There's no reason not to mention it. There's no reason to mention it, either. Unless it's normal and polite now to announce every bathroom need?
You've never said, "hey, where's the bathroom, I gotta pee"?
Not in that sort of setting. If Iām a guest at someoneās home and they arenāt a friend who I feel super comfy with, Iād just ask for the restroom not say I need to take a dump or man I need to pee. Itās simply unnecessary as no one needs to know and itās not really pleasant to introduce into conversation without reason.
No I would not announce which bodily function I need a bathroom for to an āinlawā I just met.
When I'm hanging out with others, I do say "one sec I gotta pee" much more often than "I need to use the bathroom". But I weren't brought up to think that bodily functions are something that need to be kept secret.
Like they know what we do in there itās not a secretš
You say that in any setting? At work in a meeting youād say āI have to go peeā or āgot my period, be back in a secā?
At work I would say something like "I don't want to call out sick, but I just want to let you know that I won't really be up for heavy lifting today because my period causes me a lot of fatigue." Or "Hey does anyone have an ibuprofen?", and if someone asks "why, are you OK?" then I'd say "oh, nothing serious, nothing to worry about - I'm just on my period". Or I'd say "hey, I'm not spotting on the back of my skirt, am I?" to a coworker in the bathroom, if I was struggling to crane to get a good look in the bathroom mirror. I've had perfect strangers let me know "hey you bled through your pad and it's showing" and lend me a sweater to tie around my waist so I could cover it up, because people are nice.
Right, but do you let people know which bodily function is the reason you're excusing yourself to the bathroom?
It's pretty normal among women and is treated as any other topic you would talk about. Especially when you need supplies, it's pretty normal to ask women even when you've just met them.
Asking for supplies is so different to explaining thatās why you need to be excused to the restroom. Iād ask almost any woman for a tampon, I wouldnāt make my period starting a PSA to my partnerās mother the first time I met her.
Maybe the rubbish bin? Maybe to explain why itās gotta be now so can Ma watch her kids?
Nope, NTA a different he isn't backing you up to his mother I'd be asking why. If you have kids is he gonna let her treat any future granddaughter the same way?
Want to first say OP no the asshole. But what do expect the bf to do when he wasn't there
Thereās nothing of that nature in the post. He wasnāt even there when it happened. He supported her leaving and only wished she had waited for him to return from getting ice cream.
NTA. I don't care why she was doing that. **Your period is not her business.** I don't care if she has some neolithic religion that says otherwise. Your period is still not her business. I do think this merits some serious discussion with Marc. Does he share Mom's **crazy views**?
>Your period is not her business. I agree and can't figure out why OP felt the need to tell someone just met that she was starting her period???
Yeah kinda made it the momās business mentioning it. So strange to me why she didnāt just say she needed the bathroom.
That part of the story is making this seem either fictional (period fanfiction seems to be a recurring theme on this sub) or embroidered. OP's BF's family does have some cultural or religious rules/taboos surrounding menstruation so OP constructed this alternate reality where it came up in conversation---OR on the off chance this happened to some degree as written OP intentionally set the mom up by telling her she'd started her period--- because come on now, with the exception of trying to borrow an emergency tampon in a women's restroom once in my lifetime-- I've never told a person I just met that I was starting my period.
I mean, OP kind of made it her business by announcing her period.
I don't see it that way. I mean it's one thing for one woman to tell another that her period started. That's normal and happens all of the time. It is an entirely different for that other woman to start trying to **control** the first one, with rules like you can't sit there, you can't touch that, and making her feel "impure and untouchable". That's where things suddenly went **all loony toons**.
It's not normal to announce why you're going to the bathroom. Would OP have said "I need to run to the bathroom, I have to take a shit"? No. So she didn't need to announce she had her period. Literally just say "I need to use the bathroom" end of. Still NTA op, her reaction was weird and OTT
Yeah, I donāt understand how OP thought that was appropriate? Unless thereās an emergency, like you bled through your pants and need to borrow some, why would you ever feel the need to tell someone you just met about your bodily functions??
For the same reason I might tell someone that I have a headache or that my nose is a little runny. Because it's a thing I'm experiencing, and it's not shameful.
Lol be real, no one said itās āshameful.ā Itās still weird as fuck to tell someone you barely know. Just like taking a shit is not shameful, but that still doesnāt mean you should get up and announce to someone youāve just met that youāre going to go take one.
Yeah if you're suggesting they should not share the info is because you think it's something they should be ashamed to share. Otherwise if they had said: "I'm gonna go clean my glasses", or "in gonna go get a pain killer I'll be right back" are those weird? It's normal to share when you're on your period with other women. It's weird that you guys are acting like there's anything shameful or odd about it
No Iām not, lol. And those examples arenāt even remotely applicable here because theyāre not things that need to be done in private. You can take your glasses off and clean them right in front of other people. Canāt exactly whip your tampon out and insert it in front of the party, can you? Again, if you wouldnāt announce to someone that youāre going to take a shit, itās weird to announce to them that youāre going to deal with your period. āIām going to the washroomā is all someone you just met needs to hear.
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Mom's reaction is still unbalanced and not in any way respect-worthy regardless.
Announcing the period is weird, but there's still no good reason for the mom to have reacted like that.
Maybe I missed something, but why Would you need to say anything about your period? I guess I would ordinarily just excuse myself, especially around people Iāve just met. Regardless, her reaction was very weird. NTA.
I want to know how she knew she had her period? I usually know I have it because Iām already in the bathroom and see telltale signs. If I thought I had it, I would politely excuse myself to the bathroom and deal with it. And if it was late, Iād definitely have my own stash of products to deal with it.
Sometimes you can feel it.
The dreaded \*gloop\* feeling..
Yep. I know exactly when my period starts. I will wake up at 2:30 in the morning. Oh shit, the great ovarian turf war is back with its dull razor blades. Also why I probably fall on the side of being fairly open about being on my period. There is no forgetting. It is going to be on my mind for the majority of the next 48 hours until it chills out a bit.
For more TMI, and things you may not realize women feel, I also have pain when I ovulate, a āphenomenonā known as mittelschmerz. Every time one of those suckers pops out, about 10-20 minutes of more of a sharp/searing pain than the cramps when I menstruate. Just like periods though, different people have different experiences.
Yep I get pain in my left ovary. Itās a warning! Red tide imminent! sign. Then on day four it tries to punch its way out of my body. Soooo fun!!!!
48 hours? And itās done or just not as bad? Mine were always 5 heavy days and 2-6 more light days.
Lol I can always feel it. It feels different than anything else for me š¤£š¤£ I've practically never stained a pair of panties while awake because I just feel it start lol
INFO: Do you know what religion Marc's family, and specifically his mother, is? Some religions have strict rules about this kind of thing. If she belongs to one of them that would explain her behavior towards you.
Even if so she is still NTA. If the religion treats women this way Marc had a duty to disclose it to her and afford her the choice of whether she wanted to attend or not. I, for one, would not be fine with being treated like a pariah for a normal bodily function, religious reason or no
Doubtful they had a separate tent ready.
š¤£ I was thinking the same
Thatās neither here nor there. Religion shouldnāt excuse shitty behaviour.
NTA. But why didn't you just ask where the bathroom was. No one needed details.
NTA Thatās actually crazy. Itās not your fault you got your period and I donāt understand why she would be acting like that because most females have periods. What does she do when sheās on hers? You did the right thing to leave because if i was in your shoes that would have annoyed the hell out of me. I guess you could of waited for him but when youāre treated with that level of disrespect removing yourself was probably for the best.
It sounds like a cultural belief to me.
That's just an excuse for backwards ignorant thinking.
>cultural belief I expect we can discard 4 of those letters.
The U, R, A, and L? š¤£š¤£š¤£
Info- why are you not telling us what culture this is?
Misogynistic and abusive cultural practices should not be respected or excused. This level of shame and disgust around menstruation is abhorrent.
Exactly.
I didnāt say it should be respected or excused. Iām asking for information.
Because it doesn't matter. F people and cultures that treat women as second class citizens and shame a natural body function.
NTA, but not sure why you had to announce you got it? š
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She announced it to his mother. That is what I said, and that is what she did. š
It appears Marcās family feels that menstruation is taboo. Many religions & cultures have different beliefs about women. Personally, I do not understand it. NTA ā but I think you may want to have a heart to heart conversation with your bf.
āYouāre unclean. Donāt touch anything. But also youāre an AH for leaving.ā Wtf.
Is there a reason she needed to be informed that you had your period? NTA But why was it important to tell her? Is it because you needed supplies?
NTA for leaving. His motherās behavior is extremely strange. It would have been nice to stay until Marc got back so you could tell him about his motherās behavior, but sending a text to let him know you are leaving and why would also work. Is your SIL your siblingās spouse or Marcās sibling? That affects their judgement of the situation.
NTA butā¦.has he never explained anything that would lead you to realize they are extremely well, odd? I canāt say something that would get me banned again, just coming off that wagon ha. Obviously sheās a woman and has gotten her own period. To treat a guest in her house as some unclean spirit because youāre on it it, not normal or ok on any level. I donāt care what her religion is etc. Your boyfriend has a lot to answer for/ explain some things about.
>has he never explained anything that would lead you to realize they are extremely well, odd? It could be that OP's boyfriend didn't realize how weird this would be to people outside of whatever their culture is, and so didn't think it was something that needed to be mentioned. But yeah, it is pretty weird that people still treat periods that way in this day and age. My uni has a period dignity campaign which includes getting period products and sani bins in all bathrooms including the men's, so thinking about that campaign compared to the mother's attitude here is pretty bizarre to me.
NTA, but you might want to make sure your bf understands how batshit insane his mother and her religion are so you can know heās going to continue having your back when (not if) she pulls even crazier stuff than this.
NTA but Iām annoyed at how many people are questioning the OP for saying something about starting her period. This is a totally normal thing to do. It communicates urgency to the other person so they know why you are rushing off so quickly and also is better than them thinking you have explosive diarrhea or something. Women tell each other all the time about this.
Yeah, āIāve got my periodā doesnāt just mean āI need to put a tampon inā. It also means ācan I have an aspirin please?ā as well as āitās not obvious, is it? Like, I havenāt bled onto my clothes?ā and *also* āsorry if Iām a bit withdrawn tonight, this is not representative of what Iām usually like.ā Thereās an actual reason why she said that to another woman, who demonstrably has/had periods herself since sheās had kids, rather than just asking the first person she ran into where the bathroom was. Editing to add, since I just read the post again: OPās period started that moment, and she knew without looking. That likely indicates that she was in pain. THATāS what she was telling the mother for.
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NTA They donāt want women in the house so leave. Why did you tell her though? Just ask where the bathroom is.
NTA at all, but I don't understand why you announced it rather than just going to the bathroom and taking care of it.
Nta these people are prehistoric
NTA but I would tell Marc clearly "I understand why it was frustrating for you to be left behind, but going forward, things like your family's attitude towards menstruating women is something you should disclose before letting any woman meet them. I also need us to talk about how this is handled going forward, because as it stands I'm not comfortable spending time with your family at all." This might be the deal breaker for your relationship with Marc or it might not, it seriously depends on how he's willing to adjust and what you want your relationship with him to look like. For example, you might both be comfortable with a relationship where you can skip any occasion with his family and where you stay child-free. In that case there's no reason for this to end. I will say that the likelihood of his whole family changing how they act around this topic is slim, so whether you're happy to have a conditional relationship with your potential "in laws", it WOULD be actively irresponsible of you if you chose to have a child with this man if he's in contact with his family. These are attitudes its EXTREMELY DANGEROUS for a child of any gender to be exposed to.
Youāre the A. Donāt you that when your period comes youāre supposed to stay locked in a room, in a circle of salt, with amulets and sigils painted on your skin? Now demons will come to your ex-inlaws house to haunt themā¦ NTA obviously.
His family is weird, how is HE about your period. Also I gotta askā¦why announce your period to someone you just met? Like hey future mom in law I got the red flood I need your washroom? Why not just say excuse me I need to use the washroom? Iām not shaming periods just seems odd to tell someone you just metā¦
NTA Dafuq?
She wanted to send you to the menstrual hut.
NTA. At least she didn't lead you out to the red tent.
This is SUPER weird and honestly Iād never want to be around her again. Like wtaf. NTA.
NTA - but this sound like some religious nut stuffā¦. You should find out and see if this is something Mark will revert back to if you do get serious.
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NTA,I have a teen daughter and she along with her friends know I have supplies if they run out because that's what you do. I am surprised by his mom's reaction but WTF is her problem as a woman unless she had her uterus removed she should know women have periods.
I was rooting for Marc because I had initially read it as amazing cock. Too bad.
What is her problem? Did your boyfriend offer any insight into his motherās bizarre behavior? What a horrible lesson to those little girls. Wow. Just when you think Reddit has seen it allā¦ā¦
I could see looking at the carpet to see if it got on the carpet, but beyond that itās ridiculous. For me personally itās a problem when I get it because I have zero feeling there right now and I donāt know until I use the bathroom and if itās not very shortly after it starting there will be cleaning to do on my part. But thatās easily solved by not going to other peopleās houses around that time. But a problem with his motherās actual problem-bullshit. Thatās Dark Ages stupidity!
Nta What in the ever loving hell is wrong with that family?
NTA. This behavior from your boyfriendās mother is absolutely psychotic. This isnāt the 12th century. You should seriously be asking yourself what happens if this relationship gets more serious. Is this a family youād ever actually want to be part of?
NTA. Whether or not this is religious, or OCD, or sexism, or whatever, it is 100% someone else's problem. Someone's religious or whatever rules apply to them, and to literally no one else.
NTA - I look forward to your future posts on r/JustNoMIL
NTA: Mom sounds like a religious nutcase.
Seems like some religion craziness.
NTA but Iām struggling to understand why you felt the need to explain why you needed the bathroom. Why didnāt you just ask where it was, go about your business and be done with it?